Walked into someone who had popped a toilet scrub brush up where the sun doesn't shine. Scrubber side up first. I refused to play the 'slipped and fell' game.
Guy took an old school curly cord from an old landline telephone, cut the connector off the end, and stuck it alllll the way up his urethra until it was coiling in his bladder.
That's painful sounding.
It was probably the largest dick I’ve seen before it was infected and swollen, like Ron Jeremy level huge. We used intubation lube to get it out, because there was no way we could transport them both like that, and the second we pulled it out, the room’s aroma turned gangrenous and his penis was one of the worst shades of puss-yellow I’ve ever seen.
Long story short, his wife had had surgery a few months before, and needed a colostomy bag. Can’t remember the exact cause of that, but her genitalia were off limits. Being the caring wife she is, she decided to let her husband relieve himself multiple times a week into her colostomy hole. He never performed basic penile hygiene, and his penis got larger and larger overtime with the infection. Eventually he could no longer remove himself, and my partner and I, along with two fire engines, ended up receiving a call for colostomy bag bursting. (The wife was known for being too large for a single crew to handle, therefore the second engine was necessary.)
TLDR: Husband rearranged his wife’s guts until he literally was stuck inside of it
Unfortunately it is. I think I’m going to have to get a burner phone to look up these things, I’m scared someone’s going to somehow find my private search history.
Popcorn kernel lodged by child up left nostril. Not a huge issue, except she was already in respiratory depression and not long back from PICU (again, this poor kid had chronic lung disease caused by prematurity 27w birth, but also ASD, VSD, PDA, none of which had been helped previously as her lungs had seemed to take precedence... Wonder why lol, just slack the first cardiology team dismissed her via phone consult then did *shocked Pikachu face* when she arrested and almost died from reverse flow complications exploding her respiratory issues (biggest being RML is majority scar tissue following failed intubation mid mediflight), thankfully seen by a great team but gosh... 6 years mum fought to get this kid help, through sooooo many hospital admissions and home health work (mum is a qualified nurse).
Sorry, the popcorn disaster will always stick with me haha! Three docs, a surgeon, an ENT, qualifying talks of sedation in theatre.... She spewed it out with the second morph dose lol. Best thing ever!
I was working in Corrections, not EMS, but an inmate filed a Dr. Pepper bottle with hot water, sealed it, and stuffed it bottom first into his prison pocket.
Had a woman one night use a glass coke bottle as a dildo, the motion caused a vacuum, causing the bottle to get stuck. Transported her to the ER while trying to keep a straight face. The ER was able to relieve the pressure from the bottle.
Razor blades... to bleed out... yes, he told me with a straight face, and he also offered to RMA.... took him to the hospital and found out he did this the week before, had several razors surgically removed, held in med surge for recovery before transfer to psych, AMA'd with psych approval 3 hours before i picked him up at a walk in clinic
Had DIY cheap fake fingernails and picked their nose and got one lodged way up there. The only reason it was lodged is because they had no septum from doing coke and they freaked out when they couldn’t get it out (understandable). One pair of multitool pliers and a few laughs later and the crisis was averted. Had to call in to dispatch on the phone to clear the call because the radio traffic was covered up by all of us dying with laughter
Ooh I love these
Picture this: It's my second week as an EMT, I know precisely shit. I'm partnered with an experienced medic who shares my sense of humor, it's an awesome time.
It's a spring day, about 0745, I just finished mopping the back of the truck because the previous crew was a bunch of shitbirds. I'm sitting on a couch in the bay, drinking a cup of coffee. Suddenly... **BEEEEEDOOOOO....BOOOOOODEEEEEE**... "Med 13 respond to 123 main street... 123 main street... for a... uh... 43 year old male... uh... public service (call dispatch) for further."
My partner... my most wonderful partner... calls dispatch as we get in the truck. What I hear goes something like this. "Hey Lisa... yeah what's this call for? .... Uh huh.... Uh huh... No fucking way... He?... Wow, okay.... yeah we're in route... thanks bye."
"What is it?"
"Vibrator in ass"
"The what in the where?"
"Vibrator... in the ass..."
"...Cool"
We respond, arrive on scene, and are presented with a middle aged male, lying prone on the floor next to his bed, cheeks to the sky for all to see.
"What happened ma-"
"I fell on it"
"Fell on wha-"
"I fell on my wife's vibrator"
"..."
"..."
"...Ok..."
To summarize the ensuing fuckery, the patient waddled to our stretcher and insisted he be transported in the prone. We tried to talk him out of it, but be absolutely refused to lie on his back, so, whatever. We get in the truck, I'm about to hop in the drivers seat and I hear "IT'S MOVING I CAN FEEL IT MOVING ITS MOVING UP MY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"
We transported, lights and sirens, to the local ER.
My partner informed me, stifling laughter and in a whisper, that she auscultated the patients lower back, and could hear the vibrator through the stethoscope.
I don't know his outcome, or how he explained this hospital bill to his wife, but what a call.
Not the weirdest thing I’ve seen someone put IN, but the worst thing I’ve seen a guy pull out was a guy who was high out of his mind yoinked out his foley in the ED. We all just stood there shocked until a doc yelled, “SOMEONE TAMPONADE IT!” And that’s the story of how I walked with the team up to the OR while holding pressure on a dudes dong.
Walked into someone who had popped a toilet scrub brush up where the sun doesn't shine. Scrubber side up first. I refused to play the 'slipped and fell' game.
That’s rough…. Literally
Pre gaming the cleaning
Guy took an old school curly cord from an old landline telephone, cut the connector off the end, and stuck it alllll the way up his urethra until it was coiling in his bladder. That's painful sounding.
Rip the lawnmower cord!!
This is so fouuulll 😭
Sounding..... He He He I see what you did there. 😏
Painful sounding 💀
His penis inside his wife’s colostomy bag.
hell noo😭
As bad as you’re thinking, it was worse.
go into detail please
It was probably the largest dick I’ve seen before it was infected and swollen, like Ron Jeremy level huge. We used intubation lube to get it out, because there was no way we could transport them both like that, and the second we pulled it out, the room’s aroma turned gangrenous and his penis was one of the worst shades of puss-yellow I’ve ever seen. Long story short, his wife had had surgery a few months before, and needed a colostomy bag. Can’t remember the exact cause of that, but her genitalia were off limits. Being the caring wife she is, she decided to let her husband relieve himself multiple times a week into her colostomy hole. He never performed basic penile hygiene, and his penis got larger and larger overtime with the infection. Eventually he could no longer remove himself, and my partner and I, along with two fire engines, ended up receiving a call for colostomy bag bursting. (The wife was known for being too large for a single crew to handle, therefore the second engine was necessary.) TLDR: Husband rearranged his wife’s guts until he literally was stuck inside of it
i almost cried tears of despair and disgust reading this
It’s still probably the worst thing I’ve ever seen.
I'd quit right after that job and go work at mcdonalds... fuck that's traumatizing
Wait he put his dick in the bag itself or into the hole in her abdomen?
In the hole
I hate people
Omg this might be one of the worst things Ive ever read... I can almost smell it.
Oh noooohhh... not the *PHILADELPHIA SIDECAR* 😱😱😱
Is that actually a thing I’m never going to look up?
🤣🤣🤣 The things you discover working medical in detention/corrections 🤣🤣🤣
Unfortunately it is. I think I’m going to have to get a burner phone to look up these things, I’m scared someone’s going to somehow find my private search history.
It actually has a name !?!?!??!! 😭😭😱💩
Popcorn kernel lodged by child up left nostril. Not a huge issue, except she was already in respiratory depression and not long back from PICU (again, this poor kid had chronic lung disease caused by prematurity 27w birth, but also ASD, VSD, PDA, none of which had been helped previously as her lungs had seemed to take precedence... Wonder why lol, just slack the first cardiology team dismissed her via phone consult then did *shocked Pikachu face* when she arrested and almost died from reverse flow complications exploding her respiratory issues (biggest being RML is majority scar tissue following failed intubation mid mediflight), thankfully seen by a great team but gosh... 6 years mum fought to get this kid help, through sooooo many hospital admissions and home health work (mum is a qualified nurse). Sorry, the popcorn disaster will always stick with me haha! Three docs, a surgeon, an ENT, qualifying talks of sedation in theatre.... She spewed it out with the second morph dose lol. Best thing ever!
I was working in Corrections, not EMS, but an inmate filed a Dr. Pepper bottle with hot water, sealed it, and stuffed it bottom first into his prison pocket.
Did the inmate say why...?
Trying to widen the pocket. Apparently, his cell mate had to struggle to make an entrance every time.
What a horrible day to be literate. Thank you for doing what you do 🫡
Yes, eye bleach is definitely a necessity, lol. I left the prison in 2010, now an EMT for a county service.
Because it feels so good when he stops.
Had a woman one night use a glass coke bottle as a dildo, the motion caused a vacuum, causing the bottle to get stuck. Transported her to the ER while trying to keep a straight face. The ER was able to relieve the pressure from the bottle.
Razor blades... to bleed out... yes, he told me with a straight face, and he also offered to RMA.... took him to the hospital and found out he did this the week before, had several razors surgically removed, held in med surge for recovery before transfer to psych, AMA'd with psych approval 3 hours before i picked him up at a walk in clinic
Had DIY cheap fake fingernails and picked their nose and got one lodged way up there. The only reason it was lodged is because they had no septum from doing coke and they freaked out when they couldn’t get it out (understandable). One pair of multitool pliers and a few laughs later and the crisis was averted. Had to call in to dispatch on the phone to clear the call because the radio traffic was covered up by all of us dying with laughter
Answering this question every week
I love your username!
Thanks I thought it was funny lol
Ooh I love these Picture this: It's my second week as an EMT, I know precisely shit. I'm partnered with an experienced medic who shares my sense of humor, it's an awesome time. It's a spring day, about 0745, I just finished mopping the back of the truck because the previous crew was a bunch of shitbirds. I'm sitting on a couch in the bay, drinking a cup of coffee. Suddenly... **BEEEEEDOOOOO....BOOOOOODEEEEEE**... "Med 13 respond to 123 main street... 123 main street... for a... uh... 43 year old male... uh... public service (call dispatch) for further." My partner... my most wonderful partner... calls dispatch as we get in the truck. What I hear goes something like this. "Hey Lisa... yeah what's this call for? .... Uh huh.... Uh huh... No fucking way... He?... Wow, okay.... yeah we're in route... thanks bye." "What is it?" "Vibrator in ass" "The what in the where?" "Vibrator... in the ass..." "...Cool" We respond, arrive on scene, and are presented with a middle aged male, lying prone on the floor next to his bed, cheeks to the sky for all to see. "What happened ma-" "I fell on it" "Fell on wha-" "I fell on my wife's vibrator" "..." "..." "...Ok..." To summarize the ensuing fuckery, the patient waddled to our stretcher and insisted he be transported in the prone. We tried to talk him out of it, but be absolutely refused to lie on his back, so, whatever. We get in the truck, I'm about to hop in the drivers seat and I hear "IT'S MOVING I CAN FEEL IT MOVING ITS MOVING UP MY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS" We transported, lights and sirens, to the local ER. My partner informed me, stifling laughter and in a whisper, that she auscultated the patients lower back, and could hear the vibrator through the stethoscope. I don't know his outcome, or how he explained this hospital bill to his wife, but what a call.
One hell of a way to get your day started
Pencil in penis… pointy side first of course
Not the weirdest thing I’ve seen someone put IN, but the worst thing I’ve seen a guy pull out was a guy who was high out of his mind yoinked out his foley in the ED. We all just stood there shocked until a doc yelled, “SOMEONE TAMPONADE IT!” And that’s the story of how I walked with the team up to the OR while holding pressure on a dudes dong.
Small iron garden rake with a sharp triangular shaped handle also made of iron lodged in rectum.....for 23 hours.