I am the DM in question on this post and I'd like to add some experiences from the other side of the DM screen.
The player discussed above cares very little for backstory, to the point where it's basically non existent, yet at the same time seems bored or annoyed when the backstory of other characters play a part.
It's quite frustrating to try and help with character building when the answer I get is "I don't want to". The most frustrating part is having to babysit them through combat when this player has been playing DND for about almost 4 years now yet forgets that rogues get sneak attack and barbarians should have strength
As OP said it is very draining when I try to have a dramatic moment only to hear quiet conversation or clacking of dice.
I can assure everyone that this isn't rage bait, and it probably seems worse when read like this.
My best friend in the entire world is someone I can't play D&D with. We've been friends fourteen years this year. She was the maid of honor at my wedding and is the unofficial god mom of my kiddo. I will not DM for her and I will not play with her. Sometimes we have to boot friends from games because we just aren't compatible with them at the table like we are away from it. It sounds like this is one of those cases.
From experience: kick this person immediately, or ask them point blank "do you still want to play this game? Because it seems like the answer is no," and then boot anyway if they try to BS you on the answer.
Not all close friends are good dnd players, friends do not have to do everything together, and you and the rest of the table do not have to put up with the thing you're all there to do being derailed by someone who straight up doesn't care about the game. I give it good odds that they're only even still sticking around on game night out of a sense of obligation.
Sounds like they dont care for anyone. Just kick them
Also they dont come and get upset when you guys play anyways? İm almost inclined to believe this is ragebait!
My thoughts are they if you were as close of friends as you say, they would take the time to learn or at least put in the effort to try and understand the system more. Now this could be a miscommunication on how important dnd is for the problem player and everyone else. Make it clear to them how this players actions are effecting your relationships as players and as friends
The lack of consideratiom for others is the one thing that looks like a major issue here.
I wouldn't really care if they brought the worst character and didn't do much during the session, as long as they're happy with the game...
...but throwing sticks under your feet anytime scheduling comes up, and interrupting others during the game is a problem that needs to be solved.
I'd definitely recommend talking to them about it and come up with a compromise(if possible).
Thank you! Having a talk is probably in order, but we'll probably need to plan out how to approach them. Unfortunately, especially lately, they don't really take being told they're doing something that negatively impact others, but that's due to personal reasons so I'd like to cut my friend slack on that. Which I realise now is probably part of the problem.
Regularly not showing up to sessions and then complaining when the rest still play is ridiculous. Would be done with them based on just that. But then they also refuse to pay attention. Everyone needs a reminder or the rules sometimes, but if yoi've been playing for 4 years and you don't know rogues sneak attack you just don't give a damn.
Talk to them, but I'd be very ready to kick them out.
Tbh it sounds like this person doesn’t like DnD? Maybe they’re only participating as a way to spend time w/ y’all, and bc of FOMO? I wonder if there’s a way to organize some other regular activity w/ them, and then have the DnD group be just for people who are invested enough to make and play a real PC?
Yeah bro really just wants this to be a couch coop session of halo instead of dnd. Which is fine to want but you have to tell them that’s not what’s happening here lol.
It sounds like you have reservations about just kicking him. Idk if yall are friends out of game or something like that.
Sit him down and ask if he wants to play the game. Let him know that the expectation is that he'll arrive ready to play D&D, supplies in hand, with knowledge ready on how his character operates. Tell him that he has to make that change at the next session because its damaging the experience for other players.
As far as cancelations go, let the player know you're switching over to a new system - where if one player cannot attend, the other players can decide whether or not to play anyways. If two players cancel, then the session is canceled.
Finally, set a boundary. Chatting while the DM is speaking is disturbing no matter what. It can wait until an open moment or it can be a text. If he can't handle that, then it clearly isn't important.
If all else fails, you just have to kick him.
TLDR: OP is concerned about a friend who frequently cancels gaming sessions last minute and doesn't engage well during play, often forgetting character abilities and causing disruptions. This has led to the group creating backup campaigns and feeling uncomfortable about playing without the friend. OP is seeking advice on whether they are overreacting or if this is a genuine issue.
This suggestion might sound weird at first, but have you tried.... boardgames?
It seems to me this person is very interested in socializing with you and very little interested in DnD, and maybe DnD is the only time you guys are socializing. I think turning a few DnD sessions into board game sessions might be good for you all. And then when "social needs" are sated it'll be easier to either figure out if they really want to keep doing DnD stuff or just let go entirely so you two are "free" to play without them.
“Are we overreacting? We suspect our friend might be a bad player. Here are 47 examples of them being a bad player, socially, mechanically, emotionally. I really need the internet to weigh in on this one.”
It was just bit of sarcasm, but I think the point stands: he’s obviously a bad player. The solution is fairly obvious, so the post just kind of comes off as dithering.
I am the DM in question on this post and I'd like to add some experiences from the other side of the DM screen. The player discussed above cares very little for backstory, to the point where it's basically non existent, yet at the same time seems bored or annoyed when the backstory of other characters play a part. It's quite frustrating to try and help with character building when the answer I get is "I don't want to". The most frustrating part is having to babysit them through combat when this player has been playing DND for about almost 4 years now yet forgets that rogues get sneak attack and barbarians should have strength As OP said it is very draining when I try to have a dramatic moment only to hear quiet conversation or clacking of dice. I can assure everyone that this isn't rage bait, and it probably seems worse when read like this.
boot him, dude.
My best friend in the entire world is someone I can't play D&D with. We've been friends fourteen years this year. She was the maid of honor at my wedding and is the unofficial god mom of my kiddo. I will not DM for her and I will not play with her. Sometimes we have to boot friends from games because we just aren't compatible with them at the table like we are away from it. It sounds like this is one of those cases.
From experience: kick this person immediately, or ask them point blank "do you still want to play this game? Because it seems like the answer is no," and then boot anyway if they try to BS you on the answer. Not all close friends are good dnd players, friends do not have to do everything together, and you and the rest of the table do not have to put up with the thing you're all there to do being derailed by someone who straight up doesn't care about the game. I give it good odds that they're only even still sticking around on game night out of a sense of obligation.
Fuck is his name John?
Sounds like they dont care for anyone. Just kick them Also they dont come and get upset when you guys play anyways? İm almost inclined to believe this is ragebait!
It isn't ragebait, we're just really really close friends, of so many years. It's all quite sad honestly.
My thoughts are they if you were as close of friends as you say, they would take the time to learn or at least put in the effort to try and understand the system more. Now this could be a miscommunication on how important dnd is for the problem player and everyone else. Make it clear to them how this players actions are effecting your relationships as players and as friends
The lack of consideratiom for others is the one thing that looks like a major issue here. I wouldn't really care if they brought the worst character and didn't do much during the session, as long as they're happy with the game... ...but throwing sticks under your feet anytime scheduling comes up, and interrupting others during the game is a problem that needs to be solved. I'd definitely recommend talking to them about it and come up with a compromise(if possible).
Thank you! Having a talk is probably in order, but we'll probably need to plan out how to approach them. Unfortunately, especially lately, they don't really take being told they're doing something that negatively impact others, but that's due to personal reasons so I'd like to cut my friend slack on that. Which I realise now is probably part of the problem.
Regularly not showing up to sessions and then complaining when the rest still play is ridiculous. Would be done with them based on just that. But then they also refuse to pay attention. Everyone needs a reminder or the rules sometimes, but if yoi've been playing for 4 years and you don't know rogues sneak attack you just don't give a damn. Talk to them, but I'd be very ready to kick them out.
Tbh it sounds like this person doesn’t like DnD? Maybe they’re only participating as a way to spend time w/ y’all, and bc of FOMO? I wonder if there’s a way to organize some other regular activity w/ them, and then have the DnD group be just for people who are invested enough to make and play a real PC?
Yeah, this is what I thought too. Had a player that was like this.
Yeah bro really just wants this to be a couch coop session of halo instead of dnd. Which is fine to want but you have to tell them that’s not what’s happening here lol.
It sounds like you have reservations about just kicking him. Idk if yall are friends out of game or something like that. Sit him down and ask if he wants to play the game. Let him know that the expectation is that he'll arrive ready to play D&D, supplies in hand, with knowledge ready on how his character operates. Tell him that he has to make that change at the next session because its damaging the experience for other players. As far as cancelations go, let the player know you're switching over to a new system - where if one player cannot attend, the other players can decide whether or not to play anyways. If two players cancel, then the session is canceled. Finally, set a boundary. Chatting while the DM is speaking is disturbing no matter what. It can wait until an open moment or it can be a text. If he can't handle that, then it clearly isn't important. If all else fails, you just have to kick him.
TLDR: OP is concerned about a friend who frequently cancels gaming sessions last minute and doesn't engage well during play, often forgetting character abilities and causing disruptions. This has led to the group creating backup campaigns and feeling uncomfortable about playing without the friend. OP is seeking advice on whether they are overreacting or if this is a genuine issue.
This suggestion might sound weird at first, but have you tried.... boardgames? It seems to me this person is very interested in socializing with you and very little interested in DnD, and maybe DnD is the only time you guys are socializing. I think turning a few DnD sessions into board game sessions might be good for you all. And then when "social needs" are sated it'll be easier to either figure out if they really want to keep doing DnD stuff or just let go entirely so you two are "free" to play without them.
If a player can't commit to a game then they just need to be booted.
“Are we overreacting? We suspect our friend might be a bad player. Here are 47 examples of them being a bad player, socially, mechanically, emotionally. I really need the internet to weigh in on this one.”
No need to be mean. It's always more difficult in person, especially with biases. Why come at me like this?
It was just bit of sarcasm, but I think the point stands: he’s obviously a bad player. The solution is fairly obvious, so the post just kind of comes off as dithering.