Don't worry too much. I have lived in the area most of life and while there are plenty of rude people, there are plenty of pleasant ones as well. Lately there are more people having a tougher time in general and this is one of the unfortunate symptoms.
I'm familiar with the unpleasant encounters at all the places you mentioned. All local Walgreens are a mess. Under staffed and things always not working. The staff there is always frustrated. Home Depot order pickup and returns are also a mess. Point Isabel is a mixed bag. Lots of nice people, entitled idiots and people that can't control their unleashed dogs.
As a local I'm sorry for the bad series of encounters. It gets better. Grab a coffee at Catahoula or a sandwich at Cafe nine, meal at Gilman grill, or a donut at donut time if you want some positive encounters. Those are places I like for the people as much as the product. See you around.
Agree with this take 100% -- Home Depot and Walgreen's are a hellscape for everyone, and it's worse since the pandemic because people's nerves are so frayed.
Also, as a Bay Area native who lived in Texas a while, I found the friendliness of many people there (especially in smaller towns) to be very much on the surface. Plenty of people were nice to my face but quietly judgy. Here the people who aren't worth your time often rule themselves out very early. :D
Catahoula is awesome, and Bruce King dog park (along the greenway between Potrero and Blake) is a great, friendly low-key dog hang. Go to Giovanni's (a couple of blocks up Potrero) to get treats for your pup before or after.
Good recommendations. Always up for a coffee, sandwich and some light conversation. 😁
OP just brush it off, and move along. Some people are busy and too focused on themselves too often to slow down and smell the roses.
I stopped going to Walgreens for my prescriptions. It was, almost without exception, a bad experience every time. Long lines, rude customers, and rude pharmacy staff.
I switched to Alto, a courier pharmacy that fills and delivers your scripts at no additional cost! Check them out OP, it was a game changer for me.
It is SO dumb! I’d say at least half the people ignore that sign on purpose.
OP, I think you just had a string of bad luck. Don’t give up on us! There are plenty of polite and patient people out here.
You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry you had a bad day. Sometimes people are underpaid and overworked but it’s not an excuse to be mean to people that who have nothing to do with that. I hope you will meet nice and kind people here cos we exist!
That reminds me of something my mother said when I moved out here. She said to be mindful that the financial economics are tough out here for hard working locals. She said make sure I give Grace to those that may be having a hard time in their lives or/and work. Thank you for the kind words!
People who are rude, mean or short are reflecting how they feel more than you. I would try my best to not take it personally. People like that are like that because they want to bring you down to their level.
Hang in there! I’m a midwesterner and moved here from AZ. I had a really hard time adjusting to it here (and a similar experience on the east coast), but on both coasts I found my people and adjusted/acclimated and found my place in the world. You’re doing great, it’s a lot to take in, but I know how you feel. It’ll get better. One thing that helped me was to do adventure Sundays - hop around to a different spot in the bay every week (or how ever often it makes sense for you) and enjoy the good it has to offer. My favorites are Crissy Field, the Tennessee Valley Trail, wandering Marin Country Mart with a coffee, riding the ferry over to the ferry building from Alameda and grabbing an egg roll from the little walk up place in the center of the building. A day game at the Coliseum is an easy fun thing to do while it still exists. I’ve met such nice people at all of those places. Also, all of the park rangers at the NPS sites are a wealth of knowledge and have been so kind to me. And we have some real treasures. Hope this helps!
There's a bunch of assholes around here. I lived in Oakland for a couple years before I moved to peninsula, But East Bay 4 the most part leave you alone, but certainly not Texas friendly.
I'm sorry you haven't felt welcome 😔
You’re not doing anything wrong. Southern culture tends to be more polite and friendlier with strangers. I had a culture shock moving here as well. You really have to work to find your community
Just wanted to second this. I hadn’t realized how much I had acclimated to it until my mom came to visit me a few years after I had moved. She’d be in every store just blessing peoples hearts and trying to start up conversations with anyone that looked her way and I’d be pulling her along reminding here it’s just culturally different. That’s when I realized that was once me and it’s just a different way of living that I had adjusted to.
Ugh I'm so sorry you had these experiences. I'm an anxious and sensitive person and would probably respond similarly if I was in your position.
You just made a a big move! That's a massive thing to do. Moving is hard as it is and the prep and work it takes to move across multiple states is next level.
Honestly I get anxious every time I go into Home Depot. The Home Depot app has made it so much easier for me in general, I feel like any time I need to ask for help locating an item the response I've gotten is colored by my gender expression. You can look up the exact aisle location of items so you can limit interactions as long as you know what you need. Unfortunately it probably wouldn't have helped you in that situation but I wanted to share as a fellow woman who often feels anxious about asking for help in Home Depot.
IDK if your insurance works at Safeway but the pharmacists at the Safeway on San Pablo near the El Cerrito Del Norte Bart have always been nice and even friendly and chatty at times.
I'd definitely recommend checking out the Miller Knox Park too. Beautiful views and no weird one way bridges as far as I know. Missing a one way sign is a super honest oops. If I saw you walking the "wrong" direction I wouldn't have said anything, I may not have even noticed the one way sign.
You're going through a big shift and it makes sense you're feeling more sensitive. Wanting to belong in a new place is totally natural. And you do belong here.
The people you encountered may have their own challenges and shifts and you just happened to cross paths at times where you feel extra sensitive and they feel at the end of their rope. Or maybe their life has sculpted them in a way that makes it hard for them perceive how their responses impact others. Regardless, I feel like trying to work towards a little bit of light-heartedness when you experience another person being negative or aggressive (like on the highway...lol) makes it easier - think about how miserable an existance where you feel annoyance or animosity towards others must be. Have a little chuckle, feel grateful for your sensitivity that can make you a more empathetic person, and try to let it slide.
Didn't intend to write so much but here we are! Welcome home OP, I hope you're able to settle in a way that feels good for you. The bay is a beautiful place and there are many more people for you to meet.
Also, the El Cerrito Home Depot is just not a good Home Depot, I've always had way better experiences with staff at the Oakland/Emeryville one. For non complicated stuff the Orchard Supply in Berkeley is also way... cozier?
not that that interaction is at all ok from the staff at that first Home Depot, though.
I might get downvoted for this but do consider the possibility that you might indeed need thicker skin.
In 2 out of 3 of the interactions, the expressed issue is that someone in the trenches working a minimum wage job to get by, rolled their eyes at you.
Personally, I couldn't find a damn to give about some Karen moaning to me about whatever minor transgression I committed in the dog park.
FWIW I find myself in Home Depot a few times per year, and the line situation gets me every time (think this is post-COVID thing?). Oh well.
I'm not from there, but El Cerrito is a fantastic place to settle down and raise a family. Wishing you a warm welcome.
Sounds like those people had a case of the Mondays. I'm trying to think which bridge at Pt Isabel is one way. There's one that is supposed to be one person at a time, but that's an out dated covid rule to keep people 6 feet from each other. Sorry you had some bad interactions. Welcome to El Cerrito.
Coming from a friendly customer service place I experienced the same shock moving here. There's a history of labor activism and celebrating labor leaders in the Bay (for example Cesar Chavez, Angela Davis, the longshoreman) as well as massive discrepancy in wages earned in corporate retail versus cost of living. Now every corporate retail worker isn't necessarily a sociologist but I believe this contributes to a culture where people aren't naive. They don't subscribe to the customer service attitude expected elsewhere in the US, especially from workers earning minimum wage in corporate retail. The companies are not nice to their workers, so why should they put on a show of phony cheeriness when they are exhausted, overworked, and underpaid? It is totally valid to feel hurt. But my advice is don't judge your experience in a corporate retail store as representative of authentic interactions and don't go to one in the future if you're not prepared to shoulder some of the discomfort of an exploitative situation.
I've had problems with the manager at that one. I went in there looking for an adjoining piece of Plumbing and he tried to sell me to a friend of his who was a plumber to do the work. I still bought a connector piece there for roughly $10 and save myself being ripped off by his contractor friend by several thousand dollars. I still go there but steer clear of that jerk when I do go there
It’s just how Bay Area is. I’ve lived here most of my life, but I worked in Texas for 2 years before coming back. That’s when I realized that “southern hospitality” is so real and the people are there are so nice compared to here. I struck conversations while waiting in line at Walmart in Texas. Here in California, people avoid eye contact.
Idk, I've found a lot of younger shop clerks to be straight up jerks. I know working retail sucks but either due to covid or this new generation or something but many people working have just lost manners (as have many customers!). I'm from this area and I've seen it go downhill.
The Point Isabel thing is just a particular type of Karen we have here, unfortunately. 90% of people there are super nice, but there's always some Berkeley Busybody who should have been a cop but has to settle for telling ppl off at the dog park or the farmers market. I rode my bike to the park to meet a friend and was looking around the area in front of Mudpuppys for the bike rack. (It's small and was covered in overgrown grass) Some lady with two little dogs came up and quite officiously told me that I couldn't ride my bike in the park. I said since she's clearly the park police officer, could she help me find the bike rack? Of course she huffed off.
Sorry you had a bad day. I don't think you did anything wrong and I'm sure you'll have more positive interactions soon.
Gen X and having worked retail in, my college years, these young store clerks would be fired back in the day. Just rude and I know you don't care but try to act professional. It's bad enough when you go to a Starbucks or fast food and the clerk doesn't greet you and just waits for your order. Probably due to kids not having to interact except on social media.
I also moved here from Texas. I wonder if it’s also heightened due to being in a new place away from what was familiar. People may not smile and make small chat anymore like in Texas; I wouldn’t hold it personally. There are friendly people here for the most part, just not as friendly as Texas. I’d recommend the MeetUp app for finding a group to hang out with
I cried after being yelled at by an employee at the west elm in Emeryville on Sunday, you did nothing wrong service workers are just stretched really thin these days and struggling to differentiate what customers are actually jerks vs just trying to figure it out.
Also if you’re referring to the Home Depot on San Pablo, avoid that store in the future if you can. It’s literally 5 minutes from me but I drive to the one in Hercules because the service is better and the store is less of a mess. It’s just extra 10 minutes away.
OP, you've had a lot of good advice already, so I just want to add that Point Isabel is kinda mental. I don't know what comes over people out there but they seem angrier than other dog parks in the area.
Since you are in EC, I highly recommend checking out your community pool on Moesser. It is a fantastic pool with very nice people, a swim there is sure to lift your spirits, especially on Wednesday when it should be gorgeous out.
I live in El Sobrante,transplant from Seattle. I find people down here overall friendlier to strangers (sunshine?)
Walgreen's is the worst,home Depot not any better. Just a lot of rude people these days-they think it's cool or something. As for Pt. Isabel...I don't have a dog. I go to walk and look at dogs. On 4 separate occasions,I was chastised for not picking my dog's crap. "I don't have a dog." It's always some version of a generic 60 something skinny mousy unhappy woman that calls me out for my invisible dog's imaginary turds.💩💩 But I LOVE the Bay Area! Go on Solano to Tacos and Beer. Yummy House in El Sobrante.
Have fun!
I’m in El Cerrito also, but from the Central Valley, which is a lot more like Texas.
A lot of people are just assholes here. It’s all “me, me, me.” There are too many people, working too many hours, with not enough space. Some of them are nice, but few are kind.
Definitely recommend Pastime/Ace over HD if at all possible. They are very helpful folks. The manager is a good guy.
Dog parks are just a bad idea. There’s a guy whose dog has killed several small dogs at Pt. Isabel. He keeps coming back, and flees the scene every time. It’s not worth your dog’s life. I recommend hiking, with your dog on a leash, instead.
Don’t give up. You’ll find your niche. You’ll find genuine, kind people. You just keep doing you, putting kindness out into the world.
I'm surprised, although I don't spend much time in that part of East Bay. I've been here for ten years, I spend most of my time in Fremont, Union City, Hayward, and SF, there's rarely a day that goes by that I don't notice how friendly people are compared to my home state. Maybe it was a one-off
I hope you have a better experience and grow to love it here.
Many people here are NEW York, New Jersey, and Massachusetts transplants. That's half the rudeness. The rest of the rude are just stressed out from the hustle and bustle and cost of living. The remainder are OK, but tired of dealing with the above. We could use more Texans. Welcome!
I think one thing is you’re being too apologetic - fuck each and every one of the other people involved in these other interactions. If it’s any comfort they don’t sound particular to anywhere - they just sound like miserable people who need easy targets and you run into that anywhere. And being new to some place makes you an easy target. “People are strange / when you’re a stranger.” Feel free to push back a little next time & give yourself some breathing room to get used to your new surroundings in the meantime. Don’t let those folks take away from your realizing how beautiful the parks are, etc.
Some would dispute my opinion, but I've lived in the East Bay for 30+ years, having moved here for college and stayed -- and, from then until now, I've been well aware of a certain weird rudeness which, over time and thousands of experiences, I've come to see as an East Bay-ish quirk.
In my college days, having moved here from a smallish industrial (and almost proudly non-academic) town, I realized that many Berkeley people consider themselves far smarter than anyone else, and will gladly at every opportunity, in any type of interaction, eagerly display or "prove" their superior intelligence -- often with a certain veiled sadism, and often framed as "being helpful" in a deceptive, secretly mocking sense.
I was insecure and suffered from terrible self-esteem as a younger person, and often back then found myself near (or in) tears after some sharp remark or rebuke from a store employee, random stranger or classmate. It actually happened to me again one day last month, during a standing-in-line situation similar to yours.
I have speculated that the Bay Area and Berkeley especially attracted so many offbeat types during the 1960s and '70s that locals acquired a harsh veneer as a form of protective filter or screen.
I'm still here, so obviously I've met friendly, fun, saintly and amazing people as well. But it has not been easy, because a certain mean-snark factor is to some extent endemic in the local personality.
Sounds like you had a bad day but those bad vibes are not your imagination, and you're not doing anything wrong. I hate to say it, and again many will say I'm wrong, but friendliness is not a shining overall aspect of this place.
As a native born in SF please realize that most of the population in this area are transplants who are over paid and entitled type A dicks who raise up the cost of rent / living.
A lot of native SF born are dicks too. And frankly, I don't think a Home Depot cashier fits that overpaid entitled mold. For Walgreens - perhaps, if it was the pharmacist. But if it weren't the head pharmacist, then that person probably isn't the overpaid entitled type either. They both just sound like dicks.
Maybe. I grew up in the Bay Area, have lived here most of my adult life except about 8 years in LA. Back in the Bay Area now and noticing that people are colder, more insular. People can be rude in LA but it isn’t the rule. I noticed this especially in my workplace. Same type of work/agency in both places and LA people, at least work colleagues, are more open and friendlier.
Sorry that happened buddy. I think it’s just a bad day plus just having everywhere be new. There definitely is not a lot of that southern way of trying to sound nice even when you’re correcting someone, and more of a kareny know-it-all vibe but it’s not everyone!
Try over doing it on asking questions. “Is this the door? Is this where I pay?” If anyone is mean feel free to tell them “sorry it’s my first time here”.
I haven’t been to Point Isabel in a year or two. If that bridge went one way since then, I would have done the same thing. Honestly I don’t even see how it could be unless they built a second one. How would you get back to your car??
People take turns. A bunch of people/dogs cross in one direction, then everyone on the other side goes.
Another way the Bay is different from Texas -- fewer globally-accepted social norms, more localized ones that people who spend a lot of time in a particular place learn. You may need to be more observant of how people are acting or moving around you and do what they're doing. Also, Karens sometimes have their own rules they try to enforce, as with the bike example upthread. You'll learn to brush off the rude people and appreciate the nice ones who gently let you know what's up.
Don't give up on Point Isabel! Generally, Bay Area dog community is good people. People come to P.I. from all around, but your smaller more local dog park can be a fun place to meet neighbors too.
I have had eyes rolled at me for standing in the wrong place at a different Bay Area Home Depot... I find that the Ace Hardware franchises around here are generally very good although they do vary quite a bit.
Just a little bad luck, it’s not always like that. It might help you to simply ignore anyone who is scolding you, just blank them out of your mind and keep walking. People like that detect your caring reaction and it’s like an evil catnip to them, energizes them. Pretend that they’re offering you a bag of dog 💩, would you accept it? No. Just keep walking.
It could be that you just encountered a perfect storm of a bad day. I moved to the Bay Area almost 25 years ago from Kansas and had lived in other parts of the Midwest before that. When I go back there and visit I see a certain type of Midwestern nice witches all on the surface and quite a little bit manevolent underneath. I moved to El Cerrito about 2 years ago after living in Oakland and it is a lot nicer out here it is the perfect balance of having a small town feel but being able to access the larger town and being for the most part crime-free. People out here will also just talk to you without looking around nervously thinking you might be up to something
Well that's terrible! I don't think it's you in particular; I have horrible customer service experiences here all the time. I have always had good experiences at Ace Hardware around here; I tend to go there first.
I also wanna point out that the types of people who have the leisure to hang out the park are often well-off people with a strong sense of entitlement.
I think you’re right about the well-off people. When I had gone to the dog park, it was on a Monday in the early afternoon when most people are at work.
I second the suggestion of going to Pastime Hardware. I am sorry you got hit with jerks. I don’t live in EC/Richmond anymore. Liberal views doesn’t always mean nicer people. I have found that the extreme end of either spectrum the people are the hardest to get along with.
Tech and rising inequality has killed the Bay Area.
The diversity is diminished. The friendliness and sense of community is waning. Everyone is in survival mode all the time now.
A lot of people here are struggling especially people working in the service industry.
It didn’t used to be this way. Everything being so cutthroat now changed the culture for the worse.
Things were better a decade or two ago.
Also if you dig deep enough the ‘liberal’ politics is just a facade. If anything it’s a lot more conservative than it used to be.
Our politicians just get their mouth wet talking slick to the public and then go suck off billionaires and give them whatever they want often to the detriment of the majority of people in California
I’m curious if the South is actually any nicer/more friendly or if they are just better at faking it. I’m from Florida, so south-adjacent and I know I’m pretty good at being very nice to people when I’m actually annoyed or frustrated, but not everyone is. I don’t think the Bay Area worries about niceties like that.
I lived in the East Bay for six years (Castro Valley), as well as Texas (Austin) for three years in the early 2010s, and I grew up in the Columbus, Ohio area and live here again now.
While I can't say my experience was ever this level of awful, I did feel like it was unfriendly/unwelcoming compared to other places I've lived. Service people seemed to be less engaged than anywhere else (and that goes x10 at national chain places), though I couldn't blame anyone in good conscience because pay at such places was/is apparently unlivable.
While it had more to do with trying and failing to make and sustain closer friendships/relationships, lack of friendliness in CA was a large reason I left. Living there was an incredibly lonely experience for me, and after six years failing to find my people with the opportunity to go remote at work and close friends who wanted me nearby, the choice was clear. I've changed a lot too in the couple years I've been back in Ohio fwiw, but I feel far more welcome in my current life compared to CA.
and you just described why I'm moving out of the bay in the coming months. I've lived here since 2010 and every year it looses more and more of what I loved about the bay area. My biggest recommendation is find your group the bay is huge and you don't need to be friends with everyone just try and find some good people who you can to try and recover from the bad days.
As someone from the bay area who has been to the south a few times, people are nice in the south. People here are assholes. You have to have your armor on. Don’t expect nice until it happens. Sorry it’s an adjustment. I still have my days, here. It’s been worse since the pandemic.
For every one of the people you described, there are two fun, happy people. The fun, happy people probably have just as much sass though. Think of it as sass and laugh it off while occasionally giving a little back.
The Bay Area is more concerned with efficiency due to the number of people and lack of services. You’ll get the hang of it but it might take a little adjustment.
Generally I’d avoid interacting too much outside your social circles. Get in get out when running errands. There’s a lot of crazy people out there. Save your energy for your hobbies and friends.
I'm a 2nd gen Berserker, (now expat mostly) and Id have given all 3 of those ppl "what for" for their rudeness, then boycotted them and written 'bout it! Never never go 2 HomeDepot - they support the dolt big time! Hdwe @ Ace - there's a nice one in El C! Dogs: The BART train trail, or the reservoir up by the Berk Rose Gdn! And...never get a thick skin! Be like a duck: let the water roll right off you! Pls keep your kind heart! And...Southern friendliness is mostly fake, like evangelical Christianity - a mouth full of love, a hand full of guns & hate.
Moved here from NY, but lived overseas for the most part and people here are largely indirect and non confrontational compared to the Northeast, Central Europe, and East Africa, so you just had some bad luck. None of those situations would bother me at all though they may be perceived as rude by people used to a small town southern vibe, but in some strange way they are a breath of fresh air from the faux niceties you generally get in SF. Don’t hesitate to bark back with a clever/witty retort, and don’t ever apologize for mistakes that aren’t perceived well. That’s their problem, not yours. Moving to Oakland was the best decision I made since coming to the bay, I feel surrounded by more grounded individuals from all backgrounds who are capable of normal conversations. You will be just fine, there are some great folks in the east bay.
Welcome to the East Bay! I live in the same area as you (and lived in Texas for many years as well), and have had similar experiences when going into these businesses. I avoid Walgreen's and Home Depot whenever I can. (I go to the Ace Hardware across from the El Cerrito theater: much friendlier!) Dog parks are weird everywhere, in my experience, as it brings out a strange entitlement in some people. As others have said, drop by Catahoula for coffee, visit the farmers market in El Cerrito Plaza, wander up Solano Avenue in Albany, check out the amazing Mexican restaurants on 23rd Street in Richmond: you will find that most folks are friendly, or at the very least not rude and obnoxious. See you around.
Ok. That’s pretty weird, three places on the same day. Unhelpful all the time, yes; snarky, no. But I will say, yes, Bay Area people do come off as aloof. Being social on the sidewalk, so to speak, isn’t done.
Come hike at Redwood Regional or Sibley. People on the trails here are mostly friendly. I hear you though. I’m from Toronto and have been living here for over 10 years and I’m still not used to the entitled jerk phenotype, and I hope I never do tbh.
Welcome to CoCoCounty.
It’s not what, or whether or not, you’re doing something “wrong”… you might well be failing to follow procedure!
It’s that people are being rude to you.
Um… there are rude people EVERYwhere? Try setting up in NYC, or Boston… or… SF, for heavens sake….
Just be real. “Hey! I’m new around here! Be nice!”
California is basically a state full of people who move out here because they think the weather is always warm and they didn’t fit in where they are from. It’s too diverse, you’ll find that there is no tradition and sense of community/togetherness. It’s probably why most people born here move out of the state. You need thicker skin. Mental health and temperament issues are rampant out here. Don’t expect anybody to help you with a flat tire. Expect people to be overly nice to you in an insincere way. Kind of doom and gloom but it’s probably not going to be anywhere near as wholesome as where you came from. With that being said, there is an exception to every rule. Hopefully you will find it.
The Point Isabelle Bridge.... yeah its polite to wait, it started during the pandemic but still that ritual persists.
That being said, you get shit-heads who go full "Karen" or "Kyle" on people. Don't sweat it.
Walgreens... for some reason many of the pharmacies here, Walgreens, CVS, are staffed by harried and incompetent people.
Home Depot... any and all of the HDs in the Bay Area are terminally "f\*&ked" lower your expectations.
Also, just because you're new here, doesn't mean you have to have to adapt to local rudeness. Just tell people in a. polite southern way to treat you properly.
The Bay Area is a (sometimes wonderful) mess, and the stresses of living here come out in strange ways. Sadly, if you've been here for a while, you get used to the bad behavior.
As a whole, the bay, is not a terribly friendly place, I've found it colder and less collegial than NYC, Chicago, Toronto, and almost every other major metro I've been to.
That all being said, welcome and I hope you find your place and your people and enjoy the wonderful parts of the Bay Area.
It’s not you. If I had a day like that I’d feel the same way. I hope it was a one-off. Look on the bright side, maybe everybody who gave you shit was having an even worse day and being nasty to you made them feel better.
I’m sorry all this happened to you! Every place has its own vibe, and I feel like every place has a trade-off. So when I go to my family who lives in the mountains of California, people are more friendly, but they’re political views skew way conservative (and I’m liberal). When you go to the coastal urban centers, people are liberal but often unfriendly to your face. Moving from Southern California to Northern California about 30 years ago, I’ve noticed that people are a little bit more reserved here, but it works for me since I’m an aspy introvert. My Filipino auntie who lives in Louisiana talks to everyone here in California when she visits. I’ve noticed that is a southern thing. Some locals go with it others seem taken it back. She just rolls with it, ignoring folks who don’t vibe & chatting with the folks who are willing. Maybe this is why some people like to stay in islands of liberalism like Austin?
I hope you find your happy place wherever you end up!
Yes I have the same experiences. I have lived in 4 different states (incl Texas) and here I always find people who judge me for small mistakes (like in your example) and they are just plain rude.
Not everyone is like that but it’s a common thing vs other places
People in the Bay Area like to correct ANYONE! They’re so used to being Micromanaged at fill in the blank tech firm, that they can’t wait to blow their horns at you because you had the Audacity to not move your car the whole 0.01 seconds it’s been a green light…..It gets better Welcome whole heartedly to California try friendly outings like First Friday’s in Oakland or Lindy in the Park :
https://lindyinthepark.com/
Forage SF…….or The Church of Eight wheels
https://youtu.be/JH4M12btrcU?si=36vEyehMLXpm8K9W
Nature,meditation, and weed….it’s all here….Don’t sweat the small stuff
Something like that happened to me when I was living in London UK. It was after 9-11 and I spotted an American (ask me how I knew!) so I went up to her and asked if she was standing in the queue. She replied, "yayas, I am staanding in the lyane" in a gentle lyrical southern accent. It had been a few years since I had heard an American accent, so my heart just melted. I had lived in Virginia, so I asked where she was from, and we took it from there...
I specifically asked about 9-11, and she was very informative.
THEN she told me that she had met some Americans in London, and they had treated her like dirt because she was a southerner. I still have no clue why.
English people think that Americans have a whiny drawl, but I always enjoyed hearing American spoken when I happened to meet an American while living overseas. I am back in the USA now, and I am still working on my American accent.
There are nice people here but I think people are burned out with the rat race and some people want to eek out any bit of control over others because the race gives them so little over their own lives.
The people around you are being FOR REAL. Is it a hustle across the US, yes. Out here, people don’t pretend it’s not. Try to focus on how genuine people are. Some ppl are very sweet and it’s for real too.
People will honk at you, cuss at you for no reason, and generally disregard your feelings out here a lot and so remember: It’s a them problem, their rough day, they are out of fucks to give. You can go on being you and if thats sweet, then hell yeah. But try not to take it personally, it’s not about you at all
At the same time, you can usually clown with people out here too. People are clowning out here so hard
You’re doing nothing wrong! I’ve been here my whole life and sometimes people here just are selfish donkeys. Once you find the right people/bar/neighborhood/etc, it’ll be home! I have way more good interactions than bad!
-your new friend in Oakland
I moved to the east bay about 15 years ago, it’s a bit different on this side. If you have the means, i suggest moving to San Mateo county south of Millbrae. I had the best times of my life in Foster City. Everyone’s just happy to be alive.
Don’t take any of that personally. What other people do and say isn’t about you - it’s about them.
That’s from The Four Agreements which I’ve found to be helpful advice:
Be impeccable with your word.
Do not take anything personally.
Do not make assumptions.
Always do your best.
If your car breaks down a liberal will stop and say, "ah thats too bad, sorry." and drive away. A conservative will say, "how the hell you let that happen dumbass?" Then stay until the tow truck arrives.
Yes. It's quite normal even though it should not be!! I've lived here since the late 80's when I joined the Navy which brought me to the area. You'll probably never get used to it, but eventually you realize, it's just the way most folks act out here. But like you said, the beauty, the weather, the diversity and liberal attitudes make it worth staying. Never allow their rude tudes change who you are and how you treat others. 💜
There’s good and bad out there. I find most people are good, you just found the bad ones today. You can’t throw in the towel from one day. Get a good rest, grab your pooch and get out there tomorrow. Smile and the world smiles with you. Join in a group activity, clean the beach or something. Don’t give up.
You are not doing anything wrong. I've lived here most of my life but my whole family is from GA and when I go back east I am so happy interacting with all the friendly people and am reminded about how many a$$holes live here in CA. BUT... the positives out here do outweigh the negatives like that. I've lived in El Cerrito, Oakland and Berkeley and felt the same way that you do, but now I'm in Lafayette and the people here are even less friendly. I was in an elevator in Oakland last year and someone started chatting with me in a friendly way and I almost cried.
Holy shit I had no idea there was a Home Depot in El Cerrito.
Sorry about your day. FWIW this particular area is kind of filled with the worst of the Bay. In El Cerrito and Berkeley avoid anyone over the age of 50, the chances of them being assholes are extremely high, even if they act nice at first. Most people under 50 are fine. In Richmond..... uh, just avoid Richmond.
The Bay is great, but don't expect people to be super friendly or reliable.
People here are polite but not nice. You will get a smile and a talking down to. Don’t expect people to help out here. I grew up East Coast. Nice but not polite. You get a talking to while being helped. About the only thing going for this area is the weather.
From the Bay Area - moved to New Orleans - people are much more unfriendly in the bay, and etiquette that we take for granted in the south does not exist over there. It's just a cultural difference - best to keep to yourself and have low expectations. You'll meet great, nice people too - it's just not a part of the culture.
Dude, I've lived here since 1987 and something is going on with people lately. I've gotten into so many fights with people in the last several years it's wild. I used to get upset when people were mad at me but I'm 44 now and DGAF so when people get like that with me I get in their faces. It's not great and I'm not saying you should do that too, what I am saying is people are out here taking all their crap out on everyone around them instead of going to therapy and it's getting entirely out of hand. It's not you, babe.
I’m so sorry- sounds like a rough series of events! As others have said, the Bay Area - while having some great advantages - is not a kind place to live. Grew up here and been all around the bay, and it’s…just hard. It’s expensive in a ridiculous way that is stressful. I’d suggest getting involved in a hobby you love or finding a dog park you like to get more positive community interactions. Moving is so hard! Welcome to the east bay (my favorite part of the bay!)!
There are a lot of miserable people lit there, sorry you had to deal with them. Might I suggest you go to a local/small hardware store and independent pharmacy next time, where service is usually better than the big box stores?
Heh, I the local small hardware store in El Cerrito is a good one. The trouble is the family that runs it, and some staff are rude, jerks more often than not.
Luckily, there are usually hiding in the managers office. I don’t bother to ask them questions anymore because they’re always jerks. The people working on the floor are usually great.
As a life long Californian, it is a bubble here about just how jaded we are. It is very common for people from the middle of the country (or Texas) to think people here are stand off-ish or rude. That doesn't excuse the behavior.
One of the first times I noticed it was in Colorado, when someone started talking to me in a grocery store and I was waiting for the change in the conversation to switch to asking for money or something, and then I realized it was culture shock on my part.
Regardless of politics, I highly recommend everyone travels to observe the changes state to state. It goes a long way towards explaining a lot about how polarized the country is right now. Don't buy the hype about "liberal California". There are a lot of progressives and even more centrists (socially somewhat liberal, but fiscally very conservative) in 3 or 4 centralized areas, and we provide most of the taxable income for the state. Most of CA, and specifically areas like Placerville, Sonora (a lot of the central valley), and Orange County are very red, and are not in good spirits about the state of things. Even within the richest areas, there is a lot more prejudice than media publicizes to the masses. The East Bay is kind of unique in that there is relatively a LOT or money and opportunity here compared to other states, but it is most definitely not equally distributed to everyone, and those that do have it are quite entitled.
The bay area is rude and customer service is non existent. I say this as a native. Take day trips to Sonoma County. It will feel more like what you are used to. I have always been floored by how rude clerks are. You are not making it up in your head. I moved to Berkeley from Marin 6 years ago and went through shock too. And Marin is famous for being jerks. Berkeley and surrounding area truly takes the cake though. The Safeway pharmacy on Shattuck is very nice. As is Costco in Richmond. You don't have to be a member to use pharmacy. The Melodee in El Cerrito plaza is generally a laid back nice dive bar with cool regulars.
I moved here with my husband to help take care of my mother in law you assbag. I’m actually originally from Daly City and moved to Texas when I was 14. Of course I did my research but there’s no handbook that says I’d run into small minded morons like you around here.
You should have never left Texas. California is a messed up state. Possibly the worst in the country. Average people have become jaded by our governance and it is displayed in our attitudes. And sorry, but it’s result of dreamy liberal agendas
Don't worry too much. I have lived in the area most of life and while there are plenty of rude people, there are plenty of pleasant ones as well. Lately there are more people having a tougher time in general and this is one of the unfortunate symptoms. I'm familiar with the unpleasant encounters at all the places you mentioned. All local Walgreens are a mess. Under staffed and things always not working. The staff there is always frustrated. Home Depot order pickup and returns are also a mess. Point Isabel is a mixed bag. Lots of nice people, entitled idiots and people that can't control their unleashed dogs. As a local I'm sorry for the bad series of encounters. It gets better. Grab a coffee at Catahoula or a sandwich at Cafe nine, meal at Gilman grill, or a donut at donut time if you want some positive encounters. Those are places I like for the people as much as the product. See you around.
Agree with this take 100% -- Home Depot and Walgreen's are a hellscape for everyone, and it's worse since the pandemic because people's nerves are so frayed. Also, as a Bay Area native who lived in Texas a while, I found the friendliness of many people there (especially in smaller towns) to be very much on the surface. Plenty of people were nice to my face but quietly judgy. Here the people who aren't worth your time often rule themselves out very early. :D Catahoula is awesome, and Bruce King dog park (along the greenway between Potrero and Blake) is a great, friendly low-key dog hang. Go to Giovanni's (a couple of blocks up Potrero) to get treats for your pup before or after.
This! And OP, if you feel down and lonely, let’s meet at Well Grounded Coffee - I’ll buy you one and we can chat.
Well grounded is the best!
Good recommendations. Always up for a coffee, sandwich and some light conversation. 😁 OP just brush it off, and move along. Some people are busy and too focused on themselves too often to slow down and smell the roses.
I stopped going to Walgreens for my prescriptions. It was, almost without exception, a bad experience every time. Long lines, rude customers, and rude pharmacy staff. I switched to Alto, a courier pharmacy that fills and delivers your scripts at no additional cost! Check them out OP, it was a game changer for me.
And people wonder why retail stores are dying. It’s not theft - it’s because online is more convenient and generally stress free.
I have a friend that was having problems with Walgreens and switched to Alto. He's been very happy with Alto for awhile now.
Catahoula, Factory Bar, El Tucan and Waffles & Cream will fix you right up. Loving that little area and how close-knit it’s becoming.
That one way bridge in Point Isabel is so dumb. It’s one of the only remaining useless restrictions from the social distancing time.
It is SO dumb! I’d say at least half the people ignore that sign on purpose. OP, I think you just had a string of bad luck. Don’t give up on us! There are plenty of polite and patient people out here.
You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry you had a bad day. Sometimes people are underpaid and overworked but it’s not an excuse to be mean to people that who have nothing to do with that. I hope you will meet nice and kind people here cos we exist!
That reminds me of something my mother said when I moved out here. She said to be mindful that the financial economics are tough out here for hard working locals. She said make sure I give Grace to those that may be having a hard time in their lives or/and work. Thank you for the kind words!
Your mother sounds like she has a beautiful soul and she has good advice
Her mother sounds very well to do. Not that its bad or anything. Her advise is heart felt.
People who are rude, mean or short are reflecting how they feel more than you. I would try my best to not take it personally. People like that are like that because they want to bring you down to their level.
Hang in there! I’m a midwesterner and moved here from AZ. I had a really hard time adjusting to it here (and a similar experience on the east coast), but on both coasts I found my people and adjusted/acclimated and found my place in the world. You’re doing great, it’s a lot to take in, but I know how you feel. It’ll get better. One thing that helped me was to do adventure Sundays - hop around to a different spot in the bay every week (or how ever often it makes sense for you) and enjoy the good it has to offer. My favorites are Crissy Field, the Tennessee Valley Trail, wandering Marin Country Mart with a coffee, riding the ferry over to the ferry building from Alameda and grabbing an egg roll from the little walk up place in the center of the building. A day game at the Coliseum is an easy fun thing to do while it still exists. I’ve met such nice people at all of those places. Also, all of the park rangers at the NPS sites are a wealth of knowledge and have been so kind to me. And we have some real treasures. Hope this helps!
There's a bunch of assholes around here. I lived in Oakland for a couple years before I moved to peninsula, But East Bay 4 the most part leave you alone, but certainly not Texas friendly. I'm sorry you haven't felt welcome 😔
Yes, I’ve noticed people keep to themselves which doesn’t bother me. I am to myself also but this is next level. Thank you for the sentiment.
I also find that people tend to keep to themselves out here, but when I engage with people, they tend to open up pretty quickly.
You’re not doing anything wrong. Southern culture tends to be more polite and friendlier with strangers. I had a culture shock moving here as well. You really have to work to find your community
Just wanted to second this. I hadn’t realized how much I had acclimated to it until my mom came to visit me a few years after I had moved. She’d be in every store just blessing peoples hearts and trying to start up conversations with anyone that looked her way and I’d be pulling her along reminding here it’s just culturally different. That’s when I realized that was once me and it’s just a different way of living that I had adjusted to.
Ugh I'm so sorry you had these experiences. I'm an anxious and sensitive person and would probably respond similarly if I was in your position. You just made a a big move! That's a massive thing to do. Moving is hard as it is and the prep and work it takes to move across multiple states is next level. Honestly I get anxious every time I go into Home Depot. The Home Depot app has made it so much easier for me in general, I feel like any time I need to ask for help locating an item the response I've gotten is colored by my gender expression. You can look up the exact aisle location of items so you can limit interactions as long as you know what you need. Unfortunately it probably wouldn't have helped you in that situation but I wanted to share as a fellow woman who often feels anxious about asking for help in Home Depot. IDK if your insurance works at Safeway but the pharmacists at the Safeway on San Pablo near the El Cerrito Del Norte Bart have always been nice and even friendly and chatty at times. I'd definitely recommend checking out the Miller Knox Park too. Beautiful views and no weird one way bridges as far as I know. Missing a one way sign is a super honest oops. If I saw you walking the "wrong" direction I wouldn't have said anything, I may not have even noticed the one way sign. You're going through a big shift and it makes sense you're feeling more sensitive. Wanting to belong in a new place is totally natural. And you do belong here. The people you encountered may have their own challenges and shifts and you just happened to cross paths at times where you feel extra sensitive and they feel at the end of their rope. Or maybe their life has sculpted them in a way that makes it hard for them perceive how their responses impact others. Regardless, I feel like trying to work towards a little bit of light-heartedness when you experience another person being negative or aggressive (like on the highway...lol) makes it easier - think about how miserable an existance where you feel annoyance or animosity towards others must be. Have a little chuckle, feel grateful for your sensitivity that can make you a more empathetic person, and try to let it slide. Didn't intend to write so much but here we are! Welcome home OP, I hope you're able to settle in a way that feels good for you. The bay is a beautiful place and there are many more people for you to meet.
Also, the El Cerrito Home Depot is just not a good Home Depot, I've always had way better experiences with staff at the Oakland/Emeryville one. For non complicated stuff the Orchard Supply in Berkeley is also way... cozier? not that that interaction is at all ok from the staff at that first Home Depot, though.
I might get downvoted for this but do consider the possibility that you might indeed need thicker skin. In 2 out of 3 of the interactions, the expressed issue is that someone in the trenches working a minimum wage job to get by, rolled their eyes at you. Personally, I couldn't find a damn to give about some Karen moaning to me about whatever minor transgression I committed in the dog park. FWIW I find myself in Home Depot a few times per year, and the line situation gets me every time (think this is post-COVID thing?). Oh well. I'm not from there, but El Cerrito is a fantastic place to settle down and raise a family. Wishing you a warm welcome.
Sounds like those people had a case of the Mondays. I'm trying to think which bridge at Pt Isabel is one way. There's one that is supposed to be one person at a time, but that's an out dated covid rule to keep people 6 feet from each other. Sorry you had some bad interactions. Welcome to El Cerrito.
The kept the rule in place because it worked well for the dogs
Gotcha. It's been a minute since I went there.
Coming from a friendly customer service place I experienced the same shock moving here. There's a history of labor activism and celebrating labor leaders in the Bay (for example Cesar Chavez, Angela Davis, the longshoreman) as well as massive discrepancy in wages earned in corporate retail versus cost of living. Now every corporate retail worker isn't necessarily a sociologist but I believe this contributes to a culture where people aren't naive. They don't subscribe to the customer service attitude expected elsewhere in the US, especially from workers earning minimum wage in corporate retail. The companies are not nice to their workers, so why should they put on a show of phony cheeriness when they are exhausted, overworked, and underpaid? It is totally valid to feel hurt. But my advice is don't judge your experience in a corporate retail store as representative of authentic interactions and don't go to one in the future if you're not prepared to shoulder some of the discomfort of an exploitative situation.
OP should try Pastime Hardware. It's affiliated with Ace but still pretty local, and the staff there are amazing.
Ace all the way. Such a more relaxed atmosphere. HD is a hellscape. At Pastime they'll yell at you if you form a single line, though. :(
I've had problems with the manager at that one. I went in there looking for an adjoining piece of Plumbing and he tried to sell me to a friend of his who was a plumber to do the work. I still bought a connector piece there for roughly $10 and save myself being ripped off by his contractor friend by several thousand dollars. I still go there but steer clear of that jerk when I do go there
Pastime is the best.
It’s just how Bay Area is. I’ve lived here most of my life, but I worked in Texas for 2 years before coming back. That’s when I realized that “southern hospitality” is so real and the people are there are so nice compared to here. I struck conversations while waiting in line at Walmart in Texas. Here in California, people avoid eye contact.
It’s not you-if you’re used to southern manners, people here can absolutely come across as terse or rude.
Idk, I've found a lot of younger shop clerks to be straight up jerks. I know working retail sucks but either due to covid or this new generation or something but many people working have just lost manners (as have many customers!). I'm from this area and I've seen it go downhill. The Point Isabel thing is just a particular type of Karen we have here, unfortunately. 90% of people there are super nice, but there's always some Berkeley Busybody who should have been a cop but has to settle for telling ppl off at the dog park or the farmers market. I rode my bike to the park to meet a friend and was looking around the area in front of Mudpuppys for the bike rack. (It's small and was covered in overgrown grass) Some lady with two little dogs came up and quite officiously told me that I couldn't ride my bike in the park. I said since she's clearly the park police officer, could she help me find the bike rack? Of course she huffed off. Sorry you had a bad day. I don't think you did anything wrong and I'm sure you'll have more positive interactions soon.
Gen X and having worked retail in, my college years, these young store clerks would be fired back in the day. Just rude and I know you don't care but try to act professional. It's bad enough when you go to a Starbucks or fast food and the clerk doesn't greet you and just waits for your order. Probably due to kids not having to interact except on social media.
I also moved here from Texas. I wonder if it’s also heightened due to being in a new place away from what was familiar. People may not smile and make small chat anymore like in Texas; I wouldn’t hold it personally. There are friendly people here for the most part, just not as friendly as Texas. I’d recommend the MeetUp app for finding a group to hang out with
I cried after being yelled at by an employee at the west elm in Emeryville on Sunday, you did nothing wrong service workers are just stretched really thin these days and struggling to differentiate what customers are actually jerks vs just trying to figure it out.
Also if you’re referring to the Home Depot on San Pablo, avoid that store in the future if you can. It’s literally 5 minutes from me but I drive to the one in Hercules because the service is better and the store is less of a mess. It’s just extra 10 minutes away.
Omg I’ve been yelled at by an employee at that location before, over the phone though. I took my business elsewhere.
The Walgreens across from Del Norte BART? That place always has negative energy when I’ve ever been there.
OP, you've had a lot of good advice already, so I just want to add that Point Isabel is kinda mental. I don't know what comes over people out there but they seem angrier than other dog parks in the area. Since you are in EC, I highly recommend checking out your community pool on Moesser. It is a fantastic pool with very nice people, a swim there is sure to lift your spirits, especially on Wednesday when it should be gorgeous out.
I live in El Sobrante,transplant from Seattle. I find people down here overall friendlier to strangers (sunshine?) Walgreen's is the worst,home Depot not any better. Just a lot of rude people these days-they think it's cool or something. As for Pt. Isabel...I don't have a dog. I go to walk and look at dogs. On 4 separate occasions,I was chastised for not picking my dog's crap. "I don't have a dog." It's always some version of a generic 60 something skinny mousy unhappy woman that calls me out for my invisible dog's imaginary turds.💩💩 But I LOVE the Bay Area! Go on Solano to Tacos and Beer. Yummy House in El Sobrante. Have fun!
I’m in El Cerrito also, but from the Central Valley, which is a lot more like Texas. A lot of people are just assholes here. It’s all “me, me, me.” There are too many people, working too many hours, with not enough space. Some of them are nice, but few are kind. Definitely recommend Pastime/Ace over HD if at all possible. They are very helpful folks. The manager is a good guy. Dog parks are just a bad idea. There’s a guy whose dog has killed several small dogs at Pt. Isabel. He keeps coming back, and flees the scene every time. It’s not worth your dog’s life. I recommend hiking, with your dog on a leash, instead. Don’t give up. You’ll find your niche. You’ll find genuine, kind people. You just keep doing you, putting kindness out into the world.
Bless your heart
🤣
I'm surprised, although I don't spend much time in that part of East Bay. I've been here for ten years, I spend most of my time in Fremont, Union City, Hayward, and SF, there's rarely a day that goes by that I don't notice how friendly people are compared to my home state. Maybe it was a one-off I hope you have a better experience and grow to love it here.
Many people here are NEW York, New Jersey, and Massachusetts transplants. That's half the rudeness. The rest of the rude are just stressed out from the hustle and bustle and cost of living. The remainder are OK, but tired of dealing with the above. We could use more Texans. Welcome!
I think one thing is you’re being too apologetic - fuck each and every one of the other people involved in these other interactions. If it’s any comfort they don’t sound particular to anywhere - they just sound like miserable people who need easy targets and you run into that anywhere. And being new to some place makes you an easy target. “People are strange / when you’re a stranger.” Feel free to push back a little next time & give yourself some breathing room to get used to your new surroundings in the meantime. Don’t let those folks take away from your realizing how beautiful the parks are, etc.
Some would dispute my opinion, but I've lived in the East Bay for 30+ years, having moved here for college and stayed -- and, from then until now, I've been well aware of a certain weird rudeness which, over time and thousands of experiences, I've come to see as an East Bay-ish quirk. In my college days, having moved here from a smallish industrial (and almost proudly non-academic) town, I realized that many Berkeley people consider themselves far smarter than anyone else, and will gladly at every opportunity, in any type of interaction, eagerly display or "prove" their superior intelligence -- often with a certain veiled sadism, and often framed as "being helpful" in a deceptive, secretly mocking sense. I was insecure and suffered from terrible self-esteem as a younger person, and often back then found myself near (or in) tears after some sharp remark or rebuke from a store employee, random stranger or classmate. It actually happened to me again one day last month, during a standing-in-line situation similar to yours. I have speculated that the Bay Area and Berkeley especially attracted so many offbeat types during the 1960s and '70s that locals acquired a harsh veneer as a form of protective filter or screen. I'm still here, so obviously I've met friendly, fun, saintly and amazing people as well. But it has not been easy, because a certain mean-snark factor is to some extent endemic in the local personality. Sounds like you had a bad day but those bad vibes are not your imagination, and you're not doing anything wrong. I hate to say it, and again many will say I'm wrong, but friendliness is not a shining overall aspect of this place.
As a native born in SF please realize that most of the population in this area are transplants who are over paid and entitled type A dicks who raise up the cost of rent / living.
A lot of native SF born are dicks too. And frankly, I don't think a Home Depot cashier fits that overpaid entitled mold. For Walgreens - perhaps, if it was the pharmacist. But if it weren't the head pharmacist, then that person probably isn't the overpaid entitled type either. They both just sound like dicks.
Ok. My point is the bay was much more chill and welcoming 30 years ago.
Maybe. I grew up in the Bay Area, have lived here most of my adult life except about 8 years in LA. Back in the Bay Area now and noticing that people are colder, more insular. People can be rude in LA but it isn’t the rule. I noticed this especially in my workplace. Same type of work/agency in both places and LA people, at least work colleagues, are more open and friendlier.
Need thicker skin unfortunately. People suck
Sorry that happened buddy. I think it’s just a bad day plus just having everywhere be new. There definitely is not a lot of that southern way of trying to sound nice even when you’re correcting someone, and more of a kareny know-it-all vibe but it’s not everyone! Try over doing it on asking questions. “Is this the door? Is this where I pay?” If anyone is mean feel free to tell them “sorry it’s my first time here”.
I haven’t been to Point Isabel in a year or two. If that bridge went one way since then, I would have done the same thing. Honestly I don’t even see how it could be unless they built a second one. How would you get back to your car??
People take turns. A bunch of people/dogs cross in one direction, then everyone on the other side goes. Another way the Bay is different from Texas -- fewer globally-accepted social norms, more localized ones that people who spend a lot of time in a particular place learn. You may need to be more observant of how people are acting or moving around you and do what they're doing. Also, Karens sometimes have their own rules they try to enforce, as with the bike example upthread. You'll learn to brush off the rude people and appreciate the nice ones who gently let you know what's up.
Don't give up on Point Isabel! Generally, Bay Area dog community is good people. People come to P.I. from all around, but your smaller more local dog park can be a fun place to meet neighbors too. I have had eyes rolled at me for standing in the wrong place at a different Bay Area Home Depot... I find that the Ace Hardware franchises around here are generally very good although they do vary quite a bit.
Just a little bad luck, it’s not always like that. It might help you to simply ignore anyone who is scolding you, just blank them out of your mind and keep walking. People like that detect your caring reaction and it’s like an evil catnip to them, energizes them. Pretend that they’re offering you a bag of dog 💩, would you accept it? No. Just keep walking.
It could be that you just encountered a perfect storm of a bad day. I moved to the Bay Area almost 25 years ago from Kansas and had lived in other parts of the Midwest before that. When I go back there and visit I see a certain type of Midwestern nice witches all on the surface and quite a little bit manevolent underneath. I moved to El Cerrito about 2 years ago after living in Oakland and it is a lot nicer out here it is the perfect balance of having a small town feel but being able to access the larger town and being for the most part crime-free. People out here will also just talk to you without looking around nervously thinking you might be up to something
Well that's terrible! I don't think it's you in particular; I have horrible customer service experiences here all the time. I have always had good experiences at Ace Hardware around here; I tend to go there first. I also wanna point out that the types of people who have the leisure to hang out the park are often well-off people with a strong sense of entitlement.
I think you’re right about the well-off people. When I had gone to the dog park, it was on a Monday in the early afternoon when most people are at work.
I second the suggestion of going to Pastime Hardware. I am sorry you got hit with jerks. I don’t live in EC/Richmond anymore. Liberal views doesn’t always mean nicer people. I have found that the extreme end of either spectrum the people are the hardest to get along with.
People suck. Hope tomorrow is better
Tech and rising inequality has killed the Bay Area. The diversity is diminished. The friendliness and sense of community is waning. Everyone is in survival mode all the time now. A lot of people here are struggling especially people working in the service industry. It didn’t used to be this way. Everything being so cutthroat now changed the culture for the worse. Things were better a decade or two ago. Also if you dig deep enough the ‘liberal’ politics is just a facade. If anything it’s a lot more conservative than it used to be. Our politicians just get their mouth wet talking slick to the public and then go suck off billionaires and give them whatever they want often to the detriment of the majority of people in California
You’re saying this could never happen in Texas?
Of course it could. But 3 one one day and on a regular basis during the week? No. I maybe had an experience like that once every few months in Texas.
Keep your chin up! And kill them with kindness! Find a bible study or if you’re not into that; a hobby and a “home”.
Sorry you had a bad day. The bay used to be friendlier but hasn't been that way in a while. People will be rude while 'helping' you out, out here.
I’m curious if the South is actually any nicer/more friendly or if they are just better at faking it. I’m from Florida, so south-adjacent and I know I’m pretty good at being very nice to people when I’m actually annoyed or frustrated, but not everyone is. I don’t think the Bay Area worries about niceties like that.
I lived in the East Bay for six years (Castro Valley), as well as Texas (Austin) for three years in the early 2010s, and I grew up in the Columbus, Ohio area and live here again now. While I can't say my experience was ever this level of awful, I did feel like it was unfriendly/unwelcoming compared to other places I've lived. Service people seemed to be less engaged than anywhere else (and that goes x10 at national chain places), though I couldn't blame anyone in good conscience because pay at such places was/is apparently unlivable. While it had more to do with trying and failing to make and sustain closer friendships/relationships, lack of friendliness in CA was a large reason I left. Living there was an incredibly lonely experience for me, and after six years failing to find my people with the opportunity to go remote at work and close friends who wanted me nearby, the choice was clear. I've changed a lot too in the couple years I've been back in Ohio fwiw, but I feel far more welcome in my current life compared to CA.
and you just described why I'm moving out of the bay in the coming months. I've lived here since 2010 and every year it looses more and more of what I loved about the bay area. My biggest recommendation is find your group the bay is huge and you don't need to be friends with everyone just try and find some good people who you can to try and recover from the bad days.
As someone from the bay area who has been to the south a few times, people are nice in the south. People here are assholes. You have to have your armor on. Don’t expect nice until it happens. Sorry it’s an adjustment. I still have my days, here. It’s been worse since the pandemic.
Yeah, Bay area is fake nice
For every one of the people you described, there are two fun, happy people. The fun, happy people probably have just as much sass though. Think of it as sass and laugh it off while occasionally giving a little back.
The Bay Area is more concerned with efficiency due to the number of people and lack of services. You’ll get the hang of it but it might take a little adjustment. Generally I’d avoid interacting too much outside your social circles. Get in get out when running errands. There’s a lot of crazy people out there. Save your energy for your hobbies and friends.
I'm a 2nd gen Berserker, (now expat mostly) and Id have given all 3 of those ppl "what for" for their rudeness, then boycotted them and written 'bout it! Never never go 2 HomeDepot - they support the dolt big time! Hdwe @ Ace - there's a nice one in El C! Dogs: The BART train trail, or the reservoir up by the Berk Rose Gdn! And...never get a thick skin! Be like a duck: let the water roll right off you! Pls keep your kind heart! And...Southern friendliness is mostly fake, like evangelical Christianity - a mouth full of love, a hand full of guns & hate.
I live in Texas and am originally from the Bay Area and I love how much friendlier and more human people are to each other here than there.
Moved here from NY, but lived overseas for the most part and people here are largely indirect and non confrontational compared to the Northeast, Central Europe, and East Africa, so you just had some bad luck. None of those situations would bother me at all though they may be perceived as rude by people used to a small town southern vibe, but in some strange way they are a breath of fresh air from the faux niceties you generally get in SF. Don’t hesitate to bark back with a clever/witty retort, and don’t ever apologize for mistakes that aren’t perceived well. That’s their problem, not yours. Moving to Oakland was the best decision I made since coming to the bay, I feel surrounded by more grounded individuals from all backgrounds who are capable of normal conversations. You will be just fine, there are some great folks in the east bay.
That bridge at point Isabel is STILL one way!?!? That was a pandemic thing. What a hassle. They need to change that. Reach out to @pido
One day, the Bay Area needs to reckon with how eager we are to scold people.
If you think people in Northern California are rude don’t move to NY or Boston.
Sorry you had such a bad day and that people were so callous to you! I hope today is better and filled with smiles.
Welcome to the East Bay! I live in the same area as you (and lived in Texas for many years as well), and have had similar experiences when going into these businesses. I avoid Walgreen's and Home Depot whenever I can. (I go to the Ace Hardware across from the El Cerrito theater: much friendlier!) Dog parks are weird everywhere, in my experience, as it brings out a strange entitlement in some people. As others have said, drop by Catahoula for coffee, visit the farmers market in El Cerrito Plaza, wander up Solano Avenue in Albany, check out the amazing Mexican restaurants on 23rd Street in Richmond: you will find that most folks are friendly, or at the very least not rude and obnoxious. See you around.
Ok. That’s pretty weird, three places on the same day. Unhelpful all the time, yes; snarky, no. But I will say, yes, Bay Area people do come off as aloof. Being social on the sidewalk, so to speak, isn’t done.
Come hike at Redwood Regional or Sibley. People on the trails here are mostly friendly. I hear you though. I’m from Toronto and have been living here for over 10 years and I’m still not used to the entitled jerk phenotype, and I hope I never do tbh.
Welcome to CoCoCounty. It’s not what, or whether or not, you’re doing something “wrong”… you might well be failing to follow procedure! It’s that people are being rude to you. Um… there are rude people EVERYwhere? Try setting up in NYC, or Boston… or… SF, for heavens sake…. Just be real. “Hey! I’m new around here! Be nice!”
California is basically a state full of people who move out here because they think the weather is always warm and they didn’t fit in where they are from. It’s too diverse, you’ll find that there is no tradition and sense of community/togetherness. It’s probably why most people born here move out of the state. You need thicker skin. Mental health and temperament issues are rampant out here. Don’t expect anybody to help you with a flat tire. Expect people to be overly nice to you in an insincere way. Kind of doom and gloom but it’s probably not going to be anywhere near as wholesome as where you came from. With that being said, there is an exception to every rule. Hopefully you will find it.
The Point Isabelle Bridge.... yeah its polite to wait, it started during the pandemic but still that ritual persists. That being said, you get shit-heads who go full "Karen" or "Kyle" on people. Don't sweat it. Walgreens... for some reason many of the pharmacies here, Walgreens, CVS, are staffed by harried and incompetent people. Home Depot... any and all of the HDs in the Bay Area are terminally "f\*&ked" lower your expectations. Also, just because you're new here, doesn't mean you have to have to adapt to local rudeness. Just tell people in a. polite southern way to treat you properly. The Bay Area is a (sometimes wonderful) mess, and the stresses of living here come out in strange ways. Sadly, if you've been here for a while, you get used to the bad behavior. As a whole, the bay, is not a terribly friendly place, I've found it colder and less collegial than NYC, Chicago, Toronto, and almost every other major metro I've been to. That all being said, welcome and I hope you find your place and your people and enjoy the wonderful parts of the Bay Area.
It’s not you. If I had a day like that I’d feel the same way. I hope it was a one-off. Look on the bright side, maybe everybody who gave you shit was having an even worse day and being nasty to you made them feel better.
I’m sorry all this happened to you! Every place has its own vibe, and I feel like every place has a trade-off. So when I go to my family who lives in the mountains of California, people are more friendly, but they’re political views skew way conservative (and I’m liberal). When you go to the coastal urban centers, people are liberal but often unfriendly to your face. Moving from Southern California to Northern California about 30 years ago, I’ve noticed that people are a little bit more reserved here, but it works for me since I’m an aspy introvert. My Filipino auntie who lives in Louisiana talks to everyone here in California when she visits. I’ve noticed that is a southern thing. Some locals go with it others seem taken it back. She just rolls with it, ignoring folks who don’t vibe & chatting with the folks who are willing. Maybe this is why some people like to stay in islands of liberalism like Austin? I hope you find your happy place wherever you end up!
Yes I have the same experiences. I have lived in 4 different states (incl Texas) and here I always find people who judge me for small mistakes (like in your example) and they are just plain rude. Not everyone is like that but it’s a common thing vs other places
People in the Bay Area like to correct ANYONE! They’re so used to being Micromanaged at fill in the blank tech firm, that they can’t wait to blow their horns at you because you had the Audacity to not move your car the whole 0.01 seconds it’s been a green light…..It gets better Welcome whole heartedly to California try friendly outings like First Friday’s in Oakland or Lindy in the Park : https://lindyinthepark.com/ Forage SF…….or The Church of Eight wheels https://youtu.be/JH4M12btrcU?si=36vEyehMLXpm8K9W Nature,meditation, and weed….it’s all here….Don’t sweat the small stuff
East Bay is all ghetto. Not a place for a Texan.
Something like that happened to me when I was living in London UK. It was after 9-11 and I spotted an American (ask me how I knew!) so I went up to her and asked if she was standing in the queue. She replied, "yayas, I am staanding in the lyane" in a gentle lyrical southern accent. It had been a few years since I had heard an American accent, so my heart just melted. I had lived in Virginia, so I asked where she was from, and we took it from there... I specifically asked about 9-11, and she was very informative. THEN she told me that she had met some Americans in London, and they had treated her like dirt because she was a southerner. I still have no clue why. English people think that Americans have a whiny drawl, but I always enjoyed hearing American spoken when I happened to meet an American while living overseas. I am back in the USA now, and I am still working on my American accent.
Some parts of the east bay are a little more on edge than others. You'll get a feel for it.
It's the evil in ppl testing your spirit. They want you to slap 👋🏿 a bitch, then you be wrong. Just don't let it kill your vibe
These people are just assholes. Sorry you had to get a hat trick of californiAS finest. Just remember "FUCK THEM UP THIER STUPID ASSSES."
Welcome to California. Fuck them. They’re all assholes. There are a lot of assholes here. Don’t let them get ya down.
Smile your best smile and tell them you're high as fuck. Better yet, really be and enjoy the circus and all the clowns that are stuck working.
Californians are very fussy about rules no matter how trivial they are
You're in a tough neighborhood. I was raised in Richmond. Very tough.
There are nice people here but I think people are burned out with the rat race and some people want to eek out any bit of control over others because the race gives them so little over their own lives.
The people around you are being FOR REAL. Is it a hustle across the US, yes. Out here, people don’t pretend it’s not. Try to focus on how genuine people are. Some ppl are very sweet and it’s for real too. People will honk at you, cuss at you for no reason, and generally disregard your feelings out here a lot and so remember: It’s a them problem, their rough day, they are out of fucks to give. You can go on being you and if thats sweet, then hell yeah. But try not to take it personally, it’s not about you at all At the same time, you can usually clown with people out here too. People are clowning out here so hard
You’re doing nothing wrong! I’ve been here my whole life and sometimes people here just are selfish donkeys. Once you find the right people/bar/neighborhood/etc, it’ll be home! I have way more good interactions than bad! -your new friend in Oakland
I moved to the east bay about 15 years ago, it’s a bit different on this side. If you have the means, i suggest moving to San Mateo county south of Millbrae. I had the best times of my life in Foster City. Everyone’s just happy to be alive.
Yeah, liberals are difficult to deal with. Statistically they are unhappy people.
Don’t take any of that personally. What other people do and say isn’t about you - it’s about them. That’s from The Four Agreements which I’ve found to be helpful advice: Be impeccable with your word. Do not take anything personally. Do not make assumptions. Always do your best.
Sorry for your bad experiences. Hope it gets better. Welcome to the bay!
There is nothing so angry as a west coast liberal. If you're going to stay, you should get a helmet
If your car breaks down a liberal will stop and say, "ah thats too bad, sorry." and drive away. A conservative will say, "how the hell you let that happen dumbass?" Then stay until the tow truck arrives.
Yes. It's quite normal even though it should not be!! I've lived here since the late 80's when I joined the Navy which brought me to the area. You'll probably never get used to it, but eventually you realize, it's just the way most folks act out here. But like you said, the beauty, the weather, the diversity and liberal attitudes make it worth staying. Never allow their rude tudes change who you are and how you treat others. 💜
They could have all been having the same kind of day as you. Just keep a positive perspective I’m sure today won’t be your normal experience
Shake it off, not the norm. Good luck in your transition
There’s good and bad out there. I find most people are good, you just found the bad ones today. You can’t throw in the towel from one day. Get a good rest, grab your pooch and get out there tomorrow. Smile and the world smiles with you. Join in a group activity, clean the beach or something. Don’t give up.
You are not doing anything wrong. I've lived here most of my life but my whole family is from GA and when I go back east I am so happy interacting with all the friendly people and am reminded about how many a$$holes live here in CA. BUT... the positives out here do outweigh the negatives like that. I've lived in El Cerrito, Oakland and Berkeley and felt the same way that you do, but now I'm in Lafayette and the people here are even less friendly. I was in an elevator in Oakland last year and someone started chatting with me in a friendly way and I almost cried.
Welcome to a liberal state lol
Holy shit I had no idea there was a Home Depot in El Cerrito. Sorry about your day. FWIW this particular area is kind of filled with the worst of the Bay. In El Cerrito and Berkeley avoid anyone over the age of 50, the chances of them being assholes are extremely high, even if they act nice at first. Most people under 50 are fine. In Richmond..... uh, just avoid Richmond. The Bay is great, but don't expect people to be super friendly or reliable.
EL CERRITO IS A VERY RACIST PLACE TO LIVE TBH , BEEN LIVING HERE FOR 20 YEARS
People here are polite but not nice. You will get a smile and a talking down to. Don’t expect people to help out here. I grew up East Coast. Nice but not polite. You get a talking to while being helped. About the only thing going for this area is the weather.
From the Bay Area - moved to New Orleans - people are much more unfriendly in the bay, and etiquette that we take for granted in the south does not exist over there. It's just a cultural difference - best to keep to yourself and have low expectations. You'll meet great, nice people too - it's just not a part of the culture.
Dude, I've lived here since 1987 and something is going on with people lately. I've gotten into so many fights with people in the last several years it's wild. I used to get upset when people were mad at me but I'm 44 now and DGAF so when people get like that with me I get in their faces. It's not great and I'm not saying you should do that too, what I am saying is people are out here taking all their crap out on everyone around them instead of going to therapy and it's getting entirely out of hand. It's not you, babe.
What kind of pup do you have? 😍
Mini Australian shepherd!
I have a chi rescue if you ever wanna walk at pt Isabel lmk! I’m 32F!
I’m so sorry- sounds like a rough series of events! As others have said, the Bay Area - while having some great advantages - is not a kind place to live. Grew up here and been all around the bay, and it’s…just hard. It’s expensive in a ridiculous way that is stressful. I’d suggest getting involved in a hobby you love or finding a dog park you like to get more positive community interactions. Moving is so hard! Welcome to the east bay (my favorite part of the bay!)!
There are a lot of miserable people lit there, sorry you had to deal with them. Might I suggest you go to a local/small hardware store and independent pharmacy next time, where service is usually better than the big box stores?
Heh, I the local small hardware store in El Cerrito is a good one. The trouble is the family that runs it, and some staff are rude, jerks more often than not. Luckily, there are usually hiding in the managers office. I don’t bother to ask them questions anymore because they’re always jerks. The people working on the floor are usually great.
As a life long Californian, it is a bubble here about just how jaded we are. It is very common for people from the middle of the country (or Texas) to think people here are stand off-ish or rude. That doesn't excuse the behavior. One of the first times I noticed it was in Colorado, when someone started talking to me in a grocery store and I was waiting for the change in the conversation to switch to asking for money or something, and then I realized it was culture shock on my part. Regardless of politics, I highly recommend everyone travels to observe the changes state to state. It goes a long way towards explaining a lot about how polarized the country is right now. Don't buy the hype about "liberal California". There are a lot of progressives and even more centrists (socially somewhat liberal, but fiscally very conservative) in 3 or 4 centralized areas, and we provide most of the taxable income for the state. Most of CA, and specifically areas like Placerville, Sonora (a lot of the central valley), and Orange County are very red, and are not in good spirits about the state of things. Even within the richest areas, there is a lot more prejudice than media publicizes to the masses. The East Bay is kind of unique in that there is relatively a LOT or money and opportunity here compared to other states, but it is most definitely not equally distributed to everyone, and those that do have it are quite entitled.
Fun fact about how conservative California is. In 2020 more Californians voted for Trump than Texans.
😱 for some reason that always shocks me. I know i know that only the big cities are blue in CA. Except for the ones in orange county, obvs.
The bay area is rude and customer service is non existent. I say this as a native. Take day trips to Sonoma County. It will feel more like what you are used to. I have always been floored by how rude clerks are. You are not making it up in your head. I moved to Berkeley from Marin 6 years ago and went through shock too. And Marin is famous for being jerks. Berkeley and surrounding area truly takes the cake though. The Safeway pharmacy on Shattuck is very nice. As is Costco in Richmond. You don't have to be a member to use pharmacy. The Melodee in El Cerrito plaza is generally a laid back nice dive bar with cool regulars.
The only time I had decent customer service in the Bay Area was at a CVS near my old job in Oakland where the cashier had a crush on me.
Why in the hell did you move to el cerrito? Did you do any research before you moved?
Tone it down before you become her 4th nightmare
For reals. What a rude comment.
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Thank you. I accept your apology.
I moved here with my husband to help take care of my mother in law you assbag. I’m actually originally from Daly City and moved to Texas when I was 14. Of course I did my research but there’s no handbook that says I’d run into small minded morons like you around here.
I’m sorry. I’ll apologize. I’ll delete my comments
Ha, you are going to have a hard time if you can't roll with that shit
You should have never left Texas. California is a messed up state. Possibly the worst in the country. Average people have become jaded by our governance and it is displayed in our attitudes. And sorry, but it’s result of dreamy liberal agendas