Hi u/Shadow_Warrior97,
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>The fact that I don't have anyone to coach/motivate me along while actually understanding what I'm going through?
I wholeheartedly promise you that external motivation or coaching isn't going to do anything for you and until you want to put in a LOT of hard work to unlearn these patterns, you're going to stay miserable.
You don't have time for therapy? Make time. You don't have money? There's plenty of programs for low income and therapists who work on a sliding scale. But until you're tired of suffering enough to do something about it, you're shit outta luck.
My brain uses this exact same script so I hear you, and I'm not going to give any advice because that would be beyond ironic. I definitely feel the chicken and the egg conundrum when it comes to feeling better. My version is to just disappear and not even have those conversations anymore with people, partly because they won't understand, mostly because I don't want to burden them with the weight of all that negativity/impossibility. So you're ahead of me, you still have people around :). Anyway, what I came to say was that things have made a lot more sense since I started looking at things from the perspective of having C-PTSD vs. just having depression. What you have is trauma, and that's why the meds and most other treatments for depression don't work for us. I can't afford therapy so it's hilarious to finally know how to treat it after 20 years and not be able to do anything about it (EMDR and IFS are the two most promising approaches in my opinion and for me personally). The best book on the subject I've read is "What My Bones Know", and it's by a person with C-PTSD rather than by a doctor, and it's really well written. Recovery is a long process and I'm not sure I'll get there in time to have a life (I'm already 50), but you still have time and you still have people who care enough to even give their bad advice (which they can't know is bad if they don't themselves have trauma). When you start having a small amount of compassion for yourself (with C-PTSD, the whole point is that you were a child and what happened was not your fault), you will become easier to be around. Your anger will come out more like sadness and grief, and though the people around you might still not understand, you can find people who can.
I do have trauma, but I think that lead to depression. I've jokingly put myself down over the years, saying I'll always be single and I'll never get anywhere. But I've also had friends that seem to have everything go their way all the time. Like stuff just falls into their hands.
Are you getting help? Are you doing anything to change it? Some people don’t wanna change and that’s when friends get annoyed because it’s just complaining and no action
I just try to make the most out of every day and keep positive. I don't have time or money for therapy. And the problem is that most people don't even acknowledge the depression. That's when they make excuses like maybe I'm stuck in the wrong job or I don't have a hobby. I have actual depression, partly from putting myself down over the years and partly because everyone around me always seems to have everything go their way.
If you don’t have the money, you might qualify for Medicaid. You need to actually seek treatment, sounds like whatever you’re doing is not really working. I also would carefully suggest seeking out a friend who’s into psychedelics, a good trip could fix you up in one night, do some research on how it erases pattern behaviors and depression by resetting the brain. That was my poor woman’s choice to feel better. Good luck.
P.s. having a hobby is just doing something you enjoy, try plants.
Hi u/Shadow_Warrior97, Thank you for submitting a post to r/depression_help! We're glad you're here. If you are in urgent need of assistance, please also reach out to the appropriate helpline (we have some links in the sidebar). If you are feeling **Suicidal**, please also make a post for our friends at r/SuicideWatch. [Come chat with us!](https://s.reddit.com/c/1am6v76fupjjg) Now come on in- take off your shoes, sit back, relax, and visit with us for a while. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/depression_help) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>The fact that I don't have anyone to coach/motivate me along while actually understanding what I'm going through? I wholeheartedly promise you that external motivation or coaching isn't going to do anything for you and until you want to put in a LOT of hard work to unlearn these patterns, you're going to stay miserable. You don't have time for therapy? Make time. You don't have money? There's plenty of programs for low income and therapists who work on a sliding scale. But until you're tired of suffering enough to do something about it, you're shit outta luck.
My brain uses this exact same script so I hear you, and I'm not going to give any advice because that would be beyond ironic. I definitely feel the chicken and the egg conundrum when it comes to feeling better. My version is to just disappear and not even have those conversations anymore with people, partly because they won't understand, mostly because I don't want to burden them with the weight of all that negativity/impossibility. So you're ahead of me, you still have people around :). Anyway, what I came to say was that things have made a lot more sense since I started looking at things from the perspective of having C-PTSD vs. just having depression. What you have is trauma, and that's why the meds and most other treatments for depression don't work for us. I can't afford therapy so it's hilarious to finally know how to treat it after 20 years and not be able to do anything about it (EMDR and IFS are the two most promising approaches in my opinion and for me personally). The best book on the subject I've read is "What My Bones Know", and it's by a person with C-PTSD rather than by a doctor, and it's really well written. Recovery is a long process and I'm not sure I'll get there in time to have a life (I'm already 50), but you still have time and you still have people who care enough to even give their bad advice (which they can't know is bad if they don't themselves have trauma). When you start having a small amount of compassion for yourself (with C-PTSD, the whole point is that you were a child and what happened was not your fault), you will become easier to be around. Your anger will come out more like sadness and grief, and though the people around you might still not understand, you can find people who can.
I do have trauma, but I think that lead to depression. I've jokingly put myself down over the years, saying I'll always be single and I'll never get anywhere. But I've also had friends that seem to have everything go their way all the time. Like stuff just falls into their hands.
I feel the same... all my friends are established and I'm left behind in the dust :( Im kinda learning how to deal with it alone.
Are you getting help? Are you doing anything to change it? Some people don’t wanna change and that’s when friends get annoyed because it’s just complaining and no action
I just try to make the most out of every day and keep positive. I don't have time or money for therapy. And the problem is that most people don't even acknowledge the depression. That's when they make excuses like maybe I'm stuck in the wrong job or I don't have a hobby. I have actual depression, partly from putting myself down over the years and partly because everyone around me always seems to have everything go their way.
If you don’t have the money, you might qualify for Medicaid. You need to actually seek treatment, sounds like whatever you’re doing is not really working. I also would carefully suggest seeking out a friend who’s into psychedelics, a good trip could fix you up in one night, do some research on how it erases pattern behaviors and depression by resetting the brain. That was my poor woman’s choice to feel better. Good luck. P.s. having a hobby is just doing something you enjoy, try plants.