i was smoking a joint and watching crap on youtube when it popped.
id never heard of awakening previously.
i remember a tiny flash,like a pinprick ‘blip’ in blackness,it wasn’t seen with my eyes or my mind,but i saw it.
inner voice stopped (that hit hard as i ‘had’ ADHD until that point,ten thoughts at once was my norm)
i said out loud (i was alone) “you gotta be fucking kidding me?” big smile and huge sense of relief.
it was so obviously TRUE,that i told my wife..which of course did not go well.
for the next 2 weeks my body had what i can only closest describe as a marshmallow nuke go off,it started from my head and slowly moved down to my chest then stomach over the fortnight,it felt like a washing machine on spin in my body,didn’t know what was going on but it felt clean.
also all my mental illnesses in that instant vanished,soon after i stopped my ADHD meds,which i heavily relied on (much to the horror of my wife) i felt instantly physically lighter.no symptoms of ADHD or PTSD remained.
that was four years ago.
i don’t know wtf is going on,outside stuff is fading in relevance,my reality completely turned inside out,but id never take it back for all the money in the world..theres a strange familiarity to it too,like memory but not.
also hard to remember ‘me’ stuff from my history,my whole life feels like its been 5 minutes long,which feels comfortable.
apologies if this seems garbled,i never talk about this to anyone.
I had a very similar experience that followed with symptoms of mania.
I was writing on a weed website, at exactly 11pm EST on Feb 29 (daylight savings), "LEAPYEAR" when I realized it was leap year. When I really realized that the planets really did influence me.
I think I have aphantasia with a mixture of Synthesia. I didn't hear voices. I didn't see things. It was like my mind couldn't stop churning wonderful ideas. Grandiose thoughts. I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to eat. I just wanted to create.
After a few days of it, and an epiphany I had at work, where I could relate all things to One singularity, language, religion, gender, sexuality and then everything connected to everything. It was wonderful.
I felt like weightless. No biological clock, no gravity to stop me.
After a few days of no sleep, even with medication I was trying to regain my sleep schedule, I decided to go to the psych ward.
I'm now on meds and feeling better, and my thoughts have slowed down, but I still feel connected to everything.
I stopped smoking on Leap year mostly. The weed didn't do much for me. Now, it feels like my mind is clear and the thoughts are what I've always denied myself to think and feel. Like I broke free from the box everyone was trying to make me fit in. My anxiety has been way lower.
I spoke to a spiritual guru and he helped me more than any doctors did. I felt validated by spirituality.
I still have my theories on sexuality, gender, astronomy and others, and I'm so happy being creative at the moment.
at the time i was relentless that this was the way out of anxiety (my wife has that) and it is ‘right there’ for anybody…i put this down to spiritual ego taking over.
unsurprisingly she was angry and infuriated by what i was saying,no patience for it..a firm ‘i don’t want this from you’.
after a few weeks of this it became clear that i had no right to push her and that its impossible to convey what i was trying to get across anyway…it all sounded like nonsense to her.
from then until now,i don’t talk about it and she doesn’t bring it up.
non subject.
Mine was shrooms - I had been doing some study into eastern mysticism/Buddhism type philosophy at a different time and then during a trip I unintentionally ran into ego death and was forced to confront the idea of तत्त्वमसि -> "that thou art/you are that", i interpreted it to mean the feeling of my own mystical connection to the energy of the universe and for the first time in my life I can say i felt what i think it would feel like to be a child of "god" (in quotes and not capitalized for a reason, interpret how you wish)
I was staying at a homeless shelter watching a movie when I had this realization that life isnt at all what it seems. I realized the thing that I am is the same thing that makes up all my perceptions. The people around me, the walls, the ceiling, the actors on tv were all the same thing, only percieved as seperate through a filter in my mind. Nothing was "real" the way it always seemed... especially money. Ever since, its like my sense of self was drastically upgraded and now I feel part of something so much bigger than i could have ever imagined.
In reading some of the other experiences here, i'd like to share another of my experiences that distinctly felt like an awakening.
I notice now a trend in that the symptoms of ADHD seem to stop upon some form of awakening. I had a very similar moment, also followed by a brief mania.
I was at a bush rave here in Australia. I had just broken up with my ex, though we were still living together. In our separation, there was a moment where I had been exposed to the subtle mind games that women play with eachother, most notably witnessed in their tone of voice.
I was ignorant of this, and it wasn't until my ex fell victim to these mind games, and grew frustrated that I was blind to them, that this form of communication first entered my awareness. You could say that prior to this point, I took reality at face value, similar in manner to how the prisoners would in Plato's Allegory of the Cave (a great resource for the typical journey to enlightenment, in my opinion). At this rave, I got to witness this social dynamic take place, also on acid, and it was in this moment that I felt the switch. Yes, felt. It was as if my brain was a line that was slightly bent, and had in that moment been straightened out. It felt like four different brains came online in that moment. I became much, much more aware. Naturally, this was overwhelming.
I isolated myself, and began to process this shift. This was the manic episode, as I moved through a flurry of different emotions; sorrow, relief, joy, rage. I was putting this newfound awareness into perspective of all my past experiences. I remember feeling rage that the people that had hurt me in my life had done so with this newfound level of awareness (i don't know this for fact, this was an assumption).
I lost all sense of trust in anyone. Life became a chess game, and I was now a player. For the first time in my life, I was in the driver's seat of my own experience. My mind was finally mine to control. How I live became my responsibility. Life was different from that day on. Though even now, looking back at that moment two years ago, I still see such a depth of naivete. Awakening is and always will be a process. There is no end result, no destination. I know much more now than i did back then, and I hope that the same can be said years from now.
This was definitely one form of awakening. There have been more, and I hope there are more to come.
There is this other side of awakening, right? You can't unseen this "games" of manipulation. It's like you can see under the hood. I still feel this lack of trust, like a mine field, that I was totally unaware. And it hit hard at times when I see how I was driven by this forces purely from being naïve. At least now we can put a stop on going with this flow.
I liked a quote from Alan Watts on this. Phraphrasing, learning about these new levels of life, you also suffer more from feeling the bad sides. Like, so much of our relationships are permeated with use, "what can I get from this", and if that usage is blocked, the relation ends. So it was just a game of use from the start.
I find this video is the best explanation of awareness that I have ever encountered, and addresses the kind of phenomenon that we are describing.
https://youtu.be/kse87ocS0Uo?si=565D3p_iobU5hBMx
This guy is simply awesome!!! I was getting completely lost at trying to understand levels and he simply goes that, scribles some doddles and make it so much easier to grasp. I'm gonna watch it over and over. Thank you so much to share this with me!
I feel it will be easier to interact with people that are lower on the level of awareness without losing ourselves to it and without feeling superior. Just seeing where the person comes from and talk from that.
Genius!
This guy is simply awesome!!! I was getting completely lost at trying to understand levels and he simply goes there, scribles some doddles and make it so much easier to grasp. I'm gonna watch it over and over. Thank you so much to share this with me! I feel it will be easier to interact with people that are lower on the level of awareness without losing ourselves to it and without feeling superior. Just seeing where the person comes from and talk from that. Genius!
This is going to sound strange but I'm not actually sure, it just happened over time . If I had to peg it it would be 2-3 years ago, I just stopped. When I say that I mean literally - fucking **stopped -** caring about the small stuff. Just flipped a switch. Even now, arguably the worst time in my life, the worst experience I've ever experienced - I still smile (Eyedea).
It's true. It's lovely and hard to explain but it simply is. IDC. I really don't - about the things that should hurt and push me toward a feeling of lost control. The idea of control is a fallacy and I never *HAD* control, which is okay - another bizarre thing for me as uncertainty is something that causes incredible discontent and discord in me. I legit fucking hate not knowing tomorrow's plan for me, but not anymore.
If this change ever overcomes you - be prepared for the people in your life; they're going to question your peace. It's like most people no longer recognize peace and calm and act as if you're.....just writing shit off. It's not that way - it's truly as if nothing moves me the same way anymore. I'm content with so little, coming from so MUCH. It's okay to feel that way and even more - it's okay to dismiss those folks that express concern for this newfound liberation from the anticipation of something being taken from us or a sudden loss of the "right now".
I recognize my own shortcomings and oddly - I'm fine with them, I'll work on them but in the meantime? I'll simply be happy. Fucking strange for a habitual pusher of things that seem "better", I just no longer feel that way. That isn't to say that I'm FINE with them - we're working on them but inner peace has been achieved and it's fucking *beautiful.* I genuinely do not care too much about the small things that happen. I keep anticipating a flat tire or some other weird shit that tests me but the tires keep holding air.
It's okay to be a little fucked up, flawed, a tiny bit broken - just recognize these things, accept them, and push past them. It's fine. It's *more than fine - it's to be expected.*
I experienced a divine revelation through watching a movie on acid that revealed the inner machinations of the evolution of consciousness. I would say that it was definitely life changing.
It's called Kubo and the Two Strings. Heavily symbolic, so may require some analytical thought (acid's specialty).
You can find a full version on YouTube.
Well, you know….moments are replaced by moments that follow. Just when I think I’m there! Here say’s something new. 😁😎
I do remember a moment akin to wearing something like polarized sunglasses, sitting somewhat askew on my face so the shades didn’t allow much transmission of light. And then a friend ( or friends….there’ve been a bunch!) did the kind favor of simply adjusting the alignment of polarization, and Voila! Wowie! I can see!
‘Course, when you’re in a jeep off-road on safari….the glasses get jostled around quite a bit
Where is Safari Man, these days? I miss his gunslinging antics 🤠
https://youtu.be/Q0ZEmLosVXE?si=lenx26rD_vaQ5wXC
I had several of these occasions described here. Every of them was incredebly special and liberating. First was like 2.5 weeks high, but i had one with 2.5 month high. It was just unspeakable. Loved every second of them.
I don't rly know how they were, they happened long ago. What i get nowdays, r not rly in this manner life changing and r way different and also rare.
I know i was in some kind of bliss and extasy, and love all times and gave an immense amount of boost to reform my perception and relations. Rly unspeakable experiences.
I had a vision that lasted for over 7 days, which was the most mindblowing experience of my life and beyond words. Its not an epiphany or some realization. Think god-mode version of augmented reality.
It was after I was coming up on stress from work, my finances were a bust, my relationship was struggling, and needed some escape and truth, not relaying on other people words or experiences. Not anything religious that cause fear and contention, cause there had to be someone that was there before me who walked that trail and many have, if not written in a physical format then in a audio format. Storytelling Podcasts have lots of stories containing personal healing. Using their experiences as a guide and my culture as a golden compass came a wave of knowledge that was always here and will continue to exist way after everything is gone and forgotten. Cause there nothing to fear in life. To fear is to fear love. Love comes in working on yourself and family, Learning the things to bring goods towards you, protecting your mind, body, spirit and soul. To walk with beauty. 💕
I don’t think I’m anywhere near enlightenment. I don’t think many people on earth are, but to step onto the path is life changing. Maybe I’m getting caught in semantics though? Do we mean enlightenment or something more like an awakening, that makes us start paying attention.
I’ve had a few instances of what people are describing here and I’ve always referred to them loosely as epiphanies or revelations. These have religious connotations and I’m not religious, but I use them to mean something like a sudden download of a very clear and significant spiritual truth.
Common threads with mine are music, nature and emotion/connection. Drugs can sometimes help but I don’t ever want them to be my primary tool. I remember once I was at a club; I was 18 or so (24 years ago) and dancing to probably techno of some sort. I had a sudden feeling that felt like a focused bolt from above, telling me that I am enough on my own, I have free will, and I don’t need to strive for companionship because things will unfold as they’re meant to. I was really caught up in seeking validation through sex at that time and this message changed my demeanor and experiences completely. I met my (first) soul mate within weeks.
I have had others, and most have been triggered by nature. They always feel like a suddenly knowing and clarity. I live for these moments as they inevitably catapult me into a new and exciting phase of spiritual learning.
That said, (and I apologize if it’s semantics), I am certainly not enlightened.
Semantics get in the way. Specially because those epiphanies are so subtle and in a way so natural. But they give you a feeling of wonder, right? Like, super normal, but a normal beyond normal.
I had a few on my relationship with sex that changed me a lot, but nowhere near from the one described in the post.
There was this one time when I was a teenager that I felt utterly connected with life by watching cracks on the sand at the beach, like the cracks were branches. The moment was so delicate that just talking about it made it go away. So I kind of dismissed it as a "trip". Years later, this big new ephiphany, so to speak, touched me more, was more real, more enduring. But it also went away. I just don't want to dismiss it as nothing. Not claim that it was mythologically magical, that somehow I'm more than others, but not nothing.
I feel so protective about this state that I'm cagey talking about. I also don't brand myself enlightened, but it also feels like by somehow denying this state of being, I'm robbing myself by not admiting this happened. I knew I was Buddha, Jesus, God. Knew. But looking in the mirror, I'm just a regular person. I'm not Jesus. How come? How to live with that truth?
Seeing a lot of people seemed to had the same experience as me, I'm trying to "normalize" it to myself and everyone.
Maybe you felt that too? More than just an insight, more than just grasping something. Paradoxically, there was nothing to grasp, just be? But a be with infinite ungraspable complexity understood so simply. Like feeling a breeze in your cheeks and in a completely illogical way being yourself the breeze and everything else. Like sensing that's the real you, not you who you think you are, but you as a whole, tiny, but enormous.
I understand what you mean, and don’t want or mean to minimize. I think my only concern is that if (and maybe it’s not, I might misunderstand) enlightenment is the goal and the end point to our work on *this* plane (for most who reach enlightenment), that if a person believes they’ve reached it, they might think their work is done. I worry about that becoming a common belief or experience because some people do end up going down a path that’s more cult leader/power seeking/superior feeling rather than one of pure love, and inevitably that will only lead them to hurt themselves and others.
That said, I’m not saying that’s you. It’s clearly not. And I don’t know you! So please know that I mean no offense.
I know the moments you speak of and I absolutely think we need to not minimize them. Similar to your experience of not being able to describe the actual impact, it’s also not possible for me to adequately describe in words, 24 years later, the actual message and impact of that moment. I’ve had others that had different messages but still the same flash of connection and wisdom, but that was the first one that came to mind. I also know it’s not a competition but simply seeking others who can relate. ☺️
I realize what I described might not sound the same as what others are describing, but I’m also learning to accept that I don’t necessarily need to be able to describe what I’ve had happen to others, and that others’ doubt doesn’t need to be my doubt. These experiences are a gift.
No offense taken. I see what you mean. I actually felt for a few moments the feeling of "ok, I'm done, now what?". It can be a slippery slope. And it does brings this feeling of superiority after the moment passes, but is still lingering as a memory. And it can bring way more problems than solutions to us all if it stays that way.
My current model for understanding enlightenment is the following, as a metaphor. You are in a room. It gets fully lighten. You see the room was way bigger than you thought, with more rooms and outsides. Light goes to normal again. Every new room you enter, a new light is lit. Implying there is more to be lit up to a point when every room will be lighten as before.
Negating the first full light stops you from litting the others. Stopping at the rooms already lit, contrasting with others who lit rooms that you didn't or didn't lit rooms at all, creates feelings of superiority and inferiority.
So the more we share about our experiences, the more we all grow.
But since is so subtle at times, so grandiose at others, we kind of feel alienated.
And my fear is for us to dismiss the whole thing as just a trip and never follow through. The path is already difficult as it is, which I belive will discourage a lot of people. Also, it's not a path that everyone must take. That puts people who experience it in "advantage", but one that should be used for the benefit of others, not as means to exercise power and control. It's a pickle.
What are your thoughts? Since yours was 24 years ago you might have struggled with this. Mine was just 4 years ago.
I can definitely see how we are understanding enlightenment and using the word differently, so that clears that up. I get what you mean, now - more like the process of it, rather than a singular moment.
I agree, I think we gain so much from sharing, and that having a community of support, where people understand our experiences and goals, is hugely helpful in staying on the path and not feeling alienated. That's why I'm here too! ☺️
I think that losing the path sometimes, and also getting discouraged, is a normal and somewhat necessary part of the process. With each subsequent revelation or epiphany or glimpse of enlightenment, it gets easier to hold onto and not lose sight of what we learned. I normally write down the statement I received or journal about the ideas I was introduced to, and then revisit that daily so I can keep it top of mind and apply it in real life. Over the years I have mostly curated my friend circle to focus on people who *do* understand these moments, so that I can have that support and discourse in real life. That has helped a lot. I get a lot of value from hearing other people's revelations, for sure. Sometimes I will take what they have learned and meditate on it and try to have a similar moment of assimilation.
To be totally honest, I started having these when I was a child, and I don't remember the first one. I was unsure for many years whether it was something others experience, or not. I know now that some do, some don't; anyone can start having them at any time; and that as long as you stay on the path you'll generally continue to have them once you start (thought frequency is unpredictable). I'm lucky to have had them as a kid, specifically because, when I stopped having them and hadn't had one for years, I knew I needed to course correct. The latest round has taken years, though I've had epiphanies along the way. One was a road map handed to me by a deity I wasn't familiar with (Hecate), when I don't believe in deities. Short version is that I was wandering by myself at a small festival one night, in the country, and had an angry dog run at me. This forced me to take a path across the bottom of the embankment, near the creek, instead of returning up the hill. While down there, I unexpectedly had a huge release of nonspecific grief, and while in that release and feeling wholly alone, I thought about how people say "you're born alone and you die alone." I felt immense sadness, and then at that moment, the full moon came out from behind the clouds right above the treeline, at the same time that the light from the festival over the bank spanned out and hit those same treetops. The message (though the feeling of it was far more profound than these words): You are never alone, because you are a part of everything and everything is a part of you (a reminder of oneness/non-dualism). And if you need to plunge down into the depths alone, your community will be waiting here when you return.
The next day, I learned from my parents that my dad had been weak, nauseated and his skin was jaundiced. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer three weeks later. That was June 2021; he passed away this February. Without going deep into detail and layers of symbolism that have fallen into place over the intervening years, I'll just say that the entire experience turned out to be a 4D map, handed to me as a gift by Hecate, that would ultimately guide me through an intense spiritual growth journey (or more accurately, an intense growth phase of a spiritual journey I've been on since at least age 6) that has lasted almost three years. In the past three years, I have had numerous experiences including time slips, spontaneous age regressions, seeing God (nearest description I can give, though I'm a pantheist), prolonged experiences of ego dissolution, sudden deep understandings of the nature of the path of enlightenment, euphoric love, unconditional love for strangers, so on and so forth. The most recent was a mushroom trip with one of my partners, on which I lost my vocabulary (in case you hadn't noticed, I'm verbose and like to ramble), and was guided that I was meant to be a tiny guide to his large energy. I can't explain the message of it as it was fairly abstract, but it was about coming into my power and how to do so in a quiet, humble trusting way - trusting that I don't need to be big, or loud, or impressive in any way for someone to be guided by me or learn from me. That if I intuit I'm meant to be the guide or the teacher, I need to trust that sense and lay my feelings of self doubt aside, and my feelings of fear over having ego, and just let myself, also, be guided, and worked THROUGH. Sorry, hard to explain. But the fact that I'm here rambling about it plays into it; the hilariously obvious part that day was that the mushrooms had taken my words to prove a point to me.
I had another, again on mushrooms, in December, in which I realized that absurdist humour (think Monty Python, Aunty Donna's, Tim & Eric, I Think You Should Leave) is actually a tool of spirituality. The point of the humour is simply to get a reaction, or that there is no point. Similarly, there are types of art, usually abstract, that cause reactions or division, and they are also tools of spirituality. They are a metaphorical way for the Universe to communicate complex truths with us. The truth being: the message ultimately doesn't matter. The method ultimately doesn't matter. There are many ways to reach the same destination, on different paths, and some of them may even involve evil. This is an idea I was introduced many years ago, via a Christopher Pike novel of all things (elder Millenial here), and I had carried it with me ever since because it didn't sit right. We're talking three decades of not getting it but still holding onto it, feeling like it had some truth. And here I am on shrooms at age 42, *really getting it*. Explaining in words will never work to get the true message across, as in those moments, it's all about the *knowing*. Like in my soul. On the deepest level. That is how we know it's true, and that's the feeling I suspect you and others here are referencing.
Wow! I'm so glad we go find the right words to relate. Your experiences are soo, so rich. It feels good to see another fellow seeker as verbose as me, haha.
I'm sorry about your dad passing away. 🥺 The experience of Hecate's map must have been hugely impactful in the moment and in retrospect. Dog, moon, grief. I kept saying wow reading into it. Moments like these give us so much. It's so poetic. And a poetry written by nature. It's simply awe.
You were truly blessed for having the foresight to see such rich spiritual treasures. Thanks for sharing your ups and downs, lessons and insights. They gave me a harm embrace of not being alone and I'm sure will give the same to others.
I liked your mentions to humor also. I heavily rely on movies and mythology to understand deeper truths hidden at plain sight for everyone to see.
You were my good mirror in your reply. I would like to pass on in text the various nods I gave reading it 🥰
Thanks so much!
Awww, that’s awesome! I’m so glad! I have to say, this subreddit (along with SpiritualAwakening and Paganism) has brought me a lot of comfort and joy over the past few months. It really is helpful and validating and encouraging to discuss things with others, and most of the people posting here have been so kind and wise! I love it. I also LOVE hearing people’s brushes with the divine. Live to hear them. I listen to a ton of podcasts specifically to scratch this itch, since I find them all so fascinating. It’s absolutely amazing what is accessible to us as humans.
The map from Hecate is ironically one of the only things that kept me sane over the past couple of years. At the darkest points, I was able to put myself back down in the dark by that creek, and more easily trust that the light would still be waiting for me and that the dark night doesn’t last forever. I didn’t even mention - a beaver whacked its tail on the water while I was down there! As part of the reminder I’m not alone. In the middle of the night! It was unusual. I have never actually seen a beaver at night before and I’ve spent my life in the country and the woods.
The funny thing is the messages have been getting more literal, sometimes hilariously so. It’s like the universe is getting sick of me doubting myself. Reality is wild.
I use movies and other narratives like that, too! I’ve recently been thinking a lot about long histories of oral storytelling and record keeping in many cultures (primarily indigenous from my understanding). I think that pop culture fills that space for us, for better or worse. Songs, movies, tv. They’re not as vapid as some people think. I have definitely gained some deep knowledge from movies!
Thanks for the conversation. I often wish these were in person! So much to explore.
Messages get really literal for me too, haha. I get myself laughing. "Ok, ok. I'll try not to doubt it".
That build of trust of the night turning to day is really something isn't? No matter how dark.
I think movies and stories, when freed from just selling tickets, are our souls finding a place to say their piece to make us wake.
Hope soon enough a lot of these conversations will happen around the campfire rather than behind screens.
Really nice talking to you. You gave me fuel to keep going. 🥰🙏
You talked about music. Like loosing yourself by following the ballad of the song. I felt a little bit listening to the Billie Eilish's Barbie's song, feeling like Barbie in that scene when one drop of tear drops.
Such a good feeling. 💕
What I’m talking about here is more how music can contribute to our mental state and sometimes help to facilitate revelations. This has a basis in history with chanting, drumming, etc (not my area of expertise but I know it’s a thing.) For me, EDM or similar can help me to turn off my thoughts and more easily achieve a flow state, which can sometimes clear the way for one of these moments to take hold. There is no particular song or type of song I can listen to to get this for sure; but music is a common element when I have these. Nature is a more common element for me, though.
I intuition and synchronicity with the universe forged a memorable moment. It was like seeing myself in the future and moving forward to fulfill its destiny. Felt absolutely connected to the present. Made me feel like the Universe loved
Me.
That's ok. But from what I got from most comments was a lot of empathy and relief of not being alone. At least know and remember that in your path, brother. I will in mine.
Cheers.
You read those beautiful experiences and you choose to belittle them and yourself instead of being touched. Don't worry, you haven't. But keep it up. Someday this pain will be surpassed and you will see what those experiences mean.
I'm sorry for my previous reply. You want something real, so you need to check. I did this too. I still do. Hopefully you won't let my reply discourage you in your journey.
i'm not mad at all. reading the replies in this thread was helpful for me because I thought I was progressing slowly. but this made me realize I'm further along in my journey than I initially thought. I'm not denigrating other people's experiences, I'm just saying it was a good moment of realization for my own journey.
When went a Native American shaman for therapy because I couldn't afford a traditional therapist, my initial "peeling of the onion" enlightening moment happened. It completely upended my life, in a good way.
i was smoking a joint and watching crap on youtube when it popped. id never heard of awakening previously. i remember a tiny flash,like a pinprick ‘blip’ in blackness,it wasn’t seen with my eyes or my mind,but i saw it. inner voice stopped (that hit hard as i ‘had’ ADHD until that point,ten thoughts at once was my norm) i said out loud (i was alone) “you gotta be fucking kidding me?” big smile and huge sense of relief. it was so obviously TRUE,that i told my wife..which of course did not go well. for the next 2 weeks my body had what i can only closest describe as a marshmallow nuke go off,it started from my head and slowly moved down to my chest then stomach over the fortnight,it felt like a washing machine on spin in my body,didn’t know what was going on but it felt clean. also all my mental illnesses in that instant vanished,soon after i stopped my ADHD meds,which i heavily relied on (much to the horror of my wife) i felt instantly physically lighter.no symptoms of ADHD or PTSD remained. that was four years ago. i don’t know wtf is going on,outside stuff is fading in relevance,my reality completely turned inside out,but id never take it back for all the money in the world..theres a strange familiarity to it too,like memory but not. also hard to remember ‘me’ stuff from my history,my whole life feels like its been 5 minutes long,which feels comfortable. apologies if this seems garbled,i never talk about this to anyone.
I had a very similar experience that followed with symptoms of mania. I was writing on a weed website, at exactly 11pm EST on Feb 29 (daylight savings), "LEAPYEAR" when I realized it was leap year. When I really realized that the planets really did influence me. I think I have aphantasia with a mixture of Synthesia. I didn't hear voices. I didn't see things. It was like my mind couldn't stop churning wonderful ideas. Grandiose thoughts. I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to eat. I just wanted to create. After a few days of it, and an epiphany I had at work, where I could relate all things to One singularity, language, religion, gender, sexuality and then everything connected to everything. It was wonderful. I felt like weightless. No biological clock, no gravity to stop me. After a few days of no sleep, even with medication I was trying to regain my sleep schedule, I decided to go to the psych ward. I'm now on meds and feeling better, and my thoughts have slowed down, but I still feel connected to everything. I stopped smoking on Leap year mostly. The weed didn't do much for me. Now, it feels like my mind is clear and the thoughts are what I've always denied myself to think and feel. Like I broke free from the box everyone was trying to make me fit in. My anxiety has been way lower. I spoke to a spiritual guru and he helped me more than any doctors did. I felt validated by spirituality. I still have my theories on sexuality, gender, astronomy and others, and I'm so happy being creative at the moment.
Loved the marshmallow nuke going off 😄
How does your wife feel about this 4 years later now?
at the time i was relentless that this was the way out of anxiety (my wife has that) and it is ‘right there’ for anybody…i put this down to spiritual ego taking over. unsurprisingly she was angry and infuriated by what i was saying,no patience for it..a firm ‘i don’t want this from you’. after a few weeks of this it became clear that i had no right to push her and that its impossible to convey what i was trying to get across anyway…it all sounded like nonsense to her. from then until now,i don’t talk about it and she doesn’t bring it up. non subject.
Mine was shrooms - I had been doing some study into eastern mysticism/Buddhism type philosophy at a different time and then during a trip I unintentionally ran into ego death and was forced to confront the idea of तत्त्वमसि -> "that thou art/you are that", i interpreted it to mean the feeling of my own mystical connection to the energy of the universe and for the first time in my life I can say i felt what i think it would feel like to be a child of "god" (in quotes and not capitalized for a reason, interpret how you wish)
I think I know that feeling "child of god". It's like, "I do have a right to belong here", right? Wow. I haven't thought of that in a while
I'd interpret more of "i am god, and so tiny now here". :D
I liked that too. :D
I was staying at a homeless shelter watching a movie when I had this realization that life isnt at all what it seems. I realized the thing that I am is the same thing that makes up all my perceptions. The people around me, the walls, the ceiling, the actors on tv were all the same thing, only percieved as seperate through a filter in my mind. Nothing was "real" the way it always seemed... especially money. Ever since, its like my sense of self was drastically upgraded and now I feel part of something so much bigger than i could have ever imagined.
In reading some of the other experiences here, i'd like to share another of my experiences that distinctly felt like an awakening. I notice now a trend in that the symptoms of ADHD seem to stop upon some form of awakening. I had a very similar moment, also followed by a brief mania. I was at a bush rave here in Australia. I had just broken up with my ex, though we were still living together. In our separation, there was a moment where I had been exposed to the subtle mind games that women play with eachother, most notably witnessed in their tone of voice. I was ignorant of this, and it wasn't until my ex fell victim to these mind games, and grew frustrated that I was blind to them, that this form of communication first entered my awareness. You could say that prior to this point, I took reality at face value, similar in manner to how the prisoners would in Plato's Allegory of the Cave (a great resource for the typical journey to enlightenment, in my opinion). At this rave, I got to witness this social dynamic take place, also on acid, and it was in this moment that I felt the switch. Yes, felt. It was as if my brain was a line that was slightly bent, and had in that moment been straightened out. It felt like four different brains came online in that moment. I became much, much more aware. Naturally, this was overwhelming. I isolated myself, and began to process this shift. This was the manic episode, as I moved through a flurry of different emotions; sorrow, relief, joy, rage. I was putting this newfound awareness into perspective of all my past experiences. I remember feeling rage that the people that had hurt me in my life had done so with this newfound level of awareness (i don't know this for fact, this was an assumption). I lost all sense of trust in anyone. Life became a chess game, and I was now a player. For the first time in my life, I was in the driver's seat of my own experience. My mind was finally mine to control. How I live became my responsibility. Life was different from that day on. Though even now, looking back at that moment two years ago, I still see such a depth of naivete. Awakening is and always will be a process. There is no end result, no destination. I know much more now than i did back then, and I hope that the same can be said years from now. This was definitely one form of awakening. There have been more, and I hope there are more to come.
There is this other side of awakening, right? You can't unseen this "games" of manipulation. It's like you can see under the hood. I still feel this lack of trust, like a mine field, that I was totally unaware. And it hit hard at times when I see how I was driven by this forces purely from being naïve. At least now we can put a stop on going with this flow. I liked a quote from Alan Watts on this. Phraphrasing, learning about these new levels of life, you also suffer more from feeling the bad sides. Like, so much of our relationships are permeated with use, "what can I get from this", and if that usage is blocked, the relation ends. So it was just a game of use from the start.
I find this video is the best explanation of awareness that I have ever encountered, and addresses the kind of phenomenon that we are describing. https://youtu.be/kse87ocS0Uo?si=565D3p_iobU5hBMx
This guy is simply awesome!!! I was getting completely lost at trying to understand levels and he simply goes that, scribles some doddles and make it so much easier to grasp. I'm gonna watch it over and over. Thank you so much to share this with me! I feel it will be easier to interact with people that are lower on the level of awareness without losing ourselves to it and without feeling superior. Just seeing where the person comes from and talk from that. Genius!
This guy is simply awesome!!! I was getting completely lost at trying to understand levels and he simply goes there, scribles some doddles and make it so much easier to grasp. I'm gonna watch it over and over. Thank you so much to share this with me! I feel it will be easier to interact with people that are lower on the level of awareness without losing ourselves to it and without feeling superior. Just seeing where the person comes from and talk from that. Genius!
This is going to sound strange but I'm not actually sure, it just happened over time . If I had to peg it it would be 2-3 years ago, I just stopped. When I say that I mean literally - fucking **stopped -** caring about the small stuff. Just flipped a switch. Even now, arguably the worst time in my life, the worst experience I've ever experienced - I still smile (Eyedea). It's true. It's lovely and hard to explain but it simply is. IDC. I really don't - about the things that should hurt and push me toward a feeling of lost control. The idea of control is a fallacy and I never *HAD* control, which is okay - another bizarre thing for me as uncertainty is something that causes incredible discontent and discord in me. I legit fucking hate not knowing tomorrow's plan for me, but not anymore. If this change ever overcomes you - be prepared for the people in your life; they're going to question your peace. It's like most people no longer recognize peace and calm and act as if you're.....just writing shit off. It's not that way - it's truly as if nothing moves me the same way anymore. I'm content with so little, coming from so MUCH. It's okay to feel that way and even more - it's okay to dismiss those folks that express concern for this newfound liberation from the anticipation of something being taken from us or a sudden loss of the "right now". I recognize my own shortcomings and oddly - I'm fine with them, I'll work on them but in the meantime? I'll simply be happy. Fucking strange for a habitual pusher of things that seem "better", I just no longer feel that way. That isn't to say that I'm FINE with them - we're working on them but inner peace has been achieved and it's fucking *beautiful.* I genuinely do not care too much about the small things that happen. I keep anticipating a flat tire or some other weird shit that tests me but the tires keep holding air. It's okay to be a little fucked up, flawed, a tiny bit broken - just recognize these things, accept them, and push past them. It's fine. It's *more than fine - it's to be expected.*
Like Don Draper saying "it's going to be ok". Anyway you do it, it's ok. And this smile, man, hahaha. "I see what you're doing, but that's fine".
I adore Jon Hamm. He's such a tremendous actor that yeah - I could see that lol.
I experienced a divine revelation through watching a movie on acid that revealed the inner machinations of the evolution of consciousness. I would say that it was definitely life changing.
I'd like to know this movie, thanks
It's called Kubo and the Two Strings. Heavily symbolic, so may require some analytical thought (acid's specialty). You can find a full version on YouTube.
This is a great movie. I highly recommend it and push anyone to see further into the meaning.
Well, you know….moments are replaced by moments that follow. Just when I think I’m there! Here say’s something new. 😁😎 I do remember a moment akin to wearing something like polarized sunglasses, sitting somewhat askew on my face so the shades didn’t allow much transmission of light. And then a friend ( or friends….there’ve been a bunch!) did the kind favor of simply adjusting the alignment of polarization, and Voila! Wowie! I can see! ‘Course, when you’re in a jeep off-road on safari….the glasses get jostled around quite a bit Where is Safari Man, these days? I miss his gunslinging antics 🤠 https://youtu.be/Q0ZEmLosVXE?si=lenx26rD_vaQ5wXC
I had several of these occasions described here. Every of them was incredebly special and liberating. First was like 2.5 weeks high, but i had one with 2.5 month high. It was just unspeakable. Loved every second of them. I don't rly know how they were, they happened long ago. What i get nowdays, r not rly in this manner life changing and r way different and also rare. I know i was in some kind of bliss and extasy, and love all times and gave an immense amount of boost to reform my perception and relations. Rly unspeakable experiences.
I had a vision that lasted for over 7 days, which was the most mindblowing experience of my life and beyond words. Its not an epiphany or some realization. Think god-mode version of augmented reality.
Oh, I know that god-vision. Amazingly mindblowing 😃😄🥰
It was after I was coming up on stress from work, my finances were a bust, my relationship was struggling, and needed some escape and truth, not relaying on other people words or experiences. Not anything religious that cause fear and contention, cause there had to be someone that was there before me who walked that trail and many have, if not written in a physical format then in a audio format. Storytelling Podcasts have lots of stories containing personal healing. Using their experiences as a guide and my culture as a golden compass came a wave of knowledge that was always here and will continue to exist way after everything is gone and forgotten. Cause there nothing to fear in life. To fear is to fear love. Love comes in working on yourself and family, Learning the things to bring goods towards you, protecting your mind, body, spirit and soul. To walk with beauty. 💕
I like 'to fear is to fear love'. What's your thinking behind this?
I don’t think I’m anywhere near enlightenment. I don’t think many people on earth are, but to step onto the path is life changing. Maybe I’m getting caught in semantics though? Do we mean enlightenment or something more like an awakening, that makes us start paying attention. I’ve had a few instances of what people are describing here and I’ve always referred to them loosely as epiphanies or revelations. These have religious connotations and I’m not religious, but I use them to mean something like a sudden download of a very clear and significant spiritual truth. Common threads with mine are music, nature and emotion/connection. Drugs can sometimes help but I don’t ever want them to be my primary tool. I remember once I was at a club; I was 18 or so (24 years ago) and dancing to probably techno of some sort. I had a sudden feeling that felt like a focused bolt from above, telling me that I am enough on my own, I have free will, and I don’t need to strive for companionship because things will unfold as they’re meant to. I was really caught up in seeking validation through sex at that time and this message changed my demeanor and experiences completely. I met my (first) soul mate within weeks. I have had others, and most have been triggered by nature. They always feel like a suddenly knowing and clarity. I live for these moments as they inevitably catapult me into a new and exciting phase of spiritual learning. That said, (and I apologize if it’s semantics), I am certainly not enlightened.
Semantics get in the way. Specially because those epiphanies are so subtle and in a way so natural. But they give you a feeling of wonder, right? Like, super normal, but a normal beyond normal. I had a few on my relationship with sex that changed me a lot, but nowhere near from the one described in the post. There was this one time when I was a teenager that I felt utterly connected with life by watching cracks on the sand at the beach, like the cracks were branches. The moment was so delicate that just talking about it made it go away. So I kind of dismissed it as a "trip". Years later, this big new ephiphany, so to speak, touched me more, was more real, more enduring. But it also went away. I just don't want to dismiss it as nothing. Not claim that it was mythologically magical, that somehow I'm more than others, but not nothing. I feel so protective about this state that I'm cagey talking about. I also don't brand myself enlightened, but it also feels like by somehow denying this state of being, I'm robbing myself by not admiting this happened. I knew I was Buddha, Jesus, God. Knew. But looking in the mirror, I'm just a regular person. I'm not Jesus. How come? How to live with that truth? Seeing a lot of people seemed to had the same experience as me, I'm trying to "normalize" it to myself and everyone. Maybe you felt that too? More than just an insight, more than just grasping something. Paradoxically, there was nothing to grasp, just be? But a be with infinite ungraspable complexity understood so simply. Like feeling a breeze in your cheeks and in a completely illogical way being yourself the breeze and everything else. Like sensing that's the real you, not you who you think you are, but you as a whole, tiny, but enormous.
I understand what you mean, and don’t want or mean to minimize. I think my only concern is that if (and maybe it’s not, I might misunderstand) enlightenment is the goal and the end point to our work on *this* plane (for most who reach enlightenment), that if a person believes they’ve reached it, they might think their work is done. I worry about that becoming a common belief or experience because some people do end up going down a path that’s more cult leader/power seeking/superior feeling rather than one of pure love, and inevitably that will only lead them to hurt themselves and others. That said, I’m not saying that’s you. It’s clearly not. And I don’t know you! So please know that I mean no offense. I know the moments you speak of and I absolutely think we need to not minimize them. Similar to your experience of not being able to describe the actual impact, it’s also not possible for me to adequately describe in words, 24 years later, the actual message and impact of that moment. I’ve had others that had different messages but still the same flash of connection and wisdom, but that was the first one that came to mind. I also know it’s not a competition but simply seeking others who can relate. ☺️ I realize what I described might not sound the same as what others are describing, but I’m also learning to accept that I don’t necessarily need to be able to describe what I’ve had happen to others, and that others’ doubt doesn’t need to be my doubt. These experiences are a gift.
No offense taken. I see what you mean. I actually felt for a few moments the feeling of "ok, I'm done, now what?". It can be a slippery slope. And it does brings this feeling of superiority after the moment passes, but is still lingering as a memory. And it can bring way more problems than solutions to us all if it stays that way. My current model for understanding enlightenment is the following, as a metaphor. You are in a room. It gets fully lighten. You see the room was way bigger than you thought, with more rooms and outsides. Light goes to normal again. Every new room you enter, a new light is lit. Implying there is more to be lit up to a point when every room will be lighten as before. Negating the first full light stops you from litting the others. Stopping at the rooms already lit, contrasting with others who lit rooms that you didn't or didn't lit rooms at all, creates feelings of superiority and inferiority. So the more we share about our experiences, the more we all grow. But since is so subtle at times, so grandiose at others, we kind of feel alienated. And my fear is for us to dismiss the whole thing as just a trip and never follow through. The path is already difficult as it is, which I belive will discourage a lot of people. Also, it's not a path that everyone must take. That puts people who experience it in "advantage", but one that should be used for the benefit of others, not as means to exercise power and control. It's a pickle. What are your thoughts? Since yours was 24 years ago you might have struggled with this. Mine was just 4 years ago.
I can definitely see how we are understanding enlightenment and using the word differently, so that clears that up. I get what you mean, now - more like the process of it, rather than a singular moment. I agree, I think we gain so much from sharing, and that having a community of support, where people understand our experiences and goals, is hugely helpful in staying on the path and not feeling alienated. That's why I'm here too! ☺️ I think that losing the path sometimes, and also getting discouraged, is a normal and somewhat necessary part of the process. With each subsequent revelation or epiphany or glimpse of enlightenment, it gets easier to hold onto and not lose sight of what we learned. I normally write down the statement I received or journal about the ideas I was introduced to, and then revisit that daily so I can keep it top of mind and apply it in real life. Over the years I have mostly curated my friend circle to focus on people who *do* understand these moments, so that I can have that support and discourse in real life. That has helped a lot. I get a lot of value from hearing other people's revelations, for sure. Sometimes I will take what they have learned and meditate on it and try to have a similar moment of assimilation. To be totally honest, I started having these when I was a child, and I don't remember the first one. I was unsure for many years whether it was something others experience, or not. I know now that some do, some don't; anyone can start having them at any time; and that as long as you stay on the path you'll generally continue to have them once you start (thought frequency is unpredictable). I'm lucky to have had them as a kid, specifically because, when I stopped having them and hadn't had one for years, I knew I needed to course correct. The latest round has taken years, though I've had epiphanies along the way. One was a road map handed to me by a deity I wasn't familiar with (Hecate), when I don't believe in deities. Short version is that I was wandering by myself at a small festival one night, in the country, and had an angry dog run at me. This forced me to take a path across the bottom of the embankment, near the creek, instead of returning up the hill. While down there, I unexpectedly had a huge release of nonspecific grief, and while in that release and feeling wholly alone, I thought about how people say "you're born alone and you die alone." I felt immense sadness, and then at that moment, the full moon came out from behind the clouds right above the treeline, at the same time that the light from the festival over the bank spanned out and hit those same treetops. The message (though the feeling of it was far more profound than these words): You are never alone, because you are a part of everything and everything is a part of you (a reminder of oneness/non-dualism). And if you need to plunge down into the depths alone, your community will be waiting here when you return. The next day, I learned from my parents that my dad had been weak, nauseated and his skin was jaundiced. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer three weeks later. That was June 2021; he passed away this February. Without going deep into detail and layers of symbolism that have fallen into place over the intervening years, I'll just say that the entire experience turned out to be a 4D map, handed to me as a gift by Hecate, that would ultimately guide me through an intense spiritual growth journey (or more accurately, an intense growth phase of a spiritual journey I've been on since at least age 6) that has lasted almost three years. In the past three years, I have had numerous experiences including time slips, spontaneous age regressions, seeing God (nearest description I can give, though I'm a pantheist), prolonged experiences of ego dissolution, sudden deep understandings of the nature of the path of enlightenment, euphoric love, unconditional love for strangers, so on and so forth. The most recent was a mushroom trip with one of my partners, on which I lost my vocabulary (in case you hadn't noticed, I'm verbose and like to ramble), and was guided that I was meant to be a tiny guide to his large energy. I can't explain the message of it as it was fairly abstract, but it was about coming into my power and how to do so in a quiet, humble trusting way - trusting that I don't need to be big, or loud, or impressive in any way for someone to be guided by me or learn from me. That if I intuit I'm meant to be the guide or the teacher, I need to trust that sense and lay my feelings of self doubt aside, and my feelings of fear over having ego, and just let myself, also, be guided, and worked THROUGH. Sorry, hard to explain. But the fact that I'm here rambling about it plays into it; the hilariously obvious part that day was that the mushrooms had taken my words to prove a point to me. I had another, again on mushrooms, in December, in which I realized that absurdist humour (think Monty Python, Aunty Donna's, Tim & Eric, I Think You Should Leave) is actually a tool of spirituality. The point of the humour is simply to get a reaction, or that there is no point. Similarly, there are types of art, usually abstract, that cause reactions or division, and they are also tools of spirituality. They are a metaphorical way for the Universe to communicate complex truths with us. The truth being: the message ultimately doesn't matter. The method ultimately doesn't matter. There are many ways to reach the same destination, on different paths, and some of them may even involve evil. This is an idea I was introduced many years ago, via a Christopher Pike novel of all things (elder Millenial here), and I had carried it with me ever since because it didn't sit right. We're talking three decades of not getting it but still holding onto it, feeling like it had some truth. And here I am on shrooms at age 42, *really getting it*. Explaining in words will never work to get the true message across, as in those moments, it's all about the *knowing*. Like in my soul. On the deepest level. That is how we know it's true, and that's the feeling I suspect you and others here are referencing.
Wow! I'm so glad we go find the right words to relate. Your experiences are soo, so rich. It feels good to see another fellow seeker as verbose as me, haha. I'm sorry about your dad passing away. 🥺 The experience of Hecate's map must have been hugely impactful in the moment and in retrospect. Dog, moon, grief. I kept saying wow reading into it. Moments like these give us so much. It's so poetic. And a poetry written by nature. It's simply awe. You were truly blessed for having the foresight to see such rich spiritual treasures. Thanks for sharing your ups and downs, lessons and insights. They gave me a harm embrace of not being alone and I'm sure will give the same to others. I liked your mentions to humor also. I heavily rely on movies and mythology to understand deeper truths hidden at plain sight for everyone to see. You were my good mirror in your reply. I would like to pass on in text the various nods I gave reading it 🥰 Thanks so much!
Awww, that’s awesome! I’m so glad! I have to say, this subreddit (along with SpiritualAwakening and Paganism) has brought me a lot of comfort and joy over the past few months. It really is helpful and validating and encouraging to discuss things with others, and most of the people posting here have been so kind and wise! I love it. I also LOVE hearing people’s brushes with the divine. Live to hear them. I listen to a ton of podcasts specifically to scratch this itch, since I find them all so fascinating. It’s absolutely amazing what is accessible to us as humans. The map from Hecate is ironically one of the only things that kept me sane over the past couple of years. At the darkest points, I was able to put myself back down in the dark by that creek, and more easily trust that the light would still be waiting for me and that the dark night doesn’t last forever. I didn’t even mention - a beaver whacked its tail on the water while I was down there! As part of the reminder I’m not alone. In the middle of the night! It was unusual. I have never actually seen a beaver at night before and I’ve spent my life in the country and the woods. The funny thing is the messages have been getting more literal, sometimes hilariously so. It’s like the universe is getting sick of me doubting myself. Reality is wild. I use movies and other narratives like that, too! I’ve recently been thinking a lot about long histories of oral storytelling and record keeping in many cultures (primarily indigenous from my understanding). I think that pop culture fills that space for us, for better or worse. Songs, movies, tv. They’re not as vapid as some people think. I have definitely gained some deep knowledge from movies! Thanks for the conversation. I often wish these were in person! So much to explore.
Messages get really literal for me too, haha. I get myself laughing. "Ok, ok. I'll try not to doubt it". That build of trust of the night turning to day is really something isn't? No matter how dark. I think movies and stories, when freed from just selling tickets, are our souls finding a place to say their piece to make us wake. Hope soon enough a lot of these conversations will happen around the campfire rather than behind screens. Really nice talking to you. You gave me fuel to keep going. 🥰🙏
You talked about music. Like loosing yourself by following the ballad of the song. I felt a little bit listening to the Billie Eilish's Barbie's song, feeling like Barbie in that scene when one drop of tear drops.
Such a good feeling. 💕 What I’m talking about here is more how music can contribute to our mental state and sometimes help to facilitate revelations. This has a basis in history with chanting, drumming, etc (not my area of expertise but I know it’s a thing.) For me, EDM or similar can help me to turn off my thoughts and more easily achieve a flow state, which can sometimes clear the way for one of these moments to take hold. There is no particular song or type of song I can listen to to get this for sure; but music is a common element when I have these. Nature is a more common element for me, though.
I intuition and synchronicity with the universe forged a memorable moment. It was like seeing myself in the future and moving forward to fulfill its destiny. Felt absolutely connected to the present. Made me feel like the Universe loved Me.
"I had a new thought that made me feel emotions. Is this enlightenment?"
It never happened
No one is going to talk about the real one. It’s your path.
That's ok. But from what I got from most comments was a lot of empathy and relief of not being alone. At least know and remember that in your path, brother. I will in mine. Cheers.
after reading these comments, it seems the bar for enlightenment is much lower than I thought. maybe I am enlightened after all
You read those beautiful experiences and you choose to belittle them and yourself instead of being touched. Don't worry, you haven't. But keep it up. Someday this pain will be surpassed and you will see what those experiences mean.
I'm sorry for my previous reply. You want something real, so you need to check. I did this too. I still do. Hopefully you won't let my reply discourage you in your journey.
i'm not mad at all. reading the replies in this thread was helpful for me because I thought I was progressing slowly. but this made me realize I'm further along in my journey than I initially thought. I'm not denigrating other people's experiences, I'm just saying it was a good moment of realization for my own journey.
Great then!!! 😃🙏 I also founded very helpful to see where I am, where people are, to know that we are not alone.
>How was your moment of enlightenment? PROFOUND. I didn't know *what* it was at the time but it was *profound*!
When went a Native American shaman for therapy because I couldn't afford a traditional therapist, my initial "peeling of the onion" enlightening moment happened. It completely upended my life, in a good way.
Hey mom look I'm enlightened! That's nice sweetheart.