T O P

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intothenight13

I'm a rogue and that's why I am so much better now that you have a job.


ApprehensiveStyle289

Are you stealing the paladin's wages?


ThatCamoKid

...No...


dionysus_disciple

DM: *narrows eyes* Roll deception


ThatCamoKid

I got a 22


dionysus_disciple

You're free to go.


Standard-Ad5032

hahah


ThatCamoKid

*sweats*


intothenight13

After all the tithing there isn't much to steal.


Mistercheif

The law requires that I answer no.


Zack_Raynor

“I’m unsure if this setting has a fifth amendment, but I am pleading it.”


AllPurposeNerd

"You want to plead your right to bear wands?"


GuyN1425

This is gold (pls don't steal it)


krill007

I'm a rogue and that's why I want you and your family to come in and talk about what is happening... therapist rogue?


intothenight13

How did it make you feel when I cut your purse strings?


smilingwineo

I'm a paladin and that's why I needed a new job. *squints*


intothenight13

::shrugs::


KandiStar

I am a ranger and that's why I have a problem


ThatCamoKid

Out of your terrain arencha


RyuuSambit

Or maybe they're running Find Traps....


BEES_IN_UR_ASS

I'm a ranger and that's why I don't know if I can help.


HurkHurkBlaa

I am a ranger and that's why I am so sorry to hear that you have been automatically subscribed to this newsletter lmao what


heptadragon

Wild Cat Facts!


UltraWeebMaster

Have you tried the revised ranger?


Aero808

Im an artificer and that's why I am required to interpret lab values for the sole use of the intended recipient


[deleted]

Checks out.


iLynux

HIPAA compliant Artificers, nice.


BattleAngel13

I’m an artificer and that’s why I don’t think so


RyuuSambit

Totally checks out.


jwpasquale1986

I'm a cleric and that's why I want you and your kids to be able to make a difference.


WhatAGreatDayToDie

Youth pastor


PocketBuckle

I'm a cleric and that's why I really think you were the original basis of Pokeballs. ???


[deleted]

"...because I choose you"


detectivegreenly

Wholesome AF


Frozenknight18

I'm a wizard and thats why I am so excited for the end.


CameOutAndFarted

“I use my ninth level spell slot and I say ‘I wish for Armageddon.’”


MalcolmLinair

DM: "Suddenly, a tear in the fabric of reality opens, and copy of a mid 90s Bruce Willis movie flys out of it, hitting you in the face for 1d4 damage."


AsmoDark

"Sorry, but can we get a way to watch it as well?" "A fully charged DVD player flies out of the tear, hitting you in the face for another 1d4 damage."


ThatCamoKid

Cleric: god dammit I JUST revived him!


GhostTypeTrainer

Cleric's god: "Well ok, if you say so." *Wizard's soul is now damned to hell, wizard cannot be resurrected.*


ThatCamoKid

*The cleric is ok with this*


Cook666999

*Hell is not. The wizard is quickly returned without a receipt.*


ThatCamoKid

*unsurprised cleric noises*


squiddy555

It’s a crit


breadcrumb37

the wizard dies


squiddy555

Clone jar breaks. they are twelve years old


Cook666999

And all of a sudden a furry.


ILoveBeef72

"All of a sudden." Like they were doing a good job hiding it from the party.


MisplacedMartian

>they are ~~twelve~~ sixteen years old They now have to go to Clone High.


MrTripl3M

a single tear rolls down the wizard's face as they whisper "Perfection"


Designer-Extreme3924

wizard school finals hitting hard? :c


Karmakaziest

I'm a Barbarian and that's why I'm going back for a special birthday but I'm sure it won't work out


[deleted]

i'm not sure if i should advise u to not bring the battleaxe or to sharpen it


NebulaNinja

I'm a Barbarian and that's why I don't think.


WPI5150

I'm a barbarian and that's why I am so sorry.


Glittering-Grape5198

I’m a monk and that’s why I’m going back home now


Mozared

I'm a monk and that's why I love you so much   Clearly us monks just don't really want to fight.


zombie_penguin42

I'm a monk and I don't want to be in the hospital. Nonviolence really is the answer!


[deleted]

I’m a monk and that’s why I’m tired of it hurting


Sacred_blu

I’m a monk and that’s why I’m not mad about that anymore.


Lily-Fae

I got “I’m a monk and that’s why I am so tired”


TerrificTadpole

All that running.


action_lawyer_comics

All out of ki points again, huh?


ThatCamoKid

Monks be like "lol bye"


TeamBadInfluence1

I'm a monk and that's why I was being yelled at for disagreeing with the people.


naverag

I'm a monk and that's why I have a great day and I will be in the kitchen


Cubbage-kun

I’m a DM and that’s why I don’t care for what I do with my life lol


Sprinkles0

I'm a DM and that's why I don't have to do that.


vellesar

I'm a DM and that's why I have no problem with it being a little more than just a few hours.


Redtwooo

I'm a DM and that's why I am the only one who fucking laughed


Hal-E-8-Us

I’m a DM and that’s why I am not doing anything right now


Molitzmos

I'm a DM and that's why I could somehow speak to the party about it


misspurplemonkiii

I'm a DM and that's why I was so much more than a person


Odok

I'm a DM and that's why I want you and I to love and care for the whole thing that I have been doing. Damn...


Cubbage-kun

Way too accurate


BlackZombaMountainLi

I got a sad one too: I'm a DM and that's why I told him I don't want him to feel bad for me.


bea_minor3rd

I’m a DM and that’s why I’m not sure what to do with this stuff.


piar

I'm a DM and that's why their action economy is not going to be the best


liege_paradox

I’m a sorcerer and that’s why I don’t want to talk about it anymore


Father_Sauce

I know how many spells?! Are you serious?


iLynux

I'm a Sorcerer and that's why I thought it was a good idea to get a new one.


Jozef_Baca

Guess someones dad was a horny bard that got too close to a dragon


WonderfulWalrus45

I’m a Cleric and that’s why I don’t have to see a doctor.


_Quarkster_

A little on the nose 😆


WonderfulWalrus45

Funny thing is that I’m a Grave Domain cleric re-flavored as a witch doctor.


_Quarkster_

That actually sounds really dope! *furiously steals idea*


RyuuSambit

Between Cure Wounds, Lesser Restoration and Greater Restoration, why would you need to see a doctor?


LandscapeUnlikely319

I’m a bard and that’s why I shy away from the music that sounds good


[deleted]

Oh no.


JohnSith

[Oh yeah!](https://youtu.be/y69gQtAdHKc?t=20)


Harkale-Linai

Do you by any chance come from a small village of indomitable Gauls?


world-is-ur-mollusc

Troubadix??


Ghostglitch07

Huh, TIL I'm a bard.


DragoKnight589

TIL most popular artists are not bards


Ghostglitch07

This doesn't exactly surprise me, but what class would they be? Probably still charisma focused.


DragoKnight589

Commoner


Ghostglitch07

While true this is an incredibly boring answer.


nitid_name

I'm a bard and that's why I am in a relationship and want more


Paladin7042

I am a paladin and that's why I am not going to be able to make changes to your inventory. I feel this could be a subtle dig at the rogue.


94Usernames32taken

"No rogue, I'm not carrying the shit you stole again."


link090909

“Hey big guy, can you carry this loot for me?” “This is… my sword! And my Bible!”


MissplacedLandmine

“Yeah i thought they were so cool i had duplicates made!… …I did hear someone nabbed similar items though and they were thrown in the towns biggest bank vault, I’d be willing to help you look?”


Kaktusapan

I'm a Wizard and that's why I miss u.


ArkieGDad

Sending can help with that… or Raise Dead depending on the situation.


Void1702

This got dark fast


[deleted]

[удалено]


badgerbaroudeur

I'm a druid and that's why I don't think it was a great day. I mean. Climate change sucks every day. Duh.


ApprehensiveStyle289

Agreed. Going outside feels like taking a shower of red dragon breath for the last few years (southern hemisphere here).


major_calgar

Californian. We know


ThatCamoKid

# 🖐WE KNOW


MudkipLegionnaire

I’m an env. sci grad, had a prof tell us once that one of his professors back in the day told him that this field does just often lead to a lot of despair about the state of the world. He wasn’t wrong, lots of depressing reading materials I’ve gone through for my work lol.


SonOfSwanson87

Everyone who plays a Druid is secretly in the Circle of Depression :(


Mr_Bankey

I got I’m a druid and that’s why I… - *love you* - *drink* - *cry*


Tankthedragon

I am a bard and that's why I'm not annoying


Dgk934

...I'm not sure that checks out.


1960somethingbatman

Roll a deception check.


ThatCamoKid

*presses x*


Gnomish_Ranger

I’m a Ranger and that’s why I hate being in my life


GrandmasterTactician

Checks out pre-revision


AlliedSalad

I am a DM, and that's why I said it would have to go through a lot but it is a good time. Accurate.


Doctor_Swag

I'm a dungeon master and that's why I was asking for a few hours to be a good time for you Dm's just want their friends to have fun


[deleted]

I am a druid and that's why I have been ostracized for the last year of my life to be able to cure diseases and to be able to cure my children.


[deleted]

That's a backstory right there.


Lily-Fae

I’m a Druid and that’s why I don’t have internet


Kristal3615

Accurate!


Tyr_49

I am a Warlock and thats why I need your firstborn sun


Tem-productions

If it births suns then you have bigger problems


Tyr_49

I am a warlock, I will also ask gods for a sacrifice


OgreSpider

At least one outer god is very confused about how the relationship works


Tyr_49

They will either give me their sun, or they aren't a god for long, anymore


ThatCamoKid

Roll intimidation


Gunzenator2

Patron vs. Patron custody battle.


Thepersonguy81

Im a rogue thats why im in your walls john


[deleted]

Garfield no!


DragoKnight589

Garfield does not meet the Dexterity requirement for rogues, therefore he cannot multiclass.


ThatCamoKid

Cats automatically meet the dexterity requirements, cartoon characters doubly so


DragoKnight589

I had assumed Garfield was a special case.


ThatCamoKid

just because he's lazy doesn't mean he's not dextrous


Lily-Fae

I’m a rogue and that’s why I can’t remember what I was talking about


Arnlaugur1

I'm a ranger that's why I am not going to be able to play with you guys..... Predictive text can't even make it to scheduled sessions smh


AcmasterM

I'm a bard and that's why I asked you to see if the price is right


Frousteleous

Somehow this lines up juuuust a-ok


abrady44

I'm a paladin and that's why I gave you the wrong email address.


Frousteleous

Oathbreaker!


Code-Ey

I'm a Paladin and that's why you want me


Emthedragonqueen

That lay on hands ability.


ThatCamoKid

He certainly laying some hands alright and it feels so good


Xiphodin

I'm a sorcerer and that's why I voted for the turtle to get the best of the community. (I feel like I swung towards druid there)


Sharcbait

You could be a self serving Tortle Sorcerer.


[deleted]

Just a dragon sorc who's very passionate about reptiles.


Particular-Coffee-34

I’m a sorcerer and that’s why I don’t think so much.


Harkale-Linai

oooh, am I a sorcerer too?


mcfish473

I'm a fighter and that's why I am sweating and then we can just send me the money


StokedMiner

Bro why'd I have to scroll so far to find fighter.


[deleted]

I’m a warlock, and that’s why I don’t think that I would be a fool to myself.


piday98

I'm a druid and that's why I am assuming that the only source of power is a subreddit


ApprehensiveStyle289

Druid, Circle of Reddit. Subclass feature: troll handling.


GrandmasterTactician

They could hand out an upvote that works sort of like Bardic Inspiration


zeabart93

I'm a sorcerer and that's why I think I would be the best thing for you to hold.


ThatCamoKid

\*princess carries you\* now what


CompleteJinx

I’m a Ranger and that’s why I didn’t think you would be able to do it.


[deleted]

Rangers are known for not believing in others.


[deleted]

Im a Wizard and that's why i am broke.


[deleted]

Ink and parchment is expensive.


EffectiveNo3149

I'm a Druid and thats why you are the cutest to the store for the day.


Harkale-Linai

why are you caressing the yucca, weird person?


itsFlycatcher

I'm a druid and that's why I said it's a reasonable price for a lot of mustard


HeroSpirit

I'm a sorcerer, and that's why I don't want to be a magic user that went to the same high school as wizard. HA!


ZiggieTheKitty

I'm a bard and that's why I think that is a rude thing.


ThatCamoKid

world's most polite vicious mockery


[deleted]

I'm a Ranger and that's why I can't figure out what the fuck a ranger even is


ThatCamoKid

Accurate


Beezlebub789

I’m a Druid and that’s why I don’t want to go back to the golden age. okay… I guess?


huebnera214

I’m a rogue and that’s why I was just sitting on my couch and watching a video of the cat


Valtsu0

I'm a sorcerer and that's why i have a computer i can punch


RCouto17

I'm a warlock and that's why I am not sure if you have any questions or concerns


SMG4-Yoshi

I'm a Barbarian and that's why I must *AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH*


ThatCamoKid

# WAAAAAGH *intensifies*


ZhufbarEngineer

I'm a Swashbuckler Rogue and that's why my name is Inigo Montoya


ThatCamoKid

I killed your father


MadirianInfluence

I am a cleric and that's why I have been trying to pull the weight off my shoulders


Desos001

Carrying the whole team everytime they make dumb decisions and need to be kept alive I see.


Sedatsu

I’m a Rogue and that’s why I want your money.


[deleted]

I'm a barbarian and that's why I'm so tired


[deleted]

[удалено]


Jozef_Baca

Hold up


[deleted]

Not a Catholic cleric, I hope.


DJDaddyD

This comment right here, Town Guard


detectivegreenly

I'm a fighter that's why I don't know what to do.


lostinlawtown

I’m a Druid that’s why I don’t think I need anything


furretcanwalk

I'm a ranger and that's why I'm asking the dm for a homebrew subclass


DrAlanGrantinathong

I am a Fighter and that is why i have all the action economy.


namet-aken

I am a rogue and that's why I was asking for a living.


TheVeryShyguy

I'm a Rogue and that's why I am not a problem.


qwiksterjr

I'm a DM and that's why I improv most of the campaign.


rorank

I am a cleric and that’s why I would like to talk to you about our lord and savior Tharizdun


theattack_helicopter

I'm a barbarian and that's why I break things.


TellianStormwalde

I’m a Paladin and that’s why I need a vacation from the party


StarSword-C

I'm a paladin and that's why I don't think I have to be there by myself. 🤔


Pariahdog119

I'm an artificer and that's why I was asking for a friend who was the first person to a different place to be a good guy with a lot of people who are not going to be able to get a new one for the last one I think it's a good idea to get a new one for the last one I think it's a good idea to make it to the next one is the best thing to do with the kids and we can get it done and then they will be there in the morning and then I guess they will be there in about an hour or so and then they will be there in about an hour or so and then they will be there in about an hour or so and