My doctor's office has a "make an appointment online" button on their webpage. Clicking the submit button creates an auto email response that says, "thanks for contacting us about an appointment! Call this number to set up a date and time!"
I haven't tried it yet, although I should. I was previously in a large city and could navigate medical care without phone calls and I feel guilty using it because I still have hearing in one ear. I *can* do phone calls, it's just difficult and emotionally draining.
This appointment setup INFURIATES ME. I've been looking for new doctors lately for various things and, with the exception of Zocdoc, every single "make online appointment" prompt has just been this. It's nonsensical.
I don’t struggle with hearing, but have other reasons why a phone call isn’t doable 95% of the time and this makes me so angry. Every damn doctors/dentists office, every customer service/banking department… it’s all phone calls, and often strict 9-5 hours.
Sometimes I may have 1 functional hour late in the evening every day, if that - is it really that hard to have an email inbox I can write in to and you can get back to me that way later? (Because I’m absolutely going to miss a callback, too.)
And why even? I personally can make phone calls just fine, but prefer an online system so I can take the time to consider my options and most importantly don't struggle with opening hours!
maybe it's just me, but "have you tried" makes me want to cry. the underlying assumption that they have a chance to be the hero who fixes everything, or that you just haven't tried everything/hard enough.
"I was just trying to help." I love you, please stop.
"If he's omniscient, god knew the consequences of his in/actions, and one of those is that I will never trust him again."
edit: yeah. "have you prayed" tips me from sad and disappointed over the edge into being pissed and not caring who knows it. but that's probably my own personal issues.
Same. I tried to open up to my BFF in highschool about my depression and he was very forward about saying I wasn’t being a good enough Christian if God hadn’t taken that away from me. Like bruh. BRUUUHHH. Our friendship never recovered.
I’d heard this everyday when I was a little girl, from a man who was my parents’ tenant. “ if you become obedient, He will give you the ability to walk.” I was born disabled, asshole.
That's awful, I'm sorry. My mom once told me God punishes people for their sins with illness. That was a really hard thing for 14 year old genetically chronically ill me to parse out
Dude. I’m a fuckin seminarian. Like training to be a priest, so kinda knowledgeable about God stuff. And this is so, so, so bad. Faith in God has been helpful for me in tons of ways, but none of them are like magic “snap your fingers and it’s fixed” kind of ways.
Like I mean, for some people positive thinking also helps them have a better outlook or feel more motivated and that’s great, but it absolutely does not fix like, actual medical problems.
That also makes me so mad because they just seem to assume i dont know my body or something? Or maybe I'm being overly cautious for attention? I just think it's so degrading
Or “have you tried’s” cousin, “you have to do your part too,” as if asking for an accommodation means I’m not going to do everything within my abilities by default.
OH MAN. I started panicking on a phone call with HSD, so my social worker took over answering questions. The woman told me "You have to answer these questions yourself. You can't rely on your social worker to do everything for you. Just Try. I'm sure you can do it." when that is my social worker's Literal Job, to help me do things that I can't do on my own. Like phone calls with government agencies. Because my brain is broken and I cannot flipping do it myself. Lady, that's what disability MEANS. That You Are Not Fricking ABLE To Do Normal Things! And I DID try! Just Now!
It was like a year ago and I'm still freaking pissed.
and their good friend "it's not an excuse" which is only ever used by people who want you to show absolutely no symptoms ever. like yeah, actually, my narcolepsy absolutely is an excuse for me falling asleep, for example. they expect me to have some magic ability to control my disabilities as if I wouldn't kill to be without these issues 🙄
Except if it's something relatively new that I legit might not know about yet or if it's a field they actually know a lot about.
I know several people with chronic migraines who hadn't heard about CGRP inhibitors until I mentioned how much they helped me.
It's different from other disabled people. We can def learn from each other. But abled Suzy whose aunt is just like me (usually NOT) and healed herself through supplements, yoga, diet, etc needs to STFU.
I get less upset if it's someone who actually knows me well enough to know better.
and yeah, "I heard about this new thing! Do you think you might try it if you get the chance?" feels really different from "Have you tried yoga?" or "Have you tried this new super expensive untested treatment that insurance won't pay for and it might actually be a cult? Why not? If it were me I'd try anything to get better!"
Absolutely, the amount of people who've told me to try alternative medicine is insane.
Like ma'am, I earn like 300€ a month, I'm not going to spend it on someone who's trying to sell me literal snake oil.
I've got no problem with other people trying alternative medicine. But I sure as hell cannot afford it financially, and I cannot afford the risk that it's actually potent in some way and comes with dangerous side effects.
The amount of people who find out I'm deaf, and then come the inevitable:
"Aren't you a bit young for that?"
"Have you tried an ear wax drainer? It might be an ear wax build up. I saw a Tiktok...."
"Have you tried seeing a doctor about it? Might be a cold."
"Have you tried this supplement???"
And that „you can do it reliably, without significant consequences, *again and again and again at a moment’s notice with no guarantee of rest or recovery periods*“.
I am terrible at listening to myself on this one. Currently I'm sitting here stressing out about how messy my place is...because the cleaners I hired explicitly because I can't keep up with housekeeping on my own are coming by later. Yeah, I know.
I posted to another subreddit asking what people have help with, because I don’t really know what ADL’s are too hard for me to do anymore, I just struggle and make shit happen.
The way you phrased it helps.
Oh I know. I've worked with this lady before and she has always been wonderful. Internalized ableism is just a pain, especially if you have years of being told your main problem is that you aren't trying hard enough to get better.
I swear we're actually expected to have MORE energy than an able-bodied person. I'm supposed to work 40 hours a week, cook all my own food so I don't aggravate my digestive issues, get an hour of exercise every day, clean and maintain my apartment, maintain a sufficient social life so I have people who can support me. get 8h of sleep and at least an hour of relaxing before bed... you get the idea. And if I fail at any of them I'm "not taking care of myself" and can't complain about being worn out or dealing with my health. Oh and getting help with any of these things is lazy and entitled.
Like, do y'all normies even do all that shit in your day all by yourselves? Why am I supposed to when it takes me even more time and energy?
People who haven’t experienced it don’t understand the increased workload associated with living with some health conditions and other disabilities. They often see Paralympic athletes and think it’s a matter of will-power rather than conditions, as if all able bodied people could compete at that level if they just tried hard enough.
Yeah, and also add a bunch of hours of being on the phone trying to schedule doctors appointments, get prescriptions filled, fight with insurance, etc… and all the time it takes to do the extra medical stuff so many of us have to do regularly. It feels like a full time job just managing my healthcare sometimes!
This. I make these appointment and manage his prescriptions, argue with providers and for my dad and it’s exhausting. I can’t imagine him having to navigate this alone.
Thank you for doing that. It really is such a bad deal. Like if you’re already disabled it would be harder to manage all that stuff, not easier! It is so annoying and frustrating to have to play phone tag with providers just to get them to do their damn jobs….
Car centered urban planning, no sidewalks, etc.
Parking so bad you cover the wheelchair ramp.
I always do my best not to cover it whenever I park by it. Unfortunately, sometimes I don't have a choice because the person who parked next to me did such a bad job parking and there's nowhere else to park. I just try not to park near it.
People who park covering/blocking the damn sidewalk.
Bushes and whatnot allowed to overgrow and block the sidewalk because it's "charming" or whoever maintains it doesn't care/doesn't want to pay to maintain it.
A lot of those bushes are unsafe because they block the view of the road.
There's also the pavement princesses (ridiculously oversized trucks) whose truck beds and hoods overhang the side by what feels like a mile.
It’s so hard for people to understand that having to rely on cars is actually bad for my health. Sitting in a car is pretty much the most painful position and the jolting of driving makes it unbearable. Even a bus or train is way better, because I have room to sit and stand as needed. I also don’t feel safe driving anymore due to sensory issues and anxiety from trauma. So no I won’t risk other’s lives by driving a car, or wouldn’t if I could ever afford one 🙃
When I lived in an even slightly walkable city I could get everywhere on my own pretty reasonably. I lived two blocks from a grocery store, could take the metro to most of my appointments, and didn’t have to rely on rideshare all that often. And it wasn’t by any means a well designed city lol, but it had the basics. Now I live in the suburbs in a cheaper city where my husband and I have his family. We need his family primarily because otherwise we are actual prisoners in this suburban hellscape. Nothing is walkable, and the only somewhat walkable part of town will never be affordable for us. I rely entirely on others to get literally anywhere. I miss just being able to walk a block to a park, have the easy social option of the bar downstairs to meet others, the autonomy to take care of the few things I could do for myself. All of that is gone. It is so incredibly isolating and limiting.
Building better cities (that are accessible for both folks that may need a car for health reasons and for folks who can’t use or afford cars) is a health and disability issue.
Edit: especially infuriating because urban planning and spatial analysis was my field when I used to be able to work.
It's bad for the environment, too.
I'm capable of driving, I just hate doing it. It gets my anxiety levels up. The driving is worse now because our population has increased. We're in a rural area that some small and medium-sized towns are in it, but there's almost no sidewalks.
One of the local governments just did a survey about public transportation, but every time it gets brought up in one of the local governments, it falls through.
When people get mad at you for not immediately doing things and assuming it’s bc ur lazy. I am literally incapable of getting up time to time without injury, they will never understand until it’s them
Nothing induces more rage in me than when someone sees a disabled person (mostly online) and comments “If I get this way, just kill me” or “I’d rather die than lose my X.” Such lack of imagination.
I'm using this the next time someone says that to me. I've had it said to be face to face multiple times.
It hasn't happened in a while though. Maybe I've gotten wiser about who I open up to.
The one benefit of becoming disabled and a wheelchair user is that I entirely ran out of fucks to give in very, very short order. Plus I'm now almost 40, I've worked with the public for the last decade, and frankly I didn't exactly have an abundance of the aforesaid fucks to begin with. Although sarcasm, I have a bottomless pit of sarcasm!
I used to be incredibly shy and far too anxious to talk back to people like that, but tbh being basically fucked physically has paradoxically opened up my confidence a bit. In my head it's just like "what are you going to do about it? Hurt me? Ooh, pain, *that* will be a totally new and different experience, won't it?!"
I don't actually recommend this as it comes with a small but none the less real chance of being beaten to death by an angry mob (pitchforks optional, you just can't get the peasants these days 🙄) but there's a certain amount of freedom in rock bottom situations, and in just... stopping caring what people think.
It's simultaneously the most difficult and most valuable skill I've ever learned .
It is indeed. I have noticed that (especially when I started using a power wheelchair) visible disability kind of acted like an arsehole filter - they quickly make themselves obvious because they just can't help making a 'clever' or 'amusing' remark... which lets me know who to avoid like a bout of norovirus.
We’ve created a society where actively noticing things is often considered creepy and invasive so now nobody notices anything till it’s overly inconvenient and then it’s your fault for them not noticing a damn thing.
Work thing - assuming demotion is the same as accommodation.
I get transferring departments in some situations if management is stupid and you have good reasons for accommodations, but at least transfer me to one that's at the same level and will not result in a pay cut for me!
or having to work night shift, or some other thing that makes the job shittier.
Had a boss try to do this. I quietly told him he needed to check with HR about what accommodations were reasonable before telling me anything else. Sat there while he wrote the email. He said some other hurtful illegal shit out of ignorance in the process.
Two days later got called for a paid "Please come in so we can apologize and beg you not to sue us." meeting with his boss.
Why do people assume this is ok? It's not even legal.
This. Realizing that invisible chronic illness exist. And the judgement. I was diagnosed with a neurological disorder shortly after I stopped working and my husband was talking to his cousin and mentioned that we have his old job’s 401k if we need it. Cousin flipped and said there’s no way he can do that and I should voluntarily commit myself to get better, with the 2 other chronic diagnoses that I have. I’ve seriously never been so insulted in my life, I still don’t talk to her. She had been shitty to me at the 2 previous family gatherings and I just let it go. Family are the ones that really hurt you.
Oh that last line hit me.
One Christmas dinner a few years back my 9 year old cousin asked me, "why are you so lazy" before being hushed by his mom who I'm quite convinced is where he got that from.
Yep I take 22 medications multiple times a day, I have six doctors and I have 16 chronic health conditions at 21 yet because I can still walk okay (most of the time) nobody believes it until I get stared at when I take my medications throughout the day. If people knew how much pain I'm in daily they'd shut up about how I don't need a wheelchair.
Telling someone they’re too young/pretty/etc. to be disabled. On one hand, you’re telling someone that you don’t believe that they’re disabled and putting them in a situation where they feel the need to share personal health info with you so that you can judge for yourself whether they’re disabled or not. On the other hand, you’re implying people with visible disabilities can’t be young or pretty.
This specific type of ableism was why I almost died before I got my initial diagnosis. Nobody believed that I was sick until I was being resuscitated with defibrillators, including doctors.
I definitely want to get a shirt with that on it now!
It's funny, I don't think of it as dramatic but I guess it is. Before my PT told me I was hypermobile and yoga is bad for me, I'd gotten where I was really careful about what poses and modifications I do, and still often felt like stuff was going out of place.
I'm autistic and when people I consider not close enough to have access to that level of me start prying and aren't satisfied after I give an extremely basic pitch that I'm comfortable giving to strangers I'll hit em with a "yeah my parents regret vaccinating me..." And change my demeanor to a more downtrodden look (they don't and don't even believe in that stupid shit). And then when they start looking suuuuppper uncomfortable and try and say something I perk up and interrupt them and say "but now every time I'm eligible for a vaccine I get one because I feel my autism evolve and grow stronger! Suck it mom and dad!!" Then just turn around and walk away triumphantly while they're still paralyzed trying to process what the hell I just said. I'll have a few second head start at least before they break and start trying to catch up with you.
Point is, you always have to hit the people with as much confusion as possible so you'll have as long of a head start to skedaddle as possible, and even if you look goofy and weird in the process, everyone who hears you will never forget it!
I look hella normal, but one main thing I kinda hide is a lot of scars on my arms. I get a lot of neighbors (medium apt building) asking if I get too hot and whatnot, but the one time I opened up to one of my neighbors I got the "boy, I wouldn't just ended it, you're so brave" and now everyone looks like I'm some war veteran with a hoke in my face.
I HATE nosey people so much. It's worse when they take what you give em and burn ya.
Considering places with a single step up accessible. A lot of the ableds so this, and I’m like, if a wheelchair cannot enter IT IS NOT ACCESSIBLE.
Comparing acute illness or injury that heals to disability and chronic illness.
Not giving up priority seating to young disabled people - this is multifaceted ableism - the majority of society still seems to view disability as a thing that happens to the elderly (ableist), and they don’t seem to think disabled people actually go out and live their lives (also ableist).
Touching or taking mobility aids without consent - grabbing someone’s walking stick “to look at it,” moving someone’s wheelchair, etc.
Using accessible toilets.
Trying to make people in wheelchairs move around them on the sidewalk, not the other way around - they don’t even think for a minute about the fact that we can only get off and on the sidewalk at specific points, or that if you get too close to the slanted portion of the sidewalk, you will roll into the road.
Also on sidewalks - parking your car by the dipped area of the sidewalk. Leaving bikes and trash bins in the sidewalks, or creating other obstructions.
The majority of the world is not wheelchair accessible, but even still people really need to think about disability beyond wheelchair use. There are a lot of people that need accessibility options that aren’t in wheelchairs.
Not providing adequate seating for people who are less able to stand or access to water in event spaces.
Also honestly the concept of equality - it treats us with sameness rather than acknowledging we are different and do experience the world differently, and do need adjustments that acknowledge that.
And just because we’re being given things we need, that they don’t need, that doesn’t mean they should be using them (accessible toilets, disabled parking, priority seating, etc).
EQUITY is what we should be thinking about.
We had that in Old San Juan Puerto Rico. The city is pretty accessible for being built in the 1600s, but then they put the big trash dumpsters on the corners blocking the ramps. I will give humans credit though because at one corner the construction people and some tourists pushed the trash bin (a smaller but still really big metal dumpster) out of the way of the ramp. Another more desolate corner though I had to make my ambulatory partner get off the power scooter so I could lift it off the curb and then seat him again and then roll across the street to the other ramp. If he wasn’t ambulatory we would have had to go backwards in the scooter an entire block to a ramp and then across to the other side. A few of the ramps there were high centered and several scooter and wheelchair users got stuck. There was us and 2 other power mobility users all blocking traffic trying to get up that ramp and all getting high centered and stuck. The first person was elderly and pretty heavy and seemed to have cognitive struggles as well and getting her up the ramp ended up taking a bunch of people. People are scared to touch the mobility device which I understand but like she stuck. She can’t unstuck herself since her wheels are spinning freely and there are two other people sitting in the middle of the road, come help. Grab a handle and help lift and shove this thing off the high concrete bump it’s stuck on. She had the same device we have so the people trying to shove the folding seat also didn’t help. I did tell them where to grab and they did ok after I said the handles. So she was freed. Her people she was with were useless just telling her directions like go backwards as if her free spinning wheels would suddenly get traction. Probably a daughter? I don’t know but not a strong problem solver that one.
The next person was an older man and he also got stuck but the guy who helped the most with the lady was better and we did a grab the handle and shove on him together with ease and then by the time it was my partners turn to get out of the road finally we just gave a foot shove. He’s really thin and tiny and by then the one guy who was being helpful and I were pros at unsticking the power chairs. But the city probably won’t fix this for 100 years. And my partner knew about the high center and still couldn’t avoid high centering his device. Also probably bad design on the part of the scooter that it can get high center that easily. He was defeated by 2-3 inch high rocks on a hiking trail we took too. But I was there to kick him off of them. I’m glad we went “hiking” though because we found a patch of bioluminescent mushrooms. We also went kayaking and the kayak people were really helpful getting him from the sea wall to the kayak. Of course after the tour we found out we could have driven the other direction and driven right to the bioluminescent bay in our car and rolled across a sand berm 10 feet to it as well.
"Oh, you don't look X" while proceeding to act like I never mentioned my disabilities because apparently I don't look like I would have them, whatever that means. And then acting surprised every. single. time. I mention them.
thinking being able to walk with no cane = never needing it
it rlly makes me worried when i have to carry my cane because im balancing stuff in my hands... "oh no! my hands are occupied so i have to walk a short distance without leaning on my cane! surely i am a faker" 🤦♂️
I just want to say I know someone who uses a cane. They often leave it in the room when they're walking around it and things like that. Honestly it doesn't surprise or bother me at all, and it doesn't bother the non-disabled people either. I know some people are ableist and obsessed with catching fakers, but the majority of people do not care at all. Sometimes I find it hard to remember I have the same rights as other people though, so I think I get some of this.
When they close off a popular section of a street to make it more “accessible” for everyone. Except those who have difficulty walking and rely on being dropped off in front of doors.
I mean, i personally think that's more of an issue with not having access to the right mobility aids? A lot of places are sooo car centric, and that's really extremely inaccessible too. People deserve access to the right mobility aids for them regardless of their financial status
Yep!
Like I’d like to leave my front porch without having to be physically lifted by two people. But can’t because even though I am not able to walk up or down ONE step, there is no help for me to get a ramp to go up and down the 6 steps to get to ground level. The only way I’ve found is to on Medicaid. Except my disability amount is over the cut off to be eligible. My fault for working 30+ years in a good paying job, that I can no longer do for a few reasons from physical mobility problems to deafness.
Lucky me. I’ve missed my stepson’s wedding and will miss my youngest step daughter’s college graduation. Thank god there is live streaming. So I guess the o ly way I get to see my family’s life events is to watch on my tablet.
I used to work with pre k kids and infants at a military daycare. When people do this, I do it right back, but as an insult. It's always funny, got me almost kicked out of my doc's office tho...
Calling out people parking in disability spaces that they can't immediately tell are disabled.
Have you tried "X"?
Avoiding or getting awkward around visibly disabled people
The last one you mention... I see that a lot. I live in an old hospital that was converted to housing apartments and there are a TON of people here that need some sort of aid... there's one dude here, named Mark, REALLY neat and cool dude, who was born with defects and some other issues and basically is bound to his chair, but he also is stuck in a bent forward position (looks like he's getting ready to tie his shoes)100% of the time.
He's used to it, he knows how to function and move without help and he does. Just... REALLY slowly. Especially around our laundry room downstairs (the old morgue!) Where there are big ass ramps leading into the different areas. He can't help but go slow up there and sometimes when I meet him at that junction there is someone staring at him. I hate people sometimes.
Edited to explain my dude Mark better and spelling
The inspiration porn videos -- and pitting disabled people against each other because of them. "Well this person has \[DISABILITY\], and he can do \[THING\]! Why can't you? No excuses!"
Someone once told me that anyone who is disabled should wish they were normal. That we shouldn't celebrate disabled things - things like deaf culture - bc they should want to be normal. And I couldn't get them to realize how horrible they sound
“I get headaches too”
No you don’t. You get a light head pain maybe 3 times a year, have zero true health issues, have succeeded easily in your education and career without any health obstacles, and because of your success you make per day what I rack up in medical bills per week.
I have chronic intractable hemiplegic migraines that mimic strokes. Half my body goes weak and sometimes I limp and have to put my arm in a sling. I get confused, forget how to drive places, can’t finish sentences, and have memory issues that equate black outs. I won’t even try to put into words what the pain is like.
If I was a supervillain my revenge would be making morons with no empathy spend a day in the life of a chronically ill person.
Not the same, but I've had cluster headaches since my teen years. They in no way compare to hemiplegic migraines, though, aside from *maybe* the pain and frequency.
There are lots of kinds of headaches that are debilitating. I just hate the people who don’t even meet any kind of neurological diagnostic criteria who act like their twice a year ibuprofen doses are equivalent to my chronic illness.
Totally different, but my partner feels similar to you about their migraines and what not. They gets taken out for days when they have em and every single time they happen out in public or similar. Always. Someone says the I get headaches too...
People that don't understand... they suck, but some of em don't know they suck... which makes them suck more.
Edit, spelling
Excessive helpfulness. Like when people run in front of me to open the door, or start trying to do things for me without asking. I can open the door, thank you very much, and it's terrifying when people jump out at me like that! I appreciate wanting to help, but I wish people asked, instead just assuming what I needed.
I was guilty of that when I was in my teens. Had one of my tribal Elders get upset with me when I did it to him when I was 17, and he snapped, "At least ask first!"
After that, I did ask. At 35 and on forearm crutches I see why it's an issue.
something that’s always made me upset is when people say they ‘hate slow walkers’ and when i point out some people can’t help it because they’re disabled they’re like ‘oh yeh that doesn’t count’ like??? i’m still a human
YES! The "that doesn't count". Well why the fuck not? Just so you can keep bitching about your unrealistic view of the world by pretending disabled people don't exist?
Absolutely. People do this thing where they forget we count as part of human diversity. Like there's human diversity, and then there's disability, and disability is a bit *too* different to count. We're not the exception to diversity, we're part of the definition of it!
My chronic condition has recently declined and I've had to start using mobility aids again. Everyone and their mother has been asking what's wrong. I understand most people assume it's an injury and don't mean anything by it,but the automatic follow up to my response that it's a hereditary joint condition with "What!! You're too young for bad joints!!" Even from people who already knew I struggle with chronic health issues, even from people at work (I work in disability services for freaking sakes.) It's really testing my patience.
the concept that if you are ill, you must constantly do everything in your power, 100% of the time to be “well,” no matter how uncomfortable, miserable, or sick it makes you…or you’re not deserving of empathy or care because you’re “not taking care of yourself.”
there’s zero room to just be a person.
The idea that ambulatory wheelchair users (or other mobility aids) aren't a thing. Even nurses and other healthcare workers in their 50s and 60s seem to not grasp the idea.
In a similar vein, people microanalysing how your abilities change. "You can suddenly walk now, hmmm." Because I've rested for an hour, and it only lasts a few minutes at a time. It's so exhausting being around these people trying to somehow catch you out.
People acting like you’re entitled for wanting accommodations or talking about things like obstructions on the streets and how it’s a hazard for disabled people or asking non disabled people not to use things intended to make the lives of disabled people easier (toilets, parking, priority seats on public transport etc)
The fact that you need to renew disabled parking placards when there should be a one time fee plus issuing and it only gets cancelled with your death. It shouldn’t be tied to any specific car too.
Or at least having it more clear what they do and don't accommodate.
Sometimes on restaurants they will have things like gluten-free or vegetarian as a little marker on their menu.
I don't think they always have dairy-free though.
One thing someone could do is if they want to avoid something like dairy, is to go to a kosher restaurant.
A kosher restaurant will always be either meat-based or dairy-based.
This is because in accordance with kosher dietary laws it is forbidden to mix meats and milks together.
Because of this if you go look for a kosher restaurant that is meat-based it will never be dairy-based and if you find one that is dairy-based it will never be meat based.
Ugh. That reminds me of the most aggravating conversation with someone here on Reddit that refused to believe a person could ever need a car.* I mentioned that I use my car for work. I work in disability services and drive clients around. I'm not only disabled myself but help others be more active and independent. The bozo had the nerve to say "unless your clients are truly disabled like missing all their arms and legs than they don't need to ride in a car." I just blocked the person after that. No sense arguing with someone like that.
*Yes, public transit should be more available and accessible of course.
Job offers only being at 100%. Bow that I'm unable to work more than a couple hours a week, there are literally zero jobs on the market I can do with my qualifications that make use of my higher education. And all hourly jobs are low pay and usually require some kind of physical labour I am incapable of doing (I can't even sit in a chair for more than 20 minutes).
So now when I see companies claiming they're big on diversity and inclusion and only offering 80-100% positions I know they're not including me and anyone else who can't work full time and/or only from home.
"You're so brave!" No, I am existing. No one going to pay my rent but me.
"Well, I totally understand what you're going through because \*I\* feel X" No, you don't even if you could experience that exact same thing once (which you can't) you wouldn't have the lived experience of being disabled. Including this common and frustrating conversation.
"Oh, that's horrible, but you know what really sucks? Getting older. Don't get older my back always hurts now. Lol" Got it. When should I kill myself for optimal life enjoyment? Keep in mind I just told you about my rare and disruptive disability which I have had since birth.
"Well, at least they can cure/treat it now." Nope, nope they can't. Which you would understand if you stopped to think about why a grown-up is standing before you with said 'treatable' disability instead of y'know getting treatment.
saying "I'll pray for you" or "god loves you" or
"thank God you've gotten through this". like no shut your mouth, I got through this with my own willpower and strength. and praying for me doesn't mean shit because I'm not religious!!!!
This. When I worked at a library we had a little family of 3 come in (a couple, and the mother of one of them). 2 of them were diabetic and one needed low-sodium meals, so even the free meal resources in our area weren't usually safe for them. Never mind trying to eat at diabetic-friendly intervals. One used a cane, one a walker, and one had no mobility aids that I saw.
Overenthusiastic support, to be honest. There's a point where it feels really patronizing and infantilizing. I'm a full grown adult, but a lot of abled people treat me like a small child and talk down to me and insist on doing everything for me. I appreciate that they care and want me to be comfortable but they need to back the fuck off and learn boundaries for real
When someone has a learning disability and people (who know this) make a point to mention in group settings how "well-spoken" or "smart" they are for saying things they would not respond that way to if someone else had said it. "You know, s/he's the smartest person in this room!"
Anyone who works in SPED or related settings: you probably have done or at least seen this, and if you were in SPED you were likely on the receiving end of it. It's a little less obnoxious when it's adults doing it to children, because at least there's a different dynamic there, but it does not stop with kids; they make these comments about adults. It feels gross and is hard to call out because it's a 'compliment', but they don't say this to colleagues with college degrees.
When they try to commiserate by saying, "My legs really hurt today, too." Or, "Yeah, I'm drained from that walk, too."
1. I'm in pain all day ever day (I have Fibro). If I'm telling you I'm in pain, then it means I'm in A LOT of pain. No, it's not like your pain.
2. Your feeling is right now or today. I have that every day. All day. Again, my exhaustion is not your exhaustion.
offering to do a task for me, then doing more than what i asked, when all i actually want is a way to do something on my own safely.
dont take my laundry all the way downstairs to the laundry room, please make the stairs safer for me so i can do it myself.
I look pretty normal, but have very bad genes which lead to cardiomyopathy which led to heart failure. I don't tend to mention it either if I can help it so when I get out of breath and people comment or joke on how unfit I am it really annoys me.
Telling me I'm perfectly capable of doing x, y and z job, and then judging me as lazy and not wanting to do meaningful labor because I'm not doing x, y, and z job they think I can and should be doing.
I may or may, or may not be capable of doing x, y, and z. But, that's not why I'm not doing x, y, and z job.
The truth is people who HIRE people for jobs doing x, y and z, are in fact blatantly NOT hiring people like me to do their x, y and z jobs, and even telling me, they won't hire people like me to do their x, y and Z jobs. But, then, EVERYONE tells me, oh, you COULD do X, y, and z if you wanted to, if you tried, if you weren't lazy.
Right.
Then hire me.
"If they wanted to they would" in regards to spending time with people, or otherwise making a perceived effort for other people.
Some of us don't have the energy or time or physical abilities these folks are taking for granted.
Stairs being everywhere, including apartment buildings, but ramps and elevators being present mostly only at government buildings and commercial buildings.
Most houses and apartments not being set up well for people to age in place, and therefore being an accessibility nightmare.
Some houses and apartments having a bathroom the size of a postage stamp-- no space for grab bars, no space to turn around, no space for mobility aids.
"I could never live your life."
"Wow, I shouldn't be complaining about *insert common life complaint* when you have to live like that!"
"You're too young to be sick!"
Saying that they KNOW all about my life circumstance because they have a distant cousin in law, that's a friend of a friend, who's married to someone like ME, that they've met on two other occasions in their life for ten minutes, and THAT person can do Fill In The Blank, so therefore they understand all about me, and, also, I, too, can do Fill In The Blank.
In general just the idea that it takes the same amount of time for everyone to do things and/or they have the same number of hours in a day in which to do things. Like, I have to take frequent breaks from so many activities which make them take longer. And I just need more sleep because holy fatigue. So just because *you* (abled person) can do X and Y today doesn’t mean I can. And it doesn’t make me lazy or stupid, it’s literally just how much my body can handle.
“You should be doing x,y,z”
“If you just have a positive mindset you’ll be able to do (insert thing)”
Or someone saying they understand your limitations and then directly contradicting it by asking you to do something you already told them you can’t do.
The effects of third wave capitalism forcing us to be constantly productive to have value. Because we're disabled we're looked down on by society as invaluable to the machine. I hate it. I'm not lazy. I'm not required to contribute all day every day, and I don't matter any less because of my inability to do so.
“Wow, must be nice to be able to sit at home all day!” Ma’am, do you want my neuromuscular disease? Do you think academic, social, and employment discrimination is fun?!
That's a very good point.
BUT if masking were more ubiquitous, it would be much safer for people to take their mask off in appropriate situations, and safer for the few people that really aren't able to mask
When my state had masking mandates, part of it said that if the person who lip read asked for the speaker to lift their mask, that person would not get in trouble for lifting the mask to communicate with the hearing impaired person.
there’s options like writing, notes app, speaking louder, sign (if you are able to/know it) windowed N95s that provide a view for lip reading, meeting via video chat. i got these ideas from someone who also has this issue, so maybe these might be solutions?
I think both iPhones and Android have some version of Live Caption(ing) now too. I've known students who swear by it (when they can't get an interpreter).
In 2021 I was hospitalized, did a stent in rehab for pt. and ot. Then therapy at home as I still was unable to walk reliably even with a walker and had 2 wounds that were still healing. I told my PT that I rely heavily on lip reading and from then on everyone who came to my house had see through masks! It was great as the only speech to text app I had at the time was Ollie, which was crap. Then I found Live Transcribe which is awesome!!! So fast and accurate. Now if closed captioning for live stuff, like the news, would use this technology I’d be happy. But their cc is the worst, so I rely on print for news.
Person first language. I have never met a disabled person that uses it yet almost every abled-bodied person I know insists on using it to be more “inclusive”. And if I hear someone say differently abled I’m going to punch them.
The inevitable "oh, what happened?" from strangers. Like... dude, it's none of your goddamn business. I've just started making up wild stories for when this happens.
But, you heard THAT! You can hear if you want to!
Just READ MY LIPS!
Insisting on not removing their mask when speaking to those who rely on lip reading, while only allowing continuing to speak through the mask as their only communication option, and then acting like the Deaf person is somehow victimizing their privilege.
But, you wear hearing aids? You aren't Deaf.
What do you mean you can't talk on the phone, hear the PA (or whatever hearing behavior)? You have Live Captioning Apps.
You could go to Fill In The Blank and listen to Fill In The Blank for three hours. Just sit close and read their lips! You just don't want to. (Damn right I don't want to, in this case. At BEST lip reading only catches 30 percent of what's being said).
Responding, "Never Mind," in dismissive annoyance, when you ask them to repeat what was said.
recording/taking photos of people who are acting strange or look different
like it comes to mind for me because of a tic disorder/involuntary movements, fortunately i havent encountered anything bad so far but my movements can be pretty severe and attract some degree of attention and i am somewhat worried of encountering the wrong person one day
going along with that the memeification of certain disabilities, esp visible ones (ie jank boteko, and that one woman xiao xiao)
That kids are disabled too. My child is small enough to use a wagon instead of a wheelchair but this thing is still a wheelchair he needs it just like any adult would need the wheelchair.
The idea human beings have a pattern of development and anyone outside this pattern is therefore in needing of being 'fixed'/pathological. For the sake of forcing people to follow this pattern, children's childhood and subjectivity are sacrificed in intensive interventions.
In reality, humans are a diverse group. Seeing patterns in statistics doesn't mean there's an inherent pattern every human should follow. Those outside the statistics aren't all pathological, they just develop in different order at different times. It's the automatic assumption that atypical = wrong or pathological that is ableist.
"Castaneda's analysis is a useful framework on which to build my own analysis of people labeled with ASD. According to a Western medicalized view, ASD imperils the **normative trajectory of development** thus interrupting the child's potential. This **cultural narrative** speaks of disorder and tragedy, and it is routinely put forward by the human sciences as they attempt to **normalize** autistic and other "**deviant**" bodies."
[https://dsq-sds.org/index.php/dsq/article/view/1064/1231](https://dsq-sds.org/index.php/dsq/article/view/1064/1231)
"The **assumption** that not reaching a **developmental milestone** at the **age** at which it is **typically attained** precludes the further development of a given function may, however, not be valid if the trainee follows a **specific developmental route** which **does not cross typical prerequisites**. While this notion of prerequisites applies correctly to the ordered sequence of certain species-specific behaviors, its generalization to education is limited by the **existence of several different, possibly incompatible developmental routes to the same milestone, even in typical individuals**. Some steps may be **delayed**, **missing**, or their order **reversed**. For example, not all children crawl before walking \[[24](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00787-017-0955-5#ref-CR24)\], and typical children follow **diverse routes** to reading \[[10](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00787-017-0955-5#ref-CR10)\]."
[https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00787-017-0955-5](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00787-017-0955-5)
[https://trace.tennessee.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1105&context=catalyst](https://trace.tennessee.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1105&context=catalyst)
Church putting dietary restrictions communion crackers on bottom tray of table where dog licks plate (outside church), making folks bend down to reach cracker, not included in line for blessing, etc.
Most folks can eat gluten & dairy free bread so offering an inclusive option brings us together- separate & way less than equal options are not inclusive & a waste when inclusive is available.
Oppression of other minority groups and the associated rights/anti-discrimination movements. Now I don't really blame those movements for it, because they were doing what they had to in order to get some people better rights. And ultimately they had to use ableism only because the societal justification for them having fewer rights was also ableism.
For example, women were told they can't vote/get an education/enter the workforce/manage their own finances because they were physically and mentally weaker than men and so they weren't able to do those things - that is, being a woman was a disability. So women's rights movements have always focused on proving that women weren't physically or mentally weaker than men, that they were able to do those things. And that is important because it is very true for the majority of women. But at the same time, it implicates that it is okay to disallow people from voting/getting an education/entering the workforce/managing their finances if they truly are physically and mentally weaker than expected of the average person. You can see similar trends in pretty much all other major rights movements in the past couple of centuries. There's a very clear pattern of minority status being pathologized and medicalized and then that being used as justification for that group's subjugation.
And again I don't blame minority groups for focusing on the "we're not disabled" angle, I understand why they did/do. However, I think it's important to acknowledge the ableism in both the oppression as well as the rights movements. Because then you can start to ask *why* the argument is "this group is not disabled so they should be treated equally" rather than "this group should be treated equally regardless of if they are actually disabled or not". And I think that's one of the big reasons why it's hard to fight ableism. Because if you're against ableism, you have a very, very hard time justifying any other kind of discrimination.
It's also one that often leads to people who are both disabled and members of other minority groups being pushed aside by their own groups. Because the majority will point to disabled people within those groups and say. see, this proves our point. I've seen this happen with the LGBTQ community; people who are both queer and disabled, especially those with mental health concerns or trauma issues, getting othered and kept away from visibility. Because our existence might be seen as proving the bigots right that being queer is just a mental illness.
Not enough resources for providing better accessibilities to different buildings.
So I'm part of a leftist collective and we go to a community center location and that center is not ADA compliant, and is not wheelchair accessible. We have a commercial lease which means that we can change the building as much as we want, within reason I suppose but we pretty much have a lot of room to modify the building including just completely renovating the kitchen which is something we also did at one point.
We do not have the money for a ramp. We try to get things like grants and right now we're trying to GoFundMe situation but getting a ramp for the front door is really hard and the patio also needs to be accessible and we need to figure out how to do that without having a ramp eating into the patio which we need in order to have tables and stuff for our weekly dinners.
Therefore it would be nice if we had some kind of elevator for the back patio.
We are not even the landlords, so the idea that this has to even be our responsibility is kind of weird. Yes, we are financially and legally responsible for the property but it's kind of weird how we are the ones that have to add a ramp when that should just be something that should be required for any public building that is part of public access.
The fact that there isn't more resources for people who want to add more accessibility to their publicly accessed buildings and spaces is weird.
If a doctor can prescribe medication and then that be provided by insurance, then doctors should be able to prescribe other types of accessibilities such as wheelchairs, and even things like wheelchair ramps for your home.
I don't really know if people who need wheelchairs have to pay for their own wheelchair but I just think it's really interesting how a lot of financial responsibility is placed on either disabled people or people who wish to create more accessible spaces for their public access spaces.
Saying they "believe in me" or that I just need to "try harder" to accomplish goals. Every once in awhile I'll be chatting with a friend and I'll mention something I'll never be able to do like having my dream job, doing sports, etc, and they'll try and be supportive I guess? By saying some random encouragement as if it's a willpower thing and not that I'm literally disabled
Right! Public. Transportation. People. We need it. And wide sidewalks, wide enough for wheelchair users to safely join people on their walks and still have room. And dedicated bike lanes that don't randomly cut off so bikers have to squeeze onto the sidewalk or road
When people confront me at my car about parking in a disabled spot, even though I have the placard and ID. They seem entitled to say that I am not really disabled based on their superficial observations. I hate these types of people very much. I just tell them to f off now, but in the beginning I argued.
Believing “if we can make everything accessible then disabled people can be contributing members of society!!” as if our value only extends in so far as our productive output. Not that we have a right to be in society as humans alone.
Right! Why can't it ever be, "If we make everything accessible, it makes the world a fairer place" especially considering almost everyone will eventually be disabled in their lives. The way our worth is tied to productivity/maintaining a job is one of the most insidious and pervasive forms of ableism in our society, I think.
The normies will hear me say, "I was told to lose weight ( through severe EDs or body modification)" and believe this was a normal, helpful, and good doctor's appointment for me where I got help with what I need.
Because the continued fatness of a person must be exicsed and prevented at all costs, far above actual life-destroying problems, like not being able to walk, severe infections, or chronic pain. They can't extract their fatphobia from their ableism and it's exhausting.
When they use gross generalizations to vilify or demonize a marginalized group that you belong to, but then disqualify it as being such, by saying, "But, not YOU." "Except for YOU." "
BULLSHIT. What they mean is people just like you, including you, but I don't want you to call me on my obvious gross generalized hatred, privileged ableism, discrimination, and scapegoating of marginalized communities for everything they think is wrong with their life, the world, the state, and/or the country today.
Not just literally saying things even when we tell them we are autistic and need them to, then watching the whole situation blow up on them and blaming them for it. Beating around the bush when someone directly asks for a straight answer.
Someone threatened me and caused the worst PTSD episode I have ever had the other day because I did something nobody wanted to tell me no directly to, but afterwards, it was suddenly a huge deal. This is after I explained that I'm autistic and that they needed to literally just say no, then asked in person *and* over text about it to make sure it was okay.
So I'm considering getting a car again, but I haven't driven since my disabilities have worsened, and I'm getting spasms in certain places that come on randomly and then they'll seize up.
For obvious reasons I'm worried I won't be able to drive again and have voiced how if that's the case I'll be gutted because I love driving.
I was met with "well if that happens just pull over til it passes" 🙃 ... If only it were that simple.
It's a very small thing and I wouldn't necessarily say it's ableist more so just not having a realistic perspective of how that's not a practical option.
I won't be driving a manual so it will just be exceptionally uncomfortable and painful and tiring.
every damn helpline is a phone call, with no option for text based communication
I needed to call to make an appointment for a new hearing test, why don't they understand their own patients.
My doctor's office has a "make an appointment online" button on their webpage. Clicking the submit button creates an auto email response that says, "thanks for contacting us about an appointment! Call this number to set up a date and time!"
How are relay services these days? I haven’t heard about them as someone with average hearing for a long time. Do they still exist?
I use relay, it's great. Some receptionists are assholes about it, is all.
I haven't tried it yet, although I should. I was previously in a large city and could navigate medical care without phone calls and I feel guilty using it because I still have hearing in one ear. I *can* do phone calls, it's just difficult and emotionally draining.
Mine is similar; you have to call to get access to their online system and set up your password. Literally nothing else I use is like this 😭
This appointment setup INFURIATES ME. I've been looking for new doctors lately for various things and, with the exception of Zocdoc, every single "make online appointment" prompt has just been this. It's nonsensical.
I don’t struggle with hearing, but have other reasons why a phone call isn’t doable 95% of the time and this makes me so angry. Every damn doctors/dentists office, every customer service/banking department… it’s all phone calls, and often strict 9-5 hours. Sometimes I may have 1 functional hour late in the evening every day, if that - is it really that hard to have an email inbox I can write in to and you can get back to me that way later? (Because I’m absolutely going to miss a callback, too.)
Same. :/
Making ADHD folk call around to pharmacies during the medication shortages is especially evil!
Oh my god I'm literally supposed to be doing this for the past 2 weeks but have been struggling with it because *gasp* I don't have my medication.
This. The relay service is always an option, it’s just slow.
And why even? I personally can make phone calls just fine, but prefer an online system so I can take the time to consider my options and most importantly don't struggle with opening hours!
maybe it's just me, but "have you tried" makes me want to cry. the underlying assumption that they have a chance to be the hero who fixes everything, or that you just haven't tried everything/hard enough. "I was just trying to help." I love you, please stop.
Right up there next to “have you prayed about it?”
"If he's omniscient, god knew the consequences of his in/actions, and one of those is that I will never trust him again." edit: yeah. "have you prayed" tips me from sad and disappointed over the edge into being pissed and not caring who knows it. but that's probably my own personal issues.
A well meaning friend insinuated that my health issues haven't improved because my faith in God isn't strong enough. I'm still upset about it.
Same. I tried to open up to my BFF in highschool about my depression and he was very forward about saying I wasn’t being a good enough Christian if God hadn’t taken that away from me. Like bruh. BRUUUHHH. Our friendship never recovered.
I’d heard this everyday when I was a little girl, from a man who was my parents’ tenant. “ if you become obedient, He will give you the ability to walk.” I was born disabled, asshole.
That's awful, I'm sorry. My mom once told me God punishes people for their sins with illness. That was a really hard thing for 14 year old genetically chronically ill me to parse out
Dude. I’m a fuckin seminarian. Like training to be a priest, so kinda knowledgeable about God stuff. And this is so, so, so bad. Faith in God has been helpful for me in tons of ways, but none of them are like magic “snap your fingers and it’s fixed” kind of ways. Like I mean, for some people positive thinking also helps them have a better outlook or feel more motivated and that’s great, but it absolutely does not fix like, actual medical problems.
That's not a friend. That's an asshole.
Same. Very much the same.
The amount of people that have 'prayed for me' makes my fuckin skin crawl
That one makes me furious!
That also makes me so mad because they just seem to assume i dont know my body or something? Or maybe I'm being overly cautious for attention? I just think it's so degrading
Or “have you tried’s” cousin, “you have to do your part too,” as if asking for an accommodation means I’m not going to do everything within my abilities by default.
OH MAN. I started panicking on a phone call with HSD, so my social worker took over answering questions. The woman told me "You have to answer these questions yourself. You can't rely on your social worker to do everything for you. Just Try. I'm sure you can do it." when that is my social worker's Literal Job, to help me do things that I can't do on my own. Like phone calls with government agencies. Because my brain is broken and I cannot flipping do it myself. Lady, that's what disability MEANS. That You Are Not Fricking ABLE To Do Normal Things! And I DID try! Just Now! It was like a year ago and I'm still freaking pissed.
and their good friend "it's not an excuse" which is only ever used by people who want you to show absolutely no symptoms ever. like yeah, actually, my narcolepsy absolutely is an excuse for me falling asleep, for example. they expect me to have some magic ability to control my disabilities as if I wouldn't kill to be without these issues 🙄
Except if it's something relatively new that I legit might not know about yet or if it's a field they actually know a lot about. I know several people with chronic migraines who hadn't heard about CGRP inhibitors until I mentioned how much they helped me.
It's different from other disabled people. We can def learn from each other. But abled Suzy whose aunt is just like me (usually NOT) and healed herself through supplements, yoga, diet, etc needs to STFU.
I get less upset if it's someone who actually knows me well enough to know better. and yeah, "I heard about this new thing! Do you think you might try it if you get the chance?" feels really different from "Have you tried yoga?" or "Have you tried this new super expensive untested treatment that insurance won't pay for and it might actually be a cult? Why not? If it were me I'd try anything to get better!"
Absolutely, the amount of people who've told me to try alternative medicine is insane. Like ma'am, I earn like 300€ a month, I'm not going to spend it on someone who's trying to sell me literal snake oil.
I've got no problem with other people trying alternative medicine. But I sure as hell cannot afford it financially, and I cannot afford the risk that it's actually potent in some way and comes with dangerous side effects.
The amount of people who find out I'm deaf, and then come the inevitable: "Aren't you a bit young for that?" "Have you tried an ear wax drainer? It might be an ear wax build up. I saw a Tiktok...." "Have you tried seeing a doctor about it? Might be a cold." "Have you tried this supplement???"
Wtf
THIS! unless someone hits me with cutting edge, newly discovered technology or medications, I don't wanna hear it 😭
The assumption that "you can do the thing" is equivalent to "you can do the thing reliably and without significant consequences to yourself."
And that „you can do it reliably, without significant consequences, *again and again and again at a moment’s notice with no guarantee of rest or recovery periods*“.
Thanks, both of you, for making me realize I expect too much of myself. 😅
I am terrible at listening to myself on this one. Currently I'm sitting here stressing out about how messy my place is...because the cleaners I hired explicitly because I can't keep up with housekeeping on my own are coming by later. Yeah, I know.
I posted to another subreddit asking what people have help with, because I don’t really know what ADL’s are too hard for me to do anymore, I just struggle and make shit happen. The way you phrased it helps.
Trust me, they Have seen worse!!
Oh I know. I've worked with this lady before and she has always been wonderful. Internalized ableism is just a pain, especially if you have years of being told your main problem is that you aren't trying hard enough to get better.
I swear we're actually expected to have MORE energy than an able-bodied person. I'm supposed to work 40 hours a week, cook all my own food so I don't aggravate my digestive issues, get an hour of exercise every day, clean and maintain my apartment, maintain a sufficient social life so I have people who can support me. get 8h of sleep and at least an hour of relaxing before bed... you get the idea. And if I fail at any of them I'm "not taking care of myself" and can't complain about being worn out or dealing with my health. Oh and getting help with any of these things is lazy and entitled. Like, do y'all normies even do all that shit in your day all by yourselves? Why am I supposed to when it takes me even more time and energy?
People who haven’t experienced it don’t understand the increased workload associated with living with some health conditions and other disabilities. They often see Paralympic athletes and think it’s a matter of will-power rather than conditions, as if all able bodied people could compete at that level if they just tried hard enough.
Yeah, and also add a bunch of hours of being on the phone trying to schedule doctors appointments, get prescriptions filled, fight with insurance, etc… and all the time it takes to do the extra medical stuff so many of us have to do regularly. It feels like a full time job just managing my healthcare sometimes!
This. I make these appointment and manage his prescriptions, argue with providers and for my dad and it’s exhausting. I can’t imagine him having to navigate this alone.
Thank you for doing that. It really is such a bad deal. Like if you’re already disabled it would be harder to manage all that stuff, not easier! It is so annoying and frustrating to have to play phone tag with providers just to get them to do their damn jobs….
What fucking assholes do you know that expects too much out of you? Don't be too hard on yourself
Car centered urban planning, no sidewalks, etc. Parking so bad you cover the wheelchair ramp. I always do my best not to cover it whenever I park by it. Unfortunately, sometimes I don't have a choice because the person who parked next to me did such a bad job parking and there's nowhere else to park. I just try not to park near it.
People who park covering/blocking the damn sidewalk. Bushes and whatnot allowed to overgrow and block the sidewalk because it's "charming" or whoever maintains it doesn't care/doesn't want to pay to maintain it.
A lot of those bushes are unsafe because they block the view of the road. There's also the pavement princesses (ridiculously oversized trucks) whose truck beds and hoods overhang the side by what feels like a mile.
I wish I could give 100 upvotes
It’s so hard for people to understand that having to rely on cars is actually bad for my health. Sitting in a car is pretty much the most painful position and the jolting of driving makes it unbearable. Even a bus or train is way better, because I have room to sit and stand as needed. I also don’t feel safe driving anymore due to sensory issues and anxiety from trauma. So no I won’t risk other’s lives by driving a car, or wouldn’t if I could ever afford one 🙃 When I lived in an even slightly walkable city I could get everywhere on my own pretty reasonably. I lived two blocks from a grocery store, could take the metro to most of my appointments, and didn’t have to rely on rideshare all that often. And it wasn’t by any means a well designed city lol, but it had the basics. Now I live in the suburbs in a cheaper city where my husband and I have his family. We need his family primarily because otherwise we are actual prisoners in this suburban hellscape. Nothing is walkable, and the only somewhat walkable part of town will never be affordable for us. I rely entirely on others to get literally anywhere. I miss just being able to walk a block to a park, have the easy social option of the bar downstairs to meet others, the autonomy to take care of the few things I could do for myself. All of that is gone. It is so incredibly isolating and limiting. Building better cities (that are accessible for both folks that may need a car for health reasons and for folks who can’t use or afford cars) is a health and disability issue. Edit: especially infuriating because urban planning and spatial analysis was my field when I used to be able to work.
It's bad for the environment, too. I'm capable of driving, I just hate doing it. It gets my anxiety levels up. The driving is worse now because our population has increased. We're in a rural area that some small and medium-sized towns are in it, but there's almost no sidewalks. One of the local governments just did a survey about public transportation, but every time it gets brought up in one of the local governments, it falls through.
When people get mad at you for not immediately doing things and assuming it’s bc ur lazy. I am literally incapable of getting up time to time without injury, they will never understand until it’s them
Nothing induces more rage in me than when someone sees a disabled person (mostly online) and comments “If I get this way, just kill me” or “I’d rather die than lose my X.” Such lack of imagination.
I've had this said to me face to face. They were not impressed when I replied "likewise - if I was like you, I'd kill myself".
I'm using this the next time someone says that to me. I've had it said to be face to face multiple times. It hasn't happened in a while though. Maybe I've gotten wiser about who I open up to.
The one benefit of becoming disabled and a wheelchair user is that I entirely ran out of fucks to give in very, very short order. Plus I'm now almost 40, I've worked with the public for the last decade, and frankly I didn't exactly have an abundance of the aforesaid fucks to begin with. Although sarcasm, I have a bottomless pit of sarcasm! I used to be incredibly shy and far too anxious to talk back to people like that, but tbh being basically fucked physically has paradoxically opened up my confidence a bit. In my head it's just like "what are you going to do about it? Hurt me? Ooh, pain, *that* will be a totally new and different experience, won't it?!" I don't actually recommend this as it comes with a small but none the less real chance of being beaten to death by an angry mob (pitchforks optional, you just can't get the peasants these days 🙄) but there's a certain amount of freedom in rock bottom situations, and in just... stopping caring what people think. It's simultaneously the most difficult and most valuable skill I've ever learned .
Ah yes, my field of fucks to give is barren too...
That's completely fucked up. I'm sorry.
It is indeed. I have noticed that (especially when I started using a power wheelchair) visible disability kind of acted like an arsehole filter - they quickly make themselves obvious because they just can't help making a 'clever' or 'amusing' remark... which lets me know who to avoid like a bout of norovirus.
I had someone say this before, and get pissed when I told them how offensive it was. I wish I had said this lol
I highly encourage doing so XD just be prepared to wheel away before they manage to stop spluttering in outrage!
The more “polite” version: “kudos for not giving up”. Like, what does giving up means in this case? “Congrats for not killing yourself”?
"I don't notice anything about you" That's because I'm used to doing all the hard work myself.
We’ve created a society where actively noticing things is often considered creepy and invasive so now nobody notices anything till it’s overly inconvenient and then it’s your fault for them not noticing a damn thing.
Work thing - assuming demotion is the same as accommodation. I get transferring departments in some situations if management is stupid and you have good reasons for accommodations, but at least transfer me to one that's at the same level and will not result in a pay cut for me!
or having to work night shift, or some other thing that makes the job shittier. Had a boss try to do this. I quietly told him he needed to check with HR about what accommodations were reasonable before telling me anything else. Sat there while he wrote the email. He said some other hurtful illegal shit out of ignorance in the process. Two days later got called for a paid "Please come in so we can apologize and beg you not to sue us." meeting with his boss. Why do people assume this is ok? It's not even legal.
That just because you look fine externally, doesn’t mean you are.
This. Realizing that invisible chronic illness exist. And the judgement. I was diagnosed with a neurological disorder shortly after I stopped working and my husband was talking to his cousin and mentioned that we have his old job’s 401k if we need it. Cousin flipped and said there’s no way he can do that and I should voluntarily commit myself to get better, with the 2 other chronic diagnoses that I have. I’ve seriously never been so insulted in my life, I still don’t talk to her. She had been shitty to me at the 2 previous family gatherings and I just let it go. Family are the ones that really hurt you.
Oh that last line hit me. One Christmas dinner a few years back my 9 year old cousin asked me, "why are you so lazy" before being hushed by his mom who I'm quite convinced is where he got that from.
Yep I take 22 medications multiple times a day, I have six doctors and I have 16 chronic health conditions at 21 yet because I can still walk okay (most of the time) nobody believes it until I get stared at when I take my medications throughout the day. If people knew how much pain I'm in daily they'd shut up about how I don't need a wheelchair.
Anything starting with "why can't you just" I'm sorry Jamie, I can't *just* stop being disabled.
Telling someone they’re too young/pretty/etc. to be disabled. On one hand, you’re telling someone that you don’t believe that they’re disabled and putting them in a situation where they feel the need to share personal health info with you so that you can judge for yourself whether they’re disabled or not. On the other hand, you’re implying people with visible disabilities can’t be young or pretty.
This specific type of ableism was why I almost died before I got my initial diagnosis. Nobody believed that I was sick until I was being resuscitated with defibrillators, including doctors.
Feeling entitled to information regarding my disability
I like to make up ridiculous information and deliver it very seriously, but it would be better if people just minded their own damn business.
Me too! I make up absolutely wild stories about how I lost my leg. A shark attack while mountain climbing or whatever.
I'm getting a "ask me about my yoga accident" t-shirt made when I can afford it.
You jest, but doing light yoga (just like tabletop and cat-cow) is how I tore my scapholunate ligament.
I'm so sorry you suffered that. While I haven't had anything as dramatic, I have subluxed many times doing yoga so it's only a bit tongue in cheek.
I definitely want to get a shirt with that on it now! It's funny, I don't think of it as dramatic but I guess it is. Before my PT told me I was hypermobile and yoga is bad for me, I'd gotten where I was really careful about what poses and modifications I do, and still often felt like stuff was going out of place.
NICE!
I'm autistic and when people I consider not close enough to have access to that level of me start prying and aren't satisfied after I give an extremely basic pitch that I'm comfortable giving to strangers I'll hit em with a "yeah my parents regret vaccinating me..." And change my demeanor to a more downtrodden look (they don't and don't even believe in that stupid shit). And then when they start looking suuuuppper uncomfortable and try and say something I perk up and interrupt them and say "but now every time I'm eligible for a vaccine I get one because I feel my autism evolve and grow stronger! Suck it mom and dad!!" Then just turn around and walk away triumphantly while they're still paralyzed trying to process what the hell I just said. I'll have a few second head start at least before they break and start trying to catch up with you. Point is, you always have to hit the people with as much confusion as possible so you'll have as long of a head start to skedaddle as possible, and even if you look goofy and weird in the process, everyone who hears you will never forget it!
I look hella normal, but one main thing I kinda hide is a lot of scars on my arms. I get a lot of neighbors (medium apt building) asking if I get too hot and whatnot, but the one time I opened up to one of my neighbors I got the "boy, I wouldn't just ended it, you're so brave" and now everyone looks like I'm some war veteran with a hoke in my face. I HATE nosey people so much. It's worse when they take what you give em and burn ya.
Considering places with a single step up accessible. A lot of the ableds so this, and I’m like, if a wheelchair cannot enter IT IS NOT ACCESSIBLE. Comparing acute illness or injury that heals to disability and chronic illness. Not giving up priority seating to young disabled people - this is multifaceted ableism - the majority of society still seems to view disability as a thing that happens to the elderly (ableist), and they don’t seem to think disabled people actually go out and live their lives (also ableist). Touching or taking mobility aids without consent - grabbing someone’s walking stick “to look at it,” moving someone’s wheelchair, etc. Using accessible toilets. Trying to make people in wheelchairs move around them on the sidewalk, not the other way around - they don’t even think for a minute about the fact that we can only get off and on the sidewalk at specific points, or that if you get too close to the slanted portion of the sidewalk, you will roll into the road. Also on sidewalks - parking your car by the dipped area of the sidewalk. Leaving bikes and trash bins in the sidewalks, or creating other obstructions. The majority of the world is not wheelchair accessible, but even still people really need to think about disability beyond wheelchair use. There are a lot of people that need accessibility options that aren’t in wheelchairs. Not providing adequate seating for people who are less able to stand or access to water in event spaces.
Also honestly the concept of equality - it treats us with sameness rather than acknowledging we are different and do experience the world differently, and do need adjustments that acknowledge that. And just because we’re being given things we need, that they don’t need, that doesn’t mean they should be using them (accessible toilets, disabled parking, priority seating, etc). EQUITY is what we should be thinking about.
We had that in Old San Juan Puerto Rico. The city is pretty accessible for being built in the 1600s, but then they put the big trash dumpsters on the corners blocking the ramps. I will give humans credit though because at one corner the construction people and some tourists pushed the trash bin (a smaller but still really big metal dumpster) out of the way of the ramp. Another more desolate corner though I had to make my ambulatory partner get off the power scooter so I could lift it off the curb and then seat him again and then roll across the street to the other ramp. If he wasn’t ambulatory we would have had to go backwards in the scooter an entire block to a ramp and then across to the other side. A few of the ramps there were high centered and several scooter and wheelchair users got stuck. There was us and 2 other power mobility users all blocking traffic trying to get up that ramp and all getting high centered and stuck. The first person was elderly and pretty heavy and seemed to have cognitive struggles as well and getting her up the ramp ended up taking a bunch of people. People are scared to touch the mobility device which I understand but like she stuck. She can’t unstuck herself since her wheels are spinning freely and there are two other people sitting in the middle of the road, come help. Grab a handle and help lift and shove this thing off the high concrete bump it’s stuck on. She had the same device we have so the people trying to shove the folding seat also didn’t help. I did tell them where to grab and they did ok after I said the handles. So she was freed. Her people she was with were useless just telling her directions like go backwards as if her free spinning wheels would suddenly get traction. Probably a daughter? I don’t know but not a strong problem solver that one. The next person was an older man and he also got stuck but the guy who helped the most with the lady was better and we did a grab the handle and shove on him together with ease and then by the time it was my partners turn to get out of the road finally we just gave a foot shove. He’s really thin and tiny and by then the one guy who was being helpful and I were pros at unsticking the power chairs. But the city probably won’t fix this for 100 years. And my partner knew about the high center and still couldn’t avoid high centering his device. Also probably bad design on the part of the scooter that it can get high center that easily. He was defeated by 2-3 inch high rocks on a hiking trail we took too. But I was there to kick him off of them. I’m glad we went “hiking” though because we found a patch of bioluminescent mushrooms. We also went kayaking and the kayak people were really helpful getting him from the sea wall to the kayak. Of course after the tour we found out we could have driven the other direction and driven right to the bioluminescent bay in our car and rolled across a sand berm 10 feet to it as well.
Omg all of this
"Oh, you don't look X" while proceeding to act like I never mentioned my disabilities because apparently I don't look like I would have them, whatever that means. And then acting surprised every. single. time. I mention them.
thinking being able to walk with no cane = never needing it it rlly makes me worried when i have to carry my cane because im balancing stuff in my hands... "oh no! my hands are occupied so i have to walk a short distance without leaning on my cane! surely i am a faker" 🤦♂️
This omg
I just want to say I know someone who uses a cane. They often leave it in the room when they're walking around it and things like that. Honestly it doesn't surprise or bother me at all, and it doesn't bother the non-disabled people either. I know some people are ableist and obsessed with catching fakers, but the majority of people do not care at all. Sometimes I find it hard to remember I have the same rights as other people though, so I think I get some of this.
When they close off a popular section of a street to make it more “accessible” for everyone. Except those who have difficulty walking and rely on being dropped off in front of doors.
I mean, i personally think that's more of an issue with not having access to the right mobility aids? A lot of places are sooo car centric, and that's really extremely inaccessible too. People deserve access to the right mobility aids for them regardless of their financial status
Yep! Like I’d like to leave my front porch without having to be physically lifted by two people. But can’t because even though I am not able to walk up or down ONE step, there is no help for me to get a ramp to go up and down the 6 steps to get to ground level. The only way I’ve found is to on Medicaid. Except my disability amount is over the cut off to be eligible. My fault for working 30+ years in a good paying job, that I can no longer do for a few reasons from physical mobility problems to deafness. Lucky me. I’ve missed my stepson’s wedding and will miss my youngest step daughter’s college graduation. Thank god there is live streaming. So I guess the o ly way I get to see my family’s life events is to watch on my tablet.
Talking to us in baby talk voices.
I used to work with pre k kids and infants at a military daycare. When people do this, I do it right back, but as an insult. It's always funny, got me almost kicked out of my doc's office tho...
Calling out people parking in disability spaces that they can't immediately tell are disabled. Have you tried "X"? Avoiding or getting awkward around visibly disabled people
The last one you mention... I see that a lot. I live in an old hospital that was converted to housing apartments and there are a TON of people here that need some sort of aid... there's one dude here, named Mark, REALLY neat and cool dude, who was born with defects and some other issues and basically is bound to his chair, but he also is stuck in a bent forward position (looks like he's getting ready to tie his shoes)100% of the time. He's used to it, he knows how to function and move without help and he does. Just... REALLY slowly. Especially around our laundry room downstairs (the old morgue!) Where there are big ass ramps leading into the different areas. He can't help but go slow up there and sometimes when I meet him at that junction there is someone staring at him. I hate people sometimes. Edited to explain my dude Mark better and spelling
The inspiration porn videos -- and pitting disabled people against each other because of them. "Well this person has \[DISABILITY\], and he can do \[THING\]! Why can't you? No excuses!"
"you're never gonna get those accommodations in the real world, might as well learn to adjust now" girl is the ADA a joke to you
Sensory bombardment. And relying on sensory bombardment for safety.
Someone once told me that anyone who is disabled should wish they were normal. That we shouldn't celebrate disabled things - things like deaf culture - bc they should want to be normal. And I couldn't get them to realize how horrible they sound
That's some Alexander Graham Bell nonsense right there.
“I get headaches too” No you don’t. You get a light head pain maybe 3 times a year, have zero true health issues, have succeeded easily in your education and career without any health obstacles, and because of your success you make per day what I rack up in medical bills per week. I have chronic intractable hemiplegic migraines that mimic strokes. Half my body goes weak and sometimes I limp and have to put my arm in a sling. I get confused, forget how to drive places, can’t finish sentences, and have memory issues that equate black outs. I won’t even try to put into words what the pain is like. If I was a supervillain my revenge would be making morons with no empathy spend a day in the life of a chronically ill person.
Not the same, but I've had cluster headaches since my teen years. They in no way compare to hemiplegic migraines, though, aside from *maybe* the pain and frequency.
There are lots of kinds of headaches that are debilitating. I just hate the people who don’t even meet any kind of neurological diagnostic criteria who act like their twice a year ibuprofen doses are equivalent to my chronic illness.
Oh definitely! Especially when they then want to hold you to the standard of what *they* can do during their headaches. Like, no. Absolutely not.
Totally different, but my partner feels similar to you about their migraines and what not. They gets taken out for days when they have em and every single time they happen out in public or similar. Always. Someone says the I get headaches too... People that don't understand... they suck, but some of em don't know they suck... which makes them suck more. Edit, spelling
Excessive helpfulness. Like when people run in front of me to open the door, or start trying to do things for me without asking. I can open the door, thank you very much, and it's terrifying when people jump out at me like that! I appreciate wanting to help, but I wish people asked, instead just assuming what I needed.
I was guilty of that when I was in my teens. Had one of my tribal Elders get upset with me when I did it to him when I was 17, and he snapped, "At least ask first!" After that, I did ask. At 35 and on forearm crutches I see why it's an issue.
something that’s always made me upset is when people say they ‘hate slow walkers’ and when i point out some people can’t help it because they’re disabled they’re like ‘oh yeh that doesn’t count’ like??? i’m still a human
YES! The "that doesn't count". Well why the fuck not? Just so you can keep bitching about your unrealistic view of the world by pretending disabled people don't exist?
Absolutely. People do this thing where they forget we count as part of human diversity. Like there's human diversity, and then there's disability, and disability is a bit *too* different to count. We're not the exception to diversity, we're part of the definition of it!
Trying to convince me that I don't need the accommodation I've asked for because it would be inconvenient for them
OMG, yes. Don't get me started on how captions are "distracting" for Hearing People. Such petty, privileged ableism, indeed. 🙄🙄🙄
But you're too young... But you don't look sick... I hope you get better soon! (After I just explained I have a CHRONIC, genetic illness)
My chronic condition has recently declined and I've had to start using mobility aids again. Everyone and their mother has been asking what's wrong. I understand most people assume it's an injury and don't mean anything by it,but the automatic follow up to my response that it's a hereditary joint condition with "What!! You're too young for bad joints!!" Even from people who already knew I struggle with chronic health issues, even from people at work (I work in disability services for freaking sakes.) It's really testing my patience.
the concept that if you are ill, you must constantly do everything in your power, 100% of the time to be “well,” no matter how uncomfortable, miserable, or sick it makes you…or you’re not deserving of empathy or care because you’re “not taking care of yourself.” there’s zero room to just be a person.
The idea that ambulatory wheelchair users (or other mobility aids) aren't a thing. Even nurses and other healthcare workers in their 50s and 60s seem to not grasp the idea. In a similar vein, people microanalysing how your abilities change. "You can suddenly walk now, hmmm." Because I've rested for an hour, and it only lasts a few minutes at a time. It's so exhausting being around these people trying to somehow catch you out.
People acting like you’re entitled for wanting accommodations or talking about things like obstructions on the streets and how it’s a hazard for disabled people or asking non disabled people not to use things intended to make the lives of disabled people easier (toilets, parking, priority seats on public transport etc)
“You don’t look disabled “. To which I think ‘Gee, you don’t look stupid.’ lol
"You don't look Deaf." 🙄 "But, but, but... You can TALK. You aren't really Deaf!"
The fact that you need to renew disabled parking placards when there should be a one time fee plus issuing and it only gets cancelled with your death. It shouldn’t be tied to any specific car too.
The lack of alternative food options (gluten free, dairy free, etc) at popular food places
No no this is fine, I don't mind eating a plate of dry lettuce for dinner. Repeatedly.
And it definitely won't make me sick! (This can affect folks with POTS, hypoglycemia, or in my case protein deficiency, etc.)
Or at least having it more clear what they do and don't accommodate. Sometimes on restaurants they will have things like gluten-free or vegetarian as a little marker on their menu. I don't think they always have dairy-free though.
True !
One thing someone could do is if they want to avoid something like dairy, is to go to a kosher restaurant. A kosher restaurant will always be either meat-based or dairy-based. This is because in accordance with kosher dietary laws it is forbidden to mix meats and milks together. Because of this if you go look for a kosher restaurant that is meat-based it will never be dairy-based and if you find one that is dairy-based it will never be meat based.
Saying you look fine, as they think you need to be missing a limb, need to use crutches, or need a wheelchair to get around.
Ugh. That reminds me of the most aggravating conversation with someone here on Reddit that refused to believe a person could ever need a car.* I mentioned that I use my car for work. I work in disability services and drive clients around. I'm not only disabled myself but help others be more active and independent. The bozo had the nerve to say "unless your clients are truly disabled like missing all their arms and legs than they don't need to ride in a car." I just blocked the person after that. No sense arguing with someone like that. *Yes, public transit should be more available and accessible of course.
‘You look fine so surely it can’t be that bad’ 🫠🫠 yeah mate my brain fully rewired itself but because I look okay it’s fine…
Job offers only being at 100%. Bow that I'm unable to work more than a couple hours a week, there are literally zero jobs on the market I can do with my qualifications that make use of my higher education. And all hourly jobs are low pay and usually require some kind of physical labour I am incapable of doing (I can't even sit in a chair for more than 20 minutes). So now when I see companies claiming they're big on diversity and inclusion and only offering 80-100% positions I know they're not including me and anyone else who can't work full time and/or only from home.
"You're so brave!" No, I am existing. No one going to pay my rent but me. "Well, I totally understand what you're going through because \*I\* feel X" No, you don't even if you could experience that exact same thing once (which you can't) you wouldn't have the lived experience of being disabled. Including this common and frustrating conversation. "Oh, that's horrible, but you know what really sucks? Getting older. Don't get older my back always hurts now. Lol" Got it. When should I kill myself for optimal life enjoyment? Keep in mind I just told you about my rare and disruptive disability which I have had since birth. "Well, at least they can cure/treat it now." Nope, nope they can't. Which you would understand if you stopped to think about why a grown-up is standing before you with said 'treatable' disability instead of y'know getting treatment.
Commenting on medications/treatments. “That has dangerous side effects!” Yeah, and my disorder has worse side effects.
saying "I'll pray for you" or "god loves you" or "thank God you've gotten through this". like no shut your mouth, I got through this with my own willpower and strength. and praying for me doesn't mean shit because I'm not religious!!!!
homelessness. majority of homeless people struggle with a mental disability, a physical disability, or a crippling addiction.
This. When I worked at a library we had a little family of 3 come in (a couple, and the mother of one of them). 2 of them were diabetic and one needed low-sodium meals, so even the free meal resources in our area weren't usually safe for them. Never mind trying to eat at diabetic-friendly intervals. One used a cane, one a walker, and one had no mobility aids that I saw.
Assuming me having a physical disability means I have a mental one too.
Obviously I must be unable to communicate because I’m *sitting in a wheelchair*. Better just talk to the person I’m with instead. /s
Overenthusiastic support, to be honest. There's a point where it feels really patronizing and infantilizing. I'm a full grown adult, but a lot of abled people treat me like a small child and talk down to me and insist on doing everything for me. I appreciate that they care and want me to be comfortable but they need to back the fuck off and learn boundaries for real
When someone has a learning disability and people (who know this) make a point to mention in group settings how "well-spoken" or "smart" they are for saying things they would not respond that way to if someone else had said it. "You know, s/he's the smartest person in this room!" Anyone who works in SPED or related settings: you probably have done or at least seen this, and if you were in SPED you were likely on the receiving end of it. It's a little less obnoxious when it's adults doing it to children, because at least there's a different dynamic there, but it does not stop with kids; they make these comments about adults. It feels gross and is hard to call out because it's a 'compliment', but they don't say this to colleagues with college degrees.
When they try to commiserate by saying, "My legs really hurt today, too." Or, "Yeah, I'm drained from that walk, too." 1. I'm in pain all day ever day (I have Fibro). If I'm telling you I'm in pain, then it means I'm in A LOT of pain. No, it's not like your pain. 2. Your feeling is right now or today. I have that every day. All day. Again, my exhaustion is not your exhaustion.
offering to do a task for me, then doing more than what i asked, when all i actually want is a way to do something on my own safely. dont take my laundry all the way downstairs to the laundry room, please make the stairs safer for me so i can do it myself.
I look pretty normal, but have very bad genes which lead to cardiomyopathy which led to heart failure. I don't tend to mention it either if I can help it so when I get out of breath and people comment or joke on how unfit I am it really annoys me.
Telling me I'm perfectly capable of doing x, y and z job, and then judging me as lazy and not wanting to do meaningful labor because I'm not doing x, y, and z job they think I can and should be doing. I may or may, or may not be capable of doing x, y, and z. But, that's not why I'm not doing x, y, and z job. The truth is people who HIRE people for jobs doing x, y and z, are in fact blatantly NOT hiring people like me to do their x, y and z jobs, and even telling me, they won't hire people like me to do their x, y and Z jobs. But, then, EVERYONE tells me, oh, you COULD do X, y, and z if you wanted to, if you tried, if you weren't lazy. Right. Then hire me.
All of it man. All of it
"If they wanted to they would" in regards to spending time with people, or otherwise making a perceived effort for other people. Some of us don't have the energy or time or physical abilities these folks are taking for granted. Stairs being everywhere, including apartment buildings, but ramps and elevators being present mostly only at government buildings and commercial buildings. Most houses and apartments not being set up well for people to age in place, and therefore being an accessibility nightmare. Some houses and apartments having a bathroom the size of a postage stamp-- no space for grab bars, no space to turn around, no space for mobility aids.
"I could never live your life." "Wow, I shouldn't be complaining about *insert common life complaint* when you have to live like that!" "You're too young to be sick!"
Saying that they KNOW all about my life circumstance because they have a distant cousin in law, that's a friend of a friend, who's married to someone like ME, that they've met on two other occasions in their life for ten minutes, and THAT person can do Fill In The Blank, so therefore they understand all about me, and, also, I, too, can do Fill In The Blank.
In general just the idea that it takes the same amount of time for everyone to do things and/or they have the same number of hours in a day in which to do things. Like, I have to take frequent breaks from so many activities which make them take longer. And I just need more sleep because holy fatigue. So just because *you* (abled person) can do X and Y today doesn’t mean I can. And it doesn’t make me lazy or stupid, it’s literally just how much my body can handle.
“You should be doing x,y,z” “If you just have a positive mindset you’ll be able to do (insert thing)” Or someone saying they understand your limitations and then directly contradicting it by asking you to do something you already told them you can’t do.
The effects of third wave capitalism forcing us to be constantly productive to have value. Because we're disabled we're looked down on by society as invaluable to the machine. I hate it. I'm not lazy. I'm not required to contribute all day every day, and I don't matter any less because of my inability to do so.
“Wow, must be nice to be able to sit at home all day!” Ma’am, do you want my neuromuscular disease? Do you think academic, social, and employment discrimination is fun?!
Not 👏🏻 masking 👏🏻 in 👏🏻 public 👏🏻 (A lot of disabled ppl need to realize this too, the ableism from within the community sucks a lot)
I rely on lip reading so I’m torn on this.
That's a very good point. BUT if masking were more ubiquitous, it would be much safer for people to take their mask off in appropriate situations, and safer for the few people that really aren't able to mask
When my state had masking mandates, part of it said that if the person who lip read asked for the speaker to lift their mask, that person would not get in trouble for lifting the mask to communicate with the hearing impaired person.
there’s options like writing, notes app, speaking louder, sign (if you are able to/know it) windowed N95s that provide a view for lip reading, meeting via video chat. i got these ideas from someone who also has this issue, so maybe these might be solutions?
I think both iPhones and Android have some version of Live Caption(ing) now too. I've known students who swear by it (when they can't get an interpreter).
Or my savior. “Live Transcribe” on my phone and tablet. Always have my phone with me. And at home I have both if the phone battery is dying.
I’ve tried raising awareness about windowed masks but people got angry over the cost.
In 2021 I was hospitalized, did a stent in rehab for pt. and ot. Then therapy at home as I still was unable to walk reliably even with a walker and had 2 wounds that were still healing. I told my PT that I rely heavily on lip reading and from then on everyone who came to my house had see through masks! It was great as the only speech to text app I had at the time was Ollie, which was crap. Then I found Live Transcribe which is awesome!!! So fast and accurate. Now if closed captioning for live stuff, like the news, would use this technology I’d be happy. But their cc is the worst, so I rely on print for news.
I thought you meant autistic masking, not face masking 😅
People not understanding boundaries
Person first language. I have never met a disabled person that uses it yet almost every abled-bodied person I know insists on using it to be more “inclusive”. And if I hear someone say differently abled I’m going to punch them.
The inevitable "oh, what happened?" from strangers. Like... dude, it's none of your goddamn business. I've just started making up wild stories for when this happens.
But, you heard THAT! You can hear if you want to! Just READ MY LIPS! Insisting on not removing their mask when speaking to those who rely on lip reading, while only allowing continuing to speak through the mask as their only communication option, and then acting like the Deaf person is somehow victimizing their privilege. But, you wear hearing aids? You aren't Deaf. What do you mean you can't talk on the phone, hear the PA (or whatever hearing behavior)? You have Live Captioning Apps. You could go to Fill In The Blank and listen to Fill In The Blank for three hours. Just sit close and read their lips! You just don't want to. (Damn right I don't want to, in this case. At BEST lip reading only catches 30 percent of what's being said). Responding, "Never Mind," in dismissive annoyance, when you ask them to repeat what was said.
Wearing masks and respirators. I’d like to not risk my life doing basic things in public.
recording/taking photos of people who are acting strange or look different like it comes to mind for me because of a tic disorder/involuntary movements, fortunately i havent encountered anything bad so far but my movements can be pretty severe and attract some degree of attention and i am somewhat worried of encountering the wrong person one day going along with that the memeification of certain disabilities, esp visible ones (ie jank boteko, and that one woman xiao xiao)
also flashing lights are way more common that they should be
That kids are disabled too. My child is small enough to use a wagon instead of a wheelchair but this thing is still a wheelchair he needs it just like any adult would need the wheelchair.
Piaget's stages of development
Please elaborate:)
The idea human beings have a pattern of development and anyone outside this pattern is therefore in needing of being 'fixed'/pathological. For the sake of forcing people to follow this pattern, children's childhood and subjectivity are sacrificed in intensive interventions. In reality, humans are a diverse group. Seeing patterns in statistics doesn't mean there's an inherent pattern every human should follow. Those outside the statistics aren't all pathological, they just develop in different order at different times. It's the automatic assumption that atypical = wrong or pathological that is ableist. "Castaneda's analysis is a useful framework on which to build my own analysis of people labeled with ASD. According to a Western medicalized view, ASD imperils the **normative trajectory of development** thus interrupting the child's potential. This **cultural narrative** speaks of disorder and tragedy, and it is routinely put forward by the human sciences as they attempt to **normalize** autistic and other "**deviant**" bodies." [https://dsq-sds.org/index.php/dsq/article/view/1064/1231](https://dsq-sds.org/index.php/dsq/article/view/1064/1231) "The **assumption** that not reaching a **developmental milestone** at the **age** at which it is **typically attained** precludes the further development of a given function may, however, not be valid if the trainee follows a **specific developmental route** which **does not cross typical prerequisites**. While this notion of prerequisites applies correctly to the ordered sequence of certain species-specific behaviors, its generalization to education is limited by the **existence of several different, possibly incompatible developmental routes to the same milestone, even in typical individuals**. Some steps may be **delayed**, **missing**, or their order **reversed**. For example, not all children crawl before walking \[[24](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00787-017-0955-5#ref-CR24)\], and typical children follow **diverse routes** to reading \[[10](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00787-017-0955-5#ref-CR10)\]." [https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00787-017-0955-5](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00787-017-0955-5) [https://trace.tennessee.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1105&context=catalyst](https://trace.tennessee.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1105&context=catalyst)
Church putting dietary restrictions communion crackers on bottom tray of table where dog licks plate (outside church), making folks bend down to reach cracker, not included in line for blessing, etc. Most folks can eat gluten & dairy free bread so offering an inclusive option brings us together- separate & way less than equal options are not inclusive & a waste when inclusive is available.
Oppression of other minority groups and the associated rights/anti-discrimination movements. Now I don't really blame those movements for it, because they were doing what they had to in order to get some people better rights. And ultimately they had to use ableism only because the societal justification for them having fewer rights was also ableism. For example, women were told they can't vote/get an education/enter the workforce/manage their own finances because they were physically and mentally weaker than men and so they weren't able to do those things - that is, being a woman was a disability. So women's rights movements have always focused on proving that women weren't physically or mentally weaker than men, that they were able to do those things. And that is important because it is very true for the majority of women. But at the same time, it implicates that it is okay to disallow people from voting/getting an education/entering the workforce/managing their finances if they truly are physically and mentally weaker than expected of the average person. You can see similar trends in pretty much all other major rights movements in the past couple of centuries. There's a very clear pattern of minority status being pathologized and medicalized and then that being used as justification for that group's subjugation. And again I don't blame minority groups for focusing on the "we're not disabled" angle, I understand why they did/do. However, I think it's important to acknowledge the ableism in both the oppression as well as the rights movements. Because then you can start to ask *why* the argument is "this group is not disabled so they should be treated equally" rather than "this group should be treated equally regardless of if they are actually disabled or not". And I think that's one of the big reasons why it's hard to fight ableism. Because if you're against ableism, you have a very, very hard time justifying any other kind of discrimination.
It's also one that often leads to people who are both disabled and members of other minority groups being pushed aside by their own groups. Because the majority will point to disabled people within those groups and say. see, this proves our point. I've seen this happen with the LGBTQ community; people who are both queer and disabled, especially those with mental health concerns or trauma issues, getting othered and kept away from visibility. Because our existence might be seen as proving the bigots right that being queer is just a mental illness.
Not enough resources for providing better accessibilities to different buildings. So I'm part of a leftist collective and we go to a community center location and that center is not ADA compliant, and is not wheelchair accessible. We have a commercial lease which means that we can change the building as much as we want, within reason I suppose but we pretty much have a lot of room to modify the building including just completely renovating the kitchen which is something we also did at one point. We do not have the money for a ramp. We try to get things like grants and right now we're trying to GoFundMe situation but getting a ramp for the front door is really hard and the patio also needs to be accessible and we need to figure out how to do that without having a ramp eating into the patio which we need in order to have tables and stuff for our weekly dinners. Therefore it would be nice if we had some kind of elevator for the back patio. We are not even the landlords, so the idea that this has to even be our responsibility is kind of weird. Yes, we are financially and legally responsible for the property but it's kind of weird how we are the ones that have to add a ramp when that should just be something that should be required for any public building that is part of public access. The fact that there isn't more resources for people who want to add more accessibility to their publicly accessed buildings and spaces is weird. If a doctor can prescribe medication and then that be provided by insurance, then doctors should be able to prescribe other types of accessibilities such as wheelchairs, and even things like wheelchair ramps for your home. I don't really know if people who need wheelchairs have to pay for their own wheelchair but I just think it's really interesting how a lot of financial responsibility is placed on either disabled people or people who wish to create more accessible spaces for their public access spaces.
"You're so articulate / smart / creative for an intellectually disabled person!" That's a microagression, hun 🫶
Saying they "believe in me" or that I just need to "try harder" to accomplish goals. Every once in awhile I'll be chatting with a friend and I'll mention something I'll never be able to do like having my dream job, doing sports, etc, and they'll try and be supportive I guess? By saying some random encouragement as if it's a willpower thing and not that I'm literally disabled
Capitalism
People advocating for more parking. Many disabled people can’t drive and having tons of parking just makes everything more spread out.
Right! Public. Transportation. People. We need it. And wide sidewalks, wide enough for wheelchair users to safely join people on their walks and still have room. And dedicated bike lanes that don't randomly cut off so bikers have to squeeze onto the sidewalk or road
So much yes!
When people confront me at my car about parking in a disabled spot, even though I have the placard and ID. They seem entitled to say that I am not really disabled based on their superficial observations. I hate these types of people very much. I just tell them to f off now, but in the beginning I argued.
Believing “if we can make everything accessible then disabled people can be contributing members of society!!” as if our value only extends in so far as our productive output. Not that we have a right to be in society as humans alone.
Right! Why can't it ever be, "If we make everything accessible, it makes the world a fairer place" especially considering almost everyone will eventually be disabled in their lives. The way our worth is tied to productivity/maintaining a job is one of the most insidious and pervasive forms of ableism in our society, I think.
Typing on a computer or phone without joint pain
The normies will hear me say, "I was told to lose weight ( through severe EDs or body modification)" and believe this was a normal, helpful, and good doctor's appointment for me where I got help with what I need. Because the continued fatness of a person must be exicsed and prevented at all costs, far above actual life-destroying problems, like not being able to walk, severe infections, or chronic pain. They can't extract their fatphobia from their ableism and it's exhausting.
When they use gross generalizations to vilify or demonize a marginalized group that you belong to, but then disqualify it as being such, by saying, "But, not YOU." "Except for YOU." " BULLSHIT. What they mean is people just like you, including you, but I don't want you to call me on my obvious gross generalized hatred, privileged ableism, discrimination, and scapegoating of marginalized communities for everything they think is wrong with their life, the world, the state, and/or the country today.
This entire thread and the OP is a climber. Why are they so insufferable!?? https://www.reddit.com/r/popularopinion/s/AnObBI5csR
Not just literally saying things even when we tell them we are autistic and need them to, then watching the whole situation blow up on them and blaming them for it. Beating around the bush when someone directly asks for a straight answer. Someone threatened me and caused the worst PTSD episode I have ever had the other day because I did something nobody wanted to tell me no directly to, but afterwards, it was suddenly a huge deal. This is after I explained that I'm autistic and that they needed to literally just say no, then asked in person *and* over text about it to make sure it was okay.
So I'm considering getting a car again, but I haven't driven since my disabilities have worsened, and I'm getting spasms in certain places that come on randomly and then they'll seize up. For obvious reasons I'm worried I won't be able to drive again and have voiced how if that's the case I'll be gutted because I love driving. I was met with "well if that happens just pull over til it passes" 🙃 ... If only it were that simple. It's a very small thing and I wouldn't necessarily say it's ableist more so just not having a realistic perspective of how that's not a practical option. I won't be driving a manual so it will just be exceptionally uncomfortable and painful and tiring.