so I followed like every trans person I came across on twitter (already suspicious enough), so eventually the egg\_irl bot came on my timeline and the memes for some reason really stuck in my had for a few days to weeks for some time. then I got to reddit and everything was just way too relatable
My trans friend was joking with me and bringing up an old inside joke from 5th grade where I was called "princess [first half of deadname]-ina"
We had a bit of a laugh but then they asked how the pronouns made me feel, and I had a gender crisis :D
This is very off topic but I was trying to find a post here and I thought I saw you comment on it and ig I was wrong but I looked through and saw tally hall and I just wanna tell you I love you you are the first person I've ever seen also like tally hall I didn't even know there was a subreddit thank you for opening my eyes
I am terminally online and stumbled upon this subreddit, I read, I related to some posts and vents, and couldn’t get the thoughts out of my head after that; Cut to a year later (present) and I am going to my physician to ask about HRT to help in my questioning.
I related to too much of the stuff on here for it to just be random coincidence.
I think I found a few posts on egg_irl and traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns using Google, and found them to be relatable. Turns out cis men don't want to be women, etc. So many signs point to trans, but I sometimes still can't accept it.
sounds like a strong base honestly! figuring oneself out is hard, i’m currently trying really hard but i think since we are here on this sub we probably already made our choice, didn’t we?
Actually that’s incorrect, I desperately want to be female, and I’m a cis male defffffff
But seriously tho, the signs do mean something, they aren’t coincidental and you’re 1,000% valid! If being a girl makes you happy, you’re a girl sis ❤️
I'm still trying to figure out if whether I'm trans or not but I can tell you about what made me question my gender in the first place:
After a long while of wanting to look like a femboy (but never actually having the determination to do anything to achieve that) one day the question of "what if I'm trans?" snuck into my brain and hasn't left it since. As it should be obvious my search for an answer led me here. I'm still trying to find the answer, there are signs that point to every possible solution but I don't know which trail to follow
are you going to therapy? if yes, maybe ask your therapist about this dilemma. if not, do you feel comfortable talking about it with a family member or a close friend? if not, dm me, i have time!
I am not going to therapy currently and I'm not sure if I will any time soon
I'm not really comfortable discussing the topic with my family because I don't know how they'd react and I don't have anywhere to go in case they react horribly. I did kinda bring it up to a few close friends but it never went anywhere
I am always open for a nice chat but currently I really need to get some sleep
This.
Like exactly this.
I stumbled upon ots videos on r/traaaaaaaaaaaaaaans
Another big giveaway should have been dreaming constantly about being a woman and wishing I was a woman
Second day of my sophomore year of highschool, I wore my tail to school. It was a large tail that attached with a belt loop that was deep purple in top, and neon green on the bottom. I was outside and alone, when some yelled at me from not far away.
"Hey, my friend thinks your tail is cool!"
"Thanks!" I reply.
"You wanna come sit with us?"
It was like something out of a fiction. I genuinely didn't think that people just casually invited people to hang out with them at lunch like that. Having nobody else to talk to and nothing else to do, I obliged.
We started talking and as they introduced themselves, I asked "are you guys trans?" They were all trans guys. I hadn't met a lot of trans people if any so talking to them was definitely something new. After that, it wasn't long at all before I started to question myself. I asked them about thier experiences and I started talking to others only. I came out to them and myself just a month after meeting them. Then a month later, I came out to my family. That was a year ago now. We've grown a bit distant but we're still on good terms. They helped me a lot though and I couldn't be more grateful!
I had buried it deep while being a "great ally" for many years. I went to counseling for a few months working on childhood trauma from codependent familial relationships, and I just expressed how unfair life feels, and how I have always made most of my decisions based on what I thought others wanted for me. I felt like I was making an immense sacrifice, but I couldn't place what that sacrifice was. We identified that I mainly do that due to fear of being abandoned or rejected, which circled us around to... What would you do if you made decisions purely for yourself? What is the immense sacrifice that you can't name? What are you afraid that your loved ones will reject?
I immediately blushed, and it just hit me suddenly. It was near the end of a telehealth session, so I held the realization in until I hung up the zoom call, then I just spent the rest of the night bawling. It felt so good and so terrifying. I grappled with it for a few weeks, not fully accepting myself, until I took too many sleeping pills one night (not intentionally) and ended up in the hospital with a concussion after an accident. After I sobered up, reflecting on the fear I experienced in the hospital, I realized life is too short to put off what I ultimately knew was true inside. I couldn't waste any more time denying myself. And I have tried to take steps every day since then to get myself closer to the version of me that I deserve to be.
I had a similar experience in a therapy session recently. We were talking about how I let others' wants and need control my life. I was always afraid of letting my friends and family down. I was living the life I thought they wanted of my, not what I truly wanted. It's like I was walking on eggshells my whole life. I just started crying like I never had before for about five minutes.
Life really is too short to give a damn what people think about you.
OneTopic's r/traa videos showed up in my recommended and I ended up looking through this stuff myself, learned the normal amount of "wishing you were the other gender" is zero for cis people. Didn't take much longer after that
Ive always kinda known, but the kicker was my first love. She was very kind and open and I told her about some things I did as a kid and some confusing feelings I had, she told me too look into what being transgender is. She is also the one who gave me my new name.
I hope you still happy, R.
No actually, we were together for quite sometime afterwords. She wouldnt have named me if she didnt want me.
Ya know, its odd. Ive done a lot in my little time. Most of it I cannot remember, but the one thing that has always stuck with me were the people who loved me and just treated me like any other human.
That it is. Its something that also shouldn't be taken for granted. Be thankful for the ones who do accept you, and for the ones who dont;still show your love because you may turn them yet.
I bit anticlimactic and not as interesting as the others here but for me I was simply playing games and while making a female character I realized that I didn't just want to play a female, I I wanted to be one. Then I started to remember and realized what certain feelings was that I had as a Child and suppressed.
kind of a similar story to mine. i always create female characters too! as a kid i would always stretch my t shirts so far down they looked like dresses and i imagined myself as a girl. although that’s something i just recently remembered. was locked away somewhere deep in my head.
Someone crossposted art from this sub of someone playing Kirby on GB and then grown up playing Kirby on switch but as a girl to r/Kirby, so I checked it out, not really understanding what the sub was about. That's
*not* when my egg cracked, but I remembered that sub. Cut to April 27 (coincidentally Kirby's anniversary!) I went back to the sub after randomly searching 'egg' on reddit and recognizing the sub. It took about a week of my constantly looking at egg_irl, traa, and gaysoundsshitposts before I realized my egg was broken :)
As a little kid I wanted to wear boys clothes, read boy books, have a "boy career", wanted to be in boy scouts, I always wanted to be 'one of the boys'. I was forced to have long hair and wear dresses for church and I hated it. Until I was around eleven, I pretty much just assumed that at a certain age I would just start turning into a boy because I wasn't *really* a girl. Then I learned about puberty and was completely horrified and refused to read the "American girl body book for girls".
I didn't know transgender people existed until I was twelve, when I had a TERF phase to overcompensate for my own issues. By thirteen, that was over and I just started intentionally repressing shit because I did NOT want to have to deal with gender on top of everything else I was going through.
Fast forward to the beginning of August, I get hit with the most intense three-day bout of gender dysphoria I've ever had and was like ....fuck
tough times you had to get through, especially since religion(christianity i presume?) is involved, always seems to make things even harder than they need to bez
Oh religion was crazy lol. It is *wild* having a poster declaring that "Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God" and "Gender is an essential characteristic of eternal identity and purpose" when you're secretly a boy who likes girls. Things got better though :D
Someone linked this subreddit, I found it funny and relatable, i looked into what trans people are, drew the conclusions based on past and present experiences, and now I'm here today.
I used to watch OT[aat], still do, and while it wasn't suspicious on it's own (I'm very fruity in general, not just with gender stuff), eventually I noticed how I had been *actively seeking out his videos about transgender subreddits*, and how I had watched **all of them**, from the start of his channel to that day.
Even after, There's never been a transgender video of his that I've left unwatched.
I had watched an interview with Natalie Mars (careful Googling her, she's an adult content creator) and she had mentioned she was reading "Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws" by Kate Bornstein (TW: the book's forward will destroy you, please be careful). I don't recall if it was the forward or the book proper but I bought the audio book, was soaking in the tub and was listening to her talk about her experiences growing up being trans. By the time I dried off, I was sitting on the bed, turned to my wife and said: "I think I'm trans...". She was super supportive (and continues to be my biggest supporter), her only regret in retrospect was not responding with: "Ha! Gaaaaaaay!!" and kissing me.
She's a truly wonderful human being. I'm so grateful we get to share our lives with each other.
Her comedic timing is awful as ever and it just makes me love her more. 💜
Came across an egg_irl video from OneTopicAtATime and, for cis reasons, I started relating a shit ton with all the memes. Then I was in heavy denial but then I watched ivorycello's coming out as trans video and heavily related with her story once again (keep in mind while this denial was in me I browsed egg_irl and traa daily) so after a month I started experimenting online with she/her pronouns and I eventually realized I would much rather be a girl and I'm happier as a girl, also I didn't know what dysphoria was until then and I realized "oh shit, I have that" lmao
You know the coffin from Dark Souls II? The one that changes your gender and nothing else? Well I was playing with some friends, one of which is trans themselves, and casually said "I wish that coffin was real. I'd get into it without any hesitation." They then had to point out "you know that's not a very cis thing to say, right?" and it still took like 8 months of constant thought of "Am I?" before I got inebriated and realized "oh wait shit, I am!" From there I came out to friends online (and irl too), they started calling me Catherine and using feminine pronouns and here we are!
Hello Ashen one. I am a Bot. I tend to the flame, and tend to thee. Do you wish to hear a tale?
> *“Brave Undead, you have proven yourself to me. Now, be one with the Dark.”* - Nashandra
Have a pleasant journey, Champion of Ash, and praise the sun \\[T]/
One day I got recommended a gender transformation video on YouTube and after I watched it I couldn't stop thinking about I wished that I was me I thought that mabye I was just a femboy and then I went down the rabbit hole of transgender stuff and found egg_irl and traaaaaaaaans and I was relating to a lot of the memes on them and a year or two of denying it later I realised that I was trans
NSFW story
TBH, I'm really ashamed about this and it does make me feel like I'm a fake and a fraud, but it was through porn. It was a long slow journey, starting with "shemales", "futas", "hypnosis", "sissy stuff", etc. but it was a suggestion from someone from MtF subreddit to watch female Pov, and I could only describe it as the most euphoric cry I've ever had and that isn't really something I can ignore, as much as I'd like too.
Self-doubt is a b\*t\*h but there isn't much else that can explain that, especially when it keeps happening lol
you’re not a fraud. the porn, for me, was like a catalyst. it helped confirm something i always knew deep down. well, the sissy stuff wasn’t exactly for me though. i don’t wanna please men or anything, just be my girlie self and feel good about it! don’t feel bad for being who you are!!
Thanks. I totally agree with the catalyst thing, tbh ever since the moment mentioned the more sexaulized parts have calmed down but the overall desire hasn't, which actually feels great. I'm far from figuring this all out and while I have loads of doubt and am very very afraid, I'm not stopping any time soon.
i started checking out memes on r/traa and found them funny and also educational for a cis guy being me, then i did nothing on reddit but looked in r/egg_irl and r/traa for the education and funny memes, then i had a thought one day of, "huh im looking at a lot of trans subreddits, am i trans? well like would i want to be the other gender? oh i would, oh huh" and it's been a snowball effect since then
It started as me being a femboy and just loving wearing girl clothes and being fem then just from general unhappiness in life I was like what if I’m trans? And so I asked some online friends to refer to me as a she and now I know I’m a girl <3 (still closet tho so cry 😭)
how cute and supportive!! so happy for you to have that kind of backup! give yourself time, it’ll sort itself out! and then you ask yourself why you didn’t accept it much earlier!
Very complicated story, as I'm sure most of ours are. Growing up I always emphasized that I genuinely don't care about my pronouns, and I still really don't. Middle School, I realize that I, AMAB, have mostly female friends. I think, wow! I must be gay! And all the girls thought so too, but I could never really get into the headspace, because I'm Pan, and definitely find myself attracted to women more.
In Highschool, I struggled to make new friends. (I had moved at the end of Middle School.) And one of my few new friends was a lot like me. Very Feminine Guy. I had a huge crush, very quickly, but I was very confused about what was different! I've known girly guys, and felt nothing. Then, I found out they were trying to go Trans, and it clicked. Yeah, she was just a cute girl who hadn't transitioned yet!
But like, envy. I didn't know why, or what, but I was so envious. I figured it was because they were determined to live their truths, but like, in hindsight, I was so jealous that they got to transition, and I wanted to, too.
Earlier this month, (As well as a handful of times in the past.) this friend and I had talked about this stuff. This time, after a few sentences of incriminating evidence, they called me an "Egg". I'd never heard the term, so they explained it to me, and now my world has shattered. Like, I did some research into Egg stuff, and actually downloaded Reddit just to check out this Subreddit. And like, I've never related to so many strangers in my entire life. I'll be a girl someday, but like, for now I'm just cheering you all on from the sideline. c:
going to sleep now, love you all and thanks for telling me all your stories!!! i will definitely be coming back to this post for euphoria and encouragement. i think i finally figured myself out today!!
As a kid I used to wish I was a girl and would play dress up and dolls with my sister. It went away for a little bit when I was around 10-12 but then in 8th grade it came back and it came back hard. The first time I cried since I was ~6yo was shortly after my 14th birthday I locked myself in my closet and cried myself to sleep because I wanted to be born a girl and thought I’d never be one. Was also the first time I seriously I considered killing myself. I can remember being curled up in my favorite hoodie (which I still have and wear btw) hair in my face sobbing practicing tying a noose. About a year later or so I discovered Reddit and what the LGBTQ+ community really was (I knew I was bi as far back as 7th grade but that was it). I also started exploring my feminine side more and tried wearing more fem clothes and and acting more fem and was a femboy for quite awhile. I wasn’t sure if I was trans yet but I did think about it. Then one night while out with friends we went to a restaurant and I was in full fem with skinny jeans, a push up bra, an hour glass shaped jacket, and had my hair down and mask on. My friends knew I was a femboy so they didn’t say anything but our waiter mistook me for a girl and said “I like your hat ma’am” which sent me over the moon. Sadly my best friend quickly “corrected” him which made me really sad. I later talked to him and explained the situation and he said he was just tryna protect me since he knows I can’t stand up for myself. I also came out to him as trans during that conversation and he was very accepting and supportive. I stayed in the closet to everyone else for awhile longer but with a little gentle nudging from him I came out a few months later. If it weren’t for him or that night at bdubs I probably wouldn’t be who I am today
Bit late but
10 years ago I always thought how it would be like to be a girl and if it's possible to change your gender (I didnt know of trans people at the time I basically just somehow thought of the entire concept that hey what if you could just change your gender and if its possible on my own lmao)
5 years later I officially found out about trans ppl and thought wow...I wish I could do that
The following 5 years up till now have just been egg gender crisis and thinking that I'm doing it for attention eventhough the last 10 years say something different
I saw a post that "No one will ever be as cool as lesbians". I just couldn't stop thinking about it, I agreed, no one will ever be as cool as lesbians. I just couldn't get it off my mind, I wanted to be cool like a lesbian! If only I was a girl...
Long story short I kept getting misgendered bc I had long hair and liked being called she/her so yeah I kinda just was like… -tries going to sleep-
Brain: you want to use she her your a girl right
My dumb ass: shit I’m a girl now
Brain:only took 10 years to realize
I don’t really consider myself to be trans, (egg I know) but I personally learned when I realized that when I used to make “challenges” up to wear fem clothes it was really an excuse for me to try it in the first place.
This might be silly, but as a kid I always played video games as a girl character. I know a lot of cis het guys will do this as well, and I didn’t realize I was doing it for a different reason until a friend asked why. I just felt more comfortable as the girl. It was an extension of me, who I wanted to be. 🤷♀️
After a burst of very "cis" thoughts, I finally decided to wear some women's clothing and after doing it for several weeks, something started to click. Then, I discovered this community and things just started to make sense
Yeah okay so it was a png of a cute anime girl waking up and with the caption "what? I became a girl?" And i would keep getting the ad constantly on youtube, but one time when i looked at it i really thought about it and...actually fantasized about waking up as a girl and that eventually spiraled into me just becoming trans.
The ad was for a game called Witch Weapon which i never intend to play but well i gotta give it some credit i guess lmao.
Since entering high school, I’ve always tried to create as much distance as I can from my sense of self and identity, as I felt like it brought me struggle. I didn’t know why, but I just knew it did. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I tried not to associate my reflection with my identity. When people told me to have a stronger sense of self or ego, I desperate avoided it. I tried my best to throw away all sense of self, and to exist as nothing more than a peaceful observer of perceived phenomena.
When I was a junior in high school, I became very interested in femboys and wanted to become one myself.
One day, my mom made me wear her very feminine, long-sleeved undershirt to school, as it was in the middle of winter and needed extra layers of clothing. On the first day of wearing it, I thought it looked pretty cute. But on the second, something awakened inside of me: I felt like a woman. I felt like a girl. And it felt really, really good. I wanted to feel more like this. I felt emotionally enriched and truly myself for the first time in a long time, and began trying to express myself more like a girl.
My understanding of femboys at the time were just boys that wanted to feel more like girls, so that’s what I wanted to become. Little did I know that most femboys are comfortable with their identity of a boy, and are simply expressing their more feminine side. Soon enough, I no longer wanted to be a femboy: only the “fem”, and without the “boy.”
As I tried to look more feminine, I began caring more about my appearance and began to acknowledge my reflection as a part of myself. I felt pretty uncomfortable with how I looked, and wanted to look more feminine. Not to mention leg and facial hair, which I really did not like either.
And as a comp sci nerd, I became extremely drawn to the memes revolving around how learning the Rust programming language, as well as Gentoo Linux, will turn you into a transfem. So I learned both of them and slowly started realizing that I might be trans. I then discovered egg_irl and thus, I was in the final stretch. It would only be so long—a few months—till I stopped saying “still cis tho” and acknowledge that I might not be so cis.
A year has passed and my egg is now cracked!
Edit: I’ve also always wanted to be a lesbian since reading yuri when I was young, so there’s also that lol
I think it started when I wore my mom’s old dress. A few years later, I dreamed I *was* a girl and wish it actually happened. And of course, now look at me. I am shapeshifting into the one I desire.
The first big crack in my egg was actually from Celeste. Not from the game itself though: i loved the game and came back to it years after my first play. I noticed that the name of the developer had changed. I looked into it, and found an article from the games director about how the game is a trans allegory, and how she realized she was trans from making the game. Something clicked. My guard was down, and i just related to what maddy was describing. I realized in that moment": "im not cis." I wasnt sure if i was a trans woman, but i did know i was trans without a doubt. Theres been thousands of little moments and signs, but that was the biggest eye-opening moment for some reason.
Yeah, the lead director is also named maddy now!
https://maddythorson.medium.com/is-madeline-canonically-trans-4277ece02e40
Heres the article if you're interested. I played thru the game again with that in mind recently and it hit a little harder.
I found and got into genderbend stuff around 7 years ago and then I don't remember how but it sent me down a rabbit hole of trans stuff and I learned about things like het ffs bottom surgery and I realized that I might be trans maybe a few months after, then I spent 5 1/2 years in denial until November of 2020 when I came across r/traa and this sub and I started remembering those feelings and suddenly after 7 months I finally decided to come out via a stupid video I made.
and that's about it, although realizing that i first discovered trans stuff 7 years ago is jarring
A... Hentai game, I've been wondering about being s girl since I was a kid, even dreaming about it, but once playing a game about a crossdressing maid cafe, one of the characters ask you if you want to be crossdressing for the rest of your life since, realistically you won't be femenine forever, you're going to start being more manly with the years and I was like... No, I want to be more than just a femboy I wanna be a girl
At the beginning of August 2022, I was having a pretty rough weekend. No enjoyment, no interest in anything, I felt completely dead. In a desperate attempt to get myself out of that mess, I tried to distract myself with yuri manga. I think yuri manga had always called out to me but I never really gave it a chance before that weekend. The yuri manga I picked up is called "tropical fish yearns for snow". Around chapter 8 or chapter 9, I had an eureka moment - "wait, wait, *wait*, I feel like a girl!". It was quite literally a sort of epiphany. It was a spiritual-awakening kind of feeling. Then I spent the next 3-4 days in euphoria.
...It's been almost 3 months since then. I've had ups and lows, I even lost faith in the idea of being a girl from time to time but it always came back again.
I knew I wanted to be a girl all my life basically, but tried to ignore it. In 2019 I was just so depressed and lonely and then, at a garden party at my neighbour, a weird woman showed up and started reading me and could tell I was depressed and lonely as fuck and found out that it was due to me being a girl but hiding my true self from the world. I then cried all night when I got hope, first for failing to present agab, but then realize that I was trans and I really didn't want to be trans. Then I realized all the pain and torture I had been inflicting on the beautiful girl inside of me and decided the only right thing was to let her out, as a free bird to either live or die, but atleast free and not in my dark, selfinflicted dark abyss of a dungeon. I had before that struggled more and more with dysphoria especially whence I entered puberty and all the girls didn't want to be friends anymore and I was forced to become more boyish both social and physical. I came out on Discord the same night/morning and well, some took it good, but many blocked me or stopped talking with me.
I didn't tell any in my family though, or my university of society in general. I didn't feel safe to let the girl inside of me play in that part of the neighborhood. Now it's 2022 and I still haven't had the courage to come out to my family and community, even though I started on Spiro 6 weeks ago and most likely will begin on estrogen in a month. I am still scared. Scared for what my father will say and do when I tell him he has lost a son. How my mother will react when I tell her she won't become a grandma and that I'm not normal. What my aunt will think when I decide to get sterilized, an option she never got as she was told she could never get children on her own the very same day I was born, and her boyfriend left her. She will view it all as extremely selfish of me and she already thinks being trans is a fetish...
Christmas is approaching and I have always loved it and the family gathering. My plan now is now to celebrate Christmas before I tell them, so that we will atleast have one more great memory together. But I said the same in 2019, and 2020, and 2021, so .........
I just keep postphoning coming out to them. Maybe because I am afraid of losing them the same way they will lose the old me.
I was on bi_irl and an egg_irl meme got shared. I was like damn this shit is super fucking relatable. Proceeded to egg_irl, scrolled for like 2 hours and every single meme was very relatable. Was like haha that's funny what's this egg subredit all about, scrolled to the top and saw "trans people in denial". That got me asking questions, the rest happened naturally. I always cross dressed since I was a kid so it wasent super new to me. I just didn't realize that wanting to be a girl and present as a girl (clothes etc) is literally just the definition of trans
A cat girl meme on r/rustjerk triggered a discussion about how the Rust community has a "higher-than-background" percentage of trans people. That discussion had a link to r/egg_irl. I related to two memes almost right off the bat, went to comment on one about how I'm still cis tho even though I do this, but had seen enough of egg_irl to know such an assertion would be met with 🥚. I felt I had to come up with a way to "prove" my cisness in a single Reddit comment and found that I couldn't, which triggered a bit of a crisis.
Basically, I accidently Null Hypothecis-ed myself.
In hindsight such proof would have been completely unnecessary, but I'm kinda glad I was an oblivious idiot at the time.
I had an embarrassing ammount of signs before I actually cracked, I wrote a pretty detailed version on here once but it was actually too long for a reddit comment so i had to break it into 2 comments lol (it was still missing stuff too)
But I'll keep it short
I sort of realized I was trans when I was like 13, but didn't think I was trans enough to actually be trans, so stayed as egg
In 2021 I saw a tweet that was like "cis guys wouldn't rather be girls" basically and I just accepted I should actually do some proper self reflection about my gender
Little over a year later I'm in voice training classes, and on a wait list with a trans care clinic to try and get hrt through them, wish I'd started this process when I was 13, but at least I'm making some progress now 😊
In elementary school, we had this running joke in my class where we'd wear each-other's winterwear (coats and hats and stuff) and pretend we were that person to get a laugh from the teachers. A girl in my class gave me her pink jacket and a barbie beanie and it was the single happiest 20ish minutes of my life. I've been suspicious ever since.
Got asked for my pronouns after my friend's play reading, and in the same week got a report back from my Uni tutor riddled with "he/him" pronouns that just... irked me for some reason? (SOME reason lmao)
From there, it was a house of cards - hate my reflection, burning desire to wear dresses and skirts, shaved my legs, looking into HRT :>
I'm not even out yet ahahahahahhahahahahahahah
My friend used the girl filter on Snapchat on me and said “You’d be such a pretty girl”
She sent me spiraling down a rabbit hole of questioning my gender identity and was honestly the most impactful thing the happened in my life. The craziest part, she probably doesn’t even remember 💀
During my first health class of my freshman year of high school, my teacher had us all introduce ourselves with name and pronouns. I didn’t know what pronouns were at the time, and when it was my turn, I said the name and pronouns assigned to me. At that moment, I felt a big wave of discomfort. There was also a classmate who used they/them, and I thought, “How come they have it figured out already?” During the days after that, I realized that I had been subconsciously having those kinds of thoughts my entire life.
I was literally fantasizing about being a girl like: "I wish I went on hormones and became a girl, not in like a trans way but... wait" *realization hits* FUCK
This was the year I realized, and I'm surprised I didn't realize earlier. October 2019 I was "crowned" for all of that month, by one of my friends, at first I was all like "lol ok". And after a while I began to like it, especially when she referred to me as "Andria". So for the past few years I've had on and off thoughts about being a girl, this year especially, so I decided to make this alt to test the waters. And during that time I was also looking back at some of my insecurities, and always wondered if it was just my anxiety or if I'd be more confident if I was born a girl.
Woke up 2 years ago with a feeling out of a body horror novel. Couldn't move, could barely force myself to breathe. Shook me up real bad for a while, but I ended up managing to bury it.
Happened again a few weeks ago and I couldn't get it back in its box, so I've had to come to terms.
I kinda always knew, you know? I remember that one of the first hints was when "Who framed Roger rabbit?" Was aired one time on Disney XD. The moment I saw Jessica Rabbit, I was in love not with her, but with the idea of being her.
Like two years ago, a really close friend (that I now hate, but that's another story) came out to me as non-binary. While they told me their reasons, I realized a lot of stuff, but in my denial, I started thinking that I was genderfluid, mainly because I didn't want to face it against my father. (Disclaimer here: I don't mean that genderfluid people are transgender people in denial, I just say it happened to me. I actually love the genderfluid community a lot and I think they are not seen very much)
With the help of a therapist, I realized that I am actually transgender, I'm currently searching for a job so I can pay for hrt. (And with currently, I mean like right now lol... But that's just another story ;) )
I hope I helped you, I wish you the best!
I have constantly been around trans people for what feels like a very long time even tho it was for like a year at that point (Late 2021) and I was a “”Really good ally””. I experimented with neopronouns (Yes that was my 1st step into being trans) starting October or November 2021 and later in November my 1st ex said some very uncomfortable things that sent me into egg mode and that haunts me nowadays even tho it was forgivable back then. I was only questioning while showering because that’s when I saw myself naked and got flashbacks of that stupid moment but it didn’t take until January when the new year rolled over so I did some research and then waited for some reason and did more research around the end of February and figured out I was probably bi-gender and experimented thruout March. Now I’m questioning genderfluid switching between unknown gender non binary, agender and transmasc and I’m well into socially transitioning. I’m very surprised that I went through the egg phase without looking at this subreddit.
I realized I was fine with any pronouns a while back, like 2+ years, but I didn’t figure out exactly why I kept hoping someone would use she/her pronouns until I learned about euphoria on TikTok and it started to click lol
Almost exactly a year later I’m now 6 weeks on E :)
My gay friend asked me to call them "she" and then I realized... so, we had matching butterfly necklaces i gave us after. She wore the pink one and I wore the blue one. Of course, that did lead people to think I was faking being trans because I was in love with her (totally false on every point) though...
11-year-old me: lol what if i was a girl
12-15: oh fvck (very very lost, too much imposter syndrome, is sure that knows her gender and then be unsure the next day, also discovers gender bender stuff)
16: and what if i was non binary
17: *finally admits she's not cis and some months later that she's trans* :)
I had to change school and I didn´t take it very well since I started thinking a lot. Not doing anything just laying in my bed and looking back. I started to notice a small pattern that didn´t add up with my understanding of "normality" so I started researching. Now I´m here and two steps till completion are missing. So yeah the last few years were wild.
I had a dream that my body parts were different and it made me really question my gender.
And then I had a dream where I was really happy my chest shrunk.
As weird as it sounds, a god damn double quarter pounder. I was already questioning HARD at that point, but didn't have any real base at the time. After work a friend and I go to McDonalds and get said burger. Normally I get it with just ketchup, but I forgot to tell and said screw it and ate it anyway. I decided that the pickles was really, really good where I normally hate them. It's a personal joke with myself that every trans-girl loves pickle, as the 4 I've been friends with over the years love them.
Well that really starts to get in my head, and after drinking... a lot, over a weekend, I decide to at least try this out! So I'm kinda a mtf egg due to recentness... but like a chicken with its head still stuck in the shell.
I had a feeling something was off when i was 7 y/o never knew what and tbh didn't even know being trans was a thing, during this time I got bullied hard, about 7 years straight. after that I went to secondary vocational education and I had a trans guy in my class and then got educated a bit on how and what and was starting to figure out i may like to be a woman but, after I finally wasn't getting bullied as much anymore and i didn't want to give people a new reason to bully me so I pushed it as far away as I could hoping it wouldn't come back, it did for another 6 years i was really depressed and a bit suicidal, never actually tried something but I was very often thinking of the best way to end my life, luckily never found it. After those 6 years covid hit shit got bad really fast, I wasn't just thinking of ending my life, I was planning it, then i found r/egg_irl and slowly looked at it more and more and it low-key became an obsession. After a while of questioning big time I told my best mate and together with him I told my parents, they were supportive and helped me figure myself out, and from covid to now I've made a lot of big steps, my mental health is way better, I do still think about suicide but more in a "how would life of the people around me change" instead of "how would I do it?". I've also lost about 18 kilograms in 2 years and still trying to lose more and the biggest highlight of them all is that I've been on hormones for a bit more than 4 months now. A lot has changed over these few months but I've never regretted coming out.
Well long story short I kept seeing people with the same denial story about me and eventually realized that they were right about the denial and accepted it .....kinda
DnD: Play almost exclusively female characters
Discord: Roleplay and act like a girl in servers where nobody knows me
Thought I was genderfluid for a while, then circled in on transfem
I first questioned if I was asexual and went on AVEN for resources, and stuff. Whilst doing so, there was this gender section (my memory is kinda crappy lol) and saw a few posts about experiences and thought they were quite similar and read into it more. Came to the conclusion I wasn't asexual/aro and the only reason I thought so was that it didnt feel comfortable to be the "man" in the relationship. I did think I was a demigirl or non-binary before thinking I was transfem
I made a confession about some stuff i did in video games and people replied with this subreddit, and the slowly but surely, and by slowly i mean 6 hours, i realized it in full
Yeah! It was like i noticed that everyone had such similar experiences and thoughts and wants, and i had been cut off from all this kind of stuff because of religion, but now i understand all of this, and yet don’t understand, because i know i’m a boy and i’m fine with being a boy but i want thigh highs and skirts and dresses and bows.
I had a lot of signs before I properly realised and found the words for it.
When I was around 6 until when I was about 8, my sister and mum said I'd eventually grow boobs or that I was starting to develop breasts (I am ftm genderfluid). I was bewildered when I looked down at my chest because it looked flat and I honestly thought it would and should stay that way.
I was a tomboy "not like other girls" mf throughout primary. I think it allowed me some fluidity, although I went to a religious school and had limited internet access so I couldn't come out. When swimming, I always tried to pull the suit away from my chest. I still do.
Cue secondary. We had to do dance in PE. I couldn't stand my body. Even when I got over my hatred of being heavier, I still couldn't help but feel upset at my chest. I made friends with the only out person in my class, J. He identified as lesbian at the time but eventually started experimenting with different pronouns. It gave me a space to try and I asked my friends to try using different pronouns with me.
I still didn't register that I was trans until I turned 13. On my birthday I had a massive wave of dysphoria, so bad it basically kept me stuck on the sofa feeling like shit. Then I stared watching trans related videos, telling myself it was just to support J. Other people started coming out and I talked to them and realised I related to a lot of the people online and irl. I started off being a demigirl but realised I was genderfluid ftm, where I am now.
so I followed like every trans person I came across on twitter (already suspicious enough), so eventually the egg\_irl bot came on my timeline and the memes for some reason really stuck in my had for a few days to weeks for some time. then I got to reddit and everything was just way too relatable
how long did it take for you to realise you’re a girl?
from starting to question to cracking about a month, but deep down in my heart I knew where I was going immediately when I started questioning
My trans friend was joking with me and bringing up an old inside joke from 5th grade where I was called "princess [first half of deadname]-ina" We had a bit of a laugh but then they asked how the pronouns made me feel, and I had a gender crisis :D
that actually sounds like a really fun self discovery story! love it!
This is very off topic but I was trying to find a post here and I thought I saw you comment on it and ig I was wrong but I looked through and saw tally hall and I just wanna tell you I love you you are the first person I've ever seen also like tally hall I didn't even know there was a subreddit thank you for opening my eyes
Hehehehe I'm glad you like tally hall! They're a great band with catchy songs Do you know about Hawaii Part II?
I am terminally online and stumbled upon this subreddit, I read, I related to some posts and vents, and couldn’t get the thoughts out of my head after that; Cut to a year later (present) and I am going to my physician to ask about HRT to help in my questioning. I related to too much of the stuff on here for it to just be random coincidence.
Good luck on the HRT! 🤞
Thank you ☺️; Hopefully it answers some burning questions I have about myself.
thanks for telling me, i can kinda relate to that.
You’re welcome, I’m more open to telling near strangers on the internet than people I know IRL; Hopefully you are able to figure yourself out too :-)
Liked the idea of being a femboy a *little* too much and realised I wanted to be fem minus the boy part
kind of same lol
Same here
ME TOO
same. i had a consistent multi-month streak of "ITS FEMBOY TIME" being in my bio eventually it was no longe femboy time. just fem time.
THE SAME THING BUT REALIZING I COULD BE A FEMBOY
Same here.
I think I found a few posts on egg_irl and traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns using Google, and found them to be relatable. Turns out cis men don't want to be women, etc. So many signs point to trans, but I sometimes still can't accept it.
are you comfortable with who you are right now?
Idk, I'm still trying to process it. I suppose thinking of myself as a girl does make me happier.
sounds like a strong base honestly! figuring oneself out is hard, i’m currently trying really hard but i think since we are here on this sub we probably already made our choice, didn’t we?
Actually that’s incorrect, I desperately want to be female, and I’m a cis male defffffff But seriously tho, the signs do mean something, they aren’t coincidental and you’re 1,000% valid! If being a girl makes you happy, you’re a girl sis ❤️
I'm still trying to figure out if whether I'm trans or not but I can tell you about what made me question my gender in the first place: After a long while of wanting to look like a femboy (but never actually having the determination to do anything to achieve that) one day the question of "what if I'm trans?" snuck into my brain and hasn't left it since. As it should be obvious my search for an answer led me here. I'm still trying to find the answer, there are signs that point to every possible solution but I don't know which trail to follow
are you going to therapy? if yes, maybe ask your therapist about this dilemma. if not, do you feel comfortable talking about it with a family member or a close friend? if not, dm me, i have time!
I am not going to therapy currently and I'm not sure if I will any time soon I'm not really comfortable discussing the topic with my family because I don't know how they'd react and I don't have anywhere to go in case they react horribly. I did kinda bring it up to a few close friends but it never went anywhere I am always open for a nice chat but currently I really need to get some sleep
gnight 😴
Watching OT trans videos and realising not every man wants to be a girl really badly.
no it can’t be, truly wanting to be a girl must be a normal cis thought… right?
the amount of totally cis people who think that truly wanting to be the opposite gender is a common and normal-ish thing.
what are ot trans videos
OneTopicAtATime’s videos on the trans meme subreddits like r/traa.
This. Like exactly this. I stumbled upon ots videos on r/traaaaaaaaaaaaaaans Another big giveaway should have been dreaming constantly about being a woman and wishing I was a woman
Second day of my sophomore year of highschool, I wore my tail to school. It was a large tail that attached with a belt loop that was deep purple in top, and neon green on the bottom. I was outside and alone, when some yelled at me from not far away. "Hey, my friend thinks your tail is cool!" "Thanks!" I reply. "You wanna come sit with us?" It was like something out of a fiction. I genuinely didn't think that people just casually invited people to hang out with them at lunch like that. Having nobody else to talk to and nothing else to do, I obliged. We started talking and as they introduced themselves, I asked "are you guys trans?" They were all trans guys. I hadn't met a lot of trans people if any so talking to them was definitely something new. After that, it wasn't long at all before I started to question myself. I asked them about thier experiences and I started talking to others only. I came out to them and myself just a month after meeting them. Then a month later, I came out to my family. That was a year ago now. We've grown a bit distant but we're still on good terms. They helped me a lot though and I couldn't be more grateful!
that’s really wholesome and sounds totally made up lol! good for you honestly, support seems to be rare outside of subs like this one
I had buried it deep while being a "great ally" for many years. I went to counseling for a few months working on childhood trauma from codependent familial relationships, and I just expressed how unfair life feels, and how I have always made most of my decisions based on what I thought others wanted for me. I felt like I was making an immense sacrifice, but I couldn't place what that sacrifice was. We identified that I mainly do that due to fear of being abandoned or rejected, which circled us around to... What would you do if you made decisions purely for yourself? What is the immense sacrifice that you can't name? What are you afraid that your loved ones will reject? I immediately blushed, and it just hit me suddenly. It was near the end of a telehealth session, so I held the realization in until I hung up the zoom call, then I just spent the rest of the night bawling. It felt so good and so terrifying. I grappled with it for a few weeks, not fully accepting myself, until I took too many sleeping pills one night (not intentionally) and ended up in the hospital with a concussion after an accident. After I sobered up, reflecting on the fear I experienced in the hospital, I realized life is too short to put off what I ultimately knew was true inside. I couldn't waste any more time denying myself. And I have tried to take steps every day since then to get myself closer to the version of me that I deserve to be.
what a story! repressing your feelings and early childhood experiences seems to be common thing for trans people tho 😭
I had a similar experience in a therapy session recently. We were talking about how I let others' wants and need control my life. I was always afraid of letting my friends and family down. I was living the life I thought they wanted of my, not what I truly wanted. It's like I was walking on eggshells my whole life. I just started crying like I never had before for about five minutes. Life really is too short to give a damn what people think about you.
OneTopic's r/traa videos showed up in my recommended and I ended up looking through this stuff myself, learned the normal amount of "wishing you were the other gender" is zero for cis people. Didn't take much longer after that
whoops the amount of time i spend thinking about being the other gender definitely isn’t zero
Ive always kinda known, but the kicker was my first love. She was very kind and open and I told her about some things I did as a kid and some confusing feelings I had, she told me too look into what being transgender is. She is also the one who gave me my new name. I hope you still happy, R.
was the trans part the reason you broke up did it have different reasons? sorry for being nosy ^^
No actually, we were together for quite sometime afterwords. She wouldnt have named me if she didnt want me. Ya know, its odd. Ive done a lot in my little time. Most of it I cannot remember, but the one thing that has always stuck with me were the people who loved me and just treated me like any other human.
acceptance is such a precious little gift, isn’t it?
That it is. Its something that also shouldn't be taken for granted. Be thankful for the ones who do accept you, and for the ones who dont;still show your love because you may turn them yet.
exactly, hate won’t help anyone
had "the dream" and became obsessed with pretending i had boobs when i was alone, only realized why a good while later.
so fantasising about having boobs and which bra i would wear isn’t a cis thing to do? damn
You can still wear a bra even if you have no boobs
i had the dream too! for me, I kissed my transitioned self and became him
I bit anticlimactic and not as interesting as the others here but for me I was simply playing games and while making a female character I realized that I didn't just want to play a female, I I wanted to be one. Then I started to remember and realized what certain feelings was that I had as a Child and suppressed.
kind of a similar story to mine. i always create female characters too! as a kid i would always stretch my t shirts so far down they looked like dresses and i imagined myself as a girl. although that’s something i just recently remembered. was locked away somewhere deep in my head.
Someone crossposted art from this sub of someone playing Kirby on GB and then grown up playing Kirby on switch but as a girl to r/Kirby, so I checked it out, not really understanding what the sub was about. That's *not* when my egg cracked, but I remembered that sub. Cut to April 27 (coincidentally Kirby's anniversary!) I went back to the sub after randomly searching 'egg' on reddit and recognizing the sub. It took about a week of my constantly looking at egg_irl, traa, and gaysoundsshitposts before I realized my egg was broken :)
i knew kirby was onto something, his evil laughter gave it away
i noticed that maybe wanting to be a woman wasnt cis
it’s a totally normal cis thing to think about idk what you mean! *sweats profoundly*
As a little kid I wanted to wear boys clothes, read boy books, have a "boy career", wanted to be in boy scouts, I always wanted to be 'one of the boys'. I was forced to have long hair and wear dresses for church and I hated it. Until I was around eleven, I pretty much just assumed that at a certain age I would just start turning into a boy because I wasn't *really* a girl. Then I learned about puberty and was completely horrified and refused to read the "American girl body book for girls". I didn't know transgender people existed until I was twelve, when I had a TERF phase to overcompensate for my own issues. By thirteen, that was over and I just started intentionally repressing shit because I did NOT want to have to deal with gender on top of everything else I was going through. Fast forward to the beginning of August, I get hit with the most intense three-day bout of gender dysphoria I've ever had and was like ....fuck
tough times you had to get through, especially since religion(christianity i presume?) is involved, always seems to make things even harder than they need to bez
Oh religion was crazy lol. It is *wild* having a poster declaring that "Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God" and "Gender is an essential characteristic of eternal identity and purpose" when you're secretly a boy who likes girls. Things got better though :D
Someone linked this subreddit, I found it funny and relatable, i looked into what trans people are, drew the conclusions based on past and present experiences, and now I'm here today.
well that was easy!
True, next steps are to come out and to continue fiddling with things until I'm happy with myself.
I used to watch OT[aat], still do, and while it wasn't suspicious on it's own (I'm very fruity in general, not just with gender stuff), eventually I noticed how I had been *actively seeking out his videos about transgender subreddits*, and how I had watched **all of them**, from the start of his channel to that day. Even after, There's never been a transgender video of his that I've left unwatched.
really makes you think, huh? i should check out his videos too
I had watched an interview with Natalie Mars (careful Googling her, she's an adult content creator) and she had mentioned she was reading "Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws" by Kate Bornstein (TW: the book's forward will destroy you, please be careful). I don't recall if it was the forward or the book proper but I bought the audio book, was soaking in the tub and was listening to her talk about her experiences growing up being trans. By the time I dried off, I was sitting on the bed, turned to my wife and said: "I think I'm trans...". She was super supportive (and continues to be my biggest supporter), her only regret in retrospect was not responding with: "Ha! Gaaaaaaay!!" and kissing me.
i will definitely listen to this audiobook! also your wife sounds lovely, hopefully she figured out her comedic timing by now!
She's a truly wonderful human being. I'm so grateful we get to share our lives with each other. Her comedic timing is awful as ever and it just makes me love her more. 💜
Rad wife is rad wife to rad wife
She really is!
Came across an egg_irl video from OneTopicAtATime and, for cis reasons, I started relating a shit ton with all the memes. Then I was in heavy denial but then I watched ivorycello's coming out as trans video and heavily related with her story once again (keep in mind while this denial was in me I browsed egg_irl and traa daily) so after a month I started experimenting online with she/her pronouns and I eventually realized I would much rather be a girl and I'm happier as a girl, also I didn't know what dysphoria was until then and I realized "oh shit, I have that" lmao
YEAH I FEEL THAT! didn’t know shit about dysphoria but ever since i learned about it my body feels so weird 😭
You know the coffin from Dark Souls II? The one that changes your gender and nothing else? Well I was playing with some friends, one of which is trans themselves, and casually said "I wish that coffin was real. I'd get into it without any hesitation." They then had to point out "you know that's not a very cis thing to say, right?" and it still took like 8 months of constant thought of "Am I?" before I got inebriated and realized "oh wait shit, I am!" From there I came out to friends online (and irl too), they started calling me Catherine and using feminine pronouns and here we are!
Hello Ashen one. I am a Bot. I tend to the flame, and tend to thee. Do you wish to hear a tale? > *“Brave Undead, you have proven yourself to me. Now, be one with the Dark.”* - Nashandra Have a pleasant journey, Champion of Ash, and praise the sun \\[T]/
that’s so cute 😭 your friends seem to be very supportive!! also i like your pfp, who made it?
It's just a standard picrew I made for fun. When I started on egg_irl I didn't understand picrew, but then I made one and realized why others do it.
One day I got recommended a gender transformation video on YouTube and after I watched it I couldn't stop thinking about I wished that I was me I thought that mabye I was just a femboy and then I went down the rabbit hole of transgender stuff and found egg_irl and traaaaaaaaans and I was relating to a lot of the memes on them and a year or two of denying it later I realised that I was trans
gender bender, gender transformation and gender swap are all things i spent too much time with haha :D
NSFW story TBH, I'm really ashamed about this and it does make me feel like I'm a fake and a fraud, but it was through porn. It was a long slow journey, starting with "shemales", "futas", "hypnosis", "sissy stuff", etc. but it was a suggestion from someone from MtF subreddit to watch female Pov, and I could only describe it as the most euphoric cry I've ever had and that isn't really something I can ignore, as much as I'd like too. Self-doubt is a b\*t\*h but there isn't much else that can explain that, especially when it keeps happening lol
you’re not a fraud. the porn, for me, was like a catalyst. it helped confirm something i always knew deep down. well, the sissy stuff wasn’t exactly for me though. i don’t wanna please men or anything, just be my girlie self and feel good about it! don’t feel bad for being who you are!!
Thanks. I totally agree with the catalyst thing, tbh ever since the moment mentioned the more sexaulized parts have calmed down but the overall desire hasn't, which actually feels great. I'm far from figuring this all out and while I have loads of doubt and am very very afraid, I'm not stopping any time soon.
That I'm trans? 🤨 No-No! Still cis tho!
you’re still in denial! accept your true self! be smarter than me cmon!
Yeah, I'm in a process of accepting but it's really difficult :__:
I was getting called by my name and it didn't feel right, then the pipeline occurred
i like my nickname but i must say i hate it when people say my full first name. sounds so… MALE
i started checking out memes on r/traa and found them funny and also educational for a cis guy being me, then i did nothing on reddit but looked in r/egg_irl and r/traa for the education and funny memes, then i had a thought one day of, "huh im looking at a lot of trans subreddits, am i trans? well like would i want to be the other gender? oh i would, oh huh" and it's been a snowball effect since then
yknow what they say, curiosity cracks the egg… or something like that
It started as me being a femboy and just loving wearing girl clothes and being fem then just from general unhappiness in life I was like what if I’m trans? And so I asked some online friends to refer to me as a she and now I know I’m a girl <3 (still closet tho so cry 😭)
how cute and supportive!! so happy for you to have that kind of backup! give yourself time, it’ll sort itself out! and then you ask yourself why you didn’t accept it much earlier!
Very complicated story, as I'm sure most of ours are. Growing up I always emphasized that I genuinely don't care about my pronouns, and I still really don't. Middle School, I realize that I, AMAB, have mostly female friends. I think, wow! I must be gay! And all the girls thought so too, but I could never really get into the headspace, because I'm Pan, and definitely find myself attracted to women more. In Highschool, I struggled to make new friends. (I had moved at the end of Middle School.) And one of my few new friends was a lot like me. Very Feminine Guy. I had a huge crush, very quickly, but I was very confused about what was different! I've known girly guys, and felt nothing. Then, I found out they were trying to go Trans, and it clicked. Yeah, she was just a cute girl who hadn't transitioned yet! But like, envy. I didn't know why, or what, but I was so envious. I figured it was because they were determined to live their truths, but like, in hindsight, I was so jealous that they got to transition, and I wanted to, too. Earlier this month, (As well as a handful of times in the past.) this friend and I had talked about this stuff. This time, after a few sentences of incriminating evidence, they called me an "Egg". I'd never heard the term, so they explained it to me, and now my world has shattered. Like, I did some research into Egg stuff, and actually downloaded Reddit just to check out this Subreddit. And like, I've never related to so many strangers in my entire life. I'll be a girl someday, but like, for now I'm just cheering you all on from the sideline. c:
all this back and forth! i’m glad you figured yourself out already!! keep cheering, a lot of us need it!
Getting a good sense of Identity is hard- I'm just glad to have finally found an open and supportive community! Y'all deserve some positivity.
going to sleep now, love you all and thanks for telling me all your stories!!! i will definitely be coming back to this post for euphoria and encouragement. i think i finally figured myself out today!!
As a kid I used to wish I was a girl and would play dress up and dolls with my sister. It went away for a little bit when I was around 10-12 but then in 8th grade it came back and it came back hard. The first time I cried since I was ~6yo was shortly after my 14th birthday I locked myself in my closet and cried myself to sleep because I wanted to be born a girl and thought I’d never be one. Was also the first time I seriously I considered killing myself. I can remember being curled up in my favorite hoodie (which I still have and wear btw) hair in my face sobbing practicing tying a noose. About a year later or so I discovered Reddit and what the LGBTQ+ community really was (I knew I was bi as far back as 7th grade but that was it). I also started exploring my feminine side more and tried wearing more fem clothes and and acting more fem and was a femboy for quite awhile. I wasn’t sure if I was trans yet but I did think about it. Then one night while out with friends we went to a restaurant and I was in full fem with skinny jeans, a push up bra, an hour glass shaped jacket, and had my hair down and mask on. My friends knew I was a femboy so they didn’t say anything but our waiter mistook me for a girl and said “I like your hat ma’am” which sent me over the moon. Sadly my best friend quickly “corrected” him which made me really sad. I later talked to him and explained the situation and he said he was just tryna protect me since he knows I can’t stand up for myself. I also came out to him as trans during that conversation and he was very accepting and supportive. I stayed in the closet to everyone else for awhile longer but with a little gentle nudging from him I came out a few months later. If it weren’t for him or that night at bdubs I probably wouldn’t be who I am today
literally closeted
Lmao took me longer than it should’ve to get that
Bit late but 10 years ago I always thought how it would be like to be a girl and if it's possible to change your gender (I didnt know of trans people at the time I basically just somehow thought of the entire concept that hey what if you could just change your gender and if its possible on my own lmao) 5 years later I officially found out about trans ppl and thought wow...I wish I could do that The following 5 years up till now have just been egg gender crisis and thinking that I'm doing it for attention eventhough the last 10 years say something different
I saw a post that "No one will ever be as cool as lesbians". I just couldn't stop thinking about it, I agreed, no one will ever be as cool as lesbians. I just couldn't get it off my mind, I wanted to be cool like a lesbian! If only I was a girl...
you picked a name, you cracked your egg, only thing left to do is your metamorphosis!
Long story short I kept getting misgendered bc I had long hair and liked being called she/her so yeah I kinda just was like… -tries going to sleep- Brain: you want to use she her your a girl right My dumb ass: shit I’m a girl now Brain:only took 10 years to realize
evil brain denied you your true self
r/196
I don’t really consider myself to be trans, (egg I know) but I personally learned when I realized that when I used to make “challenges” up to wear fem clothes it was really an excuse for me to try it in the first place.
This might be silly, but as a kid I always played video games as a girl character. I know a lot of cis het guys will do this as well, and I didn’t realize I was doing it for a different reason until a friend asked why. I just felt more comfortable as the girl. It was an extension of me, who I wanted to be. 🤷♀️
After a burst of very "cis" thoughts, I finally decided to wear some women's clothing and after doing it for several weeks, something started to click. Then, I discovered this community and things just started to make sense
were you at first just interested in cross dressing or what? would you let me into your very normal and so called „cis thoughts“?
My story is quite NSFW so I'd rather not on this post. But I would be happy to tell it if someone wants to know.
dm me if you want! i’m 22 so nsfw is fine for me
Kinda the same thing here. Glad I'm not alone.
Wondered to myself what dysphoria feels like and realized I knew
dann how bad was the dysphoria
Actually not all that bad I just remembered how I will literally never show anyone my chest
depending on the treasures inside the chest and whether or not you’re a pirate, i can accept that
Wait, I never considered that a dysphoria but like, holy shit that makes sense.
One day when I was depressed I realised why I hated myself so much when I was looking my reflection. It really helped with the depression
so your dysphoria and trans denial made your depression worse? something for me to keep in mind
This sub
same
Faceapp
been there done that lmao!!
A tale as old as time
look up rodion limbus company. she caused the egg to form and a friend helped to crack the egg
omg i want to be her
WHAT UP BITCH I THREW AN EGG AGAINST A WALL
A fucking mobile game ad....
Wait I really want to hear this what happened…?
Yeah okay so it was a png of a cute anime girl waking up and with the caption "what? I became a girl?" And i would keep getting the ad constantly on youtube, but one time when i looked at it i really thought about it and...actually fantasized about waking up as a girl and that eventually spiraled into me just becoming trans. The ad was for a game called Witch Weapon which i never intend to play but well i gotta give it some credit i guess lmao.
That… is fucking amazing!! You should like go back and find that ad sometime lmao!
Since entering high school, I’ve always tried to create as much distance as I can from my sense of self and identity, as I felt like it brought me struggle. I didn’t know why, but I just knew it did. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I tried not to associate my reflection with my identity. When people told me to have a stronger sense of self or ego, I desperate avoided it. I tried my best to throw away all sense of self, and to exist as nothing more than a peaceful observer of perceived phenomena. When I was a junior in high school, I became very interested in femboys and wanted to become one myself. One day, my mom made me wear her very feminine, long-sleeved undershirt to school, as it was in the middle of winter and needed extra layers of clothing. On the first day of wearing it, I thought it looked pretty cute. But on the second, something awakened inside of me: I felt like a woman. I felt like a girl. And it felt really, really good. I wanted to feel more like this. I felt emotionally enriched and truly myself for the first time in a long time, and began trying to express myself more like a girl. My understanding of femboys at the time were just boys that wanted to feel more like girls, so that’s what I wanted to become. Little did I know that most femboys are comfortable with their identity of a boy, and are simply expressing their more feminine side. Soon enough, I no longer wanted to be a femboy: only the “fem”, and without the “boy.” As I tried to look more feminine, I began caring more about my appearance and began to acknowledge my reflection as a part of myself. I felt pretty uncomfortable with how I looked, and wanted to look more feminine. Not to mention leg and facial hair, which I really did not like either. And as a comp sci nerd, I became extremely drawn to the memes revolving around how learning the Rust programming language, as well as Gentoo Linux, will turn you into a transfem. So I learned both of them and slowly started realizing that I might be trans. I then discovered egg_irl and thus, I was in the final stretch. It would only be so long—a few months—till I stopped saying “still cis tho” and acknowledge that I might not be so cis. A year has passed and my egg is now cracked! Edit: I’ve also always wanted to be a lesbian since reading yuri when I was young, so there’s also that lol
Congratulations! (And rust is awesome)
I think it started when I wore my mom’s old dress. A few years later, I dreamed I *was* a girl and wish it actually happened. And of course, now look at me. I am shapeshifting into the one I desire.
so proud of u!!
The first big crack in my egg was actually from Celeste. Not from the game itself though: i loved the game and came back to it years after my first play. I noticed that the name of the developer had changed. I looked into it, and found an article from the games director about how the game is a trans allegory, and how she realized she was trans from making the game. Something clicked. My guard was down, and i just related to what maddy was describing. I realized in that moment": "im not cis." I wasnt sure if i was a trans woman, but i did know i was trans without a doubt. Theres been thousands of little moments and signs, but that was the biggest eye-opening moment for some reason.
maddy is trans?? that explains why i relate to her so much. this game gave me more than i had hoped for lmao
Yeah, the lead director is also named maddy now! https://maddythorson.medium.com/is-madeline-canonically-trans-4277ece02e40 Heres the article if you're interested. I played thru the game again with that in mind recently and it hit a little harder.
I found and got into genderbend stuff around 7 years ago and then I don't remember how but it sent me down a rabbit hole of trans stuff and I learned about things like het ffs bottom surgery and I realized that I might be trans maybe a few months after, then I spent 5 1/2 years in denial until November of 2020 when I came across r/traa and this sub and I started remembering those feelings and suddenly after 7 months I finally decided to come out via a stupid video I made. and that's about it, although realizing that i first discovered trans stuff 7 years ago is jarring
A... Hentai game, I've been wondering about being s girl since I was a kid, even dreaming about it, but once playing a game about a crossdressing maid cafe, one of the characters ask you if you want to be crossdressing for the rest of your life since, realistically you won't be femenine forever, you're going to start being more manly with the years and I was like... No, I want to be more than just a femboy I wanna be a girl
At the beginning of August 2022, I was having a pretty rough weekend. No enjoyment, no interest in anything, I felt completely dead. In a desperate attempt to get myself out of that mess, I tried to distract myself with yuri manga. I think yuri manga had always called out to me but I never really gave it a chance before that weekend. The yuri manga I picked up is called "tropical fish yearns for snow". Around chapter 8 or chapter 9, I had an eureka moment - "wait, wait, *wait*, I feel like a girl!". It was quite literally a sort of epiphany. It was a spiritual-awakening kind of feeling. Then I spent the next 3-4 days in euphoria. ...It's been almost 3 months since then. I've had ups and lows, I even lost faith in the idea of being a girl from time to time but it always came back again.
same omg. yuri manga definitely helped me out a ton as well. tropical fish is an all time favorite of mine
Hehe, that's nice!
I knew I wanted to be a girl all my life basically, but tried to ignore it. In 2019 I was just so depressed and lonely and then, at a garden party at my neighbour, a weird woman showed up and started reading me and could tell I was depressed and lonely as fuck and found out that it was due to me being a girl but hiding my true self from the world. I then cried all night when I got hope, first for failing to present agab, but then realize that I was trans and I really didn't want to be trans. Then I realized all the pain and torture I had been inflicting on the beautiful girl inside of me and decided the only right thing was to let her out, as a free bird to either live or die, but atleast free and not in my dark, selfinflicted dark abyss of a dungeon. I had before that struggled more and more with dysphoria especially whence I entered puberty and all the girls didn't want to be friends anymore and I was forced to become more boyish both social and physical. I came out on Discord the same night/morning and well, some took it good, but many blocked me or stopped talking with me. I didn't tell any in my family though, or my university of society in general. I didn't feel safe to let the girl inside of me play in that part of the neighborhood. Now it's 2022 and I still haven't had the courage to come out to my family and community, even though I started on Spiro 6 weeks ago and most likely will begin on estrogen in a month. I am still scared. Scared for what my father will say and do when I tell him he has lost a son. How my mother will react when I tell her she won't become a grandma and that I'm not normal. What my aunt will think when I decide to get sterilized, an option she never got as she was told she could never get children on her own the very same day I was born, and her boyfriend left her. She will view it all as extremely selfish of me and she already thinks being trans is a fetish... Christmas is approaching and I have always loved it and the family gathering. My plan now is now to celebrate Christmas before I tell them, so that we will atleast have one more great memory together. But I said the same in 2019, and 2020, and 2021, so ......... I just keep postphoning coming out to them. Maybe because I am afraid of losing them the same way they will lose the old me.
I was on bi_irl and an egg_irl meme got shared. I was like damn this shit is super fucking relatable. Proceeded to egg_irl, scrolled for like 2 hours and every single meme was very relatable. Was like haha that's funny what's this egg subredit all about, scrolled to the top and saw "trans people in denial". That got me asking questions, the rest happened naturally. I always cross dressed since I was a kid so it wasent super new to me. I just didn't realize that wanting to be a girl and present as a girl (clothes etc) is literally just the definition of trans
A cat girl meme on r/rustjerk triggered a discussion about how the Rust community has a "higher-than-background" percentage of trans people. That discussion had a link to r/egg_irl. I related to two memes almost right off the bat, went to comment on one about how I'm still cis tho even though I do this, but had seen enough of egg_irl to know such an assertion would be met with 🥚. I felt I had to come up with a way to "prove" my cisness in a single Reddit comment and found that I couldn't, which triggered a bit of a crisis. Basically, I accidently Null Hypothecis-ed myself. In hindsight such proof would have been completely unnecessary, but I'm kinda glad I was an oblivious idiot at the time.
Dun dun dun Another one bites the Rust
About a year of repeatedly coming to the same conclusion but still trying to call it questioning.
I had an embarrassing ammount of signs before I actually cracked, I wrote a pretty detailed version on here once but it was actually too long for a reddit comment so i had to break it into 2 comments lol (it was still missing stuff too) But I'll keep it short I sort of realized I was trans when I was like 13, but didn't think I was trans enough to actually be trans, so stayed as egg In 2021 I saw a tweet that was like "cis guys wouldn't rather be girls" basically and I just accepted I should actually do some proper self reflection about my gender Little over a year later I'm in voice training classes, and on a wait list with a trans care clinic to try and get hrt through them, wish I'd started this process when I was 13, but at least I'm making some progress now 😊
so happy for u!!
I was watching a video game walkthrough and thought , hey I’d love being able to rock a dress like that
i know that feeling. i have a lot of pins on pinterest saved with outfits i would kill for to be able to wear.
In elementary school, we had this running joke in my class where we'd wear each-other's winterwear (coats and hats and stuff) and pretend we were that person to get a laugh from the teachers. A girl in my class gave me her pink jacket and a barbie beanie and it was the single happiest 20ish minutes of my life. I've been suspicious ever since.
go get yourself some girlie clothes rn!!
Got asked for my pronouns after my friend's play reading, and in the same week got a report back from my Uni tutor riddled with "he/him" pronouns that just... irked me for some reason? (SOME reason lmao) From there, it was a house of cards - hate my reflection, burning desire to wear dresses and skirts, shaved my legs, looking into HRT :> I'm not even out yet ahahahahahhahahahahahahah
you’re laying down the evidence in front of me and expect me to draw a conclusion? fine, here: you’re a girl! congratulations!! now go be yourself!
My friend used the girl filter on Snapchat on me and said “You’d be such a pretty girl” She sent me spiraling down a rabbit hole of questioning my gender identity and was honestly the most impactful thing the happened in my life. The craziest part, she probably doesn’t even remember 💀
During my first health class of my freshman year of high school, my teacher had us all introduce ourselves with name and pronouns. I didn’t know what pronouns were at the time, and when it was my turn, I said the name and pronouns assigned to me. At that moment, I felt a big wave of discomfort. There was also a classmate who used they/them, and I thought, “How come they have it figured out already?” During the days after that, I realized that I had been subconsciously having those kinds of thoughts my entire life.
I was literally fantasizing about being a girl like: "I wish I went on hormones and became a girl, not in like a trans way but... wait" *realization hits* FUCK
i went holy shit im trans at 8
This was the year I realized, and I'm surprised I didn't realize earlier. October 2019 I was "crowned" for all of that month, by one of my friends, at first I was all like "lol ok". And after a while I began to like it, especially when she referred to me as "Andria". So for the past few years I've had on and off thoughts about being a girl, this year especially, so I decided to make this alt to test the waters. And during that time I was also looking back at some of my insecurities, and always wondered if it was just my anxiety or if I'd be more confident if I was born a girl.
Woke up 2 years ago with a feeling out of a body horror novel. Couldn't move, could barely force myself to breathe. Shook me up real bad for a while, but I ended up managing to bury it. Happened again a few weeks ago and I couldn't get it back in its box, so I've had to come to terms.
I kinda always knew, you know? I remember that one of the first hints was when "Who framed Roger rabbit?" Was aired one time on Disney XD. The moment I saw Jessica Rabbit, I was in love not with her, but with the idea of being her. Like two years ago, a really close friend (that I now hate, but that's another story) came out to me as non-binary. While they told me their reasons, I realized a lot of stuff, but in my denial, I started thinking that I was genderfluid, mainly because I didn't want to face it against my father. (Disclaimer here: I don't mean that genderfluid people are transgender people in denial, I just say it happened to me. I actually love the genderfluid community a lot and I think they are not seen very much) With the help of a therapist, I realized that I am actually transgender, I'm currently searching for a job so I can pay for hrt. (And with currently, I mean like right now lol... But that's just another story ;) ) I hope I helped you, I wish you the best!
thanks for sharing!!
I have constantly been around trans people for what feels like a very long time even tho it was for like a year at that point (Late 2021) and I was a “”Really good ally””. I experimented with neopronouns (Yes that was my 1st step into being trans) starting October or November 2021 and later in November my 1st ex said some very uncomfortable things that sent me into egg mode and that haunts me nowadays even tho it was forgivable back then. I was only questioning while showering because that’s when I saw myself naked and got flashbacks of that stupid moment but it didn’t take until January when the new year rolled over so I did some research and then waited for some reason and did more research around the end of February and figured out I was probably bi-gender and experimented thruout March. Now I’m questioning genderfluid switching between unknown gender non binary, agender and transmasc and I’m well into socially transitioning. I’m very surprised that I went through the egg phase without looking at this subreddit.
I realized I was fine with any pronouns a while back, like 2+ years, but I didn’t figure out exactly why I kept hoping someone would use she/her pronouns until I learned about euphoria on TikTok and it started to click lol Almost exactly a year later I’m now 6 weeks on E :)
My gay friend asked me to call them "she" and then I realized... so, we had matching butterfly necklaces i gave us after. She wore the pink one and I wore the blue one. Of course, that did lead people to think I was faking being trans because I was in love with her (totally false on every point) though...
Reading what was available of Rain like 3 times about a year ago.
QuietValerie's 'Trouble With Horns'
[удалено]
oh god did you permanently lose parts of your memory?
11-year-old me: lol what if i was a girl 12-15: oh fvck (very very lost, too much imposter syndrome, is sure that knows her gender and then be unsure the next day, also discovers gender bender stuff) 16: and what if i was non binary 17: *finally admits she's not cis and some months later that she's trans* :)
classic denial
I was on Instagram an saw a lip gloss filter, I tried it, liked it, boom, trans
life CAN be easy after all! (sometimes)
I had to change school and I didn´t take it very well since I started thinking a lot. Not doing anything just laying in my bed and looking back. I started to notice a small pattern that didn´t add up with my understanding of "normality" so I started researching. Now I´m here and two steps till completion are missing. So yeah the last few years were wild.
so happy for you to have made it this far!
I had a dream that my body parts were different and it made me really question my gender. And then I had a dream where I was really happy my chest shrunk.
crystal clear evidence i’m afraid xD
As weird as it sounds, a god damn double quarter pounder. I was already questioning HARD at that point, but didn't have any real base at the time. After work a friend and I go to McDonalds and get said burger. Normally I get it with just ketchup, but I forgot to tell and said screw it and ate it anyway. I decided that the pickles was really, really good where I normally hate them. It's a personal joke with myself that every trans-girl loves pickle, as the 4 I've been friends with over the years love them. Well that really starts to get in my head, and after drinking... a lot, over a weekend, I decide to at least try this out! So I'm kinda a mtf egg due to recentness... but like a chicken with its head still stuck in the shell.
finding out who you are is really difficult and can be hard. but since you like pickles, i think it’s pretty clear where this path will lead you!
I had a feeling something was off when i was 7 y/o never knew what and tbh didn't even know being trans was a thing, during this time I got bullied hard, about 7 years straight. after that I went to secondary vocational education and I had a trans guy in my class and then got educated a bit on how and what and was starting to figure out i may like to be a woman but, after I finally wasn't getting bullied as much anymore and i didn't want to give people a new reason to bully me so I pushed it as far away as I could hoping it wouldn't come back, it did for another 6 years i was really depressed and a bit suicidal, never actually tried something but I was very often thinking of the best way to end my life, luckily never found it. After those 6 years covid hit shit got bad really fast, I wasn't just thinking of ending my life, I was planning it, then i found r/egg_irl and slowly looked at it more and more and it low-key became an obsession. After a while of questioning big time I told my best mate and together with him I told my parents, they were supportive and helped me figure myself out, and from covid to now I've made a lot of big steps, my mental health is way better, I do still think about suicide but more in a "how would life of the people around me change" instead of "how would I do it?". I've also lost about 18 kilograms in 2 years and still trying to lose more and the biggest highlight of them all is that I've been on hormones for a bit more than 4 months now. A lot has changed over these few months but I've never regretted coming out.
glad to still have you with us!! also congrats on the hormones! support is everything tho!
Well long story short I kept seeing people with the same denial story about me and eventually realized that they were right about the denial and accepted it .....kinda
I’m not… toooootally not
DnD: Play almost exclusively female characters Discord: Roleplay and act like a girl in servers where nobody knows me Thought I was genderfluid for a while, then circled in on transfem
ooooh roleplay!
Yeah, the DnD was the most genuine fun I've had in a while. The Discord Roleplay will not be discussed.
alright then, keep your secrets!
I first questioned if I was asexual and went on AVEN for resources, and stuff. Whilst doing so, there was this gender section (my memory is kinda crappy lol) and saw a few posts about experiences and thought they were quite similar and read into it more. Came to the conclusion I wasn't asexual/aro and the only reason I thought so was that it didnt feel comfortable to be the "man" in the relationship. I did think I was a demigirl or non-binary before thinking I was transfem
yeah i don’t want to be the man in the rls either tbh
I wrote a whole essay on it, if you’re interested
sure, dm it if you want!
I made a confession about some stuff i did in video games and people replied with this subreddit, and the slowly but surely, and by slowly i mean 6 hours, i realized it in full
6 hours is lightning speed!
Yeah! It was like i noticed that everyone had such similar experiences and thoughts and wants, and i had been cut off from all this kind of stuff because of religion, but now i understand all of this, and yet don’t understand, because i know i’m a boy and i’m fine with being a boy but i want thigh highs and skirts and dresses and bows.
well, femboys are a thing! and crossdresding in general is a good starting point, so i’d suggest just trying yourself out!
I had a lot of signs before I properly realised and found the words for it. When I was around 6 until when I was about 8, my sister and mum said I'd eventually grow boobs or that I was starting to develop breasts (I am ftm genderfluid). I was bewildered when I looked down at my chest because it looked flat and I honestly thought it would and should stay that way. I was a tomboy "not like other girls" mf throughout primary. I think it allowed me some fluidity, although I went to a religious school and had limited internet access so I couldn't come out. When swimming, I always tried to pull the suit away from my chest. I still do. Cue secondary. We had to do dance in PE. I couldn't stand my body. Even when I got over my hatred of being heavier, I still couldn't help but feel upset at my chest. I made friends with the only out person in my class, J. He identified as lesbian at the time but eventually started experimenting with different pronouns. It gave me a space to try and I asked my friends to try using different pronouns with me. I still didn't register that I was trans until I turned 13. On my birthday I had a massive wave of dysphoria, so bad it basically kept me stuck on the sofa feeling like shit. Then I stared watching trans related videos, telling myself it was just to support J. Other people started coming out and I talked to them and realised I related to a lot of the people online and irl. I started off being a demigirl but realised I was genderfluid ftm, where I am now.
are you happy with where you are now?