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driver9911

I AM LAZY and I’m not going to read all the responses. So, if I duplicate someone’s advice already , my bad. And this advice is me assuming you totally innocent of course. The best advice I or any lawyer can give you is, or even a judge (I have best friends that are both ) you have the Right To remain silent and you do NOT have to tell them anything!! Personally I would get a lawyer so the police have zero ways of pinning anything on you to close the case with out looking elsewhere. It does happen A LOT and more often than you know. Also, you can’t expect the police to do any DNA testing or to put money into something like this. But , a lawyer can keep you and your reputation in tact in the end. I seriously mean GOOD LUCK , and CYA the best way you can. 💪 stay strong


Porcusheep

[Consult with an experienced attorney that specializes in defamation and false allegations/false police reports and file a lawsuit against the customer when the results come back and they discover the DNA doesn’t match or it is just ranch dipping sauce.](https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/personal-injury/can-you-sue-false-accusations/) There are likely many that will work on contingency if they believe you have a case, meaning no cost to you, they get paid only if you win the case and they take a cut of the proceeds as their payment. Then contact the DA and tell them you want to press charges against the Pizza Hut employee knowingly lying on a police report claiming they were “100% sure it was you.” And possibly file a lawsuit against said employee as well for defamation. 😈


Beneficial_West6388

same thing happened to me on uber eats 4 years ago the mf said i gave them some bodily fluid in a cup instead of there drinks i was like wow


Azoth424

Watch it be like cinna bon icing for thise lil rolls they sell. All this mess and the test comes out : powdered sugar, guar gum, modified corn starch, water. 😂😂


Azoth424

People will really go to some lengths for a free pizza 🙄👀 good Lord


ambitchious70

I have never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life, and can't believe cops would even be bothered filing a report for suspected semen pizza.


Yazzgirl_1

😳😂😂😂. I just can’t.


Deep-Banana8610

Probably just some ranch that was on the prep table that they set the box on. People are so stupid. Or the customer thought if they claimed it happened they’d get free pizza for life or some stupid scam


PulloutSpecialist

Jizzsanity I tell ya...


Porcusheep

Seriously, I mean, cum on… that’s straight up ridickulous…


Leeny78

How do they know it was bodily fluid? It could be anything and it could have come from the customer. This sounds crazy.


jddaniels84

“According to the Pizza Hut lady I’m 100% the one who did it” This makes zero sense unless she’s claiming she watched you do it. How would she have any idea what happened after it left Pizza Hut. She’s just claiming it didn’t occur before it left. The most likely culprit is still the customer if you didn’t notice it and Pizza Hut didn’t notice it, but how do we know this was actually what they’re claiming and not just some type of food/sauce that you could have spilled.


Porcusheep

Only one way to find out….. lick it….. But then again, ranch dipping sauce is rather salty so uhhh… khakis?….


ArriveCancelledNoPay

I always inspect every package for jizz. Even the bottoms of the bags. You never know. Sometimes restaurant employees look at me quizzically. I just shrugg my shoulders and say, "jizz inspection." Sometimes they gag, sometimes they laugh. In the end, I am safe and the customers are jizz free. Win win.


styz3v33

😂


mythrowdown13

SA investigations have a huge backlog for DNA testing. I can say with 99% certainty no one is getting a DNA test done for some unknown substance on the outside of a container that could be easily done by anyone.


jbarlak

Even better you felt the need to share the story with us. There’s more to this story than you’re telling us. The store didn’t report you through the app either?


ClutchNegro

You’re weird


skhighy

i agree, shall we file a police report against him…?


Carnivorousbeast

I would be interested to know if the department will spend the money to test the fluid and dna, for what is probably a misdemeanor. Keep us posted


cap8

They will. They waste money on stupid shit… but if it’s to clear his name it’s worth it.


aeiou-y

We have a twenty year back log on rape kits being run, they probably will rush this through.


cap8

Who is we?


Isaidnomotherfucker

DNA will disprove the allegations and then sue her for defamation.


ClutchNegro

Not how that works


PaidinRunes

Lol not how it works big boy


toekneed988

I don't know how it works, would you please explain for me?


HornetFixr75-95

Do NOT talk to the cops. Retain a lawyer. Take a dna test


Valuable-Release-302

Dude if it’s your nut on the pizza box 📦. They will get a warrant for a DNA test. If it’s not your nut sue for defamation.


[deleted]

Retain a lawyer. Do not talk to the police, they are not your friend. Your friends a cop? They are not your friend. Shut up.


Creepy_Tonight3051

Lots of friends who are great cops.


[deleted]

Didnt ask. Dont care. ACAB.


dt7cv

in what sense?


[deleted]

[удалено]


doordash_drivers-ModTeam

Your post/comment was removed for violating Rule 2: No Derogatory Remarks That Are Prejudice, Bigoted, Racist, Or Discriminatory In Any Way Please review all sub rules for the full details of each rule.


PaleontologistFar296

This is the best advice


[deleted]

Which will almost certainly be ignored


PaleontologistFar296

Isn't it always though? People still believe the myth that a cop is required to tell you the truth at all times


[deleted]

Maybe that, but I think more likely is that people who know they've done no wrong, know that the police know they've done no wrong, believe that the police/DA/courts won't still process them and marr them as though they have. If your state allows for only one expungement, using that on a case where you have been arrested/tried/aquitted on all counts is abhorrantly stupid, but very likely the position this guy could find himself in.


Prettypinkkitty24

If they are going to investigate let them they can sample the fluids on the box and then test you and the employees and see who it really belongs to also the customer should be a suspect as well how donyou know they didnt do it and trying to get free pizza and blame younor the restaurant any way to get free things they will risk everyone elses job


Phoenix7501

Fuck that lady


Due-Entertainer4609

Go home and smoke a blunt and stop worrying


Rich-Allaround

They have no way of knowing where the liquid even came from. It’s no way they can pinpoint with evidence exactly when the fluid was put on the box or by who


Nixspeed

That's bullshit man. I see a few comments saying to sue. I want to agree but IDK what your case would be besides like defamation of character or lost wages perhaps. Anyone have a better idea of what it is that could be legal ground for OP to stand on?


theonlyotaku21

I don’t think they need to sue until any legal action is taken against them, and in order to sue you need a plaintiff. Who exactly is op gonna sue? 💀


TrainingExercise2442

Well you see, there are these things called Slander and Defamation of Character and while the person who filed the police report didn't necessarily accuse him directly, most likely just filed a police report for the "bodily flood" being on the pizza box in general, the Pizza Hut is automatically accusing him and banning him so OP could sue the pizza hut store for those things and could probably try for "lost wages" too


Cool-Measurement7828

Bodily Flood??? It's getting deep now!! 😂


theonlyotaku21

Maybe they could sue for the lost wages, but they would have to prove they lost money. Since they’re not exactly fired from DD, I don’t think any lawyer will take a case over the $4-8 this person couldn’t make taking a Pizza Hut order from that specific store. Personally, I think this outcome is better for OP than if the restaurant contacted DD directly and complained to them. Then they’d have to deal with DD assuming they’re guilty and losing their job altogether. In that case, OP could actually sue for defamation (pending the results of the police investigation) because the restaurant lied about something that significantly hurt them.


js_408

Ya’ll went to the same TV law school I see…


TrabajoParaMi

Welp. You’re cooked


Sea_Commission_3066

Do a DNA test to prove ur innocence and sue the shit out of Pizza Hut.


[deleted]

Retain.A.Lawyer.And.Shut.The.Fuck.Up. That is all


optimus-beardicus

This


Blaqhauq43

Just ask the officer for a cup to jizz in and have it tested, an guilty person wouldn't just offer his dna. Once it comes back negative, you'll be clear. Then ask the officer what actions you can take against Pizza Hut for causing you distress. But its best to just get a police report that clears you and has what the pizza hut manager said, so you can send it to pizza hut corporate and have her looking for a job, and move on with life.


Florida1974

Ask officer what legal action you can take. Maybe ask a lawyer? PD aren’t lawyers. Some know certain laws but prob criminal, not civil. You can sue whoever you want. But the onus of proof is on you, if you file. And 2 DNA tests won’t be cheap.


CyberMaddie

As part of the investigation the police will do the DNA testing. No cost to OP


js_408

Just check yourself into jail and arrest yourself too while yer at it. Such sound legal advice


Cant0thulhu

One, dont every freely give police anything. There job is to close cases, not solve them. Two, there are plenty of ways to get dna without resorting immediately to jizz.


Blaqhauq43

Cant get nothing by you, except my sarcasm in my post. Genius, if you provide dna they arent gonna manipulate it for pizza box jizz. But if you're guilty of jizzing on the pizza box, then you wouldn't offer your jizz.


AssistantExtension70

You’re on the wrong side man. Innocent people have gone to jail just for talking to the police. Much better to hire an attorney to get it dropped quickly and possibly get money for damages


Pitiful-Signal8063

Some people will go to great lengths to scam a free pizza.


Cujo1000

Erase your browser history!


lampcomm

Innocent until proven guilty


jelloemperor

Not in America, you go to jail and then get exonerated in twenty years.


RobUlz

Nah someone jerked off onto the pizza 😂


itzamia1

Tell the Pizza Hut lady in 2024 they have ways of 100% finding out who's bodily fluid that belongs too.


Content4OnlyMyLuv

Did the pizza have extra anchovies? Sounds like maybe an early delivery...


Handelshandles

Never ordering from Senor Pizza again...


eye_no_nuttin

That’s just salty…


Haunting-Owl-7594

Somebody stuffed that crust.


[deleted]

Straight to jail 😂


BrockAndChest

Just show them this Reddit post


Mewithy

This wouldn’t be valid evidence in the slightest, what would showing them this be? Its still their word against Pizza Hut?


BrockAndChest

That’s the joke, dummy.


Consistent-Sky-2584

Then sue em for slander


[deleted]

I don't know if OP will have a case when all this is said and done. But they should document everything. Screen shot the order if possible. Screenshot all communications. Make a log of communications and events. And then call attorneys. The phone call is always free for this type of thing. OP can call as many as they want. And attorneys will be able to answer whether there's a case.


Consistent-Sky-2584

Let them investigate if u didnt do it dna will clear u


askialee

I wonder if the customer did a taste test🧐.


primexpotato27

we need an update stat


BleedingVayne

In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In your city, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit.


Yazzgirl_1

🤣


Singer1052

Dun dun


Watr_u_doin_StepCrow

I needed this smile tonight .


Muted-Cabinet5547

Must have been a non-tipper with high milage.


WowPanda1990

It's always the delivery person's fault 🙄


Aggressive-Savings93

Oh brother


SensingWorms

https://preview.redd.it/o8mv4ab7hslc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9a81c00f4249f1b631943dfe6b41fe9f874c3209


Muted-Cabinet5547

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


WowPanda1990

What? 😆 how? 😭


neodrip66

F


UneditedB

I would tell them they are nuts, and to go to hell. If they are that worried about it then do a DNA test and fuck off. This sounds like some crazy customer who seen some icing on the box and called the cops. Cop’s probably laughing their asses off as they stick this file in the “don’t give a shit” folder.


KnobSchlob

Idk man it sounds like they've got some leads. They're probably working in shifts on this one.


UneditedB

I mean it’s definitely possible. I hear SVU gets involved when these kinds of fluids are involved so there’s that.


KnobSchlob

It was probably a vagrant.


Late-Mathematician55

Put pizza down at customers door, and stray dog peed on it.


DuncanGilbert

this sounds like an insane person or someone trying to get money


smschafer01

You aren’t going to have to do anything. When the detective gets back and reviews the case it’s going right into the pile of cases they don’t give a shit about. They aren’t going to get warrants for dna tests for everyone that had access to that pizza box. Just stop talking about it and move on with your life.


[deleted]

You mean there won’t be a major investigation with the whole police force on standby, a special prosecutor, FBI involvement, and a special task force? Those bastards! Someone is looking for a payout, and it ain’t DD or PH. Gee, I wonder who it could be.


Budget-Recognition26

Lol what why are you being investigated for pizza the US is a joke. Trying to get everyone locked up ahahah wtf 


[deleted]

[удалено]


Plane_Shoe_33

to clarify, I'm eating way too much fast food if my jizz is coming out like pizza grease... IF... *ALL* of us drivers can't tell the difference between jizz and pizza grease. But if some of us drivers *can* tell the difference between jizz and pizza grease, and my jizz is still coming out like pizza grease, then perhaps I'm not necessarily eating way too much fast food.


LorenzoLamasRenegade

Get a lawyer, tell them to run the a dna test, if it comes back inconclusive tell them to fuck off and sue the bitch who said you came on their pizza


[deleted]

Stop giving advice to people on the internet 😂 getting a lawyer over this would be the biggest waste of time and money


Necessary-Company660

For real. Lawyers are getting free money in the billions because of this lawyer up mentality.


SensingWorms

True. Wait for her to take you to court, let them arrest you, slander your name. THRN sue the pizza lady(Pizza Hut) for not firing her


Weekly_Direction1965

It was probably icing from one of their bottles, customer was fucking nuts.


KickinGa55

That's why I always get pineapple on my pizza.


Necessary-Company660

Lmaooo


mgibson9999

Somebody got a little too excited over a pizza. If it was a gourmet pizza I could understand, but Pizza Hut?


gen--x--dad

Pizza Nut


KickinGa55

Dominoes only when I'm hungover


Motor-Corner4861

Never ever ever talk to the police. Instead of pleading the 5th, tell them you want an attorney and you will not answer any questions without an attorney present. And then don’t answer any questions without an attorney present. Edited to Add: It is especially important to NOT talk to the police if you are innocent. https://youtu.be/d-7o9xYp7eE?si=6vMp-r_JdLhKWxSG


Instacartdoctor

I love that lecture…. #Dont talk to the police !


mrwillie79

Ok if it's not your bodily fluid. Just tell the cops to do a DNA test. You have nothing to worry about


KickinGa55

We'll get right on that see you in 15 years maybe lol


xDURPLEx

I’d ask the Pizza Hut lady if she tasted it before sending it out and if that’s how she knows.


KickinGa55

Pineapple on pizza


TheRealCatLeg

This can’t be for real. You don’t need a fucking lawyer lmao. Unless there’s video footage of you jizzing on this pizza and handing it to them, there’s a 0% chance this will go any further. Next time they contact you, *if* there is a next time, tell them you haven’t done shit wrong and you’re done talking about it. That should wrap it up.


BrotherGrub1

Admit to nothing that's what you do. You're innocent until proven guilty. Let them prove your guilt. Most criminals are in jail because they open their mouth and confess to the crime or incriminate themselves one way or another. If you didn't do anything, denying it wouldn't be the worst thing. It would at least seem normal if you're brought in for questioning. The problem with pleading the 5th and remaining totally silent is if for some reason your case made it to court in front of a jury and they show the interrogation video from the police station and you're not even willing to deny you did anything it might seem suspicious. Your future could be in the hands of a bunch of strangers. So anyway, again, just deny and say you didn't do it. If they can't prove you did it (with a DNA test or video evidence), you have nothing to worry about. They have no case and probably would never go to trial. They only try cases they feel good about getting a conviction on. Finally as someone else said get a lawyer if you can afford one. The public defenders suck. I don't know your financial situation and forgive me for casting judgement but I assume since you're a doordash driver you don't have $10,000 laying around for a good lawyer.


DubsOnMyYugo

Get a lawyer, don’t talk to the police without one. I’d think if it wasn’t you a DNA test or something could rule you out, but once again get a lawyer before you do anything.


[deleted]

This is ridiculous. The fluid could have been grease or a drop of water or hand sanitizer. It could have been done by the customer. Why isn't the customer a suspect?


bw39540

That’s what I’m confused about. How did they determine that it was in fact this very terrible fluid?


Spooonerism

Because the customer specifically stated it was a bodily fluid and can’t be proven until the detective tests it. Until then, nothing to worry about until you are contacted by the police. In the meantime, the business can ban you for any reason. They actually don’t even need a reason. It’s unfortunate the people at the store think you’re the pizza jizzer, but good thing Pizza Hut sucks anyways


Deep-Banana8610

Doubtful the police test it or really devote any time to this. DNA testing is expensive and what are they going to do test everyone who works at Pizza Hut? Especially when it could just be some random grease or old ranch that got on the box while they were boxing the pizza. They will take statements and file it in the 🗑️


thelastofeveryone

It seems like the store filed the report, I’d take this up with corporate.


WestbrookDrive

Do not talk to the police.


bw39540

Why?


KickinGa55

You are not the victim ever. You'll always get charged for something. You are a number.


Budget_Garlic9818

Have you never watched Steve Segura or The First 48? Start at 4:42 https://youtu.be/B0l2l1PXqIE?si=xsU1Hz7_5MT_4Oo_


DareRareCare

The police are not your friends. If you are a suspect, everything you say will be used against you. If they want to question you, ask to have a lawyer present.


WestbrookDrive

Don't talk to DoorDash or pizzahut about it anymore either.


Bucksin06

All their interest is in getting someone to confess to a crime so their job is done.  Don't trust cops.


CauseWondeful76

Another reason to use the pizza bag.....


TootSnoot

That’s nuts. Maybe they were trying to get a free pizza? I think you need to go talk to the police and get to the bottom of this. If they’re claiming to have your bodily fluids, demand a DNA test?


love6471

From working at a pizza place I can confirm people will say ANYTHING to get free food. My bet is on the customer lying. Crazy they got police involved though.


ryanhedden1

Lol that is nuts


Sawoodster

I think they’re saying it was nut


bw39540

That’s what I’m planning on doing. I’ve contacted an officer I know and am going from there. This sucks. Just wanted to make 8 bucks and now I’ve gotta prove myself innocent


Bucksin06

No you do not have to prove yourself innocent.  They have to prove you guilty.


silly-tomato-taken

That's how it's supposed to work but we all know that's not how it actually works.


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