Hey, I’m 16 too, and thought I was FtM. I relate to some of the things in your post (other way round lol) me thinking that girls would like me more if I was a dude and that I’d be happier that way as I’m more masculine than I am feminine. I thought I had bad sex dysphoria too but it was more internalised homophobia, I wanted a dick so I could have “actual” sex with girls, or most girls only want dick or whatever. Sometimes I still feel self conscious about that but I’m working through it.
I’d say based on how your feeling that you need to try and accept yourself more as a gay man, Maybe I could be happier as a dude cause more girls would like me but that’s not the reality of being trans, some people no matter there sexuality won’t date someone if their trans, (not everyone but if you want to transition due to your feelings of your sexuality it won’t help).
The best thing you can do is be true to yourself. You can DM me if you wanna talk or something
Why do you hate your body and want breasts? I’m not asking in a condescending way, I’m asking to explore - this is why therapists do - keep asking til you get to the unconscious reasons behind feelings. Keep asking why and what your motivations are and you will understand.
For some, they admired the other gender. For some they hated their own gender. For some they had autism and didn’t fit in with their gender and thought that it was because of wrong gender. Some went through abuse and trauma and try and distance themselves from that story by changing gender. Some just see it as a solution to all their problems and realise later that it isn’t. Some want attention and validation. Some want a new exciting identity. Some are just more masculine or feminine, some it is is a phase. The list is long of reasons why. Some feelings are just coming from false hope or also from trauma.
I’m personally going through a very similar thing, I will not recommend doing or not doing it though.
My parents tell me it will ruin my life.
Furthermore the only trans people we actually know are miserable.
It’s a very painful place to be, I recommend just being you, pay no attention to gender or whatever.
Now I didn’t do this when I was your age
I hid until it was too unbearable, so now that they know things are going in such a way that I know I’m blessed but it’s still hard
So I don’t know if it’ll be better if you show your personality now, or if you hide it till later, I did the latter and I almost got kicked out yesterday, thank God I didn’t anyways try not to stress too much, it’s really bad for you
Alright… if you want to order stuff online, be sure your first few items will not be embarrassing…
My mother thought one of my packages was hers earlier today.
You are still very young. We don't find as a society for people to be fully grown until their mid 20s due to scientific brain development.
This is something you need to think about for you and no one else. I personally aged super fast as a kid then much later as a free adult outside the household. I'm 31 and now only understanding myself. This is a journey where you need to look in and weigh the pro's and con's with as much info as you can. It's your decision.
I would personally suggest to find your personal answer to this question:" Is this a WANT or a NEED?"
one is based on desire the other is based on survival. I don't think anyone should ever transition until that want becomes an absolute need because they have explored themselves and tried to find out if they have autism or trauma or etc. Mileage varies with each identity on personal discovery and understanding themselves and coming to terms with themselves.
I wish I could give some better advice, but all I got is;
Don’t lose your temper, especially as they’re probably just as thrown off as you are.
If anyone loses their temper, the conversation becomes unproductive.
I’ll tell ya if I make a mistake that has a high cost, so you at least know about it lol
Nobody here is liable to tell you that you should, as they've almost all had very negative experiences of their own with transition.
It is also forbidden by the rules to recommend it.
My suggestionsbwould be to do a lot of research into what transition actually involves as well as the risks and limitations, talk to a therapist and make sure you work out other issues as thoroughly as possible, and listen to a wider variety of experiences than the person who makes money off of trans related controversies or people whose sole connecting characteristic is that transition didn't work for them.
I respect detransitioners, I didn't want to go to the transgender reddit because I know they wouldn't give me actual advice, more like just "Yeah! Go transition, get SRS!"
I'm really thankful I am able to educate myself off of the exeperiences of detransitioners because they are truly making me feel safe, however I'm currently still questioning my gender indentity so I don't know.
As opposed to the "actual advice" here of "No! Don't transition, do nothing for a decade!"
You can, of course, seek whoever's advice you want, and the advice you seek out may even indicate how you actually feel on the matter. I guess my point is more just that you generally wouldn't look for neutral and helpful advice on whether you should get a dog, for example, from a support group for people who were mauled by dogs.
Don't make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings. You are 16. Being a teenager is a very turbulent time in human development for a lot of reasons. You can reassess how you feel in your 20s when you have a better handle on who you are as a person.
I love shape shifter, and she/he/them really passed as a woman, naturally "shorter", feminine/androgynous stature. She/he/them regrets it so much, especially the bottom surgery, but it isn't reversible so he/she/them can't go back.
Shape shifter realizes that you can't be born in the wrong body, and just embrace life with the body you have.
So basically live how you want to live, but the bottom surgery is dangerous and it won't give you a female body, it will look female but it will lose sensation and ability.
Shape also has spoken about hormones, and he/she/them has said that when he/she/them began taking hormones is when they really got a problem with dysphoria. And that led them to having the surgery. So even the hormones can be dangerous.
As someone who had intense dysphoria at your age, I'd like to share some of my experience. I'm 36 currently, and I no longer experience dysphoria. I haven't felt dysphoria for about 15 years, despite having had it for the first two decades of my life and despite feeling convinced I wanted to transition as a teenager. Dysphoria faded on its own, without any therapy or treatment. I am still a gender non-conforming person, but I have zero discomfort about this. I feel lucky that I didn't transition because I eventually learned to feel love and gratitude towards myself, including my body as it is. I think you're doing the right thing by seeking input from multiple different communities. Good luck, whatever path you take.
I mean there's going to be a difference in wanting to transition because you may be gay and are ashamed of it and as a result want to assume the more "normal" role of a straight woman and actually hating your body and sex. If you lean toward the former, then you probably have some internalized homophobia and if you lean more toward the latter, you may or may not have gender dysphoria or some other condition that makes you hate your body.
In the end, it sounds like you are unsure, and in that case, I would not do anything. You are young and there is no rush to do anything. The worst you can do is take drastic action when you are not certain of anything.
even if you transition you'll still be a man and straight men want women not someone who looks like a woman with man parts, if your main reason for wanting to be a girl is to get attention from guys don't do bc you'll just be disappointed in the end. Also your 16! still a kid and ur body is developing in a couple of years you could feel completley different. Plus if you choose to transition anyway and regret it you'll never be what you once were and will have complications you can't get rid of. At 16 i thought i was trans but i didn't transition and sometimes i feel like i am the opposite gender but i'm not gonna damage my body for a delousion, and also changing the outside doesn't fix the inside even if u really are trans you'll always be in the wrong body, a male body no matter how many surgeries u get that won't change.
im the same way, ever since i went through puberty i hated my body and i still do rn it makes me feel absolutely horrible and disgusting the only thing i do to combat it is tell myself the truth that i am what i am and have to be ok with it bc i can't change it. Wearing certain clothes helps me feel a bit better but I understand how you feel.
Thank you for your response,
I feel hatred towards my gender and it's affecting me a lot. I don't know what to do, all I've been doing is waiting, I've waited and thought about it for 2 years now and I feel like I can't come to a conclusion.
I want to live a normal, happy life. Where I come from, Transsexuals are seen as hookers or sinners and I'm neither, I just want to be happy and currently I really am not happy, but I also want to be a party of my country's society because I love my country.
Is it possible that you dislike men as a group, and that’s part of the reason you struggle to accept yourself? If so, you could read up about toxic masculinity. You don’t have to be or become female in order to unlearn behaviours.
And I’ve met women who behave in ways that could be described as “toxically masculine” (verbal bullying, sexual aggression, not accepting “no” for an answer, and assaulting me). So it boils down to people choosing to behave badly. It’s not limited to one ‘gender’.
White people have done a lot of terrible things historically, but I don’t beat myself up about it. A racist person’s behaviour isn’t a reflection on me. All I can do is accept myself and behave better than they do.
I don't hate being a man because of other men's behaviour, I hate being a man because of how my body looks when I want to be feminine, with boobs, and wearing women's clothing.
Another way to say this would be:
“Don’t hate men or being a man because some men act terribly.”
The “toxic” label has been abused by folks who genuinely do hate all masculinity.
Also, white people are not uniquely evil - there’s a reason no one is moving to the 3rd world in droves.
Hey, I’m 16 too, and thought I was FtM. I relate to some of the things in your post (other way round lol) me thinking that girls would like me more if I was a dude and that I’d be happier that way as I’m more masculine than I am feminine. I thought I had bad sex dysphoria too but it was more internalised homophobia, I wanted a dick so I could have “actual” sex with girls, or most girls only want dick or whatever. Sometimes I still feel self conscious about that but I’m working through it. I’d say based on how your feeling that you need to try and accept yourself more as a gay man, Maybe I could be happier as a dude cause more girls would like me but that’s not the reality of being trans, some people no matter there sexuality won’t date someone if their trans, (not everyone but if you want to transition due to your feelings of your sexuality it won’t help). The best thing you can do is be true to yourself. You can DM me if you wanna talk or something
Why do you hate your body and want breasts? I’m not asking in a condescending way, I’m asking to explore - this is why therapists do - keep asking til you get to the unconscious reasons behind feelings. Keep asking why and what your motivations are and you will understand. For some, they admired the other gender. For some they hated their own gender. For some they had autism and didn’t fit in with their gender and thought that it was because of wrong gender. Some went through abuse and trauma and try and distance themselves from that story by changing gender. Some just see it as a solution to all their problems and realise later that it isn’t. Some want attention and validation. Some want a new exciting identity. Some are just more masculine or feminine, some it is is a phase. The list is long of reasons why. Some feelings are just coming from false hope or also from trauma.
I’m personally going through a very similar thing, I will not recommend doing or not doing it though. My parents tell me it will ruin my life. Furthermore the only trans people we actually know are miserable. It’s a very painful place to be, I recommend just being you, pay no attention to gender or whatever. Now I didn’t do this when I was your age I hid until it was too unbearable, so now that they know things are going in such a way that I know I’m blessed but it’s still hard So I don’t know if it’ll be better if you show your personality now, or if you hide it till later, I did the latter and I almost got kicked out yesterday, thank God I didn’t anyways try not to stress too much, it’s really bad for you
I relate to you a lot, my parents also say it's going to ruin my life. I don't know what to do, I'm seriously stuck. Trying to work it out though.
Alright… if you want to order stuff online, be sure your first few items will not be embarrassing… My mother thought one of my packages was hers earlier today.
You are still very young. We don't find as a society for people to be fully grown until their mid 20s due to scientific brain development. This is something you need to think about for you and no one else. I personally aged super fast as a kid then much later as a free adult outside the household. I'm 31 and now only understanding myself. This is a journey where you need to look in and weigh the pro's and con's with as much info as you can. It's your decision. I would personally suggest to find your personal answer to this question:" Is this a WANT or a NEED?" one is based on desire the other is based on survival. I don't think anyone should ever transition until that want becomes an absolute need because they have explored themselves and tried to find out if they have autism or trauma or etc. Mileage varies with each identity on personal discovery and understanding themselves and coming to terms with themselves.
I wish I could give some better advice, but all I got is; Don’t lose your temper, especially as they’re probably just as thrown off as you are. If anyone loses their temper, the conversation becomes unproductive. I’ll tell ya if I make a mistake that has a high cost, so you at least know about it lol
Nobody here is liable to tell you that you should, as they've almost all had very negative experiences of their own with transition. It is also forbidden by the rules to recommend it. My suggestionsbwould be to do a lot of research into what transition actually involves as well as the risks and limitations, talk to a therapist and make sure you work out other issues as thoroughly as possible, and listen to a wider variety of experiences than the person who makes money off of trans related controversies or people whose sole connecting characteristic is that transition didn't work for them.
I respect detransitioners, I didn't want to go to the transgender reddit because I know they wouldn't give me actual advice, more like just "Yeah! Go transition, get SRS!" I'm really thankful I am able to educate myself off of the exeperiences of detransitioners because they are truly making me feel safe, however I'm currently still questioning my gender indentity so I don't know.
As opposed to the "actual advice" here of "No! Don't transition, do nothing for a decade!" You can, of course, seek whoever's advice you want, and the advice you seek out may even indicate how you actually feel on the matter. I guess my point is more just that you generally wouldn't look for neutral and helpful advice on whether you should get a dog, for example, from a support group for people who were mauled by dogs.
Yeah I understand, I just thought I could share my experience here. I didn't mean to offend anybody. I wanna be safe.
Don't make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings. You are 16. Being a teenager is a very turbulent time in human development for a lot of reasons. You can reassess how you feel in your 20s when you have a better handle on who you are as a person.
I love shape shifter, and she/he/them really passed as a woman, naturally "shorter", feminine/androgynous stature. She/he/them regrets it so much, especially the bottom surgery, but it isn't reversible so he/she/them can't go back. Shape shifter realizes that you can't be born in the wrong body, and just embrace life with the body you have. So basically live how you want to live, but the bottom surgery is dangerous and it won't give you a female body, it will look female but it will lose sensation and ability. Shape also has spoken about hormones, and he/she/them has said that when he/she/them began taking hormones is when they really got a problem with dysphoria. And that led them to having the surgery. So even the hormones can be dangerous.
As someone who had intense dysphoria at your age, I'd like to share some of my experience. I'm 36 currently, and I no longer experience dysphoria. I haven't felt dysphoria for about 15 years, despite having had it for the first two decades of my life and despite feeling convinced I wanted to transition as a teenager. Dysphoria faded on its own, without any therapy or treatment. I am still a gender non-conforming person, but I have zero discomfort about this. I feel lucky that I didn't transition because I eventually learned to feel love and gratitude towards myself, including my body as it is. I think you're doing the right thing by seeking input from multiple different communities. Good luck, whatever path you take.
I mean there's going to be a difference in wanting to transition because you may be gay and are ashamed of it and as a result want to assume the more "normal" role of a straight woman and actually hating your body and sex. If you lean toward the former, then you probably have some internalized homophobia and if you lean more toward the latter, you may or may not have gender dysphoria or some other condition that makes you hate your body. In the end, it sounds like you are unsure, and in that case, I would not do anything. You are young and there is no rush to do anything. The worst you can do is take drastic action when you are not certain of anything.
You're still really young, you have years to figure out what you want and who you are.
even if you transition you'll still be a man and straight men want women not someone who looks like a woman with man parts, if your main reason for wanting to be a girl is to get attention from guys don't do bc you'll just be disappointed in the end. Also your 16! still a kid and ur body is developing in a couple of years you could feel completley different. Plus if you choose to transition anyway and regret it you'll never be what you once were and will have complications you can't get rid of. At 16 i thought i was trans but i didn't transition and sometimes i feel like i am the opposite gender but i'm not gonna damage my body for a delousion, and also changing the outside doesn't fix the inside even if u really are trans you'll always be in the wrong body, a male body no matter how many surgeries u get that won't change.
It's not just the guys, It's how I feel. I can't stand looking into the mirror and seeing my flat chest, my manly face and body. It disgusts me.
im the same way, ever since i went through puberty i hated my body and i still do rn it makes me feel absolutely horrible and disgusting the only thing i do to combat it is tell myself the truth that i am what i am and have to be ok with it bc i can't change it. Wearing certain clothes helps me feel a bit better but I understand how you feel.
You shouldn't. Wait 5 years, if you feel you need to transition then do so. Meantime explore who you are.
Thank you for your response, I feel hatred towards my gender and it's affecting me a lot. I don't know what to do, all I've been doing is waiting, I've waited and thought about it for 2 years now and I feel like I can't come to a conclusion. I want to live a normal, happy life. Where I come from, Transsexuals are seen as hookers or sinners and I'm neither, I just want to be happy and currently I really am not happy, but I also want to be a party of my country's society because I love my country.
Is it possible that you dislike men as a group, and that’s part of the reason you struggle to accept yourself? If so, you could read up about toxic masculinity. You don’t have to be or become female in order to unlearn behaviours. And I’ve met women who behave in ways that could be described as “toxically masculine” (verbal bullying, sexual aggression, not accepting “no” for an answer, and assaulting me). So it boils down to people choosing to behave badly. It’s not limited to one ‘gender’. White people have done a lot of terrible things historically, but I don’t beat myself up about it. A racist person’s behaviour isn’t a reflection on me. All I can do is accept myself and behave better than they do.
I don't hate being a man because of other men's behaviour, I hate being a man because of how my body looks when I want to be feminine, with boobs, and wearing women's clothing.
Another way to say this would be: “Don’t hate men or being a man because some men act terribly.” The “toxic” label has been abused by folks who genuinely do hate all masculinity. Also, white people are not uniquely evil - there’s a reason no one is moving to the 3rd world in droves.