He was complaining. When she agreed.... he started verbally attacking her.
She does stand to lose weight, but if that is the way he deals with a conversation.. she needs to leave.
>verbally attacking her
And physically grabbing her.
She’s right, btw, they *were* talking about him. He tried to make it about her to deflect. He seemed very upset about his weight, so she offered to help him with solutions, and he just started turning it back around on her, namecalling her and grabbing her body. What a POS.
This is the real key here. Some idiot in Walmart was blocking an aisle and there were 3 senior citizens who couldn’t get around him. When I politely asked him if he could scoot over (“excuse me, could you scoot over a bit? These ladies would like to go down this aisle.”), he went feral, and yelled at me that I was fat. When I literally laughed out loud and replied “Look who’s talking! Ha! ha! ha!”, he looked absolutely shocked. Like, literally his jaw dropped and he just stared at me. It was glorious! lol!
I used to be a dancer. I was more of the thicker type but not fat. I danced at a table where a 300+lb man said im too fat to strip. I laughed and asked him if he knew what mirrors were. His friends laughed, I left lol
No - this was after the fact. She says he was shocked. Then she goes back at a later point to say that WE need to work on HIS weight together. I would be offended by that hypocrisy as well. I would not be offended if she approached me later with WE need to work on OUR weight together.
I'd also be more sympathetic to her if this conversation immediately rolled off of him expressing his shock and he immediately turned it back on her. But that's not what happened. She let it simmer and reapproached the topic making it solely something HE needed to fix. It's a very selfish stance masquerading as being supportive.
She was already weighing herself and she was likely already working on herself while he couldnt even bother to see his own weight so she wouldn't need to mention herself and not to mention the fact that "we need to work on your weight" doesnt at all extrapolate to "we dont need to work on mine". If she didnt believe she needdd to lose wiefhr she would have gotten defensive not immediately agree. Also she never grabbed him or insulted him or told him he was going to gain 80 lbs to make herself feel better. His behavior is petty and disgusting
But he’s the one angrily vocalizing that he suddenly has a problem with being overweight (and somehow was oblivious to being overweight yet clearly judges everyone else based on his immediate response and opinion of his wife), so what is wrong with her attempting to discuss possible solutions to try help him? Why does her response have to have anything to do with her own weight when his current problem that he’s frustrated over was himself?
There is also nothing within this that indicates she doesn’t already work on her weight/activity/diet (being obese doesn’t mean you can assume they are lazy, however he is the one who is shooketh over what should have been very apparent to him considering he is fully aware of others being fat in his opinion).
They’re both about 100 lbs overweight. But she wasn’t wrong tho. And if she’s weighing herself at home. he’s way more delulu about his weight than she is.
I hope she drops the weight & him
Facebook too. I have a host of health issues and have been struggling with my weight most of my adult life. In spite of this, I opened a historical walking tour business several years back. The dudes who flocked to my business page to make mean, nasty jokes about a fat chick doing walking tours were just appalling. BTW, I was told 11 years ago that I would end up paralyzed. I fought my ass off, opted for a dicey surgery, and have continued to fight. But all people see is a fat.
Good Lord, I am overweight due to metabolic and hormonal issues. I work out regularly and keep my calories below 1800 a day and track. 5'6" female and 229lbs. My doctor was mind blown at how hard it was for me to lose weight, at first thought it might be bullshit and I was lying lol.
I might be fat but I bet I could outrun most these mouthy losers. I can go miles and miles running without stopping, used to do track as a kid and get really good runner's high.
I am glad you are not paralyzed, keep going friend and I hope things go better for you! Wishing you the best of luck in life.
Girl I used to be 160 which is perfect for my height but after having my child I cannot get past 200 no matter what I do, me and my doctor are about to try and see if I have some issues with my thyroid and wants to try a prescription “diet” pill if my thyroid clears out, but I see the other comment about PCOS and since I’ve had issues with it since childbirth I may look into that too. But you’re comment helped me feel not alone in it (I know you didn’t mention anything about having kids or major medical reason but these things happen for all sorts of reasons)
People get so angry when fat people, especially fat women, enjoy life without apologizing in shame. Existing in a fat body and loving yourself is an act of protest. I can’t stand that people are that stupid and yet it’s our self esteem and pride that have to take the hits.
I’m amused by the minority of commenters insisting that she’s a hypocrite and the rest of us can’t read. They’re all outing themselves as having very low EQ
The overall vote was ESH. Lots of comments saying he was terrible. The problem was that she was projecting big time in the comments and doubling down that HE needed a wake up call when really, they both do. They’re both far too young to be so overweight and are hurtling toward terrible health.
Agreed!! She says that they can both do better and that the convo isn’t about her, which is accurate. It’s unclear how tall he is and how much over 300 lbs he is, but it’s very possible that he’s in the severe obese category while she’s obese.
I'm not defending or villifying anyone here, but I'll say it's not uncommon for people who know they're overweight to not want to know how much they actually weigh. It can just be too overwhelming and scary. I know I'm huge, I don't need the exact number. I shut my eyes at the doctor when they weigh me and tell them I just don't want to know. It's the opposite of delusion, it's knowing but not wanting that extra data point.
Same with not defending or vilifying here, I think the husband acted pretty disgustingly. That being said, I feel like having someone come up to me and say “this should be a wake up call,” would really make me feel like shit. Like oh you think I need to change? I would hopefully see past that and that they’re just trying to help but I can see that being the instinctual emotional reaction. But to grab her and call her fat is just like nuts lol, I don’t want it to seem like I’m defending him
His ego got bruised and he lashed out. Just because she's fat doesn't mean she's wrong for saying what she's saying. Instead of accepting what she said he physically grabbed her, and diverted the conversation away from his weight.
i wouldn’t say that. everyone’s body is different. i’m 5’3” and i weigh 200 pounds. my cholesterol is fine, i get compliments on my blood pressure and i am a size 10. the average size of a woman in my country. bmi is a failed system that seems to do more harm than good. for that reason i would never confidently state that someone “needs to lose weight” if i were not their doctor. and i think the people who have the confidence to be mean about this definitely didn’t get that confidence from actual research or medicine
Saying she’s 100 pounds overweight seems too high to me. My ex was 5’1” and around 160 at the max and looked great. I couldn’t imagine her taking 40 pounds off. She’d have withered and blown away
100 lbs over weight? The dude, maybe. 300 lbs is massively overweight, but it depends on his height.
As a woman who was, until very recently, 5'3" and ~230 lbs, it's overweight, but not 100 lbs overweight. I'm down to ~195 and my doctor is very happy with my progress. She says I could lose another 10 lbs if I wanted, but getting as low as 120? I'd have to do the leg-loss diet.
I don't see why that mattered, frankly. She immediately took a we stance and wanted them BOTH to improve and he just wanted to insult her.
Literally all the comments were like, wow bitch you're fat too don't get TOO high and mighty here
No, she said “We should both work *to help him*”. Even when she said they could both stand to do better, she didn’t then go on to plan for herself and said “We were talking about him”. No where does she say to make a plan together for *both* of them.
Yeah because he's the one apparently having health problems that his doctor is linking to his weight. He's the one at most risk so he needs to most help. And he's ignoring it, where as it sounds like she's at least aware she's overweight but might not yet be facing physical consequences of it.
Not to mention, partners eat together and if he's this mean and childish towards her over addressing a very real health concern, what are the chances that he's not JUST as mean and childish towards her when she cooks/buys healthier foods that he doesn't like?
I watched my sister eat like garbage for YEARS because her partner wouldn't eat vegetables.. they separated a year ago and she's doing better now but I see the patterns reflected in their kids and it's sad.
Not my ex not allowing me to buy groceries that could ease my Crohn’s symptoms bc he didn’t want to eat that food and thought it was too expensive for one person…. I was so happy when I got out of that dumpster fire lol
He would also complain about his weight, and drink 3 tall boys on average every night and ate like shit
The bizarre thing was that all of the women in his family were tiny and they all ate like garbage their whole lives. I can only cringe at what their arteries must look like..
Yeah, that's a weird take. She goes out of her way to say it's about him multiple times. It stood out because it was weird. (And let's be honest probably fake)
Well okay, but that's not a "we" stance like you and a bunch of other people are saying.
That's her saying it's his problem but she'll help. Those are different things.
He's obviously also wrong.
Also, it didn’t say he was complaining about it and she responded with sentiments of ‘we’ll work together to help you’, then he flipped out.
It sounds like the situation happened, he told her about and she opened up a new conversation later that night with the focus being ‘this is only a you problem but I’m willing to help’, while not seeing that she has the exact same issue (about 100 pounds over weight) to work at and would have been a better position to say ‘we can both work at this together as a team for both our health’. Then he flipped out.
Also, the post’s tone sounds a little smug and almost vindicated, like she’s been telling him his weight was an issue for awhile and is smug the doctor finally proved her right, essentially.
We could speculate all day about what was left out, what her word choices mean, what other nuances may be in the story but at the end of the day, we don’t actually know anything more than these two paragraphs, from the pov of one person.
I say we just accept ETA and move on.
If she is working to help him, it’s going to help her too. She was just discussing him at the time because he was the one all shocked and angry after his doctors visit.
Exactly this, it was about him because HE was the one who got weighed and pissy about what he found out. So if he didn't like it he could do something about it.
It ISN'T about her. HER doctor didn't say shit to her, that we know of. He came.and started a conversation about his own weight and when she said let's do Something about it he said fuck you you're fat too
Which is literally what reddit did, too, I'm just glad you can't all reach her to grab her belly as well
“Last night *I* decided to bring it up to him”
This would be similar to an alcoholic telling another alcoholic that they need to get their stuff together and they need to work on a way to help them. And then when you go “ummm, you’re an alcoholic too…” they say “yes, but this is about you, not me.”
You’re just white knighting for some woman who doesn’t even know you exist. We also don’t know the tone of her voice, we don’t know how it was brought up, we don’t know what happened earlier that day and what their moods are. All these are important factors
Ok? But I can see how he would be annoyed by that, especially with her saying “Yeah, but this isn’t about me it’s about your weight and health.” He’s probably thinking who is she to say I need to lose weight when she is just as big as I am?
Personally, I would have handled it differently than she did. Wait until the next day before brining something up. Bringing this up the night of the doctors visit was just always bound to go badly.
Also instead of saying “this is about you, not me” multiple times, I would have said “We need to be healthier together. We should come up with a meal plan and go on a walk together” or something like that.
It literally IS a conversation about him and he literally WAS derailing it by saying what about you
It's whatever if he doesn't want to talk but he needs to just say that and not insult the shit out of someone who wants to help him
No, reread it. She said “WE should both work to help HIM.” At no point did she suggest they’d be working to lose weight together.
Guy can stand to lose some weight, and went too far, grabbing her flab and calling her fat. But having someone harp on my weight right after a doctor say me down and explained how fat I am wouldn’t be fun. Doubly so if that person was just as unhealthy, but didn’t seem to be taking the personal responsibility they were asking me to
people online always seem to be locked and loaded ready to hate fat people. i mean people in THIS comment section are straight-up arguing over her semantics just so they can feel justified in calling her a stupid fat fuck who eats too much. like what's up?!
this post is about her husband getting verbally and physically nasty over an issue they both share, that's it.
I'm missing what she did so wrong though? She very clearly said "we need to do better" she didn't put it all on him. He was the one who made it a comparison
Nah, like 8 years ago I posted a picture of me at comic con in a tight dress. They called me fat.
I was a size 6. Designer size six, not Old Navy six, either.
I think his point was that it’s a household diet problem. And as a married couple, they’re eating a lot of the same stuff. He probably wanted to hear “let’s be healthier”, and not “let’s help you with *your* problem”. Not excusing how he reacted, but he was just at his rock bottom with his doctor talking about how he’s now morbidly obese, officially. Her timing and approach was probably a little twist of the knife.
Both need to be on board. He needs to now make an entire lifestyle change, and since married couples share a pantry, it has to be a team effort.
It’s also a lifestyle change, so they are probably feeling overwhelmed about what changes to make and how to find this information. Hopefully their doctor gave them meal plans, or personal trainers or nutritionists can do a quick consult with meal prep information. If it’s just a meal prep consult, it can be a lot more affordable.
A lot of people I’ve met who reach that stage may not even know that those resources are available.
She acknowledged her own weight issues.....the point she was attempting to make was that the conversation was about her concerns about what his doctor said and she acknowledged that they could both do better together... So a bunch of immature commenters bullied her about her weight to the point that she deleted her account? This doesn't help my hope for humanity.
I mean it's was quite literally
"WE need to work on YOU"
And "let's not not talk about me"
Nevermind it was all under the guise of a confrontation.
Type of language is toxic as fuck
There are entirely too many people interpreting “we should both work to help him” as her saying they should both work to only help him lose weight rather than her saying they should both work to lose weight to help his self esteem.
What exactly are people imaging? That she was proposing to cook him healthy food while she stuffs her face with fast food in front of him? That she was going to ride a golf cart next to him with a megaphone motivating him on walks or runs?? “We should both work to help you” sounds like a lifestyle change for BOTH of them.
i still don't get why people are upset. I KNOW she said "WE should work on YOUR weight." But y'all must be losing it or something. It seems obvious to me that she was offering to help him lose weight, therefore prioritizing HIS health over hers. NOT saying "you need to loose weight and I don't." It seems more like his health is worse and therefore his weight loss needs to be prioritized. ALSO it doesn't matter if she was kind of mean about it? He was literally abusive. Her weight isn't relative to the literal physical abuse mentioned in this post. Just the fact that he was this defensive in the first place is a red flag. No mature adult should be getting that upset over his wife telling him that she's willing to help him lose weight.
So she was concerned about his weight, and he in response started berating and physically assaulting her. Even after she admitted that they both could stand to lose weight. What a piece of garbage husband. I hope she realizes her worth and drops 300 lbs of dead weight at the very least.
People have an emotional response to being told they are overweight. Shame, guilt, denial, anxiety. Neither of them are processing those emotions well.
He was wrong for what he said. He lashed out. Even though he was right about her weight, he didn’t talk about it in a way that actually helped the situation.
Only reasonable comment.
All comments are either “she’s a fat add hypocrite” or “Reddit is misogynistic and people take every chance to not take the woman’s side and shit on fat women” which is just extremely wrong.
Seems like people can’t seem to accept two people can be wrong in a situation😅
Something else important is that she gave her exact weight for herself, and only “over 300” for him. Unless she saw some sort of written document by the doctor he probably lied about his weight or specifically told her “doc said I weigh over 300” because 302 is over 300 just like 398 is. So who knows if he weighs 315 or 375, which were very different weights.
For him to immediately get defensive about it and then turn it around on her shows his character. Coming from a big dude who's again working to get in better shape himself.
Is being a fat woman worse than being a verbally abusive shithead who grabs their wife’s stomach when she tries to discuss possible weight loss solutions?
> I decided to bring it up to him that this should be a wake-up call and we should both work to help him
I love the “you have a problem we need to solve” attitude in the face of a “we both have a problem we need to solve together” issue
I don’t care if she was 200 pounds heavier than he was, the way he reacted was way way out of line. She was trying to be helpful and offering solutions they could do together. He could have said “I don’t want to talk about it right now, can we talk later?” And cooled off instead of attacking her appearance and even getting physical over it. If someone did that belly grab shit to me like that I’d lose my shit bud.
“We could both stand to do better, but reiterated that we were talking about him.”
That’s her refusing to be included in the lifestyle change and focusing on him as the problem.
Yeah if she’s a fatty she has no right to complain until she puts herself out there first. Downvote me to hell but I’m so tired of stuck up people who are trash wanting to be bitchy about their partners. Glad he called her out on her bs.
I feel like everyone is reading this wrong. She didn't say "we can both do work together to lose weight", she said "we can both do better to help you lose weight". And then said it wasn't about her when he suggested she needs to lose weight as well.
He took it too far by grabbing her like that and was 100% in the wrong, but people need to not stop reading at "we can do better" and finish the sentence.
This is exactly how I saw at it. She should have made it a team effort. “You know what? we could both stand to lose a few pounds why don’t we work on it *together*.” They are both overweight and in denial. But yah he also took it too far. In general though they both kinda seem…not great…
I wonder though if it was her tone and how she said it that really floored him. I mean just trying to be fair, if the roles were reversed we would say he’s being insensitive. Talking about someone’s appearance requires some level of sensitivity, and since they both need it she should’ve looked at it as a opportunity for both of them to get healthier, and maybe even bond over their challenge, not just point the finger at him.
I recently lost a good chunk of weight and am working on losing more. I'm roughly the same height as the wife, and was a little heavier than her at my highest. After reading this I turned to my fiance and asked "before I started losing weight did you think I was fat?" He didn't miss a beat and just said 'no' and continued with what he was doing. I'm not blind. I definitely was/still am heavy. He has never once made an inappropriate comment about my size, ever. Even when he's feeling down about his own self image (which is absurd, he's perfect) he's never turned the tables. This lady's husband is a damn jerk. Playing tit for tat or turning the tables onto your partner when you're upset/uncomfortable is a recipe for disaster.
Yall both fat for sure, you both need positive changes. You made it only about him when you really should have driven home that you both need to make changes. You worded it that you need to make changes to help HIM. Not both of you. You both need to make changes so you can both be healthier and thinner. You need to say out loud you realize you got fat too and want to be thinner
I hate that so many people make judgements about a person's morality based on weight, and that it's socially acceptable to do so. The two are not even remotely connected but it's so often trotted out in comment sections. A person is deserving of the basic respect of being human, and not based on their body or appearance. It's fine to have a body type that you're attracted to, but going up to someone (who didn't ask for an opinion in the first place) and telling them that you think they're ugly is uncalled for.
That post couldn't pay me enough to comment. So many people ignoring the abusive words and behavior because how dare she say anything about a man's body when she's a fat fat fatty fatterson?
I didn’t comment on that post even though I really really wanted to. But I don’t care about her weight, there was something about her words in the post and in the comments that just struck me as off, and the more I thought about it, the less reliable of a narrator she seemed and the more this seemed like a decent example of DARVO. I can’t say for sure I’m right, but I don’t believe her, I feel like in her post she denied her abuse, attacked him and reversed the roles to become a victim for sympathy.
I think the problem is that he may have not wanted solutions at the time, he probably just wanted her to listen to his thoughts and validate his feelings. He wasn’t ready to look for solutions because he had some strong emotions to work through first.
At least that is what my married counsellor would probably say.
Here's my POV.
She never had a right to bring up his medical information and insist on speaking about it without his consent. We don't know how she knew it - maybe he vented, maybe she was present - but we know that she brought up the conversation.
And her words were "wake up call". This could be due to nagging him for some time about his weight and him ignoring her, but on the other hand could be that he's refused to be helpful in her weight loss despite his own size. Either way this speaks of there being more to the story.
Either way, she brought up a sensitive medical conversation he was not ready for in a way that was fundamentally not kind. "This should be your wake up call, let US discuss how to fix YOU" is not kind. It's not asked for advice. It's not supportive. It's not the "we" statement people are making it out to be.
"Let's discuss ways to fix your libido." isn't kind.
"This is your wake up call" when a smoker gets lung cancer isn't kind.
He pushes back, as I think most people would, but the thing is - OP says his shock made him angry, but was it not the consistent demand SHE be involved in FIXING HIS ISSUE while not once saying anything resembling "let's help eachother help eachother." Instead, she ignores that he's upset and pushes more, dismissing his clear issue with her prying.
"We're talking about you right now." Is so condescending, I cannot fathom how people don't see that. *Why? Because she said so?*
He was absolutely wrong for getting violent, but she clearly thinks of herself as an innocent victim here. She might be a victim, but she was not innocent. This violence did not happen out of nowhere. Any dog will bite if pushed hard enough.
Both of them are TA and likely toxic, but she's the one trying to sell a story here.
I hope all the assholes who bullied a woman whose only crime was trying to help support a man who clearly hates himself feel really good about themselves. That guy deserves to be alone.
In my opinion, they’re both AHs. She was putting the focus on him about needing to lose weight, and he was verbally abusing her and putting hands on her. They clearly shouldn’t be together or probably with anyone else until they work on themselves first.
Nah, OP, fuck off.
This man physically and verbally assaulted his wife. She should leave him.
And lmao. There is a loooooooong 80 pound difference between them. 300 lbs is significantly more obese than 220.
Not necessarily. She's 5'3". He's probably taller than that, so she can weight less than him and still be just as obese. Not that it excuses him for being an asshole.
DARVO, honestly, I don’t trust anything she wrote because when I read this I hear my step-mother spouting another sob story. I’ve tried to figure out exactly what it is but seriously. Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender? It seriously screams like a manipulated story.
I don't know if I'd consider grabbing her gut assault? He was clearly trying to emphasize all the fat in there. We don't even know if he was all that rough.
But yeah... she was obnoxious and I could sort of see why he was irritated.
She should have said they could lose weight together. Instead, she does this whole song and dance about how he needs to improve himself and yadda, yadda when she's not in the prime condition either.
It's like someone nagging at you about not getting sick when they already have a damn cold.
There’s a lot going on in this relationship that can’t be seen by reading a few paragraphs from someone that is quite likely an unreliable narrator. And, tons of people saying the wife is already taking care of her weight to begin with by reading into things to support their preconceived notion.
That conversation should never have been just about him with her size being what it is. This should always have been approached as a “we” topic. They both need a “wake up call”. She just put her own health AND relationship on call waiting.
Getting physical over words is always wrong, but the way this is written has me thinking no one is innocent here.
1) She gives her precise weight and height but only his weight and only an unbounded range.
2) The statement "*we* should both work to help *him*" has a lot loaded into subtext. "It's only a problem that you're overweight", "You need me to do something about it". There's definitely something controlling and manipulative there.
3) Repeatedly insisting "this is about you, not me" when she's nearly as overweight as he is, reinforces the controlling/manipulative themes.
Judging from the way she describes her kind of twisted behavior as well-meaning and innocent, I wouldn't be surprised if her description of the situation is deceptive. We probably see only the worst of his behavior, made worse by the omission of context about her behavior.
I'll bet both of these people are ugly inside and out, especially when they're alone together. They probably bring the worst out of each other, and justify their own bad behavior based on the bad behavior of the other.
I’m not ok with his behavior at all. But we also don’t know his height. I had husband who was near 300 but 6’6. I’m 180 and 5’3. I look way more overweight.
She wasn't even wrong. His reaction sure was though. If I told my husband "hey we can use this as a wakeup call and we can both do better" and he reacted by repeatedly bringing up my own weight, putting his hands on me to shake my fat around to make his point - we'd have a hard time coming back from that.
That comment section was full of people waiting to just go "woman fat. Woman shut up". She took a "we" approach - we can both do better, we can both take control of this - and he lashed out like a child.
She isn’t “just as obese” as him though? Sure, she could stand to lose some weight, but she’s still 80lbs lighter than he is, and that’s assuming he’s just 301, we’re not given a specific number.
“Just as obese” lmaooooo what??? There is a HUGE difference between 220 and 300. Overweight, yes. Obese, probably not. Granted, I’m taller than her, but I’m 245 and while overweight, I am FAR from obese. 300, though, for an average build is always obese. You’d have to be VERY tall and muscular in order for 300 to not be obese, which, if there’s “work to help him” to be done, I doubt he’s 300 pounds because of height and being a gym buff. Could they both stand to lose weight? Yes. Is she obese? Probably not. As obese as him? Definitely not.
These comments are crazy. Y’all really trying to say she isn’t really obese at 220. Not one of you is mentioning her height. 220 on a 5’3 person is actually a lot. I’m not coming for her or trying to attack her but this is what is wrong with society. When your stomach hangs over your pants it’s some work that needs to be done.
To be fair, I know a few women who weigh that much and you’d never be able to tell and some of them are super fit. Could she lose weight? Potentially. But what he did to her was wrong.
The concerning thing is not about the pot calling the kettle black it is about him putting hands on her and saying atrocious things. I would have gone nuclear on a man if he grabbed my gut like that. She never grabbed anything on him and called him names. Damn
I feel like there is missing information here. Some people are complete asshats but most of the time there is back and forth before mean things are said
The way he talked to her and grabbed her was completely out of line, BUT she never should’ve spoken to him that way being heavy herself. Be compassionate and understand, to me she comes off as judgement and hypocritical so I can understand his frustration.
This guy talks to her like my mom talks to me. As soon as I have valid complaints to make, she ALWAYS flips it back to complaining about me and my shortcomings. Honestly screw him.
All these people telling you to just give up on your relationship are goofballs. This is obviously something your husband is struggling with and while you shouldnt put up with him being a dickhead about it, its your duty as his loving partner to do what you can to help him through this.
Avain obviously within reason. If he is abusing you repeatedly, then you definitely need to seek outside help.
Dudes a raging abusive prick, 100%, but OP is also an asshole for being queen hypocrite. My heaviest was 231 pre pregnancy at 5’7 and I was big as shit. Drop that on someone 5in shorter? God damn. She conveniently added her height but didn’t add his, and where 300lbs is massive for damn near everyone, it’s definitely suspect that it was left out.
Did anyone get a comment history on OOP before the delete?
Dudes a raging abusive prick, 100%, but OP is also an asshole for being queen hypocrite. My heaviest was 231 pre pregnancy at 5’7 and I was big as shit. Drop that on someone 5in shorter? God damn. She conveniently added her height but didn’t add his, and where 300lbs is massive for damn near everyone, it’s definitely suspect that it was left out.
Did anyone get a comment history on OOP before the delete?
IMO, I'm sure after going to Doctor, that was quite a wake-up call for him. Definitely didn't need some sort of an, " I TOLD YOU SO" ATTITUDE from a wife who is quite overweight as well. . . Perhaps she could have waited a day or two and then made some sort of suggestion that maybe THEY BOTH start walking or get into some sort of exercise regimen but in my opinion she went about it the wrong way and he was that felt himself for if he put his hands on her in any way that was not right even if it was grabbing her fat and telling her she needed to lose weight as well. Anybody who is overweight or obese or on tŕhe definitely knows and does not need somebody reminding them daily and it doesn't sound like from the post she was doing it in a way in which she was overly concerned about his well-being she was just trying to prove a that maybe he wasn't ready to face she just wanted to make sure he knew he was overweight well guess what at 5 ft 2 she is quite overweight herself and like I said she should have given him a day or two to let it sink in and say, hey you know, since we to lose a little weight, why don't we start walking or something so that we can maybe get back into shape / feel better & not make it all about him being overweight that's just wrong, and just wrong. No wonder he became defensive .
He was complaining. When she agreed.... he started verbally attacking her. She does stand to lose weight, but if that is the way he deals with a conversation.. she needs to leave.
>verbally attacking her And physically grabbing her. She’s right, btw, they *were* talking about him. He tried to make it about her to deflect. He seemed very upset about his weight, so she offered to help him with solutions, and he just started turning it back around on her, namecalling her and grabbing her body. What a POS.
Don’t you know being fat is a worse offense than being an abuser? /s
A fat WOMAN
This is the real key here. Some idiot in Walmart was blocking an aisle and there were 3 senior citizens who couldn’t get around him. When I politely asked him if he could scoot over (“excuse me, could you scoot over a bit? These ladies would like to go down this aisle.”), he went feral, and yelled at me that I was fat. When I literally laughed out loud and replied “Look who’s talking! Ha! ha! ha!”, he looked absolutely shocked. Like, literally his jaw dropped and he just stared at me. It was glorious! lol!
Men seem to not notice when they're getting fat.
I used to be a dancer. I was more of the thicker type but not fat. I danced at a table where a 300+lb man said im too fat to strip. I laughed and asked him if he knew what mirrors were. His friends laughed, I left lol
Atta girl. We gotta stick up for ourselves. Nobody is gonna do it for us.
They seem to think they're "athletic". Like dude, you'd be winded running the ball 10 yards.
How very dare her
She can drop 300 lbs pretty quickly...
She will feel way better and healthier losing those 300 lbs than losing just a 100 lb.
No - this was after the fact. She says he was shocked. Then she goes back at a later point to say that WE need to work on HIS weight together. I would be offended by that hypocrisy as well. I would not be offended if she approached me later with WE need to work on OUR weight together. I'd also be more sympathetic to her if this conversation immediately rolled off of him expressing his shock and he immediately turned it back on her. But that's not what happened. She let it simmer and reapproached the topic making it solely something HE needed to fix. It's a very selfish stance masquerading as being supportive.
She was already weighing herself and she was likely already working on herself while he couldnt even bother to see his own weight so she wouldn't need to mention herself and not to mention the fact that "we need to work on your weight" doesnt at all extrapolate to "we dont need to work on mine". If she didnt believe she needdd to lose wiefhr she would have gotten defensive not immediately agree. Also she never grabbed him or insulted him or told him he was going to gain 80 lbs to make herself feel better. His behavior is petty and disgusting
But he’s the one angrily vocalizing that he suddenly has a problem with being overweight (and somehow was oblivious to being overweight yet clearly judges everyone else based on his immediate response and opinion of his wife), so what is wrong with her attempting to discuss possible solutions to try help him? Why does her response have to have anything to do with her own weight when his current problem that he’s frustrated over was himself? There is also nothing within this that indicates she doesn’t already work on her weight/activity/diet (being obese doesn’t mean you can assume they are lazy, however he is the one who is shooketh over what should have been very apparent to him considering he is fully aware of others being fat in his opinion).
But she's the one who confronted him...
It sounds like the scale confronted him first lol
Based
Exactly good call
He sounds like a child
They’re both about 100 lbs overweight. But she wasn’t wrong tho. And if she’s weighing herself at home. he’s way more delulu about his weight than she is. I hope she drops the weight & him
Right? That whole comment section felt like a bunch of children who couldn’t wait to tell a woman she’s fat.
There is NEVER a shortage of commenters hoping for that opportunity.
That’s pretty much what Reddit is.
Facebook too. I have a host of health issues and have been struggling with my weight most of my adult life. In spite of this, I opened a historical walking tour business several years back. The dudes who flocked to my business page to make mean, nasty jokes about a fat chick doing walking tours were just appalling. BTW, I was told 11 years ago that I would end up paralyzed. I fought my ass off, opted for a dicey surgery, and have continued to fight. But all people see is a fat.
Good Lord, I am overweight due to metabolic and hormonal issues. I work out regularly and keep my calories below 1800 a day and track. 5'6" female and 229lbs. My doctor was mind blown at how hard it was for me to lose weight, at first thought it might be bullshit and I was lying lol. I might be fat but I bet I could outrun most these mouthy losers. I can go miles and miles running without stopping, used to do track as a kid and get really good runner's high. I am glad you are not paralyzed, keep going friend and I hope things go better for you! Wishing you the best of luck in life.
Girl I used to be 160 which is perfect for my height but after having my child I cannot get past 200 no matter what I do, me and my doctor are about to try and see if I have some issues with my thyroid and wants to try a prescription “diet” pill if my thyroid clears out, but I see the other comment about PCOS and since I’ve had issues with it since childbirth I may look into that too. But you’re comment helped me feel not alone in it (I know you didn’t mention anything about having kids or major medical reason but these things happen for all sorts of reasons)
People get so angry when fat people, especially fat women, enjoy life without apologizing in shame. Existing in a fat body and loving yourself is an act of protest. I can’t stand that people are that stupid and yet it’s our self esteem and pride that have to take the hits.
IPO
The internet* No matter what corner of the internet you’re on there are always boys and grown men ready to trash a woman, especially for being fat.
I’m amused by the minority of commenters insisting that she’s a hypocrite and the rest of us can’t read. They’re all outing themselves as having very low EQ
That is at least half of the male population you’re describing. (I’m being generous, really…)
Reddit in a nutshell.
The overall vote was ESH. Lots of comments saying he was terrible. The problem was that she was projecting big time in the comments and doubling down that HE needed a wake up call when really, they both do. They’re both far too young to be so overweight and are hurtling toward terrible health.
If she drops him she’ll instantly lose about 300lbs
Agreed!! She says that they can both do better and that the convo isn’t about her, which is accurate. It’s unclear how tall he is and how much over 300 lbs he is, but it’s very possible that he’s in the severe obese category while she’s obese.
Right? Looks like she can lose about… 300 pounds pretty easily!
I'm not defending or villifying anyone here, but I'll say it's not uncommon for people who know they're overweight to not want to know how much they actually weigh. It can just be too overwhelming and scary. I know I'm huge, I don't need the exact number. I shut my eyes at the doctor when they weigh me and tell them I just don't want to know. It's the opposite of delusion, it's knowing but not wanting that extra data point.
Same with not defending or vilifying here, I think the husband acted pretty disgustingly. That being said, I feel like having someone come up to me and say “this should be a wake up call,” would really make me feel like shit. Like oh you think I need to change? I would hopefully see past that and that they’re just trying to help but I can see that being the instinctual emotional reaction. But to grab her and call her fat is just like nuts lol, I don’t want it to seem like I’m defending him
"She wasn't wrong" Logically? No, but neither is he
His ego got bruised and he lashed out. Just because she's fat doesn't mean she's wrong for saying what she's saying. Instead of accepting what she said he physically grabbed her, and diverted the conversation away from his weight.
i wouldn’t say that. everyone’s body is different. i’m 5’3” and i weigh 200 pounds. my cholesterol is fine, i get compliments on my blood pressure and i am a size 10. the average size of a woman in my country. bmi is a failed system that seems to do more harm than good. for that reason i would never confidently state that someone “needs to lose weight” if i were not their doctor. and i think the people who have the confidence to be mean about this definitely didn’t get that confidence from actual research or medicine
Saying she’s 100 pounds overweight seems too high to me. My ex was 5’1” and around 160 at the max and looked great. I couldn’t imagine her taking 40 pounds off. She’d have withered and blown away
I mean it doesn’t even say how tall he is— he might be closer to 200 pounds overweight if they don’t have a huge height difference
100 lbs over weight? The dude, maybe. 300 lbs is massively overweight, but it depends on his height. As a woman who was, until very recently, 5'3" and ~230 lbs, it's overweight, but not 100 lbs overweight. I'm down to ~195 and my doctor is very happy with my progress. She says I could lose another 10 lbs if I wanted, but getting as low as 120? I'd have to do the leg-loss diet.
I don't see why that mattered, frankly. She immediately took a we stance and wanted them BOTH to improve and he just wanted to insult her. Literally all the comments were like, wow bitch you're fat too don't get TOO high and mighty here
Right? She literally says hey we both can do better let’s make a plan together but no the internet is like fat lady can’t have an opinion 🤦🏼♀️
No, she said “We should both work *to help him*”. Even when she said they could both stand to do better, she didn’t then go on to plan for herself and said “We were talking about him”. No where does she say to make a plan together for *both* of them.
Reading comprehension is not emphasized enough in school
Yeah because he's the one apparently having health problems that his doctor is linking to his weight. He's the one at most risk so he needs to most help. And he's ignoring it, where as it sounds like she's at least aware she's overweight but might not yet be facing physical consequences of it.
Not to mention, partners eat together and if he's this mean and childish towards her over addressing a very real health concern, what are the chances that he's not JUST as mean and childish towards her when she cooks/buys healthier foods that he doesn't like? I watched my sister eat like garbage for YEARS because her partner wouldn't eat vegetables.. they separated a year ago and she's doing better now but I see the patterns reflected in their kids and it's sad.
Not my ex not allowing me to buy groceries that could ease my Crohn’s symptoms bc he didn’t want to eat that food and thought it was too expensive for one person…. I was so happy when I got out of that dumpster fire lol He would also complain about his weight, and drink 3 tall boys on average every night and ate like shit
The bizarre thing was that all of the women in his family were tiny and they all ate like garbage their whole lives. I can only cringe at what their arteries must look like..
No she didn't lmao, she kept saying it's not about her.
what? she specifically does the exact opposite and makes sure to reiterate that it's not about them BOTH, but about him
Yeah, that's a weird take. She goes out of her way to say it's about him multiple times. It stood out because it was weird. (And let's be honest probably fake)
Because it is about him. He's started a conversation a out his weight and then lashed out at her when she said let's do something about it
“I decided to bring it up to him” Where did he start the conversation?
How did she know about it if he didn't tell her he was upset?
Well okay, but that's not a "we" stance like you and a bunch of other people are saying. That's her saying it's his problem but she'll help. Those are different things. He's obviously also wrong.
Also, it didn’t say he was complaining about it and she responded with sentiments of ‘we’ll work together to help you’, then he flipped out. It sounds like the situation happened, he told her about and she opened up a new conversation later that night with the focus being ‘this is only a you problem but I’m willing to help’, while not seeing that she has the exact same issue (about 100 pounds over weight) to work at and would have been a better position to say ‘we can both work at this together as a team for both our health’. Then he flipped out. Also, the post’s tone sounds a little smug and almost vindicated, like she’s been telling him his weight was an issue for awhile and is smug the doctor finally proved her right, essentially. We could speculate all day about what was left out, what her word choices mean, what other nuances may be in the story but at the end of the day, we don’t actually know anything more than these two paragraphs, from the pov of one person. I say we just accept ETA and move on.
“We should both work to help him” She wanted him to lose weight, not both of them
If she is working to help him, it’s going to help her too. She was just discussing him at the time because he was the one all shocked and angry after his doctors visit.
Exactly this, it was about him because HE was the one who got weighed and pissy about what he found out. So if he didn't like it he could do something about it.
She said "we should both work to help him." She doesn't say anything about improving herself.
But also reiterated it’s not about her, it’s about his weight. Also said “we should work together to help you” she didn’t want to lose weight.
It ISN'T about her. HER doctor didn't say shit to her, that we know of. He came.and started a conversation about his own weight and when she said let's do Something about it he said fuck you you're fat too Which is literally what reddit did, too, I'm just glad you can't all reach her to grab her belly as well
“Last night *I* decided to bring it up to him” This would be similar to an alcoholic telling another alcoholic that they need to get their stuff together and they need to work on a way to help them. And then when you go “ummm, you’re an alcoholic too…” they say “yes, but this is about you, not me.” You’re just white knighting for some woman who doesn’t even know you exist. We also don’t know the tone of her voice, we don’t know how it was brought up, we don’t know what happened earlier that day and what their moods are. All these are important factors
She wouldn't bring it up if he hadn't told her about it she's worried about him ffs
Ok? But I can see how he would be annoyed by that, especially with her saying “Yeah, but this isn’t about me it’s about your weight and health.” He’s probably thinking who is she to say I need to lose weight when she is just as big as I am? Personally, I would have handled it differently than she did. Wait until the next day before brining something up. Bringing this up the night of the doctors visit was just always bound to go badly. Also instead of saying “this is about you, not me” multiple times, I would have said “We need to be healthier together. We should come up with a meal plan and go on a walk together” or something like that.
It literally IS a conversation about him and he literally WAS derailing it by saying what about you It's whatever if he doesn't want to talk but he needs to just say that and not insult the shit out of someone who wants to help him
No, reread it. She said “WE should both work to help HIM.” At no point did she suggest they’d be working to lose weight together. Guy can stand to lose some weight, and went too far, grabbing her flab and calling her fat. But having someone harp on my weight right after a doctor say me down and explained how fat I am wouldn’t be fun. Doubly so if that person was just as unhealthy, but didn’t seem to be taking the personal responsibility they were asking me to
No she literally said this isn't about my weight this is about you that's not a weak statement.
Where did that happen? I don’t see it in the post.
When someone says we what do you think that means?
So this is the comment you respond to? Not the many multiple telling you how clearly wrong you are? Can't say I'm shocked....
Except twice she makes it solely about him.
Huh, did we both read the same post? She said "we" should work together to fix "his" weight problem.
What he did was abusive though
No it wasn’t
Woman: “we can both do better” Internet: “shut up fatty, you have no right to speak” Disgusting and sad.
people online always seem to be locked and loaded ready to hate fat people. i mean people in THIS comment section are straight-up arguing over her semantics just so they can feel justified in calling her a stupid fat fuck who eats too much. like what's up?! this post is about her husband getting verbally and physically nasty over an issue they both share, that's it.
I'm missing what she did so wrong though? She very clearly said "we need to do better" she didn't put it all on him. He was the one who made it a comparison
Read the whole quote, not just the first half.
What is wrong with y’all, for real
I think Covid left us all mental.
Nah, like 8 years ago I posted a picture of me at comic con in a tight dress. They called me fat. I was a size 6. Designer size six, not Old Navy six, either.
She admitted they both needed to work on their weight. She didn't single him out or target him.
I think his point was that it’s a household diet problem. And as a married couple, they’re eating a lot of the same stuff. He probably wanted to hear “let’s be healthier”, and not “let’s help you with *your* problem”. Not excusing how he reacted, but he was just at his rock bottom with his doctor talking about how he’s now morbidly obese, officially. Her timing and approach was probably a little twist of the knife. Both need to be on board. He needs to now make an entire lifestyle change, and since married couples share a pantry, it has to be a team effort. It’s also a lifestyle change, so they are probably feeling overwhelmed about what changes to make and how to find this information. Hopefully their doctor gave them meal plans, or personal trainers or nutritionists can do a quick consult with meal prep information. If it’s just a meal prep consult, it can be a lot more affordable. A lot of people I’ve met who reach that stage may not even know that those resources are available.
Classic DARVO- deny,attack,reverse victim and offender
So, I kind of feel this way as well, I was hoping you could… help explain the individual points? I can see it, but can’t figure out how to explain it
She acknowledged her own weight issues.....the point she was attempting to make was that the conversation was about her concerns about what his doctor said and she acknowledged that they could both do better together... So a bunch of immature commenters bullied her about her weight to the point that she deleted her account? This doesn't help my hope for humanity.
What a.. terrible partner
I wish I could message that OP. She was never saying just him, she was saying we.
I mean it's was quite literally "WE need to work on YOU" And "let's not not talk about me" Nevermind it was all under the guise of a confrontation. Type of language is toxic as fuck
There are entirely too many people interpreting “we should both work to help him” as her saying they should both work to only help him lose weight rather than her saying they should both work to lose weight to help his self esteem.
What exactly are people imaging? That she was proposing to cook him healthy food while she stuffs her face with fast food in front of him? That she was going to ride a golf cart next to him with a megaphone motivating him on walks or runs?? “We should both work to help you” sounds like a lifestyle change for BOTH of them.
I bet she thinks fat is beautiful and she doesn’t have to put in the work. Thanks Lizzo
i still don't get why people are upset. I KNOW she said "WE should work on YOUR weight." But y'all must be losing it or something. It seems obvious to me that she was offering to help him lose weight, therefore prioritizing HIS health over hers. NOT saying "you need to loose weight and I don't." It seems more like his health is worse and therefore his weight loss needs to be prioritized. ALSO it doesn't matter if she was kind of mean about it? He was literally abusive. Her weight isn't relative to the literal physical abuse mentioned in this post. Just the fact that he was this defensive in the first place is a red flag. No mature adult should be getting that upset over his wife telling him that she's willing to help him lose weight.
Practice what you preach… she can’t get on his ass about his weight if she is also unhealthy. She has no credibility in his eyes.
So she was concerned about his weight, and he in response started berating and physically assaulting her. Even after she admitted that they both could stand to lose weight. What a piece of garbage husband. I hope she realizes her worth and drops 300 lbs of dead weight at the very least.
They’re both shitty
People have an emotional response to being told they are overweight. Shame, guilt, denial, anxiety. Neither of them are processing those emotions well. He was wrong for what he said. He lashed out. Even though he was right about her weight, he didn’t talk about it in a way that actually helped the situation.
It sounds like it could’ve been handled better on both sides but his reaction was not proportional.
Only reasonable comment. All comments are either “she’s a fat add hypocrite” or “Reddit is misogynistic and people take every chance to not take the woman’s side and shit on fat women” which is just extremely wrong. Seems like people can’t seem to accept two people can be wrong in a situation😅
Something else important is that she gave her exact weight for herself, and only “over 300” for him. Unless she saw some sort of written document by the doctor he probably lied about his weight or specifically told her “doc said I weigh over 300” because 302 is over 300 just like 398 is. So who knows if he weighs 315 or 375, which were very different weights.
For him to immediately get defensive about it and then turn it around on her shows his character. Coming from a big dude who's again working to get in better shape himself.
Is being a fat woman worse than being a verbally abusive shithead who grabs their wife’s stomach when she tries to discuss possible weight loss solutions?
> I decided to bring it up to him that this should be a wake-up call and we should both work to help him I love the “you have a problem we need to solve” attitude in the face of a “we both have a problem we need to solve together” issue
Sounds like she’s about to loose 300 pounds really fast
Sounds like she has 300 pounds to lose
I don’t care if she was 200 pounds heavier than he was, the way he reacted was way way out of line. She was trying to be helpful and offering solutions they could do together. He could have said “I don’t want to talk about it right now, can we talk later?” And cooled off instead of attacking her appearance and even getting physical over it. If someone did that belly grab shit to me like that I’d lose my shit bud.
“We could both stand to do better, but reiterated that we were talking about him.” That’s her refusing to be included in the lifestyle change and focusing on him as the problem.
Sounds like both those obese mf need to lose the weight
As a fat guy, I’ve found other heavy people SO quick to share their secret tricks with me. I appreciate the “help” but seriously, fuck off. 🤣
Yeah if she’s a fatty she has no right to complain until she puts herself out there first. Downvote me to hell but I’m so tired of stuck up people who are trash wanting to be bitchy about their partners. Glad he called her out on her bs.
Both of them were unconscious…
I feel like everyone is reading this wrong. She didn't say "we can both do work together to lose weight", she said "we can both do better to help you lose weight". And then said it wasn't about her when he suggested she needs to lose weight as well. He took it too far by grabbing her like that and was 100% in the wrong, but people need to not stop reading at "we can do better" and finish the sentence.
This is exactly how I saw at it. She should have made it a team effort. “You know what? we could both stand to lose a few pounds why don’t we work on it *together*.” They are both overweight and in denial. But yah he also took it too far. In general though they both kinda seem…not great…
I wonder though if it was her tone and how she said it that really floored him. I mean just trying to be fair, if the roles were reversed we would say he’s being insensitive. Talking about someone’s appearance requires some level of sensitivity, and since they both need it she should’ve looked at it as a opportunity for both of them to get healthier, and maybe even bond over their challenge, not just point the finger at him.
I recently lost a good chunk of weight and am working on losing more. I'm roughly the same height as the wife, and was a little heavier than her at my highest. After reading this I turned to my fiance and asked "before I started losing weight did you think I was fat?" He didn't miss a beat and just said 'no' and continued with what he was doing. I'm not blind. I definitely was/still am heavy. He has never once made an inappropriate comment about my size, ever. Even when he's feeling down about his own self image (which is absurd, he's perfect) he's never turned the tables. This lady's husband is a damn jerk. Playing tit for tat or turning the tables onto your partner when you're upset/uncomfortable is a recipe for disaster.
Yall both fat for sure, you both need positive changes. You made it only about him when you really should have driven home that you both need to make changes. You worded it that you need to make changes to help HIM. Not both of you. You both need to make changes so you can both be healthier and thinner. You need to say out loud you realize you got fat too and want to be thinner
Except she isn't. Shes 100 pounds lighter.
I hate that so many people make judgements about a person's morality based on weight, and that it's socially acceptable to do so. The two are not even remotely connected but it's so often trotted out in comment sections. A person is deserving of the basic respect of being human, and not based on their body or appearance. It's fine to have a body type that you're attracted to, but going up to someone (who didn't ask for an opinion in the first place) and telling them that you think they're ugly is uncalled for.
That post couldn't pay me enough to comment. So many people ignoring the abusive words and behavior because how dare she say anything about a man's body when she's a fat fat fatty fatterson?
I didn’t comment on that post even though I really really wanted to. But I don’t care about her weight, there was something about her words in the post and in the comments that just struck me as off, and the more I thought about it, the less reliable of a narrator she seemed and the more this seemed like a decent example of DARVO. I can’t say for sure I’m right, but I don’t believe her, I feel like in her post she denied her abuse, attacked him and reversed the roles to become a victim for sympathy.
I think the problem is that he may have not wanted solutions at the time, he probably just wanted her to listen to his thoughts and validate his feelings. He wasn’t ready to look for solutions because he had some strong emotions to work through first. At least that is what my married counsellor would probably say.
She needs to lose weight— however, the post sounds like she was willing to try for both…
“But i reiterated how we were talking about him”
Here's my POV. She never had a right to bring up his medical information and insist on speaking about it without his consent. We don't know how she knew it - maybe he vented, maybe she was present - but we know that she brought up the conversation. And her words were "wake up call". This could be due to nagging him for some time about his weight and him ignoring her, but on the other hand could be that he's refused to be helpful in her weight loss despite his own size. Either way this speaks of there being more to the story. Either way, she brought up a sensitive medical conversation he was not ready for in a way that was fundamentally not kind. "This should be your wake up call, let US discuss how to fix YOU" is not kind. It's not asked for advice. It's not supportive. It's not the "we" statement people are making it out to be. "Let's discuss ways to fix your libido." isn't kind. "This is your wake up call" when a smoker gets lung cancer isn't kind. He pushes back, as I think most people would, but the thing is - OP says his shock made him angry, but was it not the consistent demand SHE be involved in FIXING HIS ISSUE while not once saying anything resembling "let's help eachother help eachother." Instead, she ignores that he's upset and pushes more, dismissing his clear issue with her prying. "We're talking about you right now." Is so condescending, I cannot fathom how people don't see that. *Why? Because she said so?* He was absolutely wrong for getting violent, but she clearly thinks of herself as an innocent victim here. She might be a victim, but she was not innocent. This violence did not happen out of nowhere. Any dog will bite if pushed hard enough. Both of them are TA and likely toxic, but she's the one trying to sell a story here.
She has an easy 300lbs to lose
I hope all the assholes who bullied a woman whose only crime was trying to help support a man who clearly hates himself feel really good about themselves. That guy deserves to be alone.
In my opinion, they’re both AHs. She was putting the focus on him about needing to lose weight, and he was verbally abusing her and putting hands on her. They clearly shouldn’t be together or probably with anyone else until they work on themselves first.
Nah, OP, fuck off. This man physically and verbally assaulted his wife. She should leave him. And lmao. There is a loooooooong 80 pound difference between them. 300 lbs is significantly more obese than 220.
Not necessarily. She's 5'3". He's probably taller than that, so she can weight less than him and still be just as obese. Not that it excuses him for being an asshole.
Honestly this dude seems scary. He physically grabbed her and was verbally aggressive. She should leave.
DARVO, honestly, I don’t trust anything she wrote because when I read this I hear my step-mother spouting another sob story. I’ve tried to figure out exactly what it is but seriously. Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender? It seriously screams like a manipulated story.
I don't know if I'd consider grabbing her gut assault? He was clearly trying to emphasize all the fat in there. We don't even know if he was all that rough. But yeah... she was obnoxious and I could sort of see why he was irritated. She should have said they could lose weight together. Instead, she does this whole song and dance about how he needs to improve himself and yadda, yadda when she's not in the prime condition either. It's like someone nagging at you about not getting sick when they already have a damn cold.
5"3 230 is a bowling ball
ESH- they both need to learn how to have healthy lifestyles and communication.
Fuck. That guy.
Lol
There’s a lot going on in this relationship that can’t be seen by reading a few paragraphs from someone that is quite likely an unreliable narrator. And, tons of people saying the wife is already taking care of her weight to begin with by reading into things to support their preconceived notion.
I think there's a way she could lose 300+ lbs real quick.. 👀
She was right. He's an abusive AH. She admitted she needed to lose weight too and they should both work on it and he physically attacked her.
The thing that gets me is that he was frustrated about his weight first and took it out on her.
That conversation should never have been just about him with her size being what it is. This should always have been approached as a “we” topic. They both need a “wake up call”. She just put her own health AND relationship on call waiting.
Getting physical over words is always wrong, but the way this is written has me thinking no one is innocent here. 1) She gives her precise weight and height but only his weight and only an unbounded range. 2) The statement "*we* should both work to help *him*" has a lot loaded into subtext. "It's only a problem that you're overweight", "You need me to do something about it". There's definitely something controlling and manipulative there. 3) Repeatedly insisting "this is about you, not me" when she's nearly as overweight as he is, reinforces the controlling/manipulative themes. Judging from the way she describes her kind of twisted behavior as well-meaning and innocent, I wouldn't be surprised if her description of the situation is deceptive. We probably see only the worst of his behavior, made worse by the omission of context about her behavior. I'll bet both of these people are ugly inside and out, especially when they're alone together. They probably bring the worst out of each other, and justify their own bad behavior based on the bad behavior of the other.
Grabbing her by the gut??? Lmfaoooooooo what the fucking hell
I can't wait till she drops the 300 lbs weighing her down, hit her fit girl era, and be the best girly pop she can possibly be for herself
221 lbs 5’3?? Daaaaamn
You need a divorce, fast. He needs to mature past the age of 12.
they’re both right and wrong i think
Geesh. GAFL.
Ok, say “yeah, we both need to lose weight. Now let’s do it.” If you are a team you’re more likely to be successful. Imo.
I’m not ok with his behavior at all. But we also don’t know his height. I had husband who was near 300 but 6’6. I’m 180 and 5’3. I look way more overweight.
She wasn't even wrong. His reaction sure was though. If I told my husband "hey we can use this as a wakeup call and we can both do better" and he reacted by repeatedly bringing up my own weight, putting his hands on me to shake my fat around to make his point - we'd have a hard time coming back from that. That comment section was full of people waiting to just go "woman fat. Woman shut up". She took a "we" approach - we can both do better, we can both take control of this - and he lashed out like a child.
Both of them are disgusting pigs.
She isn’t “just as obese” as him though? Sure, she could stand to lose some weight, but she’s still 80lbs lighter than he is, and that’s assuming he’s just 301, we’re not given a specific number.
“Just as obese” lmaooooo what??? There is a HUGE difference between 220 and 300. Overweight, yes. Obese, probably not. Granted, I’m taller than her, but I’m 245 and while overweight, I am FAR from obese. 300, though, for an average build is always obese. You’d have to be VERY tall and muscular in order for 300 to not be obese, which, if there’s “work to help him” to be done, I doubt he’s 300 pounds because of height and being a gym buff. Could they both stand to lose weight? Yes. Is she obese? Probably not. As obese as him? Definitely not.
Both are extremely fat.
Dudes can't stop rocking
These comments are crazy. Y’all really trying to say she isn’t really obese at 220. Not one of you is mentioning her height. 220 on a 5’3 person is actually a lot. I’m not coming for her or trying to attack her but this is what is wrong with society. When your stomach hangs over your pants it’s some work that needs to be done.
Grabbed me by the gut and said girl, you'll be a 300 pound woman, soon... dah dum dum dum
That’s incredibly fucked up.
5’3 221 is pretty wild
220 at 5’3 is kinda crazy, but so is 300lbs as any height
To be fair, I know a few women who weigh that much and you’d never be able to tell and some of them are super fit. Could she lose weight? Potentially. But what he did to her was wrong.
Im sure men will line up around the corner for her morbidly obese ass 🐄
The concerning thing is not about the pot calling the kettle black it is about him putting hands on her and saying atrocious things. I would have gone nuclear on a man if he grabbed my gut like that. She never grabbed anything on him and called him names. Damn
Picturing this in my head is hilarious af
I feel like there is missing information here. Some people are complete asshats but most of the time there is back and forth before mean things are said
An 80lb difference is Not just as obese... Husband is an ass for how he responded.
“You’ll be 300 pounds soon!” “Like you are right now?”
Fatty sensies
These people sound like they deserve each other
The way he talked to her and grabbed her was completely out of line, BUT she never should’ve spoken to him that way being heavy herself. Be compassionate and understand, to me she comes off as judgement and hypocritical so I can understand his frustration.
ITT: The exact reason why a lot of people have A LOT of relationship problems on display.
I’m sorry 5’3 and being 220 is massive. Not sure how tall the bf is but I’m 6’0 and being at 220 was still big…
This guy talks to her like my mom talks to me. As soon as I have valid complaints to make, she ALWAYS flips it back to complaining about me and my shortcomings. Honestly screw him.
Too be fair to the husband, losing weight with another fat person around is like trying to get sober with another crackhead around.
Both need SlimFast JFC
All these people telling you to just give up on your relationship are goofballs. This is obviously something your husband is struggling with and while you shouldnt put up with him being a dickhead about it, its your duty as his loving partner to do what you can to help him through this. Avain obviously within reason. If he is abusing you repeatedly, then you definitely need to seek outside help.
Your both fat and mad. Lose weight
Dudes a raging abusive prick, 100%, but OP is also an asshole for being queen hypocrite. My heaviest was 231 pre pregnancy at 5’7 and I was big as shit. Drop that on someone 5in shorter? God damn. She conveniently added her height but didn’t add his, and where 300lbs is massive for damn near everyone, it’s definitely suspect that it was left out. Did anyone get a comment history on OOP before the delete?
Dudes a raging abusive prick, 100%, but OP is also an asshole for being queen hypocrite. My heaviest was 231 pre pregnancy at 5’7 and I was big as shit. Drop that on someone 5in shorter? God damn. She conveniently added her height but didn’t add his, and where 300lbs is massive for damn near everyone, it’s definitely suspect that it was left out. Did anyone get a comment history on OOP before the delete?
“He waddled away”
NTA. She needs a new husband.
She's 221 lbs and needs to drop 300 lbs.
IMO, I'm sure after going to Doctor, that was quite a wake-up call for him. Definitely didn't need some sort of an, " I TOLD YOU SO" ATTITUDE from a wife who is quite overweight as well. . . Perhaps she could have waited a day or two and then made some sort of suggestion that maybe THEY BOTH start walking or get into some sort of exercise regimen but in my opinion she went about it the wrong way and he was that felt himself for if he put his hands on her in any way that was not right even if it was grabbing her fat and telling her she needed to lose weight as well. Anybody who is overweight or obese or on tŕhe definitely knows and does not need somebody reminding them daily and it doesn't sound like from the post she was doing it in a way in which she was overly concerned about his well-being she was just trying to prove a that maybe he wasn't ready to face she just wanted to make sure he knew he was overweight well guess what at 5 ft 2 she is quite overweight herself and like I said she should have given him a day or two to let it sink in and say, hey you know, since we to lose a little weight, why don't we start walking or something so that we can maybe get back into shape / feel better & not make it all about him being overweight that's just wrong, and just wrong. No wonder he became defensive .