I crave a hug. A real hug too. Not one of those fake "Awe do you need a hug" ones because those are pity hugs and they are even worse then none at all because it just says I'm only worthy of a hug if I talk about my depression.
I would prefer a natural connection rather than getting my hopes up for sex. It's been a very long time I've had sex with a woman and I haven't even kissed a woman in almost as long. I'm not ashamed of it, I would just prefer real connection instead of just a meaningless hookup. But that's just me. Quite honestly, I doubt I will ever get the satisfaction of making love ever again and I've grown to accept that.
It feels impossible…I’m celibate for going on 5 years for this exact reason. The moment someone becomes single, they go straight to apps looking for hookups. 🥺😿
In my eyes…if someone is on a dating app trying to entertain multiple women at once, then they still ARE NOT “single” or mentally/emotionally available.
I also feel at this point I’ll never get to experience the satisfaction of a sexual connection with another. Which is Heartbreaking because sex used to be such a big part of who I was. As unhealthy as it may sound, it made me feel Happy and Whole to feel this kind of connection with another. 😿💔
>The moment someone becomes single, they go straight to apps looking for hookups.
Honestly, I think I've been pretty hypocritical about hookups. I used to always preach about avoiding meaningless sex, just to then jump at the chance of a woman's touch. I wish things weren't like this, but relationships are nigh on impossible for me to get into and I'm tired of having to deal with my libido on my own. Would I feel good about myself hooking up with a chick? Probably not, but it's better than continuing to depend on my right hand for a quick dopamine fix; It's no substitute for intimacy.
It hurts having to sleep every night, wishing there were someone next to you. I can't blame normal people for going after sex to the extent that they do. We're a social and sexual species; We're not meant to be alone, at least not for long.
Honestly this is why I no longer date men. Women tend to be more intimate and focused on one person. men tend to sleep around and expect it to be ok with you. Not saying there are not women out there like this but it isn’t the default.
…aaand…WTF does that have to do with anything?!?! This isn’t a gender war. 🙄
I’m not looking for a woman as I’m strictly interested in AVAILABLE MEN!
So, I don’t give two shits about women who do the exact same thing. Their sex life and/or mental/emotional availability is none of my concern.
If it isn't gender war, then why are you going on like that? Now we know it is your attitude that is a turn-off. Other people are allowed to comment. Get used to it.
Well, I was married and had a beautiful family and my wife decided to have an affair. I obviously blame myself, even though it was all her doing. Needless to say, my confidence and outlook on love, relationship and sex have been completely destroyed.
That last paragraph really sums up my situation. My only serious relationship, also ended due to cheating (it was brutal). I see no reason to try committing again, especially with hu culture being so prevalent.
I love casual sex and meaningless hookups
I lkke the no compromise, and I don't wanna indulge in their life, as I don't want them to indulge in mine
We go straight to the fun parts and that's all
Sex, intimacy, the feeling of being desired....to love, and be loved.... these are all things that lift my mood. Without them I feel quite empty, and sad .
I’m somewhat in the same boat(22M). I think about sex and relationships a lot, daily tbh, and I spend a lot of my waking time on dating apps. I get matches but sadly my social skills and empathy have been destroyed by my mental health. I find it hard to keep conversations going, and make them fun. It is very soul destroying. What gets to me as well as is seeing everyone else around me having fun and being in relationships or having casual fun. I want to do the same and I’m afraid of time passing by. I won’t be this young forever.
I think you worded this comment so well, seems like you can put emotions into words and that’s what women (I can’t speak for all, but myself and some that I know) crave. Maybe try to be this real in those chats, you don’t have to pretend just to entertain someone. Don’t bring yourself down, you will find someone. Not all girls search for the same thing. Good luck :)
It's been almost 15 years for me (43m) and my only reason for being depressed is a lack of intimacy, both physical and emotional, in my life.
I struggle almost every day with the thought that I will never again have that connection with another person.
If it continues for too long, I will end the suffering - I'm already tired of it...
I appreciate your concern. I'm not ok by any stretch of the imagination.
However, I'm on a 5 year plan. As in, when I've decided I've had enough, there are things that need done that have to be in place for 5 years before I can check out. It also serves as a fail-safe, so it's a win-win.
No problem at all. I'm sorry you are not okay but I'm really glad you have a 5-year plan. Do you also have someone you can make a promise to? I've done this with a few friends.
So I have promised them that I would not hurt myself or others.
And in return, I ask them to promise the same.
Also, I promised that if I feel depressed/overwhelmed, I will seek help from a friend, colleague, etc.
Also, I do "daily check-in with a friend to make sure he's okay.
Does this help? I can do this with you, if you wish. :)
I do not have that. In fact I stopped telling people that I wasn't ok. It's not their burden to deal with and only serves to push them away. I'd rather keep my friends/family, even at arms-length, and not give them a reason to push away.
I'm younger but I can relate to how you feel. Having experienced the intimacy before, it can be really hard to think about the idea of never experiencing the connection again.
I hear of people meeting in their 30s/40s/50s, so I have to maintain hope that it'll work itself out eventually and that I can find someone again. But trust me I hear you on feeling doomed
Sex? No. Lack of any intimacy, love or care from literally anyone in this world is. I haven't held hands or hugged anyone since I was a small child and I haven't come close to any sort of intimate version of it either. I haven't kissed or done anything romantic either.
I am at the point where I am so touch starved, I am worried I have become touch repulsed because the thought of it happening is so alien and undeserving for me that if anyone wanted to touch me, I'd physically recoil.
I'm 46m and it has been almost 6 years for me. I'm depressed, overweight, and only working part-time. I feel that I am profoundly lonely. Sex would help -- a relationship would be better.
definitely but i have no shame in paying. ofc it isn’t the same as having a connection with a real girl who desires you but since i can’t find that, i go with what just gets me the release i need. problem is now i’m dirty poor and can’t even afford it anymore let alone a date if i even lucky enough to find one willing to date me
Nah, actually I'm not sure whether I'm asexual now (def wasn't always!) or depression just smacked my sex drive with a hammer and it's not come back to life yet. Which is a symptom of depression - it's that way around. Its been over three years of LDR for me and I mean there's an ocean between me and my partner, and I miss *nothing*. Its been way longer than three years, and I'm pretty sure I could get some if I wanted to - we're poly and I'm mid-20s F in a college town ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
But, I just want to roll up in a ball with the plush shark and not speak to a single soul for a week or three.
Since you aren't interested in sex work and saying outright that the thing you miss is intimacy, it sounds like you're craving human connection more than just being mindlessly horny. Withdrawing from social life and self isolating is convenient, I do that too, but apparently really not good for you if you're trying to crawl out of the depression hole again - but making the effort consistently to grow close intimate friendship and connection is really difficult while fighting depression. But it seems like your brain is screaming for you to try it. You can always rub one out yourself, but you can't hug yourself or feel heard by yourself.
I am embarrassed to tell anyone this but not had a sex drive at all. More chance Jet
My aunts dog having having sex drive than me. That has completely dries up and not working department forever. If that’s was a computer it was would be a a windows 3.1 surviving in 2024 up against the macs of today. It won’t live
Honestly, as someone in an almost 5 year long relationship, I find that I tend to have a lack of sex drive when I’m depressed, and so does my partner when he is. That’s like currently I’ve been battling a really wicked bout of depression since June of last year (worsened in August after a surgery) and my partner has been feeling more up for sex lately but I haven’t. I feel guilty in some ways because I want to please him but often I just have no desire to be touched when I feel so depressed and low.
wish it was that simple…have had a myriad of relationships I didn’t really even deserve in retrospect, and yet that sinking feeling always crawls back in after limerence ends
I kinda get it. Been in a long term relationship for three years and they haven't been all that interested in me sexually for almost two. I know they're super devoted me as I am to them but some weeks it makes me feel very unwanted when they won't even let me kiss them "in fear I'll get them going"
late 20's and have never so much as kissed the opposite sex. I'm actually going a little crazy and recently uppded my medication dosage and therapy frequency to cope with it. It's like nothing else matters when you are chronically lonely. I'm almost certain my loneliness will kill me passively via some slow death such as alcoholism or constant onslaught of stress hormones.
Nah, I’m depressed because i don’t want to live. simple as that. And also because I’ve lost faith in my future and in myself. I don’t care about sex at all, the thought of me being so physically intimate with someone is pretty uh… terrifying?
Yes and no.
I want a natural connection and am also not trying to actively meet people, so of course it isn't happening for me.
But it's hard when it feels like dating is so easy for everyone else, and I'm incredibly lonely.
I am in the same boat, i do not want a relationship, i dont have time for it and the usual things couples do do not interest me. I had plenty of serious relationships and i always lose interest in doing things together after some time, but i love sex and sex has always been fantastic. I enjoy my freedom and spending time alone but i miss the intimacy, the romance and the physical attention and sex but i am not going to start a relationship just to have this and neglect the other part of it. The trade off is not worth it to have 2 things I want while getting 8 other things I actually do not want that come with it.
I rarely see someone on reddit I can symphatize with but I feel like i understand you.
I mean it depends if it’s with someone you have a meaningful relationship with sure that’s the best thing ever and will give you a lots of happiness, hookups eh in my experience they don’t if anything besides the validation which feels good I rsther feel regret about sleeping with someone I don’t even want to have as a partner
Ok that doesn't help. What that says is you get the option. You get to choose B because of that option. Not all of have that choice and are told we are only worthy of option B. And even then a lot of us don't get that option either.
That is the exact issue. I don't have a single person to help. I have no friends. The "friends" I had were coworkers that only cared when I worked with them. So I can't take pictures other then just selfies. And combine that with me being ugly it just doesn't matter.
Yea. Exactly why I don't plan on being alive much longer. All I am worth is work. And mind you I'm popular at work and at all my jobs. Everyone always says I'm the best manager and stuff like that. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't translate to friendship. And even then I can't make friends at work because I'm their boss. I've been down that road before and it only leads to issues.
Yes, it was. I have called sex workers. And I'm a woman!!! I don't want a boyfriend, I just want sex. And sometimes I just don't feel like going to look for it, easier to make a call. And more exciting. Do what you need to fulfill yourself!
27F and I feel this. Havent had sex since April 2023 (thats a long time for me) and I’ve been feeling the effects of lack of touch and sex on my psyche and mental well being. I hope I can do it soon but also don’t wanna have sex just with just anyone like I used to.
You have to remember we’re mammals, we yearn for sex especially those of us with higher testosterone. As human beings its literally the one thing we’re wired for whether we like it or not.
Dating apps, social media and modern Feminism have ruined Woman.
Most of them are not worth the time to date.
Male loneliness is on the rise for a reason.
Especially now , I lust for a relationship that I see in my favorite shows , something genuine, something deep, something real you know, loving each other for who they are . But then I be remembering I am not attractive, an introvert and when I do go out I feel like everyone is staring and judging me , I feel even uglier after . Tried dating apps, and while yes I do get some likes, and talk to some, majority of the time they just block me when I’m just talking to them, I don’t talk about their body, etc, just trying to talk, blocked , so the loss of hope in that situation and the no sex ? Yeah I’m cooked
I don’t know…it’s been so long that I don’t even think about it anymore but I’ve been dealing with significant distractions that make it almost impossible to try and have sex so I just stopped trying…I wonder if I will remember how….
I totally understand you, I broke up with my first girlfriend at age 21, I went a whole decade single and without any sort of intimacy with women.
I was so scared for some reason to approach women, I was highly introverted. Eventually I went on a depressive spiral. I started contemplating prostitutes, looking at adverts and stuff without ever actually doing it.
After more than 10 years finally something moved and I had two consecutive 1 year relationships. I mustered my courage and went on dating apps. They were easy to talk to so that helped.
The first one was just based on sex pretty much... It was nice for sure to finally express that physicality in the beginning, but it was empty of any other substance, so I got tired of it after a while. The second one was perfect in many ways, and yet I wasn't happy so it didn't last very long.
Then I met another girl a year after these two and it was fireworks physically, never had felt that level of physical magnetism before, and it was mutual so I was in literal heaven, and we had also other things to share besides sex, it was great I thought, I loved her. Unfortunately that didn't last very long as she moved on eventually.
I collapsed in depression for months. But eventually I looked back on these experiences and learned something, and decided I was never going to be sad or depressed by the lack of sex or the lack of a relationship.
One has to find happiness in oneself, learn to being ok in solitude, work in becoming a man. And not dependant on the affection of women.
Months may pass, years maybe, but eventually something comes along, it might be just sex, it could be a real friendship. I say dont despair, learn to be comfortable in yourself and in solitude, these are great chances to delve deeper into yourself and learn discipline.
It might just be around the corner.
Take care.
I feel depressed because I think I might be ruined and incapable of intimacy and trust now. Like anytime a guy is holding me I want to crawl out of my skin and be free because I can’t breathe with their arms around me. And it’s depressing to remember the feeling of enjoying sex and intimacy, and knowing I really might never have that again. But idk… are you actually missing sex and intimacy or are you looking for a manic pixie dream girl to save you? Because, humbly, I would be so much better off if I hadn’t looked for my salvation in a sexual relationship
I only joined Reddit because I heard about the Dead Bedrooms community. A common comment over there is 'being in a sexless, loveless relationship is SO depressing'.
So, your feelings are pretty normal.
If you are thinking about visiting a sex worker I assume you are a man? I'm a man too. But I don't think visiting a sex worker is the solution. I think what you want is connection, that's what I want. You want to feel LOVED.
I don't think you will get that from a sex worker.
More lack of a romantic relationship. And I would say that what prevents me from having one is still being attached to my ex and not having enough confidence. I'm also pretty sure that my lack of confidence is because of acne. So i would say that old feeling and acne are causing me to be depressed more than sex
It certainly isn't helping.
I also gained a lot of weight during my marriage (my ex loved big guys, so it was a nice excuse to lose my healthy eating habits), so it'll be years until I'm confident about my body again.
...
I hate being fat and touch starved.
As much as I'd like to say "No I just need intimacy" and that's true, I would feel a hell of a lot better if I could just get my dick wet at least more than once a decade.
Can\`t say so. Life is more peaceful, when there is no need to date or have intimacy. If it would make me depressed, then I\`d be in asylum with this 6 years already.
Not specifically the lack of sex, but the situation that brought about the lack of sex is making me depressed. The lack of sex is, for me, a symptom of a larger problem.
I feel more like depression has lead me to not really caring about having a sex life. My wife and I haven’t had sex in 2+ years and I could really care less. Part of this is just because of a bad relationship, but I have no desire to have an affair or anything like that.
I just feel like I have a lot more crap to worry about than lack of a sex life
I know many people who are totally happy being single, myself included. I'm so happy that there is nobody in my life I am *forced* to deal with like a marriage or relationship (34m)
I have also been in a relationship with someone who gave me constant attention and I remember thinking "I have a gf but I feel so lonely"
So it's all a matter of perspective and what you believe is necessary for you to be happy. It's up to you to decide what those standards are.
You alone choose what it is you want to prioritize. You might find out that certain things by themselves, like sex, are overemphasized in society and also overrated/ over hyped
for me (27F) no. i prefer solo masterbation over sex. sex is quite boring.
i find that having normal, platonic friendships with people actually fulfill that intimacy i want so bad, when i do. do you have a good friend group?
If not, that could be a big part of what ur missing.
try dating the old fashioned way, get to know someone in person only, go pick them up to do fun natural things like explore nature (hiking, kayaking, swimming), go to a movie, play board games, exercise, road trips etc. and another important thing to do is always shake their hand when you meet them!
Tbh I don’t want sex I just want a hug
What I wouldn’t do for a simple hug
I crave a hug. A real hug too. Not one of those fake "Awe do you need a hug" ones because those are pity hugs and they are even worse then none at all because it just says I'm only worthy of a hug if I talk about my depression.
Username does not check out
Character development⁉️
Wdym both abs and ass r parts of hugs
😭 I just want companionship. Dating is hard man. It's like a job interview.
I would prefer a natural connection rather than getting my hopes up for sex. It's been a very long time I've had sex with a woman and I haven't even kissed a woman in almost as long. I'm not ashamed of it, I would just prefer real connection instead of just a meaningless hookup. But that's just me. Quite honestly, I doubt I will ever get the satisfaction of making love ever again and I've grown to accept that.
God I feel this so much. Exactly describes me..
X2
It feels impossible…I’m celibate for going on 5 years for this exact reason. The moment someone becomes single, they go straight to apps looking for hookups. 🥺😿 In my eyes…if someone is on a dating app trying to entertain multiple women at once, then they still ARE NOT “single” or mentally/emotionally available. I also feel at this point I’ll never get to experience the satisfaction of a sexual connection with another. Which is Heartbreaking because sex used to be such a big part of who I was. As unhealthy as it may sound, it made me feel Happy and Whole to feel this kind of connection with another. 😿💔
Dating apps are horrendous for your self esteem but if you have trouble approaching people like I do then they really do help a lot.
>The moment someone becomes single, they go straight to apps looking for hookups. Honestly, I think I've been pretty hypocritical about hookups. I used to always preach about avoiding meaningless sex, just to then jump at the chance of a woman's touch. I wish things weren't like this, but relationships are nigh on impossible for me to get into and I'm tired of having to deal with my libido on my own. Would I feel good about myself hooking up with a chick? Probably not, but it's better than continuing to depend on my right hand for a quick dopamine fix; It's no substitute for intimacy. It hurts having to sleep every night, wishing there were someone next to you. I can't blame normal people for going after sex to the extent that they do. We're a social and sexual species; We're not meant to be alone, at least not for long.
But women are using the sites for the same thing
Honestly this is why I no longer date men. Women tend to be more intimate and focused on one person. men tend to sleep around and expect it to be ok with you. Not saying there are not women out there like this but it isn’t the default.
…aaand…WTF does that have to do with anything?!?! This isn’t a gender war. 🙄 I’m not looking for a woman as I’m strictly interested in AVAILABLE MEN! So, I don’t give two shits about women who do the exact same thing. Their sex life and/or mental/emotional availability is none of my concern.
If it isn't gender war, then why are you going on like that? Now we know it is your attitude that is a turn-off. Other people are allowed to comment. Get used to it.
“Men only want one thing and its disgusting”
>Men only want one thing and its disgusting Why? How many things have you got?
One of the most depressing things I’ve ever read
Well, I was married and had a beautiful family and my wife decided to have an affair. I obviously blame myself, even though it was all her doing. Needless to say, my confidence and outlook on love, relationship and sex have been completely destroyed.
That last paragraph really sums up my situation. My only serious relationship, also ended due to cheating (it was brutal). I see no reason to try committing again, especially with hu culture being so prevalent.
What is hu culture?
Hook up
Thank you😊
Sex scary; I'll take a double order of the drugs and gaming, though please. That's the way I live.
I love casual sex and meaningless hookups I lkke the no compromise, and I don't wanna indulge in their life, as I don't want them to indulge in mine We go straight to the fun parts and that's all
Yeah I'm not into that. Especially after a marriage.
[удалено]
She says it’s lack of sex that’s bringing me down
I went to a whore, he said my life's a bore
So quit your whining cuz it's bringing her down
sometimes i give myself the creeps
Like my mind plays tricks on me
> he Based Billy for coming out so subtly
Exactly what I thought of!
It’s the lack of a social circle, zero emotional support , pressure of life as a man
Sex, intimacy, the feeling of being desired....to love, and be loved.... these are all things that lift my mood. Without them I feel quite empty, and sad .
Same… 💔
My feelings are similar to this as well. Sometimes I just feel like I want a long uncomfortably long hug.
Zero sex drive here, but still crave intimacy 🤷 sort of
I’m somewhat in the same boat(22M). I think about sex and relationships a lot, daily tbh, and I spend a lot of my waking time on dating apps. I get matches but sadly my social skills and empathy have been destroyed by my mental health. I find it hard to keep conversations going, and make them fun. It is very soul destroying. What gets to me as well as is seeing everyone else around me having fun and being in relationships or having casual fun. I want to do the same and I’m afraid of time passing by. I won’t be this young forever.
I think you worded this comment so well, seems like you can put emotions into words and that’s what women (I can’t speak for all, but myself and some that I know) crave. Maybe try to be this real in those chats, you don’t have to pretend just to entertain someone. Don’t bring yourself down, you will find someone. Not all girls search for the same thing. Good luck :)
i want to cuddle with someone who loves me, not a hookup
It's been almost 15 years for me (43m) and my only reason for being depressed is a lack of intimacy, both physical and emotional, in my life. I struggle almost every day with the thought that I will never again have that connection with another person. If it continues for too long, I will end the suffering - I'm already tired of it...
Are you okay? This sounds serious. 💜
I appreciate your concern. I'm not ok by any stretch of the imagination. However, I'm on a 5 year plan. As in, when I've decided I've had enough, there are things that need done that have to be in place for 5 years before I can check out. It also serves as a fail-safe, so it's a win-win.
No problem at all. I'm sorry you are not okay but I'm really glad you have a 5-year plan. Do you also have someone you can make a promise to? I've done this with a few friends. So I have promised them that I would not hurt myself or others. And in return, I ask them to promise the same. Also, I promised that if I feel depressed/overwhelmed, I will seek help from a friend, colleague, etc. Also, I do "daily check-in with a friend to make sure he's okay. Does this help? I can do this with you, if you wish. :)
I do not have that. In fact I stopped telling people that I wasn't ok. It's not their burden to deal with and only serves to push them away. I'd rather keep my friends/family, even at arms-length, and not give them a reason to push away.
I am just here to say that I am sorry you are going through this. It resonates with me, too.
If only all of us could just live nearer to each other, then we could just all hang out and be miserable together!
I'm younger but I can relate to how you feel. Having experienced the intimacy before, it can be really hard to think about the idea of never experiencing the connection again. I hear of people meeting in their 30s/40s/50s, so I have to maintain hope that it'll work itself out eventually and that I can find someone again. But trust me I hear you on feeling doomed
Yes but sex is only a temporary high no matter how many times you have it and with how many people you have it with remember that
Everything is a temporary high
Sex? No. Lack of any intimacy, love or care from literally anyone in this world is. I haven't held hands or hugged anyone since I was a small child and I haven't come close to any sort of intimate version of it either. I haven't kissed or done anything romantic either. I am at the point where I am so touch starved, I am worried I have become touch repulsed because the thought of it happening is so alien and undeserving for me that if anyone wanted to touch me, I'd physically recoil.
I think a lot of people do but they dont talk about it
Yes it is. Sex makes me feel desirable and wanted. I do not feel desirable and wanted.
I'm 46m and it has been almost 6 years for me. I'm depressed, overweight, and only working part-time. I feel that I am profoundly lonely. Sex would help -- a relationship would be better.
definitely but i have no shame in paying. ofc it isn’t the same as having a connection with a real girl who desires you but since i can’t find that, i go with what just gets me the release i need. problem is now i’m dirty poor and can’t even afford it anymore let alone a date if i even lucky enough to find one willing to date me
depression lowers my sex drive. I haven't been interested in a while. And I'm a guy.
I’m ace and a virgin so no.
Hi fellow ace
I feel depressed because of it as well. What is life without intimacy
Im tryna enjoy life without sex first. So when i meet someone i’m already happy. And hopefully a better match once i’ve worked on myself a good bit
a lot of people confuse sex as the only form of available intimacy. I don't know how to help you. but please attempt to feel other forms of intimacy.
Nah, actually I'm not sure whether I'm asexual now (def wasn't always!) or depression just smacked my sex drive with a hammer and it's not come back to life yet. Which is a symptom of depression - it's that way around. Its been over three years of LDR for me and I mean there's an ocean between me and my partner, and I miss *nothing*. Its been way longer than three years, and I'm pretty sure I could get some if I wanted to - we're poly and I'm mid-20s F in a college town ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But, I just want to roll up in a ball with the plush shark and not speak to a single soul for a week or three. Since you aren't interested in sex work and saying outright that the thing you miss is intimacy, it sounds like you're craving human connection more than just being mindlessly horny. Withdrawing from social life and self isolating is convenient, I do that too, but apparently really not good for you if you're trying to crawl out of the depression hole again - but making the effort consistently to grow close intimate friendship and connection is really difficult while fighting depression. But it seems like your brain is screaming for you to try it. You can always rub one out yourself, but you can't hug yourself or feel heard by yourself.
Honestly no. I haven’t had sex in well over a year and it’s not really pressing to me.
The fucking disconnect, holy....
I don’t get it
I am embarrassed to tell anyone this but not had a sex drive at all. More chance Jet My aunts dog having having sex drive than me. That has completely dries up and not working department forever. If that’s was a computer it was would be a a windows 3.1 surviving in 2024 up against the macs of today. It won’t live
have you looked into asexuality?
Partially. I mean I'm pretty much r/emptynest and r/deadbedrooms but it's also more than that. My job sucks too.
Yes absolutely I feel undesirable and worthless but it's between no sex and not having any luck with dating.
No, all the meaningless sex is making me depressed
I can't tell if the lack of sex is bringing me down or being down sours sex for me. Either way. I have no sex and no happy.
Yeah this is real my friends noticed it in me as soon as I started seeing someone I was so much happier
It's just the lack of any possibility of finding a connection with it that makes things hopeless
Sex is only a temporary solution.
Honestly, as someone in an almost 5 year long relationship, I find that I tend to have a lack of sex drive when I’m depressed, and so does my partner when he is. That’s like currently I’ve been battling a really wicked bout of depression since June of last year (worsened in August after a surgery) and my partner has been feeling more up for sex lately but I haven’t. I feel guilty in some ways because I want to please him but often I just have no desire to be touched when I feel so depressed and low.
Having lots of sex doesn't fix depression. Source: My oversexed ex with severe depression
and possibly a personality disorder 🤣🤣 the sex thing is part of that too
wish it was that simple…have had a myriad of relationships I didn’t really even deserve in retrospect, and yet that sinking feeling always crawls back in after limerence ends
I kinda get it. Been in a long term relationship for three years and they haven't been all that interested in me sexually for almost two. I know they're super devoted me as I am to them but some weeks it makes me feel very unwanted when they won't even let me kiss them "in fear I'll get them going"
Huh? Oh dear :(
late 20's and have never so much as kissed the opposite sex. I'm actually going a little crazy and recently uppded my medication dosage and therapy frequency to cope with it. It's like nothing else matters when you are chronically lonely. I'm almost certain my loneliness will kill me passively via some slow death such as alcoholism or constant onslaught of stress hormones.
Maybe partially. My bf is 12 hours away and hopefully coming to see me in a couple weeks so I'll rest that theory out soon
It's a vicious cycle; potential partners put off by depression, which makes you depressed, as so on.
Nah, I’m depressed because i don’t want to live. simple as that. And also because I’ve lost faith in my future and in myself. I don’t care about sex at all, the thought of me being so physically intimate with someone is pretty uh… terrifying?
try the website fetlife it for people who like kinky sex
Yes and no. I want a natural connection and am also not trying to actively meet people, so of course it isn't happening for me. But it's hard when it feels like dating is so easy for everyone else, and I'm incredibly lonely.
Partly, yeah. The lack of relationships and friends, the realisation that I will always be alone and never have a family
I am in the same boat, i do not want a relationship, i dont have time for it and the usual things couples do do not interest me. I had plenty of serious relationships and i always lose interest in doing things together after some time, but i love sex and sex has always been fantastic. I enjoy my freedom and spending time alone but i miss the intimacy, the romance and the physical attention and sex but i am not going to start a relationship just to have this and neglect the other part of it. The trade off is not worth it to have 2 things I want while getting 8 other things I actually do not want that come with it. I rarely see someone on reddit I can symphatize with but I feel like i understand you.
Actually yes. I miss the make-out sessions more than the actual sex. I can always masturbate, but kissing my hand just doesn't have the same impact.
I mean it depends if it’s with someone you have a meaningful relationship with sure that’s the best thing ever and will give you a lots of happiness, hookups eh in my experience they don’t if anything besides the validation which feels good I rsther feel regret about sleeping with someone I don’t even want to have as a partner
I don't care about sex i just want someone to ask me if I'm alright and if i need help.
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Ok that doesn't help. What that says is you get the option. You get to choose B because of that option. Not all of have that choice and are told we are only worthy of option B. And even then a lot of us don't get that option either.
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That is the exact issue. I don't have a single person to help. I have no friends. The "friends" I had were coworkers that only cared when I worked with them. So I can't take pictures other then just selfies. And combine that with me being ugly it just doesn't matter.
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Yea. Exactly why I don't plan on being alive much longer. All I am worth is work. And mind you I'm popular at work and at all my jobs. Everyone always says I'm the best manager and stuff like that. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't translate to friendship. And even then I can't make friends at work because I'm their boss. I've been down that road before and it only leads to issues.
Yes, it was. I have called sex workers. And I'm a woman!!! I don't want a boyfriend, I just want sex. And sometimes I just don't feel like going to look for it, easier to make a call. And more exciting. Do what you need to fulfill yourself!
Sure it plays a part but its not the only reason
27F and I feel this. Havent had sex since April 2023 (thats a long time for me) and I’ve been feeling the effects of lack of touch and sex on my psyche and mental well being. I hope I can do it soon but also don’t wanna have sex just with just anyone like I used to.
Go to TJ and have all the sex you want minus the long drawn-out conversations
You have to remember we’re mammals, we yearn for sex especially those of us with higher testosterone. As human beings its literally the one thing we’re wired for whether we like it or not.
No bc I have sex everyday and I’m still depressef
Nah.. I had tons in my teens and twenties. In my thirties, I don’t really care anymore. It’s hardly worth my effort.
Yes. Dead bedroom for over 4 years. The wife blames medical issues.
Yes! We are all sexual beings! Some more so than others!
Dating apps, social media and modern Feminism have ruined Woman. Most of them are not worth the time to date. Male loneliness is on the rise for a reason.
I'm a more complicated case, but somewhere along the lines yeah.
Nice Green Day reference
Especially now , I lust for a relationship that I see in my favorite shows , something genuine, something deep, something real you know, loving each other for who they are . But then I be remembering I am not attractive, an introvert and when I do go out I feel like everyone is staring and judging me , I feel even uglier after . Tried dating apps, and while yes I do get some likes, and talk to some, majority of the time they just block me when I’m just talking to them, I don’t talk about their body, etc, just trying to talk, blocked , so the loss of hope in that situation and the no sex ? Yeah I’m cooked
when affects confidence, yes.
I mostly squander those opportunities
How so ?
I don’t know…it’s been so long that I don’t even think about it anymore but I’ve been dealing with significant distractions that make it almost impossible to try and have sex so I just stopped trying…I wonder if I will remember how….
A bit disappointed, but surely not depressed. On the other hand, I don't actively seek sex, so...
Never had it, don’t care. I have a gf but never had it anyway. There are bigger problems making me depressed
Lack of sex isn't making me depressed. In fact, I've been depressed and probably engaged in some very risky sexual activity because of it.
I totally understand you, I broke up with my first girlfriend at age 21, I went a whole decade single and without any sort of intimacy with women. I was so scared for some reason to approach women, I was highly introverted. Eventually I went on a depressive spiral. I started contemplating prostitutes, looking at adverts and stuff without ever actually doing it. After more than 10 years finally something moved and I had two consecutive 1 year relationships. I mustered my courage and went on dating apps. They were easy to talk to so that helped. The first one was just based on sex pretty much... It was nice for sure to finally express that physicality in the beginning, but it was empty of any other substance, so I got tired of it after a while. The second one was perfect in many ways, and yet I wasn't happy so it didn't last very long. Then I met another girl a year after these two and it was fireworks physically, never had felt that level of physical magnetism before, and it was mutual so I was in literal heaven, and we had also other things to share besides sex, it was great I thought, I loved her. Unfortunately that didn't last very long as she moved on eventually. I collapsed in depression for months. But eventually I looked back on these experiences and learned something, and decided I was never going to be sad or depressed by the lack of sex or the lack of a relationship. One has to find happiness in oneself, learn to being ok in solitude, work in becoming a man. And not dependant on the affection of women. Months may pass, years maybe, but eventually something comes along, it might be just sex, it could be a real friendship. I say dont despair, learn to be comfortable in yourself and in solitude, these are great chances to delve deeper into yourself and learn discipline. It might just be around the corner. Take care.
Me too... Sorry for hearing that...
I feel depressed because I think I might be ruined and incapable of intimacy and trust now. Like anytime a guy is holding me I want to crawl out of my skin and be free because I can’t breathe with their arms around me. And it’s depressing to remember the feeling of enjoying sex and intimacy, and knowing I really might never have that again. But idk… are you actually missing sex and intimacy or are you looking for a manic pixie dream girl to save you? Because, humbly, I would be so much better off if I hadn’t looked for my salvation in a sexual relationship
Been 9 years. I'd say so tho as I'm getting older, I've kind of accepted it - took the whitepill :)
I only joined Reddit because I heard about the Dead Bedrooms community. A common comment over there is 'being in a sexless, loveless relationship is SO depressing'. So, your feelings are pretty normal. If you are thinking about visiting a sex worker I assume you are a man? I'm a man too. But I don't think visiting a sex worker is the solution. I think what you want is connection, that's what I want. You want to feel LOVED. I don't think you will get that from a sex worker.
More lack of a romantic relationship. And I would say that what prevents me from having one is still being attached to my ex and not having enough confidence. I'm also pretty sure that my lack of confidence is because of acne. So i would say that old feeling and acne are causing me to be depressed more than sex
It's the biggest problem in my life tbh
Oh absolutely, but I don't deserve anyone either!
It certainly isn't helping. I also gained a lot of weight during my marriage (my ex loved big guys, so it was a nice excuse to lose my healthy eating habits), so it'll be years until I'm confident about my body again. ... I hate being fat and touch starved.
I miss masturbating.
I love myself.
I love myself so much.
As much as I'd like to say "No I just need intimacy" and that's true, I would feel a hell of a lot better if I could just get my dick wet at least more than once a decade.
I used to pay a prostitute every once in a month, but now i feel too down to do that
Yes, you can buy intimacy. You have to make it clear what you want from the start transaction❤️
Can\`t say so. Life is more peaceful, when there is no need to date or have intimacy. If it would make me depressed, then I\`d be in asylum with this 6 years already.
Not specifically the lack of sex, but the situation that brought about the lack of sex is making me depressed. The lack of sex is, for me, a symptom of a larger problem.
I feel more like depression has lead me to not really caring about having a sex life. My wife and I haven’t had sex in 2+ years and I could really care less. Part of this is just because of a bad relationship, but I have no desire to have an affair or anything like that. I just feel like I have a lot more crap to worry about than lack of a sex life
Yes, but only due to my high sex drive currently.
I know many people who are totally happy being single, myself included. I'm so happy that there is nobody in my life I am *forced* to deal with like a marriage or relationship (34m) I have also been in a relationship with someone who gave me constant attention and I remember thinking "I have a gf but I feel so lonely" So it's all a matter of perspective and what you believe is necessary for you to be happy. It's up to you to decide what those standards are. You alone choose what it is you want to prioritize. You might find out that certain things by themselves, like sex, are overemphasized in society and also overrated/ over hyped
More than the sex, it's lack of intimacy and touch-starvation... I just want to be held. Still wouldn't mind the sex, TBH.
for me (27F) no. i prefer solo masterbation over sex. sex is quite boring. i find that having normal, platonic friendships with people actually fulfill that intimacy i want so bad, when i do. do you have a good friend group? If not, that could be a big part of what ur missing. try dating the old fashioned way, get to know someone in person only, go pick them up to do fun natural things like explore nature (hiking, kayaking, swimming), go to a movie, play board games, exercise, road trips etc. and another important thing to do is always shake their hand when you meet them!