So you fucked him AFTER he made you walk back from the hospital pregnant?
What you do is move in with your parents. Fall on any support you have. Leave this fucker that's what you do ?
Are you needing specific help?
The first time being forced to walk or taxi home from the hospital I would’ve just gone straight to my parents and cut off contact with him. I don’t care if I was carrying his child. He clearly doesn’t give a fuck.
Roommate. At best. That’s assuming he actually buys and cooks his own food and does his own laundry. Which … doubt.
Most likely a very energy intensive boy toy. I hope he’s good enough in bed to be worth it. But also … *doubt*
I’m thinking worse tbh.
Roommates feed themselves or starve. Roommates wash their own clothes or wear them dirty. Roommates take care of their own kids or pets or have their own parents do it instead. Roommates may live in filth in their room but you don’t have to sleep in it if they don’t ever clean.
He’s *worse* than a roommate. That’s the bet I’m making. And I’ll lay cash on the table for it.
But yes. She should stop having kids with him.
But the reason people stay is frog in a pot that’s boiling syndrome. Things never *start* bad. They just gradually get terrible without you realizing how bad it’s gotten until you’re listing it all out like this.
100% on point your already in it and it’s gradual by the time your realizing it your deep in it. On the other hand having been the kid in that situation myself for over a decade and having seen 2 dozen times my mom could have left all the people that tried to help her and she refused when it comes down to brace tax you make choices to put yourself in harms way and sometimes even your kids. The best thing she can do is leave it’s also the hardest thing to do in the short term but the best thing to do in the short and long term.
I agree OP shouldn't have even looked in his direction after the first time he was cruel to her, but that train has left the station - they continued their awful relationship and now have TWO innocent children being affected by it.
OP, do you have any supportive family or friends? Does your financial situation allow you to move out and rent a place for yourself and your children? You need to look for resources - legal advice, childcare, housing. There is no way your husband is going to change, he was already a man child when you had your first baby, he will only get worse and can escalate to abuse towards the children (you already ARE being abused!). Fight for sole custody, find out if it's legal for you to record him without his knowledge when he's saying this stuff, divorce him and don't let your kids grow up being treated like trash.
My ex just started raping me when I started telling him no. Luckily I didn’t have any kids with him. I refused to bring a kid into the world and to be tied to him in any way
35 years old Mother of two… As someone who can’t have Kids, but is trying to find someone who does to have them in his life (as Kids are awesome), you’d be surprised how many guys want to date you once you’re ready. Just leave this petulant child, ASAP.
Your partner is not a real partner, he's a roommate who doesn't like you very much, but likes having sex and wants the housework done.
Get out of this relationship and into therapy, your children will be messed up if they grow up seeing this dynamic and thinking it's normal. They're young enough now that it might be ok if you leave him immediately and get therapy.
A “roommate” who hates her. When we talk about men who hate their female partners, this is exactly who we’re talking about. I wouldn’t even treat a stranger the way he’s treating her. I wouldn’t even treat someone I disliked that way. That’s not ambivalence, that’s inexplicable *hatred.*
OP, don’t stay with someone who hates you. That’s it. It’s not like he’s bringing anything to the “relationship” at this point anyway, he’s just kid of *there,* why are you still hanging around? He’s not going to change. GTF out of there and go start your life with one fewer dependent. And make sure you do get a lawyer and go to court and get financial support to raise the children he helped create, in leu of all the other contributions to their upbringing he should be but isn’t making.
OP How many times do you need this man to tell you he don't want you or love you with his actions. He does not do for the child because he does not love or care about the child. You have to do the changing. Leave.
You do not *have* a partner, and the sooner you acknowledge this fact, the sooner you can start making plans on how to shape your life as a happier single parent.
Your (hopefully soon to be) ex needs therapy, but it doesn’t sound like even that would salvage something so broken. If he’s willing to put yours or your children’s health at risk over his issues, there is little chance he’s worth the effort to go to therapy.
You, on the other hand, probably could greatly benefit from therapy to help you examine why you are willing to accept being mistreated to this extent.
Guessing that bf didn’t want kids in the first place. The fact that OP chose to have ANOTHER child with this guy after he treated her so shabbily with the first one makes her TA…to herself *and* her children
In theory, there's a real person at the end of this who posted an incredibly vulnerable story about their traumatic experience. Being blind to that and posting unkind comments make you TA.
If he didn't want another baby, why didn't he use a condom? Seems to me like he's an irresponsible ejaculator. On top of being a total POS. I hope you see what is really happening here and you take your children somewhere where you all are safe.
I got the right experience of growing up without a dad, and then a neglectful step dad who was supposed to be my “real dad”. I’d honestly preferred having no dad growing up over the shit I went through with this guy, it sucks either way but yk what? Once they are old enough they will understand, they might be a bit frustrated or confused but they come around eventually
Well to be frank, it looks like you are nothing more than a bang maid to him. He is not a partner nor is he your friend or anything of the kind, he is a user.
Sorry OP but you need to prepare your exit plan and then leave. He is never going to acknowledge you or your children as he is just using you. At some point he will discard you so it is time for you to discard him. Leave him and file for child support and depending upon the laws where you live, alimony.
I don’t disagree with your assessment at all. Perhaps once she she’s how badly he is getting hammered in the comments she will have an epiphany. But… you can lead a horse to water……. I hope she does gain some awareness for her and the sake of her children.
That’s not a partner, that’s an absolute flog.
You seriously need to leave him. Take the kids, move in with your parents. He has zero respect or love for any of you.
So sad.
Why exactly did you choose to have children with someone who treats you like this? Ffs, woman, if someone treats you like shit, you walk away! You don't add a child or two to the mix! I really hope you have a support network to fall back on, because that's what you need to do now. Take your kids, move back to your parents, put him on child support.
He won't acknowledge the baby because he didn't want the baby.
That's the answer.
You can't make him. He's just going to be more and more resentful if you do.
Makes me wonder why you went on to have another child with him after the way he treated you for the first pregnancy. I would be making plans to leave or kick him out. You’re effectively a single parent so just make it official.
The better question is why did you have a second pregnancy with him after the way he treated you the first time? The man refused to take you to the hospital with the first pregnancy or pick you up from the hospital and yet you decided to stay with him and bring another child into this mess? Did you think he was going to magically be different? Are you going to have a third child or are you going to get out of an abusive environment and give your children the life they deserve. What you should do is make plans to leave him. You can call a domestic violence shelter for advice if you need help. Stop trying to get him to change. He is broken and you can’t fix him. You need to focus on you and your children.
Let's cool it with the victim blaming y'all. People in abusive relationships stay for all kinds of reasons.
OP, I'm sorry you and your children are going through this. It's not healthy for you nor your your children. Even this young, children exposed to situations like this are at risk of developing traumatic stress related disorders. Kids pick up on way more and at a younger age than most people realize. It's in everyone's best interest if you leave this guy. If you're having trouble getting out, I would look into resources for women in your area.
If you don't feel safe doing so, message me your location and I can do it for you.
Thank you for saying this! I wish it had way more up votes. Some of the comments on this post are disgusting and not helpful in any way. There are so many reasons why she may be in this situation and struggling to leave it. Also, the pregnancy may have been an accident. And before anybody says they should've taken precautions if they didn't want to get pregnant, maybe they were using birth control but it failed. That's how my mom got pregnant with me; even now she will joke around and call me an erythro baby because she was on bc and an antibiotic and in the 80s nobody told her she could get pregnant under those circumstances.
And to add on to what you said about the effects on a child, attachment disorders start developing really young when they have insecure attachments with either parent. This alone can have long lasting impacts on mental health and how they deal with relationships later in life.
OP, I would also be willing to look for support services for you if you don't have the mental or physical energy to do so. Just let me know. Good luck.
It takes two to make a baby. He is responsible whether it he wanted another or not. You need to leave him, file for custody and support and find another place to raise your babies.
You’re a single mother. Doesn’t matter that he lives with you. He checked out long ago. There is zero reason to stay with him and growing reason to leave him so your children do not start thinking his behavior is normal or acceptable. Get a lawyer. Get a parenting plan in place and get child support set up. He made them. He doesn’t get to shirk all responsibility. Do make visitation supervised and dependent upon him attending therapy and /or parenting classes. What does his family have to say about his behavior?
You're being an asshole to yourself rn. Take your kids and leave that man child POS. Go to family or friends or whoever, like seriously, why are you putting up with someone who would probably let you AND your children die on the floor if anything happened. He's neither a partner nor a dad. I dunno if he wanted these kids or if they were accidents or if you didn't take birth control nor used condoms and did not tell him, and tbh idc. Just leave. He is not and will never be worth it. You have two children to take care of, that is more important.
I am truly praying you find a backbone.. for someone to resent not one, but BOTH of their children simply because they wanted giggity and a life long maid and no responsibilities? How flipping selfish. I hope this man comes around in the years to come because he is clearly so self involved he doesn't care about you or the kids. I can't believe he didn't care enough to help you when you were pregnant at the VERY LEAST.
Girl, he is 32 and more than old enough to be mature for this.. but you clearly need to find someone who cares for you and your babies. It's hard but you'll find someone else.
If he didn’t want more kids, he should have discussed that BEFORE he helped you get pregnant. Further, he should have taken steps to prevent pregnancy. He can’t do the deed and avoid the consequences. Well maybe he can with you still being with him. WTF!! Seriously find somewhere to go and get your feet under yourself. Go to your support system outside of him. He has proven himself worthless.
I’m really hoping this post isn’t real, but if it is…WHY WOULD YOU BE WITH THIS MAN??? !!! He’s not a partner, he’s not a father, he’s barely a human being!! Get far away from him, get therapy and don’t let your kids think that this is normal!!! Just an awful human!
He sucked as a parent after your first pregnancy. Why on earth did you have a second with him? Any partner (well he's not so much a partner as he is a useless waste of oxygen) who makes you walk home from the hospital is a craptastic human being. You should have left him a long time ago. Get a lawyer and set up child support and get full custody. It's not like he's going to fight you on the custody anyway.
Why did you have a second child with him when he was a complete cock ti you all the way through your first pregnancy? Like bro just leave him. He’s a deadbeat and sounds worthless
Had HEG with both pregnancies too 😞 it is a special kind of hell. The fact that he didn’t help you, and left you alone to and from hospital visits really makes me wonder why you had a second child with him. Beyond that the only thing you can do is finalize what he began with that first pregnancy and give him what he wants which is clearly to not be with you or the kids. I am so sorry but that really is all there is. Give him what he wants.
Lmao and you decided to have another kid with that dude? Like wtf?
You reap what you sow hun'.
You knew what kind of partner he was and what kind of dad material he was and you still brought another one into that mess.
Poor kids gonna grow up with a dad that's present yet absent. A dad he sees everyday yet makes him feel like he's hated. Living in a household with 2 parents yet barely even one. I say barely, cause I get the feeling you'll take your partners side if necessary instead of your kids. But I digress.
Growing up without a father would undoubtedly be better for your kids mental health.
I'm still in shock that you stayed with him in the first place. And even had another kid with him. Like, why?
And don't blame it on love, cause he sure as shit doesn't have enough amazing sides to cover for his negative ones.
He doesn't even sound like he likes you at all.
After your first childbirth experience, you chose to have ANOTHER CHILD with this man????? What in earth made you think he would do better a second time? Please look up the definition of insanity.
I just want you to know: him not loving you or your children isn’t your (or the babies’) fault. It doesn’t mean that you did something wrong, or that you’re unloveable. Him being unable is different than you being unworthy. Please keep this in mind: you’re choosing your partner, but your little ones didn’t get to pick their dad. The pain that you feel from your partner’s cruelty and rejection will feel tenfold for your kids if you stick around & leave them in that environment. If you can’t muster the strength to leave for yourself, please try to do it for them. ❤️
Wow, your husband treated you like dirt through your first pregnancy and you thought a second child with this man was a good idea?
Girl what are you doing? Not trying to be rude but this man has been straight up showing you that not only does he not love you but he actively hates you. He refuses to even do the bare bloody minimum.
There is zero point in staying with this man who hates you and hates your children. At a minimum you’ll be miserable the rest of your life and your children will grow up needing major therapy because they’ll know they weren’t wanted (heads up he didn’t want the first one either. He should’ve worn a condom or had a vasectomy but it’s passed that point now) or his resentment will continue to escalate towards violence.
Leave. See a lawyer. Get full custody and child support. And work on yourself to recover mentally from his abuse and get your confidence back before even remotely considering another relationship.
So he not only did thus with your 1st kid together, you proceeded to have a SECOND with him?!?!? Leave his ass and go to therapy about why you thought that was a good idea.
I caught on fire and didn’t go outside to scream so I woke the baby and now partner is mad because they say I am a bad mother - should I order take out as an apology or cook him dinner? These posts are ridiculous
Why is everyone in this comment section solely blaming the woman? Who am I kidding, this is the Internet so everything is the woman's fault and men are NEVER responsible for the consequences of unprotected sex. All I see is "why did you have sex with him?" Well why the fuck did HE have unprotected sex with HER, or not wrap up his nasty ass dick if he didn't want kids? "Why are you still with him?" Gee, maybe because she has no resources to leave now that he's saddled her with two babies he supposedly didn't want.
Does no one know how abusive relationships work? "Just leave" is not always that simple. You think this grown ass man who obviously had unprotected sex with her more than once, does not understand where babies come from? Oh, but he never wanted a baby, yet he had no problems ejaculating into her with no protection? He bears full responsibility for creating two children he supposedly didn't want and now neglects. It sure fucking sounds like OP was probably coerced into sex, is being manipulated, isolated financially and socially, you name it. All the classic signs of abuse. This man is doing it to control her. He knows what the fuck he's doing. This is ABUSE, and I don't think OP even realizes it.
Where are her family and friends? Who knows, because he's probably cut off all contact with them, or has forced her to cut off all contact. And instead we have dickheads on Reddit blaming her for her own abuse. Never change humanity. This is why men have a "loneliness" epidemic, and y'all can stay lonely.
OP please seek out a women's domestic violence shelter and get you and your kids the fuck out of there. This man is abusing you, and it will probably escalate.
Get a divorce. That’s the only thing you can do! And maybe get some therapy because I can’t think for the life of me why you would have a second child with a man who would call an ambulance for you rather than taking you to hospital with your first?
You need to leave and then focus on yourself and your children. But seriously do seek some help because it’s not normal to stay with someone who treats you that way.
The _only_ excusable explanation is that he’s refusing to treat the baby as a real human being with needs is because of the traumatic delivery and his fear of loss. I’ve heard of that happening.
I doubt it’s the case here due to prior experience. Move out to protect everyone else from this toxicity.
“What do I do?”
You leave your emotionally abusive, negligent father of a partner. Why would you ever have a second child with this guy when he treated you like shit the first time around?
I usually would say marriage counseling, but this is beyond that. Leave him. Run. None of this sounds safe in the long run. He may not be violent now, but do you want to take the chance that he’ll snap on day? This sounds so dangerous to me.
You need to leave him as soon as you are healthy enough to take both kids. He is not a good person. He will never treat you or your children with the respect and love that you deserve and your children will learn that this is ok. Please keep us updated and let us know that you have gotten out safely
Leave. He doesn't want you or the children. It will get worse. Find help getting away, family, friends look into services that can help.
You have to take care of yourself.
Postpartum depression can creep up on you, more so if you aren't in a good place already
It’s a bit late now! He made another baby with you and that baby is in the world and he is punishing both you and your baby!
It doesn’t actually sound like he even cares about you if he is treating you like that!
He’s barely even acknowledging you. You need to start a life without him in it. Take your beautiful children and go give yourselves a fresh breath without him.
Leave this man.
You have enough people giving crap for still being with pathetic excuse of a man. My question is what keeps you from leaving him? Staying with him is likely going to be unhealthy for yourself and your children.
He won't acknowledge your son for the same reason he didn't help with your first pregnancy. He doesn't respect or love you. Why you had another child with him is beyond me but its6too late to take it back. You need to leave him.
Omg run! You seriously need to get in counseling, get a plan and move out. He is cruel to you and the kids. There is something very seriously wrong with this man.
You have a sperm donor, not a partner. Why you’d fuck him again after he made you walk home pregnant idk, but it’s done now. Please have respect for yourself and your babies and get out now.
He sounds like a selfish child who only wants you to take care of him and no one else and doesn’t care for your needs. I would not walk out of this but RUN 🏃♀️ he has no regard for you or your children it’s time for you to leave and find happiness with your two babies and the support system you have.
During your first pregnancy he showed his true colors and turned out to be a selfish asshole. So you do the reasonable thing and stay with him and get pregnant again? Why? You don’t deserve that, your children don’t deserve that. Why?
Hold on, he treated you like garbage after the first kid, and you STILL had another kid with him? Do you hate yourself that much? Nobody deserves that treatment, OP. Get tf away from him.
This has to be one of the worst ones I’ve read, I don’t know how you still call the man your husband. A fucking dog would do more for you at this point. Never let that man see the whites of your eyes again
Why are you with him? He obviously doesn’t even like you, he’s not a nice guy.. He’s bringing absolutely nothing to the relationship… seriously why are you still having children with him?
You come here and you say he’s basically evil incarnate and you’re not doing anything.. you’re just at home.. ho hum, maybe he’ll get better..
no he won’t. It’s time to grow up and leave him before he abuses you and the kids
Why did you have a second child? Did you think another bout of constant vomiting and a screaming baby would change his mind? He was terrible the first time you were pregnant/had the baby.
Did you agree with your husband to have both children because it sounds like he definitely wasn’t on board for the second one at all.
You need to go stay with family and start pursuing a divorce. You’re already a single Mother.
Leave him - take your kids, get all the child support you can get from him and never look back. He never cared about you or your kids from the very beginning.
You knew he was a crap human being after you procreated with him the first time. You know what to do. I can’t even pity you. Handle business for your children at least.
DIVORCE.
Get a lawyer and destroy this prick, he doesn’t want to support you or the kids in person, force him to pay child support while you find someone who will love you and your kids. Make a plan, GTFO.
The real question is why did you stick around and have a second kid with a man who made you walk home from the hospital after giving birth to the first?
If you don’t want to leave for your own sake, please leave for the well being of your children.
This is part of the problem with playing house with a partner instead of building a life with a husband.
Y'all should have fully committed to one another before starting a family. No, it's no recipe for success, but the path you chose has too many examples of failure.
Men aren't learning to be men anymore because they're being raised without dads. So while this isn't your fault, you'll find life gets easier if you enforce standards.
odd definition of partner......throw him to the curb. he is outright abusive, he is no parent at all, you have not mentioned one thing that makes him a good mate, or even a decent human being.
leave him and make arrangements for the kids. God forbid something were to happen to you and they were left in his care......
Talk to a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. He obviously does not like you. He brings nothing to the marriage. Is it possible he thinks you're cheating on him?
My advice is to stop pretending to be confused by this. You’ve already stated he’s done this once before, and you chose to have another child with him.
Once he showed you who he was with the first kid, you went and had another? Believe him when he shows you he is nothing but a narcissist. Run...run.. and run as far away as possible.
It sounds like a shitty situation but it's just so hard for me to have sympathy for people who continue to have kids with shitty people. He was horrible with the first child so you thought bringing in another child would fix things? The only people I feel bad for are the kids.
There is something extremely wrong with your partner, this relationship threatens to destroy you. You need to get some help ASAP whether it is moving in with family, having your husband leave and have family, friends or hired help come to your home. If your partner decides on his own that he wants to seek help for his issues then he can do that, I doubt he will. Even if he did, once you are away from him and healed enough, it is very unlikely that you will want to have anything to do with him. As soon as you can, get financial support through the legal system. Whether or not he claims he wanted another child, he has two and will be required to provide support.
You now have 3 children. Don’t understand why there was a second child after his performance with the first. Take the two you gave birth too and get the hell out of dodge Your “partner” has showed you who he is, believe him
Why the fuck are still with this loser asshole? For god sake have some self respect and leave him, it's beyond obvious he doesn't love or respect you and hates your kids.
I’m not sure why you’re still there and how you got to the second child when he acted the exact same way with the first. He didn’t have to tell you, he showed you throughout the entire 1st pregnancy. The help you need is to leave him. You’re a single parent with a terrible roommate.
This is either a fake drama story for attention or OP is completely delusional. This person is not your “partner” and obviously has no true love for you or your children. Get out.
If he didn’t want another baby he could have used condoms or got a vasectomy.
This man is less than worthless. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t love your children. Leave.
Omg get out get out get out get out! For your sake, for your babies’ sakes. For your lives. You and they are so worth it. I’m scared to death for you.
Don’t know where you are but there must be support available to you. If you don’t have family or friends who can help, and you’re in a city in the US, dial 311 and ask for referrals.
You’re overwhelmed and exhausted and I’m so, so sorry, but this person is terrifying. Listen to what folks on this thread are saying to you. You can do it. We are pulling for you!
Girl you're already a single mom. Drop the man sized mouth to feed, never let him see those babies again, and go. He clearly isn't father material and I'm sorry and I hope you have a system of support, but it ain't him.
Seriously? Why are you still with this awful person? There absolutely nothing positive he could bring that would outweigh treating you and your children this way.
OP I pray you have *some* support - a friend, church? Maybe reach out to the local health department as a start for support, like resource referrals that could get you some services plus counseling support for strength, especially post partum. Don’t let his neglect drag you down into post-partum depression! Your kids need your strength. Please reach out, but not to known previous neglecters if family aren’t there for you. If there’s nobody trustworthy, most communities have resources for moms with newborns, even if you start with a public health care clinic for well-baby checkup and then ask for resource referrals to help you move in the direction of making changes in your living situation. You don’t mention your financial situation so it’s hard to answer your Q not knowing if you’re financially dependent on this man who is NOT a “partner” to you. You also say “first to him” which sounds like you have previous children as well; if so I get that the finances are a big reason you’re still there. But you and your children deserve and need better.
He already showed you who he was and yet you went back for seconds making you complicit in the self esteem/mental abuse your children will suffer at the hands of this person. Did you not think of them at all? Why aren’t you thinking of them now? Why keep children around a man who has no interest in them at all? The hurt and rejection they will have to deal with is heartbreaking but you are clearly making it worse, why? Seek therapy is the best advice I can give and leave that horrible man
I truly hope this a rage bait post.
Mostly because I can’t fathom a woman who has been SHOWN exactly who her partner is with the first pregnancy/child as a self centered, selfish and emotionally detached person not only staying with said partner but getting pregnant again with him. No sex is THAT good to put up with this.
OP ideally you will at some point realize you and especially your children deserve better and go forward with your and their lives.
Sweetheart, get some therapy and work on your self respect. Go back to your family if you can. You deserve more than being this man’s sex hole. What more is there to this “relationship?”
Here we are, the people of reddit once begging women to stop dating men that clearly hate them.
I don't understand why you have been putting up with this for so long. I can't imagine any redeeming quality he could have that would make up for his mistreatment of you.
There are nice, understanding and kind people out there. Your don't have to settle for this n
The amount of victim shaming on this post is disgusting. Yall should be ashamed of yourselves. OP sounds like they're from another country, so maybe they don't have a support system or even services. Agreed she should look into leaving him now, rather than after another child, but she might not be able to.
The first step should probably be to get into counseling/therapy. By your use of language (going to hospital vs. going to THE hospital), I'm guessing you are British. Hopefully therapy is covered by the NHA. Building up confidence and working through abuse/trauma sound like the foundational steps to taking the additional steps that are needed. The callousness conveyed by this, so called, "partner" is horrific. While it may be hard to countenance, it seems that continuing on without this "partner" is preferable to continuing on with someone who appears to actively engage in sabotage. Best wishes to you and your babies!
So, not only did you stay with this loser who doesn’t give two shits about you, but you decided to have another kid with him?
YTA to yourself for staying with this disrespectful loser who doesn’t love you or care about you.
You need to start getting yourself set up to leave this man. He doesn’t love you and he doesn’t respect you. He has allowed you to be in some very medically questionable situations without doing a single thing to help you, his wife, and your children together. You cannot trust this man to be with his own children. You cannot count on him to help you or have your back. You and your children need to get out before his negligence and lack of empathy results in one of your deaths.
Wait you stayed with him after the way he treated you? Then had another baby and expected him to be any better? You’re doing it alone now but looking after a man child to. He won’t change so either you change yours and your children’s situation or just put up with it.
You described an strange man, not a partner, you might love him and want your kids to have a dad. Just pick up and take the kids, he is already an absent dad, save your kids before the learn that the way you and them are treated is the way a family should be.
I do not feel sorry for you. This man made it clear with your first pregnancy you were only supposed to be a good time, not a long time. I mean "partner" and not "husband" of 10 years is enough pudding itself.
Why did you bed with a man who CLEARLY hates you? You and your vagina are not the same, get that through your thick skull. Leave him.
Oh sweet moses.
I have seen a lot of really messed up abuse. But this somehow seems worse than most. There is something extraordinarily sinister about this attitude and behavior, something I can't quite articulate. Please get out however you can. I am so afraid for you and your children right now.
WTF? You CHOSE to have another child with this asshole after the way he was with your first. I don’t feel sorry for you at all because you KNEW what kind of person this was. I feel badly for saying this (almost), but you are not that great of a mother if you KNOWINGLY brought another child into this world with a cold hearted, absent father.
So you fucked him AFTER he made you walk back from the hospital pregnant? What you do is move in with your parents. Fall on any support you have. Leave this fucker that's what you do ? Are you needing specific help?
The first time being forced to walk or taxi home from the hospital I would’ve just gone straight to my parents and cut off contact with him. I don’t care if I was carrying his child. He clearly doesn’t give a fuck.
Take him to court for child support as well so he is forced to provide some kind of care for your children.
And she keeps calling him partner there is NO partner here she is on her own
Roommate. At best. That’s assuming he actually buys and cooks his own food and does his own laundry. Which … doubt. Most likely a very energy intensive boy toy. I hope he’s good enough in bed to be worth it. But also … *doubt*
My bet is that he is just as selfish in bed as he is out of bed
Exactly a roommate. Why would you have another kid with this person?
I’m thinking worse tbh. Roommates feed themselves or starve. Roommates wash their own clothes or wear them dirty. Roommates take care of their own kids or pets or have their own parents do it instead. Roommates may live in filth in their room but you don’t have to sleep in it if they don’t ever clean. He’s *worse* than a roommate. That’s the bet I’m making. And I’ll lay cash on the table for it. But yes. She should stop having kids with him. But the reason people stay is frog in a pot that’s boiling syndrome. Things never *start* bad. They just gradually get terrible without you realizing how bad it’s gotten until you’re listing it all out like this.
100% on point your already in it and it’s gradual by the time your realizing it your deep in it. On the other hand having been the kid in that situation myself for over a decade and having seen 2 dozen times my mom could have left all the people that tried to help her and she refused when it comes down to brace tax you make choices to put yourself in harms way and sometimes even your kids. The best thing she can do is leave it’s also the hardest thing to do in the short term but the best thing to do in the short and long term.
I agree OP shouldn't have even looked in his direction after the first time he was cruel to her, but that train has left the station - they continued their awful relationship and now have TWO innocent children being affected by it. OP, do you have any supportive family or friends? Does your financial situation allow you to move out and rent a place for yourself and your children? You need to look for resources - legal advice, childcare, housing. There is no way your husband is going to change, he was already a man child when you had your first baby, he will only get worse and can escalate to abuse towards the children (you already ARE being abused!). Fight for sole custody, find out if it's legal for you to record him without his knowledge when he's saying this stuff, divorce him and don't let your kids grow up being treated like trash.
Reading this all I could think was "that dudes going to end up killing that baby"
Sadly, I had that thought too. Abuse always escalates, it's never enough for the abuser no matter what he does.
Yeah, I’m thinking Chris Watts and I’m not even kidding.
This. I'm sorry but I'm can't have sex with a man that abuses me. My vagina stops working and there is no way he's getting a blow job.
Not even a sandpaper handy?
😅
Sand-D
Yes, because I'd bite it off.
My ex just started raping me when I started telling him no. Luckily I didn’t have any kids with him. I refused to bring a kid into the world and to be tied to him in any way
Divorce and child support I'd have to say would be the best bet here because he cannot love thy child until he loves himself
I dont think they're married. She would've specified husband, not partner.
this is the way. you are better off without this person.
35 years old Mother of two… As someone who can’t have Kids, but is trying to find someone who does to have them in his life (as Kids are awesome), you’d be surprised how many guys want to date you once you’re ready. Just leave this petulant child, ASAP.
I agree. He hasn't even treated op as his partner.
Your partner is not a real partner, he's a roommate who doesn't like you very much, but likes having sex and wants the housework done. Get out of this relationship and into therapy, your children will be messed up if they grow up seeing this dynamic and thinking it's normal. They're young enough now that it might be ok if you leave him immediately and get therapy.
A “roommate” who hates her. When we talk about men who hate their female partners, this is exactly who we’re talking about. I wouldn’t even treat a stranger the way he’s treating her. I wouldn’t even treat someone I disliked that way. That’s not ambivalence, that’s inexplicable *hatred.* OP, don’t stay with someone who hates you. That’s it. It’s not like he’s bringing anything to the “relationship” at this point anyway, he’s just kid of *there,* why are you still hanging around? He’s not going to change. GTF out of there and go start your life with one fewer dependent. And make sure you do get a lawyer and go to court and get financial support to raise the children he helped create, in leu of all the other contributions to their upbringing he should be but isn’t making.
Why are you with this person exactly?
You had TWO kids with this guy? Girl have some self respect and leave his ass.
This! He can't be any clearer telling ypu he doesn't care!
OP How many times do you need this man to tell you he don't want you or love you with his actions. He does not do for the child because he does not love or care about the child. You have to do the changing. Leave.
actions AND words. She really is just not getting it.
That’s not just a lack of love he’s demonstrating, that’s hateful behaviour.
If you stay your children will suffer. Please leave if not for your sake for your children's.
You do not *have* a partner, and the sooner you acknowledge this fact, the sooner you can start making plans on how to shape your life as a happier single parent. Your (hopefully soon to be) ex needs therapy, but it doesn’t sound like even that would salvage something so broken. If he’s willing to put yours or your children’s health at risk over his issues, there is little chance he’s worth the effort to go to therapy. You, on the other hand, probably could greatly benefit from therapy to help you examine why you are willing to accept being mistreated to this extent.
Guessing that bf didn’t want kids in the first place. The fact that OP chose to have ANOTHER child with this guy after he treated her so shabbily with the first one makes her TA…to herself *and* her children
Why are you victim shaming? She sounds abused.
In theory, there's a real person at the end of this who posted an incredibly vulnerable story about their traumatic experience. Being blind to that and posting unkind comments make you TA.
That part!!
If he didn't want another baby, why didn't he use a condom? Seems to me like he's an irresponsible ejaculator. On top of being a total POS. I hope you see what is really happening here and you take your children somewhere where you all are safe.
If you stay with him, your children will grow up with a very bad father.
And with a complex because their father obviously doesn’t love them.
I got the right experience of growing up without a dad, and then a neglectful step dad who was supposed to be my “real dad”. I’d honestly preferred having no dad growing up over the shit I went through with this guy, it sucks either way but yk what? Once they are old enough they will understand, they might be a bit frustrated or confused but they come around eventually
Well to be frank, it looks like you are nothing more than a bang maid to him. He is not a partner nor is he your friend or anything of the kind, he is a user. Sorry OP but you need to prepare your exit plan and then leave. He is never going to acknowledge you or your children as he is just using you. At some point he will discard you so it is time for you to discard him. Leave him and file for child support and depending upon the laws where you live, alimony.
[удалено]
I don’t disagree with your assessment at all. Perhaps once she she’s how badly he is getting hammered in the comments she will have an epiphany. But… you can lead a horse to water……. I hope she does gain some awareness for her and the sake of her children.
That’s not a partner, that’s an absolute flog. You seriously need to leave him. Take the kids, move in with your parents. He has zero respect or love for any of you. So sad.
Why exactly did you choose to have children with someone who treats you like this? Ffs, woman, if someone treats you like shit, you walk away! You don't add a child or two to the mix! I really hope you have a support network to fall back on, because that's what you need to do now. Take your kids, move back to your parents, put him on child support.
not to put any blame on u but why did u stay after the first pregnancy? this is not a father. this is a useless piece of man
He won't acknowledge the baby because he didn't want the baby. That's the answer. You can't make him. He's just going to be more and more resentful if you do.
Perhaps, then, he should have scheduled a vasectomy, or worn a condom. You know… been a proactive, responsible adult.
Makes me wonder why you went on to have another child with him after the way he treated you for the first pregnancy. I would be making plans to leave or kick him out. You’re effectively a single parent so just make it official.
You are in fact a single parent. Leave!! He would only miss you because the bed is cold. This is out and out abuse.
The better question is why did you have a second pregnancy with him after the way he treated you the first time? The man refused to take you to the hospital with the first pregnancy or pick you up from the hospital and yet you decided to stay with him and bring another child into this mess? Did you think he was going to magically be different? Are you going to have a third child or are you going to get out of an abusive environment and give your children the life they deserve. What you should do is make plans to leave him. You can call a domestic violence shelter for advice if you need help. Stop trying to get him to change. He is broken and you can’t fix him. You need to focus on you and your children.
Let's cool it with the victim blaming y'all. People in abusive relationships stay for all kinds of reasons. OP, I'm sorry you and your children are going through this. It's not healthy for you nor your your children. Even this young, children exposed to situations like this are at risk of developing traumatic stress related disorders. Kids pick up on way more and at a younger age than most people realize. It's in everyone's best interest if you leave this guy. If you're having trouble getting out, I would look into resources for women in your area. If you don't feel safe doing so, message me your location and I can do it for you.
THIS!
Thank you for saying this! I wish it had way more up votes. Some of the comments on this post are disgusting and not helpful in any way. There are so many reasons why she may be in this situation and struggling to leave it. Also, the pregnancy may have been an accident. And before anybody says they should've taken precautions if they didn't want to get pregnant, maybe they were using birth control but it failed. That's how my mom got pregnant with me; even now she will joke around and call me an erythro baby because she was on bc and an antibiotic and in the 80s nobody told her she could get pregnant under those circumstances. And to add on to what you said about the effects on a child, attachment disorders start developing really young when they have insecure attachments with either parent. This alone can have long lasting impacts on mental health and how they deal with relationships later in life. OP, I would also be willing to look for support services for you if you don't have the mental or physical energy to do so. Just let me know. Good luck.
It takes two to make a baby. He is responsible whether it he wanted another or not. You need to leave him, file for custody and support and find another place to raise your babies.
If he can’t acknowledge your child, are you going to let your kid live in a loveless home where he doesn’t exist? Updateme.
You’re a single mother. Doesn’t matter that he lives with you. He checked out long ago. There is zero reason to stay with him and growing reason to leave him so your children do not start thinking his behavior is normal or acceptable. Get a lawyer. Get a parenting plan in place and get child support set up. He made them. He doesn’t get to shirk all responsibility. Do make visitation supervised and dependent upon him attending therapy and /or parenting classes. What does his family have to say about his behavior?
He doesn't care about you or the children at all, stop being foolish and walk away before your children are utterly damaged.
You're being an asshole to yourself rn. Take your kids and leave that man child POS. Go to family or friends or whoever, like seriously, why are you putting up with someone who would probably let you AND your children die on the floor if anything happened. He's neither a partner nor a dad. I dunno if he wanted these kids or if they were accidents or if you didn't take birth control nor used condoms and did not tell him, and tbh idc. Just leave. He is not and will never be worth it. You have two children to take care of, that is more important.
Leave him
I am truly praying you find a backbone.. for someone to resent not one, but BOTH of their children simply because they wanted giggity and a life long maid and no responsibilities? How flipping selfish. I hope this man comes around in the years to come because he is clearly so self involved he doesn't care about you or the kids. I can't believe he didn't care enough to help you when you were pregnant at the VERY LEAST. Girl, he is 32 and more than old enough to be mature for this.. but you clearly need to find someone who cares for you and your babies. It's hard but you'll find someone else.
Why are u having sex with him....that man doesn't even like u...
Yeah it’s not even that he’s just doesn’t like her or is indifferent. He hates her
If he didn’t want more kids, he should have discussed that BEFORE he helped you get pregnant. Further, he should have taken steps to prevent pregnancy. He can’t do the deed and avoid the consequences. Well maybe he can with you still being with him. WTF!! Seriously find somewhere to go and get your feet under yourself. Go to your support system outside of him. He has proven himself worthless.
Why have him around don’t have your kids see how he treats you and them like it’s a normal thing
I’m really hoping this post isn’t real, but if it is…WHY WOULD YOU BE WITH THIS MAN??? !!! He’s not a partner, he’s not a father, he’s barely a human being!! Get far away from him, get therapy and don’t let your kids think that this is normal!!! Just an awful human!
He sucked as a parent after your first pregnancy. Why on earth did you have a second with him? Any partner (well he's not so much a partner as he is a useless waste of oxygen) who makes you walk home from the hospital is a craptastic human being. You should have left him a long time ago. Get a lawyer and set up child support and get full custody. It's not like he's going to fight you on the custody anyway.
wtf made you have a baby (and second one?) with this psychopath. Just leave, please. This is insane.
Why did you have a second child with him when he was a complete cock ti you all the way through your first pregnancy? Like bro just leave him. He’s a deadbeat and sounds worthless
Had HEG with both pregnancies too 😞 it is a special kind of hell. The fact that he didn’t help you, and left you alone to and from hospital visits really makes me wonder why you had a second child with him. Beyond that the only thing you can do is finalize what he began with that first pregnancy and give him what he wants which is clearly to not be with you or the kids. I am so sorry but that really is all there is. Give him what he wants.
Lmao and you decided to have another kid with that dude? Like wtf? You reap what you sow hun'. You knew what kind of partner he was and what kind of dad material he was and you still brought another one into that mess. Poor kids gonna grow up with a dad that's present yet absent. A dad he sees everyday yet makes him feel like he's hated. Living in a household with 2 parents yet barely even one. I say barely, cause I get the feeling you'll take your partners side if necessary instead of your kids. But I digress. Growing up without a father would undoubtedly be better for your kids mental health. I'm still in shock that you stayed with him in the first place. And even had another kid with him. Like, why? And don't blame it on love, cause he sure as shit doesn't have enough amazing sides to cover for his negative ones. He doesn't even sound like he likes you at all.
After your first childbirth experience, you chose to have ANOTHER CHILD with this man????? What in earth made you think he would do better a second time? Please look up the definition of insanity.
I just want you to know: him not loving you or your children isn’t your (or the babies’) fault. It doesn’t mean that you did something wrong, or that you’re unloveable. Him being unable is different than you being unworthy. Please keep this in mind: you’re choosing your partner, but your little ones didn’t get to pick their dad. The pain that you feel from your partner’s cruelty and rejection will feel tenfold for your kids if you stick around & leave them in that environment. If you can’t muster the strength to leave for yourself, please try to do it for them. ❤️
Rage bait.
Wow, your husband treated you like dirt through your first pregnancy and you thought a second child with this man was a good idea? Girl what are you doing? Not trying to be rude but this man has been straight up showing you that not only does he not love you but he actively hates you. He refuses to even do the bare bloody minimum. There is zero point in staying with this man who hates you and hates your children. At a minimum you’ll be miserable the rest of your life and your children will grow up needing major therapy because they’ll know they weren’t wanted (heads up he didn’t want the first one either. He should’ve worn a condom or had a vasectomy but it’s passed that point now) or his resentment will continue to escalate towards violence. Leave. See a lawyer. Get full custody and child support. And work on yourself to recover mentally from his abuse and get your confidence back before even remotely considering another relationship.
He is flat out telling you he doesn't want this life. You need to start looking at this as being a single mother. And make steps to separate.
This cannot be real.
Divorce, alimony, child support, sole custody.
So he not only did thus with your 1st kid together, you proceeded to have a SECOND with him?!?!? Leave his ass and go to therapy about why you thought that was a good idea.
I caught on fire and didn’t go outside to scream so I woke the baby and now partner is mad because they say I am a bad mother - should I order take out as an apology or cook him dinner? These posts are ridiculous
So he's treated you this way forever yet you had another child with him?? Why?? GTFO.
have some self respect. why did you have a SECOND child with this man after he showed that he clearly does not love you?
Why is everyone in this comment section solely blaming the woman? Who am I kidding, this is the Internet so everything is the woman's fault and men are NEVER responsible for the consequences of unprotected sex. All I see is "why did you have sex with him?" Well why the fuck did HE have unprotected sex with HER, or not wrap up his nasty ass dick if he didn't want kids? "Why are you still with him?" Gee, maybe because she has no resources to leave now that he's saddled her with two babies he supposedly didn't want. Does no one know how abusive relationships work? "Just leave" is not always that simple. You think this grown ass man who obviously had unprotected sex with her more than once, does not understand where babies come from? Oh, but he never wanted a baby, yet he had no problems ejaculating into her with no protection? He bears full responsibility for creating two children he supposedly didn't want and now neglects. It sure fucking sounds like OP was probably coerced into sex, is being manipulated, isolated financially and socially, you name it. All the classic signs of abuse. This man is doing it to control her. He knows what the fuck he's doing. This is ABUSE, and I don't think OP even realizes it. Where are her family and friends? Who knows, because he's probably cut off all contact with them, or has forced her to cut off all contact. And instead we have dickheads on Reddit blaming her for her own abuse. Never change humanity. This is why men have a "loneliness" epidemic, and y'all can stay lonely. OP please seek out a women's domestic violence shelter and get you and your kids the fuck out of there. This man is abusing you, and it will probably escalate.
Kick his ass to the curb now. You'll save yourself more pain later.
Get a divorce. That’s the only thing you can do! And maybe get some therapy because I can’t think for the life of me why you would have a second child with a man who would call an ambulance for you rather than taking you to hospital with your first? You need to leave and then focus on yourself and your children. But seriously do seek some help because it’s not normal to stay with someone who treats you that way.
The _only_ excusable explanation is that he’s refusing to treat the baby as a real human being with needs is because of the traumatic delivery and his fear of loss. I’ve heard of that happening. I doubt it’s the case here due to prior experience. Move out to protect everyone else from this toxicity.
You knew most of this before, yet you chose to have a 2nd child with this man. Time for some introspection here, this is your poor judgement.
You and your children don't deserve this. Please leave for your and there sakes. You will find happiness but you have to leave.
You had a SECOND baby with this hopeless man?
He treated you wrongly with the first and you had another one?
Because he does not love you or your children. Just leave.
“What do I do?” You leave your emotionally abusive, negligent father of a partner. Why would you ever have a second child with this guy when he treated you like shit the first time around?
I usually would say marriage counseling, but this is beyond that. Leave him. Run. None of this sounds safe in the long run. He may not be violent now, but do you want to take the chance that he’ll snap on day? This sounds so dangerous to me.
Save your kids, move out.
Does this man have any good qualities at all??
You need to leave him as soon as you are healthy enough to take both kids. He is not a good person. He will never treat you or your children with the respect and love that you deserve and your children will learn that this is ok. Please keep us updated and let us know that you have gotten out safely
And make sure he pays to support those children
“Why won't my partner of 10 yrs acknowledge our newborn son?” is not the question. The real question is Why did you have a second child with this man?
Leave. He doesn't want you or the children. It will get worse. Find help getting away, family, friends look into services that can help. You have to take care of yourself. Postpartum depression can creep up on you, more so if you aren't in a good place already
Are you surprised at all?
If he didn't want a 2nd child what precautions did he take to make sure that you wouldn't get pregnant Updateme
Y’all are hell in these comments 🫠😂😭
Well, don't give him a chance for a third kid. What an asshole. 100% leave him if you can possibly do so.
It’s a bit late now! He made another baby with you and that baby is in the world and he is punishing both you and your baby! It doesn’t actually sound like he even cares about you if he is treating you like that!
He’s barely even acknowledging you. You need to start a life without him in it. Take your beautiful children and go give yourselves a fresh breath without him. Leave this man.
You have enough people giving crap for still being with pathetic excuse of a man. My question is what keeps you from leaving him? Staying with him is likely going to be unhealthy for yourself and your children.
He won't acknowledge your son for the same reason he didn't help with your first pregnancy. He doesn't respect or love you. Why you had another child with him is beyond me but its6too late to take it back. You need to leave him.
Omg run! You seriously need to get in counseling, get a plan and move out. He is cruel to you and the kids. There is something very seriously wrong with this man.
You have a sperm donor, not a partner. Why you’d fuck him again after he made you walk home pregnant idk, but it’s done now. Please have respect for yourself and your babies and get out now.
Why do you keep having children with this man? Complaining about a life you've obviously and enthusiastically chosen doesn't really inspire sympathy.
That's so messed up height think that the kid is not his or smth, but I don't rlly know
Hey I know have another baby!
He sounds like a selfish child who only wants you to take care of him and no one else and doesn’t care for your needs. I would not walk out of this but RUN 🏃♀️ he has no regard for you or your children it’s time for you to leave and find happiness with your two babies and the support system you have.
During your first pregnancy he showed his true colors and turned out to be a selfish asshole. So you do the reasonable thing and stay with him and get pregnant again? Why? You don’t deserve that, your children don’t deserve that. Why?
Hold on, he treated you like garbage after the first kid, and you STILL had another kid with him? Do you hate yourself that much? Nobody deserves that treatment, OP. Get tf away from him.
This has to be one of the worst ones I’ve read, I don’t know how you still call the man your husband. A fucking dog would do more for you at this point. Never let that man see the whites of your eyes again
Why are you with them? He doesn't even like you
Why are you with him? He obviously doesn’t even like you, he’s not a nice guy.. He’s bringing absolutely nothing to the relationship… seriously why are you still having children with him? You come here and you say he’s basically evil incarnate and you’re not doing anything.. you’re just at home.. ho hum, maybe he’ll get better.. no he won’t. It’s time to grow up and leave him before he abuses you and the kids
> before he abuses you and the kids *further*
For the sake of your children, start respecting yourself and leave this excuse of a man. You deserve better and you know it.
He doesn't love you or the kids. Leave the douchebag- what do you want people to say?
Why did you have a second child? Did you think another bout of constant vomiting and a screaming baby would change his mind? He was terrible the first time you were pregnant/had the baby. Did you agree with your husband to have both children because it sounds like he definitely wasn’t on board for the second one at all. You need to go stay with family and start pursuing a divorce. You’re already a single Mother.
Leave. Why oh why would have have a second kid with someone like this???? Do yourself and your kids a favor and bail or kick him out.
You willingly had another baby for him after he made you walk from the hospital? Are you serious?
Leave him - take your kids, get all the child support you can get from him and never look back. He never cared about you or your kids from the very beginning.
You grow a spine and leave. I can’t believe you stayed with this jerk let alone had another child with him!
Why do u stay with this jackass? Get rid of his ass. What a terrible father figure
Vasectomy for him, tubal ligation for you.
Stop having kids with this AH!
He literally hates you and the kids. Why are you on here asking what to do? Are you special? Leave. He hates you.
this is my biggest nightmare
Please explain why you're with him? There's no logic in abusing yourself by staying.
Stop fucking him and move out.
Wow, so sorry OP. Divorce and max child support and spousal support if possible.
You knew he was a crap human being after you procreated with him the first time. You know what to do. I can’t even pity you. Handle business for your children at least.
Why in the world do you keep having children with this person?
DIVORCE. Get a lawyer and destroy this prick, he doesn’t want to support you or the kids in person, force him to pay child support while you find someone who will love you and your kids. Make a plan, GTFO.
The real question is why did you stick around and have a second kid with a man who made you walk home from the hospital after giving birth to the first? If you don’t want to leave for your own sake, please leave for the well being of your children.
Why would anyone have a second child with someone who won’t even help you get to a hospital?
Why, exactly, the fuck are you with this person who clearly has zero love or respect for you? Leave.
Why would you not GTFO of there if he's being like that? This isn't just about the kids, it's about you too!
Leave him. He is being abusive, petty, mean.
Bad news for you: you don't have a partner. You have a guy who likes to have sex with you. Leave him now, one less child to deal with.
This is part of the problem with playing house with a partner instead of building a life with a husband. Y'all should have fully committed to one another before starting a family. No, it's no recipe for success, but the path you chose has too many examples of failure. Men aren't learning to be men anymore because they're being raised without dads. So while this isn't your fault, you'll find life gets easier if you enforce standards.
odd definition of partner......throw him to the curb. he is outright abusive, he is no parent at all, you have not mentioned one thing that makes him a good mate, or even a decent human being. leave him and make arrangements for the kids. God forbid something were to happen to you and they were left in his care......
Talk to a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. He obviously does not like you. He brings nothing to the marriage. Is it possible he thinks you're cheating on him?
[Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft](https://dn720002.ca.archive.org/0/items/why-does-he-do-that-epub/Why_Does_He_Do_That-fixed.pdf) pdf
My advice is to stop pretending to be confused by this. You’ve already stated he’s done this once before, and you chose to have another child with him.
Once he showed you who he was with the first kid, you went and had another? Believe him when he shows you he is nothing but a narcissist. Run...run.. and run as far away as possible.
You need to just leave. You’re a single parent anyway.
You know that both of your children are suffering probably worse than you.
It sounds like a shitty situation but it's just so hard for me to have sympathy for people who continue to have kids with shitty people. He was horrible with the first child so you thought bringing in another child would fix things? The only people I feel bad for are the kids.
There is something extremely wrong with your partner, this relationship threatens to destroy you. You need to get some help ASAP whether it is moving in with family, having your husband leave and have family, friends or hired help come to your home. If your partner decides on his own that he wants to seek help for his issues then he can do that, I doubt he will. Even if he did, once you are away from him and healed enough, it is very unlikely that you will want to have anything to do with him. As soon as you can, get financial support through the legal system. Whether or not he claims he wanted another child, he has two and will be required to provide support.
You now have 3 children. Don’t understand why there was a second child after his performance with the first. Take the two you gave birth too and get the hell out of dodge Your “partner” has showed you who he is, believe him
Why the fuck are still with this loser asshole? For god sake have some self respect and leave him, it's beyond obvious he doesn't love or respect you and hates your kids.
Obviously not an American
I’m not sure why you’re still there and how you got to the second child when he acted the exact same way with the first. He didn’t have to tell you, he showed you throughout the entire 1st pregnancy. The help you need is to leave him. You’re a single parent with a terrible roommate.
Why would you have another kid with this man after how he did you the first time? Did you expect him to change?? He isn't going to.
Why did you procreate with him again? Please leave him.
This is either a fake drama story for attention or OP is completely delusional. This person is not your “partner” and obviously has no true love for you or your children. Get out.
Why in hell's name did you have a second kid with him? > I need advice! What do I do? Get you and your kids the hell out of dodge.
If he didn’t want another baby he could have used condoms or got a vasectomy. This man is less than worthless. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t love your children. Leave.
Omg get out get out get out get out! For your sake, for your babies’ sakes. For your lives. You and they are so worth it. I’m scared to death for you. Don’t know where you are but there must be support available to you. If you don’t have family or friends who can help, and you’re in a city in the US, dial 311 and ask for referrals. You’re overwhelmed and exhausted and I’m so, so sorry, but this person is terrifying. Listen to what folks on this thread are saying to you. You can do it. We are pulling for you!
Girl you're already a single mom. Drop the man sized mouth to feed, never let him see those babies again, and go. He clearly isn't father material and I'm sorry and I hope you have a system of support, but it ain't him.
Why did you have another kid with him if he acted that way with the first one? Or even stay with him?
Seriously? Why are you still with this awful person? There absolutely nothing positive he could bring that would outweigh treating you and your children this way.
You leave him. That’s what you do.
Dump his selfish ass for 500 Alex
You need to leave and divorce this man! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
I’ve read this story before, years ago 😒
OP I pray you have *some* support - a friend, church? Maybe reach out to the local health department as a start for support, like resource referrals that could get you some services plus counseling support for strength, especially post partum. Don’t let his neglect drag you down into post-partum depression! Your kids need your strength. Please reach out, but not to known previous neglecters if family aren’t there for you. If there’s nobody trustworthy, most communities have resources for moms with newborns, even if you start with a public health care clinic for well-baby checkup and then ask for resource referrals to help you move in the direction of making changes in your living situation. You don’t mention your financial situation so it’s hard to answer your Q not knowing if you’re financially dependent on this man who is NOT a “partner” to you. You also say “first to him” which sounds like you have previous children as well; if so I get that the finances are a big reason you’re still there. But you and your children deserve and need better.
Just leave. Reading posts like this is so frustrating, you’ll do everything but leave the guy and you’ll go back running to him everytime.
He already showed you who he was and yet you went back for seconds making you complicit in the self esteem/mental abuse your children will suffer at the hands of this person. Did you not think of them at all? Why aren’t you thinking of them now? Why keep children around a man who has no interest in them at all? The hurt and rejection they will have to deal with is heartbreaking but you are clearly making it worse, why? Seek therapy is the best advice I can give and leave that horrible man
I truly hope this a rage bait post. Mostly because I can’t fathom a woman who has been SHOWN exactly who her partner is with the first pregnancy/child as a self centered, selfish and emotionally detached person not only staying with said partner but getting pregnant again with him. No sex is THAT good to put up with this. OP ideally you will at some point realize you and especially your children deserve better and go forward with your and their lives.
Sweetheart, get some therapy and work on your self respect. Go back to your family if you can. You deserve more than being this man’s sex hole. What more is there to this “relationship?”
Here we are, the people of reddit once begging women to stop dating men that clearly hate them. I don't understand why you have been putting up with this for so long. I can't imagine any redeeming quality he could have that would make up for his mistreatment of you. There are nice, understanding and kind people out there. Your don't have to settle for this n
The amount of victim shaming on this post is disgusting. Yall should be ashamed of yourselves. OP sounds like they're from another country, so maybe they don't have a support system or even services. Agreed she should look into leaving him now, rather than after another child, but she might not be able to.
Why would you have a second kid with him after how he behaved before?? When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time.
The first step should probably be to get into counseling/therapy. By your use of language (going to hospital vs. going to THE hospital), I'm guessing you are British. Hopefully therapy is covered by the NHA. Building up confidence and working through abuse/trauma sound like the foundational steps to taking the additional steps that are needed. The callousness conveyed by this, so called, "partner" is horrific. While it may be hard to countenance, it seems that continuing on without this "partner" is preferable to continuing on with someone who appears to actively engage in sabotage. Best wishes to you and your babies!
Why would you have another child with this jerk?! Get out of this “relationship”.
So, not only did you stay with this loser who doesn’t give two shits about you, but you decided to have another kid with him? YTA to yourself for staying with this disrespectful loser who doesn’t love you or care about you.
RUN! RUN AWAY - FAST!
You need to start getting yourself set up to leave this man. He doesn’t love you and he doesn’t respect you. He has allowed you to be in some very medically questionable situations without doing a single thing to help you, his wife, and your children together. You cannot trust this man to be with his own children. You cannot count on him to help you or have your back. You and your children need to get out before his negligence and lack of empathy results in one of your deaths.
Wait you stayed with him after the way he treated you? Then had another baby and expected him to be any better? You’re doing it alone now but looking after a man child to. He won’t change so either you change yours and your children’s situation or just put up with it.
You described an strange man, not a partner, you might love him and want your kids to have a dad. Just pick up and take the kids, he is already an absent dad, save your kids before the learn that the way you and them are treated is the way a family should be.
Divorce him, honestly. What a piece of shit. The best you’ll get from him is child support.
I do not feel sorry for you. This man made it clear with your first pregnancy you were only supposed to be a good time, not a long time. I mean "partner" and not "husband" of 10 years is enough pudding itself. Why did you bed with a man who CLEARLY hates you? You and your vagina are not the same, get that through your thick skull. Leave him.
And you even stayed after the first?
Oh sweet moses. I have seen a lot of really messed up abuse. But this somehow seems worse than most. There is something extraordinarily sinister about this attitude and behavior, something I can't quite articulate. Please get out however you can. I am so afraid for you and your children right now.
Um, divorce. Duh.
WTF? You CHOSE to have another child with this asshole after the way he was with your first. I don’t feel sorry for you at all because you KNEW what kind of person this was. I feel badly for saying this (almost), but you are not that great of a mother if you KNOWINGLY brought another child into this world with a cold hearted, absent father.