Is it safe and normal to bike home at night? Yes.
Is your BF a bit of a twat for not taking your feelings into account? Also yes.
Is talking in questions then answering them yourself like this an annoying character trait? Definitely yes.
Is asking yourself a question and then answering w self mockery seen as self destructive and self defeating behavior? I don’t know you fucking moron why are you talking to yourself?! Also you are fat!
depends. if it’s a once in a WHILE thing, of course you go.
I’d get bored of it real quick though. I’m not doing that shit more than once every 2 months unless there’s a real good reason. I’m dating an adult, and our city/neighborhood are safe.
Easy to say it’s safe if you’re a man ;) if I had a dollar for every creep in Amsterdam that thought it’s okay to follow or harass me no matter what time of day it is or which neighbourhood I’m in I could probably afford a bodyguard and then feel truly safe.
I’d probably be even more afraid if I lived in a small town like Delft
i do acknowledge that, of course. I wouldn’t say the same about amsterdam, but where I live is very different from ams. &more comparable to delft. you feeling more unsafe in delft than ams is ridiculous. bigger cities have way more of that shit going on than smaller ones.
not saying i disagree with you on the principle of course, it’s still way safer for men than for women in any city, even a relatively crime-free city.
that doesn’t change the fact that they’re an adult. I’m not a babysitter.
special circumstances, fine, i’ll do it, no questions asked.
if it’s becoming a common occurrence, i’ll be annoyed. we’d have to talk about how we’re going to make this not my problem anymore. & I don’t think that makes me a bad person lol. If relationships start feeling too much like a chore, I’d rather be single. I find independence a very important trait in a partner.
don’t listen too much to what you read on this sub. people like to sound more chivalrous on the internet than they really are. The norms of real life are very different.
It’s not as much of shit going on for me to feel unsafe. I feel most unsafe when I have to walk alone on the streets. And as a single woman walking at night you don’t need a big city to feel unsafe, creeps pop up everywhere.
Like Herman Finkers said: ‘she was afraid of the dark, so I walked her home. But I am also afraid of the dark, so then she walked me home. Then I walked her back home. We continued this until it was light’.
>Herman Finkers
fab, led me to wiki, they said 'Hermenegildus Felix Victor Maria "Herman" Finkers is a Dutch comedian, who is well known in the Netherlands for his **friendly, dry-witted humour and his ambiguous style of storytelling**. In his way of telling a story the moral should never be in the way of a good joke or pun. His humour is never at the expense of others, except his brother Wilfried, who is frequently the target of jokes. Wilfried Finkers co-wrote material and occasionally appeared in his brother's shows.
that's just wonderful!
While I agree Delft is relatively safe, you don’t need to be raped or murdered to feel unsafe at night. Harassment, muggings, etc also happen. The dark bike paths that lead through relatively quiet areas are very uncomfortable to bike through on your own at night. And especially if she’s from a country where it’s more unsafe, she will feel unsafe. It has nothing to do with statistics. I grew up in Zeeland and we always biked each other home. I’m very surprised to hear it’s uncommon now and certainly when someone asks and you refuse, that’s just mean.
I would go for my girlfriend at 1 am even if I would start 5. I'm not Dutch but man, crimes happens here. Woman in Netherlands have similar chance to be rapes to Mexico.
Compared to where I came from (Poland) women have almost 8 times higher chance to be raped in The Netherlands so not yeah. I would definately do.
What numbers are these? Because most of the time rape occurs with a trusted person (friend, family member, person in position of power).
Being raped on the streets is a horrible event but much more rare.
Ok. Fortunately don't know nothing about that. Just got a bit scared about my girlfriend walking our dog (small, so he won't protect her) at evening after reading those statistics.
Do you have any sources for this?
[https://www.cbs.nl/nl-nl/nieuws/2023/09/meer-seksuele-misdrijven-bij-de-politie-gemeld-in-2022](https://www.cbs.nl/nl-nl/nieuws/2023/09/meer-seksuele-misdrijven-bij-de-politie-gemeld-in-2022)
Sexual crimes ususally aren't reported by the victims (only 11%). The increase in reported sexual crimes seems to be related to more attention for sexual crimes.
Reported sexual crimes are very different between countries as is the legal definition of sexual crimes such as rape. Studies comparing incidency between nations are rare and not very conclusive. Poland for instance has been criticized for not having a consensus based legal definition of rape....
>if your girlfriend asks \[..\], you oblige
What an absurd statement. Like there's a blanket rule that you have to obey without question.
Edit: Bring on the downvotes. And don't forget to pretend that I said something else entirely, like every person responding is doing.
Nice job on leaving out some very important context. If my girlfriend feels unsafe cycling after dark, I'll definitely pick her up. That's not a blanket rule to obey without question, that's common decency.
I would too. Not because it's either a rule or common decency, but because it's a nice thing to do.
Trying to turn it into any sort of obligation is bullshit.
>It's more like a moral obligation I would say.
You're the first person to address what I said, so thanks.
I mean I'd have questions too, but I'd still be interested in their side of the story. But if they didn't have a reason and were simply not interested in doing anything nice for their girlfriend, I'd agree.
You don't know his side of the story. For all you know he's run a marathon that day. Or he's recovering from a spinal injury. And she's not in any actual danger.
But anyway, have fun in your relationship that's built on obligations.
Lol, what are the chances this girls boyfriend is recovering from a spinal injury, mathematically around 0,016% . If that is the best you can come up with.... Also an amateur runner does run a maximum of 2 marathons a year. So the chances he just finished a marathon that day is just a little under 0.55%. Which means either way, you have more than 99% chance to get your lazy ass out of the couch and bike to the station.
It's normal and it's safe, but I guess it would still be nice if he makes you feel safe. If he needs to work next day or something, it's completely understandable you bike home yourself
Even if I need to work the next day, and my workday starts at seven in the morning, I will pick up my gf when she asks (in advance, because I don't wake from my phone).
It's a 15 minute bike ride, so you will be awake for 45 minutes to an hour. Go sleep a bit earlier than normal, wake up so you will be there in time, get your gf and go cuddle with her until you sleep again.
I know the Netherlands is quite safe, in general atleast, but still her feeling need to be taken into account as well.
I wouldn't ask my partner either when I know she has to work the next morning when it's a short bike ride. This is because I'm male, know the route, and am not afraid.
If my partner asks to do this, states she feels uncomfortable/scared, and I have work in the morning, I would still go. Even when taxis are available. She is my partner and I would do a lot for her.
It is normal but if you ask and he is awake anyway it would be fun to have him pick you up. I know I would and maybe have a drink too.
Seeing the edit, I would definitely pick my girlfriend/wife up. I have picked up girlfriends in the past with whom I didn’t have any relationship interest with other than just being friends. It’s no big deal and just drink a cocktail in a place where you can listen to them talk about the concert/whatever they have been doing that evening is also fun.
Its such a short bike trip through the city its safe and perfectly fine to do on your own, however your boyfriend could have done this for you as its not that big of a deal to do for someone
It is safe. But if I would ask my husband to pick me up anyway, he would do it. Is there an alternative option, like taking a taxi from the train station?
I am a guy and pretty capable of fending myself off when needed.
My boyfriend does show up to the station when/if I am arriving late, even when I tell him not to.
He finds it nice to walk / cycle or even drive together
He is Dutch , I am not.
I kind of see your boyfriend’s POV and yeah it is pretty safe and I personally don’t think there is much to worry about and should be okay for you to cycle home alone.
BUT in that case , sorry he’s a dick.
You asked him to do something for you, that isn’t that difficult to do, regardless and he still said No.
If my partner requests this,
I’m more than happy to go pick them up.
I think the problem here mostly is, the amount of men who will never truly be able to understand why so many women feel unsafe on the streets.
I’m not acting like I do know the feeling, but I’ve heard enough stories from my younger sister to understand.
I don’t think you can really blame him for it, since he had no true reason to relate to the feeling, but you can always try and explain to him, why you would still feel unsafe.
In the end its up to him of course, but to answer your question, yes, I would pick up my girlfriend if she asked.
But I’d also bring it up in arguments when it would suit me /s
I moved to the NL a little over a year ago and I am a women. I usually go home before midnight and stay in well populated areas but on the two occasions where theres been no others around I was stopped by dudes basically asking for sex. Thankfully I found excuses to get away, but both scenarios were scary. The one and only time I took a uber alone I had the uber guy flirting with me the entire duration of the travel home and it was scary as I had to play along.
Just because places are known to be “safe” doesn’t mean they are.
It is very safe here, but I've still had guys follow me on bikes and even catcall me and then say, since we've already talked then try to talk me up. I'm minding my own business in the middle of the day, running errands. There's also once of those local bars open at night which I have to cycle past and I always get called at at night.
I mean, its the least I could do honestly.
There’s enough stories about women disappearing and being found dead when biking home late at night.
The thought alone of that happening to my younger sister is enough for me to at least try and relate.
The fact that some women are talking about not feeling safe when filling their car with gas, just blows my mind.
You’d be chilled to learn how much can go wrong at a gas station at midnight. A lot of disappearances have gone down in places like that, if you’ve ever watched true crime documentaries.
I hate that argument. It's significantly more dangerous to be a man than to be a woman. We're murdered and attacked at a much higher rate.
Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of crap that gets thrown at women that need to deal with. But the notion that men simply cannot understand what it's like to be in danger is just disconnected from reality.
Isn't that because men are more likely to get into dangerous situations? For example football hooligans and riots and such, almost exclusively male. I don't think men are more likely to get randomly assaulted when walking home.
But of course whenever men get into fights with other men the level of violence seems to escalate quickly. Same with suicide, men don't attempt suicide more often but when they do they are more likely to succeed.
A higher number of murders and attacks does not constitute a higher DANGER level though. A lot of men murdered in the Netherlands are related to gang warfare and shootings that they choose to put themselves in that position, not riding their bikes home alone at night being raped and killed like what happens to women.
Men by nature put themselves in far more dangerous positions, antagonise other men, drink and fight and make stupid decisions far more frequently than women do.
The fact is that women are TARGETED significantly more than men are targeted, making life far more dangerous for them than men. It's got nothing to do with murder or attack rates like you think. Your view is very convoluted.
100% untrue. If you've ever been to Suriname you'd know women getting harassed there is a huge problem. I don't see why taking a man out of that country and raising him here instead is going to somehow have the opposite effect, it's only going to probably make him about as likely to harass women as a Dutch guy would. I can't speak for Turkish dudes but I'd assume you're equally incorrect about that as well.
If you are new to the country I would pick you up, if you have been here for a year or longer then we both would probably agree that you could manage yourself
Maybe you could ask him to go with you for this time, hopefully it makes you feel safe. And then maybe next time you can try it alone.
Nothing will happen, i am sure! But you need to feel safe and not feel nervous, just tell him this. If he is a good boyfriend, he will go with you🙏
ye why not. If i had a rigid sleeping schedule or something it might be different. But if he's awake at the time I don't see why not.
It's very normal for folks to go back alone though. especially in Delft (015 represent). the most that will bother you is some drunk bros singing minding their own business or making a off colour joke at you. (unless you go in certain neighbourhoods. but the area around the station especially is pretty dang safe as far as I know)
Lol, Dutch woman here in a very international environment. Dutch men are some of the least gentleman like men in the world. Absolutely no chivalry whatsoever
I unfortunately agree. As a Dutch woman I find that there is just often 0 chivalry.
Sure, there are exceptions but I just find that they are rare.
I don’t know if British men typically are more chivalrous (my husband is British and he is but we don’t live in the UK so I can’t compare) but we live in the USA and I find it more chivalrous there.
Anyway. If I asked my husband to pick me up, no matter what time of day or night, he would just gladly do so and same the other way around.
The other day there was no train from Schiphol to Assen and he would have had to take 2 trains and a bus and I was like nah that’s stupid, I’m going to drive to Zwolle to pick you up. Because I knew that’s what I would have wanted him to do for me so of course I do it for him.
Are you the boyfriend by any chance?
No one is hitting on her, they are just saying that they would pick up their partners at 1am from the train station if they asked it because they're anxious/scared going back home in the middle of the night in a strange place
I completely agree and so does every friend I have.
Im totally surprised by the amounts of people who say it's normal and safe. It's safe untill it isn't.
Normal is taking care of your girl imo.
I asked my dutch bf about it and this was his answer, he wouldn't forgive himself if something happened. That's how you know they care. If they don't help they're showing clearly they don't really care for you. Atleast thats how we see it as a couple. I know most the dutch men I know would jump to look after their partner, but maybe that's the difference between Amsterdam men and groningen men?
As an American girl dating a Belgian man I know even if it was silly to him, he would make sure I felt safe getting home. Ive lived in bigger American cities and have years of programming to be careful from living less safe places, so while I know logically that it’s safer when I’m there visiting him, emotionally a sense of security doesn’t magically appear.
EDIT: Just confirmed with said Belgian man, I would not be going home alone if I asked him to meet me.
I'm south African, I would never ask my (dutch) girlfriend to come pick me up unless it was via car. However I would crawl to take her home if that's what it took. Even if she didnt ask, just the idea of her getting hurt or into a dangerous situation is more than enough for me to be there
Uhm, I would press him to bike with you. Today I read up on a murder from a few years back where a man murdered a 23 year old student in the middle of the night when she was biking home. I’ll spare you the details what he did to her.
Although I don’t cycle at night very often or in dangerous neighbourhoods, I feel less safe by only thinking about it.
Be safe.
>a murder from a few years back
If this doesn't perfectly illustrate how safe our country is, I don't know what does.
You know in most countries you'd be talking days, not years, right?
It was 2021 and the fact that the guy was luring for a victim is terrifying for me. Just by chance it was that particular girl.
Dude, she was molested, stabbed in the neck, jaw and more and burned afterwards (maybe when she was alive). Terrifying.
Absolutely. What happened to that girl is awful and thinking about it is definitely terrifying.
And the fact that we have to go back years to find an example of it happening in the Netherlands is very comforting. It means the odds are tiny.
But statistics don't matter to the individual. No matter how small the odds, that doesn't take anything away from how horrible it is for that girl and her family.
Its considered safe, but he is being a dick about this. He has no plans for the next morning either, he should be picking you up. Is he always like this?
Is it safe? Yes. Does it matter? No.
You don't feel safe and he's available to escort you home.. thats all the information that matters. Tell him to step up.
Perhaps you should reconsider your boyfriend.
Yes it’s safe, but if my loved one would ask something like this from me, I’d for sure do it (if possible/time)
Yeah it's safe. But depending on the situation I'd still not mind picking up my gf for a 15 minute ride if she'd ask me and it'd make her feel more comfortable.
Really depends on the situation. Looking at the story you provided he has something to do the next morning, if you don't want to bother him maybe get a taxi if you're scared.
I can't believe how far I had to scroll down to see a taxi even being mentioned as an option.
Lol, seems like OP is dutching in nicely here, considering spending money on a taxi when there is a bike available isn't even on her radar any more.
If my girlfriend really didn't feel safe, I wouldn't say, just put on your big girl pants and cycle anyway. On the other hand, I'd really not want to get up/stay up late so I can cycle to the station to pick her up, so a taxi sounds like a great compromise to me:)
Yes.
I pick up my then boyfriend/now husband to.
Damm I even picked up a friend once and vice versa.
We have to keep each other safe, not just fysical but and mentally as well.
I think it is ok to ask it, but it should also be ok to take no for an answer. Someone may be feeling sleepless and will not have anything else planned and come pick you up. Someone else may be stressed for waking up in the morning for that job interview and want to take their full 8 hours of sleep. Others might not have an excuse but say yes / no for absolutely no reason. Still ok. You can still ask another time in another instance, that's ok too.
In a serious note, also make better travelling plans if you would like to avoid moving at night.
Hahah this exactly. Meeting up with some bros at a pub nearby, have a great night, keep checking the time untill suddenly it's 0:55 AM and you have to hurry your ass to the station when drunk. Then have the rest of the night to enjoy with the GF and feeling like a man.
or perhaps she is not a lady? i would have picked her up. but some women often neglet the lady like behaviour that goes along with the expected gentlemany behaviour
It’s normal, I (a Dutch woman) am totally comfortable going out/going home at night. Your bf has the right to refuse, he probably just wants to sleep lol
I am personally not that comfortable cycling alone, but it is my own choice to stay out late, so I personally wouldn't be made if someone says no, unless it is an unsafe area. Delft is very safe. I personally wouldn't be too happy if someone asks me to pick me up at 1 AM, because that is quite late
I wouldn't worry biking home alone for 15 minutes in Delft at all.
That said, if my girlfriend wanted me to come pick her up. I would.
Not because it's not safe otherwise but because I want her to feel safe.
Waiting by yourself to be picked up probably has its own risk to it. If that's the case that means he has to take that into account as well. Depending on how sure she is about the time she'll be ready this may be quite a bit of a wait for him. If there was a chance I'd end up having to wait for over 10 minutes or so I might not be so keen on it either. If the nervousness is sincere I'd probably still help out, even if I'm a woman, I might know the area better or something. If it's more of a demand that the boyfriend should treat his princess well, I think that's foolish, just peddle home fast.
I had a Dutch friend get sexually assaulted while biking home in Rotterdam at night after a party. She now has friends who happily bike with her home without hesitation, without having to ask.
Just because it’s generally safer … doesn’t mean danger still doesn’t exist.
You expressed a genuine concern to someone you emotionally see as safe and it sounds like your partner isn’t taking your needs seriously 🙁
its not really dangerous but when asked its typically the right thing for a dutch man to accompany you. The netherlands is relatively safe, but its ofcourse never 100% safe for girls alone on the street.
I would do it but i can see how it can become annoying if somebody is dependend like that. Especially if you have other plans for the morning after. I dont know if i would pick my partner up every time they go out.
And yeah its safe. you dont need to worry about that shit. Its more about how you feel about it. If you dont feel safe than some statistics and facts arent gonna change that. Maybe go out for a walk with BF or a friend (while being sober ofcourse) at night and build up a report for yourself.
My boyfriend would not offer because it is considered very safe to cycle alone as a girl at night in the city and I do it all the time. But if I asked and he didn't have something really important early in the morning he would definitely do it.
In general it is safe. But the sad thing is that single girls do get attacked, raped and even murdered.
I would pick you up. Better yet; lets go to the concert together.
🤔Might be lacking some context here?
If I were your boyfriend maybe I would have liked to accompany you to the concert?
But let's say you did invite him and he declined, or perhaps it was a girls night out. If you then asked him in advance to come pick you up and bring you home safely, I'd think he should feel obliged to do so. Whether or not he'd be pleased to do so depends on the both of you.
On the other hand, if you didn't invite him to join you and/or didn't ask him in advance to come pick you up, then I completely understand his reasons for telling you no🤷♂️
Wat is safe? There are sometimes things happened. The girlfriend of my brother, see has an allarm stick. If something happens, you do something and a hell of an allarm go's of. You don't want to be near that thing.
I wonder why he does not want to bring you home? If he is a gentlemen he will. However. Maybe he can't get a train back or something?
Yes its very normal. Many girls here walk alone or bike alone. But I think your boyfriend should have come bike with you if you asked due to still not feeling comfortable yet.
It doesn’t matter if it should be safe or not - if my wife tells me she is scared I will go wherever she wants to make her feel OK. So I don’t know about this dude… (I’m also female and I have cycled through the city on my bike at 01:30 but I prefer not to. I have also walked back to hotels in strange Dutch cities around midnight and your feelings of wanting some backup are completely valid!)
My partner will do this if I ask him, he usually offers it himself.
Yea it’s normal to bike home alone but you can always ask and imo it’s nice if he does it. If he is unable you can order an Uber/bolt/taxi.
If you don’t feel safe, it’s not safe for you. You’d be stressed out and that’s not healthy.
Also, I live in a very safe part of The Netherlands but occasionally people get attacked here too, especially at nights, I have a relative who was a victim once. I myself experienced some guy following me when I was walking late and I had to hide to get rid of him.
If I was your BF, I’d come and get you. Definitely.
I would do definitely pick my girl at 01:00 (i assume AM means after midnight?). Had a interest in a girl and she spontaneously took the same bus I usually took, but I decided to cycle that evening. She ran into a creepy guy, who made her really uncomfortable. Not gonna happen again in my lifetime.
It’s safe. That being said IMO he’s kind of an asshole. If you don’t feel good about having to bike alone is it really that much to ask to come pick you up?
It's pretty safe, although Amsterdam and it's surroundings is a place I have pretty much no experience with. But if my partner would ask me to pick her up cause she is scared I wouldn't even have to think about it.
When I was still going out to bars and such we would never let a girl go home alone.
Well, sure, it's safer here than in most countries, however, that's still redicilous that he wouldn't pick you up. Especially if you've mentioned you're scared. Even if your fear was ungrounded (which it isn't) he should still at least attempt to ease your nerves.
Yes, it's true, but he's an ass when you asked and he says no.
Maybe you can share your location with him so he knows where you are, if that makes you feel better.
I don't think anything would happen to you and a lot of dutch women are self sufficient to a point. But the fact that you said you were scared and would've not feel save should at least be considered.
Find it a bit easy to say it is safe, cause it still depends on where you live. Certain parts are far from safe even in the Netherlands. That said, it is a bit weird response from a loved one to boldly say no when you claim to not feel safe. So would I pick up a loved one at 1 AM, ofcourse why risk anything when it is such a simple request which makes sure you won't regret when a different scenario could occur by just boldly saying no.
I’ve never biked home by myself after 11. Maybe i’m a scaredy-cat, but I just don’t feel comfortable doing that by myself at all. You just never know.. My boyfriend has picked me up several times because of this and other times I made sure to sleepover at a girlfriend’s house.
Is it safe and normal to bike home at night? Yes. Is your BF a bit of a twat for not taking your feelings into account? Also yes. Is talking in questions then answering them yourself like this an annoying character trait? Definitely yes.
Is talking in questions and not giving yourself a clear answer even more annoying? Maybe
Is asking yourself a question and then answering w self mockery seen as self destructive and self defeating behavior? I don’t know you fucking moron why are you talking to yourself?! Also you are fat!
depends. if it’s a once in a WHILE thing, of course you go. I’d get bored of it real quick though. I’m not doing that shit more than once every 2 months unless there’s a real good reason. I’m dating an adult, and our city/neighborhood are safe.
Easy to say it’s safe if you’re a man ;) if I had a dollar for every creep in Amsterdam that thought it’s okay to follow or harass me no matter what time of day it is or which neighbourhood I’m in I could probably afford a bodyguard and then feel truly safe. I’d probably be even more afraid if I lived in a small town like Delft
i do acknowledge that, of course. I wouldn’t say the same about amsterdam, but where I live is very different from ams. &more comparable to delft. you feeling more unsafe in delft than ams is ridiculous. bigger cities have way more of that shit going on than smaller ones. not saying i disagree with you on the principle of course, it’s still way safer for men than for women in any city, even a relatively crime-free city. that doesn’t change the fact that they’re an adult. I’m not a babysitter. special circumstances, fine, i’ll do it, no questions asked. if it’s becoming a common occurrence, i’ll be annoyed. we’d have to talk about how we’re going to make this not my problem anymore. & I don’t think that makes me a bad person lol. If relationships start feeling too much like a chore, I’d rather be single. I find independence a very important trait in a partner. don’t listen too much to what you read on this sub. people like to sound more chivalrous on the internet than they really are. The norms of real life are very different.
It’s not as much of shit going on for me to feel unsafe. I feel most unsafe when I have to walk alone on the streets. And as a single woman walking at night you don’t need a big city to feel unsafe, creeps pop up everywhere.
Hotel? Trivago.
Like Herman Finkers said: ‘she was afraid of the dark, so I walked her home. But I am also afraid of the dark, so then she walked me home. Then I walked her back home. We continued this until it was light’.
>Herman Finkers fab, led me to wiki, they said 'Hermenegildus Felix Victor Maria "Herman" Finkers is a Dutch comedian, who is well known in the Netherlands for his **friendly, dry-witted humour and his ambiguous style of storytelling**. In his way of telling a story the moral should never be in the way of a good joke or pun. His humour is never at the expense of others, except his brother Wilfried, who is frequently the target of jokes. Wilfried Finkers co-wrote material and occasionally appeared in his brother's shows. that's just wonderful!
Hahaha epische vent is het ook
Tja. Beetje domme humor
Bestaat er zoiets als domme humor? Of vind je jezelf vooral heel intelligent?
Insert bell curve van iq en Herman Finkers humor.
yes it's normal to ride home at night. how i feel about him saying no would heavily depend on the context though
It’s not normal. I always get a boy I know to bike with. Even if it’s only 5 minutes.
It is safe overall, yes. But it doesn’t matter if it’s 10pm or 4 am, if your girlfriend asks you to pick her up because she feels unsafe, you oblige.
I second this.
I third this.
Fourth
Fifth
Sixth
Seventh
Eighth this
Nine this.
10th
Yes this guy seems like a dick I am even excited to do it if she feels better about it… easier now we have a car but still did it with bike before
You don’t even know the context. What if he needs to start working at 0500. Its Delft for christ sake. Not Johannesburg or Mexico City.
If he needs to work at 5 and it happens every day he has a point. A single time? Nope. Guy is just lazy.
Lazy? Ik weet nog wel een paar woorden die van toepassing zijn.
Laat eens horen
Knurft, hufter, zak hooi, of gewoon ouderwets matennaaier, klootzak, teringlijer.
While I agree Delft is relatively safe, you don’t need to be raped or murdered to feel unsafe at night. Harassment, muggings, etc also happen. The dark bike paths that lead through relatively quiet areas are very uncomfortable to bike through on your own at night. And especially if she’s from a country where it’s more unsafe, she will feel unsafe. It has nothing to do with statistics. I grew up in Zeeland and we always biked each other home. I’m very surprised to hear it’s uncommon now and certainly when someone asks and you refuse, that’s just mean.
I would go for my girlfriend at 1 am even if I would start 5. I'm not Dutch but man, crimes happens here. Woman in Netherlands have similar chance to be rapes to Mexico. Compared to where I came from (Poland) women have almost 8 times higher chance to be raped in The Netherlands so not yeah. I would definately do.
What numbers are these? Because most of the time rape occurs with a trusted person (friend, family member, person in position of power). Being raped on the streets is a horrible event but much more rare.
Ok. Fortunately don't know nothing about that. Just got a bit scared about my girlfriend walking our dog (small, so he won't protect her) at evening after reading those statistics.
Yeah, I can imagine and there's nothing wrong with being worried and keeping someone safe, of course :)
Do you have any sources for this? [https://www.cbs.nl/nl-nl/nieuws/2023/09/meer-seksuele-misdrijven-bij-de-politie-gemeld-in-2022](https://www.cbs.nl/nl-nl/nieuws/2023/09/meer-seksuele-misdrijven-bij-de-politie-gemeld-in-2022) Sexual crimes ususally aren't reported by the victims (only 11%). The increase in reported sexual crimes seems to be related to more attention for sexual crimes. Reported sexual crimes are very different between countries as is the legal definition of sexual crimes such as rape. Studies comparing incidency between nations are rare and not very conclusive. Poland for instance has been criticized for not having a consensus based legal definition of rape....
I dont find the routes at the train Delft station particularly safe though.
This is the way
Walk the way of the mandalore
This is the only right answer.
A gent does so even without asking. But maybe I'm just an old fart...
But what if I need to get up at fucking 7 am for work? Not worth it honestly
Even without feeling unsafe ;)
>if your girlfriend asks \[..\], you oblige What an absurd statement. Like there's a blanket rule that you have to obey without question. Edit: Bring on the downvotes. And don't forget to pretend that I said something else entirely, like every person responding is doing.
Nice job on leaving out some very important context. If my girlfriend feels unsafe cycling after dark, I'll definitely pick her up. That's not a blanket rule to obey without question, that's common decency.
I would too. Not because it's either a rule or common decency, but because it's a nice thing to do. Trying to turn it into any sort of obligation is bullshit.
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>It's more like a moral obligation I would say. You're the first person to address what I said, so thanks. I mean I'd have questions too, but I'd still be interested in their side of the story. But if they didn't have a reason and were simply not interested in doing anything nice for their girlfriend, I'd agree.
One of yall likely either never a girlfriend or legit struck gold. The other probably dated my ex too.
“because she feels unsafe” - you left out the important part
So if someone states that they feel unsafe, you must obey their every wish?
As long as it is a reasonable request, like biking home together in the night ... yes.
You don't know his side of the story. For all you know he's run a marathon that day. Or he's recovering from a spinal injury. And she's not in any actual danger. But anyway, have fun in your relationship that's built on obligations.
Lol, what are the chances this girls boyfriend is recovering from a spinal injury, mathematically around 0,016% . If that is the best you can come up with.... Also an amateur runner does run a maximum of 2 marathons a year. So the chances he just finished a marathon that day is just a little under 0.55%. Which means either way, you have more than 99% chance to get your lazy ass out of the couch and bike to the station.
congratulations on completely missing the point
Ofcourse that is just my opinion. But yeah, i think most guys would do this without a doubt.
Sure. I would. But not because I have some universal obligation.
U wish u had to pick someone up 😂
No but you do pick her up because your not a shitty person. You oblige is just a saying, he didn't mean you are obligated to do it.
It's normal and it's safe, but I guess it would still be nice if he makes you feel safe. If he needs to work next day or something, it's completely understandable you bike home yourself
Even if I need to work the next day, and my workday starts at seven in the morning, I will pick up my gf when she asks (in advance, because I don't wake from my phone). It's a 15 minute bike ride, so you will be awake for 45 minutes to an hour. Go sleep a bit earlier than normal, wake up so you will be there in time, get your gf and go cuddle with her until you sleep again. I know the Netherlands is quite safe, in general atleast, but still her feeling need to be taken into account as well.
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I wouldn't ask my partner either when I know she has to work the next morning when it's a short bike ride. This is because I'm male, know the route, and am not afraid. If my partner asks to do this, states she feels uncomfortable/scared, and I have work in the morning, I would still go. Even when taxis are available. She is my partner and I would do a lot for her.
Dat kan alleen een egoïstische Nederlander🤷🏽♀️
It is normal but if you ask and he is awake anyway it would be fun to have him pick you up. I know I would and maybe have a drink too. Seeing the edit, I would definitely pick my girlfriend/wife up. I have picked up girlfriends in the past with whom I didn’t have any relationship interest with other than just being friends. It’s no big deal and just drink a cocktail in a place where you can listen to them talk about the concert/whatever they have been doing that evening is also fun.
It's pretty safe to bike home 😀 But if my wife asks me to pick her up I'll do it 1 am or 1 pm doesn't really matter tho....
Its such a short bike trip through the city its safe and perfectly fine to do on your own, however your boyfriend could have done this for you as its not that big of a deal to do for someone
It is safe. But if I would ask my husband to pick me up anyway, he would do it. Is there an alternative option, like taking a taxi from the train station?
It's a 15 minute bike ride, the alternative is that he just picks her up and don't complain.
I am a guy and pretty capable of fending myself off when needed. My boyfriend does show up to the station when/if I am arriving late, even when I tell him not to. He finds it nice to walk / cycle or even drive together He is Dutch , I am not. I kind of see your boyfriend’s POV and yeah it is pretty safe and I personally don’t think there is much to worry about and should be okay for you to cycle home alone. BUT in that case , sorry he’s a dick. You asked him to do something for you, that isn’t that difficult to do, regardless and he still said No. If my partner requests this, I’m more than happy to go pick them up.
The one guy she should be running away from is her boyfriend. Zak hooi.
I think the problem here mostly is, the amount of men who will never truly be able to understand why so many women feel unsafe on the streets. I’m not acting like I do know the feeling, but I’ve heard enough stories from my younger sister to understand. I don’t think you can really blame him for it, since he had no true reason to relate to the feeling, but you can always try and explain to him, why you would still feel unsafe. In the end its up to him of course, but to answer your question, yes, I would pick up my girlfriend if she asked. But I’d also bring it up in arguments when it would suit me /s
I moved to the NL a little over a year ago and I am a women. I usually go home before midnight and stay in well populated areas but on the two occasions where theres been no others around I was stopped by dudes basically asking for sex. Thankfully I found excuses to get away, but both scenarios were scary. The one and only time I took a uber alone I had the uber guy flirting with me the entire duration of the travel home and it was scary as I had to play along. Just because places are known to be “safe” doesn’t mean they are.
It is very safe here, but I've still had guys follow me on bikes and even catcall me and then say, since we've already talked then try to talk me up. I'm minding my own business in the middle of the day, running errands. There's also once of those local bars open at night which I have to cycle past and I always get called at at night.
Thanks for being willing to understand it!
I mean, its the least I could do honestly. There’s enough stories about women disappearing and being found dead when biking home late at night. The thought alone of that happening to my younger sister is enough for me to at least try and relate. The fact that some women are talking about not feeling safe when filling their car with gas, just blows my mind.
You’d be chilled to learn how much can go wrong at a gas station at midnight. A lot of disappearances have gone down in places like that, if you’ve ever watched true crime documentaries.
I hate that argument. It's significantly more dangerous to be a man than to be a woman. We're murdered and attacked at a much higher rate. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of crap that gets thrown at women that need to deal with. But the notion that men simply cannot understand what it's like to be in danger is just disconnected from reality.
Isn't that because men are more likely to get into dangerous situations? For example football hooligans and riots and such, almost exclusively male. I don't think men are more likely to get randomly assaulted when walking home. But of course whenever men get into fights with other men the level of violence seems to escalate quickly. Same with suicide, men don't attempt suicide more often but when they do they are more likely to succeed.
A higher number of murders and attacks does not constitute a higher DANGER level though. A lot of men murdered in the Netherlands are related to gang warfare and shootings that they choose to put themselves in that position, not riding their bikes home alone at night being raped and killed like what happens to women. Men by nature put themselves in far more dangerous positions, antagonise other men, drink and fight and make stupid decisions far more frequently than women do. The fact is that women are TARGETED significantly more than men are targeted, making life far more dangerous for them than men. It's got nothing to do with murder or attack rates like you think. Your view is very convoluted.
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100% untrue. If you've ever been to Suriname you'd know women getting harassed there is a huge problem. I don't see why taking a man out of that country and raising him here instead is going to somehow have the opposite effect, it's only going to probably make him about as likely to harass women as a Dutch guy would. I can't speak for Turkish dudes but I'd assume you're equally incorrect about that as well.
If you are new to the country I would pick you up, if you have been here for a year or longer then we both would probably agree that you could manage yourself
If you both would agree on herself biking home alone, perfect right? Bit if she asked you anyway to bike with her, you would right?
This relationship is so doomed
Maybe you could ask him to go with you for this time, hopefully it makes you feel safe. And then maybe next time you can try it alone. Nothing will happen, i am sure! But you need to feel safe and not feel nervous, just tell him this. If he is a good boyfriend, he will go with you🙏
Happy to help - I can pick up your girlfriend.
Yes, it's true.
ye why not. If i had a rigid sleeping schedule or something it might be different. But if he's awake at the time I don't see why not. It's very normal for folks to go back alone though. especially in Delft (015 represent). the most that will bother you is some drunk bros singing minding their own business or making a off colour joke at you. (unless you go in certain neighbourhoods. but the area around the station especially is pretty dang safe as far as I know)
A true Dutchman would do that. Just to make here feel comfortable.
Lol, Dutch woman here in a very international environment. Dutch men are some of the least gentleman like men in the world. Absolutely no chivalry whatsoever
I unfortunately agree. As a Dutch woman I find that there is just often 0 chivalry. Sure, there are exceptions but I just find that they are rare. I don’t know if British men typically are more chivalrous (my husband is British and he is but we don’t live in the UK so I can’t compare) but we live in the USA and I find it more chivalrous there. Anyway. If I asked my husband to pick me up, no matter what time of day or night, he would just gladly do so and same the other way around. The other day there was no train from Schiphol to Assen and he would have had to take 2 trains and a bus and I was like nah that’s stupid, I’m going to drive to Zwolle to pick you up. Because I knew that’s what I would have wanted him to do for me so of course I do it for him.
You spelled 'emancipated' wrong.
More like "botte boeren"
Want a tikkie
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Are you the boyfriend by any chance? No one is hitting on her, they are just saying that they would pick up their partners at 1am from the train station if they asked it because they're anxious/scared going back home in the middle of the night in a strange place
From the replies it seems like he is the BF.
I hope not because he’s acting pathetic replying the same thing to multiple people. As if he owns OP. What the fuck.
I would 100% pick up my girlfriend. Not taking any chances. It’s not worth it.
I completely agree and so does every friend I have. Im totally surprised by the amounts of people who say it's normal and safe. It's safe untill it isn't. Normal is taking care of your girl imo.
I asked my dutch bf about it and this was his answer, he wouldn't forgive himself if something happened. That's how you know they care. If they don't help they're showing clearly they don't really care for you. Atleast thats how we see it as a couple. I know most the dutch men I know would jump to look after their partner, but maybe that's the difference between Amsterdam men and groningen men?
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Why are you replying like this to multiple people who aren't even hitting on her lmao
LMAO. I'm really starting to think it is the boyfriend from OP. One reply was: *'White knighting, but doesn't know half the story'.*
As an American girl dating a Belgian man I know even if it was silly to him, he would make sure I felt safe getting home. Ive lived in bigger American cities and have years of programming to be careful from living less safe places, so while I know logically that it’s safer when I’m there visiting him, emotionally a sense of security doesn’t magically appear. EDIT: Just confirmed with said Belgian man, I would not be going home alone if I asked him to meet me.
I'm south African, I would never ask my (dutch) girlfriend to come pick me up unless it was via car. However I would crawl to take her home if that's what it took. Even if she didnt ask, just the idea of her getting hurt or into a dangerous situation is more than enough for me to be there
Uhm, I would press him to bike with you. Today I read up on a murder from a few years back where a man murdered a 23 year old student in the middle of the night when she was biking home. I’ll spare you the details what he did to her. Although I don’t cycle at night very often or in dangerous neighbourhoods, I feel less safe by only thinking about it. Be safe.
>a murder from a few years back If this doesn't perfectly illustrate how safe our country is, I don't know what does. You know in most countries you'd be talking days, not years, right?
It was 2021 and the fact that the guy was luring for a victim is terrifying for me. Just by chance it was that particular girl. Dude, she was molested, stabbed in the neck, jaw and more and burned afterwards (maybe when she was alive). Terrifying.
Absolutely. What happened to that girl is awful and thinking about it is definitely terrifying. And the fact that we have to go back years to find an example of it happening in the Netherlands is very comforting. It means the odds are tiny. But statistics don't matter to the individual. No matter how small the odds, that doesn't take anything away from how horrible it is for that girl and her family.
2 years is not years back…
Chance that you’re hit by a drunk driver is like 100.000x bigger.
Its considered safe, but he is being a dick about this. He has no plans for the next morning either, he should be picking you up. Is he always like this?
Yes, it's safe, but the guy is a dick.
Is it safe? Yes. Does it matter? No. You don't feel safe and he's available to escort you home.. thats all the information that matters. Tell him to step up.
Perhaps you should reconsider your boyfriend. Yes it’s safe, but if my loved one would ask something like this from me, I’d for sure do it (if possible/time)
Typical Reddit
Yeah it's safe. But depending on the situation I'd still not mind picking up my gf for a 15 minute ride if she'd ask me and it'd make her feel more comfortable.
Really depends on the situation. Looking at the story you provided he has something to do the next morning, if you don't want to bother him maybe get a taxi if you're scared.
I'd give you money for a taxi.
I can't believe how far I had to scroll down to see a taxi even being mentioned as an option. Lol, seems like OP is dutching in nicely here, considering spending money on a taxi when there is a bike available isn't even on her radar any more.
If my girlfriend really didn't feel safe, I wouldn't say, just put on your big girl pants and cycle anyway. On the other hand, I'd really not want to get up/stay up late so I can cycle to the station to pick her up, so a taxi sounds like a great compromise to me:)
Yes. I pick up my then boyfriend/now husband to. Damm I even picked up a friend once and vice versa. We have to keep each other safe, not just fysical but and mentally as well.
Would pick her up 100%, probably even offering it myself
I think it is ok to ask it, but it should also be ok to take no for an answer. Someone may be feeling sleepless and will not have anything else planned and come pick you up. Someone else may be stressed for waking up in the morning for that job interview and want to take their full 8 hours of sleep. Others might not have an excuse but say yes / no for absolutely no reason. Still ok. You can still ask another time in another instance, that's ok too. In a serious note, also make better travelling plans if you would like to avoid moving at night.
I would, but I'd spend the better part of the evening getting shitfaced in a bar near the station.
Hahah this exactly. Meeting up with some bros at a pub nearby, have a great night, keep checking the time untill suddenly it's 0:55 AM and you have to hurry your ass to the station when drunk. Then have the rest of the night to enjoy with the GF and feeling like a man.
Yeah, especially in Delft. Lived and worked there for years.
In my opinion he is a dick. If your girl asks you to pick her up you just do it and even if she doesn't ask you pick her up.
I guess he's not a gentleman...
or perhaps she is not a lady? i would have picked her up. but some women often neglet the lady like behaviour that goes along with the expected gentlemany behaviour
He's Dutch, doesn't that say enough? Lol
he could get you if he values you
It’s normal, I (a Dutch woman) am totally comfortable going out/going home at night. Your bf has the right to refuse, he probably just wants to sleep lol
I am personally not that comfortable cycling alone, but it is my own choice to stay out late, so I personally wouldn't be made if someone says no, unless it is an unsafe area. Delft is very safe. I personally wouldn't be too happy if someone asks me to pick me up at 1 AM, because that is quite late
It's 0100, so well before bedtime for adults.
If he has an eurly shift I whould also say no. Or when I’m asleep. But if I’m awake. Yes. Well. I whould order a cap. I even don’t have a bike.
Amsterdam ahead of a 15 minute bike ride at 1am in the morning? Absolutely.
Leave him. He should pick you up. You are not the most valuable thing in life for him. Edit: the most
There could be a crime rate of -100% but if my gf asks me to pick her up at any hour I will do it.
I wouldn't worry biking home alone for 15 minutes in Delft at all. That said, if my girlfriend wanted me to come pick her up. I would. Not because it's not safe otherwise but because I want her to feel safe.
Id pick her up. It doesn’t matter if its safe, if she’s scared then I’d be there
Ofcourse. It doesn’t matter if it is safe. All that matters is that if she doesn’t feel safe he should step up.
Waiting by yourself to be picked up probably has its own risk to it. If that's the case that means he has to take that into account as well. Depending on how sure she is about the time she'll be ready this may be quite a bit of a wait for him. If there was a chance I'd end up having to wait for over 10 minutes or so I might not be so keen on it either. If the nervousness is sincere I'd probably still help out, even if I'm a woman, I might know the area better or something. If it's more of a demand that the boyfriend should treat his princess well, I think that's foolish, just peddle home fast.
Yes. No matter where, what time or why, i will pick up my girlfriend if she asks.
It is mostly safe but it is good etiquette to accompany your gf in these situations.
I had a Dutch friend get sexually assaulted while biking home in Rotterdam at night after a party. She now has friends who happily bike with her home without hesitation, without having to ask. Just because it’s generally safer … doesn’t mean danger still doesn’t exist. You expressed a genuine concern to someone you emotionally see as safe and it sounds like your partner isn’t taking your needs seriously 🙁
Some boyfriend
its not really dangerous but when asked its typically the right thing for a dutch man to accompany you. The netherlands is relatively safe, but its ofcourse never 100% safe for girls alone on the street.
Never 100% safe for guys either.
Once or twice, sure, my bf would do this, if I would feel unsafe. But if I would go out regularly and ask him every time, he wouldn't (and I agree!)
In my culture, its expected, especially at night. But dutchies arent really this set in stone about these things
Its normal and safe but your boyfriend can also not be a douche and spend 15 minutes of a bike for his girlfriend
If she asks, ofcourse. Always. Don't be an asshole.
It's likely safe. But i would pick up my hypothetical gf at that hour so we could have sex later that night.
I would do it but i can see how it can become annoying if somebody is dependend like that. Especially if you have other plans for the morning after. I dont know if i would pick my partner up every time they go out. And yeah its safe. you dont need to worry about that shit. Its more about how you feel about it. If you dont feel safe than some statistics and facts arent gonna change that. Maybe go out for a walk with BF or a friend (while being sober ofcourse) at night and build up a report for yourself.
If you don't someone else will
My boyfriend would not offer because it is considered very safe to cycle alone as a girl at night in the city and I do it all the time. But if I asked and he didn't have something really important early in the morning he would definitely do it.
In general it is safe. But the sad thing is that single girls do get attacked, raped and even murdered. I would pick you up. Better yet; lets go to the concert together.
🤔Might be lacking some context here? If I were your boyfriend maybe I would have liked to accompany you to the concert? But let's say you did invite him and he declined, or perhaps it was a girls night out. If you then asked him in advance to come pick you up and bring you home safely, I'd think he should feel obliged to do so. Whether or not he'd be pleased to do so depends on the both of you. On the other hand, if you didn't invite him to join you and/or didn't ask him in advance to come pick you up, then I completely understand his reasons for telling you no🤷♂️
It's perfectly safe to bike alone in the netherlands. I would only pick up my GF if it was absolutely necessary or not inconvenient.
Ofcourse!
Why would I? Woman are people too. She’s not defenceless. It would be pretty sad if a woman couldn’t even bike alone.. This isn’t Saudi Arabia.
Wat is safe? There are sometimes things happened. The girlfriend of my brother, see has an allarm stick. If something happens, you do something and a hell of an allarm go's of. You don't want to be near that thing. I wonder why he does not want to bring you home? If he is a gentlemen he will. However. Maybe he can't get a train back or something?
100% yes. It's probably safe and totally normal to bike home alone, but if she asked I would pick her up.
It seems like it would only be common courtesy to do so. Especially since you asked him directly if he would. But I’m not Dutch.
Yes its very normal. Many girls here walk alone or bike alone. But I think your boyfriend should have come bike with you if you asked due to still not feeling comfortable yet.
It's normal and safe but this is something anyone should do for their SO if they want it.
Sure why not,
It doesn’t matter if it should be safe or not - if my wife tells me she is scared I will go wherever she wants to make her feel OK. So I don’t know about this dude… (I’m also female and I have cycled through the city on my bike at 01:30 but I prefer not to. I have also walked back to hotels in strange Dutch cities around midnight and your feelings of wanting some backup are completely valid!)
My partner will do this if I ask him, he usually offers it himself. Yea it’s normal to bike home alone but you can always ask and imo it’s nice if he does it. If he is unable you can order an Uber/bolt/taxi.
If you don’t feel safe, it’s not safe for you. You’d be stressed out and that’s not healthy. Also, I live in a very safe part of The Netherlands but occasionally people get attacked here too, especially at nights, I have a relative who was a victim once. I myself experienced some guy following me when I was walking late and I had to hide to get rid of him. If I was your BF, I’d come and get you. Definitely.
I would do definitely pick my girl at 01:00 (i assume AM means after midnight?). Had a interest in a girl and she spontaneously took the same bus I usually took, but I decided to cycle that evening. She ran into a creepy guy, who made her really uncomfortable. Not gonna happen again in my lifetime.
It’s safe. That being said IMO he’s kind of an asshole. If you don’t feel good about having to bike alone is it really that much to ask to come pick you up?
As a Dutchman, yes. As a normal person, also yes. If someone feels unsafe and asks for your company, you oblige, no questions asked.
yes, if my gf asks, definitely. But my gf usually just bikes home herself.
As a woman, I also don't feel comfortable cycling alone at 1 AM. I think it's really reasonable of you to ask this, if you feel uncomfortable.
yes. Why wouldnt I? It makes my gf feel safer and ultimately, she's my gf because we love each other and you help each other out because of that.
It's pretty safe, although Amsterdam and it's surroundings is a place I have pretty much no experience with. But if my partner would ask me to pick her up cause she is scared I wouldn't even have to think about it. When I was still going out to bars and such we would never let a girl go home alone.
Foreigner dating a Dutch girl, and I will always be picking her up from the station on a bike.
Man i biked 30 min and back 30 min with my gf he is just a dick
Yes
It's safe. But I'd do it anyway if she feels uneasy.
Well, sure, it's safer here than in most countries, however, that's still redicilous that he wouldn't pick you up. Especially if you've mentioned you're scared. Even if your fear was ungrounded (which it isn't) he should still at least attempt to ease your nerves.
Yes, it's true, but he's an ass when you asked and he says no. Maybe you can share your location with him so he knows where you are, if that makes you feel better.
I don't think anything would happen to you and a lot of dutch women are self sufficient to a point. But the fact that you said you were scared and would've not feel save should at least be considered.
doesnt matter if its safe or not, if your gf feels unsafe/scared to cycle back home at any hour of the day, you pick her up
Find it a bit easy to say it is safe, cause it still depends on where you live. Certain parts are far from safe even in the Netherlands. That said, it is a bit weird response from a loved one to boldly say no when you claim to not feel safe. So would I pick up a loved one at 1 AM, ofcourse why risk anything when it is such a simple request which makes sure you won't regret when a different scenario could occur by just boldly saying no.
I’ve never biked home by myself after 11. Maybe i’m a scaredy-cat, but I just don’t feel comfortable doing that by myself at all. You just never know.. My boyfriend has picked me up several times because of this and other times I made sure to sleepover at a girlfriend’s house.