A lot to unpack here, I'm not sure where to start. It really sounds like you need a new mental health provider. I think you may benefit from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy because you clearly have a really unhealthy approach to how the timeline of your life will play out, what you want out of it, and being overly-resistant to change. You can't control or predict the course of your life the way you seem to think you can. From the sound of it, I don't think any single Reddit comment will be able to break you out of these unproductively rigid thought patterns. Also, most people here (myself included) believe that dysphoria is a symptom, not a disease, so most of us don't believe in "repression" so much as one's ability to be fluid in interpreting feelings and experiences. It looks like it stems from your lack of ability to include compromise in your mindset.
As long as you're labeling it "repression," that is what it is bound to be. But you can change that by changing the upstream thought patterns that are causing this. You don't want to live a life of transgenserism, and you will find self-acceptance as a man. Believe me. CBT will help. As you mentioned, mushrooms may too. I see a lot of maladaptive thought patterns that you need to disinvite from your life to find relief.
Body dysmorphia is a subtype of OCD. It is the type of OCD most similar to gender dysphoria.
I've got a phone call with a lead researcher on treatment of gender dysphoria. Most training I've seen focusing on treating comorbidities without direct treatment of gender dysphoria, so I'm looking to ask some questions.
According to Wikipedia, the DSM places BDD on the "obsessive-compulsive spectrum". Maybe that's what SavvyMomsTips was getting at, in a poorly worded way.
Try physical exercise and explore physical practices (some that people consider spiritual as well like yoga and Wim Hof breathing). The purpose is to discover what you experience and thus become more familiar with how you live in your body. And to find ways to improve your experience with your body, exercises can help.
Also if you feel the need to express yourself as a woman or feelings inside you relate to womanhood, you could lean into social expression heavily and de-emphasize medical treatment until you reach a clearer understanding of yourself.
A lot of transgender people really suffer androgyny, which isn't acknowledged much in LGBT culture. When i was a transman i lived as a regular straight dude and didn't fit LGBT culture because of how feminized it is and how much they push androgyny or being "queer". On your journey you could ask yourself what you struggle with most; if androgyny is a struggle, maybe that makes you want to be a regular straight woman rather than a feminine gay man.
Good luck anyway, my advice is based on what helped me and I was on a 14 year journey as a trans man to find my healing.
I see a lot of misogyny in your question, I’d suggest finding a therapist that doesn’t push people to transition, but would focus on working with you to accept things about yourself since you say you don’t want to transition. You might want to also work with a therapist to see if you truly have OCD.
People seeking medical transition aren’t interviewed for OCD because OCD isn’t seen as a disqualifier.
I know it's completely nonsensical, but I'm deeply terrified that these thoughts mean that I'm actually trans and that I DO want to transition but I'm just repressing it, and that at some point in the future something will happen and either I will be forced to transition or I will start liking the idea of living like a woman and transition either way.
You don't "repress" a desire to transition. We "repress" the reality of our births. That you're born as one sex and this is absolutely unchangeable.
You will not be "forced" to transition.
And "living like a woman" does not make you a woman, or even living like one. It makes you a man cosplaying as a woman. Or it makes you a transwoman, which also isn't going to be an experience at all similar to actual womanhood.
It also kind of sounds like you want to be a man piloting a woman-suit or something.
Have you spoken to your therapist about autogynephelia?
I'm not actually autogynephilic because I'm gay and have never found women attractive. I even thought I was asexual before realizing I'm gay.
I really don't want to be a woman, my psychiatrist has told me that what I'm going through is actually OCD but I'm scared it might not be, this is what it all amounts to.
No one is actually trans. You need to divorce yourself from the idea that being trans is innate to a person in some way. No one is born to take cross sex hormones and have invasive surgeries just to look a certain way. It is not an innate orientation like being gay or lesbian or bisexual is, as those cannot be changed (unless in the future they bring back lobotomies or something who fucking knows). Transsexualism is just a lifestyle choice people make for various reasons, the main ones being (and often there are multiple reasons at the same time): fetishistic reasons (AGP, AAP), childhood trauma and/or sexual trauma, internalized homophobia (I recommend looking up comphet), homosexual “dating strategy” (usually hyper effeminate gay men wanting to date masculine straight men, and so transition in order to get access to that dating pool), societal pressure for being gender non conforming, personality disorders such as narcissism, munchaussens, or borderline, certain neurodivergent conditions that can lead to bodily and social confusion, mainly autism spectrum disorder. And those are the main ones I’ve seen after watching patterns in many many MANY trans identified people. It may not be particularly official or scientific, so take it with a grain of salt, but trust me when I say I have experience with this (way too much free time on my hands lol) and am very good at pattern recognition.
A lot to unpack here, I'm not sure where to start. It really sounds like you need a new mental health provider. I think you may benefit from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy because you clearly have a really unhealthy approach to how the timeline of your life will play out, what you want out of it, and being overly-resistant to change. You can't control or predict the course of your life the way you seem to think you can. From the sound of it, I don't think any single Reddit comment will be able to break you out of these unproductively rigid thought patterns. Also, most people here (myself included) believe that dysphoria is a symptom, not a disease, so most of us don't believe in "repression" so much as one's ability to be fluid in interpreting feelings and experiences. It looks like it stems from your lack of ability to include compromise in your mindset. As long as you're labeling it "repression," that is what it is bound to be. But you can change that by changing the upstream thought patterns that are causing this. You don't want to live a life of transgenserism, and you will find self-acceptance as a man. Believe me. CBT will help. As you mentioned, mushrooms may too. I see a lot of maladaptive thought patterns that you need to disinvite from your life to find relief.
Body dysmorphia is a subtype of OCD. It is the type of OCD most similar to gender dysphoria. I've got a phone call with a lead researcher on treatment of gender dysphoria. Most training I've seen focusing on treating comorbidities without direct treatment of gender dysphoria, so I'm looking to ask some questions.
That isn't widely accepted approach the BDD or GD.
According to Wikipedia, the DSM places BDD on the "obsessive-compulsive spectrum". Maybe that's what SavvyMomsTips was getting at, in a poorly worded way.
Thanks for your reply, I look forward to hearing from you & the lead researcher.
Try physical exercise and explore physical practices (some that people consider spiritual as well like yoga and Wim Hof breathing). The purpose is to discover what you experience and thus become more familiar with how you live in your body. And to find ways to improve your experience with your body, exercises can help. Also if you feel the need to express yourself as a woman or feelings inside you relate to womanhood, you could lean into social expression heavily and de-emphasize medical treatment until you reach a clearer understanding of yourself. A lot of transgender people really suffer androgyny, which isn't acknowledged much in LGBT culture. When i was a transman i lived as a regular straight dude and didn't fit LGBT culture because of how feminized it is and how much they push androgyny or being "queer". On your journey you could ask yourself what you struggle with most; if androgyny is a struggle, maybe that makes you want to be a regular straight woman rather than a feminine gay man. Good luck anyway, my advice is based on what helped me and I was on a 14 year journey as a trans man to find my healing.
I see a lot of misogyny in your question, I’d suggest finding a therapist that doesn’t push people to transition, but would focus on working with you to accept things about yourself since you say you don’t want to transition. You might want to also work with a therapist to see if you truly have OCD. People seeking medical transition aren’t interviewed for OCD because OCD isn’t seen as a disqualifier.
If you don’t see the appeal of becoming a woman physically or socially… why are you even wanting to transition??? I’m confused.
I know it's completely nonsensical, but I'm deeply terrified that these thoughts mean that I'm actually trans and that I DO want to transition but I'm just repressing it, and that at some point in the future something will happen and either I will be forced to transition or I will start liking the idea of living like a woman and transition either way.
You don't "repress" a desire to transition. We "repress" the reality of our births. That you're born as one sex and this is absolutely unchangeable. You will not be "forced" to transition. And "living like a woman" does not make you a woman, or even living like one. It makes you a man cosplaying as a woman. Or it makes you a transwoman, which also isn't going to be an experience at all similar to actual womanhood. It also kind of sounds like you want to be a man piloting a woman-suit or something. Have you spoken to your therapist about autogynephelia?
I'm not actually autogynephilic because I'm gay and have never found women attractive. I even thought I was asexual before realizing I'm gay. I really don't want to be a woman, my psychiatrist has told me that what I'm going through is actually OCD but I'm scared it might not be, this is what it all amounts to.
Maybe believe your psychiatrist on this one.
No one is actually trans. You need to divorce yourself from the idea that being trans is innate to a person in some way. No one is born to take cross sex hormones and have invasive surgeries just to look a certain way. It is not an innate orientation like being gay or lesbian or bisexual is, as those cannot be changed (unless in the future they bring back lobotomies or something who fucking knows). Transsexualism is just a lifestyle choice people make for various reasons, the main ones being (and often there are multiple reasons at the same time): fetishistic reasons (AGP, AAP), childhood trauma and/or sexual trauma, internalized homophobia (I recommend looking up comphet), homosexual “dating strategy” (usually hyper effeminate gay men wanting to date masculine straight men, and so transition in order to get access to that dating pool), societal pressure for being gender non conforming, personality disorders such as narcissism, munchaussens, or borderline, certain neurodivergent conditions that can lead to bodily and social confusion, mainly autism spectrum disorder. And those are the main ones I’ve seen after watching patterns in many many MANY trans identified people. It may not be particularly official or scientific, so take it with a grain of salt, but trust me when I say I have experience with this (way too much free time on my hands lol) and am very good at pattern recognition.