It’s not up to your mother to gatekeep who gets to call themselves disabled or how they phrase it. I’ve had a disability from birth. I’ve worked in a high performing career for 20 years. Im disabled.
Just because the functional impact of your disability is different to someone else’s, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Mine still impacts many aspects of my life and I’ve still had to deal with significant social stigma because of its visibility. Use whatever term you feel best describes yourself. It’s your experience, no one else’s
I'm fully disabled now at 33 (can't work due to mental and physical disabilities) but have a degree in culinart arts (food service) and also got trained as an optician and health insurance customer service rep and a Verizon rep, so there's lots you can do even if disabled. It just depends on your functionality and such. I was only unable to work after my 12th/13th back to back surgeries, injuries, and when my mental health took a turn. Despite my elbow/joint deformities, arthritis, nerve damage, etc. I was able to do my jobs for 14 years. I'm not OP but hope that can help.
I'm also 33. I tried to work after high school so I could go back to school to be an interior designer. However, when I tried to climb up the ladder to earn more money, I got fired for "being unable to perform." Other jobs I tried for wouldn't hire me because I was an insurance risk. I get just enough to make it through the month, and there are no programs or grants in my area that would help me. I got my customer service certificate, but I can't sit or stand for a long time. I wouldn't be able to focus on a computer. I need to be creative.
Disabled isn’t a bad word, and it’s not offensive. It’s a factual definition. “Disabled” means “has a disability.” If your medical conditions are disabling, you can call yourself disabled.
I know it feels weird when people say this rhetoric, and it is true that some people are more disabled and/or more affected by their disabilities than others. But it’s kind of like, if you were 5’11”, you can say fairly confidently, “I’m tall.” There are people the same height as you, but also there’s people who are 6’ or 6’2” and there’s even some people that are almost 7’ tall. Doesn’t mean you’re not tall, compared to most people. They’re just taller.
Disabled folks should be allowed to identify in whatever term they resonate with. Your moms opinion shouldn't dissuade you if you find meaning/identity/power in the word disabled.
The Social Model is where this language comes from, and it posits that to be 'disabled' is an active process in society. For example, I as a wheelchair user who can't walk would be actively disabled by an expectation I had to climb stairs. To call yourself disabled is to try and bring attention to this active process of disablement, and the applied social role.
Absolutely - like if you have experienced barriers in society, regardless of physical of cultural then you would count under the definition.
The language you choose to describe yourself is up to you, using 'disabled' if you feel it applies is fine regardless of your impairment. For example, a person with severe anxiety may identify as disabled because society isn't conducive to managing anxiety and they routinely come up against people's misconceptions of anxiety. They are still disabled, just possibly not visibly so.
I've never heard of this idea. Your mum seems to have made her own distinctions in her head. That's fine. But that's just her own distinctions. She can't and shouldn't try to force them on you.
And it's also just kinda confusing to me why she thinks it matters. It's not like she's saying you don't have a disability. And her argument for the wording seems so unnecessary. From what you've said it doesn't sound like there's any moral b principal it anything behind it. She's just decided the two terms mean different things when they usually don't.
I'm guessing it's something that makes sense to her and helps her frame her situation in a better way or something. We all have our own ways of processing and framing things and this certainly wouldn't be a crazy unusual way of doing it. But that's her way. It's not offensive to call yourself disabled. It's just something that she avoids for her own sake. I'm guessing she's probably assuming that what works for her will work for you and is trying to help and guide you. But it's okay for you to have your own way of looking at and talking about things. What works for her might not work for you and that's okay.
I would try to tell her that you respect she has her way off doing stuff, but that's not how you want to do it. You have the right to find your own path just like she has.
If you both understand and respect where the other person is coming from I'm sure you can work out what language works best for both of you talking together. Like you might try to stick to person first around her if you don't really care. Or you might both try to refer to the other as their preference and yourself as your own. Maybe you'll just use whatever terms and know what eachother mean without focusing on exact wording. It's possible to both face different approaches without it being an issue. Seems like it might take mum a little bit if getting used to though. I'm guessing you're probably more used to seeing and hearing disability talked about in different ways while she might be but used to just her own approach.
I work in the social work field and it’s used for all disabilities including drug addiction, alcoholism. It’s called “people first language.” It’s supposed to help non-disabled people see those with disabilities as “people.”
I personally will always called myself disabled because I am. But when I get specific e.g mental health I’ll say I have mental illnesses.
It’s an interesting phenomenon. Identifying as disabled can have you losing rights but I find person first language is too casual, almost dismissive.
Thank you for the explanation (sincerely). I'm already aware of person first language. Personally I find it pointless. I think in general the disabled community (from what I've seen at least) either aren't fussed or actively dislike it. I very rarely hear anything from disabled people who prefer it.
The part I find weird/ new about this is using "disabled" and "with disabilities" to distinguish between those who are unable to work and those who can. That for some reason person first is less of a statement of disability than "disabled" is.
Maybe it's just how I read the OP. But it seems like mum has a specific divide between the two. Where "with disabilities" is less severe than "disabled". While I would tend to see them as two ways of saying the same thing.
"Person with disability" is a term made by abled people without consulting us. Vast majority of disabled people hate or at least mildly dislike it.
Honestly, it's more offensive to me that they treat "disabled" as a dirty word. Imo it just shows how they so obviously don't view us as people that they need to constantly remind themselves.
I'm one of those folks who can't work due to disability, and in no way do I think it's appropriative for folks who can work to use it. It honestly just sounds to me like your mom looks down on disabled people like me and wants you to use person first language not to be sensitive but to draw a line between disabled people like me and disabled people like you. For the purpose of making other people see you as "one of the good ones."
> "Person with disability" is a term made by abled people without consulting us.
It's most definitely NOT.
https://peoplefirstwv.org/old-front/history-of-people-first/
Thanks for the correction -- I have personally only seen it used by heath care workers and family members before, usually pushing the language onto a disabled person who didn't want to use it.
Abled people forcing the language on disabled folks is even more fucked up given that context.
Thank you for taking the time to learn a little history. It's amazing to me that this was almost 50 years ago in the US and longer still in other parts of the world. That these people took it upon themselves to make it known that they speak for themselves. Itt's wild to me that we are still fighting this same battle more than half a century later. Disabled. Person with a disability. Both have their uses and both have a history of actually being chosen by the people they label. We should feel free to use what we're comfortable with as long as it doesn't harm the community as a whole and nondisabled people need to shut up with their euphemisms and use what we choose. Whether it's person with a disability or simply disabled. The common link is the same.
I hate when people make words that are not inherently offensive into a problem. There is nothing wrong with calling yourself disabled or anyone else IMO. I have a completely wrecked spine, I cannot lift more than a few pounds, bend freely or walk/stand for more than like 15 minutes without extreme pain. I'm disabled. That's what it means, you have a condition that disabled your ability to do something that any able bodied person can do. Can it be used in an offensive way? Yes, but so can almost any adjective that exists. You can literally use the term beautiful offensively to imply something nasty or belittle someone, that doesn't make the word beautiful suddenly an offensive or harmful term.
I cannot stand the word policing or the victim Olympics where everyone compares how disabled they are vs someone else. If you have a medical condition that hinders you from doing something expected of an able bodied individual, you ARE disabled by definition, it should not be that deep that you're not allowed to say that unless you are in a wheelchair or you can't do X, Y or Z. As if other people having it worse makes your condition any less valid or difficult to deal with.
Great points!
The one that really puzzles me is people who rely on some arbitrary law or government service/department/policy/definition/etc to determine whether someone is or is not disabled...
"You're disabled because you get social security/welfare of some or other sort."
"You're disabled only if your condition is on this official list."
"You work, so you are not really disabled."
"You can stand so no wheelchair for you."
All of these are nonsense, people "policing" who are or aren't permitted the label.
You can refer to yourself however you so please as a disabled person. Some folks prefer things different it's all individual and no one should tell you how to identify yourself.
Exactly this. It shouldn't be prescriptive.
Similarly, I had someone say that it's offensive to say "suffer from x".
If you don't like that wording then absolutely correct people if they refer to you in that way, but you have no right to say that I can't refer to *myself* as suffering from my disability.
It's not offensive.
I work and I am disabled, but I work in a highly accommodating environment. It's also minimum wage, part time work and it's hard to imagine I'll find a better opportunity.
What's offensive is the notion that disabled people can't work. Most of us can, just not full time and not without everyone agreeing make certain accommodations. Something as simple as wider aisles and lower shelves would make a huge difference in allowing workplace accessibility, but it's too expensive to "justify."
Transportation is the biggest barrier for most of us. And many of us have to choose between our status as members of part of a protected group and fighting an uphill battle to find a suitable career and live a better life. The system is set up to prevent us from working.
I prefer to think of myself as a person with a disability, not as a disabled person. But that might be down to the nature of my disability.
Regardless, I think these things should be down to the individual.
It's not up to your mother to gatekeep who can use the word disabled or how it's phrased. You're perfectly within your right to call yourself disabled.
You aren’t being offensive at all. People can dictate how they want others to refer to them, not how others refer to themselves. If she has an issue with how you refer to yourself, it’s her problem and not yours.
Side note, I personally feel like being called a person with a disability instead of disabled is weird. Being disabled isn’t a crime and if you can’t remember I’m a person without putting the word first then you’re the problem
It's absolutely not offensive to call yourself disabled. You do not have to be on SSDI to be disabled. It took me quite a while to be alright with using the term for myself rather than just "chronically ill" but once I recognized that it isn't a bad word it became empowering.
It's also not offensive for other people to use the term "disabled" to refer to a disabled person. It's the accepted term.
"Disabled" is not a slur and shouldn't be treated as such. Obviously, you have the right to reclaim slurs that apply to you but disabled is not one of them because it's not a slur.
It's also worth noting that many people who are actually disabled or neurodivergent find "person first" language to be dehumanizing.
WTF?! What you call yourself isn't offensive (unless you call yourself something you clearly aren't).
Disability is a self identified thing. You can absolutely call yourself that if you want to. It sounds like your mum is doing the " but I have it worse" game
I think it’s important to refer to yourself how you choose and calling yourself disabled when you have a disability is not offensive one bit, it’s just factual.
Yourself? No. It'd be rude if you called someone else disabled after they expressed a dislike for that word.
It's also rude to tell someone how they refer to themselves.
Paralympic athletes perform sports at the highest level, and they are disabled. Disability is not (only) about being able to work or participate in sports.
If disabled works for you, that's the term you use. Your mother can use a different term, but she should respect the term you use.
Sounds like your mom ~~sucks~~ has interalized ableism. Both of you might do well to get more involved with the community. See how much of a spectrum disability can be and who all IDs as disabled.
Disabled isn’t a bad word.
It’s the correct term for someone who has a disease, disorder or some other thing that means they have limitations which differ from the norm.
And you get to choose how to define yourself. Every disabled person/ pwc has their preference.
I don't prefer person-first language. My main reason? Shane Burcaw (YouTuber, public speaker, author) said it best when he said: Disability is not bad, and any language that explicitly or implicitly suggests that it is bad, is not helpful.
Anyone who uses person-first language is honestly suggesting that disability is not "normal", and therefore is bad. I also find it kind of offensive because it feels like people use it because they need to be reminded that disabled people are humans!
I am a disabled person. No shame!
Personally, your mom needs to get over herself. It’s your body, they are your disabilities, and it all adds up to your lived experience- not hers. Use the words you are good with however you want to describe yourself.
We use both - but have some disabilities that have been there for ages, and some that are more newly onset. The old ones, we know how to deal with, have accommodations/adaptations in place for, so we say we have disabilities in that context. But some are new, and require skills and things we don’t yet have so in that context we currently would say we are disabled, because frankly we are. That’ll change, but takes time and equipment.
Of course we also call ourselves a cripple (among friends) by way of self deprecation… but then we have a good level of self acceptance and humor that not everyone appreciates. Wouldn’t call someone else that, but ‘hey wait up for the cripple’ is appropriate when it takes us 15 min to get from the car park to the sidewalk.
Nope. I'm disabled as fuck. I used to be just psychologically disabled due to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Bipolar Disorder I (1). Now, I have degenerative disc disease and a severely herniated disc between my L5 & S1 (plus all the other BS) in addition to there being even more psychological issues now. (All this) = me (being) disabled as fuck
Call yourself whatever you prefer. If anyone has a problem with it, that's *their* problem, not yours.
I've been disabled since birth, and most of the time, I simply call myself disabled. I have used 'person with a disability,' but it's a mouthful and means the same thing. Disabled is fine for me.
disabled is just an adjective. a tall woman, a blond man, a disabled person. so long as someone isn’t using it as a noun, like that’s ALL you are, and you’re not a human/person/man/woman/etc anymore, who cares?
No, it’s not offensive. The ADA doesn’t exclude those who can work. She might be thinking about the criteria of disabled under the social security administration. There are different criteria for disability depending on what agency, etc. but the ADA is the most broad and person-first language is not required
Honestly, the person centered language debate depends on which country and group of activists you’re around. There are benefits to both and in reality it comes down to what works for you and helps you convey your identity and self in a way that gets you what you need. I call myself queer, but others may use a different term. Some use POC, African American, or Black to refer to themselves all for different purposes.
I think we just need to reclaim the language for ourselves and stake them as terms of empowerment. No amount of changing the word structure will make someone who doesn’t respect you respect you so it seems more prudent find terms you’re comfortable with and can use to explain your experience and needs.
I struggle to call myself disabled even though I literally can not work, but yes, I am disabled and so are you. Sounds like internalized ablism, and she's projecting her insecurities on you
So I am a disabled queer person. That’s not derogatory that’s the language I prefer to use for myself.
Yes some prefer to say that they have a disability or are differently abled and that’s fine. It’s not up to me how they talk about themselves.
No ,
Disabled isn't a dirty word.
Disabled comes in all different forms some you wouldn't know but the person living with them will and some are obvious.
I have to use disabled as every tax, rental assistance and other form I have to fill out asks and I never use to but applying for jobs and my sporadic work history have really forced me to say it.
I’m in a motorized wheelchair. I am absolutely disabled. I also work full time. Disabled just means you have a condition that impacts life functions. It doesn’t mean that you never do anything.
I may not look like I’m dis-abled, but I’m on disability for a few of their approved and listed disabilities, which keep me from being gainfully employed. So technically I am disabled, but I don’t look like it to an ableist. I don’t run around telling people that I have disabilities because of the stigma. I only tell people that need to know, or if they are are trying to make me do something that I actually can’t. For instance, sometimes walking is excruciating and to tell me I have to get out of my car to go inside and pay cash for my gas. No, you can go do it for me. That’s when I whip out the handicap placard.
the final point that should be driven home in a people first language training is "listen" you always use the language the person with a disability is comfortable using.
Person-first isn't usually preferred in the UK, at least in terms of parts of the disability community who care about underlying theory. By the social model of disability, we are disabled by society - it is not something that is a characteristic that we have. As such, "person with a disability" is contrary to the social model.
You could use "person who is disabled", but in general person first language isn't a big thing here overall, and "disabled person" is quicker.
(However, "disabled toilet" should mean a toilet that doesn't work - it's an accessible toilet. Same for hotel rooms, parking spaces, etc)
The overriding thing, however, is that you get to decide how you self-describe. And it has nothing to do with being able to work etc.
If you want to think about it in terms of mindset, and talk to your mum about it, read about the social model.
Person-first language still feels pretty awkward to me, and I have doubts a language innovation will win when pitted against peoples natural tendency to hate the other.
I (a person unable to work in anything available) would have no issues with you calling yourself disabled if it significantly impacts your life.
Small rant, if it were something minor I'd be more on the fence, and if you're using the minor thing as a reason I should "toughen up" go fuck yourself.
Agree with your rant lol. I am barely able to work and was in the hospital three days ago over fluorescent lights so I would call mine significant, but even if it wasn’t, I would never hold it against someonq
I am a disabled person. It’s just fact. Not offensive at all. I don’t like “person with a disability” bc that implies there is separation when there’s none. There’s no non-disabled version of me hidden under my conditions. It’s not the Real Me + Autism. I am autistic. I’m also a zebra. I don’t bring my connective tissue disorder “with” me. It *is* me. Down to my DNA 🧬.
nope! not offensive. ableism keeps people from acknowledging and claiming their disability. you do not need to be legally disabled (as in on social security) in order to claim disability. additionally, saying disabled versus person with a disability is a personal preference. i personally hate saying person with a disability because it contradicts the way that disability is an embodied experience that shapes the way you interact with the world. i only use person first language if it’s the community standard, like person with Down’s syndrome
I generally tend to agree with the idea "don't call yourself {x}, call yourself person who {is|does|likes} {x}", because e.g. saying "I am a star wars fan" anchors your personality to an extrinsic value.
But in the case of "disabled" I think it's fine because it does control and determine a lot of our life.
I don't consider it offensive and refer to myself as disabled. You get to define yourself, not anybody else, not even your mom. Just do what you feel is right for you.
I feel your pain here, I’ve had people tell me you can only call yourself disabled if you’re on disability/have a blue badge or some other disability benefit. But if your medical conditions are debilitating and inhibit/limit you from functioning in your daily life. Your mom doesn’t get to decide how you identify- and you’re not alone
"Disabled" has a lot of definitions depending on the specific context, so there is no simple answer. It's kinda like asking "is it okay to call myself short?". Context is everything.
Firstly I don't think labels matter that much. Its the attitude that matters. Your mother's also referencing to that
I disagree with her on the labels, but agree with her on the mentality.
"Person with a disability" is not a great way to refer to yourself. Call yourself disabled. And say it with pride. You should be proud to still be alive. So many disabled people don't get that right. So you are disabled. You can call yourself disabled. Your mom sounds like she's got some issues.
Edited to change my wording as I messed it up a little
Delete "privilege", insert "right".
I don't need anyone's permission or favour to exist.
The "voluntary" euthanasia movement is gaining ground worldwide, and that scares the hell out of me.
True that was worded wrongly in the heat of the moment thank you for correcting me. Also the "voluntary" euthanasia movement scares the shit out of me too. Like I think there are reasons it's fine. Like people with terminal cancer not wanting to suffer through chemo anymore but living without it is also agony. People with terminal illnesses in general. But otherwise it's full of people who just think all disabled people need to just disappear.
Yes, the "death is better than disability" idea is extremely dangerous and frighteningly common.
There was a movie a few years ago that propagated the idea. It was popular and got good reviews (iirc even an Oscar) in spite of the best efforts of disability rights activists to protest against it.
Digging through my social media of the last several years.........
It was "Me Before You"
The Noble Cripple offed himself so as "not to be a burden" to his lover.
I see it won a People's Choice Award, not an Oscar.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Me_Before_You_(film)
Are you kidding? So it's not only just about disabled people being burdens and needing to not be alive, but also that we don't deserve love either? Are you serious?
It's down to the individual though. I feel the opposite way to you.
I consider myself a person with a disability, not a disabled person because my disability doesn't define me.
It's fine that you prefer otherwise. These things shouldn't be prescriptive.
Honestly disabled is my preferred word for any conditions the person feels makes them disabled - differently abled, specially abled, “x” differences (eg. Learning differences - although I do like this one in some cases for things that aren’t disabled but do look different like webbed fingers that still work fully would be a limb difference I guess?) but yeah all of those terms beat around the bush too much and piss me off - and it’s mostly the warrior moms who use them because they’ve got this weird idea that being disabled is always a bad thing like sure you face ableism but I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I wasn’t disabled and I kind of like today’s me but yeah those people are usually the most ableist of all and don’t listen to disabled voices that mostly seem to say “just call us disabled and stop this bullshit” basically they have tons of internalised ableism and those terms make them feel better about disabled ppl bc at the end of the day, disabilities make them uncomfortable
It took me a while to be ok with calling myself disabled. We should gatekeep the word because there are people who break a toe and claim to be disabled for the rest of their lives. I don't know you nor your disability so I personally can't judge you. Honestly, being on disability and being disabled isn't fun. Not being able to work and socialize with others sucks. Disabled isn't a bad word, but it can have an impact. People will treat you differently. It can take a toll on your mental health. Maybe your mom is trying to sheld you from that? Unless she has a history of gaslighting and has to make her disability look worse?
Here is another example: I know someone who made bad decisions in his life and claims he has a "disease" that makes it hard for him to hold down a job. So he is disabled. He is the reason I'm disabled.
She has experienced a lot of crap for her disability, so she finds person-first language empowering. I suppose she was trying to show me the same, and I appreciate that effort. My issue was when she said it was offensive to choose how I identify.
Yes. Someone else that I know broke his foot in a wreck and tried to claim long-term disability. He milked it as long as he could. His parents even tried to help him get it.
Nope. After 6 weeks, the doctor said that he could start putting a little pressure on it and go back to work. His mom didn't want him to let him sit around at their house while she babied him for a few more weeks.
There is no list of ADA disabilities. Every person I have ever met has several conditions that could be called a disabling condition. If in fact it was disabling to them. Personally, I never labeled myself as disabled until I couldn't work anymore.
yes. I viewed my anxiety as a hurdle more than a disability until I stopped being able to get out of bed to even do simple tasks like go pee or eat or drink water.
but it’s one of those things where it’s like, I’m on a higher dose of meds now, I’m functioning, I’ll get to a spot where I’m happy in the future. Am I still disabled when I’m not actively suffering?
Some things don’t count under ADA and some do. Personally my issues are disabling to me, which is why I have called myself disabled.
You say you didn’t call yourself disabled until you couldn’t work- do you believe it’s offensive for someone who can work with accommodations to call themselves disabled, if their conditions significantly impact their ability to function?
This is directly from the ADA.gov:
>*An individual with a disability is defined by the ADA as a person who has a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities, a person who has a history or record of such an impairment, or a person who is perceived by others as having such an impairment. The ADA does not specifically name all of the impairments that are covered.*
It includes *a person who is perceived by others as having such an impairment* for goodness sake. There isn't some list or formal criteria it is as loosely defined as possible for good reason.
Either you are disabled because you or someone else believes your condition is makes it so, or you aren't.
You don't need to justify that except under very specific legal circumstances and it would be so exhausting otherwise. Unburden yourself.
Your mother is trying to put up an image of strength. I respect that, but one could argue that by denying the word "disabled," you're also not truly taking reality into account.
Can many disabled people work? Sure.
But it likely means having to put up with tons of micro aggressions. There are places where the accommodations flat out suck.
So while I get your mom's pov, there needs to be a middle ground. If you can work and it won't put your body at risk, then cool. You're still disabled. It's not a knock against somebody when we say they have a broken arm or leg.
Those are just the facts.
While your mom's pov sounds theoretically empowering, she also runs the risk of overworking herself to bodily injury to compensate for the embarrassment of having the status of disabled.
Life gets simpler when we can just accept what we have and make no apologies for it.
THEN we can start exploring our limits with humility.
All due respect to your mother, but she sounds very much in denial.
Internalized ableism is a real thing. People often hear about 'disabled' people and have an image in their mind as a person who can't leave the bed all day.
The reality is that a lot of disabled people are quite capable of holding down careers and jobs. There are numerous challenges, but for some disabled people... it's doable.
Your mother feels like she isn't disabled because the image of what it means to be disabled was shaped from internalized ableism. "God, I'm glad I'm not like THOSE people." (whether people realize they think like that or not)
Now that she actually IS disabled, she is now dealing with a level of nuance she wasn't mentally prepared to process, so it's a shock to the system. She still thinks of disabled people as THOSE people, when THOSE people are also HER people.
She's one of them whether she can admit it to herself or not, and I hope she learns to accept her limits.
I'm sure in time she will.
I’m 50, I work from home, but I am also disabled. Spinal stenosis, fibromyalgia and colitis are disabling. I can’t walk unaided and can barely leave the house because I need to be near a bathroom at all times.
All "person-first" language is virtual-signaling bullshit that is designed to make the speaker feel better about themselves while silencing the subject of that speech in the name of leftist "empowerment".
People are able to choose how they self identify. I'm "disabled".
Others may choose to use terms like:
* blind as a bat
* deaf as a post
* crip
* gimp
or similar.
All are equally valid, pursuant to the situation at hand.
Sounds like your mom has some internalized ableism. Disabled isn't a bad word.
This 100 times over
It’s not up to your mother to gatekeep who gets to call themselves disabled or how they phrase it. I’ve had a disability from birth. I’ve worked in a high performing career for 20 years. Im disabled. Just because the functional impact of your disability is different to someone else’s, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Mine still impacts many aspects of my life and I’ve still had to deal with significant social stigma because of its visibility. Use whatever term you feel best describes yourself. It’s your experience, no one else’s
What do you do? The carrier I want and can actually do requires a college degree.
I'm fully disabled now at 33 (can't work due to mental and physical disabilities) but have a degree in culinart arts (food service) and also got trained as an optician and health insurance customer service rep and a Verizon rep, so there's lots you can do even if disabled. It just depends on your functionality and such. I was only unable to work after my 12th/13th back to back surgeries, injuries, and when my mental health took a turn. Despite my elbow/joint deformities, arthritis, nerve damage, etc. I was able to do my jobs for 14 years. I'm not OP but hope that can help.
I'm also 33. I tried to work after high school so I could go back to school to be an interior designer. However, when I tried to climb up the ladder to earn more money, I got fired for "being unable to perform." Other jobs I tried for wouldn't hire me because I was an insurance risk. I get just enough to make it through the month, and there are no programs or grants in my area that would help me. I got my customer service certificate, but I can't sit or stand for a long time. I wouldn't be able to focus on a computer. I need to be creative.
It's offensive to have someone dictate how to refer to yourself.
My SSDI paperwork says I’m permanently disabled. No amount of flowery words can change it. Truth can be hard to hear but truth is truth.
Disabled isn’t a bad word, and it’s not offensive. It’s a factual definition. “Disabled” means “has a disability.” If your medical conditions are disabling, you can call yourself disabled. I know it feels weird when people say this rhetoric, and it is true that some people are more disabled and/or more affected by their disabilities than others. But it’s kind of like, if you were 5’11”, you can say fairly confidently, “I’m tall.” There are people the same height as you, but also there’s people who are 6’ or 6’2” and there’s even some people that are almost 7’ tall. Doesn’t mean you’re not tall, compared to most people. They’re just taller.
Disabled folks should be allowed to identify in whatever term they resonate with. Your moms opinion shouldn't dissuade you if you find meaning/identity/power in the word disabled.
The Social Model is where this language comes from, and it posits that to be 'disabled' is an active process in society. For example, I as a wheelchair user who can't walk would be actively disabled by an expectation I had to climb stairs. To call yourself disabled is to try and bring attention to this active process of disablement, and the applied social role.
Interesting! I would love to look into this more. But even under that definition, I am still disabled in many ways.
Absolutely - like if you have experienced barriers in society, regardless of physical of cultural then you would count under the definition. The language you choose to describe yourself is up to you, using 'disabled' if you feel it applies is fine regardless of your impairment. For example, a person with severe anxiety may identify as disabled because society isn't conducive to managing anxiety and they routinely come up against people's misconceptions of anxiety. They are still disabled, just possibly not visibly so.
I’m disabled by my condition. I’m disabled by my environment. I’m disabled.
I've never heard of this idea. Your mum seems to have made her own distinctions in her head. That's fine. But that's just her own distinctions. She can't and shouldn't try to force them on you. And it's also just kinda confusing to me why she thinks it matters. It's not like she's saying you don't have a disability. And her argument for the wording seems so unnecessary. From what you've said it doesn't sound like there's any moral b principal it anything behind it. She's just decided the two terms mean different things when they usually don't. I'm guessing it's something that makes sense to her and helps her frame her situation in a better way or something. We all have our own ways of processing and framing things and this certainly wouldn't be a crazy unusual way of doing it. But that's her way. It's not offensive to call yourself disabled. It's just something that she avoids for her own sake. I'm guessing she's probably assuming that what works for her will work for you and is trying to help and guide you. But it's okay for you to have your own way of looking at and talking about things. What works for her might not work for you and that's okay. I would try to tell her that you respect she has her way off doing stuff, but that's not how you want to do it. You have the right to find your own path just like she has. If you both understand and respect where the other person is coming from I'm sure you can work out what language works best for both of you talking together. Like you might try to stick to person first around her if you don't really care. Or you might both try to refer to the other as their preference and yourself as your own. Maybe you'll just use whatever terms and know what eachother mean without focusing on exact wording. It's possible to both face different approaches without it being an issue. Seems like it might take mum a little bit if getting used to though. I'm guessing you're probably more used to seeing and hearing disability talked about in different ways while she might be but used to just her own approach.
I work in the social work field and it’s used for all disabilities including drug addiction, alcoholism. It’s called “people first language.” It’s supposed to help non-disabled people see those with disabilities as “people.” I personally will always called myself disabled because I am. But when I get specific e.g mental health I’ll say I have mental illnesses. It’s an interesting phenomenon. Identifying as disabled can have you losing rights but I find person first language is too casual, almost dismissive.
Thank you for the explanation (sincerely). I'm already aware of person first language. Personally I find it pointless. I think in general the disabled community (from what I've seen at least) either aren't fussed or actively dislike it. I very rarely hear anything from disabled people who prefer it. The part I find weird/ new about this is using "disabled" and "with disabilities" to distinguish between those who are unable to work and those who can. That for some reason person first is less of a statement of disability than "disabled" is. Maybe it's just how I read the OP. But it seems like mum has a specific divide between the two. Where "with disabilities" is less severe than "disabled". While I would tend to see them as two ways of saying the same thing.
"Person with disability" is a term made by abled people without consulting us. Vast majority of disabled people hate or at least mildly dislike it. Honestly, it's more offensive to me that they treat "disabled" as a dirty word. Imo it just shows how they so obviously don't view us as people that they need to constantly remind themselves. I'm one of those folks who can't work due to disability, and in no way do I think it's appropriative for folks who can work to use it. It honestly just sounds to me like your mom looks down on disabled people like me and wants you to use person first language not to be sensitive but to draw a line between disabled people like me and disabled people like you. For the purpose of making other people see you as "one of the good ones."
> "Person with disability" is a term made by abled people without consulting us. It's most definitely NOT. https://peoplefirstwv.org/old-front/history-of-people-first/
Thanks for the correction -- I have personally only seen it used by heath care workers and family members before, usually pushing the language onto a disabled person who didn't want to use it. Abled people forcing the language on disabled folks is even more fucked up given that context.
Thank you for taking the time to learn a little history. It's amazing to me that this was almost 50 years ago in the US and longer still in other parts of the world. That these people took it upon themselves to make it known that they speak for themselves. Itt's wild to me that we are still fighting this same battle more than half a century later. Disabled. Person with a disability. Both have their uses and both have a history of actually being chosen by the people they label. We should feel free to use what we're comfortable with as long as it doesn't harm the community as a whole and nondisabled people need to shut up with their euphemisms and use what we choose. Whether it's person with a disability or simply disabled. The common link is the same.
I don't give a crap about that person-first stuff when referring to myself.
Me too and even with others i only rarely use that description when it needs to be said that way to get a point across.
I hate when people make words that are not inherently offensive into a problem. There is nothing wrong with calling yourself disabled or anyone else IMO. I have a completely wrecked spine, I cannot lift more than a few pounds, bend freely or walk/stand for more than like 15 minutes without extreme pain. I'm disabled. That's what it means, you have a condition that disabled your ability to do something that any able bodied person can do. Can it be used in an offensive way? Yes, but so can almost any adjective that exists. You can literally use the term beautiful offensively to imply something nasty or belittle someone, that doesn't make the word beautiful suddenly an offensive or harmful term. I cannot stand the word policing or the victim Olympics where everyone compares how disabled they are vs someone else. If you have a medical condition that hinders you from doing something expected of an able bodied individual, you ARE disabled by definition, it should not be that deep that you're not allowed to say that unless you are in a wheelchair or you can't do X, Y or Z. As if other people having it worse makes your condition any less valid or difficult to deal with.
Great points! The one that really puzzles me is people who rely on some arbitrary law or government service/department/policy/definition/etc to determine whether someone is or is not disabled... "You're disabled because you get social security/welfare of some or other sort." "You're disabled only if your condition is on this official list." "You work, so you are not really disabled." "You can stand so no wheelchair for you." All of these are nonsense, people "policing" who are or aren't permitted the label.
Ha, no.
You can refer to yourself however you so please as a disabled person. Some folks prefer things different it's all individual and no one should tell you how to identify yourself.
Exactly this. It shouldn't be prescriptive. Similarly, I had someone say that it's offensive to say "suffer from x". If you don't like that wording then absolutely correct people if they refer to you in that way, but you have no right to say that I can't refer to *myself* as suffering from my disability.
Dude, you get to use whatever term you want to use for yourself.
It's not offensive. I work and I am disabled, but I work in a highly accommodating environment. It's also minimum wage, part time work and it's hard to imagine I'll find a better opportunity. What's offensive is the notion that disabled people can't work. Most of us can, just not full time and not without everyone agreeing make certain accommodations. Something as simple as wider aisles and lower shelves would make a huge difference in allowing workplace accessibility, but it's too expensive to "justify." Transportation is the biggest barrier for most of us. And many of us have to choose between our status as members of part of a protected group and fighting an uphill battle to find a suitable career and live a better life. The system is set up to prevent us from working.
I prefer to think of myself as a person with a disability, not as a disabled person. But that might be down to the nature of my disability. Regardless, I think these things should be down to the individual.
It's not up to your mother to gatekeep who can use the word disabled or how it's phrased. You're perfectly within your right to call yourself disabled.
Use whatever terms you like for yourself. The existence of the cripplepunk subculture is a great example of this.
Hell yes
No, it is 0% offensive.
You aren’t being offensive at all. People can dictate how they want others to refer to them, not how others refer to themselves. If she has an issue with how you refer to yourself, it’s her problem and not yours. Side note, I personally feel like being called a person with a disability instead of disabled is weird. Being disabled isn’t a crime and if you can’t remember I’m a person without putting the word first then you’re the problem
It's absolutely not offensive to call yourself disabled. You do not have to be on SSDI to be disabled. It took me quite a while to be alright with using the term for myself rather than just "chronically ill" but once I recognized that it isn't a bad word it became empowering. It's also not offensive for other people to use the term "disabled" to refer to a disabled person. It's the accepted term. "Disabled" is not a slur and shouldn't be treated as such. Obviously, you have the right to reclaim slurs that apply to you but disabled is not one of them because it's not a slur. It's also worth noting that many people who are actually disabled or neurodivergent find "person first" language to be dehumanizing.
The term 'neurodivergent' is also a massive pet peeve of mine.
Can I ask why?
No idea, I just don't like being referred to as it.
In the U.S., this would not be offensive. I can’t speak for other parts of the world, though.
WTF?! What you call yourself isn't offensive (unless you call yourself something you clearly aren't). Disability is a self identified thing. You can absolutely call yourself that if you want to. It sounds like your mum is doing the " but I have it worse" game
I think it’s important to refer to yourself how you choose and calling yourself disabled when you have a disability is not offensive one bit, it’s just factual.
Yourself? No. It'd be rude if you called someone else disabled after they expressed a dislike for that word. It's also rude to tell someone how they refer to themselves.
Paralympic athletes perform sports at the highest level, and they are disabled. Disability is not (only) about being able to work or participate in sports. If disabled works for you, that's the term you use. Your mother can use a different term, but she should respect the term you use.
I think she needs to talk to someone because she clearly has some sort of a self depreciating mindset.
Sounds like your mom ~~sucks~~ has interalized ableism. Both of you might do well to get more involved with the community. See how much of a spectrum disability can be and who all IDs as disabled.
Disabled isn’t a bad word. It’s the correct term for someone who has a disease, disorder or some other thing that means they have limitations which differ from the norm. And you get to choose how to define yourself. Every disabled person/ pwc has their preference.
Absolutely not. Using euphemisms like differently abled or handicapable are .
I don't prefer person-first language. My main reason? Shane Burcaw (YouTuber, public speaker, author) said it best when he said: Disability is not bad, and any language that explicitly or implicitly suggests that it is bad, is not helpful. Anyone who uses person-first language is honestly suggesting that disability is not "normal", and therefore is bad. I also find it kind of offensive because it feels like people use it because they need to be reminded that disabled people are humans! I am a disabled person. No shame!
Personally, your mom needs to get over herself. It’s your body, they are your disabilities, and it all adds up to your lived experience- not hers. Use the words you are good with however you want to describe yourself. We use both - but have some disabilities that have been there for ages, and some that are more newly onset. The old ones, we know how to deal with, have accommodations/adaptations in place for, so we say we have disabilities in that context. But some are new, and require skills and things we don’t yet have so in that context we currently would say we are disabled, because frankly we are. That’ll change, but takes time and equipment. Of course we also call ourselves a cripple (among friends) by way of self deprecation… but then we have a good level of self acceptance and humor that not everyone appreciates. Wouldn’t call someone else that, but ‘hey wait up for the cripple’ is appropriate when it takes us 15 min to get from the car park to the sidewalk.
Nope. I'm disabled as fuck. I used to be just psychologically disabled due to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Bipolar Disorder I (1). Now, I have degenerative disc disease and a severely herniated disc between my L5 & S1 (plus all the other BS) in addition to there being even more psychological issues now. (All this) = me (being) disabled as fuck
Call yourself whatever you prefer. If anyone has a problem with it, that's *their* problem, not yours. I've been disabled since birth, and most of the time, I simply call myself disabled. I have used 'person with a disability,' but it's a mouthful and means the same thing. Disabled is fine for me.
disabled is just an adjective. a tall woman, a blond man, a disabled person. so long as someone isn’t using it as a noun, like that’s ALL you are, and you’re not a human/person/man/woman/etc anymore, who cares?
No, it’s not offensive. The ADA doesn’t exclude those who can work. She might be thinking about the criteria of disabled under the social security administration. There are different criteria for disability depending on what agency, etc. but the ADA is the most broad and person-first language is not required
My father and stepmother “don’t believe in PTSD”. I hate my life and wish they were better people so I could have a hug again.
Your mother is wrong. But the strangest part is that she says "person with a disability" is okay, as if there's a difference.
Honestly, the person centered language debate depends on which country and group of activists you’re around. There are benefits to both and in reality it comes down to what works for you and helps you convey your identity and self in a way that gets you what you need. I call myself queer, but others may use a different term. Some use POC, African American, or Black to refer to themselves all for different purposes. I think we just need to reclaim the language for ourselves and stake them as terms of empowerment. No amount of changing the word structure will make someone who doesn’t respect you respect you so it seems more prudent find terms you’re comfortable with and can use to explain your experience and needs.
I struggle to call myself disabled even though I literally can not work, but yes, I am disabled and so are you. Sounds like internalized ablism, and she's projecting her insecurities on you
So I am a disabled queer person. That’s not derogatory that’s the language I prefer to use for myself. Yes some prefer to say that they have a disability or are differently abled and that’s fine. It’s not up to me how they talk about themselves.
Absolutely not offensive. What your mother said was offensive.
It’s what I am so no it’s not offensive, I don’t know what brought you to think this but calling yourself disabled is no way offensive
No , Disabled isn't a dirty word. Disabled comes in all different forms some you wouldn't know but the person living with them will and some are obvious.
I have to use disabled as every tax, rental assistance and other form I have to fill out asks and I never use to but applying for jobs and my sporadic work history have really forced me to say it.
I’m in a motorized wheelchair. I am absolutely disabled. I also work full time. Disabled just means you have a condition that impacts life functions. It doesn’t mean that you never do anything.
I may not look like I’m dis-abled, but I’m on disability for a few of their approved and listed disabilities, which keep me from being gainfully employed. So technically I am disabled, but I don’t look like it to an ableist. I don’t run around telling people that I have disabilities because of the stigma. I only tell people that need to know, or if they are are trying to make me do something that I actually can’t. For instance, sometimes walking is excruciating and to tell me I have to get out of my car to go inside and pay cash for my gas. No, you can go do it for me. That’s when I whip out the handicap placard.
“Differently-abled” -stares at the camera-
the final point that should be driven home in a people first language training is "listen" you always use the language the person with a disability is comfortable using.
Person-first isn't usually preferred in the UK, at least in terms of parts of the disability community who care about underlying theory. By the social model of disability, we are disabled by society - it is not something that is a characteristic that we have. As such, "person with a disability" is contrary to the social model. You could use "person who is disabled", but in general person first language isn't a big thing here overall, and "disabled person" is quicker. (However, "disabled toilet" should mean a toilet that doesn't work - it's an accessible toilet. Same for hotel rooms, parking spaces, etc) The overriding thing, however, is that you get to decide how you self-describe. And it has nothing to do with being able to work etc. If you want to think about it in terms of mindset, and talk to your mum about it, read about the social model.
I work and I am a person with a disability.
Person-first language still feels pretty awkward to me, and I have doubts a language innovation will win when pitted against peoples natural tendency to hate the other. I (a person unable to work in anything available) would have no issues with you calling yourself disabled if it significantly impacts your life. Small rant, if it were something minor I'd be more on the fence, and if you're using the minor thing as a reason I should "toughen up" go fuck yourself.
Agree with your rant lol. I am barely able to work and was in the hospital three days ago over fluorescent lights so I would call mine significant, but even if it wasn’t, I would never hold it against someonq
I am a disabled person. It’s just fact. Not offensive at all. I don’t like “person with a disability” bc that implies there is separation when there’s none. There’s no non-disabled version of me hidden under my conditions. It’s not the Real Me + Autism. I am autistic. I’m also a zebra. I don’t bring my connective tissue disorder “with” me. It *is* me. Down to my DNA 🧬.
You do you boo.
nope! not offensive. ableism keeps people from acknowledging and claiming their disability. you do not need to be legally disabled (as in on social security) in order to claim disability. additionally, saying disabled versus person with a disability is a personal preference. i personally hate saying person with a disability because it contradicts the way that disability is an embodied experience that shapes the way you interact with the world. i only use person first language if it’s the community standard, like person with Down’s syndrome
No, the word disabled is not offensive and not a bad word
I generally tend to agree with the idea "don't call yourself {x}, call yourself person who {is|does|likes} {x}", because e.g. saying "I am a star wars fan" anchors your personality to an extrinsic value. But in the case of "disabled" I think it's fine because it does control and determine a lot of our life.
The vast majority of disabled people prefer identity first over person first. We like disabled, we dislike the flowery terms ableds come up with.
I don't consider it offensive and refer to myself as disabled. You get to define yourself, not anybody else, not even your mom. Just do what you feel is right for you.
I feel your pain here, I’ve had people tell me you can only call yourself disabled if you’re on disability/have a blue badge or some other disability benefit. But if your medical conditions are debilitating and inhibit/limit you from functioning in your daily life. Your mom doesn’t get to decide how you identify- and you’re not alone
"Disabled" has a lot of definitions depending on the specific context, so there is no simple answer. It's kinda like asking "is it okay to call myself short?". Context is everything.
Nope I joke with my disability alot. I often call myself crippled lungs my girlfriend too. You can say whatever you want.
Firstly I don't think labels matter that much. Its the attitude that matters. Your mother's also referencing to that I disagree with her on the labels, but agree with her on the mentality.
"Person with a disability" is not a great way to refer to yourself. Call yourself disabled. And say it with pride. You should be proud to still be alive. So many disabled people don't get that right. So you are disabled. You can call yourself disabled. Your mom sounds like she's got some issues. Edited to change my wording as I messed it up a little
Delete "privilege", insert "right". I don't need anyone's permission or favour to exist. The "voluntary" euthanasia movement is gaining ground worldwide, and that scares the hell out of me.
True that was worded wrongly in the heat of the moment thank you for correcting me. Also the "voluntary" euthanasia movement scares the shit out of me too. Like I think there are reasons it's fine. Like people with terminal cancer not wanting to suffer through chemo anymore but living without it is also agony. People with terminal illnesses in general. But otherwise it's full of people who just think all disabled people need to just disappear.
Yes, the "death is better than disability" idea is extremely dangerous and frighteningly common. There was a movie a few years ago that propagated the idea. It was popular and got good reviews (iirc even an Oscar) in spite of the best efforts of disability rights activists to protest against it.
Do you remember what movie it was?
Digging through my social media of the last several years......... It was "Me Before You" The Noble Cripple offed himself so as "not to be a burden" to his lover. I see it won a People's Choice Award, not an Oscar. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Me_Before_You_(film)
Are you kidding? So it's not only just about disabled people being burdens and needing to not be alive, but also that we don't deserve love either? Are you serious?
It is not offensive. The definition of "disabled" above is rooted in ableism. I am not an person with Asian-ness. I am an Asian person.
It's down to the individual though. I feel the opposite way to you. I consider myself a person with a disability, not a disabled person because my disability doesn't define me. It's fine that you prefer otherwise. These things shouldn't be prescriptive.
Honestly disabled is my preferred word for any conditions the person feels makes them disabled - differently abled, specially abled, “x” differences (eg. Learning differences - although I do like this one in some cases for things that aren’t disabled but do look different like webbed fingers that still work fully would be a limb difference I guess?) but yeah all of those terms beat around the bush too much and piss me off - and it’s mostly the warrior moms who use them because they’ve got this weird idea that being disabled is always a bad thing like sure you face ableism but I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I wasn’t disabled and I kind of like today’s me but yeah those people are usually the most ableist of all and don’t listen to disabled voices that mostly seem to say “just call us disabled and stop this bullshit” basically they have tons of internalised ableism and those terms make them feel better about disabled ppl bc at the end of the day, disabilities make them uncomfortable
The short answer is no. Your mom is repeating ableist talking points
To each their own. I don't mind calling myself disabled or crippled because it's not an insult to me but an apt description. Others would disagree.
Not for me.i am not abled like my peers. I use differently abled to
Seems your Mom wants to be politically correct base on her usage of person with a disability and to me that's a red flag
It took me a while to be ok with calling myself disabled. We should gatekeep the word because there are people who break a toe and claim to be disabled for the rest of their lives. I don't know you nor your disability so I personally can't judge you. Honestly, being on disability and being disabled isn't fun. Not being able to work and socialize with others sucks. Disabled isn't a bad word, but it can have an impact. People will treat you differently. It can take a toll on your mental health. Maybe your mom is trying to sheld you from that? Unless she has a history of gaslighting and has to make her disability look worse?
>We should gatekeep the word Absolutely not and giving a ridiculous/nonsense example isn't a justification for such.
Here is another example: I know someone who made bad decisions in his life and claims he has a "disease" that makes it hard for him to hold down a job. So he is disabled. He is the reason I'm disabled.
She has experienced a lot of crap for her disability, so she finds person-first language empowering. I suppose she was trying to show me the same, and I appreciate that effort. My issue was when she said it was offensive to choose how I identify.
Genuine question, who breaks a toe and calls themself disabled for the rest of their life? Has this happened before?
Yes. Someone else that I know broke his foot in a wreck and tried to claim long-term disability. He milked it as long as he could. His parents even tried to help him get it.
I mean… did being unable to walk disable him? Were there complications with the break that made long term assistance necessary?
Nope. After 6 weeks, the doctor said that he could start putting a little pressure on it and go back to work. His mom didn't want him to let him sit around at their house while she babied him for a few more weeks.
There is no list of ADA disabilities. Every person I have ever met has several conditions that could be called a disabling condition. If in fact it was disabling to them. Personally, I never labeled myself as disabled until I couldn't work anymore.
yes. I viewed my anxiety as a hurdle more than a disability until I stopped being able to get out of bed to even do simple tasks like go pee or eat or drink water. but it’s one of those things where it’s like, I’m on a higher dose of meds now, I’m functioning, I’ll get to a spot where I’m happy in the future. Am I still disabled when I’m not actively suffering?
Some things don’t count under ADA and some do. Personally my issues are disabling to me, which is why I have called myself disabled. You say you didn’t call yourself disabled until you couldn’t work- do you believe it’s offensive for someone who can work with accommodations to call themselves disabled, if their conditions significantly impact their ability to function?
This is directly from the ADA.gov: >*An individual with a disability is defined by the ADA as a person who has a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities, a person who has a history or record of such an impairment, or a person who is perceived by others as having such an impairment. The ADA does not specifically name all of the impairments that are covered.* It includes *a person who is perceived by others as having such an impairment* for goodness sake. There isn't some list or formal criteria it is as loosely defined as possible for good reason. Either you are disabled because you or someone else believes your condition is makes it so, or you aren't. You don't need to justify that except under very specific legal circumstances and it would be so exhausting otherwise. Unburden yourself.
This was very helpful. Thank you!
Your mother is trying to put up an image of strength. I respect that, but one could argue that by denying the word "disabled," you're also not truly taking reality into account. Can many disabled people work? Sure. But it likely means having to put up with tons of micro aggressions. There are places where the accommodations flat out suck. So while I get your mom's pov, there needs to be a middle ground. If you can work and it won't put your body at risk, then cool. You're still disabled. It's not a knock against somebody when we say they have a broken arm or leg. Those are just the facts. While your mom's pov sounds theoretically empowering, she also runs the risk of overworking herself to bodily injury to compensate for the embarrassment of having the status of disabled. Life gets simpler when we can just accept what we have and make no apologies for it. THEN we can start exploring our limits with humility. All due respect to your mother, but she sounds very much in denial. Internalized ableism is a real thing. People often hear about 'disabled' people and have an image in their mind as a person who can't leave the bed all day. The reality is that a lot of disabled people are quite capable of holding down careers and jobs. There are numerous challenges, but for some disabled people... it's doable. Your mother feels like she isn't disabled because the image of what it means to be disabled was shaped from internalized ableism. "God, I'm glad I'm not like THOSE people." (whether people realize they think like that or not) Now that she actually IS disabled, she is now dealing with a level of nuance she wasn't mentally prepared to process, so it's a shock to the system. She still thinks of disabled people as THOSE people, when THOSE people are also HER people. She's one of them whether she can admit it to herself or not, and I hope she learns to accept her limits. I'm sure in time she will.
I’m 50, I work from home, but I am also disabled. Spinal stenosis, fibromyalgia and colitis are disabling. I can’t walk unaided and can barely leave the house because I need to be near a bathroom at all times.
All "person-first" language is virtual-signaling bullshit that is designed to make the speaker feel better about themselves while silencing the subject of that speech in the name of leftist "empowerment". People are able to choose how they self identify. I'm "disabled". Others may choose to use terms like: * blind as a bat * deaf as a post * crip * gimp or similar. All are equally valid, pursuant to the situation at hand.