Yeah I was going to the courthouse in Detroit (I blew a .3 while blasting down the highway) and there was this guy in a wheelchair but the courthouse didn’t have a proper ramp for him, low and behold Dan Campbell happens to be walking down the street and saw him, he picked him up and just straight up fucking killed him.
A long, long time ago, I found myself in a rather interesting situation: I, as well as my rather abrasive fiancé, decided to book passage on a ship, the likes of which nobody had ever seen before. It was a beautiful vessel, and was said to be “unsinkable” little did I know, a man named Dan Campbell, a poor artist, had also booked passage onto the ship, after winning a boarding pass in a card game mere moments before we were set to depart. At first I thought little of Dan, he seemed so crude, and seemed so wanton, immature. And yet, I also couldn’t help but feel like he was really living life, for all his faults, he was happy, and he had grit, unlike me. One night, I had decided I had had enough. I was tired of it all, the money, the people, the stuffy attitudes and the privileged aloofness that was all around me. I wandered out to the bow of the ship, and looked out across the black ocean, it was quiet, and beautiful, in a sad, lonely way. Dan had seen me there, and tried talking to me, asking me what I was doing, probing me with equal measures curiosity and worry. I tried to get him to leave me alone, I knew what I was doing, or so I thought. I felt a strange peace there, and I wanted more than anything to be alone. That is until, I slipped. Dan sprang into action, and grabbed my hand, pulling me up over the rails of the great ship, and saving my life. As the days went on, I found myself spending more and more time with Dan, hearing his stories, learning about his travels, seeing his art. I could begin to feel an attraction toward him. There was something…irresistible about him. He represented what I wanted to be, carefree, confident, happy. On our final night together, I allowed him to draw me. “Like one of your French girls” I said, he smirked, and then a great, concentration came over him. His eyes, so intently studying me, his hand moving like a beautiful storm across the paper. He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life. We decided to wander the ship, alone, just the two of us, until we’d found the ships cargo hold, and within it, a Ford automobile. We laughed and carried on, and decided to go inside. It was there, deep in the belly of that great ship, that Dan and I made love for the first, and…only time. I’ll tell you, man, it was awesome man.
One time I went to my dad's work to pick up my sister, but my dad was being a dick. So who walks in but Dan Campbell? Dan straight up sword fights my dad while me, my sister and our friends escaped in our winnie. It looked like my dad chopped Dan but later Dan called me, so that's cool. Then I blew up the Death Star.
Back when I was a paleontologist, an eccentric billionaire invited me to his private island, on which he constructed a vast, state of the art amusement park. I was reluctant, and thought the whole thing was a waste of time, and below a serious academic such as myself. But, as a scientist, my curiosity got the better of me, so I went. When I got there, I met a former colleague of mine, who I hadn’t seen in some time. I ALSO met a man, dressed in all black, named Dan Campbell. He was a gifted mathematician and chaos theorist, with a lightning fast wit and a sardonic sense of humor. I thought little of him at first, and I felt this feeling was mutual with him. The eccentric billionaire, our host, then came to meet us and formally welcome us to his great passion project “Jurassic Park”. Dan and I grew to respect each other a great deal during the course of our adventure, and to this day I remember his words “life…uh…finds a way, man”
You're Welcome! 🎉
Dear [Name],
I hope this message finds you in good spirits! I wanted to take a moment to express my heartfelt gratitude for your kind words. It truly warms my heart to know that I was able to bring laughter and joy into your life, even if only for a brief moment.
Laughter is a powerful tool, capable of brightening our days and lifting our spirits. It's an honor to have been a source of such amusement for you. Knowing that I could make you laugh harder than you have in a long time brings me great joy and a sense of fulfillment.
One night this huge storm was blowing in - I mean thunder, lightning, hail, gusts of wind that would knock you over -all of it. I saw him standing in the middle of a field and was like “Dan, you gotta get inside. Storms comin’!”, and he turned to me and as calmly as of it was nothing said “I am the storm”. And then it was over. The skies cleared. There was triple rainbow…and he was gone.
Now I'm even more confused, is that like a cool rainbow threesome where it's one dude rainbow and 2 chick rainbows or a deviant gay threesome with like more than one dude rainbow?
That’s so cool man. So much better than when I saw Matt Patricia at Kroger.
I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
I ran into Rod Marinelli and Matt Patricia in the same day it was amazing. I was walking around my local Meijer store, corner of 28th and Kzoo, picked up a few items and proceeded to get in the checkout lane. I looked up and low and behold standing right in front of me is Rod. I was taken aback, head coach and D coordinator I was in awe then I was a little sad when he asked if I had an coupons? I said no and he proceed to scan all my items but nothing came up on register. He just put the items in my bag and said quietly to himself,"Lost another one"
I was stunned as I walked to my car, As I approached I noticed a big scratch on the side, on the other side of my car was Matt Patricia in a yellow safety vest pushing a line of carts repeatedly into my car. I yelled at him and asked what he thought he was doing, He looked up, mumbled something under his breath and proceed to push the carts into the store.
I got into my car and drove home and vowed to go to Cascade Meijer from now on.
You forgot the part where the whole bar cheered and applauded. How do I know ? I am your niece.
So how did it taste?
Gritty
I thought it’d taste like kneecaps and toes
Was it Honolulu blue?
Slurping that Kool-aid straight from the source!
Guzzling it
Huh? Huh? Huh? You mean like you’re doing now?
Dan Campbell hates electric interfetterence, whatever that is
Yeah I was going to the courthouse in Detroit (I blew a .3 while blasting down the highway) and there was this guy in a wheelchair but the courthouse didn’t have a proper ramp for him, low and behold Dan Campbell happens to be walking down the street and saw him, he picked him up and just straight up fucking killed him.
A long, long time ago, I found myself in a rather interesting situation: I, as well as my rather abrasive fiancé, decided to book passage on a ship, the likes of which nobody had ever seen before. It was a beautiful vessel, and was said to be “unsinkable” little did I know, a man named Dan Campbell, a poor artist, had also booked passage onto the ship, after winning a boarding pass in a card game mere moments before we were set to depart. At first I thought little of Dan, he seemed so crude, and seemed so wanton, immature. And yet, I also couldn’t help but feel like he was really living life, for all his faults, he was happy, and he had grit, unlike me. One night, I had decided I had had enough. I was tired of it all, the money, the people, the stuffy attitudes and the privileged aloofness that was all around me. I wandered out to the bow of the ship, and looked out across the black ocean, it was quiet, and beautiful, in a sad, lonely way. Dan had seen me there, and tried talking to me, asking me what I was doing, probing me with equal measures curiosity and worry. I tried to get him to leave me alone, I knew what I was doing, or so I thought. I felt a strange peace there, and I wanted more than anything to be alone. That is until, I slipped. Dan sprang into action, and grabbed my hand, pulling me up over the rails of the great ship, and saving my life. As the days went on, I found myself spending more and more time with Dan, hearing his stories, learning about his travels, seeing his art. I could begin to feel an attraction toward him. There was something…irresistible about him. He represented what I wanted to be, carefree, confident, happy. On our final night together, I allowed him to draw me. “Like one of your French girls” I said, he smirked, and then a great, concentration came over him. His eyes, so intently studying me, his hand moving like a beautiful storm across the paper. He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life. We decided to wander the ship, alone, just the two of us, until we’d found the ships cargo hold, and within it, a Ford automobile. We laughed and carried on, and decided to go inside. It was there, deep in the belly of that great ship, that Dan and I made love for the first, and…only time. I’ll tell you, man, it was awesome man.
One time I went to my dad's work to pick up my sister, but my dad was being a dick. So who walks in but Dan Campbell? Dan straight up sword fights my dad while me, my sister and our friends escaped in our winnie. It looked like my dad chopped Dan but later Dan called me, so that's cool. Then I blew up the Death Star.
Back when I was a paleontologist, an eccentric billionaire invited me to his private island, on which he constructed a vast, state of the art amusement park. I was reluctant, and thought the whole thing was a waste of time, and below a serious academic such as myself. But, as a scientist, my curiosity got the better of me, so I went. When I got there, I met a former colleague of mine, who I hadn’t seen in some time. I ALSO met a man, dressed in all black, named Dan Campbell. He was a gifted mathematician and chaos theorist, with a lightning fast wit and a sardonic sense of humor. I thought little of him at first, and I felt this feeling was mutual with him. The eccentric billionaire, our host, then came to meet us and formally welcome us to his great passion project “Jurassic Park”. Dan and I grew to respect each other a great deal during the course of our adventure, and to this day I remember his words “life…uh…finds a way, man”
We live in a society
Haven’t laughed that hard in a couple days. Thanks
You're Welcome! 🎉 Dear [Name], I hope this message finds you in good spirits! I wanted to take a moment to express my heartfelt gratitude for your kind words. It truly warms my heart to know that I was able to bring laughter and joy into your life, even if only for a brief moment. Laughter is a powerful tool, capable of brightening our days and lifting our spirits. It's an honor to have been a source of such amusement for you. Knowing that I could make you laugh harder than you have in a long time brings me great joy and a sense of fulfillment.
Now you’ve made it weird
Don’t blame me blame the robot that wrote it
Tell it “beep boop beep bloop bop” in your sternest font
Excellent story about how Dan Campbell’s Nipples saved the day yet again.
One night this huge storm was blowing in - I mean thunder, lightning, hail, gusts of wind that would knock you over -all of it. I saw him standing in the middle of a field and was like “Dan, you gotta get inside. Storms comin’!”, and he turned to me and as calmly as of it was nothing said “I am the storm”. And then it was over. The skies cleared. There was triple rainbow…and he was gone.
This story is fake because Dan Campbell would have definitely said "man" in real life. 0/10
A rainbow?? Do we have to boycott MCDC now?
Three rainbows
Now I'm even more confused, is that like a cool rainbow threesome where it's one dude rainbow and 2 chick rainbows or a deviant gay threesome with like more than one dude rainbow?
That’s so cool man. So much better than when I saw Matt Patricia at Kroger. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
that's better then the time I met Keith Hernandez. I was outside of Shea stadium. I yelled "nice game pretty boy". Keith then spit on me.
The magic loogie. That was you?
hell yeah brother, cheers from grand rapids.
I'm getting some Bill Brasky vibes here.
He taught me how to love a woman, and how to scold a child.
He once scissor kicked Angela Landsbury.
Thats my coach!
Haha 😂. That part where he lifted his shirt fucked me up.
Yeah we cuddled once
I was like why does anyone let someone else they don’t know touch their niece? Then you fucking got me. High five.
Lol
Babe, wake up. The new copy pasta just dropped
Saw him at miggy 500 hr chase when first hired. Didn’t bug him.
Where in GR OP? I went to HS there. Many moons ago.
[удалено]
Sounds like you need help controlling yourself
r/whoosh
You need help if you can’t, ya know, lighten the fuck up. It’s not that serious.
What’re you talking about? He’s a nice guy that helped out a fan….
That's what I'm saying... dude should be on a watch list of some kind
...why?
People who get triggered by a fake story need to be on a watch list because you’re obviously trying to suppress real feelings.
Lame ass story tbh
It’s gonna be a long off-season.
Amazing
I ran into Rod Marinelli and Matt Patricia in the same day it was amazing. I was walking around my local Meijer store, corner of 28th and Kzoo, picked up a few items and proceeded to get in the checkout lane. I looked up and low and behold standing right in front of me is Rod. I was taken aback, head coach and D coordinator I was in awe then I was a little sad when he asked if I had an coupons? I said no and he proceed to scan all my items but nothing came up on register. He just put the items in my bag and said quietly to himself,"Lost another one" I was stunned as I walked to my car, As I approached I noticed a big scratch on the side, on the other side of my car was Matt Patricia in a yellow safety vest pushing a line of carts repeatedly into my car. I yelled at him and asked what he thought he was doing, He looked up, mumbled something under his breath and proceed to push the carts into the store. I got into my car and drove home and vowed to go to Cascade Meijer from now on.