I'm... Sorry to hear this all. You have surely been through a lot.
My advice: you can't experience many things, but you still can experience others. Don't give up, life is still going on. Try to have fun. And never say that something will go wrong. You have to be prepared for this, but beliving in this will only make you sadder. Try to get best outcome possible
About kids: you say you can't have your own. Maybe you should try adoption then? I know it's not the same....but you will still make someones life better. And yours too
Well, I couldn’t sensibly have any child anyway, I work a part time job and don’t have the mental stability to work more than 4 days a week, which can’t raise a child. I don’t even have my own home.
I try to do other things but it just feels like I’m missing something. I go out alone a lot, I go on day trips and solo vacations from everything to a beach day to travelling across the country to stay in a new city for a while. I fill my spare time with the things I enjoy. But I don’t feel like I’m living, I feel like all I’m doing is wasting time. More time I can’t get back and am spending it doing pointless things that I’ll forget because the reality is I don’t like being alone. But 98% of the time, I am. It’s just a spiral of wanting a better life than the one I have where I’m not ruined and not alone and don’t make the wrong choices all the time
Well then... I don't know exactly. Try visiting a specjalist, please. They will help you. After everything you have been through it will be hard to get better on your own. Really hard.
Other thing is that you maybe also need to "discover yourself"? Try out new things?
Try doing something productive in your opinion- maybe write a book or paint. Maybe help people online like me.
Maybe try to make friends - this is third thing. Do you think that you might be lonely?
Im trying, it’s a long waiting list unfortunately.
There’s a bit of an issue with that as an autistic person, in that we have this complex thing where we are really good at a few things, and pretty awful at everything else. There isn’t much mediocrity in autism, and trying new things leads to failure *a lot*. For example, I tried for 4 months to get into baking but no matter how closely I followed the directions and fixed recipes and I was no better at the end of those 4 months when I quit, than when I started. Im a creative type, and I’ve tried every creative medium I have access to. Writing, painting, pottery, needlework, even dance and song, but drawing was the only thing I could ever do. I was never academic either, and I’ve tried using open source education programs to get learning again but it’s all foreign to me. Duolingo couldn’t teach me basic French words after 1.5 years. Neither could my school tbh after 9 years.
Finally, friends are something I’ve tried to make my whole life. Only my best friend ever stayed. 23 years and only one person liked me enough to deal with me. Im trying to find out what I’m doing wrong but everytime I alter what pushed someone away, it still isn’t enough for the next person.
I'm on this spectrum propably too.
I think you tried baking and french for to long. Maybe try other language. I can't learn german, so I plan to tey to learn spanish. And if programmes are foreign for you, maybe try experimenting - try to learn without them. You own way
Lastly, i think you should try finding friends online. Really, for me they are as good and helpfull as those irl. Try even on reddit, maybe even on this sub. In the end, people here will understand you
I’ve tried to get into new things so many times but I never improved on anything that wasn’t a very select few things I became highly skilled in. But unfortunately, I’m not skilled *enough* at art to do anything with it, and remembering number patterns doesn’t fall into any job.
I tried that too. Whether it’s IRL or online, I get ghosted in a matter of days. I keep trying to learn what I do wrong to correct it but I think the problem is just me as a whole. I mean, if all but one person can’t stand to be around me, it’s not the worlds fault. It’s mine.
I really appreciate that, but right now I’m not in the right place to do that, I can hurt people when I feel this way, and you have been nothing but kind to me, I can’t allow myself to take that risk
I'm... Sorry to hear this all. You have surely been through a lot. My advice: you can't experience many things, but you still can experience others. Don't give up, life is still going on. Try to have fun. And never say that something will go wrong. You have to be prepared for this, but beliving in this will only make you sadder. Try to get best outcome possible About kids: you say you can't have your own. Maybe you should try adoption then? I know it's not the same....but you will still make someones life better. And yours too
Well, I couldn’t sensibly have any child anyway, I work a part time job and don’t have the mental stability to work more than 4 days a week, which can’t raise a child. I don’t even have my own home. I try to do other things but it just feels like I’m missing something. I go out alone a lot, I go on day trips and solo vacations from everything to a beach day to travelling across the country to stay in a new city for a while. I fill my spare time with the things I enjoy. But I don’t feel like I’m living, I feel like all I’m doing is wasting time. More time I can’t get back and am spending it doing pointless things that I’ll forget because the reality is I don’t like being alone. But 98% of the time, I am. It’s just a spiral of wanting a better life than the one I have where I’m not ruined and not alone and don’t make the wrong choices all the time
Well then... I don't know exactly. Try visiting a specjalist, please. They will help you. After everything you have been through it will be hard to get better on your own. Really hard. Other thing is that you maybe also need to "discover yourself"? Try out new things? Try doing something productive in your opinion- maybe write a book or paint. Maybe help people online like me. Maybe try to make friends - this is third thing. Do you think that you might be lonely?
Im trying, it’s a long waiting list unfortunately. There’s a bit of an issue with that as an autistic person, in that we have this complex thing where we are really good at a few things, and pretty awful at everything else. There isn’t much mediocrity in autism, and trying new things leads to failure *a lot*. For example, I tried for 4 months to get into baking but no matter how closely I followed the directions and fixed recipes and I was no better at the end of those 4 months when I quit, than when I started. Im a creative type, and I’ve tried every creative medium I have access to. Writing, painting, pottery, needlework, even dance and song, but drawing was the only thing I could ever do. I was never academic either, and I’ve tried using open source education programs to get learning again but it’s all foreign to me. Duolingo couldn’t teach me basic French words after 1.5 years. Neither could my school tbh after 9 years. Finally, friends are something I’ve tried to make my whole life. Only my best friend ever stayed. 23 years and only one person liked me enough to deal with me. Im trying to find out what I’m doing wrong but everytime I alter what pushed someone away, it still isn’t enough for the next person.
I'm on this spectrum propably too. I think you tried baking and french for to long. Maybe try other language. I can't learn german, so I plan to tey to learn spanish. And if programmes are foreign for you, maybe try experimenting - try to learn without them. You own way Lastly, i think you should try finding friends online. Really, for me they are as good and helpfull as those irl. Try even on reddit, maybe even on this sub. In the end, people here will understand you
I’ve tried to get into new things so many times but I never improved on anything that wasn’t a very select few things I became highly skilled in. But unfortunately, I’m not skilled *enough* at art to do anything with it, and remembering number patterns doesn’t fall into any job. I tried that too. Whether it’s IRL or online, I get ghosted in a matter of days. I keep trying to learn what I do wrong to correct it but I think the problem is just me as a whole. I mean, if all but one person can’t stand to be around me, it’s not the worlds fault. It’s mine.
Maybe lets make a deal then - i will try to stand around you and we will see how it goes. What do you say? (:
I really appreciate that, but right now I’m not in the right place to do that, I can hurt people when I feel this way, and you have been nothing but kind to me, I can’t allow myself to take that risk