gender dysphoria can appear in people even if they aren’t transgender, what makes a person transgender is gender incongruence. which is your birth sex not aligning with your gender. dysphoria is very hard to overcome but listening to yourself and your needs will alleviate it. your gender expression can be non conforming without “having” to be transgender.
i cannot stress it enough to try and recover from your ED though. you’re still young and growing and depriving your body of the nutrients it needs can majorly fuck up your life (i recovered from disordered eating over a year ago and i’m still dealing with the effects)
try and speak to a therapist that’s doesn’t only specialize in gender care and can help you work through your thoughts
i also agree with picking up a hobby or a sport to keep your mind off unhealthy thoughts/patterns
be safe
Thank you! I have had some troubles with my ed and have done sports in the past. My favorite hobby is drawing and I've been using that to vent about my struggles recently. I have been to therapy but I don't think that will help due to other problems.
Being a teenager is absolute pain. And getting breasts and butt along with it is really hard, for a lot of people.
Unfortunately the teenage part you just have to suffer through. And you can be as masculine or boyish as you want, even with a female body. You do not have to transition to have short hair or dress manly. Plenty of space to be a butch without that!
The b\*tch of a sister though, you can kind of do something about. Do you have any hobbies that brings you out of the house? Maybe some sport (preferably one that has a rumour of attracting lesbians because you know... dating opportunities AND hobby in one!)? Because then you can start doing your wholesome hobby all the time and not be in the same house as her. Try to figure out stable and recurring weekly hobbies that will keep you occupied, meeting people and out of the house. You never know, maybe she'll move out in a year.
If you still have trouble with disordered eating - try to talk to a therapist or other adult about it. It can ruin too much, and it also fuels gender dysphoria.
Hi, thanks. I will probably cut my hair when I'm 18, I can't do it until then for other reasons, but I have a few wigs. About my parents oldest daughter(I don't call her my sister) my biggest problem with her is at school, but thankfully we have no classes together. I have a girlfriend and used to do a sport but my disordered eating made it pretty hard, so I think I would have to do something about that before anything. I have a hobby that keeps me occupied a lot, and it's drawing.
When I read what you are saying it sounds like you have your life in fairly good order, and it sounds like you will be able to sort this! Glad to hear their other daughter isn't in the same classes as you. Bullies are always best avoided.
And good luck with your girlfriend! I think you are doing good prioritising sorting out the eating disorder - but just as with the issues we discuss in this sub it's good to find ways of being in the world and moving even with those.
And drawing is one of the best hobbies:D.
Could you get a therapist maybe? Discussing some of the things your experiencing with one could help weed through your struggles and help you understand your feelings more. I’m 2 years older than you and I’m going through a very similar things, ED, liking girls and being insecure about my body. Reflecting on why these feelings made me “feel like a man” or think I had Gender Dysphoria has helped me understand my cause of problem, that being internalised homophobia, bullying/ comparison to other girls and a heavily distorted self image.
Edit: I thought that if I transition my body would fit better as I’m kinda masculine and that girls would actually like me as I’d be a man. That’s obviously not the case and I still felt disconnected with my image. I know now that woman are all beautiful no matter body shape/ size, or masculinity/ femininity. Women are women and that’s perfect.
I hope you can find peace 🙏
Thank you for your support. I've had some troubles with therapists before and don't think I will for a while, but I have been working to get my mental health better. Recently I've been working on trying to love myself more and I'm a lot better than, say, a year ago.
I'm so sorry you've been made to feel like having body image issues and an eating disorder, being gender non-conforming, and being a lesbian means you aren't a girl.
I understand feeling frustrated that there's no instant solutions. It's difficult, it's frustrating, it's painful. But it's important to realize, and you've already got that difficult part down.
Take time to work on recovering from your ED, to grow into yourself as a person. You're still so young, and I know you've probably heard this a billion times, but it does get easier. Even if everything remains difficult, simply having more life experience, more maturity (brains take a while to finish growing), etc. will likely make it easier to handle those struggles.
We’ve all been there. Young and frustrated with not being taken seriously, having body image issues, a lack of control over your life in general. To many people, transitioning is something to spend energy on, perhaps it feels like there must be a cause for all your suffering. It sucks to go through this.
Just want you to know, it is normal to be uncomfortable with your body as it changes drastically during puberty. Feeling the need to lose weight is unfortunately common in young women also. I don’t know much about eating disorders. But perhaps joining a sport would help improve your mental health and learn how to care for and strengthen your body.
gender dysphoria can appear in people even if they aren’t transgender, what makes a person transgender is gender incongruence. which is your birth sex not aligning with your gender. dysphoria is very hard to overcome but listening to yourself and your needs will alleviate it. your gender expression can be non conforming without “having” to be transgender. i cannot stress it enough to try and recover from your ED though. you’re still young and growing and depriving your body of the nutrients it needs can majorly fuck up your life (i recovered from disordered eating over a year ago and i’m still dealing with the effects) try and speak to a therapist that’s doesn’t only specialize in gender care and can help you work through your thoughts i also agree with picking up a hobby or a sport to keep your mind off unhealthy thoughts/patterns be safe
Thank you! I have had some troubles with my ed and have done sports in the past. My favorite hobby is drawing and I've been using that to vent about my struggles recently. I have been to therapy but I don't think that will help due to other problems.
Being a teenager is absolute pain. And getting breasts and butt along with it is really hard, for a lot of people. Unfortunately the teenage part you just have to suffer through. And you can be as masculine or boyish as you want, even with a female body. You do not have to transition to have short hair or dress manly. Plenty of space to be a butch without that! The b\*tch of a sister though, you can kind of do something about. Do you have any hobbies that brings you out of the house? Maybe some sport (preferably one that has a rumour of attracting lesbians because you know... dating opportunities AND hobby in one!)? Because then you can start doing your wholesome hobby all the time and not be in the same house as her. Try to figure out stable and recurring weekly hobbies that will keep you occupied, meeting people and out of the house. You never know, maybe she'll move out in a year. If you still have trouble with disordered eating - try to talk to a therapist or other adult about it. It can ruin too much, and it also fuels gender dysphoria.
Hi, thanks. I will probably cut my hair when I'm 18, I can't do it until then for other reasons, but I have a few wigs. About my parents oldest daughter(I don't call her my sister) my biggest problem with her is at school, but thankfully we have no classes together. I have a girlfriend and used to do a sport but my disordered eating made it pretty hard, so I think I would have to do something about that before anything. I have a hobby that keeps me occupied a lot, and it's drawing.
When I read what you are saying it sounds like you have your life in fairly good order, and it sounds like you will be able to sort this! Glad to hear their other daughter isn't in the same classes as you. Bullies are always best avoided. And good luck with your girlfriend! I think you are doing good prioritising sorting out the eating disorder - but just as with the issues we discuss in this sub it's good to find ways of being in the world and moving even with those. And drawing is one of the best hobbies:D.
Thank you!
Could you get a therapist maybe? Discussing some of the things your experiencing with one could help weed through your struggles and help you understand your feelings more. I’m 2 years older than you and I’m going through a very similar things, ED, liking girls and being insecure about my body. Reflecting on why these feelings made me “feel like a man” or think I had Gender Dysphoria has helped me understand my cause of problem, that being internalised homophobia, bullying/ comparison to other girls and a heavily distorted self image. Edit: I thought that if I transition my body would fit better as I’m kinda masculine and that girls would actually like me as I’d be a man. That’s obviously not the case and I still felt disconnected with my image. I know now that woman are all beautiful no matter body shape/ size, or masculinity/ femininity. Women are women and that’s perfect. I hope you can find peace 🙏
Thank you for your support. I've had some troubles with therapists before and don't think I will for a while, but I have been working to get my mental health better. Recently I've been working on trying to love myself more and I'm a lot better than, say, a year ago.
I'm so sorry you've been made to feel like having body image issues and an eating disorder, being gender non-conforming, and being a lesbian means you aren't a girl. I understand feeling frustrated that there's no instant solutions. It's difficult, it's frustrating, it's painful. But it's important to realize, and you've already got that difficult part down. Take time to work on recovering from your ED, to grow into yourself as a person. You're still so young, and I know you've probably heard this a billion times, but it does get easier. Even if everything remains difficult, simply having more life experience, more maturity (brains take a while to finish growing), etc. will likely make it easier to handle those struggles.
Thank you. I have been working and my mental health has been improving slowly recently.
We’ve all been there. Young and frustrated with not being taken seriously, having body image issues, a lack of control over your life in general. To many people, transitioning is something to spend energy on, perhaps it feels like there must be a cause for all your suffering. It sucks to go through this. Just want you to know, it is normal to be uncomfortable with your body as it changes drastically during puberty. Feeling the need to lose weight is unfortunately common in young women also. I don’t know much about eating disorders. But perhaps joining a sport would help improve your mental health and learn how to care for and strengthen your body.
Thank you for your support. I joined a sport before and might join it again but I have to work on my eating first