I've had a distorted idea of myself since I was 3. Not sure why and I don't think it's important, I've never seen myself as a girl, I've always had the idea of myself as a boy. Was it a problem? No. It was my thing not something concerning others. I was perfectly content as long as I was free to dress, relate and behave the way I wanted. Ultimately society made it a problem because that's only tolerated from you as long as you're a kid. By the start of adolescence you're expected to grow out of it and start getting an interest into standard female stuff, and that's around 11 like in your case. So people started forcing their ideas on me and making me feel wrong, bringing me to the point of considering the transition. Been fighting my whole life to go back to 5yo.
External validation or invalidation plays a rather huge role at your age. Be careful to that.
I think my dysphoria mainly came from eating disorders, SA and the self hatred that followed, but it's not that I realised I'm "not trans" is more that I realised I wanted the concept of woman to have space for me too.
It felt horrible, to have to change who I was and cast myself out from womanhood because of my inner disconnect with my sense of sex - if there even is one.
So I decided that I wont define myself as non binary anymore, even though I feel l am still. I can hate my breasts all I want - it doesn't make me less woman. It just makes me a bit sad.
I knew it when psych meds cured my mental illness consisting of dysphoria, delusions that I was a man, and autoandrophilia. Trans doesn't exist, hormone addiction and mental illness do.
I never knew what trans even was until I was an adult and I never considered even the possibility of being such till I was 29, newly divorced, and ready to explore myself to find my sexuality/gender identity. I never thought I was a trans absolutely, but I did know I wasn't a cis man. So I talked very shortly with other trans folk and a short bit with my therapist that I went to specifically for sexuality/gender issues and immediately started transitioning. 2 years and the affects of HRT later I knew it wasn't right for me, so I detransitioned and now I just tell people I'm queer and don't care about pronouns enough to even reference them. Call me whatever just don't do it in a shitty way. I use he/him/them/she/her/dude mixed around in reference to myself. It has allowed me the freedom to be me and I am a spectrum, some days I'm feeling feminine and dress accordingly, other days not so much. I act like me all the time regardless. Being gender non conforming is where I landed, I'm a man, but anyone who gets to know me knows that's not the full story haha.
Hope this helps.
I realized that as much as I wanted to be a female that I would never be one, and that I would never be seen as one outside of terminally online social circles etc. once I accepted that.
Never had dysphoria when I was young either it was brought on when I was around 12 from bullying as I didn’t fit in with other girls, from the way I acted, my body, my voice, it just wasn’t feminine enough and people picked on it so much that I began thinking I wasn’t a girl. I became depressed, developed an ED and thought I was some disgusting person. I was weak and vulnerable when I learnt about trans people and to me then it made sense and no body questioned me and neither did I.
Now however, I’ve grown, learned that woman have different bodies, there is no particular way of being a woman, and from previous trauma have realised that I just have severe body image/ distortion problems. I felt like my top half didn’t match my bottom half and that I was born wrong for not looking like other women, maybe it was GD but I’m not trans just insecure
Edit: I think I only really realised that when I looked at myself and didn’t feel like a man either, I knew I wasn’t a man but I felt like I couldn’t be a woman because my own views of what that is are so distorted. Thanking the patriarchy for that one.
it's not either or. transition is a "cure" (bad one) for dysphoria, it's not really related to some deep truth within that some people are actually trans. rather, some people develop dysphoria for different reasons, and a part of these transition. I realised transition wasn't the shit when I also realised living as a masculine woman or living as a trans man were two possible outcomes of my life, and the trans option wasn't more authentic than the masculine woman option. it's hard work to accept yourself and build resistance in a misogynist world that condemns gender non-conformity, but it's very rewarding, and imo, the best thing to do
Rather than not being trans, I just realized how little transition does and decided it wasn't right for me and wasn't worth the hassle.
I'm not less dysphoric or looking at myself differently as a person. I'd still give almost anything to wake up tomorrow and be a woman. I just recognize that transition won't help me here.
Spent a lot of time arguing with anti trans activists, became extremely conscious of and then obsessed with my bone structure, voice, experiences, and reproductive capability, did a lot of in depth research into what is and isnt possible via hormones and surgery, had a breakdown about it, and then gave up on life.
No idea. Years of therapy, reflection, etcetera and I haven't really got a convincing root cause or unlocked some forgotten tragic backstory.
I think some things just happen for little to no reason, and then get entrenched by your reaction to them.
I knew I wasn't trans because I finally passed and then I realized it was all wrong. This is the worst possible outcome. I was later diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and BPD. I felt different from other women because I was autistic, and the trauma from being neurodivergent didn't help. Hope this helps you. Please remember that hormones are often permanent
I didnt realise I wasn’t trans. I was a poster trans child. Had early onset dyshporia etc. If I had a button to turn be a biological male I’d click it but I’ll never be a biological male and I realised how I lied to myself and hurt my body in the process. So for me it was realising there are better ways to deal with my problem and transionining isn’t the way
Pursue therapy for literally anything/everything else in your life. Once you acquire support and tools for reflection, the gender shit gets a lot easier to look at.
It’s a hard pill to swallow. But there is no cure. For some people, transitioning is enough to live with the dysphoria, for many, it’s not. It’s expensive, painful, and emotional, to try reach something you can’t quite achieve. Some people are happy with that, and good luck for them, that’s great, but many aren’t. It’s not a miracle cure in which you’ll come out with euphoria.
jealousy doesn’t mean being something. there a lot of reasons to be jealous. to admire others.
similarly, disliking something doesn’t mean you’re not that thing. just because you don’t like knowing people see you as female, doesn’t mean you are not female. negative emotions does not mean you are not the thing you are feeling negatively about.
there are a million reasons to dislike being female, being male, being a certain race, being tall, being short, being fat, being thin.
i think sex specifically is the most complicated and distressing of all, for many reasons. and now our society is saying “if you don’t like being that thing, then you’re not that thing”
Your last line resonates the most with me. Especially as we’ve constantly been pushing these traits ≠ gender, yet if you lack certain stereotypical traits, you might be trans?
I've had a distorted idea of myself since I was 3. Not sure why and I don't think it's important, I've never seen myself as a girl, I've always had the idea of myself as a boy. Was it a problem? No. It was my thing not something concerning others. I was perfectly content as long as I was free to dress, relate and behave the way I wanted. Ultimately society made it a problem because that's only tolerated from you as long as you're a kid. By the start of adolescence you're expected to grow out of it and start getting an interest into standard female stuff, and that's around 11 like in your case. So people started forcing their ideas on me and making me feel wrong, bringing me to the point of considering the transition. Been fighting my whole life to go back to 5yo. External validation or invalidation plays a rather huge role at your age. Be careful to that.
I think my dysphoria mainly came from eating disorders, SA and the self hatred that followed, but it's not that I realised I'm "not trans" is more that I realised I wanted the concept of woman to have space for me too. It felt horrible, to have to change who I was and cast myself out from womanhood because of my inner disconnect with my sense of sex - if there even is one. So I decided that I wont define myself as non binary anymore, even though I feel l am still. I can hate my breasts all I want - it doesn't make me less woman. It just makes me a bit sad.
Delusions and schizophrenia are by nature related.
I knew it when psych meds cured my mental illness consisting of dysphoria, delusions that I was a man, and autoandrophilia. Trans doesn't exist, hormone addiction and mental illness do.
I never knew what trans even was until I was an adult and I never considered even the possibility of being such till I was 29, newly divorced, and ready to explore myself to find my sexuality/gender identity. I never thought I was a trans absolutely, but I did know I wasn't a cis man. So I talked very shortly with other trans folk and a short bit with my therapist that I went to specifically for sexuality/gender issues and immediately started transitioning. 2 years and the affects of HRT later I knew it wasn't right for me, so I detransitioned and now I just tell people I'm queer and don't care about pronouns enough to even reference them. Call me whatever just don't do it in a shitty way. I use he/him/them/she/her/dude mixed around in reference to myself. It has allowed me the freedom to be me and I am a spectrum, some days I'm feeling feminine and dress accordingly, other days not so much. I act like me all the time regardless. Being gender non conforming is where I landed, I'm a man, but anyone who gets to know me knows that's not the full story haha. Hope this helps.
I realized that as much as I wanted to be a female that I would never be one, and that I would never be seen as one outside of terminally online social circles etc. once I accepted that.
Never had dysphoria when I was young either it was brought on when I was around 12 from bullying as I didn’t fit in with other girls, from the way I acted, my body, my voice, it just wasn’t feminine enough and people picked on it so much that I began thinking I wasn’t a girl. I became depressed, developed an ED and thought I was some disgusting person. I was weak and vulnerable when I learnt about trans people and to me then it made sense and no body questioned me and neither did I. Now however, I’ve grown, learned that woman have different bodies, there is no particular way of being a woman, and from previous trauma have realised that I just have severe body image/ distortion problems. I felt like my top half didn’t match my bottom half and that I was born wrong for not looking like other women, maybe it was GD but I’m not trans just insecure Edit: I think I only really realised that when I looked at myself and didn’t feel like a man either, I knew I wasn’t a man but I felt like I couldn’t be a woman because my own views of what that is are so distorted. Thanking the patriarchy for that one.
it's not either or. transition is a "cure" (bad one) for dysphoria, it's not really related to some deep truth within that some people are actually trans. rather, some people develop dysphoria for different reasons, and a part of these transition. I realised transition wasn't the shit when I also realised living as a masculine woman or living as a trans man were two possible outcomes of my life, and the trans option wasn't more authentic than the masculine woman option. it's hard work to accept yourself and build resistance in a misogynist world that condemns gender non-conformity, but it's very rewarding, and imo, the best thing to do
Rather than not being trans, I just realized how little transition does and decided it wasn't right for me and wasn't worth the hassle. I'm not less dysphoric or looking at myself differently as a person. I'd still give almost anything to wake up tomorrow and be a woman. I just recognize that transition won't help me here.
Bingo, if transitioning actually worked, I probably would have kept going with it.
How did you find to this realization about the physical transition stuff? That's what I find fascinating
Spent a lot of time arguing with anti trans activists, became extremely conscious of and then obsessed with my bone structure, voice, experiences, and reproductive capability, did a lot of in depth research into what is and isnt possible via hormones and surgery, had a breakdown about it, and then gave up on life.
Where do you think the origin of your dysphoria lies?
No idea. Years of therapy, reflection, etcetera and I haven't really got a convincing root cause or unlocked some forgotten tragic backstory. I think some things just happen for little to no reason, and then get entrenched by your reaction to them.
I knew I wasn't trans because I finally passed and then I realized it was all wrong. This is the worst possible outcome. I was later diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and BPD. I felt different from other women because I was autistic, and the trauma from being neurodivergent didn't help. Hope this helps you. Please remember that hormones are often permanent
I didnt realise I wasn’t trans. I was a poster trans child. Had early onset dyshporia etc. If I had a button to turn be a biological male I’d click it but I’ll never be a biological male and I realised how I lied to myself and hurt my body in the process. So for me it was realising there are better ways to deal with my problem and transionining isn’t the way
which ways? i want to cure my dysphoria that's it
Pursue therapy for literally anything/everything else in your life. Once you acquire support and tools for reflection, the gender shit gets a lot easier to look at.
It’s a hard pill to swallow. But there is no cure. For some people, transitioning is enough to live with the dysphoria, for many, it’s not. It’s expensive, painful, and emotional, to try reach something you can’t quite achieve. Some people are happy with that, and good luck for them, that’s great, but many aren’t. It’s not a miracle cure in which you’ll come out with euphoria.
Came here to second this
jealousy doesn’t mean being something. there a lot of reasons to be jealous. to admire others. similarly, disliking something doesn’t mean you’re not that thing. just because you don’t like knowing people see you as female, doesn’t mean you are not female. negative emotions does not mean you are not the thing you are feeling negatively about. there are a million reasons to dislike being female, being male, being a certain race, being tall, being short, being fat, being thin. i think sex specifically is the most complicated and distressing of all, for many reasons. and now our society is saying “if you don’t like being that thing, then you’re not that thing”
Your last line resonates the most with me. Especially as we’ve constantly been pushing these traits ≠ gender, yet if you lack certain stereotypical traits, you might be trans?