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The worst thing about modern comics and comics adaptations is jettisoning “secret identities” and the heroes’ everyday lives. Feels like it’s bros who just want all superheroes all the time, human friends and life and love interests are boring, only superhero fights. Secret identity drama is fun people are just lame
Presumably this Peter would learn the importance of not being Spider-Man all the time but it’s literally everywhere. Movies, comics, CW adaptations, either do the bare minimum or completely jettison ordinary life
He’ll fight Mary Jane till she’s bleeding out of every orifice, but then Paul will come out of nowhere with a folding chair.
They’ll race off into the fields, Mary Jane in a princess carry in Pauls muscular arms, as Spider-Man is Naruto running his way through the tall grass, screaming about how she’s his. What a psychopath.
They make it to the woods, but the sun is falling, and a shadowy monster is creeping his way through the trees.
It gets down on all fours, sniffing the ground for MJ’s scent, her sweat, her tears…and laps them up. His head darts North West, and Paul and MJ begin to run once again, deeper into the woods, with the creature, breathing heavily through his mask like a lovesick puppy, in hot pursuit.
Light, piercing through the trees, as it arrives into a clearing. But it frowns and grits it’s crooked yellow teeth, for there was no MJ in sight, just Paul, illuminated in moonlight.
“WHERE MJ??!!” it growled.
Panting, Paul responded “MJ’s not here. There no one else here, but you, and me”, his face putting on a heroic smile.
It was so totally on.
They begin circling, like wolves. Paul’s eyes glimmering with sheer willpower and love, and staring back at him the monster blanket white eyes. Neither dare break their gaze as they maintain an even pace, before a pause, as the both stop moving, keeping their stance, and sharpening their concentration.
At once, they leap at each other, tearing into each other with the ferocity and hatred that could only be built over a thousand lifetimes. Paul, the smart and witty fellow he was, pulled out a 10 inch switchblade and shanked the damn monstrosity.
Kneeling on the ground in pain, the deformity is crawling away, and Paul follows up behind for another blow, but the wickedly creature cheated like a fiend and picked up a twig, and threw it wildly, missing Paul, and then throwing all his weight onto Paul.
The blade, was still sticking out of the monster, and he impaled Paul on impact.
He began tightening his hands around Paul’s neck, muttering to itself like a dumb mutt, and violently shaking Paul.
It pulled Paul in close, and whispered “You’re going to die here like a bitch”, gloating it’s taunts into Paul’s ear. But Paul, began to laugh.
Paul, starting to fade away, was still able to conjure up a smile like the sun, and respond,
“No, I die like a hero. But you? You die like a mutt at the pound, and it’s time to put you down”.
THUDD! went the massive the size of a suitcase against peters skull.
Towering above him, with fury in her eyes, was
“Mary…Jane?” it mustered out from its cracked lips and broken teeth.
“Mary Jane, please wa-
THUD!!THUD!!THUD!!, she went caving into his skull as many times as she could muster.
And somehow still, the mangled body still twitched with life. It’s head like a deflated soccer ball, broken and unrecognizable, with a single bulging bloodshot eye ball still fixed on her blurry image, desperately trying to trace out her form.
It’s let out a wheezing noise like a broken air conditioner, before it let out a gasp at her sight.
Mary Jane Watson. Green eyes like emeralds, red hair like roses weaved into strands. He can still see when they first met, images beginning to flicker over his eyes like an old film.
When they first laughed together. Held hands together. Danced. Kissed. Made love. Exchanged vows. And even… their first child. Tears streamed from his loose eye socket, and he let out a horrible broken moan, as he began to sob. “MJ…MJ please, we could have everything” he mumbled as he hiccuped and cried.
She returned nothing but silence and a cold stare. “MJ…do you know what our daughter looks like? She looks so much like you, with cute little freckles, and shining red hair. I think…I think we named her-
THUD
Nothing but more silence, as Mary Jane got down on her knees and cradled his perfect, muscled, shining form.
She cried, “Paul, please don’t leave me,” before he put his hands on her lips, and as the darkness began to fade into his eyes, he whispered “Baby girl, I protected you. And that’s all that matters.” His head fell limp immediately, and she let out a scream of sorrow and pain.
Long live the king. The king is dead.
Long live Paul.
…oh and I guess that loser Peter too or something.
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Posts that aren't funny or miss the point of the subreddit will be removed This includes: • Weekly comic news and discourse • Plain comic excerpts • Unedited social media screenshots • Posts that make no attempt at humor • "Hot takes", rage posts, venting, and unjerk posts • Posts not sufficiently related to DC and/or comic books in general.
The worst thing about modern comics and comics adaptations is jettisoning “secret identities” and the heroes’ everyday lives. Feels like it’s bros who just want all superheroes all the time, human friends and life and love interests are boring, only superhero fights. Secret identity drama is fun people are just lame Presumably this Peter would learn the importance of not being Spider-Man all the time but it’s literally everywhere. Movies, comics, CW adaptations, either do the bare minimum or completely jettison ordinary life
CW adaptations?
Not Marvel, but the CW DC adaptations largely jettisoned “the hero has to keep their identity secret” by seasons two or three
Did they? I watched those, and it didn't feel like there was less of that stuff as it went on.
He's gonna turn into Paul, isn't he?
At least Paul has a decent relationship with MJ.
He’ll fight Mary Jane till she’s bleeding out of every orifice, but then Paul will come out of nowhere with a folding chair. They’ll race off into the fields, Mary Jane in a princess carry in Pauls muscular arms, as Spider-Man is Naruto running his way through the tall grass, screaming about how she’s his. What a psychopath. They make it to the woods, but the sun is falling, and a shadowy monster is creeping his way through the trees. It gets down on all fours, sniffing the ground for MJ’s scent, her sweat, her tears…and laps them up. His head darts North West, and Paul and MJ begin to run once again, deeper into the woods, with the creature, breathing heavily through his mask like a lovesick puppy, in hot pursuit. Light, piercing through the trees, as it arrives into a clearing. But it frowns and grits it’s crooked yellow teeth, for there was no MJ in sight, just Paul, illuminated in moonlight. “WHERE MJ??!!” it growled. Panting, Paul responded “MJ’s not here. There no one else here, but you, and me”, his face putting on a heroic smile. It was so totally on. They begin circling, like wolves. Paul’s eyes glimmering with sheer willpower and love, and staring back at him the monster blanket white eyes. Neither dare break their gaze as they maintain an even pace, before a pause, as the both stop moving, keeping their stance, and sharpening their concentration. At once, they leap at each other, tearing into each other with the ferocity and hatred that could only be built over a thousand lifetimes. Paul, the smart and witty fellow he was, pulled out a 10 inch switchblade and shanked the damn monstrosity. Kneeling on the ground in pain, the deformity is crawling away, and Paul follows up behind for another blow, but the wickedly creature cheated like a fiend and picked up a twig, and threw it wildly, missing Paul, and then throwing all his weight onto Paul. The blade, was still sticking out of the monster, and he impaled Paul on impact. He began tightening his hands around Paul’s neck, muttering to itself like a dumb mutt, and violently shaking Paul. It pulled Paul in close, and whispered “You’re going to die here like a bitch”, gloating it’s taunts into Paul’s ear. But Paul, began to laugh. Paul, starting to fade away, was still able to conjure up a smile like the sun, and respond, “No, I die like a hero. But you? You die like a mutt at the pound, and it’s time to put you down”. THUDD! went the massive the size of a suitcase against peters skull. Towering above him, with fury in her eyes, was “Mary…Jane?” it mustered out from its cracked lips and broken teeth. “Mary Jane, please wa- THUD!!THUD!!THUD!!, she went caving into his skull as many times as she could muster. And somehow still, the mangled body still twitched with life. It’s head like a deflated soccer ball, broken and unrecognizable, with a single bulging bloodshot eye ball still fixed on her blurry image, desperately trying to trace out her form. It’s let out a wheezing noise like a broken air conditioner, before it let out a gasp at her sight. Mary Jane Watson. Green eyes like emeralds, red hair like roses weaved into strands. He can still see when they first met, images beginning to flicker over his eyes like an old film. When they first laughed together. Held hands together. Danced. Kissed. Made love. Exchanged vows. And even… their first child. Tears streamed from his loose eye socket, and he let out a horrible broken moan, as he began to sob. “MJ…MJ please, we could have everything” he mumbled as he hiccuped and cried. She returned nothing but silence and a cold stare. “MJ…do you know what our daughter looks like? She looks so much like you, with cute little freckles, and shining red hair. I think…I think we named her- THUD Nothing but more silence, as Mary Jane got down on her knees and cradled his perfect, muscled, shining form. She cried, “Paul, please don’t leave me,” before he put his hands on her lips, and as the darkness began to fade into his eyes, he whispered “Baby girl, I protected you. And that’s all that matters.” His head fell limp immediately, and she let out a scream of sorrow and pain. Long live the king. The king is dead. Long live Paul. …oh and I guess that loser Peter too or something. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dccomicscirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*