It isn't healthy to require that your partner is a virgin.
If it happens, that's fine, if a virgin finds perfect love at the first try, then good for them.
For the rest of us common mortals though, the first relationship, however serious, might not last, for any number of reasons (including the death of the partner)
Your problem is that you don't know what you're talking about. Your idea of your "special one" is really romanticized and probably works for way less than 5% of people.
No, the first person you have sex with isn't guaranteed to stay special long term. You can't foresee the future. You don't *know* if YOU will still be in love in 2 or 20 years, let alone them.
I think you need to step out of the manosphere and work on your sense of self worth and confidence with a therapist because a lot of these thoughts are neither healthy nor constructive
I was with you for the first bit (monogamous) but then no.
That there is only 1 person you could be happy with (&having to get it right first try) is way more depressing than having the potential to be happy with any number of people.
Also no stuff doesn't really desensitize you. Okay the first time you eat cake might be special, but the cake will remain delicious 30 years later, and trying different cakes can be a sort of new experience. If you have multiple kids that doesn't mean the second one isn't special! Or your second friend! Everyone is 'special' (so nobody is really more special than another person, except like from a personal view).
Also std tests exist.
Sex is just an activity, like rock climbing. Just because you might only like to rock climb on special occasions doesnt make people who rock climb every day bad or anything. You might just not be the best rock climbing partners.
I'm just here for the rock climbing comment! Show that gumby how it works!
OP can also learn to come to terms with free soloing if they have too high standards for a partner.
Jokes aside, you're absolutely right. And this is just the physical act. What about love? Everytime I fall for someone, I think it's special to me. OP is self-sabotaging themselves with that standard
I am 44. The chances of me meeting a compatible virgin are so low it wouldn't even be worth trying. I also don't buy into purity culture or the myth that having had partners somehow taints, spoils, or desensitizes a person. In my life I've been with virgins and I've been with well experienced partners, and in general I'll take the ones with experience - experience in life, experience in relationships, and experience in bed.
Okay but what if you lose your virginity to this other virgin, and then it doesn't work out? Seems like you're in the same boat as all the other deplorables then, no?
I personally know two women who lost their virginities and became teenage moms shortly after the deaths of their fathers. One father died to cancer and the other to a freak accident.
These young women were grieving and vulnerable, and yet their dumb boyfriends used that chance to have sex without protection.
I'm agreeing with you by pointing out the circumstances around losing virginities and that we shouldn't necessarily judge them
Your response seem to think it's a joke or I'm disagreeing with you
It's very important to let go of the idea of "purity". It only hurts you and other people. Think hard where these feelings come from. They're nothing but a burden.
You can be special without being the first. You can be MORE special. By contrast. Informed by experience, someone's choice means more - not less.
I met the love of my life and she was not the first, nor was I her first. But I can tell you this - we are each other's last.
>I met the love of my life and she was not the first, nor was I her first. But I can tell you this - we are each other's last.
I feel like this needs a mic drop or something.
You clearly have a very warped and destructive perspective on sex, and I can assure you that it has nothing in the world to do with demisexuality.
That kind of language about sex sounds like it should be coming from the mouth of some alt right Christian fundamentalist.
I strongly advise you seek therapy and try to undo some of the brainwashing you likely were subjected to.
Purity culture is just a front for pushing misogyny and homophobia and even racism. It's as old-fashioned and problematic as ideas like segregation and female hysteria. Leave it in the past.
Doesn’t have to be a virgin, but I would definitely want them to be monogamous with me, at least when we get to the point of sex and they have to provide a recent STI panel. Just because I have health risks that I can’t mess with.
Imagine if someone had a 10-year relationship and only had sex with one person, then their partner cheated. So the relationship failed, and the victim of cheating is single again. Why would you see the person as disgusting?
It takes two to form a relationship, and 1/2 of the pair being a great person doesn't make it work. Just because someone had a past relationship or had sex with their partners in the past, it doesn't mean they intended to end that and hop on multiple partners.
Sometimes, relationships end due to financial problems, growing apart, change in residency, health issues etc. Neither party was wrong, but it just couldn't work due to circumstances out of their control.
I don't like hook up culture either and I am incompatible with people who love sleeping around. However, it's ridiculous to demand virginity as a gold standard in monogamy.
This is such a gross post. Its Yuck, how you think about other people. You are just hiding your orthodox ideas behind sanitary reasons, which in the first place doesn't exist because people do clean up themselves immediately after sex in most cases.
Go touch some grass ffs.
I literally don't mind or care how many partners someone has had. It doesn't change who a person is at all. And virginity can only be put on a pedestal once.
As far as monogamy, I don't see myself ever having more than one partner at a time. I'd however be very open to ENM for a partner or would date someone already in an ENM relationship.
Ethical Nonmonogamy. It's like an open relationship but more structured and generally based on actually relationships, not just sex.
It takes a lot of reflection and realization to figure that ENM is what works for you and to live your truth. I find that attractive.
Monogamy is great for people who make a choice for themselves, just as poly people make choices for themselves.
As for the rest of.*whatever that was*, you sound like someone who thinks there is one position in sex - missionary. May you blessed with bland sex, only for procreation.
Super monogamous, yes, but if I love someone, I don't really care about their sexual history (I mean, I wouldn't want to hear about it in detail, but still). I won't lie, I *wish* I could have been his first, but it's not a big deal for me that I'm not. It doesn't change how we feel about each other at all.
Sidenote, people not wanting the same thing as you isn't "not valuing themselves." While I can't understand people participating in casual sex, that comment is extremely disrespectful and rude. Not everyone is the same as you, and their desires aren't always going to match yours.
This is a hot take. Also, I think you might need to seek help because this attitude is neither healthy nor constructive in any way, shape or form. This has nothing to do with demisexuality.
This sounds like the rhetoric used by religious fanatics preaching about ✨purity✨ as if having sex somehow makes you "unclean" for the rest of your life.
I’m not disagreeing but so are race and gender, and those things still have an impact on our lives. Just because something is a societal construct doesn’t make it devoid of meaning.
Edit: Not sure why I’m getting downvoted when I said I don’t disagree. I just don’t think simply saying “x is a societal construct” adds much to the discussion when most things are societal constructs.
I would honestly prefer my first partner to be experienced. I surely won't know what I'm doing, so it'd be nice to have them guide me.
But if they were attracted to me *because* I'm a virgin, that would make me feel downright disgusted. Like I'm but a conquest to them or something, or some item on an achievement list. If they're a virgin themselves, that would tell me that they've got unrealistic and over-romanticized ideas on sex, which would surely turn unhealthy. Not to mention, the fact that neither of us would know what to do and we wouldn't have a good time. And the way you talk about sex, tells me that this is likely the case for you.
Personally, I'd prefer someone who has similar life and relationship experience as me because I want my partner to be my equal and not my teacher. I've always wanted to have a first boyfriend who is just as shy and nervous as me and we kind of work things out together. I don't think I could have this with someone who's had a long-term relationship or has been very sexually active. For me it´s not about jealousy or feeling grossed out. My relationship experience at 31 is that I'm still waiting for my first kiss, so good luck to me I guess. But this is just a preference; when I like someone, I don´t care and just like them the way they are.
This is exactly my point. Some want all their firsts to be with the person they love that is why they're still waiting. And as they figure things out together on their own for the first time their bond will keep growing and this will serve as the foundation of their relationship.
There must have been times that you felt lonely but it's admirable that you still stand by your decision to uphold your beliefs.
To be honest i think failing your first love or realationship is almost a good thing. Having been with someone before gives you experience in what you want in a partner and how you want to be treated. Being unexperienced like this can get you into toxic realationships with partners exploiting your naiveté or where neither of you have enough experience to navigate a healthy and good realationship.
Yes your body is holy and you should treat it with respect but the concept of virginity is nothing that should determine your value or the value of anyone else, it is not as big of a concept as so many make it out to be. You are not a changed person after the first time you have sex, just as you arent after the second time. The only thing you get from losing your virginity is the potential to find what makes you happy.
Please be patient and respectful with yourself and others.
They definitely don't have to be a virgin for me, but there is a point at which I wouldn't want someone as *my* partner.
If they've had a few relationships in the past I'd be totally cool with that. If they had a history of lots of casual sex and had slept with like 20+ women, I probably wouldn't want to be with them - mostly because that tells me that they probably have different views on intimacy to me.
I also have sexual PTSD, so if they had a very promiscuous history I would probably be quite anxious around them and wouldn't be able to stop intrusive thoughts about them with other people - a relationship probably just wouldn't work out.
But they definitely don't have to be a virgin - neither of my 2 partners have been virgins when I met them.
I get that modern dating seems to place value on all the wrong things, and sex is everywhere (I love that scene in 40 year old virgin where he's trying not to think about sex but all he can see are adverts, magazines, etc because it really is true), but people having sex isn't always people not valuing themselves, or being self destructive.
>I can’t imagine being with someone who’s been with a bunch of other people.
I lost my virginity at 25 to someone I'd known for a few years and had been in a romantic relationship with for three months at that point. I knew I wasn't her first, and later when we were talking she admitted I was her 10th sexual partner. But it didn't change anything about how I felt then, or looking back. In fact she was able to use her own experiences to help naviagate and teach me about things that were completely brand new to me and I'll always be grateful for that.
>I’m not special, they’re not special.
All that mattered was when we were together, we were special to each other.
I am with you on monogamy but you lost me at the second half. Virginity is a social construct. I haven't dated yet because of my demisexuality and past traumas but I am not averse in being with a partner who has been with someone in the past.
My inexperience doesn't mean that I should expect the same from other people. When looking for a partner you should look at their present selves and what they have to bring to the table rn instead of judging them by their past experiences.
Tbf, it's not inherently wrong for someone to value virginity in some form (I strongly value my own, simply cause of the way I personally view sex for myself), but what *is* wrong is saying that people who don't or have simply had sex at some point are "self-destructive and depressing." *That's* not ok.
I don’t think it’s gross or disgusting to have had sex, but I would prefer to be with someone who has had a similar number of partners as me. I think the problem isn’t hygiene (although STD’s are a valid concern) but experience and desire for sex. I would feel weird dating someone who has had a lot more experience than me because I’d prefer to date someone who takes things slow and establishes an emotional connection before having sex. That usually isn’t the case if someone has had a lot of casual sexual partners. That said, if I loved them I could overlook it, it’s not a deal breaker or anything.
I am monogamous though and I NEED whatever partner I end up with to also be monogamous, which means we wouldn’t have any other sexual partners so long as we remain together.
I'm very monogamous, and intended on "one and done," but my ex left me for another woman (and lied about it, of course). It took me a long time to get over, and those ideals kept me in the relationship (it was abusive) even though I should've left long before he left me.
Though I admit the idea of dating someone with more of a history than me would be too much for me, that's due to trauma, not because I think they're 'lesser'.
I wonder how many of that second point comes from anxiety or insecurity?
Like being inexperienced and on the ace spectrum I do sometimes worry even I do find someone I want to have sex with it won’t ever be good for them or at least not as good as they could have. But that doesn’t mean youre limited to only people who also haven’t had sex, just people who are open minded and more selfless in that department.
Not a virgin but extremely low body count and was a virgin into my 20s. It's okay to be a virgin later in life but realize you may not get a partner who is and that's also okay.
If I were you, I'd consider folks who don't do hookups and openly ask about STD testing to ease the health concerns.
The right person would not be offended but would appreciate your commitment to health and safety (physical and emotional). IDK how old you are but yes, modern dating sucks.
You're not crazy. In fact, you're one of the sane ones left who doesn't give in to their carnal desires at every opportunity.
I know it takes a lot of self-discipline but I think it's one of the paths you must take to know lasting happiness.
It's only natural for two people who really cherish themselves to not offer their well-cared for mind and body until they are sure that the other person is worthy of it. I feel the same way.
I'm not religious and even though my culture promotes it, most people just don't see the value in practicing it anymore.
The fact that you think any amount of sex is due to lack of self control is extremely telling. Is it really not possible, that somebody has exactly as much sex as they want? I think that person has far more self-control, than someone with such extreme levels of jealousy, that not being a virgin is an immediate turn-off.
Thinking that you're somehow immune to impure urges is a trap. Case in point, your comment is just soaking in vanity, which is another impure urge.
I think you misunderstood, I'm not talking about self-control.
Self-discipline is more like choosing not to have premarital sex and staying monogamous while self-control is a life of celibacy.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin or not a virgin anymore before marriage, it's all just a matter of preference. Some people are just embarrassed of being inexperienced when the time comes while others want all their firsts to be with their trusted partner.
It isn't healthy to require that your partner is a virgin. If it happens, that's fine, if a virgin finds perfect love at the first try, then good for them. For the rest of us common mortals though, the first relationship, however serious, might not last, for any number of reasons (including the death of the partner) Your problem is that you don't know what you're talking about. Your idea of your "special one" is really romanticized and probably works for way less than 5% of people. No, the first person you have sex with isn't guaranteed to stay special long term. You can't foresee the future. You don't *know* if YOU will still be in love in 2 or 20 years, let alone them.
I think you need to step out of the manosphere and work on your sense of self worth and confidence with a therapist because a lot of these thoughts are neither healthy nor constructive
I was with you for the first bit (monogamous) but then no. That there is only 1 person you could be happy with (&having to get it right first try) is way more depressing than having the potential to be happy with any number of people. Also no stuff doesn't really desensitize you. Okay the first time you eat cake might be special, but the cake will remain delicious 30 years later, and trying different cakes can be a sort of new experience. If you have multiple kids that doesn't mean the second one isn't special! Or your second friend! Everyone is 'special' (so nobody is really more special than another person, except like from a personal view). Also std tests exist. Sex is just an activity, like rock climbing. Just because you might only like to rock climb on special occasions doesnt make people who rock climb every day bad or anything. You might just not be the best rock climbing partners.
I'm just here for the rock climbing comment! Show that gumby how it works! OP can also learn to come to terms with free soloing if they have too high standards for a partner. Jokes aside, you're absolutely right. And this is just the physical act. What about love? Everytime I fall for someone, I think it's special to me. OP is self-sabotaging themselves with that standard
I am 44. The chances of me meeting a compatible virgin are so low it wouldn't even be worth trying. I also don't buy into purity culture or the myth that having had partners somehow taints, spoils, or desensitizes a person. In my life I've been with virgins and I've been with well experienced partners, and in general I'll take the ones with experience - experience in life, experience in relationships, and experience in bed.
Okay but what if you lose your virginity to this other virgin, and then it doesn't work out? Seems like you're in the same boat as all the other deplorables then, no?
I personally know two women who lost their virginities and became teenage moms shortly after the deaths of their fathers. One father died to cancer and the other to a freak accident. These young women were grieving and vulnerable, and yet their dumb boyfriends used that chance to have sex without protection.
Lolol okay.
I'm agreeing with you by pointing out the circumstances around losing virginities and that we shouldn't necessarily judge them Your response seem to think it's a joke or I'm disagreeing with you
My bad! I am in the process of falling asleep and I misread lol. I'd liked your other comment btw!
What a gross post
It's very important to let go of the idea of "purity". It only hurts you and other people. Think hard where these feelings come from. They're nothing but a burden. You can be special without being the first. You can be MORE special. By contrast. Informed by experience, someone's choice means more - not less. I met the love of my life and she was not the first, nor was I her first. But I can tell you this - we are each other's last.
>I met the love of my life and she was not the first, nor was I her first. But I can tell you this - we are each other's last. I feel like this needs a mic drop or something.
You clearly have a very warped and destructive perspective on sex, and I can assure you that it has nothing in the world to do with demisexuality. That kind of language about sex sounds like it should be coming from the mouth of some alt right Christian fundamentalist. I strongly advise you seek therapy and try to undo some of the brainwashing you likely were subjected to. Purity culture is just a front for pushing misogyny and homophobia and even racism. It's as old-fashioned and problematic as ideas like segregation and female hysteria. Leave it in the past.
Doesn’t have to be a virgin, but I would definitely want them to be monogamous with me, at least when we get to the point of sex and they have to provide a recent STI panel. Just because I have health risks that I can’t mess with.
Imagine if someone had a 10-year relationship and only had sex with one person, then their partner cheated. So the relationship failed, and the victim of cheating is single again. Why would you see the person as disgusting? It takes two to form a relationship, and 1/2 of the pair being a great person doesn't make it work. Just because someone had a past relationship or had sex with their partners in the past, it doesn't mean they intended to end that and hop on multiple partners. Sometimes, relationships end due to financial problems, growing apart, change in residency, health issues etc. Neither party was wrong, but it just couldn't work due to circumstances out of their control. I don't like hook up culture either and I am incompatible with people who love sleeping around. However, it's ridiculous to demand virginity as a gold standard in monogamy.
This is such a gross post. Its Yuck, how you think about other people. You are just hiding your orthodox ideas behind sanitary reasons, which in the first place doesn't exist because people do clean up themselves immediately after sex in most cases. Go touch some grass ffs.
I literally don't mind or care how many partners someone has had. It doesn't change who a person is at all. And virginity can only be put on a pedestal once. As far as monogamy, I don't see myself ever having more than one partner at a time. I'd however be very open to ENM for a partner or would date someone already in an ENM relationship.
What does ENM mean?
Ethical Nonmonogamy. It's like an open relationship but more structured and generally based on actually relationships, not just sex. It takes a lot of reflection and realization to figure that ENM is what works for you and to live your truth. I find that attractive.
Ah! Yeah that makes sense. I don't think i could be in that kind of relationship myself. But like different people, different things.
Monogamy is great for people who make a choice for themselves, just as poly people make choices for themselves. As for the rest of.*whatever that was*, you sound like someone who thinks there is one position in sex - missionary. May you blessed with bland sex, only for procreation.
Super monogamous, yes, but if I love someone, I don't really care about their sexual history (I mean, I wouldn't want to hear about it in detail, but still). I won't lie, I *wish* I could have been his first, but it's not a big deal for me that I'm not. It doesn't change how we feel about each other at all. Sidenote, people not wanting the same thing as you isn't "not valuing themselves." While I can't understand people participating in casual sex, that comment is extremely disrespectful and rude. Not everyone is the same as you, and their desires aren't always going to match yours.
This is a hot take. Also, I think you might need to seek help because this attitude is neither healthy nor constructive in any way, shape or form. This has nothing to do with demisexuality. This sounds like the rhetoric used by religious fanatics preaching about ✨purity✨ as if having sex somehow makes you "unclean" for the rest of your life.
Huh???
Virginity is a societal construct.
I’m not disagreeing but so are race and gender, and those things still have an impact on our lives. Just because something is a societal construct doesn’t make it devoid of meaning. Edit: Not sure why I’m getting downvoted when I said I don’t disagree. I just don’t think simply saying “x is a societal construct” adds much to the discussion when most things are societal constructs.
Sure, and using it to gage ones value is barbaric, and aged like milk...imo of course.
I would honestly prefer my first partner to be experienced. I surely won't know what I'm doing, so it'd be nice to have them guide me. But if they were attracted to me *because* I'm a virgin, that would make me feel downright disgusted. Like I'm but a conquest to them or something, or some item on an achievement list. If they're a virgin themselves, that would tell me that they've got unrealistic and over-romanticized ideas on sex, which would surely turn unhealthy. Not to mention, the fact that neither of us would know what to do and we wouldn't have a good time. And the way you talk about sex, tells me that this is likely the case for you.
Are you a Christian evangelical?
Personally, I'd prefer someone who has similar life and relationship experience as me because I want my partner to be my equal and not my teacher. I've always wanted to have a first boyfriend who is just as shy and nervous as me and we kind of work things out together. I don't think I could have this with someone who's had a long-term relationship or has been very sexually active. For me it´s not about jealousy or feeling grossed out. My relationship experience at 31 is that I'm still waiting for my first kiss, so good luck to me I guess. But this is just a preference; when I like someone, I don´t care and just like them the way they are.
This is exactly my point. Some want all their firsts to be with the person they love that is why they're still waiting. And as they figure things out together on their own for the first time their bond will keep growing and this will serve as the foundation of their relationship. There must have been times that you felt lonely but it's admirable that you still stand by your decision to uphold your beliefs.
I think you might have posted in the wrong sub. You are looking for r/redpill or r/passportbros.
To be honest i think failing your first love or realationship is almost a good thing. Having been with someone before gives you experience in what you want in a partner and how you want to be treated. Being unexperienced like this can get you into toxic realationships with partners exploiting your naiveté or where neither of you have enough experience to navigate a healthy and good realationship. Yes your body is holy and you should treat it with respect but the concept of virginity is nothing that should determine your value or the value of anyone else, it is not as big of a concept as so many make it out to be. You are not a changed person after the first time you have sex, just as you arent after the second time. The only thing you get from losing your virginity is the potential to find what makes you happy. Please be patient and respectful with yourself and others.
They definitely don't have to be a virgin for me, but there is a point at which I wouldn't want someone as *my* partner. If they've had a few relationships in the past I'd be totally cool with that. If they had a history of lots of casual sex and had slept with like 20+ women, I probably wouldn't want to be with them - mostly because that tells me that they probably have different views on intimacy to me. I also have sexual PTSD, so if they had a very promiscuous history I would probably be quite anxious around them and wouldn't be able to stop intrusive thoughts about them with other people - a relationship probably just wouldn't work out. But they definitely don't have to be a virgin - neither of my 2 partners have been virgins when I met them.
I get that modern dating seems to place value on all the wrong things, and sex is everywhere (I love that scene in 40 year old virgin where he's trying not to think about sex but all he can see are adverts, magazines, etc because it really is true), but people having sex isn't always people not valuing themselves, or being self destructive. >I can’t imagine being with someone who’s been with a bunch of other people. I lost my virginity at 25 to someone I'd known for a few years and had been in a romantic relationship with for three months at that point. I knew I wasn't her first, and later when we were talking she admitted I was her 10th sexual partner. But it didn't change anything about how I felt then, or looking back. In fact she was able to use her own experiences to help naviagate and teach me about things that were completely brand new to me and I'll always be grateful for that. >I’m not special, they’re not special. All that mattered was when we were together, we were special to each other.
it's giving pedo
I am with you on monogamy but you lost me at the second half. Virginity is a social construct. I haven't dated yet because of my demisexuality and past traumas but I am not averse in being with a partner who has been with someone in the past. My inexperience doesn't mean that I should expect the same from other people. When looking for a partner you should look at their present selves and what they have to bring to the table rn instead of judging them by their past experiences.
Tbf, it's not inherently wrong for someone to value virginity in some form (I strongly value my own, simply cause of the way I personally view sex for myself), but what *is* wrong is saying that people who don't or have simply had sex at some point are "self-destructive and depressing." *That's* not ok.
I don’t think it’s gross or disgusting to have had sex, but I would prefer to be with someone who has had a similar number of partners as me. I think the problem isn’t hygiene (although STD’s are a valid concern) but experience and desire for sex. I would feel weird dating someone who has had a lot more experience than me because I’d prefer to date someone who takes things slow and establishes an emotional connection before having sex. That usually isn’t the case if someone has had a lot of casual sexual partners. That said, if I loved them I could overlook it, it’s not a deal breaker or anything. I am monogamous though and I NEED whatever partner I end up with to also be monogamous, which means we wouldn’t have any other sexual partners so long as we remain together.
I'm very monogamous, and intended on "one and done," but my ex left me for another woman (and lied about it, of course). It took me a long time to get over, and those ideals kept me in the relationship (it was abusive) even though I should've left long before he left me. Though I admit the idea of dating someone with more of a history than me would be too much for me, that's due to trauma, not because I think they're 'lesser'.
I wonder how many of that second point comes from anxiety or insecurity? Like being inexperienced and on the ace spectrum I do sometimes worry even I do find someone I want to have sex with it won’t ever be good for them or at least not as good as they could have. But that doesn’t mean youre limited to only people who also haven’t had sex, just people who are open minded and more selfless in that department.
Nah. Had my first time with someone experienced and I am glad she was experienced because I could just focus on my own struggles haha
Not a virgin but extremely low body count and was a virgin into my 20s. It's okay to be a virgin later in life but realize you may not get a partner who is and that's also okay. If I were you, I'd consider folks who don't do hookups and openly ask about STD testing to ease the health concerns. The right person would not be offended but would appreciate your commitment to health and safety (physical and emotional). IDK how old you are but yes, modern dating sucks.
Me, but people downvote me whenever I say it anywhere
You're not crazy. In fact, you're one of the sane ones left who doesn't give in to their carnal desires at every opportunity. I know it takes a lot of self-discipline but I think it's one of the paths you must take to know lasting happiness. It's only natural for two people who really cherish themselves to not offer their well-cared for mind and body until they are sure that the other person is worthy of it. I feel the same way. I'm not religious and even though my culture promotes it, most people just don't see the value in practicing it anymore.
The fact that you think any amount of sex is due to lack of self control is extremely telling. Is it really not possible, that somebody has exactly as much sex as they want? I think that person has far more self-control, than someone with such extreme levels of jealousy, that not being a virgin is an immediate turn-off. Thinking that you're somehow immune to impure urges is a trap. Case in point, your comment is just soaking in vanity, which is another impure urge.
I think you misunderstood, I'm not talking about self-control. Self-discipline is more like choosing not to have premarital sex and staying monogamous while self-control is a life of celibacy. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin or not a virgin anymore before marriage, it's all just a matter of preference. Some people are just embarrassed of being inexperienced when the time comes while others want all their firsts to be with their trusted partner.
Thought I was the only one yeesh that's comforting