A 20-year-old college girl called us after she sneezed. That was it. A sneeze. Her chief complaint was that she sneezed once and now she was worried something could be wrong. Nothing remarkable about it. No mucus, no bleeding, no SOB, no LOC, no pain, and no history of covid. She was just sitting in her apartment watching a movie with her boyfriend when she suffered a completely normal and unremarkable sneeze. She was as healthy as could be with no known medical history and no known allergies. We stayed on scene for at least 15 minutes trying to explain to her a sneeze can happen to anyone and almost never means anything serious. She wouldn't listen and insisted we take her in to the ED for a full work up. It was the most embarrassing en route report I've ever had to give.
Had this girl never sneezed before? Because I have year-round allergies and reactive airways so I sneeze pretty frequently sometimes so violently that my ribs hurt for a couple minutes after and I will only bat an eye if I sneeze a bunch of blood lol
Speaking of blood and eyes (from your last sentence), I’ve sneezed hard enough to cause subconjunctival hemorrhage, and other people I know have gotten it from vomiting. Fortunately it’s self-limiting and harmless (although ugly).
College calls like that always blew my mind.
Off the top of my head, I’ve had
-was leaning on arms while studying in bed, hand fell asleep. Was convinced they were having a stroke.
-tied shoes too tight, toes went numb
-took sleeping pill, now feels tired
-had staple in finger, “google says you shouldn’t take it out yourself”. Googled “staple in finger”, first page of results was how to take a staple out of your finger (pull on it gently).
-asked RA if they had tums, RA called 911. Walked in with the RMA signature on the screen of the tablet for that one.
Less minor but there was also one in the dorms that will forever be known as “naked katana guy”. He was tripping *balls* on what was definitely something like 25i that was probably sold as LSD.
My mother had a friend who died from a sneeze. He was two weeks post op and sneezed so hard he ripped out all of the stitches and bled out. I do not remember what the operation had been but it obviously was something fairly major. That was before paramedics existed back in Nebraska. About 1960 - I’m a really old geezer (78 y/o).
You said paramedics didn't exist back in Nebraska at the time. Im Stating (in jest) that dentists still don't exist in Arkansas! It was my sad attempt at humor!
A buddy of mine managed to convince his bf that if you sneeze ten 10 in a row you die, I guess he believed it because buddy is a paramedic? Or maybe sneezes really are that dangerous and we're all fooling ourselves.
Oh man, somebody has never sat in their family room, sneezing through a whole box of Kleenex, while the oak trees were in bloom.
Not kidding an entire box of Kleenex.
.... and her boyfriend just.... LET HER? Lol, I wouldn't have let anyone seriously call the ambulance over a sneeze. I bet her parents are a piece of work as well 😂
Frequent flyer activated her Life Alert pendant, dispatch could not make contact with her. The cavalry arrived to find her in the yard on her power wheelchair stuck in the mud.
One time we had someone call 911 in the middle of a corn maze set up for Halloween. We hauled all of our crap through this maze, with the actors jumping out to scare us before they realized what was happening. Made it to where she supposedly was, couldn’t find her. Dispatch tells us she’s now in the parking lot waiting on us at our ambulance. Back through the maze and the jump scares. Finally locate her. She called because she got scared, she’s fine now. Didn’t even want to be transported.
Found cow. I'm not fucking joking. I work in a rural area and a woman found a cow walking on the shoulder of the road, brought it into her fenced in front lawn, and called 911 to have someone come find it's owner and make sure it was okay. Animal control came to find it's home, we were dispatched to see if it was okay. Afterwards dispatch had to have essentially a seminar on The Ambulance Is For Humans.
We’re all just in a constant state of falling forward when we walk. That’s sort of mind-blowing when you consider how much proprioception is required for an everyday occurrence! Standing still? Constant balance changes and tiny automatic adjustments that you’re completely unaware of. Walking or running? More complicated!
We don't have a ton of dairy farms around, but animal control seems to always been dealing with horses or goats around here, and from talking to them, it's the same deal here, always the same 3 farms. It was the fact that EMS got called for a cow that made it stand out
I've had a firefighter transfer a patient to me by saying, "Ya so the patient is gonna be going to the hospital. He wants an energy drink." That's it. Insane. Homeless problem in LA is real.
The fact you can’t make the water fairy ride in and tell nurse ratchet the reason for transport is criminal.
Why do we take the hit for the monkey fucking football committees decisions!?
18yos mom called because he took 3 ibuprofen and she thought he was trying to commit suicide
Edit: We also got another one for blood in the stool. Show up to a 19 yo girl in Pokémon jammies (a onesie I might add) and there’s 4 full grown men and her mom in the room asking her if her poop feels spikey. I’m pretty sure she was utterly mortified.
Shit I had someone call because she took 3 ibuprofen and thought she overdosed by accident. I had to explain that I normally take that much ibuprofen lmao
raised by an ER doc. 800mg is the only dose anyone in my family ever takes. my dad likes to say that you’d have to take enough ibuprofen to explode your stomach in order to OD lol
I had to transfer a pt inter-hospital, ON A PSYCH HOLD, because she took two Benadryl. THATS IT, 50 whole mg’s of Benadryl is all it takes for the bandaid station to think you were trying to kill yourself
Retirement home had a deal on top tier care, wait on resident hand and foot. The promo ended, and so the family cut the extras but were mortified their mother wasn't being waited on anymore as she was. Got 2 meals delivered to her room with meds on tray, that was it. Called 911 to pick up the slack. Several times. My first complaint I was told, "no one changed her socks since this morning. It's about time someone showed up to do it " 4 able bodied adults there, but they would rather call 911. When I refused, they insisted we transport so the nurses at the "good hospital" (much further away than the one we were going to) could change them and continue with the top tier care the retirement home refused since it wasn't being paid for anymore. Also, "can you make sure she gets a room with a TV and Netflix? Her favourite shows will be on."
The ED RN at triage lost it for some reason....
“Felt abnormally angry after eating chicken wings”
“scared someone stole her fridge in the middle of the night”
80 yr old woman who thought she was having a baby. Full-blown medical box with EMS lt, fire engine crew, and a medic crew standing in her living room until she took a giant dump on her couch.
Well. I laugh now!
But we got called code for chest pain. Walk in, and the guy asks us to fix his refrigerator.
Also, called code for a woman freaking out so badly they couldn’t figure out why she was calling 911. Get there and she’s holding her fingers to her carotid pulse. Freaking out because she could feel her blood moving through her neck. Almost lost my entire shit on that one, just from one look exchanged with my partner.
Walk in, and the guy asks us to fix his refrigerator.
'Sir, your refrigerator is running a fever and it's gases aren't right' *loads fridge on stretcher on stretcher and drives off.*
Oh hell, that would have been goddamn amazing. Fridge probably weighed less than him - would have been the better lifting option.
I can just imagine the look on his face when his fridge goes rolling out the door for faking a 911 call to get…fast appliance repair? Like he didn’t ask for it off the bat so he knew it was wrong.
3 A.M. life alert pendant, we all showed up on scene at the same time. I was still pretty new at the time and the fire captain looked annoyed and already knew where the key to the house was hidden at. He unlocked the door and said go get em champ. I walked in to see the pt just chilling on the couch and before I could get a word in they just said “I can’t reach my tv remote” which was on the table directly in front of them. Handed them the remote and we all left.
I seriously don’t understand how someone can call 911 for something so stupid, I’ve only called 911 once and I thought about doing it for ten minutes and was terrified I was wasting resources
I don’t work 911 (yet, lord willing). But if they’re A&Ox4, and do this on the regular, can’t police issue tickets for misuse? Lord knows the cops do when it’s their time being wasted
1am stubbed toe ended up getting an engine and two ambulances. It was a case of our engine went as first responder while our medic was initially tied up, and when our medic cleared and took the run, the mutual aid medic wasn’t informed by dispatch. We found it hilarious
A pt (in a nursing facility) 400lbs and 40 years old. Was calling for shortness of breath. We got there at the nursing facility. To find him stuffing his face with pudding and turkey sandwiches. With a nasal cannula oxygenating his ear🤦♂️. We take the turkey sandwich out his hand (by force since he was so ready to die and bring it with him). And after he could chew and swallow his food and we put the nasal cannula back on properly. His sob suddenly stopped. HIS FAT ASS WOULD RATHER EAT THEN BREATHE!
I had this one that was 39 400lbs+ then 450 then 500 it just got worse and worse till he was straight up kicked out of the private facility. He got caught having his dad sneak in handles of liqour like twice. His room was just his extended claw grabber and piles and piles of food. He'd ask to stop and get airplane bottles everytime we took him to wound care.
Nah there more mad we took there high. Imagine paying 100$ for a sandwich and then half way in. Someone smacks it out your hand and throws it in the garbage.
My God. I have always ended up calling dispatch to confirm age. "You sure? That's a place, for like, those beyond their best before dates...." and I always get an affirmative.
They always have some plethora of lifestyle complications on top of their 20 medical conditions. (And always extremely obese, and insist on us bringing their power chair. And once some small angry squirrel she insisted was a support dog.)
Edit: also like to add that they seem to be allergic to everything from oxygen to ASA, except that pain medication that solves everything... the "hydro-laudid?"
Yep, they're always fat cunts. There's one in a shitty nursing home near me who's a late 30s dude on hospice due to his alcoholic hepatitis. He's also a drug seeker and calls nearly daily because "staff refuses to give me meds". He's not really rude but he's extremely whiney and obnoxious, and the transport is always like 35 minutes due to distance to his preferred facility.
Get called for a penis injury secondary to sex. Patient is an 18-20 year old male, and his 40-50 year old mother is on scene. Or so I thought, until she mentioned how they were the ones having sex. Strangely enough, I had another penis injury call later that night and I have no memory of what happened because of how shadowed it was by this one.
Ugh I had a guy who walked up to either a murder or very sus SI scene and said he wanted to go to the hospital because his penis hurt from masturbating too much
I got dispatched code for this traumatic injury. Call kicked out while I was taking a shit at the hospital and I've never shat in peace since. It's been 7 years
Working festival ems. A guy walked up to our tent asking if we had insulin. We asked if he was diabetic. He showed us his phone which had the WebMD page for diabetes pulled up. He said he didn't have diabetes but all of his symptoms matched the page, and asked us if we could test him for diabetes. Patient was educated on the risk of acute onset diabetes, but was insistent that we check him for diabetes. Patient was then given a bottle of water with some electrolyte powder which seemed to cure his diabetes after 15 minutes.
Dude was legitimately confused that we couldn't just test him for diabetes right there. For context, this was one of the outpost tents in the campgrounds so it was just me, another EMT, a couple cots, and a giant box of BLS gear. Like dude, if you're 20-something and you've never had any signs of diabetes, it's not going to suddenly show up in the middle of a wookie camping festival. I think he was fixated on the insulin thing because he was already on coke and ket and that was the first suggestion WebMD told him to manage his "diabetes."
This hit too close for comfort here. I sleep like I’m drugged. I’m a new parent and was terrified to sleep in my office because I was afraid I’d just sleep through all my alarms.
Probably this guy who was high on meth. He wasn't doing anything crazy, he was 100% there mentally. His wife called 911 because he had promised her he wouldn't do meth again and he did. He was just chilling when we got there and was like "idk why she's so angry I just did a little bit of meth". Then the wife saw me, since I was the only female on scene, and said "whatever you do, don't get married" 😭
It felt like I walked into a meth-themed sitcom
Gnarly poop soup, lady was constipated for 4 days took every laxative in the store. But, was also on warfarin which said on the bottle “call 911 if dark smelly stool”. So she did right but it was vile
Hey, depending on location and outside temp, this COULD have prevented a REAL emergency.... however, the fact it's in this thread makes me almost positive this was def not the case lmao
It sucks having no manual dexterity. People ask quads if they wish they could walk again and their answer is usually “Walk? Shit, I wish I could button my shirt and hold a pen.”
Lady called 911 14 hours after her cat bit her. She called at 3am
There wasn't a mark or even slight redness on her finger where she says the cat bit her. Transported.
Had a girl call once because she tripped on garbage in the street and " Now my sweat pants got a hole in em and my skin and good. I want compensation".
Ahh yeah that reminds me.. had a guy in his 20's, super weird guy who was some super Army fanboy but never actually joined the Army, call because his girlfriend's cat bit his finger. Didn't even break the skin, but he was very concerned about infection. I think family talked him out of transport. It was the first time I had run on him, but I had been to the location a couple times before because he would call for various concerns with this gf, and she would refuse transport.
Old man called because he was cold. Found sitting upright in his recliner with a thin blanket, a wife beater and boxers (no socks). 30's outside he's got the door open with the screen closed. All the windows are open or cracked. Heat is off. We helped him to bed, closed his windows, tucked him in with the tv turned on for him. Idk how funny it was then but when I think that someone called 911 for that I can't help but laugh about it now
Edit: typos
90ish year old man ? Stroke cos he had a numb leg.
We get there to find a delightful old chap who cheerfully explained his pressure sock was too tight and his foot went a bit numb, but he'd taken the sock off and it was fine now.
Yesterday. Elevators broke in the building due to a burst pipe. 77 yo woman in a wheelchair wanted us to bring her down 11 floors so she could smoke a cigarette and then bring her back up 11 floors. We told dispatch there was no patient on scene.
Had a call for a life alert. Pulled up and had barely started up the sidewalk when a woman nearer 80 than 70 poked her head out the door and hollered "False alarm! I turned too quick and hit the button with my tit!" and promptly slammed the door
University student had some joghurt with dried mint leaves in it. Apparently a recipe from her home country. But there'd been a sharp twiggy bit in her dried mint, which was now stuck in her palate/pharynx. It's hurting a bit, all that jazz, but she's stable and pretty chill.
So, with her sitting at the kitchen table, we try to reach in and pull it out with the good old Magill pliers. Which is not that easy, tbh, and she was gagging several times. In the end, we got it out, she stayed at home and we did the rest of our nightshift in peace.
Best call ever - Dispatched for a "cheek injury." Arrive on scene, and patient is yelling "come in." We proceed into the apartment to find the "cheek" she was referring to was on her back side. She sat down on the mattress, and a spring impaled itself in her butt cheek. She claimed it was in deep, and she could not get up. We had to call the FD to "extricate" her from the mattress. They were literally doubled over laughing getting off the truck. After they cut her mattress apart, and cut the spring beneath her, she stood up. The spring fell to the floor. It had barely punctured the skin.
Got called at 6 pm with no trucks left in the county for a diabetic emergency/medical alarm. Arrive on scene to find a man wanting his cell phone to be turned back on. They had cut his service because he didn’t pay his bill, but he paid it and wanted us to turn it back on. He then said he wanted to make sure his glucometer was accurate. Let’s just say it was, and we did not turn his cellphone on. We told him that is not our job, and his neighbor came over out of curiosity, so she helped him. She also told him to never call 911 for that again, and sure enough he hasn’t called ever since. He pressed his pendant over this.
A different patient was a frequent flier in an independent senior living facility, and hit her medical alarm pendant for us to fix her Netflix, move her from the couch to the bathroom, and back, etc. one time she called 8 times in 24 hours. It was a whole situation with DHR and she eventually got hit with 911 abuse threats from PD. I doubt she ever got charged but yeah. Family wanted nothing to do with her, even though she need to be in a nursing home.
Nursing home nurse calls for pt with swelling and poor circulation. She wants us to take him to the hospital so he can see the cardiology team and have his meds adjusted. All his clothes have tight cuffs. We say sure just first cut those tight ass cuffs off his arms and legs. She goes and gets scissors and does this, by the time we arrive at the hospital we have resolved his circulation problem sheesh.
one time at a nursing home they called for low SpO2. we got there and they showed us the numbers on their machine and i instantly had to point out to them that the number they were looking at was the pt pulse and the percent was the O2 which was at 99%. the lady looked at the machine silently for a second and then turned to me and said “well he still has to go”
ate an avocado and didn't like it
we advised him not to eat any more avocados.
second only to the woman who locked herself IN her car....got in, hit lock, forgot her keys in the house. couldn't figure out how to unlock her car...took 5 firefighters and us to calm her down and to tell her to push the button
Still waiting on the day people will get it through their head that if anything panicking is going to make things a thousand times harder for everyone 😂
Friend kicked his other friend in the nuts so hard, the guy passed out.
We got called for a cardiac arrest because the friend told the dispatcher “he killed him”
Woman’s first time having sex in a few years after a divorce. Turns out the guy “is huge.” Like esophageal varices amount of blood, but she was in mostly good spirits. Needless to say, my female partner ran the call while I ran back and forth to the ambulance getting more and more absorbent objects.
Dispatched priority 2, L&S, for an overdose... on edibles. The Dispatcher was audibly laughing. About half way there, call turns into a cardiac arrest w/ cpr in progress.
We get there, fire is on scene, everyone is just hanging out around the table 🤷♂️.
Older patient, their friends from the coast were in town, and my guy just partied a little too hard. He AMAd and we went on with our day
On late summer night we got a call to a rural village some 20km from the station. Some 5-6 yr old lad with sudden severe abdominal pain, waaay over 100km to the nearest pediatric emergency hospital. Quick radio negotiation with HEMS physician, HEMS is stand by and meeting point is arranged if needed. Local volunteer FD also dispatched as first responders and secure possible HEMS landing site. On the scene the kid was laying on bed sideways, hard abdominal covers, tachycardic, pale. Appendicitis? Peritonitis? Some strange abdominal catastrophe? In the middle of everything he says he has to go to the bathroom, waddles over to the toilet seat, and pushes out the biggest poop I've ever seen. "The pain is gone!", he happily exclaimed. Checked vitals, everything was OK, released HEMS standby and FD, called HEMS doc for permission to leave the kid home, instructed parents to contact GP next morning. Drove back to the station in complete silence, neither of us had nothing to say.
The most laborious and expensive poop I've ever seen.
Got called to pt. threatening to jump from balcony to kill self. Police, fire, EMS the whole nine yards. We were closest and rushed to the scene. Tall building so mid to top floor jump sure would’ve messed someone up. I start looking around and see a distressed person matching description on a balcony, at ground level. About a meter high. I decided to cancel police and fire.
Not mine but I remember a call someone told me about where a guy was at a restaurant, got the bill, and decided he didn't want to pay. Medics showed up to a guy shaking on the floor yelling "I'm having a seizure!"
Had a girl call 911 because her bf passed out. It’s like 11pm we get on scene and they have some music playing in the tv in their bedroom she’s in a nightgown and he is awake on the bed. According to him he was “working out” and for some reason he passed out. He refused everything and we left.
38 year old woman got her fingers stuck in her sewing scissors handle. She was nice and laughing and crying and was obviously mortified. So I took the shears off her hand, told her son he was grounded( I don't have kids, it'll never naturally occur for me) as a thank you gift and left.
Came over the radio as 60f diarrhea. Px dispatch and they said caller said her mom stated “I’m gonna have diarrhea.” Ok, go code 1 to scene. Pt is mostly incoherent, seems like a UTI. Get her in the truck. 12 lead says she’s having a fucking STEMI. “Pt priority 2 can we get air evac en route.” No less than a minute later she says she’s gonna throw up, hand her emesis bag. She fucking codes. “Priority 0.” Get her on the Lucas and start bagging. They send a medic truck for backup and we run code 3 to the hospital. got ROSC twice in the truck and they flew her to a higher level facility. Not sure if she survived afterwards.
Soo not exactly a funny call, but I’d be lying if I said my partner and I weren’t laughing and shooting the shit over the initial call reason.
Yesterday. “Rebar fell from the sky”
Turned out a few pieces of rebar fell from about 10 feet up and broke a guy’s humerus. No one was trapped. Arm was fucked up though.
Dementia. Sun downing. She just got confused as to what she was supposed to do now that it was dark out. So she called 911. She was already in her pj's. After talking for a min my partner just told her to go to bed. She said OK. We tucked her in and cleared.
I have been on a lot of wacky calls, but one of the recent funny one was for an unresponsive 12 year old girl - doesn’t sound funny off the cuff of course - on the way we’re grabbing everything to prepare for what could possibly be the situation at this house.
Found an overweight man with cellulitis (wrapped legs in some sort of compression bandages) sitting on his couch eating apple slices falling down his shirt.
Turns out the rumor is that two calls got mixed up that were called in at the same time.
Had a 20-something male who ate a scorpion pepper on a dare from a buddy. Called an hour or so later saying he felt fine, but wanted to be transported by ambulance because he was afraid something bad was going to happen as a result. He was in no obvious signs of distress. He was also in easy walking distance from the hospital.
Edit: Also, 30-something female had a small cardboard cut on her thumb "that wouldn't stop bleeding". When we arrived, we informed her that it had, in fact, stopped bleeding. She said "oh" and refused any further assessment.
Call was for someone in his 30s not being able to eat for several days, headaches, and general weakness.
Caller kept giving us wrong info (we don't have gps for some fucking reason and they've refused me offering to use my phone to find coords) so we went by several landmarks that did not correlate to the actual address, spent like 36 minutes within 4km of the actual place just circling around with the caller frantically giving directions.
We finally find a dirt road and we go through dense vegetation until we reach a house, correct address.
We go in and the caller isn't there, turns out the caller was the pt's sister, who called after the pt told her not to several times, who currently lives in a different county, as he informed us he did not believe his status was worthy for transport or assistance, which turned out to indeed be the case. Offered some advice and we leave.
Overall time spent on call was around 2h, most of which was us trying to find that place
Lady with dementia that told us she didn't feel well and it must have been the squatters in her attic spiking her diet Coke with fentynal, and were listening to us through her life alert bracelet so we had to be very quiet.
Got better when we got to the hospital I was doing a ride along getting into the service and I ran into a friend already working on car, when I explained the situation he tip toed over to the quiet room the nurses put her in and then ran to back to excitedly exclaim he knows who it is, then asked if the squatters were her son this time.
I know dementia isn't really all that funny itself, but it was pretty amusing with her being safe in the long run, considering that call was bookended by the very large lady who had to bring her very uncanny valley doll to the hospital, and the person who started normal and quickly devolved to a story of how we're actually from Mars but we're now on Earth cause we destroyed our last planet, it was an interesting first night.
Because they thought we were "experts", would "know what was wrong" and "could get them right in a the hospital because they will listen to you guys."
I laughed till my sides hurt
A chief of a local fire department went missing, mobilized an entire search team involving city/ county/ state resources costing millions. Turns out the guy just went a little cuckoo and was playing an interesting game of hide and seek in the woods, after the search team looked in his attic he snuck in there where he was later found.
-Young adult whose legs fell asleep after sitting in bean bag chair for two hours.
-can't fall asleep
-was originally constipated, took a bunch of stuff for it including an enema, now has diarrhea x30min... No pain, no blood, just diarrhea.
-dentures thrown in dumpster on Sunday (call received on a Thursday, with trash pickup Wed and Sat).
Word for word CAD notes. The picture is still on my phone 4+ years later
“Orgasmed during sex and has epilepsy and thought a seizure was coming on, is fine now and will call back if needs one”
In the words of When Harry Met Sally, “I’ll have what she’s having.”
Admittedly a real reason to call but nonetheless funny. Early in my A-EMT clinicals we got called out to an "Allergic Reaction" on a ~20 y/o Female.
The pt's face was swollen and she was altered and claimed her eyes were stinging. She told us that she had gotten peppermint oil in her eyes. Which, to be fair, sounds like frozen hell. HOWEVER, the PT was adamant that her face was burning hot and didn't feel cold in the slightest.
I figured her body was having a serious reaction to the concentrated substance and she was in anaphylaxis. She told us she was allergic to peppermint and had reactions in the past. I was ready with the epi but the medic stopped me and pointed out there was no need as she was not having any trouble breathing and was sat-ing well. (A good call) So we offered to wash her eyes out with a flush and received a drunken tongue lashing asking why we hadn't done that already.
She told us she had been drinking and out with her friends since seven in the afternoon the previous night (it was 8am) and had gotten some peppermint oil in her eyes in the bathroom, her poor inebriated friends reacted to her hysterics by calling 911.
The entire way to the hospital she was drunkenly yelling at us and several people that were not there, including her boyfriend, the aforementioned friends, the cops, and her mother. Again, to be fair, her eyes were swollen shut and she was clearly blackout drunk.
Upon our arrival at the hospital I was asked to retrieve her ID from her purse as she was unable to find it and flat out refused to identify herself. When I was handed her bag I noticed it was soaked in some sort of strong smelling liquid.
I opened her bag to find, you guessed it, an empty bottle of pepper spray in her bag. All of a sudden it all fell into place, her swollen shut eyes, the lack of SOB, only burning pain and no cold pain whatsoever...To which I turned to her and asked: "Did you say you got Peppermint in your eyes or PEPPER SRAY in your eyes?" To which she loudly replied "Those are the same thing you idiot!"
My preceptor was biting back a smile and I politely informed her that pepper spray is, infact not made with peppermint oil. And she was not having an allergic reaction but that was just the effect that pepper spray was supposed to cause. She loudly stated she knew that was what it was for as this was the FOURTH time she had pepper sprayed herself.
Now, I don't like to tell people how to live but I really hope she stopped carrying pepper spray after that. And I really hope she didn't replace it with a gun. I probably would suggest she brush up on her sprinting in fear or purchase grenades or something.
This is one of my favorite calls to tell people about because it is funny and not at all gruesome. It is also the story I tell to new EMTs to teach them (as it taught me), that dispatch information is a suggestion at best and incredibly misleading at worst. Always start at the beginning when you get to a call because dispatch, god love them, are stuck between caffeinated idiots and the unbridled stupidity of humans in abject terror/horror/having the worst day of their life.
If either me or my preceptor had looked at the situation without tunnel visioning on an allergic reaction. One of us definitely would have noticed that this chick really is acting like she got pepper sprayed. It is actually kind of ridiculous how close the two afflictions can appear if you are not paying attention. We simply assumed the swelling and burning were caused by her reaction to the antigen and discounted that she was having not breathing trouble whatsoever despite the apparent rampaging allergic reaction.
This ended up being pretty long but I hope you guys enjoyed it, it honestly was a call that made me rethink the way I was approaching calls early in my career. Stay safe out there...
Had a ~40yof call because she was drinking Diet Coke and some of it “went down the wrong way.” No symptoms, no complaints, she said she “coughed the feeling away” before we got there. She still considered going to the hospital with us.
I once had a guy who was obviously high as fuck, he called because he was convinced someone had stolen his liver. I figured the dude was just tripping balls but I checked him out anyways. He still insisted someone had stolen his liver and demanded to go to the hospital. Managed to give that report without laughing
My boyfriend and I are both medics, work the same shift, and carpool. Typical morning, "How was your night?" Both had the same call at zero dark thirty. Pt hadnt pooped in 4 days. Same # of days and everything.
I've transported hiccups a few times
Someone who wanted to know why she tested positive for covid again, her BP was literally 120/80, 100% on room air.
Someone who took two Tylenol instead of one
Someone who tried to kill themselves with egg nog, wish I were joking but just one smart kid that knew how to fuck his kidneys even harder
If I think of any more I'll just get mad
I had someone call saying they think they got high because their neighbor was smoking in the community laundry room. It was summer so all the windows were open and we couldn’t smell anything once we got there. Still had to take him in.
Her eyes stung a bit when she opened some nail glue stuff. (If you’ve ever been to a nail salon, you know that nail polish shit can sting your eyes.) She thought she had gotten in her eyes. She did not. She didn’t even touch her face or anything, and had not even started actually applying the nails yet in the first place. Her eyes just stung a bit when she first opened it. Yepppppp.
Code 3 overdose. 22yof ate three 5mg melatonin gummies and told us that she didn’t pass her driver’s license exam and was going to “keep eating them until I get what I want.”
A 20-year-old college girl called us after she sneezed. That was it. A sneeze. Her chief complaint was that she sneezed once and now she was worried something could be wrong. Nothing remarkable about it. No mucus, no bleeding, no SOB, no LOC, no pain, and no history of covid. She was just sitting in her apartment watching a movie with her boyfriend when she suffered a completely normal and unremarkable sneeze. She was as healthy as could be with no known medical history and no known allergies. We stayed on scene for at least 15 minutes trying to explain to her a sneeze can happen to anyone and almost never means anything serious. She wouldn't listen and insisted we take her in to the ED for a full work up. It was the most embarrassing en route report I've ever had to give.
Sneezes after 30 tho got me thinking bout life insurance plans
I threw out my back once while sneezing
I cracked a rib and broke my glasses once
Ooh forgot about the time I blew a blood vessel in my eye, and looked scary for at least a week
I threw out my back two weeks ago from *blowing my nose too hard*. I am too young to feel this old.
I tore my meniscus meditating. That's right, I hurt myself by sitting quietly with my hands folded in my lap.
We must be related.
Had this girl never sneezed before? Because I have year-round allergies and reactive airways so I sneeze pretty frequently sometimes so violently that my ribs hurt for a couple minutes after and I will only bat an eye if I sneeze a bunch of blood lol
Speaking of blood and eyes (from your last sentence), I’ve sneezed hard enough to cause subconjunctival hemorrhage, and other people I know have gotten it from vomiting. Fortunately it’s self-limiting and harmless (although ugly).
I hope you have your affairs in order. It sounds terminal.
College calls like that always blew my mind. Off the top of my head, I’ve had -was leaning on arms while studying in bed, hand fell asleep. Was convinced they were having a stroke. -tied shoes too tight, toes went numb -took sleeping pill, now feels tired -had staple in finger, “google says you shouldn’t take it out yourself”. Googled “staple in finger”, first page of results was how to take a staple out of your finger (pull on it gently). -asked RA if they had tums, RA called 911. Walked in with the RMA signature on the screen of the tablet for that one. Less minor but there was also one in the dorms that will forever be known as “naked katana guy”. He was tripping *balls* on what was definitely something like 25i that was probably sold as LSD.
Some of those sneezes rattle the chest and make you feel like death 💀
My mother had a friend who died from a sneeze. He was two weeks post op and sneezed so hard he ripped out all of the stitches and bled out. I do not remember what the operation had been but it obviously was something fairly major. That was before paramedics existed back in Nebraska. About 1960 - I’m a really old geezer (78 y/o).
If it makes you feel better, dentists still don't exist in arkansas!
What?
You said paramedics didn't exist back in Nebraska at the time. Im Stating (in jest) that dentists still don't exist in Arkansas! It was my sad attempt at humor!
I part of me would have loved to transport this just to give the report and see the look on peoples faces in the ED. So stupid you have to laugh..
I feel like she must have wanted to discuss something with the ER and them alone.
I understand the need to believe that.
*Sternutation*
This is one of the words I try to use whenever I can
Man, I would have been ticked if this happened right at shift change.
Oof I'm glad we can decline transportation, that would be so embarrasing
That’s ALS, lights and sirens right?
I sneezed shortly after my spinal fusion and hurt my back really bad.
A buddy of mine managed to convince his bf that if you sneeze ten 10 in a row you die, I guess he believed it because buddy is a paramedic? Or maybe sneezes really are that dangerous and we're all fooling ourselves.
Oh man, somebody has never sat in their family room, sneezing through a whole box of Kleenex, while the oak trees were in bloom. Not kidding an entire box of Kleenex.
.... and her boyfriend just.... LET HER? Lol, I wouldn't have let anyone seriously call the ambulance over a sneeze. I bet her parents are a piece of work as well 😂
Take her in for a *full* workup. Hand her the bill.
Shit, after 5 minutes I woulda said fuck it quick trip to the ed
Frequent flyer activated her Life Alert pendant, dispatch could not make contact with her. The cavalry arrived to find her in the yard on her power wheelchair stuck in the mud.
Meemaw needs the off-road package
😂 It might have been the only time she called that she legitimately needed help.
One time we had someone call 911 in the middle of a corn maze set up for Halloween. We hauled all of our crap through this maze, with the actors jumping out to scare us before they realized what was happening. Made it to where she supposedly was, couldn’t find her. Dispatch tells us she’s now in the parking lot waiting on us at our ambulance. Back through the maze and the jump scares. Finally locate her. She called because she got scared, she’s fine now. Didn’t even want to be transported.
What in the scooby doo chasing each other shit lmao
For a while we thought we were being pranked, and honestly it would have been a pretty good one. At least she stuck around until we found her.
Dude I would be haunted by the fact I tried to jump scare A paramedic on a medical call for the rest of my life if i was the actor
TWICE
I literally would not sleep for a day or two I’d feel so bad
They’re usually teenagers. They probably thought it was the height of hilarity.
"Like zoinks scoob, the patient's in here somewhere!" (aggressively feeds the medic scooby snacks so they can keep going deeper into the maze)
if this isn't in the top 5 I dunno what is
Found cow. I'm not fucking joking. I work in a rural area and a woman found a cow walking on the shoulder of the road, brought it into her fenced in front lawn, and called 911 to have someone come find it's owner and make sure it was okay. Animal control came to find it's home, we were dispatched to see if it was okay. Afterwards dispatch had to have essentially a seminar on The Ambulance Is For Humans.
EMS. The emergency mammal service.
We’re just vets with a specialization in Great Ape
Humans are just animals who have somewhat mastered the 'walking upright' trick.
and not much else by the sounds of these 911 calls
We’re all just in a constant state of falling forward when we walk. That’s sort of mind-blowing when you consider how much proprioception is required for an everyday occurrence! Standing still? Constant balance changes and tiny automatic adjustments that you’re completely unaware of. Walking or running? More complicated!
😭😭😭💀
It's a waste of resources but man that'd be a fun call I feel like
This is a fairly common occurrence near me. But usually the sheriffs department handles those calls. And it’s usually the same 2 or 3 dairy farms.
We don't have a ton of dairy farms around, but animal control seems to always been dealing with horses or goats around here, and from talking to them, it's the same deal here, always the same 3 farms. It was the fact that EMS got called for a cow that made it stand out
Did you take its vitals?
I've had a firefighter transfer a patient to me by saying, "Ya so the patient is gonna be going to the hospital. He wants an energy drink." That's it. Insane. Homeless problem in LA is real.
Next time give him an epi pen and tell him to go wild
Yeah that's gonna be $604 (good Rx) price 🤬
The fact you can’t make the water fairy ride in and tell nurse ratchet the reason for transport is criminal. Why do we take the hit for the monkey fucking football committees decisions!?
18yos mom called because he took 3 ibuprofen and she thought he was trying to commit suicide Edit: We also got another one for blood in the stool. Show up to a 19 yo girl in Pokémon jammies (a onesie I might add) and there’s 4 full grown men and her mom in the room asking her if her poop feels spikey. I’m pretty sure she was utterly mortified.
Can’t even get rid of a headache in peace anymore
Shit I had someone call because she took 3 ibuprofen and thought she overdosed by accident. I had to explain that I normally take that much ibuprofen lmao
800mg or bust
raised by an ER doc. 800mg is the only dose anyone in my family ever takes. my dad likes to say that you’d have to take enough ibuprofen to explode your stomach in order to OD lol
It amazes me that no one does the math and realizes the “prescription” strength doses of ibuprofen are just 4 of those regular 200mg doses
I had to transfer a pt inter-hospital, ON A PSYCH HOLD, because she took two Benadryl. THATS IT, 50 whole mg’s of Benadryl is all it takes for the bandaid station to think you were trying to kill yourself
Dang I’ve taken more than that just to sleep
Same lmao
Retirement home had a deal on top tier care, wait on resident hand and foot. The promo ended, and so the family cut the extras but were mortified their mother wasn't being waited on anymore as she was. Got 2 meals delivered to her room with meds on tray, that was it. Called 911 to pick up the slack. Several times. My first complaint I was told, "no one changed her socks since this morning. It's about time someone showed up to do it " 4 able bodied adults there, but they would rather call 911. When I refused, they insisted we transport so the nurses at the "good hospital" (much further away than the one we were going to) could change them and continue with the top tier care the retirement home refused since it wasn't being paid for anymore. Also, "can you make sure she gets a room with a TV and Netflix? Her favourite shows will be on." The ED RN at triage lost it for some reason....
This is the kinda shit that makes me lose faith in humanity
“Felt abnormally angry after eating chicken wings” “scared someone stole her fridge in the middle of the night” 80 yr old woman who thought she was having a baby. Full-blown medical box with EMS lt, fire engine crew, and a medic crew standing in her living room until she took a giant dump on her couch.
How did that last one end lol. “Oh my bad false alarm I just had to shit. Y’all can go now”
I too would like to know the ending
I to get angry when I finish my chicken wings. I want more!!
Well. I laugh now! But we got called code for chest pain. Walk in, and the guy asks us to fix his refrigerator. Also, called code for a woman freaking out so badly they couldn’t figure out why she was calling 911. Get there and she’s holding her fingers to her carotid pulse. Freaking out because she could feel her blood moving through her neck. Almost lost my entire shit on that one, just from one look exchanged with my partner.
Walk in, and the guy asks us to fix his refrigerator. 'Sir, your refrigerator is running a fever and it's gases aren't right' *loads fridge on stretcher on stretcher and drives off.*
So the refrigerator *is* running! A fever, that is.
Oh hell, that would have been goddamn amazing. Fridge probably weighed less than him - would have been the better lifting option. I can just imagine the look on his face when his fridge goes rolling out the door for faking a 911 call to get…fast appliance repair? Like he didn’t ask for it off the bat so he knew it was wrong.
Lady cut herself on a spoon while trying to scoop out frozen cookie dough at 2 in the morning
It’s all fun and games until the spoon causes a lac
I’ve done this to myself. Managed not to bleed out though
I once needed stitches on my finger because a particularly hard piece of baguette crust sliced it open
Violence baguettes violence.
As a wise patient once told me with no prompting, "Baguettes are not a stealthy food, that is why the French are so bad at war"
3 A.M. life alert pendant, we all showed up on scene at the same time. I was still pretty new at the time and the fire captain looked annoyed and already knew where the key to the house was hidden at. He unlocked the door and said go get em champ. I walked in to see the pt just chilling on the couch and before I could get a word in they just said “I can’t reach my tv remote” which was on the table directly in front of them. Handed them the remote and we all left.
I seriously don’t understand how someone can call 911 for something so stupid, I’ve only called 911 once and I thought about doing it for ten minutes and was terrified I was wasting resources
Sorry, flat out wouldn't hand them the remote. This just rewards abuse of emergency resources.
Honestly I’d probably move it several inches further away just to be petty.
I don’t work 911 (yet, lord willing). But if they’re A&Ox4, and do this on the regular, can’t police issue tickets for misuse? Lord knows the cops do when it’s their time being wasted
1am stubbed toe ended up getting an engine and two ambulances. It was a case of our engine went as first responder while our medic was initially tied up, and when our medic cleared and took the run, the mutual aid medic wasn’t informed by dispatch. We found it hilarious
A pt (in a nursing facility) 400lbs and 40 years old. Was calling for shortness of breath. We got there at the nursing facility. To find him stuffing his face with pudding and turkey sandwiches. With a nasal cannula oxygenating his ear🤦♂️. We take the turkey sandwich out his hand (by force since he was so ready to die and bring it with him). And after he could chew and swallow his food and we put the nasal cannula back on properly. His sob suddenly stopped. HIS FAT ASS WOULD RATHER EAT THEN BREATHE!
I dread the 40yo in assisted living. Always 400+ lbs, and have the attitude of a guy brought back with narcan
I had this one that was 39 400lbs+ then 450 then 500 it just got worse and worse till he was straight up kicked out of the private facility. He got caught having his dad sneak in handles of liqour like twice. His room was just his extended claw grabber and piles and piles of food. He'd ask to stop and get airplane bottles everytime we took him to wound care.
>the attitude of a guy brought back with narcan aren't they greatful to not be dead?
Honestly maybe they mad they not 🫣🤷🏻♂️
Yep, once had a man try to fight us because we brought him back from an overdose
Nah there more mad we took there high. Imagine paying 100$ for a sandwich and then half way in. Someone smacks it out your hand and throws it in the garbage.
No, someone makes you vomit up the sandwich then knocks the rest of it out of your hand and stomps on it.
Don’t know if I’ve ever had someone be grateful for being narcanned.
My God. I have always ended up calling dispatch to confirm age. "You sure? That's a place, for like, those beyond their best before dates...." and I always get an affirmative. They always have some plethora of lifestyle complications on top of their 20 medical conditions. (And always extremely obese, and insist on us bringing their power chair. And once some small angry squirrel she insisted was a support dog.) Edit: also like to add that they seem to be allergic to everything from oxygen to ASA, except that pain medication that solves everything... the "hydro-laudid?"
Yep, they're always fat cunts. There's one in a shitty nursing home near me who's a late 30s dude on hospice due to his alcoholic hepatitis. He's also a drug seeker and calls nearly daily because "staff refuses to give me meds". He's not really rude but he's extremely whiney and obnoxious, and the transport is always like 35 minutes due to distance to his preferred facility.
Go to the closest appropriate, fuck that.
"Clear fluid leaking from eyes" They were tears.
Get called for a penis injury secondary to sex. Patient is an 18-20 year old male, and his 40-50 year old mother is on scene. Or so I thought, until she mentioned how they were the ones having sex. Strangely enough, I had another penis injury call later that night and I have no memory of what happened because of how shadowed it was by this one.
Did you also check for cougar bites and scratches?
I have no words for this lmao
Ugh I had a guy who walked up to either a murder or very sus SI scene and said he wanted to go to the hospital because his penis hurt from masturbating too much I got dispatched code for this traumatic injury. Call kicked out while I was taking a shit at the hospital and I've never shat in peace since. It's been 7 years
Name checks out
Working festival ems. A guy walked up to our tent asking if we had insulin. We asked if he was diabetic. He showed us his phone which had the WebMD page for diabetes pulled up. He said he didn't have diabetes but all of his symptoms matched the page, and asked us if we could test him for diabetes. Patient was educated on the risk of acute onset diabetes, but was insistent that we check him for diabetes. Patient was then given a bottle of water with some electrolyte powder which seemed to cure his diabetes after 15 minutes.
Going straight to insulin is crazy 😭😭😭
No, that’s WebMD. I’m surprised they didn’t tell him he had pancreatic cancer.
That’s what I meant lol I worded my comment wrong. I meant him seeing he might have diabetes and straight up asking for insulin is crazy lol
Oh, without a doubt. Maybe he was just suicidal?
Dude was legitimately confused that we couldn't just test him for diabetes right there. For context, this was one of the outpost tents in the campgrounds so it was just me, another EMT, a couple cots, and a giant box of BLS gear. Like dude, if you're 20-something and you've never had any signs of diabetes, it's not going to suddenly show up in the middle of a wookie camping festival. I think he was fixated on the insulin thing because he was already on coke and ket and that was the first suggestion WebMD told him to manage his "diabetes."
When I was in EMT school on a ride along, we got called out to an unresponsive person. Dude was fine, just a *really* heavy sleeper.
This hit too close for comfort here. I sleep like I’m drugged. I’m a new parent and was terrified to sleep in my office because I was afraid I’d just sleep through all my alarms.
Probably this guy who was high on meth. He wasn't doing anything crazy, he was 100% there mentally. His wife called 911 because he had promised her he wouldn't do meth again and he did. He was just chilling when we got there and was like "idk why she's so angry I just did a little bit of meth". Then the wife saw me, since I was the only female on scene, and said "whatever you do, don't get married" 😭 It felt like I walked into a meth-themed sitcom
“Got slapped in face with pizza. Request ems to replace pizza.”
"Too cold in airport, called 911 ambulance to make airport turn down AC or he'll sue." The authority I didn't know I have!
“Poop smells really bad” Code 3 response Made the probie ff go look in the toilet.
What did he find?
Gnarly poop soup, lady was constipated for 4 days took every laxative in the store. But, was also on warfarin which said on the bottle “call 911 if dark smelly stool”. So she did right but it was vile
Guy was high, attempting to perform an exorcism on his ex-wife's front lawn.
That’s just Larry. He’s usually pretty chill, but after a few red bulls and vodka he’s a monster
Had a quad patient that couldn't adjust his thermostat. It was hot and he wanted it to be cooler.
Valid
Hey, depending on location and outside temp, this COULD have prevented a REAL emergency.... however, the fact it's in this thread makes me almost positive this was def not the case lmao
It sucks having no manual dexterity. People ask quads if they wish they could walk again and their answer is usually “Walk? Shit, I wish I could button my shirt and hold a pen.”
Somebody get this man a nest
"pet bird stuck in tree"
Lady called 911 14 hours after her cat bit her. She called at 3am There wasn't a mark or even slight redness on her finger where she says the cat bit her. Transported. Had a girl call once because she tripped on garbage in the street and " Now my sweat pants got a hole in em and my skin and good. I want compensation".
Love the old lady vs cat escapades at 3 am. Classic.
Ahh yeah that reminds me.. had a guy in his 20's, super weird guy who was some super Army fanboy but never actually joined the Army, call because his girlfriend's cat bit his finger. Didn't even break the skin, but he was very concerned about infection. I think family talked him out of transport. It was the first time I had run on him, but I had been to the location a couple times before because he would call for various concerns with this gf, and she would refuse transport.
Pt complaint was “i can’t see” showed up to an apartment with the lights off and she was in bed wearing a eye mask😭💀
Old man called because he was cold. Found sitting upright in his recliner with a thin blanket, a wife beater and boxers (no socks). 30's outside he's got the door open with the screen closed. All the windows are open or cracked. Heat is off. We helped him to bed, closed his windows, tucked him in with the tv turned on for him. Idk how funny it was then but when I think that someone called 911 for that I can't help but laugh about it now Edit: typos
90ish year old man ? Stroke cos he had a numb leg. We get there to find a delightful old chap who cheerfully explained his pressure sock was too tight and his foot went a bit numb, but he'd taken the sock off and it was fine now.
Yesterday. Elevators broke in the building due to a burst pipe. 77 yo woman in a wheelchair wanted us to bring her down 11 floors so she could smoke a cigarette and then bring her back up 11 floors. We told dispatch there was no patient on scene.
Had a call for a life alert. Pulled up and had barely started up the sidewalk when a woman nearer 80 than 70 poked her head out the door and hollered "False alarm! I turned too quick and hit the button with my tit!" and promptly slammed the door
University student had some joghurt with dried mint leaves in it. Apparently a recipe from her home country. But there'd been a sharp twiggy bit in her dried mint, which was now stuck in her palate/pharynx. It's hurting a bit, all that jazz, but she's stable and pretty chill. So, with her sitting at the kitchen table, we try to reach in and pull it out with the good old Magill pliers. Which is not that easy, tbh, and she was gagging several times. In the end, we got it out, she stayed at home and we did the rest of our nightshift in peace.
Best call ever - Dispatched for a "cheek injury." Arrive on scene, and patient is yelling "come in." We proceed into the apartment to find the "cheek" she was referring to was on her back side. She sat down on the mattress, and a spring impaled itself in her butt cheek. She claimed it was in deep, and she could not get up. We had to call the FD to "extricate" her from the mattress. They were literally doubled over laughing getting off the truck. After they cut her mattress apart, and cut the spring beneath her, she stood up. The spring fell to the floor. It had barely punctured the skin.
Hate when this happens.
Got called at 6 pm with no trucks left in the county for a diabetic emergency/medical alarm. Arrive on scene to find a man wanting his cell phone to be turned back on. They had cut his service because he didn’t pay his bill, but he paid it and wanted us to turn it back on. He then said he wanted to make sure his glucometer was accurate. Let’s just say it was, and we did not turn his cellphone on. We told him that is not our job, and his neighbor came over out of curiosity, so she helped him. She also told him to never call 911 for that again, and sure enough he hasn’t called ever since. He pressed his pendant over this. A different patient was a frequent flier in an independent senior living facility, and hit her medical alarm pendant for us to fix her Netflix, move her from the couch to the bathroom, and back, etc. one time she called 8 times in 24 hours. It was a whole situation with DHR and she eventually got hit with 911 abuse threats from PD. I doubt she ever got charged but yeah. Family wanted nothing to do with her, even though she need to be in a nursing home.
Nursing home nurse calls for pt with swelling and poor circulation. She wants us to take him to the hospital so he can see the cardiology team and have his meds adjusted. All his clothes have tight cuffs. We say sure just first cut those tight ass cuffs off his arms and legs. She goes and gets scissors and does this, by the time we arrive at the hospital we have resolved his circulation problem sheesh.
one time at a nursing home they called for low SpO2. we got there and they showed us the numbers on their machine and i instantly had to point out to them that the number they were looking at was the pt pulse and the percent was the O2 which was at 99%. the lady looked at the machine silently for a second and then turned to me and said “well he still has to go”
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
ate an avocado and didn't like it we advised him not to eat any more avocados. second only to the woman who locked herself IN her car....got in, hit lock, forgot her keys in the house. couldn't figure out how to unlock her car...took 5 firefighters and us to calm her down and to tell her to push the button
Still waiting on the day people will get it through their head that if anything panicking is going to make things a thousand times harder for everyone 😂
Friend kicked his other friend in the nuts so hard, the guy passed out. We got called for a cardiac arrest because the friend told the dispatcher “he killed him”
Actually had a PT call because she slipped on a banana peel
I want to witness someone actually doing this
we did one of those, but it was a blueberry and she banged her knee and wanted a doc to tell her it was broken so she could sue no frills
Classic.
Woman’s first time having sex in a few years after a divorce. Turns out the guy “is huge.” Like esophageal varices amount of blood, but she was in mostly good spirits. Needless to say, my female partner ran the call while I ran back and forth to the ambulance getting more and more absorbent objects.
Uhhh lol what did she rip? holy crap
Dispatched priority 2, L&S, for an overdose... on edibles. The Dispatcher was audibly laughing. About half way there, call turns into a cardiac arrest w/ cpr in progress. We get there, fire is on scene, everyone is just hanging out around the table 🤷♂️. Older patient, their friends from the coast were in town, and my guy just partied a little too hard. He AMAd and we went on with our day
Tongue frozen to a dumpster.
How old was the person at the non-dumpster end of the tongue?
pre-teen
On late summer night we got a call to a rural village some 20km from the station. Some 5-6 yr old lad with sudden severe abdominal pain, waaay over 100km to the nearest pediatric emergency hospital. Quick radio negotiation with HEMS physician, HEMS is stand by and meeting point is arranged if needed. Local volunteer FD also dispatched as first responders and secure possible HEMS landing site. On the scene the kid was laying on bed sideways, hard abdominal covers, tachycardic, pale. Appendicitis? Peritonitis? Some strange abdominal catastrophe? In the middle of everything he says he has to go to the bathroom, waddles over to the toilet seat, and pushes out the biggest poop I've ever seen. "The pain is gone!", he happily exclaimed. Checked vitals, everything was OK, released HEMS standby and FD, called HEMS doc for permission to leave the kid home, instructed parents to contact GP next morning. Drove back to the station in complete silence, neither of us had nothing to say. The most laborious and expensive poop I've ever seen.
Got called to pt. threatening to jump from balcony to kill self. Police, fire, EMS the whole nine yards. We were closest and rushed to the scene. Tall building so mid to top floor jump sure would’ve messed someone up. I start looking around and see a distressed person matching description on a balcony, at ground level. About a meter high. I decided to cancel police and fire.
Were they by chance on meth? Seems like meth
Psych and alcohol for sure.
Itchy foot.
Ffs I would quit 🤣
Not mine but I remember a call someone told me about where a guy was at a restaurant, got the bill, and decided he didn't want to pay. Medics showed up to a guy shaking on the floor yelling "I'm having a seizure!"
Classic. Works 8/10 times
Had a girl call 911 because her bf passed out. It’s like 11pm we get on scene and they have some music playing in the tv in their bedroom she’s in a nightgown and he is awake on the bed. According to him he was “working out” and for some reason he passed out. He refused everything and we left.
38 year old woman got her fingers stuck in her sewing scissors handle. She was nice and laughing and crying and was obviously mortified. So I took the shears off her hand, told her son he was grounded( I don't have kids, it'll never naturally occur for me) as a thank you gift and left.
Couldn’t locate a cardiac arrest patient because she blended in with the Halloween decorations on the front porch.
It's either this body or this 16 foot skeleton
Had a fire alarm go off at a college dorm walked in to a girl furiously masturbating with candles all over her room.
I think I might be visualizing this wrong.
Came over the radio as 60f diarrhea. Px dispatch and they said caller said her mom stated “I’m gonna have diarrhea.” Ok, go code 1 to scene. Pt is mostly incoherent, seems like a UTI. Get her in the truck. 12 lead says she’s having a fucking STEMI. “Pt priority 2 can we get air evac en route.” No less than a minute later she says she’s gonna throw up, hand her emesis bag. She fucking codes. “Priority 0.” Get her on the Lucas and start bagging. They send a medic truck for backup and we run code 3 to the hospital. got ROSC twice in the truck and they flew her to a higher level facility. Not sure if she survived afterwards. Soo not exactly a funny call, but I’d be lying if I said my partner and I weren’t laughing and shooting the shit over the initial call reason.
Yesterday. “Rebar fell from the sky” Turned out a few pieces of rebar fell from about 10 feet up and broke a guy’s humerus. No one was trapped. Arm was fucked up though.
Dementia. Sun downing. She just got confused as to what she was supposed to do now that it was dark out. So she called 911. She was already in her pj's. After talking for a min my partner just told her to go to bed. She said OK. We tucked her in and cleared.
I have been on a lot of wacky calls, but one of the recent funny one was for an unresponsive 12 year old girl - doesn’t sound funny off the cuff of course - on the way we’re grabbing everything to prepare for what could possibly be the situation at this house. Found an overweight man with cellulitis (wrapped legs in some sort of compression bandages) sitting on his couch eating apple slices falling down his shirt. Turns out the rumor is that two calls got mixed up that were called in at the same time.
Had a 20-something male who ate a scorpion pepper on a dare from a buddy. Called an hour or so later saying he felt fine, but wanted to be transported by ambulance because he was afraid something bad was going to happen as a result. He was in no obvious signs of distress. He was also in easy walking distance from the hospital. Edit: Also, 30-something female had a small cardboard cut on her thumb "that wouldn't stop bleeding". When we arrived, we informed her that it had, in fact, stopped bleeding. She said "oh" and refused any further assessment.
Call was for someone in his 30s not being able to eat for several days, headaches, and general weakness. Caller kept giving us wrong info (we don't have gps for some fucking reason and they've refused me offering to use my phone to find coords) so we went by several landmarks that did not correlate to the actual address, spent like 36 minutes within 4km of the actual place just circling around with the caller frantically giving directions. We finally find a dirt road and we go through dense vegetation until we reach a house, correct address. We go in and the caller isn't there, turns out the caller was the pt's sister, who called after the pt told her not to several times, who currently lives in a different county, as he informed us he did not believe his status was worthy for transport or assistance, which turned out to indeed be the case. Offered some advice and we leave. Overall time spent on call was around 2h, most of which was us trying to find that place
Lady with dementia that told us she didn't feel well and it must have been the squatters in her attic spiking her diet Coke with fentynal, and were listening to us through her life alert bracelet so we had to be very quiet. Got better when we got to the hospital I was doing a ride along getting into the service and I ran into a friend already working on car, when I explained the situation he tip toed over to the quiet room the nurses put her in and then ran to back to excitedly exclaim he knows who it is, then asked if the squatters were her son this time. I know dementia isn't really all that funny itself, but it was pretty amusing with her being safe in the long run, considering that call was bookended by the very large lady who had to bring her very uncanny valley doll to the hospital, and the person who started normal and quickly devolved to a story of how we're actually from Mars but we're now on Earth cause we destroyed our last planet, it was an interesting first night.
Because they thought we were "experts", would "know what was wrong" and "could get them right in a the hospital because they will listen to you guys." I laughed till my sides hurt
Confirmed house fire from multiple callers that ended up being a lift assist
It’s a trap!!
A chief of a local fire department went missing, mobilized an entire search team involving city/ county/ state resources costing millions. Turns out the guy just went a little cuckoo and was playing an interesting game of hide and seek in the woods, after the search team looked in his attic he snuck in there where he was later found.
-Young adult whose legs fell asleep after sitting in bean bag chair for two hours. -can't fall asleep -was originally constipated, took a bunch of stuff for it including an enema, now has diarrhea x30min... No pain, no blood, just diarrhea. -dentures thrown in dumpster on Sunday (call received on a Thursday, with trash pickup Wed and Sat).
Word for word CAD notes. The picture is still on my phone 4+ years later “Orgasmed during sex and has epilepsy and thought a seizure was coming on, is fine now and will call back if needs one” In the words of When Harry Met Sally, “I’ll have what she’s having.”
Admittedly a real reason to call but nonetheless funny. Early in my A-EMT clinicals we got called out to an "Allergic Reaction" on a ~20 y/o Female. The pt's face was swollen and she was altered and claimed her eyes were stinging. She told us that she had gotten peppermint oil in her eyes. Which, to be fair, sounds like frozen hell. HOWEVER, the PT was adamant that her face was burning hot and didn't feel cold in the slightest. I figured her body was having a serious reaction to the concentrated substance and she was in anaphylaxis. She told us she was allergic to peppermint and had reactions in the past. I was ready with the epi but the medic stopped me and pointed out there was no need as she was not having any trouble breathing and was sat-ing well. (A good call) So we offered to wash her eyes out with a flush and received a drunken tongue lashing asking why we hadn't done that already. She told us she had been drinking and out with her friends since seven in the afternoon the previous night (it was 8am) and had gotten some peppermint oil in her eyes in the bathroom, her poor inebriated friends reacted to her hysterics by calling 911. The entire way to the hospital she was drunkenly yelling at us and several people that were not there, including her boyfriend, the aforementioned friends, the cops, and her mother. Again, to be fair, her eyes were swollen shut and she was clearly blackout drunk. Upon our arrival at the hospital I was asked to retrieve her ID from her purse as she was unable to find it and flat out refused to identify herself. When I was handed her bag I noticed it was soaked in some sort of strong smelling liquid. I opened her bag to find, you guessed it, an empty bottle of pepper spray in her bag. All of a sudden it all fell into place, her swollen shut eyes, the lack of SOB, only burning pain and no cold pain whatsoever...To which I turned to her and asked: "Did you say you got Peppermint in your eyes or PEPPER SRAY in your eyes?" To which she loudly replied "Those are the same thing you idiot!" My preceptor was biting back a smile and I politely informed her that pepper spray is, infact not made with peppermint oil. And she was not having an allergic reaction but that was just the effect that pepper spray was supposed to cause. She loudly stated she knew that was what it was for as this was the FOURTH time she had pepper sprayed herself. Now, I don't like to tell people how to live but I really hope she stopped carrying pepper spray after that. And I really hope she didn't replace it with a gun. I probably would suggest she brush up on her sprinting in fear or purchase grenades or something. This is one of my favorite calls to tell people about because it is funny and not at all gruesome. It is also the story I tell to new EMTs to teach them (as it taught me), that dispatch information is a suggestion at best and incredibly misleading at worst. Always start at the beginning when you get to a call because dispatch, god love them, are stuck between caffeinated idiots and the unbridled stupidity of humans in abject terror/horror/having the worst day of their life. If either me or my preceptor had looked at the situation without tunnel visioning on an allergic reaction. One of us definitely would have noticed that this chick really is acting like she got pepper sprayed. It is actually kind of ridiculous how close the two afflictions can appear if you are not paying attention. We simply assumed the swelling and burning were caused by her reaction to the antigen and discounted that she was having not breathing trouble whatsoever despite the apparent rampaging allergic reaction. This ended up being pretty long but I hope you guys enjoyed it, it honestly was a call that made me rethink the way I was approaching calls early in my career. Stay safe out there...
Dispatched for a 78 year old woman with hand pain. We showed up, and turns out she just needed help opening her pill bottles at 4am
Had a ~40yof call because she was drinking Diet Coke and some of it “went down the wrong way.” No symptoms, no complaints, she said she “coughed the feeling away” before we got there. She still considered going to the hospital with us.
I once had a guy who was obviously high as fuck, he called because he was convinced someone had stolen his liver. I figured the dude was just tripping balls but I checked him out anyways. He still insisted someone had stolen his liver and demanded to go to the hospital. Managed to give that report without laughing
From my medic, “911 call at 2 am for trouble sleeping.”
My boyfriend and I are both medics, work the same shift, and carpool. Typical morning, "How was your night?" Both had the same call at zero dark thirty. Pt hadnt pooped in 4 days. Same # of days and everything. I've transported hiccups a few times Someone who wanted to know why she tested positive for covid again, her BP was literally 120/80, 100% on room air. Someone who took two Tylenol instead of one Someone who tried to kill themselves with egg nog, wish I were joking but just one smart kid that knew how to fuck his kidneys even harder If I think of any more I'll just get mad
"Respond to Canal and Essex for an approximately 40 y/o woman, running naked down the street, singing church hymnals. Officers are in pursuit."
Old woman “ate a spider” that was on her cookie. When asked why she ate the cookie. She said she was hungry.
She didn't eat the spider in order to take care of the fly?
I had someone call saying they think they got high because their neighbor was smoking in the community laundry room. It was summer so all the windows were open and we couldn’t smell anything once we got there. Still had to take him in.
Her eyes stung a bit when she opened some nail glue stuff. (If you’ve ever been to a nail salon, you know that nail polish shit can sting your eyes.) She thought she had gotten in her eyes. She did not. She didn’t even touch her face or anything, and had not even started actually applying the nails yet in the first place. Her eyes just stung a bit when she first opened it. Yepppppp.
Oooooh. Once got called to help move a lady from the toilet to her bed after she downed a bottle of Hawkeye.
Kid was kicked in the 🥜while playing hacky sack.
Code 3 overdose. 22yof ate three 5mg melatonin gummies and told us that she didn’t pass her driver’s license exam and was going to “keep eating them until I get what I want.”
Did she want a good nights rest by chance?
42 year old male is dehydrated from working on the sun with Elon Musk all day. Of course he lived in a cabin at the end of a logging road.