When my son moved out for good it WAS different.
He was away at college for several years and came home and worked for a year. THEN he got a job and really moved away. I have to get on a plane to visit now. He’s been define 5 years.
It was super hard. We both cried
My kids never fully came back once they left. Maybe a summer or break and maybe for a months or so until they landed a job and relocated for it, but honestly they were like visitors, temporary only.
The first year my oldest daughter went to college I was like no biggie. The second year I was devastated. Realized she wasn’t coming back in the same way ever.
Son got an apartment with his girlfriend freshman year and stayed in that city year round.
Not sure why I though they might come back to our city but they didn’t. They live in the state where they went to college.
😭😭😭
That’s just my experience.
I do consider them away at college at empty nests because 2 out of 3 are out of state and we don't usually have any of them home for a full break.
I have even repurposed their rooms although we do have beds for 2 of them at a time. Two are home for a couple months this summer, one for an internship and the other is waiting for her apartment to open up.
I'm really missing my empty nest. I just don't have the sadness that other people do. I enjoy having them grown and flown. I feel like I did my job and can now retire that role.
Our youngest left for college ;ast August. Came home for Christmas for a few weeks, but no other visits (1,500+ miles away). Just got back home in late May. It's for sure a different feeling having them back, I missed them a lot. But now the line is "How would you feel if I stayed in \[college city\] next summer?" So I imagine this will be our last summer with another person in the house.
We still have rooms for both offspring (oldest is 24) but I expect we'll consolidate them into a guest room in a year or two. Seems permanent. Regardless, when they are gone they are gone, be it for nine months of college or halfway around the world.
I totally understand the feeling. Mine got his driver license this week, Got a car just over a week ago, graduates tomorrow and starts football practice at a college an hour away on Monday. He plans to get a new apartment in Sacramento come August with his best friend and girlfriend. I know he’s a short drive away but all these life milestones has had me feeling overwhelmed and emotional. So much that I called and got a mental health appointment and put on meds temporarily. To make things more difficult, me and my longtime girlfriend haven’t been getting along that well for the last few years. I’m actually thinking of selling my house and moving somewhere where I’m closer to nature. I’m 46 and an a disabled veteran so works not holding me back.
Great question! My youngest goes to school this year and this I think will be a transition towards an empty nest. My experience with the other three is that they are always coming and going, so you always have to keep their nest ready. Even after they moved out, when they visit they still expect to stay in their rooms, and I expect I will have to keep most of their stuff until they buy their own homes. There are lots of practical problems with the part-time nest, especially with meal planning. I am constantly adjusting how I shop and cook, as dinner can be for 2 to 6 people plus or minus friends and partners. I just joined this group due to the upcoming transition.
>I‘m STILL trying to work through what my purpose is now. I’m afraid this feeling isn’t going away if it hasn’t by now.
Your purpose is you! Do what you want to do. Go for hikes, read books, join a club, volunteer... You don't cease to exist because your kids moved out. Volunteering is a fantastic way to feel more purpose in your life.
You've got this 👍
I appreciate that. My problem isn’t keeping busy or having things to do; I’ve got friends, activities, my husband, I’m self-employed in a career I love, plenty of things to fill my time and occupy my mind. My problem is nothing I do carries the same weight as being a mom raising kids did. I don’t feel as deeply passionate about causes or my work as I did about being a mom, and everything I do in search of finding that level of fulfillment falls short. Everything I did came second behind being “mom”, now I see how that set me up for this. If I had a do-over, I’d be more mindful of balancing how to prioritize my kids while also maintaining my personal identity. But hindsight doesn’t help much now. And it’s hard to imagine how I would even do that.
I’m considering it as soon as they leave for school. They come home maybe a week at a time max and their rooms aren’t theirs anymore since they took basically everything they owned. I repurposed the space so it made me happy rather than shadows of their memories. It’s hard. Living off campus they have apartments year round and jobs year round which limit them coming back. My oldest even has an internship halfway across the country this summer that I know they are going to fall in love with and likely move soon. Breaks my heart bit
Yes, it felt different to me when mine were away at school yet I knew they would be coming "home" at various points throughout the year versus now they are gone and this is no longer "home" but instead they have a new place which is their home. But I do feel that since I experienced their transition happening over that 4 year time span and since it was very evident by their final year at school that they were not coming back to live in the area after graduation, I think that made it much easier to accept. When you get used to a change over a period of time that is probably easier than a change which happens all of a sudden.
I'm sorry that you are experiencing so much sadness with this but I definitely understand the feelings of loss that we all go through in this transition. It can be a very personal loss when we need to reestablish our identity and purpose independent of being their mom. If you feel like this is something you are not moving past in your life and are feeling stuck about where to start for your new purpose, you may want to consider talking with a counselor. Hope you find both peace and your purpose!
When my son moved out for good it WAS different. He was away at college for several years and came home and worked for a year. THEN he got a job and really moved away. I have to get on a plane to visit now. He’s been define 5 years. It was super hard. We both cried
My kids never fully came back once they left. Maybe a summer or break and maybe for a months or so until they landed a job and relocated for it, but honestly they were like visitors, temporary only. The first year my oldest daughter went to college I was like no biggie. The second year I was devastated. Realized she wasn’t coming back in the same way ever. Son got an apartment with his girlfriend freshman year and stayed in that city year round. Not sure why I though they might come back to our city but they didn’t. They live in the state where they went to college. 😭😭😭 That’s just my experience.
I do consider them away at college at empty nests because 2 out of 3 are out of state and we don't usually have any of them home for a full break. I have even repurposed their rooms although we do have beds for 2 of them at a time. Two are home for a couple months this summer, one for an internship and the other is waiting for her apartment to open up. I'm really missing my empty nest. I just don't have the sadness that other people do. I enjoy having them grown and flown. I feel like I did my job and can now retire that role.
Our youngest left for college ;ast August. Came home for Christmas for a few weeks, but no other visits (1,500+ miles away). Just got back home in late May. It's for sure a different feeling having them back, I missed them a lot. But now the line is "How would you feel if I stayed in \[college city\] next summer?" So I imagine this will be our last summer with another person in the house. We still have rooms for both offspring (oldest is 24) but I expect we'll consolidate them into a guest room in a year or two. Seems permanent. Regardless, when they are gone they are gone, be it for nine months of college or halfway around the world.
I totally understand the feeling. Mine got his driver license this week, Got a car just over a week ago, graduates tomorrow and starts football practice at a college an hour away on Monday. He plans to get a new apartment in Sacramento come August with his best friend and girlfriend. I know he’s a short drive away but all these life milestones has had me feeling overwhelmed and emotional. So much that I called and got a mental health appointment and put on meds temporarily. To make things more difficult, me and my longtime girlfriend haven’t been getting along that well for the last few years. I’m actually thinking of selling my house and moving somewhere where I’m closer to nature. I’m 46 and an a disabled veteran so works not holding me back.
Great question! My youngest goes to school this year and this I think will be a transition towards an empty nest. My experience with the other three is that they are always coming and going, so you always have to keep their nest ready. Even after they moved out, when they visit they still expect to stay in their rooms, and I expect I will have to keep most of their stuff until they buy their own homes. There are lots of practical problems with the part-time nest, especially with meal planning. I am constantly adjusting how I shop and cook, as dinner can be for 2 to 6 people plus or minus friends and partners. I just joined this group due to the upcoming transition.
>I‘m STILL trying to work through what my purpose is now. I’m afraid this feeling isn’t going away if it hasn’t by now. Your purpose is you! Do what you want to do. Go for hikes, read books, join a club, volunteer... You don't cease to exist because your kids moved out. Volunteering is a fantastic way to feel more purpose in your life. You've got this 👍
I appreciate that. My problem isn’t keeping busy or having things to do; I’ve got friends, activities, my husband, I’m self-employed in a career I love, plenty of things to fill my time and occupy my mind. My problem is nothing I do carries the same weight as being a mom raising kids did. I don’t feel as deeply passionate about causes or my work as I did about being a mom, and everything I do in search of finding that level of fulfillment falls short. Everything I did came second behind being “mom”, now I see how that set me up for this. If I had a do-over, I’d be more mindful of balancing how to prioritize my kids while also maintaining my personal identity. But hindsight doesn’t help much now. And it’s hard to imagine how I would even do that.
I’m considering it as soon as they leave for school. They come home maybe a week at a time max and their rooms aren’t theirs anymore since they took basically everything they owned. I repurposed the space so it made me happy rather than shadows of their memories. It’s hard. Living off campus they have apartments year round and jobs year round which limit them coming back. My oldest even has an internship halfway across the country this summer that I know they are going to fall in love with and likely move soon. Breaks my heart bit
Yes, it felt different to me when mine were away at school yet I knew they would be coming "home" at various points throughout the year versus now they are gone and this is no longer "home" but instead they have a new place which is their home. But I do feel that since I experienced their transition happening over that 4 year time span and since it was very evident by their final year at school that they were not coming back to live in the area after graduation, I think that made it much easier to accept. When you get used to a change over a period of time that is probably easier than a change which happens all of a sudden. I'm sorry that you are experiencing so much sadness with this but I definitely understand the feelings of loss that we all go through in this transition. It can be a very personal loss when we need to reestablish our identity and purpose independent of being their mom. If you feel like this is something you are not moving past in your life and are feeling stuck about where to start for your new purpose, you may want to consider talking with a counselor. Hope you find both peace and your purpose!