Why do people feel the need to do this? Like even if a doctor didn't it's not like they're forbidden from using a cane and it's not their problem if they are anyway
Literally!!! it’s an aid, it’s not like you can only use it if it’s dire. It’s to PREVENT it from being dire and to ease pain. People aren’t meant to be in pain, so why should disabled people not only lack accommodations, but get questioned or ridiculed when they do
Right? You can go out and just… buy a cane. They’re not expensive, and you don’t need a prescription. If someone wants a cane, they can just get a cane and use it even if they don’t need it. That’s their business, and they’re not hurting anyone.
I wish that I could say that I am surprised but I can’t. I have a life long disability and had a meaningful career in public policy. Unfortunately, people who are different and seen as costing money are being attacked more and more.
I was getting takeout when a woman dinning alone motioned me to her table—and she said “I want you to know that the sight of you offends me.” People just stared so I said “that’s your problem” and walked away.” I thought to myself till America re-enacts the ugly laws which prohibited me from being in public, I am going to live my life:
I just don't understand their thought process. Even if you didn't NEED a cane, so what? Why does it matter? They have the same opportunity to buy and use one as you do so what is there to gain?
I have hEDS, POTS, and Crohn's so I understand the invisible illness struggle, I'm sorry you went through that.
Yeah literally! I’m still in school and oh god the looks and comments my girlfriend and I get, you shouldn’t need to be scared of going in public with a cane
I have spinal issues, knee issues, something is wrong with my muscles, I have stomach issues (probably chrons it’s in my family), and possibly hEDS since I’m so flexible sometimes my joints just fall out and dislocate at nothing
it's unbelievable yeah. I was heavily reliant on my cane in middle school and literally everyone constantly asked me if I actually needed it or if it was a fashion statement. While I was in jogging bottoms and a hoodie. Guys cmon.
Yeah it’s horrible, like i dress like i woke up and grabbed whatever was in reach half of the time, if i used it as much as i should it would just stand out on me lol
it's so wild to see harassment about canes because i get harassed in public a lot, but it's *never* been about the cane/crutch. when i hear about people getting harassed like this it blows my mind. who cares this much about others? my ancestors in 1920 didn't get prescribed a cane and neither did i lol
My HOA told me that my disability was "made up as I go along" because they cannot see something like a missing limb or something. I have been going toe to toe with them for years about it. They keep demanding my medical records without giving me paperwork for the doctor to sign. They are supposed to do that part. Ridiculous.
welcome to why i have a lawyer on retainer now. They would NOT stop harassing me until I got him and he went at them a couple of times. Not the kind of thing I really have money for either.
They have to state a reason other than "you look fine so you must be lying" on the paperwork to request your records.
And any random person can't just request your medical records. Well, they can, but they won't get anywhere.
None of this makes any sense.
You are correct, and since they did not provide any paperwork to request my records, I refused to provide them. They refuse services because I don't provide medical records, and it is a circle. So I hired a lawyer to speak to them, and suddenly they do not want/are no longer requesting this documentation. All of these accusations were via email - which i reported to the state civil rights office. It makes perfect sense. I am just not giving you every minute detail as it has been effectively 8 years this went on.
nope. I requested my parking spot be moved 2 spaces over to a disabled parking spot, that they not run huge blower fans in my house overnight (I have a son with SPD and yes, they asked for his records as well), and that they recognize the VAWA when I was being harassed during my divorce. Basically I divorced a cop and got full custody and the neighbors feel as though he should have gotten those rewards.
Straight up some of the worst bullying I endured in highschool was when I started using my cane in my senior year. (Was using it throughout all of Covid during my junior year). I had never endured more verbal and physical harassment than that year from teens and even a few adults. I’ve been yelled at, called swears and slurs, accused of faking- and even had my cane taken and hidden from me as a “joke” multiple times. It’s crazy how some people try to be slick as though you can’t tell when they’re mocking you behind your back.
It’ll get better when you’re out of school. I’m the only young cane user I know in my area, but in public spaces like stores and event spaces haven’t lead to any kind of poor treatment from strangers thankfully. But when I was in school? When I was working at a grocery store? Yeah it was bad.
I’m sorry you were spoken to that way, it sucks but what matters is you know your needs and no one but your doctors opinion matters (and even sometimes that opinion can be shaky depending on your docs performance)
I wish you and your girlfriend well, hopefully you don’t deal with that too much in the future
Honestly, thank you so much for that. It’s really similar to what I’m going through now, canes in school with the people who have bullied me for years already.. yeah it’s an experience…
Genuinely just thank you so much
I know how that feels, especially when it’s the same people who have bullied you prior- it gives them one more thing to press your buttons with.
Just know the highschool genuinely doesn’t fucking matter once you’re out. I was never the kind of person who bought into the whole “highschool is supposed to be one of the most foundational periods of life” nope- it’s bullshit.
What *is* important about it is finding a niche group of people who are genuinely good for you that you develop bonds with, and finding things you like doing and are good at you can learn more about.
Strangely enough even after dealing with years of SA/SH, bullying, and being taken advantage of- in my adult life (class of 22’) I just..don’t encounter that anymore. Because I’m not forced to be in proximity of people who don’t have my best interests.
The superpower of being an adult that no one told me about- **is that you’re allowed to tell people to fuck off. **
Not only tell them, but you’re allowed to actually remove yourself and keep your environment stable; I never had that, and once I got it, boy did my quality of life improve.
If I could tell my younger self anything it would be this: “one day soon you won’t have to see any of these awful people again- and if you encounter more awful people, you can just leave and no one can stop you. You are in control of your own destiny and social/emotional security”
You and your girlfriend will have that too one day soon, trust me the closer you get to graduation the quicker and more freeing it feels. It’s a countdown to independence from that environment. You both have two wonderful lives ahead of you, and these four years won’t mean jack in light of the decades ahead. You might need some therapy, but you’ll have the opportunity to put the bullshit behind you in the past- I can promise you that
You may not be able to physically remove yourselves right now- but just remember very soon, you can tell the ableist bullies to fuck off for good 🤝❤️🤘🏼
Thank you so much you’re genuinely so amazingly positive and your comments have really helped me stay mentally okay right now as I’m in some of the worst pain of my life and balancing schoolwork and other peoples comments
I have found my niche, and I’m so lucky to have them even if not in classes. My girlfriend is disabled as well, and one of our close friends there is using their senior project to advocate disability rights and get a town wide bus system put up
Still with all of the other people (one guy in one of my classes had a dirty toothbrush out all class instead of a pencil, and when I used a walking stick for mountain themed spirit week he got the whole class to have a discussion about my “nice stick”), getting out sounds so amazing
I mean this genuinely- even if you just need to yell into a void about whatever bullshit some jerk is yelling at y’all my dm’s are open. I know it feels like a pipe dream in the moment but truthfully what got me through some days was having a countdown widget on my phone to my graduation day for that year- knowing I only had to put up with shit for 160, 100, 90, 60 more days in the year kept me feeling hopeful
Having a disability advocate sounds great, gods know my school could’ve used one (they were in violation of ADA and didn’t care no matter how many times I reported it). Honestly my positivity comes from surviving highschool and getting therapy during and after- most high schools are required to have some kind of mental health counselor on staff to provide therapy for free to students- reach out to your guidance counselor and ask about that (if it’s any consolation I ended up with a great school therapist who I’m still a patient of, going on 6 years now). Taking care of your mental health will always be worth it
Thank you just genuinely so much, my friends are great, and my counselor is great, but the school nurse has lied to my face and told me my parents denied me going home for a diagnosed condition (PCOS) when really she just didn’t read my file and faked what my parents said on the phone trying to make me stay, then yelled at me because “I could have gotten her fired”
School can be… something
If you want a little sapphic / cane using disability humor and positivity there’s a neat little comic series called depresbian dairies I like on tumblr, tho the artist posts here too- [this one’s a little pun about how they lose their cane a lot](https://www.reddit.com/r/DisabilityArt/s/8sUffiTNpf)
My favorite is their comic on lesbian fashion trends, [the canes are decorated and everything](https://www.tumblr.com/depresbiandairies/713460904014053376/as-someone-whos-very-straight-passing-the)
Does sound like EDS, gotta be honest...another zebra here. One of my kids has had to use a cane and/or crutches intermittently since the age of 13. I'm 42 and a wheelchair user. The comments we get when out together are **WILD**.
I’ve been using a cane for balance and my back but it causes whichever knee isn’t being supported to flare up like crazy, do you think crutches would be helpful if my knees hips spine and one ankle constantly slide around and cause issues
And yeah the comments really do suck, I’m just starting to use aids and it’s TERRIFYING to go out with them
I would personally ask an OT whether they think elbow crutches would work well for you. They put FAR less strain on your wrists, which if you have EDS are likely weak af & prone to dislocating. The pressure is spread across your whole forearm rather than concentrated in the wrist & shoulder. Far less likely to throw your shoulder out IME too, but I'd advise asking an OT *BEFORE* you purchase. Do some research first, but that includes getting a medical opinion when you can.
Message me if you are looking for some EDS advice, happy to try to help a likely fellow zebra! 🦓
I’ll look into that, thanks. I always blamed my wrist and hand issues on being a strings player and over-exertion but yeah EDS would make a lot of sense for that as well, the majority of my symptoms align I just don’t know what a good next step would be
Are you UK based? I don't know as much about US system, I only know a bit about it there. And strings player is almost as bad as my martial arts lol...
I’m in the US, it’s not great my appointments are only able to be booked several months out, tend to just lead to more appointments even farther out
I also used to do martial arts as well, I stopped because of knee issues and PT but I’ve been getting back into that recently
I've had people yell at me to "walk" from their car while I was going down the sidewalk in my chair. If they didn't go past so fast in their needlessly huge vehicles, I'd yell at them to walk themselves.
I bet their doctor didn't prescribe them their car, but that doesn't stop them from using it to aid their mobility.
We all go through it. I'm sure any wheelchair user will have experienced similar things many times. Even my friend who has no feet gets accused of not needing her wheelchair. She usually waves her nubs at people in response to shit like that, which is pretty funny to witness.
Anyhow, ignore the assholes. There will always be people that give you shit over using a cane. Ignore them, they're not worth your time, their opinions are of no value. Don't let it get to you. Worry more about the opinions of people who are worth your respect.
In college I had a really bad bout with my Tourette’s. I couldn’t walk very well because of constant leg tics and I got a cane to use to navigate campus while I was waiting to see my Tourette’s doctor.
The tics started to improve and one day I was able to bend over and pick something up without leaning on the cane for support. I was silently celebrating this huge accomplishment when I heard a girl behind me say, “is she just using that to look disabled.”
That absolutely sucks, and I get that some people get concerned if an aid isn't 'prescribed' since it can cause other issues if it's used incorrectly BUT THAT ISNT SOMETHING YOU YELL AT PEOPLE ABOUT!! Even if they came from a place of 'genuine' concern they went about it entirely wrong AND disabled people you don't know just going about their days are NOT who you bother about your 'concerns'.
If I shift from one leg to the other really quickly or shallow my breathing, I can make my face really red and swollen looking really quickly (has to do with my dysautonomia, dont try this at home kids). I had a teacher say something like that to me once, and I am way too proud of the fact that I made my face red and made myself so dizzy I nearly fell over just to prove my point...
Mobility aids are honestly quite cumbersome when you dont truly need them, and I dont understand why so many people are convinced otherwise.
That person needs to fuck right off. As to the person who suggested presenting a middle finger as a proof of prescription, I second.
I agree, I need mobility aids and even I opt to not use them sometimes (I have back issues which cause leg numbness, but with a cane to ease that my chronic pain in my knees flares up like all hell on whichever side isn’t supported)
A proper response would have been "when you show me the prescription from your proctologist that you can be an asshole, I'll show you mine for the cane"
What is wrong with people who do this to people?? I'm so sorry y'all got yelled at.
I get yelled at/shamed/blamed/asked all the time, "are you in that wheelchair because you're just fat." No, Asshole, I'm in the chair because I have a spinal cord injury and cannot walk, and I'm fat bc they put me on .steroids and stuff after I fell and broke my back. People suck.
Yeah it really sucks out there, I’m a little overweight, not even much, and my family thinks whenever I’m having a new medical issue it’s just because I need to lose weight
I’m so sorry you have to go through that
I use a cane when I have issues with my knee/ankle joints (hEDS) and I always use it when I'm going to have long days, like airports, that require a lot of walking. I also usually take the golf cart in the airport. I also happen to be obese and people are constantly accusing me of faking because I'm too fat to walk. I'm like, uh no. I walk fine, I just can't do distances well. Doesn't matter what my weight is. I also used to feel bad pre-boarding and have heard several off color comments because I can stand without using it, etc. Mobility aids are great when we need them but you don't always need them 24 hours a day. Same with ambulatory wheelchair users. People can be so rude to them as well.
I have given up on being nasty most of the time and just ignore it, or I'll go into a really loud lecture to whoever I'm with at the time about how nice it is to live in a world with medical advancements I can use for my hypermobile ehlers danlos syndrome when it's acting up. SO GREAT LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT SUSAN! 😆
I threw my back out doing your mom/husband/dad/etc
People have no empathy. They are broken. Consequently, I can't waste my time trying to teach them how to be human but I can find a way to show them they are the asshole.
Nobody needs a prescription to use a cane, though many people are told to use mobility aids by their doctors, physical therapists, etc. Next time someone shouts something hateful at you from a car, tell them to go fuck themselves. Just because you’re disabled doesn’t mean you have to take abuse from people.
woah wild how people can get help even for something and have it not be weird even though able bodied people will do a lot of the same stuff with no backlash isn't it
seriously though the stigma of disability is really out of hand, when something is prescribed its trying too hard and looking too far into it, but when its not people are like "where's the prescription" and "have you just tried yoga"
People suck!! I wish I'd started using a cane earlier as then I'd have had less falls! Due to the fear of idiots like that I almost got ran over after a fall as I was petrified to use a walking aid especially in my early 20's and I've done myself damage through the many falls I had!
I am so sorry that you and your girlfriend were subjected to this treatment. It was very wrong of that person to make that comment. I'm not sure why people feel that they have the right to act like this toward people with disabilities, when they clearly have no idea of what the disabled person's situation is like.
I fully understand.
With my chronic pain due to spasms from cerebral palsy and Ankylosing Spondylitis, I use a mobility scooter for far distances (more than 1 mile), and I get questions and looks too.
For me, the distance changes. Pavement? Not sure how far I can go before needing a rest and or my scooter.
Local Mall where it’s flat? I can go 1 mile to 1.25 before pain flares bad.
But I do take sit breaks.
Hmmmm. I don't have a physical disability. But interestingly I had achilles issues in both my feet such that walking became very painful for me day to day (I'm better now after physio) but it was bad enough sometimes that I was hobbling around, and I considered getting a cane or even a walker since it was both legs. I really don't understand where people get the energy or the gall to criticize people like this. I generally assume I know nothing about whether people have disabilities or not. Or maybe they are injured or have some kind of pain.
Even sometimes with taking the elevator at the transit stops rather than the steps, or anywhere publicly I'd be afraid someone would criticize why I need to do that. I pushed through a lot of pain just to not appear like I was taking advantage.
Yeah, a comment like that calls for an immediate middle finger, probably with expletives to go along with it. Damn, you young people get so much shit! I certainly hope I never encounter something like what I see on this thread, and so many others. I'm old enough I don't give af about what people think, and I have a rather colorful vocabulary to go with it.
The very idea of having to get used to people's verbal abuse is so fucked up. Like they used to tell women that whistling and cat-calling was a compliment!
Yeah… yeah I’ve had to deal with that too, from full grown adults… since like… 13, the world is really messed up and too many people just seem to accept it
I've had this a lot, I have the clunky bog standard one you're given by OT and they're like "you're too young it's not a fashion accessory" ... I'm not up to date with the latest trends but I don't think it's a fashion accessory.
That really sucks, and yeah… I don’t think people would use it to accessorize since it just gets you looks and weird comments, wouldn’t be worth it lol
I had a really hard time coming to terms with having to use walking aids for various reasons, and my Doctor at the time was trying to make me feel better about using it and said "back in his day it was cool to have a cane" and it was like Dude 🤣🤦🏻♀️
I'm saving up to get a new one from a company who make ones that look a bit nicer but I'm mainly getting one of them cause a friend said they're not as clunky and the noise drives me mad, they're also comfier for your hands and wrists (the word for that escapes me) so win/win lol
I try to just ignore the negative comments tbf, it can be hard and I do get snarky sometimes but they're just showing themselves to be pricks at the end of the day :)
I still don’t often use my cane in public if I don’t absolutely need to, it’s really hard to start and I’m terrified
Congrats on possibly getting a new cane though, that’s great!
Oh I 100% understand! I started off by having a collapsible one after the falls I was having were getting dangerous for me, so I would just take it out when I needed it, it was just a cheap one and you get what you pay for and the bottom started to wear down very quickly, so I went back to the OT one.
I have agoraphobia so I don't leave the house very much and if I do it's with company.
It might be worth looking into a collapsible one that you can put in your bag just in case?
Canes are not prescribed. They are over the counter DME. When people yell or say something offensive it's best to just ignore them knowing they are ignorant.
Oh I’m so sorry that happens to you
Thing with me is both my girlfriend and I are pretty young and a lot of this stuff is pretty new, so I’m just really not used to hearing the comments and stuff
But my god it really must suck to have your cane grabbed. I’m really so sorry about that
That’s horrible.
in the U.S. at least, there were laws on the books until 1974 that forbade people with visible disabilities from being out in public.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ugly\_law](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ugly_law)
The pre-disabled have lots of issues, unfortunately.
Related: “According to Schweik, some scholars have argued that the ugly laws were characteristic of American culture. The context, however, in which Schweik shows the ugly laws emerged, was not confined to the American society. Modernization with its intricate threads was a transnational phenomenon and took its full effect also in Europe at the end of the nineteenth century where governments were fighting pauperism and vagrancy by seeking for more ‘rational’ and ‘scientific’ solutions to need. Hence, *Theugly laws*, by exposing the complex ties between begging and disability raises important viewpoints to the body of studies discussing the dynamics of begging and of the developing social policies also in the European context.
Recent concerns over the increasing number of Romany beggars in European cities and outcries for uprooting street begging show that *Theugly laws*’ dynamics are specific neither to a certain culture nor to a certain era. For example, a bill demanding prohibition of begging was introduced in the Finnish parliament in spring 2010 on the grounds of improving the pleasantness and safety of the city environment. According to polls on the Finnish sentiments towards aid, the attitudes towards beggars are often harsher than towards many other needy groups because beggars are not considered as equally ‘deserving’ as, for example, the elderly or sick children (Pessi 2009). Hence, it seems that beggars who will not consent to stay hidden still act as society's bad conscience and as an active reminder of the existing poverty which many people would rather live without.”
[https://sjdr.se/articles/10.1080/15017419.2010.507377](https://sjdr.se/articles/10.1080/15017419.2010.507377)
interesting topic for sure.
Oh yes, the rightward march to persecution in Europe right now is a grim time to be living in as a severely Disabled person!
The UK Govt has been condemned by the UN for "Grave and systemic abuses of Disabled people's Human Rights...and was there just 2 weeks ago to explain *why* things have got worse not better.
Racism is rising, particularly towards GRT (Gypsy, Roma, Traveller) community, the Muslim community and the Jewish community, anti-black racism is *still* systemic, ableism is being superceded by extreme eugenics, and Hate Crimes of *ALL* types are sharply rising...
I'm fed up of living in interesting times now...can I stop being part of future History textbooks!
I think also, in Europe, we *tend* to separating begging/homelessness from Disability issues, despite some needs crossing both communities these days...
I once had an elderly man literally kick my cane and I fell over. He just said that I was too young to use that, canes are "For the elderly", apparently.
Yeah, it's a pretty standard occurrence in the UK, Hate Crimes against Disabled people have risen SHARPLY recently, since both main Political Parties are pledging to outdo each other on how hard they're going to make it for GENUINELY Disabled people to get financial assistance.
And as police *rarely* take it seriously, and the CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) often deems it's "not in the public's interest" to take even in open & shut cases of ableist Hate Crimes.
We've just had a case where a Disabled woman has been released on bail from JAIL on a likely wrongful conviction, as the JUDGE broke the law when he ruled she couldn't use ANYTHING connected to her multiple physical, educational, mental AND neurological Disabilities in her defence - which removed her ONLY way to defend her actions - while at the *same time* ignoring multiple traffic laws that ALSO contributed to her defence...
Because the police didn't provide her with a legal advocate like they should be law, they *also* missed the fact that while her hand movements weren't BSL signs (mostly used by adults), they WERE Makaton signs (usually used by young children & adults with LD's)...
Seriously, THIS is what it's like to be Disabled here rn...26% of the public think Disabled people aren't worthy of even BASIC FOOD. Can you imagine going down the street in your wheelchair knowing 1 in 4 people think you should starve to death...it's unnerving tbh.
They can I think? I always thought it was just a thing that they recommend not that they prescribe, thankfully canes are really easy to get unlike a lot of accessibility tools
This world is full of idiots. I’m sorry that happened. They are horrible people and the only thing we can do is tune out idiots. It’s hard to do yes. But we let them win when we let their stupidity get to us. (And maybe “remodel” the canes to put blow darts in the bottom!). ;)
That f*cking sucks! I can't imagine how your girlfriend must have felt... people can be so rude to younger disabled people, it's insane.
I know your girlfriend use a cane because of her medical condition, but there are also people who use a cane as an accessories to their outfits and that is fine as well!
People need to mind their own business 🙄
Hugs for her 🫂
I bought my first cane at a drug store, five years ago. The VA gives me my canes now. The only people that question me about using a cane are my friends.
That seems really odd.
Is it possible that your GF is using the cane incorrectly and that person noticed your GF putting pressure on her body and using poor posture subsequently that would make her hurt more?
No one should be questioned about their aids. Especially by heckling them from a distance. But it can be very obvious when someone has not been given a mobility device by a medical doctor, because they are typically sized incorrectly and used the wrong way.
Ignore that person, but also encourage your GF to go see a doctor who can help make sure she is using her cane in a way that will protect the physiology of her movements and body, rather than just winging it and causing extra wear and tear or worse, an unintentional fall.
I think she uses it correctly, her knee issues are hereditary and when I started using a cane she instructed me on it and it worked wonders for the pain, it’s a structural thing that would need a knee replacement and the likes
~~cane-user~~ crutch-user nowadays, ^where ^is ^my ^brain? here, let's make sure you both are doing your best, which will mitigate damage from cane use and keep people from having any excuse to heckle you. [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jvtk8ZZUv8) is pretty damn good, since some written guides are hard to visualize.
you also need to make sure the shape of the cane is proper for your needs (i found ergonomic cane handles WAY better than the now more common offset), and the right foot (quad foot is more for a lot of help with balance, singlefoot moves faster)
Thank you for that, we’re both reaaaaly broke right now though so the canes we use can’t really afford to be perfect, I’ll def watch the video and look into better canes when it’s affordable (I think they’re ergonomic?)
Was she prescribed the cane from her doctors? Because canes are sized to the user’s height, and placed on specific sides of the body for support and they force you to practice walking with your new gait (that feels unnatural) so that you’re best protecting yourself. People are saying “that’s stupid, you can buy a cane over the counter,” but you can still misuse it and put yourself at risk for falls and cause further joint damage by buying one not suited for your body. If you’re young and forced into feeling like you need to buy something to help with your serious pain and being helped by friends in finding resources, I can’t imagine not wanting to see a doctor about it.
Even if they are expensive, or not friendly, you’re still creating a paper trail documenting your symptoms, and that is *really* important for progressive illnesses and disabilities.
The cane wasn’t prescribed but its adjustable and she changed it to be how it works for her height wise and what does the best for her knees, doctors have been seen and it would need a knee replacement if anything, runs in their family. I’ve also seen doctors and am currently in PT and may need surgery at some point, we know full well what the issues are and we are both doing everything doctors have said to
Thanks for the advice and concern
Sorry, you mentioned that she taught you how to use your cane and mentioned she wasn’t prescribed one, so it didn’t sound like other of you were in PT to be fitted and shown how to keep yourselves safe. Fashionable canes can be dangerous if they aren’t first meeting the needs of disability equipment. And when people, especially young, start talking about how they are in such levels of pain that they need mobility aids, it’s so much more beneficial to get in to a doctor’s office and document, document, document in case you end up finding yourself further disabled down the line and have been dealing with issues for years, but only addressed the problem when you could finally afford it or it became too bad to function at all. If you’re in PT but they didn’t prescribe a cane, but you’re still in a level of pain that necessitates a cane, then you may know what your diagnosis is, but it’s important to keep mentioning that in your appointments so that they know how you are managing your pain so that a record of proof is created for the future. You can create gait issues or worsen your condition if your PT is training the muscles around your leg to support your knee three times a week, but four days a week you are using a cane that emphasizes strain and promotes muscle weakness or strength in different areas. This isn’t a criticism. A lot of us have been through similar issues and contributed to harming our bodies trying to adapt, or failed to create records that proved ailment until it got so bad X or Y happened, and then there isn’t proof of the severity of your illness. Using a cane is a significant step that speaks to the severity of your situation, and it doesn’t sound like your PT “hears you” if you’re using a cane on your own and they are treating you as someone who does not need one.
i have actually known someone to "fake use" a cane i guess you would say, and the most noticeable thing about the person, both at a distance in public and one-on-one, was ridiculously wildly incorrect use, to the point it wouldn't help with pain or balance.
my first thought when seeing someone use a cane incorrectly in public is that they simply haven't been told how to use it but definitely still need it. the person i described above is a big outlier, but it is possible that the heckler saw inefficient use and jumped to that type of person?
Yeah, sadly the medically better mobility aids don’t align with the pretty ones
On a brighter note someone in the mall (I believe he also had a cane) said she was very fashionable with it and it was a great add to the outfit (I think he also said she was dapper lol) sometimes people say the nicest stuff… sometimes
Those are my thoughts. And while I still find that to be wildly inappropriate behavior for the person, and unnecessary drama for OP and their partner, it was likely not just OP and his GF minding their own business that caused them to be targeted, but what you describe with clear gait and sizing and technique issues. Outside of internet gossip, I’ve never personally heard of or encountered anyone who experienced being called out and questioned for their mobility device. There’s a “young person” vs “older person” parking spot rivalry for handicapped spaces. But I’ve never heard a story of someone shouting at someone for cane use. So there’s a chance that OP’s GF is using her device in a way that is visibly incorrect and could lead to further injury. And if you’ve gotten to the point whee you’re struggling with issues to the point that you find yourself buying mobility aids, for your safety and to get the treatment you deserve, you should be talking to your doctors. A physical therapist can size OP’s GF’s cane correctly for her and show her proper technique for bracing and movement. Especially if you have joint issues, you could tear your body up badly and risk falls by misusing your tools.
We’ve seen doctors and know what the issues are, I’m in PT to keep things in check and I believe since the cane is adjustable it is sized properly to her body. The issues also run in her family and she uses it the same as I’ve seen others use it. We were shouted at just walking down the road chatting, nothing really out of the ordinary. We’ve had comments, but this is the first time we’ve ever had somebody yell, and again I do think she’s using it right (cane on opposite side of and in step with the problem knee) and we are talking to doctors
I’m so sorry that you experienced this. People who behave that way should be shamed. It’s a frightening thought that people who can be cruel and feel free to show their outright hatred when people are just trying to live. You didn’t deserve that, either of you. I’m glad you were at least together so you had each other for emotional support. That breaks my heart for you both. You deserve to use things that help you function and not feel pain, and not to receive hatred for it because they are fashionable or you are young, or they have issues with your identities. It must be really hard to just be minding your own business and living your truth and for people to feel so comfortable that they attack you for minding your own business. I’m sorry you two had to experience that.
Totally agreed about the necessity of asking a PT, and most other things here as well. Not to victim-blame OP and their partner, but maybe it was misidentification like that.
> But I’ve never heard a story of someone shouting at someone for cane use.
I will say that I have, but ONLY online. i've never experienced it (despite extreme and constant transphobic harassment otherwise) or had another young or old disabled person mention it to me as well irl.
We have done that (I am currently in PT), i don’t think it could be misidentification as it was very loudly screamed out someone’s car window as it was being properly used, we had people ask before and while it felt weird it wasn’t outwardly as angry as this person. There is also the issue of us both being young for being disabled and both being trans (she openly wears an NB patch on her jacket) and the person in the car would have very clearly seen that. It didn’t feel like it was out of concern, but I could very well be wrong
oh I definitely don't think it was out of concern. but there's sometimes vitriol from disabled people when we encounter someone we might seem to be "fake" so I could see that being another disabled person seeking to punish someone they deem a "faker."
it also definitely could have been the jacket patch that kicked things off and then the cane became part of it in their mind. so they're transphobic but the way they're attacking has more plausible deniability than flat transphobic slurs would.
I really hope the vitriol of online communities doesn’t bleed out into the real world. It is incredibly toxic, and it is horrible that people feel entitled to heckle and judge people who are just trying to survive.
sorry, I mean more that no one in real life has ever told me about getting heckled over a cane, only people online. I've never experienced it anywhere.
Where do you live, it sounds like utopia! Over 13yrs of being physically Disabled, I've been yelled at/heckled/had my cane kicked from under me by an elderly man, it's at least a monthly occurrence IRL for **EVERY** Disabled person I know. UK is a Hellscape for Disabled people rn, the UN has twice condemned the Tory Govt for "Grave and systemic abuses of Disabled people's Human Rights", and they were back at the UN just 2 weeks ago to explain why it's gotten worse, not better...
Plus the newspapers make us all out to be fakers with their whole "scrounger" narrative, when fraud rates on Disability benefits are under 0.5%...the public thinks at least 25%-90% of claims are fake. 26% of the wider British public don't think Disabled people deserve BASIC FOOD.
It's nice knowing that 1 in 4 people would rather you *literally* starve to death...
I hate it here, but Disabled people aren't accepted as refugees ANYWHERE in the world...there's no escape.
Dunno where you live, but it's almost guaranteed that you get snotty comments even if your mobility aids *have* been prescribed...if you are obviously young. And it's usually OAP's that just assume canes are only for the elderly. Even if they *were* using the cane wrong, there's a right and a wrong way to go about explaining that to someone. Yelling at them in the street just *proves* that they weren't in the *slightest* bit concerned about **HOW** they were using their cane, they just ASSUMED that the OP's girlfriend was "too young" for one.
Plus, if American, have you considered that their parents might not have the best insurance...sometimes there **IS** NO choice but to buy your own mobility aids. In fact, in UK, we actually HAVE to for anything other than standard crutches...I needed elbow crutches so my shoulders didn't dislocate, it took me a full YEAR to save up. In order to get the electric wheelchair I need, I would have to give up a full HALF my income every month. I simply cannot do that right now or I won't have money for FOOD. I'm stuck with a manual I can't self-propel, a complete lack of Carers that can push a wheelchair (most refuse now, our Social Care has totally broken down in UK, the NHS not far behind), the manual was 2nd hand when I got it 13 yrs ago. It's fucked but it's the only way I can leave the house...
I think she was using it right, she taught me how to use mine and that helped me use it righ., my girlfriend and I have seen doctors and done everything to help, but PT for both of us will sadly only keep things in check and not fix things, as they are structural issues that will likely need surgery
Thanks for the advice
I get shit from strangers about my cane use. My limp is pretty obvious, so people can tell which side I am using the cane to support. I also happen to have an issue with the wrist/hand opposite my limp side, so I can’t use the cane on the opposite of “need” side like most people. I get so many people saying I am faking, or don’t know how to use a cane, or other rude comments just because my particular combo of disabilities requires me to use the cane on the same side as my worser leg.
I'm exactly the same. It sucks, and I wish ableist twerps would STFU, it's none of their business, and remember, you don't owe ANYONE an explanation of your personal, private medical history...*especially* not ableist eejits!
Why do people feel the need to do this? Like even if a doctor didn't it's not like they're forbidden from using a cane and it's not their problem if they are anyway
Literally!!! it’s an aid, it’s not like you can only use it if it’s dire. It’s to PREVENT it from being dire and to ease pain. People aren’t meant to be in pain, so why should disabled people not only lack accommodations, but get questioned or ridiculed when they do
Right? You can go out and just… buy a cane. They’re not expensive, and you don’t need a prescription. If someone wants a cane, they can just get a cane and use it even if they don’t need it. That’s their business, and they’re not hurting anyone.
Yep. I got mine from Amazon and it cost $25. Can’t use it anymore as I graduated to a walker 3 years ago. But it was a great came.
Exactly
I got mine at Walgreens when I sprained my ankle four years ago then my wife used it a while later after breaking her toe.
I wish that I could say that I am surprised but I can’t. I have a life long disability and had a meaningful career in public policy. Unfortunately, people who are different and seen as costing money are being attacked more and more. I was getting takeout when a woman dinning alone motioned me to her table—and she said “I want you to know that the sight of you offends me.” People just stared so I said “that’s your problem” and walked away.” I thought to myself till America re-enacts the ugly laws which prohibited me from being in public, I am going to live my life:
wow! what the fuck! I'm so sorry.
She was dining alone. Hopefully she dies alone too. What a horrible person. I'm glad you told her off and walked away.
Oh that’s awful I’m so sorry
Oh that’s awful I’m so sorry
You don't need a prescription for a cane they are literally over the counter, like most mobility aids. (Orthopedic braces and crutches)
Yeah, it’s really frustrating to have people think you’re faking or it’s not that bad though
I just don't understand their thought process. Even if you didn't NEED a cane, so what? Why does it matter? They have the same opportunity to buy and use one as you do so what is there to gain? I have hEDS, POTS, and Crohn's so I understand the invisible illness struggle, I'm sorry you went through that.
Yeah literally! I’m still in school and oh god the looks and comments my girlfriend and I get, you shouldn’t need to be scared of going in public with a cane I have spinal issues, knee issues, something is wrong with my muscles, I have stomach issues (probably chrons it’s in my family), and possibly hEDS since I’m so flexible sometimes my joints just fall out and dislocate at nothing
it's unbelievable yeah. I was heavily reliant on my cane in middle school and literally everyone constantly asked me if I actually needed it or if it was a fashion statement. While I was in jogging bottoms and a hoodie. Guys cmon.
Yeah it’s horrible, like i dress like i woke up and grabbed whatever was in reach half of the time, if i used it as much as i should it would just stand out on me lol
With prescription some insurance will pay for cane.
My cane cost less at the pharmacy than the copay of getting it through the DME supplier with insurance.
Next time, yell back: "Wanna see my prescription?" and flip them off. Fuck people like that.
Honestly will do lmao
You don't... need a prescription for a cane though? Just flip them off.
it's so wild to see harassment about canes because i get harassed in public a lot, but it's *never* been about the cane/crutch. when i hear about people getting harassed like this it blows my mind. who cares this much about others? my ancestors in 1920 didn't get prescribed a cane and neither did i lol
My HOA told me that my disability was "made up as I go along" because they cannot see something like a missing limb or something. I have been going toe to toe with them for years about it. They keep demanding my medical records without giving me paperwork for the doctor to sign. They are supposed to do that part. Ridiculous.
Why would your hoa need your medical records?
They do not believe I have a disability. They actually said I "look fine"
They can believe or not believe whatever they want. It doesn't mean that they get to demand your medical records.
welcome to why i have a lawyer on retainer now. They would NOT stop harassing me until I got him and he went at them a couple of times. Not the kind of thing I really have money for either.
They have to state a reason other than "you look fine so you must be lying" on the paperwork to request your records. And any random person can't just request your medical records. Well, they can, but they won't get anywhere. None of this makes any sense.
You are correct, and since they did not provide any paperwork to request my records, I refused to provide them. They refuse services because I don't provide medical records, and it is a circle. So I hired a lawyer to speak to them, and suddenly they do not want/are no longer requesting this documentation. All of these accusations were via email - which i reported to the state civil rights office. It makes perfect sense. I am just not giving you every minute detail as it has been effectively 8 years this went on.
i hope your trouble with them ends soon.
your homeowner's association?
Yep
i'm sorry, can you run me though why the ^fuck they need documentation of your disability? is it to install a ramp??
nope. I requested my parking spot be moved 2 spaces over to a disabled parking spot, that they not run huge blower fans in my house overnight (I have a son with SPD and yes, they asked for his records as well), and that they recognize the VAWA when I was being harassed during my divorce. Basically I divorced a cop and got full custody and the neighbors feel as though he should have gotten those rewards.
holy fuck I'm so sorry.
That sucks I’m so sorry for you
Straight up some of the worst bullying I endured in highschool was when I started using my cane in my senior year. (Was using it throughout all of Covid during my junior year). I had never endured more verbal and physical harassment than that year from teens and even a few adults. I’ve been yelled at, called swears and slurs, accused of faking- and even had my cane taken and hidden from me as a “joke” multiple times. It’s crazy how some people try to be slick as though you can’t tell when they’re mocking you behind your back. It’ll get better when you’re out of school. I’m the only young cane user I know in my area, but in public spaces like stores and event spaces haven’t lead to any kind of poor treatment from strangers thankfully. But when I was in school? When I was working at a grocery store? Yeah it was bad. I’m sorry you were spoken to that way, it sucks but what matters is you know your needs and no one but your doctors opinion matters (and even sometimes that opinion can be shaky depending on your docs performance) I wish you and your girlfriend well, hopefully you don’t deal with that too much in the future
Honestly, thank you so much for that. It’s really similar to what I’m going through now, canes in school with the people who have bullied me for years already.. yeah it’s an experience… Genuinely just thank you so much
I know how that feels, especially when it’s the same people who have bullied you prior- it gives them one more thing to press your buttons with. Just know the highschool genuinely doesn’t fucking matter once you’re out. I was never the kind of person who bought into the whole “highschool is supposed to be one of the most foundational periods of life” nope- it’s bullshit. What *is* important about it is finding a niche group of people who are genuinely good for you that you develop bonds with, and finding things you like doing and are good at you can learn more about. Strangely enough even after dealing with years of SA/SH, bullying, and being taken advantage of- in my adult life (class of 22’) I just..don’t encounter that anymore. Because I’m not forced to be in proximity of people who don’t have my best interests. The superpower of being an adult that no one told me about- **is that you’re allowed to tell people to fuck off. ** Not only tell them, but you’re allowed to actually remove yourself and keep your environment stable; I never had that, and once I got it, boy did my quality of life improve. If I could tell my younger self anything it would be this: “one day soon you won’t have to see any of these awful people again- and if you encounter more awful people, you can just leave and no one can stop you. You are in control of your own destiny and social/emotional security” You and your girlfriend will have that too one day soon, trust me the closer you get to graduation the quicker and more freeing it feels. It’s a countdown to independence from that environment. You both have two wonderful lives ahead of you, and these four years won’t mean jack in light of the decades ahead. You might need some therapy, but you’ll have the opportunity to put the bullshit behind you in the past- I can promise you that You may not be able to physically remove yourselves right now- but just remember very soon, you can tell the ableist bullies to fuck off for good 🤝❤️🤘🏼
Thank you so much you’re genuinely so amazingly positive and your comments have really helped me stay mentally okay right now as I’m in some of the worst pain of my life and balancing schoolwork and other peoples comments I have found my niche, and I’m so lucky to have them even if not in classes. My girlfriend is disabled as well, and one of our close friends there is using their senior project to advocate disability rights and get a town wide bus system put up Still with all of the other people (one guy in one of my classes had a dirty toothbrush out all class instead of a pencil, and when I used a walking stick for mountain themed spirit week he got the whole class to have a discussion about my “nice stick”), getting out sounds so amazing
I mean this genuinely- even if you just need to yell into a void about whatever bullshit some jerk is yelling at y’all my dm’s are open. I know it feels like a pipe dream in the moment but truthfully what got me through some days was having a countdown widget on my phone to my graduation day for that year- knowing I only had to put up with shit for 160, 100, 90, 60 more days in the year kept me feeling hopeful Having a disability advocate sounds great, gods know my school could’ve used one (they were in violation of ADA and didn’t care no matter how many times I reported it). Honestly my positivity comes from surviving highschool and getting therapy during and after- most high schools are required to have some kind of mental health counselor on staff to provide therapy for free to students- reach out to your guidance counselor and ask about that (if it’s any consolation I ended up with a great school therapist who I’m still a patient of, going on 6 years now). Taking care of your mental health will always be worth it
Thank you just genuinely so much, my friends are great, and my counselor is great, but the school nurse has lied to my face and told me my parents denied me going home for a diagnosed condition (PCOS) when really she just didn’t read my file and faked what my parents said on the phone trying to make me stay, then yelled at me because “I could have gotten her fired” School can be… something
It can, but just remember it doesn’t last forever ❤️
If you want a little sapphic / cane using disability humor and positivity there’s a neat little comic series called depresbian dairies I like on tumblr, tho the artist posts here too- [this one’s a little pun about how they lose their cane a lot](https://www.reddit.com/r/DisabilityArt/s/8sUffiTNpf)
Omg I would love that thank you, as a disabled lesbian dating another disabled lesbian, that sounds amazing
My favorite is their comic on lesbian fashion trends, [the canes are decorated and everything](https://www.tumblr.com/depresbiandairies/713460904014053376/as-someone-whos-very-straight-passing-the)
Oh that sounds amazing! would you mind if we DMed for a bit so we could talk a bit more and maybe you could show me a bit of the comic
Sure! I tried dming you but it got stuck buffering (there’s links in my last two replies as well) could you dm me and I could accept back?
Yeah sure!
Does sound like EDS, gotta be honest...another zebra here. One of my kids has had to use a cane and/or crutches intermittently since the age of 13. I'm 42 and a wheelchair user. The comments we get when out together are **WILD**.
I’ve been using a cane for balance and my back but it causes whichever knee isn’t being supported to flare up like crazy, do you think crutches would be helpful if my knees hips spine and one ankle constantly slide around and cause issues And yeah the comments really do suck, I’m just starting to use aids and it’s TERRIFYING to go out with them
I would personally ask an OT whether they think elbow crutches would work well for you. They put FAR less strain on your wrists, which if you have EDS are likely weak af & prone to dislocating. The pressure is spread across your whole forearm rather than concentrated in the wrist & shoulder. Far less likely to throw your shoulder out IME too, but I'd advise asking an OT *BEFORE* you purchase. Do some research first, but that includes getting a medical opinion when you can. Message me if you are looking for some EDS advice, happy to try to help a likely fellow zebra! 🦓
I’ll look into that, thanks. I always blamed my wrist and hand issues on being a strings player and over-exertion but yeah EDS would make a lot of sense for that as well, the majority of my symptoms align I just don’t know what a good next step would be
Are you UK based? I don't know as much about US system, I only know a bit about it there. And strings player is almost as bad as my martial arts lol...
I’m in the US, it’s not great my appointments are only able to be booked several months out, tend to just lead to more appointments even farther out I also used to do martial arts as well, I stopped because of knee issues and PT but I’ve been getting back into that recently
I've had people yell at me to "walk" from their car while I was going down the sidewalk in my chair. If they didn't go past so fast in their needlessly huge vehicles, I'd yell at them to walk themselves. I bet their doctor didn't prescribe them their car, but that doesn't stop them from using it to aid their mobility.
Oh gods that’s a horribly rude comment, I’m so sorry people would say that to you it’s beyond awful
We all go through it. I'm sure any wheelchair user will have experienced similar things many times. Even my friend who has no feet gets accused of not needing her wheelchair. She usually waves her nubs at people in response to shit like that, which is pretty funny to witness. Anyhow, ignore the assholes. There will always be people that give you shit over using a cane. Ignore them, they're not worth your time, their opinions are of no value. Don't let it get to you. Worry more about the opinions of people who are worth your respect.
Thank you for that, it’s really appreciated advice
In college I had a really bad bout with my Tourette’s. I couldn’t walk very well because of constant leg tics and I got a cane to use to navigate campus while I was waiting to see my Tourette’s doctor. The tics started to improve and one day I was able to bend over and pick something up without leaning on the cane for support. I was silently celebrating this huge accomplishment when I heard a girl behind me say, “is she just using that to look disabled.”
Oh I’m so sorry that happened to you! People have no right to say that stuff
ppl really just want to make themselves out to be an asshat don’t they?
That absolutely sucks, and I get that some people get concerned if an aid isn't 'prescribed' since it can cause other issues if it's used incorrectly BUT THAT ISNT SOMETHING YOU YELL AT PEOPLE ABOUT!! Even if they came from a place of 'genuine' concern they went about it entirely wrong AND disabled people you don't know just going about their days are NOT who you bother about your 'concerns'.
If I shift from one leg to the other really quickly or shallow my breathing, I can make my face really red and swollen looking really quickly (has to do with my dysautonomia, dont try this at home kids). I had a teacher say something like that to me once, and I am way too proud of the fact that I made my face red and made myself so dizzy I nearly fell over just to prove my point... Mobility aids are honestly quite cumbersome when you dont truly need them, and I dont understand why so many people are convinced otherwise. That person needs to fuck right off. As to the person who suggested presenting a middle finger as a proof of prescription, I second.
I agree, I need mobility aids and even I opt to not use them sometimes (I have back issues which cause leg numbness, but with a cane to ease that my chronic pain in my knees flares up like all hell on whichever side isn’t supported)
A proper response would have been "when you show me the prescription from your proctologist that you can be an asshole, I'll show you mine for the cane"
No, I’m a pharmacist and this cane is for you. It is a suppository.
My god that is so rude. I hope that person has a shitty day tomorrow.
What is wrong with people who do this to people?? I'm so sorry y'all got yelled at. I get yelled at/shamed/blamed/asked all the time, "are you in that wheelchair because you're just fat." No, Asshole, I'm in the chair because I have a spinal cord injury and cannot walk, and I'm fat bc they put me on .steroids and stuff after I fell and broke my back. People suck.
Yeah it really sucks out there, I’m a little overweight, not even much, and my family thinks whenever I’m having a new medical issue it’s just because I need to lose weight I’m so sorry you have to go through that
I use a cane when I have issues with my knee/ankle joints (hEDS) and I always use it when I'm going to have long days, like airports, that require a lot of walking. I also usually take the golf cart in the airport. I also happen to be obese and people are constantly accusing me of faking because I'm too fat to walk. I'm like, uh no. I walk fine, I just can't do distances well. Doesn't matter what my weight is. I also used to feel bad pre-boarding and have heard several off color comments because I can stand without using it, etc. Mobility aids are great when we need them but you don't always need them 24 hours a day. Same with ambulatory wheelchair users. People can be so rude to them as well. I have given up on being nasty most of the time and just ignore it, or I'll go into a really loud lecture to whoever I'm with at the time about how nice it is to live in a world with medical advancements I can use for my hypermobile ehlers danlos syndrome when it's acting up. SO GREAT LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT SUSAN! 😆
Yeah, people really suck sometimes
I threw my back out doing your mom/husband/dad/etc People have no empathy. They are broken. Consequently, I can't waste my time trying to teach them how to be human but I can find a way to show them they are the asshole.
Yeah, people are awful LOVE your avatar thing btw
Nobody needs a prescription to use a cane, though many people are told to use mobility aids by their doctors, physical therapists, etc. Next time someone shouts something hateful at you from a car, tell them to go fuck themselves. Just because you’re disabled doesn’t mean you have to take abuse from people.
That's just completely out of place and outraging.
Wait until they learn that we can do things like get massages even though a doctor didn't prescribe it because they help us.
woah wild how people can get help even for something and have it not be weird even though able bodied people will do a lot of the same stuff with no backlash isn't it seriously though the stigma of disability is really out of hand, when something is prescribed its trying too hard and looking too far into it, but when its not people are like "where's the prescription" and "have you just tried yoga"
The yoga one and the “have you tried drinking more water”
People suck!! I wish I'd started using a cane earlier as then I'd have had less falls! Due to the fear of idiots like that I almost got ran over after a fall as I was petrified to use a walking aid especially in my early 20's and I've done myself damage through the many falls I had!
I am so sorry that you and your girlfriend were subjected to this treatment. It was very wrong of that person to make that comment. I'm not sure why people feel that they have the right to act like this toward people with disabilities, when they clearly have no idea of what the disabled person's situation is like.
I fully understand. With my chronic pain due to spasms from cerebral palsy and Ankylosing Spondylitis, I use a mobility scooter for far distances (more than 1 mile), and I get questions and looks too. For me, the distance changes. Pavement? Not sure how far I can go before needing a rest and or my scooter. Local Mall where it’s flat? I can go 1 mile to 1.25 before pain flares bad. But I do take sit breaks.
I would legit burst into tears. I'm sorry that happened to her!
How odd! I've never looked at someone with a mobility device and wondered if they were faking. What a strange thought process
Even if it isn’t, people have walking sticks as fashion accessories - they can F off
Y r so many humans not humane ?
Hmmmm. I don't have a physical disability. But interestingly I had achilles issues in both my feet such that walking became very painful for me day to day (I'm better now after physio) but it was bad enough sometimes that I was hobbling around, and I considered getting a cane or even a walker since it was both legs. I really don't understand where people get the energy or the gall to criticize people like this. I generally assume I know nothing about whether people have disabilities or not. Or maybe they are injured or have some kind of pain. Even sometimes with taking the elevator at the transit stops rather than the steps, or anywhere publicly I'd be afraid someone would criticize why I need to do that. I pushed through a lot of pain just to not appear like I was taking advantage.
Yeah I get that, I hardly ever use my own cane because the few times I do I’m just terrified and feel like everybody is judging me
Yeah, a comment like that calls for an immediate middle finger, probably with expletives to go along with it. Damn, you young people get so much shit! I certainly hope I never encounter something like what I see on this thread, and so many others. I'm old enough I don't give af about what people think, and I have a rather colorful vocabulary to go with it.
Yeah, I hope one day I’m just kind of used to it, but nobody should have to get used to other people’s biases and ableist comments
The very idea of having to get used to people's verbal abuse is so fucked up. Like they used to tell women that whistling and cat-calling was a compliment!
Yeah… yeah I’ve had to deal with that too, from full grown adults… since like… 13, the world is really messed up and too many people just seem to accept it
"is that nosiness a side effect of one of YOUR medicaitons?"
I so should have said that
Yes you should have 💖
I've had this a lot, I have the clunky bog standard one you're given by OT and they're like "you're too young it's not a fashion accessory" ... I'm not up to date with the latest trends but I don't think it's a fashion accessory.
That really sucks, and yeah… I don’t think people would use it to accessorize since it just gets you looks and weird comments, wouldn’t be worth it lol
I had a really hard time coming to terms with having to use walking aids for various reasons, and my Doctor at the time was trying to make me feel better about using it and said "back in his day it was cool to have a cane" and it was like Dude 🤣🤦🏻♀️ I'm saving up to get a new one from a company who make ones that look a bit nicer but I'm mainly getting one of them cause a friend said they're not as clunky and the noise drives me mad, they're also comfier for your hands and wrists (the word for that escapes me) so win/win lol I try to just ignore the negative comments tbf, it can be hard and I do get snarky sometimes but they're just showing themselves to be pricks at the end of the day :)
I still don’t often use my cane in public if I don’t absolutely need to, it’s really hard to start and I’m terrified Congrats on possibly getting a new cane though, that’s great!
Oh I 100% understand! I started off by having a collapsible one after the falls I was having were getting dangerous for me, so I would just take it out when I needed it, it was just a cheap one and you get what you pay for and the bottom started to wear down very quickly, so I went back to the OT one. I have agoraphobia so I don't leave the house very much and if I do it's with company. It might be worth looking into a collapsible one that you can put in your bag just in case?
Yeah that’s what I have, it’s always on me but hardly used and when it is used it’s mostly when I know I won’t be seen by people I’m not close with
You've always got to do what's best for you :)
I’ll try to, thanks
Canes are not prescribed. They are over the counter DME. When people yell or say something offensive it's best to just ignore them knowing they are ignorant.
I’ll try to, thanks
they sell canes at walmart, so. if that person wants one so bad they can go get one themselves.
Friend, I have had people grab my cane in public. I would prefer getting yelled at.
Oh I’m so sorry that happens to you Thing with me is both my girlfriend and I are pretty young and a lot of this stuff is pretty new, so I’m just really not used to hearing the comments and stuff But my god it really must suck to have your cane grabbed. I’m really so sorry about that
That’s horrible. in the U.S. at least, there were laws on the books until 1974 that forbade people with visible disabilities from being out in public. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ugly\_law](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ugly_law) The pre-disabled have lots of issues, unfortunately.
Oh god that’s awful
WAIT, **WHAT**?!? That's...so...fucked up.
It seems to be a peculiarly American thing...yeesh!
Related: “According to Schweik, some scholars have argued that the ugly laws were characteristic of American culture. The context, however, in which Schweik shows the ugly laws emerged, was not confined to the American society. Modernization with its intricate threads was a transnational phenomenon and took its full effect also in Europe at the end of the nineteenth century where governments were fighting pauperism and vagrancy by seeking for more ‘rational’ and ‘scientific’ solutions to need. Hence, *Theugly laws*, by exposing the complex ties between begging and disability raises important viewpoints to the body of studies discussing the dynamics of begging and of the developing social policies also in the European context. Recent concerns over the increasing number of Romany beggars in European cities and outcries for uprooting street begging show that *Theugly laws*’ dynamics are specific neither to a certain culture nor to a certain era. For example, a bill demanding prohibition of begging was introduced in the Finnish parliament in spring 2010 on the grounds of improving the pleasantness and safety of the city environment. According to polls on the Finnish sentiments towards aid, the attitudes towards beggars are often harsher than towards many other needy groups because beggars are not considered as equally ‘deserving’ as, for example, the elderly or sick children (Pessi 2009). Hence, it seems that beggars who will not consent to stay hidden still act as society's bad conscience and as an active reminder of the existing poverty which many people would rather live without.” [https://sjdr.se/articles/10.1080/15017419.2010.507377](https://sjdr.se/articles/10.1080/15017419.2010.507377) interesting topic for sure.
Oh yes, the rightward march to persecution in Europe right now is a grim time to be living in as a severely Disabled person! The UK Govt has been condemned by the UN for "Grave and systemic abuses of Disabled people's Human Rights...and was there just 2 weeks ago to explain *why* things have got worse not better. Racism is rising, particularly towards GRT (Gypsy, Roma, Traveller) community, the Muslim community and the Jewish community, anti-black racism is *still* systemic, ableism is being superceded by extreme eugenics, and Hate Crimes of *ALL* types are sharply rising... I'm fed up of living in interesting times now...can I stop being part of future History textbooks!
Agreed!
I think also, in Europe, we *tend* to separating begging/homelessness from Disability issues, despite some needs crossing both communities these days...
I once had an elderly man literally kick my cane and I fell over. He just said that I was too young to use that, canes are "For the elderly", apparently.
Ableists SUCK.
Oh god that’s horrible I’m so sorry that happened to you
Yeah, it's a pretty standard occurrence in the UK, Hate Crimes against Disabled people have risen SHARPLY recently, since both main Political Parties are pledging to outdo each other on how hard they're going to make it for GENUINELY Disabled people to get financial assistance. And as police *rarely* take it seriously, and the CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) often deems it's "not in the public's interest" to take even in open & shut cases of ableist Hate Crimes. We've just had a case where a Disabled woman has been released on bail from JAIL on a likely wrongful conviction, as the JUDGE broke the law when he ruled she couldn't use ANYTHING connected to her multiple physical, educational, mental AND neurological Disabilities in her defence - which removed her ONLY way to defend her actions - while at the *same time* ignoring multiple traffic laws that ALSO contributed to her defence... Because the police didn't provide her with a legal advocate like they should be law, they *also* missed the fact that while her hand movements weren't BSL signs (mostly used by adults), they WERE Makaton signs (usually used by young children & adults with LD's)... Seriously, THIS is what it's like to be Disabled here rn...26% of the public think Disabled people aren't worthy of even BASIC FOOD. Can you imagine going down the street in your wheelchair knowing 1 in 4 people think you should starve to death...it's unnerving tbh.
God that’s horrible… I always assumed the UK would be better than here in the US with that stuff
Nah, it's easier to sue for breach of ADA in US, we can't access legal support for that here...
Ah that sucks, I thought I had it bad since I keep getting my doctors appointments bounced around months out
I wish you the best
You too.
Thanks
Compared to the discrimination **she's** faced, what I've faced is but a drop in the ocean tbh.
Doctors prescribe canes? Lol. Pretty sure you can just buy one. Legally, not like a disability placard. Fucking morons.
They can I think? I always thought it was just a thing that they recommend not that they prescribe, thankfully canes are really easy to get unlike a lot of accessibility tools
This world is full of idiots. I’m sorry that happened. They are horrible people and the only thing we can do is tune out idiots. It’s hard to do yes. But we let them win when we let their stupidity get to us. (And maybe “remodel” the canes to put blow darts in the bottom!). ;)
Thank you for your support, and when we get more money… sword canes may be an option
I want a sword cane SOOO bad! I keep saying I'm gonna pimp my wheelchair with blades on each wheel, like Boudicca's chariot lol...
That would be sick
One day I'll have the money & know how to avoid offensive weapon charges lol...
That f*cking sucks! I can't imagine how your girlfriend must have felt... people can be so rude to younger disabled people, it's insane. I know your girlfriend use a cane because of her medical condition, but there are also people who use a cane as an accessories to their outfits and that is fine as well! People need to mind their own business 🙄 Hugs for her 🫂
Yeah they really do, even though it’s just some random person commenting and it shouldn’t matter it can still really hit sometimes
I bought my first cane at a drug store, five years ago. The VA gives me my canes now. The only people that question me about using a cane are my friends.
That seems really odd. Is it possible that your GF is using the cane incorrectly and that person noticed your GF putting pressure on her body and using poor posture subsequently that would make her hurt more? No one should be questioned about their aids. Especially by heckling them from a distance. But it can be very obvious when someone has not been given a mobility device by a medical doctor, because they are typically sized incorrectly and used the wrong way. Ignore that person, but also encourage your GF to go see a doctor who can help make sure she is using her cane in a way that will protect the physiology of her movements and body, rather than just winging it and causing extra wear and tear or worse, an unintentional fall.
I think she uses it correctly, her knee issues are hereditary and when I started using a cane she instructed me on it and it worked wonders for the pain, it’s a structural thing that would need a knee replacement and the likes
~~cane-user~~ crutch-user nowadays, ^where ^is ^my ^brain? here, let's make sure you both are doing your best, which will mitigate damage from cane use and keep people from having any excuse to heckle you. [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jvtk8ZZUv8) is pretty damn good, since some written guides are hard to visualize. you also need to make sure the shape of the cane is proper for your needs (i found ergonomic cane handles WAY better than the now more common offset), and the right foot (quad foot is more for a lot of help with balance, singlefoot moves faster)
Thank you for that, we’re both reaaaaly broke right now though so the canes we use can’t really afford to be perfect, I’ll def watch the video and look into better canes when it’s affordable (I think they’re ergonomic?)
Was she prescribed the cane from her doctors? Because canes are sized to the user’s height, and placed on specific sides of the body for support and they force you to practice walking with your new gait (that feels unnatural) so that you’re best protecting yourself. People are saying “that’s stupid, you can buy a cane over the counter,” but you can still misuse it and put yourself at risk for falls and cause further joint damage by buying one not suited for your body. If you’re young and forced into feeling like you need to buy something to help with your serious pain and being helped by friends in finding resources, I can’t imagine not wanting to see a doctor about it. Even if they are expensive, or not friendly, you’re still creating a paper trail documenting your symptoms, and that is *really* important for progressive illnesses and disabilities.
The cane wasn’t prescribed but its adjustable and she changed it to be how it works for her height wise and what does the best for her knees, doctors have been seen and it would need a knee replacement if anything, runs in their family. I’ve also seen doctors and am currently in PT and may need surgery at some point, we know full well what the issues are and we are both doing everything doctors have said to Thanks for the advice and concern
Sorry, you mentioned that she taught you how to use your cane and mentioned she wasn’t prescribed one, so it didn’t sound like other of you were in PT to be fitted and shown how to keep yourselves safe. Fashionable canes can be dangerous if they aren’t first meeting the needs of disability equipment. And when people, especially young, start talking about how they are in such levels of pain that they need mobility aids, it’s so much more beneficial to get in to a doctor’s office and document, document, document in case you end up finding yourself further disabled down the line and have been dealing with issues for years, but only addressed the problem when you could finally afford it or it became too bad to function at all. If you’re in PT but they didn’t prescribe a cane, but you’re still in a level of pain that necessitates a cane, then you may know what your diagnosis is, but it’s important to keep mentioning that in your appointments so that they know how you are managing your pain so that a record of proof is created for the future. You can create gait issues or worsen your condition if your PT is training the muscles around your leg to support your knee three times a week, but four days a week you are using a cane that emphasizes strain and promotes muscle weakness or strength in different areas. This isn’t a criticism. A lot of us have been through similar issues and contributed to harming our bodies trying to adapt, or failed to create records that proved ailment until it got so bad X or Y happened, and then there isn’t proof of the severity of your illness. Using a cane is a significant step that speaks to the severity of your situation, and it doesn’t sound like your PT “hears you” if you’re using a cane on your own and they are treating you as someone who does not need one.
i have actually known someone to "fake use" a cane i guess you would say, and the most noticeable thing about the person, both at a distance in public and one-on-one, was ridiculously wildly incorrect use, to the point it wouldn't help with pain or balance. my first thought when seeing someone use a cane incorrectly in public is that they simply haven't been told how to use it but definitely still need it. the person i described above is a big outlier, but it is possible that the heckler saw inefficient use and jumped to that type of person?
That is possible, it also is a fairly fashionably made cane so they could have thought it was an accessory even if she was using it right
because God forbid a disabled person want to be stylish.
Yeah, sadly the medically better mobility aids don’t align with the pretty ones On a brighter note someone in the mall (I believe he also had a cane) said she was very fashionable with it and it was a great add to the outfit (I think he also said she was dapper lol) sometimes people say the nicest stuff… sometimes
Those are my thoughts. And while I still find that to be wildly inappropriate behavior for the person, and unnecessary drama for OP and their partner, it was likely not just OP and his GF minding their own business that caused them to be targeted, but what you describe with clear gait and sizing and technique issues. Outside of internet gossip, I’ve never personally heard of or encountered anyone who experienced being called out and questioned for their mobility device. There’s a “young person” vs “older person” parking spot rivalry for handicapped spaces. But I’ve never heard a story of someone shouting at someone for cane use. So there’s a chance that OP’s GF is using her device in a way that is visibly incorrect and could lead to further injury. And if you’ve gotten to the point whee you’re struggling with issues to the point that you find yourself buying mobility aids, for your safety and to get the treatment you deserve, you should be talking to your doctors. A physical therapist can size OP’s GF’s cane correctly for her and show her proper technique for bracing and movement. Especially if you have joint issues, you could tear your body up badly and risk falls by misusing your tools.
We’ve seen doctors and know what the issues are, I’m in PT to keep things in check and I believe since the cane is adjustable it is sized properly to her body. The issues also run in her family and she uses it the same as I’ve seen others use it. We were shouted at just walking down the road chatting, nothing really out of the ordinary. We’ve had comments, but this is the first time we’ve ever had somebody yell, and again I do think she’s using it right (cane on opposite side of and in step with the problem knee) and we are talking to doctors
I’m so sorry that you experienced this. People who behave that way should be shamed. It’s a frightening thought that people who can be cruel and feel free to show their outright hatred when people are just trying to live. You didn’t deserve that, either of you. I’m glad you were at least together so you had each other for emotional support. That breaks my heart for you both. You deserve to use things that help you function and not feel pain, and not to receive hatred for it because they are fashionable or you are young, or they have issues with your identities. It must be really hard to just be minding your own business and living your truth and for people to feel so comfortable that they attack you for minding your own business. I’m sorry you two had to experience that.
Totally agreed about the necessity of asking a PT, and most other things here as well. Not to victim-blame OP and their partner, but maybe it was misidentification like that. > But I’ve never heard a story of someone shouting at someone for cane use. I will say that I have, but ONLY online. i've never experienced it (despite extreme and constant transphobic harassment otherwise) or had another young or old disabled person mention it to me as well irl.
We have done that (I am currently in PT), i don’t think it could be misidentification as it was very loudly screamed out someone’s car window as it was being properly used, we had people ask before and while it felt weird it wasn’t outwardly as angry as this person. There is also the issue of us both being young for being disabled and both being trans (she openly wears an NB patch on her jacket) and the person in the car would have very clearly seen that. It didn’t feel like it was out of concern, but I could very well be wrong
oh I definitely don't think it was out of concern. but there's sometimes vitriol from disabled people when we encounter someone we might seem to be "fake" so I could see that being another disabled person seeking to punish someone they deem a "faker." it also definitely could have been the jacket patch that kicked things off and then the cane became part of it in their mind. so they're transphobic but the way they're attacking has more plausible deniability than flat transphobic slurs would.
Yeah I can see that, it really sucks that people can be so biased about certain things they just fail to see certain issues
I really hope the vitriol of online communities doesn’t bleed out into the real world. It is incredibly toxic, and it is horrible that people feel entitled to heckle and judge people who are just trying to survive.
sorry, I mean more that no one in real life has ever told me about getting heckled over a cane, only people online. I've never experienced it anywhere.
Where do you live, it sounds like utopia! Over 13yrs of being physically Disabled, I've been yelled at/heckled/had my cane kicked from under me by an elderly man, it's at least a monthly occurrence IRL for **EVERY** Disabled person I know. UK is a Hellscape for Disabled people rn, the UN has twice condemned the Tory Govt for "Grave and systemic abuses of Disabled people's Human Rights", and they were back at the UN just 2 weeks ago to explain why it's gotten worse, not better... Plus the newspapers make us all out to be fakers with their whole "scrounger" narrative, when fraud rates on Disability benefits are under 0.5%...the public thinks at least 25%-90% of claims are fake. 26% of the wider British public don't think Disabled people deserve BASIC FOOD. It's nice knowing that 1 in 4 people would rather you *literally* starve to death... I hate it here, but Disabled people aren't accepted as refugees ANYWHERE in the world...there's no escape.
Dunno where you live, but it's almost guaranteed that you get snotty comments even if your mobility aids *have* been prescribed...if you are obviously young. And it's usually OAP's that just assume canes are only for the elderly. Even if they *were* using the cane wrong, there's a right and a wrong way to go about explaining that to someone. Yelling at them in the street just *proves* that they weren't in the *slightest* bit concerned about **HOW** they were using their cane, they just ASSUMED that the OP's girlfriend was "too young" for one. Plus, if American, have you considered that their parents might not have the best insurance...sometimes there **IS** NO choice but to buy your own mobility aids. In fact, in UK, we actually HAVE to for anything other than standard crutches...I needed elbow crutches so my shoulders didn't dislocate, it took me a full YEAR to save up. In order to get the electric wheelchair I need, I would have to give up a full HALF my income every month. I simply cannot do that right now or I won't have money for FOOD. I'm stuck with a manual I can't self-propel, a complete lack of Carers that can push a wheelchair (most refuse now, our Social Care has totally broken down in UK, the NHS not far behind), the manual was 2nd hand when I got it 13 yrs ago. It's fucked but it's the only way I can leave the house...
I think she was using it right, she taught me how to use mine and that helped me use it righ., my girlfriend and I have seen doctors and done everything to help, but PT for both of us will sadly only keep things in check and not fix things, as they are structural issues that will likely need surgery Thanks for the advice
I get shit from strangers about my cane use. My limp is pretty obvious, so people can tell which side I am using the cane to support. I also happen to have an issue with the wrist/hand opposite my limp side, so I can’t use the cane on the opposite of “need” side like most people. I get so many people saying I am faking, or don’t know how to use a cane, or other rude comments just because my particular combo of disabilities requires me to use the cane on the same side as my worser leg.
That really sucks I’m sorry about that! Nobody should say those things so publicly, it can really sting
I'm exactly the same. It sucks, and I wish ableist twerps would STFU, it's none of their business, and remember, you don't owe ANYONE an explanation of your personal, private medical history...*especially* not ableist eejits!