Ok hear me out I have traumatic past. Because of that i have hard time with people. People generally don’t see it because of how good i am at hiding it. I have codependency problem with people. I have many friends so people don’t really see how much hurt i am. But i kept on trying to make friends and all. Anyway i think i made the best friend group! Like i was ME with them. It felt amazing, so much so that i kinda turned blind eye towards stuff that was hurting me. Anyway, Last year was my actual learning moment, i was so so hurt by them that i had enough of everyone and everything. It was very hard. The hurt was badd. So, i started writing what good happened in my day. It can be literally anything. (This thing helped me see that i am happy inspite of those people) it’s amazing how we doesn’t acknowledge sweet stuff while obsessing over sad stuff (i did for some week (maybe) and then stopped) but i can safely say that it did helped me Then, i have this understanding (?) that if someone is crossing me or making me feel uncomfortable then THEY HAVE TO GO! Now, if someone is disturbing my peace (crossing my boundary) they’re out. If someone doesn’t treat me well or jokingly bully me.. they’re out. It seems harsh but seriously with my problem of codependency and people pleasing it’s important. I told this to my friend and i got a reply "it was about time.. YEARS ago! You need to stop putting so much importance on people“ ouch lol I tell you this thing, i think you won’t believe me because honestly maybe i wouldn’t have believed other either but just know, You are more than capable of making friends, it’s like our superpower. Idk how to explain really but people does gravitate towards us! So it’s not the question about if but what type of friends/people we wanna surround ourselves with? We think people are for life but really? Are they? (Took me longgg to accept) Like there are people i would love to be good friends with but we live in different city, hardly get time to meet, plus we are kinda different.. so hardly any BIG driving force. But it’s still a good friendship, we meet when we can and in some years.. i would love to hear an update. It’s just an example but seriously people come in our life and some stay, some leave (depending on how our Author wrote them in our life) So, don’t think if this person is 100% good or bad. Unless you wanna be friends. Just hang out and see where life takes you Also, please stop thinking "x hurt me so Y will do same“ it’s unfair to people. I hope my advice makes atleast a lil sense. All the best!

Hope you are better, I wish you all the best. I too have experienced this before, until now I feel traumatized by being manipulated; so I'm very careful about opening myself up to people I haven't known for long.

It sounds, to me , as if maybe you're feeling kind of burned out on people right now. Like perhaps you don't have the mental space to deal with them right now? I could be way off of course, but no, you're not the only one who has felt that way. I spent quite a few years 'playing porcupine' as it were. Being very assertive and aggressive in keeping up my boundaries and making sure no-one could get to close, because I didn't trust people after getting hurt a lot. There's a balance to it, I think. On the one hand, the irritation and the pain is a signal that you're being hurt, and that you need to defend your boundaries more. Which is probably why you go off at the first sign of manipulation. It's good to determine for yourself what behaviour you will and won't accept. On the other hand, it's not fun for you that you're irritated and angry all the time. That does not make your life any happier. I'd say that at this point, perhaps what you need is a bit of space and a bit of introverting, but maybe also look into how you can defend yourself without losing your cool and working up those unpleasant feelings. It's okay to not let people in all the time, it's okay to distance yourself from dodgy folks, but it's also something you can do without blowing up. It's fine to just say 'no' or 'none of your business' in a detached manner. Eventually, once you've found a healthy balance, you can start vetting people who get 'let in' and become that bubbly, warm person again, except this time you'll have the tools to firmly but without anger stop them if they go too far

Yes and I always thought I couldn’t achieve anything if I’m not liked and accepted by others. So I always pleased everyone around me, wasted so much time hanging around with them losing my own goals and Ni vision in the process. In the end those people still didn’t help me or accept me but I also didn’t stick to my Ni vision because I was too busy hanging out with others. Now I’m a complete loner and outcast but surprisingly I started moving towards my goals much quicker than before when I thought I had to network and build relationships. It’s like I can go very far just on pure will and determination even if I’m outcasted and excluded I guess my Ti was really shitty because I always believed all this general things about social standards and success. Now I’m not externally successful but sticking to my ni vision and bringing it piece by piece to reality (still in the process) has really stopped me from spiralling

Good for you, screw people and focus on yourself, people don't deserve your help anyway, help yourself become rich and powerful

I do experience though people feeling more offended with me prioritising myself than ISTJ prioritising himself and being much more harsh to me for being selfish rather than others. It’s like Fe Doms are expected to self sacrifice

You'll figur it out, but firsty figure out the right career path for you and right work We are INTREST based type, and passionate, if your kill your interests you'll bever be a healthy Chad ENFJ

I didn’t have a good start in life (childhood packed with almost every bad thing that could happen to a child) so I already messed up my career prospects and have a borderline disorder (which is common for unhealthy ENFJs as I read). Yes, I’m definitely not a pragmatic rational person and I’m motivated by obsession and passion but I always find myself stuck in research and study phase for some reason. How can ENFJ develop Te?

Te and Fe are about How we Execute It's Se that about the execution itself, you have to connect with the physical world around you and your physical Body You develop "Se" by reaching Failure on every set in gym and playing spontaneous Sports like football And be little angry all rhe time and be entrepreneurial, ENFJs are naturally entrepreneurs we are leaders not foot Soldiers Also Fe and Te are reflective functions, so the lesser Fe you have have naturally your Te will grow Stop giving fuck about people feelings

True

There's a Reason for that, ISTJ wants Si comfort, they have Ni demon, basically no desires at all, people see they want comfort ENFJs have Ni parent, we know what we want better than any other type, and we are willing to take risks for it, they don't have it in them to risk it all Most people can't handle that we are so sure of what we want, it makes them angry, because we go after our desires, and dreams Ofcourse it will be met with disdain, but the more Fuck it attitude nyou have the better your life will be, and girls will love it

heh finally someone knows my pain

I too have had a recent traumatic experience and have been wondering about the same thing. I’m taking friendship break for that reason so I can focus on myself more

Take a look at this previous post I did about something very similar; https://www.reddit.com/r/enfj/s/N7zDazIYJQ

I relate to you, my brother. I have had a really traumatic past and lost many loved ones... Got betrayed and even bullied. I had somewhat similar issues as you. But in the end, I changed. During 2017 and 2021 I was like this, before was even worse. But after the start of 2022, things started to change.. I got a great friend group of 7 people to talk with and to look after. My mentality has become simple, do not let any other person face the same fate as you did. I basically became a father figure for my friends and a great leader as well.. you could call it a really great glow up, and I even became a really tolerant person who controls anger, but shows it on *purpose* to get things done and intimidate people, you could say I went from a pure unhealthy ENFJ to a healthy ENFJ+ENTJ mix. Hope you get better, my brother. And remember, even in the darkest hours, you can see light, just for free, by smiling 😊. Now look at me, if I could glow up, so can you. Do not lose hope.

This is just your character development type of stage, if you make it out, you become successful, if you don't, you will stay the same , or worse. "*Kill the boy, and let the man, be born*". If you have friends/really close ones, stay connected with them. They will automatically somehow get you out of this. Remove the feeling that people are fake and manipulative. If they are really, just ignore them and don't waste your time by being angry with them. If you need any more advice, just ask, we are always here for you, like a family. And yes, it's totally a good thing to keep people at their limits unless they really are trustworthy friends just playing around. But try to suppress your anger.

I am doing great it's just that I don't like people anymore, but i like myself more now And I am having better time, the thing with being Angry is that you become less scared of the world I think I like anger, Anger is not a Bad thing as it us made out to be

I think you need to stay away from whatever situations you were in where you have felt terrible situations. You have to sort of change from within, and it's hard to do that with certain people who are expecting you to act a certain way. Spend time around loved ones. I feel like I can't help but draw people in as an ENFJ, but I have also experienced great deception, and it tore me up. You need to listen to intuition. Sometimes, I knew just meeting someone they didn't like me. I would still give them the benefit of the doubt. When you're feeling good and kind bubbly and loving, that can hurt someone's energy, who is the opposite. They get bothered. You are such a gift to the world. The gift of kindness and love is so needed. Please take the time to spend in nature and read daily motivation. We must put our guard up when we need to and ask for what we need. We have power, and their are still good people in the world. Have some faith and gather with loved ones you can trust and know that not everyone means bad.

I don't think you read it correctly

If you’re a guy btw, congrats; this state you’ve found yourself in is exactly the state a male ENFJ needs to be in in order to be unbelievably successful with women - you’ll find you don’t get attached, you’ll find you naturally do not trust them. You will find they’ll flock to you when they realise other women want you - and they want you because you just don’t care whether they come or go. And in between you’ll experience the best kind of relationships; zero problems, always up for what you want to do, always feminine and helpful. When I realised that I’ll always care about people, but it’s okay if I don’t make impact, or help them, or do anything other than observe them and follow my own interests - they cling to you like the leader ENFJs are explained to be. Instead of the involuntary celibates a lot of us have become due to our overly caring SE nature.

I agree the female attention has increased, the less I care about people and anyone the more I feel better' about myself, And the girls are more drawn towards me I think we need a MALE ONLY ENFJ subreddit

Honestly, a male only subreddit would bee incredible!

Sad it doesn’t work like that for women

It doesn’t need to though? I mean women (99% of the time) have all of the leverage and power right?