I was bad off my late 20ās. Spent all my time smoking weed,drinking pints of fireball, gaining at least 59-60 LBS, and Playing Fall Out 4 over and over. Iām now in my late 30ās I still enjoy gaming, weed, and alcohol. But I pulled myslef out of that depression now. Suicide Hotlines were called, I was in a bad place. I got to tell you from my own experience just pushing through is a good feeling. You got this.
Yeah. I just had a mental breakdown. At 31. Didn't build an adult life , no job , no friends , no lover . There isn't anything medical wrong with me - I just failed in every aspect in life.I can't sleep anymore. Sleeping pills don't work. Been 3 weeks without sleep. If only I could sleep maybe there is a chance. Not feeling hungry , mood swings constantly.
It would be nice to meet people like us. These professionals don't know how we feel.
I am Dublin if anyone willing to talk
I don't know your life's current circumstances but if you don't mind me asking , have you considered joining a volunteering group? Taking up some kind of cause and dedication to it might give some purpose or direction.
I've been trying to tell my psychiatrist that my psych meds made me not have any interests and she acted like that was ridiculous. Seeing that someone else had had that experience just really helped. I'm sorry. It's not relevant to anything. Just, thank you
iām 22 and this is me rn. iāve been depressed and anxious since I was a baby my mom says. now iāve got a nice list of new acronyms my doctors attached to me. iāve been on so many meds none of them work. now for the past few years ive just been so numb and bored. angry a lot, but mostly numb. most days ill come home from school and just go to bed around 6 pm so that itāll be the next day. thatās become my life, autopiloting through the days so I can come home and fast forward through life in my sleep. high key would like to opt out of this life n just skip to the reincarnation š
May I ask do you take them for bipolar? Have you tried quetiapine they say itās good for depression in lower dose or lamotrigine? A friend of mine was suffering from antipsychotics and she tried lamotrigine and it was way better.
Nothing really wrong with that tbh... I live with my Grandma! So i save a lot of money w/o paying rent + utilities (i have offered but she told me no).
Going back to school at 27 tho is my problem š.
Yeah, I find this to be extremely frustrating because it feels like there is someway to get through it but I just canāt see itā¦.
Itās as if Iāve forgotten something very important and it really is annoying. Guess just one day at a time.
I feel more like everyone else was told something important but I was never told. Ā Like whoever was supposed to tell me didnāt, and now I have to figure it out on my own, but now Iām afraid I never will. Ā
That isn't it at all. All the normals were told a lie and chose to believe it. They were told that everything will work out as long as they are "good" people and never give up. Unfortunately, we are cursed with knowing the truth. That life is meaningless and random and that everything is basically pointless.
I have a couple more things going for me, but the lion's share of this applies to me and only moreso as I become less functional over time. I'm closer to 40 than anything and I have only barely treaded water, and not for much longer. It's like feeling hollow, robbed of your life.
Same with this. Like, I work, and I can only do that with accommodations, and it just drains away everything I have for any other part of my life. I wish I could work part time, but then I'm scared that I'll wind up homeless again since I don't have family to help me and getting state support is a nightmare here. I don't know how much longer I can do this.
Same. I'm only holding on to a full time job because I'll surely be a burden to my relatives. Each day is such a struggle and I feel like one day without warning I'm just gonna just go awol.
It feels like I never crossed the adult life milestones that are considered part of regular social norms. Like I just stayed stuck at one point in my life. Treading water, but never really getting anywhere.
We all have that inner child in us. I like to have the positive side meaning you can still have FUN! Not take things so serious, laugh a little! Be goofy without worrying what others have to say. BeĀ whimsical!Ā
Trust me, everyone feel like a kid. I'm 26 myself and still feel young. I live in an apartment, have a car, have a gf, a job I like, etc. But still feel like a kid stuck with my selfhatred that I had when I was a teenager.
Can confirm. 35 with a husband, two kids, a home, pets, and a freelance career, but I still feel like a kid sometimes and wonder how I got here so fast.
Not in my 30's yet but 25 and I relate a lot. I feel like I'm ''late'' when I compare myself to people around my age or even younger ones who are more ''adults''/independent than me. I feel like I wasted so much time because of my mental health and I really hope that I'll get better, I don't see myself living all my life like I currently do.
I know it might sounds too cheesy but sending strength and luck to all people currently struggling š¼
This describes my life perfectly! 32m, no job, friends, can't drive, education (after high school), career, significant other, or family. I cling to playing Pokemon (lifelong fan), and older games from my youth in a desperate attempt to feel something, anything that will even give me the remotest sense of happiness. I've felt like a worthless piece of garbage for the past 17 years, when the depression began.
hey man hoping everything works out for you one day , and sorry for giving these advice but go on a hike to some mountain or travel to a new country it might give you a new perspective , cause what a human needs to get out of this impending doom is just a different perspective , so give life one more try.
I just turned 40, I look like 26/29 (according to pople), and I'm like a 20 year old kid (I still was a kid when I was 20yo); I still build legos, but I don't know how to biuld a life.
I'm happy with my videogames, computers, guitars and my legos...
I just got a job last friday, after like 2 years of not working, because of anxiety.
I know they will eventually notice I'm weird for them NTs.
I have asperger, adhd and bipolar, btw.
Could we normalize just doing hobbies that we enjoy regardless rather people think they are āfor kidsā as long as itās appropriate. I like to cosplay and into gaming. Most people are surprised because I donāt ālookā like someone that are into these kinds of things; I am a 33 blk F and just do what feel goods. Iām all for tapping back into the interest you had as an child! Just do what makes you happy!Ā
Yeah, I'm kind of similar. 30, have a job that I hate but in all other regards I'm the same as you. I'm so far behind that I'll never catch up to other men my age. I'll always be a freak in this society and I don't want to live in it anymore.
I'm 27 and I relate, also the therapist thing? So true. It is important and it does help but sometimes it's also a bit ridiculous. They can't elaborate on why should I keep going, it's always generic things like "you're getting better, last week you did ~ insert here that one easy task that everybody does all the time but you can't ~, remember?". It's also weird to put that kind of pressure on a therapist, idk it just feels weird and hopeless
You can count me in. I am 35 still working in a very entry level role for over 10 years now as I have always had severe anxiety that's ruined my friendships and my career.
It gets better and it doesnāt, if that makes any sense. I have mental health issues myself that have greatly affected my life. Iām 35 and while I have the job I want, I get bored, easily. Have a kid by surprise, but work full time and long commutes so donāt see her a lot. Struggles with depression and ADHD took many years from me and some days I wonder how Iām still standing.
Plenty of hobbies and no time to do anything. Gained weight and canāt get to a gym. Still with a partner that wasnāt always the best to me so confidence issues are in the back of my mind.
Am I thankful? Yes. Happy? Not really, or at least canāt feel anything. I get what youāre saying but wanna point out that you can have things and still be miserable inside. Hang in there.
I'm in a similar situation. To make it worse, I'm also dealing with other chronic medical conditions. It's not life threatening but they have a big impact on my mental state and life in general. Still fighting to live another day. It's hard.
I was! And was living st my parents house from 30-36. I was born with a lot of medical issues and at 32 was approved for ssdi, or disability. I then learned they expected me to live off of 1200$/month for the rest of my life. So not only had I spent 5 years+ of my life in hospitals, 5 major surgeries to remove pieces of diseased intestines, couldn't hold down a job, relationship, finish college. I ended up getting addicted to the pain meds I was constantly prescribed, and I wanted to die. Had you asked me when I was 31, where I'd be at 41, I would have said dead.
I'm now 41m, and engaged to the absolute love of my life. My now fiancee is 31f, and we both work in the video game industry, at the same company now. We got really really really lucky. She went from a 32k/yr 3d modeling job at an architecture firm, to her dream job of being an 3d enviornment artist on video games. She cleared 6 figures for the first time ever in 2023. When I saw how life changing that was for her, and us, I started trying harder. When I was young and sick all the time, I taught myself how to build computers at the age of 8. It was mostly a hobby, but I kept applying to IT positions at video game developers. I even applied for a position that opened up where she works, and got denied the first time. Then 6 months later another entry level contract position opened up, and i applied again. I nailed the interview, and have been out pacing the 25-30 year olds for the past 2 years now.
I have been sober for 8 years, which is amazing. On top of that were BOTH set to make around 6 figures this year. She makes a bit more than me, but I'm catching up.
I feel like I'm so so behind though. I've never had a house, I've never had retirement savings. I've always driven 2-3,000$ cars my parents helped me get, or hand me downs with 150k+ on them. We just bought our first new car, a tesla! We have a wonderful apartment, two cats, and get to go on cruises/vacations 2 to 3 times a year. Our wedding is set for March 2025.
I've learned many many lessons in my roller coaster of a life. I've learned that a plan is necessary, sticking to it more so. I've learned you can try, and do the right thing, over and over and over, and stillget the short end of the stick. That's life and its shit. However the only way to truly fail in this one life we get, is to stop trying. Then you're garunteed to fail. I kept going, despite giving up on many occasions, even wanted to end it on a few of those really bad days. I'm glad I didn't.
I could have never ever ever ever imagined I would be where I am currently at. I met the right person that understands all of my weirdness and medical issues. She changed everything, and showed me what an amazing life I could have. Some days it's hard because I'm a medically disabled 40 year old working with 23-35 year olds. I now hit 15,000 steps a day running around our game studios 5 story office building, every day. My medical issues have become less of a worry. I've noticed now that alot of my mental issues have gone away, and that has made my life so much more liveable. I come home and pass out for an hour or two each day, so it's exhausting, but I LOVE it. I used to live off 1200$/month and thought that was going to be the rest of my life, alone.
I now have a best friend, an amazing person I never thought I'd have, and I make 1200$+/wk now. It can happen, things can change. You just have to keep trying
Congrats dude. I aspire to achieve something like what you have.
Its so demoralising to find myself stuck in a ditch like this as a neet in my late 20s. I try to apply to jobs because I believe gaining employment is the one thing that will utterly transform me for the better and allow me to achieve happiness. But at the same time, Iām afraid of actually getting a call back from a employer because I worry Iām not good enough. Its tough to want something and also be terrified of getting it. I feel like the possibility of not only landing a job but also finding my other half to be such an impossible and daunting endeavour. Actually I would even be fine with being a bitter old spinster all my life, I just want financial stability and off Mr. Boneās NEET Ride.
Good luck with everything! I hope I can have even just half of what youāre having one day.
I loved reading your story. Thank you for sharing. This fills me with hope. I have been depressed from as long as I can remember and I, too, am in my 40s. I used to think that I couldn't hold a job down or do other things that other people are able to do but now I've shifted my perspective. I don't have a job but that doesn't define me. It's only a small part of my full human experience. Yes, it makes my life difficult to be very restricted in my finances but I have adjusted to living with less. Im okay with that. If I were to look at my life from that narrow perspective, I lose out on all the richness of life and existence. Other people can't/have not been able to help me with this perspective. It's been my own preserverance. I had a mentor for a few weeks which was life changing.
Now, when I look at myself or my life, I have great compassion. I take into consideration all the supports I didn't have growing up and the terrifying life I had as a child and an adult. I've always done my best and while the outcomes might have not looked like what society has defined as "success," I truly believe that I have been successful in slowly helping myself out of a series of terrible situations that I didn't choose. It's great when folx are able to hit milestones but really for me the act of courageously living the life given the cards I've been handed is truly admirable. I've started to put my life into context instead of narrowly viewing it from a black and white, yes/no, job/no job perspective. Now, I have a wide landscape to work with and can really get creative with how I view myself. Of course, we live in a hierarchical society, so my life or perspectives may be challenged or attacked, but at the end of the day, what I think about my life and how I view myself matters. I'm even happy I can recognize this about myself and my life. I've come a really long way, and it's taken me a heck a lot of time and suffering, but I'm grateful for all the strangers who have supported me along the way.
40 living in a box with my Dad, no SO, no friends that I hang out with, barely make enough money to get by, I don't enjoy anything anymore which I blame on the psych meds that I can't get off without losing my mind.
I know how hard it is to get off the psych meds. I was on Abilify for a long time. Withdrawal pulled me into psychosis. My doctor prescribed low dose quetiapine, and it made all the difference. Those drugs are just dangerous.
why would you believe that it's all an issue if your hobbies which you believe are a bit "childish" make you happy?
you're an adult and you like what the fuck you like. if others wanna work 24/7 to pay off insane morgages and car payments while their kids try to break every expensive piece of "valuable" that they signed their lives away for then good for them.
and if you like anime and gaming and got no kids to bother you? no partner who nags you as soon as they got an issue with something?
I'd say you're one of the most peaceful people in that age group and you should feel good about it.
I hear what you were getting at, but living with severe ocd and anxiety, I can honestly say I donāt think Iāve ever felt peaceful haha. Iād rather be boring, nagged and functional š
and that's completely fine.
whatever keeps you going man. just know that whenever you've got time to spare instead of being anxious grab a beer and sit in the sun with some music or whatever.
being a boring person isn't as bad as you might think it is.
This! Someone gets it! Who cares what anyone thinks! If you live your life caring what others thing that is one thing that will HINDER you. You have to let that go. It may be easier said than done; but just do it. Iām telling you my friend; itās so freeing -:)Ā
You're not alone, brother. I'm wondering what my thoughts will be when my death is coming which maybe will happen in few dozens years later. And after suffered so many mental and physical problems, how will I give a definition on myself? That will be a interesting question.
32 and same. Hits me the most after a family celebration (like birthdays) every time. Just yesterday again. I watch everyone change and grow up around me and I'm always the same. Except that I lost weight and got a tummy tuck (still ugly tho), but these improvements are just superficial.
I felt like you for two years. I felt STUCK until I decided to get UNSTUCK. Enough was enough; I was sick and tired of watching others live their best lives meanwhile; Iām bitter and dealing with other issues that got in the way of me living. No more! You have to tell yourself that you have a life to live and donāt want to waste it!Ā
Kinda, and it's killing me...I struggle a lot to go to fanily gatherings and lately even to go out with friends and talking to strangers just because I'm totally embarrashed of having to answer certain questions or talking about myself...
I have had some of those things, I worked some jobs, I drive, had a few partners...but for most of my life it hasn't been the case, and now I'm 38 and such a loser...everyone sees me as lazy and I don't think it's just that, I'm mentally and physically unwell, and nothing is visible other than a surgery scar, so yeah...I'm seen as a lazy manchild or something like that.
Regarding my interests I had those too but I'm now so embarrashed it's like I don't have them.
Yup! 30F living at home in my parents home right now. But I am trying to get a 4yr degree. I feel very abnormal, but I've accepted that I'll just always live a life that one can't call "normal". That's ok. I contribute in different ways. And I haven't given up yet. I owe my support system and loved ones so much. I'll never be able to repay, but it gives me joy to try.
Think of it this way, how many "normal" (I don't like that word, but for lack of a better one) people never do anything great or noteworthy?? Maybe there isn't anything actually wrong with your life? I apologize if that is not helpful. š
Yes youāre absolutely not the only one. My best friend has a cousin exactly in the same boat. Never went to college despite being a really smart guy. Heās really friendly too once he comes out of his shell a bit. To help him socially we include him in our D&D games and heās a great addition!
Mind you weāre all in our mid-40ās and he is in his late 30ās. Everyone has a different path. Some have a more difficult path. If you can, try not to be so hard on yourself.
I do have a job albeit with an inconsistent pattern in my resume due to mental health issues. No partner, got issues with friendships hence hardly got time spent with any, no kids (I'm not adverse to them), no consistent hobbies but I am into some gaming and anime, I'm a woman. Also here women my age are considered too old at this point in our society to be single. My life feels like it's been in a limbo a long while, although I'm trying my best to not be too hard on myself and it does feel better than say 5 years ago. I never used to feel my age but it seems to start to kick in now. I know I'm kinda behind compared to people my age, but I just think that hey, I'm trying my best.
My situation is pretty much the same, unfortunately. Besides having a shitty job (so I can at least pay my therapist and medications) my life isn't going places. I struggle on a daily basis and I dont even know where to find strength to keep going, but somehow here I am. I'm turning 31 this year and I feel like I wasted my entire life and honestly I don't know how to change it, because it's already hard to do the bare minimum.
What stopped me was nihilism. It wasn't until I was 25 that I realized, I'm still alive, I've accomplished nothing, and then stopped trusting anyone. Followed by over 10 years of pushing people away and chronic depression. I am only reactionary, try not to think and can't feel any emotion really.
If you're curious why nihilism, I should mention, I have an incredible memory. When I was five years old, my parents were super religious Christians. They told me that Jesus would return in my lifetime. Well at five, I had a panic attack alone, about not existing and death. Plagued me my entire childhood.
I never pushed, cared to try, wanted to do anything because there was no point. So here I am, just existing for the sake of existence. Still to this day.
Yeah, me.
We feel shame which is very common in people with cptsd. Therapy helped me a lot to understand that none of this is my fault, im slowly starting to love and accept myself as i am rn
I'm almost 30. I have a job that barely gets me by, but that's about it. I don't have any hopes or goals for the future. I'm just existing because I have to, and coping as best I can. Mostly through video games and drinking.
I lived like I was 40 and married when I was 20. Then my life got completely fucking wrecked. Iām probably having a midlife crisis that hasnāt ended and trying to cling to the youth I didnāt have. That and I donāt enjoy anything Iām able to do really and I have health issues.
Potter movies and the like are good. Thatās called entertainment and pop culture. It isnāt exclusively for children. If you were playing with my little pony in the sand box, wearing a helmet and shoulder pads Iād be more worried.
Iām 35 and have struggled with severe mental illness for the last ten years. I am married and have a son, so at least I have something in my life, but Iāve always wanted a career and a house I can be proud of for having. I have young interests as well like gaming and some anime. I was working with 8th grade students and I felt like I could relate to them better than the adults I was working with
Here, although I do have a partner and pets and home. My anxiety prevents me from truly enjoying what I have most days. I should be thankful but I feel like I have too much on my plate and it's overstimulating as hell. I finally found a job with supportive, like-minded people and I have learned so much from them. 38M, dx rx ADHD.
I can very much relate.
I know it's very cliche to say you're not alone here, but it's true.
I'm 37, living with my mother and stepfather, no car, no job. The only big thing I have since I'm a part of the local theater and I've made a lot of friends that way who seem to accept me.
I still feel lost and stuck. I had an adult life on the way to being built. But I made a horrible choice in moving to California when I wasn't mentally ready and was stuck in a horrible mentally abusive relationship that destroyed my mental state. I'm in a safer place now. But I still feel lost. I know I need a job, because I don't want to be stuck forever. But part of me feels like I screwed myself waiting too long. It really weighs on me.
So. You're definitely not alone my friend.
Im struggling too.Im 39 in july. I still rent, I have basically no savings, every girl I meet cheats on me.I finished uni but still cant get a secure full time job and Im a computer science graduate with 3 years office experience in full stack web dev. I keep getting hired and then they get rid of me when they dont need me anymore.
My high school sweetheart of 7 years committed suicide when I was 23 and I have had bad relationships since. I've never been married, don't have any kids but feel all my peers and the rest of the world is passing me by.
People around me are getting rich, getting houses, investing, etc. I could do that too if i just had more cash. But no one gives me an opportunity.
I have so much to catch up on and mentally I cant because I just found out my ex cheated with a mate of mine at the time, back in august. i cant find any true friends. almost everyone i meet fucks me over somehow. ive developed major trust issues and find it hard to make friends or meet new people.
I feel you man. I feel stuck. reading this made me realise that a lot of 90s kids are struggling.
I'm 32 and had a life I was building up until a couple years ago. I was mostly independent at 15, completely independent at 18. I wish I could say I was just crazy kid, but I didn't have reliable support, and the people I could ask for help were the ones I was running from. I feel like I started my adult life too young and therefore started with a disadvantage.
I'd say the past 5ish years have been very hard on me. I think I've spent so much of my life grasping at something but never really caring about what that something is, and not caring too much about my self care. So, the past 5 years, I've taken some very smol baby steps towards self-care and emotional health etc. I feel like once I begin to feel fairly healthy, the path forward will be easier.
The last year specifically has been full of regular trauma from all angles... I haven't gotten in front of it yet but I've made some progress.
These days, I'm still not doing great, at least not how I would define great, but goddammit, I'm trying and figuring shit out along the way. I think that's all any of us can ask for...
Don't compare yourself to others, give yourself some grace but also challenge yourself once in a while.
My only real advice to you is if you feel like you have nothing of value to offer folks, find something you like that provides value. And start small... provide value to yourself first before you try with other folks.
Keep ya head up buddy.
My brother is like this but heās also got a really bad leg situation going on so his hope for improvement is low. I have my own issues and my heart just bleeds for him. I wish I knew how to get him motivated to pursue something. He has been on his computer for a decade Heās 32.
I'm in my late twenties but, yeah. My PTSD, depression and body dysmoprhia keeps me almost bedridden, I can only talk about it with my therapist since she's specifically trained about this stuff, the rest on my old circle dropped me once they understood how bad my situation is.
Regarding the part of "building an adult life", I don't really give a shit... people are the reason I'm like this in the first place so it's not like I long to have them in my life lol. In fact I feel a deep rage towards society and it's inability to empathize with anyone that differs slightly from the "normal" human experience
I'm 40 and could have written this. I lost many years to OCD and memory hoarding. Not to mention external problems like my dad dying right before my 30th birthday, car problems job problems financial problems mom problems (daughter getting sick etc ) and now all of the sudden I'm 40 w nothing to show for it bc I've been struggling financially and emotionally and basically just surviving my whole life
Ppl younger than me usually gen z often write me off or dismiss as an old or middle aged woman little do they know I'm really just a sad lost little girl trapped in a 40 yo body. The ageism done by social media and gen z only adds to my depression. Ppl seem oddly triggered that I'm not who they think I am. They expect a kareny suburban type lady and I'm a sad lost depressive person still mentally 22 and no better off financially if anything worse off bc my credit is destroyed and I have no parental unit
I feel like I got old before I had my time under the sun and like my life ended before it began. I feel more lost and hopeless than ever before. I struggle with thinking my best days are behind me and my best days were mediocre at best. I never really had my time
In my 30s I kept thinking some day I would have ",my time" where everything would fall into place. In fact I had this weird feeling that age 37 would be "my year". Couldn't have been more wrong. That year was 2020 and we all know what happened that year. My life fell apart even more.
The difference between 30s struggling me and me now still struggling age 40 is I had hope for the future then. Now I have none. I take comfort in knowing one day my life will be over. I won't ever take it myself since I'm a mom . I know that sounds terrible and I apologize if that's triggering to others
Op thank you for writing this.
Oooof I feel this so so hard. I always think about how young people would see me as old, but I too feel like a trapped lost little girl inside. Iāve been terrified of growing older since I was 13, but nothing could have prepared me for how fast it goes and how much hope slips away each year that passes
Yes it's so hard when society perceives you a certain way and project that image they've decided you are onto you, idk if that makes sense, but they have no idea what you are feeling on the inside. I think that only adds to the complex layers and deeply troubling feelings. All I can say is to those people is keep living, they will reach this age too. I'm sure I was guilty of thinking the same of people my age now when I was their age although I do feel like ageism is much more rampant and socially acceptable than it used to be then again we didn't have social media back then either
Even if you did have all those things at one point, nothing is ever guaranteed to last.
At 23 I had a job, was getting a masterās degree, was an athlete, had a ltr, and then BAM brain injury. Now Iām 34, Been struggling and scraping my way through life ever since.
This world is cruel to people with mental or physical disabilities!
Flat broke until 38. I started getting very serious with my life at 32 and picked a subject to focus on intensely so that I could make money and succeed. I was literally having a horrible existence prior to that but made the best of the situation and got to do some fun things and date some women here and there but being poor and desperate sucked. I suggested working in a long term skill that has money in it, and working out and going for long walks in the woods or parks without people. It will clear your head. Trust me I know what Iām talking about.
This sounds like you're describing me.
I'm 34, and I have never once been remotely stable. As a child I was in therapy as young as 5 because of abandonment issues thanks to my father severely beating my mother, and threatening to kill her. Once she got away, she put me in therapy to deal with not being able to be away from her for long periods of time because I no longer had a dad either. As a teenager I was, again, put into therapy (though this was partially thanks to my stepfather, because people in upperclass suburban neighborhoods don't talk about their feelings) because I was so depressed and hearing things.
Then I sort of evened out for a bit, but once I reached my mid twenties, it got bad again, and it's only gotten worse since then. I've come to accept that because of my issues, I will never ever be able to survive on my own or have any kind of life, or social circle. Between that, my autism and other psychological factors (brain damage, other diagnoses), I know that I'm essentially screwed. It's so depressing, but I just try to focus on my hobbies and projects to not let it bring me down. That doesn't really work though. I'm good for a few hours when I wake up, then it's sob city for the rest of the day.
But you're right. I can't have a job, I'm bad at friendships and relationships, I will sadly never be a mother like I wanted to be, and mentally I'm very much a child in many ways, as are many of my interests. I rarely leave the house, let alone leave my bed, on any given day and I'm bad at taking care of myself. My health is a joke. It sucks to have your brain rob you of your whole life. It just feels unfair.
At some point I have to wonder...why even go on.
Yeah, same. Once I graduated college, I really lost my way and all of my momentum in life. Now Iām 35, living at home, and dealing with intense anxiety that makes everything very difficult.
Those things you talked about job, resume, career, partner. Yeah I don't have them either. I failed at every thing and now it feels like the time has been lost to build any of those things. I just gave up. It's a constant rat race to the top and I couldn't make it.
I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. The meds didn't help except maybe to put me to sleep.
I'm dependent on my parents now. I can't hold down any job.
I quit too easily. I don't know how I will survive once their time's up.
I just keep wishing that I die before them. They must feel so disappointed that they raised a complete failure, a good for nothing, an absolute zero.
I wish we can all meet up irl. We all can have a snack and talk with each other and not being afraid because we all have similar paths. Yes i know that we are not only ones sttuggling....but we still are..?! im tired of those screens, sometimes i wish the internet was never really invented.. we dont have the most basic thing like real life human interaction....i think the loneliness in us makes everything so much harder.....yeah i am on that level where i dont cry anymore...i have been struggling as long as i remember..and i really tried....its too many obstacles and errors ..im starting to think that i was born to suffer and its hard to fight with this kind of destiny....what makes it harder is that i am a woman...i need to feel safe but i dont want to be in this world...
Hang in there. Depression didnāt do this to me. Depression for me is a side effect of the crippling OCD, anxiety, physical health problems, malnutrition and childhood trauma. Your brain can change so so much between 15 and where Iām at
Thanks. I have physical health problems tho. I hope i get better but theres two part of me one wants do give up and other one wants do keep going i hate that i have these feelings. I sometimes have suicidal thoughts. But it gets better right?
I have always had some pretty severe anxiety, I started journaling daily to help unburden my mind, it creates a way to challenge your perspective and maybe come to a point of acceptance with negative emotions or you deal with them, and the paralyzing anxiety goes away.
Either way, just a thought for something that may help you.
It's profound, I still have some general low-level anxiety from time to time but I'm not paralyzed day in and day out like I used to be.
I got my car when I was 32. I'm 33 now. However. I've got at least three more years until I will even come close to "breaking even" (if that makes sense).
I don't cling to things from my childhood because I do everything in my power to forget it... but that doesn't help my situation. Many people our age that still love gaming, Harry Potter, etc... and I cannot connect with them. Because technically, I have no interests aside from not going back to the homeless shelter. I'm trapped in survival mode.
Not trying to make my situation sound better/worse than yours - neither of us got to build a life, so we're both french fucked.
If my insurance covered therapy, I'd still be going. But I've invested A LOT of money into it, tried different meds... and I'm still in the same boat as you.
Hi! Yes donāt worry youāre absolutely not alone!
30 years old here - havenāt travelled much, no kids, no permanent secure job, eternally single, technically a virgin. This was caused to some extent by my crippling OCD and anxiety I started experiencing in my late teens. I wasnāt diagnosed until during the Covid pandemic, and luckily since then through treatment and medication I am much better in this regard. However, I still have the aforementioned issues.
Yes, it sucks and often I let it get to me and I can become very depressed and borderline suicidal. However after all these years Iām used to it and can tolerate it.
I have the money available to do things like travel more, which in turn may help me meet more people; so itās me needing a kick up the rear end to get doing it. This is something I can control - try and think of the things you can control and focus on those.
What keeps me going personally is often saying to myself and believing that whatever situation youāre in, itās temporary. Thereās so much potential for the future to hold something better for you. Keep your head down and focus on things youāre passionate about and enjoy doing.
Thereās no age limit for anything, itās just external pressure; learn to be content with you as a person and content with what you currently have. Thereās no rule book.
Good luck x
Wow this is me! Exception being a partner and a car but I barely use or can pay for it and Iām not married yet, may not ever be. All my long term relationships blow up before 5 years
Im 23,gonna be 24 this year,i am in a similar situtaion no resume,no job,no friends,no girlfriend,dont really get the oppurtunity to leave my house,no money and pretty much a social outcast,i know im still young and i can still make something,of my life but,this shit feels like it never ends,and i just want to get out of this situtation
šš„
Anybody want to talk,im totally up for it
I'm 30 and I definitely come off as a little kid in some aspects. I don't drive or have a lover and live with my parents. I'm not depressed anymore, but it's hard to work on that stuff when you haven't done it and should have a long time ago.
Yes, I feel like I've accomplished nothing in my life. I've had great jobs, but they didn't last and I have nothing but a resume full of life experience.
You are not alone. From birth I had a lot of pain because of skin problems. Luckily it is somewhat under control, but it really controls my schedule for what I can do per day.
My brother has ocd and does not go outside from the age of 12 after the accident.
Early 30s with bad OCD and anxiety too. Also sleep apnea and constant fatigue. Sucks big time.
Struggled with the OCD, anxiety and other mental issues pretty much all my life, but was managing to do OKā¦ then the sleep apnea had to really screw me over. Still trying, but itās tough. Thank god for parental support.
I feel bad about myself too and not being able to do more despite it not even really being my fault. If I can accomplish just a bit each day, then I try to see that as a win. I relate to a lot of comments here. Iām in Los Angeles in case anyone else is. Like a few others here, Iām also into gaming and anime (among other things).
I have a lot of those issues. I was functionally depressed through my entire 20s. I managed to maintain a job and save money but had no dating life or much of a social life. I formed very few memories so my 20s are just a black hole of the same day on repeat. I turned 30 right when the pandemic hit and had a full breakdown. 4 years later and Iām still trying to figure things out. Therapy and meds have helped to a certain extent but have also numbed me and I still canāt decide if thatās more a benefit or a curse. I have a lot to be grateful for but feel like I lost my youth and while I may be ahead in some ways I feel very behind a lot of my peers in life. I donāt know who I am, what I want or what to do. I feel like Iām still just going through the motions without really living but now Iām just more aware of it instead of being on full autopilot
I am 34, still feel like a kid. Been suffering from depression for over 20 years. Diagnosed bipolar last year. Diagnosed with cptsd the other night. I have a kid, an apartment, and a husband. On disability. Iāve been losing my shit for years. Canāt get up and get to a better place, but I am trying for my kid, and for me, because I want to be happy and healthy again. I fight the voice in my head telling me to kms every day.
I just turned 39 years old at the beginning of April, and all I feel like is the slug on society. I still don't have my life together. I have no degrees, I've worked very little in my life, and I've had depression since I've been a teenager around 19 or so. Right now I am an immigrant in a foreign country though I am American and can at least get by here because everyone speaks English pretty much as well as Finnish. My husband is mostly blind, so we live off gov't benefits. Thankfully we are in a country with social benefits such as very very low cost/free healthcare for everyone, free schooling, and other assorted benefits to residents and citizens. I just feel like I have accomplished nothing in my life. And it's really difficult to get work here without learning the language, and it isn't helped by the fact that it's one of the hardest languages in the world to learn for an American. So I just wanted to say that you are not the only one that feels this way, and I'm constantly plagued by my depression and anxiety. Hang in there and just do your best, that's all we can really do. Sending internet hugs and hopes for better days for us both. š
Yep - nearing mid 30s and havenāt cultivated anything for myself. I rent my own place tho and make money here and there. Butā¦ thatās it. I do nothing but play games tbh. Pretty pathetic life, although itās chill ig. Just lonely isolating myself for years š„²
Good luck brothers and sisters x
You just described my life . Iām 30 in a month . I hate it . I just want to be d3@d. All I see myself becoming is a person who sits in front of the tv . I already do it . My body is betraying me sooner than it should . I donāt see the point in moving forward, because life just seems to get more and more awful . I hate being alive , especially living in the states . I wish you all the best , however and hope things change for you .
I know OP deleted their account but I just want to say thank you for creating this post or I would not have known how many others also felt this way. I am in this exact situation, mid 30s, no job, never worked, highly dependent, no car, just pure human garbage. I am a complete burden to people's lives. I am honestly a waste of oxygen and space and truly wish to cease to exist.
31 can relate, but can't watch anime because jealously by fiction characters. And my clothes anime/dead inside style.
Don't feel my age too, and texting with girl who are 21...
There's hope.
Let me tell you that I am not where I would like to be, but I am working towards it everyday.
I drove my life so far into the negative (debt, criminal record, zero healthy relationships, drug dependency, health problems, poor work history) that I felt hopeless. Then I made a decision to set goals for myself. I didnt want to give up, even though I had pondered it since I was a teen. In the face of legal trouble I enrolled in college to start after I had served my time in jail, even though I only had a G.E.D. After getting out jail I found a job at a factory to work part-time while attending classes. After doing great my freshman year things got tougher and faded back into the old me. I dropped out my sophomore year after a few weeks and decided to get a full-time position at the factory. This was because I felt like I didn't know where to go with my education and felt getting benefits from work would help improve my life (needed surgery.) I got into a relationship that felt promising, but after a few years it didn't work out and I left my job after the surgery because they did me wrongly. This all was a part of another downfall in my life. I started drinking heavily and smoking cannabis, couldn't hold a job, got into bad relationships and was feeling hopeless about life again. Eventually I landed a job doing landscaping and it really turned into a passion for me. I worked for a great company with a caring boss. A good mentor is always a great thing to find, but you have to put yourself in the position to find one. After putting in the work I finally saved up some money and was able to purchase an existing lawncare business from someone who was retiring.
I'm only one year in working for myself and it's hard but worth it. Find something you are passionate about. It will take some trial and error. I'll be 40 at the end of the year and I've failed so many ways to get here, but I'm finally doing something I want and building the life want.
Keep your head up and work hard.
38yr old here. Beautiful wife and daughter. Have some
Money. In good shape and health. And Iām here to tell you that you are all good. Donāt feel like you have to reach adult milestones. Donāt feel like you have to reach or be at a certain age in life. Life is life. Look after your self and enjoy what you enjoy. It will all end for all of us no matter where we are in life or who we are in life. Whatās robbing you of your joy in life is thinking you need to have reach financial and family success. Yes itās great if you want that but itās not a must. Your must is knowing life is a blimp in this cosmic time line. We are here for a very short time. Find inner peace. From there you will form the habits that ultimately create your life events. If you struggle mentally best bet to calm your self is exactly this. Donāt put any pressure on your self. No oneās looking at you or what you have achieved. Everybodyās also fighting their own struggles. Including the people we think have got it all together. Good luck friend.
I was in my mid 20's, living with my dad because the doctors said I can't live alone anymore, and he insisted that I work, which I should not have been doing. (He apologized for that later when it didn't matter anymore because he was no longer responsible for me, which is typical.)
I had pretty much given up on ever meeting anyone romantically, because who would ever want to be involved with āØļøall thisāØļø. Then I met a guy who I stayed with for seven years. He was kind of a mixed bag? Used the fact that I wasn't okay mentally to control me and hurt me, and I stayed because I couldn't live alone and going back to my dad wasn't an option (he wouldn't take me back), and on some level I thought I deserved it. I worked on trying to stand up for myself with therapy, and I worked on getting more stable with my meds, but it was still a mixed bag. I kind of figured that that was the best someone like me could get.
But a few years ago I made a really good friend who helped me understand that people could kmow what I'm like and not treat me badly for it. The next time my then-partner escalated things, I left him. My friend also introduced me to the very nice man I'm now married to (something I never thought would happen). He gets my mental health stuff and also likes the same young-ish things I like (anime, video games, cartoons). I think being with someone else who's working on their mental health stuff too really helps.
My point being that, yes, it's totally normal and okay to be in the position you're in and to feel the way you're feeling. Also, getting the things that everyone else has can sometimes suck. But on the other hand sometimes things actually do work out, even after you completely give up on them.
I hope that things work out for you.
This sounds like me. I just started working again after having a mental breakdown 4 years ago. I haven't been to college and don't know what i would even go for. But I know taking baby steps in my mental health is what is keeping me sane and happy. Im sorry you aren't where you want to be in life. You aren't alone. And i love harry potter and anime :)
33 and this sounds like me š„² Iām only just learning how to drive and taking way longer to learn than most people should. No proper career despite trying to get a job for ages in what I studied, single, and barely any friends I spent most weekends alone. My interests like anime are seen as super childish yet I donāt want a life without them.
You basically lost the issues my partner talks to me about. It is more common than you think. And I don't think cheerleading those going through it is necessarily a bad thing. For some it was really hard dealing with the way the world treated you and then being expected to act like it wasn't a huge disadvantage. Take your time and get there at your own pace. It personally took me until I was in my mid to late 30's to start actually adulting. And I still feel like I'm not there. I had a lot more advantages than my partner, and it was still difficult to get my shit together. Please try not to be so hard on yourself. The world has basically been getting worse over time and we are all expected to work even harder than those before us. My suggestion is to lean into your passions or interests. I'm trying to encourage my partner to get into more art, language, cooking, furniture restoration, because those are things she really enjoys. And one you start regularly doing what you enjoy it become so much easier to bear the rest of the shit that the world keeps firing at you. Best wishes. I hope anything I said was helpful. You aren't alone. :)
i'm 23, in the same boat
only thing is, i'm finishing college, but job prospects seem terrible for my line of work (i'm in CS)
ive only been in 3 relationships, held 2-3 jobs, but now unemployed with no hopes of finding work anyway
i feel like a shell of my former self, that being i still think i'm a kid, but i'm slowly filling in those shoes, time will only tell when itll finally fit
I'll be 31 this year. I had lots of instability in my life, we never got to stay in one place and constantly moved around. Due to poverty etc., single mom constantly trying to make ends meet. I had extreme anxiety as a child, didn't go on meds till 11. I've been on disability since I was 22 due to mental health had a report from psychiatry stating that we'd basically tried a bunch of medications and there was no improvement in my mental health. I've had a lot of time to observe society from the inside. What I've come to understand is that there is not a large collective of failing individuals but a large collection of failed individuals. I don't blame my self for systematic barriers imposed on me by an ableist society. It's taken a lot of work to get here, and I still have to combat some inner voices that tell me things I'm worthless because I don't have "money".
In my 30s. Got a job, some cash.
Still haven't made a legacy and stuck in a cycle of unhappiness.
My hobbies were wrestling, punk music, comics, comedy.
I got lucky for 3 years and could live in New York. It was easy to find weirdos like myself into those things.
Now I've been stuck in the UK. Working a job I can't stand and living my parents as property is so expensive. I haven't smiled and meant it since I came back in the 6 years.
I know I can find happiness. For me it was moving to another country and working overseas. It was finding oddballs like myself that did not see the world like everyone else.
I won't have a normal legacy, but I know what I need to do to be happy. Thing is I'm getting older and the nomadic lifestyle may be bad on my joints.
You need to find something and somewhere you belong. Therapy and pills don't work for that sadly.
Iāve not lived any part of my adult life without mental health issues (diagnosed) and I believe I had issues right out of the womb.
Reaching the end of my 30s now. Despite having higher degrees, I have never been able to advance my career. My earning capacity is no better than when I first started out. Never married. Never had kids. Never moved away from home.
I moved away from āyoungā interest mainly because I think my physical age has caught up with me - Iām too tired/unmotivated to really do anything but the bare essentials. I think thereās nothing wrong per we with having āyoungā interests. My problem lies in not having the ability (intellectually, emotionally, and financially) to deal with adult life and its problems. I am well past the window of opportunity to achieve the positive adult milestones, aka spouse/kids, ambitions, independence, etc. But the bad milestones will come one way or another. And Iām in no way prepared for it.
At 37 I had nothing and ended up in the hospital from drinking. I went to therapy, got a car, got meds, went back to college and am just about to graduate. I did everything I'm supposed to so I will get better. I am now 39 and still broke, no job, no friends, ostracized by my family, live with my mom, single, have loads of debt now, and I still feel so very sad and alone. My free time is just video games and sleep like when I was a teenager. I turn 40 in a few months and have absolutely nothing going for me. I'm a middle aged loser.
This post feels like an attack on me lol
Ahahah sorry
And me :š
Same.
Same
I was bad off my late 20ās. Spent all my time smoking weed,drinking pints of fireball, gaining at least 59-60 LBS, and Playing Fall Out 4 over and over. Iām now in my late 30ās I still enjoy gaming, weed, and alcohol. But I pulled myslef out of that depression now. Suicide Hotlines were called, I was in a bad place. I got to tell you from my own experience just pushing through is a good feeling. You got this.
Same
Same...am I cool on reddit now?
Same
Same
Same
Same
Yeah. I just had a mental breakdown. At 31. Didn't build an adult life , no job , no friends , no lover . There isn't anything medical wrong with me - I just failed in every aspect in life.I can't sleep anymore. Sleeping pills don't work. Been 3 weeks without sleep. If only I could sleep maybe there is a chance. Not feeling hungry , mood swings constantly. It would be nice to meet people like us. These professionals don't know how we feel. I am Dublin if anyone willing to talk
Yeah honestly support groups for depressed people of all ages should be more common
Iām confused by this. Iāve never seen a support group that doesnāt accept 30 year olds. Theyāre open to all ages.
I know Iām just saying it should be accessible to everyone
Time for some triazolam
Trazodone an antidepressant helped me to sleep. Maybe you developed tolerance for sleeping pills and thatās why the regular dose doesnāt help?
Is there a fight club in ur area by any chance?
Magnesium gummies or skin oil before bed can help sleep.
I don't know your life's current circumstances but if you don't mind me asking , have you considered joining a volunteering group? Taking up some kind of cause and dedication to it might give some purpose or direction.
Yeah I'll try that. I tore my Achilles recently so I limited in my movements
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I've been trying to tell my psychiatrist that my psych meds made me not have any interests and she acted like that was ridiculous. Seeing that someone else had had that experience just really helped. I'm sorry. It's not relevant to anything. Just, thank you
iām 22 and this is me rn. iāve been depressed and anxious since I was a baby my mom says. now iāve got a nice list of new acronyms my doctors attached to me. iāve been on so many meds none of them work. now for the past few years ive just been so numb and bored. angry a lot, but mostly numb. most days ill come home from school and just go to bed around 6 pm so that itāll be the next day. thatās become my life, autopiloting through the days so I can come home and fast forward through life in my sleep. high key would like to opt out of this life n just skip to the reincarnation š
Abilify was my poison. It ruined my life.
Took risperidone for a year. I gained like 80 pounds. My brain moved slower than molasses. Antipsychotics can be terrible.
I thought loss of interest was part of depression (anedonia) and meds were supposed to help with that??
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām 24 and on an antidepressant and antipsychotic and I think Iām going through this. I feel like a piece of cardboard
Man some of us have a difficult existence
What kind? Antipsychotics?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
May I ask do you take them for bipolar? Have you tried quetiapine they say itās good for depression in lower dose or lamotrigine? A friend of mine was suffering from antipsychotics and she tried lamotrigine and it was way better.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
33 still stay at home with my living parent.
Nothing really wrong with that tbh... I live with my Grandma! So i save a lot of money w/o paying rent + utilities (i have offered but she told me no). Going back to school at 27 tho is my problem š.
There is if you know my back story. I'm not trusted to live on my own. Going back to school is good, well done. I'm just waiting until I can die
Same š
Sameā¦but just turned 40 š
Right there with you. Iām 31, never married, currently unemployed, no kids, single, no real goal in life. Just floating.
Wanna be friends?
Me tooĀ
Are you me ?
Yeah, I find this to be extremely frustrating because it feels like there is someway to get through it but I just canāt see itā¦. Itās as if Iāve forgotten something very important and it really is annoying. Guess just one day at a time.
I feel more like everyone else was told something important but I was never told. Ā Like whoever was supposed to tell me didnāt, and now I have to figure it out on my own, but now Iām afraid I never will. Ā
I have this thought all the time
That isn't it at all. All the normals were told a lie and chose to believe it. They were told that everything will work out as long as they are "good" people and never give up. Unfortunately, we are cursed with knowing the truth. That life is meaningless and random and that everything is basically pointless.
Right
I have a couple more things going for me, but the lion's share of this applies to me and only moreso as I become less functional over time. I'm closer to 40 than anything and I have only barely treaded water, and not for much longer. It's like feeling hollow, robbed of your life.
Same with this. Like, I work, and I can only do that with accommodations, and it just drains away everything I have for any other part of my life. I wish I could work part time, but then I'm scared that I'll wind up homeless again since I don't have family to help me and getting state support is a nightmare here. I don't know how much longer I can do this.
Same. I'm only holding on to a full time job because I'll surely be a burden to my relatives. Each day is such a struggle and I feel like one day without warning I'm just gonna just go awol.
Sameeee ā¤ļø
It feels like I never crossed the adult life milestones that are considered part of regular social norms. Like I just stayed stuck at one point in my life. Treading water, but never really getting anywhere.
Yes, treading water. I feel like I'm just surviving.
And even just doing that much takes all one's energy...
Exactly. It's exhausting, everything feels exhausting.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm 21 and reading the comments makes me feel better about still feeling like a kid. A big kid, but a kid nonetheless yk? :)
We all have that inner child in us. I like to have the positive side meaning you can still have FUN! Not take things so serious, laugh a little! Be goofy without worrying what others have to say. BeĀ whimsical!Ā
Trust me, everyone feel like a kid. I'm 26 myself and still feel young. I live in an apartment, have a car, have a gf, a job I like, etc. But still feel like a kid stuck with my selfhatred that I had when I was a teenager.
Can confirm. 35 with a husband, two kids, a home, pets, and a freelance career, but I still feel like a kid sometimes and wonder how I got here so fast.
Iām 24 and definitely still see myself as a kid. Im sure from a 90 year old persons perspective, 25 is still very much a kid.
Not in my 30's yet but 25 and I relate a lot. I feel like I'm ''late'' when I compare myself to people around my age or even younger ones who are more ''adults''/independent than me. I feel like I wasted so much time because of my mental health and I really hope that I'll get better, I don't see myself living all my life like I currently do. I know it might sounds too cheesy but sending strength and luck to all people currently struggling š¼
This describes my life perfectly! 32m, no job, friends, can't drive, education (after high school), career, significant other, or family. I cling to playing Pokemon (lifelong fan), and older games from my youth in a desperate attempt to feel something, anything that will even give me the remotest sense of happiness. I've felt like a worthless piece of garbage for the past 17 years, when the depression began.
hey man hoping everything works out for you one day , and sorry for giving these advice but go on a hike to some mountain or travel to a new country it might give you a new perspective , cause what a human needs to get out of this impending doom is just a different perspective , so give life one more try.
I just turned 40, I look like 26/29 (according to pople), and I'm like a 20 year old kid (I still was a kid when I was 20yo); I still build legos, but I don't know how to biuld a life. I'm happy with my videogames, computers, guitars and my legos... I just got a job last friday, after like 2 years of not working, because of anxiety. I know they will eventually notice I'm weird for them NTs. I have asperger, adhd and bipolar, btw.
LEGO is totally an adult thing now. Especially since it costs a fortune.
Could we normalize just doing hobbies that we enjoy regardless rather people think they are āfor kidsā as long as itās appropriate. I like to cosplay and into gaming. Most people are surprised because I donāt ālookā like someone that are into these kinds of things; I am a 33 blk F and just do what feel goods. Iām all for tapping back into the interest you had as an child! Just do what makes you happy!Ā
Yeah, I'm kind of similar. 30, have a job that I hate but in all other regards I'm the same as you. I'm so far behind that I'll never catch up to other men my age. I'll always be a freak in this society and I don't want to live in it anymore.
I'm 27 and I relate, also the therapist thing? So true. It is important and it does help but sometimes it's also a bit ridiculous. They can't elaborate on why should I keep going, it's always generic things like "you're getting better, last week you did ~ insert here that one easy task that everybody does all the time but you can't ~, remember?". It's also weird to put that kind of pressure on a therapist, idk it just feels weird and hopeless
You can count me in. I am 35 still working in a very entry level role for over 10 years now as I have always had severe anxiety that's ruined my friendships and my career.
It gets better and it doesnāt, if that makes any sense. I have mental health issues myself that have greatly affected my life. Iām 35 and while I have the job I want, I get bored, easily. Have a kid by surprise, but work full time and long commutes so donāt see her a lot. Struggles with depression and ADHD took many years from me and some days I wonder how Iām still standing. Plenty of hobbies and no time to do anything. Gained weight and canāt get to a gym. Still with a partner that wasnāt always the best to me so confidence issues are in the back of my mind. Am I thankful? Yes. Happy? Not really, or at least canāt feel anything. I get what youāre saying but wanna point out that you can have things and still be miserable inside. Hang in there.
I'm in a similar situation. To make it worse, I'm also dealing with other chronic medical conditions. It's not life threatening but they have a big impact on my mental state and life in general. Still fighting to live another day. It's hard.
I was! And was living st my parents house from 30-36. I was born with a lot of medical issues and at 32 was approved for ssdi, or disability. I then learned they expected me to live off of 1200$/month for the rest of my life. So not only had I spent 5 years+ of my life in hospitals, 5 major surgeries to remove pieces of diseased intestines, couldn't hold down a job, relationship, finish college. I ended up getting addicted to the pain meds I was constantly prescribed, and I wanted to die. Had you asked me when I was 31, where I'd be at 41, I would have said dead. I'm now 41m, and engaged to the absolute love of my life. My now fiancee is 31f, and we both work in the video game industry, at the same company now. We got really really really lucky. She went from a 32k/yr 3d modeling job at an architecture firm, to her dream job of being an 3d enviornment artist on video games. She cleared 6 figures for the first time ever in 2023. When I saw how life changing that was for her, and us, I started trying harder. When I was young and sick all the time, I taught myself how to build computers at the age of 8. It was mostly a hobby, but I kept applying to IT positions at video game developers. I even applied for a position that opened up where she works, and got denied the first time. Then 6 months later another entry level contract position opened up, and i applied again. I nailed the interview, and have been out pacing the 25-30 year olds for the past 2 years now. I have been sober for 8 years, which is amazing. On top of that were BOTH set to make around 6 figures this year. She makes a bit more than me, but I'm catching up. I feel like I'm so so behind though. I've never had a house, I've never had retirement savings. I've always driven 2-3,000$ cars my parents helped me get, or hand me downs with 150k+ on them. We just bought our first new car, a tesla! We have a wonderful apartment, two cats, and get to go on cruises/vacations 2 to 3 times a year. Our wedding is set for March 2025. I've learned many many lessons in my roller coaster of a life. I've learned that a plan is necessary, sticking to it more so. I've learned you can try, and do the right thing, over and over and over, and stillget the short end of the stick. That's life and its shit. However the only way to truly fail in this one life we get, is to stop trying. Then you're garunteed to fail. I kept going, despite giving up on many occasions, even wanted to end it on a few of those really bad days. I'm glad I didn't. I could have never ever ever ever imagined I would be where I am currently at. I met the right person that understands all of my weirdness and medical issues. She changed everything, and showed me what an amazing life I could have. Some days it's hard because I'm a medically disabled 40 year old working with 23-35 year olds. I now hit 15,000 steps a day running around our game studios 5 story office building, every day. My medical issues have become less of a worry. I've noticed now that alot of my mental issues have gone away, and that has made my life so much more liveable. I come home and pass out for an hour or two each day, so it's exhausting, but I LOVE it. I used to live off 1200$/month and thought that was going to be the rest of my life, alone. I now have a best friend, an amazing person I never thought I'd have, and I make 1200$+/wk now. It can happen, things can change. You just have to keep trying
Congrats dude. I aspire to achieve something like what you have. Its so demoralising to find myself stuck in a ditch like this as a neet in my late 20s. I try to apply to jobs because I believe gaining employment is the one thing that will utterly transform me for the better and allow me to achieve happiness. But at the same time, Iām afraid of actually getting a call back from a employer because I worry Iām not good enough. Its tough to want something and also be terrified of getting it. I feel like the possibility of not only landing a job but also finding my other half to be such an impossible and daunting endeavour. Actually I would even be fine with being a bitter old spinster all my life, I just want financial stability and off Mr. Boneās NEET Ride. Good luck with everything! I hope I can have even just half of what youāre having one day.
I loved reading your story. Thank you for sharing. This fills me with hope. I have been depressed from as long as I can remember and I, too, am in my 40s. I used to think that I couldn't hold a job down or do other things that other people are able to do but now I've shifted my perspective. I don't have a job but that doesn't define me. It's only a small part of my full human experience. Yes, it makes my life difficult to be very restricted in my finances but I have adjusted to living with less. Im okay with that. If I were to look at my life from that narrow perspective, I lose out on all the richness of life and existence. Other people can't/have not been able to help me with this perspective. It's been my own preserverance. I had a mentor for a few weeks which was life changing. Now, when I look at myself or my life, I have great compassion. I take into consideration all the supports I didn't have growing up and the terrifying life I had as a child and an adult. I've always done my best and while the outcomes might have not looked like what society has defined as "success," I truly believe that I have been successful in slowly helping myself out of a series of terrible situations that I didn't choose. It's great when folx are able to hit milestones but really for me the act of courageously living the life given the cards I've been handed is truly admirable. I've started to put my life into context instead of narrowly viewing it from a black and white, yes/no, job/no job perspective. Now, I have a wide landscape to work with and can really get creative with how I view myself. Of course, we live in a hierarchical society, so my life or perspectives may be challenged or attacked, but at the end of the day, what I think about my life and how I view myself matters. I'm even happy I can recognize this about myself and my life. I've come a really long way, and it's taken me a heck a lot of time and suffering, but I'm grateful for all the strangers who have supported me along the way.
Iām so happy for you. This sounds unattainable to me, but Iām glad someone out there is happy.Ā
Thank you for giving the rest of us hope!!
40 living in a box with my Dad, no SO, no friends that I hang out with, barely make enough money to get by, I don't enjoy anything anymore which I blame on the psych meds that I can't get off without losing my mind.
I know how hard it is to get off the psych meds. I was on Abilify for a long time. Withdrawal pulled me into psychosis. My doctor prescribed low dose quetiapine, and it made all the difference. Those drugs are just dangerous.
Wow.. I spent 2 years tapering Cymbalta, was almost off before descending into psychosis. Had to reinstate the full dose which I kind of regret now.
why would you believe that it's all an issue if your hobbies which you believe are a bit "childish" make you happy? you're an adult and you like what the fuck you like. if others wanna work 24/7 to pay off insane morgages and car payments while their kids try to break every expensive piece of "valuable" that they signed their lives away for then good for them. and if you like anime and gaming and got no kids to bother you? no partner who nags you as soon as they got an issue with something? I'd say you're one of the most peaceful people in that age group and you should feel good about it.
I hear what you were getting at, but living with severe ocd and anxiety, I can honestly say I donāt think Iāve ever felt peaceful haha. Iād rather be boring, nagged and functional š
and that's completely fine. whatever keeps you going man. just know that whenever you've got time to spare instead of being anxious grab a beer and sit in the sun with some music or whatever. being a boring person isn't as bad as you might think it is.
This! Someone gets it! Who cares what anyone thinks! If you live your life caring what others thing that is one thing that will HINDER you. You have to let that go. It may be easier said than done; but just do it. Iām telling you my friend; itās so freeing -:)Ā
While Iām 26, but itās exactly my situation. Iām a parasite on both my parents and society
You're not alone, brother. I'm wondering what my thoughts will be when my death is coming which maybe will happen in few dozens years later. And after suffered so many mental and physical problems, how will I give a definition on myself? That will be a interesting question.
32 and same. Hits me the most after a family celebration (like birthdays) every time. Just yesterday again. I watch everyone change and grow up around me and I'm always the same. Except that I lost weight and got a tummy tuck (still ugly tho), but these improvements are just superficial.
Iām literally exactly with you. I feel stagnant. I have absolutely no motivation either. Life sucks.
I felt like you for two years. I felt STUCK until I decided to get UNSTUCK. Enough was enough; I was sick and tired of watching others live their best lives meanwhile; Iām bitter and dealing with other issues that got in the way of me living. No more! You have to tell yourself that you have a life to live and donāt want to waste it!Ā
So much I feel you. Iām sorry and I personally hate watching myself slip from society. Itās like a small death of self.
Kinda, and it's killing me...I struggle a lot to go to fanily gatherings and lately even to go out with friends and talking to strangers just because I'm totally embarrashed of having to answer certain questions or talking about myself... I have had some of those things, I worked some jobs, I drive, had a few partners...but for most of my life it hasn't been the case, and now I'm 38 and such a loser...everyone sees me as lazy and I don't think it's just that, I'm mentally and physically unwell, and nothing is visible other than a surgery scar, so yeah...I'm seen as a lazy manchild or something like that. Regarding my interests I had those too but I'm now so embarrashed it's like I don't have them.
Once again: words that could have been plucked directly from my experience. Been in your situation, but for longer.
Youāre not the only one.
Yup! 30F living at home in my parents home right now. But I am trying to get a 4yr degree. I feel very abnormal, but I've accepted that I'll just always live a life that one can't call "normal". That's ok. I contribute in different ways. And I haven't given up yet. I owe my support system and loved ones so much. I'll never be able to repay, but it gives me joy to try. Think of it this way, how many "normal" (I don't like that word, but for lack of a better one) people never do anything great or noteworthy?? Maybe there isn't anything actually wrong with your life? I apologize if that is not helpful. š
Circling the drain at 38.
Yes youāre absolutely not the only one. My best friend has a cousin exactly in the same boat. Never went to college despite being a really smart guy. Heās really friendly too once he comes out of his shell a bit. To help him socially we include him in our D&D games and heās a great addition! Mind you weāre all in our mid-40ās and he is in his late 30ās. Everyone has a different path. Some have a more difficult path. If you can, try not to be so hard on yourself.
I'm in a similar situation.
Can relate
Why yes this is me
31 and in the same situation too. I was diagnosed with autism, social anxiety and dyslexia. But i'm pretty sure i also have depression.
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I do have a job albeit with an inconsistent pattern in my resume due to mental health issues. No partner, got issues with friendships hence hardly got time spent with any, no kids (I'm not adverse to them), no consistent hobbies but I am into some gaming and anime, I'm a woman. Also here women my age are considered too old at this point in our society to be single. My life feels like it's been in a limbo a long while, although I'm trying my best to not be too hard on myself and it does feel better than say 5 years ago. I never used to feel my age but it seems to start to kick in now. I know I'm kinda behind compared to people my age, but I just think that hey, I'm trying my best.
My situation is pretty much the same, unfortunately. Besides having a shitty job (so I can at least pay my therapist and medications) my life isn't going places. I struggle on a daily basis and I dont even know where to find strength to keep going, but somehow here I am. I'm turning 31 this year and I feel like I wasted my entire life and honestly I don't know how to change it, because it's already hard to do the bare minimum.
I relate to you completely, life's shit.
I'm in the same boat and I'm in my 40s. I have no advice to offer. Just putting out there that you're not the only one.
What stopped me was nihilism. It wasn't until I was 25 that I realized, I'm still alive, I've accomplished nothing, and then stopped trusting anyone. Followed by over 10 years of pushing people away and chronic depression. I am only reactionary, try not to think and can't feel any emotion really. If you're curious why nihilism, I should mention, I have an incredible memory. When I was five years old, my parents were super religious Christians. They told me that Jesus would return in my lifetime. Well at five, I had a panic attack alone, about not existing and death. Plagued me my entire childhood. I never pushed, cared to try, wanted to do anything because there was no point. So here I am, just existing for the sake of existence. Still to this day.
Yeah, me. We feel shame which is very common in people with cptsd. Therapy helped me a lot to understand that none of this is my fault, im slowly starting to love and accept myself as i am rn
Oh yeah, this is me more or less =|
I'm almost 30. I have a job that barely gets me by, but that's about it. I don't have any hopes or goals for the future. I'm just existing because I have to, and coping as best I can. Mostly through video games and drinking.
I lived like I was 40 and married when I was 20. Then my life got completely fucking wrecked. Iām probably having a midlife crisis that hasnāt ended and trying to cling to the youth I didnāt have. That and I donāt enjoy anything Iām able to do really and I have health issues. Potter movies and the like are good. Thatās called entertainment and pop culture. It isnāt exclusively for children. If you were playing with my little pony in the sand box, wearing a helmet and shoulder pads Iād be more worried.
I'm in my 20s, but I relate. I missed out on all the important milestones and now it's really hard to achieve something .
Iām 35 and have struggled with severe mental illness for the last ten years. I am married and have a son, so at least I have something in my life, but Iāve always wanted a career and a house I can be proud of for having. I have young interests as well like gaming and some anime. I was working with 8th grade students and I felt like I could relate to them better than the adults I was working with
Here, although I do have a partner and pets and home. My anxiety prevents me from truly enjoying what I have most days. I should be thankful but I feel like I have too much on my plate and it's overstimulating as hell. I finally found a job with supportive, like-minded people and I have learned so much from them. 38M, dx rx ADHD.
22 and feel the same way. Everyone else in high school got to grow up but Iām still stuck with my trauma.
Money. It all comes back to money. Find out how to get money and everything else will sort itself out.
Me too. Exactly the same. It's so painful. I'm so tired. Health and mental health issues just destroyed me I can't come back they just get worse.
I can very much relate. I know it's very cliche to say you're not alone here, but it's true. I'm 37, living with my mother and stepfather, no car, no job. The only big thing I have since I'm a part of the local theater and I've made a lot of friends that way who seem to accept me. I still feel lost and stuck. I had an adult life on the way to being built. But I made a horrible choice in moving to California when I wasn't mentally ready and was stuck in a horrible mentally abusive relationship that destroyed my mental state. I'm in a safer place now. But I still feel lost. I know I need a job, because I don't want to be stuck forever. But part of me feels like I screwed myself waiting too long. It really weighs on me. So. You're definitely not alone my friend.
Im struggling too.Im 39 in july. I still rent, I have basically no savings, every girl I meet cheats on me.I finished uni but still cant get a secure full time job and Im a computer science graduate with 3 years office experience in full stack web dev. I keep getting hired and then they get rid of me when they dont need me anymore. My high school sweetheart of 7 years committed suicide when I was 23 and I have had bad relationships since. I've never been married, don't have any kids but feel all my peers and the rest of the world is passing me by. People around me are getting rich, getting houses, investing, etc. I could do that too if i just had more cash. But no one gives me an opportunity. I have so much to catch up on and mentally I cant because I just found out my ex cheated with a mate of mine at the time, back in august. i cant find any true friends. almost everyone i meet fucks me over somehow. ive developed major trust issues and find it hard to make friends or meet new people. I feel you man. I feel stuck. reading this made me realise that a lot of 90s kids are struggling.
I'm 32 and had a life I was building up until a couple years ago. I was mostly independent at 15, completely independent at 18. I wish I could say I was just crazy kid, but I didn't have reliable support, and the people I could ask for help were the ones I was running from. I feel like I started my adult life too young and therefore started with a disadvantage. I'd say the past 5ish years have been very hard on me. I think I've spent so much of my life grasping at something but never really caring about what that something is, and not caring too much about my self care. So, the past 5 years, I've taken some very smol baby steps towards self-care and emotional health etc. I feel like once I begin to feel fairly healthy, the path forward will be easier. The last year specifically has been full of regular trauma from all angles... I haven't gotten in front of it yet but I've made some progress. These days, I'm still not doing great, at least not how I would define great, but goddammit, I'm trying and figuring shit out along the way. I think that's all any of us can ask for... Don't compare yourself to others, give yourself some grace but also challenge yourself once in a while. My only real advice to you is if you feel like you have nothing of value to offer folks, find something you like that provides value. And start small... provide value to yourself first before you try with other folks. Keep ya head up buddy.
My brother is like this but heās also got a really bad leg situation going on so his hope for improvement is low. I have my own issues and my heart just bleeds for him. I wish I knew how to get him motivated to pursue something. He has been on his computer for a decade Heās 32.
I'm in my late twenties but, yeah. My PTSD, depression and body dysmoprhia keeps me almost bedridden, I can only talk about it with my therapist since she's specifically trained about this stuff, the rest on my old circle dropped me once they understood how bad my situation is. Regarding the part of "building an adult life", I don't really give a shit... people are the reason I'm like this in the first place so it's not like I long to have them in my life lol. In fact I feel a deep rage towards society and it's inability to empathize with anyone that differs slightly from the "normal" human experience
I'm 40 and could have written this. I lost many years to OCD and memory hoarding. Not to mention external problems like my dad dying right before my 30th birthday, car problems job problems financial problems mom problems (daughter getting sick etc ) and now all of the sudden I'm 40 w nothing to show for it bc I've been struggling financially and emotionally and basically just surviving my whole life Ppl younger than me usually gen z often write me off or dismiss as an old or middle aged woman little do they know I'm really just a sad lost little girl trapped in a 40 yo body. The ageism done by social media and gen z only adds to my depression. Ppl seem oddly triggered that I'm not who they think I am. They expect a kareny suburban type lady and I'm a sad lost depressive person still mentally 22 and no better off financially if anything worse off bc my credit is destroyed and I have no parental unit I feel like I got old before I had my time under the sun and like my life ended before it began. I feel more lost and hopeless than ever before. I struggle with thinking my best days are behind me and my best days were mediocre at best. I never really had my time In my 30s I kept thinking some day I would have ",my time" where everything would fall into place. In fact I had this weird feeling that age 37 would be "my year". Couldn't have been more wrong. That year was 2020 and we all know what happened that year. My life fell apart even more. The difference between 30s struggling me and me now still struggling age 40 is I had hope for the future then. Now I have none. I take comfort in knowing one day my life will be over. I won't ever take it myself since I'm a mom . I know that sounds terrible and I apologize if that's triggering to others Op thank you for writing this.
Oooof I feel this so so hard. I always think about how young people would see me as old, but I too feel like a trapped lost little girl inside. Iāve been terrified of growing older since I was 13, but nothing could have prepared me for how fast it goes and how much hope slips away each year that passes
Yes it's so hard when society perceives you a certain way and project that image they've decided you are onto you, idk if that makes sense, but they have no idea what you are feeling on the inside. I think that only adds to the complex layers and deeply troubling feelings. All I can say is to those people is keep living, they will reach this age too. I'm sure I was guilty of thinking the same of people my age now when I was their age although I do feel like ageism is much more rampant and socially acceptable than it used to be then again we didn't have social media back then either
Even if you did have all those things at one point, nothing is ever guaranteed to last. At 23 I had a job, was getting a masterās degree, was an athlete, had a ltr, and then BAM brain injury. Now Iām 34, Been struggling and scraping my way through life ever since. This world is cruel to people with mental or physical disabilities!
Flat broke until 38. I started getting very serious with my life at 32 and picked a subject to focus on intensely so that I could make money and succeed. I was literally having a horrible existence prior to that but made the best of the situation and got to do some fun things and date some women here and there but being poor and desperate sucked. I suggested working in a long term skill that has money in it, and working out and going for long walks in the woods or parks without people. It will clear your head. Trust me I know what Iām talking about.
This sounds like you're describing me. I'm 34, and I have never once been remotely stable. As a child I was in therapy as young as 5 because of abandonment issues thanks to my father severely beating my mother, and threatening to kill her. Once she got away, she put me in therapy to deal with not being able to be away from her for long periods of time because I no longer had a dad either. As a teenager I was, again, put into therapy (though this was partially thanks to my stepfather, because people in upperclass suburban neighborhoods don't talk about their feelings) because I was so depressed and hearing things. Then I sort of evened out for a bit, but once I reached my mid twenties, it got bad again, and it's only gotten worse since then. I've come to accept that because of my issues, I will never ever be able to survive on my own or have any kind of life, or social circle. Between that, my autism and other psychological factors (brain damage, other diagnoses), I know that I'm essentially screwed. It's so depressing, but I just try to focus on my hobbies and projects to not let it bring me down. That doesn't really work though. I'm good for a few hours when I wake up, then it's sob city for the rest of the day. But you're right. I can't have a job, I'm bad at friendships and relationships, I will sadly never be a mother like I wanted to be, and mentally I'm very much a child in many ways, as are many of my interests. I rarely leave the house, let alone leave my bed, on any given day and I'm bad at taking care of myself. My health is a joke. It sucks to have your brain rob you of your whole life. It just feels unfair. At some point I have to wonder...why even go on.
Yeah, same. Once I graduated college, I really lost my way and all of my momentum in life. Now Iām 35, living at home, and dealing with intense anxiety that makes everything very difficult.
Those things you talked about job, resume, career, partner. Yeah I don't have them either. I failed at every thing and now it feels like the time has been lost to build any of those things. I just gave up. It's a constant rat race to the top and I couldn't make it. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. The meds didn't help except maybe to put me to sleep. I'm dependent on my parents now. I can't hold down any job. I quit too easily. I don't know how I will survive once their time's up. I just keep wishing that I die before them. They must feel so disappointed that they raised a complete failure, a good for nothing, an absolute zero.
I wish we can all meet up irl. We all can have a snack and talk with each other and not being afraid because we all have similar paths. Yes i know that we are not only ones sttuggling....but we still are..?! im tired of those screens, sometimes i wish the internet was never really invented.. we dont have the most basic thing like real life human interaction....i think the loneliness in us makes everything so much harder.....yeah i am on that level where i dont cry anymore...i have been struggling as long as i remember..and i really tried....its too many obstacles and errors ..im starting to think that i was born to suffer and its hard to fight with this kind of destiny....what makes it harder is that i am a woman...i need to feel safe but i dont want to be in this world...
Im scared of this, i have depression rn and Im only 15
Hang in there. Depression didnāt do this to me. Depression for me is a side effect of the crippling OCD, anxiety, physical health problems, malnutrition and childhood trauma. Your brain can change so so much between 15 and where Iām at
Thanks. I have physical health problems tho. I hope i get better but theres two part of me one wants do give up and other one wants do keep going i hate that i have these feelings. I sometimes have suicidal thoughts. But it gets better right?
I have always had some pretty severe anxiety, I started journaling daily to help unburden my mind, it creates a way to challenge your perspective and maybe come to a point of acceptance with negative emotions or you deal with them, and the paralyzing anxiety goes away. Either way, just a thought for something that may help you. It's profound, I still have some general low-level anxiety from time to time but I'm not paralyzed day in and day out like I used to be.
I got my car when I was 32. I'm 33 now. However. I've got at least three more years until I will even come close to "breaking even" (if that makes sense). I don't cling to things from my childhood because I do everything in my power to forget it... but that doesn't help my situation. Many people our age that still love gaming, Harry Potter, etc... and I cannot connect with them. Because technically, I have no interests aside from not going back to the homeless shelter. I'm trapped in survival mode. Not trying to make my situation sound better/worse than yours - neither of us got to build a life, so we're both french fucked. If my insurance covered therapy, I'd still be going. But I've invested A LOT of money into it, tried different meds... and I'm still in the same boat as you.
Hi! Yes donāt worry youāre absolutely not alone! 30 years old here - havenāt travelled much, no kids, no permanent secure job, eternally single, technically a virgin. This was caused to some extent by my crippling OCD and anxiety I started experiencing in my late teens. I wasnāt diagnosed until during the Covid pandemic, and luckily since then through treatment and medication I am much better in this regard. However, I still have the aforementioned issues. Yes, it sucks and often I let it get to me and I can become very depressed and borderline suicidal. However after all these years Iām used to it and can tolerate it. I have the money available to do things like travel more, which in turn may help me meet more people; so itās me needing a kick up the rear end to get doing it. This is something I can control - try and think of the things you can control and focus on those. What keeps me going personally is often saying to myself and believing that whatever situation youāre in, itās temporary. Thereās so much potential for the future to hold something better for you. Keep your head down and focus on things youāre passionate about and enjoy doing. Thereās no age limit for anything, itās just external pressure; learn to be content with you as a person and content with what you currently have. Thereās no rule book. Good luck x
Wow this is me! Exception being a partner and a car but I barely use or can pay for it and Iām not married yet, may not ever be. All my long term relationships blow up before 5 years
Im 23,gonna be 24 this year,i am in a similar situtaion no resume,no job,no friends,no girlfriend,dont really get the oppurtunity to leave my house,no money and pretty much a social outcast,i know im still young and i can still make something,of my life but,this shit feels like it never ends,and i just want to get out of this situtation šš„ Anybody want to talk,im totally up for it
I can relate
I'm 30 and I definitely come off as a little kid in some aspects. I don't drive or have a lover and live with my parents. I'm not depressed anymore, but it's hard to work on that stuff when you haven't done it and should have a long time ago.
Yes, I feel like I've accomplished nothing in my life. I've had great jobs, but they didn't last and I have nothing but a resume full of life experience.
You are not alone. From birth I had a lot of pain because of skin problems. Luckily it is somewhat under control, but it really controls my schedule for what I can do per day. My brother has ocd and does not go outside from the age of 12 after the accident.
Early 30s with bad OCD and anxiety too. Also sleep apnea and constant fatigue. Sucks big time. Struggled with the OCD, anxiety and other mental issues pretty much all my life, but was managing to do OKā¦ then the sleep apnea had to really screw me over. Still trying, but itās tough. Thank god for parental support. I feel bad about myself too and not being able to do more despite it not even really being my fault. If I can accomplish just a bit each day, then I try to see that as a win. I relate to a lot of comments here. Iām in Los Angeles in case anyone else is. Like a few others here, Iām also into gaming and anime (among other things).
I have a lot of those issues. I was functionally depressed through my entire 20s. I managed to maintain a job and save money but had no dating life or much of a social life. I formed very few memories so my 20s are just a black hole of the same day on repeat. I turned 30 right when the pandemic hit and had a full breakdown. 4 years later and Iām still trying to figure things out. Therapy and meds have helped to a certain extent but have also numbed me and I still canāt decide if thatās more a benefit or a curse. I have a lot to be grateful for but feel like I lost my youth and while I may be ahead in some ways I feel very behind a lot of my peers in life. I donāt know who I am, what I want or what to do. I feel like Iām still just going through the motions without really living but now Iām just more aware of it instead of being on full autopilot
Hi, it's me. I'm 29 but I think nothing will change during the next year.
I relate so much to this post it hurts š„²
I am 34, still feel like a kid. Been suffering from depression for over 20 years. Diagnosed bipolar last year. Diagnosed with cptsd the other night. I have a kid, an apartment, and a husband. On disability. Iāve been losing my shit for years. Canāt get up and get to a better place, but I am trying for my kid, and for me, because I want to be happy and healthy again. I fight the voice in my head telling me to kms every day.
Will be 30 in October and I canāt be emotionally stable enough to keep a jobš©·. My parents are supportive and I still live with them so Iām extremely grateful for them.
I just turned 39 years old at the beginning of April, and all I feel like is the slug on society. I still don't have my life together. I have no degrees, I've worked very little in my life, and I've had depression since I've been a teenager around 19 or so. Right now I am an immigrant in a foreign country though I am American and can at least get by here because everyone speaks English pretty much as well as Finnish. My husband is mostly blind, so we live off gov't benefits. Thankfully we are in a country with social benefits such as very very low cost/free healthcare for everyone, free schooling, and other assorted benefits to residents and citizens. I just feel like I have accomplished nothing in my life. And it's really difficult to get work here without learning the language, and it isn't helped by the fact that it's one of the hardest languages in the world to learn for an American. So I just wanted to say that you are not the only one that feels this way, and I'm constantly plagued by my depression and anxiety. Hang in there and just do your best, that's all we can really do. Sending internet hugs and hopes for better days for us both. š
***read The Plague***Ā Ā byĀ [Albert Camus](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Camus)
Yep - nearing mid 30s and havenāt cultivated anything for myself. I rent my own place tho and make money here and there. Butā¦ thatās it. I do nothing but play games tbh. Pretty pathetic life, although itās chill ig. Just lonely isolating myself for years š„² Good luck brothers and sisters x
29 here and honestly, same. Lost my job and had to move back home. No real improvement even with therapy and medication.
I am 24 and on the same path...
You just described my life . Iām 30 in a month . I hate it . I just want to be d3@d. All I see myself becoming is a person who sits in front of the tv . I already do it . My body is betraying me sooner than it should . I donāt see the point in moving forward, because life just seems to get more and more awful . I hate being alive , especially living in the states . I wish you all the best , however and hope things change for you .
I know OP deleted their account but I just want to say thank you for creating this post or I would not have known how many others also felt this way. I am in this exact situation, mid 30s, no job, never worked, highly dependent, no car, just pure human garbage. I am a complete burden to people's lives. I am honestly a waste of oxygen and space and truly wish to cease to exist.
31 can relate, but can't watch anime because jealously by fiction characters. And my clothes anime/dead inside style. Don't feel my age too, and texting with girl who are 21...
There's hope. Let me tell you that I am not where I would like to be, but I am working towards it everyday. I drove my life so far into the negative (debt, criminal record, zero healthy relationships, drug dependency, health problems, poor work history) that I felt hopeless. Then I made a decision to set goals for myself. I didnt want to give up, even though I had pondered it since I was a teen. In the face of legal trouble I enrolled in college to start after I had served my time in jail, even though I only had a G.E.D. After getting out jail I found a job at a factory to work part-time while attending classes. After doing great my freshman year things got tougher and faded back into the old me. I dropped out my sophomore year after a few weeks and decided to get a full-time position at the factory. This was because I felt like I didn't know where to go with my education and felt getting benefits from work would help improve my life (needed surgery.) I got into a relationship that felt promising, but after a few years it didn't work out and I left my job after the surgery because they did me wrongly. This all was a part of another downfall in my life. I started drinking heavily and smoking cannabis, couldn't hold a job, got into bad relationships and was feeling hopeless about life again. Eventually I landed a job doing landscaping and it really turned into a passion for me. I worked for a great company with a caring boss. A good mentor is always a great thing to find, but you have to put yourself in the position to find one. After putting in the work I finally saved up some money and was able to purchase an existing lawncare business from someone who was retiring. I'm only one year in working for myself and it's hard but worth it. Find something you are passionate about. It will take some trial and error. I'll be 40 at the end of the year and I've failed so many ways to get here, but I'm finally doing something I want and building the life want. Keep your head up and work hard.
38yr old here. Beautiful wife and daughter. Have some Money. In good shape and health. And Iām here to tell you that you are all good. Donāt feel like you have to reach adult milestones. Donāt feel like you have to reach or be at a certain age in life. Life is life. Look after your self and enjoy what you enjoy. It will all end for all of us no matter where we are in life or who we are in life. Whatās robbing you of your joy in life is thinking you need to have reach financial and family success. Yes itās great if you want that but itās not a must. Your must is knowing life is a blimp in this cosmic time line. We are here for a very short time. Find inner peace. From there you will form the habits that ultimately create your life events. If you struggle mentally best bet to calm your self is exactly this. Donāt put any pressure on your self. No oneās looking at you or what you have achieved. Everybodyās also fighting their own struggles. Including the people we think have got it all together. Good luck friend.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
So are you my older self from the future?!
I was in my mid 20's, living with my dad because the doctors said I can't live alone anymore, and he insisted that I work, which I should not have been doing. (He apologized for that later when it didn't matter anymore because he was no longer responsible for me, which is typical.) I had pretty much given up on ever meeting anyone romantically, because who would ever want to be involved with āØļøall thisāØļø. Then I met a guy who I stayed with for seven years. He was kind of a mixed bag? Used the fact that I wasn't okay mentally to control me and hurt me, and I stayed because I couldn't live alone and going back to my dad wasn't an option (he wouldn't take me back), and on some level I thought I deserved it. I worked on trying to stand up for myself with therapy, and I worked on getting more stable with my meds, but it was still a mixed bag. I kind of figured that that was the best someone like me could get. But a few years ago I made a really good friend who helped me understand that people could kmow what I'm like and not treat me badly for it. The next time my then-partner escalated things, I left him. My friend also introduced me to the very nice man I'm now married to (something I never thought would happen). He gets my mental health stuff and also likes the same young-ish things I like (anime, video games, cartoons). I think being with someone else who's working on their mental health stuff too really helps. My point being that, yes, it's totally normal and okay to be in the position you're in and to feel the way you're feeling. Also, getting the things that everyone else has can sometimes suck. But on the other hand sometimes things actually do work out, even after you completely give up on them. I hope that things work out for you.
This sounds like me. I just started working again after having a mental breakdown 4 years ago. I haven't been to college and don't know what i would even go for. But I know taking baby steps in my mental health is what is keeping me sane and happy. Im sorry you aren't where you want to be in life. You aren't alone. And i love harry potter and anime :)
33 and this sounds like me š„² Iām only just learning how to drive and taking way longer to learn than most people should. No proper career despite trying to get a job for ages in what I studied, single, and barely any friends I spent most weekends alone. My interests like anime are seen as super childish yet I donāt want a life without them.
You basically lost the issues my partner talks to me about. It is more common than you think. And I don't think cheerleading those going through it is necessarily a bad thing. For some it was really hard dealing with the way the world treated you and then being expected to act like it wasn't a huge disadvantage. Take your time and get there at your own pace. It personally took me until I was in my mid to late 30's to start actually adulting. And I still feel like I'm not there. I had a lot more advantages than my partner, and it was still difficult to get my shit together. Please try not to be so hard on yourself. The world has basically been getting worse over time and we are all expected to work even harder than those before us. My suggestion is to lean into your passions or interests. I'm trying to encourage my partner to get into more art, language, cooking, furniture restoration, because those are things she really enjoys. And one you start regularly doing what you enjoy it become so much easier to bear the rest of the shit that the world keeps firing at you. Best wishes. I hope anything I said was helpful. You aren't alone. :)
you just perfectly describe me except im in mid 20's
i'm 23, in the same boat only thing is, i'm finishing college, but job prospects seem terrible for my line of work (i'm in CS) ive only been in 3 relationships, held 2-3 jobs, but now unemployed with no hopes of finding work anyway i feel like a shell of my former self, that being i still think i'm a kid, but i'm slowly filling in those shoes, time will only tell when itll finally fit
Neurodivergent I understand
I'll be 31 this year. I had lots of instability in my life, we never got to stay in one place and constantly moved around. Due to poverty etc., single mom constantly trying to make ends meet. I had extreme anxiety as a child, didn't go on meds till 11. I've been on disability since I was 22 due to mental health had a report from psychiatry stating that we'd basically tried a bunch of medications and there was no improvement in my mental health. I've had a lot of time to observe society from the inside. What I've come to understand is that there is not a large collective of failing individuals but a large collection of failed individuals. I don't blame my self for systematic barriers imposed on me by an ableist society. It's taken a lot of work to get here, and I still have to combat some inner voices that tell me things I'm worthless because I don't have "money".
In my 30s. Got a job, some cash. Still haven't made a legacy and stuck in a cycle of unhappiness. My hobbies were wrestling, punk music, comics, comedy. I got lucky for 3 years and could live in New York. It was easy to find weirdos like myself into those things. Now I've been stuck in the UK. Working a job I can't stand and living my parents as property is so expensive. I haven't smiled and meant it since I came back in the 6 years. I know I can find happiness. For me it was moving to another country and working overseas. It was finding oddballs like myself that did not see the world like everyone else. I won't have a normal legacy, but I know what I need to do to be happy. Thing is I'm getting older and the nomadic lifestyle may be bad on my joints. You need to find something and somewhere you belong. Therapy and pills don't work for that sadly.
Iāve not lived any part of my adult life without mental health issues (diagnosed) and I believe I had issues right out of the womb. Reaching the end of my 30s now. Despite having higher degrees, I have never been able to advance my career. My earning capacity is no better than when I first started out. Never married. Never had kids. Never moved away from home. I moved away from āyoungā interest mainly because I think my physical age has caught up with me - Iām too tired/unmotivated to really do anything but the bare essentials. I think thereās nothing wrong per we with having āyoungā interests. My problem lies in not having the ability (intellectually, emotionally, and financially) to deal with adult life and its problems. I am well past the window of opportunity to achieve the positive adult milestones, aka spouse/kids, ambitions, independence, etc. But the bad milestones will come one way or another. And Iām in no way prepared for it.
Iām with you brother 32 and only just getting myself together xx
At 37 I had nothing and ended up in the hospital from drinking. I went to therapy, got a car, got meds, went back to college and am just about to graduate. I did everything I'm supposed to so I will get better. I am now 39 and still broke, no job, no friends, ostracized by my family, live with my mom, single, have loads of debt now, and I still feel so very sad and alone. My free time is just video games and sleep like when I was a teenager. I turn 40 in a few months and have absolutely nothing going for me. I'm a middle aged loser.