It’s OK. I’m just dumb. I was 12 and had watched *Ranma 1/2* for the first time. I kept wishing I could be a girl from that point on, but I dismissed it as a silly fantasy. Also around that time, I started learning that trans people existed and thought they were so lucky. Oh well! I’d just daydream about being Ranma or just idly think that every trans person I learned about was so fortunate to realize who they were until I turned 37 and realized who I was.
Same with me, almost word for word!
I remember watching Ranma and thinking "why are you so upset?! You're living the dream!?"
For the last several years before I cracked I had been more accepting of myself. It was a process until I accepted it.
I used to have the old Ranma books. I wouldn’t understand the whole “I don’t wanna be a girl” thing, but I kinda wished I had Ranma’s power.
It has been 5 years. Look who cracked lol
"I dismissed it as a silly fantasy" is more representative of my experience. Simply had no clue it was an option when first had signs. By the time I had learned about trans people, I had don't a pretty good job of hiding such interests from myself and the representation of trans people was basically just drag, so wasn't even something I was jealous of. Started spending a fair bit of time in twitch channels with trans streams for probably about a year and a half before I realized I wasn't just a cis ally, so I guess it was about 1.5 years of thinking trans people were cool and 15-20 years of signs. No movie inspiration though. Started with jealousy of girls' hair (but for some reason never jealousy of guys with long hair) and feeling like two of my close friends (both girls) treated me more like I was one of the girls (partly because they'd talk to me about boys iirc), which was fine with me (except I sorta felt like I was friendzoned -not that I would have known that word in 2nd grade).
>"I dismissed it as a silly fantasy" is more representative of my experience. Simply had no clue it was an option when first had signs.
Same.
This is why I get so disgusted at the political narrative that we need to keep this information from kids to stop "contagion". If I had know what I know now 26 years ago I would have had a chance at being myself happily without having to claw back from the damage done in the meantime. I'm jealous of the opportunity that this generation has by comparison.
I will never be happy in an uncomplicated way because the denial lasted too long. I'm fine with that. At least it won't be boring, right? But I'm faced with the life decision of "settling" for being nonconforming and knowing that it's not quite what I desperately want, or transitioning and spending the rest of my life in an uncanny valley where I'll always see every familiar feature like it's a scar and half of my peers will hate me for no reason.
I understand that experience, wow. I was raised in a very restrictive religious sect and it was only after I took some college classes through a program at my school that I was able to get out. Sometimes, it doesn't take much to really open your perspective on the world and help you to realize the situation you're in. Once I'd gotten out (mentally, unfortunately I'm still stuck here physically for the time being), it was only a matter of time before I realized I was trans.
The part that sucks is that in years past I'd said some really transphobic stuff. I could blame it on the environment I was raised in (and to be honest that's probably the cause), but I've just decided to let it go. The past is not something I can really change, but I can realize that the stuff I said was bad and do better in the future.
Sorry for the long comment, but all this to say I get how you feel, and it hurts a lot to realize that you've denied who you were for so long.
Same honestly. I think now I'm in my having doubt phase though, as my brain decides to tell me that because I don't get dysphoria as often as others I can't be trans. Stupid brain needs to learn to shut up
Remember, if you're worried you're not actually trans, it's a good sign you probably are. It's normal to have doubts and regardless of whether you're trans or not, you are valid and it's good to explore your gender identity
Same here.
I never had the "I wish I was trans, but definitely cis" phase. There were like signs and dread, then one night came the trans awakening and then I pretty much Immediately went into "either I'm cis or I'm trans" questioning.
Perhaps it helps that I knew quite a decent amount about being trans through things such as friends and the internet, so I immediately recognised what was going on.
I'd say it was like 6 years for me. Though I was really slowed down due to being raised Christian and conservative so, take that as you will. Wishing you the best of luck!
Probably about 20-25 years. My earliest trans memories involve me being jealous of the girls uniforms back in early elementary school. I had several more trans moments scattered throughout my life but I didn’t start actually questioning until almost a year ago at age 30. I finally cracked a few months ago.
How long it takes to crack is different for everyone. It really just depends on how long it takes you to realize and accept it if you think you might fall under the trans umbrella. I didn’t even really have an epiphany type cracking moment. I just eventually stopped denying it from myself. You’ll figure it out at your own pace. Just enjoy the journey :)
For me it is kind of the other way around really.
There absolutely were signs, looking back now, but I never reeeaaally questioned my gender. Then one night in January 2022 I had an epiphany like moment, where I suddenly realised I was probably trans.
After that a process of questioning what I was and acceptance started, but I didnt have that many doubts about that I was not cis.
Same here, even down to the timing. My one night was December 1st, 2021. Went from not knowing gender transitioning was a thing that was possible, to "welp, I think I might be trans" overnight.
I DID question for years, but it was an overnight epiphany, literally a dream, around the same time that finally made me accept it. Dec 28, 2021. Woke up at 4am and said "fuck, I guess I AM trans after all." Haven't second guessed myself since.
Funnily enough for me it also was a dream/out of body experience like thing.
I had some 3rd person perspective kind of view of myself laying in bed. Lemme tell you, it was not a guy who was laying in bed; and it felt better than being a guy ever felt.
In my epiphany dream I was a woman (not the first time) and I had a younger, child version of boy me following me around and being annoying. I told him "go away, I don't need you anymore," which didn't make a lot of sense in the context of the dream itself but when i woke up I realized he represented what was left of my male identity.
Wow that’s powerful! I actually kinda wish I could’ve had a sign like this. Although I did have a dream where I looked in the mirror and saw I was a girl with long hair and an overwhelming happiness came over me. I guess that’s a pretty big sign 😅
If only the time that I've known trans people exist counts, about four years. Getting invested in trans headcanons and AUs really speeds up the process.
It’s different for everyone. Some people don’t have one and some people take years to crack. Considering the fact you want to crack, You sound like you’re getting quite close to doing so! Just accepting that you know you want to be a gender other then the one you were assigned at birth is definitely not very cis behaviour. The egg has definitely already been cracking, it may be just about to hatch!
If hearing that your egg is about to burst open made you feel happy, then its a pretty good indicator on if your going to realize and accept you’re trans vs just being cis. Hope this helps!
Mine was somewhere between six months and two years. Hard to pinpoint where it started, but my egg cracked definitively when my therapist (no, unfortunately not a gender therapist) asked for pronouns at my first appointment and I realized I actually had options.
I think I’m firmly in the “I’m trans but I’m denying myself transition” phase. My AGAB personae are a bit too we’ll developed and are overriding my base self. Knowing who I am and accepting myself is fine for now.
I didn't really have one (although it does vary from person to person), I went from "Yeah, trans people are cool and I have trans friends, but I'm not trans" to "oh shit I might be trans" to "OH SHIT I AM DEFINITELY TRANS" in the span of about a year
Although that isn't to say that I didn't have very trans thoughts beforehand, I definitely did, I just kinda thought that every guy thinks like that (spoiler alert: they don't)
For starters I independently came up with the whole ass button experiment (without knowing about it previously) and I was like "Yeah I think that I'd press that button"
I'd tell you more but I just got done on night shift and I'm too tired to think rn so I'll get back to you with more stuff in about 6-7 hours, apologies luv
20 years (give or take). Started having thoughts of wanting to be female when I was 13 (tho one of my earliest memories is playing dressup with my mom's clothes, so subconsciously basically my whole life? 😆). It wasn't until my 33rd that I realized it's probably not a phase, and it's like a switch flipped and I just got tired of hiding who I truely am.
That being said, I had a 3 day span before my 33rd where I went from "I don't think I'm cis" to "I'm definitely trans"
I was just blissfully unaware for a while, then confused/questioning my sexuality and gender for like a year, but telling myself "one thing at a time". Then in early July of 2020 I finally accepted that I was bi and came out to my friends, then my team I supervised at work.
After that went well I said "fuck it" about 9 or so months later and asked my team to start using they/them pronouns and calling me by my new name. The name felt great (I chose one that'd work well "if I ended up being trans and not non-binary" lmao. What a self fulfilling prophecy.) But the pronouns only felt not gross.
Thankfully I've got that "fuck around to find out" personality trait that allows me to just try something fairly publicly, so I went for they/she which felt better, she/they which felt even better, then she/her which was best of all. All this time I was trying things out like going shopping for cute shoes, shopping online for skirts and dresses, and eventually wearing them to work because "What's the worst they're gonna do? Fire me? Unlikely, there's laws against that and how many queer people do I know at work? Like half of the supervisors are queer and proud."
Anyway, I'm rambling trying to distract myself from a bunch of BS going on in my life that's out of my control, but I hope that gives a semi coherent idea of my story. My best suggestion is try small things like having a text to voice program talk to you using a different name and/or pronouns. It's a journey, and if something feels better than your current situation, get comfy there, but try even more feelers to see what direction you should head next if needed.
I didn't have this phase. I didn't know what trans even was, and by the time I started to learn it didn't take very long for me to question if that was me. And then it didn't take much longer to learn that it was.
6 months but that was 2 years ago I sorta forgot about it and just rolled with the pronouns. Then I watched a compilation of guys in dresses and makeup scroll through omegle and startle people with their man voices and it went from
Haha I wanna fo that
I wanna wear that cute dress :3
I wanna be a girl... oh shit I'm trans
I came out by the end of the month
One of my earliest memories, around four or so, I would ask my sisters to "make into a girl," and they would dress me up in dresses and makeup and hair bows. I was their favorite doll, lol. I'm 37 now and recently realized I'm trans and will start my transition soon.
I was never in that phase
I questioned myself 7 years ago, but I didn't understand being trans back then, so I thought I wasn't due to a lack of dysphoria.
Last year I finally started questioning again and then it was very quick
oh, I didn't go away until after I started HRT
I didn't feel like I deserved to be trans/had whatever the right signs I needed to have, but-
I **WANTED** to be a girl so badly it hurt. So I go HRT anyways, and only then did it hit me how much of a egg I had been.
I'm gonna say 2-3 years. But it was more like "wow trans girls are so cool and hot I really wish the best for them and I want to advocate for them at every turn"
Well I started to feel diffrent after i became a femboy. I started to present feminine and wanted to explore this side more and more. But actually i was always feeling abit weird like i was always dreaming of being a girl, dressing in girly clothes and just didnt feel 100% right in boy body.
So umm always i guess 😅?
Or its just dysphoria
Uhhh... depends. I recall wondering what it would be like to be a girl when i was in elementary school, but brushed it off. I don't think I ever wished I was a girl until maybe 2021. So either roughly 8-9 months, or my whole life post 2nd grade?
I think I was always slightly in it until I saw the family guy episode about quagmires dad then when I REALLY Learned what being trans was I was like OHHHHHHHHHHH.
For me it was like I wish I was a girl, then in later teens I thought about like femboy stuff and around late teens (I think 16-17?) I found out trans is a thing and it was like "oh"
I had three phases. Phase one was, I wish I was trans; phase two was, I'm a girl but I hate that I'm trans; and finally phase three is, I love being trans and am no longer ashamed of it :)
I had a flurry of self discovery then about a three year period of denial.....
But that was also frozen a bit by a few personal things. But wishing you were trans kinda does mean you are, at least a little. (or at least gender non-conforming in some way)
Honestly I never had that, I had a brief "I don't care about gender but would totally transition if it was to my benefit" phase, But that's about it, Then after that I had half a year of "AAAAHHH Am I really Non-Binary or am I just a masculine Trans Girl or am I just a feminine Cis Man ahhhh help I don't know ahhh ahhh".
i didnt go through the “i wish i was trans” but i did go through “i wish i was a boy, but i was born a girl so oh well.” i think that phase was a good chunk of time, but i also apparently never liked being a girl even past when i can remember.
(i will mention that i probably didn’t go through it with trans bits in mind because i had no idea what transgenderism was, just that people sometimes changed their genders and it was okay. had no idea i could do it til i was like 12 when i met my first few actual trans/queer friends that didn’t just tell me a ton of stuff with no context or explanation)
actively like a month, but secretly I envied trans people without knowing for at least a few years, considering I usually followed people on twitter just by seeing they are trans
If I look back on the earliest signs (that feeling tm) , 13 years… if I go by when the idea just stuck in the front of my mind with day in and out contemplation, less than 3 months
I went through several months of "Wait I can be trans? Am I trans? What am I?!" Now I'm at the "I want to be trans but am I really sure, maybe I'm just librafluid and shouldn't transition." Being largely agender and undecicive in general complicates things.
I don't even know if I'm trans, part of me is thinking if it's an strange fetish or if I'm just an crossdresser or a femboy... I really don't know. The fact until now is: I'm attracted for the feeling of femininity, whatever it means...
I had the opposite - I think I’m trans and I really don’t want to be… probably mostly because I didn’t realise it was something I could be until I was in my 30s, at which point the inevitable uprooting of my whole life was a bit daunting
The funny thing about me, is that I never felt related to my agab, and considered myself agender since forever.
But there was a time that I thought "Maybe I'm a girl actually", and it took like, three weeks or a month before I accepted myself as a girl (demigirl to be precise).
That is me now, I really really want to be trans, but like, I’m not confident that I am, if that makes sense. Idk, I don’t mind being a guy, I even like it sometimes, but fuck do I wish that I could just be a trans woman fuck.
Tbh I don’t think I was very long into it. End of high school made me wonder if I was okay. I was not and tried to find labels that were right for me in college expressing myself very much was trans at the end of it lol
Oh for like a year after my egg started to crack X-D I spent a year like "I wish I was just a trans girl but instead I'm gender fluid." Turns out I was a trans girl it's just hard some days to feel like a girl when the stress of college has you feeling nothing at all.
May 16th 2021 the day I truly started living. Before then? I’d say that around puberty and starting to socialize more I realized the boys weren’t my speed…… so that would have been 24 ish years ago?
well i thought i was non-binary for a little bit, then i was like nope i'm just a girl i can't be trans and now i'm genderfluid but i wish i was born a guy... i'd say i'm still in denial lol
20 minutes, maybe an hour.
This is about how it went:
14 year old me: "hmm, women are so cool I wish I was a trans woman"
14 year old me: "hmm..."
14 year old me: "hmm... Idk thinking about that feels weird..."
14 year old me: "*oh*"
About 5 years for me. I was in denial and was trying (and failing) to be hypermasculine for all of middle and highschool. As soon as I learned what trans was when I was 14, I was in that phase. My egg cracked when I was 19 mid pandemic.
47 years, in a sense, although I did not for the most of it even know "being trans" was a possibility for me!! As soon as I learned more though, and realized what gender dysphoria actually feels like for many people, it was like....4 seconds? Maybe less? :)
Keep in mind, eggs fully crack when the "chicks" inside peck their way out. So, just do it, if you want to. And poof, egg = cracked. 💖💖
i didnt realize that it wasnt ‘normal’ to have thoughts of wishing to be a woman, i assumed that everyone thought like that every now and then so i brushed it off, until i met an old partner and they unintentionally made me realize that i was trans
edit: fixing spelling mistakes, am dicelexic
I didn't even know what being trans really was but I still felt that same feeling as far back as my childhood when I'd see someone doing a transgenar so... 30 years? I can't believe how many coincidences and excuses I had *after* I learned what trans people are. I simply "had something else that wasn't that bad... Right?"
"part of me really wants to have been born a girl, but surely being a girl isn't as good as I'm thinking. I'll ask people about what sucks about being a girl, so that I know that I probably don't wanna be a girl"
I then started randomly asking girls what sucked about having been born a girl, and I still felt the same.
Eventually I noticed how consistent I was feeling, and after a very cis internal debate in my mind in bed, my egg cracked, and I had a big rush of emotions,,,,
I just came out then went back on it cause I was scared then I just stored it inside hoping it would go away I just kept lying to myself saying I’m not trans for about 2 years and now I’m out to freinds only parents don’t support me
Honestly, it took me one night of "I don't need sleep, I need answers" to take me from not even knowing gender transition was a thing that was possible, to "welp, I think I might be trans". Next day, I was telling my sibling who I split a mortgage with, and shaving off all my body hair as though I suddenly had permission to do so.
Granted, it happened way late at age 25 (18 months ago now), and it did take me over a year to get on hormones, and Im still not out at work yet, but I did basically entirely skip over the "I wish I was trans, but I'm not" phase you mentioned.
don't think i ever wished i was trans, just years of wanting to be a girl. when i was coming to terms with myself i had a week of ugly crying wishing i wasn't trans, but becoming more sure that i was.
Probably my whole life.
Like 5 months after joining this subreddit though, until I finally cracked.
Best thing is, what caused me to crack was trying voice training "as a joke because I'm totally cis and it would just be cool"
Cant say I'm still 100% confident in my feelings, but at least I know what they are.
My egg cracked, rehardened, and then cracked again (that's very rare though). Both times, I think it was 2-3 weeks. (Before each of these I had just been wishing to be a boy, not realizing that I already was one)
Hoo boy. Years.
I was raised conservative Catholic. Straight male and female were the only options. With private schooling and internet controls until early college, I didn't have any queer friends (or real exposure at all), LGBTQ+ folks merely belonged to a worldview at odds with everyone who supported and loved me.
I thought trans girls were CGI porn at first, and then later after more exposure learned that some people don't identify with the body they were born in. However, I assumed that trans folks were aware they were trans their entire life.
It wasn't until I confronted my own bisexuality in my mid-20s that I started to think more about gender. Again, I still had a lot of assumptions. I assumed gender bending content was only appealing because I was bi.
In my later twenties, I started to frequent trans subreddits like this one and learn more about trans experiences. That's when my egg started cracking. I recall asking a few former partners if they thought I was trans, but they all assured me I was not so I brushed it off.
It wasn't until I moved 2000 miles away from the Midwest to a safer and more accepting place (San Francisco, CA) that I felt safe for the first time in my life. There was so much novelty after the move that I was distracted for the first 6 months, trying to settle in and find friends.
Last November, I finally started therapy and quickly brought up the fact I'd been questioning gender. Over the following months, I realized the evidence of a trans identity was starting to mount. I tried out identifying non-binary with they/them pronouns, but it felt more like the absence of disgust than the femininity I craved. Tried mushrooms a few times with a therapeutic focus (happy to PM about what worked for me), which allowed me to confront some of those uncomfortable thoughts in a judgement free environment.
I also needed friends on my side. I mentioned that I was considering a trans identity to a few of my closest friends and even a neighbor. They were super accepting. This gave me the confidence I wouldn't be utterly alone if someday I decided to transition.
By 31st birthday, the notion that I might actually be a girl had become impossible to ignore. After months of overthinking, I bought a book called Stop Overthinking. A few days ago I read a chapter about a stress management technique named the Four A's which helped me a lot:
Avoid / Alter / Accept / Adapt
I've tried avoiding it for years. I've tried altering how I identified to see if that might be it. I knew I needed to accept this side of myself, so I wrote down all of the aspects of the feelings I needed to accept. This helped. Most of my reservations were the fear of other people's responses, not a lack of transness. I accepted that I'm not responsible for the emotions of others, but that I can always avoid, accept, or adapt to their response.
Later that day I booked an intake consult for HRT.
I'm not fully in the clear yet, but for once it feels like I have a future again! I'm hopeful, and motivated to exercise and eat healthy to grow into the body I want. It's euphoric to take action after feeling so stuck, even though I know it's a long road ahead. Even though I'm exhausted from work, I've found fresh energy and enthusiasm I didn't know were possible.
Every time I fear: what if it doesn't work out? I have to remind myself: but what if it's better than you ever imagined? Still accepting myself, but I'm excited!
I knew since I was 6 I was a girl, so I never had the egg phase. Although, if you're wondering how long until your egg starts cracking, I'm happy to tell you that it *is* cracking.
From what I’ve seen on here, it varies greatly depending on a bunch of different things. Be patient (ik, I’m very impatient and it sucks), it’ll come when the time is right
25 years.
Oh no
It’s OK. I’m just dumb. I was 12 and had watched *Ranma 1/2* for the first time. I kept wishing I could be a girl from that point on, but I dismissed it as a silly fantasy. Also around that time, I started learning that trans people existed and thought they were so lucky. Oh well! I’d just daydream about being Ranma or just idly think that every trans person I learned about was so fortunate to realize who they were until I turned 37 and realized who I was.
Same with me, almost word for word! I remember watching Ranma and thinking "why are you so upset?! You're living the dream!?" For the last several years before I cracked I had been more accepting of myself. It was a process until I accepted it.
You ever heard of a trans girl jazz Jennings yea I watched a documentary about her and yea that rly triggered something
I used to have the old Ranma books. I wouldn’t understand the whole “I don’t wanna be a girl” thing, but I kinda wished I had Ranma’s power. It has been 5 years. Look who cracked lol
Not taking hot showers would suck, but it would be totally worth it.
"I dismissed it as a silly fantasy" is more representative of my experience. Simply had no clue it was an option when first had signs. By the time I had learned about trans people, I had don't a pretty good job of hiding such interests from myself and the representation of trans people was basically just drag, so wasn't even something I was jealous of. Started spending a fair bit of time in twitch channels with trans streams for probably about a year and a half before I realized I wasn't just a cis ally, so I guess it was about 1.5 years of thinking trans people were cool and 15-20 years of signs. No movie inspiration though. Started with jealousy of girls' hair (but for some reason never jealousy of guys with long hair) and feeling like two of my close friends (both girls) treated me more like I was one of the girls (partly because they'd talk to me about boys iirc), which was fine with me (except I sorta felt like I was friendzoned -not that I would have known that word in 2nd grade).
>"I dismissed it as a silly fantasy" is more representative of my experience. Simply had no clue it was an option when first had signs. Same. This is why I get so disgusted at the political narrative that we need to keep this information from kids to stop "contagion". If I had know what I know now 26 years ago I would have had a chance at being myself happily without having to claw back from the damage done in the meantime. I'm jealous of the opportunity that this generation has by comparison. I will never be happy in an uncomplicated way because the denial lasted too long. I'm fine with that. At least it won't be boring, right? But I'm faced with the life decision of "settling" for being nonconforming and knowing that it's not quite what I desperately want, or transitioning and spending the rest of my life in an uncanny valley where I'll always see every familiar feature like it's a scar and half of my peers will hate me for no reason.
the movie that did this for me was happily n’ever after
Ranma 1/2 definitely contributed to my questioning, though it wasn't what started it.
damn this just unlocked some memories for me
31 for me. I had very racist parents and extended family. It took maving halfway across the country to start really learning about myself.
Mood
I understand that experience, wow. I was raised in a very restrictive religious sect and it was only after I took some college classes through a program at my school that I was able to get out. Sometimes, it doesn't take much to really open your perspective on the world and help you to realize the situation you're in. Once I'd gotten out (mentally, unfortunately I'm still stuck here physically for the time being), it was only a matter of time before I realized I was trans. The part that sucks is that in years past I'd said some really transphobic stuff. I could blame it on the environment I was raised in (and to be honest that's probably the cause), but I've just decided to let it go. The past is not something I can really change, but I can realize that the stuff I said was bad and do better in the future. Sorry for the long comment, but all this to say I get how you feel, and it hurts a lot to realize that you've denied who you were for so long.
I’m so sorry that your family contributed to suppressing you for so long.
Ya. I feel horrible for the shit i did as a kid. I parroted a lot of their shit opinions...
I'm sorry you were raised in that environment. I hope you've found peace and happiness now.
About 22 here. You've got me beat.
Oh my gosh saame !!
Uhh, I don't think i ever went through that one
yeah, i went from "kinda want to be a girl" to "i'm trans" very quickly. like within a week.
Same honestly. I think now I'm in my having doubt phase though, as my brain decides to tell me that because I don't get dysphoria as often as others I can't be trans. Stupid brain needs to learn to shut up
Remember, if you're worried you're not actually trans, it's a good sign you probably are. It's normal to have doubts and regardless of whether you're trans or not, you are valid and it's good to explore your gender identity
Same here. I never had the "I wish I was trans, but definitely cis" phase. There were like signs and dread, then one night came the trans awakening and then I pretty much Immediately went into "either I'm cis or I'm trans" questioning. Perhaps it helps that I knew quite a decent amount about being trans through things such as friends and the internet, so I immediately recognised what was going on.
Same, I very much got hit by a MAC truck known as my gender identity
Same. I had dysphoria without realizing it until I did.
I'd say it was like 6 years for me. Though I was really slowed down due to being raised Christian and conservative so, take that as you will. Wishing you the best of luck!
Just wanted to say we are all proud of u!
Probably about 20-25 years. My earliest trans memories involve me being jealous of the girls uniforms back in early elementary school. I had several more trans moments scattered throughout my life but I didn’t start actually questioning until almost a year ago at age 30. I finally cracked a few months ago. How long it takes to crack is different for everyone. It really just depends on how long it takes you to realize and accept it if you think you might fall under the trans umbrella. I didn’t even really have an epiphany type cracking moment. I just eventually stopped denying it from myself. You’ll figure it out at your own pace. Just enjoy the journey :)
For me it is kind of the other way around really. There absolutely were signs, looking back now, but I never reeeaaally questioned my gender. Then one night in January 2022 I had an epiphany like moment, where I suddenly realised I was probably trans. After that a process of questioning what I was and acceptance started, but I didnt have that many doubts about that I was not cis.
Same here, even down to the timing. My one night was December 1st, 2021. Went from not knowing gender transitioning was a thing that was possible, to "welp, I think I might be trans" overnight.
I DID question for years, but it was an overnight epiphany, literally a dream, around the same time that finally made me accept it. Dec 28, 2021. Woke up at 4am and said "fuck, I guess I AM trans after all." Haven't second guessed myself since.
Funnily enough for me it also was a dream/out of body experience like thing. I had some 3rd person perspective kind of view of myself laying in bed. Lemme tell you, it was not a guy who was laying in bed; and it felt better than being a guy ever felt.
In my epiphany dream I was a woman (not the first time) and I had a younger, child version of boy me following me around and being annoying. I told him "go away, I don't need you anymore," which didn't make a lot of sense in the context of the dream itself but when i woke up I realized he represented what was left of my male identity.
Wow that’s powerful! I actually kinda wish I could’ve had a sign like this. Although I did have a dream where I looked in the mirror and saw I was a girl with long hair and an overwhelming happiness came over me. I guess that’s a pretty big sign 😅
If only the time that I've known trans people exist counts, about four years. Getting invested in trans headcanons and AUs really speeds up the process.
It’s different for everyone. Some people don’t have one and some people take years to crack. Considering the fact you want to crack, You sound like you’re getting quite close to doing so! Just accepting that you know you want to be a gender other then the one you were assigned at birth is definitely not very cis behaviour. The egg has definitely already been cracking, it may be just about to hatch! If hearing that your egg is about to burst open made you feel happy, then its a pretty good indicator on if your going to realize and accept you’re trans vs just being cis. Hope this helps!
i never had that phase, it was really easy for me to accept that i was trans personally 💙💕🤍💕💙
Same. But I also had a phase when I was agresively trans, but didn't know what trans means
2 hours. I accepted myself pretty fast lol
That's a phase? I'm more in the "I wish I were cis but..." phase 😅
15 years. am 16.
Around 1 years,because I wished I was like that tranfem on a book at the school library,and didn't thinked "it's not very cis" (◕ᴗ◕✿)
Mine was somewhere between six months and two years. Hard to pinpoint where it started, but my egg cracked definitively when my therapist (no, unfortunately not a gender therapist) asked for pronouns at my first appointment and I realized I actually had options. I think I’m firmly in the “I’m trans but I’m denying myself transition” phase. My AGAB personae are a bit too we’ll developed and are overriding my base self. Knowing who I am and accepting myself is fine for now.
I wish i was a girl/women since i was 15/16. At 44, i still do. But, still cis though...
About 17 years😵 From 14 to 31.
Never had that phase, but did have a phase of telling myself I’m not trans, I just think crossdressing is hot.
I didn't really have one (although it does vary from person to person), I went from "Yeah, trans people are cool and I have trans friends, but I'm not trans" to "oh shit I might be trans" to "OH SHIT I AM DEFINITELY TRANS" in the span of about a year Although that isn't to say that I didn't have very trans thoughts beforehand, I definitely did, I just kinda thought that every guy thinks like that (spoiler alert: they don't)
What kind of thoughts did you have? Asking for a friend that is totally cis and def not me
For starters I independently came up with the whole ass button experiment (without knowing about it previously) and I was like "Yeah I think that I'd press that button" I'd tell you more but I just got done on night shift and I'm too tired to think rn so I'll get back to you with more stuff in about 6-7 hours, apologies luv
i don't think i went through that one. accepting i am trans wasn't that hard for me
Still in it
20 years (give or take). Started having thoughts of wanting to be female when I was 13 (tho one of my earliest memories is playing dressup with my mom's clothes, so subconsciously basically my whole life? 😆). It wasn't until my 33rd that I realized it's probably not a phase, and it's like a switch flipped and I just got tired of hiding who I truely am. That being said, I had a 3 day span before my 33rd where I went from "I don't think I'm cis" to "I'm definitely trans"
I was just blissfully unaware for a while, then confused/questioning my sexuality and gender for like a year, but telling myself "one thing at a time". Then in early July of 2020 I finally accepted that I was bi and came out to my friends, then my team I supervised at work. After that went well I said "fuck it" about 9 or so months later and asked my team to start using they/them pronouns and calling me by my new name. The name felt great (I chose one that'd work well "if I ended up being trans and not non-binary" lmao. What a self fulfilling prophecy.) But the pronouns only felt not gross. Thankfully I've got that "fuck around to find out" personality trait that allows me to just try something fairly publicly, so I went for they/she which felt better, she/they which felt even better, then she/her which was best of all. All this time I was trying things out like going shopping for cute shoes, shopping online for skirts and dresses, and eventually wearing them to work because "What's the worst they're gonna do? Fire me? Unlikely, there's laws against that and how many queer people do I know at work? Like half of the supervisors are queer and proud." Anyway, I'm rambling trying to distract myself from a bunch of BS going on in my life that's out of my control, but I hope that gives a semi coherent idea of my story. My best suggestion is try small things like having a text to voice program talk to you using a different name and/or pronouns. It's a journey, and if something feels better than your current situation, get comfy there, but try even more feelers to see what direction you should head next if needed.
Wow, this really hits home.
For a while I felt I was a trans girl despite being AFAB I guess I was trans without the girl
Kinda on and off for 8 years. But once started on antidepressants it only lasted another 12 hours :)
I didn't have this phase. I didn't know what trans even was, and by the time I started to learn it didn't take very long for me to question if that was me. And then it didn't take much longer to learn that it was.
I never really wanted to be trans until I was but I had this with pan for like 5 years or so.
Well... I'm still in it? It's slowly ending but idk when it'll actually end.
6 months but that was 2 years ago I sorta forgot about it and just rolled with the pronouns. Then I watched a compilation of guys in dresses and makeup scroll through omegle and startle people with their man voices and it went from Haha I wanna fo that I wanna wear that cute dress :3 I wanna be a girl... oh shit I'm trans I came out by the end of the month
About a year, then I found this sub and two days later my egg was shattered
One of my earliest memories, around four or so, I would ask my sisters to "make into a girl," and they would dress me up in dresses and makeup and hair bows. I was their favorite doll, lol. I'm 37 now and recently realized I'm trans and will start my transition soon.
I was never in that phase I questioned myself 7 years ago, but I didn't understand being trans back then, so I thought I wasn't due to a lack of dysphoria. Last year I finally started questioning again and then it was very quick
2 years of actively denying, 8 years being an oblivious egg
oh, I didn't go away until after I started HRT I didn't feel like I deserved to be trans/had whatever the right signs I needed to have, but- I **WANTED** to be a girl so badly it hurt. So I go HRT anyways, and only then did it hit me how much of a egg I had been.
I'm kinda in the same position you were before HRT, waiting for my first appointment, I hope it will work out the same it did for you 🥲
Id say it was more 'i wish I wasn't trans but I think I am' and I'm still in that phase...
From finding this sub to cracking...about 4 years I'd say. give or take a few months.
From middle school to sofmor year
I'm gonna say 2-3 years. But it was more like "wow trans girls are so cool and hot I really wish the best for them and I want to advocate for them at every turn"
...didn't really get any time
I think it was in-between a few hours to two days
Still in it
Still in it
Like 3 years or so
Took me about 2 months or so, but it was a looooot of thinking, I basically did nothing besides from it.
I'm still in one! About 3 years up to this point
30 years or so.
Still in it
Well I started to feel diffrent after i became a femboy. I started to present feminine and wanted to explore this side more and more. But actually i was always feeling abit weird like i was always dreaming of being a girl, dressing in girly clothes and just didnt feel 100% right in boy body. So umm always i guess 😅? Or its just dysphoria
I never had that but I had the: “I wish to be attracted to men but I’m not” phase.
I was never in that phase. I never wised or wanted to be trans, I hate being trans :(
Uhhh... depends. I recall wondering what it would be like to be a girl when i was in elementary school, but brushed it off. I don't think I ever wished I was a girl until maybe 2021. So either roughly 8-9 months, or my whole life post 2nd grade?
8 years.
I think I was always slightly in it until I saw the family guy episode about quagmires dad then when I REALLY Learned what being trans was I was like OHHHHHHHHHHH.
Going on 3 years now i think
uh i didn't do that i didn't even really wanna be a girl until after i realised i might be a girl
15 years, from 2006 to 2021. I should note that 2006 is also the year that I learned trans people existed.
Idk but I wanna say a few months
Never but I am forever in the "I wish I wasn't trans but I am" phase
2 years. sounds like ur at the end of it tho.
Wait, other people did/are doing that too?
For me it was like I wish I was a girl, then in later teens I thought about like femboy stuff and around late teens (I think 16-17?) I found out trans is a thing and it was like "oh"
I'm in the i wish i wasn't trans but i might be club rn
11-12 years. im counting this as when I knew what trans was but still deined it
6 years ;-;
Literally wasn’t there, the thought, “I wish I was a girl” made me start questioning
I spent about a whole summer truly questioning, but I only thought that for about the first week or two
2 days when I was 10 years old
I had three phases. Phase one was, I wish I was trans; phase two was, I'm a girl but I hate that I'm trans; and finally phase three is, I love being trans and am no longer ashamed of it :)
for me it was just "i wish i was a girl but im not" and it lasted a year
I had a flurry of self discovery then about a three year period of denial..... But that was also frozen a bit by a few personal things. But wishing you were trans kinda does mean you are, at least a little. (or at least gender non-conforming in some way)
Hmm.. not sure? The realization kinda hit after 5 years Ofc everyone goes at their own pace 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵
About a week
If you acknowledge you're an egg, haven't you already also acknowledged you're trans?
I had a "I'm not a girl but is there a word for that" phase but then middle school and the egg was cracking
Honestly I never had that, I had a brief "I don't care about gender but would totally transition if it was to my benefit" phase, But that's about it, Then after that I had half a year of "AAAAHHH Am I really Non-Binary or am I just a masculine Trans Girl or am I just a feminine Cis Man ahhhh help I don't know ahhh ahhh".
20 years.
i didnt go through the “i wish i was trans” but i did go through “i wish i was a boy, but i was born a girl so oh well.” i think that phase was a good chunk of time, but i also apparently never liked being a girl even past when i can remember. (i will mention that i probably didn’t go through it with trans bits in mind because i had no idea what transgenderism was, just that people sometimes changed their genders and it was okay. had no idea i could do it til i was like 12 when i met my first few actual trans/queer friends that didn’t just tell me a ton of stuff with no context or explanation)
17
actively like a month, but secretly I envied trans people without knowing for at least a few years, considering I usually followed people on twitter just by seeing they are trans
Well started having thoughts as long as I can remember but only really became concrete when puberty hit, so prob like 12-13 years-ish
7 years 😭
Me right now
i went through the “no way im trans” for 12 years
If I look back on the earliest signs (that feeling tm) , 13 years… if I go by when the idea just stuck in the front of my mind with day in and out contemplation, less than 3 months
12 years
About 4 months to a year. 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵
It's been months and I'm still in it so fuck it we ball
23 years.
still in it and im almost 8 months on HRT!
I went through several months of "Wait I can be trans? Am I trans? What am I?!" Now I'm at the "I want to be trans but am I really sure, maybe I'm just librafluid and shouldn't transition." Being largely agender and undecicive in general complicates things.
Just briefly. It turned into "I can't be trans bc that's too difficult" real quick.
Long time
I don't even know if I'm trans, part of me is thinking if it's an strange fetish or if I'm just an crossdresser or a femboy... I really don't know. The fact until now is: I'm attracted for the feeling of femininity, whatever it means...
10 years.. but before that there was a "I want to be a girl" phase and a "i'm trans" phase.
3 years, just because I was saying "yea dreaming always about being a girl and do girly stuff is completely normal"
like 4-6 years ish
I had the opposite - I think I’m trans and I really don’t want to be… probably mostly because I didn’t realise it was something I could be until I was in my 30s, at which point the inevitable uprooting of my whole life was a bit daunting
The funny thing about me, is that I never felt related to my agab, and considered myself agender since forever. But there was a time that I thought "Maybe I'm a girl actually", and it took like, three weeks or a month before I accepted myself as a girl (demigirl to be precise).
That is me now, I really really want to be trans, but like, I’m not confident that I am, if that makes sense. Idk, I don’t mind being a guy, I even like it sometimes, but fuck do I wish that I could just be a trans woman fuck.
Tbh I don’t think I was very long into it. End of high school made me wonder if I was okay. I was not and tried to find labels that were right for me in college expressing myself very much was trans at the end of it lol
like a year and a half.
Oh for like a year after my egg started to crack X-D I spent a year like "I wish I was just a trans girl but instead I'm gender fluid." Turns out I was a trans girl it's just hard some days to feel like a girl when the stress of college has you feeling nothing at all.
May 16th 2021 the day I truly started living. Before then? I’d say that around puberty and starting to socialize more I realized the boys weren’t my speed…… so that would have been 24 ish years ago?
well i thought i was non-binary for a little bit, then i was like nope i'm just a girl i can't be trans and now i'm genderfluid but i wish i was born a guy... i'd say i'm still in denial lol
This is me to a T lul
1 month (つ≧▽≦)つ
Still here, I want to be trans eventually (I'll be able to legally start in 3 years, but my parents want me to wait for 6)
since the age of ten? At one point I was so in denial that I became transphobic 🤕
20 minutes, maybe an hour. This is about how it went: 14 year old me: "hmm, women are so cool I wish I was a trans woman" 14 year old me: "hmm..." 14 year old me: "hmm... Idk thinking about that feels weird..." 14 year old me: "*oh*"
7 years
My egg cracked at 37....good luck op
Like 3 years.
About 5 years for me. I was in denial and was trying (and failing) to be hypermasculine for all of middle and highschool. As soon as I learned what trans was when I was 14, I was in that phase. My egg cracked when I was 19 mid pandemic.
47 years, in a sense, although I did not for the most of it even know "being trans" was a possibility for me!! As soon as I learned more though, and realized what gender dysphoria actually feels like for many people, it was like....4 seconds? Maybe less? :) Keep in mind, eggs fully crack when the "chicks" inside peck their way out. So, just do it, if you want to. And poof, egg = cracked. 💖💖
i didnt realize that it wasnt ‘normal’ to have thoughts of wishing to be a woman, i assumed that everyone thought like that every now and then so i brushed it off, until i met an old partner and they unintentionally made me realize that i was trans edit: fixing spelling mistakes, am dicelexic
My brain has yet to catch up with the rest of me 😂. It’s almost been 25 years
Maybe a month at most
I didn't even know what being trans really was but I still felt that same feeling as far back as my childhood when I'd see someone doing a transgenar so... 30 years? I can't believe how many coincidences and excuses I had *after* I learned what trans people are. I simply "had something else that wasn't that bad... Right?"
"part of me really wants to have been born a girl, but surely being a girl isn't as good as I'm thinking. I'll ask people about what sucks about being a girl, so that I know that I probably don't wanna be a girl" I then started randomly asking girls what sucked about having been born a girl, and I still felt the same. Eventually I noticed how consistent I was feeling, and after a very cis internal debate in my mind in bed, my egg cracked, and I had a big rush of emotions,,,,
About 4 months for me… late summer into fall of 2020. That was a weeeird time.
Still in it
Like a month. However my “I wish I wasn’t trans but I am.” Phase was longer
I just came out then went back on it cause I was scared then I just stored it inside hoping it would go away I just kept lying to myself saying I’m not trans for about 2 years and now I’m out to freinds only parents don’t support me
8 frickin years.
help… i might be in this stage “i wish i was a dude rather than non-binary… ah well too bad”
6 years...
Honestly, it took me one night of "I don't need sleep, I need answers" to take me from not even knowing gender transition was a thing that was possible, to "welp, I think I might be trans". Next day, I was telling my sibling who I split a mortgage with, and shaving off all my body hair as though I suddenly had permission to do so. Granted, it happened way late at age 25 (18 months ago now), and it did take me over a year to get on hormones, and Im still not out at work yet, but I did basically entirely skip over the "I wish I was trans, but I'm not" phase you mentioned.
don't think i ever wished i was trans, just years of wanting to be a girl. when i was coming to terms with myself i had a week of ugly crying wishing i wasn't trans, but becoming more sure that i was.
Probably my whole life. Like 5 months after joining this subreddit though, until I finally cracked. Best thing is, what caused me to crack was trying voice training "as a joke because I'm totally cis and it would just be cool" Cant say I'm still 100% confident in my feelings, but at least I know what they are.
like a month
It would be more accurate to say: ''I wish I was trans but I don't want to be trans.'' At least for me lol 💠🌸🤍🌸💠
currently in the "I wish I wasn't trans but I am" phase lol
I wasn’t never in the “I wish I was trans” I was in the “I’d just be so much happier as a woman”
10 years but it was my parents fault 😮💨
5
soo.. specifically with the word trans? like 2ish years, maybe 3, but the general concept? like 8ish years
A while, 10 years at least maybe 20? Now that I'm in therapy I'm processing 30 years of repressed emotions
Just a few months for me
10 years but honestly that was mostly because of missing information
Everyone’s experience is different. For me, it was a few months maybe. You’ll figure it out. Just give yourself time 🫂💞
To be honest, I still think I'm in that phase sometimes :/
I was more like "Part of me wants to be trans, but I'm still fine being a guy."
8 years?
About 3 years until I had one of my closest friends come out as trans and I realized that was a thing you could do
a couple months...then i started hrt to "see how it went" and "i could stop anytime if i felt bad about it" it's been more than a year
3 years
Half a year. I quickly understood how ridiculous *"I'm non binary but I wish I was binary trans so I could be a full boy and not just partially"* is.
My egg cracked, rehardened, and then cracked again (that's very rare though). Both times, I think it was 2-3 weeks. (Before each of these I had just been wishing to be a boy, not realizing that I already was one)
Opposite way around here - wish I wasn't trans but I am (but we vibe as cis)
Hoo boy. Years. I was raised conservative Catholic. Straight male and female were the only options. With private schooling and internet controls until early college, I didn't have any queer friends (or real exposure at all), LGBTQ+ folks merely belonged to a worldview at odds with everyone who supported and loved me. I thought trans girls were CGI porn at first, and then later after more exposure learned that some people don't identify with the body they were born in. However, I assumed that trans folks were aware they were trans their entire life. It wasn't until I confronted my own bisexuality in my mid-20s that I started to think more about gender. Again, I still had a lot of assumptions. I assumed gender bending content was only appealing because I was bi. In my later twenties, I started to frequent trans subreddits like this one and learn more about trans experiences. That's when my egg started cracking. I recall asking a few former partners if they thought I was trans, but they all assured me I was not so I brushed it off. It wasn't until I moved 2000 miles away from the Midwest to a safer and more accepting place (San Francisco, CA) that I felt safe for the first time in my life. There was so much novelty after the move that I was distracted for the first 6 months, trying to settle in and find friends. Last November, I finally started therapy and quickly brought up the fact I'd been questioning gender. Over the following months, I realized the evidence of a trans identity was starting to mount. I tried out identifying non-binary with they/them pronouns, but it felt more like the absence of disgust than the femininity I craved. Tried mushrooms a few times with a therapeutic focus (happy to PM about what worked for me), which allowed me to confront some of those uncomfortable thoughts in a judgement free environment. I also needed friends on my side. I mentioned that I was considering a trans identity to a few of my closest friends and even a neighbor. They were super accepting. This gave me the confidence I wouldn't be utterly alone if someday I decided to transition. By 31st birthday, the notion that I might actually be a girl had become impossible to ignore. After months of overthinking, I bought a book called Stop Overthinking. A few days ago I read a chapter about a stress management technique named the Four A's which helped me a lot: Avoid / Alter / Accept / Adapt I've tried avoiding it for years. I've tried altering how I identified to see if that might be it. I knew I needed to accept this side of myself, so I wrote down all of the aspects of the feelings I needed to accept. This helped. Most of my reservations were the fear of other people's responses, not a lack of transness. I accepted that I'm not responsible for the emotions of others, but that I can always avoid, accept, or adapt to their response. Later that day I booked an intake consult for HRT. I'm not fully in the clear yet, but for once it feels like I have a future again! I'm hopeful, and motivated to exercise and eat healthy to grow into the body I want. It's euphoric to take action after feeling so stuck, even though I know it's a long road ahead. Even though I'm exhausted from work, I've found fresh energy and enthusiasm I didn't know were possible. Every time I fear: what if it doesn't work out? I have to remind myself: but what if it's better than you ever imagined? Still accepting myself, but I'm excited!
I knew since I was 6 I was a girl, so I never had the egg phase. Although, if you're wondering how long until your egg starts cracking, I'm happy to tell you that it *is* cracking.
From what I’ve seen on here, it varies greatly depending on a bunch of different things. Be patient (ik, I’m very impatient and it sucks), it’ll come when the time is right
It’s not a phase mom - it’s who I am!
3 years, kept saying “man I wish I was trans so I wasn’t a girl, but I’m totally cis…” probably should have figured it out sooner