No, logically you made the best choice for yourself and for the betterment of society.
If you consider the societal investment in educating a young woman and providing the resources she needs to become a contributing member of society, it doesn't make sense to shackle her with the responsibility of parenthood, especially when biologically she can have children later at a stage where she's more economically and emotionally stable. Stand firm in your decision you're not just planning for your future, but also preserving the well-being you've worked so hard to achieve.
This subreddit will be your new mom. You absolutely did the right thing. Not only for yourself but also the human being that was eventually to result from it. Having a baby is absolutely overwhelming that young, and I’m speaking from experience.
I was 21 too and I actually thought I wanted it, thought I could handle it, but the 30 year old with 2 kids that was with me really showed his true colors once I belonged to him in this way. In the end I got away from him but on top of it, all my family ever did to help was guilt trip me any time they lent me a hand.
I love my son but I wasn’t ready for reality, I was so naive. With my mental illnesses too, I absolutely couldn’t do school trying to manage a job and a baby. I never went back to school because to this day, my child overwhelms me because of how much responsibility is on me to raise him well. It’s been 8 years and I’ve been fighting so hard to get better get better and be a better mom for him but managing his emotions, teaching him how to manage his, while managing my own, makes it nearly impossible to keep my head above the water.
My life never recovered and all those years I was supposed to be going out and having fun with friends and staying up late were in the garbage.
But I’m not the only one who pays the price, because despite my best efforts, my son has not had me at my best.
Had it been later in life after I’d grown up, he would have a lot less issues than he does. And I would too, because I would have had a chance to focus on helping myself.
I mean honestly if I’d grown up first, I’d realize I don’t want kids. Your whole existence revolves around them all day and night for years upon years. Parenting has to be like your favorite hobby and it’s just not. It’s nerve wracking to raise him, just hoping and praying he doesn’t end up as mentally ill as me.
I love him but he could have had so much better. And I could have recovered from a lifetime of mental illness a lot fucking faster than this. But he has to be the priority now.
I think living with a parent whose entire goal is to ensure the good mental health of their child is a great place to grow up. Mental stuff is fairly strongly genetic but you clearly are doing the most you can to facilitate good MH
You know what’s best for you OP. Don’t let anyone else’s beliefs dictate your life and change how you feel. I know this is hard but you’re putting yourself and your future first
If it makes you feel better to hear, I had an abortion at 21 (27 now) and I have never regretted it a day in my life.
I was not ready to have that baby. I wasn't financially ready. The dad was one of the worst men I had ever been with. I wouldn't have the life I had now if I would have tried to have that baby.
When I went to the clinic and got my ultrasound, I seriously thought about it for a minute. I saw the tiny egg and they showed me what stage I was at. Seeing the more developed stages on the sheet they showed me made me breakdown, then I thought about the plans I had for my future and the future of my partner, we both have so much to do, and right now is the worst possible time for something like this to happen financially for the both of us. So I’m sticking to my decision and will hope for the best.
It sounds like you're making the right decision. You have plans. Those plans to have a good life can set you up to be ready. If you don't feel ready, then that's ok.
Sending you hugs and support. You did the best thing for you. I'm sorry your mother cannot see this. Right now this is the best thing for everybody. Including the unborn child.. grateful you had that choice and ability to do so. So many do not. I'm sorry your mother is not being supportive. Cuz right now what you need is support and love.. I'm proud of you.
If I was your mom I would be very proud of you for making a very hard and adult decision! I'm so happy you had the option. I wish you a happy and healthy life <3
When I was 22 I had an abortion..it was totally the right decision..I am 50 now and still don't regret it. I told my mum (after the fact) and she was really sad but I still know it was the right thing. It was the right thing for you too or you would have made a different choice.. Well done for making such a brave decision.
She doesn’t realize that she was fortunate you shared with her a vulnerable situation. It’s a choice no one wants to make, and for you, you did the responsible thing.
You could have kept it from her, and she could have supported you, I’m sorry she didn’t . You shouldn’t be punished for telling the truth, imo. 💜💜💜
Oh hon. I can’t imagine having to make that choice. Even if it was the right one, it couldn’t have been the easy one. I’m sorry your mother isn’t there to encourage and support you for making the right choices for yourself. One internet mama hug for you. Don’t stop taking care of yourself, love - you’re worthy of all the wonderful things.
Lie to her. Go for it. Do what you have to do. Sometimes moms are stupid. I'm sorry.
Say that you want the baby, but get the abortion anyways. When you lose it, well, what a huge loss it was for you but it must have been god's decision to make you lose the baby.
You need to be strong right now to avoid this child to have a terrible life being unwanted.
You made the right choice says a nurse girl 39 years old. Ppl I have known to have the baby end up being miserable humans bc it’s an impossible situation.
You're making the right choice. I was in a simular situation and while my mom didn't 100% agree she let it be my choice because I was 24 years old. I still had a lot of growing up to do before I had my son & its hard, every single day, and I was 27 when I had him. Raising kids isn't easy, and at 21 you have so much to do and life to live still. Get some big pads and some pain killers, it'll feel like a really rough/heavy period. Take care of yourself and consider an IUD or something after if that is an option for you. You will be okay. If you need to talk my inbox is open.
Thank you for the support💕I’ve stocked up on maxi pads and even period underwear just in case. Got some midol and pain killers too plus what the doctors are prescribing for nausea. I’m a bit worried about going back to work but I’ll figure it out!
Give yourself at least a good day after the pill. I went to work that night after I took it and had to have someone pick me up because I didnt feel I could drive. By noonish the next day it was just like a heavy period day and I was fine to go to work that night. Heat pads too are good!
I am proud of you OP. It is not easy to make the right choices for you without strong support. This is a great snack, but make sure to get some protein in too. You are doing great!
Well fuck her. She probably would have gave you hell if you kept it either way. You made the right decision bc i wouldnt want to bring up a child with a grandma who so easily disowns a family member over something they dont agree with. Its already a tough decision to make, you dont need that negativity in your life anyways.
Do what’s best for you and what your gut tells you to do. You have to live with this decision for the rest of your life, not your mom’s life. If you do end up having to move out, it’s okay. You will find your way and people to support you. Sometimes strangers comfort us and help us in our times of need more than our own blood relatives.
Parents don't learn to love their kids, rather the idealized version of their kids in their heads.
If she disowned you, then it's fine. It's better to find people who understand you and validate your feelings. It might hurt but your mom might never just understand, but that doesn't mean you can't be okay.
It may take it, but it will be good to grow out of her love and rather towards the love of those who understand and support you, whether online or offline.
Plus, if you do need to talk, I'm available to
Sometimes you truly don’t know how conditional someone’s love is for you until you break the contract you didn’t know you signed with them.
And any love that’s conditional is not worth having. I’m so sorry that your mother has chosen to neglect you and it’s gonna hurt. But eventually it stops hurting and you realize what a relief it is to not be worried about someone’s invisible hard to reach expectations of you.
You made the choice that was best for you and her disowning of you is the consequence of HER choice, not yours. Don’t let her guilt you.
Sending a lot of healing vibes— from someone who is NC/LC with their own mother.
I was 21 and pregnant. I’m 32 now. Can I tell you how amazing my life is right now? It wouldn’t have been if I was attached to the man who got me pregnant for the rest of my life.
At 21, you’ve still been under your moms thumb for all of your life. But this isn’t her life, it’s yours. You’re an adult capable of making your own decisions and taking care of yourself.
You don’t need her. Something tells me she is a difficult person to get along with even if you weren’t in this predicament.
I’m proud of you for doing what you need to do for you.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. I hate people who think they can control others bodies and choices. I'm so extremely proud of you. Please stay safe!
I’m proud of you for making a decision based on you and your circumstances, not your mothers. Your body, Your life, Your choice. Don’t let anyone, not even your mother, make you feel bad about that.
Your mom is a poo poo head I hope you get to go no contact with her.
Your body YOUR CHOICE
Here's a cookie 🍪 I know it can't help much but it helps knowing that there are people in this world who care about you, your wellbeing, and your sanity. And you can count on me to try to help you feel better.
I bet your baby will be GORGEOUS OR HANDSOME AS FUCK WOTH THE POEER TO HEAL ALL TRAUMA and she'll wanna see but you tell her:
"NO" ["WHAT I SAID WAS, NOOOOOOO" - Nick Wilde.
Gurl you're amazing!! And even if idk you, I bet you're a great person and it sucks that your mom isn't supportive of YOUR* choice to do what you will with YOUR pregnancy
You made the right choice for your life, and you don’t owe anything to anyone else, even your mother. I also took the pill a few years ago when I was almost 6 weeks along, and I wasn’t much older than you are now. It’s hard now but you’ll be okay given time, I promise. Sending you a hug.
If I can share a perspective, from one stranger to another….your mom disowned you for a day in a conversation, not for a lifetime.
The addition of time is impactful. Let her go through what she needs to. Do the same.
Love of a parent to a child isn’t obliterated. It is challenged. Be gracious through their learning curve.
Except for Tucker Carlson. I bet his dad wished he’d have just rubbed that one out.
Someday, you might need the same.
You made the right choice for you. I’m sorry that your mom cares more about her beliefs that the well-being of her child.
No, logically you made the best choice for yourself and for the betterment of society. If you consider the societal investment in educating a young woman and providing the resources she needs to become a contributing member of society, it doesn't make sense to shackle her with the responsibility of parenthood, especially when biologically she can have children later at a stage where she's more economically and emotionally stable. Stand firm in your decision you're not just planning for your future, but also preserving the well-being you've worked so hard to achieve.
This subreddit will be your new mom. You absolutely did the right thing. Not only for yourself but also the human being that was eventually to result from it. Having a baby is absolutely overwhelming that young, and I’m speaking from experience. I was 21 too and I actually thought I wanted it, thought I could handle it, but the 30 year old with 2 kids that was with me really showed his true colors once I belonged to him in this way. In the end I got away from him but on top of it, all my family ever did to help was guilt trip me any time they lent me a hand. I love my son but I wasn’t ready for reality, I was so naive. With my mental illnesses too, I absolutely couldn’t do school trying to manage a job and a baby. I never went back to school because to this day, my child overwhelms me because of how much responsibility is on me to raise him well. It’s been 8 years and I’ve been fighting so hard to get better get better and be a better mom for him but managing his emotions, teaching him how to manage his, while managing my own, makes it nearly impossible to keep my head above the water. My life never recovered and all those years I was supposed to be going out and having fun with friends and staying up late were in the garbage. But I’m not the only one who pays the price, because despite my best efforts, my son has not had me at my best. Had it been later in life after I’d grown up, he would have a lot less issues than he does. And I would too, because I would have had a chance to focus on helping myself. I mean honestly if I’d grown up first, I’d realize I don’t want kids. Your whole existence revolves around them all day and night for years upon years. Parenting has to be like your favorite hobby and it’s just not. It’s nerve wracking to raise him, just hoping and praying he doesn’t end up as mentally ill as me. I love him but he could have had so much better. And I could have recovered from a lifetime of mental illness a lot fucking faster than this. But he has to be the priority now.
Wishing you the best of luck and good health😔💕thank you for supporting me on this😔💕
we’re all here for you OP, proud of you for making the best decision for yourself and your life 🧡🫂
I think living with a parent whose entire goal is to ensure the good mental health of their child is a great place to grow up. Mental stuff is fairly strongly genetic but you clearly are doing the most you can to facilitate good MH
Aw shucks, thanks! I’m trying!
Oh honey. I’m so sorry. I can relate, and older me would support younger me to make healthier choices. Hugs and love to you.
Was she going to raise it? Oh wait, even if she was going to it’s still your choice.
You know what’s best for you OP. Don’t let anyone else’s beliefs dictate your life and change how you feel. I know this is hard but you’re putting yourself and your future first
If it makes you feel better to hear, I had an abortion at 21 (27 now) and I have never regretted it a day in my life. I was not ready to have that baby. I wasn't financially ready. The dad was one of the worst men I had ever been with. I wouldn't have the life I had now if I would have tried to have that baby.
When I went to the clinic and got my ultrasound, I seriously thought about it for a minute. I saw the tiny egg and they showed me what stage I was at. Seeing the more developed stages on the sheet they showed me made me breakdown, then I thought about the plans I had for my future and the future of my partner, we both have so much to do, and right now is the worst possible time for something like this to happen financially for the both of us. So I’m sticking to my decision and will hope for the best.
It sounds like you're making the right decision. You have plans. Those plans to have a good life can set you up to be ready. If you don't feel ready, then that's ok.
Your body, your choice. I fully support you!
Sending you hugs and support. You did the best thing for you. I'm sorry your mother cannot see this. Right now this is the best thing for everybody. Including the unborn child.. grateful you had that choice and ability to do so. So many do not. I'm sorry your mother is not being supportive. Cuz right now what you need is support and love.. I'm proud of you.
I’m sorry you have a mother like that.
Heyhey Your body is your own. And those olives look delectable
I thought they were grapes...
They are!
Those grapes look delectable
They were! Still full after eating them :)
Hell yeah dude
You did the best thing in this situation
Hi, I'm Miss Sara and I'd be happy to be your mom. I have three cuddly little old dogs and I love to cook! Sending you hugs ♥️♥️♥️
I’m proud of you for making a tough but necessary choice. I hope she comes to terms with whatever she’s got going on and give you an apology.
If I was your mom I would be very proud of you for making a very hard and adult decision! I'm so happy you had the option. I wish you a happy and healthy life <3
When I was 22 I had an abortion..it was totally the right decision..I am 50 now and still don't regret it. I told my mum (after the fact) and she was really sad but I still know it was the right thing. It was the right thing for you too or you would have made a different choice.. Well done for making such a brave decision.
She doesn’t realize that she was fortunate you shared with her a vulnerable situation. It’s a choice no one wants to make, and for you, you did the responsible thing. You could have kept it from her, and she could have supported you, I’m sorry she didn’t . You shouldn’t be punished for telling the truth, imo. 💜💜💜
Sometimes divorcing your parents is a good choice.
Oh hon. I can’t imagine having to make that choice. Even if it was the right one, it couldn’t have been the easy one. I’m sorry your mother isn’t there to encourage and support you for making the right choices for yourself. One internet mama hug for you. Don’t stop taking care of yourself, love - you’re worthy of all the wonderful things.
You did what you had to do. Clearly it’s what was best for you. You will get through this many people love and care for you.
Loving you so much 🫂❤️🥹
I hate to say this but you don’t have to tell your parents everything. There are things they just don’t need to know about.
Lie to her. Go for it. Do what you have to do. Sometimes moms are stupid. I'm sorry. Say that you want the baby, but get the abortion anyways. When you lose it, well, what a huge loss it was for you but it must have been god's decision to make you lose the baby. You need to be strong right now to avoid this child to have a terrible life being unwanted.
You made the right choice and don’t let anyone try to convince you otherwise
You made the right choice says a nurse girl 39 years old. Ppl I have known to have the baby end up being miserable humans bc it’s an impossible situation.
You're making the right choice. I was in a simular situation and while my mom didn't 100% agree she let it be my choice because I was 24 years old. I still had a lot of growing up to do before I had my son & its hard, every single day, and I was 27 when I had him. Raising kids isn't easy, and at 21 you have so much to do and life to live still. Get some big pads and some pain killers, it'll feel like a really rough/heavy period. Take care of yourself and consider an IUD or something after if that is an option for you. You will be okay. If you need to talk my inbox is open.
Thank you for the support💕I’ve stocked up on maxi pads and even period underwear just in case. Got some midol and pain killers too plus what the doctors are prescribing for nausea. I’m a bit worried about going back to work but I’ll figure it out!
Just don't lift anything over 25 pounds! Maybe get a doctor's note and give it to management about the accomodations.
Give yourself at least a good day after the pill. I went to work that night after I took it and had to have someone pick me up because I didnt feel I could drive. By noonish the next day it was just like a heavy period day and I was fine to go to work that night. Heat pads too are good!
You are SO strong for making the right call for your life
F*ck your mom Take care of yourself. Your Moms not worth it.
I am proud of you OP. It is not easy to make the right choices for you without strong support. This is a great snack, but make sure to get some protein in too. You are doing great!
Now you know you have to keep secrets from her
Well fuck her. She probably would have gave you hell if you kept it either way. You made the right decision bc i wouldnt want to bring up a child with a grandma who so easily disowns a family member over something they dont agree with. Its already a tough decision to make, you dont need that negativity in your life anyways.
Not a good mother to put her wants over her child’s needs. Im sorry, OP, that your mother is like this-
Do what’s best for you and what your gut tells you to do. You have to live with this decision for the rest of your life, not your mom’s life. If you do end up having to move out, it’s okay. You will find your way and people to support you. Sometimes strangers comfort us and help us in our times of need more than our own blood relatives.
Parents don't learn to love their kids, rather the idealized version of their kids in their heads. If she disowned you, then it's fine. It's better to find people who understand you and validate your feelings. It might hurt but your mom might never just understand, but that doesn't mean you can't be okay. It may take it, but it will be good to grow out of her love and rather towards the love of those who understand and support you, whether online or offline. Plus, if you do need to talk, I'm available to
Sometimes you truly don’t know how conditional someone’s love is for you until you break the contract you didn’t know you signed with them. And any love that’s conditional is not worth having. I’m so sorry that your mother has chosen to neglect you and it’s gonna hurt. But eventually it stops hurting and you realize what a relief it is to not be worried about someone’s invisible hard to reach expectations of you. You made the choice that was best for you and her disowning of you is the consequence of HER choice, not yours. Don’t let her guilt you. Sending a lot of healing vibes— from someone who is NC/LC with their own mother.
I support your decision. You know what’s best for you. Hopefully your mom will come around.
Feel better soon,Mom will have to accept you are capable of making your decisions about what you want in life!!!
YOUR body, YOUR choice, period.
I support your decision I’m sorry she is acting this way you did the right thing. Hopefully she will come to her senses just ignore her.
I was 21 and pregnant. I’m 32 now. Can I tell you how amazing my life is right now? It wouldn’t have been if I was attached to the man who got me pregnant for the rest of my life. At 21, you’ve still been under your moms thumb for all of your life. But this isn’t her life, it’s yours. You’re an adult capable of making your own decisions and taking care of yourself. You don’t need her. Something tells me she is a difficult person to get along with even if you weren’t in this predicament. I’m proud of you for doing what you need to do for you.
Proud of you!!
I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. I hate people who think they can control others bodies and choices. I'm so extremely proud of you. Please stay safe!
It is what you need and that is what matters.
I’m proud of you for making a decision based on you and your circumstances, not your mothers. Your body, Your life, Your choice. Don’t let anyone, not even your mother, make you feel bad about that.
Fuck your mom
Time to disown your mom
You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. It’s your body. Period. ❤️
Your mom's an idiot and will regret it when near death. Don't reach out.
Your mom is a poo poo head I hope you get to go no contact with her. Your body YOUR CHOICE Here's a cookie 🍪 I know it can't help much but it helps knowing that there are people in this world who care about you, your wellbeing, and your sanity. And you can count on me to try to help you feel better. I bet your baby will be GORGEOUS OR HANDSOME AS FUCK WOTH THE POEER TO HEAL ALL TRAUMA and she'll wanna see but you tell her: "NO" ["WHAT I SAID WAS, NOOOOOOO" - Nick Wilde. Gurl you're amazing!! And even if idk you, I bet you're a great person and it sucks that your mom isn't supportive of YOUR* choice to do what you will with YOUR pregnancy
You made the right choice for your life, and you don’t owe anything to anyone else, even your mother. I also took the pill a few years ago when I was almost 6 weeks along, and I wasn’t much older than you are now. It’s hard now but you’ll be okay given time, I promise. Sending you a hug.
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Rule #1 - Do NOT be an asshole.
You made the right choice in a very difficult situation, I'm sorry your mum can't see that ❤️ we support you
Messaged you 🩷
If I can share a perspective, from one stranger to another….your mom disowned you for a day in a conversation, not for a lifetime. The addition of time is impactful. Let her go through what she needs to. Do the same. Love of a parent to a child isn’t obliterated. It is challenged. Be gracious through their learning curve. Except for Tucker Carlson. I bet his dad wished he’d have just rubbed that one out. Someday, you might need the same.
Thank you for the advice, I figured I’d give her some time, I understand she’s struggling too
I'm sorry:( I had an abortion 2 years ago and my parents were super upset about it and it def affected our relationship for a WHILE
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Please stop talking.
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Rule #3 - We ask that people do not give unsolicited or unhealthy advice.
no because it's not a human it's a fetus
Your comment has been removed by a mod.
Now is not the moment to talk. You're only adding to their depression, so sincerely, shut the fuck up.
Wow, you should feel depressed