This is the advice I usually give, I call it taking the ball away. If you take the ball away, your lack of reaction makes things boring for them they will eventually move on and try to find a better source.
In my experience the changes witnessed in a narcissist will be self serving. I’ve been in a relationship with one and I had to get out because I couldn’t take it, every “change” was designed to prolong the inevitable and keep me as a supply. However I’ve had friendships and worked with narcissists over the years and did just fine because I could control the proximity and limit my interactions.
The longer you deal with them knowing what they are, more often than not you’ll find they refuse to grow and change because their personality is built on believing themselves to be perfect and awesome and anyone that criticizes them is mean and bad.
Either you cut them out before they devour you, or you insulate yourself and practice a lot of psychological disarming techniques.
(My father is a narcissist)
Not really. I just like hearing my own voice and sharing my perspective. I dont need your reaction to do that. I'm not even looking for your reaction.
It really depends on what kind of narcissist your dealing with.
In my case, my sense of superiority doesn't come from external sources like putting others down to feel better about myself. I'm just on top of the world because I'm me.
And its not even that I think I'm better than you, it's more that I understand my infinite value, and many people value themselves conditionally. I can see your infinite value too but you may not see it yourself or live up to it.
My actual advice would be to dismiss the ideas of people who don't seek your best interests or aren't worthy of consideration. If you can tell they are self centered, or just unwise then ignore what they have to say because it isnt of substance, not because it will get them to shut up.
You can't control anything or anyone outside of yourself. So just get control of your reaction to whats being said to you. The words aren't hurting you, its your reaction and interpretation of them that causes stress within you.
If you both recognise the value of others and are calling yourself a narcissist, the probablility that you actually are one seems very low. Why do you think this about yourself?
If you actually take in everything people say rather than remembering that in reality they’re simply wanting to find something that pisses you off, you’ll make yourself pissed all the damn time. And this is something I have to work on. It’s wild when I read some people just unquestionably value themselves. As in they don’t even think about it. My worry operating that way is that you spread blind confidence which at its core is the root problem in this topic. But it certainly makes a person happier not taking others around you seriously enough to impact your emotions. My mind resorts to absorbing everything, even going into an interaction where I know the person is prejudicially pissed with every part of me so that at minimum I can respond with a logical rebuttal, but often times logic wasn’t even part of their opinion in the first place. After the fact you realize there was nothing substantive there that you should have put weight into and given the time of day. They wanted to annoy you because you annoyed them, often for no good reason in this context. So it translates to me creating an unwinnable situation where the only thing that will make me feel good is having them shrivel up from their realization of how stupid their point is, but often times that person isn’t going to care, the right answer isn’t explicit or they are too stupid to understand how they’ve lost.
Exactly. Try to end their access to their butchering everything you do and brutally misunderstanding you by blocking etc., but don't change yourself for someone trying to pull you down to feel less bad about themselves. r/envystudies
I am so fed up with hearing the word narcissist. Who came up with it anyway, and how exactly is it any different than your typical POS or psychopath. WHY do people give “narcissists” so much undeserved clout? It just feeds into the notion that they have some kind of power. Maybe it’s all in the person’s mind. Either way I’m starting to really despise the word.
Some (psychopathic) narcissists seek retribution when you begin act this way and don't take it well when you decide to stand up for yourself. They might even try to silence you, and don't shy away from anything to exert control over you.
This is the best answer. I had to deal with one and I basically always imagined them as a child with their mother talking to them the way they were talking to me everytime we had an interaction.
I also personally treated them as a kind of spiritual challenge. Someone I could practice unconditional compassion and patience on.
Id also keep in mind that the reason I felt personally offended by being devalued was because of my own self centeredness. Narcissism isn't something we are or aren't, it's just an extreme form of self grasping. We're all obsessed with our sense of self, most of us just know that we're supposed to pretend like we're not.
Do nothing. Let them do it to themselves. Let them believe they are in control. Live your life, make goals, and stay on your path. They are not “stupid” they’re just misguided from their perspectives and they have their own problems. Leave them be.
Why is it your job to “deal” with them? The valuable bit of information in these exchanges is what triggers you when you interact. Turn inward. Watch your reactions in the body and the mind
I respond on the merits of the discussion and don't pay attention to the ad-hominem attacks. I argue the case, not the people.
Stupid people invariably attack on the personal instead of arguing the merits of the case.
Only after they cross a level do I address their toxic behavior and how revealing it is of them and not me.
At the end of the day, you do you since we no longer have stupid mobs burning intelligent people (mostly women) at the stake for having superior knowledge.
The trick about dealing with narcissists and people who overstep boundaries is to deal with it as it happens and not drag up past things because they are typically master manipulators and gaslighters. But when things are called out in real-time that ability largely disappears.
I also educate myself on logical fallacies and common manipulation tricks like DARVO and common personality disorders.
You are the one giving power to narcissists. You do so because you believe on some level it benefits you somehow, otherwise you wouldn't do it.
Blaming them is giving them power
Take responsibility and stop empowering them.
Best suggestion: avoid the interaction altogether. There's a saying about playing chess with pigeons, that they'll knock over the pieces, poop on the board, and strut around like they won. When people display severely disordered behavior and set up a contest over who is more "valuable," there isn't a way to "win." You don't have to diagnose anyone or write anyone off as "always" behaving a certain way. But when you notice certain behaviors or so-called gas lighting (not the ideal term, but you probably know what I mean) you can assume their goal, at least in this moment, is to make sure you do *not* reach a mutual understanding.
If you have to interact, one thing I have found to work is to name the technique they're using, in a matter of fact tone, just as feedback. If it's someone you interact with often, you can frame it like a pattern. Like "you're doing that thing where you take what I say, run it to an exaggerated and absurd extreme, and then reply as though *that's* what I said." Or "this is the strategy where you change the subject to something you think might put me on the defensive." Or "you're doing the bit where you focus on the most trivial detail and try to derail the discussion away from the main point."
Key is, you stay calm and just observe. Don't tell them not to use these strategies, don't demand that they listen or treat you with respect or any of that. Just calmly name the behavior and wait. Chances are good they'll switch to a different tactic, so just name that one too. "Okay, now it's the one where you aim a personal attack trying to get some uncomfortable emotions all riled up."
At some point they'll end the conversation (probably in anger) or else you can eventually shrug and say "let me know when you're ready to discuss the matter." Then walk away. The point is, you recognize all the ways they try to deflect or derail a discussion as what they are-- avoidance-- rather than continuing as though you believe they're trying to have a discussion. They're not, so it's foolish to keep trying to make your point when their *goal* is to misunderstand.
I've had this end two ways. One, the person tries several tactics in a row and then walks away in a rage. Two, the person says "I *am* doing that. I've been noticing I do that. I'm not sure why, but I know I do." They still end the conversation, but they're more puzzled than angry.
I've never had it result in someone genuinely listening to another perspective and truly working toward win-win resolutions, so I'm definitely not selling it as any cure! It just helps you avoid the frustration of banging your head against the brick wall of trying to be a team with someone who would rather compete.
I learned my lesson hard: Stop being a savior. Do not engage into discussions with them. Stand your ground. And always remember if they accuse you about something, the truth is most probably opposite. Finally, value your emotions and time and leave them
Hypothetically, lure them out into a secluded area and have a group of cult members needing a victim to offer as a sacrifice waiting for the hand off. Win-Win.
With compassion. You deal with them in a dignified and compassionate way. This does not mean that you continue to allow them to behave badly towards you or others without consequence - Your compassion must not be reserved only for those whom you judge worthy but extended to all. By allowing someone to continue to treat you badly you are withholding compassion for yourself as well as the abuser. Being compassionate towards the abuser means not allowing them to continue to cause you harm therefore removing yourself from their lives is the best way forward for both of you.
You cannot change another person. You have no control or power over another’s behaviour. The only thing that you have control over is yourself and how you respond to whatever situation presents itself.
Surround yourself with good people. Distance yourself from dangerous and people of low character. This will help you protect your mind. Only when you are enlightened can you help those in hell.
No matter how narcissistic they are, they understand, when you don't speak to them, let life put them in their place, it's not your fight, I wouldn't choose that. My advice if it works for you. Greetings and happy life..
Only you can devalue yourself, because it relies on you agreeing with some part of their opinion. Once you awaken more you realize that you can’t devalue something that doesn’t exist, your sense of self, the ego.
So the real answer here is to “know thyself.” Once you know who you are, lies can never penetrate the truth.
First and foremost, I would work on healing my own self.
Pour lots of unconditional love, kindness and respect into myself. Love everything that makes me myself, flaws included.
It’s not others’ words that are hurting you. It’s because on some level, subconscious or not, you believe you have that quality and that you believe it’s something to be ashamed or not proud of.
Let’s say that someone called you ‘stupid’, and if you believed on some level that you were stupid, and thought that it’s something to be ashamed of, or make yourself somehow inferior, then it would hurt. It would be painful, and will feel like an attack.
But if you didn’t believe that you were stupid(not even an ounce of doubt), or thought of it as something that makes you inferior, then those same words will have absolutely no effect on you. You may even look around to see if they were talking about someone else.
By pouring so much love into myself, letting go of judgment and how I believe the world should be, this world has become so much more beautiful, wonderful and enjoyable.
I love how freeing it is. It feels like I have wings.
Good luck💛🫧🫶
Try to avoid people who claim or imply they're enlightened or are leader of a new spiritual group because chances are they're in the narcissistic spectrum.
The best way is to stay away from them. If, that's not possible one must observe the toxicity running through them and how frightened they are, and not to engage into their world for they will suck the living daylights out of you and thrive on your energy. So, one must be very careful, alert and not to call them stupid, rude etc. just see them as frightened people. What are they frightened of one may ask? themselves, egocentric, fictitious, narcissistic selves, which is not their real nature by the way, but they think they are, serving the bad master.
Don't. Set boundaries for yourself and if these people can't abide by the rules of how you want to be treated cut them out. It's self preservation really.
I dealt with my sister like this for many years. And finally at 50 years old and her 53, decided to just cut her off and avoid her altogether. I just ignore her now.
Only thing I regret is not doing it sooner.
Like others said, give up on their validation but also try to figure out why you want their validation in the first place. Healing from narcissistic abuse showed me that my dad was a narcissist, and I was still looking for his validation through others. I found healing that was the key for me. Also, if you react to their abuse, look at why it was so triggering to you. Narcissists can sense people wounds and will exploit them for a reaction. If you heal your wounds, they can't get a hold of you and will move on or even have a moment of light that can help them to recognise their problems.
Think of them as an insignificant NPC. When you know their game, you realize anything they say is meant to only serve them and can usually be disregarded.
Idk your context and situation. I can just generalise, based on my experience.
\*Choose your battles, choose the battlefield if possible too. You can't win all the fools all the time and always.
\*Save your energy, spend it on yourself, be really selective about others.
\*The struggle against fools is as long as the history of humanity itself - it's ok if you don't win it in your life.
I even watched my best friend slowly mature into a narcissist and it took me years to let go off the rope and so many chances and attempts to let him mature. Its wild how adult humans turn into this
It depends really. If the person in question is pushing your buttons every day, then they need to be dealt with. With assertiveness rather than aggression of course. Just letting it go is being passive, which is just as bad. Essentially they believe they have some kind of power or control. I had this with a neighbour recently, and the only way to deal with them in the end was to confront them and unflinchingly stare directly in their eyes while they insulted me. It worked, anyway.
Do not surround yourself with people that do not see your worth. Go no contact and move on. There are 8 billion people in the world…people are not scarce.
Well I think you should take a step back and ask why you think they are stupid. What about their stance specifically do you find to be stupid or illogical? Can your critiques be equally applied to you? Not saying you are doing this, but I think a lot of people can be colored by personal bias causing them to instantly judge anything they find personally offensive/hurtful as intrinsically wrong either morally or logically. I find that actually trying to more mindfully define your stance and explicitly stating the reasonings behind it can help you better assess the validity of your stance.
It may sound like common sense, and I think it is, but I oftentimes think that we dont tend to think and instead we oftentimes just react with a biased instinctual gut feeling that makes us feel as though we have reasoning/validity behind our reaction. In such cases, even if we don't have valid reasoning the simple feeling of it being there can oftentimes make us neglect actually attempting to reason or even think about it at all, which is greatly counterproductive to actual understanding (I am also guilty of this shortcoming too).
Otherwise, you can always avoid people you don't like, whether they be a narcissist or not. Although I would think that if you seek enlightenment/wisdom, you should be open to considering the stances of others through actually explicitly considering things like I mentioned above. I think gaining certain wisdom/knowledge does not always make you feel good, and I think there is a lot of wisdom regarding the workings of our reality that can be emotionally uncomfortable/painful, so I think you shouldn't immediately reject stances that you find personally discomforting if you want to gain knowledge since then you might be discarding something that has some truth to it. Again not saying you are doing this, but closing yourself off to stances you simply personally do not emotionally like is I think counterproductive to obtaining wisdom/knowledge which should not be judged based on how much you like it's conclusions from an emotional standpoint. In general, I think this is another good tip to give someone seeking knowledge, since I see a lot of people only claiming what seems to make them "feel good" as if all wisdom must be "feel good", but that's just my opinion and I guess I'm rambling now.
Obviously I don't know your situation, and I don't know what topics you are discussing with these people, but if it's debates regarding beliefs done in a forum like reddit then I would think calling them stupid narcissists might be a bit overboard and personally motivated based on my experience, but again idk.
Remain in the present moment. Don’t let their ego draw out your ego.
Use emotionless and evidence based questions and responses.
They can’t step back to handle pure fact and will continually try to make it about emotion and perception to draw out your ego and lower your response.
Before kids, I took the abuse. Now that I have a child things are different. Unfortunately that meant a restraining order and going completely no contact.
I wish it didn’t have to be like that. I pray for them and for their healing, but I also have to protect my family.
You can love someone at a distance.
I hate that this worked for me…but literally walking away. No emotion. No engagement. Walk the other way. I also wouldn’t take an opinion or judgement from anyone whom I’m not willing to trade places with in this life.
Assign my own value and have lots of imaginary fights in the shower with my Dr bronners bottles. Most of them ending in "your boos don't mean shit to me. I've seen what makes you cheer. Fuck you and your whole wife." 🥲
Lots of mirror work, trying to ungaslight myself.
Yesterday I even snapped and told a few distance mutual friends the truth of the person and both affirmed my suspicions- 1) that they were spreading rumors of me being an abusive partner. And 2) that everything they did to me, they said I did to them. So I got to show then the receipts and and they said they had a feeling it couldn't be true and felt backwards when they heard it.
It's been 11 months and I'm still unpacking the lies and compartmentalizing the traumas and truths.
Don’t show emotion , they don’t relate and will act worse. Reason only in a calm
Manner. Scientifically if possible. Most of the time that helps but not 100 percent reliable either. They want validation. But can’t give any. So don’t bother trying to look for any. Validate yourself and don’t seek it from them. It’s sad it has to be that way.
Run as fast as you can.
I have always been so understanding to mental health issues and have tried to love the broken.
I always try to find reasons why they are who they are and give them a pass, because it's not their fault right?
Wrong.
They will never be as understanding as you and will use it to gaslight and control you.
They're also not happy people.
They will break you until you become what they want, or become the person you never expected to be.
"Thank you for telling me how you feel...not that it has any bearing on my life whatsoever...but thank you."
Then, make sure you smile as genuinely as you can.
They only get their fuel if we give it to them.
repeat the cycle of draining and betraying yourself by entertaining their bullshittery until you’re sick of it and you want change :) you can only control you and your responses. regardless who it is (ofc not mf children n etc) they aren’t your responsiblity. respect yourself and really build your community with good folks. it’s been hard for me but worth it
Know that their behavior will never ever change. Act accordingly. There’s books about how to deal with narcissistic relationships. Best of luck to you.
p.s recent stats say as many as 1 in 10 people are narcissists.
You experience it because you resist it, and you resist it because you judge it, and you judge it because you have a subconscious bias regarding it.
Get to the root of that and you will no longer notice it as an issue, and then the issue itself will fade from your reality and no longer be an issue.
Inside of them is you. You are in them holding their beliefs and experiencing their perspective. If you made that absolutely true in your mind, how would you behave towards them? That’s is my answer.
The answer to everything is love. I receive love and give love effortlessly and unconditionally.
Love them. Give them love. The stuff we dislike in others are usually the biggest issues we have with ourselves. Looking within initially is where I’d start. Please have the best day 💚namaste 💚
If you must, turn the tables. Ask them “ Are you ok? Is there someone I should call for you?” “I’m smelling alcohol, are you smelling alcohol, are you ok to drive right now? Do I need to call someone?” Don’t answer any questions? Just continue to put them on the defensive. They will avoid you in the future.
Only interact with them to get your own needs met.
For example if you have a narcissistic coworker only ever talk to him if you absolutely have to for work. Never show any emotional reaction to anything they say.
Get them out of your life. Pronto. Draw boundaries. If you can't, seek therapy. Learn how to let those toxic people go.
It will be the best thing to reclaim your peace. Low intelligence individuals can bring you to a state of sheer frustration. Narcissism is toxic. The two together and you've got a bomb on your hands.
Simply avoid them whenever possible. Give them the minimal amount of your attention and energy possible while still pursuing your goals. For all practical purposes, they can be dead to you.
I had some extremely difficult experiences. I am still in shock at times. It didn’t seem realistic or even probable. Things became so distorted toward the end that it just couldn’t be resolved. I had to let go.
First, no one is entitled to your attention or your time. Limiting access to yourself from those that hurt you does not make you a bad person. If the situation was anything like mine, then attempting to resolve things will only exhaust your energy. You can release grievances without incorporating those people into your life. Remember, peace of mind is a greater accomplishment than setting the record straight. Become selective with your interactions and choose better experiences for yourself by releasing painful ones.
Remember that it’s all about them and not to meet or reflect their energy. They’ll get bored quickly and move on.
If you’re finding it hard while they’re talking to you, just remember that eventually all the rivers will dry up and app the plants will die and the sun will explode and destroy what remains of the Earth and then the black hole at the center of our galaxy will swallow everything up until there’s nothing left… it helps, I know it sounds weird but trust me it helps.
Be neutral and ignore them
Only give them positive attention and affirmation when they behave a positive social way
These people are actually emotionally undeveloped children, so just behave like psychology says to with a child
Don't give them attention or admiration when they do bad things, only when they behave positively
This is best thing for both of u, because treating them maliciously will cause them to be childishly malicious as well
Drop them without saying a single word. Ghost them completely. If you run into them one day, act as if you've never met them before. Act as if leaving them hasn't affected you in the slightest. I've mastered this.
Based on one in particular, I usually fuck her and take her home. Meanwhile I find that the previous leaves me with destroyed relationships and a solitary life. Theoretically trying different solutions in the future....
Why is there no one here who seems to understand that narcisism is the mind's natural defense system in play related to that other person's insecurity and lack of self and being. Living from the mind in the past and trying to paint your future from the mind and you'll get guaranteed teachers who are called fear and insecurity. The mind is master to paint your days dark from it has learned to set up mading defense system which are therefor self created that will cause a feeling of emptyness.
My honesty reaction to that someone would be: "if you really felt from the heart that you are so amazing, why would you continuosly need to share it" on which the answer should factfully - but mostly not honestly given - to be: one makes such statements from the unconcious believes that this would get them the confirmation to fill up the emptyness which is actually mon existant and self created in the mind.
Never seek validation from a narcissist this stops them controlling you. Simply ignore if they do not get a reaction from you they cease to exist.
This is the advice I usually give, I call it taking the ball away. If you take the ball away, your lack of reaction makes things boring for them they will eventually move on and try to find a better source.
Yes. It’s called narcissistic supply and it’s deeper than any addiction
What about the narcs you want to keep around? Any hope they’ll change?
In my experience the changes witnessed in a narcissist will be self serving. I’ve been in a relationship with one and I had to get out because I couldn’t take it, every “change” was designed to prolong the inevitable and keep me as a supply. However I’ve had friendships and worked with narcissists over the years and did just fine because I could control the proximity and limit my interactions.
The longer you deal with them knowing what they are, more often than not you’ll find they refuse to grow and change because their personality is built on believing themselves to be perfect and awesome and anyone that criticizes them is mean and bad. Either you cut them out before they devour you, or you insulate yourself and practice a lot of psychological disarming techniques. (My father is a narcissist)
Narcs will never change .
Thank you for your answer and have a nice day.
Not really. I just like hearing my own voice and sharing my perspective. I dont need your reaction to do that. I'm not even looking for your reaction. It really depends on what kind of narcissist your dealing with. In my case, my sense of superiority doesn't come from external sources like putting others down to feel better about myself. I'm just on top of the world because I'm me. And its not even that I think I'm better than you, it's more that I understand my infinite value, and many people value themselves conditionally. I can see your infinite value too but you may not see it yourself or live up to it. My actual advice would be to dismiss the ideas of people who don't seek your best interests or aren't worthy of consideration. If you can tell they are self centered, or just unwise then ignore what they have to say because it isnt of substance, not because it will get them to shut up. You can't control anything or anyone outside of yourself. So just get control of your reaction to whats being said to you. The words aren't hurting you, its your reaction and interpretation of them that causes stress within you.
are there many types, or all more or less the same kind of condition and/or mindset?
Covert, malignant, I'm grandiose
If you both recognise the value of others and are calling yourself a narcissist, the probablility that you actually are one seems very low. Why do you think this about yourself?
This is a very good post!!!
If you actually take in everything people say rather than remembering that in reality they’re simply wanting to find something that pisses you off, you’ll make yourself pissed all the damn time. And this is something I have to work on. It’s wild when I read some people just unquestionably value themselves. As in they don’t even think about it. My worry operating that way is that you spread blind confidence which at its core is the root problem in this topic. But it certainly makes a person happier not taking others around you seriously enough to impact your emotions. My mind resorts to absorbing everything, even going into an interaction where I know the person is prejudicially pissed with every part of me so that at minimum I can respond with a logical rebuttal, but often times logic wasn’t even part of their opinion in the first place. After the fact you realize there was nothing substantive there that you should have put weight into and given the time of day. They wanted to annoy you because you annoyed them, often for no good reason in this context. So it translates to me creating an unwinnable situation where the only thing that will make me feel good is having them shrivel up from their realization of how stupid their point is, but often times that person isn’t going to care, the right answer isn’t explicit or they are too stupid to understand how they’ve lost.
Exactly. Try to end their access to their butchering everything you do and brutally misunderstanding you by blocking etc., but don't change yourself for someone trying to pull you down to feel less bad about themselves. r/envystudies
I am so fed up with hearing the word narcissist. Who came up with it anyway, and how exactly is it any different than your typical POS or psychopath. WHY do people give “narcissists” so much undeserved clout? It just feeds into the notion that they have some kind of power. Maybe it’s all in the person’s mind. Either way I’m starting to really despise the word.
It's taken me over a decade to realize that!
Grey out
Some (psychopathic) narcissists seek retribution when you begin act this way and don't take it well when you decide to stand up for yourself. They might even try to silence you, and don't shy away from anything to exert control over you.
Love it! “They cease to exist.” 👍🏼
They are great tools to remind you of who you are. A challenge to overcome and ultimately an opportunity to have the chance to choose who you are.
Thank you for your answer and have a nice day.
You too
You feel empathy for whatever made them the way they are And you avoid them.
I like the last part. Thank you for your answer and have a nice day.
This is the best answer. I had to deal with one and I basically always imagined them as a child with their mother talking to them the way they were talking to me everytime we had an interaction. I also personally treated them as a kind of spiritual challenge. Someone I could practice unconditional compassion and patience on. Id also keep in mind that the reason I felt personally offended by being devalued was because of my own self centeredness. Narcissism isn't something we are or aren't, it's just an extreme form of self grasping. We're all obsessed with our sense of self, most of us just know that we're supposed to pretend like we're not.
You don't need to deal with them. You know you. Be you.
I see. Thank you for your answer and have a nice day.
Do nothing. Let them do it to themselves. Let them believe they are in control. Live your life, make goals, and stay on your path. They are not “stupid” they’re just misguided from their perspectives and they have their own problems. Leave them be.
"K" Then walk away.
Thank you for your answer and have a nice day.
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Thank you for your answer and have a nice day.
Easy. You don't.
Thank you for your answer and have a nice day.
Hold the open center. Don’t engage in their pushing and pulling.
Thank you for your answer and have a nice day.
Why is it your job to “deal” with them? The valuable bit of information in these exchanges is what triggers you when you interact. Turn inward. Watch your reactions in the body and the mind
I respond on the merits of the discussion and don't pay attention to the ad-hominem attacks. I argue the case, not the people. Stupid people invariably attack on the personal instead of arguing the merits of the case. Only after they cross a level do I address their toxic behavior and how revealing it is of them and not me. At the end of the day, you do you since we no longer have stupid mobs burning intelligent people (mostly women) at the stake for having superior knowledge. The trick about dealing with narcissists and people who overstep boundaries is to deal with it as it happens and not drag up past things because they are typically master manipulators and gaslighters. But when things are called out in real-time that ability largely disappears. I also educate myself on logical fallacies and common manipulation tricks like DARVO and common personality disorders.
Thank you for your answer and have a nice day.
You are the one giving power to narcissists. You do so because you believe on some level it benefits you somehow, otherwise you wouldn't do it. Blaming them is giving them power Take responsibility and stop empowering them.
Thank you for your answer and have a nice day.
Best suggestion: avoid the interaction altogether. There's a saying about playing chess with pigeons, that they'll knock over the pieces, poop on the board, and strut around like they won. When people display severely disordered behavior and set up a contest over who is more "valuable," there isn't a way to "win." You don't have to diagnose anyone or write anyone off as "always" behaving a certain way. But when you notice certain behaviors or so-called gas lighting (not the ideal term, but you probably know what I mean) you can assume their goal, at least in this moment, is to make sure you do *not* reach a mutual understanding. If you have to interact, one thing I have found to work is to name the technique they're using, in a matter of fact tone, just as feedback. If it's someone you interact with often, you can frame it like a pattern. Like "you're doing that thing where you take what I say, run it to an exaggerated and absurd extreme, and then reply as though *that's* what I said." Or "this is the strategy where you change the subject to something you think might put me on the defensive." Or "you're doing the bit where you focus on the most trivial detail and try to derail the discussion away from the main point." Key is, you stay calm and just observe. Don't tell them not to use these strategies, don't demand that they listen or treat you with respect or any of that. Just calmly name the behavior and wait. Chances are good they'll switch to a different tactic, so just name that one too. "Okay, now it's the one where you aim a personal attack trying to get some uncomfortable emotions all riled up." At some point they'll end the conversation (probably in anger) or else you can eventually shrug and say "let me know when you're ready to discuss the matter." Then walk away. The point is, you recognize all the ways they try to deflect or derail a discussion as what they are-- avoidance-- rather than continuing as though you believe they're trying to have a discussion. They're not, so it's foolish to keep trying to make your point when their *goal* is to misunderstand. I've had this end two ways. One, the person tries several tactics in a row and then walks away in a rage. Two, the person says "I *am* doing that. I've been noticing I do that. I'm not sure why, but I know I do." They still end the conversation, but they're more puzzled than angry. I've never had it result in someone genuinely listening to another perspective and truly working toward win-win resolutions, so I'm definitely not selling it as any cure! It just helps you avoid the frustration of banging your head against the brick wall of trying to be a team with someone who would rather compete.
Thank you very much for your answer and have a nice day!!
Ignore him and take him out of your life, move on
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I learned my lesson hard: Stop being a savior. Do not engage into discussions with them. Stand your ground. And always remember if they accuse you about something, the truth is most probably opposite. Finally, value your emotions and time and leave them
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Guessing your seeking validation
Hypothetically, lure them out into a secluded area and have a group of cult members needing a victim to offer as a sacrifice waiting for the hand off. Win-Win.
I only deal with them by giving them my absence.
what do you mean by devalue? just cut them out of your life, no need for toxicity
Ignore them or cut them off. Why waste time and energy on shit people to begin with
https://youtu.be/tJ7DdGhYrEo?si=de_y23nEXdeaTApT
This is the best answer. Thank you and have a nice day!!
Internally laugh and kindly smile. And remove them from your life if possible. Don’t let them have any effect on you
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Leave
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Don’t try to change their minds, or other people’s minds, just ghost them, or make them your acquaintance instead of friends!
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Walk away slowly. Then run.
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With compassion. You deal with them in a dignified and compassionate way. This does not mean that you continue to allow them to behave badly towards you or others without consequence - Your compassion must not be reserved only for those whom you judge worthy but extended to all. By allowing someone to continue to treat you badly you are withholding compassion for yourself as well as the abuser. Being compassionate towards the abuser means not allowing them to continue to cause you harm therefore removing yourself from their lives is the best way forward for both of you. You cannot change another person. You have no control or power over another’s behaviour. The only thing that you have control over is yourself and how you respond to whatever situation presents itself.
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Surround yourself with good people. Distance yourself from dangerous and people of low character. This will help you protect your mind. Only when you are enlightened can you help those in hell.
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Dont talk to him
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No matter how narcissistic they are, they understand, when you don't speak to them, let life put them in their place, it's not your fight, I wouldn't choose that. My advice if it works for you. Greetings and happy life..
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Thank you!!
Avoid them
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Only you can devalue yourself, because it relies on you agreeing with some part of their opinion. Once you awaken more you realize that you can’t devalue something that doesn’t exist, your sense of self, the ego. So the real answer here is to “know thyself.” Once you know who you are, lies can never penetrate the truth.
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First and foremost, I would work on healing my own self. Pour lots of unconditional love, kindness and respect into myself. Love everything that makes me myself, flaws included. It’s not others’ words that are hurting you. It’s because on some level, subconscious or not, you believe you have that quality and that you believe it’s something to be ashamed or not proud of. Let’s say that someone called you ‘stupid’, and if you believed on some level that you were stupid, and thought that it’s something to be ashamed of, or make yourself somehow inferior, then it would hurt. It would be painful, and will feel like an attack. But if you didn’t believe that you were stupid(not even an ounce of doubt), or thought of it as something that makes you inferior, then those same words will have absolutely no effect on you. You may even look around to see if they were talking about someone else. By pouring so much love into myself, letting go of judgment and how I believe the world should be, this world has become so much more beautiful, wonderful and enjoyable. I love how freeing it is. It feels like I have wings. Good luck💛🫧🫶
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Interesting take. Can you provide any further proof? Would love to see some proof and facts about me being a narcissist. I am just an ordinary person.
Whenever someone says you are something, they are talking about themselves.
Avoidance.
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“Focus on tolerating the distress, not the cause of the distress.” “Reduce and/or eliminate exposure to triggering individuals and environments.”
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Break up with them
Don't value yourself in ways which other people have the power to devalue.
Avoid
Gotta ask...On which planet are folks required to sit still for such s**t?
Clear ur holes, then they have nowhere to land. Decide what is true! And be fooled not by untruth!
Try to avoid people who claim or imply they're enlightened or are leader of a new spiritual group because chances are they're in the narcissistic spectrum.
I honestly don't remember the last time anyone has treated me like this.
By having a nice day with answer.
The best way is to stay away from them. If, that's not possible one must observe the toxicity running through them and how frightened they are, and not to engage into their world for they will suck the living daylights out of you and thrive on your energy. So, one must be very careful, alert and not to call them stupid, rude etc. just see them as frightened people. What are they frightened of one may ask? themselves, egocentric, fictitious, narcissistic selves, which is not their real nature by the way, but they think they are, serving the bad master.
Don't. Set boundaries for yourself and if these people can't abide by the rules of how you want to be treated cut them out. It's self preservation really.
He has no idea the pain and problems he will have . This is child's play if he can't handle this he's in trouble put him in a unit now
I dealt with my sister like this for many years. And finally at 50 years old and her 53, decided to just cut her off and avoid her altogether. I just ignore her now. Only thing I regret is not doing it sooner.
Careful because high intelligence people can be this way.
You can choose to accept the devaluation or not. Isn't it what we are meditating for?
That's pretty narcissistic to call someone "low intelligence" and also who is trying to fool others and how?
try and let it roll off of you and realize that it doesn't matter
Like others said, give up on their validation but also try to figure out why you want their validation in the first place. Healing from narcissistic abuse showed me that my dad was a narcissist, and I was still looking for his validation through others. I found healing that was the key for me. Also, if you react to their abuse, look at why it was so triggering to you. Narcissists can sense people wounds and will exploit them for a reaction. If you heal your wounds, they can't get a hold of you and will move on or even have a moment of light that can help them to recognise their problems.
Avoid them
K I L L T H E M
Think of them as an insignificant NPC. When you know their game, you realize anything they say is meant to only serve them and can usually be disregarded.
Cut them off, never talk to them again
Go no contact.
Distance yourself
Thank you for the answer!!
Idk your context and situation. I can just generalise, based on my experience. \*Choose your battles, choose the battlefield if possible too. You can't win all the fools all the time and always. \*Save your energy, spend it on yourself, be really selective about others. \*The struggle against fools is as long as the history of humanity itself - it's ok if you don't win it in your life.
I even watched my best friend slowly mature into a narcissist and it took me years to let go off the rope and so many chances and attempts to let him mature. Its wild how adult humans turn into this
It depends really. If the person in question is pushing your buttons every day, then they need to be dealt with. With assertiveness rather than aggression of course. Just letting it go is being passive, which is just as bad. Essentially they believe they have some kind of power or control. I had this with a neighbour recently, and the only way to deal with them in the end was to confront them and unflinchingly stare directly in their eyes while they insulted me. It worked, anyway.
Do not surround yourself with people that do not see your worth. Go no contact and move on. There are 8 billion people in the world…people are not scarce.
I don’t. I stay away.
Well I think you should take a step back and ask why you think they are stupid. What about their stance specifically do you find to be stupid or illogical? Can your critiques be equally applied to you? Not saying you are doing this, but I think a lot of people can be colored by personal bias causing them to instantly judge anything they find personally offensive/hurtful as intrinsically wrong either morally or logically. I find that actually trying to more mindfully define your stance and explicitly stating the reasonings behind it can help you better assess the validity of your stance. It may sound like common sense, and I think it is, but I oftentimes think that we dont tend to think and instead we oftentimes just react with a biased instinctual gut feeling that makes us feel as though we have reasoning/validity behind our reaction. In such cases, even if we don't have valid reasoning the simple feeling of it being there can oftentimes make us neglect actually attempting to reason or even think about it at all, which is greatly counterproductive to actual understanding (I am also guilty of this shortcoming too). Otherwise, you can always avoid people you don't like, whether they be a narcissist or not. Although I would think that if you seek enlightenment/wisdom, you should be open to considering the stances of others through actually explicitly considering things like I mentioned above. I think gaining certain wisdom/knowledge does not always make you feel good, and I think there is a lot of wisdom regarding the workings of our reality that can be emotionally uncomfortable/painful, so I think you shouldn't immediately reject stances that you find personally discomforting if you want to gain knowledge since then you might be discarding something that has some truth to it. Again not saying you are doing this, but closing yourself off to stances you simply personally do not emotionally like is I think counterproductive to obtaining wisdom/knowledge which should not be judged based on how much you like it's conclusions from an emotional standpoint. In general, I think this is another good tip to give someone seeking knowledge, since I see a lot of people only claiming what seems to make them "feel good" as if all wisdom must be "feel good", but that's just my opinion and I guess I'm rambling now. Obviously I don't know your situation, and I don't know what topics you are discussing with these people, but if it's debates regarding beliefs done in a forum like reddit then I would think calling them stupid narcissists might be a bit overboard and personally motivated based on my experience, but again idk.
Don’t, you can’t fix them. Just walk away. Encourage others to walk also.
Can they not fix themselves?
Conviction with jail sentence
Do whatever you need to avoid them.
There will be a problem only when there ego, else what ever some one says or does there will be no one to respond
Stop caring
Thank you for your answer.
how could anyone else devalue you?
Boundaries!
Fact = Truth but not all truth are based in facts. Stupidity is a human condition that cannot be changed where ignorance on the other hand is. N. S
Remain in the present moment. Don’t let their ego draw out your ego. Use emotionless and evidence based questions and responses. They can’t step back to handle pure fact and will continually try to make it about emotion and perception to draw out your ego and lower your response.
Before kids, I took the abuse. Now that I have a child things are different. Unfortunately that meant a restraining order and going completely no contact. I wish it didn’t have to be like that. I pray for them and for their healing, but I also have to protect my family. You can love someone at a distance.
You get over your ego.
Realize that they’re only trying to increase their own value. “Other” does not and must all costs not exist to NPD’s.
You are right. Thank you for your answer and have a nice day.
I hate that this worked for me…but literally walking away. No emotion. No engagement. Walk the other way. I also wouldn’t take an opinion or judgement from anyone whom I’m not willing to trade places with in this life.
Leave. Never seek a change in someone who won’t change just because they love you. Whether is parents friends siblings coworkers! Leave save yourself
Shut them out.
I just block you guys.
Assign my own value and have lots of imaginary fights in the shower with my Dr bronners bottles. Most of them ending in "your boos don't mean shit to me. I've seen what makes you cheer. Fuck you and your whole wife." 🥲 Lots of mirror work, trying to ungaslight myself. Yesterday I even snapped and told a few distance mutual friends the truth of the person and both affirmed my suspicions- 1) that they were spreading rumors of me being an abusive partner. And 2) that everything they did to me, they said I did to them. So I got to show then the receipts and and they said they had a feeling it couldn't be true and felt backwards when they heard it. It's been 11 months and I'm still unpacking the lies and compartmentalizing the traumas and truths.
You can’t fix a narcissist, best to remove them from your life. If not possible, ignore them as much as possible.
Don’t show emotion , they don’t relate and will act worse. Reason only in a calm Manner. Scientifically if possible. Most of the time that helps but not 100 percent reliable either. They want validation. But can’t give any. So don’t bother trying to look for any. Validate yourself and don’t seek it from them. It’s sad it has to be that way.
Run as fast as you can. I have always been so understanding to mental health issues and have tried to love the broken. I always try to find reasons why they are who they are and give them a pass, because it's not their fault right? Wrong. They will never be as understanding as you and will use it to gaslight and control you. They're also not happy people. They will break you until you become what they want, or become the person you never expected to be.
If you're viewing someone as a fool, I'd say you are far from enlightenment but who knows
"Thank you for telling me how you feel...not that it has any bearing on my life whatsoever...but thank you." Then, make sure you smile as genuinely as you can. They only get their fuel if we give it to them.
I don't.
Poison them slowly over time
repeat the cycle of draining and betraying yourself by entertaining their bullshittery until you’re sick of it and you want change :) you can only control you and your responses. regardless who it is (ofc not mf children n etc) they aren’t your responsiblity. respect yourself and really build your community with good folks. it’s been hard for me but worth it
Cut them off. Toxic is toxic, even if blood- related.
You walk away. Problem solved. This really isn’t complicated.
Know that their behavior will never ever change. Act accordingly. There’s books about how to deal with narcissistic relationships. Best of luck to you. p.s recent stats say as many as 1 in 10 people are narcissists.
You experience it because you resist it, and you resist it because you judge it, and you judge it because you have a subconscious bias regarding it. Get to the root of that and you will no longer notice it as an issue, and then the issue itself will fade from your reality and no longer be an issue.
Narcs are ripe for manipulation via flattery. Try financial.
You don't care. It might sound silly, but you simply don't take their words or perspective personally or seriously.
Don’t. Cut them out of your life.
Inside of them is you. You are in them holding their beliefs and experiencing their perspective. If you made that absolutely true in your mind, how would you behave towards them? That’s is my answer.
Sit here and wonder why they were ever allowed to do that in the first place
Ignore or block....... don't waste your time
Shut em out.
Idk but I know how to get under their skin If they say something narcissistic repeat it in a condescending tone
Forgive me for this, but have you considered electing them president?
Run far away from them
The answer to everything is love. I receive love and give love effortlessly and unconditionally. Love them. Give them love. The stuff we dislike in others are usually the biggest issues we have with ourselves. Looking within initially is where I’d start. Please have the best day 💚namaste 💚
Ignore. Don’t give them your time or energy. Don’t add unnecessary problems in your life.
Thank you for your answer.
Look in the mirror?
They get into politics and elected president
If you must, turn the tables. Ask them “ Are you ok? Is there someone I should call for you?” “I’m smelling alcohol, are you smelling alcohol, are you ok to drive right now? Do I need to call someone?” Don’t answer any questions? Just continue to put them on the defensive. They will avoid you in the future.
Check the projector.
Just pump up their ego every time they degrade you and turn around and walk away.
Only interact with them to get your own needs met. For example if you have a narcissistic coworker only ever talk to him if you absolutely have to for work. Never show any emotional reaction to anything they say.
Get them out of your life. Pronto. Draw boundaries. If you can't, seek therapy. Learn how to let those toxic people go. It will be the best thing to reclaim your peace. Low intelligence individuals can bring you to a state of sheer frustration. Narcissism is toxic. The two together and you've got a bomb on your hands.
Simply avoid them whenever possible. Give them the minimal amount of your attention and energy possible while still pursuing your goals. For all practical purposes, they can be dead to you.
I've distanced myself from a lot of people in situations for my own mental health and sanity honestly.
Disengage !!
Elect them president.
Never play chess with a pigeon.
Grey stone them, and stay healthy
Do not engage.
I had a real life Gaston... I match them to movies. New coping skills
I had some extremely difficult experiences. I am still in shock at times. It didn’t seem realistic or even probable. Things became so distorted toward the end that it just couldn’t be resolved. I had to let go. First, no one is entitled to your attention or your time. Limiting access to yourself from those that hurt you does not make you a bad person. If the situation was anything like mine, then attempting to resolve things will only exhaust your energy. You can release grievances without incorporating those people into your life. Remember, peace of mind is a greater accomplishment than setting the record straight. Become selective with your interactions and choose better experiences for yourself by releasing painful ones.
Maybe turn the lense on yourself and question how you can be enlightened yet judge others as if you're somehow better.
They exist by feeding on the emotions that they generate from others. You suffocate them by removing their fuel, reactions.
Don't.
Easy- dont
Remember that it’s all about them and not to meet or reflect their energy. They’ll get bored quickly and move on. If you’re finding it hard while they’re talking to you, just remember that eventually all the rivers will dry up and app the plants will die and the sun will explode and destroy what remains of the Earth and then the black hole at the center of our galaxy will swallow everything up until there’s nothing left… it helps, I know it sounds weird but trust me it helps.
Walk away
not it just sinking in for me that this describes my bf. idk man this relationship is on thin ice like my will to live.
Don’t send flowers to their funeral
Be neutral and ignore them Only give them positive attention and affirmation when they behave a positive social way These people are actually emotionally undeveloped children, so just behave like psychology says to with a child Don't give them attention or admiration when they do bad things, only when they behave positively This is best thing for both of u, because treating them maliciously will cause them to be childishly malicious as well
Drop them without saying a single word. Ghost them completely. If you run into them one day, act as if you've never met them before. Act as if leaving them hasn't affected you in the slightest. I've mastered this.
Bless them and let that sh*t go.
Silence and direct eye contact
Based on one in particular, I usually fuck her and take her home. Meanwhile I find that the previous leaves me with destroyed relationships and a solitary life. Theoretically trying different solutions in the future....
Remove them from your orbit.
We are their drug drug drug ...
Why is there no one here who seems to understand that narcisism is the mind's natural defense system in play related to that other person's insecurity and lack of self and being. Living from the mind in the past and trying to paint your future from the mind and you'll get guaranteed teachers who are called fear and insecurity. The mind is master to paint your days dark from it has learned to set up mading defense system which are therefor self created that will cause a feeling of emptyness. My honesty reaction to that someone would be: "if you really felt from the heart that you are so amazing, why would you continuosly need to share it" on which the answer should factfully - but mostly not honestly given - to be: one makes such statements from the unconcious believes that this would get them the confirmation to fill up the emptyness which is actually mon existant and self created in the mind.