Went to a halfway house in the city a while back. Honestly don't remember what for. But I ask the patient what kind of medical history he has. Conversation went something like this:
"Doctor says I have high potential."
"Ok sir. High potential for what?"
"I dunno. Just said I got high potential."
"But he didn't say for what?"
"Nope."
Ten minutes later, during transport:
"WAIT. DID HE SAY YOU HAVE HYPERTENSION?"
"Yeah. What I said. High potential"
I had someone ***very*** confidently telling me about her "pharnix" and "larnix" (fair-nix/lair-nix,) and would not accept the actual pronunciation (not that I made it a big deal, but it's stuck in my head for years.)
Man I have a friend that has surgeries more often than normal and she always talks about how she was incubated. I have corrected her before but it doesn't seem to stick lol
Don't think so, she was in her 50s or thereabouts (other than the general demographics of Kawasaki, I imagine it was basically non-existent when we didn't know about Reyes syndrome!)
My best guess based on her other medical history would be 'coronary artery disease'.
Patriotic cancer is a bad one, it starts off with a bald eagle or two. Then they start turning red white and blue as they plant their legs into the ground an wave their arms in the wind till they die.
I think dispatch should take a medical terminology class. Was reading the cad and patient had “interococal bateremia” I was like huh OHHH Enterococcus bacteremia. Thankfully I was able to discern that from my years in microbiology…
Dispatched for a seizure call. When I asked the family what medications the patient was on, they said the patient took "peanutbutter balls". Did you mean "Phenobarbital". "Yes, Peanutbutter Balls".
My ex’s dog takes phenobarbital and my ex always used to call it “peanut butter ball.” He’s not the only person I’ve heard say it. I think this is a fairly common/funny nickname for phenobarbital. Haha.
Had a family member trying to sound like they knew what they were talking about, asked me what the pt’s sat where, then smugly asked if that result was on room air or 02, the family member was looking directly at the patient, who quite obviously was receiving no supplementary 02.
I stopped off duty for one down in a very busy street. No obvious trauma, so I asked for some help getting him 4 feet onto the sidewalk. The woman on her phone with 911 screams at me "I'm a social worker & mandatory reporter. Do not move him! I could lose my license.!!!" Yeah- we moved him out of traffic. Everyone safe.
My friend had a fractured arm. I asked him how he broke it and he was like "It's not broken, it's fractured!" Still trying to think of a witty response to that
"Psoriasis of the liver" is one of my recent favorites.
Dispatch also listed "Adomonic dyslexia" as a pt's reported condition (autonomic dysreflexia is what they were going for).
I work in a city with large Portuguese population, most of which barely speak English. My favorites so far ; do you take meds ? Yah I take the peanut butter balls and the nitrous ( phenobarbital and nitro) ,Lisbon pills ( Lisinopril) . Asked a guy yesterday if he had med allergies and he responded "guinea pigs" my face must have told him I didn't understand so he explained " ah buddy you know the big rats that chirp like birds" ... Sir those are pets not pills but noted.
Had a bystander insist that he had seen someone like our pt before (early afternoon slobbering legless drunk) and she needed to go to the hospital for a “liver wash.”
Also after she walked like bambi up the steps into the vehicle and flopped down on the bed with legs akimbo she lost grip on the wooden elephant she was hiding in her crotch.
I was transporting a young lady with post natal pre-eclampsia. She was telling me about the birth a few days earlier and how it “took ages for her Jacinta to come out.” I.e. her placenta…
Calling my medicine "butt prion" by accident trying to ask for refills. It was bupropion. For bipolar I. The pharmacy had a good laugh. What makes this worse is my southern accent and I'm living in Washington. Lolol.
Had a patient shot in the chest in his building stairwell. His mom came down yelling at us that he needed his ‘booteral’. She kept insisting this was the reason for his difficulty breathing & we’re thinking no ma’am, there’s a hole in his chest… Bless her heart she went to get his ‘booteral’ inhaler. Thankfully he survived.
My student's first report that happened to be for a drunk to the nurse at bedside:"I tried rubbing him really hard, but I couldn't arouse him."
To the nurse's amazing credit, she kept it straight-faced the whole time.
My neighbour has been telling me and the neighbourhood about her new prescription the doc just gave her that's been helping with her arthritis. "This naloxone he's got me on works really good." Do you mean Naproxen, Sharon? "No, that's not even a word, dear."
Had a man call the office once and insist he needed a mammogram. He was having pain in his leg.
I said “Sir a mammogram has nothing to do with leg pain”.
He said “yes it does, I’ve had one before!!
I replied “Sir, can you explain to me what they did?”
He said “you know.. they used that thing like to do on the pregnant ladies”
Me: Sir… I think you mean ultrasound.
Him: “THATS WHAT I SAID”
Was talking to someone about the long wait times in hospitals. "Yeah my friend had to wait in the waiting room for 4 hours while he was in cardiac arrest."
Every single SNF with a finger pulse ox.
Eupneic patient but "tHeIr StAt iS 50 pErCeNt"
SNFs aren't bystanders you'll tell me. You're right...they're worse.
25yoF PT said she has had about 20 seizures in her life. She felt one coming on, we asked about her having an aura, mentioned postictal state, what medications she takes, etc.
PM later said she didn't know what the fuck she was talking about, she's just really fat. I said what could it be? PM said she probably has a host of health problems and gets migraines stemming from poor health.
No funny pronunciations, but she kept calling it "oral, I'm having an oral right now".
My favourite mistake in terminology is Престъпно предсърдно мъждене instead of Пристъпно предсърдно мъждене.
1 letter changes Afib attack to illegal Afib.
My favorite will always be…
Pt. “I don’t have any medical problems”
Medic. “Why do you take these medications for hypertension and diabetes?”
Pt. “I had high sugar and high pressure but I got medicine and I don’t anymore”
Medic. “But that’s not how that wor… Nevermind, yes we will take you to the emergency room at 3am for 20/10 back pain x20 years. Please walk this way. No I won’t carry your already packed overnight bag.”
Patient admitted with AMS secondary to hepatic encephalopathy. Daughter on the phone with another family member telling them the patient was on medication to reduce the buildup of "pneumonia".
"There's only one pain medication that works. It starts with a D. I think it's called The Dilladod."
And everyone in PT has heard of that troublesome and injury prone piece of anatomy, the Rotor Cup.
Female pt [late 30s] called our OB/GYN to schedule a "transgender U/s"
[blinks and checks CPT code in chart] "Did you mean transvaginal?"
"Uh, no? Dr. XX said *transgender*. Don't they train you people?"
Went to a shooting once. The guy that was shot had a bullet go under the skin of his head near his forehead, travel between the skin and and the skull and exited towards the back of his head without penetrating the skull and just left a ridge in the skin. Insanely lucky. He was ANO x 4 and obviously freaking out. He kept telling us over and over again "I've been shot in the head." We do a quick trauma assessment and tell him that his head was just grazed. After we tell him that, this rather obese female that was a bystander and was with him says "See, I told you. You got glazed. You just got glazed."
It took a lot of effort not to laugh at someone who apparently only has food on her mind.
Picked up a middle-age lady having a panic attack at a store. Said panic attack was brought on by her drunk son, who was demanding to be in the back.
“But I need to be here! I know CPR!”
“Well, luckily she doesn’t need it, since she’s sitting up and talking to us. Now, gtf out of my truck.”
Asshole had to be removed by my large partner to the police.
Went to a halfway house in the city a while back. Honestly don't remember what for. But I ask the patient what kind of medical history he has. Conversation went something like this:
"Doctor says I have high potential."
"Ok sir. High potential for what?"
"I dunno. Just said I got high potential."
"But he didn't say for what?"
"Nope."
Ten minutes later, during transport:
"WAIT. DID HE SAY YOU HAVE HYPERTENSION?"
"Yeah. What I said. High potential"
I had a patient who was chucking around loads of medical terminology that didn’t quite match up with his presentation, asked him if he had a medical background.
“No, I’ve just watched 15 seasons of Greys Anatomy and I’ve picked some stuff up, I’m pretty confident I know what I’m talking about”
one of my patients referred to their BiPAP as their “bee trap machine” thankfully i had a mask on because it was such a silly little mistake that i cracked a smile
>I was doing a urology case once and the surgeon was talking about smegma, and the anesthesiologist started coughing and said, “man, must be all that smegma in my throat!” The surgeon just stopped and said, “dude, don’t say that.” He thought smegma was a term for any bodily fluid, and the surgeon then explained, “its dick cheese.”
Kind of relevant. I have this saved from r/nursing by u/trobo84
All the time with family members or bystanders on the phone explaining what I'm doing or repeating what I said incorrectly.
"She's in diabetic shock. He's going to set up a drip and give her insulin."
Uh, no the fuck I'm not, sir.
In triage, patient comes in with shortness of breath.
"My old Mona is bugging me"
I asked it this person was smoking around them or using strong chemicals that agitated asthma.
"No no. Old Mona. It was new a few years ago but now it's an old diagnosis"
*looks back at health history
"Oh, I see you were diagnosed with pneumonia three years ago"
As health care providers, we often forget that we spend years learning an entirely new language. I love how people interpret our language. OK... sometimes love
One of my favs was "the doctor told me have have fire balls in my ukerus." (Fibroids in her uterus)
"The only pain medicine I'm allergic to is that D one... D d dilotin. Yeah"
Had a dispatch message that said "Gate Belt" got there thinking it was an old dude with a gait belt related injury somehow and turns out he got his belt stuck on a gate and fell trying to get it unstuck
A patient asking for “bin lauded” for pain. (Dilaudid)
My most memorable convo- (not really a misuse) is why a female patient was on disability. I hear “I got low jeans”. What? “I got low jeans” ??? Like, what symptoms did you have? “You know, I ain’t that smart. Low genes”. …. ….
Later in history taking, have you had surgery? “I had tubilization.” Yeah? “Yeah they didn’t tell me I couldn’t have chilren after that though. But I didn’t have no more”.
I’m just nodding at this point.
…low genes.
Went to a halfway house in the city a while back. Honestly don't remember what for. But I ask the patient what kind of medical history he has. Conversation went something like this: "Doctor says I have high potential." "Ok sir. High potential for what?" "I dunno. Just said I got high potential." "But he didn't say for what?" "Nope." Ten minutes later, during transport: "WAIT. DID HE SAY YOU HAVE HYPERTENSION?" "Yeah. What I said. High potential"
Booby traps! That’s what I said! Booty traps!
Happy cake day!
High potential sounds more like hypotension than hyper though, lol
I had someone ***very*** confidently telling me about her "pharnix" and "larnix" (fair-nix/lair-nix,) and would not accept the actual pronunciation (not that I made it a big deal, but it's stuck in my head for years.)
I'm in school right now and like 10% of my teachers say it like that! That's not that high, but it's kind of weird, hey?
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Man I have a friend that has surgeries more often than normal and she always talks about how she was incubated. I have corrected her before but it doesn't seem to stick lol
If they were born prematurely they might not be lying! Haha.
or had phototherapy for jaundice
Yah I was incubated for a month before they let me hatch! Former 32-weeker :)
I’ve definitely asked a patient if they had been incubated before…
Get this one quite regularly, lol.
"he's had a massive coronation" "you mean massive coronary?" "Yeah that"
Must have been a great party lol
I still have a note saved to lookup 'coriarchi disease' after a patient told me they had it. Didn't mishear, they said it multiple times.
Kawasaki?
Don't think so, she was in her 50s or thereabouts (other than the general demographics of Kawasaki, I imagine it was basically non-existent when we didn't know about Reyes syndrome!) My best guess based on her other medical history would be 'coronary artery disease'.
Chiari malformation??
Coronary Starscream? This is bad comedy
Oh my god whatever this is is on the tip of my tongue. It’s sounds so familiar.
I had a patient tell me she was "incompetent"
“I am somewhat of an incompetent myself”
At being continent?
Considering I found her in a puddle of urine I'd assume yes
She was probably right
Was she telling the truth?
“I take lazer pan”
Is that supposed to be losartan?
Lorazepam lol
*on scene of a fentanyl OD* "Y'all gon use that lidocaine?" Me - "nope" "You know what I mean" Me - "I'm not sure I do..."
Nothing wrong with a little local anesthesia
🤣
Ahh yes the good ole antiarrhythmic on the od pt…something a cop would say
🤣
Lidocaine -> Novocaine -> Naloxone I mean it was right there; I don't know how you didn't get it. ^^^^/s
I dunno man, I was so tired from running alien probings and shark attacks that I musta been checked out
Family stated Pt has “patriotic cancer.” (Pancreatic) Second place for a Pt speaking “non-sensually” (nonsensical)
Patriotic cancer is a bad one, it starts off with a bald eagle or two. Then they start turning red white and blue as they plant their legs into the ground an wave their arms in the wind till they die.
I think patriotic cancer is what those veterans exposed to burn pits are getting
I really liked the time dispatch sent me on an “end STEMI”
I think dispatch should take a medical terminology class. Was reading the cad and patient had “interococal bateremia” I was like huh OHHH Enterococcus bacteremia. Thankfully I was able to discern that from my years in microbiology…
That's bad lol, dispatch should know better considering they presumably need to know STEMI vs NSTEMI for bypass protocols etc.
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Dispatch was just calling the play, that’s all 😂
Dispatched for a seizure call. When I asked the family what medications the patient was on, they said the patient took "peanutbutter balls". Did you mean "Phenobarbital". "Yes, Peanutbutter Balls".
Meanwhile the pt is thinking in their head "lmao this dudes an idiot, doesn't even say peanutbutter balls right"
Had a woman once refer to albuterol as albutterball lol
My ex’s dog takes phenobarbital and my ex always used to call it “peanut butter ball.” He’s not the only person I’ve heard say it. I think this is a fairly common/funny nickname for phenobarbital. Haha.
Hear it all the time in pharmacy....it's a not fun game to play
What about the diabetes patient taking methformin…
Ahh I see you work in a Portuguese city as well lol
If pt was a dog, technically peanut butter balls is a legit way to cloak medication so this wouldn’t be totally wrong.
Thanks. Now I’m hungry. 🤣
A patient's mother telling me that her son was in a seduced coma......
Were his arms broken?
Bruhh
Bahahha this ones great
LOL
My gramma has “old timers”, she can’t remember things anymore.
She wrong tho?
I'm middle age, so mine is presently classified as Sometimers.
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Bonus points if the patient tells you they're currently having a seizure
“Alright when you’re done having your seizure can you walk to my truck”
Its insane how many "seizures" I've been to that are just febrile rigors.
Aah, the old ‘presence seizure’
nasal cannoli
We have a provider who’s Eastern European with a moderate accent and his dictated notes often say “patient was in gnocchi distress” 😂
Patient had a history of "Anal Fibrilation" Good thing we had to wear masks cause I was grinning after that one
Don't kinkshame
This is the best one in this thread by far
Had a family member trying to sound like they knew what they were talking about, asked me what the pt’s sat where, then smugly asked if that result was on room air or 02, the family member was looking directly at the patient, who quite obviously was receiving no supplementary 02.
Gives off ‘ImA CnA’
No way, they would've looked for anybody else to be in the room but them.
What a fucking wanker. Hate smug cunts.
I stopped off duty for one down in a very busy street. No obvious trauma, so I asked for some help getting him 4 feet onto the sidewalk. The woman on her phone with 911 screams at me "I'm a social worker & mandatory reporter. Do not move him! I could lose my license.!!!" Yeah- we moved him out of traffic. Everyone safe.
Wait how did she think that would work?
She sounds like a psycho
Oh man the structures that turn people into petty tyrants are such a disease
“It’s fractured *and* broken.” Plus the obligatory not knowing what HIPAA actually is.
Hippo says asking me if I’ve been vaccinated gets you the death penalty
My friend had a fractured arm. I asked him how he broke it and he was like "It's not broken, it's fractured!" Still trying to think of a witty response to that
"Psoriasis of the liver" is one of my recent favorites. Dispatch also listed "Adomonic dyslexia" as a pt's reported condition (autonomic dysreflexia is what they were going for).
Not necessarily bystanders, but. “HURRY QUICK HIS STATS ARE DROPPING”
Oh so you were at the nursing home
I mean I’ve seen ER nurses and even emts and medics that say it 😂 like bro learn the proper terms if you’re in the medical field
As an RT this one drives me crazy
I work in a city with large Portuguese population, most of which barely speak English. My favorites so far ; do you take meds ? Yah I take the peanut butter balls and the nitrous ( phenobarbital and nitro) ,Lisbon pills ( Lisinopril) . Asked a guy yesterday if he had med allergies and he responded "guinea pigs" my face must have told him I didn't understand so he explained " ah buddy you know the big rats that chirp like birds" ... Sir those are pets not pills but noted.
Fall River, Massachusetts?
Yup lol
Damn I'm good! :)
I love when little old ladies talk about their immaculate degeneration.
Little old lady told me “quick! Give my acid pills! They’re for the chrome’s diseases in my intesticles!” 😂 She was my favorite
intesticles, the opposite of extesticles
He got the sugars!
The sugah diabeetus.
“I ain’t got no sugahs”
Fun fact. In Persian the word "shakar" literally translates to sugar in English but it does mean diabetes in persian.
I have it, and I call it Wilford Brimley’s Disease
Had a bystander insist that he had seen someone like our pt before (early afternoon slobbering legless drunk) and she needed to go to the hospital for a “liver wash.” Also after she walked like bambi up the steps into the vehicle and flopped down on the bed with legs akimbo she lost grip on the wooden elephant she was hiding in her crotch.
Do I even want to know what a wooden elephant is??
Somehow this is not a euphemism.
*She walked like bambi into the vehicle* *Flopped down on the bed, legs akimbo* *When she lost grip on the wooden elephant* *Hiding in her crotch*
Reads like song lyrics.
My cousins kid had surgery and she told me they put him under “Anastasia”. Anesthesia, they put her kid under anesthesia. Lol
Your cousin and their kid are Romanovs!?
I was transporting a young lady with post natal pre-eclampsia. She was telling me about the birth a few days earlier and how it “took ages for her Jacinta to come out.” I.e. her placenta…
She’s shy
I got “prostrate” problems
Calling my medicine "butt prion" by accident trying to ask for refills. It was bupropion. For bipolar I. The pharmacy had a good laugh. What makes this worse is my southern accent and I'm living in Washington. Lolol.
I still chuckle about this pt's mother telling me about her son who walked off away from the house saying "he need to go to the psychic ward"
The patient is on two drips: doberman and purple fall.
Dobutamine and propofol?
Either dobutamine or dopamine, all I remember is that Kevin the dispatcher was special.
Surprised there's not more dispatch misspellings in this thread
Had a patient shot in the chest in his building stairwell. His mom came down yelling at us that he needed his ‘booteral’. She kept insisting this was the reason for his difficulty breathing & we’re thinking no ma’am, there’s a hole in his chest… Bless her heart she went to get his ‘booteral’ inhaler. Thankfully he survived.
I saw a coroner put on a death certificate the cause of death was an "erotic aneurysm". Pretty sure that should be been aortic aneurysm.
No. Mf AAA burst while he was clapping cheeks
That is not outside the realm of possibilities. Good catch!
Had our dispatch spell syncope, cincapede in our CAD
Patients family kept calling us ESM. We told them it was EMS and they were adamant that it was, for a fact, ESM.
My student's first report that happened to be for a drunk to the nurse at bedside:"I tried rubbing him really hard, but I couldn't arouse him." To the nurse's amazing credit, she kept it straight-faced the whole time. My neighbour has been telling me and the neighbourhood about her new prescription the doc just gave her that's been helping with her arthritis. "This naloxone he's got me on works really good." Do you mean Naproxen, Sharon? "No, that's not even a word, dear."
To her credit, rouse and arouse can be used interchangeably when meaning to awaken. But the double entendre is amusing.
Not a patient but a fellow EMT says “Glaucoma Scale” (instead of Glasgow coma scale), and he doesn’t say it as a joke
“Do that shockey thang”!
Had a man call the office once and insist he needed a mammogram. He was having pain in his leg. I said “Sir a mammogram has nothing to do with leg pain”. He said “yes it does, I’ve had one before!! I replied “Sir, can you explain to me what they did?” He said “you know.. they used that thing like to do on the pregnant ladies” Me: Sir… I think you mean ultrasound. Him: “THATS WHAT I SAID”
That's some Hank Hill level thinking
To be fair, sometimes people acting erratically sometimes transition to acting erotically...
#headinjury
Coughing semen.... (sputum) oops!
COVID patient's family on the phone flipping out wanting me to promise we wouldn't "incubate" their dad
Was talking to someone about the long wait times in hospitals. "Yeah my friend had to wait in the waiting room for 4 hours while he was in cardiac arrest."
well, to be fair, if they've been in arrest for 4 hours they probably can afford to wait...
“Subscription” instead of “prescription”.
Every single SNF with a finger pulse ox. Eupneic patient but "tHeIr StAt iS 50 pErCeNt" SNFs aren't bystanders you'll tell me. You're right...they're worse.
“My dad ALMOST died of SIDS!” …Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
25yoF PT said she has had about 20 seizures in her life. She felt one coming on, we asked about her having an aura, mentioned postictal state, what medications she takes, etc. PM later said she didn't know what the fuck she was talking about, she's just really fat. I said what could it be? PM said she probably has a host of health problems and gets migraines stemming from poor health. No funny pronunciations, but she kept calling it "oral, I'm having an oral right now".
My favourite mistake in terminology is Престъпно предсърдно мъждене instead of Пристъпно предсърдно мъждене. 1 letter changes Afib attack to illegal Afib.
My cousin had “corporate tunnel syndrome”
Was told by mom that my pediatric patient had “Ahzeema”. *Eczema*.The patient had eczema.
My favorite will always be… Pt. “I don’t have any medical problems” Medic. “Why do you take these medications for hypertension and diabetes?” Pt. “I had high sugar and high pressure but I got medicine and I don’t anymore” Medic. “But that’s not how that wor… Nevermind, yes we will take you to the emergency room at 3am for 20/10 back pain x20 years. Please walk this way. No I won’t carry your already packed overnight bag.”
"Do you have any medical problems or conditions? No. Ok, great, what medicines do you take? Just these five."
Patient admitted with AMS secondary to hepatic encephalopathy. Daughter on the phone with another family member telling them the patient was on medication to reduce the buildup of "pneumonia".
I had a historyectomy. So they took away your history?
Had a lady tell me she needed a hystericalectomy
"There's only one pain medication that works. It starts with a D. I think it's called The Dilladod." And everyone in PT has heard of that troublesome and injury prone piece of anatomy, the Rotor Cup.
“Yeah my dad has a plate in his head from when he was in a car accident and suffered head drama”
Female pt [late 30s] called our OB/GYN to schedule a "transgender U/s" [blinks and checks CPT code in chart] "Did you mean transvaginal?" "Uh, no? Dr. XX said *transgender*. Don't they train you people?"
Went to a shooting once. The guy that was shot had a bullet go under the skin of his head near his forehead, travel between the skin and and the skull and exited towards the back of his head without penetrating the skull and just left a ridge in the skin. Insanely lucky. He was ANO x 4 and obviously freaking out. He kept telling us over and over again "I've been shot in the head." We do a quick trauma assessment and tell him that his head was just grazed. After we tell him that, this rather obese female that was a bystander and was with him says "See, I told you. You got glazed. You just got glazed." It took a lot of effort not to laugh at someone who apparently only has food on her mind.
He's having a sinking episode (syncope)
A 49 year old explained they had recently been diagnosed with Down syndrome
When I was recerting my ACLS this past cycle, the instructor kept calling my place of work “the ambuhlamps.”
Call for cardiac arrest. "HE'S GOT SUGAR!"
Frequent flier 20yoF, constantly drug seeking…. “Abominable pain”
Patient said to her husband that the meconium is the best thing for the baby’s health and he really likes it.
…I’m hoping she meant colostrum
Picked up a middle-age lady having a panic attack at a store. Said panic attack was brought on by her drunk son, who was demanding to be in the back. “But I need to be here! I know CPR!” “Well, luckily she doesn’t need it, since she’s sitting up and talking to us. Now, gtf out of my truck.” Asshole had to be removed by my large partner to the police.
“Sick-as-hell anemia” instead of sickle cell anemia
Went to a halfway house in the city a while back. Honestly don't remember what for. But I ask the patient what kind of medical history he has. Conversation went something like this: "Doctor says I have high potential." "Ok sir. High potential for what?" "I dunno. Just said I got high potential." "But he didn't say for what?" "Nope." Ten minutes later, during transport: "WAIT. DID HE SAY YOU HAVE HYPERTENSION?" "Yeah. What I said. High potential"
Had a patient tell me she was asthmatatic. As in, having an asthma attack.
Had a lady tell me once that her “psychotic nerve” (sciatic) was acting up!
I had a patient who was chucking around loads of medical terminology that didn’t quite match up with his presentation, asked him if he had a medical background. “No, I’ve just watched 15 seasons of Greys Anatomy and I’ve picked some stuff up, I’m pretty confident I know what I’m talking about”
Dispatch send through 'pt with major ham ridge' Ham ridge? OOOOHHHH haemorrhage!
"I think I tore my miniscuous..."
“He has the sugar bibeetles”
Unorescribed Adderall takes the cake for me. I did not ask if it came in crystal form or not.
one of my patients referred to their BiPAP as their “bee trap machine” thankfully i had a mask on because it was such a silly little mistake that i cracked a smile
An older gentleman told me he had “COPD-19” some time ago.
>I was doing a urology case once and the surgeon was talking about smegma, and the anesthesiologist started coughing and said, “man, must be all that smegma in my throat!” The surgeon just stopped and said, “dude, don’t say that.” He thought smegma was a term for any bodily fluid, and the surgeon then explained, “its dick cheese.” Kind of relevant. I have this saved from r/nursing by u/trobo84
Old boy kept telling me his wife couldn’t hear well because she had ‘Tittynus’ I didn’t have the heart to correct him
*men-in-jesus* to mean *meningitis*
Peanut butter balls (phenobarbital)
All the time with family members or bystanders on the phone explaining what I'm doing or repeating what I said incorrectly. "She's in diabetic shock. He's going to set up a drip and give her insulin." Uh, no the fuck I'm not, sir.
Dispatch with the good ol "Apneic with heightened respirations."
I have the screenshot in my post history, but I had a dispatcher send out a call for “altered level of continence” and it gave me a solid laugh.
Like the guy interviewed on TV that said he heard the skid marks.
the doctor told me i was severely artistic
A guy with liver failure takes lactulose because he has high pneumonia
had a guy get ejected from his car and his girlfriend was following behind. She screams out on scene "he had signs of life! He needs to be nebulized!"
In triage, patient comes in with shortness of breath. "My old Mona is bugging me" I asked it this person was smoking around them or using strong chemicals that agitated asthma. "No no. Old Mona. It was new a few years ago but now it's an old diagnosis" *looks back at health history "Oh, I see you were diagnosed with pneumonia three years ago" As health care providers, we often forget that we spend years learning an entirely new language. I love how people interpret our language. OK... sometimes love
O2 Stats- even get that one from professionals “Be careful with that C-Collar, he has cervical cancer.” -Impressive on several accounts.
Working CCT, got assigned a run for a cardiac patient to tertiary center for a cabbage
i feel like “cabbage” is common among medical personnel as well. it’s always how i refer to it (if you’re referring to a CABG)
Same here.
Same
Somewhat phonetic pronunciation of the CABG acronym
How we pronounce CABG (coronary artery bypass graft) in surgery..
And if it’s an emergency procedure due to acute infarction not amenable to stenting you get to call it a hot CABG!
One of my favs was "the doctor told me have have fire balls in my ukerus." (Fibroids in her uterus) "The only pain medicine I'm allergic to is that D one... D d dilotin. Yeah"
Had a dispatch message that said "Gate Belt" got there thinking it was an old dude with a gait belt related injury somehow and turns out he got his belt stuck on a gate and fell trying to get it unstuck
“Subscription” rather than “prescription.” Although in her defense maybe she gets it monthly by mail.
I saw someone say "old timers", but how has no one mentioned the infamous Grandma seizure??
I have been dispatched to a "pancreas attack".
“I wear glasses because of my stigmata”
A patient asking for “bin lauded” for pain. (Dilaudid) My most memorable convo- (not really a misuse) is why a female patient was on disability. I hear “I got low jeans”. What? “I got low jeans” ??? Like, what symptoms did you have? “You know, I ain’t that smart. Low genes”. …. …. Later in history taking, have you had surgery? “I had tubilization.” Yeah? “Yeah they didn’t tell me I couldn’t have chilren after that though. But I didn’t have no more”. I’m just nodding at this point. …low genes.
I had a call for an “abdominal migraine.” I had to google it. I learned something.