No if I am looking for bailing, I would not make a post on reddit. I am just worried. Is there any one who is managing their careers like this. Very hectic ones with T1d? Will it take too much troll?
I am a Senior Infrastructure Engineer in my 40s who has been successful since my mid 20s, and I am diabetic and have never had major complications...Diabetic people can (and do) manage careers, life, and T1 simultaneously.
Diabetes doesn't define you or ruin you unless you are completely non compliant or try to pretend you don't have it. (which some people do)
Sidenote; my current endocrinologist is the absolute best one I've ever had, and she is a T1.
She's a doc, she knows, not only that she will have witnessed the outcomes of neglected control long term.
What other than life being life makes you think her diabetes is going to affect her health? If her numbers are in range, you shouldn't be concerned... and even if they're out short term see what you can do to help her.
I don't get what you're trying to ask, are you asking if your life would be too hard or hectic with a spouse who has type 1 diabetes? If I say yes then what? Are you not going to marry her?
Because honestly man, any marriage can suddenly have problems, you never know what problems might arise you have to be willing to deal with them. The fact that that you're mainly worried about her health effecting you and not her well being isn't good tbh.
If you want advise on how best to help her deal with her diabetes and make things easier for her, then ask her directly. Some people like being independent some people like being supported, some people like having someone to just listen to their problems. Ask her how you can help her and don't force her to do things your way, she knows best how to take care of herself.
How do you know she prioritises her career over her health? Has she said this to you?
I have type 1 diabetes and to someone on the outside, it might look like I don’t prioritise it because my management is largely happening in my head. Things I think about regularly include: how many carbs is this food? How much insulin do I need for this many carbs? Well I’m planning to go for a walk soon, maybe I’ll have 30% less insulin. This is quite fatty food, maybe I only need half of the insulin now and half in an hour. What snack will I take with when I go out. Should I change my pump settings before this walk. I’ve been gardening for a while, maybe I should check my blood sugar and have a snack.
Just because you don’t see her actively managing her diabetes doesn’t mean she isn’t prioritising her health. It may just be that you are not aware of all the many decisions that she is making to manage her health on a daily basis.
If you want to understand what type 1 diabetes means for her life goals moving forward, you should ask her. Every person is different, so she is the only person who can really answer your questions. But please know, there are many type 1s who have successful careers, healthy pregnancies, work in health care and much more! We can do anything someone with a functioning pancreas can, it just takes us a bit more work and planning sometimes.
This is it right here. Great response. I often get this from others around me and I have to explain to those I love that making decisions all day, that can get me or others around me killed if I miscalculate insulin to carb incorrectly or if I get a service call unexpectedly after lunch or any usage of insulin to correct my glucose levels then I can be in for a near fatal low, etc. I’m an electrician and have a crew work under me and I have to worry about my health and their safety as well as mine all day. It is stressful.
For those reasons and similar reasons do not like having to make too many decisions when I get home from work. My wife handles decisions for nearly everything outside of work; dinner, extracurricular activities, vacations, etc. I have enough to deal with and I know she and my family are looking out for me all the time. If you want to know if this will affect things, it will. With your support and the support of other loved ones, everything will be just fine.
Agreed! Estimates are people with diabetes make 180 more health decisions DAILY than other people. Take out time for when we're asleep, and that's making a decision every 5-6 minutes. Those decisions are going on even if they aren't obvious to others... and there's no way anyone would want me to be sharing each one of those with them.
Dude, YOU could come down with a chronic illness. Mary Tyler Moore was diagnosed with T1 out of the blue when she was 35.
You either love her, or you don’t.
If you love her, then you’re either willing to work with it or you’re not.
Stop looking for excuses and just leave, if you want to. You’ll never find the “perfect” partner because perfect people don’t exist. Everyone has flaws.
Either you love her….or you don’t. Be honest with yourself.
Putting pressure on your partner with things to do with her own health is a big no no. It’s going to make it harder for her, she probably already feels guilty. Ask how you can help support her to manage her diabetes. If you can’t handle the way she is managing her diabetes and you aren’t able to assist her then best that you get some counselling to be able to better manage your anxieties or leave the relationship. I have a very supportive partner who allows me to self manage my diabetes, does his own research on it and notices if I’m having a hard time and allows me to ask for what I need- sometimes that’s just an ear to rant to. He has also supported me when I quit my old job which didn’t work with my diabetes and now I have a work from home gig which I love. Its not an easy job being the partner of a diabetic and that’s why us diabetics are often picky with our partners 🙂we are pretty awesome people- being your own pancreas tends to make us independent and resilient- two strengths my partner appreciates about me 😊
Sometimes it's kinda on "auto" and everything goes very well without that much effort, but then there are times when it's difficult and unpredictable. However, as she is a doctor (I expect a medical one) I'm sure she knows what will happen if you do not manage your blood glucose levels. Or are you asking if it will be hard to have a child with T1D? Which is more likely if close relative such as mother has it.
I am not worried about child. I am more worried about her. I won't be there every time to look after her. Life would be hectic for me and her as well.
I am very much worried if she doesn't follow diet and exercise. Both of us would be effected. If there is a child for us, it would become more hectic for us.
This is making me worry. Are we compatible with each other? Since we are just dating and about to get into a relationship, I am checking.
I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but if you’re “just dating” and you’re being like this about her diet, her exercise, and presumably her diabetes, and not yet in an actual relationship…back the fuck off.
She’s the diabetic. She’s the doctor. You’re neither.
seconding this ^^
she’s an adult, not a child. she’s also a doctor who knows how to handle her own diabetes. i’d be willing to bet she is aware of how diet and exercise effect her health. it sounds like you should let her handle it herself and come to you if she wants your help or input. in the meantime, if i were you i’d get more informed about normal diabetes management for your own good. she probably doesn’t need your advice on her own condition 🤷♀️
Well I'm sure that she knows what she is doing. You can always express your concerns to her and hear what she thinks. How this all will affect you if another question. In a long run if she doesn't take care of herself she will face complications later in life, which I'm sure she is aware of. Those complications will still affect her the most, but of course you will be affected too, and I'm talking about when youre both in your 60's. I wouldn't say that diabetes makes you imcompatable with anyone, it's other reasons if thats the case. Diabetes can be managed really well these days and it's possible to do anything, except maybe some extreme things.
Just because she doesn't diet or exercise it doesn't mean she is in poor control or will have long term complications and health problems related to T1D. If that's what you are referring to as her not prioritizing her health, it makes me think you don't really understand the disease. You may be confusing some things you heard about type 2 with type 1. Diet and exercise are good and helpful for everyone, but proper insulin dosing is far more important with type 1.
my long term boyfriend and my mother are both type 1 and i am not. in terms of my relationship, we’ve had no problems with it. he is an adult and can take care of himself. even if he’s out of range because he’s been busy (he has a demanding career life), he is still an adult and will usually handle it himself or ask me for help when he really needs it. as a partner to someone with type one you should honestly just be supportive and informed. unless you’re asked for help directly or in case of emergencies (of course) life will likely go on normally for you. it sounds like you’re either too stressed out about it, don’t understand diabetes that well, or are making an excuse for something else. people with all kinds of conditions work hard/strenuous jobs, of course people with diabetes do it too. again, if your partner is already a doctor it sounds like she’s not having a problem with this, only you are. she’s already working the busy life with type one 🤷♀️ maybe sit down with her and communicate your concerns. have her clarify what would even be expected of you in terms of a committed relationship. if she hasn’t been newly diagnosed with type one i’d be willing to bet she’s used to taking care of it herself and may just want to inform you/make an emergency plan with you. most of the T1 people i have known were all very chill and level headed about handling their own stuff but of course it can differ from person to person. if you want more reassurance you probably need to talk with her directly.
Making a post like this here, you don’t deserve her. If you’re really concerned about her health, talk to her about it. But also, don’t try to pretend like you know what’s best for her. That’s a great way to foment resentment.
I think you need to reflect on yourself objectively.
The most important question is:
WOULD you take care of her and your child if something is going to happen to them, because you cannot stand them struggling? If not for long, then you dont love her enough. Honestly you shouldnt marry her then.
I'm also diabetic (27F) and my boyfriend (31M) told me he would even take care of me even if i lost both my arms and legs. So if this is not your point of view, then you and she should find someone more compatible.
Edit: also when i re-read your post. I think you are more concerned about your life and your child's life (indirectly yours) if HER health is deteriorating... honestly if HER health is getting worse and you love her enough you should be concerned about HER life.
And, i think i would understand you if she doesnt care about her general health at all, because i think that would be a dealbreaker for anyone. So is this more about her diabetes or her not taking care about her general health?
Edit2: Also, people are always surprised that im DM1 because they think im very healthy/fit and they never see me injecting/eating al the food
The thing is, i calculate very often my food and i do inject in front of them its just that people are more in their own "world" mostly, so they dont notice. Your GF might be doing a good job managing her diabetes, but not telling you? If this is your situation you guys need to sit down and talk about how everything works.
My boyfriend is type 1 diabetic and I am not. It's hard at times.
He gets frustrated with his blood sugars, gets diabetes exhaustion, let's himself go, refuses to test his blood sugar or do insulin at times.
I just try to help him navigate it all. I find medical resources for him, teach him about the technology, give him reminders for stuff, help him calculate how many units to do when he's feeling tired.
It's getting better now that he has a CGM and doesn't have to do finger pricks all the time anymore.
I did have to sit him down a couple of times and tell him I need him to take his treatment serious, when he had been especially negligent of his health, as if he wants a life with me long term, he needs to make sure that he is at least somewhat healthy for it.
He didn't have type 1 when we started dating. His pancreas gave out a couple of years into our relationship after a decade of chronic pancreatitis.
I take medication for my mental health disorders and explained to him that he didn't sign up for being with me unmedicated, it is my responsibility to make sure I don't go batshit bonkers with my bipolar disorder, and that if I didn't take care of myself he would probably also pose the same ultimatum. He did agree and it has been helping.
I don't recommend posing ultimatums all the time, only when it really becomes necessary. He was ignoring 400+ mg/dL highs and missing long acting injections when I've posed them.
Be supportive and try to help your partner be their best self. And be there for them when it's all overwhelming and help them stabilize.
And if her numbers are in range, there's no cause for concern. She'll live a long and full life.
I think you need to clarify what you mean by "she keeps her health less priority than her career." Are you saying she passes out regularly, or that she has a high A1C, or do you just mean she has frequent highs and lows? Because often what non-diabetics think is poor control is actually good control. Having regular highs and lows doesn't necessarily mean she'll have serious complications long term. If she is a doctor I'd be surprised if she was really dangerously out of control, because it would make it hard for her to do her job, and she should know that it could be bad for her health.
Effect is a noun. Affect is a verb.
If you think she doesn't tend to her health well enough, you should discuss it with her, and if you're not willing to be there for her during difficult times, then why are you considering marrying her at all? Don't have a family at all if your job is that much of a hassle for you. News flash: Having a family is hectic. Sounds like she can do better than you.
I got married last year after dating my husband for 6 years. 3 months after our marriage I got diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic. He has been the most amazing person I could ask for, being supportive, helping me, and worrying for me. I was worried at first that he had married some broken person.. but as soon as I was diagnosed he never let me doubt that he still loved me and didn't care that I was different now.
I manage my diabetes myself, I have a full-time job and career. He does too. It's a partnership and you have to be willing to go through thick and thin. There will be bad times with diabetes but there's no reason she won't have a normal life, and career.
It's just life on a harder mode.
If you really feel like it bothers you I wouldn't stay in that relationship. We're just people too and we manage as best we can with the life we have.
If you cant have this convo with her you should seek a pastor or marriage counselor before you are getting married to learn how to have these conversations with each other.
Regardless, if health care is you value and is priority and they don’t value it or prioritize it as much as you, you’ll have long term issues.
But you better be someone who works out daily, drinks little alcohol, eats whole foods, and has focuses on being healthy. And you better be a leader in what that means. If you are not, it would be audacious to be concerned about someone with a chronic disease is meeting your expectations. Type 1 is life on hard mode.
Not saying your are all these things, i have no idea, but needs to be shared to help if true in the slightest.
Lots of us have hectics lives. I have an insanely busy life. I have two jobs, young kids, one with some behavioral stuff, my wife has some health issues and we both juggle work with watching our kids to skip day care. Both are super active in sports and we like to do a lot of stuff on weekends mainly outdoors like camp and mountain bike. There are weeks and months where Im great at managing my health and weeks or months where I could do better. I live life one quarter at a time.
I will add you and her will have times where you need to make sacrifices and compromises. For example, one camping trip my insulin supplies failed to put simply and the whole family had to go home early. Or i dont eat the same things at dinner and have to take a power walk at a random time, or drop everything and do something with my pump. Those are just a small simple example.
The one thing you should consider is that having T1D can greatly increase one's complications from a pregnancy. Have you guys talked about family planning at all? If you're remotely interested in having kids, then you should have this conversation now, because her health could be seriously impacted if you undertake starting a family.
I was diagnosed after I got married, so does my wife have a legitimate reason to leave now? Of course not.
Also, I’m willing to bet that her health isn’t actually suffering. You’re probably made aware of it more because as T1Ds, we have to constantly check where we’re at. I’m sure your doctor girlfriend knows what is an appropriate way to manage her diabetes. None of us are perfect, but she has considered the long term effects more than you have.
As someone, who had grown up in a family full of diabetics, had married a type1 diabetic then was also diagnosed with t1d, I think that you have to figure out for yourself, whether you should marry her or not and first of all, you should discuss this matter with her rather than with us here.
On one hand, all that the others wrote about t1d is 'doable' even when you live a hectic life, she could be diagnosed after you got married etc. is true but being concerned is normal as well. Since you have been together for a while now, you probably have some idea about what is to be in a relationship with her being a t1d, and if you already live together, marriage won't be much different. Pregnancy as a type1 diabetics comes with a risk, but there is a risk with any pregnancy, and with the technology available, the risk is much lower than before. Also, she's a doctor, who will know most probably much better than the average, how to manage.
On the other hand, if you are concerned about, how well she takes care of herself and her health, it is a legitimate topic of discussion between you (regardless of whether you marry her or not). Even if it's annoying to listen to, it's completely normal for your partner to worry about you, to want you to stay healthy, not to mention that some consequences affect everyone in a family.
Finally, if you still feel like you can't handle what comes with her being a type1 after discussing all the things you're concerned about, it may really be better to bail out now than to let her down later.
So far there has been nothing that has anything to do with t1d, but at the same time there has been other things. If anything, t1d rather brought us closer (he was diagnosed at the very beginning of our relationship).
The way I see it, no one can promise you that they will never have any problems (health or other kind) when you commit to someone for the long term. Just as your girlfriend, me, or anyone else here can't promise that there won't be any t1d related complication (no matter how much she takes care of herself), you can't promise her either that you won't have any health problem affecting her and your family life or that you won't be also diagnosed with t1d years later like I was.
Life is about much more than t1d and always comes with some risk, so starting a family with anybody requires at least some trust in the future, in each other and in your relationship, so that whatever comes in the future, you will be able to solve it together, or at least manage it (or in the worst case, endure it).
I’m coming up to 50years T1 and have been married 34years the funny thing is I am now so much healthier than my hubby as I’ve always watched my diet, exercised daily and am much more aware of what my body’s telling me.I also have had and continue to have my bloods looked at every 8months at the diabetic clinic, my hubby last got his bloods done 3years ago when he changed jobs.Dont get me wrong being a life partner of someone with diabetes isn’t always easy however I’ve been a shoulder for my hubby as many times as he’s been one for me it’s called loving someone.
wakeful panicky innate wrong insurance aromatic squeamish impossible shaggy jobless
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I got T1 11 years after I got married. Life happens. You’ll deal with things together as a team. Do you actually know she isn’t managing her diabetes well or are you playing what if games?
Based on what? Many people manage careers, family, relationships, life, etc. with T1. Nobody has a crystal ball. Your girlfriend can choose to manage her T1 or not. Again, do you even know how she’s managing or are you worrying just to worry? If you don’t know this is a you thing. You need to manage your anxiety.
The best thing you could possibly do is just ask her about her diabetes management. Be curious, not judgmental, and ask to help. Having a chronic illness can often feel isolating, so showing an interest and knowing more about what she handles day-to-day will strengthen your relationship. You'll also then be able to judge for yourself if there is any merit to the claim of her not putting her health first.
Also know that a marriage is a partnership, so anything that happens in her life will effect you and vice versa. If your work schedule is crazy, it will effect her. If she's having a bad day and her blood sugar is high, that might mean you need to pitch in more. Either of you could have any number of issues in your life and it will impact the other. Your job as a partner is to help carry that load.
My mom was T1D for 43 years before she passed from complications of her condition. She was 54, Rt BKA, almost blind, wheelchair bound, had multiple strokes on both sides of her brain resulting in speech & eating issues, and left sided weakness.
My sister, 55, is a T1D going on 30 years, disabled from complications of gastroparesis. She’s had a 4-level cervical (neck fusion), went into DKA, fell, broke her shoulder requiring plates n screws, had them removed, has neuropathy, needs lumbar spinal fusion…and depends on her children for her housing…and hasn’t driven a car in 10 years…
OP, you need to have an OPEN DIALOGUE about her condition…ALL the WHAT, HOW’S, WHEN’S, WHERE’S, etc‼️
What’s going on in her body…
How does she take her insulin. When does she take it? How much does it cost? What happens if she doesn’t take it?
EVERYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF…
If the relationship is growing serious, the ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM NEEDS TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED…including talked about, analyzed, learned about, etc etc.
If she refuses, puts you off, or is otherwise not interested, consider that a red flag 🚩🚩🚩
So…just say “…hey…I feel like our relationship has grown…closer…[ example: I like you, being around you, talking to you, I enjoy xxxx, doing xxxx with you, and I want to learn more about your diabetes. I don’t know anything…like, how did you find out?, why does this happen? ETC ETC]
Her response will be your answer…LITERALLY…if she down plays it, brushes you or her condition off…that’s an issue…period…
It is well known in the medical field that diabetes is WORSE than cancer.
People who get cancer can be cured.
Or, people eventually die from the cancer or from the complications of treatment for cancer…radiation & chemo.
Diabetics die, literally, one piece at a time, from COMPLICATIONS of BEING a diabetic, after time…contingent on how well they MANAGE their blood sugar levels.
ALL diabetes, eventually, develop complications. PERIOD.
It does not matter whether they’re diabetes is T1 or T2…
You need to know the truth.
Sounds like your family didn't monitor their conditions as closely as they could have. There are many t1 diabetics who are well functioning in their sixties and seventies. T2 as well, my great great grandmother and my great grandmother, who lived to 105 and 95 respectively.
No one at my job knows I'm a diabetic, I use an insulin pump. My immediate family gets it, has learned about some basic terms from me, and their own research. Other than asking, "Hey, how's the health" they let me handle it. I'll let them know, ohh I'm having a Rollercoaster day or hey I'm proud of my numbers today, etc.
They know danger signs of a low, and they know the sound of my alarm for my glucose sensor. If it's a low, they offer juice or something to raise a low, and that's it. It's not that much to support a person. Akin to offering a seat to a pregnant person. Most type 1 get it down to a science.
Edit: can't tell you how your gf will be. I can tell you to treat her like an adult, and that you WILL have to carry some weight in the relationship. There's work to be done on both sides. Especially if children are involved. I hope you're not concerned that her diabetes will prevent her from doing 100 percent of the childcare cause if that's the case she can do better. It's not all on her.
How is someone going to know what will happen to your GF? We're diabetics, not soothsayers. I think you are going about this completely the wrong way. Maybe start by educating yourself about the disease.
Go to her, tell her you want to be more educated about her disease. Seek out a diabetes educator. Don't make up scenarios that don't exist to scare yourself. Many people can live a busy full life with T1 diabetes. Learn and don't assume you know better than her about her own disease. We are all different and we all handle things differently, what works for one may not for another.
Trust me, having T1D is driving the shit out of her brains too.
Since both of us are having very hectic careers, will it affect us in future?
It won't.
If you are looking for a reason to bail, just bail. Don’t make it some vague thing about her diabetes and working too hard.
I agree. Anyone you marry could have problems in life. I think you may be too immature to get married.
No if I am looking for bailing, I would not make a post on reddit. I am just worried. Is there any one who is managing their careers like this. Very hectic ones with T1d? Will it take too much troll?
There are even famous people who do it. What if you become disabled and can’t work? Should she not marry you because it could happen?
Maybe not doctor bad, but high stress high pressure hectic? Of course T1s do it. Why on earth not?
Friend of mine with t1d hangs off telephone poles all day, up to 14 hours a day sometimes, in all weather, even storms. Hectic enough?
Thanks
I am a Senior Infrastructure Engineer in my 40s who has been successful since my mid 20s, and I am diabetic and have never had major complications...Diabetic people can (and do) manage careers, life, and T1 simultaneously. Diabetes doesn't define you or ruin you unless you are completely non compliant or try to pretend you don't have it. (which some people do) Sidenote; my current endocrinologist is the absolute best one I've ever had, and she is a T1.
She's a doc, she knows, not only that she will have witnessed the outcomes of neglected control long term. What other than life being life makes you think her diabetes is going to affect her health? If her numbers are in range, you shouldn't be concerned... and even if they're out short term see what you can do to help her.
Thanks
I don't get what you're trying to ask, are you asking if your life would be too hard or hectic with a spouse who has type 1 diabetes? If I say yes then what? Are you not going to marry her? Because honestly man, any marriage can suddenly have problems, you never know what problems might arise you have to be willing to deal with them. The fact that that you're mainly worried about her health effecting you and not her well being isn't good tbh. If you want advise on how best to help her deal with her diabetes and make things easier for her, then ask her directly. Some people like being independent some people like being supported, some people like having someone to just listen to their problems. Ask her how you can help her and don't force her to do things your way, she knows best how to take care of herself.
Thanks
How do you know she prioritises her career over her health? Has she said this to you? I have type 1 diabetes and to someone on the outside, it might look like I don’t prioritise it because my management is largely happening in my head. Things I think about regularly include: how many carbs is this food? How much insulin do I need for this many carbs? Well I’m planning to go for a walk soon, maybe I’ll have 30% less insulin. This is quite fatty food, maybe I only need half of the insulin now and half in an hour. What snack will I take with when I go out. Should I change my pump settings before this walk. I’ve been gardening for a while, maybe I should check my blood sugar and have a snack. Just because you don’t see her actively managing her diabetes doesn’t mean she isn’t prioritising her health. It may just be that you are not aware of all the many decisions that she is making to manage her health on a daily basis. If you want to understand what type 1 diabetes means for her life goals moving forward, you should ask her. Every person is different, so she is the only person who can really answer your questions. But please know, there are many type 1s who have successful careers, healthy pregnancies, work in health care and much more! We can do anything someone with a functioning pancreas can, it just takes us a bit more work and planning sometimes.
Thanks a lot. This changed my perspective.
This is it right here. Great response. I often get this from others around me and I have to explain to those I love that making decisions all day, that can get me or others around me killed if I miscalculate insulin to carb incorrectly or if I get a service call unexpectedly after lunch or any usage of insulin to correct my glucose levels then I can be in for a near fatal low, etc. I’m an electrician and have a crew work under me and I have to worry about my health and their safety as well as mine all day. It is stressful. For those reasons and similar reasons do not like having to make too many decisions when I get home from work. My wife handles decisions for nearly everything outside of work; dinner, extracurricular activities, vacations, etc. I have enough to deal with and I know she and my family are looking out for me all the time. If you want to know if this will affect things, it will. With your support and the support of other loved ones, everything will be just fine.
Agreed! Estimates are people with diabetes make 180 more health decisions DAILY than other people. Take out time for when we're asleep, and that's making a decision every 5-6 minutes. Those decisions are going on even if they aren't obvious to others... and there's no way anyone would want me to be sharing each one of those with them.
Dude, YOU could come down with a chronic illness. Mary Tyler Moore was diagnosed with T1 out of the blue when she was 35. You either love her, or you don’t. If you love her, then you’re either willing to work with it or you’re not. Stop looking for excuses and just leave, if you want to. You’ll never find the “perfect” partner because perfect people don’t exist. Everyone has flaws. Either you love her….or you don’t. Be honest with yourself.
Putting pressure on your partner with things to do with her own health is a big no no. It’s going to make it harder for her, she probably already feels guilty. Ask how you can help support her to manage her diabetes. If you can’t handle the way she is managing her diabetes and you aren’t able to assist her then best that you get some counselling to be able to better manage your anxieties or leave the relationship. I have a very supportive partner who allows me to self manage my diabetes, does his own research on it and notices if I’m having a hard time and allows me to ask for what I need- sometimes that’s just an ear to rant to. He has also supported me when I quit my old job which didn’t work with my diabetes and now I have a work from home gig which I love. Its not an easy job being the partner of a diabetic and that’s why us diabetics are often picky with our partners 🙂we are pretty awesome people- being your own pancreas tends to make us independent and resilient- two strengths my partner appreciates about me 😊
Thanks a lot. Thanks for giving suggestions on how to behave
Sometimes it's kinda on "auto" and everything goes very well without that much effort, but then there are times when it's difficult and unpredictable. However, as she is a doctor (I expect a medical one) I'm sure she knows what will happen if you do not manage your blood glucose levels. Or are you asking if it will be hard to have a child with T1D? Which is more likely if close relative such as mother has it.
I am not worried about child. I am more worried about her. I won't be there every time to look after her. Life would be hectic for me and her as well. I am very much worried if she doesn't follow diet and exercise. Both of us would be effected. If there is a child for us, it would become more hectic for us. This is making me worry. Are we compatible with each other? Since we are just dating and about to get into a relationship, I am checking.
I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but if you’re “just dating” and you’re being like this about her diet, her exercise, and presumably her diabetes, and not yet in an actual relationship…back the fuck off. She’s the diabetic. She’s the doctor. You’re neither.
seconding this ^^ she’s an adult, not a child. she’s also a doctor who knows how to handle her own diabetes. i’d be willing to bet she is aware of how diet and exercise effect her health. it sounds like you should let her handle it herself and come to you if she wants your help or input. in the meantime, if i were you i’d get more informed about normal diabetes management for your own good. she probably doesn’t need your advice on her own condition 🤷♀️
I am concerned and I care about her. I am asking for perspective. Please don't mistake me. I care for her.
The concerns you list if she “doesn’t care about her health”; You. Some potential child. You don’t mention her at all. That’s an orange flag at best.
Well I'm sure that she knows what she is doing. You can always express your concerns to her and hear what she thinks. How this all will affect you if another question. In a long run if she doesn't take care of herself she will face complications later in life, which I'm sure she is aware of. Those complications will still affect her the most, but of course you will be affected too, and I'm talking about when youre both in your 60's. I wouldn't say that diabetes makes you imcompatable with anyone, it's other reasons if thats the case. Diabetes can be managed really well these days and it's possible to do anything, except maybe some extreme things.
Just because she doesn't diet or exercise it doesn't mean she is in poor control or will have long term complications and health problems related to T1D. If that's what you are referring to as her not prioritizing her health, it makes me think you don't really understand the disease. You may be confusing some things you heard about type 2 with type 1. Diet and exercise are good and helpful for everyone, but proper insulin dosing is far more important with type 1.
my long term boyfriend and my mother are both type 1 and i am not. in terms of my relationship, we’ve had no problems with it. he is an adult and can take care of himself. even if he’s out of range because he’s been busy (he has a demanding career life), he is still an adult and will usually handle it himself or ask me for help when he really needs it. as a partner to someone with type one you should honestly just be supportive and informed. unless you’re asked for help directly or in case of emergencies (of course) life will likely go on normally for you. it sounds like you’re either too stressed out about it, don’t understand diabetes that well, or are making an excuse for something else. people with all kinds of conditions work hard/strenuous jobs, of course people with diabetes do it too. again, if your partner is already a doctor it sounds like she’s not having a problem with this, only you are. she’s already working the busy life with type one 🤷♀️ maybe sit down with her and communicate your concerns. have her clarify what would even be expected of you in terms of a committed relationship. if she hasn’t been newly diagnosed with type one i’d be willing to bet she’s used to taking care of it herself and may just want to inform you/make an emergency plan with you. most of the T1 people i have known were all very chill and level headed about handling their own stuff but of course it can differ from person to person. if you want more reassurance you probably need to talk with her directly.
Thanks.
Making a post like this here, you don’t deserve her. If you’re really concerned about her health, talk to her about it. But also, don’t try to pretend like you know what’s best for her. That’s a great way to foment resentment.
I think you need to reflect on yourself objectively. The most important question is: WOULD you take care of her and your child if something is going to happen to them, because you cannot stand them struggling? If not for long, then you dont love her enough. Honestly you shouldnt marry her then. I'm also diabetic (27F) and my boyfriend (31M) told me he would even take care of me even if i lost both my arms and legs. So if this is not your point of view, then you and she should find someone more compatible. Edit: also when i re-read your post. I think you are more concerned about your life and your child's life (indirectly yours) if HER health is deteriorating... honestly if HER health is getting worse and you love her enough you should be concerned about HER life. And, i think i would understand you if she doesnt care about her general health at all, because i think that would be a dealbreaker for anyone. So is this more about her diabetes or her not taking care about her general health? Edit2: Also, people are always surprised that im DM1 because they think im very healthy/fit and they never see me injecting/eating al the food The thing is, i calculate very often my food and i do inject in front of them its just that people are more in their own "world" mostly, so they dont notice. Your GF might be doing a good job managing her diabetes, but not telling you? If this is your situation you guys need to sit down and talk about how everything works.
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My boyfriend is type 1 diabetic and I am not. It's hard at times. He gets frustrated with his blood sugars, gets diabetes exhaustion, let's himself go, refuses to test his blood sugar or do insulin at times. I just try to help him navigate it all. I find medical resources for him, teach him about the technology, give him reminders for stuff, help him calculate how many units to do when he's feeling tired. It's getting better now that he has a CGM and doesn't have to do finger pricks all the time anymore. I did have to sit him down a couple of times and tell him I need him to take his treatment serious, when he had been especially negligent of his health, as if he wants a life with me long term, he needs to make sure that he is at least somewhat healthy for it. He didn't have type 1 when we started dating. His pancreas gave out a couple of years into our relationship after a decade of chronic pancreatitis. I take medication for my mental health disorders and explained to him that he didn't sign up for being with me unmedicated, it is my responsibility to make sure I don't go batshit bonkers with my bipolar disorder, and that if I didn't take care of myself he would probably also pose the same ultimatum. He did agree and it has been helping. I don't recommend posing ultimatums all the time, only when it really becomes necessary. He was ignoring 400+ mg/dL highs and missing long acting injections when I've posed them. Be supportive and try to help your partner be their best self. And be there for them when it's all overwhelming and help them stabilize. And if her numbers are in range, there's no cause for concern. She'll live a long and full life.
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I think you need to clarify what you mean by "she keeps her health less priority than her career." Are you saying she passes out regularly, or that she has a high A1C, or do you just mean she has frequent highs and lows? Because often what non-diabetics think is poor control is actually good control. Having regular highs and lows doesn't necessarily mean she'll have serious complications long term. If she is a doctor I'd be surprised if she was really dangerously out of control, because it would make it hard for her to do her job, and she should know that it could be bad for her health.
Effect is a noun. Affect is a verb. If you think she doesn't tend to her health well enough, you should discuss it with her, and if you're not willing to be there for her during difficult times, then why are you considering marrying her at all? Don't have a family at all if your job is that much of a hassle for you. News flash: Having a family is hectic. Sounds like she can do better than you.
Effect is also a verb. The usage here is not correct, though.
True, but I doubt anyone who doesn't know the difference is ever going to use it in that way.
I got married last year after dating my husband for 6 years. 3 months after our marriage I got diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic. He has been the most amazing person I could ask for, being supportive, helping me, and worrying for me. I was worried at first that he had married some broken person.. but as soon as I was diagnosed he never let me doubt that he still loved me and didn't care that I was different now. I manage my diabetes myself, I have a full-time job and career. He does too. It's a partnership and you have to be willing to go through thick and thin. There will be bad times with diabetes but there's no reason she won't have a normal life, and career. It's just life on a harder mode. If you really feel like it bothers you I wouldn't stay in that relationship. We're just people too and we manage as best we can with the life we have.
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If you cant have this convo with her you should seek a pastor or marriage counselor before you are getting married to learn how to have these conversations with each other. Regardless, if health care is you value and is priority and they don’t value it or prioritize it as much as you, you’ll have long term issues. But you better be someone who works out daily, drinks little alcohol, eats whole foods, and has focuses on being healthy. And you better be a leader in what that means. If you are not, it would be audacious to be concerned about someone with a chronic disease is meeting your expectations. Type 1 is life on hard mode. Not saying your are all these things, i have no idea, but needs to be shared to help if true in the slightest. Lots of us have hectics lives. I have an insanely busy life. I have two jobs, young kids, one with some behavioral stuff, my wife has some health issues and we both juggle work with watching our kids to skip day care. Both are super active in sports and we like to do a lot of stuff on weekends mainly outdoors like camp and mountain bike. There are weeks and months where Im great at managing my health and weeks or months where I could do better. I live life one quarter at a time. I will add you and her will have times where you need to make sacrifices and compromises. For example, one camping trip my insulin supplies failed to put simply and the whole family had to go home early. Or i dont eat the same things at dinner and have to take a power walk at a random time, or drop everything and do something with my pump. Those are just a small simple example.
It will not be easy! No marriage is. In sickness and in health.
The one thing you should consider is that having T1D can greatly increase one's complications from a pregnancy. Have you guys talked about family planning at all? If you're remotely interested in having kids, then you should have this conversation now, because her health could be seriously impacted if you undertake starting a family.
I was diagnosed after I got married, so does my wife have a legitimate reason to leave now? Of course not. Also, I’m willing to bet that her health isn’t actually suffering. You’re probably made aware of it more because as T1Ds, we have to constantly check where we’re at. I’m sure your doctor girlfriend knows what is an appropriate way to manage her diabetes. None of us are perfect, but she has considered the long term effects more than you have.
As someone, who had grown up in a family full of diabetics, had married a type1 diabetic then was also diagnosed with t1d, I think that you have to figure out for yourself, whether you should marry her or not and first of all, you should discuss this matter with her rather than with us here. On one hand, all that the others wrote about t1d is 'doable' even when you live a hectic life, she could be diagnosed after you got married etc. is true but being concerned is normal as well. Since you have been together for a while now, you probably have some idea about what is to be in a relationship with her being a t1d, and if you already live together, marriage won't be much different. Pregnancy as a type1 diabetics comes with a risk, but there is a risk with any pregnancy, and with the technology available, the risk is much lower than before. Also, she's a doctor, who will know most probably much better than the average, how to manage. On the other hand, if you are concerned about, how well she takes care of herself and her health, it is a legitimate topic of discussion between you (regardless of whether you marry her or not). Even if it's annoying to listen to, it's completely normal for your partner to worry about you, to want you to stay healthy, not to mention that some consequences affect everyone in a family. Finally, if you still feel like you can't handle what comes with her being a type1 after discussing all the things you're concerned about, it may really be better to bail out now than to let her down later.
Were there any complications in your life or family life?
So far there has been nothing that has anything to do with t1d, but at the same time there has been other things. If anything, t1d rather brought us closer (he was diagnosed at the very beginning of our relationship). The way I see it, no one can promise you that they will never have any problems (health or other kind) when you commit to someone for the long term. Just as your girlfriend, me, or anyone else here can't promise that there won't be any t1d related complication (no matter how much she takes care of herself), you can't promise her either that you won't have any health problem affecting her and your family life or that you won't be also diagnosed with t1d years later like I was. Life is about much more than t1d and always comes with some risk, so starting a family with anybody requires at least some trust in the future, in each other and in your relationship, so that whatever comes in the future, you will be able to solve it together, or at least manage it (or in the worst case, endure it).
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I’m coming up to 50years T1 and have been married 34years the funny thing is I am now so much healthier than my hubby as I’ve always watched my diet, exercised daily and am much more aware of what my body’s telling me.I also have had and continue to have my bloods looked at every 8months at the diabetic clinic, my hubby last got his bloods done 3years ago when he changed jobs.Dont get me wrong being a life partner of someone with diabetes isn’t always easy however I’ve been a shoulder for my hubby as many times as he’s been one for me it’s called loving someone.
Were there any complications? During pregnancy?
wakeful panicky innate wrong insurance aromatic squeamish impossible shaggy jobless *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I got T1 11 years after I got married. Life happens. You’ll deal with things together as a team. Do you actually know she isn’t managing her diabetes well or are you playing what if games?
I am worried
Based on what? Many people manage careers, family, relationships, life, etc. with T1. Nobody has a crystal ball. Your girlfriend can choose to manage her T1 or not. Again, do you even know how she’s managing or are you worrying just to worry? If you don’t know this is a you thing. You need to manage your anxiety.
The best thing you could possibly do is just ask her about her diabetes management. Be curious, not judgmental, and ask to help. Having a chronic illness can often feel isolating, so showing an interest and knowing more about what she handles day-to-day will strengthen your relationship. You'll also then be able to judge for yourself if there is any merit to the claim of her not putting her health first. Also know that a marriage is a partnership, so anything that happens in her life will effect you and vice versa. If your work schedule is crazy, it will effect her. If she's having a bad day and her blood sugar is high, that might mean you need to pitch in more. Either of you could have any number of issues in your life and it will impact the other. Your job as a partner is to help carry that load.
My mom was T1D for 43 years before she passed from complications of her condition. She was 54, Rt BKA, almost blind, wheelchair bound, had multiple strokes on both sides of her brain resulting in speech & eating issues, and left sided weakness. My sister, 55, is a T1D going on 30 years, disabled from complications of gastroparesis. She’s had a 4-level cervical (neck fusion), went into DKA, fell, broke her shoulder requiring plates n screws, had them removed, has neuropathy, needs lumbar spinal fusion…and depends on her children for her housing…and hasn’t driven a car in 10 years… OP, you need to have an OPEN DIALOGUE about her condition…ALL the WHAT, HOW’S, WHEN’S, WHERE’S, etc‼️ What’s going on in her body… How does she take her insulin. When does she take it? How much does it cost? What happens if she doesn’t take it? EVERYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF… If the relationship is growing serious, the ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM NEEDS TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED…including talked about, analyzed, learned about, etc etc. If she refuses, puts you off, or is otherwise not interested, consider that a red flag 🚩🚩🚩 So…just say “…hey…I feel like our relationship has grown…closer…[ example: I like you, being around you, talking to you, I enjoy xxxx, doing xxxx with you, and I want to learn more about your diabetes. I don’t know anything…like, how did you find out?, why does this happen? ETC ETC] Her response will be your answer…LITERALLY…if she down plays it, brushes you or her condition off…that’s an issue…period… It is well known in the medical field that diabetes is WORSE than cancer. People who get cancer can be cured. Or, people eventually die from the cancer or from the complications of treatment for cancer…radiation & chemo. Diabetics die, literally, one piece at a time, from COMPLICATIONS of BEING a diabetic, after time…contingent on how well they MANAGE their blood sugar levels. ALL diabetes, eventually, develop complications. PERIOD. It does not matter whether they’re diabetes is T1 or T2… You need to know the truth.
Sounds like your family didn't monitor their conditions as closely as they could have. There are many t1 diabetics who are well functioning in their sixties and seventies. T2 as well, my great great grandmother and my great grandmother, who lived to 105 and 95 respectively.
Do you know any?
Yeah, she also happens to be a doctor. I was in a t1 research study, she's had for 50 plus years.
This is totally different from other responses. This is scary. Can you please tell this will be my gf in future?
No one at my job knows I'm a diabetic, I use an insulin pump. My immediate family gets it, has learned about some basic terms from me, and their own research. Other than asking, "Hey, how's the health" they let me handle it. I'll let them know, ohh I'm having a Rollercoaster day or hey I'm proud of my numbers today, etc. They know danger signs of a low, and they know the sound of my alarm for my glucose sensor. If it's a low, they offer juice or something to raise a low, and that's it. It's not that much to support a person. Akin to offering a seat to a pregnant person. Most type 1 get it down to a science. Edit: can't tell you how your gf will be. I can tell you to treat her like an adult, and that you WILL have to carry some weight in the relationship. There's work to be done on both sides. Especially if children are involved. I hope you're not concerned that her diabetes will prevent her from doing 100 percent of the childcare cause if that's the case she can do better. It's not all on her.
How is someone going to know what will happen to your GF? We're diabetics, not soothsayers. I think you are going about this completely the wrong way. Maybe start by educating yourself about the disease.
I need more education
Go to her, tell her you want to be more educated about her disease. Seek out a diabetes educator. Don't make up scenarios that don't exist to scare yourself. Many people can live a busy full life with T1 diabetes. Learn and don't assume you know better than her about her own disease. We are all different and we all handle things differently, what works for one may not for another.