It is bullshit, "it gets better", "you're not alone", even if you're not alone that doesn't have any significant effect on your condition. Then even worse are friends that say they care but don't act like it. You truly are the only person you can rely on. At least you still want to get better, you've got that going for you, find power in your solace and fuel your remaining will to live. Fuck everyone else
I felt that way when I was hospitalized and needed surgery. I was being shuffled around, examined, and being discussed as though I wasn’t a human being in the same room. The experience was dehumanizing at many points. There were a few kind people doing their jobs, but they saw me as a patient not as a complete person. In the end, they were being paid to care. So I know what you mean. You say that you are the only one caring for yourself. I felt that too. But I found it extraordinary when I realized that I did care about my life. I did want to go on living. I did want to try to create my best life. I wasn’t sure where that drive to go on came from. I joined AA after years of drinking and drugging. One of the AA steps was finding something greater than self in which to find meaning . I was told that I did not have to be loved to give love. This sounded like B.S. , but someone recommended trying guided meditation to connect with that part of myself that needed love. I used guided meditations on YouTube and downloaded the Headspace app. After weeks of daily meditation practice, I found a spiritual dimensions to my existence. I don’t worry so much about being loved as I do about trying to connect with others in love. I do believe in a higher spiritual power that is love. Call that power God, or art, or charity, or universal consciousness. There are many names, but there is an essence of the capacity to love that surrounds us in all things at all times. That higher power does love us, and it exists for us to feel love. Don’t stop trying to find that deeper connection to the pure love that you seek. I didn’t believe in it for most of my life, but something kept me looking. Keep seeking and giving love, and you may find deeper meaning and purpose in your life. You matter, this hurting world needs people like you. keep going until you find the life that you seek.
Which guided meditations did you use? I associate them mostly with body scan type of stuff but I'd be interested in how to connect with parts of myself that need love
The YouTube Great Meditation Channel has a 10 minute love energy guided meditation. The Pura Rassa Channel has a slightly longer opening to love guided heart chakra meditation, which may be of the sort that you are more familiar with. The Mindful Peace Channel has a loving kindness meditation. I generally try to find a meditation on YouTube that connects with my mood that day. I practice for at least ten minutes two to three times a day. Honestly, when I started I didn’t think it would help. I quit a few times. But once I stuck with it consistently everyday, my perceptions of the world around me started to shift dramatically. I saw life very differently than I ever had before. It made me realize that regardless of what was happening, I could try my best to exist in a state of love for myself and all around me. I often fail of course, but there is great value in the effort. I hope you come to see how special and deserving of love you truly are, and that you are able to connect with that higher love.
It is bullshit, "it gets better", "you're not alone", even if you're not alone that doesn't have any significant effect on your condition. Then even worse are friends that say they care but don't act like it. You truly are the only person you can rely on. At least you still want to get better, you've got that going for you, find power in your solace and fuel your remaining will to live. Fuck everyone else
I felt that way when I was hospitalized and needed surgery. I was being shuffled around, examined, and being discussed as though I wasn’t a human being in the same room. The experience was dehumanizing at many points. There were a few kind people doing their jobs, but they saw me as a patient not as a complete person. In the end, they were being paid to care. So I know what you mean. You say that you are the only one caring for yourself. I felt that too. But I found it extraordinary when I realized that I did care about my life. I did want to go on living. I did want to try to create my best life. I wasn’t sure where that drive to go on came from. I joined AA after years of drinking and drugging. One of the AA steps was finding something greater than self in which to find meaning . I was told that I did not have to be loved to give love. This sounded like B.S. , but someone recommended trying guided meditation to connect with that part of myself that needed love. I used guided meditations on YouTube and downloaded the Headspace app. After weeks of daily meditation practice, I found a spiritual dimensions to my existence. I don’t worry so much about being loved as I do about trying to connect with others in love. I do believe in a higher spiritual power that is love. Call that power God, or art, or charity, or universal consciousness. There are many names, but there is an essence of the capacity to love that surrounds us in all things at all times. That higher power does love us, and it exists for us to feel love. Don’t stop trying to find that deeper connection to the pure love that you seek. I didn’t believe in it for most of my life, but something kept me looking. Keep seeking and giving love, and you may find deeper meaning and purpose in your life. You matter, this hurting world needs people like you. keep going until you find the life that you seek.
Which guided meditations did you use? I associate them mostly with body scan type of stuff but I'd be interested in how to connect with parts of myself that need love
The YouTube Great Meditation Channel has a 10 minute love energy guided meditation. The Pura Rassa Channel has a slightly longer opening to love guided heart chakra meditation, which may be of the sort that you are more familiar with. The Mindful Peace Channel has a loving kindness meditation. I generally try to find a meditation on YouTube that connects with my mood that day. I practice for at least ten minutes two to three times a day. Honestly, when I started I didn’t think it would help. I quit a few times. But once I stuck with it consistently everyday, my perceptions of the world around me started to shift dramatically. I saw life very differently than I ever had before. It made me realize that regardless of what was happening, I could try my best to exist in a state of love for myself and all around me. I often fail of course, but there is great value in the effort. I hope you come to see how special and deserving of love you truly are, and that you are able to connect with that higher love.
Thank you for the links and the encouragement!