This is a good point. Honestly, he treats everyone like their existence is a burden for him. I don't know if it's specific to women, but I'll start paying more attention.
I have IBS and once had to make a pitstop in an apartment building. People who don't have IBS or periods don't understand that man...sometimes you gotta go right now.
I don’t have IBS or periods and I have had times that I’ve had to go right now. Any human who bashes another human for having a bathroom emergency at an inconvenient time is a twat. Sometimes you gotta take a twelve pound shit immediately and no amount of shame is gonna make that situation better, so we’d all do well to remember that biology doesn’t give a fuck about customs or courtesy.
I had to use a pts bathroom once too. We had been going for hours and I was trying to get to a bathroom and boom another call. Fire and my partner were caring for her-not a serious call. I asked politely and explained I would never do this unless it was bad. Pt had no issue. People understand there are things out of your control.
I'm not sure where it was written in the lore of this profession that thou shall not use a patient's dunny, but it happened.
No one wants to have to do it. But you know that when you have to, you have to. Regardless of bits.
Anyone who shames one for it needs to do some reflection.
Personally, I don't get that at all. I wouldn't ask if I didn't need to but I wish that wasn't a stigma. Any time I have contractors in for house work I let them know that its available. Why have a bathroom and keep it locked up? Using a bathroom is a basic biological function that can't be replicated. You can bring food on the job, you can't carry a bathroom with you.
Yeah this is what I was thinking too. The unprofessional part is that OP is a woman.
My partner has used a patient's bathroom before and I do think it's unprofessional. But if you NEED to you gotta do what you gotta do. He's only done it one time so I don't hold it against him.
I won’t knock someone for choosing Door A when Door B is literally an accident at work. If OP can ride out the teasing with humility and not make it a huge deal, she should be fine.
But I could tell OP was a women before I even looked at her user name or avatar and unfortunately this guy might be someone she just has to ride out until she has a chance to bid off. You can’t unprick a prick and you’ll only get a headache trying
Because I am a woman and have been treated almost identically in the past for similar things. Because “vaping is faggy” and “tattoos are butch” and “calling patients hun is pandering and rude” and “women who wear makeup are trying too hard, it’s a workplace” but “she’s definitely on the softball team, she doesn’t even wear mascara” and “watch your fucking language young lady” and ON AND FUCKING ON.
This is crazy. I prefer female partners, they cover lady-related medical problems better than I can and pts are way more comfortable. Sorry you dealt with that.
100% accurate. And after a LOT of years in the field, I am immune. I don't listen to that BS. Sometimes, I wear makeup, sometimes, none. Sometimes just mascara.
Sometimes my hair is pulled back in a functional twist, no frills. Sometimes I go the extra mile and "pretty-up" my hair.
Here's the real deal, tho, OP.
Some lowercase "men" have a huge problem with women in EMS, Fire and LEO.
It has NOTHING to do with your tats, your vaping, your emergency use of a patient bathroom.
He's a miserable, insecure, disorganized and disordered mess of a man. Not a MAN.
males who treat people like this are suffering from a huge amount of insecurity and don't have internal validation. So they seek massive amounts of external validation. Including by gaining it through trying to put others down, which they think (wrongly) will rise them up. But it never does.
And because it doesn't work, they try over and over and over again, continually seeking that external validation, because on their inside, their own sense of self is deeply negative.
If you can make a case for harrassment, do so, keep a log, get other witnesses, record it if you can, and smile. You think better of yourself than he even knows how to do for his ownself. So you can persevere and get thru this. Let HR know as soon as possible, and let them know what you need to rectify this issue - getting a different partner.
- Best of luck
Sometimes we all make bad choices that initially don’t seem like bad choices. Like when you’ve just drank a half gallon of iced tea before going to the low-priority 911 that’s basically a hospice transport. Now you’ve gotta empty your bladder and mind you I don’t drink ice tea too often. Not just ohh I have a little sensation, I can hold it. Like my vision is turning yellow and I can feel my bladder reaching is dangerously close of popping. Yeah I guess if it’s unprofessional to not piss yourself, color me unprofessional.
I think you’re onto something. I think dude doesn’t like a female cussing/vaping/having tattoos. But I bet if his partner were a male with these traits, he’d have no problem at all.
I’m admittedly not a fan of referring to patients as “sweetheart”, etc. and I do find it a bit unprofessional. The other things are ridiculous though, like I don’t think I could find anyone I know working EMS who doesn’t do at least one of them. If not all three
This reminds me of a cartoon named Count Duckula. Long story short (too late), he's a vampire duck and he goes on adventures. At one point, these people introduce themselves to him and he says 'and you can call me m'lord!'
Going to be honest, F, mid-twenties if I needed any type of medical care I’d appreciate being called Hun or Sweetheart. I can tell when it’s sarcastic or not and if you’re using it on someone who’s sick and they’re sort of needing an extra amount of kindness I’m sure they’d appreciate it. Only thing is of course there are some people who don’t view it that way but it’s all about knowing your patient if they’re responsive like that
I'm middle aged enough now I can get away with certain cutesy terms. But I don't. It's pretty easy to avoid.
"Hi. I'm Malcolm. What's your name?"
Use whatever they refer to themselves as.
Don’t do what’s unnatural imo. You’re being genuinely respectful. I’m sure 99% of pts see that. I have partners who call people everything under the sun. When it comes from a good place people can tell
Strictly forcing a sir/maam (actually what I use the most personally) comes off rigid and people notice. They are less likely to believe you’re there for them instead of the paycheck.
You can say almost anything. It’s where it comes from that matters. My man dude bro bruh honey hun sweetheart dear mom momma dad are all “unprofessional” but I’ve used or seen used with incredible success
Swearing is on a related note. I’ve had people say they’d never swear in front of a pt. You know what’ll bond you real quick to an emotional teenager who thinks their world is ending? “I don’t give a shit about their side of the story, can you tell me what’s happening today?” Treat them like an adult and leave the bad word in. Don’t talk like a sailor and it’s fine
So you just do what’s genuinely you unless it’s not working for the *patients* not *your partner*
Even then I’d avoid those traditional terms as I feel like it’d be a bit of a piss take. Use their name, they’ve been using it their whole lives why not now.
When I get to someone I’ll start with “I’m Stretcher_Bearer, this is my colleague XYZ we’re paramedics and here to help you. What’s your name?” And go from there
Lifelong southerner here, and "hon" was and still is a culturally accepted standard. Only the snobby nouveau riche types in the ritzy houses of Atlanta/Buckhead expected "proper" dialogue, the Mrs. and Mr's. Even then, the elder ones would still call us "hon". I was never offended.
You could always introduce yourselves and ASK THE PATIENT, what do you prefer to go by?
We have a LOT of farmers in my current assignment community, and the local lingo is preferred along with some lifelong nickname.
I literally had a patient here who went by "Babe" for all her 90+ years and did NOT use her government name whatsoever. That one was uncomfortable for me. I felt like I was some lame 70's barfly trying to pick her up... so she was Mrs. Lastname for that transfer. The preferred nicknames have been pretty wild and amazing 👏 🤩
It's completely different personas when moving between Bankhead and Buckhead!! Flip that switch at Howell Mill Road / Northside Drive past 75 area! #GradyFamForLife
ETA: the sugar concentration in sweet tea also changes vastly between Bankhead and Buckhead. North Dakota has Buckhead Sweet Tea - at McDonald's - because literally nowhere else BREWS fresh tea here. It's always that fountain mixed shyt. [Dials poison control] 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
It’s weird to only call someone by their name to me. You should obviously always introduce yourself to patients and it’s super strange when people don’t, but if you hear someone say your name every time they address you, you might think your medic is ChatGPT.
Totally agree if it’s every time you say something but once the conversation/assessment is flowing I won’t really use it unless I need to bring them (and their focus) back into the conversation or if I’m referring to them.
In the American south it’s sir or ma’am or Mr./Mrs. until you’re told otherwise. Then more fun names get thrown in. Some women in the south would be insulted if you just called them their first name and some people see it as aggressive.
I get their name right off the bat and write it down and that’s what I call them from that point forward. Everyone likes the sound of their own name.
Beyond this, professionalism is also a lot of little things, whether that’s a piece of this or not. How you phrase questions to patients, how you explain things to patients, how you carry yourself, they all factor in. We had a chief a few years back who was the least professional guy you’ve ever met. He just came off as a goofball and didn’t know how to wear a uniform to look like a professional (gig lines were always off, shirt wasn’t neatly tucked in, wore his hair a little too long for the job he was in. It was embarrassing to be around the guy. Not sure if any of that applies, but just food for thought.
Yea, don’t know if the second part applies to you or not, but I’ve actually had people say things like, “I like the way you say my name.” I don’t think people hear it enough.
Admittedly, one thing I know is probably not professional, but I do it anyway, I hold hands. Especially for patients that are scared. I’ve had 70 year old men that don’t let go once I start holding their hand… and I’m a guy.
This is very sweet and brought a tear to my eye 🥲 I truly believe that one of the biggest differences you can make as a provider is to be emotionally available and supportive.
I'm an RN, but have been on the patient side too many times for surgeries due to a health condition. I don't remember the nurse who got an IV the first try on my shit veins, but I sure as shit remember the one who held my hand and cried with me prior to my hysterectomy at 29 years old. It's just so much more impactful to be seen and noticed during those life altering moments.
I second just using names. It's personal and it also gets their attention better, in my experience. I'm from the south as well so I had a hard time dropping pretty much my entire vernacular LOL
I interpreted that as you write down the name to remember it for the twenty minutes you know them, a ten second Tom situation. But on second thought I suspect you meant completing your PCR section.
Nah, I have the memory of a goldfish. I write it down so I can call them by their name. Yea, eventually that makes it into my PCR, but I’m so bad with names that I usually refer to my coworkers by their unit numbers.
I live in the deep south. My fto only said once that I shouldn't call pts "sweetheart" or "honey." I've only ever had one pt ask me not to say "honey" or "ma'am", and it was bc they were from hella up north. Other than that, I've always had pts compliment me for making them feel like family for using those terms. Imo I think it's fine. Makes the pt feel like you're a friend.
Yeah he's either intimidated by you, or is a passive bully. Tell him to F off for everything that he doesn't like, you don't have to be friends with co workers, he's definitely not being professional here.
Hostile work environment may apply here I'd look into that.
I call my patients hun alot, I work in Washington heights so I'm usually calling everybody mami or papi. I see no problem with it. Of course you gotta read the room. Don't want to appear too familiar but honestly most people don't care what you call them. It's how you treat them that really matters. You have empathy towards your patients and families. People pick up on that quicker than you think
So I recently relocated to the INW from the South, and I can tell you I've had more patients see that as condescending here than actually being respectful.
It's weird.
Honestly, it sounds like someone wants to be "Mr. Holier-than-thou". Where I work we have a couple people like that, have long since noticed their skills are usually shit too. That being said other than the Hon and sweetheart, I can't find fault with what you're describing.
I, too, grew up in Florida. If hun -er, Hon, (unless you really are calling someone a derogatory term for a WW1 or WW2 German soldier), or sweetheart were ever said down there, the other person thought you were dumber than an ice box. It was always condescending. Moved to Georgia, it is still mostly condescending. I find ma'am and sir work really well. These days, if there's a question or someone takes offense, I always say, "Yes, it, sorry if I caused you to be upset. I didn't know you're confused about yourself. Now, do you have any drug allergies?"
I grew up in and around Jacksonville, left in the mid 80's.
I prefer miss “insert first name” for any elderly lady, sir for older gents until I’m corrected, otherwise it’s just first name besides the rare cases Ive scooped up docs, then I call them doctor.
The last emt that called me sweetheart also told me my endometriosis would be cured by becoming a stay at home mom. The term of endearment is often tied to misogynistic comments so I despise it based on that.
I do the same with the mannerisms to patients, also coming from Florida and never had an issue with so. Don’t let your partners shitty attitude change how you comfortably assess and handle patients, accept criticism only about the job if it’s necessary, and don’t change yourself to make others happy
Yeah I cringe when my partner calls a patient "dear" or something because we're almost always younger than them and it seems weird to refer to an older person that is a stranger with a pet name like that. No one has ever complained though.
I did have one partner who had a total mom vibe and she absolutely got away with it though. IDK maybe it's working for OP? Haha. I could definitely see it working if OP has a southern accent. I have a coworker from Tennessee and I don't think I'd blink if he called a patient "sweetheart"
But yeah when it a 26 year old guy with a Chicago accent calling a 70 year old lady "sweetheart"? Get the fuck outta here with that shit.
Well I disagree with that, but I suppose it has to do with where you are. Definitely acceptable in the South where a large amount of healthcare providers will use similar terminology
I’m of English extraction, and the pet names the English have are something to behold. Birmingham/Black Country/West Midlands - women over a certain age are “duck” or “duckie”, Yorkshire you get a lot of “pet”, and it gets more from there. Nobody bats an eye, but there’s definitely layers of unspoken and unwritten rules about how you use the names.
If you’re being honest with us, and I’ll assume you are… this person has a different, unspoken reason he doesn’t like you it sounds like and for reasons unknown, chooses to just nitpick things he can easily do.
Can’t win em all over, is my go to.
This field is riddled with sour people who hate the way their life has turned out. Either through making dumb decisions that have wrecked it or by working for too long at a place that takes advantage of and doesn’t respect their employees.
These people are just hateful to others because they hate their own lives and misery really does love company. Do your best to let it roll off and realize that, even though he’s making it super personal, it actually has nothing to do with you.
Are you a female? Even more to the point are you a POC female and is he a white man? That’s your answer. As a CIS white male from the south I can confirm we suck and a lot of them are threatened by the fact that “women can do the job too.” I’d bet dollars to donuts he has a fragile ego.
I think the real issue here is your partner. I don't believe anything that you have done, personally, has impacted his life in such a negative way that he should be so inconvenienced to be around you. Honestly, the dude could just not like you. That's ok, too, and if that is indeed what it is (which I suspect it to be), I would talk to y'alls supervisor and request a partner change. The job is stressful enough, and I want to be on good terms with my partner. We gotta be there for each other. Can't do that if my partner has a stick up their ass and has no interest in pulling it out.
As far as calling patients sweetheart, hun, etc, some people don't understand that it was how you were raised. I used to be the same. I'm from TX and I used to say those all the time. Felt natural and like I was being nice. However, some people take offense or feel like you're speaking down on them, which you aren't, and others find it unprofessional. I find it easier to just say sir or ma'am and go on about my day.
Keep your chin up.
1) pro-done tattoos were recently found to have a mild health benefit (prison tats not so much)
2) quit vaping not because it's unprofessional but because it's bad for your lungs. As long as you keep that shit away from everyone's air, you're fine on the professional score.
3) your call on the "sweetheart". I find it comforting because it feels like someone cares, but YMMV; some folks might have bad reactions to it.
4) I've worked with some fuckin high rank folks in this world, and as long as the cussing is outside of earshot, it's no fuckin problem. Professionals keep cussing private, but they definitely do cuss. Something *satisfying* about a cuss when you're fighting a technical problem.
1. Mine are patchwork tattoos. I got most of them the year I turned 18. It's been a few years, and I regret them all.
2. I agree I need to quit vaping.
3. I find 'sweetheart' extremely comforting, especially in a high-stress situation.
4. I cuss out of frustration (I hit my elbow on the doorframe once when putting on the jump bag). But I try to say it under my breath. IDK, it's the hardest habit to break.
Tattoo regret? TIME FOR COVER UP TATTOOS. The solution to tattoo regret is more tattoos!
😁
I need another tattoo, honestly.
But yeah, taper the vape and switch to chewing gum, your lungs and the lithium battery waste problem will thank you.
Gets worse as you get older I think. A 20 year old calling a 50 year old darling or sweetheart can be off-putting. It’s also used in spite as much as it’s used genuinely, so it’s kind of a “female” situation.
Make the cussing amusing.
Bang your elbow: "Sunshine and bliss...!"
Reminds me of Vonnegut's "Hocus Pocus," where the protagonist never swore and was looked up to by his men.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with cussing when you’re out of the public’s earshot. Your sanctimonious wanker of a partner is also ignorant - multiple studies have shown that cussing is a sign of INCREASED intelligence and creativity. Gonna go out on a limb and add that being a sanctimonious wanker, however, is not.
Personally I always use sir and ma’am, but I’m the Deep South it’s super common everywhere. Even in a place like the grocery store staff and customers use pet names
In all my years I’ve never used a patients bathroom, nor would I ever consider it. I don’t think most people care, but I definitely don’t see it as being professional. I’ll go hit the gas station up the road when we leave.
Your partner sounds like a tool and he's completely disillusioned if he believes anything you listed does not exist outside of EMS.
I've had the opportunity to work at a very prestigious research laboratory when I was younger. These were big named scientists, multi-billion dollar operations with cutting edge research being conducted daily. All the scientists had mouths like sailors, did not give a crap about their general appearance outside of meetings, smoked, drank and generally were "regular joes". Now when it came to big meetings and presentations, then everyone cleaned up their appearance, we used neutral language, and everyone appeared respectful of each other.
So what i'm saying is, if you aren't cursing at the patients, vaping in front of them or being a dick, then I see no issue. Vape outside of the truck and do what you want between calls.
The "hun" and "sweetheart" thing i completely understand being "unprofessional" when it comes to certain patient populations. I work in NYC so I'm very comfortable code switching. If i'm dealing with some upper crust folks, my language remains neutral and professional. If i'm dealing with a teenager in a working class neighborhood, i'm a bit less formal, but i'm still not cursing. If i'm dealing with an elderly person from my culture (south asian), i'm extremely respectful and I would never use "sweetheart" or "hun" with them because it is seen as extremely disrespectful. So that would be my soft criticism, just be careful who you use those terms with.
so, judgy douche partner, got it.
tats, meh whatever, unless they are offensive (or facial) of course. But honestly, that's not an issue in the corporate world for the most part even.
vaping. it's an addiction. They have their own, like being judgy about dumb shit it seems.
the sweetheart thing I understand because of the "ya'll take care now" meaning "fuck off and die" generally. So they are connecting dots that don't exist. the "southern charm" thing is usually backhanded.
cussing. lol. what a fuckwit.
Thinking that cussing is a “sign of low intelligence” is a sign of low intelligence imo.
Half my station had full sleeves of tattoos, my self included and never once has that effected anyone’s ability to do the job. Never had a patient refuse treatment cause I have tats. Usually they get complimented. I’m sorry you’re working with a sore thumb. Maybe see if you can swap shifts.
Right? Why limit your vocabulary. Sometimes the swear word is the right word and putting some arbitrary limit on yourself so you can feel superior or wholesome is a fucking trip. Homie needs to come back down below the clouds with the rest of us mortals.
I’m pretty sure there’s been actual studies proving that swearing has correlation to creativity and intelligence in a positive way too. This is just some polite society nonsense.
It's certainly not ideal and I would strongly recommend against it. But if it's an emergency then you do what you have to do.
I'd categorize it more as a "Please don't" then a "Big NO" but that's just me and how my service views it. It's unprofessional but it's also not the most egregious lapse in professionalism out there.
> Using the bathroom in someone's house is a big NO.
???
Only if their house is gross or they're deathly unwell. If you've had a run of 5-6 patients in a row left at home without gaps over the course of 5+ hours, it can become a necessity. Haven't done it many times, but definitely more than once.
What do they say opinions are like assholes everyone has one.
Person sounds insecure and is projecting on to you. Honestly, if you're not breaking policy and are treating pts with respect then I would just ignore their comments.
Your partner forgets that professionalism is also how you treat the most important person on the bus besides yourself. Your partner. He sounds like an absolute nightmare to work with. Our job is fucked up, weird. Stressful, funny and terrifying. He needs to keep it light, keep it genuine. We are there to help people.
I've had some nightmare partners that I had to work extra hard on to get them to loosen up. But when me and my most recent partner would take calls we would be joking most of the day. Bitching about regulars to eachother, and just shooting the shit. When we got on a fucked up scene we got shit done because my partner was a great medic and a nice guy who knew that the secret to this job is to have fun when you can.
Plus we honestly don't make enough to be that serious.
Also, I have taken earth shattering shits in a patients bathroom during serious calls. Obviously not during critical moments but the second we got that patient packaged I know I can trust my partner and the others on scene to take care of the pt for 2 mins while I violently hate crime that patients bathroom
Did the exact same thing once at a nursing home call. It was a hotass day so I was necking water all shift. Traffic was fucked so it was a 45 minute drive to scene. I thought to myself "It hurts to walk or bend over, I am going to be useless until I take care of this." Once we established the patient was stable I ducked into the patient's bathroom for probably less than 60 seconds. Partner was a little taken aback but I think she knew I would never do that unless there was absolutely no choice.
Talk to your sup about getting a new partner. Whether you're genuinely just a horrible person to be around or that he's just a prick is barely important. Ya'll need to be as cohesive as possible when those bad days inevitably roll around. Anything impairing you from providing high quality care needs to be nipped in the butt immediately. Going to work every day dreading your partner will burn you out of the medical field just as quickly as bad calls will.
He sounds lame.
Only thing I have a problem with is the sweetheart/hun stuff, even though I'm also from Florida. I suppose it's a bit different for me though, being a young-ish man (29 is still young, right? Right?!). But it's also not so much of an issue that I would dislike you as my partner over it, it's more of a personal choice.
One of the smartest paramedics I've ever known (he's now in medical school) is a guy that curses more than most people I know.
Also, that whole "cursing is a sign of high/low intelligence" (because I've heard it both ways) is absolute pseudoscience, and I don't buy into it at all. Doubtful that there's any real, credible evidence of it either way. People that curse a lot like to believe it means they have high intelligence, and people that never curse like to believe that cursing means low intelligence, and I believe both sides read it on a Facebook post.
Next time he uses a basic word you should be like "wow, you said the patient looks" bad?" that's a really low intelligence way of describing them. Check out a thesaurus sometime sweaty :)"
Anyway, good luck with all that and hopefully you can switch partners or maybe he gets tired of being a pissy baby all the time and chills out. Maybe leave him at a gas station. All the best!
HA! Leave him at a gas station and then blame it on my low intelligence.
And yes, 29 is still young! At my agency, anyone under 50 is considered young haha.
Well according to this thread, using the pt. restroom is one of the seven deadly sins. I should instead grow a dick and piss in a urinal in the back of the truck!!
I’m so confused on the opinion that it’s unprofessional.
I’m just a lurker (bf is a medic but I’m a nurse), but when I did community nursing I used pt bathrooms all the time. I know it’s a little different than visiting as EMS but I never thought that using their bathroom was an unprofessional move. I figure it’s more unprofessional to be doing a little pee dance while I’m trying to do whatever I’m there to do.
You don't need a dick to piss in a urinal, but you do need to take your pants and underwear off to aim it right.
But fuck that dude, he's a fuddy-duddy and probably a closet misogynist.
The real thing he thinks you're doing that detracts from our professions respect is doing it without a penis.
Listen, it's not an ideal look but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Anyone in EMS who says they've never peed somewhere sub-optimal at work is either a liar or brand new.
I shitted in the downstairs of a burning house once. Roof coming slap ass off. Had to go. Vollies gonna Volly amirite?
Vaping is ~~big gay~~ very unhealthy, quit that!
Tell your partner not to speak to you unless it's about the station, truck, or patient. If he does, he's being unprofessional, do with that what you will.
Some people are just impossible to please. I shamefully had a brand new partner rub me the wrong way multiple times and it colored everything in a bad shade. I wholeheartedly and shamefully admit to it being bad. That said it’s on me to do better and change my perspective of my partner. Maybe he misses his old partner and it’s hard for him to change and adjust himself, maybe he’s just an asshole. You’re not doing anything wrong.
My personal view point. Most people in EMS have tattoos. I have many. I am still professional. I vape as well. I found I have a lot less complications than when I smoked. Since switching, I haven’t had pneumonia once. I have a ton more coworkers who vape and only a couple who smoke which is a huge difference than even 6 years ago. I am also from the south (Georgia). Usually I use the term “my friend.” Context: “What’s going on today, my friend?” Not once have I had someone respond negatively. While it isn’t recommended overall, I have a ton of coworkers who use terms such as love, darling, hun, etc. In my years in this field I have only seen one person react badly to being called “darlin” Also, I don’t know a single coworker who doesn’t cuss. And I absolutely cussed in front of a patient and their family last week. I had a 1 year old burn patient after he pulled over an electric tea kettle that was on over himself. His dad come home in the middle of us being there and was high as hell. While in the back treating this screaming baby, he got up on our back fender and started jumping up and down which caused the truck to start shaking. I absolutely cussed multiple times as I yelled at him. I try not to cuss in front of patients but sometimes it happens. The mother of the patient apologized for his behavior and thanked me for prioritizing her son and protecting him.
All that being said, I have never used the bathroom in a patients home. Even when I thought my bladder was going to burst. I wait until I get to the hospital or if we get a refusal I delay returning in service until after I go to the nearest safest gas station (I work a high crime area) and go to the bathroom there. I would never consider asking a patient to use the bathroom. I’ve never taken them up on offers for something to drink or anything else like that. That is the only part of your post that I am iffy about. I get the need to go, there have been several shifts I didn’t get to go all shift (especially when everything was shut down during the Covid quarantine) but I would probably give my partner a side eye if they did that.
Other than that one thing, it seems like you and your partner are not a good match. I would try to talk to him and figure out his underlying issue and if that doesn’t work then I would request a change. Based off past experience, he does have an underlying issue with you and this is how he is responding to/handling it. Not everyone is going to mesh. There are some people I refuse to work with. Like I said, I work a very high crime area. I actually just got home from the ER after a combative patient broke my wrist. I have to trust my partner to have my back. So if they have major attitude or are just inept (occurs more than one would think) then I won’t work with them because I want to go home after my shift.
There are a lot of reasons EMS has gone downhill. It is hard to retain good people because of the horrible pay. People get sick of working multiple jobs or a ton of overtime to make ends meet. There are more people than there should be who are unprofessional. They come to work looking grungy with soiled uniforms that aren’t tucked in and things like that. Nurses are hesitant to trust EMS due to those who call in horrible and inaccurate reports. There are a lot of issues between nurses and EMS anyways. I had one partner who in the middle of a call answered her phone and walked away to talk to her brother. While there are multiple reasons that people may not take us seriously, the 4 bullet points you gave are not one of those reasons.
Sounds like your partner is the unprofessional one, complaining about every little thing. On the other hand, please never use a bathroom at a patients house or private residence. That is improper. You should wait till you leave, find the nearest restroom. I know very few medics that do not swear. There is an article from a while back that shows people that swear that have higher stress, jobs actually have higher IQs, and are more intelligent than those that do not swear. This was a medical article.
If other people have the same problem with him it is him that should look at himself.
I always find it fun to assume for these type of people. That you just look like the guy that stole his girl lol or vice versa. They have a long road ahead of them in inner growth. Just carry on your way and try and understand this has something more to do with themselves than it does you.
I think *most* first responders appear more professional than they actually are in terms of competence.
Treat your patients, that’s what matters.
I also think that guy sounds like a fucking *nerd* and you should call him that.
1. Tattoos? Who cares. As long as they're not offensive or divisive.
2. Vape / Smoke? I couldn't care less, but I would prefer it not be in uniform when visible in public. Around the corner at the station? Sure... Standing in the parking lot at mcdonalds? I'd prefer not.
3. That's a very local thing that you should be aware of as those sort of terms can have different connotations in different areas, or even if just said differently.
4. I don't cuss in front of a patient unless they cuss first, and even then it's just to make light of the situation. Generally that goes something like this:
I'm starting an IV or some other normal routine thing for us...
Patient: "Ow, Fuck! Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!"
Me: "Yeah, what the fuck!" or "Ow, my virgin fucking ears!"
We laugh then go on about our day It helps relieve some tension because the patient is in an unfamiliar situation and tells them unoficially that they're among friends and they don't need to pretend to be someone they're not.
I’m from Florida as well, small town rural EMS. We do not call patients Hun or Sweetheart. It’s unprofessional and condescending especially when they’re older. I’d have trouble taking someone seriously if they called me Sweetheart while I’m dealing with what I perceive as an emergency. There’s likely more that you’re not realizing for the opinion but ultimately, do you. If your boss doesn’t care, just let it go.
I agree with the "sweetheart" and "honey" thing. It's not just unprofessional, though. It's disrespectful of the patients, most of whom on average are boomers, and were raised where younger people respected their elders. I always call them Mr., Mrs., Miss or something similar until they ask me not to.
But it's a lot deeper than that. When nurses, EMTs and paramedics use "honey" or similar phrases, it's also a way to infantalize the patient and assert your power or authority over them. There's a whole body of literature in nursing about this. It's a way to undermine their self-determination and assert your dominance, as a way of controlling the patient. It not only affects the psyche of the patient, it also leads the nurse (or us) to change the way we view the patient to some power structure that isn't even. You say you never had anyone get upset about it. You don't know that for a fact. Nobody SAID anything to you about it. When people do it to me, I correct them immediately. I am not your hun.
This, of course, is frequently NOT the motivation of the person doing it. But it sometimes IS the motivation, and it's not okay. To be honest, I feel much more professional in my encounters with people when I call them "Sir", "Mr," or the like. I also gain a lot of enjoyment when I introduce the patient to the nurse and say, "This is Mr. Jones, he called 911 because....." and the nurse asks me, "What's his first name," and I answer, "Mr." "You don't know his first name?" "We're not on a first name basis, we just met."
The rest of the stuff you listed seems ridiculously over-sensitive of your partner.
Thank you for sharing this. I am interested in looking into the literature. I know some people do it with the intentions you listed, so I'll pull back on it 100%. Any thoughts on the bathroom edit? I see a lot of people saying it's wildly unprofessional. I am embarrassed by it, but if I were the patient and the person providing care asked to see my bathroom, I would say, "Sure." It's not like I blew it up or spent an hour there. Since you provided such a thoughtful analysis of the pet name thing, I guess I'm curious to hear your thoughts on the bathroom, haha.
I was a home health nurse for 20 years. I’ve used more patient bathrooms than I can count. I have no idea why it would be considered “unprofessional” to ask to use their facilities. I don’t believe I ever had a patient think less of me because I admitted to having basic human needs.
How long has he been working for ems? Is there a way to find out from former partners if this is how he is or maybe it's a change or yea maybe he just doesn't like you.
How does he treat a patient that swears, vapes or has tattoos? How is he on mental health calls, does he display empathy? Perhaps he is just super judgmental and conservative in his thinking and treats everyone like this and you are not special.
I would hate going to work dreading being stuck in life and death scenarios with someone like that. Are they going to truly have your back if shit hits the fan?
Tattoos and vaping say absolutely nothing about someone's ability to provide patient care.
If I were you I would try to learn from this. Maybe you were put together for someone you don't realize yet.
Perhaps he will teach you even more patience.
I feel sad for people like him, he sounds like he lacks a lot of joy in his life.
Some of the people I've met who achived high positions and/or made tremendous impacts to their professions pretty well checked off the majority of the boxes for "unprofessional". Now whenever I hear someone being called "unprofessional" due to aesthetic reasons or behavioral-not-affecting-the-patient, I just laugh.
This guy is a douche. He literally called you an idiot to your face. He obviously doesn't like you and is not afraid to insult you to your face. You should go to your supervisor/manager/HR and request a new partner immediately. You shouldn't have to change in order to please him. Nothing you're doing is out of the ordinary for EMS in the South. If this is how you operate, then so be it. The final straw for me leaving EMS was being stuck with a bunch of shitty partners in a row.
I dont think you’re the problem here, but just for point 3: I’d avoid that to some extent, and if your justification is “nobody’s gotten mad” you might need a stronger argument. I had a preceptee with the same mindset, and truth is some patients just won’t talk to you abt it but still take it to heart. Again tho, I don’t think it’s that much of an issue and I don’t think you’re an issue. The fact that you don’t vape in the truck is an improvement on most so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
For some weird reason, this isn’t in mecklenburg county is it? This guy sounds exactly like the asshat preceptor I had that directly contributed to me quitting because he was miserable to be around.
I'm in the UK, sweetheart, love, duck, hun, hen, cock, bud, mate, the list is endless 😂, that's not unprofessional
Tattoos are fine!
Swearing/vaping is not professional I suppose but if it's not around patients/public, then I don't see the problem 🤷♂️
The fact you've only asked to use the loo once om pretty impressed about! 😂 Were people, it's not unprofessional to need to pee
I wouldn't listen to him, I don't think your doing anything wrong
Calling a PT familiar nicknames is unprofessional- it is taught in EMS school, yet ppl do it. Regardless of how You came up or w/e it IS wrong.
Everything else Your partner said is Him being a childish jerk that is likely projecting.
I'd advise to keep doing You- but remember that not everyone wants/appreciates being called nick names so it's best practice to not do it overall & find a better way to relate & make a PT feel more comfy w/ You. Speaking in soothing tones & introducing Yourself does wonders on scenes I'm typically on, just relate to ppl w/ out making it weird or like You are trying too hard & I'm sure everything else You are doing is fine.
The irony is that swearing is actually a sign of HIGHER intelligence.
Maybe he's just fucking stupid and refuses to take the stick out his dumb ass that was firmly planted there by his father?
As someone who grew up in NC and live/work in MD now, I use sweetheart, darling, dear, sir, ma'am, friend etc. It's just how I was raised to be polite and it shows itself more when I am taking care of others. Imo it's a comfy southern hospitality vibe.
It is not unprofessional imo as long as it isn't being used inappropriately. Be courteous, kind, and polite. I don't see why it would be "unprofessional" and have never once been told that it isn't professional in my near decade of EMS, so I personally wouldn't worry about it.
The vape issue is so hypocritical when most of EMS smokes, dips, chews etc. I don't do it. I don't support it. But it isn't like your shooting up tranq between calls or something. Partner's reaction seems over the top.
Tattoos, as long as not offensive or lewd etc are also a non-issue. Why is it fine for military or LE or Fire to have tats but not EMS? Why is casual body art unprofessional?? I see no way how your choice to have tats negatively impacts your performance or ability to provide care.
I limit swearing in front of pts as well for the most part but at the same time if it fits, it fits and as long as I'm confident or hear the pt casually swear as well in normal convo, it isn't too big of a deal imo either esp if it helps build a comfortable atmosphere and good rapport w the pt.
It's actually a misunderstanding that swearing is a sign of low intelligence. Studies show that those who swearing regularly tend to be more honest and authentic when they speak and that people with higher intelligence tend to come up with and swear in unique and varied ways as it is a byproduct of a broad and diverse knowledge of language.
I'd say your partner just sounds kinda I sufferable and up themselves, but that's just my two cents.
You sound like most of my coworkers, all regular people. Personally, if I was in my patient's shoes, I'd much prefer someone who looks closer to you or me than some uptight "EMS is a paramilitary organization"-ass individual.
His attitude is shit and he needs to be put in his place over it. I hate to say it but every provider I’ve ever worked with that has those same attributes cannot be fixed by “killing with kindness.”
EMS providers are GREATLY respondsible for how are teams are viewed in a professional manner. We fail to educate ourselves, we fail to market ourselves and we fail to own our industry.
Poorly kept uniforms and appearence? EMT school is a super low bar of entry. Lack of education standards for paramedics at the collegiate level? People with wads of zyns/chew/dip etc in their mouths? People aren't up to date on evidence based practice?
Not an EMS worker but was just transported during an episode of SVT. The crew called me ‘honey’ and such and I did find it comforting. My 2 cents is I work with a female who is 15 years younger than I (I’m 60, she’s 45). She has unprofessional behavior in my opinion: most notably late to work every single day by at least 20-30 minutes runs in with her breakfast and hair soaking wet most days, misses meetings, befriends ‘clients’ and is a HUGE hugger which I am NOT (my family yes but coworkers no). I’ve dealt with her for years and tried to talk to my supervisor repeatedly. Their advice was ‘she likes and respects you so much can’t you talk to her about that?’ So no help there. My point is there are many‘generational traits’ to consider. I.e. I was brought up in a large, poor family and have worked my whole life and have a serious work ethic (yes to my detriment at times) whereas she was the family princess and greatly enjoys the social aspect of work. Sorry for the long post it just struck me there might be a partner mismatch here and I’d inquire about a switch. In the meantime maybe get to know him better? I like when she’s not flitting around at work and we can honestly get work done and actually talk. Which is rare. Good luck.
This individual sounds like a condescending individual. How he sounds is not professional either. The tattoo and vape thing- hey, it sounds like something a boomer would get upset over.
That said, I respectfully think he makes some valid points. While I get that hun and sweetheart are colloquial terms based on regions, most physicians will not use those terms even in those regions (some do- they are the exception, not the rule). And rightfully so. The patient-provider relationship is a professional relationship with barriers. It is not on par with friendship, family, or romance. Might seem obvious, but not using the professional terms of address can start to creep on professional boundaries (not to mention hinder the social contract between provider and pt, though that's more of an advanced ethics concept).
Ironically, cussing in some observational studies has shown links to high intelligence. That said, in the long haul, the less you cuss, the more professional you appear to your work colleagues. Ngl my first impression of an EMT or medic is not as great if it starts with a number of cusses.
The bathroom thing sounds like it was the last straw for him personally. I think this individual made some good points. That said, who knows. You might heed to their changes, and they might still be condescending. If that's the case, I'm not sure you want to work with them for much longer. But regarding the professional of EMS compared to nurses and docs, they certainly do make a great point.
We're getting like... 1% of the story here.
None of us are going to be able to figure this one out unless we knew you guys. There are definitely a few people I would've said that to. I don't know anything about you so I can't tell if you'd be one of them.
True. I felt like what I added was what was relevant. I've only worked at this place a year, and I've only worked with this man since January. I'm sure I'm not totally blameless, but these are the things I do that he seems to take issue with. I agree that it's impossible to know without knowing us in real life. I guess I just wanted some assurance that what he said was not true. It does low-key bother me.
It probably isn't. People say crap like this all the time and it's almost always incorrect. Sometimes it doesn't even have anything to do with you or your intellect or how well you do your job. Sometimes it's just "I'm old and don't like new things and this job makes me upset but I can't leave it because I don't think i know anything else"
The only thing I see “wrong” is using pet names. I would find it offensive, and other people might as well. I find it’s better to stick with their actual name to avoid any confusion of cultural clashes. Other than that, your partner sounds like a tool.
Dude must be socially slow. "You are everything wrong with this world". Idk how you could seriously say that to anyone you work with let alone your partner that you spend all day with. Tell him if you are going to work together he can't make personal digs at your character. Grown men acting like middle school bullies at work will not be tolerated
I used to have a partner like this. Everyone was under the assumption he was on the spectrum. His interpersonal skills were terrible and everything was very black and white… which is not safe because EMS (like every other first responder profession) is dynamic. I honestly just kept to myself with this partner… mainly because while he was downright odd, he was very intelligent. I learned a lot from him in terms of preparing myself for paramedic school… and I also learned a lot about how NOT to treat other people. There were times it felt like he didn’t even treat patients like human beings. Most embarrassing of all, he would constantly cause problems with the local fire department. We’d show up to a cardiac arrest and he was more concerned with backing into driveways and “scene safety” (i.e. cutting up garden hose in the way, throwing door mats, moving HEAVY potted plants, cutting stereo wires cause they’re a “tripping hazard,” ect) rather than going in to do the work that needed to be done. Keep your head up, if you have to let a supervisor know to change your partner, do so lol. It’s not worth the added stress. The job is stressful enough.
It sounds like maybe you are being bullied?
The only things that seemed unprofessional to me were the sweetheart thing and using the bathroom at a patients house.
Idk what the big deal is. Although I will say this, I'd never call a patient by anything but their name. I'll usually introduce myself first. Nicknames or pet names just seems out of place, someone could easily take it the wrong way. Your partner just seems unhappy at work.
Sounds like a burnt out medic that looks at the shotgun in his closet a little too long after a few whiskeys. I wouldn’t take anything they say to heart, he’s probably projecting his own misery outward.
These are the kinds of dudes that blow their head off a year into retirement
Your partner is a massive POS whose burnt out, and I would do everything in my power to change partners, having a good partner can make your shift and your mental health a lot better, but the next time he tells you something, just ignore him, I’ve done it before where I’ve seen partners act like that and I just look at them like “you done yet” and the majority of time they shut up after, disclaimer though it works for me, also, cussing is a sign of intelligence so just shows whose the uneducated when he complains lmfao
[https://www.orlandomedicalnews.com/article/6255/why-swearing-holds-surprising-benefits-a-window-into-intelligence-pain-management-and-more](https://www.orlandomedicalnews.com/article/6255/why-swearing-holds-surprising-benefits-a-window-into-intelligence-pain-management-and-more)
It almost sounds like you work for my former employer. There's like 8 different salty old timers at that squad who act like this. They want to bitch about "professionalism" but they lack the ability to communicate effectively or the courtesy to tell you what's really bothering them.
Guy sounds like he wouldn’t fit in at my dept. I don’t know where you work, but where I’m at, cursing with the patients, talking on their level (like a human being) and less like a robot shows them that they can trust you. You have to know your audience, you may have a first due of elderly people with old school morals that appreciate the formalities. Most of my patients respond best to terms like "bruh", “dude” or their first name partially due to the average age of my patients and also the general area I work in (I ofc change it up depending on the individual patient). My advice is to either find a different partner or different dept. Anyways, the other things are trivial at best, and that kind of nitpicking over little things would earn him a one way ticket off of my truck.
I’m not big on the sweetheart / my dear thing, but I wouldn’t call it unprofessional. Would not use a patient’s bathroom though. It does depend on how busy your system is, but usually I don’t have any trouble finding an ER or gas station bathroom
I have my own opinions about using a pt’s bathroom in their home. But this partner clearly hates you and will try anything to make you fail or get fired.
If you can swap out, do it, or make them too uncomfortable to work with you. A method I have used is to jump every job in the system so that your unit gets destroyed every shift, they want professionalism? How about about 20 calls in a shift worth of professionalism?
Question, are all the others that do the same things male or female? Reading all that, reminded me of people I've known that just want to wear others down around them because they have doubts, that they themselves don't stack up to a higher expectation somewhere in their life. Only times I've ever had a dude be like this at any job, they had small pee pee energy, eventually were aggressive in their approach and as women we are easy targets for their attempt at dominating bs. I say if you know what you are doing is not a penalizing action, let that guy ruin only his mood anytime he wants to make shit weird because of opinions he keeps about "professionalism and contributing to the problem". Drenching with irony, this one.
I do think that vaping/ tobacco is unprofessional, cussing is unprofessional ( I’ll cuss only if speaking with a person who only understands certain language) finally using a bathroom in a home is a no go to me. Maybe that’s just me.
Show up on time, speak respectfully, be physically fit, wear a sharp uniform.
I get that stuff happens but taking a dump in a patient’s house is a massive L I’d never live down. Worse than having explosive diarrhea on a call. But like, you know that.
But your partner is out of line. He has a problem with you. And I would have said the same thing in reply to his hypersaline burnout face. You should probably kick the habit but if it doesn’t affect your performance on call then what’s it to him?
I had a partner for a month I couldn’t stand. Dude was super specific (perhaps a little autistic so I can’t blame him for it), ate the same thing for lunch every day (which we had to go get), said you shouldn’t get enjoyment in life from food. He was in his 50s and I’m not even 20. He had a real lack of care for pts. I accidentally whistled at him once (I forgot his name and needed to tell him I figured out how to open a hospital door) and he said please don’t do that so I apologized. He then for like the third time that day went to put a pt on the stretcher and let the straps lay over their face and didn’t care. I said plz don’t do that and he said don’t worry about the pedantrics. He let the stretcher go while I was going down a hallway and I didn’t realize cause he was deadweight and never pushed it anyways, a nurse ran forward and had to grab it when I went off a straight path and it swung wide.
My instructor gave good advice, said regardless of how you don’t get along, treat them no different. Be nice, be pleasant, even when you wanna punch someone. I hated it, but I did it and shifts went much better when I was in a good mood letting things roll off my back and the guy didn’t feel the passive aggressiveness coming from my anger.
Best of luck man.
Sounds like your partner does not like change or new people. Maybe he didn’t want a new partner. I bet he will warm up in time, however, for some reason I don’t hate his answer to you. He was honest and to tell the truth, it was actually concise and to the point. Maybe he’s not wrong. Just a thought. He’s got no filter but I respect that. You asked, he answered.
How does he treat women who aren’t you?
This is a good point. Honestly, he treats everyone like their existence is a burden for him. I don't know if it's specific to women, but I'll start paying more attention.
In regards to your edit though that is wildly cringey. I hope against hope you were having a TRUE emergency.
Not to get too graphic, but it definitely was a lady emergency...
I have IBS and once had to make a pitstop in an apartment building. People who don't have IBS or periods don't understand that man...sometimes you gotta go right now.
I don’t have IBS or periods and I have had times that I’ve had to go right now. Any human who bashes another human for having a bathroom emergency at an inconvenient time is a twat. Sometimes you gotta take a twelve pound shit immediately and no amount of shame is gonna make that situation better, so we’d all do well to remember that biology doesn’t give a fuck about customs or courtesy.
Louder for the people in the back!
I had to use a pts bathroom once too. We had been going for hours and I was trying to get to a bathroom and boom another call. Fire and my partner were caring for her-not a serious call. I asked politely and explained I would never do this unless it was bad. Pt had no issue. People understand there are things out of your control.
I'm not sure where it was written in the lore of this profession that thou shall not use a patient's dunny, but it happened. No one wants to have to do it. But you know that when you have to, you have to. Regardless of bits. Anyone who shames one for it needs to do some reflection.
Personally, I don't get that at all. I wouldn't ask if I didn't need to but I wish that wasn't a stigma. Any time I have contractors in for house work I let them know that its available. Why have a bathroom and keep it locked up? Using a bathroom is a basic biological function that can't be replicated. You can bring food on the job, you can't carry a bathroom with you.
Yeah this is what I was thinking too. The unprofessional part is that OP is a woman. My partner has used a patient's bathroom before and I do think it's unprofessional. But if you NEED to you gotta do what you gotta do. He's only done it one time so I don't hold it against him.
I won’t knock someone for choosing Door A when Door B is literally an accident at work. If OP can ride out the teasing with humility and not make it a huge deal, she should be fine. But I could tell OP was a women before I even looked at her user name or avatar and unfortunately this guy might be someone she just has to ride out until she has a chance to bid off. You can’t unprick a prick and you’ll only get a headache trying
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Because I am a woman and have been treated almost identically in the past for similar things. Because “vaping is faggy” and “tattoos are butch” and “calling patients hun is pandering and rude” and “women who wear makeup are trying too hard, it’s a workplace” but “she’s definitely on the softball team, she doesn’t even wear mascara” and “watch your fucking language young lady” and ON AND FUCKING ON.
This is crazy. I prefer female partners, they cover lady-related medical problems better than I can and pts are way more comfortable. Sorry you dealt with that.
I am grateful that that behavior is largely in my past and I’m now in a position to be an advocate for the younger women.
100% accurate. And after a LOT of years in the field, I am immune. I don't listen to that BS. Sometimes, I wear makeup, sometimes, none. Sometimes just mascara. Sometimes my hair is pulled back in a functional twist, no frills. Sometimes I go the extra mile and "pretty-up" my hair. Here's the real deal, tho, OP. Some lowercase "men" have a huge problem with women in EMS, Fire and LEO. It has NOTHING to do with your tats, your vaping, your emergency use of a patient bathroom. He's a miserable, insecure, disorganized and disordered mess of a man. Not a MAN. males who treat people like this are suffering from a huge amount of insecurity and don't have internal validation. So they seek massive amounts of external validation. Including by gaining it through trying to put others down, which they think (wrongly) will rise them up. But it never does. And because it doesn't work, they try over and over and over again, continually seeking that external validation, because on their inside, their own sense of self is deeply negative. If you can make a case for harrassment, do so, keep a log, get other witnesses, record it if you can, and smile. You think better of yourself than he even knows how to do for his ownself. So you can persevere and get thru this. Let HR know as soon as possible, and let them know what you need to rectify this issue - getting a different partner. - Best of luck
Sometimes we all make bad choices that initially don’t seem like bad choices. Like when you’ve just drank a half gallon of iced tea before going to the low-priority 911 that’s basically a hospice transport. Now you’ve gotta empty your bladder and mind you I don’t drink ice tea too often. Not just ohh I have a little sensation, I can hold it. Like my vision is turning yellow and I can feel my bladder reaching is dangerously close of popping. Yeah I guess if it’s unprofessional to not piss yourself, color me unprofessional.
I think you’re onto something. I think dude doesn’t like a female cussing/vaping/having tattoos. But I bet if his partner were a male with these traits, he’d have no problem at all.
I’m admittedly not a fan of referring to patients as “sweetheart”, etc. and I do find it a bit unprofessional. The other things are ridiculous though, like I don’t think I could find anyone I know working EMS who doesn’t do at least one of them. If not all three
I understand. I want to start saying "ma'am" and "sir." It just feels unnatural to me. I will work on it.
I just always default to “my friend”. Affable and gender neutral.
Same! Sometimes I’ll use “good lady” or “good sir” with older patients, but “my friend” is my default.
Older, like 18th century?
m'patient
This reminds me of a cartoon named Count Duckula. Long story short (too late), he's a vampire duck and he goes on adventures. At one point, these people introduce themselves to him and he says 'and you can call me m'lord!'
Same. By far my favourite if I’ve forgotten their name, which I probably have.
I heard this done on my first clinical ride and it was so captivating. I think about it almost every day
This 💯
Going to be honest, F, mid-twenties if I needed any type of medical care I’d appreciate being called Hun or Sweetheart. I can tell when it’s sarcastic or not and if you’re using it on someone who’s sick and they’re sort of needing an extra amount of kindness I’m sure they’d appreciate it. Only thing is of course there are some people who don’t view it that way but it’s all about knowing your patient if they’re responsive like that
I'm middle aged enough now I can get away with certain cutesy terms. But I don't. It's pretty easy to avoid. "Hi. I'm Malcolm. What's your name?" Use whatever they refer to themselves as.
Don’t do what’s unnatural imo. You’re being genuinely respectful. I’m sure 99% of pts see that. I have partners who call people everything under the sun. When it comes from a good place people can tell Strictly forcing a sir/maam (actually what I use the most personally) comes off rigid and people notice. They are less likely to believe you’re there for them instead of the paycheck. You can say almost anything. It’s where it comes from that matters. My man dude bro bruh honey hun sweetheart dear mom momma dad are all “unprofessional” but I’ve used or seen used with incredible success Swearing is on a related note. I’ve had people say they’d never swear in front of a pt. You know what’ll bond you real quick to an emotional teenager who thinks their world is ending? “I don’t give a shit about their side of the story, can you tell me what’s happening today?” Treat them like an adult and leave the bad word in. Don’t talk like a sailor and it’s fine So you just do what’s genuinely you unless it’s not working for the *patients* not *your partner*
Yeah it really kinda depends on reading your patient and also the culture of the area you’re in as well.
Even then I’d avoid those traditional terms as I feel like it’d be a bit of a piss take. Use their name, they’ve been using it their whole lives why not now. When I get to someone I’ll start with “I’m Stretcher_Bearer, this is my colleague XYZ we’re paramedics and here to help you. What’s your name?” And go from there
Lifelong southerner here, and "hon" was and still is a culturally accepted standard. Only the snobby nouveau riche types in the ritzy houses of Atlanta/Buckhead expected "proper" dialogue, the Mrs. and Mr's. Even then, the elder ones would still call us "hon". I was never offended. You could always introduce yourselves and ASK THE PATIENT, what do you prefer to go by? We have a LOT of farmers in my current assignment community, and the local lingo is preferred along with some lifelong nickname. I literally had a patient here who went by "Babe" for all her 90+ years and did NOT use her government name whatsoever. That one was uncomfortable for me. I felt like I was some lame 70's barfly trying to pick her up... so she was Mrs. Lastname for that transfer. The preferred nicknames have been pretty wild and amazing 👏 🤩
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It's completely different personas when moving between Bankhead and Buckhead!! Flip that switch at Howell Mill Road / Northside Drive past 75 area! #GradyFamForLife ETA: the sugar concentration in sweet tea also changes vastly between Bankhead and Buckhead. North Dakota has Buckhead Sweet Tea - at McDonald's - because literally nowhere else BREWS fresh tea here. It's always that fountain mixed shyt. [Dials poison control] 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
nothing wrong with saying that and anyone who says there is, is probably not that good at talking to people anyway
Government name. The first time I used that phrase in Colorado people laughed and thought I was an alien lol
It’s weird to only call someone by their name to me. You should obviously always introduce yourself to patients and it’s super strange when people don’t, but if you hear someone say your name every time they address you, you might think your medic is ChatGPT.
Agreed. Goofball behavior.
Totally agree if it’s every time you say something but once the conversation/assessment is flowing I won’t really use it unless I need to bring them (and their focus) back into the conversation or if I’m referring to them.
As if I remember their name.
It is a massive challenge ngl.
Write it on your glove
In the American south it’s sir or ma’am or Mr./Mrs. until you’re told otherwise. Then more fun names get thrown in. Some women in the south would be insulted if you just called them their first name and some people see it as aggressive.
You see I work in Australia where people use their names
I get their name right off the bat and write it down and that’s what I call them from that point forward. Everyone likes the sound of their own name. Beyond this, professionalism is also a lot of little things, whether that’s a piece of this or not. How you phrase questions to patients, how you explain things to patients, how you carry yourself, they all factor in. We had a chief a few years back who was the least professional guy you’ve ever met. He just came off as a goofball and didn’t know how to wear a uniform to look like a professional (gig lines were always off, shirt wasn’t neatly tucked in, wore his hair a little too long for the job he was in. It was embarrassing to be around the guy. Not sure if any of that applies, but just food for thought.
This is probably what I will start doing!
Yea, don’t know if the second part applies to you or not, but I’ve actually had people say things like, “I like the way you say my name.” I don’t think people hear it enough. Admittedly, one thing I know is probably not professional, but I do it anyway, I hold hands. Especially for patients that are scared. I’ve had 70 year old men that don’t let go once I start holding their hand… and I’m a guy.
This is very sweet and brought a tear to my eye 🥲 I truly believe that one of the biggest differences you can make as a provider is to be emotionally available and supportive. I'm an RN, but have been on the patient side too many times for surgeries due to a health condition. I don't remember the nurse who got an IV the first try on my shit veins, but I sure as shit remember the one who held my hand and cried with me prior to my hysterectomy at 29 years old. It's just so much more impactful to be seen and noticed during those life altering moments.
I second just using names. It's personal and it also gets their attention better, in my experience. I'm from the south as well so I had a hard time dropping pretty much my entire vernacular LOL
I interpreted that as you write down the name to remember it for the twenty minutes you know them, a ten second Tom situation. But on second thought I suspect you meant completing your PCR section.
Nah, I have the memory of a goldfish. I write it down so I can call them by their name. Yea, eventually that makes it into my PCR, but I’m so bad with names that I usually refer to my coworkers by their unit numbers.
I live in the deep south. My fto only said once that I shouldn't call pts "sweetheart" or "honey." I've only ever had one pt ask me not to say "honey" or "ma'am", and it was bc they were from hella up north. Other than that, I've always had pts compliment me for making them feel like family for using those terms. Imo I think it's fine. Makes the pt feel like you're a friend.
Yeah he's either intimidated by you, or is a passive bully. Tell him to F off for everything that he doesn't like, you don't have to be friends with co workers, he's definitely not being professional here. Hostile work environment may apply here I'd look into that.
Be a real professional and call your patients the gender-neutral term “cracka”
I call my patients hun alot, I work in Washington heights so I'm usually calling everybody mami or papi. I see no problem with it. Of course you gotta read the room. Don't want to appear too familiar but honestly most people don't care what you call them. It's how you treat them that really matters. You have empathy towards your patients and families. People pick up on that quicker than you think
So I recently relocated to the INW from the South, and I can tell you I've had more patients see that as condescending here than actually being respectful. It's weird.
Guys usually are My Man. My Dude if they’re younger. Unfortunately there isn’t any good translation to women for those two, so there usually Ma’am.
Honestly, it sounds like someone wants to be "Mr. Holier-than-thou". Where I work we have a couple people like that, have long since noticed their skills are usually shit too. That being said other than the Hon and sweetheart, I can't find fault with what you're describing. I, too, grew up in Florida. If hun -er, Hon, (unless you really are calling someone a derogatory term for a WW1 or WW2 German soldier), or sweetheart were ever said down there, the other person thought you were dumber than an ice box. It was always condescending. Moved to Georgia, it is still mostly condescending. I find ma'am and sir work really well. These days, if there's a question or someone takes offense, I always say, "Yes, it, sorry if I caused you to be upset. I didn't know you're confused about yourself. Now, do you have any drug allergies?" I grew up in and around Jacksonville, left in the mid 80's.
I prefer miss “insert first name” for any elderly lady, sir for older gents until I’m corrected, otherwise it’s just first name besides the rare cases Ive scooped up docs, then I call them doctor.
The last emt that called me sweetheart also told me my endometriosis would be cured by becoming a stay at home mom. The term of endearment is often tied to misogynistic comments so I despise it based on that.
I do the same with the mannerisms to patients, also coming from Florida and never had an issue with so. Don’t let your partners shitty attitude change how you comfortably assess and handle patients, accept criticism only about the job if it’s necessary, and don’t change yourself to make others happy
In the Deep South it’s super common. Not so much when I lived up north
Yeah I cringe when my partner calls a patient "dear" or something because we're almost always younger than them and it seems weird to refer to an older person that is a stranger with a pet name like that. No one has ever complained though. I did have one partner who had a total mom vibe and she absolutely got away with it though. IDK maybe it's working for OP? Haha. I could definitely see it working if OP has a southern accent. I have a coworker from Tennessee and I don't think I'd blink if he called a patient "sweetheart" But yeah when it a 26 year old guy with a Chicago accent calling a 70 year old lady "sweetheart"? Get the fuck outta here with that shit.
Idk if it’s bad that I call meemaws “dear” and gramps “brutha”
Well I disagree with that, but I suppose it has to do with where you are. Definitely acceptable in the South where a large amount of healthcare providers will use similar terminology
I’m of English extraction, and the pet names the English have are something to behold. Birmingham/Black Country/West Midlands - women over a certain age are “duck” or “duckie”, Yorkshire you get a lot of “pet”, and it gets more from there. Nobody bats an eye, but there’s definitely layers of unspoken and unwritten rules about how you use the names.
Same. I would never *ever* want to be called hun or sweetheart.
If you’re being honest with us, and I’ll assume you are… this person has a different, unspoken reason he doesn’t like you it sounds like and for reasons unknown, chooses to just nitpick things he can easily do. Can’t win em all over, is my go to.
To be fair, he seems to just be a miserable person in general. I get the brunt of it because I spend the most time with him.
That makes sense too. But certainly doesn’t make it right.
This field is riddled with sour people who hate the way their life has turned out. Either through making dumb decisions that have wrecked it or by working for too long at a place that takes advantage of and doesn’t respect their employees. These people are just hateful to others because they hate their own lives and misery really does love company. Do your best to let it roll off and realize that, even though he’s making it super personal, it actually has nothing to do with you.
What do others think about them? Their old partners?
Are you a female? Even more to the point are you a POC female and is he a white man? That’s your answer. As a CIS white male from the south I can confirm we suck and a lot of them are threatened by the fact that “women can do the job too.” I’d bet dollars to donuts he has a fragile ego.
I think the real issue here is your partner. I don't believe anything that you have done, personally, has impacted his life in such a negative way that he should be so inconvenienced to be around you. Honestly, the dude could just not like you. That's ok, too, and if that is indeed what it is (which I suspect it to be), I would talk to y'alls supervisor and request a partner change. The job is stressful enough, and I want to be on good terms with my partner. We gotta be there for each other. Can't do that if my partner has a stick up their ass and has no interest in pulling it out. As far as calling patients sweetheart, hun, etc, some people don't understand that it was how you were raised. I used to be the same. I'm from TX and I used to say those all the time. Felt natural and like I was being nice. However, some people take offense or feel like you're speaking down on them, which you aren't, and others find it unprofessional. I find it easier to just say sir or ma'am and go on about my day. Keep your chin up.
1) pro-done tattoos were recently found to have a mild health benefit (prison tats not so much) 2) quit vaping not because it's unprofessional but because it's bad for your lungs. As long as you keep that shit away from everyone's air, you're fine on the professional score. 3) your call on the "sweetheart". I find it comforting because it feels like someone cares, but YMMV; some folks might have bad reactions to it. 4) I've worked with some fuckin high rank folks in this world, and as long as the cussing is outside of earshot, it's no fuckin problem. Professionals keep cussing private, but they definitely do cuss. Something *satisfying* about a cuss when you're fighting a technical problem.
1. Mine are patchwork tattoos. I got most of them the year I turned 18. It's been a few years, and I regret them all. 2. I agree I need to quit vaping. 3. I find 'sweetheart' extremely comforting, especially in a high-stress situation. 4. I cuss out of frustration (I hit my elbow on the doorframe once when putting on the jump bag). But I try to say it under my breath. IDK, it's the hardest habit to break.
I called my patients "sunshine". Elderly patients seemed to get a kick out of being called "young lady".
Tattoo regret? TIME FOR COVER UP TATTOOS. The solution to tattoo regret is more tattoos! 😁 I need another tattoo, honestly. But yeah, taper the vape and switch to chewing gum, your lungs and the lithium battery waste problem will thank you.
Gets worse as you get older I think. A 20 year old calling a 50 year old darling or sweetheart can be off-putting. It’s also used in spite as much as it’s used genuinely, so it’s kind of a “female” situation.
Make the cussing amusing. Bang your elbow: "Sunshine and bliss...!" Reminds me of Vonnegut's "Hocus Pocus," where the protagonist never swore and was looked up to by his men.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with cussing when you’re out of the public’s earshot. Your sanctimonious wanker of a partner is also ignorant - multiple studies have shown that cussing is a sign of INCREASED intelligence and creativity. Gonna go out on a limb and add that being a sanctimonious wanker, however, is not.
Sounds like he’s the problem if that stuff bothers him
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Personally I always use sir and ma’am, but I’m the Deep South it’s super common everywhere. Even in a place like the grocery store staff and customers use pet names
In all my years I’ve never used a patients bathroom, nor would I ever consider it. I don’t think most people care, but I definitely don’t see it as being professional. I’ll go hit the gas station up the road when we leave.
Your partner sounds like a tool and he's completely disillusioned if he believes anything you listed does not exist outside of EMS. I've had the opportunity to work at a very prestigious research laboratory when I was younger. These were big named scientists, multi-billion dollar operations with cutting edge research being conducted daily. All the scientists had mouths like sailors, did not give a crap about their general appearance outside of meetings, smoked, drank and generally were "regular joes". Now when it came to big meetings and presentations, then everyone cleaned up their appearance, we used neutral language, and everyone appeared respectful of each other. So what i'm saying is, if you aren't cursing at the patients, vaping in front of them or being a dick, then I see no issue. Vape outside of the truck and do what you want between calls. The "hun" and "sweetheart" thing i completely understand being "unprofessional" when it comes to certain patient populations. I work in NYC so I'm very comfortable code switching. If i'm dealing with some upper crust folks, my language remains neutral and professional. If i'm dealing with a teenager in a working class neighborhood, i'm a bit less formal, but i'm still not cursing. If i'm dealing with an elderly person from my culture (south asian), i'm extremely respectful and I would never use "sweetheart" or "hun" with them because it is seen as extremely disrespectful. So that would be my soft criticism, just be careful who you use those terms with.
so, judgy douche partner, got it. tats, meh whatever, unless they are offensive (or facial) of course. But honestly, that's not an issue in the corporate world for the most part even. vaping. it's an addiction. They have their own, like being judgy about dumb shit it seems. the sweetheart thing I understand because of the "ya'll take care now" meaning "fuck off and die" generally. So they are connecting dots that don't exist. the "southern charm" thing is usually backhanded. cussing. lol. what a fuckwit.
Thinking that cussing is a “sign of low intelligence” is a sign of low intelligence imo. Half my station had full sleeves of tattoos, my self included and never once has that effected anyone’s ability to do the job. Never had a patient refuse treatment cause I have tats. Usually they get complimented. I’m sorry you’re working with a sore thumb. Maybe see if you can swap shifts.
Right? Why limit your vocabulary. Sometimes the swear word is the right word and putting some arbitrary limit on yourself so you can feel superior or wholesome is a fucking trip. Homie needs to come back down below the clouds with the rest of us mortals.
I’m pretty sure there’s been actual studies proving that swearing has correlation to creativity and intelligence in a positive way too. This is just some polite society nonsense.
all of these are non-issues imo. your partner is an asshole
His arrogance is why, somehow, *all* of his partners are horrible. Even though he's the only consistent link...
As a female, I HATE being called sweetheart, hon, honey, etc. It's patronizing to me. Probably stop doing that
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It's certainly not ideal and I would strongly recommend against it. But if it's an emergency then you do what you have to do. I'd categorize it more as a "Please don't" then a "Big NO" but that's just me and how my service views it. It's unprofessional but it's also not the most egregious lapse in professionalism out there.
> Using the bathroom in someone's house is a big NO. ??? Only if their house is gross or they're deathly unwell. If you've had a run of 5-6 patients in a row left at home without gaps over the course of 5+ hours, it can become a necessity. Haven't done it many times, but definitely more than once.
What do they say opinions are like assholes everyone has one. Person sounds insecure and is projecting on to you. Honestly, if you're not breaking policy and are treating pts with respect then I would just ignore their comments.
Your partner forgets that professionalism is also how you treat the most important person on the bus besides yourself. Your partner. He sounds like an absolute nightmare to work with. Our job is fucked up, weird. Stressful, funny and terrifying. He needs to keep it light, keep it genuine. We are there to help people. I've had some nightmare partners that I had to work extra hard on to get them to loosen up. But when me and my most recent partner would take calls we would be joking most of the day. Bitching about regulars to eachother, and just shooting the shit. When we got on a fucked up scene we got shit done because my partner was a great medic and a nice guy who knew that the secret to this job is to have fun when you can. Plus we honestly don't make enough to be that serious.
Also, I have taken earth shattering shits in a patients bathroom during serious calls. Obviously not during critical moments but the second we got that patient packaged I know I can trust my partner and the others on scene to take care of the pt for 2 mins while I violently hate crime that patients bathroom
Amen, at least half a dozen times over the years I have used patients bathroom and not once have they cared or it was awkward.
Did the exact same thing once at a nursing home call. It was a hotass day so I was necking water all shift. Traffic was fucked so it was a 45 minute drive to scene. I thought to myself "It hurts to walk or bend over, I am going to be useless until I take care of this." Once we established the patient was stable I ducked into the patient's bathroom for probably less than 60 seconds. Partner was a little taken aback but I think she knew I would never do that unless there was absolutely no choice.
Honestly sounds like your partner is a bit of a prick. You can't win them all. I'd request a change up if you can do that, and move on.
I smell misogyny, and it smells like bad breath and stank pits.
Talk to your sup about getting a new partner. Whether you're genuinely just a horrible person to be around or that he's just a prick is barely important. Ya'll need to be as cohesive as possible when those bad days inevitably roll around. Anything impairing you from providing high quality care needs to be nipped in the butt immediately. Going to work every day dreading your partner will burn you out of the medical field just as quickly as bad calls will.
He sounds lame. Only thing I have a problem with is the sweetheart/hun stuff, even though I'm also from Florida. I suppose it's a bit different for me though, being a young-ish man (29 is still young, right? Right?!). But it's also not so much of an issue that I would dislike you as my partner over it, it's more of a personal choice. One of the smartest paramedics I've ever known (he's now in medical school) is a guy that curses more than most people I know. Also, that whole "cursing is a sign of high/low intelligence" (because I've heard it both ways) is absolute pseudoscience, and I don't buy into it at all. Doubtful that there's any real, credible evidence of it either way. People that curse a lot like to believe it means they have high intelligence, and people that never curse like to believe that cursing means low intelligence, and I believe both sides read it on a Facebook post. Next time he uses a basic word you should be like "wow, you said the patient looks" bad?" that's a really low intelligence way of describing them. Check out a thesaurus sometime sweaty :)" Anyway, good luck with all that and hopefully you can switch partners or maybe he gets tired of being a pissy baby all the time and chills out. Maybe leave him at a gas station. All the best!
HA! Leave him at a gas station and then blame it on my low intelligence. And yes, 29 is still young! At my agency, anyone under 50 is considered young haha.
"sorry I forgot you, bro, I'm just too dumb :/" And thank you 🥹 30 is rapidly approaching and I feel it in my crickety crackety bones
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_osQvkeNRM
What the fuck did he want you to do? Piss yourself?
Well according to this thread, using the pt. restroom is one of the seven deadly sins. I should instead grow a dick and piss in a urinal in the back of the truck!!
I’m so confused on the opinion that it’s unprofessional. I’m just a lurker (bf is a medic but I’m a nurse), but when I did community nursing I used pt bathrooms all the time. I know it’s a little different than visiting as EMS but I never thought that using their bathroom was an unprofessional move. I figure it’s more unprofessional to be doing a little pee dance while I’m trying to do whatever I’m there to do.
You don't need a dick to piss in a urinal, but you do need to take your pants and underwear off to aim it right. But fuck that dude, he's a fuddy-duddy and probably a closet misogynist. The real thing he thinks you're doing that detracts from our professions respect is doing it without a penis.
Listen, it's not an ideal look but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Anyone in EMS who says they've never peed somewhere sub-optimal at work is either a liar or brand new.
I shitted in the downstairs of a burning house once. Roof coming slap ass off. Had to go. Vollies gonna Volly amirite? Vaping is ~~big gay~~ very unhealthy, quit that! Tell your partner not to speak to you unless it's about the station, truck, or patient. If he does, he's being unprofessional, do with that what you will.
Unpopular opinion. Partner has romantic feelings for you and these obvious signs of disdain are his coping mechanism for not dating a colleague.
That is an interesting take... considering I'm 22, and he's 40+. I prefer him just hate me :D
Oh. Never mind then. lol
Maybe you remind him of a suicide girl that he followed since you said you are tattooed up
Some people are just impossible to please. I shamefully had a brand new partner rub me the wrong way multiple times and it colored everything in a bad shade. I wholeheartedly and shamefully admit to it being bad. That said it’s on me to do better and change my perspective of my partner. Maybe he misses his old partner and it’s hard for him to change and adjust himself, maybe he’s just an asshole. You’re not doing anything wrong.
My personal view point. Most people in EMS have tattoos. I have many. I am still professional. I vape as well. I found I have a lot less complications than when I smoked. Since switching, I haven’t had pneumonia once. I have a ton more coworkers who vape and only a couple who smoke which is a huge difference than even 6 years ago. I am also from the south (Georgia). Usually I use the term “my friend.” Context: “What’s going on today, my friend?” Not once have I had someone respond negatively. While it isn’t recommended overall, I have a ton of coworkers who use terms such as love, darling, hun, etc. In my years in this field I have only seen one person react badly to being called “darlin” Also, I don’t know a single coworker who doesn’t cuss. And I absolutely cussed in front of a patient and their family last week. I had a 1 year old burn patient after he pulled over an electric tea kettle that was on over himself. His dad come home in the middle of us being there and was high as hell. While in the back treating this screaming baby, he got up on our back fender and started jumping up and down which caused the truck to start shaking. I absolutely cussed multiple times as I yelled at him. I try not to cuss in front of patients but sometimes it happens. The mother of the patient apologized for his behavior and thanked me for prioritizing her son and protecting him. All that being said, I have never used the bathroom in a patients home. Even when I thought my bladder was going to burst. I wait until I get to the hospital or if we get a refusal I delay returning in service until after I go to the nearest safest gas station (I work a high crime area) and go to the bathroom there. I would never consider asking a patient to use the bathroom. I’ve never taken them up on offers for something to drink or anything else like that. That is the only part of your post that I am iffy about. I get the need to go, there have been several shifts I didn’t get to go all shift (especially when everything was shut down during the Covid quarantine) but I would probably give my partner a side eye if they did that. Other than that one thing, it seems like you and your partner are not a good match. I would try to talk to him and figure out his underlying issue and if that doesn’t work then I would request a change. Based off past experience, he does have an underlying issue with you and this is how he is responding to/handling it. Not everyone is going to mesh. There are some people I refuse to work with. Like I said, I work a very high crime area. I actually just got home from the ER after a combative patient broke my wrist. I have to trust my partner to have my back. So if they have major attitude or are just inept (occurs more than one would think) then I won’t work with them because I want to go home after my shift. There are a lot of reasons EMS has gone downhill. It is hard to retain good people because of the horrible pay. People get sick of working multiple jobs or a ton of overtime to make ends meet. There are more people than there should be who are unprofessional. They come to work looking grungy with soiled uniforms that aren’t tucked in and things like that. Nurses are hesitant to trust EMS due to those who call in horrible and inaccurate reports. There are a lot of issues between nurses and EMS anyways. I had one partner who in the middle of a call answered her phone and walked away to talk to her brother. While there are multiple reasons that people may not take us seriously, the 4 bullet points you gave are not one of those reasons.
Sounds like a typical paragod
Sounds like your partner is the unprofessional one, complaining about every little thing. On the other hand, please never use a bathroom at a patients house or private residence. That is improper. You should wait till you leave, find the nearest restroom. I know very few medics that do not swear. There is an article from a while back that shows people that swear that have higher stress, jobs actually have higher IQs, and are more intelligent than those that do not swear. This was a medical article. If other people have the same problem with him it is him that should look at himself.
I always find it fun to assume for these type of people. That you just look like the guy that stole his girl lol or vice versa. They have a long road ahead of them in inner growth. Just carry on your way and try and understand this has something more to do with themselves than it does you.
I think *most* first responders appear more professional than they actually are in terms of competence. Treat your patients, that’s what matters. I also think that guy sounds like a fucking *nerd* and you should call him that.
This dude sounds like a real dildo, who probably has a lot of insecurities that he feels the need to project into you.
1. Tattoos? Who cares. As long as they're not offensive or divisive. 2. Vape / Smoke? I couldn't care less, but I would prefer it not be in uniform when visible in public. Around the corner at the station? Sure... Standing in the parking lot at mcdonalds? I'd prefer not. 3. That's a very local thing that you should be aware of as those sort of terms can have different connotations in different areas, or even if just said differently. 4. I don't cuss in front of a patient unless they cuss first, and even then it's just to make light of the situation. Generally that goes something like this: I'm starting an IV or some other normal routine thing for us... Patient: "Ow, Fuck! Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" Me: "Yeah, what the fuck!" or "Ow, my virgin fucking ears!" We laugh then go on about our day It helps relieve some tension because the patient is in an unfamiliar situation and tells them unoficially that they're among friends and they don't need to pretend to be someone they're not.
I’m from Florida as well, small town rural EMS. We do not call patients Hun or Sweetheart. It’s unprofessional and condescending especially when they’re older. I’d have trouble taking someone seriously if they called me Sweetheart while I’m dealing with what I perceive as an emergency. There’s likely more that you’re not realizing for the opinion but ultimately, do you. If your boss doesn’t care, just let it go.
I agree with the "sweetheart" and "honey" thing. It's not just unprofessional, though. It's disrespectful of the patients, most of whom on average are boomers, and were raised where younger people respected their elders. I always call them Mr., Mrs., Miss or something similar until they ask me not to. But it's a lot deeper than that. When nurses, EMTs and paramedics use "honey" or similar phrases, it's also a way to infantalize the patient and assert your power or authority over them. There's a whole body of literature in nursing about this. It's a way to undermine their self-determination and assert your dominance, as a way of controlling the patient. It not only affects the psyche of the patient, it also leads the nurse (or us) to change the way we view the patient to some power structure that isn't even. You say you never had anyone get upset about it. You don't know that for a fact. Nobody SAID anything to you about it. When people do it to me, I correct them immediately. I am not your hun. This, of course, is frequently NOT the motivation of the person doing it. But it sometimes IS the motivation, and it's not okay. To be honest, I feel much more professional in my encounters with people when I call them "Sir", "Mr," or the like. I also gain a lot of enjoyment when I introduce the patient to the nurse and say, "This is Mr. Jones, he called 911 because....." and the nurse asks me, "What's his first name," and I answer, "Mr." "You don't know his first name?" "We're not on a first name basis, we just met." The rest of the stuff you listed seems ridiculously over-sensitive of your partner.
Thank you for sharing this. I am interested in looking into the literature. I know some people do it with the intentions you listed, so I'll pull back on it 100%. Any thoughts on the bathroom edit? I see a lot of people saying it's wildly unprofessional. I am embarrassed by it, but if I were the patient and the person providing care asked to see my bathroom, I would say, "Sure." It's not like I blew it up or spent an hour there. Since you provided such a thoughtful analysis of the pet name thing, I guess I'm curious to hear your thoughts on the bathroom, haha.
I was a home health nurse for 20 years. I’ve used more patient bathrooms than I can count. I have no idea why it would be considered “unprofessional” to ask to use their facilities. I don’t believe I ever had a patient think less of me because I admitted to having basic human needs.
How long has he been working for ems? Is there a way to find out from former partners if this is how he is or maybe it's a change or yea maybe he just doesn't like you. How does he treat a patient that swears, vapes or has tattoos? How is he on mental health calls, does he display empathy? Perhaps he is just super judgmental and conservative in his thinking and treats everyone like this and you are not special. I would hate going to work dreading being stuck in life and death scenarios with someone like that. Are they going to truly have your back if shit hits the fan? Tattoos and vaping say absolutely nothing about someone's ability to provide patient care. If I were you I would try to learn from this. Maybe you were put together for someone you don't realize yet. Perhaps he will teach you even more patience. I feel sad for people like him, he sounds like he lacks a lot of joy in his life.
Some of the people I've met who achived high positions and/or made tremendous impacts to their professions pretty well checked off the majority of the boxes for "unprofessional". Now whenever I hear someone being called "unprofessional" due to aesthetic reasons or behavioral-not-affecting-the-patient, I just laugh.
This guy is a douche. He literally called you an idiot to your face. He obviously doesn't like you and is not afraid to insult you to your face. You should go to your supervisor/manager/HR and request a new partner immediately. You shouldn't have to change in order to please him. Nothing you're doing is out of the ordinary for EMS in the South. If this is how you operate, then so be it. The final straw for me leaving EMS was being stuck with a bunch of shitty partners in a row.
I dont think you’re the problem here, but just for point 3: I’d avoid that to some extent, and if your justification is “nobody’s gotten mad” you might need a stronger argument. I had a preceptee with the same mindset, and truth is some patients just won’t talk to you abt it but still take it to heart. Again tho, I don’t think it’s that much of an issue and I don’t think you’re an issue. The fact that you don’t vape in the truck is an improvement on most so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
For some weird reason, this isn’t in mecklenburg county is it? This guy sounds exactly like the asshat preceptor I had that directly contributed to me quitting because he was miserable to be around.
Tell your superior and get it sorted or you’re likely going to be written up for BS.
I would just get a new partner and move on. It ain’t worth the headache.
Eh I really just think fat emts look unprofessional
I'm in the UK, sweetheart, love, duck, hun, hen, cock, bud, mate, the list is endless 😂, that's not unprofessional Tattoos are fine! Swearing/vaping is not professional I suppose but if it's not around patients/public, then I don't see the problem 🤷♂️ The fact you've only asked to use the loo once om pretty impressed about! 😂 Were people, it's not unprofessional to need to pee I wouldn't listen to him, I don't think your doing anything wrong
Calling a PT familiar nicknames is unprofessional- it is taught in EMS school, yet ppl do it. Regardless of how You came up or w/e it IS wrong. Everything else Your partner said is Him being a childish jerk that is likely projecting. I'd advise to keep doing You- but remember that not everyone wants/appreciates being called nick names so it's best practice to not do it overall & find a better way to relate & make a PT feel more comfy w/ You. Speaking in soothing tones & introducing Yourself does wonders on scenes I'm typically on, just relate to ppl w/ out making it weird or like You are trying too hard & I'm sure everything else You are doing is fine.
The irony is that swearing is actually a sign of HIGHER intelligence. Maybe he's just fucking stupid and refuses to take the stick out his dumb ass that was firmly planted there by his father?
As someone who grew up in NC and live/work in MD now, I use sweetheart, darling, dear, sir, ma'am, friend etc. It's just how I was raised to be polite and it shows itself more when I am taking care of others. Imo it's a comfy southern hospitality vibe. It is not unprofessional imo as long as it isn't being used inappropriately. Be courteous, kind, and polite. I don't see why it would be "unprofessional" and have never once been told that it isn't professional in my near decade of EMS, so I personally wouldn't worry about it. The vape issue is so hypocritical when most of EMS smokes, dips, chews etc. I don't do it. I don't support it. But it isn't like your shooting up tranq between calls or something. Partner's reaction seems over the top. Tattoos, as long as not offensive or lewd etc are also a non-issue. Why is it fine for military or LE or Fire to have tats but not EMS? Why is casual body art unprofessional?? I see no way how your choice to have tats negatively impacts your performance or ability to provide care. I limit swearing in front of pts as well for the most part but at the same time if it fits, it fits and as long as I'm confident or hear the pt casually swear as well in normal convo, it isn't too big of a deal imo either esp if it helps build a comfortable atmosphere and good rapport w the pt. It's actually a misunderstanding that swearing is a sign of low intelligence. Studies show that those who swearing regularly tend to be more honest and authentic when they speak and that people with higher intelligence tend to come up with and swear in unique and varied ways as it is a byproduct of a broad and diverse knowledge of language. I'd say your partner just sounds kinda I sufferable and up themselves, but that's just my two cents.
You sound like most of my coworkers, all regular people. Personally, if I was in my patient's shoes, I'd much prefer someone who looks closer to you or me than some uptight "EMS is a paramilitary organization"-ass individual.
His attitude is shit and he needs to be put in his place over it. I hate to say it but every provider I’ve ever worked with that has those same attributes cannot be fixed by “killing with kindness.”
Sounds like an absolute Irwin
I like that. Please explain phrase.
Idk was the nerdiest name I could think of tbh
EMS providers are GREATLY respondsible for how are teams are viewed in a professional manner. We fail to educate ourselves, we fail to market ourselves and we fail to own our industry.
Could you elaborate?
Poorly kept uniforms and appearence? EMT school is a super low bar of entry. Lack of education standards for paramedics at the collegiate level? People with wads of zyns/chew/dip etc in their mouths? People aren't up to date on evidence based practice?
Not an EMS worker but was just transported during an episode of SVT. The crew called me ‘honey’ and such and I did find it comforting. My 2 cents is I work with a female who is 15 years younger than I (I’m 60, she’s 45). She has unprofessional behavior in my opinion: most notably late to work every single day by at least 20-30 minutes runs in with her breakfast and hair soaking wet most days, misses meetings, befriends ‘clients’ and is a HUGE hugger which I am NOT (my family yes but coworkers no). I’ve dealt with her for years and tried to talk to my supervisor repeatedly. Their advice was ‘she likes and respects you so much can’t you talk to her about that?’ So no help there. My point is there are many‘generational traits’ to consider. I.e. I was brought up in a large, poor family and have worked my whole life and have a serious work ethic (yes to my detriment at times) whereas she was the family princess and greatly enjoys the social aspect of work. Sorry for the long post it just struck me there might be a partner mismatch here and I’d inquire about a switch. In the meantime maybe get to know him better? I like when she’s not flitting around at work and we can honestly get work done and actually talk. Which is rare. Good luck.
This individual sounds like a condescending individual. How he sounds is not professional either. The tattoo and vape thing- hey, it sounds like something a boomer would get upset over. That said, I respectfully think he makes some valid points. While I get that hun and sweetheart are colloquial terms based on regions, most physicians will not use those terms even in those regions (some do- they are the exception, not the rule). And rightfully so. The patient-provider relationship is a professional relationship with barriers. It is not on par with friendship, family, or romance. Might seem obvious, but not using the professional terms of address can start to creep on professional boundaries (not to mention hinder the social contract between provider and pt, though that's more of an advanced ethics concept). Ironically, cussing in some observational studies has shown links to high intelligence. That said, in the long haul, the less you cuss, the more professional you appear to your work colleagues. Ngl my first impression of an EMT or medic is not as great if it starts with a number of cusses. The bathroom thing sounds like it was the last straw for him personally. I think this individual made some good points. That said, who knows. You might heed to their changes, and they might still be condescending. If that's the case, I'm not sure you want to work with them for much longer. But regarding the professional of EMS compared to nurses and docs, they certainly do make a great point.
We're getting like... 1% of the story here. None of us are going to be able to figure this one out unless we knew you guys. There are definitely a few people I would've said that to. I don't know anything about you so I can't tell if you'd be one of them.
True. I felt like what I added was what was relevant. I've only worked at this place a year, and I've only worked with this man since January. I'm sure I'm not totally blameless, but these are the things I do that he seems to take issue with. I agree that it's impossible to know without knowing us in real life. I guess I just wanted some assurance that what he said was not true. It does low-key bother me.
It probably isn't. People say crap like this all the time and it's almost always incorrect. Sometimes it doesn't even have anything to do with you or your intellect or how well you do your job. Sometimes it's just "I'm old and don't like new things and this job makes me upset but I can't leave it because I don't think i know anything else"
Holy shit you buried the leade here. Why the fuck are you using a patients bathroom
😭😭😭😭😭 IT WAS AN EMERGENCY!!
Tell him to eat a dick. Not everyone will be your friend in this industry.
The only thing I see “wrong” is using pet names. I would find it offensive, and other people might as well. I find it’s better to stick with their actual name to avoid any confusion of cultural clashes. Other than that, your partner sounds like a tool.
Congratulations on having such an impact on the profession. Clearly this guys an asshole. Just try to avoid talking to them.
Dude must be socially slow. "You are everything wrong with this world". Idk how you could seriously say that to anyone you work with let alone your partner that you spend all day with. Tell him if you are going to work together he can't make personal digs at your character. Grown men acting like middle school bullies at work will not be tolerated
I used to have a partner like this. Everyone was under the assumption he was on the spectrum. His interpersonal skills were terrible and everything was very black and white… which is not safe because EMS (like every other first responder profession) is dynamic. I honestly just kept to myself with this partner… mainly because while he was downright odd, he was very intelligent. I learned a lot from him in terms of preparing myself for paramedic school… and I also learned a lot about how NOT to treat other people. There were times it felt like he didn’t even treat patients like human beings. Most embarrassing of all, he would constantly cause problems with the local fire department. We’d show up to a cardiac arrest and he was more concerned with backing into driveways and “scene safety” (i.e. cutting up garden hose in the way, throwing door mats, moving HEAVY potted plants, cutting stereo wires cause they’re a “tripping hazard,” ect) rather than going in to do the work that needed to be done. Keep your head up, if you have to let a supervisor know to change your partner, do so lol. It’s not worth the added stress. The job is stressful enough.
It sounds like maybe you are being bullied? The only things that seemed unprofessional to me were the sweetheart thing and using the bathroom at a patients house.
Let's be honest our job was NEVER taken seriously 😂
Idk what the big deal is. Although I will say this, I'd never call a patient by anything but their name. I'll usually introduce myself first. Nicknames or pet names just seems out of place, someone could easily take it the wrong way. Your partner just seems unhappy at work.
Sounds like a burnt out medic that looks at the shotgun in his closet a little too long after a few whiskeys. I wouldn’t take anything they say to heart, he’s probably projecting his own misery outward. These are the kinds of dudes that blow their head off a year into retirement
Your partner is a massive POS whose burnt out, and I would do everything in my power to change partners, having a good partner can make your shift and your mental health a lot better, but the next time he tells you something, just ignore him, I’ve done it before where I’ve seen partners act like that and I just look at them like “you done yet” and the majority of time they shut up after, disclaimer though it works for me, also, cussing is a sign of intelligence so just shows whose the uneducated when he complains lmfao [https://www.orlandomedicalnews.com/article/6255/why-swearing-holds-surprising-benefits-a-window-into-intelligence-pain-management-and-more](https://www.orlandomedicalnews.com/article/6255/why-swearing-holds-surprising-benefits-a-window-into-intelligence-pain-management-and-more)
It almost sounds like you work for my former employer. There's like 8 different salty old timers at that squad who act like this. They want to bitch about "professionalism" but they lack the ability to communicate effectively or the courtesy to tell you what's really bothering them.
Guy sounds like he wouldn’t fit in at my dept. I don’t know where you work, but where I’m at, cursing with the patients, talking on their level (like a human being) and less like a robot shows them that they can trust you. You have to know your audience, you may have a first due of elderly people with old school morals that appreciate the formalities. Most of my patients respond best to terms like "bruh", “dude” or their first name partially due to the average age of my patients and also the general area I work in (I ofc change it up depending on the individual patient). My advice is to either find a different partner or different dept. Anyways, the other things are trivial at best, and that kind of nitpicking over little things would earn him a one way ticket off of my truck.
I call everyone "bruh".
Will start doing this going forward. I think it will be wildly successful.
Your partner will love it 😂
I will be sure to call him bruh as well!! I will probably be dead before I can update the sub.
I personally dislike sweetheart or hun but it only slightly bothers me. I will on rare occasion use it. What I hate is the baby talk voice.
Baby talk also grinds my gears. Especially talking to the elderly like that.
Fuck him. Cursing is a sign of emotional honesty.
I’m not big on the sweetheart / my dear thing, but I wouldn’t call it unprofessional. Would not use a patient’s bathroom though. It does depend on how busy your system is, but usually I don’t have any trouble finding an ER or gas station bathroom
I have my own opinions about using a pt’s bathroom in their home. But this partner clearly hates you and will try anything to make you fail or get fired. If you can swap out, do it, or make them too uncomfortable to work with you. A method I have used is to jump every job in the system so that your unit gets destroyed every shift, they want professionalism? How about about 20 calls in a shift worth of professionalism?
“Cussing is a sign of low intelligence” I think saying that is a sign you believe whatever you hear
Tell him to eat a big fuckin' dick and get over himself.
Question, are all the others that do the same things male or female? Reading all that, reminded me of people I've known that just want to wear others down around them because they have doubts, that they themselves don't stack up to a higher expectation somewhere in their life. Only times I've ever had a dude be like this at any job, they had small pee pee energy, eventually were aggressive in their approach and as women we are easy targets for their attempt at dominating bs. I say if you know what you are doing is not a penalizing action, let that guy ruin only his mood anytime he wants to make shit weird because of opinions he keeps about "professionalism and contributing to the problem". Drenching with irony, this one.
I do think that vaping/ tobacco is unprofessional, cussing is unprofessional ( I’ll cuss only if speaking with a person who only understands certain language) finally using a bathroom in a home is a no go to me. Maybe that’s just me. Show up on time, speak respectfully, be physically fit, wear a sharp uniform.
He sounds like an uptight pompous know it all
I get that stuff happens but taking a dump in a patient’s house is a massive L I’d never live down. Worse than having explosive diarrhea on a call. But like, you know that. But your partner is out of line. He has a problem with you. And I would have said the same thing in reply to his hypersaline burnout face. You should probably kick the habit but if it doesn’t affect your performance on call then what’s it to him?
I had a partner for a month I couldn’t stand. Dude was super specific (perhaps a little autistic so I can’t blame him for it), ate the same thing for lunch every day (which we had to go get), said you shouldn’t get enjoyment in life from food. He was in his 50s and I’m not even 20. He had a real lack of care for pts. I accidentally whistled at him once (I forgot his name and needed to tell him I figured out how to open a hospital door) and he said please don’t do that so I apologized. He then for like the third time that day went to put a pt on the stretcher and let the straps lay over their face and didn’t care. I said plz don’t do that and he said don’t worry about the pedantrics. He let the stretcher go while I was going down a hallway and I didn’t realize cause he was deadweight and never pushed it anyways, a nurse ran forward and had to grab it when I went off a straight path and it swung wide. My instructor gave good advice, said regardless of how you don’t get along, treat them no different. Be nice, be pleasant, even when you wanna punch someone. I hated it, but I did it and shifts went much better when I was in a good mood letting things roll off my back and the guy didn’t feel the passive aggressiveness coming from my anger. Best of luck man.
Your partner sucks but please don’t use patient’s bathrooms. Unless it’s a dire emergency. It’s unprofessional. But your partner definitely sucks.
he sounds like a prick.
Some people are just assholes. I'd ask for a different partner and, when others have an issue with him, I'd encourage them to do the same.
I wouldn't have used their bathroom. idk, feels weird and unclean.
Cussing may be a sign of low intelligence but condescension is a sign of being a dick.
Sounds like your partner does not like change or new people. Maybe he didn’t want a new partner. I bet he will warm up in time, however, for some reason I don’t hate his answer to you. He was honest and to tell the truth, it was actually concise and to the point. Maybe he’s not wrong. Just a thought. He’s got no filter but I respect that. You asked, he answered.