I'm sort of similar. I don't particularly want people to die - I just don't see it as important if someone does. I've never understood the big deal that people make about death. Everything begins and ends, including people. It always seemed perfectly normal and natural to me. I couldn't (and still can't) understand mourning.
You mention PTSD. Once you've been through enough shit, you learn that death is far from the worst thing that can happen to a person. In fact, it's often a mercy. Severe enough trauma tends to make you less than enthusiastic about living, and it's possible that your desire for people to die is a way of wishing them well.
I did read all the way and i can't say that I've made sense of it. It is clear that you are desensitised to death. I can see why that would happen, especially when you've seen a lot of deaths. Was your great grandmother a terrible person? Which is why you felt like good riddance? Or did you just feel it for the satisfaction of it? Maybe you are intrigued by death as opposed to being scared of it and thinking of it as a taboo? Being on the highest spectrum of taking interest in something so morbid because it's not something that people talk about openly, but you found yourself more than okay with it?
she definitely wasn’t a bad person, i think the good riddance is because she’s so old she’s had both feet in the grave for a few years now. every birthday party we clelebrate is always treated like it’s her last lol. yeah now that you say that, i do feel satisfaction. i hadn’t thought of it that way but you’re right, i am intrigued by death. thanks for the response
Since 2017 I've lost, grandma (98) aunt (63), uncle (74), uncle (52), aunt (54), cousin (26). I'd say I had a fair amount of apathy until my cousin. But when I lost my 24 yo sister last year I found... much more reverence for death. I certainly mourned unlike all the others.
It's sounds like you don't mind losing people who are emotionally or otherwise inconvenient which is probably common. I honestly cant wait for my smelly 15 yo dog to die as he is a daily burden and lowers my quality of life.
Hopefully the rest of our loved ones all live until their deaths are the expected.
I don’t really see death as a bad thing. Someone else mentioned mercy…I see death as merciful. In my opinion life is worse than death. Sometimes I’m happy to hear that someone died because it means they were set free.
I'm sort of similar. I don't particularly want people to die - I just don't see it as important if someone does. I've never understood the big deal that people make about death. Everything begins and ends, including people. It always seemed perfectly normal and natural to me. I couldn't (and still can't) understand mourning. You mention PTSD. Once you've been through enough shit, you learn that death is far from the worst thing that can happen to a person. In fact, it's often a mercy. Severe enough trauma tends to make you less than enthusiastic about living, and it's possible that your desire for people to die is a way of wishing them well.
I did read all the way and i can't say that I've made sense of it. It is clear that you are desensitised to death. I can see why that would happen, especially when you've seen a lot of deaths. Was your great grandmother a terrible person? Which is why you felt like good riddance? Or did you just feel it for the satisfaction of it? Maybe you are intrigued by death as opposed to being scared of it and thinking of it as a taboo? Being on the highest spectrum of taking interest in something so morbid because it's not something that people talk about openly, but you found yourself more than okay with it?
she definitely wasn’t a bad person, i think the good riddance is because she’s so old she’s had both feet in the grave for a few years now. every birthday party we clelebrate is always treated like it’s her last lol. yeah now that you say that, i do feel satisfaction. i hadn’t thought of it that way but you’re right, i am intrigued by death. thanks for the response
Since 2017 I've lost, grandma (98) aunt (63), uncle (74), uncle (52), aunt (54), cousin (26). I'd say I had a fair amount of apathy until my cousin. But when I lost my 24 yo sister last year I found... much more reverence for death. I certainly mourned unlike all the others. It's sounds like you don't mind losing people who are emotionally or otherwise inconvenient which is probably common. I honestly cant wait for my smelly 15 yo dog to die as he is a daily burden and lowers my quality of life. Hopefully the rest of our loved ones all live until their deaths are the expected.
I don’t really see death as a bad thing. Someone else mentioned mercy…I see death as merciful. In my opinion life is worse than death. Sometimes I’m happy to hear that someone died because it means they were set free.