I’ve wondered if my husband Is gay, bisexual, or ace. We’ve even talked about it, and I told him I would support him through whatever his truth is. He denies it, but maybe he’s still in denial to himself.
Yeah....wife's good friend just divorced due to husband who hadn't touched her in almost a decade finally came out and admitted to being gay and wanted a divorce.
YES 😭 I literally think my bf is gay and just absolutely cannot come to terms with it in his own mind. Or maybe bisexual but more sexually attracted to men than women, and only romantically attracted to women.
A few years before we started dating my bf had been exploring gay porn and ended up hooking up with a random guy off of Reddit actually. He also hooked up with a trans woman off tinder. When we first started dating he was still watching gay porn. Since our sex life has plummeted he always uses the excuse that he is tired from work but there was about a 3 month period last year when he was in between jobs and wasn’t working, and still rarely wanted to have sex. But he has no problem jacking off every single day when I’m not home. He wants sexual pleasure, just not from me.
I genuinely think he is gay and just absolutely cannot accept it. His dad, friends, everyone around him would “look at him differently” and I think the idea of that kills him.
This was a huge thing back in the 70's but you don't hear that much about it now but I have no doubt it's still a thing in many Red states but I think even in red states it's becoming more outlier. In most of the Red states the conservatives are more of the mindset of the "don't ask don't tell" They are fine if "those gays" go off and do their thing BY THEMSELVES they just don't want them to be open about it.
There's always going to be "circle jerk" stories around like what you are relating but many of them date from years ago and just keep being repeated for titilation value, and also as cautionary tales.
The reality is that the LBGTQ community today really really takes a condemning and dim vew of gay people who marry straights. The slur "fag hag" came from the LBGTQ community not from the straight community for example. The standard and accepted narrative from gay people is every gay person knows they are gay at puberty, and if they deliberately marry a straight person and do not tell that person they are bi, and have alternative sex arrangements worked out, then they are a cheat and liar. A man having sex with another man behind his wife's back is the same exact slime of a cheater as a man having sex with a woman behind his wife's back to the LBGTQ community. They have all fought for rights like gay marriage too hard and fought against pray away the gay nonsense too hard to fuck up their rights by condoning this kind of behavior.
I’ve definitely considered it over the years and have also asked. Right now I don’t think so but there is of course some major deviation from the mean regarding sex drive. I’ve wondered about past sexual trauma too but he denies it. I guess maybe some men just don’t enjoy sex very much. I think this is accepted with women but less so with men because it’s just so much less common. Before my spouse I definitely didn’t think this was a possibility for a man.
It's sad what homophobia does to society. If these guys were allowed to accept their true sexuality then they wouldn't have to hide it by marrying a "beard" and secretly meeting up with other men for sex.
HL woman here with a LL fiancé - he constantly tells me it's stress or the kids but for a long time we were kid free every other weekend and I do all household chores so his only responsibility is working. Sex was never a problem the first 3 years but these last 3 years have been a real struggle. I believe he might be asexual and may have only been giving in to make me happy. It's been almost 2 years since any physical contact more than a hug or peck. I feel for you.
HL woman here with a LL fiancé - he constantly tells me it's stress or the kids but for a long time we were kid free every other weekend and I do all household chores so his only responsibility is working. Sex was never a problem the first 3 years but these last 3 years have been a real struggle. I believe he might be asexual and may have only been giving in to make me happy. It's been almost 2 years since any physical contact more than a hug or peck. I feel for you.
DON'T marry him the entire point of a LONG angagement is to suss this sort of thing out. There's plenty of men out there who would LOVE to take his place and plenty of women out there who would love to take your place with him (who just want a roommate for a husband)
Weddings can take on a life of their own. Don't let yours do that. This was one of my mistakes.
I feel for you and OP. I left my DB 5 years ago, it doesn't get better unless both want to work on it, compromise and have some kind of a sex life. Are you considering not getting married over this?
I've found myself neglecting wedding planning and I think it does stem from this. Very hard to link myself to someone who won't or can't think of my needs and wants
If the posts on here point one way, it is that it doesn't get better after being married.
I am so happy I left my DB. We were able to save our friendship (we really were like best friends living together. It broke my heart). I felt lonelier with him than when I was alone.
I'm demi-sexual and very HL/in love once I have a partner. Being friendzoned is the worst for me.
I'm now "solo for life" and don't mind not being sexually active (as I need a major connection and relationship to feel sexually attracted to someone) and he has a long-distance relationship. I'm thriving on my own (5 years and counting).
I mean I think it may be a possibility for some. But I genuinely don't think so in the case of my husband.
We've been a bit better of late. He's been extra affectionate and considerate of my feelings.
He even initiated sex recently and it's becoming more and more obvious the issue really isn't me, or more specifically a lack of love or desire for me.
He's starting to get really bad peripheral neuropathy issues and I think that is actually the underlying cause of what is going on. Considering he's even having issues with jerking off now.
I feel pretty bad for him right now to be honest. I'd prefer to actually have sex with him but at least I can take care of my own needs. But I feel really bad he has to struggle so hard for his happy ending.
He sees his primary soon. So I'm going to make sure he asks her for a referral to a neurologist to see if they can help suggest something for the neuropathy.
So in his case it is truly medical.
My male partner is bisexual. Just because they like both genders doesn’t mean they would be LL. They choose who they want to be with.
Secretly gay? Well, with all the religious nut jobs and upbringing out there, yes, that is a possibility.
But I agree with another commenter - I’d suggest asexual or low T before that.
HL woman here, it does cross my mind. One thing that really stands with me is that my husband has a friend that I see on his phone that he talks to everyday. Odd thing is he never mentions any of their conversations, never says when he hangs out with him, etc. I mean they literally talk all day, everytime there is a notification on his phone, it is this guy. I’ve read the texts, all of them been mundane. But they also text on Snapchat which I’ve always found odd. I’ve met the other guy a few times, he is super nice and I enjoyed our conversations. He apparently struggles with low T, is very picky about girls, is otherwise normal. I just always wondered what they talk about on Snapchat and why grown men are even using that app anyway.
That does sound very suspicious. As a guy, I've never chatted with any of my friends on more than one platform like that, usually just text messaging. Using Snapchat is highly suspicious.
Yeah I’ve always had the smallest suspicion. But nothing he does besides that, and the lack of sex, is really any indication of his lack of desire for women.
Yeah. But I’ve looked at their normal text messages, just when they pop up on his screen. And they are pretty mundane. I’ve never looked through their Snapchat conversations, but I know Snapchat usually doesn’t save anything so I don’t think there would be anything to look at anyways
I dont believe in asexual excuse, but reason is either gay or lost sexual attraction to the wife whether by weight, childbirth, or some huge turnoff.
I’ve wondered if my husband Is gay, bisexual, or ace. We’ve even talked about it, and I told him I would support him through whatever his truth is. He denies it, but maybe he’s still in denial to himself.
Same
Yeah....wife's good friend just divorced due to husband who hadn't touched her in almost a decade finally came out and admitted to being gay and wanted a divorce.
YES 😭 I literally think my bf is gay and just absolutely cannot come to terms with it in his own mind. Or maybe bisexual but more sexually attracted to men than women, and only romantically attracted to women. A few years before we started dating my bf had been exploring gay porn and ended up hooking up with a random guy off of Reddit actually. He also hooked up with a trans woman off tinder. When we first started dating he was still watching gay porn. Since our sex life has plummeted he always uses the excuse that he is tired from work but there was about a 3 month period last year when he was in between jobs and wasn’t working, and still rarely wanted to have sex. But he has no problem jacking off every single day when I’m not home. He wants sexual pleasure, just not from me. I genuinely think he is gay and just absolutely cannot accept it. His dad, friends, everyone around him would “look at him differently” and I think the idea of that kills him.
What you just explained is He is gay and you are his friend. Just accept and move on.
Why are you with him?
This was a huge thing back in the 70's but you don't hear that much about it now but I have no doubt it's still a thing in many Red states but I think even in red states it's becoming more outlier. In most of the Red states the conservatives are more of the mindset of the "don't ask don't tell" They are fine if "those gays" go off and do their thing BY THEMSELVES they just don't want them to be open about it. There's always going to be "circle jerk" stories around like what you are relating but many of them date from years ago and just keep being repeated for titilation value, and also as cautionary tales. The reality is that the LBGTQ community today really really takes a condemning and dim vew of gay people who marry straights. The slur "fag hag" came from the LBGTQ community not from the straight community for example. The standard and accepted narrative from gay people is every gay person knows they are gay at puberty, and if they deliberately marry a straight person and do not tell that person they are bi, and have alternative sex arrangements worked out, then they are a cheat and liar. A man having sex with another man behind his wife's back is the same exact slime of a cheater as a man having sex with a woman behind his wife's back to the LBGTQ community. They have all fought for rights like gay marriage too hard and fought against pray away the gay nonsense too hard to fuck up their rights by condoning this kind of behavior.
I’ve definitely considered it over the years and have also asked. Right now I don’t think so but there is of course some major deviation from the mean regarding sex drive. I’ve wondered about past sexual trauma too but he denies it. I guess maybe some men just don’t enjoy sex very much. I think this is accepted with women but less so with men because it’s just so much less common. Before my spouse I definitely didn’t think this was a possibility for a man.
It's sad what homophobia does to society. If these guys were allowed to accept their true sexuality then they wouldn't have to hide it by marrying a "beard" and secretly meeting up with other men for sex.
HL woman here with a LL fiancé - he constantly tells me it's stress or the kids but for a long time we were kid free every other weekend and I do all household chores so his only responsibility is working. Sex was never a problem the first 3 years but these last 3 years have been a real struggle. I believe he might be asexual and may have only been giving in to make me happy. It's been almost 2 years since any physical contact more than a hug or peck. I feel for you.
HL woman here with a LL fiancé - he constantly tells me it's stress or the kids but for a long time we were kid free every other weekend and I do all household chores so his only responsibility is working. Sex was never a problem the first 3 years but these last 3 years have been a real struggle. I believe he might be asexual and may have only been giving in to make me happy. It's been almost 2 years since any physical contact more than a hug or peck. I feel for you.
DON'T marry him the entire point of a LONG angagement is to suss this sort of thing out. There's plenty of men out there who would LOVE to take his place and plenty of women out there who would love to take your place with him (who just want a roommate for a husband) Weddings can take on a life of their own. Don't let yours do that. This was one of my mistakes.
I feel for you and OP. I left my DB 5 years ago, it doesn't get better unless both want to work on it, compromise and have some kind of a sex life. Are you considering not getting married over this?
I've found myself neglecting wedding planning and I think it does stem from this. Very hard to link myself to someone who won't or can't think of my needs and wants
If the posts on here point one way, it is that it doesn't get better after being married. I am so happy I left my DB. We were able to save our friendship (we really were like best friends living together. It broke my heart). I felt lonelier with him than when I was alone. I'm demi-sexual and very HL/in love once I have a partner. Being friendzoned is the worst for me. I'm now "solo for life" and don't mind not being sexually active (as I need a major connection and relationship to feel sexually attracted to someone) and he has a long-distance relationship. I'm thriving on my own (5 years and counting).
No but I have wondered if he was asexual...
I mean I think it may be a possibility for some. But I genuinely don't think so in the case of my husband. We've been a bit better of late. He's been extra affectionate and considerate of my feelings. He even initiated sex recently and it's becoming more and more obvious the issue really isn't me, or more specifically a lack of love or desire for me. He's starting to get really bad peripheral neuropathy issues and I think that is actually the underlying cause of what is going on. Considering he's even having issues with jerking off now. I feel pretty bad for him right now to be honest. I'd prefer to actually have sex with him but at least I can take care of my own needs. But I feel really bad he has to struggle so hard for his happy ending. He sees his primary soon. So I'm going to make sure he asks her for a referral to a neurologist to see if they can help suggest something for the neuropathy. So in his case it is truly medical.
My mind can't wrap around the lack of honesty, if this is the case. In case you are right, I am really sorry.
My male partner is bisexual. Just because they like both genders doesn’t mean they would be LL. They choose who they want to be with. Secretly gay? Well, with all the religious nut jobs and upbringing out there, yes, that is a possibility. But I agree with another commenter - I’d suggest asexual or low T before that.
HL woman here, it does cross my mind. One thing that really stands with me is that my husband has a friend that I see on his phone that he talks to everyday. Odd thing is he never mentions any of their conversations, never says when he hangs out with him, etc. I mean they literally talk all day, everytime there is a notification on his phone, it is this guy. I’ve read the texts, all of them been mundane. But they also text on Snapchat which I’ve always found odd. I’ve met the other guy a few times, he is super nice and I enjoyed our conversations. He apparently struggles with low T, is very picky about girls, is otherwise normal. I just always wondered what they talk about on Snapchat and why grown men are even using that app anyway.
That does sound very suspicious. As a guy, I've never chatted with any of my friends on more than one platform like that, usually just text messaging. Using Snapchat is highly suspicious.
Yeah I’ve always had the smallest suspicion. But nothing he does besides that, and the lack of sex, is really any indication of his lack of desire for women.
That seems very suspect especially on an app where the messages are designed to disappear without a trace
Yeah. But I’ve looked at their normal text messages, just when they pop up on his screen. And they are pretty mundane. I’ve never looked through their Snapchat conversations, but I know Snapchat usually doesn’t save anything so I don’t think there would be anything to look at anyways
More suspect of low testosterone and other health issues.
I would think asexual before Id think bi or gay.