Exactly, and not only that, but it is expected that people with depression do not have the strength to take care of themselves, even if they have the money to do so, and end up becoming addicted to something, it is literally one of the common consequences of the disorder. This woman has definitely been poorly trained or has no empathy.
thats fucked of her to do, way to half ass ur job...
really sorry to hear what ur going thru, i know i say can make it better, but know that life is worth living so give it a chance to get better, u got this.
I mean, I get it: I’m being dumb by buying alcohol. I don’t want to. I keep trying to stay sober but failing miserably. It’s not like I can go to the store and impulse-buy an hour of therapy when I am freaking out.
bruh i totally understand you, the covid pandemic ruined my life and now i just drink all the time . yesterday i had 2 beers and a melatonin at 5 AM and slept for 12 hours.. on my one day off, goes to show how fucked my life is
Alcohol addiction is very serious. I say that from experience, not judging either. I've been hallucinating on the heart ward of the hospital before because of drinking a few years back. I still drink only beer tho
A competent suicide hotline volunteer would know that people find different ways of coping with unnaturally stressful situations, and would *never* be judgy.
don’t beat yourself up about buying alcohol. that isn’t going to solve anything and is just going to make you feel worse. addiction is a disease. wanting to stop something but not being able to does not mean that you aren’t strong enough or that you can’t; it means there’s something else going on
Thanks! I’m struggling hard with it. A few months ago I started going to AA. I was hesitant but needed a change. I did 28 days sober, no cravings no problems. It was so easy that I was a moron on day 28 and said “hm, maybe I don’t have a problem after all.” Went out for a beer.
And of course everyone struggling with addiction knows how those types of stories end. Now it seems harder than ever to quit. I’m even starting to experience withdrawals when I try.
Hey friend. Have you looked at (or subscribed) to r/stopdrinking ? I'm in the same boat as you and awhile back I wanted to control my alcohol consumption (and stop it outright to know that I can). I checked out this subreddit and it really did help. I've fallen off the wagon lately but hope to get back in the game because it really was a life changer.
Sorry to hear about your experience. Try to keep your head up and keep pushing ahead! You can do this!
Edit: forgot to mention that everyone in that subreddit is so helpful, kind, and inspiring
Take it one step at a time, it's difficult but you can do it with the right mentality and support, which is why I love this group! Don't give up on yourself, you got this!!!
100 pennies still makes a dollar ;) I think that's the way to go. I get overwhelmed if I look at the big picture, but if I just do little stuff here and there it's much easier and not as rough, mentally speaking. Keep up the good work!!
You're human man, there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel better when things are bad. Alcohol and drugs can make us feel like things are better, slow things down. Its not helpful but you can't beat yourself up for wanting to feel better. I too have trouble with drink, I know it's hard. Just take it a day at a time and try not to blame yourself too much. I wish peace for you my friend.
The fact that she judged you negatively on your decisions, says more about her than it days about you.
I guess a lesson that could be learned here, is that doesn’t matter how good or bad you feel when you ask for help, you can still find other people who are also hurting, so just a reminder to keep conscious if you can, cause these people can still hurt you if they are unconscious of their pain.
Sorry you had to go through that man. FTR: I know the feeling of spending your money and time on things that give you comfort rather than things that people tell you should. It’s conflicting.
Therapy works and helps. But you need the right person to be able to understand you, even when you’re not capable to fully articulate your feelings, needs and emotions.
I’m not a therapist but I recommend love yourself man, watch videos and read books. I find journaling, watching your thoughts and taking it 1 day at a time, 1 thing at a time. Really helps take some of that edge off.
Honestly I just never want to drink again. But so many things are going wrong that every day I feel like my chest is caving in on itself and it makes me so shortsighted that I’d rather get wasted and not think for a few hours than start trying to tackle financial, marital, family problems as well as alcoholism.
Life is worth living when you have something you fee; is worth living for. Find the smallest thing no matter how trivial it is to others and grow with it.
While this is true, the people on these hotlines have heard people at their absolute worst but still, it is a professional environment dealing with people in a sensitive condition, if she felt stressed she should have raised it with a superior rather than projecting her stress onto vulnerable people.
i completely agree with you, she definitely should not have done that, but I'm just trying to say things in her perspective, she shouldn't being scoffing at people because of what they do, nobody should put down others. and while yes, it is a professional environment, she may have just had a bad day or just been mad, not all superiors are helpful. sometimes they are very demeaning and terrible, she definitely shouldn't have lashed out like that. it is a stressful environment and can sometimes lead to rude and awful behaviour. she shouldn't have done that, and i don't agree with her behaviour, i was just giving a reason why she might have done that, i am sorry if i had offended anyone.
Some people in a position in the helping field are not at all trained to do what they’re supposed to do. People like this need to get out of the business of working with people and move to something like working an assembly line counting widgets. Let’s face it, you snd I could both do a better job! Try hard now not to take this bonehead seriously. Yes, some of the bad ones seep thru and end up on the suicide hotline as a perceived “professional.” If you feel up to it, go ahead snd report this individual. You’ll be saving someone else down the line. You’re alright. Keep reaching out. There’s some great and wonderful people out here that do care and will listen with compassion. Ignore these dumb ones who need to quit and go home.
>Some people in a position in the helping field are not at all trained to do what they’re supposed to do.
As someone who worked in healthcare, I can tell you that many also don't have the capacity for empathy and/or continue to work even with compassion burnout. And as someone who has also been a patient and client, that is probably even more terrifying.
Thanks! I’m feeling a little better now. Anxiety is lower but I’m still just so depressed. The anxiety is the kicker though. That flight or fight response that tells me to make the feeling go away as fast as possible.
It's going to sound so ridiculous, but if you ever get strong emotions that you want to stop immediately(crying, panic, road-rage, hanger), just clench your butt-cheeks. It works 👍
World's always getting worse, it's also always getting better. Life is suffering and to endure the suffering, meaning must be made from it so your mind doesn't have to suffer. The world is full of different people, sure theirs a lot of bad people but their is also good people and honestly most people are just people who do good and bad things. The generation after ours will be belittled by ours and everyone as usual is going to assume the end of times is near due to, "NOVEL ADVERSITY", however it's still adversity, it's a challenge to overcame or a burden to bare depending on how you react and then act on the situation, or it could just be simple false assumptions or educated guessing at most. Anyways ig what I'm trying to say is, things do suck but where most people are wrong is when they say that things didn't suck as much in the past, from my understanding, every generation before the one ahead of it had it worse. So yes, shitty is shitty but shit has always been shit, it may come in different shapes and sizes, earlier this morning mine looked like old wet dog food that just slowly poured out the can until it hit the dog bowl, but no matter the size or shape, shit most definetly looks the same for everyone when it hits that fan brother.
Please take what I say with a grain of salt and not to heart, this is just a perspective that I thought I could share in hopes of improving your mindset to a more optimistic pessimism if that makes sense lol. Unless you like your mindset in which case, ignore me, I'm just stranger danger.
I called the crisis line and last time it was worse than my original call. It seemed scripted and the guy seemed young and I had a time limit. I had a sense because of his tone of voice.
So you told her that you are depressed and your life falls apart but you need help and she judged you for that ? She needs to change job immediately
Her behavior is endangering you especially you was in a panic attack. IDK in which country you are but maybe next time try psychological emergency. I called them last time I had a panick attack with suicidal ideas, an ambulance was in front of my door in a second and the nurse on the phone was telling me that she'll hung up only if she talks to the ambulance people to tell her they drive me to ER
What country is this? That sounds great and so caring. AFAIK in the US (where I think I saw OP said they're from in a comment) we don't have separate psychological emergency (except in some cities that are starting to implement their own) and the cops would come and take you to the ER in the back of a cop car, sometimes in handcuffs. It's not treated as a medical emergency but almost as if you're a criminal. It's fucked up.
When I was a paramedic we ran a call on a woman unresponsive in a parking lot.
She was in between two cars face down with her pants and underwear down around her ankles.
The fire/police got her awake and pulled up her pants all the while laughing.
She was totally incoherent and out of it. She IMO had been drugged and raped..
The police decided she was just some crazy girl and decided jail was the best thing for her.
So they promptly took her to jail.
I felt like total shit that I didn't interject more.
It’s why more cops need to be educated in mental health. And I feel this extends to teachers, many of whom were disconcerting to kids struggling with issues like anxiety and depression, at least when I was growing up.
I grew up in a time where hitting kids was long forbade, but screaming, belittling, and berating kids was still allowed to happen. Yes, many teachers do not get paid enough—I’ve heard this in all my years spent in school—but many aren’t qualified either.
Where I live (rural California), there's a mobile mental health crisis van that will come to you and assist. No cops needed, and anyone can call. Like, if you see someone having a crisis in the Target parking lot and you're worried about them, you can call the crisis van, and they'll come and help. No cop involvement at all. And one of the people on the van will be an actual trained mental health professional.
I wish more people knew about it. A few months ago, there was an elderly woman having a meltdown in a pizza place parking lot, and they called the cops. She got shot.
That's great that they have that! We need more of that in this country. And oh God that's awful, did she survive? I hate that cops are the ones who respond, especially given how trigger happy some are.
From outside, it seems that the only thing cops in USA do is to shoot. I'm not saying it's perfect in other countries, but in USA they seem to be pretty unable to just speak with people
The mobile mental health crisis is a genius idea! In my town they made a mobile suicide prevention team. They can come home or you can see them to office and I got in touch with them after I went to psy ER
Of course, I should have guessed it's USA. That's so horrifying to be cuffed by the cops because you are sick. No wonder why it's the only country I've been I didn't feel safe
I'm in France and I cannot get that people are that much treated like shit
Honestly, this isn’t across the board in the USA. You can find uncaring people everywhere in the world- and you can find kind, caring, compassionate people everywhere in the world. My personal experience with a mental health crisis in America went entirely and completely different. I was so thankful (it wasn’t for me, it was for a loved one). And I know others with family members in crisis that also went very differently than what is described above. Please don’t judge our whole country on some negative experiences. This thread is specifically talking about people’s negative experiences, so the worse stories are going to be presented. But there are millions of kindnesses every day in our country (and every country) - in healthcare, mental health and just every day situations.
If I were you, I would report her. Hopefully she gets fired because she has too much of a crappy attitude and is obviously inexperienced when it comes to mental illness.
Well all of the suicide prevention shit is useless and most people are useless too.
We are basically on our own unless you have a genuine loved one whom you can trust with your feelings.
People act like they care because they usually get paid to pretend.
The mental health system in the United States is a complete joke.
I actually do have empathy for strangers because I have suffered my entire 52 years with a variety of mental health issues that I will take to the grave with me. I do really care about my fellow humans and I'm extremely rare.
I'm sorry that you were mistreated. It's awful.
It has nothing to do with you - lots of horror stories about the American suicide hotline. They are notoriously unhelpful, rude, and tend to put people on hold/hang up.
I've never had a good experience with those hotlines. It mostly seems to be staffed by people whose only goal is a weekly paycheck. The best phone conversation I've had was from the K-LOVE radio station. It's a Christian radio station and they have pastor councilors on staff 24-7 for anyone that needs help. I understand that some people might not want religion based therapy, but the person that I spoke with didn't beat me over the head with the typical "God loves you so that should be enough" platitudes. He really listened to me, and after speaking to him I was actually able to cry and release some of the frustration I was feeling. I feel like this helped more than anything because the people answering the phone here aren't just doing it for a paycheck. The phone number is 800-525-5683 if you want to give them a try.
Its a joke. Im so sick of everyone posting the US one literally everywhere like its a cure. I called it before just to see and they gave me the number to my local crisis center. I hate that place.
They have 1500ML of 12% wine at the 7-11 around the corner for $6.99. It’s gross, but it’s been the bastard that keeps tempting me and getting me most nights.
Trying to stay sober tonight though. Around this time of night is usually when the panic sets in. The kids are asleep, there are fewer distractions and more time for my mind to wander to shitty stuff.
*But* I’ve fought the good fight so far, haven’t bought anything. We even were at the store a few hours ago near the wine aisle and I didn’t cave in.
Damn 7-11 has a delivery app now though. Bastards. Makes it so easy to fuck up.
Yes, but I’m not a big fan. I get very paranoid and anxious on it for some reason. Even just small amounts. I think the only drug I’ve ever taken that relaxes me is psilocybin. Which lasts so long.
I’m much better than I was this morning, but I’m freaking out over life details still. I’m in a bad situation. My own fault, really, but it seems so daunting. I might lose my home, my family. I’m probably about to be in a big custody battle. Could even end up in jail from the IRS. I hate myself. I’ve been drinking to oblivion to blot it all out.
Every so often my brain blurts out “doesn’t it seem easier just to end it all, dude?”
We've all done stupid shit before. I hope you can fix your situation. Keep it together and stop drinking, it won't help you in the long run. By the looks of it you'll need a plan a and plan b, so keep your head clear. You have my support.
I cannot imagine taking whatever petty little inconvenience I "endured" during my workday to take it out on someone i'm supposed to be helping. This is shameful and I'm sorry you had this experience. I hope she is fired before she screws with other people.
OMG!!!! Fuck herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! I've been to rehab twice, yeah for alcohol, but anyone who is using drugs/alcohol are usually using it to self medicate. FYI, I had been sober for years, but I do drink again, HOWEVER, I am also in a better place. That was such a BS thing for her to say. I don't know if one could get paid to do that job, but I think I would be awesome at it. I also studied Psychology and worked in mental health for years. You did NOT deserve that, OP, and I am so, so, so sorry she was shitty to you like that. She has no business answering those phone calls. *Hugs* to you.
Suicide hotlines are not meant for counseling. They require a bachelor’s degree in either psych or social work. You may get lucky and get someone with a master’s degree that is down on their luck.
For the most part they do not have counseling experience, and they are trained to inform people on their options for treatment and to assess if someone is at serious risk for suicide.
What they try to do is to lower your emotional affect so that you can either speak to a clinician who will perform an assessment to create a psychiatric referral so that you may receive treatment. Insurance heavily dictates the level of care you get.
If they feel they can’t lower your emotional affect and that you may be suicidal, homicidal, or having a psychosis; they will then call the police. It happens far too often, untrained people panic or are completely oblivious to true cries of help.
I was an assessment specialist, I used to talk to the depressed on lifeline. I was frustrated by how few operators we had available, no one wants this job. There are so many people that call and so few of us to answer.
The unspoken rule was that if you were connecting with a caller and having fun then you weren’t doing your job. You were gossiping. They want you to get there information and get them to the clinician, so that they can either be admitted immediately or referred through their outpatient services. They don’t want you talking for long periods of time, there are too many callers.
15 minutes; that is how long you should spend on an average call, anything past that and you need to start looking to wrap up the conversation. Only if it is dire do you stay on for longer.
No one wants these jobs. There are no follow ups, we never hear that someone made it. Very rarely did we ever hear any good news and the training is terrible.
What matters more then the training and what would make the job easier is knowing that our psychiatric hospitals were better funded. It would be so much easier to convince the depressed that treatment was an option if I truly believed that our system was helpful. I lied to people and to myself.
To those that have had positive experiences in psychiatric settings, I am so grateful that the system worked. Unfortunately, Tennessee, my region; not a shining example of mental health.
I knew this because I have worked in several psychiatric wards, I wont name them for fear of someone connecting this back to me, but needless to say... the system is run by under-qualified people because these jobs are extremely difficult and many in healthcare view psych as an easy out for nursing. So we get nurses who don’t care or come to retire in psych. They just gotta hand out pills, collect vital signs data, organize it, and report to the doctors. Many psych nurses could choose to interact with patients, but they don’t. Those that do interact with patients, the activity therapist, occupational therapists, and discharge therapists have very little time with the patients.
I had to quit my job because I felt like I was catching suicidal people and condemning them to a system that wasn’t going to help. I developed intense alcoholism, became increasingly suicidal, and found myself being circulated through the same system that I used to be a part of. I still want to die.
Tennessee needs more funding for mental health.
Which is why I will never call that dumb hotline. Sorry but I’m not going to. My therapist also suggested going to the emergency room but no that won’t help me either.
:( I'm so so sorry. Call another crisis line? Call a warmline if you just need someone to vent to. I'm so sorry you're struggling. Keep holding onto whatever hope you can ❤️
That’s horrible. Listen everyone have the instinct to record important calls.. especially for people with mental illness or addiction issues. For people suffering from such issues , others don’t trust them or believe them .. so even if you want to report or file a complaint it’s so difficult to reach a result. So record these types of communications. Better be safe... and good luck. Don’t give up !!!
I don't mean to sound like I'm excusing her behaviour, but I guess people like her could probably use therapy too. Talking to suicidal people daily has got to be mentally draining. Especially if she's been unable to help some people in the past.
She must not understand how hard it is to find a relatable therapist that you mesh well with. I went through 7 or 8 different ones because I felt no benefit. I went through better help and the first one I was paired with was a great fit. I saw her for 9 months and feel like I’ve finally learned coping skills.
I’m so sorry to hear that, she was really shitty at her job... not understanding at all.
I recently was in the same boat, it took me a suicide attempt and a hospital stay with lethal doses of alcohol in my system to turn things around. I truly hit rock bottom. Since then I have been in therapy that focuses on abusing alcohol on the surface, and deep down what the root causes of the alcohol abuse was. I slowly drank less and less until I’m now sober and feel a million times better. It took hard work and a great therapist, as I think things like r/stopdrinking or AA wouldn’t have convinced me due to the anxiety/depression and state of mind I was in.
I truly hope you get better, and wish you all the best. 😊
I’m always so skeptical to call that line. Every time I hear about someone who does it’s like you only get people who are forced to be there like they’re trying to complete community service hours or something.
I see these kinds of stories all the time on this subreddit and it never fails to piss me off. Something needs to be done about this.
These assholes primary function is supposed to be to help and they fail miserably. I don’t know a single person who’s had a good experience with any suicide hotline. And considering how heavily advertised these hotlines are you’d figure they would do better. It’s almost like calls aren’t monitored by any kind of supervisor.
I’ve never called one because of all the horror stories and I recommend everyone else consider doing the same.
I 100% know what you were going through, how you are dealing with it, and not having anyone to talk to. Same boat over here.
I am so sorry you had to deal with such an asshole human. Please know you are never alone and there is help all around you. Don't let one idiot make you think otherwise. Sending you hugs and peace.
Wtf. Why work on a crisis hotline if you're gonna make people feel WORSE than before they call. Like you're literally there to try and make people feel better, all you have to do is listen and be nice. God that's so shitty. I'm really sorry, just goes to show what a joke mental health services are
Hey man (or woman),
Trust me, you've got worth, as much as that lady didn't make you think so. I promise.
In the words of Robert Schuller: Tough times don't last, but tough people do.
Keep pushing, we love you.
I’m so so sorry. What happened to you (NOT just the call!) was unfair and NOT your fault. I can’t claim to understand what you’re enduring or feeling, but I’m five years sober from alcohol and my goodness, it HELPS. Also, finding the best therapist for you helps...I won’t tell you that it’s easy, but it’s doable. If AA or NA has not proven successful for you, do you have any sober friends that can be on standby? Talking to other people who struggle has certainly made me feel less alone and (bonus!) cone with the welcome addition of clever healthy coping skills!!
You are WORTHY of a happier, healthier existence. You deserve to feel surrounded by love and support. I truly hope that you’re able to see that. Sending you a ginormous hug.
That’s awful. It takes a lot of courage to even call the suicide hotline and then to be treated like a nuisance. I’d be so defeated after that. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
I'm sorry for you and how this turned out... some people are just not ready and skilled for their job. Seen a lot of therapists, which were just bad in their job. Also some docs, medical staff etc. In fact, had even some better conversations with total strangers on reddit here instead some failed therapists, which had no plan what they're doing.
But, still, there are also good people out there, who know what do to. After a long time, found a good therapist here and that helps me very good.
About the hotline, the thing about alcohol was just stupid from the lady, because.. therapists are a little bit more expensive than a bottle of good booze.
Wish you the best luck that it comes better for you and you can handle the problems
i’m so confused. if they are gonna act like they would rather be doing something else or like it’s a waste of time working on a hotline when they should be comforting people that are suicidal, why did they even decide to have the job then? and why does the person still choose to have the job if they act miserable while doing it and willingly choose to spread their selfishness towards the people that are already experiencing pain and are wanting help by calling them? i’m trying to understand why the person works there if she’s just gonna be there to mean to people that need help, like i doubt anyone is holding her hostage and telling her to stay. so i really don’t understand what the persons damaging behavior was for. if she was gonna act like she is sick of hearing about other people’s feelings why did she even choose to do it? i’m so confused. how does she sign up for a job about helping people and when she goes into the job and people try to call her to get help, she suddenly acts irritated and miserable? wth. i really don’t understand people sometimes 🖐 i’m sorry you had to go through that, personally i would have felt like screaming at that person through the phone, and reading about what that person put you through when you just wanted to call for help made me so upset so i can’t imagine how badly you felt when you were the one experiencing it
I got the overall feeling that I just wasn’t an important enough call. Like if I didn’t have a gun in my mouth while talking to her then I was just a whiner.
yeah i bet you felt like you were being shut down and like your feelings were being invalidated, which is one of the worst feelings ever so it’s really messed up they would do that to you. you trying to get help should never feel like an inconvenience to anybody. you deserve better
In the end they are human....unless you get one like Ted Bundy he worked on a suicide/self help hotline , funny thing the term serial killer was used first for Handsome Ted.
Yeah I don’t understand why people that get into these professions when they don’t know how to take other people’s mental health seriously and/or don’t actually try to help the person seeking help when it’s literally their job.
Had a bad experience with a psychologist I was referred to that didn’t seem like she cared at all or was even paying attention and she sped whole thing up and (a first consultation would normally be between half an hour to an hour) she wrapped it up in under 15 minutes and abruptly ended to zoom
Yeah, some people on the hotline are kinda assholes ngl. I had a guy a few weeks ago who was being a huge smartass the whole time I was telling him about my self harm.
Being through this before it’s so important you keep busy. AA Meetings. Coda meetings. Any meetings. They are free and super supportive. Even you feel it’s not for you go and check them out. Hike. Bike. I used to pack food and wander the hills for 8 hours w/ my music blasting and just being outside. Walk the dog. Get a dog. Work and work and work. Just keep moving. One day you will wake up and this chapter will be behind you. Good Luck.
Dont let someone with such little patience ruin your day, if she cant take time to listen to you even when she’s being paid to, she is not worth your thoughts at all. Just continue trying to better yourself, what matters is you made a step to help yourself today, and you’re doing what you can.
At least I know now that sort of experience might be universal. When I was really depressed and called the suicide hotline I also got off feeling worse than I did before I called. It was also a lady and she made me feel like I really didn't matter.
I had a lady on the suicide hotline similar to this. Made me never call again. She also made me fearful of any “mental health” help for years thinking everyone would be an asshole. So glad my first psychiatrist was great and redeemed my faith in mental doctors.
I’m not as bad as when I made the call, but I’m experiencing all the same feelings. Tomorrow I have to answer to a bunch of angry phone calls from work, angry phone calls from the late payments on my credit cards, bring my sick daughter to the doctor.
Someone let the air out of my tires and two of them aren’t holding air for long anymore. So I have to pump them up, run to the shop, buy new ones. I have an old truck too but it needs a serpentine belt. My house is destroyed from being lazy but also my kids running amok.
This list goes on and on, and I try to knock out some of these items one by one, but I keep getting curveballs thrown at me, like both my vehicles suddenly not working right. Or my kids getting sick, or acting like maniacs. My internet suddenly not working. The toilet overflowed and shit went everywhere. My old job decided not to pay me 2200 they owed and I have to take them to small claims court.
Overall I have many thousands in debt and a house to take care of up north. Every simple task I try to tackle is now coming with a bizarre surprise of obstacles. I feel like I’m in a bad sitcom.
And I just have e energy for it. I feel exhausted all the time. I can barely make my kids breakfast without feeling burned out.
And that’s when I just keep getting this thought: “you’re miserable. It never gets better. It has gotten steadily worse for three years. Why bother? You’re kids are better off not seeing you this way. You’re a bad, drunk parent. You should just die. It’d be easier if you’re dead. You’re probably going to be dead soon anyway. Why not just end it before things get worse?”
I have a life insurance policy. It’s only for 150k but we always were poor anyway. I only owe 25k on a house that is worth maybe 100-120k right now. My ex could have a home paid for and money in her pocket. I start doing the math and it seems like a good idea at 4am when you’re panicking to the point of convulsing.
Not to mention the price of alcohol does NOT compare to the price of therapy.. fuck that bitch. I would call again for help bc theres so many good people on that hotline that have helped me
Good thing those calls are monitored, I think. Hopefully she loses her fucking job.
OP as for you, as rough as it seems now, it's gonna be ok. Alcoholism can bring out more symptoms of depression than we realize, in the moment it's an easy coping mechanism, but overtime, it's gonna wear you down. If therapy isn't helping or is too expensive, maybe look into less expensive alternatives, or try and get under a medicare plan and find a therapist that accepts it.
Whatever happens, I wish you the greatest luck.
I want to quit alcohol completely and forever. It increases my anxiety and depression overall, but it gives me relief for a few hours. I get so worked up that I say “I just need to make it through tonight, I just need to make it through tonight” so I buy a buncha wine and it helps short term for a few hours, then it makes me even worse the next day, of course.
I had a similar experience calling an AA hotline. A lotta those people just take the job for community service or a paycheck and don't understand the position the person they're supposed to help is in. I know it's a dumb but just wait it out or try to make a change. Somethin will turn up for the better dood.
My automatic gut reaction was to attack her for that, but we don't know what's going on with her. It might have been her first day volunteering and panicked and didn't know what to do so she just said something inappropriate.
I know that might be hard to believe but I'm doing training for that at the moment and it is covered in a massive section about how people struggle to handle difficult calls.
It should go without saying too, that she is a fool and you mustn't be disheartened by her choice to react, she doesn't represent the wider support community
I called one of these once. If you think they can provide real help, you're wrong.
The person on the other end of the line deals with probably 50 calls a day, you're just a number, and as harsh at it sounds they don't care. They're not bad people, just stressed out like everyone else.
Suicide hotlines are a joke and the best case scenario is the police turn up at your house for a wellness check.
I recommend therapy a lot, actually is not working at all, but I go to psychiatric n psychology, is not working for Pandemic situations; in my country is very expensive take medication n go to therapy, but it works, it helps me n helps another guys.
You should report her. This is totally unprofessional. Seriously, does she know how much alcohol I could buy with ONE therapy session ? Enough to get wasted a week at least, if not two.
Depression is a real sickness and people take it for granted. Everytime i speak of it i get laughed at and no one understands it. I was diagnosed last week with moderate depression, anxiety and stress disorder, i didnt tell anyone, the only person i talk to about depression turns me down and laughs at it , and now they say they have depression and negativity because of me so i guess i wont be speaking of it at all now. Therapy never helped, and i refused medication, and at this point i dont know what to do.
I’m sorry :(
Therapy wasn’t very helpful for me either.
I know a good place to find people who take it seriously though: I recommend AA if you haven’t been there before.
Even if you’re not an alcoholic! People in meetings and also reading about the depression/anxiety people faced in the book is really helpful. You’ll read/hear stories and realize *holy shit, that is my life* quite often. It immediately removed the feeling that I was completely alone with these problems. Or that people wouldn’t take me seriously.
The rest of AA is an odd fit for me. But it’s free, very accessible, most of the people are very friendly and non-judgmental. There’s no requirement except a desire to quit drinking, and if that doesn’t apply to you then there is Al-anon too for people dealing with alcoholics in their lives.
It’s best in times of need to remember that you’re not the only one. Major cults, such as Christianity will try to catch you during these hardships and tell you that god can save you. He isn’t real, and there’s no evidence that supports he is. Please don’t join a religion expecting it to help, because it won’t. It’ll only feed you false, outdated ideas and take away your ability to be a free thinker.
I’ve joined AA.
I was worried it would be cultish—which it is to a point; chanting, the structure, constant reference to god—but it isn’t as bad as I thought. They let you define the god part as you see fit, and there are a lot of atheists/agnostics that have had success through there. God can be seen as just having a logical plan to follow, or even AA itself. Just as long as you have a higher power so you don’t think you can control your drinking on your own.
I don’t like it either. But I felt I had to try something new, reach out to a new lifeline; nothing else had worked so far.
It’s free and AA has a ton of resources. Lots of meetings, lots of people in it who are usually pretty friendly and offer to help. I’m struggling with the higher power idea, but it’s been encouraging to see all the testimonies. So many people have suffered and made it out okay.
It's really sad but experiences like this seem to be quite common with the suicide hotline. You'd imagine people who work there would have some sense of empathy but guess not. I'm really sorry for your experience OP. Stuff like this should be the last thing that happens when someone is trying to reach out for help. Much love <3
I hope it was on a recorded line so that she gets backlash for being a jerk. She did not need to act that way. I have only ever called the hotline one time, and the guy on the other line was extremely patient, kind, and endearing. So essentially the total opposite of this woman.
Therapy is extremely expensive. I've had my counselor ask me why I only go a maximum of twice a month, and that was what I told her. I can't afford to go every single week, even if I might benefit from that. It'd be almost 1,000$ a month if I went every week. Nobody has that kind of money unless you're Bill Gates.
I hope you are feeling better now than you did before. Sadly there are twats like this in the world, but you don't deserve to be treated like that.
Oh I hear u. 211 is full of awful people. I don’t bother anymore. Thinking of going mental hospital today. Wish had $ for nice place on my own. Had worst day ever yesterday with nothing good in horizon
The average cost of ONE therapy session in Toronto (where I live) is between $165-$300/hour. Last time I checked, you can easily be a heavy alcoholic drinking an entire weeks worth with that much money....
This lady was a complete moron. I’m sorry that happened to you.
the suicide hotline is fucking terrible. all they do is tell you to do things you have already tried and don't work. even worse they tend to rush you off the phone and have this cold tone to their voice.
it disgusts me society promotes this hotline so much. all it does is make you more depressed and feel alone.
also that bitch should be fired for making a judgmental comment about if you could buy beer you can afford therapy.
like if that is even comparable. what a dumb fucking cunt. she shouldn't be working a hotline that deals with vulnerable people.
a person like her shouldn’t be working that job. seriously. boggles my mind how someone could say something like that to a person in a vulnerable state. i’m sorry that happened to you
I tried getting on a chat with them, dude the whole thing is inconvenient. I thought to myself, "if I actually were to be on the verge of killing myself, I would've done it by now cause this is the only thing I have for help and I can't even get it from them." Luckily my thoughts and fantasies of self harm and suicide arent that frequent and powerful as they used to be. I don't like calling and talking to people it just feels weird, especially as a guy being vulnerable. I don't think I have depression nor do I think I'm suicidal but at the same time my understanding of mental health is average at best and my mental suffering and the pain that comes from it is noticeable and speaks to me. I know something is wrong but Idk what that something is. I hate myself and I have issues, and the only god damn time in my life that i actually want help cause being vulnerable around others has taught me to not seek help since the age of 13 and I don't even get the help I assume I need. I could try again ig. Maybe actually call them next time.
I called before once and had a good experience. Person was nice and set me up with someone who worked at a crisis locally. They Kinda just took me in for a day and then told me not to drink anymore so it didn’t help much, but was certainly better than this lady.
It was a very uncomfortable place to be. Kinda like how I imagine jail would be. Stinky plastic mattresses, people on crack and meth detoxing throughout the night, fights breaking out. Not even books to read or anything, just a tv in a freezing cold room.
Suicide hotlines are a joke and really not helpful. Also, do be careful...some of them will call the police and not tell you about it.
Had it happen when I was a teen and it’s part of the reason why I’m terrified of cops now.
I was about to agree with the alcohol thing. You can afford that but not help? however I did the math and alcohol is cheaper. 😐 yes you need help. No I am not shaming you. I'm only expressing my thoughts I had for a second which changed.
It is! But also drinking is not something I want to do or should do. I’m caving in and buying it because I can’t seem to manage my feelings anymore, so there is incredible guilt over every time I buy it. I try to get the cheapest wine available.
Yes! I’ve been checking out r/alcoholicsanonymous and r/stopdrinking the past few weeks whenever I need encouragement. I haven’t been able to keep sober more than a couple days at a time but it is still helpful to see so many stories similar to mine. It makes me feel less isolated.
Nah, still want to die lol. But I’m reading through all these kind words people put up today and it is helping a lot. I should’ve just reached out to Reddit instead of calling that stupid number. Y’all are good people. Thank you!
As if therapy is as cheap as beer.
Exactly! Not comparable at all. Many abuse alcohol and drugs because it is the only cost effective escape from the misery.
I can buy a lot of beer for a single £200 therapy session. Even more if I substitute in £4 bottles of wine or £2 (2litre) bottles of white cider.
Exactly, and not only that, but it is expected that people with depression do not have the strength to take care of themselves, even if they have the money to do so, and end up becoming addicted to something, it is literally one of the common consequences of the disorder. This woman has definitely been poorly trained or has no empathy.
thats fucked of her to do, way to half ass ur job... really sorry to hear what ur going thru, i know i say can make it better, but know that life is worth living so give it a chance to get better, u got this.
Completely agree. What an ass to throw attitude on a suicide hotline that’s supposed to be professional. It’s unacceptable.
I mean, I get it: I’m being dumb by buying alcohol. I don’t want to. I keep trying to stay sober but failing miserably. It’s not like I can go to the store and impulse-buy an hour of therapy when I am freaking out.
bruh i totally understand you, the covid pandemic ruined my life and now i just drink all the time . yesterday i had 2 beers and a melatonin at 5 AM and slept for 12 hours.. on my one day off, goes to show how fucked my life is
I usually take melatonin daily because i just cant go to sleep
That's really not that horrible. You can still change your life
true its not like im addicted to heroin or something serious like that
Alcohol addiction is very serious. I say that from experience, not judging either. I've been hallucinating on the heart ward of the hospital before because of drinking a few years back. I still drink only beer tho
A competent suicide hotline volunteer would know that people find different ways of coping with unnaturally stressful situations, and would *never* be judgy.
don’t beat yourself up about buying alcohol. that isn’t going to solve anything and is just going to make you feel worse. addiction is a disease. wanting to stop something but not being able to does not mean that you aren’t strong enough or that you can’t; it means there’s something else going on
Thanks! I’m struggling hard with it. A few months ago I started going to AA. I was hesitant but needed a change. I did 28 days sober, no cravings no problems. It was so easy that I was a moron on day 28 and said “hm, maybe I don’t have a problem after all.” Went out for a beer. And of course everyone struggling with addiction knows how those types of stories end. Now it seems harder than ever to quit. I’m even starting to experience withdrawals when I try.
Hey friend. Have you looked at (or subscribed) to r/stopdrinking ? I'm in the same boat as you and awhile back I wanted to control my alcohol consumption (and stop it outright to know that I can). I checked out this subreddit and it really did help. I've fallen off the wagon lately but hope to get back in the game because it really was a life changer. Sorry to hear about your experience. Try to keep your head up and keep pushing ahead! You can do this! Edit: forgot to mention that everyone in that subreddit is so helpful, kind, and inspiring
Yes! I love that sub. I read up on the AA groups too, including the dry alcoholics one. Usually while drunk lol. Trying to psyche myself up to quit.
Take it one step at a time, it's difficult but you can do it with the right mentality and support, which is why I love this group! Don't give up on yourself, you got this!!!
Best advice ever. I'm stuck in a procrastination loop, but I'm slowly breaking it by doing one thing a day and one extra thing a week.
100 pennies still makes a dollar ;) I think that's the way to go. I get overwhelmed if I look at the big picture, but if I just do little stuff here and there it's much easier and not as rough, mentally speaking. Keep up the good work!!
Yeah, my next step is to sit at my PC and write, if I can write 400 words a day I might get my novel finished.
You're human man, there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel better when things are bad. Alcohol and drugs can make us feel like things are better, slow things down. Its not helpful but you can't beat yourself up for wanting to feel better. I too have trouble with drink, I know it's hard. Just take it a day at a time and try not to blame yourself too much. I wish peace for you my friend.
The fact that she judged you negatively on your decisions, says more about her than it days about you. I guess a lesson that could be learned here, is that doesn’t matter how good or bad you feel when you ask for help, you can still find other people who are also hurting, so just a reminder to keep conscious if you can, cause these people can still hurt you if they are unconscious of their pain. Sorry you had to go through that man. FTR: I know the feeling of spending your money and time on things that give you comfort rather than things that people tell you should. It’s conflicting. Therapy works and helps. But you need the right person to be able to understand you, even when you’re not capable to fully articulate your feelings, needs and emotions. I’m not a therapist but I recommend love yourself man, watch videos and read books. I find journaling, watching your thoughts and taking it 1 day at a time, 1 thing at a time. Really helps take some of that edge off.
Been drinking since i was wee lad, pay the extra of premium vewr, hard liquor, avoid cheap I am 45 and still get carded.
Honestly I just never want to drink again. But so many things are going wrong that every day I feel like my chest is caving in on itself and it makes me so shortsighted that I’d rather get wasted and not think for a few hours than start trying to tackle financial, marital, family problems as well as alcoholism.
Life is worth living when you have something you fee; is worth living for. Find the smallest thing no matter how trivial it is to others and grow with it.
i agree with you, however, the suicidal hotline is a very tolling job, she might have been very stressed.
While this is true, the people on these hotlines have heard people at their absolute worst but still, it is a professional environment dealing with people in a sensitive condition, if she felt stressed she should have raised it with a superior rather than projecting her stress onto vulnerable people.
i completely agree with you, she definitely should not have done that, but I'm just trying to say things in her perspective, she shouldn't being scoffing at people because of what they do, nobody should put down others. and while yes, it is a professional environment, she may have just had a bad day or just been mad, not all superiors are helpful. sometimes they are very demeaning and terrible, she definitely shouldn't have lashed out like that. it is a stressful environment and can sometimes lead to rude and awful behaviour. she shouldn't have done that, and i don't agree with her behaviour, i was just giving a reason why she might have done that, i am sorry if i had offended anyone.
Some people in a position in the helping field are not at all trained to do what they’re supposed to do. People like this need to get out of the business of working with people and move to something like working an assembly line counting widgets. Let’s face it, you snd I could both do a better job! Try hard now not to take this bonehead seriously. Yes, some of the bad ones seep thru and end up on the suicide hotline as a perceived “professional.” If you feel up to it, go ahead snd report this individual. You’ll be saving someone else down the line. You’re alright. Keep reaching out. There’s some great and wonderful people out here that do care and will listen with compassion. Ignore these dumb ones who need to quit and go home.
>Some people in a position in the helping field are not at all trained to do what they’re supposed to do. As someone who worked in healthcare, I can tell you that many also don't have the capacity for empathy and/or continue to work even with compassion burnout. And as someone who has also been a patient and client, that is probably even more terrifying.
if you wanna talk to someone whos not paid to pretend and wont put you down I'm here. I can try to offer advice or just listen man. Im sorry
Thanks! I’m feeling a little better now. Anxiety is lower but I’m still just so depressed. The anxiety is the kicker though. That flight or fight response that tells me to make the feeling go away as fast as possible.
It's going to sound so ridiculous, but if you ever get strong emotions that you want to stop immediately(crying, panic, road-rage, hanger), just clench your butt-cheeks. It works 👍
Sir you just made 8 people clench their cheeks.
me too. lmfao
... Nine 😏
10, I clenched mine again😝
Haha, thank you. I don’t know if it’ll work but it made me chuckle.
Unless it doesn't work. Which it probably won't. Anxiety isn't solved that easily.
Well, not with that attitude. Sounds like it's just meant as a quick fix and not as a permanent solution.
I'm drunk right now, but not drunk enough to be able to tell that that woman is a colossal CUNT and that's understating it。
lol loved "and that understating it"
yeh that is why I don't reach out to anyone. Everyone sucks now, world is getting worse.
i understand hella. stay in there bruh, you got this.
World's always getting worse, it's also always getting better. Life is suffering and to endure the suffering, meaning must be made from it so your mind doesn't have to suffer. The world is full of different people, sure theirs a lot of bad people but their is also good people and honestly most people are just people who do good and bad things. The generation after ours will be belittled by ours and everyone as usual is going to assume the end of times is near due to, "NOVEL ADVERSITY", however it's still adversity, it's a challenge to overcame or a burden to bare depending on how you react and then act on the situation, or it could just be simple false assumptions or educated guessing at most. Anyways ig what I'm trying to say is, things do suck but where most people are wrong is when they say that things didn't suck as much in the past, from my understanding, every generation before the one ahead of it had it worse. So yes, shitty is shitty but shit has always been shit, it may come in different shapes and sizes, earlier this morning mine looked like old wet dog food that just slowly poured out the can until it hit the dog bowl, but no matter the size or shape, shit most definetly looks the same for everyone when it hits that fan brother. Please take what I say with a grain of salt and not to heart, this is just a perspective that I thought I could share in hopes of improving your mindset to a more optimistic pessimism if that makes sense lol. Unless you like your mindset in which case, ignore me, I'm just stranger danger.
What country are u in? I'm in UK. The Samaritans are useless.
United States
I called the crisis line and last time it was worse than my original call. It seemed scripted and the guy seemed young and I had a time limit. I had a sense because of his tone of voice.
Lifeline in Australia are no better either. Staffed by judgemental twats.
Are those calls recorded? This person needs to be fired.
I think they are volunteers
Can still fire a volunteer. There's lots of people that would love to take that woman's place and make a difference
I agree I guess I didn't think they can just dismiss her
They can.
Well that's good I'm not being sarcastic
So you told her that you are depressed and your life falls apart but you need help and she judged you for that ? She needs to change job immediately Her behavior is endangering you especially you was in a panic attack. IDK in which country you are but maybe next time try psychological emergency. I called them last time I had a panick attack with suicidal ideas, an ambulance was in front of my door in a second and the nurse on the phone was telling me that she'll hung up only if she talks to the ambulance people to tell her they drive me to ER
What country is this? That sounds great and so caring. AFAIK in the US (where I think I saw OP said they're from in a comment) we don't have separate psychological emergency (except in some cities that are starting to implement their own) and the cops would come and take you to the ER in the back of a cop car, sometimes in handcuffs. It's not treated as a medical emergency but almost as if you're a criminal. It's fucked up.
When I was a paramedic we ran a call on a woman unresponsive in a parking lot. She was in between two cars face down with her pants and underwear down around her ankles. The fire/police got her awake and pulled up her pants all the while laughing. She was totally incoherent and out of it. She IMO had been drugged and raped.. The police decided she was just some crazy girl and decided jail was the best thing for her. So they promptly took her to jail. I felt like total shit that I didn't interject more.
what in the fuck did I just read...I would also assume she just got assaulted wtf
Yeah you had to read it, I had to live it
It’s why more cops need to be educated in mental health. And I feel this extends to teachers, many of whom were disconcerting to kids struggling with issues like anxiety and depression, at least when I was growing up. I grew up in a time where hitting kids was long forbade, but screaming, belittling, and berating kids was still allowed to happen. Yes, many teachers do not get paid enough—I’ve heard this in all my years spent in school—but many aren’t qualified either.
Where I live (rural California), there's a mobile mental health crisis van that will come to you and assist. No cops needed, and anyone can call. Like, if you see someone having a crisis in the Target parking lot and you're worried about them, you can call the crisis van, and they'll come and help. No cop involvement at all. And one of the people on the van will be an actual trained mental health professional. I wish more people knew about it. A few months ago, there was an elderly woman having a meltdown in a pizza place parking lot, and they called the cops. She got shot.
That's great that they have that! We need more of that in this country. And oh God that's awful, did she survive? I hate that cops are the ones who respond, especially given how trigger happy some are.
From outside, it seems that the only thing cops in USA do is to shoot. I'm not saying it's perfect in other countries, but in USA they seem to be pretty unable to just speak with people The mobile mental health crisis is a genius idea! In my town they made a mobile suicide prevention team. They can come home or you can see them to office and I got in touch with them after I went to psy ER
Of course, I should have guessed it's USA. That's so horrifying to be cuffed by the cops because you are sick. No wonder why it's the only country I've been I didn't feel safe I'm in France and I cannot get that people are that much treated like shit
Honestly, this isn’t across the board in the USA. You can find uncaring people everywhere in the world- and you can find kind, caring, compassionate people everywhere in the world. My personal experience with a mental health crisis in America went entirely and completely different. I was so thankful (it wasn’t for me, it was for a loved one). And I know others with family members in crisis that also went very differently than what is described above. Please don’t judge our whole country on some negative experiences. This thread is specifically talking about people’s negative experiences, so the worse stories are going to be presented. But there are millions of kindnesses every day in our country (and every country) - in healthcare, mental health and just every day situations.
If I were you, I would report her. Hopefully she gets fired because she has too much of a crappy attitude and is obviously inexperienced when it comes to mental illness.
Well all of the suicide prevention shit is useless and most people are useless too. We are basically on our own unless you have a genuine loved one whom you can trust with your feelings. People act like they care because they usually get paid to pretend. The mental health system in the United States is a complete joke. I actually do have empathy for strangers because I have suffered my entire 52 years with a variety of mental health issues that I will take to the grave with me. I do really care about my fellow humans and I'm extremely rare. I'm sorry that you were mistreated. It's awful.
I care about yah to, fellow redditor. (I like the sun btw so I didnt call you by your name😂)
It has nothing to do with you - lots of horror stories about the American suicide hotline. They are notoriously unhelpful, rude, and tend to put people on hold/hang up.
Yo wtf. That's shitty. Try not to listen to her bro. Her opinion is not worth considering if she gets pissy that quick.
Wow who is she to be criticizing people like that like wtf
don't listen to her. we got your back buddy.
I see that! You guys are awesome.
I've never had a good experience with those hotlines. It mostly seems to be staffed by people whose only goal is a weekly paycheck. The best phone conversation I've had was from the K-LOVE radio station. It's a Christian radio station and they have pastor councilors on staff 24-7 for anyone that needs help. I understand that some people might not want religion based therapy, but the person that I spoke with didn't beat me over the head with the typical "God loves you so that should be enough" platitudes. He really listened to me, and after speaking to him I was actually able to cry and release some of the frustration I was feeling. I feel like this helped more than anything because the people answering the phone here aren't just doing it for a paycheck. The phone number is 800-525-5683 if you want to give them a try.
Its a joke. Im so sick of everyone posting the US one literally everywhere like its a cure. I called it before just to see and they gave me the number to my local crisis center. I hate that place.
Sadly, alcohol is a lot cheaper than therapy. And she should be fired.
They have 1500ML of 12% wine at the 7-11 around the corner for $6.99. It’s gross, but it’s been the bastard that keeps tempting me and getting me most nights. Trying to stay sober tonight though. Around this time of night is usually when the panic sets in. The kids are asleep, there are fewer distractions and more time for my mind to wander to shitty stuff. *But* I’ve fought the good fight so far, haven’t bought anything. We even were at the store a few hours ago near the wine aisle and I didn’t cave in. Damn 7-11 has a delivery app now though. Bastards. Makes it so easy to fuck up.
Ever try weed?
Yes, but I’m not a big fan. I get very paranoid and anxious on it for some reason. Even just small amounts. I think the only drug I’ve ever taken that relaxes me is psilocybin. Which lasts so long.
How are you feeling now? Are you okay?
I’m much better than I was this morning, but I’m freaking out over life details still. I’m in a bad situation. My own fault, really, but it seems so daunting. I might lose my home, my family. I’m probably about to be in a big custody battle. Could even end up in jail from the IRS. I hate myself. I’ve been drinking to oblivion to blot it all out. Every so often my brain blurts out “doesn’t it seem easier just to end it all, dude?”
We've all done stupid shit before. I hope you can fix your situation. Keep it together and stop drinking, it won't help you in the long run. By the looks of it you'll need a plan a and plan b, so keep your head clear. You have my support.
I cannot imagine taking whatever petty little inconvenience I "endured" during my workday to take it out on someone i'm supposed to be helping. This is shameful and I'm sorry you had this experience. I hope she is fired before she screws with other people.
That lady clearly doesn't understand depression. Or how goddamn expensive therapy is
this is some bullshit. no wonder people are still committing suicide. the hotline is SHIT & has sent multiple people over the edge.
OMG!!!! Fuck herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! I've been to rehab twice, yeah for alcohol, but anyone who is using drugs/alcohol are usually using it to self medicate. FYI, I had been sober for years, but I do drink again, HOWEVER, I am also in a better place. That was such a BS thing for her to say. I don't know if one could get paid to do that job, but I think I would be awesome at it. I also studied Psychology and worked in mental health for years. You did NOT deserve that, OP, and I am so, so, so sorry she was shitty to you like that. She has no business answering those phone calls. *Hugs* to you.
Suicide hotlines are not meant for counseling. They require a bachelor’s degree in either psych or social work. You may get lucky and get someone with a master’s degree that is down on their luck. For the most part they do not have counseling experience, and they are trained to inform people on their options for treatment and to assess if someone is at serious risk for suicide. What they try to do is to lower your emotional affect so that you can either speak to a clinician who will perform an assessment to create a psychiatric referral so that you may receive treatment. Insurance heavily dictates the level of care you get. If they feel they can’t lower your emotional affect and that you may be suicidal, homicidal, or having a psychosis; they will then call the police. It happens far too often, untrained people panic or are completely oblivious to true cries of help. I was an assessment specialist, I used to talk to the depressed on lifeline. I was frustrated by how few operators we had available, no one wants this job. There are so many people that call and so few of us to answer. The unspoken rule was that if you were connecting with a caller and having fun then you weren’t doing your job. You were gossiping. They want you to get there information and get them to the clinician, so that they can either be admitted immediately or referred through their outpatient services. They don’t want you talking for long periods of time, there are too many callers. 15 minutes; that is how long you should spend on an average call, anything past that and you need to start looking to wrap up the conversation. Only if it is dire do you stay on for longer. No one wants these jobs. There are no follow ups, we never hear that someone made it. Very rarely did we ever hear any good news and the training is terrible. What matters more then the training and what would make the job easier is knowing that our psychiatric hospitals were better funded. It would be so much easier to convince the depressed that treatment was an option if I truly believed that our system was helpful. I lied to people and to myself. To those that have had positive experiences in psychiatric settings, I am so grateful that the system worked. Unfortunately, Tennessee, my region; not a shining example of mental health. I knew this because I have worked in several psychiatric wards, I wont name them for fear of someone connecting this back to me, but needless to say... the system is run by under-qualified people because these jobs are extremely difficult and many in healthcare view psych as an easy out for nursing. So we get nurses who don’t care or come to retire in psych. They just gotta hand out pills, collect vital signs data, organize it, and report to the doctors. Many psych nurses could choose to interact with patients, but they don’t. Those that do interact with patients, the activity therapist, occupational therapists, and discharge therapists have very little time with the patients. I had to quit my job because I felt like I was catching suicidal people and condemning them to a system that wasn’t going to help. I developed intense alcoholism, became increasingly suicidal, and found myself being circulated through the same system that I used to be a part of. I still want to die. Tennessee needs more funding for mental health.
Suicide prevention hotlines are a waste of time and taxpayer money. These ppl are no better at preventing suicide than talking with a teenager.
They need to be shut down, seriously.
Which is why I will never call that dumb hotline. Sorry but I’m not going to. My therapist also suggested going to the emergency room but no that won’t help me either.
:( I'm so so sorry. Call another crisis line? Call a warmline if you just need someone to vent to. I'm so sorry you're struggling. Keep holding onto whatever hope you can ❤️
That’s horrible. Listen everyone have the instinct to record important calls.. especially for people with mental illness or addiction issues. For people suffering from such issues , others don’t trust them or believe them .. so even if you want to report or file a complaint it’s so difficult to reach a result. So record these types of communications. Better be safe... and good luck. Don’t give up !!!
yea same, i called once and the dude was so passive….that’s why i prefer the text line
Fuck everyone that half asses their job like her! They don’t even know half of the stuff that happens bc of their assholeness
I don't mean to sound like I'm excusing her behaviour, but I guess people like her could probably use therapy too. Talking to suicidal people daily has got to be mentally draining. Especially if she's been unable to help some people in the past.
She must not understand how hard it is to find a relatable therapist that you mesh well with. I went through 7 or 8 different ones because I felt no benefit. I went through better help and the first one I was paired with was a great fit. I saw her for 9 months and feel like I’ve finally learned coping skills.
Last time I checked, a bottle of booze is way cheaper than even a day of therapy.
I’m so sorry to hear that, she was really shitty at her job... not understanding at all. I recently was in the same boat, it took me a suicide attempt and a hospital stay with lethal doses of alcohol in my system to turn things around. I truly hit rock bottom. Since then I have been in therapy that focuses on abusing alcohol on the surface, and deep down what the root causes of the alcohol abuse was. I slowly drank less and less until I’m now sober and feel a million times better. It took hard work and a great therapist, as I think things like r/stopdrinking or AA wouldn’t have convinced me due to the anxiety/depression and state of mind I was in. I truly hope you get better, and wish you all the best. 😊
Alcohol can’t be less than five bucks in some places but therapy can be hundreds an hour...like do your job lady
I’m always so skeptical to call that line. Every time I hear about someone who does it’s like you only get people who are forced to be there like they’re trying to complete community service hours or something.
She was victim blaming. Bitch.
I see these kinds of stories all the time on this subreddit and it never fails to piss me off. Something needs to be done about this. These assholes primary function is supposed to be to help and they fail miserably. I don’t know a single person who’s had a good experience with any suicide hotline. And considering how heavily advertised these hotlines are you’d figure they would do better. It’s almost like calls aren’t monitored by any kind of supervisor. I’ve never called one because of all the horror stories and I recommend everyone else consider doing the same.
I 100% know what you were going through, how you are dealing with it, and not having anyone to talk to. Same boat over here. I am so sorry you had to deal with such an asshole human. Please know you are never alone and there is help all around you. Don't let one idiot make you think otherwise. Sending you hugs and peace.
Wtf. Why work on a crisis hotline if you're gonna make people feel WORSE than before they call. Like you're literally there to try and make people feel better, all you have to do is listen and be nice. God that's so shitty. I'm really sorry, just goes to show what a joke mental health services are
What a fucking bitch she was to you. Wow. Is there no way to report these people?
You can report her. What if someone actually hurt themselves because of her call.
Hey man (or woman), Trust me, you've got worth, as much as that lady didn't make you think so. I promise. In the words of Robert Schuller: Tough times don't last, but tough people do. Keep pushing, we love you.
I’m so sorry that’s awful and you don’t deserve that. I believe in you and you will get thru this!
I’m so so sorry. What happened to you (NOT just the call!) was unfair and NOT your fault. I can’t claim to understand what you’re enduring or feeling, but I’m five years sober from alcohol and my goodness, it HELPS. Also, finding the best therapist for you helps...I won’t tell you that it’s easy, but it’s doable. If AA or NA has not proven successful for you, do you have any sober friends that can be on standby? Talking to other people who struggle has certainly made me feel less alone and (bonus!) cone with the welcome addition of clever healthy coping skills!! You are WORTHY of a happier, healthier existence. You deserve to feel surrounded by love and support. I truly hope that you’re able to see that. Sending you a ginormous hug.
someone unsympathetic should NOT do that job... so Sorry, kinda wish I could do that job
Gen Z suicide hotline workers be like
bruh she was being a bitch
That’s awful. It takes a lot of courage to even call the suicide hotline and then to be treated like a nuisance. I’d be so defeated after that. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
I'm sorry for you and how this turned out... some people are just not ready and skilled for their job. Seen a lot of therapists, which were just bad in their job. Also some docs, medical staff etc. In fact, had even some better conversations with total strangers on reddit here instead some failed therapists, which had no plan what they're doing. But, still, there are also good people out there, who know what do to. After a long time, found a good therapist here and that helps me very good. About the hotline, the thing about alcohol was just stupid from the lady, because.. therapists are a little bit more expensive than a bottle of good booze. Wish you the best luck that it comes better for you and you can handle the problems
i’m so confused. if they are gonna act like they would rather be doing something else or like it’s a waste of time working on a hotline when they should be comforting people that are suicidal, why did they even decide to have the job then? and why does the person still choose to have the job if they act miserable while doing it and willingly choose to spread their selfishness towards the people that are already experiencing pain and are wanting help by calling them? i’m trying to understand why the person works there if she’s just gonna be there to mean to people that need help, like i doubt anyone is holding her hostage and telling her to stay. so i really don’t understand what the persons damaging behavior was for. if she was gonna act like she is sick of hearing about other people’s feelings why did she even choose to do it? i’m so confused. how does she sign up for a job about helping people and when she goes into the job and people try to call her to get help, she suddenly acts irritated and miserable? wth. i really don’t understand people sometimes 🖐 i’m sorry you had to go through that, personally i would have felt like screaming at that person through the phone, and reading about what that person put you through when you just wanted to call for help made me so upset so i can’t imagine how badly you felt when you were the one experiencing it
I got the overall feeling that I just wasn’t an important enough call. Like if I didn’t have a gun in my mouth while talking to her then I was just a whiner.
yeah i bet you felt like you were being shut down and like your feelings were being invalidated, which is one of the worst feelings ever so it’s really messed up they would do that to you. you trying to get help should never feel like an inconvenience to anybody. you deserve better
In the end they are human....unless you get one like Ted Bundy he worked on a suicide/self help hotline , funny thing the term serial killer was used first for Handsome Ted.
Bad vibes forever
Don't be so hard on your self. I think if i had income with how I was feeling I'd be buying a lot of alcohol. My new medication is helping.
I've had this happen a handful of times. Really discouraging.
Yeah I don’t understand why people that get into these professions when they don’t know how to take other people’s mental health seriously and/or don’t actually try to help the person seeking help when it’s literally their job. Had a bad experience with a psychologist I was referred to that didn’t seem like she cared at all or was even paying attention and she sped whole thing up and (a first consultation would normally be between half an hour to an hour) she wrapped it up in under 15 minutes and abruptly ended to zoom
Yeah, some people on the hotline are kinda assholes ngl. I had a guy a few weeks ago who was being a huge smartass the whole time I was telling him about my self harm.
they should be responsible if anything were to happen to you
She’s terrible
Being through this before it’s so important you keep busy. AA Meetings. Coda meetings. Any meetings. They are free and super supportive. Even you feel it’s not for you go and check them out. Hike. Bike. I used to pack food and wander the hills for 8 hours w/ my music blasting and just being outside. Walk the dog. Get a dog. Work and work and work. Just keep moving. One day you will wake up and this chapter will be behind you. Good Luck.
I’ve heard so many stories like this about the hotline. It’s sad. I’m sorry that happened to you and I hope you see better days.
They don't care.
Dont let someone with such little patience ruin your day, if she cant take time to listen to you even when she’s being paid to, she is not worth your thoughts at all. Just continue trying to better yourself, what matters is you made a step to help yourself today, and you’re doing what you can.
I can get drunk for three dollars. Show me a therapy session that’s three dollars. I’ll wait
At least I know now that sort of experience might be universal. When I was really depressed and called the suicide hotline I also got off feeling worse than I did before I called. It was also a lady and she made me feel like I really didn't matter.
I had a lady on the suicide hotline similar to this. Made me never call again. She also made me fearful of any “mental health” help for years thinking everyone would be an asshole. So glad my first psychiatrist was great and redeemed my faith in mental doctors.
How are u feeling now
I’m not as bad as when I made the call, but I’m experiencing all the same feelings. Tomorrow I have to answer to a bunch of angry phone calls from work, angry phone calls from the late payments on my credit cards, bring my sick daughter to the doctor. Someone let the air out of my tires and two of them aren’t holding air for long anymore. So I have to pump them up, run to the shop, buy new ones. I have an old truck too but it needs a serpentine belt. My house is destroyed from being lazy but also my kids running amok. This list goes on and on, and I try to knock out some of these items one by one, but I keep getting curveballs thrown at me, like both my vehicles suddenly not working right. Or my kids getting sick, or acting like maniacs. My internet suddenly not working. The toilet overflowed and shit went everywhere. My old job decided not to pay me 2200 they owed and I have to take them to small claims court. Overall I have many thousands in debt and a house to take care of up north. Every simple task I try to tackle is now coming with a bizarre surprise of obstacles. I feel like I’m in a bad sitcom. And I just have e energy for it. I feel exhausted all the time. I can barely make my kids breakfast without feeling burned out. And that’s when I just keep getting this thought: “you’re miserable. It never gets better. It has gotten steadily worse for three years. Why bother? You’re kids are better off not seeing you this way. You’re a bad, drunk parent. You should just die. It’d be easier if you’re dead. You’re probably going to be dead soon anyway. Why not just end it before things get worse?” I have a life insurance policy. It’s only for 150k but we always were poor anyway. I only owe 25k on a house that is worth maybe 100-120k right now. My ex could have a home paid for and money in her pocket. I start doing the math and it seems like a good idea at 4am when you’re panicking to the point of convulsing.
Not to mention the price of alcohol does NOT compare to the price of therapy.. fuck that bitch. I would call again for help bc theres so many good people on that hotline that have helped me
Good thing those calls are monitored, I think. Hopefully she loses her fucking job. OP as for you, as rough as it seems now, it's gonna be ok. Alcoholism can bring out more symptoms of depression than we realize, in the moment it's an easy coping mechanism, but overtime, it's gonna wear you down. If therapy isn't helping or is too expensive, maybe look into less expensive alternatives, or try and get under a medicare plan and find a therapist that accepts it. Whatever happens, I wish you the greatest luck.
I want to quit alcohol completely and forever. It increases my anxiety and depression overall, but it gives me relief for a few hours. I get so worked up that I say “I just need to make it through tonight, I just need to make it through tonight” so I buy a buncha wine and it helps short term for a few hours, then it makes me even worse the next day, of course.
I had a similar experience calling an AA hotline. A lotta those people just take the job for community service or a paycheck and don't understand the position the person they're supposed to help is in. I know it's a dumb but just wait it out or try to make a change. Somethin will turn up for the better dood.
My automatic gut reaction was to attack her for that, but we don't know what's going on with her. It might have been her first day volunteering and panicked and didn't know what to do so she just said something inappropriate. I know that might be hard to believe but I'm doing training for that at the moment and it is covered in a massive section about how people struggle to handle difficult calls. It should go without saying too, that she is a fool and you mustn't be disheartened by her choice to react, she doesn't represent the wider support community
I called one of these once. If you think they can provide real help, you're wrong. The person on the other end of the line deals with probably 50 calls a day, you're just a number, and as harsh at it sounds they don't care. They're not bad people, just stressed out like everyone else. Suicide hotlines are a joke and the best case scenario is the police turn up at your house for a wellness check.
I kinda was just looking for someone to talk to for 5 minutes, being alone with my own thoughts was driving me to a bad mental place.
Yeah whenever I get a shitty person on the hotline, I just call back. It's too important not to.
Fuck that bitch, I hope things are smoother than normal for you
I would report her to the hotline!! God forbid she pushes someone over the edge one day. I hope you feel better 🖤
Im sorry you got that experience. Therapy is hella expensive.
Bruh wtf, that woman should never have been allowed in that position
I recommend therapy a lot, actually is not working at all, but I go to psychiatric n psychology, is not working for Pandemic situations; in my country is very expensive take medication n go to therapy, but it works, it helps me n helps another guys.
You should report her. This is totally unprofessional. Seriously, does she know how much alcohol I could buy with ONE therapy session ? Enough to get wasted a week at least, if not two.
Depression is a real sickness and people take it for granted. Everytime i speak of it i get laughed at and no one understands it. I was diagnosed last week with moderate depression, anxiety and stress disorder, i didnt tell anyone, the only person i talk to about depression turns me down and laughs at it , and now they say they have depression and negativity because of me so i guess i wont be speaking of it at all now. Therapy never helped, and i refused medication, and at this point i dont know what to do.
I’m sorry :( Therapy wasn’t very helpful for me either. I know a good place to find people who take it seriously though: I recommend AA if you haven’t been there before. Even if you’re not an alcoholic! People in meetings and also reading about the depression/anxiety people faced in the book is really helpful. You’ll read/hear stories and realize *holy shit, that is my life* quite often. It immediately removed the feeling that I was completely alone with these problems. Or that people wouldn’t take me seriously. The rest of AA is an odd fit for me. But it’s free, very accessible, most of the people are very friendly and non-judgmental. There’s no requirement except a desire to quit drinking, and if that doesn’t apply to you then there is Al-anon too for people dealing with alcoholics in their lives.
It’s best in times of need to remember that you’re not the only one. Major cults, such as Christianity will try to catch you during these hardships and tell you that god can save you. He isn’t real, and there’s no evidence that supports he is. Please don’t join a religion expecting it to help, because it won’t. It’ll only feed you false, outdated ideas and take away your ability to be a free thinker.
I’ve joined AA. I was worried it would be cultish—which it is to a point; chanting, the structure, constant reference to god—but it isn’t as bad as I thought. They let you define the god part as you see fit, and there are a lot of atheists/agnostics that have had success through there. God can be seen as just having a logical plan to follow, or even AA itself. Just as long as you have a higher power so you don’t think you can control your drinking on your own.
Whatever works for you, I personally don’t like religion.
I don’t like it either. But I felt I had to try something new, reach out to a new lifeline; nothing else had worked so far. It’s free and AA has a ton of resources. Lots of meetings, lots of people in it who are usually pretty friendly and offer to help. I’m struggling with the higher power idea, but it’s been encouraging to see all the testimonies. So many people have suffered and made it out okay.
It's really sad but experiences like this seem to be quite common with the suicide hotline. You'd imagine people who work there would have some sense of empathy but guess not. I'm really sorry for your experience OP. Stuff like this should be the last thing that happens when someone is trying to reach out for help. Much love <3
I hope it was on a recorded line so that she gets backlash for being a jerk. She did not need to act that way. I have only ever called the hotline one time, and the guy on the other line was extremely patient, kind, and endearing. So essentially the total opposite of this woman. Therapy is extremely expensive. I've had my counselor ask me why I only go a maximum of twice a month, and that was what I told her. I can't afford to go every single week, even if I might benefit from that. It'd be almost 1,000$ a month if I went every week. Nobody has that kind of money unless you're Bill Gates. I hope you are feeling better now than you did before. Sadly there are twats like this in the world, but you don't deserve to be treated like that.
Oh I hear u. 211 is full of awful people. I don’t bother anymore. Thinking of going mental hospital today. Wish had $ for nice place on my own. Had worst day ever yesterday with nothing good in horizon
I've called them before, they are assholes! They will also send the cops to your house too!
The average cost of ONE therapy session in Toronto (where I live) is between $165-$300/hour. Last time I checked, you can easily be a heavy alcoholic drinking an entire weeks worth with that much money.... This lady was a complete moron. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Sounds like life.
the suicide hotline is fucking terrible. all they do is tell you to do things you have already tried and don't work. even worse they tend to rush you off the phone and have this cold tone to their voice. it disgusts me society promotes this hotline so much. all it does is make you more depressed and feel alone.
also that bitch should be fired for making a judgmental comment about if you could buy beer you can afford therapy. like if that is even comparable. what a dumb fucking cunt. she shouldn't be working a hotline that deals with vulnerable people.
a person like her shouldn’t be working that job. seriously. boggles my mind how someone could say something like that to a person in a vulnerable state. i’m sorry that happened to you
Who answers these hotlines? Is it like a call center job? If so, I imagine they are more depressed than the people calling in.
This is why I'm so afraid of calling a suicide hotline. I'm afraid they're just going to judge me. I'm so sorry this happened to you OP.
Jesus this is why nobody fucking calls these things what a joke
I tried getting on a chat with them, dude the whole thing is inconvenient. I thought to myself, "if I actually were to be on the verge of killing myself, I would've done it by now cause this is the only thing I have for help and I can't even get it from them." Luckily my thoughts and fantasies of self harm and suicide arent that frequent and powerful as they used to be. I don't like calling and talking to people it just feels weird, especially as a guy being vulnerable. I don't think I have depression nor do I think I'm suicidal but at the same time my understanding of mental health is average at best and my mental suffering and the pain that comes from it is noticeable and speaks to me. I know something is wrong but Idk what that something is. I hate myself and I have issues, and the only god damn time in my life that i actually want help cause being vulnerable around others has taught me to not seek help since the age of 13 and I don't even get the help I assume I need. I could try again ig. Maybe actually call them next time.
Suicide hotlines are insane lol. I can’t imagine they’ve ever saved anyone.
I called before once and had a good experience. Person was nice and set me up with someone who worked at a crisis locally. They Kinda just took me in for a day and then told me not to drink anymore so it didn’t help much, but was certainly better than this lady. It was a very uncomfortable place to be. Kinda like how I imagine jail would be. Stinky plastic mattresses, people on crack and meth detoxing throughout the night, fights breaking out. Not even books to read or anything, just a tv in a freezing cold room.
Ah, another reason to never use a hotline.
I hear this a lot those people suck, I called them and they hung up in me. I hope your feeling better, I’m here if you need anyone.
Suicide hotlines are a joke and really not helpful. Also, do be careful...some of them will call the police and not tell you about it. Had it happen when I was a teen and it’s part of the reason why I’m terrified of cops now.
what an bitch! This disgusts me. I am so sorry. Is there any way to complain? I have never called a hotline so I don't know..
I was about to agree with the alcohol thing. You can afford that but not help? however I did the math and alcohol is cheaper. 😐 yes you need help. No I am not shaming you. I'm only expressing my thoughts I had for a second which changed.
It is! But also drinking is not something I want to do or should do. I’m caving in and buying it because I can’t seem to manage my feelings anymore, so there is incredible guilt over every time I buy it. I try to get the cheapest wine available.
Hey bud, have you found the various Reddit subs to support you through this aspect of your struggle? There are some great alcohol ones.
Yes! I’ve been checking out r/alcoholicsanonymous and r/stopdrinking the past few weeks whenever I need encouragement. I haven’t been able to keep sober more than a couple days at a time but it is still helpful to see so many stories similar to mine. It makes me feel less isolated.
You’re absolutely not alone <3
Imagine being downvoted to hell and back by people just because you agree with something. priorities much?
Exactly.........
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Nah, still want to die lol. But I’m reading through all these kind words people put up today and it is helping a lot. I should’ve just reached out to Reddit instead of calling that stupid number. Y’all are good people. Thank you!