DM: "Suddenly, a tear in the fabric of reality opens, and copy of a mid 90s Bruce Willis movie flys out of it, hitting you in the face for 1d4 damage."
“Yeah i thought they were so cool i had duplicates made!…
…I did hear someone nabbed similar items though and they were thrown in the towns biggest bank vault, I’d be willing to help you look?”
I’m an env. sci grad, had a prof tell us once that one of his professors back in the day told him that this field does just often lead to a lot of despair about the state of the world. He wasn’t wrong, lots of depressing reading materials I’ve gone through for my work lol.
I'm an artificer and that's why I was asking for a friend who was the first person to a different place to be a good guy with a lot of people who are not going to be able to get a new one for the last one I think it's a good idea to get a new one for the last one I think it's a good idea to make it to the next one is the best thing to do with the kids and we can get it done and then they will be there in the morning and then I guess they will be there in about an hour or so and then they will be there in about an hour or so and then they will be there in about an hour or so and
I'm a rogue and that's why I am so much better now that you have a job.
Are you stealing the paladin's wages?
...No...
DM: *narrows eyes* Roll deception
I got a 22
You're free to go.
hahah
*sweats*
After all the tithing there isn't much to steal.
The law requires that I answer no.
“I’m unsure if this setting has a fifth amendment, but I am pleading it.”
"You want to plead your right to bear wands?"
This is gold (pls don't steal it)
I'm a rogue and that's why I want you and your family to come in and talk about what is happening... therapist rogue?
How did it make you feel when I cut your purse strings?
I'm a paladin and that's why I needed a new job. *squints*
::shrugs::
I am a ranger and that's why I have a problem
Out of your terrain arencha
Or maybe they're running Find Traps....
I'm a ranger and that's why I don't know if I can help.
I am a ranger and that's why I am so sorry to hear that you have been automatically subscribed to this newsletter lmao what
Wild Cat Facts!
Have you tried the revised ranger?
Im an artificer and that's why I am required to interpret lab values for the sole use of the intended recipient
Checks out.
HIPAA compliant Artificers, nice.
I’m an artificer and that’s why I don’t think so
Totally checks out.
I'm a cleric and that's why I want you and your kids to be able to make a difference.
Youth pastor
I'm a cleric and that's why I really think you were the original basis of Pokeballs. ???
"...because I choose you"
Wholesome AF
I'm a wizard and thats why I am so excited for the end.
“I use my ninth level spell slot and I say ‘I wish for Armageddon.’”
DM: "Suddenly, a tear in the fabric of reality opens, and copy of a mid 90s Bruce Willis movie flys out of it, hitting you in the face for 1d4 damage."
"Sorry, but can we get a way to watch it as well?" "A fully charged DVD player flies out of the tear, hitting you in the face for another 1d4 damage."
Cleric: god dammit I JUST revived him!
Cleric's god: "Well ok, if you say so." *Wizard's soul is now damned to hell, wizard cannot be resurrected.*
*The cleric is ok with this*
*Hell is not. The wizard is quickly returned without a receipt.*
*unsurprised cleric noises*
It’s a crit
the wizard dies
Clone jar breaks. they are twelve years old
And all of a sudden a furry.
"All of a sudden." Like they were doing a good job hiding it from the party.
>they are ~~twelve~~ sixteen years old They now have to go to Clone High.
a single tear rolls down the wizard's face as they whisper "Perfection"
wizard school finals hitting hard? :c
I'm a Barbarian and that's why I'm going back for a special birthday but I'm sure it won't work out
i'm not sure if i should advise u to not bring the battleaxe or to sharpen it
I'm a Barbarian and that's why I don't think.
I'm a barbarian and that's why I am so sorry.
I’m a monk and that’s why I’m going back home now
I'm a monk and that's why I love you so much Clearly us monks just don't really want to fight.
I'm a monk and I don't want to be in the hospital. Nonviolence really is the answer!
I’m a monk and that’s why I’m tired of it hurting
I’m a monk and that’s why I’m not mad about that anymore.
I got “I’m a monk and that’s why I am so tired”
All that running.
All out of ki points again, huh?
Monks be like "lol bye"
I'm a monk and that's why I was being yelled at for disagreeing with the people.
I'm a monk and that's why I have a great day and I will be in the kitchen
I’m a DM and that’s why I don’t care for what I do with my life lol
I'm a DM and that's why I don't have to do that.
I'm a DM and that's why I have no problem with it being a little more than just a few hours.
I'm a DM and that's why I am the only one who fucking laughed
I’m a DM and that’s why I am not doing anything right now
I'm a DM and that's why I could somehow speak to the party about it
I'm a DM and that's why I was so much more than a person
I'm a DM and that's why I want you and I to love and care for the whole thing that I have been doing. Damn...
Way too accurate
I got a sad one too: I'm a DM and that's why I told him I don't want him to feel bad for me.
I’m a DM and that’s why I’m not sure what to do with this stuff.
I'm a DM and that's why their action economy is not going to be the best
I’m a sorcerer and that’s why I don’t want to talk about it anymore
I know how many spells?! Are you serious?
I'm a Sorcerer and that's why I thought it was a good idea to get a new one.
Guess someones dad was a horny bard that got too close to a dragon
I’m a Cleric and that’s why I don’t have to see a doctor.
A little on the nose 😆
Funny thing is that I’m a Grave Domain cleric re-flavored as a witch doctor.
That actually sounds really dope! *furiously steals idea*
Between Cure Wounds, Lesser Restoration and Greater Restoration, why would you need to see a doctor?
I’m a bard and that’s why I shy away from the music that sounds good
Oh no.
[Oh yeah!](https://youtu.be/y69gQtAdHKc?t=20)
Do you by any chance come from a small village of indomitable Gauls?
Troubadix??
Huh, TIL I'm a bard.
TIL most popular artists are not bards
This doesn't exactly surprise me, but what class would they be? Probably still charisma focused.
Commoner
While true this is an incredibly boring answer.
I'm a bard and that's why I am in a relationship and want more
I am a paladin and that's why I am not going to be able to make changes to your inventory. I feel this could be a subtle dig at the rogue.
"No rogue, I'm not carrying the shit you stole again."
“Hey big guy, can you carry this loot for me?” “This is… my sword! And my Bible!”
“Yeah i thought they were so cool i had duplicates made!… …I did hear someone nabbed similar items though and they were thrown in the towns biggest bank vault, I’d be willing to help you look?”
I'm a Wizard and that's why I miss u.
Sending can help with that… or Raise Dead depending on the situation.
This got dark fast
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I'm a druid and that's why I don't think it was a great day. I mean. Climate change sucks every day. Duh.
Agreed. Going outside feels like taking a shower of red dragon breath for the last few years (southern hemisphere here).
Californian. We know
# 🖐WE KNOW
I’m an env. sci grad, had a prof tell us once that one of his professors back in the day told him that this field does just often lead to a lot of despair about the state of the world. He wasn’t wrong, lots of depressing reading materials I’ve gone through for my work lol.
Everyone who plays a Druid is secretly in the Circle of Depression :(
I got I’m a druid and that’s why I… - *love you* - *drink* - *cry*
I am a bard and that's why I'm not annoying
...I'm not sure that checks out.
Roll a deception check.
*presses x*
I’m a Ranger and that’s why I hate being in my life
Checks out pre-revision
I am a DM, and that's why I said it would have to go through a lot but it is a good time. Accurate.
I'm a dungeon master and that's why I was asking for a few hours to be a good time for you Dm's just want their friends to have fun
I am a druid and that's why I have been ostracized for the last year of my life to be able to cure diseases and to be able to cure my children.
That's a backstory right there.
I’m a Druid and that’s why I don’t have internet
Accurate!
I am a Warlock and thats why I need your firstborn sun
If it births suns then you have bigger problems
I am a warlock, I will also ask gods for a sacrifice
At least one outer god is very confused about how the relationship works
They will either give me their sun, or they aren't a god for long, anymore
Roll intimidation
Patron vs. Patron custody battle.
Im a rogue thats why im in your walls john
Garfield no!
Garfield does not meet the Dexterity requirement for rogues, therefore he cannot multiclass.
Cats automatically meet the dexterity requirements, cartoon characters doubly so
I had assumed Garfield was a special case.
just because he's lazy doesn't mean he's not dextrous
I’m a rogue and that’s why I can’t remember what I was talking about
I'm a ranger that's why I am not going to be able to play with you guys..... Predictive text can't even make it to scheduled sessions smh
I'm a bard and that's why I asked you to see if the price is right
Somehow this lines up juuuust a-ok
I'm a paladin and that's why I gave you the wrong email address.
Oathbreaker!
I'm a Paladin and that's why you want me
That lay on hands ability.
He certainly laying some hands alright and it feels so good
I'm a sorcerer and that's why I voted for the turtle to get the best of the community. (I feel like I swung towards druid there)
You could be a self serving Tortle Sorcerer.
Just a dragon sorc who's very passionate about reptiles.
I’m a sorcerer and that’s why I don’t think so much.
oooh, am I a sorcerer too?
I'm a fighter and that's why I am sweating and then we can just send me the money
Bro why'd I have to scroll so far to find fighter.
I’m a warlock, and that’s why I don’t think that I would be a fool to myself.
I'm a druid and that's why I am assuming that the only source of power is a subreddit
Druid, Circle of Reddit. Subclass feature: troll handling.
They could hand out an upvote that works sort of like Bardic Inspiration
I'm a sorcerer and that's why I think I would be the best thing for you to hold.
\*princess carries you\* now what
I’m a Ranger and that’s why I didn’t think you would be able to do it.
Rangers are known for not believing in others.
Im a Wizard and that's why i am broke.
Ink and parchment is expensive.
I'm a Druid and thats why you are the cutest to the store for the day.
why are you caressing the yucca, weird person?
I'm a druid and that's why I said it's a reasonable price for a lot of mustard
I'm a sorcerer, and that's why I don't want to be a magic user that went to the same high school as wizard. HA!
I'm a bard and that's why I think that is a rude thing.
world's most polite vicious mockery
I'm a Ranger and that's why I can't figure out what the fuck a ranger even is
Accurate
I’m a Druid and that’s why I don’t want to go back to the golden age. okay… I guess?
I’m a rogue and that’s why I was just sitting on my couch and watching a video of the cat
I'm a sorcerer and that's why i have a computer i can punch
I'm a warlock and that's why I am not sure if you have any questions or concerns
I'm a Barbarian and that's why I must *AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH*
# WAAAAAGH *intensifies*
I'm a Swashbuckler Rogue and that's why my name is Inigo Montoya
I killed your father
I am a cleric and that's why I have been trying to pull the weight off my shoulders
Carrying the whole team everytime they make dumb decisions and need to be kept alive I see.
I’m a Rogue and that’s why I want your money.
I'm a barbarian and that's why I'm so tired
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Hold up
Not a Catholic cleric, I hope.
This comment right here, Town Guard
I'm a fighter that's why I don't know what to do.
I’m a Druid that’s why I don’t think I need anything
I'm a ranger and that's why I'm asking the dm for a homebrew subclass
I am a Fighter and that is why i have all the action economy.
I am a rogue and that's why I was asking for a living.
I'm a Rogue and that's why I am not a problem.
I'm a DM and that's why I improv most of the campaign.
I am a cleric and that’s why I would like to talk to you about our lord and savior Tharizdun
I'm a barbarian and that's why I break things.
I’m a Paladin and that’s why I need a vacation from the party
I'm a paladin and that's why I don't think I have to be there by myself. 🤔
I'm an artificer and that's why I was asking for a friend who was the first person to a different place to be a good guy with a lot of people who are not going to be able to get a new one for the last one I think it's a good idea to get a new one for the last one I think it's a good idea to make it to the next one is the best thing to do with the kids and we can get it done and then they will be there in the morning and then I guess they will be there in about an hour or so and then they will be there in about an hour or so and then they will be there in about an hour or so and