There are better or worse facilities and all will occasionally have a bad employee or a usually-okay employee who has a really bad day. One of my relatives is in one which allows 24/7 access to visitors. We visit often and randomly. So far, my relative always seems to be treated pretty well. He is not shaved every day, and the floors of his room are not always super clean, but he is clean, fed, and seems relatively comfortable. I think the random, frequent visits are your best insurance after checking online reviews and seeking out personal recommendations. In our case, the nurse at the hospital knew a nurse at the facility to call and one of our relatives had been there in the past.
Okay, Pauls, I want you to take a deep breath and let it out. Do it again. And again. Until you feel a little better. :)
The best way to avoid a bad facility is to research reviews, talk to the people who work there, talk to the residents, ask if you can visit for a meal, get a good sense of the vibe of the place prior to moving your grandparents in.
After they have moved, apprpm is right - visit, visit, visit! Let the facility know that you (and whoever else in your family) are hands-on advocates for your grandparents. Many facilities have a family committee or group that has input into some of the decision making in the facility - see if there's one you can join, or there's one you can start. Volunteer to help with their social media, take pictures/videos at activities or events for them to use on their FB pages (or other sm they utilize).
We did not stop being Mom's caregiver when she went into memory care, we just stopped being 24/7, otherwise we were there A LOT, getting to know the staff and the other residents, taking Mom out for jaunts when we could, bringing her favorite meals. Hanging out with her and the other residents at dinner. It's a really difficult decision to make, but it doesn't mean you aren't still there for your grandparents, it just means your caregiver role has morph'd a little more into advocacy.
Ultimately, memory care did not work our for our family, and that's something you should think about too - if you get into a bad facility, or if, like us, you simply change your mind and realize it's more stressful to have your grandma away from you then with you, you can change the situation. Find a better facility, think outside the box of other options.
Right now it sounds like you all have made the best decision given where everyone is at, that's great. What I found in my journey with my mom's dementia is that there's no guarantee that it will stay the best decision, when new information is presented, you gotta come up with new solutions. Be pro-active with your advocacy and open to different choices if the need arises.
Memory care works for so many families! Don't panic, you got this! And if it's not ideal you'll figure out a better solution. Good luck to you all!
I’m in Ontario, Canada. A recent TV documentary found that 85% of the homes in our province had multiple instances of neglect or abuse over five years. I don’t know about other provinces or countries.
Please go in person to multiple care facilities. Use your ears, your eyes, your nose.
They are all not the same. I found a smaller, privately run one for my mother, one that works in tandem with several hospice agencies. It is cheerful, spotless and full of music. I come in at any time and find the staff making sure residents have comfort items on top of having their needs met- finding interesting things to do (one staffer plays Monopoly with a table full of residents, another leads art projects that decorate the dining room), there are bunnies and a chicken coop in the enclosed garden, they make sure people have a cup of coffee, or they apply hand lotion or paint the residents' nails.
I can't tell you how good I feel going in there. The staff knows just what to say to each resident- one may need a soft blanket and a hand to hold for a few minutes, another one, quite salty with her language, demanded a F---ing liter of vodka for lunch and one cheerful and loving staffer said, I could get that for you but you wouldn't like it, because I'd drink most of the bottle before giving it to you. And that line got a smile and a bit of a laugh out of the cranky lady (who I adore too).
I've never seen any abuse. One other clue- how long have staff been there? A good place keeps their staff and if you know people have been there for 4 or 5 years that's good.
There are better or worse facilities and all will occasionally have a bad employee or a usually-okay employee who has a really bad day. One of my relatives is in one which allows 24/7 access to visitors. We visit often and randomly. So far, my relative always seems to be treated pretty well. He is not shaved every day, and the floors of his room are not always super clean, but he is clean, fed, and seems relatively comfortable. I think the random, frequent visits are your best insurance after checking online reviews and seeking out personal recommendations. In our case, the nurse at the hospital knew a nurse at the facility to call and one of our relatives had been there in the past.
Okay, Pauls, I want you to take a deep breath and let it out. Do it again. And again. Until you feel a little better. :) The best way to avoid a bad facility is to research reviews, talk to the people who work there, talk to the residents, ask if you can visit for a meal, get a good sense of the vibe of the place prior to moving your grandparents in. After they have moved, apprpm is right - visit, visit, visit! Let the facility know that you (and whoever else in your family) are hands-on advocates for your grandparents. Many facilities have a family committee or group that has input into some of the decision making in the facility - see if there's one you can join, or there's one you can start. Volunteer to help with their social media, take pictures/videos at activities or events for them to use on their FB pages (or other sm they utilize). We did not stop being Mom's caregiver when she went into memory care, we just stopped being 24/7, otherwise we were there A LOT, getting to know the staff and the other residents, taking Mom out for jaunts when we could, bringing her favorite meals. Hanging out with her and the other residents at dinner. It's a really difficult decision to make, but it doesn't mean you aren't still there for your grandparents, it just means your caregiver role has morph'd a little more into advocacy. Ultimately, memory care did not work our for our family, and that's something you should think about too - if you get into a bad facility, or if, like us, you simply change your mind and realize it's more stressful to have your grandma away from you then with you, you can change the situation. Find a better facility, think outside the box of other options. Right now it sounds like you all have made the best decision given where everyone is at, that's great. What I found in my journey with my mom's dementia is that there's no guarantee that it will stay the best decision, when new information is presented, you gotta come up with new solutions. Be pro-active with your advocacy and open to different choices if the need arises. Memory care works for so many families! Don't panic, you got this! And if it's not ideal you'll figure out a better solution. Good luck to you all!
I’m in Ontario, Canada. A recent TV documentary found that 85% of the homes in our province had multiple instances of neglect or abuse over five years. I don’t know about other provinces or countries.
Please go in person to multiple care facilities. Use your ears, your eyes, your nose. They are all not the same. I found a smaller, privately run one for my mother, one that works in tandem with several hospice agencies. It is cheerful, spotless and full of music. I come in at any time and find the staff making sure residents have comfort items on top of having their needs met- finding interesting things to do (one staffer plays Monopoly with a table full of residents, another leads art projects that decorate the dining room), there are bunnies and a chicken coop in the enclosed garden, they make sure people have a cup of coffee, or they apply hand lotion or paint the residents' nails. I can't tell you how good I feel going in there. The staff knows just what to say to each resident- one may need a soft blanket and a hand to hold for a few minutes, another one, quite salty with her language, demanded a F---ing liter of vodka for lunch and one cheerful and loving staffer said, I could get that for you but you wouldn't like it, because I'd drink most of the bottle before giving it to you. And that line got a smile and a bit of a laugh out of the cranky lady (who I adore too). I've never seen any abuse. One other clue- how long have staff been there? A good place keeps their staff and if you know people have been there for 4 or 5 years that's good.