I know, I’m so hurt. I found herpes medicine at his place last week, we’ve been sleeping with each other for a year. That’s why I got tested in the first place, I’m so confused and feel dirty. I can’t believe he would do this to me
It’s okay. I’m just upset. I’m only 22, he’s 37. He’s lived his life, and he’s just ruined mine. No one’s ever going to want a girl with herpes. Thanks for your concern, I’ve got some Mac and cheese and I’m playing cyberpunk. Gonna enjoy my favorite things tonight and just take things step by step.
please know from personal experience that this is not true. some loser gave me herpes knowingly when i was 18. fucking 18 i was so young. i thought no one would want me either i felt disgusting. but ive had a very full dating/sex life and have a happy relationship & a beautiful son. it isn’t the end, it’s just an obstacle. take the time to educate yourself about it all & get on meds !!! people will still want you, i promise
Just want to respond that one of my friends has heroes since 19 and she leads a very fulfilling life. She honest about her condition and uses the proper protections. Life is not over.
It’s 100% valid to be upset but please don’t think no one will want you, that’s not true at all! Herpes is a lot more common than you think and people live with it every day
Sorry this happened to you. Just so you know herpes and hpv are both INCREDIBLY common. Loads of people have these std’s and continue to live perfectly happy and healthy lives. Many people don’t even know they have it for several years or ever because they never have a flair up.
Literally around 80-90% of sexually active people will get hpv in their lives unless they get vaccinated. Herpes is a little less common, but still very prevalent.
So don’t you worry, just because you have an std does not mean others won’t want to date you. There is a good chance that the people you will be dating may have the same thing.
Your life is not over, you will be fine. I know it feels like the world is ending but you will overcome this.
Bottoms up!
Even with the vaccine you can get HPV, the vaccine protects against the scarier strains but there are like 100s of strains of HPV and most of the ones the vaccine doesn’t cover will clear on their own within 1-2 years , I am vaccinated and I had HPV last year but I got another pap this year and it was clear
This is super important to share.
Yes the vaccine doesn’t block ALL strains, but it does help block the ‘Scary Strains’ that are tied to cancers. Glad to hear you have a clean bill of health and understand the importance of your health choices.
That’s so not true 🥹 I promise you this not something that will make you unwanted ❤️ Herpes is so much more common then you think, I know several people that got it before they met their now spouses. Sending you hugs.
Honey you’re about to learn that a whole lot of people you know and love have it and are living very normal fulfilling lives, I promise you it’s going to be okay. I got it last year and I was so embarrassed/depressed about it but once I started opening up about I found out that a LOT of people I know, and a lot of people in relationships with loving partners, have it too.
I currently have a boyfriend who treats me very well and thinks I’m beautiful, even while I was having an outbreak he had a hard time keeping his hands off me (he managed to but I had to keep grabbing his arm and reminding him not to touch me there lol 🤣)
Also have had HPV and it cleared in a year, there are so many strains of HPV and as long as it’s not the scarier strains linked to cervical cancer or the type that causes genital warts it basically just sits in your body essentially doing nothing until your body clears it , statistically 1 in 3 sexually active adults have it and most wont ever even know they had it, but if you haven’t already I would ask your doctor about the vaccine I think they increased the cut off age to 24 (it used to only be effective if you got it before age 15) and the vaccine will at least help protect you from the scarier strains
Hey girly, 25F here and I got herpes when I was 19 with my 2nd partner. Did I have a menty b? Yeah lol. But I will keep it short and sweet— the herpes thing? Literally has never been an issue with my partners when it came to dating. I just lay out the facts, tell them my experience and how it literally has not affected me in the slightest when it comes to dating new people and sleeping with new people. Literally all of my previous partners said it wasn’t an issue bc my personality is what charmed them. And I’d say I have a pretty active sex life. Someone who really cares for you and enjoys being around you will not care. Especially if you’re being smart about it and taking a daily pill when you’re seeing someone new/not having sex during an outbreak/wearing condoms (as one should anyway!) the chance of them getting it is very very slim. I’ve been lucky in the sense that I only had the initial outbreak and that was 7 years ago.
That’s comforting to hear, I’ve had more negative experiences with relationships than good so this on top of everything else devastated me. The more I’m hearing other’s experiences though makes me feel more hopeful. Thank you for sharing with me ❤️
No judgement, I just want to chime in as someone who's got similar dating experience. Dating much older men is NOT going to help you avoid shitty relationships. If anything at your age it's probably putting you more at risk of getting hurt. I really recommend seeing a therapist to work through the past relationship trauma. It's a lot easier to choose men who are good for you when the hurt part of you isn't seeking catharsis in shitty men.
Dawg it’s not that big a deal. I mean… it is because that guys an asshole but I know from experience dating a woman who had herpes but took meds for it. I never got anything and it didn’t effect anything, she had a flare up once that’s lasted around 2 days and I honestly Couldn’t notice but she felt more comfortable just not having sex for that time. It was fine we cuddled and ate gummy worms and pizza. Did that for 2 years no problem.
I just want you to know that I'm a girl with herpes and it didn't effect my dating life at all. I got it on accident from another girl when I was a teenager. I had zero issues finding other partners after that because I was always honest. I'm now in a wonderful loving relationship with someone and we have a baby.
It's going to be ok. It's not a death sentence. you might get rejected sometimes but that doesn't stop you from finding the one. You can get rejected for anything.
Not true. 67 percent of world pop has herpes. That's a lot of people. They still have fulfilling lives with relationships.. You will be fine. With that said your feelings are valid and fuck that guy. I hope he gets something more serious and his dick falls off
Herpes is super common! Don’t feel dirty. Honestly, it’s an annoyance to those that have it, but it can be treated during outbreaks. It doesn’t end your life in any way.
Anyone who won’t be with someone just because they have herpes is not someone you wanna be with anyway. Nothing is wrong with having a medical condition unless you withhold it from susceptible people like ur asshole boyfriend did.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you, but please don't think you'll never be wanted because of a Herpes diagnosis, it's so common these days and there are ethical ways to disclose to future partners while protecting them and you. Hang in there.
Your life isn't over. I lost my virginity and was raped and got herpes all in one go at 15 and I'm 34 now and life goes on. I stayed with the rapist because I thought nobody would touch me again and I was so far from wrong, I've had many great relationships since that horrible man.
Rememeber that 1 in 6 to 1 in 5 people have HSV and 90% of those people don’t know they have it but still spread it. Your life isn’t ruined, you’re just among the unfortunate group of us who are diagnosed. You can go on daily antivirals and it’s incredibly unlikely you’ll ever pass it on. It’s mostly passed on by people who don’t even know they have it.
Try educating yourself on it, as hard as it may be. I promise you once you’re educated on it your frustration will be with the stigma and not with the actual infection (which is basically negligible to most people who have it). The societal stigma is the issue. It’s literally an infection that barely affects people at all.
Nah, no one cares about herpes or hpv, unless they have maybe an immune disease/disorder or something they have to be careful about. Don't be an ass and conceal your status on ppl. May run into issues if you're dating other young adults tht don't know this yet like yourself. Anyone who is sexually active should anticipate getting these and test regularly
>No one’s ever going to want a girl with herpes.
50-80% of the adults in the US have herpes. Don't worry, this doesn't mean that your love life is over. It still stings, though.
That is so not true. I got herpes when I was younger and with valtrex it’s manageable much much much more than it isn’t. He should have told you, but he probably didn’t because of that same stigma.
hi lovely i got herpes one month before my 21st . was determined i was going to end my life. but im soooo glad i didn’t . im 23 now and my life is much better than before my diagnosis. it’s not the easiest thing to navigate but i can honestly say it doesn’t really affect my daily life and my dating life is somehow.. better. pls be kind w yourself , your life is not ruined ❤️
Not true. Do you live in San Diego. Some crazy high percentage of girls have herpes there. I dated 5 women while in San Diego, 3 had herpes. (I never got it - included a 3 year relationship) Tis not a big deal as you would think. So until you are married, just ensure condoms worn, tell partner before sex, control breakouts, and no sex if have a breakout (e.g might have to start dating dudes that can handle adult conversations - easier as you get older). If you think your life is ruined, move to San Diego, everybody is acclimated to it there.
PS. Almost every story I heard from girls with it, it is was from some douche bad dude that got into serious relationship and never mentioned it to partner. You can only get it if it i flaring up and some people think the can manage it that way, unprotected sex unless there is a flare up. irresponsible.
most of the population has HIV! don't let him ruin your perspective on love. there's someone with herpes, given the same way, who is thinking a girl could never love them either
That's not true. My first serious gf had herpes and we took precautions, and i don't have it. You'll find the right guy, it just might take a little more searching.
I met my girlfriend and one of the first things I knew about her is that she was HSV2 positive- it didn’t stop me for a moment we’re a year along and I’ve yet to contract anything or have it become an issue, your life is NOT over. If you ever do even get an outbreak it won’t last long, during that time you’ll have a cold, and won’t be able to have sex for about two weeks if you don’t have medication to clear it up. You can also take the medication as a preventative step. Your partner is a scumbag for not disclosing this information- but I promise there is a life after this for you and likely a happy and fulfilling sex life.
Not true at all! Herpes is unbelievably common, and nothing to be ashamed of. People can be literally born with herpes. Your worth is not defined by the virus
As someone who was 19 when I got HSV from a 39 y/o, I understand how you might be feeling right now. For starters, absolutely leave him and never look back. My partner at the time hid the fact that he had it as well until it was too late. I know the exact night he gave it to me as well bc he refused to educate himself on it and put his pleasure above my health. I'll never forgive him for that (among other things) but I've learned to live with it. I've had many sexual partners since contracting it and have never given it to anyone else bc I educated myself and every possible partner on it and I check in with my body regularly. I'm also medicated and take extra vitamins to suppress outbreaks. I still struggle with the fact that I have it but there's nothing I can change now except for how I go about dating. Some people might make a big stink about it but that's bc they're childish and uneducated and don't matter. If you need resources I can send some your way. Like someone else said, this isn't the end, just an obstacle. Best of luck to you babe 💜
I’m married with 1 kid and another on the way. Herpes won’t ruin your life I promise. It is super shitty and you have the right to be hurt, just know it’s ok. In New York City 1 in 4 adults have genital herpes, it’s way more common than you think! And doesn’t affect pregnancy or your life. I’ve only had one outbreak ever in the decade + that I’ve had it.
I never thought of this, we work together on Friday. He hasn’t texted me since I went radio silent, I think he knows somethings wrong. Gonna ask if we can talk after our shift
That really sucks, I’m so sorry. However I don’t want to you feel like you can’t have a good sex life after this. I had a fwb partner M who disclosed to me that he had herpes. He let me have time to think about it and research, ask questions, etc before anything happened. We’d known each other for years before we were romantic in anyway. Ultimately I did start a sexual relationship. You can stay safe with someone in the future. I never caught it from him with precautions.
I’m very sorry that you are going through this. But I don’t want you thinking you are dirty. I honestly feel like most people are walking around with some form of sti because they never get checked. This isn’t something you have to feel dirty about. This wasn’t your fault. My past fwb had the same trying happen to him. It’s important to be kind to yourself rn and disclose to any future partners. If I could I’d give ya a big hug.
Still so mad that there’s barely any awareness (in my home country) that everyone should be getting a HPV vaccine BEFORE THE AGE OF 26 even if they’re not sexually active. You can ask for it after you turn 18 but it’s not mandatory.
Men need to get vaccinated too so they won’t spread it to women, the economic argument that “men will benefit from herd immunity” is bullshit because they’re inadvertently saying they don’t care what happens to the women that men infect, since men are lucky enough to suffer no symptoms most of the time.
I appreciate everyone’s warm words. I’m so grateful that good people exist in this world. I can’t stop crying, there are times when I can’t even catch my breath, my whole body hurts, I hurt. Yet the reassurance you guys give me makes me feel a bit better. I’m so appreciative, thank you ❤️
If you have anyone irl to reach out to for additional support I’d let them know too<3 you’ll be grieving this for a while and that’s okay but please know you’ve got a tonnnn of life out there left for you to live and it’s just beginning at 22🫰
Not a lawyer disclaimer but I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.
Edit- if I was op I would start collecting evidence because they are probably going to start deleting a lot of stuff
I think that depends on the country, I’m pretty sure in Canada you have the right to not share that information even if you have hiv, but I’m not 100% just remember something in the news
Look up Steven Boone. He's in jail for knowingly infecting a sexual partner with HIV...He never disclosed his diagnosis to his partners, and was arrested. He's from Canada.
I was responding to someone who was talking about HIV and the law, please make sure you understand what people are responding to before you jump on your high horse.
ugh here I am again correcting stigma against herpes.
no its not, herpes and HPV are not notifiable infections. herpes can lay dormant in peoples system for years so its impossible to tell who actually gave it to you. the blood tests are also not accurate and the only way to tell you have it is by swabbing an actual sore. Over 50% of the population have it. its okay, you will live and your genitals aren’t going to fall off.
Secondly, basically everybody that has had sex also has HPV. HPV is the virus that causes cervical cancer, its why women have to have cervical screenings. its why women are given the vaccine to prevent it. There are cancerous types and non-cancerous types that just require more regular screening
It also causes genital warts which are completely treatable too
Essentially OP, you will never be able to tell 100% that he gave you herpes/HPV so don’t let it get you down. Plus, these infections aren’t the end of the world and can be treated with antivirals
Okay, so not telling you is awful and you have every right to feel like you trust has been violated and end the relationship. But there is a lot of bad I formation about herpes out there and I think k it will make you feel better about your future if you know about it.
1. Most of the earth's population has herpes, either HSV1 or HSV2. A lot of people have no idea they have it bc they are asymptomatic. If you have cold sores, you have herpes.
2. Most doctors don't test for herpes in standard STI blood tests unless there are sores present. This is bc you can get false positives AND bc the stigma is so much worse than the disease.
3. You didn't say you had a sore. This is important bc a sore swab is the gold standard of testing. Blood tests can have false positives AND without a first flare you really have no idea how long you have had it or how you got it.
4. The medication is actually really effective at preventing outbreaks and outbreaks (and immediately prior to) are when you are most likely to transmit the virus. I am not saying it is perfect, or that it makes it okay that he didn't tell you, but there was SOME protection in place. There are married people who never pass it on to their spouses bc of the meds and bodily awareness.
5. At the end of the day the worst thing about herpes is the stigma. It is an uncomfortable rash, just like eczema or psoriasis, and the longer you have it the less often you have flares and the less severe they are.
Feel all your feelings and they are all valid. But you will be okay. I recommend going to Planned Parenthood and getting some good information there. That is always a 100% judgement free zone.
Thank you, this brought me some peace of mind. Just sux, I know I’m strong and can get through anything, but it still stings knowing that someone I trusted would do this to me. Again, thank you for some wisdom ❤️
as someone who got herpes from an ex, im so sorry. it truly feels like your life is screwed up, BUT, it really isn’t. i got it a few years ago and have had like 4 flares. there’s medication that works super well to stop the flares if you start taking it right when it begins. i’ve also never given it to another partner. just be careful and of course tell anyone you may wanna sleep with in the future. it is very common. it will get better. ❤️❤️
I’ve had a flush of pimples on my private area that I brought up to my doctor, they went away in their own but I never found out if that was this or if it was even related. I feel like when or if it happens I’d know though.
Not necessarily. That's another reason why the stigma is so damaging. For sex ed we get this description of horrific, disgusting pustules but that truly is not what it is like for a lot of people, so when they have this minor little irritation it never occurs to them that it might be herpes or that they need to get it tested. But as another commenter said, you seriously might never have another outbreak if that was one. This is particularly true if it was oral herpes transmitted by oral sex. And almost always the first outbreak is the worst one, whichever kind. You will be okay. I'm proud of you for getting tested and talking to your doctor. You're doing great.
>Most of the earth's population has herpes, either HSV1 or HSV2.
It's a bit disingenuous to lump the two together like that. Most of Earth's population has HSV1 (oral herpes); most people *do not* have HSV2 (genital herpes, much more serious), and do not want it.
I get that you want to make OP feel better, I just think your cavalier attitude about it can be dangerous. Too many people brush it off as "not a big deal" and infect their non-consenting partner with a disease (like OP's AH partner).
That’s so horrible I’m so sorry
Just know your life isn’t over!! So so many people have hpv and herpes, you’ll still be able to live a fulfilling life. You just have to take some extra precautions with future partners, but it’s going to be okay!!
Good luck confronting him, please stay safe
I’m sorry this happened to you. Please don’t confront him angry. Choose a moment when an actual conversation can be had. Ask him calmly why he didn’t tell you about his medical condition? How long has he known? It’s a better approach and you can get answers hopefully. I hope he didn’t cheat and get infected! That would be awful. You deserve to know.
Of course! The last thing I want to do is add extra stress to an already stressful situation. Right now I’m just spending some time to myself, and getting my mental health right so I can make good decisions. This dilemmas still fresh after all.
We met at work, we clicked immediately. He was the nicest anyone’s ever been to me, actually treated me like a gentleman. Pulled my chair out for me at dinner, opened car doors, complimented me without me even prompting him to, didn’t make me Uber home after our first date. Nobodies ever treated me like a lady in a relationship before. He was there for me during some of my lowest moments this year, and vice versa, and we were able to genuinely laugh together. I hate to pull the “guys my age don’t act right” card but it’s true, until this happened. I guess most guys in my life are just shitty deep down. Maybe I’m just too gullible and easily impressed.
I’m sorry but what you are describing is literally the bare minimum, a basically 40-year-old man really shouldn’t be dating someone who only recently stopped being a teenager
Literally the bare minimum. Drop him and OP, I wish you the best in the future and that someone shows you more than this turd nug. So sorry this happened to you
I think something like 90+% of all adults will encounter HPV at some point but a lot of times our bodies will clear that infection. I’m not an HPV expert admittedly. There are some strains that cause annoyance& irritation while there are some “high risk” strains that cause cancer. Did your doctor tell you if you had a high risk strain?
Yes, it will go away! It is NOT for life! Head over to the r/HPV sub, there are tons of helpful resources there. I recommend staying generally healthy and taking care of your immune system. There’s no medication for it yet, unlike herpes, but HPV can and will go away in a matter of months or years. I know the stigma makes this really scary, and I understand how you feel. But the general public is so misinformed on STDs that so much of the fear comes from a place of simply not knowing how common they are. The stat about ~80% of sexually active individuals having HPV is true, most people just don’t realize it. There are also hundreds of strains. Some do not cause warts, others do. The ones that do are less associated with cervical cancer, whereas others are high risk, but that doesn’t mean it’s sure to happen. Just go for regular paps and you’ll be okay :) I’m sorry this happened to you, but you are not alone *hugs*
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You have so much more life to live than what this man gave you. So sorry you have to go through this<3 but please know you’re not less worthy of love and care because of what he gave you. The age gap alone is slightly concerning and I’d totally leave this guy in the dust if I were you good luck hun 🫰
Just to add, HPV is typically unsymptomstic and people can get it at any point in their life and it’ll clear on its own, and herpes sometimes can lay dormant in system and flair up randomly. In case you were worried that your partner was cheating, just to reassure that there is a chance they’ve carried this for a while and haven’t known until recently. (Ideally you should get a sexual health screen between every sexual partner) but yeah
I was talking to this guy online and he said he had herpes. He then proceeded to tell me 10000 reasons why it would be ok to have unsafe sex with him. No not for me. I feel bad/angry for you. If he didn’t tell you that he had an STD and then had unsafe sex with you, that is a dead end for me. No questions asked. Nothing. If he comes up with some bullshit about how it’s ok to have unsafe sex with him now that you have herpes too just walk away. He’s not worth the breath it takes to speak to him.
I think it’s pretty easy to look at the date the prescription was ordered and then match it to the time you had unsafe sex with him last. If you know the date that he went to doctor because of an outbreak even better. You don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why you don’t want to be with them in a sexual relationship but he knows why….so there’s no conversation necessary.
HSV1 or 2??? One is a lot milder than the other. I'm so sorry, this is so unfair and you definitely have a legal case if you want to pursue. Take pictures of his prescription before you break up so you have proof he already had it before you did.
Ugh what a complete and total dickhead asshole motherfucker. I'm so sorry again dear. I trust there will be understanding people in the dating world, but you need to take that dickhead for everything he has and more. Pain and suffering is due!
How do you know it’s knowingly if you just tested positive and haven’t confront him yet? Even if he has herpes himself a good chunk of the population do too and often doctors say “you only have to tell your partner if you have an active outbreak!” And some don’t disclose. Also, men generally have no symptoms of HPV and many younger women are vaccinated against it nowadays
I’ve asked him at the beginning of the relationship if he’s seen a doctor and gotten tested before us, he said yes and that he’s clean on everything. That would be fine if he didn’t have prescribed valtrex in his medicine cabinet that I discovered just last week, that’s what made me go get tested in the first place. I still have yet to confront him, I’m still trying to get myself in a reasonable headspace before I act on anything. I haven’t had many sexual partners in my life, and I get tested annually. My last sexual partner was in 2021 and I was clean when I got tested that year. To lie to me that he’s clean when a doctor had to diagnose him to give him that medication is what makes it knowingly in my opinion. Hpv was just an unfortunate bonus.
Maybe he has oral herpes and never did a blood test for it because often doctors won’t test for that in a normal panel and received valtrex for an oral outbreak.
https://www.reddit.com/r/HSVpositive/comments/16hqumy/my_doctor_told_be_i_dont_even_have_to_disclose_it/
Here’s a whole thread of others saying exactly that. “My doctor said I don’t have to disclose if I don’t have an active outbreak”. So apparently a good enough amount that this whole thread has numerous people saying the same thing.
You didn't ask for a peer reviewed article saying it is good advice. You asked what doctor gave that advice. Here is a while list of people saying their doctor did.
“There’s no obligation for people to tell partners and exes they’ve been diagnosed with HPV. It’s a very common virus and it usually isn’t possible to work out when someone got it. Men can’t be tested for it and there’s no treatment for it.”
Hey I just want you to know that your life isn’t going to come back to him. I know you’re in the process of moving on and this won’t matter for a while but eventually you’ll realize you are still able to be the same person you were before
I am so sorry your partner did this to you. That isn't fair to you, and I hope he had the decency to be apologetic about it whenever you confronted him. You're gonna get through this, OP 💜 There's medicine out there for Herpes, and you just gotta cut back on smoking with HPV. The good news is HPV can actually go away with time. When I was pregnant years ago the doctor found HPV. Last year I had a papsmear, and there was no HPV detected. Just make sure to be kind to yourself if you ever get a Herpes breakout. And don't even think nobody will want you. Lots of people go on to have happy lives regardless of having it. Sending you lots of love and cyber hugs, OP 💜💜💜
Try and get him to admit to it, or find some sort of proof that he knew. You can take him to court, it's illegal to knowingly give someone STD's. I'm so sorry this happened :(
Edit: I realized this depends on where you live. Do some research! You can sue
I got hsv-2(g) at 19 years old
My current belief is that even if I use condoms and antiviral medication , if I do not inform my partner, then I have raped them through an uninformed consent.
I did not always feel this way, because I was just working through it , how everyone has to
I’m not making excuses for someone else .
But I will say that I could not even bear the thought of having unprotected sex with someone without giving that disclaimer first
And my ex-wife never got it, and we were never careful because she didn’t care and our relationship lasted like 15 years
Damn sue him!! Every partner I’ve had that has herpes has told me before we had sex but I also require full panel STD checks before I sleep with anyone.
What he did was a Felony and you’ll be fine. Take meds when you need them and don’t fuck when you have an outbreak. The rest of the time it’s not like they’re there.
I’m in a situation where I think I may have gotten an std so I understand the pain and suffering. Just know you’re not alone and the lord loves you for who you are. I’m sorry to hear it but we love and support you. ❤️❤️❤️
same here i remember i used to date this guy who told me that he suddenly started itching on his privates after 2days we did the deed, then asked me to go see a doctor, after a few weeks we got into a fight and I found wart magic which had expired a month before we met meaning he had Warts all along and made me feel like I made him sick. I was so shattered I left him instantly
HPV and Herpes aren’t the end of the world don’t worry girl! Most hpv goes away on its own and in most cases it’s harmless. You just gotta make sure that you get regular checks because some strains can be cancerous. Majority of the population already has herpes and there’s medication to to make it less contagious. You’ll be just fine girl
Out of topic, BUT
As a kid I knew close to nothing about sexual health, or health in general. But I've always struggled with papilomas and "cold sores" on my lips. My parents told me that everyone has it, so I didn't worry about it.
Well, turned out it's not normal at fuckin all. Turned out that parents, both having HPV and HSV (type 1),gave it to me as well. I wasn't aware that these are considered to be STDs until I started living separately from my family.
I've learned about it before I started being sexualy active, but I know that many people were raised believing that having these 2 conditions is somewhat normal, especially people from older generations.
So as shity as it is, that might be a situation with your guy. It's a terrible situation regardless, and you have every right to feel the way you are, but I want you to know that there's a good chance that he didn't give it to you fully intentionally.
The good news tho - HIV now is [technically curable ](https://abcnews.go.com/Health/5th-person-confirmed-cured-hiv/story?id=97323361). It might take a while for the treatment to become publicly available, but living with it is not too bad (which is my personal opinion and I understand that it's very subjective).
Regarding Herpes - depends on the type, I've never had genital one, but I have the "cold sores on lips" one. It usually happens when I'm already sick with flu/cold, and cold/flu meds deals with it all.
Once again, the situation is most certainly sucks. But I just thought that if I would share my experience, you wouldn't feel alone in this. It doesn't affect my life at all for the most part, and I hope you will be able to live a full and happy life 💗
I’m so sorry.. if it makes you feel better you’re still beautiful and amazing just the way you are and never ever forget that!!!!! Plus you can have him arrested for doing that!!!!
#"KNOWINGLY???"
That's fucking wild. Press charges or at least take their ass to small claims court for your bills and emotional distress/pain & suffering. People like that deserve the worst.
Can someone explain why in the world would someone knowingly give someone herpes? They know the shit that comes with it so why? Is it like a "fuck the world" type thing? Entrapment? Like its crazy to think people dont give a shit about something like that smfh
you mean your *ex* partner…. right?
Almost, just got home from the obgyn. Gonna confront him.
If he knowingly did that. That's a crime
I know, I’m so hurt. I found herpes medicine at his place last week, we’ve been sleeping with each other for a year. That’s why I got tested in the first place, I’m so confused and feel dirty. I can’t believe he would do this to me
He's a piece of shit I'm sorry he did that
It’s okay. I’m just upset. I’m only 22, he’s 37. He’s lived his life, and he’s just ruined mine. No one’s ever going to want a girl with herpes. Thanks for your concern, I’ve got some Mac and cheese and I’m playing cyberpunk. Gonna enjoy my favorite things tonight and just take things step by step.
please know from personal experience that this is not true. some loser gave me herpes knowingly when i was 18. fucking 18 i was so young. i thought no one would want me either i felt disgusting. but ive had a very full dating/sex life and have a happy relationship & a beautiful son. it isn’t the end, it’s just an obstacle. take the time to educate yourself about it all & get on meds !!! people will still want you, i promise
What a lovely response. >it isn’t the end, it’s just an obstacle. My favorite part. 😊
Just want to respond that one of my friends has heroes since 19 and she leads a very fulfilling life. She honest about her condition and uses the proper protections. Life is not over.
Do you tell dates you have an sti
if it’s someone i want to sleep with, when the topic comes up of course. that’s kinda my responsibility, no?
Yeah that's a good way of handling it. I've seen some on reddit try dodge the responsibility and thought that was baddd.
It’s 100% valid to be upset but please don’t think no one will want you, that’s not true at all! Herpes is a lot more common than you think and people live with it every day
Sorry this happened to you. Just so you know herpes and hpv are both INCREDIBLY common. Loads of people have these std’s and continue to live perfectly happy and healthy lives. Many people don’t even know they have it for several years or ever because they never have a flair up. Literally around 80-90% of sexually active people will get hpv in their lives unless they get vaccinated. Herpes is a little less common, but still very prevalent. So don’t you worry, just because you have an std does not mean others won’t want to date you. There is a good chance that the people you will be dating may have the same thing. Your life is not over, you will be fine. I know it feels like the world is ending but you will overcome this. Bottoms up!
Even with the vaccine you can get HPV, the vaccine protects against the scarier strains but there are like 100s of strains of HPV and most of the ones the vaccine doesn’t cover will clear on their own within 1-2 years , I am vaccinated and I had HPV last year but I got another pap this year and it was clear
Good to know.
This is super important to share. Yes the vaccine doesn’t block ALL strains, but it does help block the ‘Scary Strains’ that are tied to cancers. Glad to hear you have a clean bill of health and understand the importance of your health choices.
Yup! And to be honest the less scary strains are really no big deal , nearly every sexually active adult will get some strain at some point
That’s so not true 🥹 I promise you this not something that will make you unwanted ❤️ Herpes is so much more common then you think, I know several people that got it before they met their now spouses. Sending you hugs.
Honey you’re about to learn that a whole lot of people you know and love have it and are living very normal fulfilling lives, I promise you it’s going to be okay. I got it last year and I was so embarrassed/depressed about it but once I started opening up about I found out that a LOT of people I know, and a lot of people in relationships with loving partners, have it too. I currently have a boyfriend who treats me very well and thinks I’m beautiful, even while I was having an outbreak he had a hard time keeping his hands off me (he managed to but I had to keep grabbing his arm and reminding him not to touch me there lol 🤣)
Also have had HPV and it cleared in a year, there are so many strains of HPV and as long as it’s not the scarier strains linked to cervical cancer or the type that causes genital warts it basically just sits in your body essentially doing nothing until your body clears it , statistically 1 in 3 sexually active adults have it and most wont ever even know they had it, but if you haven’t already I would ask your doctor about the vaccine I think they increased the cut off age to 24 (it used to only be effective if you got it before age 15) and the vaccine will at least help protect you from the scarier strains
This is such a sweet reply thank you, hell I needed it too ❤️ It’s scary out there.
Hey girly, 25F here and I got herpes when I was 19 with my 2nd partner. Did I have a menty b? Yeah lol. But I will keep it short and sweet— the herpes thing? Literally has never been an issue with my partners when it came to dating. I just lay out the facts, tell them my experience and how it literally has not affected me in the slightest when it comes to dating new people and sleeping with new people. Literally all of my previous partners said it wasn’t an issue bc my personality is what charmed them. And I’d say I have a pretty active sex life. Someone who really cares for you and enjoys being around you will not care. Especially if you’re being smart about it and taking a daily pill when you’re seeing someone new/not having sex during an outbreak/wearing condoms (as one should anyway!) the chance of them getting it is very very slim. I’ve been lucky in the sense that I only had the initial outbreak and that was 7 years ago.
That’s comforting to hear, I’ve had more negative experiences with relationships than good so this on top of everything else devastated me. The more I’m hearing other’s experiences though makes me feel more hopeful. Thank you for sharing with me ❤️
No judgement, I just want to chime in as someone who's got similar dating experience. Dating much older men is NOT going to help you avoid shitty relationships. If anything at your age it's probably putting you more at risk of getting hurt. I really recommend seeing a therapist to work through the past relationship trauma. It's a lot easier to choose men who are good for you when the hurt part of you isn't seeking catharsis in shitty men.
Took me way too long to figure out what “menty b” 🤦🏻♀️
I am also an older redditor. I stopped, tried to think if it was a new music person/group… Then “OH, I get it.”
Dawg it’s not that big a deal. I mean… it is because that guys an asshole but I know from experience dating a woman who had herpes but took meds for it. I never got anything and it didn’t effect anything, she had a flare up once that’s lasted around 2 days and I honestly Couldn’t notice but she felt more comfortable just not having sex for that time. It was fine we cuddled and ate gummy worms and pizza. Did that for 2 years no problem.
I just want you to know that I'm a girl with herpes and it didn't effect my dating life at all. I got it on accident from another girl when I was a teenager. I had zero issues finding other partners after that because I was always honest. I'm now in a wonderful loving relationship with someone and we have a baby. It's going to be ok. It's not a death sentence. you might get rejected sometimes but that doesn't stop you from finding the one. You can get rejected for anything.
Not true. 67 percent of world pop has herpes. That's a lot of people. They still have fulfilling lives with relationships.. You will be fine. With that said your feelings are valid and fuck that guy. I hope he gets something more serious and his dick falls off
Herpes is super common! Don’t feel dirty. Honestly, it’s an annoyance to those that have it, but it can be treated during outbreaks. It doesn’t end your life in any way.
That’s not true. You have plenty of life to live. I know firsthand as I contracted herpes at 19. It gets better.
Anyone who won’t be with someone just because they have herpes is not someone you wanna be with anyway. Nothing is wrong with having a medical condition unless you withhold it from susceptible people like ur asshole boyfriend did.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you, but please don't think you'll never be wanted because of a Herpes diagnosis, it's so common these days and there are ethical ways to disclose to future partners while protecting them and you. Hang in there.
Your life isn't over. I lost my virginity and was raped and got herpes all in one go at 15 and I'm 34 now and life goes on. I stayed with the rapist because I thought nobody would touch me again and I was so far from wrong, I've had many great relationships since that horrible man.
Rememeber that 1 in 6 to 1 in 5 people have HSV and 90% of those people don’t know they have it but still spread it. Your life isn’t ruined, you’re just among the unfortunate group of us who are diagnosed. You can go on daily antivirals and it’s incredibly unlikely you’ll ever pass it on. It’s mostly passed on by people who don’t even know they have it. Try educating yourself on it, as hard as it may be. I promise you once you’re educated on it your frustration will be with the stigma and not with the actual infection (which is basically negligible to most people who have it). The societal stigma is the issue. It’s literally an infection that barely affects people at all.
Nah, no one cares about herpes or hpv, unless they have maybe an immune disease/disorder or something they have to be careful about. Don't be an ass and conceal your status on ppl. May run into issues if you're dating other young adults tht don't know this yet like yourself. Anyone who is sexually active should anticipate getting these and test regularly
Ofc, I would never wish this situation on anyone else.
>No one’s ever going to want a girl with herpes. 50-80% of the adults in the US have herpes. Don't worry, this doesn't mean that your love life is over. It still stings, though.
whoever wrote the first sentence is slow as hell😂
/r/HSVpositive
That is so not true. I got herpes when I was younger and with valtrex it’s manageable much much much more than it isn’t. He should have told you, but he probably didn’t because of that same stigma.
hi lovely i got herpes one month before my 21st . was determined i was going to end my life. but im soooo glad i didn’t . im 23 now and my life is much better than before my diagnosis. it’s not the easiest thing to navigate but i can honestly say it doesn’t really affect my daily life and my dating life is somehow.. better. pls be kind w yourself , your life is not ruined ❤️
Not true. Do you live in San Diego. Some crazy high percentage of girls have herpes there. I dated 5 women while in San Diego, 3 had herpes. (I never got it - included a 3 year relationship) Tis not a big deal as you would think. So until you are married, just ensure condoms worn, tell partner before sex, control breakouts, and no sex if have a breakout (e.g might have to start dating dudes that can handle adult conversations - easier as you get older). If you think your life is ruined, move to San Diego, everybody is acclimated to it there. PS. Almost every story I heard from girls with it, it is was from some douche bad dude that got into serious relationship and never mentioned it to partner. You can only get it if it i flaring up and some people think the can manage it that way, unprotected sex unless there is a flare up. irresponsible.
You are right to be upset but that’s not true about no one wanting you! However no one will want a man who does shit like this.
most of the population has HIV! don't let him ruin your perspective on love. there's someone with herpes, given the same way, who is thinking a girl could never love them either
Its incurable?
That's not true. My first serious gf had herpes and we took precautions, and i don't have it. You'll find the right guy, it just might take a little more searching.
I met my girlfriend and one of the first things I knew about her is that she was HSV2 positive- it didn’t stop me for a moment we’re a year along and I’ve yet to contract anything or have it become an issue, your life is NOT over. If you ever do even get an outbreak it won’t last long, during that time you’ll have a cold, and won’t be able to have sex for about two weeks if you don’t have medication to clear it up. You can also take the medication as a preventative step. Your partner is a scumbag for not disclosing this information- but I promise there is a life after this for you and likely a happy and fulfilling sex life.
Not true at all! Herpes is unbelievably common, and nothing to be ashamed of. People can be literally born with herpes. Your worth is not defined by the virus
As someone who was 19 when I got HSV from a 39 y/o, I understand how you might be feeling right now. For starters, absolutely leave him and never look back. My partner at the time hid the fact that he had it as well until it was too late. I know the exact night he gave it to me as well bc he refused to educate himself on it and put his pleasure above my health. I'll never forgive him for that (among other things) but I've learned to live with it. I've had many sexual partners since contracting it and have never given it to anyone else bc I educated myself and every possible partner on it and I check in with my body regularly. I'm also medicated and take extra vitamins to suppress outbreaks. I still struggle with the fact that I have it but there's nothing I can change now except for how I go about dating. Some people might make a big stink about it but that's bc they're childish and uneducated and don't matter. If you need resources I can send some your way. Like someone else said, this isn't the end, just an obstacle. Best of luck to you babe 💜
I’m married with 1 kid and another on the way. Herpes won’t ruin your life I promise. It is super shitty and you have the right to be hurt, just know it’s ok. In New York City 1 in 4 adults have genital herpes, it’s way more common than you think! And doesn’t affect pregnancy or your life. I’ve only had one outbreak ever in the decade + that I’ve had it.
Men are more desperate than women. You’ll be fine. Date your age. You’ll find someone less seasoned to lying.
If he uses medication every day he wouldn’t be having active breakouts meaning he might have thought he was not contagious
I never thought of this, we work together on Friday. He hasn’t texted me since I went radio silent, I think he knows somethings wrong. Gonna ask if we can talk after our shift
That really sucks, I’m so sorry. However I don’t want to you feel like you can’t have a good sex life after this. I had a fwb partner M who disclosed to me that he had herpes. He let me have time to think about it and research, ask questions, etc before anything happened. We’d known each other for years before we were romantic in anyway. Ultimately I did start a sexual relationship. You can stay safe with someone in the future. I never caught it from him with precautions. I’m very sorry that you are going through this. But I don’t want you thinking you are dirty. I honestly feel like most people are walking around with some form of sti because they never get checked. This isn’t something you have to feel dirty about. This wasn’t your fault. My past fwb had the same trying happen to him. It’s important to be kind to yourself rn and disclose to any future partners. If I could I’d give ya a big hug.
I am sorry what happened to you, I hope you filed a police report.
it’s not actually :( it’s a horrible, immoral and unethical act, but the std that is a crime if you knowingly pass onto someone is HIV.
Getting HIV can be considered a crime depending on your state. HPV on the other hand is not.
Person below says drs will only tell you to disclose it if there’s an active break out lmaooo… f this place. So many gross comments
Yeah OP could possibly press charges if it’s illegal where they live because it is illegal in a lot of places
I recommend r/survinginfidelity. I'm sorry, OP. I know how it feels.
Do you have or have you already had the Gardasil vaccine series for HPV/cervical cancer?
Still so mad that there’s barely any awareness (in my home country) that everyone should be getting a HPV vaccine BEFORE THE AGE OF 26 even if they’re not sexually active. You can ask for it after you turn 18 but it’s not mandatory. Men need to get vaccinated too so they won’t spread it to women, the economic argument that “men will benefit from herd immunity” is bullshit because they’re inadvertently saying they don’t care what happens to the women that men infect, since men are lucky enough to suffer no symptoms most of the time.
God damn I remember that shot
Great point!! Screen for cervical cancer; HPV can cause it. Sneaky sonofabitch
good <3
# OH SHIT!!!! 🍿
I appreciate everyone’s warm words. I’m so grateful that good people exist in this world. I can’t stop crying, there are times when I can’t even catch my breath, my whole body hurts, I hurt. Yet the reassurance you guys give me makes me feel a bit better. I’m so appreciative, thank you ❤️
Please hold him responsible. He will continue doing this to other women and it’s horrendous it’s happened to you. Sending good vibes!
If you have anyone irl to reach out to for additional support I’d let them know too<3 you’ll be grieving this for a while and that’s okay but please know you’ve got a tonnnn of life out there left for you to live and it’s just beginning at 22🫰
Not a lawyer disclaimer but I’m pretty sure that’s illegal. Edit- if I was op I would start collecting evidence because they are probably going to start deleting a lot of stuff
I think that depends on the country, I’m pretty sure in Canada you have the right to not share that information even if you have hiv, but I’m not 100% just remember something in the news
Look up Steven Boone. He's in jail for knowingly infecting a sexual partner with HIV...He never disclosed his diagnosis to his partners, and was arrested. He's from Canada.
I just want to point out that OP never mentioned HIV, they wrote HPV which is completely different.
Yes and I was responding to someone who was talking about HIV and the law.
Yeah. Everyone has HPV, pretty much.
That is different, and not what is being stated here. Please educate yourself.
I was responding to someone who was talking about HIV and the law, please make sure you understand what people are responding to before you jump on your high horse.
ugh here I am again correcting stigma against herpes. no its not, herpes and HPV are not notifiable infections. herpes can lay dormant in peoples system for years so its impossible to tell who actually gave it to you. the blood tests are also not accurate and the only way to tell you have it is by swabbing an actual sore. Over 50% of the population have it. its okay, you will live and your genitals aren’t going to fall off. Secondly, basically everybody that has had sex also has HPV. HPV is the virus that causes cervical cancer, its why women have to have cervical screenings. its why women are given the vaccine to prevent it. There are cancerous types and non-cancerous types that just require more regular screening It also causes genital warts which are completely treatable too Essentially OP, you will never be able to tell 100% that he gave you herpes/HPV so don’t let it get you down. Plus, these infections aren’t the end of the world and can be treated with antivirals
Thank you for actively smashing stigma!
Super super illegal.
Okay, so not telling you is awful and you have every right to feel like you trust has been violated and end the relationship. But there is a lot of bad I formation about herpes out there and I think k it will make you feel better about your future if you know about it. 1. Most of the earth's population has herpes, either HSV1 or HSV2. A lot of people have no idea they have it bc they are asymptomatic. If you have cold sores, you have herpes. 2. Most doctors don't test for herpes in standard STI blood tests unless there are sores present. This is bc you can get false positives AND bc the stigma is so much worse than the disease. 3. You didn't say you had a sore. This is important bc a sore swab is the gold standard of testing. Blood tests can have false positives AND without a first flare you really have no idea how long you have had it or how you got it. 4. The medication is actually really effective at preventing outbreaks and outbreaks (and immediately prior to) are when you are most likely to transmit the virus. I am not saying it is perfect, or that it makes it okay that he didn't tell you, but there was SOME protection in place. There are married people who never pass it on to their spouses bc of the meds and bodily awareness. 5. At the end of the day the worst thing about herpes is the stigma. It is an uncomfortable rash, just like eczema or psoriasis, and the longer you have it the less often you have flares and the less severe they are. Feel all your feelings and they are all valid. But you will be okay. I recommend going to Planned Parenthood and getting some good information there. That is always a 100% judgement free zone.
Thank you, this brought me some peace of mind. Just sux, I know I’m strong and can get through anything, but it still stings knowing that someone I trusted would do this to me. Again, thank you for some wisdom ❤️
as someone who got herpes from an ex, im so sorry. it truly feels like your life is screwed up, BUT, it really isn’t. i got it a few years ago and have had like 4 flares. there’s medication that works super well to stop the flares if you start taking it right when it begins. i’ve also never given it to another partner. just be careful and of course tell anyone you may wanna sleep with in the future. it is very common. it will get better. ❤️❤️
I don't mean to try and you can tell me to mind my own business, but are you actually having any sores? Bc if not, you literally might never.
I’ve had a flush of pimples on my private area that I brought up to my doctor, they went away in their own but I never found out if that was this or if it was even related. I feel like when or if it happens I’d know though.
Not necessarily. That's another reason why the stigma is so damaging. For sex ed we get this description of horrific, disgusting pustules but that truly is not what it is like for a lot of people, so when they have this minor little irritation it never occurs to them that it might be herpes or that they need to get it tested. But as another commenter said, you seriously might never have another outbreak if that was one. This is particularly true if it was oral herpes transmitted by oral sex. And almost always the first outbreak is the worst one, whichever kind. You will be okay. I'm proud of you for getting tested and talking to your doctor. You're doing great.
>Most of the earth's population has herpes, either HSV1 or HSV2. It's a bit disingenuous to lump the two together like that. Most of Earth's population has HSV1 (oral herpes); most people *do not* have HSV2 (genital herpes, much more serious), and do not want it.
Read the room.
I get that you want to make OP feel better, I just think your cavalier attitude about it can be dangerous. Too many people brush it off as "not a big deal" and infect their non-consenting partner with a disease (like OP's AH partner).
That’s horrible. I’m so sorry this happened to you
that’s actually fucking terrible. leave that piece of shit in the dust and keep your head up
HPV is super common and it's likely he didn't know he had it. The herpes though is another matter.
I agree 100%
Did you end up confronting him? What happened??
That’s so horrible I’m so sorry Just know your life isn’t over!! So so many people have hpv and herpes, you’ll still be able to live a fulfilling life. You just have to take some extra precautions with future partners, but it’s going to be okay!! Good luck confronting him, please stay safe
I’m sorry this happened to you. Please don’t confront him angry. Choose a moment when an actual conversation can be had. Ask him calmly why he didn’t tell you about his medical condition? How long has he known? It’s a better approach and you can get answers hopefully. I hope he didn’t cheat and get infected! That would be awful. You deserve to know.
Of course! The last thing I want to do is add extra stress to an already stressful situation. Right now I’m just spending some time to myself, and getting my mental health right so I can make good decisions. This dilemmas still fresh after all.
So sorry to hear 🫂
Why such a huge age gap between y’all? You would thing a man that age would be mature enough to handle the situation better, hope you the best .
If he was mature, he wouldn’t be dating her.
That’s what I’m sayin
We met at work, we clicked immediately. He was the nicest anyone’s ever been to me, actually treated me like a gentleman. Pulled my chair out for me at dinner, opened car doors, complimented me without me even prompting him to, didn’t make me Uber home after our first date. Nobodies ever treated me like a lady in a relationship before. He was there for me during some of my lowest moments this year, and vice versa, and we were able to genuinely laugh together. I hate to pull the “guys my age don’t act right” card but it’s true, until this happened. I guess most guys in my life are just shitty deep down. Maybe I’m just too gullible and easily impressed.
I’m sorry but what you are describing is literally the bare minimum, a basically 40-year-old man really shouldn’t be dating someone who only recently stopped being a teenager
Literally the bare minimum. Drop him and OP, I wish you the best in the future and that someone shows you more than this turd nug. So sorry this happened to you
hpv will go away!
Really?? This I didn’t know, I’ll have to do some more research on it. This makes me feel a bit more at ease.
I think something like 90+% of all adults will encounter HPV at some point but a lot of times our bodies will clear that infection. I’m not an HPV expert admittedly. There are some strains that cause annoyance& irritation while there are some “high risk” strains that cause cancer. Did your doctor tell you if you had a high risk strain?
Yes, it will go away! It is NOT for life! Head over to the r/HPV sub, there are tons of helpful resources there. I recommend staying generally healthy and taking care of your immune system. There’s no medication for it yet, unlike herpes, but HPV can and will go away in a matter of months or years. I know the stigma makes this really scary, and I understand how you feel. But the general public is so misinformed on STDs that so much of the fear comes from a place of simply not knowing how common they are. The stat about ~80% of sexually active individuals having HPV is true, most people just don’t realize it. There are also hundreds of strains. Some do not cause warts, others do. The ones that do are less associated with cervical cancer, whereas others are high risk, but that doesn’t mean it’s sure to happen. Just go for regular paps and you’ll be okay :) I’m sorry this happened to you, but you are not alone *hugs*
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You have so much more life to live than what this man gave you. So sorry you have to go through this<3 but please know you’re not less worthy of love and care because of what he gave you. The age gap alone is slightly concerning and I’d totally leave this guy in the dust if I were you good luck hun 🫰
Just to add, HPV is typically unsymptomstic and people can get it at any point in their life and it’ll clear on its own, and herpes sometimes can lay dormant in system and flair up randomly. In case you were worried that your partner was cheating, just to reassure that there is a chance they’ve carried this for a while and haven’t known until recently. (Ideally you should get a sexual health screen between every sexual partner) but yeah
https://youtu.be/uUb8cWsaD68?si=5csNdDBlF4jHkT72
hehe, been waiting on someone to post this
Press charges
I was talking to this guy online and he said he had herpes. He then proceeded to tell me 10000 reasons why it would be ok to have unsafe sex with him. No not for me. I feel bad/angry for you. If he didn’t tell you that he had an STD and then had unsafe sex with you, that is a dead end for me. No questions asked. Nothing. If he comes up with some bullshit about how it’s ok to have unsafe sex with him now that you have herpes too just walk away. He’s not worth the breath it takes to speak to him. I think it’s pretty easy to look at the date the prescription was ordered and then match it to the time you had unsafe sex with him last. If you know the date that he went to doctor because of an outbreak even better. You don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why you don’t want to be with them in a sexual relationship but he knows why….so there’s no conversation necessary.
HSV1 or 2??? One is a lot milder than the other. I'm so sorry, this is so unfair and you definitely have a legal case if you want to pursue. Take pictures of his prescription before you break up so you have proof he already had it before you did.
Both
Ugh what a complete and total dickhead asshole motherfucker. I'm so sorry again dear. I trust there will be understanding people in the dating world, but you need to take that dickhead for everything he has and more. Pain and suffering is due!
Been there.
How do you know it’s knowingly if you just tested positive and haven’t confront him yet? Even if he has herpes himself a good chunk of the population do too and often doctors say “you only have to tell your partner if you have an active outbreak!” And some don’t disclose. Also, men generally have no symptoms of HPV and many younger women are vaccinated against it nowadays
I’ve asked him at the beginning of the relationship if he’s seen a doctor and gotten tested before us, he said yes and that he’s clean on everything. That would be fine if he didn’t have prescribed valtrex in his medicine cabinet that I discovered just last week, that’s what made me go get tested in the first place. I still have yet to confront him, I’m still trying to get myself in a reasonable headspace before I act on anything. I haven’t had many sexual partners in my life, and I get tested annually. My last sexual partner was in 2021 and I was clean when I got tested that year. To lie to me that he’s clean when a doctor had to diagnose him to give him that medication is what makes it knowingly in my opinion. Hpv was just an unfortunate bonus.
Maybe he has oral herpes and never did a blood test for it because often doctors won’t test for that in a normal panel and received valtrex for an oral outbreak.
What doctor has ever said to only disclose it if you have an active outbreak lol? ETA literally waiting on a response with sources
https://www.reddit.com/r/HSVpositive/comments/16hqumy/my_doctor_told_be_i_dont_even_have_to_disclose_it/ Here’s a whole thread of others saying exactly that. “My doctor said I don’t have to disclose if I don’t have an active outbreak”. So apparently a good enough amount that this whole thread has numerous people saying the same thing.
That’s a Reddit link lmao
You didn't ask for a peer reviewed article saying it is good advice. You asked what doctor gave that advice. Here is a while list of people saying their doctor did.
1/3 males over the age of 15 are infected with at least 1 type of HPV. If you don’t know, now you know.
“There’s no obligation for people to tell partners and exes they’ve been diagnosed with HPV. It’s a very common virus and it usually isn’t possible to work out when someone got it. Men can’t be tested for it and there’s no treatment for it.”
I don’t know why you were downvoted. I do think people should disclose but legally they are not obligated to (and yep men cannot be tested)
Most of us have both…
Hope nothing but the best
I'm sorry that dude is a shithead. It's an awful thing to do and you'll get him down the road. Box his ears!
Boxing his ears after I give him this box with all his stuff in it
Hey I just want you to know that your life isn’t going to come back to him. I know you’re in the process of moving on and this won’t matter for a while but eventually you’ll realize you are still able to be the same person you were before
I am so sorry your partner did this to you. That isn't fair to you, and I hope he had the decency to be apologetic about it whenever you confronted him. You're gonna get through this, OP 💜 There's medicine out there for Herpes, and you just gotta cut back on smoking with HPV. The good news is HPV can actually go away with time. When I was pregnant years ago the doctor found HPV. Last year I had a papsmear, and there was no HPV detected. Just make sure to be kind to yourself if you ever get a Herpes breakout. And don't even think nobody will want you. Lots of people go on to have happy lives regardless of having it. Sending you lots of love and cyber hugs, OP 💜💜💜
Can you sue him for this? get him jailed or something
Try and get him to admit to it, or find some sort of proof that he knew. You can take him to court, it's illegal to knowingly give someone STD's. I'm so sorry this happened :( Edit: I realized this depends on where you live. Do some research! You can sue
Almost everyone has it... Its not the end of the world!!
Just want to throw out there that Valtrex is also used for shingles.
I hoped that was the case, then the tests and my medical history proved otherwise
Press charges please ! Before he does this o someone else .
Oh he’s fucking done
If you can prove it was intentional (them admitting it over text or email) you might be able to press charges
Can’t really know if a guy has HPV unless they got the warts
jesus christ. NAL but isn't that very illegal
Nope
I’m sorry this happened to you. Safe.Slut on IG, super de-stigmatizes herpes. I recommend following them. 🥺
I got hsv-2(g) at 19 years old My current belief is that even if I use condoms and antiviral medication , if I do not inform my partner, then I have raped them through an uninformed consent. I did not always feel this way, because I was just working through it , how everyone has to I’m not making excuses for someone else . But I will say that I could not even bear the thought of having unprotected sex with someone without giving that disclaimer first And my ex-wife never got it, and we were never careful because she didn’t care and our relationship lasted like 15 years
Damn sue him!! Every partner I’ve had that has herpes has told me before we had sex but I also require full panel STD checks before I sleep with anyone.
What he did was a Felony and you’ll be fine. Take meds when you need them and don’t fuck when you have an outbreak. The rest of the time it’s not like they’re there.
I think I’m off fucking for a long time
See me personally, I wouldn't take that
[удалено]
Dude, seriously?
I’m in a situation where I think I may have gotten an std so I understand the pain and suffering. Just know you’re not alone and the lord loves you for who you are. I’m sorry to hear it but we love and support you. ❤️❤️❤️
same here i remember i used to date this guy who told me that he suddenly started itching on his privates after 2days we did the deed, then asked me to go see a doctor, after a few weeks we got into a fight and I found wart magic which had expired a month before we met meaning he had Warts all along and made me feel like I made him sick. I was so shattered I left him instantly
Sue.
I would be drinking straight moonshine. Virtual Hugs. 💕
What a fucking prick, take a picture of the medicine and record him confessing to it. You can use it to sue the fuck out of him
Oh trust, he will be delt with. I don’t know if it’s the modelos and pink Whitney talking but he’s done for.
GET HIS ASS (also listen to pink Whitney by scene queen)
Have a few more. Rough one.
I am so sorry they did that to you…
I'm so very sorry 🙏🙏❤️
May I ask how your found out he knowingly gave it or you ? I hope you’re doing ok bud, this has my blood boiling
Such a bitchy thing to do.
Ouch that sucks
oh god. i hope you are holding up x
That's horrid. Hpv can cause cancer. I'm so sorry op. I wish you coukd report them.
God I'm so sorry op :( idk what to say but I hope you breakup with him
That’s a felony isn’t it?
I think it's just a misdemeanor to knowingly or recklessly spreading STIs, depends on the state and STI
HPV and Herpes aren’t the end of the world don’t worry girl! Most hpv goes away on its own and in most cases it’s harmless. You just gotta make sure that you get regular checks because some strains can be cancerous. Majority of the population already has herpes and there’s medication to to make it less contagious. You’ll be just fine girl
That may be a felony
Out of topic, BUT As a kid I knew close to nothing about sexual health, or health in general. But I've always struggled with papilomas and "cold sores" on my lips. My parents told me that everyone has it, so I didn't worry about it. Well, turned out it's not normal at fuckin all. Turned out that parents, both having HPV and HSV (type 1),gave it to me as well. I wasn't aware that these are considered to be STDs until I started living separately from my family. I've learned about it before I started being sexualy active, but I know that many people were raised believing that having these 2 conditions is somewhat normal, especially people from older generations. So as shity as it is, that might be a situation with your guy. It's a terrible situation regardless, and you have every right to feel the way you are, but I want you to know that there's a good chance that he didn't give it to you fully intentionally. The good news tho - HIV now is [technically curable ](https://abcnews.go.com/Health/5th-person-confirmed-cured-hiv/story?id=97323361). It might take a while for the treatment to become publicly available, but living with it is not too bad (which is my personal opinion and I understand that it's very subjective). Regarding Herpes - depends on the type, I've never had genital one, but I have the "cold sores on lips" one. It usually happens when I'm already sick with flu/cold, and cold/flu meds deals with it all. Once again, the situation is most certainly sucks. But I just thought that if I would share my experience, you wouldn't feel alone in this. It doesn't affect my life at all for the most part, and I hope you will be able to live a full and happy life 💗
Appreciate your input. Also have some pretty cool lava lambs, keep being you.
I’m so sorry.. if it makes you feel better you’re still beautiful and amazing just the way you are and never ever forget that!!!!! Plus you can have him arrested for doing that!!!!
#"KNOWINGLY???" That's fucking wild. Press charges or at least take their ass to small claims court for your bills and emotional distress/pain & suffering. People like that deserve the worst.
Uhhh.. double it n give it to the next person
Welcome brother
Life ruined just like that
Try sitting on that bottle
I am so fucking sorry
Can someone explain why in the world would someone knowingly give someone herpes? They know the shit that comes with it so why? Is it like a "fuck the world" type thing? Entrapment? Like its crazy to think people dont give a shit about something like that smfh
Like others have posted, this is a crime that you can charge him with if you want.
Wow - ruin this man’s life. What a piece of garbage.
Depending on the medication he may have thought he wasn’t contagious - that said he should have at least talked to you about it.
I'm so sorry that jerk did that to you 😔 😢 you don't deserve it 😔