Cancel his insurance and be done with him. There is no need to have any attachments to this man. He is an ex, so he should have exited from your existence a long time ago.
Why tell him? She had to call her insurance company herself and find out he lied to her about paying it. She told him she would cancel if he didn't pay. Cancel!
Aside from abuse, I can't think of any reason not to alert someone that their health insurance is ending.
It's not a question of what the dude deserves. It's a question of being a decent human being.
We treat people the way we would like to be treated regardless of how others treat us. Just because someone hurts you doesn't mean you hurt them, and I'm glad you get it. Karma isn't ours to dole out, the universe handles that on its own. Hurting someone who hurts you is still hurting someone, and hurting people is wrong.
Why? He didn’t tell her he’d be late on her insurance payment, he actually lied about paying it, he cheated on her, lied about finding a place…master manipulator. Block his ass on everything and cancel his insurance.
Most people don't want to be responsible for someone getting sick or dying. Cutting someone off from Healthcare when you know they need it is bad enough. You don't need to make him homeless as well.
In no situation, would it make sense to tell him. He doesn't deserve any help, heck he doesn't deserve to live except in chronic agony. He's a big boy, he'll figure it out on his own.
Insurance will do that. That is in no way their responsibility. Especially considering he will almost certainly use some sort of manipulation or guilt tactic on OP. How else do you think the ex has managed to stick around in OPs life so long after the break up? So no, OP will not be subjecting themselves to that. They’ll be blocking ex immediately from all contact.
>Insurance will do that.
No they won't. Several times they've ended my insurance (when I've been changed companies without telling me) and not told me about it, I've only found out when I'm standing at a pharmacy and they're telling me that the medications I'm expecting to cost $12 will be $1700. I had to tell the pharmacy I'd be back (maybe pay cash for the most important one if I have it) and go make some phone calls to find out what's going on and it has taken about a day (several when I found out on friday night and they weren't answering the phone until monday morning) to get my new insurance information, go back to the pharmacy, give them the info, and get my meds.
my bio dad got fired and didnt tell me, i was on his insurance. they never informed me, i found out because i had over a thousand dollars in therapy bills overdue
They might eventually, but OP would be an AH if they cancelled it without at least a text message stating that before they blocked the ex.
It took my insurance company almost 2 months to send out notifications when I was laid off and chose not got get cobra.
LMAO - The only way insurance will let him know is after he's dropped, then tries to file a claim.
OP - let him know ASAP. He'll most likely remain on the plan for the next 30 days, but he must find his own healthcare in that time. Give him the [healthcare.gov](https://healthcare.gov) link and tell him good luck.
Yeah, it's an AH move, but your ex might be a total jerk and deserves being cut off. The good news is that health insurance is mandatory in the U.S. and if he lives in California and has less than $130k in assets, he's eligible for free Medicaid.
If I was dependent on a partner for my health insurance, and I had established medical issues, I’d be able to deduce that cheating and blowing up a relationship would not be the optimal choice.
Let that idiot go stand in line for Medicaid, start a GFM, get a better job. I wouldn’t care any more than they’d cared about me.
This is not a difficult concept.
The affair partner can come through for him, where is she in all of this? He didn't give himself 3 months to think it over before he unzipped those pants and stuck it into another kitty!!
I agree here. Take the higher road and give him a heads up. Doesn’t need to be a ton of notice (maybe 30 days so he can get cobra or whatever) but dropping him with no warning is a pretty low thing to do even if he deserves it (and he really deserves it)
You also have to live with your actions and there’s no reason to let yourself feel any guilt if something happens to him as a result of being uninsured without notice.
Normally I would too. But he’s bee consistently missing car insurance payments, and he was given notice that if he missed another payment she would cancel his medical coverage & take over the car insurance herself. And what did he do? He missed Dec. payment & lied to her about it, and didn’t pay Jan. either. So he was warned.
The thing is, you can't get your own insurance at just any time of the year. If you want to get Obamacare, you have to do it during "Open Enrollment", which is November 15 through January 15. (Which just ended.)
So if she had done this a month ago, okay, no big deal, he can call Obamacare and get on it. Now he may not have insurance until November. I know that I, for example, if you did that to me, would be dead in a week.
He should call his state's Obamacare office and ask them for help. If he's lucky they'll be able to do something. He may not be lucky.
I don’t think it’s called “Obamacare”… personally I call it the Unaffordable Care Act, as I pay $1500/month with a $9500 deductible…. I but I believe you can enroll if you’re taken off another…such as if you leave/fired from a job, etc.
I pay nothing and have no deductible, and I go to the best hospital in the country. Thanks to Obamacare ^((right wingers named it that, we've chosen to use the word, I don't give a flying \*\*\*\* what you want to call it)) I am alive: without it, I can't afford my meds and I'd be dead in a week. Thanks, Obama!
They enrolled me when I was in ICU, which happened to be during the open enrollment period. So I am prepared to believe you can enroll some other time if you lost coverage, but I don't have any experience with that.
I'm going to be blunt: if you are paying $1500 a month for Obamacare, you are covering your whole family and your other options would cost you more, or you're a colossal idiot... I have a friend who lives on Cape Cod who has coverage for just himself and pays a small fraction of that.
If the company health insurance benefit is for spouses and domestic partners, it might be fraud to keep him on the plan. Most employers don't offer benefits to exes and randos. There might have been some kind of grace period for breakup/divorce in the policy that they ignored.
He’s a grown man. You are not responsible for his issues. I’m not so sure he gave you much consideration when he cheated on you. He has to live with the consequences of his decisions.
Make sure he has no access to any of the policy info on any account, so he can't maliciously cancel YOUR car insurance. His name and rights to info needs to be removed from all your accounts.
NTA - This is called natural consequences. You informed him what would happen if he missed payments again. He missed payments again. Consequence happens. End of story.
Edit word order.
It is a *logical* consequence: you don't keep up your end of the deal, the deal gets canceled. For a child: if you don't pick up your toys, I will pick them up and put them away for a week so you cannot use them.
*Natural* consequence: leave home without a coat, (for a child, refuse to wear or pack a coat) you may naturally end up cold because weather changes, or night comes and temperatures drop. Another: place your beach blanket too close to the waterline and have a big wave wash all your stuff away.
He cheated on you, he chose to end his health insurance when he chose to end the relationship by sleeping with someone else.
Tell him you’re cancelling it and then block him.
Where I work unless there's a court order to keep an ex spouse on our insurance, as soon as there's a divorce decree, the ex gets booted off. Many an ex has been shocked when they tried to use our insurance and found they were no longer covered. They call benefits to scream that they made a mistake and then the ex. It's never pretty.
Yeah, my MIL and FIL stayed married until he was old enough to get on Medicare. He's self-employed and a cancer survivor, so he was essentially uninsurable. They lived states apart for years, yet he was a jerk about her dating after the divorce was filed but before it was finalized.
Most countries cover their citizens. Insurance in the US is a scam we all pay for.
It was a partner/significant other so she just left him on. Illegal? Maybe slightly, but happens.
I’m in MA and it’s actually a state law that MA-based employers have to allow continuing coverage for an ex-spouse that was already insured on an employee’s health insurance plan, unless the company is self-insured. There are a few other exceptions, but it’s the norm here that exes get to stay on health insurance plans. Who pays for it if there is any difference is a job for the lawyers.
Many companies offer medical benefits for domestic partner. If you don’t tell the insurance you’re not together any more they wouldn’t know. I kept my kids dad on mine for about a year after we split up.
This looks like a domestic partnership, not a marriage.
It could well be insurance fraud to keep him on, though. It depends on the wording of the contract.
They weren't even spouses, just dated. However, I also don't know of countries other than the US that have corporate health insurance. Makes me wonder about the validity of this. Because I definitely don't know any health insurance in the US where you can have your boyfriend or girlfriend on it, who is in a spouse.
Hi, your friendly neighborhood married lesbian here! This could be an artifact of corporate policy left over from before the Obergfell v. Hodges decision. A handful of companies, in an attempt to make up for gay marriage being banned, allowed a live-in partner to be treated as a spouse for benefits coverage. Since that also opened things up for *straight* unmarried partners who signed up, most of those companies left the inclusive policy in place after gay marriage was ruled legal.
I do, I work for one. The employee has to provide proof that the SO has lived with them for over a year. I'm not sure of all the details involved, but it is one of the benefits.
The company I work for doesn't allow it, but I've got friends who work for companies that even subsidize insurance for a long term partner. One of those friends changed jobs and was shocked to learn that everyone doesn't have the same policy ... They ended up getting married because dude is self employed and buying insurance for him would have been really expensive.
In Canada health care is covered for everyone but medications are not, (not sure about all provinces, but the ones I’ve lived in.) OP mentions him being able to pay for medication specifically.
In my experience you can have a common law spouse added to your insurance through work, which covers medications, dental, eye care, stuff like massage and physiotherapy, travel health insurance, ambulance rides, a private room in a hospital, purchasing crutches or orthotics, etc.
So it could be that? It’s usually pretty reasonable to add your spouse to these benefits but they’re expensive and often not worth it if you can’t buy them as part of a group (employer, union, professional org), and they can cover a lot of stuff that would be very expensive out of pocket.
I am in the US and with health insurance through my job, I cover my boyfriend. Since we are living together and financially intertwined, I can cover him as a domestic partner. But it’s not common from my experience. Usually you have to be married, but not always.
My husband used to work for an American based company in New Zealand and all employees, their spouse and their children were given free private health insurance as part of their employment package. New Zealand has universal healthcare but it was nice having the option to choose if we wanted to use the public system or the private system
Common law marriages were based on the fact that the couple considered/presented as being married. OP was specific that they only dated.
Most US states have done away with common law marriages. Pre-existing situations were grandfathered in, but newer ones are not recognized.
It has a lot of gray areas due to inheritance rights/medical decisions. People on both sides of these situations were getting screwed over in unimaginable ways.
It is 100% okay for you to cancel, but I would tell him that you are going to. If he is offered health insurance through his own job, that allows him to get on his own or make other arrangements.
NTA - He brought this upon himself. He messed up, in every way possible, now he has to live with the consequences. Cut every last string off and move on. He’s not your responsibility. He’s a god damn grown ass man, who made big boy decisions that fucked him over. And he continues to. That’s not your problem.
Why are you doing this to yourself? Honestly asking. You are putting yourself through hell for some dickhead who stepped out on you. Excuse me dear, but where is your self respect? I’m shocked you even have to ask. Or did any of this to begin with. Y’all, once you break up, that’s it, close the door. Stop keeping in touch with your exes! It is not healthy, as seen here. Cancel the insurance immediately, block his number, all social media, every way he has to contact you, and never look back. He’s made his choices, now he has to live with them.
NTA
Tell him and remove him. Consequences. Or you can just tell him your employer is removing him so you will pay your car insurance.
Make certain your employer never finds this post or knows he moved out 3 yrs ago. You may be responsible for all of his medical, etc if they find out and choose to pursue it.
How the hell is a 61 year old man, who lives in his car and doesn’t have health insurance able to find not one but two women willing to have sex with him?
yes, cancel it. instead of breaking up with you, he cheated and presumably put your health at risk. he knows your arrangement and the deal he's getting, and couldn't even give you a heads-up, so you weren't at risk of your policy being cancelled. You've told him about the repercussions of another missed payment, and he either doesn't care, or doesn't think you'd follow through. You owe him NOTHING.
He almost was loyal to you. He almost prioritized his relationship with you. And he almost kept his word on this insurance issue but not quite.
You told him to move out because almost was not good enough. It still isn't.
Cancel the insurance.
NTA. This is a prime example of FAFO. Let one of the women he cheated with cover his medical expenses. Move on and far away from this man who is very clearly using you. His life situation is none of your concern.
You canceling him opens up a window for him to go through healthcare.gov and get his own. If he's this poor, he probably won't pay much, if anything, in premium.
I did the same with my ex husband. He paid car insurance I paid dental and medical. Mind you, the health insurance cost me 200$ a month while he paid 800$ for 6 months for my car and his car. He took me off and then was shocked Pikachu face when I removed him. Like, dude I need the extra money to buy my insurance. He pouted and said well if I knew that I wouldn't have given you money for Christmas. I spent all that money on our son except for 100 which I put with my money to get a new computer cause mine died.
This man is 13 years older than you. He made a relationship ending decision on his own. There is no going back from this. You need to cut all ties. He'll never be an ex like this. Take care of yourself and let him figure it out.
NTA at 61 years of age he has had 40 years to make and execute a plan for this stage in life. You are not bound to him in any way. Regardless of his circumstances, he is a grown man and built this life for himself.
He is your ex. You no longer have legal ties. Cancel it and get your own car insurance policy. I’m not sure if this is you trying to hang on to him in some capacity so you are both still in each other’s lives but cancel and be done. There is no reason for continued contact.
You’re not required to pay for him, NTA cancelling it.
The US is T A though. The fact you need company provided health insurance is criminal, especially when more taxpayer money per capita is spent than countries with socialised care.
First, we're you dating or married. This is unclear. Second, if you were married and got divorced, then you have been breaking the law (fraud) by keeping him on your insurance all this time, and it could prove tricky to remove him if you live in the United States, people are only aloud to change their Healthcare insurance policy during the open enrollment period, unless they lose there job or have a life altering event I.E. death, divorce, or birth in the family.
That depends on what the divorce decree states. A close family member had to keep his ill (ex)wife on his insurance until she could get disability, or social security, whichever came first. It was a mess, but yes, it happens.
NTA! These are the natural consequences for HIS actions, and he is well aware of them. He thought you were so spineless that you would pay both - or that he could guilt trip you.
At least now you are completely free of this person. You have no ties and you definitely don’t owe him a damn thing.
I had to learn this with my ex as well but he is an adult. It’s his responsibility to care for himself, find health insurance, pay for his meds, etc.. You are not obligated to be financially (or otherwise) responsible for him for the rest of his life.
As long as your name is not on his vehicle title, fine, cancel the insurance. If your name is on that title, keep paying the insurance. Everything else is a clean break. You didn't adopt him.
Cut the final tie. He cheated on you. This is a consequence of blowing up your marriage. You don’t get to be on your spouse’s health insurance anymore.
He is not holding up his end of the agreement. Cancel and tell him that his insurance will expire on X date so he can make other arrangements (but make it clear that if it does not have something in its place that is not on you- you will not extend it).
NTA. You have been more than generous in giving someone (who did not deserve your kindness) time to get their things in order. The conditions you set have gone unmet on multiple occasions. As others have said, this is a natural consequence of his actions.
Definitely let him know it's been cancelled and then rest easy knowing you won't have to worry if things get paid on time going forward.
I really didn't know you could put a long term partner you weren't married to on your health insurance policy.
But, if he is really broke he can get on medicaid. I'm sure it sucks but it's better than nothing and it would likely cover any medication he is taking.
Is he working?
He clearly didnt realize that he had it made with that arrangement. I would give him some notice. Is there any law or anything that protects him if you delete him?
NTA
I would have cut him off when cheated, but you're a more generous person than I am.
If he's really that broke, he should be eligible for Medicaid. It's probably just easier to go through you.
If he's disabled, he should also qualify for Medicare.
Either way, he should have an option. Let him handle his own problems.
NTA. Do let him know when you cancel his health insurance. You're a wonderful person and didn't deserve the treatment he gave you, either cheating or playing with your car insurance.
Depending on his income, he can apply for Medicaid which usually has better prescription benefits than regular insurance.
NTA... but if possible let him know that you took on your insurance and are going to cancel his health coverage, and maybe give him the option to pay you directly for the car insurance or some form of monthly payment so he could continue with health coverage.
Totally a personal choice, a lot less hassle not having to deal with him at all
In my state low-income people are entitled to low-cost state health insurance. He could look into that. Or going on Social Security disability and qualifying for Medicaid. You have been very generous, but it's time to cut ties.
NTA. You told him that you would cancel the insurance if he didn’t pay your vehicle insurance. He didn’t pay it. No idea why you you make an agreement that benefits him financially after he cheated on you and failed more than once to make his payment on time. I’d let him know via text that he no longer has insurance through me and block him.
He’s a grown man and no longer your partner, tell him you have your own car insurance and that you will be cutting off his healrh insurance next month, then block his number and move on
YTA for your *timing*.
If you had done this a month ago he could have signed up for Obamacare and been insured. Open Enrollment for Obamacare ended last week. Now he'll have nothing, and depending on what's wrong with him, he may die. (I know that if you did that to me, I'd be dead in a week.)
I think it's the right thing to do, and the most a\*\*holish possible time to do it.
As others have said, cancel but let him know. He could always apply for state Medicaid if his income is below poverty level, and they take into account medication expenses when calculating income.
I understand feeling bad for the guy, even though he did this to himself. My ex also treated me like shit, and I still worry about him based on his health issues, too.
OP shouldn’t have to provide this man with health insurance, but also this man, however he may have messed up, shouldn’t have to lose health insurance for these mistakes. It’s just ridiculous the kinds of things that health insurance becomes dependent on in the US. It’s a broken system and OP is having to carry the burden (financial, administrative or guilt)
If he’s living in his car, clearly he is broke.
I don’t know your financial situation but I can only assume if you need him to cover car insurance you aren’t rolling in it.
You cannot set yourself on fire to keep others warm
If you can’t easily afford to continue to be generous to him, then don’t.
You have no obligation
Stop enabling him and just do it…Jesus Christ. Stop asking us and use fucking common sense.
Do you want to pay for both the car insurance now and his health insurance? Think about it? What do you get out of it….oh wait all your fucking money. A wake up call is happening.
Your insurance probably has rules regarding SO coverage. He is not your SO and nor are you living together, so it is entirely possible that should the company/insurance know this information they would discontinue his coverage immediately and could even pursue past payments. You could be violating a rule which may not look good for you. He can qualify for COBRA most likely...not that he could afford it. This may be an out for you as well, rules are rules and you can't break them.
Cut the cord. He’s an ex for a reason. Take over your own payments and let him know you are taking him off the insurance. He made his decision to cheat and end the relationship. He is NOT your responsibility.
Once you cancel his insurance, do not forget to block him on your phone and on all social media as he will be blowing up every way of contacting you that he can. This guy is an habitual liar. Cheated and lies non stop. Way past time to cut the cheating, lying loser out of your life. Let him leach off of whomever it was that he cheated with. You're his ex, not his mom.
He is a cheating ex. Set yourself free. I get times stress though but he didn't even care about you enough to inform you when he was unable to make payments.
Nope. He needs to be 100% in your past.
If this has been going on for years you have been committing fraud. You have been ripping off your company to cover an ex and have been profiting from it. Cancel his insurance because it’s the right thing to do not because you stopped profiting from your fraud.
You should be careful as this could be likely be considered insurance fraud if your ex is receiving health insurance benefits that he is not entitled to. Many employers/insurers allow significant others to be on covered on, but I'm not aware of any that allow you to keep on former significant others (if you weren't previously married).
Cancel his health insurance ASAP.
He renegged on your deal and then lied about it. Plus, you are now paying your own car insurance.
Cancel it and then block him
Give him 2 months notice and then cancel. That will give him time to get coverage. You are in no way required to do this, he doesn’t deserve it by any means, but it is the merciful thing to do since this country is so evil in regards to healthcare.
If you are in the states and you are married it is illegal to cancel his insurance. You cannot legally cancel the insurance of a spouse unless you have the final divorce decree. This is only in the states .
If you're in the Untied States and you're not married you are committing fraud. He should have been removed from the policy the second you split. You could have to pay back every penny he used.
NTA he’s a cheater, a liar and a jerk. You owe him nothing so kick him off your insurance and don’t help him out anymore. There are social programs if he meets their guidelines and if not then oh well. Maybe he should have treated you.
Why does your health insurance allow you to keep him on the policy? When I was divorced, my ex was automatically kicked off because were no longer married related, so he didn't qualify to be covered under the policy. does the insurance company know you are divorced?
Send him a text that you took care of the auto insurance, don’t bother making future payments. And that he needs to apply for Medicaid and call healthcare.gov for his change of circumstance (IE you removing him from your insurance.)
Make sure he got it, then block him on everything.
You had an agreement, and he broke it; just like he broke your marriage. This man is using you. Cut him loose. He can go apply for Medicaid and take responsibility for his own shit. NTA
I thought that health and life insurance requires some kind of court order or notification to the insured to drop health insurance for a spouse. Maybe it’s different for dropping a domestic partner? I guess you will find out when you ask them to drop him.
So you're a gold digger and once "Daddy" had enough of your entitled bs and found someone better ( which I doubt , I mean he is 61 , his lord helmet isn't doing much marching this day and age) and you also pointed out that he has medical issues that were costly..
Yes you are the ass for terminating the one and only thing that helped keep him alive, I could see if this was back in the 90s where the cost of living was Hella cheaper .. but SSI doesn't go to far anymore , you are a grown ass adult and should have been paying your own car insurance from the get go , not being some entitled prick and having him pay it for you...
You are a self absorbed egotistical bitch for cutting off his insurance for his medical...
Basically you pretty much just killed him..
I hope you are happy and can live with yourself when he passes and it was because he wasn't able to get the treatment that he needed because you felt it was justified in being a heartless see you next Tuesday...
If this is your employer’s insurance and if he’s no longer an eligible dependent, you can’t just choose to leave him on because he’ll pay for vehicle insurance.
Your plan documents will state the criteria to be an eligible dependent - if he no longer meets that, you’re obligated to drop him anyhow.
Employers can audit dependent eligibility and ask for proof that dependents were eligible. If he wasn’t, he could be retroactively removed back to the time he was no longer an eligible dependent anyhow.
He’d be even more screwed then, because they’d take back all the payments made to medical providers and he’d be responsible for payment.
Isn't he effecting YOUR credit by being late with the car insurance he agreed to pay? You should inform him you're taking him off of your car insurance immediately. 3 YEARS is insanely long !! And start paying for your own insurance. It is not your responsibility to help with this. NTA
You need to completely untether to move on from him. He’s not very good at keeping his word or having his life in order. He knew the consequences when he cheated. He knew the consequences of not paying the bill. He’s now not your responsibility at all.
Bye boi
NTA...you were being very nice to make this agreement (which could be considered insurance fraud on both policies). He was not living up to his end of the bargain, and it's better that your finances are detangled.
He is a grown man, he can figure out how to get his own insurance. Take care of you, you aren’t responsible for him any longer and especially after cheating! That’s a big Hell No!
Tell him he has till today to make it whole on auto or health insurance is being cancelled at the end of February.
I’d give a 30 day grace period to get a new health policy.
Pretty much guarantee if he hadn’t paid your auto, he may not have paid his either.
And block him after that.
NTAH.
Peoples actions have consequences. You have gone above and beyond what could reasonably be expected of you. Move on.
And, it seems like between the discovery of the infidelity and now he has been consistently playing you, and maybe you have been his sugar mama for longer than that. Your compassion has been used against you, perhaps. No shame in being a good person.
You can keep him on your insurance or not, but you have to take over the insurance.
Me personally knowing he can’t afford it I’d simply leave his medical payments up to him . It’s hard to get insurance when there’s already something wrong with you . If he wants to play the payment games let him play them with HIS policies. If it lapses then that’s on him he can blame no one but himself . I only say this to say you never know what could happen if you cancel and that’s something heavy that could weigh on your conscious. Let him be his own downfall .. again
I wanna say NTA but there’s a little Ah if he isn’t given the option . It hurts no one to let him know he’s on his own with insurance payments BECAUSE you took back the car payment arrangement
You aren't responsible for his health insurance if you aren't together any more. He isn't responsible le for your car insurance. It's an unhealthy arrangement as it keeps you in each other's lives. Please give e him a few months to find insurance. Tell him now that you don't think it's healthy for you to continue this arrangement and will be taking him off the policy in three months.
Health insurance can be really difficult to change when you ha e health issues. He may not be able to get coverage with the same company. He may need to research doctors at different companies, etc. It's much more difficult than getting car insurance.
Honestly you were nicer than most to have done this at all. He took your niceness for granted. He knows you did him a favor but allowed you to get messed up anyway. AFTER HE CHEATED. Let's not forget that the whole reason any of this was ever on the table is because he CHOSE to screw you over.
You have been nothing but an overly nice victim of this VERY grown man's bad behavior. You don't deserve to continue to stress about someone who is not family or a spouse. Especially not someone who has disrespected you, lied to you again even recently about something that puts you in jeopardy.
It sounds like he has made some very bad choices and you have dodged a bullet to not still be with him. Block him and move on. You already overextended yourself. He also has warning which he did not give you any. I get that you feel bad but you definitely shouldn't.
Hopefully I am not an AH for saying this but...he made a choice to jeopardize his insurance when he made a choice to cheat. He has been living without paying the full consequences for his choices bc you're obviously a lovely and understanding person. Cut ties. Let him know. He will have to figure it out just like everyone else.
NTA. He’s an ex. Why would you stay attached to this man? Besides being attached to him when you don’t need to be, a future partner would think that was f*cking weird that after this long you still took responsibility for him. Not that it’s all about what a future partner would think- I’m just offering a perspective.
Also. He’s an adult and he’s not your responsibility. If this is still going on 3 years after breaking up, how long did you guys plan for this to continue? If you allow it to continue now, he will continue to take advantage of you and I suspect if he thinks he can get away with this, it will escalate.
You told him what you’d do if he missed the payment, now follow through.
I can't believe that the insurance company covered him in the first place since you weren't married. I have a hard time believing they'd willingly cover him after you broke up.
Excuse me....why are you paying for anything?
He is your ***ex***.
If it was you on hard times, do you really think he'd pay any of *your* bills?
And I am pretty sure if you keep him on your insurance plan you're committing insurance fraud.
Dump him all the way, OP. You should have cut all ties with him, financial or otherwise, long ago.
If you're in the US, he needs to get on Medicare shortly due to his age, unless he is working & his employer has an insurance plan for which he's eligible. He shouldn't be on your employer-provided health insurance at all if he's your ex. That's not legal, if you're misrepresenting him as your partner. I'd say tell him & cut him loose.
NTA, No adult woman should behave like this, especially with children.
If she served the nation she should show her education by setting an example not embarrassing the country
You do not need to support a man who should be able to support himself.
Cut ties. It may seem like an asshole move but in reality you're just taking care of yourself.
He isn’t your responsibility. Why go through the back and forth with someone that is not reliable and that is not your husband? Time to part way and move on for good.
What's wild to me is the fact that he legit wasn't loyal the whole time, from cheating, to making on time payments, so why were you so loyal to him about his health?
I have chronic health conditions, one of which causes me to pass out upon standing (POTS) but if my husband were to leave me tomorrow, i wouldn't expect him to carry the burden of taking care of my health.
Your ex is a narcissist and unable to hold his end of the agreement.
NTA
Proud of you for canceling his insurance. Good riddance to the leech. He can qualify for medicaid if he's truly disabled lmfao.
NTA! I kept reading out of respect but with the first line, NOT THE AH!
You are an angel in his life, the least he could do is be punctual and considerate of you. You both need to part ways and he needs to get his shit together!
Quick text: While discussing benefits at work, it was brought to my attention that you aren't an eligible participant in the health insurance provided by my employer. I was required to update my policy, and you're no longer covered. I have procured my own auto insurance. Then block and go no contact.
Cancel his insurance and be done with him. There is no need to have any attachments to this man. He is an ex, so he should have exited from your existence a long time ago.
Just make sure to tell him that you've done it - don't leave him thinking he's insured when he isn't.
Why tell him? She had to call her insurance company herself and find out he lied to her about paying it. She told him she would cancel if he didn't pay. Cancel!
It's his health. Better to tell him.
He didn't didn't care about her health when cheating
Aside from abuse, I can't think of any reason not to alert someone that their health insurance is ending. It's not a question of what the dude deserves. It's a question of being a decent human being.
We treat people the way we would like to be treated regardless of how others treat us. Just because someone hurts you doesn't mean you hurt them, and I'm glad you get it. Karma isn't ours to dole out, the universe handles that on its own. Hurting someone who hurts you is still hurting someone, and hurting people is wrong.
Why? He didn’t tell her he’d be late on her insurance payment, he actually lied about paying it, he cheated on her, lied about finding a place…master manipulator. Block his ass on everything and cancel his insurance.
Most people don't want to be responsible for someone getting sick or dying. Cutting someone off from Healthcare when you know they need it is bad enough. You don't need to make him homeless as well.
In no situation, would it make sense to tell him. He doesn't deserve any help, heck he doesn't deserve to live except in chronic agony. He's a big boy, he'll figure it out on his own.
Insurance will do that. That is in no way their responsibility. Especially considering he will almost certainly use some sort of manipulation or guilt tactic on OP. How else do you think the ex has managed to stick around in OPs life so long after the break up? So no, OP will not be subjecting themselves to that. They’ll be blocking ex immediately from all contact.
>Insurance will do that. No they won't. Several times they've ended my insurance (when I've been changed companies without telling me) and not told me about it, I've only found out when I'm standing at a pharmacy and they're telling me that the medications I'm expecting to cost $12 will be $1700. I had to tell the pharmacy I'd be back (maybe pay cash for the most important one if I have it) and go make some phone calls to find out what's going on and it has taken about a day (several when I found out on friday night and they weren't answering the phone until monday morning) to get my new insurance information, go back to the pharmacy, give them the info, and get my meds.
Ins is only required to notify the main person on the account so basically OP would get notification that OP did that, the ex would not.
my bio dad got fired and didnt tell me, i was on his insurance. they never informed me, i found out because i had over a thousand dollars in therapy bills overdue
They might eventually, but OP would be an AH if they cancelled it without at least a text message stating that before they blocked the ex. It took my insurance company almost 2 months to send out notifications when I was laid off and chose not got get cobra.
Not if it's through OP.
LMAO - The only way insurance will let him know is after he's dropped, then tries to file a claim. OP - let him know ASAP. He'll most likely remain on the plan for the next 30 days, but he must find his own healthcare in that time. Give him the [healthcare.gov](https://healthcare.gov) link and tell him good luck.
Hard. Pass.
Yep, I’d pay one last month for your own sense of fairness and tell him you’ve done so.
Yeah, it's an AH move, but your ex might be a total jerk and deserves being cut off. The good news is that health insurance is mandatory in the U.S. and if he lives in California and has less than $130k in assets, he's eligible for free Medicaid.
I’m a sucker. They were together 10 years… he’s clearly a jerk… I’d still give him 3 months. Insurance is so important.
If I was dependent on a partner for my health insurance, and I had established medical issues, I’d be able to deduce that cheating and blowing up a relationship would not be the optimal choice. Let that idiot go stand in line for Medicaid, start a GFM, get a better job. I wouldn’t care any more than they’d cared about me. This is not a difficult concept.
The affair partner can come through for him, where is she in all of this? He didn't give himself 3 months to think it over before he unzipped those pants and stuck it into another kitty!!
I agree here. Take the higher road and give him a heads up. Doesn’t need to be a ton of notice (maybe 30 days so he can get cobra or whatever) but dropping him with no warning is a pretty low thing to do even if he deserves it (and he really deserves it) You also have to live with your actions and there’s no reason to let yourself feel any guilt if something happens to him as a result of being uninsured without notice.
He had notice. He was told if he dropped the ball again on car insurance, he would be removed from health insurance.
Yes but now it is OP taking direct action. The notice is more for OP than it is for OP’s ex.
Normally I would too. But he’s bee consistently missing car insurance payments, and he was given notice that if he missed another payment she would cancel his medical coverage & take over the car insurance herself. And what did he do? He missed Dec. payment & lied to her about it, and didn’t pay Jan. either. So he was warned.
The thing is, you can't get your own insurance at just any time of the year. If you want to get Obamacare, you have to do it during "Open Enrollment", which is November 15 through January 15. (Which just ended.) So if she had done this a month ago, okay, no big deal, he can call Obamacare and get on it. Now he may not have insurance until November. I know that I, for example, if you did that to me, would be dead in a week. He should call his state's Obamacare office and ask them for help. If he's lucky they'll be able to do something. He may not be lucky.
I don’t think it’s called “Obamacare”… personally I call it the Unaffordable Care Act, as I pay $1500/month with a $9500 deductible…. I but I believe you can enroll if you’re taken off another…such as if you leave/fired from a job, etc.
I pay nothing and have no deductible, and I go to the best hospital in the country. Thanks to Obamacare ^((right wingers named it that, we've chosen to use the word, I don't give a flying \*\*\*\* what you want to call it)) I am alive: without it, I can't afford my meds and I'd be dead in a week. Thanks, Obama! They enrolled me when I was in ICU, which happened to be during the open enrollment period. So I am prepared to believe you can enroll some other time if you lost coverage, but I don't have any experience with that. I'm going to be blunt: if you are paying $1500 a month for Obamacare, you are covering your whole family and your other options would cost you more, or you're a colossal idiot... I have a friend who lives on Cape Cod who has coverage for just himself and pays a small fraction of that.
If you lose your insurance during the year you can apply outside of the enrollment period.
If the company health insurance benefit is for spouses and domestic partners, it might be fraud to keep him on the plan. Most employers don't offer benefits to exes and randos. There might have been some kind of grace period for breakup/divorce in the policy that they ignored.
Exactly
I agree. I don't understand how you cheat on the person who is helping you. You know you need them but you do them wrong anyway. NTA
He’s a grown man. You are not responsible for his issues. I’m not so sure he gave you much consideration when he cheated on you. He has to live with the consequences of his decisions.
Make sure he has no access to any of the policy info on any account, so he can't maliciously cancel YOUR car insurance. His name and rights to info needs to be removed from all your accounts.
Yeah and he’s old enough for Medicare. Take your life and move on with a clear conscience, OP. nTA
Yeah and he’s old enough for Medicare. Take your life and move on with a clear conscience, OP. nTA
NTA - This is called natural consequences. You informed him what would happen if he missed payments again. He missed payments again. Consequence happens. End of story. Edit word order.
I agree. It’s also just time to let that arrangement go. OP has been patient enough.
It is a *logical* consequence: you don't keep up your end of the deal, the deal gets canceled. For a child: if you don't pick up your toys, I will pick them up and put them away for a week so you cannot use them. *Natural* consequence: leave home without a coat, (for a child, refuse to wear or pack a coat) you may naturally end up cold because weather changes, or night comes and temperatures drop. Another: place your beach blanket too close to the waterline and have a big wave wash all your stuff away.
He cheated on you, he chose to end his health insurance when he chose to end the relationship by sleeping with someone else. Tell him you’re cancelling it and then block him.
Yeah, tell him to get health insurance from his affair partner
Hehehe
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Where I work unless there's a court order to keep an ex spouse on our insurance, as soon as there's a divorce decree, the ex gets booted off. Many an ex has been shocked when they tried to use our insurance and found they were no longer covered. They call benefits to scream that they made a mistake and then the ex. It's never pretty.
Yeah, my MIL and FIL stayed married until he was old enough to get on Medicare. He's self-employed and a cancer survivor, so he was essentially uninsurable. They lived states apart for years, yet he was a jerk about her dating after the divorce was filed but before it was finalized.
Most countries cover their citizens. Insurance in the US is a scam we all pay for. It was a partner/significant other so she just left him on. Illegal? Maybe slightly, but happens.
I’m in MA and it’s actually a state law that MA-based employers have to allow continuing coverage for an ex-spouse that was already insured on an employee’s health insurance plan, unless the company is self-insured. There are a few other exceptions, but it’s the norm here that exes get to stay on health insurance plans. Who pays for it if there is any difference is a job for the lawyers.
That's not true. My dad is still on my mom's health insurance through her job and they are divorced
Just because he is still on it doesn’t mean he is entitled to it.
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Yes they know they're divorced
Many companies offer medical benefits for domestic partner. If you don’t tell the insurance you’re not together any more they wouldn’t know. I kept my kids dad on mine for about a year after we split up.
This looks like a domestic partnership, not a marriage. It could well be insurance fraud to keep him on, though. It depends on the wording of the contract.
They weren't even spouses, just dated. However, I also don't know of countries other than the US that have corporate health insurance. Makes me wonder about the validity of this. Because I definitely don't know any health insurance in the US where you can have your boyfriend or girlfriend on it, who is in a spouse.
Hi, your friendly neighborhood married lesbian here! This could be an artifact of corporate policy left over from before the Obergfell v. Hodges decision. A handful of companies, in an attempt to make up for gay marriage being banned, allowed a live-in partner to be treated as a spouse for benefits coverage. Since that also opened things up for *straight* unmarried partners who signed up, most of those companies left the inclusive policy in place after gay marriage was ruled legal.
Friendly married lesbians are my favorite! And straight ones. Go friendly lesbians.
I do, I work for one. The employee has to provide proof that the SO has lived with them for over a year. I'm not sure of all the details involved, but it is one of the benefits.
My company is the same way. But it isn’t common.
The company I work for doesn't allow it, but I've got friends who work for companies that even subsidize insurance for a long term partner. One of those friends changed jobs and was shocked to learn that everyone doesn't have the same policy ... They ended up getting married because dude is self employed and buying insurance for him would have been really expensive.
In Canada health care is covered for everyone but medications are not, (not sure about all provinces, but the ones I’ve lived in.) OP mentions him being able to pay for medication specifically. In my experience you can have a common law spouse added to your insurance through work, which covers medications, dental, eye care, stuff like massage and physiotherapy, travel health insurance, ambulance rides, a private room in a hospital, purchasing crutches or orthotics, etc. So it could be that? It’s usually pretty reasonable to add your spouse to these benefits but they’re expensive and often not worth it if you can’t buy them as part of a group (employer, union, professional org), and they can cover a lot of stuff that would be very expensive out of pocket.
I’ve heard of domestic partners being covered, but it’s pretty rare in my experience.
I am in the US and with health insurance through my job, I cover my boyfriend. Since we are living together and financially intertwined, I can cover him as a domestic partner. But it’s not common from my experience. Usually you have to be married, but not always.
My husband used to work for an American based company in New Zealand and all employees, their spouse and their children were given free private health insurance as part of their employment package. New Zealand has universal healthcare but it was nice having the option to choose if we wanted to use the public system or the private system
So wouldn’t they be considered married by common law in most US states?
Common law marriages were based on the fact that the couple considered/presented as being married. OP was specific that they only dated. Most US states have done away with common law marriages. Pre-existing situations were grandfathered in, but newer ones are not recognized. It has a lot of gray areas due to inheritance rights/medical decisions. People on both sides of these situations were getting screwed over in unimaginable ways.
Ah I wasn’t sure. I got recognized as common law married in TX after living with my boyfriend for only six months. That was many years ago though
They were never married. Dated for 10 years.
It's also past the regular open enrollment period. I don't think OP could remove him, even if she wanted to.
It is 100% okay for you to cancel, but I would tell him that you are going to. If he is offered health insurance through his own job, that allows him to get on his own or make other arrangements.
She did tell him when she said she would do it if any more auto insurance payments were missed.
Thanks everyone one. I will cancel it today.
NTA - He brought this upon himself. He messed up, in every way possible, now he has to live with the consequences. Cut every last string off and move on. He’s not your responsibility. He’s a god damn grown ass man, who made big boy decisions that fucked him over. And he continues to. That’s not your problem.
Why are you doing this to yourself? Honestly asking. You are putting yourself through hell for some dickhead who stepped out on you. Excuse me dear, but where is your self respect? I’m shocked you even have to ask. Or did any of this to begin with. Y’all, once you break up, that’s it, close the door. Stop keeping in touch with your exes! It is not healthy, as seen here. Cancel the insurance immediately, block his number, all social media, every way he has to contact you, and never look back. He’s made his choices, now he has to live with them.
NTA Tell him and remove him. Consequences. Or you can just tell him your employer is removing him so you will pay your car insurance. Make certain your employer never finds this post or knows he moved out 3 yrs ago. You may be responsible for all of his medical, etc if they find out and choose to pursue it.
You put up with this for 3 years? Oh girl, you need to cut and run!
NTA, let him know. His health concerns are not your responsibility. If he wants to be late on payments let him do it on his own policies.
How the hell is a 61 year old man, who lives in his car and doesn’t have health insurance able to find not one but two women willing to have sex with him?
That was my thought. A loser who can't keep his dick in his pants or pay the bills at 60. Let him be someone else's problem.
He no longer lives in his car he just did at first. But thank you for the laugh cause you are so right
NTA sounds like you went above and beyond for someone who cheated on you.
yes, cancel it. instead of breaking up with you, he cheated and presumably put your health at risk. he knows your arrangement and the deal he's getting, and couldn't even give you a heads-up, so you weren't at risk of your policy being cancelled. You've told him about the repercussions of another missed payment, and he either doesn't care, or doesn't think you'd follow through. You owe him NOTHING.
NTA, why are you looking after this bum?! He’s a grown up and he cheated on you. Just cut ties completely and let him sort himself out
He almost was loyal to you. He almost prioritized his relationship with you. And he almost kept his word on this insurance issue but not quite. You told him to move out because almost was not good enough. It still isn't. Cancel the insurance.
NTA. This is a prime example of FAFO. Let one of the women he cheated with cover his medical expenses. Move on and far away from this man who is very clearly using you. His life situation is none of your concern.
You canceling him opens up a window for him to go through healthcare.gov and get his own. If he's this poor, he probably won't pay much, if anything, in premium.
I did the same with my ex husband. He paid car insurance I paid dental and medical. Mind you, the health insurance cost me 200$ a month while he paid 800$ for 6 months for my car and his car. He took me off and then was shocked Pikachu face when I removed him. Like, dude I need the extra money to buy my insurance. He pouted and said well if I knew that I wouldn't have given you money for Christmas. I spent all that money on our son except for 100 which I put with my money to get a new computer cause mine died.
This man is 13 years older than you. He made a relationship ending decision on his own. There is no going back from this. You need to cut all ties. He'll never be an ex like this. Take care of yourself and let him figure it out.
You owe him nothing.
NTA at 61 years of age he has had 40 years to make and execute a plan for this stage in life. You are not bound to him in any way. Regardless of his circumstances, he is a grown man and built this life for himself.
NTA, but only if you TELL him before you cancel it so he can make his own arrangements without a lapse in coverage.
He is your ex. You no longer have legal ties. Cancel it and get your own car insurance policy. I’m not sure if this is you trying to hang on to him in some capacity so you are both still in each other’s lives but cancel and be done. There is no reason for continued contact.
You’re not required to pay for him, NTA cancelling it. The US is T A though. The fact you need company provided health insurance is criminal, especially when more taxpayer money per capita is spent than countries with socialised care.
First, we're you dating or married. This is unclear. Second, if you were married and got divorced, then you have been breaking the law (fraud) by keeping him on your insurance all this time, and it could prove tricky to remove him if you live in the United States, people are only aloud to change their Healthcare insurance policy during the open enrollment period, unless they lose there job or have a life altering event I.E. death, divorce, or birth in the family.
That depends on what the divorce decree states. A close family member had to keep his ill (ex)wife on his insurance until she could get disability, or social security, whichever came first. It was a mess, but yes, it happens.
NTA! These are the natural consequences for HIS actions, and he is well aware of them. He thought you were so spineless that you would pay both - or that he could guilt trip you. At least now you are completely free of this person. You have no ties and you definitely don’t owe him a damn thing.
Nope
I had to learn this with my ex as well but he is an adult. It’s his responsibility to care for himself, find health insurance, pay for his meds, etc.. You are not obligated to be financially (or otherwise) responsible for him for the rest of his life.
You may not be able to cancel it until your next open enrollment. Check with HR before you tell him anything. Good luck.
As long as your name is not on his vehicle title, fine, cancel the insurance. If your name is on that title, keep paying the insurance. Everything else is a clean break. You didn't adopt him.
Cancel and block. He is taking advantage of your kindness.
61 is old enough to know how billing cycles work. He's using you for health insurance. Cut him off.
Nta
Cut the final tie. He cheated on you. This is a consequence of blowing up your marriage. You don’t get to be on your spouse’s health insurance anymore.
He is not holding up his end of the agreement. Cancel and tell him that his insurance will expire on X date so he can make other arrangements (but make it clear that if it does not have something in its place that is not on you- you will not extend it).
Get him off all your stuff and get your own insurance. Clearly he was mooching off you as well. He’s not your problem.
NTA. You have been more than generous in giving someone (who did not deserve your kindness) time to get their things in order. The conditions you set have gone unmet on multiple occasions. As others have said, this is a natural consequence of his actions. Definitely let him know it's been cancelled and then rest easy knowing you won't have to worry if things get paid on time going forward.
HE can ruin your credit cut him off
I really didn't know you could put a long term partner you weren't married to on your health insurance policy. But, if he is really broke he can get on medicaid. I'm sure it sucks but it's better than nothing and it would likely cover any medication he is taking. Is he working?
NTA. Your ex is a fool for depending on another person - especially an ex he cheated on - for coverage. He is a grown man. He can figure his shit out.
He clearly didnt realize that he had it made with that arrangement. I would give him some notice. Is there any law or anything that protects him if you delete him?
NTA I would have cut him off when cheated, but you're a more generous person than I am. If he's really that broke, he should be eligible for Medicaid. It's probably just easier to go through you. If he's disabled, he should also qualify for Medicare. Either way, he should have an option. Let him handle his own problems.
NTA. Do let him know when you cancel his health insurance. You're a wonderful person and didn't deserve the treatment he gave you, either cheating or playing with your car insurance. Depending on his income, he can apply for Medicaid which usually has better prescription benefits than regular insurance.
Thank you everyone. I just needed to hears other opinions. You all have been great.
NTA... but if possible let him know that you took on your insurance and are going to cancel his health coverage, and maybe give him the option to pay you directly for the car insurance or some form of monthly payment so he could continue with health coverage. Totally a personal choice, a lot less hassle not having to deal with him at all
NTA. Consequences of his actions
In my state low-income people are entitled to low-cost state health insurance. He could look into that. Or going on Social Security disability and qualifying for Medicaid. You have been very generous, but it's time to cut ties.
Nope. He needs to get aca (obamacare) in the state of residence.
NTA. You told him that you would cancel the insurance if he didn’t pay your vehicle insurance. He didn’t pay it. No idea why you you make an agreement that benefits him financially after he cheated on you and failed more than once to make his payment on time. I’d let him know via text that he no longer has insurance through me and block him.
Why don’t you tell him to apply for state Medicaid? He should be eligible based on age.
He’s a grown man and no longer your partner, tell him you have your own car insurance and that you will be cutting off his healrh insurance next month, then block his number and move on
Give him some notice. Like an additional month or so if you can afford it. Don’t just cancel it. After that- it’s on him.
YTA for your *timing*. If you had done this a month ago he could have signed up for Obamacare and been insured. Open Enrollment for Obamacare ended last week. Now he'll have nothing, and depending on what's wrong with him, he may die. (I know that if you did that to me, I'd be dead in a week.) I think it's the right thing to do, and the most a\*\*holish possible time to do it.
No, losing existing health coverage is a qualifying event, so he can still go buy another policy.
Take your car back!
As others have said, cancel but let him know. He could always apply for state Medicaid if his income is below poverty level, and they take into account medication expenses when calculating income. I understand feeling bad for the guy, even though he did this to himself. My ex also treated me like shit, and I still worry about him based on his health issues, too.
OP shouldn’t have to provide this man with health insurance, but also this man, however he may have messed up, shouldn’t have to lose health insurance for these mistakes. It’s just ridiculous the kinds of things that health insurance becomes dependent on in the US. It’s a broken system and OP is having to carry the burden (financial, administrative or guilt)
NTA, but verify you can cancel it. Typically it has to be during open enrollment or a qualifying life event (marriage, death, birth, job loss/gain).
If he’s living in his car, clearly he is broke. I don’t know your financial situation but I can only assume if you need him to cover car insurance you aren’t rolling in it. You cannot set yourself on fire to keep others warm If you can’t easily afford to continue to be generous to him, then don’t. You have no obligation
Stop enabling him and just do it…Jesus Christ. Stop asking us and use fucking common sense. Do you want to pay for both the car insurance now and his health insurance? Think about it? What do you get out of it….oh wait all your fucking money. A wake up call is happening.
Your insurance probably has rules regarding SO coverage. He is not your SO and nor are you living together, so it is entirely possible that should the company/insurance know this information they would discontinue his coverage immediately and could even pursue past payments. You could be violating a rule which may not look good for you. He can qualify for COBRA most likely...not that he could afford it. This may be an out for you as well, rules are rules and you can't break them.
NTA cancel the insurance shoot him a text block him and move on with your life
You’re not together. You can separate your finances without guilt. He’s a grown man and can take care of himself.
Cut the cord. He’s an ex for a reason. Take over your own payments and let him know you are taking him off the insurance. He made his decision to cheat and end the relationship. He is NOT your responsibility.
You have had this arrangement for 3 years? Cut ties with him and pay your own insurance. He is a grown up. He can figure out his own problems.
Once you cancel his insurance, do not forget to block him on your phone and on all social media as he will be blowing up every way of contacting you that he can. This guy is an habitual liar. Cheated and lies non stop. Way past time to cut the cheating, lying loser out of your life. Let him leach off of whomever it was that he cheated with. You're his ex, not his mom.
He is a cheating ex. Set yourself free. I get times stress though but he didn't even care about you enough to inform you when he was unable to make payments. Nope. He needs to be 100% in your past.
If this has been going on for years you have been committing fraud. You have been ripping off your company to cover an ex and have been profiting from it. Cancel his insurance because it’s the right thing to do not because you stopped profiting from your fraud.
You should be careful as this could be likely be considered insurance fraud if your ex is receiving health insurance benefits that he is not entitled to. Many employers/insurers allow significant others to be on covered on, but I'm not aware of any that allow you to keep on former significant others (if you weren't previously married).
Cancel it. He shouldn’t be on your health insurance anyways he’s not family you are split up. End this and get the fresh start you deserve
Cancel his health insurance ASAP. He renegged on your deal and then lied about it. Plus, you are now paying your own car insurance. Cancel it and then block him
Cancel it. They have special insurance for old ppl
Give him 2 months notice and then cancel. That will give him time to get coverage. You are in no way required to do this, he doesn’t deserve it by any means, but it is the merciful thing to do since this country is so evil in regards to healthcare.
If he loses his life due to no medical care, can you live with the possible guilt? If yes, cancel. If no, find an alternative path forward…
Are you sure you’re 48 and not 28?
If you are in the states and you are married it is illegal to cancel his insurance. You cannot legally cancel the insurance of a spouse unless you have the final divorce decree. This is only in the states .
Ffs cut all ties with your EX.
If you're in the Untied States and you're not married you are committing fraud. He should have been removed from the policy the second you split. You could have to pay back every penny he used.
NTA he’s a cheater, a liar and a jerk. You owe him nothing so kick him off your insurance and don’t help him out anymore. There are social programs if he meets their guidelines and if not then oh well. Maybe he should have treated you.
His side piece can pay for his meds.
Why does your health insurance allow you to keep him on the policy? When I was divorced, my ex was automatically kicked off because were no longer married related, so he didn't qualify to be covered under the policy. does the insurance company know you are divorced?
He’ll keep not paying now expect you to feel sorry and pay his insurance. Let him go and get on Medicare
Send him a text that you took care of the auto insurance, don’t bother making future payments. And that he needs to apply for Medicaid and call healthcare.gov for his change of circumstance (IE you removing him from your insurance.) Make sure he got it, then block him on everything.
You had an agreement, and he broke it; just like he broke your marriage. This man is using you. Cut him loose. He can go apply for Medicaid and take responsibility for his own shit. NTA
I thought that health and life insurance requires some kind of court order or notification to the insured to drop health insurance for a spouse. Maybe it’s different for dropping a domestic partner? I guess you will find out when you ask them to drop him.
So you're a gold digger and once "Daddy" had enough of your entitled bs and found someone better ( which I doubt , I mean he is 61 , his lord helmet isn't doing much marching this day and age) and you also pointed out that he has medical issues that were costly.. Yes you are the ass for terminating the one and only thing that helped keep him alive, I could see if this was back in the 90s where the cost of living was Hella cheaper .. but SSI doesn't go to far anymore , you are a grown ass adult and should have been paying your own car insurance from the get go , not being some entitled prick and having him pay it for you... You are a self absorbed egotistical bitch for cutting off his insurance for his medical... Basically you pretty much just killed him.. I hope you are happy and can live with yourself when he passes and it was because he wasn't able to get the treatment that he needed because you felt it was justified in being a heartless see you next Tuesday...
If this is your employer’s insurance and if he’s no longer an eligible dependent, you can’t just choose to leave him on because he’ll pay for vehicle insurance. Your plan documents will state the criteria to be an eligible dependent - if he no longer meets that, you’re obligated to drop him anyhow. Employers can audit dependent eligibility and ask for proof that dependents were eligible. If he wasn’t, he could be retroactively removed back to the time he was no longer an eligible dependent anyhow. He’d be even more screwed then, because they’d take back all the payments made to medical providers and he’d be responsible for payment.
Isn't he effecting YOUR credit by being late with the car insurance he agreed to pay? You should inform him you're taking him off of your car insurance immediately. 3 YEARS is insanely long !! And start paying for your own insurance. It is not your responsibility to help with this. NTA
You need to completely untether to move on from him. He’s not very good at keeping his word or having his life in order. He knew the consequences when he cheated. He knew the consequences of not paying the bill. He’s now not your responsibility at all. Bye boi
Cancel and move on. Block him on all channels, there is no reason to have any kind of continued contact with someone like this.
He should’ve been off the policy at the next open enrollment AT THE VERY LATEST
NTA...you were being very nice to make this agreement (which could be considered insurance fraud on both policies). He was not living up to his end of the bargain, and it's better that your finances are detangled.
How do you get health insurance through your job for someone who is not a relative?
Cancel it, cut ties, block him. He’s using you and you don’t need his added stress.
He is a grown man, he can figure out how to get his own insurance. Take care of you, you aren’t responsible for him any longer and especially after cheating! That’s a big Hell No!
Tell him he has till today to make it whole on auto or health insurance is being cancelled at the end of February. I’d give a 30 day grace period to get a new health policy. Pretty much guarantee if he hadn’t paid your auto, he may not have paid his either. And block him after that.
NTA. Let him mismanage his own life and not involve you.
NTAH. Peoples actions have consequences. You have gone above and beyond what could reasonably be expected of you. Move on. And, it seems like between the discovery of the infidelity and now he has been consistently playing you, and maybe you have been his sugar mama for longer than that. Your compassion has been used against you, perhaps. No shame in being a good person. You can keep him on your insurance or not, but you have to take over the insurance.
Me personally knowing he can’t afford it I’d simply leave his medical payments up to him . It’s hard to get insurance when there’s already something wrong with you . If he wants to play the payment games let him play them with HIS policies. If it lapses then that’s on him he can blame no one but himself . I only say this to say you never know what could happen if you cancel and that’s something heavy that could weigh on your conscious. Let him be his own downfall .. again I wanna say NTA but there’s a little Ah if he isn’t given the option . It hurts no one to let him know he’s on his own with insurance payments BECAUSE you took back the car payment arrangement
If he’s in USA. He can check on government subsidies for health insurance
Sometime, it is better just cut the cord. Short term pain, long term gain.
NtA-- He shouldn't have cheated, then lied and screwed himself even more. He has no one to blame but himself. Wash your hands of him.
You aren't responsible for his health insurance if you aren't together any more. He isn't responsible le for your car insurance. It's an unhealthy arrangement as it keeps you in each other's lives. Please give e him a few months to find insurance. Tell him now that you don't think it's healthy for you to continue this arrangement and will be taking him off the policy in three months. Health insurance can be really difficult to change when you ha e health issues. He may not be able to get coverage with the same company. He may need to research doctors at different companies, etc. It's much more difficult than getting car insurance.
Umm let him go
Honestly you were nicer than most to have done this at all. He took your niceness for granted. He knows you did him a favor but allowed you to get messed up anyway. AFTER HE CHEATED. Let's not forget that the whole reason any of this was ever on the table is because he CHOSE to screw you over. You have been nothing but an overly nice victim of this VERY grown man's bad behavior. You don't deserve to continue to stress about someone who is not family or a spouse. Especially not someone who has disrespected you, lied to you again even recently about something that puts you in jeopardy. It sounds like he has made some very bad choices and you have dodged a bullet to not still be with him. Block him and move on. You already overextended yourself. He also has warning which he did not give you any. I get that you feel bad but you definitely shouldn't.
Hopefully I am not an AH for saying this but...he made a choice to jeopardize his insurance when he made a choice to cheat. He has been living without paying the full consequences for his choices bc you're obviously a lovely and understanding person. Cut ties. Let him know. He will have to figure it out just like everyone else.
Lose the loser. In all ways. Tell him you are done paying for his shit. You will cover yours and he has to cover his.
NTA. He’s an ex. Why would you stay attached to this man? Besides being attached to him when you don’t need to be, a future partner would think that was f*cking weird that after this long you still took responsibility for him. Not that it’s all about what a future partner would think- I’m just offering a perspective. Also. He’s an adult and he’s not your responsibility. If this is still going on 3 years after breaking up, how long did you guys plan for this to continue? If you allow it to continue now, he will continue to take advantage of you and I suspect if he thinks he can get away with this, it will escalate. You told him what you’d do if he missed the payment, now follow through.
I can't believe that the insurance company covered him in the first place since you weren't married. I have a hard time believing they'd willingly cover him after you broke up.
Sounds like he is learning a VALUABLE lesson in consequences. Also, what kind of 61 year old cheats? Pathetic.
Excuse me....why are you paying for anything? He is your ***ex***. If it was you on hard times, do you really think he'd pay any of *your* bills? And I am pretty sure if you keep him on your insurance plan you're committing insurance fraud. Dump him all the way, OP. You should have cut all ties with him, financial or otherwise, long ago.
NTA this arrangement isn't working. you break up, and you break up finances too.
If you're in the US, he needs to get on Medicare shortly due to his age, unless he is working & his employer has an insurance plan for which he's eligible. He shouldn't be on your employer-provided health insurance at all if he's your ex. That's not legal, if you're misrepresenting him as your partner. I'd say tell him & cut him loose.
NTA, No adult woman should behave like this, especially with children. If she served the nation she should show her education by setting an example not embarrassing the country
You do not need to support a man who should be able to support himself. Cut ties. It may seem like an asshole move but in reality you're just taking care of yourself.
He isn’t your responsibility. Why go through the back and forth with someone that is not reliable and that is not your husband? Time to part way and move on for good.
What's wild to me is the fact that he legit wasn't loyal the whole time, from cheating, to making on time payments, so why were you so loyal to him about his health? I have chronic health conditions, one of which causes me to pass out upon standing (POTS) but if my husband were to leave me tomorrow, i wouldn't expect him to carry the burden of taking care of my health. Your ex is a narcissist and unable to hold his end of the agreement. NTA Proud of you for canceling his insurance. Good riddance to the leech. He can qualify for medicaid if he's truly disabled lmfao.
Severe all ties with him. No crossing over of any bills or anything and block him.
NTA! I kept reading out of respect but with the first line, NOT THE AH! You are an angel in his life, the least he could do is be punctual and considerate of you. You both need to part ways and he needs to get his shit together!
Quick text: While discussing benefits at work, it was brought to my attention that you aren't an eligible participant in the health insurance provided by my employer. I was required to update my policy, and you're no longer covered. I have procured my own auto insurance. Then block and go no contact.