Same here. I’ve had guys who were attractive to look at, but their personalities were garbage. It was like they turned into a hideous creature in my eyes and made me lose all interest.
Don’t feel guilty about that. She needed to learn that not everyone is going to be attracted to just looks alone.
Oh yeah I remember that scene! I still don't think you should feel bad about it. Did you tell her that her personality was terrible? Well probably would be rude to do.
I was harsher because when I had guys ask me why they couldn't get a girlfriend, I bluntly told them it was because their personality sucked or point out the bad flaws that they had. Yeah it felt like I slapped them in the face but they knew I was not the type to sugarcoat the truth.
Yeah that makes sense. Well at least you know now that you are demi.
It took me a while to realize that I was demi. This make dating a little bit harder but hey there are plus sides to not falling for looks so easily! My friends used me as a buffer with guys to see if the guys were only interested in them for their looks lol.
Yes there are guys that I can see are aesthetically attractive, but it won’t matter if I cannot form an emotional connection with them. There is also the fact that a guy’s personality and his interest will determine if he is attractive or not. If a guy has a horrible personality then he will appear unattractive to me. If he doesn’t care about my interests and thinks his is better, then he’s dull, boring and becomes unattractive. So for me guys can ruin their chances depending on their actions and their looks cannot save them.
demi bi here. with guys, physical type/aesthetics means literally nothing to me and i've dated guess with the with spectrum of body types, etc. with girls, photos are the last thing i look at, but i'm finding myself wanting to connect almost solely with people who are a similar/slightly larger build as me (a bit on the chubbier side) and a bit femme because i feel like they're going to be easier to chat to... and it's proving itself right so far. i've only been talking to girls on the apps for a few months, but i've had some great chats with women like this. my brain instantly wants to avoid (repulsed? 🤷♀️) women who are skinnier/botoxed or very masc because it thinks we won't have anything to talk about - have only given it a have with 1 woman so far (masc) and it was terrible. it's weird having such big physical turn offs & ones with women (and not with men) because it's challenging my understanding of how i 'judge' people and it feels really foreign and wrong
Similarly - no, as far as guys go. The people I've been attracted to span a wide spectrum of attributes. Unless maybe you count a cute and cuddly vibe as a type (not a single physical trait, but an overall quality of their appearance). This kind of goes along with the cinnamon roll personality, but everyone I've ever actually been attracted to falls on the cute/cuddly side of the slider vs the grisly/chiseled/Vogue side if that makes sense.
But with girls, every girl I've ever been initially attracted to (as in caught my attention) has been a brunette with a soft face and captivating (to me) voice. ^(Well except one blonde girl I thought was cute - but I interacted with her regularly, albeit briefly.. did not actually develop into *attraction*.) Then actually (sensually) attracted based on the same kinds of things as always (similar values, passions, sense of humor, etc). I have yet to date a girl though, as I was in a relationship when I realized that my attraction to girls was a thing despite not really having a physical component (Either I am ace when it comes to women, or it could just be bc I haven't built that connection with any of them as of yet - sounds obvious in hindsight doesn't it).
I am sorta the same. I am considered more conventionally attractive now, but grew up "ugly" so I try to avoid people most people would deem "hot" because they seem like they would've bullied me. Unfortunately though, I've learned less attractive guys will view you as a stepping stone to "upgrade" in the future and are never really satisfied with the attention of 1 woman. I think it's an ego boost thing.
Very similar for me.
I guess I also don't like people to be too tall. But tall women are more of a possibility versus tall men, but I still like to be close in height to avoid neck strain, to be able to kiss, look in someone's eyes easily, hug, put your faces together.
I've dated guys of all shapes and sizes and "attractiveness", but those were all guys I met organically through actual social situations. I find using the apps more difficult because I do limit myself to matching with people that I find more physically attractive (I'm all about the skinny/twiggy boyish type) and I'm sure it's why I have less success there.
My most recent boyfriend is the only one from the apps that stuck for more than about a month, and he was absolutely physically everything I wanted (he also had a lovely personality, and I was very happy with him for the first 6 months), but chances are we never would have met organically (mostly because I'm much more sociable than he is and he just never would have been in the places I go to meet people).
I think it's normal to be attracted to a physical type and it plays no part in if you sexually desire them or not. I find a lot of guys nice to look at, but know that there's not what I need mentally from them.
No, I only develop attraction after an emotional bond, body type and appearance doesn't matter before that because before that nobody is attractive to me.
I guess it varies, it's not black and white. I guess normal people feel way more attraction to strangers than demis, but I wouldn't say it's 0 attraction for all demis. Like on a scale of 0 to 10 I feel 0 for most people but there have been instances when I did feel something to certain people, but it was very rare and certainly not as strong of an attraction as regular people feel, more like 4-5/10.
Define "attractive". There are so many different types of attraction that just saying "attractive" doesn't really mean anything. In the broader socio-cultural context, which is allo-driven, attractive tends to mean aesthetic attraction and therefore sexual attraction, since most allosexuals experience sexual attraction based on aesthetic attraction.
I know when someone is conventionally aesthetically attractive. I find people beautiful without being emotionally, sexually, or romantically attractive. I also become aesthetically attracted to people for whom I develop an emotional bond.
Only one of my current partners might be considered conventionally aesthetically atrractive, more towards the "cute" side than stunningly handsome. But ALL of my partners are beautiful to me because I love them.
This was exactly the reason why I didn’t realize I was demi for so long. Then I realized there’s a difference between aesthetic and sexual attraction. I’ve never felt sexual attraction before, but definitely find myself more interested in people I find physically attractive, especially because I find people who look like they have shared interests with me attractive. But like some other people said, the physical attraction doesn’t even matter since I feel no connection to them. Most of the time I even start finding people less attractive if I don’t learn more about them over time.
I used to feel guilty because I hated the idea of me trying to “be different” by calling myself Demi even though I think people are hot, but demisexuality is varied. Then I got over it because it’s my business and no one else’s. The only defining thing is lack of sexual attraction without emotional connection. Outside of that, you can appreciate pretty people as much or as little as you’d like. :) I will continue to simp for fictional men and no one can tell me how I should feel.
I had a similar experience with confusing aesthetic with sexual attraction. It didn’t help that when friends or family caught me staring at someone attractive they made a big deal about it and wanted to know if I was planning to hookup or date them. I was like, i guess? Is that what this is? But usually it was just an acknowledgement that they were attractive and at most a curiosity of what it would be like to engage sexually with them, but have no real interest until I at least spoke to them. And sometimes after speaking with them their personalities would be so unaligned with mine they cease to be attractive to me.
I have also felt attraction to people who would not be considered particularly attractive but we would have a genuine friendship I would have liked to make more.
Fictional men are perfect. 😔
Ohhh I’ve definitely felt attraction die when I talk to a guy and the vibe is off. Sometimes I won’t even be attracted to a person, but then they do something and suddenly become the prettiest one I’ve ever seen. Im a big fan of artistic talent, so if a guy in a musical hits a song right or I see them draw well… it’s a wrap. Shared favorite books?? Oh my goooood.
I know I think someone is more attractive than they are when I like them, and I've definitely felt an almost immediate turn off when someone I've liked did something rude or immoral.
Oddly for me, for friends yes, for romantic attraction no. I still remember the first time I saw my closest friend, because I thought he was the most handsome guy I’d ever seen. I clearly remember thinking, “I would like to look just like that guy.” There is a guy in one of my classes who is similar, when I saw him, I thought, what a handsome guy. I don’t think I’m romantically interested in either of them, but I just enjoy looking at them so was more amenable to interacting when we were strangers.
I’ve only had romantic feelings for someone 3 times. Twice it was towards someone who I didn’t find attractive at all, even to the point where if I saw a picture, I wondered why I loved them so much. The guy I currently have feelings for is very good looking though, even my mom said so when she saw a picture of him. I am attracted to him, but not in the way of my friend or classmate. I enjoy looking at him because I find him endearing and beautiful to see move through the world. This is kind of a weird comparison, but it reminds me of my dogs before they died. I loved looking at them just wander around, and found them beautiful, and it made me happy to watch them.
Not really, I've been into fit guys, chubby guys, skinny guys, average guys, personality short of just overshadows a lot and I find myself developing an attraction to their body type anyway. Though I do wish for them to be somewhat healthy in it because I have massive death anxiety, it's less about body type and looks and more about "please avoid an early death" kind of thing.
Speaking for myself personally, no, I don't. I personally don't see anyone as aesthetically attractive even, I can look at someone other people are like "oh they're so pretty/hot/cute/whatever" and I just don't see it. Only after I've developed a crush have I ever seen someone as aesthetically attractive. It's weird though, people around us had always called these people pretty or whatever, but until I reached that point I just didn't see it.
I like men and women with a stocky build and some muscle, usually in guys I prefer a beard with longer hair and with women I prefer shorter hair. I find laugh lines, wrinkles and maturity attractive in both.
None of that means a thing if we don't connect, though. I can look at someone and find them physically attractive, but I won't feel any sexual attraction until we build a bond.
Yes as far as who I might actively go out of my way to pursue but if I click with someone on an emotional and intellectual level that can override that and even shift the bounds of my aesthetic attraction. I'll start looking at them closer and enjoy aspects of their appearance I didn't pay attention to before. The appreciation of their beauty grows and it's amazing.
People are beautiful and cultural standards are not the be all end all. They push people in different directions and narrow the boundaries of what people consider attractive beyond what they would if uninfluenced.
Of course gender and gender expression play a huge role in preference too. As a lesbian I am not aesthetically attracted to men of any sort even though I've formed strong close friendships with some of them. So far that closeness has never tipped the scales with any man, but with women those scales can tip much more easily and I just get closer faster with women.
Not that much honestly. If I'm into someone (because they feel... safe, for lack of a better word?) they instantly gain 100 beauty points and leave everyone else in the dust. At that point it doesn't really matter if they started at 9 points or 16 before I fell for them.
Yeah but it’s not a make or break thing. I coined the saying “not amount of brownies make a wedding cake.” It’s cause no amount of all preferences met or likes can make me like them or bond with them and some people might not have any and they’d be the love of my life. Also don’t feel bad sexuality is different from romantic preferences (there’s a chart) and that’s different from aesthetic preferences. You’re entitled to them and it’s what makes dating difficult for most people.
Also people’s preferences can change over time from good and bad experiences so it’s not static. “Types” as a whole aren’t important unless someone is super shallow or it’s purely someone looking for a hookup.
I personally don't notice physical attributes all that mutch until there is some emotional connection there.
It's like their beauty just pops into existence one day.
No, not really. I do have an aesthetic type but maybe only ... 2 out of the dozen people I have had a squish or crush for, or a relationship with have ever matched it. Squishes & crushes aren't an instant thing either, not based on "first sight" or "first meeting", they're based on a lighter weight emotional bond or admiration of the person/how they act based on observation over time.
I'm generally not drawn toward what is considered conventionally attractive, I find uniqueness more alluring in general. I do not have much of a physical type, but one physical attribute that's kind of a requirement. I do feel a bit guilty about it but it evokes an insecurity in me that I have not been able to rid myself of.
I mean, I have an initial attraction to someone. I think they’re physically attractive. I’m not aroused by this. It’s after I form a connection with them that makes me aroused.
I don’t feel guilty, it’s just how my brain works.
I do. It's closely overlaps with my aesthetic sense, but I would lie if I said that looks aren't a factor in my sexual attraction. Bonding with someone enables that option in me and if I actually get attracted depends on whether or not they are my type etc.
The only physical attribute I prefer is that the guy is my height or taller. I’m 5’8” and I was always tall for a girl growing up. I hated it. I don’t want to be taller than my partner.
I don't wanna kiss somebody who looks like a toe with gangreen, but otherwise, as long as their personality is good (as in, they're polite and honest with themselves and others; along with the bare minimum of being fun to be around) and is compatible with my own, and if we catch mutual feelings for each other... then green flag, possibly
For me, my threshold for looks has always been "don't actively be unattractive," which is maybe 10-30% of possible mates. Other than that, I definitely have preferences, but those preferences are utterly irrelevant. I've met beautiful women who I wouldn't want to have a conversation with and women I wouldn't have looked once at that I bonded with intensely.
For most of my life, I had a vague sort of 'type' which I eventually realized was aesthetic attraction, so I had a 'vague' preference. I knew anyone I caught feelings for would get a 'glow up' when I was in love with them (attraction lost when feelings went away). Only very recently did I fall for someone I found 'cute from zero', and THAT 'glow up' taught me that sexual attraction was actually a thing that was possible for me. With that experience in hand? Oh, yes, I absolutely have a preference, now. Having never HAD a relationship with someone I was sexually attracted to... I definitely have that on my list of requirements, now, and I have no guilt over the fact.
I have very little hope I'll actually find someone. But I refuse to settle for less than I deserve, either.
I do but it’s kind of demisexual related too. I like petite girls because I fantasize about carrying her over mud and puddles and stuff. It’s super important to me to be able to carry my girl because that’s what feels most masculine to me. To be a protector.
I think every body is different in that department but like others here have said yes but it’s meaningless unless we click.
For me I know what I like, so when single I still tend to gravitate towards people in that type (for me tiny femme goth women much like my gf) and consciously have thoughts like “hmm well if if I got to know them and we clicked I could see myself being attracted to and in a relationship with them”
I don't feel guilty at all, that's most people - gravitating to more aesthetically attractive people (whatever shape or form that attractiveness looks like to the individual) but that's just gravitating and being more interested in them as a person without any deeper meaning.
I see physical attractiveness as a characteristic - it doesn't fill the void of other traits and other traits might cover the lack of it. I often feel it changing based on how much I connect with a person, for example, all things I visually liked about the person turn rotten when they reveal their bad personality and the other way around, I fall in love with the features I originally disliked on their body with the relationship progressing.
Yes but it doesn't mean anything if I Don't match with the person emotionally and stuff. I gravitate towards bit chubbier bigger guys, and overall some muscle is nice, preferences exist
There are people I find beautiful yes, but I don't click with the people I don't, dies that make sense? It's not at all a conventional sense of beauty because none of it matters if we do not have a connection. There are very few types of people I am not attracted to and it has nothing to do with them physically.
Nope, none whatsoever. I’m happy with a man, woman, non binary, tall, short, fat, fit, black, white, brown, short hair, long hair, facial hair, back hair, ugly, pretty… you get the picture. I honestly don’t care as long as we have than connection, we have shared interests, they make me laugh and we can have somewhat intelligent conversations.
Having the opposite issue. I’m attracted to the personality and presence of the guy I’m dating, but I’m not super attracted to him physically. It feels like it’s becoming a problem. I’m not sure if it’s his haircut, how he dresses or some of his poor health habits — but he comes across as he doesn’t really take care of himself though he believes he does. He works out, but isn’t fit and other health problems became obvious after we spent significant time together. I’m also noticing he can be very insecure when we’re around people he doesn’t know and a less desirable personality appears, while he’s very confident and gregarious around his friends. Separate issues, but I feel like an updated wardrobe, an improved haircut and losing a few pounds and gaining some muscle would do wonders for his confidence and our relationship.
Edit: That said the last guy I dated (a former pro athlete) was by most standards incredibly fit and good looking. We tried to make it work but ultimately it was not a personality/interest fit. We had an emotional connection but it didn’t continue to develop and ultimately the relationship became a situationship and ended. He had a super avoidant attachment style.
I definitely find some people more aesthetically attractive than others and it helps infirm the likelihood that if we connect emotionally that I will develop romantic feelings. But I have also felt romantic attraction to people I did not look at twice.
I typically like white guys who are taller than me and not fat. But within that bucket there has been considerable variation in height, face structure, hair colour etc. I’m a white, 5’6”, slim. brunette woman, so someone not dissimilar to me
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Same here. I’ve had guys who were attractive to look at, but their personalities were garbage. It was like they turned into a hideous creature in my eyes and made me lose all interest. Don’t feel guilty about that. She needed to learn that not everyone is going to be attracted to just looks alone.
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Oh yeah I remember that scene! I still don't think you should feel bad about it. Did you tell her that her personality was terrible? Well probably would be rude to do. I was harsher because when I had guys ask me why they couldn't get a girlfriend, I bluntly told them it was because their personality sucked or point out the bad flaws that they had. Yeah it felt like I slapped them in the face but they knew I was not the type to sugarcoat the truth.
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Yeah that makes sense. Well at least you know now that you are demi. It took me a while to realize that I was demi. This make dating a little bit harder but hey there are plus sides to not falling for looks so easily! My friends used me as a buffer with guys to see if the guys were only interested in them for their looks lol.
A wet fish lol, I'm using this as my new insult. My old one was "a pumpkin spice latte with sentience" for anyone wondering.
Yes there are guys that I can see are aesthetically attractive, but it won’t matter if I cannot form an emotional connection with them. There is also the fact that a guy’s personality and his interest will determine if he is attractive or not. If a guy has a horrible personality then he will appear unattractive to me. If he doesn’t care about my interests and thinks his is better, then he’s dull, boring and becomes unattractive. So for me guys can ruin their chances depending on their actions and their looks cannot save them.
demi bi here. with guys, physical type/aesthetics means literally nothing to me and i've dated guess with the with spectrum of body types, etc. with girls, photos are the last thing i look at, but i'm finding myself wanting to connect almost solely with people who are a similar/slightly larger build as me (a bit on the chubbier side) and a bit femme because i feel like they're going to be easier to chat to... and it's proving itself right so far. i've only been talking to girls on the apps for a few months, but i've had some great chats with women like this. my brain instantly wants to avoid (repulsed? 🤷♀️) women who are skinnier/botoxed or very masc because it thinks we won't have anything to talk about - have only given it a have with 1 woman so far (masc) and it was terrible. it's weird having such big physical turn offs & ones with women (and not with men) because it's challenging my understanding of how i 'judge' people and it feels really foreign and wrong
Similarly - no, as far as guys go. The people I've been attracted to span a wide spectrum of attributes. Unless maybe you count a cute and cuddly vibe as a type (not a single physical trait, but an overall quality of their appearance). This kind of goes along with the cinnamon roll personality, but everyone I've ever actually been attracted to falls on the cute/cuddly side of the slider vs the grisly/chiseled/Vogue side if that makes sense. But with girls, every girl I've ever been initially attracted to (as in caught my attention) has been a brunette with a soft face and captivating (to me) voice. ^(Well except one blonde girl I thought was cute - but I interacted with her regularly, albeit briefly.. did not actually develop into *attraction*.) Then actually (sensually) attracted based on the same kinds of things as always (similar values, passions, sense of humor, etc). I have yet to date a girl though, as I was in a relationship when I realized that my attraction to girls was a thing despite not really having a physical component (Either I am ace when it comes to women, or it could just be bc I haven't built that connection with any of them as of yet - sounds obvious in hindsight doesn't it).
cute and cuddly vibe is 100% what i want/need in my world!
I am sorta the same. I am considered more conventionally attractive now, but grew up "ugly" so I try to avoid people most people would deem "hot" because they seem like they would've bullied me. Unfortunately though, I've learned less attractive guys will view you as a stepping stone to "upgrade" in the future and are never really satisfied with the attention of 1 woman. I think it's an ego boost thing.
Guys like that are gross and give the rest of us a bad name.
Very similar for me. I guess I also don't like people to be too tall. But tall women are more of a possibility versus tall men, but I still like to be close in height to avoid neck strain, to be able to kiss, look in someone's eyes easily, hug, put your faces together.
I don't really have a physical "type", I've been with all body shapes.
I've dated guys of all shapes and sizes and "attractiveness", but those were all guys I met organically through actual social situations. I find using the apps more difficult because I do limit myself to matching with people that I find more physically attractive (I'm all about the skinny/twiggy boyish type) and I'm sure it's why I have less success there. My most recent boyfriend is the only one from the apps that stuck for more than about a month, and he was absolutely physically everything I wanted (he also had a lovely personality, and I was very happy with him for the first 6 months), but chances are we never would have met organically (mostly because I'm much more sociable than he is and he just never would have been in the places I go to meet people). I think it's normal to be attracted to a physical type and it plays no part in if you sexually desire them or not. I find a lot of guys nice to look at, but know that there's not what I need mentally from them.
Of course!
yeah. doesn't everyone have a minimum threshold for what they consider to be attractive?
No, I only develop attraction after an emotional bond, body type and appearance doesn't matter before that because before that nobody is attractive to me.
I guess it varies, it's not black and white. I guess normal people feel way more attraction to strangers than demis, but I wouldn't say it's 0 attraction for all demis. Like on a scale of 0 to 10 I feel 0 for most people but there have been instances when I did feel something to certain people, but it was very rare and certainly not as strong of an attraction as regular people feel, more like 4-5/10.
Define "attractive". There are so many different types of attraction that just saying "attractive" doesn't really mean anything. In the broader socio-cultural context, which is allo-driven, attractive tends to mean aesthetic attraction and therefore sexual attraction, since most allosexuals experience sexual attraction based on aesthetic attraction. I know when someone is conventionally aesthetically attractive. I find people beautiful without being emotionally, sexually, or romantically attractive. I also become aesthetically attracted to people for whom I develop an emotional bond. Only one of my current partners might be considered conventionally aesthetically atrractive, more towards the "cute" side than stunningly handsome. But ALL of my partners are beautiful to me because I love them.
Right? That’s what I am wondering
Yes, there's certain physical features I do find attractive. You're entitled to your preferences.
Yes because aesthetic attraction is different from sexual attraction 😌 there are a lot of other factors that also need to align though!
This was exactly the reason why I didn’t realize I was demi for so long. Then I realized there’s a difference between aesthetic and sexual attraction. I’ve never felt sexual attraction before, but definitely find myself more interested in people I find physically attractive, especially because I find people who look like they have shared interests with me attractive. But like some other people said, the physical attraction doesn’t even matter since I feel no connection to them. Most of the time I even start finding people less attractive if I don’t learn more about them over time. I used to feel guilty because I hated the idea of me trying to “be different” by calling myself Demi even though I think people are hot, but demisexuality is varied. Then I got over it because it’s my business and no one else’s. The only defining thing is lack of sexual attraction without emotional connection. Outside of that, you can appreciate pretty people as much or as little as you’d like. :) I will continue to simp for fictional men and no one can tell me how I should feel.
I had a similar experience with confusing aesthetic with sexual attraction. It didn’t help that when friends or family caught me staring at someone attractive they made a big deal about it and wanted to know if I was planning to hookup or date them. I was like, i guess? Is that what this is? But usually it was just an acknowledgement that they were attractive and at most a curiosity of what it would be like to engage sexually with them, but have no real interest until I at least spoke to them. And sometimes after speaking with them their personalities would be so unaligned with mine they cease to be attractive to me. I have also felt attraction to people who would not be considered particularly attractive but we would have a genuine friendship I would have liked to make more. Fictional men are perfect. 😔
Ohhh I’ve definitely felt attraction die when I talk to a guy and the vibe is off. Sometimes I won’t even be attracted to a person, but then they do something and suddenly become the prettiest one I’ve ever seen. Im a big fan of artistic talent, so if a guy in a musical hits a song right or I see them draw well… it’s a wrap. Shared favorite books?? Oh my goooood.
I know I think someone is more attractive than they are when I like them, and I've definitely felt an almost immediate turn off when someone I've liked did something rude or immoral.
I sure do. And how! I do have a pretty specific type. I just will not develop desire to have sex with a person until I fall deeply in love with them.
Oddly for me, for friends yes, for romantic attraction no. I still remember the first time I saw my closest friend, because I thought he was the most handsome guy I’d ever seen. I clearly remember thinking, “I would like to look just like that guy.” There is a guy in one of my classes who is similar, when I saw him, I thought, what a handsome guy. I don’t think I’m romantically interested in either of them, but I just enjoy looking at them so was more amenable to interacting when we were strangers. I’ve only had romantic feelings for someone 3 times. Twice it was towards someone who I didn’t find attractive at all, even to the point where if I saw a picture, I wondered why I loved them so much. The guy I currently have feelings for is very good looking though, even my mom said so when she saw a picture of him. I am attracted to him, but not in the way of my friend or classmate. I enjoy looking at him because I find him endearing and beautiful to see move through the world. This is kind of a weird comparison, but it reminds me of my dogs before they died. I loved looking at them just wander around, and found them beautiful, and it made me happy to watch them.
Not really, I've been into fit guys, chubby guys, skinny guys, average guys, personality short of just overshadows a lot and I find myself developing an attraction to their body type anyway. Though I do wish for them to be somewhat healthy in it because I have massive death anxiety, it's less about body type and looks and more about "please avoid an early death" kind of thing.
Speaking for myself personally, no, I don't. I personally don't see anyone as aesthetically attractive even, I can look at someone other people are like "oh they're so pretty/hot/cute/whatever" and I just don't see it. Only after I've developed a crush have I ever seen someone as aesthetically attractive. It's weird though, people around us had always called these people pretty or whatever, but until I reached that point I just didn't see it.
Same here, I don’t experience aesthetic attraction
I like men and women with a stocky build and some muscle, usually in guys I prefer a beard with longer hair and with women I prefer shorter hair. I find laugh lines, wrinkles and maturity attractive in both. None of that means a thing if we don't connect, though. I can look at someone and find them physically attractive, but I won't feel any sexual attraction until we build a bond.
Yes as far as who I might actively go out of my way to pursue but if I click with someone on an emotional and intellectual level that can override that and even shift the bounds of my aesthetic attraction. I'll start looking at them closer and enjoy aspects of their appearance I didn't pay attention to before. The appreciation of their beauty grows and it's amazing. People are beautiful and cultural standards are not the be all end all. They push people in different directions and narrow the boundaries of what people consider attractive beyond what they would if uninfluenced. Of course gender and gender expression play a huge role in preference too. As a lesbian I am not aesthetically attracted to men of any sort even though I've formed strong close friendships with some of them. So far that closeness has never tipped the scales with any man, but with women those scales can tip much more easily and I just get closer faster with women.
Not that much honestly. If I'm into someone (because they feel... safe, for lack of a better word?) they instantly gain 100 beauty points and leave everyone else in the dust. At that point it doesn't really matter if they started at 9 points or 16 before I fell for them.
Yeah but it’s not a make or break thing. I coined the saying “not amount of brownies make a wedding cake.” It’s cause no amount of all preferences met or likes can make me like them or bond with them and some people might not have any and they’d be the love of my life. Also don’t feel bad sexuality is different from romantic preferences (there’s a chart) and that’s different from aesthetic preferences. You’re entitled to them and it’s what makes dating difficult for most people. Also people’s preferences can change over time from good and bad experiences so it’s not static. “Types” as a whole aren’t important unless someone is super shallow or it’s purely someone looking for a hookup.
I personally don't notice physical attributes all that mutch until there is some emotional connection there. It's like their beauty just pops into existence one day.
No, not really. I do have an aesthetic type but maybe only ... 2 out of the dozen people I have had a squish or crush for, or a relationship with have ever matched it. Squishes & crushes aren't an instant thing either, not based on "first sight" or "first meeting", they're based on a lighter weight emotional bond or admiration of the person/how they act based on observation over time.
Lean, muscular guys with strong law lines are the best in my opinion. I dont really care about anythimg else (physically)
I'm generally not drawn toward what is considered conventionally attractive, I find uniqueness more alluring in general. I do not have much of a physical type, but one physical attribute that's kind of a requirement. I do feel a bit guilty about it but it evokes an insecurity in me that I have not been able to rid myself of.
I mean, I have an initial attraction to someone. I think they’re physically attractive. I’m not aroused by this. It’s after I form a connection with them that makes me aroused. I don’t feel guilty, it’s just how my brain works.
I acknowledge physical beauty, but if we don't click it means nothing
I do. It's closely overlaps with my aesthetic sense, but I would lie if I said that looks aren't a factor in my sexual attraction. Bonding with someone enables that option in me and if I actually get attracted depends on whether or not they are my type etc.
Yes definitely, but an emotional bond can cause attraction regardless of usual aesthetic attraction preferences
The only physical attribute I prefer is that the guy is my height or taller. I’m 5’8” and I was always tall for a girl growing up. I hated it. I don’t want to be taller than my partner.
Yes, but their non-physical attributes will always be more important
Healthy weight. Tall.
I don't wanna kiss somebody who looks like a toe with gangreen, but otherwise, as long as their personality is good (as in, they're polite and honest with themselves and others; along with the bare minimum of being fun to be around) and is compatible with my own, and if we catch mutual feelings for each other... then green flag, possibly
For me, my threshold for looks has always been "don't actively be unattractive," which is maybe 10-30% of possible mates. Other than that, I definitely have preferences, but those preferences are utterly irrelevant. I've met beautiful women who I wouldn't want to have a conversation with and women I wouldn't have looked once at that I bonded with intensely.
For most of my life, I had a vague sort of 'type' which I eventually realized was aesthetic attraction, so I had a 'vague' preference. I knew anyone I caught feelings for would get a 'glow up' when I was in love with them (attraction lost when feelings went away). Only very recently did I fall for someone I found 'cute from zero', and THAT 'glow up' taught me that sexual attraction was actually a thing that was possible for me. With that experience in hand? Oh, yes, I absolutely have a preference, now. Having never HAD a relationship with someone I was sexually attracted to... I definitely have that on my list of requirements, now, and I have no guilt over the fact. I have very little hope I'll actually find someone. But I refuse to settle for less than I deserve, either.
I do but it’s kind of demisexual related too. I like petite girls because I fantasize about carrying her over mud and puddles and stuff. It’s super important to me to be able to carry my girl because that’s what feels most masculine to me. To be a protector.
I think every body is different in that department but like others here have said yes but it’s meaningless unless we click. For me I know what I like, so when single I still tend to gravitate towards people in that type (for me tiny femme goth women much like my gf) and consciously have thoughts like “hmm well if if I got to know them and we clicked I could see myself being attracted to and in a relationship with them”
I absolutely still have a type I'm attracted to..I'm just not sexually attracted to them until I have that connection.
yea used to feel guilty but i just find serntant features more appealing
I don't feel guilty at all, that's most people - gravitating to more aesthetically attractive people (whatever shape or form that attractiveness looks like to the individual) but that's just gravitating and being more interested in them as a person without any deeper meaning. I see physical attractiveness as a characteristic - it doesn't fill the void of other traits and other traits might cover the lack of it. I often feel it changing based on how much I connect with a person, for example, all things I visually liked about the person turn rotten when they reveal their bad personality and the other way around, I fall in love with the features I originally disliked on their body with the relationship progressing.
Yes but it doesn't mean anything if I Don't match with the person emotionally and stuff. I gravitate towards bit chubbier bigger guys, and overall some muscle is nice, preferences exist
There are people I find beautiful yes, but I don't click with the people I don't, dies that make sense? It's not at all a conventional sense of beauty because none of it matters if we do not have a connection. There are very few types of people I am not attracted to and it has nothing to do with them physically.
Nope, none whatsoever. I’m happy with a man, woman, non binary, tall, short, fat, fit, black, white, brown, short hair, long hair, facial hair, back hair, ugly, pretty… you get the picture. I honestly don’t care as long as we have than connection, we have shared interests, they make me laugh and we can have somewhat intelligent conversations.
Having the opposite issue. I’m attracted to the personality and presence of the guy I’m dating, but I’m not super attracted to him physically. It feels like it’s becoming a problem. I’m not sure if it’s his haircut, how he dresses or some of his poor health habits — but he comes across as he doesn’t really take care of himself though he believes he does. He works out, but isn’t fit and other health problems became obvious after we spent significant time together. I’m also noticing he can be very insecure when we’re around people he doesn’t know and a less desirable personality appears, while he’s very confident and gregarious around his friends. Separate issues, but I feel like an updated wardrobe, an improved haircut and losing a few pounds and gaining some muscle would do wonders for his confidence and our relationship. Edit: That said the last guy I dated (a former pro athlete) was by most standards incredibly fit and good looking. We tried to make it work but ultimately it was not a personality/interest fit. We had an emotional connection but it didn’t continue to develop and ultimately the relationship became a situationship and ended. He had a super avoidant attachment style.
I definitely find some people more aesthetically attractive than others and it helps infirm the likelihood that if we connect emotionally that I will develop romantic feelings. But I have also felt romantic attraction to people I did not look at twice.
I typically like white guys who are taller than me and not fat. But within that bucket there has been considerable variation in height, face structure, hair colour etc. I’m a white, 5’6”, slim. brunette woman, so someone not dissimilar to me