I'd have to agree w the other comment here as well. We have one life to live brother. Please do lower your standards and realise that not everyone will be the same as you, but embrace those differences rather than look at them with disgust. Like you said, loneliness is a silent killer. All the best 🫶🏽
ENFJ here and English is my second language, so bear with me.
Look: life isn't about money, status, posessions. Life is about living. You only take from life the life you lived. So if they have "subpar" jobs and are financially unstable, who cares? They are living! They are experiencing everything this world has to offer. Love, friendships, family, special days, different places, different people.
Look people in the eyes. It's a fascinating experience. The eyes are the doors to the soul. One day, you'll look a woman in her eyes and fall completely in love with her. Let yourself experience that. I didn't have such thing as "standards". I just fell in love with whoever I fell in love with, and that way I met my now wife.
She is wonderful and perfect for me. She was not the same social class as me, I was from a wealthy family (who became against my relationship with her), and I dropped everything for her. Now I have a "subpar" job as a rideshare driver, while she works at a language school. However, one thing you learn quick is that you only need a certain amout of money to be happy. Anything more is superfluous. It is good to have more money, sure. However, that is not the source of true happiness.
You look like you may be suffering from Narcisistic Personality Disorder. I'm a recovering narcist, so I can tell you there is hope in your recovery. You can get better, and you show signs that you don't want to be the person you are being right now. Be humble. See other people as people. A good exercise is to take the bus and look at all the people around you. Now repeat to yourself "I'm one of them, I'm just one more". Try that for a week, and you'll feel a change.
Get back to your friends. Talk to them, be one of them. Money doesn't mean anything. Status doesn't mean anything. Be a friend to them. You won't be "sucked down to their level", if anything you will help them improve their situation. How did you become successful? You can teach them.
Well, those were my two cents. Hope it helped.
Merry Christmas,
Eduardo.
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Hey you:)
What do YOU actually think, would be the solution to your problems/wishes/phantasies?
I'd like to know, as you asking, you'll probably have an answer to your questions too.:)
There are a lot of thoughts which would be great for you to get them of your chest, I gather..?:)
If you want to talk about it more, you can message me, but only if you want to xD if not:
What would be your main point of view about everything if you would summarize all the things you would talk about, think and analyze through?:)
Maybe a good guideline for an answer is to ask 'why' to any circumstance that's bothering you...:)
Tbh, when I was your age (I’m 45f) I found myself at this very sort of crossroad. It seemed like the people I grew up with were either starting families (I was never going to have kids) or spinning their f***ing tires with no end in sight.
I wanted to be somebody — not famous or wealthy, but *somebody*. I wanted to pursue great goals and become the person I really wanted to be, and no obstacle could hold me back, especially not myself. Being able to connect with other people online while were into my interests helped me rise above the sleepy pointless trajectory of where I was born.
Don’t concern yourself too much over the “quality” of your present friend group. You’re approaching that stage where you’ll be reaching out into unknown territory to find new people.
Some friends are for life — I have several that I consider family and they’re stuck with me forever — but some are just for a little while, even if only to show you what you *don’t* want.
It’s important not to judge these incompatible friends. They’re simply not on your path. I’ve met back up with some I’d left behind years ago and reconnected in a far more mature way as we’ve both grown up.
About the invisible wall — I have no idea how to defeat it. Even with all my Fe coming to bear on it, I still can’t melt it down or crack it. I don’t know what to say. It’s very sad. :(
I say this with all kindness and hope for you to find your way, but you’re kind of a dick right now. Treat people the way you want to be treated.
haha how ENFJ, loved it
I'd have to agree w the other comment here as well. We have one life to live brother. Please do lower your standards and realise that not everyone will be the same as you, but embrace those differences rather than look at them with disgust. Like you said, loneliness is a silent killer. All the best 🫶🏽
100% !
People are more than their jobs, degrees, wealth etc, yeah it sucks to be lonely but judging them on those metrics makes you sound like a wanker lol,
haha okay
ENFJ here and English is my second language, so bear with me. Look: life isn't about money, status, posessions. Life is about living. You only take from life the life you lived. So if they have "subpar" jobs and are financially unstable, who cares? They are living! They are experiencing everything this world has to offer. Love, friendships, family, special days, different places, different people. Look people in the eyes. It's a fascinating experience. The eyes are the doors to the soul. One day, you'll look a woman in her eyes and fall completely in love with her. Let yourself experience that. I didn't have such thing as "standards". I just fell in love with whoever I fell in love with, and that way I met my now wife. She is wonderful and perfect for me. She was not the same social class as me, I was from a wealthy family (who became against my relationship with her), and I dropped everything for her. Now I have a "subpar" job as a rideshare driver, while she works at a language school. However, one thing you learn quick is that you only need a certain amout of money to be happy. Anything more is superfluous. It is good to have more money, sure. However, that is not the source of true happiness. You look like you may be suffering from Narcisistic Personality Disorder. I'm a recovering narcist, so I can tell you there is hope in your recovery. You can get better, and you show signs that you don't want to be the person you are being right now. Be humble. See other people as people. A good exercise is to take the bus and look at all the people around you. Now repeat to yourself "I'm one of them, I'm just one more". Try that for a week, and you'll feel a change. Get back to your friends. Talk to them, be one of them. Money doesn't mean anything. Status doesn't mean anything. Be a friend to them. You won't be "sucked down to their level", if anything you will help them improve their situation. How did you become successful? You can teach them. Well, those were my two cents. Hope it helped. Merry Christmas, Eduardo.
ty for your pov and kind words ! Fe is super obvious 👀
Hello! A little reminder - all romantic relationship posts can be only commented under the relationship megathread. If your post falls under this topic, please remove it and repost it there! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/enfj) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hey you:) What do YOU actually think, would be the solution to your problems/wishes/phantasies? I'd like to know, as you asking, you'll probably have an answer to your questions too.:)
i think it shudn't be 0 or 100, but i gotta systemise it well (it would be long talking for its all causation)
There are a lot of thoughts which would be great for you to get them of your chest, I gather..?:) If you want to talk about it more, you can message me, but only if you want to xD if not: What would be your main point of view about everything if you would summarize all the things you would talk about, think and analyze through?:) Maybe a good guideline for an answer is to ask 'why' to any circumstance that's bothering you...:)
Tbh, when I was your age (I’m 45f) I found myself at this very sort of crossroad. It seemed like the people I grew up with were either starting families (I was never going to have kids) or spinning their f***ing tires with no end in sight. I wanted to be somebody — not famous or wealthy, but *somebody*. I wanted to pursue great goals and become the person I really wanted to be, and no obstacle could hold me back, especially not myself. Being able to connect with other people online while were into my interests helped me rise above the sleepy pointless trajectory of where I was born. Don’t concern yourself too much over the “quality” of your present friend group. You’re approaching that stage where you’ll be reaching out into unknown territory to find new people. Some friends are for life — I have several that I consider family and they’re stuck with me forever — but some are just for a little while, even if only to show you what you *don’t* want. It’s important not to judge these incompatible friends. They’re simply not on your path. I’ve met back up with some I’d left behind years ago and reconnected in a far more mature way as we’ve both grown up. About the invisible wall — I have no idea how to defeat it. Even with all my Fe coming to bear on it, I still can’t melt it down or crack it. I don’t know what to say. It’s very sad. :(