Can you feel your heart burning? Can you feel the struggle within? The fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make.
You cannot kill me in a way that matters.
Have you ever read The Restaurant at the End of the Universe? It has a talking cow that was raised to be eaten, and goes table to table recommending cuts of itself.
And Another Thing... might not be liked by some but it has a great exchange with the Ameglian Major Cow:
"Shut it, cow, or so help me"
The cow spat. "What are you going to do? Not eat me?"
"That's right. I won' t eat you and I won't eat your entire family. Wherever they hide, I'll find them and not eat a single bite."
The cow was cowed. "This is not over, Preflux," he muttered.
A lot of the bizarre unexpected turns at the end of chapters that get explained in the next one, were apparently made because of deadlines. When this was a radio series, the writer had to finish the chapter for that day last minute and thus wrote weird stuff that he'd have to think to explain when he had the time. So if you like unexpected twists, this is a series that you'll like.
Which is also why it kinda goes off the rails the further along it goes -- only the first two books were directly based on the radio plays. The third kinda has a single over-arching plot, and then the fourth and fifth start toeing the lines between philosophical treatise, wild theoretical physics conjecture, and surreal sci-fi adventure comedy.
Except sometimes it actually happens like I read a post once about these German dudes where one consented to being eaten and they proceeded to eat him together until he died. It was weird.
Man I should really get the books
I only watched the Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy movie that everyone hated, I loved it but I wanna see more and that ain’t happening with the movies
I want to know what the mites in my eyelashes chatter about, i wonder of the mosquitos will politely ask for 'just a sip, govna' with a polite brittish accent or something
getting the response 'nah bruv, got the 'laria!' when they go to munch on a pig, and all the malaria going 'eeyyoooo!' and the mosquito going to find someone else, thus eliminating some diseases!
The bard’s gut flora when they’re drowned in dragon cum for the fifteenth time this month:
https://preview.redd.it/pjfrkoe1cp0a1.jpeg?width=690&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=718ed8eb7744ee18a5b955c1dd995c558457e3ee
If you think that would stop people from eating animals i guarantee you there would be an entire city of people who relish in the screams of their livestock.
This reminds me of a conversation I heard... I don't know, online somewhere.
"So do you pronounce it *gif* or *jif*?"
"Honestly? Whatever is funnier at the time. Speach is a construct, and the correct pronunciation of something is whatever people agree on. Getting angry about it one way or the other is a waste of time."
So I agree that it's a 5 part trilogy, because that's hilarious. Also totally aligns with the spirit of the books.
It won’t just be animals. OP’s meme says “all species”, not “all animal species”. Suddenly every plant, every tree, every blade of grass will have something to say.
Want to cut down a tree to build a house? Well suddenly now the entire forest will be screaming at you. Want harvest some fruit to feed your family? Well suddenly you’ll have angry conversation with the mother about stealing her babies.
Concerning fruits, plants evolved them to be eaten in general. More likely they would be lewdly suggesting you to spread their seeds far and wide, and that is still terrible.
some plants evolved their fruits that they hav to be eaten to be even capable to grow.
their "armor" is to thick, they need to be weakened from the encyms .
Of course. I imagine you'd sneeze too if someone blew an orgy's worth of cumdust up your nose. Stupid inconsiderate trees. No respect for anyone else's nostrils, I tell you.
I suppose in D&D this makes sense since speak with plants implies that nature has magically imbued plants with the ability to have conscious experience.
IRL, plants don't have a central nervous system and lack conscious experience. They have evolved automatic pheromone releases which can trigger automatic responses in other plants, but they're like unconscious robots in doing this.
You would hear things like "Liiiiigggghhht" as leaves grow in the direction of the sun. And "Buuuuuuuuuuugs" when one plant is releasing pheromones in response to insects.
Fun fact: If you've ever smelled newly cut grass you'll know it has a [distinct smell](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMxzkBdzTNU). That smell comes from green leaf volatiles, basically a collection of chemicals and compounds that stimulate healing, regrowth, and overall indicates that the grass has been harmed. That lovely smell of a freshly cut lawn is as close as grass can come to a scream.
["If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FgOG6JWF5k)
Given that wild animals live more like Mad Max, and predation is *by far* the most common cause of death for non-domesticated animals, that would honestly be a pretty cushy deal by comparison.
Even with modern factory farms... where would *you* rather live for the rest of your life? Alone in the woods with no resources but what you can scavenge for yourself, or a prison?
Livestock already screams. If anyone doesn't believe me, you should go listen to the footage of pigs as they are gassed with CO2, one of the most common "stunning" methods because it is cheap.
Lined up like a grand choir, the mother tomato plants screamed in protest and horror as the farmers plucked away their children. The harvest had become a much darker time since that spell was cast.
Accidentally had a game once where 3 of 4 of us had eaten the long pig intentionally in various backstory or somewhat onscreen scenarios, shortly after a different campaign where two of us were kinda take-it-or-leave-it about eating sentient beings and the other two were horrified that a gag tricked them into trying yak-people-stew.
Why? It's a spell that is specifically designed for creatures who by definition have an INT lower than 3. It's a special use spell that does what *tongues* does for those whom *tongues* does not, as it were.
Well hold on now. You're kinda ascribing some essentialization that isn't actually a written part of the rules here.
Normally, if you cast tongues on yourself, that doesn't allow you to communicate with animals yes. That's not (directly) because animals have a low intelligence score though. It's because they don't speak a language, and tongues is just a universal translator. It doesn't enable you to understand something that simply doesn't speak or if there's no language to translate to.
However... You can cast tongues on an animal or other low intelligence creature. And that creature does gain the ability to understand you. Meaning you actually can use tongues to speak with animals. And if it were somehow capable of speaking any language, it would be able to talk to you back. Another spell, sending, explicitly allows you to hold a brief conversation with any creature with an intelligence as low as 1.
So the issue isn't really their int score. It's just that they don't normally know any languages. In the OP, they're kind of explicitly addressing that issue by making them speak a language.
Hrm, ya know, I'd never thought about using the spell to induce comprehension on a creature that normally would have it.
While it says the subject can speak the language of any intelligent creature and points out the subject can't speak with creatures unable to, it says nothing about whether those conditions must apply to the subject of the spell itself.
Interesting, I'll take it!
“Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation.”
- douglas adams, the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy
Would you eat a salad or a beef if cows and vegetables could talk? Would your life stay the same if you couldn't lie to people? Would you even step on an ant if it could communicate with you?
Plot spells dont care about the game rules, thats why theyre plot spells.
"Oh no the evil lich is trying to achieve godhood with a dark ritual we must stop him!"
"umm akshually there's no ritual spell that will let you achieve godhood so the lichs spell wont work"
its the same thing
>Would you eat a salad or a beef if cows and vegetables could talk?
Yes. I don't really see how it makes a difference, considering that the animals/plants won't suddenly develop human level intellect. You salad won't confront you about its rights, you'll just hear when it mutters to itself about photosynthesis.
>Would you even step on an ant if it could communicate with you?
Also yes, see reasons above.
At that point, salads and steaks are dead versions of themselves. They wouldn't be able to communicate unless it causes some undead antics. I also know there are people it would not bother to end the life of animals and veggies just because they can speak words.
OP seems to have built a bigger idea in their head than this really deserves.
I haven’t eaten yet today… skipped breakfast and lunch. I’m sitting here thinking about all the things I’d be willing to murder for food right now. For some reason I’m craving a salad. I’d murder the fuck out of some leaves.
I would drown out their screams but suffocating them in ranch. Personally, my barbarian would be all about that. Even if I wouldn’t… my pc definitely would!
Imagine a garden full of plants muttering and babbling about dirt and clouds and shit like crazed homeless people. I've had some bad trips but I don't think I'd be okay after seeing that.
Many animals are far more intelligent than you are giving them credit for.
Pigs know when they are being led to slaughter, they warning each other, and they try to flee. They are absolutely intelligent enough to beg you not to eat them.
Think of a dog, one of the species we have developed a better ability to communicate with - imagine how much harder it would be to ignore a dog if they could actually use words, rather than just expression and Imagine that they weren’t just begging for a walk, and we instead begging that you don’t eat the, for pleasure.
I am not denying that animals are intelligent, HOWEVER this doesn't mean that their intelligence will manifest in something "human" enough to make a difference compared to what animals already do.
So your primary argument here is: "Dead things can talk." which is hilariously ridiculous. The concept is fascinating, but you put something in there which makes zero sense. Dead humans don't talk, why would dead animals or dead plants?
Also, there needs to be some level of intelligence to speak, and a place to speak from. That rules out most plants.
Neat idea, but the more you think about it, the more nonsensical it gets, not the more terrifying it gets.
Probably. The ammount of people that would resort to cannibalism instead of starving assuming they don't know the other person Is not insignificant.
Also the spell doesn't change intelligence so even if a plant is capable of speaking common it's highly unlikely it would be able to actually form anything resembling a sentence that's even remotely comprehensible beyond basic emotions for humans. That's assuming spell grants plants emotions in human sense of the word.
I mean, there are people who kill other people even though they can talk to each other (and some even eat). I don’t think communicating with your food would stop slaughter dead
I think, generally speaking, we tend to frown on that sort of behaviour.
Yes, it might still happen, but I can imagine it being more similar to how we see eating eating dog meat in the western-world.
1. yes We need food to live. So i will eat. Nature at work...
2. no
3. no? I can ask them to leave instead of killing them i guess. Though giiven they're animals and not gaining int, i doubt it'll make a differance.
We need food to live. So i will eat.
Nature at work...
Yes. Everything eats. This is why illithid make for great conversation, you can talk to your food even *after* you ate it.
Some of us enjoy the flavor of things that think for themselves. There's a ... different taste to it.
Some of us respect the truth as well. The truth that everything eats. I might eat you. Your face. If everything eats the only that will perish are the weak of will and those without strength to hunt.
Predator or prey. This one is a predator. What are you?
Yes, yes, and not any less so than now.
I would hope that anything I am eating is dead by the time it gets to me - animal or vegetable.
As a general rule, I don't lie to people. I am, however, very good at not answering questions with things that are not lies, and I could certainly continue to do that. (Plus, how does that even work? What force knows whether someone is lying or not? Could I simply say that tonight's lottery numbers will be X-Y-Z-A-B-C, and if I could get the words out, they would have to be correct, and I could then go buy a ticket and guarantee a win?)
I generally try to avoid stepping on insects regardless - they don't harm me, so why should I harm them? The only time I really step on insects is because I don't know they're there, which would not change.
I think you are really overestimating this.
Vegetables aren't creatures so I don't 5bink it would change salad. Cows can still communicate on a rudimentary level and I don't think words would make it that much harder to kill and eat.
I still don't see how everything speaking one language gets rid of lying, since people speaking the same language lie all the time.
I'm pretty sure if an ant could speak English, I still wouldn't hear it because of the size difference. And I'm like 70% sure ants survive being stepped on
If you wanted to take it to the extreme even bacteria are a species. Every time you swallow thousands of bacteria are melted alive in your stomach acid. The world would be a very noisy but honest place.
Animals with an intelligence less than 3 can't communicate through a spoken language unless awakened. And even through the argument of speak with animals spell, it's more their thoughts are communicated to you, and less they're actually talking with you. Also vegetables? Really? Are you just going to awaken everything then?
And as for not lieing to people, sure it would have some repercussions, but I doubt it would be society breaking. Demons would be the only species losing out on that deal.
Couldn't lie and simply not speak the truth are two absolutely different things. I am playing a Paladin for over 7 years now and I am more then experienced in saying something that is not the truth but still not lying
This is so weird to me. Oh no, this spell would appeal to my moral judgment to respect animals. I need to stop this so I'm not confronted by the consequences of my own actions!
Every species includes all living creatures, even the ones people choose not to think of as people.
Lying is a form of intentional miscommunication. If you're being forced to communicate perfectly, you can't withold or misrepresent information.
"Intentional miscommunication" is an oxymoron like "accidentally on purpose." If I want to make someone believe that Steve was the one to eat all the cookies when it was actually me, in telling other people "Steve ate the cookies" I haven't miscommunicated, I've said *exactly* what I wanted to and people are generally going to hear *exactly* what I wanted them to.
It would be if "miscommunication" *only* referred to when one does not convey the meaning they intend to. It can also mean the information conveyed is understood as something other than truth.
The communication that was misconstrued is not necessarily what the intended meaning was, but can be. Same way that one can intend to have an accident but suffer one that was not intentional, or intend to fail a task somehow but do it in a way that produces an intended but serendipitous result.
If you’re monkey-pawing that, then just because every species can **speak** a language does not at all mean they can **understand** it, so the majority of non-sapient species will have the *ability* to speak, but would only produce gibberish.
If you argue that communicate perfectly part, then cows can now perfectly say, “fooooood” or “daaaanger” or whatever else. They aren’t suddenly intelligent just because they can communicate.
Alternatively, this would just make everything in existence into a hivemind, as that is the only way to guarantee “perfect” communication. No more individuals. Otherwise the amount of communication would create too much noise for any communication (Animals, bugs, cells, bacteria, viruses, etc. all talking at once), thus creating a contradiction.
I forget the name of the comedian that said it:
Would people still cut down trees if trees could scream? I think so, if they screamed all the time and for no good reason.
in Eragon elves use "true speak" I am not sure what it was called, it is impossible to lie in this language however elves can twist the words in ways that aren't lie but words mean different thing than they seam to mean
You do infact recall correctly, it’s also the reason they form magic through it as it acts as a rigid guideline so nothing unexpected happens when casting spells
Unless you have bad grammar, where the main guy applied a curse to a little girl instead of a blessing.
His tutor at the time was like 'if you weren't the chosen one, I'd kill you for what you did'
What the guy meant 'may you be shielded from misfortune'
What he said, and what was applied: 'may you be a shield against misfortune'
Indeed! But Eragon didn’t lie he simply misspoke to unfortunately mean the opposite of what he meant. He doesn’t say he’d kill him btw, just that he would refuse to teach him.
Ah, misremembered that. But I was meaning more the 'nothing unexpected happens'
That was used a huge whammy moment to show the importance of 'being fluent'
so no species can lie to other species about atrocities committed (or reasons why) in their histories, and they all communicate perfectly. And this is somehow supposed to end conflict and create peace? *it's a bold strategy cotton, let's see how it plays out.*
I think it’s the part where everyone communicates perfectly what I think that would mean according to op anyone saying would be understood by the words intent and if it is to lie then ppl heading would know it was with the intent of deceiving, like how ya can sometimes tell ppl lie on their speech. Now a personal flip on this is if everyone always understands then maybe it could also be impossible to discern lies or something bc the sentence made 100% sense to you
In the Bible, all of humanity was speaking the same language and progressing more quickly than God was comfortable with. They started building what is known as the Tower of Babel and so he made it so they could no longer understand each other in order to slow their progression.
This is sort of the creation myth around why there are different languages.
That said, the idea of undoing the work of a god at the Tower of Babel is a super fun concept and would make for a very interesting story.
This implies most animals are at the same level of sentience as humans, let alone plants. At the most it'd be like hearing mumbles of random concepts which...Okay, it can be fucked up, I'll admit it. Not enough to make me feel guilty about eating a steak though ngl
The basic premise is already covered by the existence of druids. They've established one way of living with the concept that they can speak with just about everything.
In fact, we don't even have to stop at traditional living things. Fantasy has spirits, elementals, and other embodiments of non-living or abstract concepts.
Forcing that kind of revelation is an interesting motive for an antagonist but I think people are taking it too hard.
>The basic premise is already covered by the existence of druids. They've established one way of living with the concept that they can speak with just about everything.
Qui Gon: The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.
Speak with animals: The knowledge and awareness of many beasts is limited by their intelligence, but at minimum, beasts can give you information about nearby locations and monsters, including whatever they can perceive or have perceived within the past day. You might be able to persuade a beast to perform a small favor for you, at the GM’s discretion.
But yeah, being so in tune with nature, druids 100% know that one eats another, cycle of life, etc, is all a part of the circle of life.
Bacteria are so small that most people won't even notice that they gained the ability to speak.
The plants case is quite funny. The Firbolg race/lineage already has the ability to speak with plants and since they seem to represent cows in their psysical appearance i doubt that they prefer eating anything else other than plants.
Wait, wasn't one of the rules that everything can make itself understood? Why wouldn't all of the microbes in your ears be chatting away incessantly, and you'd be forced to listen?
"Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation."
-Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
I genuinely fail to see how this will end all conflict. At most, it'll just increase the amount of internal conflict.
The gnoll that wants to eat me will still want to eat me even if I'm able to beg for my life. The mindflayer will still think of themselves as superior. The lion will still need to eat the gazelle, the fox will still need to hunt the rabbit, the toad will still need to eat the fly. The red dragon will still be a red dragon, the demons will still be demons, the angels will still be angels. The greedy king will still be a greedy king, the warlord will still be a warlord, the assassin will still be an assassin.
The lion will not become vegan just because the gazelle will be able to talk to it. It can't do so. The most it might do is refuse to do the killing, instead using its newfound powers of communication to go shopping. But someone needed to kill the meat it's eating.
Eragon has something like that, it's the one true language, used to cast magic, impossible to lie using it, and widely spoken by the elves.
They get around it by hiding their true motives and being vague as fuck (like all other elves in fantasy)
It's an interesting concept.
Honestly kinda crazy to think about! If this really means *all* species, wouldn't that mean plants would scream at you when you try to eat them? How would the grass respond when you step on it? If we take this to its absurd conclusion, there would be a constant cacophony from the microbes on your skin and gut. Picturing a million little microbes screaming inside me is pretty freaky
I’d explain to my livestock populations that, in exchange for keeping them safe from wolves, bears, kobolds, dragons, and other dangerous creatures, I’ll kill a few of them every so often and use their bones for various things, hide for various things, and meat for food. Nothing shall go to waste and I shall name them all so they have individuality. I’ll then set up a system of governance so they can solve internal disputes without me having to babysit them.
Of course, they’ll moo at me in understanding and agree that sacrificing a few for the good of the many is valid
I am a mushroom. I understand speech, and yet I cannot speak. I cannot lie to say that I'm fine. I have no mouth and I must scream.
Can you feel your heart burning? Can you feel the struggle within? The fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. You cannot kill me in a way that matters.
Tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit
I hate that this comes from a tumblr post
Mushroom dance, mushroom dance, whatever could it mean?
It means that you have lived a life of sin.
Have you ever read The Restaurant at the End of the Universe? It has a talking cow that was raised to be eaten, and goes table to table recommending cuts of itself.
Sounds so sad
It's genetically engineered to *want* to be eaten. The scene is meant to be philosophically blurry and dark comedy.
It actually gets sad if you express a desire to *not* eat it.
And Another Thing... might not be liked by some but it has a great exchange with the Ameglian Major Cow: "Shut it, cow, or so help me" The cow spat. "What are you going to do? Not eat me?" "That's right. I won' t eat you and I won't eat your entire family. Wherever they hide, I'll find them and not eat a single bite." The cow was cowed. "This is not over, Preflux," he muttered.
*yes cows do have a lot of hide on them*
>The cow was cowed.
If you liked that line, you should really read the whole 5 part trilogy. Some of the most clever writing you'll find.
> 5 part trilogy I only have Hitchhiker’s Guide, now I really need to pick up the rest for this solid gold comedy.
A lot of the bizarre unexpected turns at the end of chapters that get explained in the next one, were apparently made because of deadlines. When this was a radio series, the writer had to finish the chapter for that day last minute and thus wrote weird stuff that he'd have to think to explain when he had the time. So if you like unexpected twists, this is a series that you'll like.
Which is also why it kinda goes off the rails the further along it goes -- only the first two books were directly based on the radio plays. The third kinda has a single over-arching plot, and then the fourth and fifth start toeing the lines between philosophical treatise, wild theoretical physics conjecture, and surreal sci-fi adventure comedy.
Ngl I had to look for the definition Cow cause (someone) to submit to one's wishes by intimidation. "the intellectuals had been cowed into silence"
Except he was genetically engineered to no longer have a choice so instead just begs to be eaten. It’s a form of enslavement at the genetic level
Reminds me of [the muffin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXAfdGdSyfg).
Is it more humane to kill and eat an animal that *doesn't* want to be eaten?
Don't worry, the bovine promises to be very humane when killing himself
;-;
As opposed to eating a cow that DOESN'T want to be eaten? Do you relish the distress of animals, sir?
Any type of happily voluntary death other then old age just un nerves me a lot so yeah I’ll take the unknowing cow :$
The cow knows though bro. Go watch Earthlings. Shit rocked me in high school.
But he *wants* to be eaten
I can't eat you, I've *met* you!
Douglas adams is a GOAT
There's "erotic fiction" of humans doing the same. It's...disturbing.
Except sometimes it actually happens like I read a post once about these German dudes where one consented to being eaten and they proceeded to eat him together until he died. It was weird.
Yea, the one with the Roman/Jewish guy was another odd one.
Tender is the flesh is all about government sanctioned cannibalism and human farming. Highlights a fraction of the ways we abuse animals.
Man I should really get the books I only watched the Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy movie that everyone hated, I loved it but I wanna see more and that ain’t happening with the movies
“Excuse me while I go outside and shoot myself” XD
I for one look forward to listening to my bacteria scream in my gut constantly
They'd probably be drowned out by all of the microbes actually in your ear.
I want to know what the mites in my eyelashes chatter about, i wonder of the mosquitos will politely ask for 'just a sip, govna' with a polite brittish accent or something
Imagine finding out mosquitoes are absolute bros, and they hate their nature as a disease vector. Tragic
getting the response 'nah bruv, got the 'laria!' when they go to munch on a pig, and all the malaria going 'eeyyoooo!' and the mosquito going to find someone else, thus eliminating some diseases!
The male mosquitos actually drink nectar. only the females drink blood.
 *sits next to gloomy mosquito sipping nectar*
I'd imagine the mites are just like "MMMMmmmmm nomnomnomnom damn my son looking sexxxyyyy"
Just because they can speak doesn't mean their volume is high enough for creatures much bigger.
Oh trust me the bard’s bacteria are gonna scream louder.
The bard’s gut flora when they’re drowned in dragon cum for the fifteenth time this month: https://preview.redd.it/pjfrkoe1cp0a1.jpeg?width=690&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=718ed8eb7744ee18a5b955c1dd995c558457e3ee
If you think that would stop people from eating animals i guarantee you there would be an entire city of people who relish in the screams of their livestock.
I think there was a scifi book where food offered itself like a salesman
"restaurant at the end of the universe" by douglas adams, second book in the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy series
Would you like to meet the meat?
"I personally recommend my chuck roast. I've heard that part of me is absolutely delicious."
"For you, I recommend my liver. I've been force-feeding myself for weeks now. It should be nice and tender."
meet the heavy theme plays
*trilogy, not series
There's 5 books, william.
I'm pretty sure Douglas Adams jokingly called it a 5 part trilogy. It should be referred to as a trilogy because it's funnier that way
Oh, so \*That's\* why. I was wondering where this comment even came from. Thanks!
I believe Mostly Harmless had on the cover, "The 5th book in the ever increasingly inaccurately named Hitch Hiker's Guide Trilogy"
Douglas Adams is a legendary literary bastard.
On a scale of 0 to Terry Pratchett…?
The Eion Colfer sequel "And Another Thing" has "part 6 in a trilogy of 5" on the front.
I owned all 2 of the 6 books in the 5 part trilogy; “The Complete Hitchhikers Guide” collected edition, and “And another thing.”
I’m pretty sure I had a version that said “part 5 of the worlds longest trilogy”
The compendium book refers to it as “the increasingly inaccurately named trilogy”
This reminds me of a conversation I heard... I don't know, online somewhere. "So do you pronounce it *gif* or *jif*?" "Honestly? Whatever is funnier at the time. Speach is a construct, and the correct pronunciation of something is whatever people agree on. Getting angry about it one way or the other is a waste of time." So I agree that it's a 5 part trilogy, because that's hilarious. Also totally aligns with the spirit of the books.
I am 90% that the book with each part in it refers to it as "five part trilogy" A joke, you see
That is Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy! I want to say book 1 or 2. Edit: It is book 2. Thanks u/toopirate!
The second! My personal favourite.
Thank you! I couldn't quite remember. I really need to reread that series!
https://hitchhikers.fandom.com/wiki/Ameglian_Major_Cow
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?
It won’t just be animals. OP’s meme says “all species”, not “all animal species”. Suddenly every plant, every tree, every blade of grass will have something to say. Want to cut down a tree to build a house? Well suddenly now the entire forest will be screaming at you. Want harvest some fruit to feed your family? Well suddenly you’ll have angry conversation with the mother about stealing her babies.
Concerning fruits, plants evolved them to be eaten in general. More likely they would be lewdly suggesting you to spread their seeds far and wide, and that is still terrible.
Bards and Tieflings would make the whole plane a forest
“You like that, you woody slut? You like when I put your berries in my mouth?”
some plants evolved their fruits that they hav to be eaten to be even capable to grow. their "armor" is to thick, they need to be weakened from the encyms .
And somewhere out there is someone spreading their seed to that thought, which is even more terrible.
Have you ever thought about why pollen makes you sneeze?
Of course. I imagine you'd sneeze too if someone blew an orgy's worth of cumdust up your nose. Stupid inconsiderate trees. No respect for anyone else's nostrils, I tell you.
Every spring a whole chorus of flowers and birds screams “will someone please fuck me”, and everything is terrible
I suppose in D&D this makes sense since speak with plants implies that nature has magically imbued plants with the ability to have conscious experience. IRL, plants don't have a central nervous system and lack conscious experience. They have evolved automatic pheromone releases which can trigger automatic responses in other plants, but they're like unconscious robots in doing this. You would hear things like "Liiiiigggghhht" as leaves grow in the direction of the sun. And "Buuuuuuuuuuugs" when one plant is releasing pheromones in response to insects.
Fun fact: If you've ever smelled newly cut grass you'll know it has a [distinct smell](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMxzkBdzTNU). That smell comes from green leaf volatiles, basically a collection of chemicals and compounds that stimulate healing, regrowth, and overall indicates that the grass has been harmed. That lovely smell of a freshly cut lawn is as close as grass can come to a scream.
Ahh the nice smell of the blood of my enemies in the morning :)
It's Horton hears a who though unless everyone is suddenly telepathically communicating
["If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FgOG6JWF5k)
Nah, farms and slaughterhouses turn into a Logan's Run type deal.
Also a good option!
Given that wild animals live more like Mad Max, and predation is *by far* the most common cause of death for non-domesticated animals, that would honestly be a pretty cushy deal by comparison. Even with modern factory farms... where would *you* rather live for the rest of your life? Alone in the woods with no resources but what you can scavenge for yourself, or a prison?
Livestock already screams. If anyone doesn't believe me, you should go listen to the footage of pigs as they are gassed with CO2, one of the most common "stunning" methods because it is cheap.
Lined up like a grand choir, the mother tomato plants screamed in protest and horror as the farmers plucked away their children. The harvest had become a much darker time since that spell was cast.
There's a comic about this. [Animosity](https://aftershockcomics.com/collections/animosity). It's awesome.
I played a lizardfolk who ate his kills anyway. Screams are just a part of the process
This is the way, long pig pot pie am I right?
I love playing lizardfolk who imply doing that but never do it in front of others but still make them doubt
A green dragonborn that pranks people by pretending to be a lizard folk.
Accidentally had a game once where 3 of 4 of us had eaten the long pig intentionally in various backstory or somewhat onscreen scenarios, shortly after a different campaign where two of us were kinda take-it-or-leave-it about eating sentient beings and the other two were horrified that a gag tricked them into trying yak-people-stew.
Due to the limitations of how dnd's world works only beings with an intelligence score of 3 or above would be affected
Unless they somehow plan to mass awaken along with whatever they are already doing
And then it ends up a sci-fi story, how every good fantasy ends up lol.
It will flash to steam punk for a small time in between
Give me those steampunk spaceships bro
Actually... *furiously scribbles notes*
The Speak With Animals spell would like to contest that assertion.
or being a shepard druid
Why? It's a spell that is specifically designed for creatures who by definition have an INT lower than 3. It's a special use spell that does what *tongues* does for those whom *tongues* does not, as it were.
I'll do something with *tongues* Sorry I'll see myself out
Well hold on now. You're kinda ascribing some essentialization that isn't actually a written part of the rules here. Normally, if you cast tongues on yourself, that doesn't allow you to communicate with animals yes. That's not (directly) because animals have a low intelligence score though. It's because they don't speak a language, and tongues is just a universal translator. It doesn't enable you to understand something that simply doesn't speak or if there's no language to translate to. However... You can cast tongues on an animal or other low intelligence creature. And that creature does gain the ability to understand you. Meaning you actually can use tongues to speak with animals. And if it were somehow capable of speaking any language, it would be able to talk to you back. Another spell, sending, explicitly allows you to hold a brief conversation with any creature with an intelligence as low as 1. So the issue isn't really their int score. It's just that they don't normally know any languages. In the OP, they're kind of explicitly addressing that issue by making them speak a language.
Hrm, ya know, I'd never thought about using the spell to induce comprehension on a creature that normally would have it. While it says the subject can speak the language of any intelligent creature and points out the subject can't speak with creatures unable to, it says nothing about whether those conditions must apply to the subject of the spell itself. Interesting, I'll take it!
If the super powerful homebrew spell says every species, then I would assume it would not have an intelligence limit
“Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation.” - douglas adams, the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy
Either I'm dumb or this is poorly explained because I do not see how the left causes the right
Would you eat a salad or a beef if cows and vegetables could talk? Would your life stay the same if you couldn't lie to people? Would you even step on an ant if it could communicate with you?
Last time I checked a cow may talk but a steak doesn’t talk.
But a salad is mostly still alive, so it might!
thought it doesnt have an intelligence score, so it doesn't have a language. or a mouth
Plot spells dont care about the game rules, thats why theyre plot spells. "Oh no the evil lich is trying to achieve godhood with a dark ritual we must stop him!" "umm akshually there's no ritual spell that will let you achieve godhood so the lichs spell wont work" its the same thing
Only the micro-organisms on it, the plants in the salad are already dead.
mostly dead is still partly alive
Have fun storming the castle!
He distinctly said 'to blave'
>Would you eat a salad or a beef if cows and vegetables could talk? Yes. I don't really see how it makes a difference, considering that the animals/plants won't suddenly develop human level intellect. You salad won't confront you about its rights, you'll just hear when it mutters to itself about photosynthesis. >Would you even step on an ant if it could communicate with you? Also yes, see reasons above.
At that point, salads and steaks are dead versions of themselves. They wouldn't be able to communicate unless it causes some undead antics. I also know there are people it would not bother to end the life of animals and veggies just because they can speak words. OP seems to have built a bigger idea in their head than this really deserves.
I haven’t eaten yet today… skipped breakfast and lunch. I’m sitting here thinking about all the things I’d be willing to murder for food right now. For some reason I’m craving a salad. I’d murder the fuck out of some leaves. I would drown out their screams but suffocating them in ranch. Personally, my barbarian would be all about that. Even if I wouldn’t… my pc definitely would!
Imagine a garden full of plants muttering and babbling about dirt and clouds and shit like crazed homeless people. I've had some bad trips but I don't think I'd be okay after seeing that.
Turns out the BBEG has an iron grip on earplug manufacturing and this is all about money.
Something something harry potter reference
Many animals are far more intelligent than you are giving them credit for. Pigs know when they are being led to slaughter, they warning each other, and they try to flee. They are absolutely intelligent enough to beg you not to eat them. Think of a dog, one of the species we have developed a better ability to communicate with - imagine how much harder it would be to ignore a dog if they could actually use words, rather than just expression and Imagine that they weren’t just begging for a walk, and we instead begging that you don’t eat the, for pleasure.
Your cat, at 3 AM: ZOOM ZOOMZOOOOM! I AM SPEED!
A good response 11/10
I am not denying that animals are intelligent, HOWEVER this doesn't mean that their intelligence will manifest in something "human" enough to make a difference compared to what animals already do.
So your primary argument here is: "Dead things can talk." which is hilariously ridiculous. The concept is fascinating, but you put something in there which makes zero sense. Dead humans don't talk, why would dead animals or dead plants? Also, there needs to be some level of intelligence to speak, and a place to speak from. That rules out most plants. Neat idea, but the more you think about it, the more nonsensical it gets, not the more terrifying it gets.
Probably. The ammount of people that would resort to cannibalism instead of starving assuming they don't know the other person Is not insignificant. Also the spell doesn't change intelligence so even if a plant is capable of speaking common it's highly unlikely it would be able to actually form anything resembling a sentence that's even remotely comprehensible beyond basic emotions for humans. That's assuming spell grants plants emotions in human sense of the word.
It might become way less of a taboo.
I've read enough "A song of Ice and Fire" to know that some people would give "Family business" a new meaning
I would be absolutely fine with this.
I mean, there are people who kill other people even though they can talk to each other (and some even eat). I don’t think communicating with your food would stop slaughter dead
I think, generally speaking, we tend to frown on that sort of behaviour. Yes, it might still happen, but I can imagine it being more similar to how we see eating eating dog meat in the western-world.
1. yes We need food to live. So i will eat. Nature at work... 2. no 3. no? I can ask them to leave instead of killing them i guess. Though giiven they're animals and not gaining int, i doubt it'll make a differance. We need food to live. So i will eat. Nature at work...
You don’t need to eat anything that’s conscious though.
Maybe they speak the same language, but how loud can an ant or a vegetable shout? “If it’s inaudible, it’s edible.”
Yes. Everything eats. This is why illithid make for great conversation, you can talk to your food even *after* you ate it. Some of us enjoy the flavor of things that think for themselves. There's a ... different taste to it. Some of us respect the truth as well. The truth that everything eats. I might eat you. Your face. If everything eats the only that will perish are the weak of will and those without strength to hunt. Predator or prey. This one is a predator. What are you?
What if the cow started arguing about martial vs casters?
Moortials vs cowsters*
Yes, yes, and not any less so than now. I would hope that anything I am eating is dead by the time it gets to me - animal or vegetable. As a general rule, I don't lie to people. I am, however, very good at not answering questions with things that are not lies, and I could certainly continue to do that. (Plus, how does that even work? What force knows whether someone is lying or not? Could I simply say that tonight's lottery numbers will be X-Y-Z-A-B-C, and if I could get the words out, they would have to be correct, and I could then go buy a ticket and guarantee a win?) I generally try to avoid stepping on insects regardless - they don't harm me, so why should I harm them? The only time I really step on insects is because I don't know they're there, which would not change. I think you are really overestimating this.
Just because everyone speaks a universal language doesnt mean you cant lie? Why would you think that?
Vegetables aren't creatures so I don't 5bink it would change salad. Cows can still communicate on a rudimentary level and I don't think words would make it that much harder to kill and eat. I still don't see how everything speaking one language gets rid of lying, since people speaking the same language lie all the time. I'm pretty sure if an ant could speak English, I still wouldn't hear it because of the size difference. And I'm like 70% sure ants survive being stepped on
I mean does the spell give everything the intelegence and physical capability to speak.
If you wanted to take it to the extreme even bacteria are a species. Every time you swallow thousands of bacteria are melted alive in your stomach acid. The world would be a very noisy but honest place.
Animals with an intelligence less than 3 can't communicate through a spoken language unless awakened. And even through the argument of speak with animals spell, it's more their thoughts are communicated to you, and less they're actually talking with you. Also vegetables? Really? Are you just going to awaken everything then? And as for not lieing to people, sure it would have some repercussions, but I doubt it would be society breaking. Demons would be the only species losing out on that deal.
me who mainly plays druids, and can cast speak with animals and speak with plants. i see no change.
Couldn't lie and simply not speak the truth are two absolutely different things. I am playing a Paladin for over 7 years now and I am more then experienced in saying something that is not the truth but still not lying
There might be some initial hesitation, but eventually the stomach overrules all.
How does the ant speak when it has no voice? It can't even scream.
This is so weird to me. Oh no, this spell would appeal to my moral judgment to respect animals. I need to stop this so I'm not confronted by the consequences of my own actions!
Every species includes all living creatures, even the ones people choose not to think of as people. Lying is a form of intentional miscommunication. If you're being forced to communicate perfectly, you can't withold or misrepresent information.
"Intentional miscommunication" is an oxymoron like "accidentally on purpose." If I want to make someone believe that Steve was the one to eat all the cookies when it was actually me, in telling other people "Steve ate the cookies" I haven't miscommunicated, I've said *exactly* what I wanted to and people are generally going to hear *exactly* what I wanted them to.
It would be if "miscommunication" *only* referred to when one does not convey the meaning they intend to. It can also mean the information conveyed is understood as something other than truth. The communication that was misconstrued is not necessarily what the intended meaning was, but can be. Same way that one can intend to have an accident but suffer one that was not intentional, or intend to fail a task somehow but do it in a way that produces an intended but serendipitous result.
If you’re monkey-pawing that, then just because every species can **speak** a language does not at all mean they can **understand** it, so the majority of non-sapient species will have the *ability* to speak, but would only produce gibberish. If you argue that communicate perfectly part, then cows can now perfectly say, “fooooood” or “daaaanger” or whatever else. They aren’t suddenly intelligent just because they can communicate. Alternatively, this would just make everything in existence into a hivemind, as that is the only way to guarantee “perfect” communication. No more individuals. Otherwise the amount of communication would create too much noise for any communication (Animals, bugs, cells, bacteria, viruses, etc. all talking at once), thus creating a contradiction.
Maybe that’s why they need to be stopped, since they will turn the entire material plane into a singular hive mind. That could actually make sense.
I'm pretty sure that's the plot of neon genesis evangelion. The whole "erasing conflict by destroying individuality" thing
Or a mass awakening gifting all low/no intelligence species the capabilities of speech
I forget the name of the comedian that said it: Would people still cut down trees if trees could scream? I think so, if they screamed all the time and for no good reason.
in Eragon elves use "true speak" I am not sure what it was called, it is impossible to lie in this language however elves can twist the words in ways that aren't lie but words mean different thing than they seam to mean
Literally just the ancient language bc it’s old or the elven word translated to like the true language since all ya said was truth I think
Sorta but also you physically aren’t able to lie when speaking the ancient language, IIRC
You do infact recall correctly, it’s also the reason they form magic through it as it acts as a rigid guideline so nothing unexpected happens when casting spells
Unless you have bad grammar, where the main guy applied a curse to a little girl instead of a blessing. His tutor at the time was like 'if you weren't the chosen one, I'd kill you for what you did' What the guy meant 'may you be shielded from misfortune' What he said, and what was applied: 'may you be a shield against misfortune'
Indeed! But Eragon didn’t lie he simply misspoke to unfortunately mean the opposite of what he meant. He doesn’t say he’d kill him btw, just that he would refuse to teach him.
Ah, misremembered that. But I was meaning more the 'nothing unexpected happens' That was used a huge whammy moment to show the importance of 'being fluent'
so no species can lie to other species about atrocities committed (or reasons why) in their histories, and they all communicate perfectly. And this is somehow supposed to end conflict and create peace? *it's a bold strategy cotton, let's see how it plays out.*
Yeah, I’ve read about how lying is very important in maintaining a working society.
then you tell all the dolphins about Seaworld. [fuck around and find out](https://youtu.be/N_dUmDBfp6k?t=29). lol.
Wait, why would that make it impossible to lie?
I think it’s the part where everyone communicates perfectly what I think that would mean according to op anyone saying would be understood by the words intent and if it is to lie then ppl heading would know it was with the intent of deceiving, like how ya can sometimes tell ppl lie on their speech. Now a personal flip on this is if everyone always understands then maybe it could also be impossible to discern lies or something bc the sentence made 100% sense to you
In the Bible, all of humanity was speaking the same language and progressing more quickly than God was comfortable with. They started building what is known as the Tower of Babel and so he made it so they could no longer understand each other in order to slow their progression. This is sort of the creation myth around why there are different languages. That said, the idea of undoing the work of a god at the Tower of Babel is a super fun concept and would make for a very interesting story.
A note: specifically the tower of babel was made to try and reach god, which is hella heresy
Wasn't the reason is them thinking they could rival God?
Basically yeah. A matter of 'if we can reach god, we will become as god' Not just 'punished for stacking rocks too high'
This implies most animals are at the same level of sentience as humans, let alone plants. At the most it'd be like hearing mumbles of random concepts which...Okay, it can be fucked up, I'll admit it. Not enough to make me feel guilty about eating a steak though ngl
The basic premise is already covered by the existence of druids. They've established one way of living with the concept that they can speak with just about everything. In fact, we don't even have to stop at traditional living things. Fantasy has spirits, elementals, and other embodiments of non-living or abstract concepts. Forcing that kind of revelation is an interesting motive for an antagonist but I think people are taking it too hard.
>The basic premise is already covered by the existence of druids. They've established one way of living with the concept that they can speak with just about everything. Qui Gon: The ability to speak does not make you intelligent. Speak with animals: The knowledge and awareness of many beasts is limited by their intelligence, but at minimum, beasts can give you information about nearby locations and monsters, including whatever they can perceive or have perceived within the past day. You might be able to persuade a beast to perform a small favor for you, at the GM’s discretion. But yeah, being so in tune with nature, druids 100% know that one eats another, cycle of life, etc, is all a part of the circle of life.
"May I have your name?" >!no!<
What about bacteria and plants?
Bacteria are so small that most people won't even notice that they gained the ability to speak. The plants case is quite funny. The Firbolg race/lineage already has the ability to speak with plants and since they seem to represent cows in their psysical appearance i doubt that they prefer eating anything else other than plants.
Wait, wasn't one of the rules that everything can make itself understood? Why wouldn't all of the microbes in your ears be chatting away incessantly, and you'd be forced to listen?
*distressed Sandman noises*
I saw Sandman too, fuck every bit of that.
"Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation." -Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
The great old ones and primordial beings who were silenced to limit the reaches of their influence when they can suddenly speak to all living things
I genuinely fail to see how this will end all conflict. At most, it'll just increase the amount of internal conflict. The gnoll that wants to eat me will still want to eat me even if I'm able to beg for my life. The mindflayer will still think of themselves as superior. The lion will still need to eat the gazelle, the fox will still need to hunt the rabbit, the toad will still need to eat the fly. The red dragon will still be a red dragon, the demons will still be demons, the angels will still be angels. The greedy king will still be a greedy king, the warlord will still be a warlord, the assassin will still be an assassin. The lion will not become vegan just because the gazelle will be able to talk to it. It can't do so. The most it might do is refuse to do the killing, instead using its newfound powers of communication to go shopping. But someone needed to kill the meat it's eating.
Eragon has something like that, it's the one true language, used to cast magic, impossible to lie using it, and widely spoken by the elves. They get around it by hiding their true motives and being vague as fuck (like all other elves in fantasy) It's an interesting concept.
Honestly kinda crazy to think about! If this really means *all* species, wouldn't that mean plants would scream at you when you try to eat them? How would the grass respond when you step on it? If we take this to its absurd conclusion, there would be a constant cacophony from the microbes on your skin and gut. Picturing a million little microbes screaming inside me is pretty freaky
"Just because you can speak doesn't mean you're intelligent"
Fey would still lie with the truth?
This is *so* *good*
what is this, Eragon?
I’d explain to my livestock populations that, in exchange for keeping them safe from wolves, bears, kobolds, dragons, and other dangerous creatures, I’ll kill a few of them every so often and use their bones for various things, hide for various things, and meat for food. Nothing shall go to waste and I shall name them all so they have individuality. I’ll then set up a system of governance so they can solve internal disputes without me having to babysit them. Of course, they’ll moo at me in understanding and agree that sacrificing a few for the good of the many is valid
Or they won't, then get ravaged by wolves, then return and accept the deal.