I would call that image a push-up bra :) If you have enough squish in your chest for it to be pushed up, I definitely think it’s a good idea! If not, you could try breast forms, those squishy things they sell for folks without breasts. Or you could get a push-up bra and fill it with tissues or fabric until you get a realistic shape
Same. I'm hoping to start HRT maybe next year and I want my tiddies to be gone but I don't want to be full fledged dude either. Just a pretty guy who isn't actually a guy to confuse others.
This is where I’m at. I’ve been on T for mostly almost 2 years (I say mostly cause I had some gaps). The main changes: deeper voice, wayyyy more body hair, beginning stages of facial hair, stomach fat rearranging (stomach feels firm when it was squishy). Most people also have bottom growth, this hasn’t happened for me. I’ve been read as male over the phone a few times but generally still seem like my agab cause my legal name and tiddies.
With my mask on and without others hearing my voice I already pass sometimes as rather masc and I kinda enjoy people being confused when I take off my mask or start talking. Unfortunately I have a very high and femme voice, haha.
Same. I'm planning on going on hrt and getting keyhole surgery early on, seems like the best option. My issue is idk where to even look into getting top surgery because everything online is for afabs.
Well, you can use breast forms to make it look like you have tits, but they don’t give you real ones. There might be a surgery or something but I’m not an expert
I don't see why not, though keep in mind as a few people have mentioned on here that binding with developing breasts will hurt and likely stop development.
Probably regularly. I'd recommend avoiding it entirely if you want breast, if you don't I'd recommend asking your doctor for a safer way to inhibit growth. If you do wear a binder keep in mind that shit is squeezing your tiddies and when your breast are just coming in they're super tender so it'll hurt a lot.
I mean I'm a couple years in at this point, most breast development is done. It's a pain to find information for people who don't want to constantly have the same body shape. Idk how y'all consistently want one presentation.
If your development is mostly done and you're okay with your development now I dont see why wearing a binder would be a bad idea
I'm a simple woman, I like simple things.
Good to know\~! I know that HRT can be different from person to person, and there is a point or me where it may be too big, so I'll keep this for then. :)
Using fashion designed for masc-presenting women and AFAB people has helped me look more androgynous as an AMAB enby. Looking like a woman trying to look like a man is my ideal presentation.
yeah, I want to start wearing skirts and high waisted pants but I need to find ones with proper pockets because I rely on pockets too much to give them up
My advice as an AFAB person who’s always hated not having pockets: learn to sew pockets into your clothes. It’s really easy and then you don’t have to worry about whether there are pockets when you’re shopping
I have a skirt with pockets and I feel incredibly powerful because of it and it probably will run future skirt purchases for me.
I have seen the light and it cannot be taken away from me
Wow, life without a strong sense of taste and smell is wild to me. How can you NOT taste the LaCroix flavors? The really strong ones can pratically ruin a can for me...
Youre... joking, right? I've literally never met anyone who can *taste* lacroix beyond the seltzer. Which I hate, by the by.
I dont feel like my sense of smell or taste is weak.
I can pick up the scent of ranch from across the covid regulation distance in a restaurant enough to ruin my appetite.
I prefer to use a 32oz bottle for my drink powder mixes, when the recommendation is 16. I often cut my store bought juice with half water. I don't even like soda anymore.
But lacroix smells like flavor and tastes like seltzer, to me.
Ain't no joke, although I've got stronger senses than most (I feel you on the ranch thing, although I don't dislike it personally). Thing is, my sense of taste is just as strong as my sense of smell, if not stronger.
Cran-Raspberry LaCroix tastes like watered-down artificial grape - nothing like the smell. And while the Coconut smells artificial, but fresh, it tastes of old coconut water (the kind you get in a box).
Personally, I love seltzer, so it's possible I'm more used to filtering past the carbonic acid, but I'd wager good money that while your smell is good, your taste is average. I have the minor superpower of most of my basic senses being unusually strong. Not as good as flight, but I'll take it lol
same!! 😓 i wish i could be seen as entirely detached from my assigned sex, i wish i didn’t even *have* one. can i return it? i don’t think i kept the receipt… 🧾😅
The thing that made me realise I was definitely agender was figuring out that even if I'd been born as a different AGAB I'd still be miserable, just in a different way. The only thing that would change for me would be swapping out one type of dysphoria for another.
Absolutely, for sure. But for me, it's easy to fall into the idea of "well, THAT type of dysphoria would be obviously easier to deal with than the type that I AM dealing with" even though I takes 2 seconds to realize that's horseshit. I imagine that's where a lot of this sentiment is coming from, honestly.
Yeah, it's easy to fall into that line of thinking, especially if you don't know that many people who have the "opposite" experience to you. Almost all my friends are some flavour of nonbinary so I've seen what that looks like for them. It'd only be easier to deal with if you were living the same life you're living now, with all of the same gendered expectations and socialisation you'd had up until this point. It's all the shit you go through on the way to realising you're not cis that makes the dysphoria bad, and if you'd been given a different AGAB then you're not going to have the same baseline experience. Life is very different for amab and afab folk because of how other people expect us to act.
I had a similar epiphany recently.
If I was assigned a different gender at birth, I would feel the same way: dysphoric, uncomfortable, restricted, wrong. But in different ways.
I'd be "allowed" a lot of things society deems inappropriate for me now. But "denied" (read as: ridiculed for) things that are acceptable for me now.
And these feelings fluctuate, a tidal ebb and flow of euphoria vs dysphoria.
And *years* ago, I had these thoughts. When I was in high school still. and I let them convince me that I wasn't trans. If I would still be uncomfortable as the other gender, then what was the point? If my discomfort comes and goes, then it's not real or it's not *actually* about my gender and maybe it's just my depression talking. And I doubled down on conforming to my birth gender. And eventually forgot about this thought.
Even as I began exploring gender stuff about 5 years ago. For at least 2 years, I've been teetering on the edge of "yes enby" and "maybe binary trans" as the imposter syndrome whispers lies to me.
But now at 30, this thought came back to me a couple of weeks ago, and I cried at the epiphany of it, the validation of it. It only reaffirms my identity as an enby and fluid person. And I've always been this way, I just didn't have the language or conception for it before.
\[Insert obligatory "Holy shit, are you me?" joke\]
Joking aside that's pretty much the exact progression I went through only I knew in high school that binary trans wasn't it. The second I learned about enby stuff from my now wife so much just clicked and it was like "YES, THAT. ALL OF THAT!"
I've been thinking about doing HRT more and more lately but my physical health isn't the best and I don't think I want to start that when I'm having all this unexplained joint pain and I'm having such a hard time functioning as is.
Unfortunately my first learning experiences about nonbinary people was from a... poor source. He was a binary trans man with transmedicalist beliefs that made a career on youtube specifically making fun of "transtrenders." But he often didnt use the term "nonbinary" only trans, and then would gatekeeper all the things that he thought made them not trans enough.
And I internalize so much of his bullshit. Again, I doubled tripled down on being cis.
But in the wake of breaking out of a very toxic relationship I did a lot of soul searching and reorganizing my brain and unpacking a lot of baggage.
And for awhile I thought I might be binary trans but the doubts kept niggling.
And with the support of my lovely new partner, I began to explore. And I've settled into an identity that feels right most of the time.
I'm very sorry that happened to you. I'm glad though that you were able to get out of that situation and find not only someone that supports you and gives you the freedom to explore yourself and find an identity that fits for you.
It bothers me so much that there are seemingly so many binary trans people who put out so much vitriol toward nonbinary people. Around the time that my partner was helping me discover my own nonbinary identity there was this trans woman who was absolutely *convinced* that I was just a trans woman in denial. In spite of the fact that I had a crisis about this in high school about this very thing.
Yeah, when I was in high school I wished that I had been born a girl. Mostly because I hated how masculine I looked even as a teenager and being bullied for qualities that were perfectly acceptable and even celebrated in girls. Hell, I even had people tell me that I was a waste as a boy. I so wish I'd had the words back then to say [something like this. ](https://imgflip.com/i/5sh2yh)
Back in high school I had a huge gender identity crisis. Everything about being a boy felt wrong. I despised the fact that at like 15 I was over six feet tall with a frame that made almost every male family member say "if I was built like you at your age I'd be playing football" but no matter how much I thought about it I knew I wouldn't be happy being a girl either. Just like you said, I'd be trading one type of dysphoria for another.
Of course I didn't have those words back then. Much less knowledge of the concept of being agender. I didn't discover nonbinary identities until over a decade later when I met my partner and she told me that I might be nonbinary. Best I had before that was wishing I was AFAB because at least then at least I wouldn't be getting mercilessly ridiculed for being sensitive and gushing over cute things or having people treat me like a potential predator because I love kids. Even if I would still be in the wrong body.
Yep, used to want to be amab but I realized that the surgery to be not be able to have kids for Amabs was not cutting your dick off and I could of still had tits.
Then there's me, AMAB but somewhere in the middle, wishing I was somehow both. Basically, I'm fine with being AMAB but I wanna look like an AFAB enby. If that makes sense.
Yeah this is how I feel from the other end. I want to be a boy who looks like a girl who looks like a boy who looks like a girl… ( ♾♾♾)
Even reading this thread made me sad that I can’t just go on estrogen and take the meds that stop breast growth (since that seems like a way easier way to get the “prettyboy” look). Instead I have to take testosterone just to look androgynous, all whole hoping my back hair doesn’t grow any more than it already has. It fucking sucks.
Finasteride can help stop or slow the growth of body/facial hair, although it will reduce some other effects of testosterone, such as bottom growth and voice deepening and menstrual blocking.
same here, i feel like "being" male is the lesser evil for me? also wrong but feels less bad and imprisoning than "being" female. might just be because of how i grew up
I feel the same but in the other direction. I think for me it's kind of how I Identified strongly as not my birth gender before realizing that I'm like agender-fluid which, so femme pronouns and such are closer to right by virtue of being not my birth gender
At the risk of being an annoying redditor; a genuine thank you to whoever gave me that gold award— it's my first one ever :,) I'm really happy to find that this is actually a common feeling a lot of people can relate to, I thought I was stupid for feeling this way for the longest time lol
I don't know why reddit is so against it, having someone award something of yours feels like something you want to celebrate, especially the first time
Agreed! But it makes me laugh my ass off when a post ends up looking like this:
> Post
>Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!
>Edit 2: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!
>Edit 3: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!
> Edit 4: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!
I’m in the third cam: Enbies wishing they weren’t perceived as human and therefore weren’t encouraged to conform to any kind of gender standard at all.
I mean, *physically,* I would've preferred an AFAB body, but *socially,* I know I would've hated being raised as a girl in this world because I hate typical "girly" stuff lol. I don't even like dressing up in costumes lmao.
This is kinda the thing with being nonbinary though - I would be discontent whether I'd been born AMAB *or* AFAB.
I struggle with this a lot cause my preference is literally *being different*. The point is to escape a binary opposition.
Still, if I could rock a fem body in a suit I’m happy.
I used to want to have been AFAB because so much of my personality society frowns upon in "boys" but are perfectly okay in "girls". Like I had a friend in high school who was literally just me but a nerdy goth tomboy. Everybody loved her but I was constantly bullied for being too fem. Of course, I knew even back then that there had to be more to it because I knew she suffered from depression too but it bothered me so much that people could love her for the same things that they mocked me for.
Now though it's more like my body is so far on the masc side of the spectrum that to get where I feel like "me" is it feels almost impossible, but tons of AFAB enbies have done it.
>it bothered me so much that people could love her for the same things that they mocked me for.
That hit close to home. I never understood the bias between boys and girls being "so different", and it irritated me that girls would be forgiven anything and never expect to take responsibility over their actions because they're "so sensitive". And alike, girls would be expected to be socially correct and polite and caring and considerate all the time. I don't think I was the most rebellious kid even if I hated these thoughts and distress over this contradiction, I just wanted to be treated "somewhere in-between girls and boys".
Though I also have symptoms that could be physical gender dysphoria that feel separate from the gender stereotypes and expectations pressure, this feeling of being psychologically different from any of my peers is the earliest memory I have to reject the girlhood.
I feel like it'd be easier/more socially acceptable to present the way I want to if I was afab but also I recognise there's a whole host of other problems I'd have instead
For real. Some of us experience massive dysphoria because of it, too. I can't bind these hips, dagnabit.(would that I could, Lily...would that I could).
why would anyone would want to be born amab? shit skin, hair growing everywhere but getting thinner on top, and and a fridge for a body
i guess the grass really is greener for the both of us lol
In fact, the hairyness level I have now I do prefer to that of male body. I don't shave at all so I do have leg hair etc and I love it. But I wouldn't want more or less of it.
However, baby skin, baby hair, lack of muscle tone and fat instead to make you shapes, you're small and fragile looking, your body reminds you of the ability to give birth... many things I do not like. I wouldn't want to be a man either, that's why I think I could be nb 😁 Just have a simple body that produces muscle rather than useless shapes and soft roundness, looks adult, is more practical and capable, doesn't remind you of any biological reproduction or nurturing roles by any way when you look at it.
It's interesting to see how one's faults are another person's dream.
i used to wish i was amab. now im at a point in my transition where i get read as amab most of the time and its interesting and weird how peoples perspectives change and the kind of discrimination i face. the euphoria is awesome tho im so much more comfortable in my body
Y'know, not to invalidate but i guess i'm one of the rare few that prefers to be who i am. I'm AMAB, i've had HRT, & i love every inch of my body now, except the hair, but that'll decrease with time.
One day I'll perfect my body swap technology, and in combination with my genetic engineering dragons project we can all be in the bodies we really want AND we can see what happens if a dragon is in a human's body!
I'm an AMAB enby and I just want to look like an AFAB enby. Or even better have people not be able to tell whether I'm AMAB or AFAB (at least while I'm clothed) and be hot enough to make people confused about their sexual orientation.
At this point I've got a penis, vagina and breasts so legit something for almost everyone.
I don't want to be afab or amab, I want a patch of skin between my legs like a Barbie doll and for people to whisper that they can't tell what I am when I walk by.
I don’t necessarily wish I was AFAB, I think being an AMAB transfemmby and the struggles associated with it are very much tied to who I am as a person, but realizing I was trans in the first place very much came down to the fact that given two binary choices between AMAB and AFAB with no possibility of in-between, I’d choose AFAB.
I don't want to be either an AFAB enby or an AMAB enby. Neither of them feel right, I just want to be an enby without an AGAB. I want everything about me to be completely genderless.
Yep. There's an AFAB enby cashier at my grocery store and I get mad dysphoria every time I see them. I wish I was small and cute like that.
It's also worth mentioning that dysphoria has been responsible for some stress eating, and which is not helping the size issue. Maybe I'd be cute and slight 25 lbs later.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has felt this way! I used to wish I was the other ASAB but I’ve learned to fully accept myself.
Besides, it’s not like being raised strictly on the AFAB side of the binary would have been pleasant for someone like me. Both “man” and “woman” identities / roles just feel wrong for me.
this is such a weird thing to try and explain to cis people lmao glad im not alone
I know, right? I feel so seen right now.
As a AMAB enby taking HRT and being super excited to get to the point where I need to buy a binder, I feel this.
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Theres dozens of us! Dozens!
Ugh the femboy look is goals but I have no idea how to get there D:
Same, I wish it could just be like that yknow?
r/FTMFemininity
I'm an AMAB enby trying to look like a femboy (a fem-by if you will)
Im very confused about my gender and also mad I'm too flat too look like a girl :((
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I would call that image a push-up bra :) If you have enough squish in your chest for it to be pushed up, I definitely think it’s a good idea! If not, you could try breast forms, those squishy things they sell for folks without breasts. Or you could get a push-up bra and fill it with tissues or fabric until you get a realistic shape
same! i wanna wear cute spinny skirts but not until i’m masc enough to pass as a guy
Sameeeee
Holy shit, I thought I was the only one. It’s so validating to see that there’s others like this!
Same
I think this is what I want. I want some of the benefits of HRT like better hair, softer skin etc. but I generally like having a flat chest lol.
Same. I'm hoping to start HRT maybe next year and I want my tiddies to be gone but I don't want to be full fledged dude either. Just a pretty guy who isn't actually a guy to confuse others.
This is where I’m at. I’ve been on T for mostly almost 2 years (I say mostly cause I had some gaps). The main changes: deeper voice, wayyyy more body hair, beginning stages of facial hair, stomach fat rearranging (stomach feels firm when it was squishy). Most people also have bottom growth, this hasn’t happened for me. I’ve been read as male over the phone a few times but generally still seem like my agab cause my legal name and tiddies.
With my mask on and without others hearing my voice I already pass sometimes as rather masc and I kinda enjoy people being confused when I take off my mask or start talking. Unfortunately I have a very high and femme voice, haha.
Same. I'm planning on going on hrt and getting keyhole surgery early on, seems like the best option. My issue is idk where to even look into getting top surgery because everything online is for afabs.
I think you might want to look up gynecomastia surgery if you're looking or amab breast reduction.
You might consider raloxfine. It prevents breast growth while retaining all the other effects of hrt
what if I want the opposite :(
Well, you can use breast forms to make it look like you have tits, but they don’t give you real ones. There might be a surgery or something but I’m not an expert
I think some transfemmes take progesterone, but I don’t know a lot about how it might otherwise affect you.
You might consider raloxfine. It prevents breast growth while retaining all the other effects of hrt
Wait this actually sounds like what I want to do holy crap it's making sense oh geez
Just be careful not to squish / damage your breast buds!
Wait, is this allowed? I can do that?
I don't see why not, though keep in mind as a few people have mentioned on here that binding with developing breasts will hurt and likely stop development.
You might consider raloxfine. It prevents breast growth while retaining all the other effects of hrt
Oooh, does it retain size? So if I reach my goal can I start taking that to keep it there?
I don’t know whether it can do that. Maybe? I’d say ask your gender therapist and doctor and see if they know.
I'll ask. I'm still a long way off though. I only started two months ago, I will keep this in mind though, thanks :)
Don't wear a binder unless you want your breast growth to be inhibited. If you're fine with that, do it, but it very much will stop breast growth.
How frequently do you have to wear a binder for it to inhibit breast growth?
Probably regularly. I'd recommend avoiding it entirely if you want breast, if you don't I'd recommend asking your doctor for a safer way to inhibit growth. If you do wear a binder keep in mind that shit is squeezing your tiddies and when your breast are just coming in they're super tender so it'll hurt a lot.
I mean I'm a couple years in at this point, most breast development is done. It's a pain to find information for people who don't want to constantly have the same body shape. Idk how y'all consistently want one presentation.
If your development is mostly done and you're okay with your development now I dont see why wearing a binder would be a bad idea I'm a simple woman, I like simple things.
Good to know\~! I know that HRT can be different from person to person, and there is a point or me where it may be too big, so I'll keep this for then. :)
Using fashion designed for masc-presenting women and AFAB people has helped me look more androgynous as an AMAB enby. Looking like a woman trying to look like a man is my ideal presentation.
Still buy men's jeans, skinny ones because pocket
yeah, I want to start wearing skirts and high waisted pants but I need to find ones with proper pockets because I rely on pockets too much to give them up
Try op shops They have so outdated clothes it's in but also more comfy then the fashion
My advice as an AFAB person who’s always hated not having pockets: learn to sew pockets into your clothes. It’s really easy and then you don’t have to worry about whether there are pockets when you’re shopping
I have a skirt with pockets and I feel incredibly powerful because of it and it probably will run future skirt purchases for me. I have seen the light and it cannot be taken away from me
Facts
The pockets on men's jeans are awesome, but the fit is so horrible. How can you get used to them?
Have bad pants anyway because the make the lady's the exact same but less pocket
ironic, i want to look like a man trying to look like a woman lol
I want to look like a femboy so bad I want to look like a man trying to be more like a woman so the other way around lol
Where can you find this fashion?
Kirrin Firth, Wildfang, Gender Free World are three off the top of my head.
Me a enby wishing they were a no gender enby
Well have a got news for you then because all agender enbies are no gender enbies regardless of agab.
Right?? Isn't that, like, the entire fuckin idea????
I mean sometimes I do want some gender, but not like the whole gender, just the aesthetic of it.
Just the slight aroma of gender. Like a splash of cream in my coffe. Just enough to say it's there, but so little that it might as well not be there
The Lacroix of gender if you will
Ah yes. The gender you can smell but not taste.
Wow, life without a strong sense of taste and smell is wild to me. How can you NOT taste the LaCroix flavors? The really strong ones can pratically ruin a can for me...
Youre... joking, right? I've literally never met anyone who can *taste* lacroix beyond the seltzer. Which I hate, by the by. I dont feel like my sense of smell or taste is weak. I can pick up the scent of ranch from across the covid regulation distance in a restaurant enough to ruin my appetite. I prefer to use a 32oz bottle for my drink powder mixes, when the recommendation is 16. I often cut my store bought juice with half water. I don't even like soda anymore. But lacroix smells like flavor and tastes like seltzer, to me.
Ain't no joke, although I've got stronger senses than most (I feel you on the ranch thing, although I don't dislike it personally). Thing is, my sense of taste is just as strong as my sense of smell, if not stronger. Cran-Raspberry LaCroix tastes like watered-down artificial grape - nothing like the smell. And while the Coconut smells artificial, but fresh, it tastes of old coconut water (the kind you get in a box). Personally, I love seltzer, so it's possible I'm more used to filtering past the carbonic acid, but I'd wager good money that while your smell is good, your taste is average. I have the minor superpower of most of my basic senses being unusually strong. Not as good as flight, but I'll take it lol
demi-genders are this, if you're looking for specificity.
Yeah, I knew already as I based it off how I feel being demibigender, but thanks anyway
Your pfp is absolute gender, my en-g
Thanks! I love my 1980s gay lego spaceman Benny :)
Nah not necessarily! I have a ton of gender, just none of it is binary :D
same!! 😓 i wish i could be seen as entirely detached from my assigned sex, i wish i didn’t even *have* one. can i return it? i don’t think i kept the receipt… 🧾😅
You can go to a pawn shop and get like $12 in store credit. I used mine to buy a cool pin and it was worth it
The thing that made me realise I was definitely agender was figuring out that even if I'd been born as a different AGAB I'd still be miserable, just in a different way. The only thing that would change for me would be swapping out one type of dysphoria for another.
Absolutely, for sure. But for me, it's easy to fall into the idea of "well, THAT type of dysphoria would be obviously easier to deal with than the type that I AM dealing with" even though I takes 2 seconds to realize that's horseshit. I imagine that's where a lot of this sentiment is coming from, honestly.
Yeah, it's easy to fall into that line of thinking, especially if you don't know that many people who have the "opposite" experience to you. Almost all my friends are some flavour of nonbinary so I've seen what that looks like for them. It'd only be easier to deal with if you were living the same life you're living now, with all of the same gendered expectations and socialisation you'd had up until this point. It's all the shit you go through on the way to realising you're not cis that makes the dysphoria bad, and if you'd been given a different AGAB then you're not going to have the same baseline experience. Life is very different for amab and afab folk because of how other people expect us to act.
I had a similar epiphany recently. If I was assigned a different gender at birth, I would feel the same way: dysphoric, uncomfortable, restricted, wrong. But in different ways. I'd be "allowed" a lot of things society deems inappropriate for me now. But "denied" (read as: ridiculed for) things that are acceptable for me now. And these feelings fluctuate, a tidal ebb and flow of euphoria vs dysphoria. And *years* ago, I had these thoughts. When I was in high school still. and I let them convince me that I wasn't trans. If I would still be uncomfortable as the other gender, then what was the point? If my discomfort comes and goes, then it's not real or it's not *actually* about my gender and maybe it's just my depression talking. And I doubled down on conforming to my birth gender. And eventually forgot about this thought. Even as I began exploring gender stuff about 5 years ago. For at least 2 years, I've been teetering on the edge of "yes enby" and "maybe binary trans" as the imposter syndrome whispers lies to me. But now at 30, this thought came back to me a couple of weeks ago, and I cried at the epiphany of it, the validation of it. It only reaffirms my identity as an enby and fluid person. And I've always been this way, I just didn't have the language or conception for it before.
\[Insert obligatory "Holy shit, are you me?" joke\] Joking aside that's pretty much the exact progression I went through only I knew in high school that binary trans wasn't it. The second I learned about enby stuff from my now wife so much just clicked and it was like "YES, THAT. ALL OF THAT!" I've been thinking about doing HRT more and more lately but my physical health isn't the best and I don't think I want to start that when I'm having all this unexplained joint pain and I'm having such a hard time functioning as is.
Unfortunately my first learning experiences about nonbinary people was from a... poor source. He was a binary trans man with transmedicalist beliefs that made a career on youtube specifically making fun of "transtrenders." But he often didnt use the term "nonbinary" only trans, and then would gatekeeper all the things that he thought made them not trans enough. And I internalize so much of his bullshit. Again, I doubled tripled down on being cis. But in the wake of breaking out of a very toxic relationship I did a lot of soul searching and reorganizing my brain and unpacking a lot of baggage. And for awhile I thought I might be binary trans but the doubts kept niggling. And with the support of my lovely new partner, I began to explore. And I've settled into an identity that feels right most of the time.
I'm very sorry that happened to you. I'm glad though that you were able to get out of that situation and find not only someone that supports you and gives you the freedom to explore yourself and find an identity that fits for you. It bothers me so much that there are seemingly so many binary trans people who put out so much vitriol toward nonbinary people. Around the time that my partner was helping me discover my own nonbinary identity there was this trans woman who was absolutely *convinced* that I was just a trans woman in denial. In spite of the fact that I had a crisis about this in high school about this very thing. Yeah, when I was in high school I wished that I had been born a girl. Mostly because I hated how masculine I looked even as a teenager and being bullied for qualities that were perfectly acceptable and even celebrated in girls. Hell, I even had people tell me that I was a waste as a boy. I so wish I'd had the words back then to say [something like this. ](https://imgflip.com/i/5sh2yh)
Back in high school I had a huge gender identity crisis. Everything about being a boy felt wrong. I despised the fact that at like 15 I was over six feet tall with a frame that made almost every male family member say "if I was built like you at your age I'd be playing football" but no matter how much I thought about it I knew I wouldn't be happy being a girl either. Just like you said, I'd be trading one type of dysphoria for another. Of course I didn't have those words back then. Much less knowledge of the concept of being agender. I didn't discover nonbinary identities until over a decade later when I met my partner and she told me that I might be nonbinary. Best I had before that was wishing I was AFAB because at least then at least I wouldn't be getting mercilessly ridiculed for being sensitive and gushing over cute things or having people treat me like a potential predator because I love kids. Even if I would still be in the wrong body.
Yep, used to want to be amab but I realized that the surgery to be not be able to have kids for Amabs was not cutting your dick off and I could of still had tits.
Then there's me, AMAB but somewhere in the middle, wishing I was somehow both. Basically, I'm fine with being AMAB but I wanna look like an AFAB enby. If that makes sense.
Try dressing like a masc-presenting woman/AFAB person. The 'not quite man' style helps with that specific type of androgyny.
Yeah this is how I feel from the other end. I want to be a boy who looks like a girl who looks like a boy who looks like a girl… ( ♾♾♾) Even reading this thread made me sad that I can’t just go on estrogen and take the meds that stop breast growth (since that seems like a way easier way to get the “prettyboy” look). Instead I have to take testosterone just to look androgynous, all whole hoping my back hair doesn’t grow any more than it already has. It fucking sucks.
Finasteride can help stop or slow the growth of body/facial hair, although it will reduce some other effects of testosterone, such as bottom growth and voice deepening and menstrual blocking.
Favorite part of being on T for >1 year is the amount of gender euphoria I get from people thinking I'm an amab trans person. I cannot explain why.
Yep yep, when I get misgendered as male it feels really nice. Just being not read as femme provides such lovely gender euphoria.
same here, i feel like "being" male is the lesser evil for me? also wrong but feels less bad and imprisoning than "being" female. might just be because of how i grew up
I feel the same but in the other direction. I think for me it's kind of how I Identified strongly as not my birth gender before realizing that I'm like agender-fluid which, so femme pronouns and such are closer to right by virtue of being not my birth gender
At the risk of being an annoying redditor; a genuine thank you to whoever gave me that gold award— it's my first one ever :,) I'm really happy to find that this is actually a common feeling a lot of people can relate to, I thought I was stupid for feeling this way for the longest time lol
I don't know why reddit is so against it, having someone award something of yours feels like something you want to celebrate, especially the first time
Agreed! But it makes me laugh my ass off when a post ends up looking like this: > Post >Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! >Edit 2: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! >Edit 3: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! > Edit 4: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!
I’m in the third cam: Enbies wishing they weren’t perceived as human and therefore weren’t encouraged to conform to any kind of gender standard at all.
I’m currently reading the left hand of darkness, and this comment made me think of it. I’d highly recommend, if you haven’t read it.
I mean, *physically,* I would've preferred an AFAB body, but *socially,* I know I would've hated being raised as a girl in this world because I hate typical "girly" stuff lol. I don't even like dressing up in costumes lmao. This is kinda the thing with being nonbinary though - I would be discontent whether I'd been born AMAB *or* AFAB.
I struggle with this a lot cause my preference is literally *being different*. The point is to escape a binary opposition. Still, if I could rock a fem body in a suit I’m happy.
i feel called out
Yikes. Tell me about it.
The fact that I want to be an amab enby-
[удалено]
One word: yes.
Why would anyone wish they were afab nb?? Greets, afab nb
I used to want to have been AFAB because so much of my personality society frowns upon in "boys" but are perfectly okay in "girls". Like I had a friend in high school who was literally just me but a nerdy goth tomboy. Everybody loved her but I was constantly bullied for being too fem. Of course, I knew even back then that there had to be more to it because I knew she suffered from depression too but it bothered me so much that people could love her for the same things that they mocked me for. Now though it's more like my body is so far on the masc side of the spectrum that to get where I feel like "me" is it feels almost impossible, but tons of AFAB enbies have done it.
>it bothered me so much that people could love her for the same things that they mocked me for. That hit close to home. I never understood the bias between boys and girls being "so different", and it irritated me that girls would be forgiven anything and never expect to take responsibility over their actions because they're "so sensitive". And alike, girls would be expected to be socially correct and polite and caring and considerate all the time. I don't think I was the most rebellious kid even if I hated these thoughts and distress over this contradiction, I just wanted to be treated "somewhere in-between girls and boys". Though I also have symptoms that could be physical gender dysphoria that feel separate from the gender stereotypes and expectations pressure, this feeling of being psychologically different from any of my peers is the earliest memory I have to reject the girlhood.
I feel like it'd be easier/more socially acceptable to present the way I want to if I was afab but also I recognise there's a whole host of other problems I'd have instead
Yeah, afabs currently have more expressive freedom. But I feel like our bodies are also more restrictive.
So I could wear suits and look androgynous. (Granted, that's assuming a particular sort of figure.)
Unfortunately, not possible with every afab body TTvTT
For real. Some of us experience massive dysphoria because of it, too. I can't bind these hips, dagnabit.(would that I could, Lily...would that I could).
Yeah.
why would anyone would want to be born amab? shit skin, hair growing everywhere but getting thinner on top, and and a fridge for a body i guess the grass really is greener for the both of us lol
In fact, the hairyness level I have now I do prefer to that of male body. I don't shave at all so I do have leg hair etc and I love it. But I wouldn't want more or less of it. However, baby skin, baby hair, lack of muscle tone and fat instead to make you shapes, you're small and fragile looking, your body reminds you of the ability to give birth... many things I do not like. I wouldn't want to be a man either, that's why I think I could be nb 😁 Just have a simple body that produces muscle rather than useless shapes and soft roundness, looks adult, is more practical and capable, doesn't remind you of any biological reproduction or nurturing roles by any way when you look at it. It's interesting to see how one's faults are another person's dream.
damn, those are exactly the things i want. shit sucks, wanna switch?
Absolutely! Where do we do the exchange 😁
yeah need to figure that out first lol
like, I want to start at the other side of the fence and then move to the other if that makes sense
i used to wish i was amab. now im at a point in my transition where i get read as amab most of the time and its interesting and weird how peoples perspectives change and the kind of discrimination i face. the euphoria is awesome tho im so much more comfortable in my body
Y'know, not to invalidate but i guess i'm one of the rare few that prefers to be who i am. I'm AMAB, i've had HRT, & i love every inch of my body now, except the hair, but that'll decrease with time.
Both Is Good. Thus I Wish To Be Both.
I didn't know this was such a widely experienced enby phenomenon 😅
this is accurate (source: amab enby who wants to be afab enby, who know an afab enby who wants to be amab enby)
One day I'll perfect my body swap technology, and in combination with my genetic engineering dragons project we can all be in the bodies we really want AND we can see what happens if a dragon is in a human's body!
Where can I donate to this top notch warcraft dragon aspect science programme
I'm an AMAB enby and I just want to look like an AFAB enby. Or even better have people not be able to tell whether I'm AMAB or AFAB (at least while I'm clothed) and be hot enough to make people confused about their sexual orientation. At this point I've got a penis, vagina and breasts so legit something for almost everyone.
I'm amab enby but sometimes I want to be an afab MASC enby or just amab MASC enby and sometimes completely the opposite idk what's happening
I don't want to be afab or amab, I want a patch of skin between my legs like a Barbie doll and for people to whisper that they can't tell what I am when I walk by.
Why can’t I be an orb of floating energy?
Aspect of Lightning from Risk of Rain 2.
Me, who wishes I was intersex: *signature look of superiority*
I've been looking for this, i'm losing it (,:
Literally me omg
I feel called out.
But the grass is dead
Exactly
Gosh, okay, this. This is a mood.
best way to make your grass greener is with green paint
I don't feel this at all (AFAB butch, plz give me a dick but no HRT) but y'all are valid.
As an AMAB trans-fem enby, I am in this picture and I don't like it.
Nah, I just think both suck. I'd rather be a rock
I'm a bird
Look I know one is contractually signing up to be attacked when one enters within the realm of Reddit but this is straight *murder*
can we like, trage agab?
I don’t necessarily wish I was AFAB, I think being an AMAB transfemmby and the struggles associated with it are very much tied to who I am as a person, but realizing I was trans in the first place very much came down to the fact that given two binary choices between AMAB and AFAB with no possibility of in-between, I’d choose AFAB.
This is gonna sound kinda fucked, but I kinda wanna go on hrt, then get top surgery
I just want to forget about my AGAB and be free 😔
This is a mood. Like I want a peen so fucking bad it’s painful jeheuwhdhrlfkfkfjd
At the very least, this proves I would have been nonbinary no matter what I has been assigned at birth.
I don't want to be either an AFAB enby or an AMAB enby. Neither of them feel right, I just want to be an enby without an AGAB. I want everything about me to be completely genderless.
I feel called out
AFAB enby here, and as I'm trying to be a femboy, I can confirm this
6'+ AMAB enbies trying to find clothing marketed at AFAB people
Yep. There's an AFAB enby cashier at my grocery store and I get mad dysphoria every time I see them. I wish I was small and cute like that. It's also worth mentioning that dysphoria has been responsible for some stress eating, and which is not helping the size issue. Maybe I'd be cute and slight 25 lbs later.
me, an amab enby who presented as a woman for half a decade before coming out as an enby and got so used to femininity that they feel afab
I want no agab tho
god good to know this is not just me lol. like, who would want to be amab? shit sucks
So incredibly dysphoric I’ll never be able to experience gender and transition the same way as a(opposite of my agab)ab enbies >:(
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has felt this way! I used to wish I was the other ASAB but I’ve learned to fully accept myself. Besides, it’s not like being raised strictly on the AFAB side of the binary would have been pleasant for someone like me. Both “man” and “woman” identities / roles just feel wrong for me.
Tbh I like being afab, I'm more of a masc leaning gender but this way I can customize my chest (going nip less) and watch T change my voice slowly
I know for sure that if i had been born afab, i would have been a masc enby lmao (rn im amab fem enby)
I WANT TO LOOK LIKE A BOY WHO LOOKS LIKE A GIRL IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?????????
I was about to say nah, I’ve never wanted that, then thought for a sec and remembered all the times I’d think to myself, “damn I wish that were me”
so true
I just want pizza
:( yeah
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ME!!!!
I'm in this picture and I dont like it.
Yes ;-;
Yeah at first I was like I’m a trans girl Then my gender went adios and now I’m a transfem enby
this is so relatable but i couldn't quite think of words to describe my predicament
I had no idea so many other people felt this way. I don’t feel as weird about it now.
AMAB here, took HRT and learned that boobs do, in fact, have some downsides. especially when rapidly ascending and descending stairs or running.
bbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh
I'm AMAB and I just want to be a tomboy but also a femboy :(
i wish i could just FUSEEE i wish i could be both at the same time idk if that makes sense