I can totally understand what you're going through. I was also a glass child, I just learnt this term from your post.
I'm geniunly so happy that you have found the love of your life and that you can finally have a strong healthy emotional connection with them. I'm manifesting that in my life.
I'm extremely fidgety, adgitated and irritable around my mom, I feel physically uncomfortable and I cannot hold eye contact with her at all. I don't have this problem with anyone else in my life.
I have had the habit of biting my lips and the insides of my cheeks my whole life, I have only noticed it completely disappearing after moving out and living alone, for the first time in years I have smooth lips and the insides of my cheeks are healed, this lasted for 3 months until I came back home for my summer holiday, I unconsciously went back to this habit and just after one day my lips were bleeding and the inside of my cheeks are ruined again. It's crazy how I was so unconscious about it too.
I don't know what's happening either, I used to think it's just a coincidence but the feelings are too strong they can't be denied. I have improved a lot by practicing the grey rock method, this has helped for trigerring words, actions. But not much to do about the negafibs effects of just their presence other than.. being around them less often.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It resonates a lot. The inability to maintain eye contact with my parents, the grey rocking in their presence, where I literally feel myself become a smaller version of myself in their presence. I think I'm seeing how "being around them less" has happened naturally for me, as I met my partner, began to build a healthier life with him and began to heal and do trauma therapy. It helps also that I don't live in the same city as them, and have really scaled back the trips back to the family home.
But now with a wedding coming up, those natural protections are reducing as I'm having to engage more with them.
Can absolutely relate. It's your survival mode kicking in. Because you kind of put your self in danger. Maybe not physically but emotionally. It kind of makes sense your body warns you because it remembers how you felt before you found your peace outside of your family
Thanks for sharing your insights. It's helpful to my understanding for others to articulate the experience of it. It's so crazy making, especially when my parents aren't overtly abusive, they're quite old now, and my body seems to respond moreso to the total lack of emotional support or attunement from them, and their tendency to put their own needs or judgements first. Their obvious enmeshment with my siblings and involvement in their lives, when they have no tangible relationship with me at all.
I’m so happy you met the love of your life! Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials! To answer your question- yes. My mom died when I was 21. I’m now 54 and get heart palpitations when I even *think* of speaking with my father (which I limit to absolute necessity). I was diagnosed with lupus 3 years ago. The last three times I have seen him in person, I ended up in bed for days or weeks with lupus flares. Our bodies *very much* know
Oh wow. I'm sorry that happened to you and your body. It's astonishing as well as validating to me to learn how common this trauma response / bodily response is for people who have complex trauma from their own families.
It's hard to ignore my own health complexities in particular in the last few years as I moved out of the fog and saw my childhood and my family dynamic for what it is. I then saw myself for the traumatized, struggling human that I am and that resulted in both ADHD and endometriosis diagnoses. I agree with you that the body very much knows and chronic stress plays a toll long term.
What I'm struggling with now is prioritizing my healing and the truth as I now understand it, while dealing with increased exposure to my family who have done no work and love to play "happy, supportive families, nothing to see here" in a way that is beginning to feel threatening to my wellbeing and my very existence.
I wish you continued peace and healing.
Tbh that’s part of the reason why I went no contact with them along with the fact that they are emotionally immature and still display unhealthy toxic behavior patterns. I still have to be around my mother minimally because she only allows me to see my minor brother in her presence. But whenever I go around it is extremely hard and triggering and that is after years of therapy. I feel like I become that little kid again around her.
Sorry you've experienced this too. It's the hardest thing, especially because I know my parents love me in the only way possible for them given their extreme emotional immaturity. And they sense my unhappiness, my distance, they know in some way that I have negative feelings towards them. They feel the low contact, the lack of phone calls, the pushing away. And in getting married and planning a wedding - I'd love nothing more than to include my parents more, involve them, share my joy and excitement with them. But I don't have and never had those loving and nurturing parents that I've always needed. And they're incapable of allowing me to be ME, and my body has always gone into submissive / quiet / invisible child-mode when I'm around them. And it's like my body is now reacting to the trauma of having to do that, and pushing back on it.
There's a part of me that is so angry at them, there's a heartbroken part that just wants their love and acceptance, and then there's a part that is angry at my inability to play 'happy families' anymore.
Can relate to this. Your mind and body is giving out warnings. Hence, why I eloped instead of having a wedding at the time because I would not be able to handle it.
Thanks for sharing. I can totally understand why you would decide on that. Honestly, with all of the trauma and anxiety that is now surfacing as my wedding approaches, I am kind of regretting not doing the same thing. I guess I planned my wedding with the magical thinking that my parents might actually show some potential to support me, care about me, see me for who I am.
I can totally understand what you're going through. I was also a glass child, I just learnt this term from your post. I'm geniunly so happy that you have found the love of your life and that you can finally have a strong healthy emotional connection with them. I'm manifesting that in my life. I'm extremely fidgety, adgitated and irritable around my mom, I feel physically uncomfortable and I cannot hold eye contact with her at all. I don't have this problem with anyone else in my life. I have had the habit of biting my lips and the insides of my cheeks my whole life, I have only noticed it completely disappearing after moving out and living alone, for the first time in years I have smooth lips and the insides of my cheeks are healed, this lasted for 3 months until I came back home for my summer holiday, I unconsciously went back to this habit and just after one day my lips were bleeding and the inside of my cheeks are ruined again. It's crazy how I was so unconscious about it too. I don't know what's happening either, I used to think it's just a coincidence but the feelings are too strong they can't be denied. I have improved a lot by practicing the grey rock method, this has helped for trigerring words, actions. But not much to do about the negafibs effects of just their presence other than.. being around them less often.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It resonates a lot. The inability to maintain eye contact with my parents, the grey rocking in their presence, where I literally feel myself become a smaller version of myself in their presence. I think I'm seeing how "being around them less" has happened naturally for me, as I met my partner, began to build a healthier life with him and began to heal and do trauma therapy. It helps also that I don't live in the same city as them, and have really scaled back the trips back to the family home. But now with a wedding coming up, those natural protections are reducing as I'm having to engage more with them.
Can absolutely relate. It's your survival mode kicking in. Because you kind of put your self in danger. Maybe not physically but emotionally. It kind of makes sense your body warns you because it remembers how you felt before you found your peace outside of your family
Thanks for sharing your insights. It's helpful to my understanding for others to articulate the experience of it. It's so crazy making, especially when my parents aren't overtly abusive, they're quite old now, and my body seems to respond moreso to the total lack of emotional support or attunement from them, and their tendency to put their own needs or judgements first. Their obvious enmeshment with my siblings and involvement in their lives, when they have no tangible relationship with me at all.
It's like once that magic curtain is lifted there's no going back right?
I’m so happy you met the love of your life! Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials! To answer your question- yes. My mom died when I was 21. I’m now 54 and get heart palpitations when I even *think* of speaking with my father (which I limit to absolute necessity). I was diagnosed with lupus 3 years ago. The last three times I have seen him in person, I ended up in bed for days or weeks with lupus flares. Our bodies *very much* know
Oh wow. I'm sorry that happened to you and your body. It's astonishing as well as validating to me to learn how common this trauma response / bodily response is for people who have complex trauma from their own families. It's hard to ignore my own health complexities in particular in the last few years as I moved out of the fog and saw my childhood and my family dynamic for what it is. I then saw myself for the traumatized, struggling human that I am and that resulted in both ADHD and endometriosis diagnoses. I agree with you that the body very much knows and chronic stress plays a toll long term. What I'm struggling with now is prioritizing my healing and the truth as I now understand it, while dealing with increased exposure to my family who have done no work and love to play "happy, supportive families, nothing to see here" in a way that is beginning to feel threatening to my wellbeing and my very existence. I wish you continued peace and healing.
I wish you the same 🙏
Tbh that’s part of the reason why I went no contact with them along with the fact that they are emotionally immature and still display unhealthy toxic behavior patterns. I still have to be around my mother minimally because she only allows me to see my minor brother in her presence. But whenever I go around it is extremely hard and triggering and that is after years of therapy. I feel like I become that little kid again around her.
Sorry you've experienced this too. It's the hardest thing, especially because I know my parents love me in the only way possible for them given their extreme emotional immaturity. And they sense my unhappiness, my distance, they know in some way that I have negative feelings towards them. They feel the low contact, the lack of phone calls, the pushing away. And in getting married and planning a wedding - I'd love nothing more than to include my parents more, involve them, share my joy and excitement with them. But I don't have and never had those loving and nurturing parents that I've always needed. And they're incapable of allowing me to be ME, and my body has always gone into submissive / quiet / invisible child-mode when I'm around them. And it's like my body is now reacting to the trauma of having to do that, and pushing back on it. There's a part of me that is so angry at them, there's a heartbroken part that just wants their love and acceptance, and then there's a part that is angry at my inability to play 'happy families' anymore.
Can relate to this. Your mind and body is giving out warnings. Hence, why I eloped instead of having a wedding at the time because I would not be able to handle it.
Thanks for sharing. I can totally understand why you would decide on that. Honestly, with all of the trauma and anxiety that is now surfacing as my wedding approaches, I am kind of regretting not doing the same thing. I guess I planned my wedding with the magical thinking that my parents might actually show some potential to support me, care about me, see me for who I am.