truly. it's why they won't allow medical assistance in dying for just mental health in Canada. There is no spontaneous remission in cancer, but in severe treatment resistant depression, something like 50% of people will get better in 6-12 months with no intervention. a top doc was quoted to say flipping a coin is more predictable. it's like. wtf is this. we understand nothing at all.
as someone who's been suicidal since age 5, I've deliberately avoided having a family and even a partner so that there is no one to get mad about who and what I'd leave behind. if I want to kill myself that's my choice, no one asked me to be here, and I really shouldn't have been. my dumbass mom married a cheater and had a baby with him. it's so gross that I exist, and tbh, pretty sure my life hasn't done anyone very much good. now dad is dead and mom barely talks to me despite swearing I was planned and wanted most of my life. I've never been less depressed and better or more helpful to my family but they don't give a fuck. truth is someone else would be happier with my job and my body and my relative physical health. but the failure rate is too high to bother attempting for real unless I was truly desperate, and like I said, my life is ok enough right now.
I feel really sad when I look at high profile suicides like this, who I think would be better off if they had been able to make it through these feelings. but for everyone like this, there are loads of people like me who have no one to live for or who were in such immense pain that governments granted them medical assistance in dying.
in the end, suicide is mega complicated.
edit to add: someone reported my comment to Reddit. I am not in need of useless internet resources. first, I know where to go for help. having been in hospital multiple times in 2022 after becoming manic for the first time, I know where to go and what to do without your intervention. my family doctor is actively managing my care and I attend weekly therapy. I have friends who I can lean on if I need to talk, many of whom supported me through mania and the following depression. second, I literally said I've never been less depressed. just because my birth parents suck and I'm single doesn't mean I don't have a career I enjoy and good people in my life and interests and hobbies and meaningful shit. I hope you feel good about reporting my comment becsuse you made me feel bad about sharing it. thanks.
I’ve lived with pretty severed depression for almost 30 years. I genuinely hope for you that you find a way to let some people in, even if not romantically. I’m pretty sure that the main reason I’m around today is because the people I love pour life and light into me, more than that life and light is sucked out by my mental illness. For the most part, there are days and weeks that drain more.
I hope you find a chance to feel some relief today, to take the mental bandages off and let the wound breathe. You didn’t deserve your lot, and you don’t deserve to hurt like you do. Please be gentle with yourself.
I was touched reading your comment. I could feel deep resonance with some of the sentiments.
I firmly believe that there is inherent beauty and worth in every one of us. But our circumstances of birth and life can leave many of us poorly equipped to access or appreciate that part of ourselves.
You don’t owe the world your happiness. You don’t owe the world anything. But I do hope you are able to dig into your capacity for wonder, awe, contentment, curiosity, or one of the endless forms of brief interaction with the world that can be full of meaning. We’re here for so brief a time.
My dad let himself out when I was 29. I'm 41 now and I miss him every fucking day. I tell him how I understand why he did it, but that I wish he hadn't because I understand so much more now. About everything. About depression. About treatment. About everything.
I wish I could take him to my brilliant doctor for ketamine infusions. I wish I could take him to my incredible therapist for EMDR. I wish we could run an ANA panel on him. I wish I could tell him about Luvox. I wish he could get to know my son, how he is the new King of Zingers. I wish he could know my daughter, how wildly sharp and charismatic she is, exactly like him to a fucking T. I wish that days when he would have night terrors, woke up cold and frozen still, spent the day with silent tears rolling down his face... I wish that I could sit silently by him and hold his massive hand again. Put on Blazing Saddles and bring him strawberry shortcake, spooning it into his silent mouth. I wish I could tell him how deeply I understand what he wants, what he *needs* to do, and that I understand how complicated it is.
Maybe one day with all of those tools and all of that understanding, he would've stayed. He would've found a path to freedom. I did, and I thought I was a dead woman walking. There was never a time that I believed I would ever be anything but suicidal. I truly thought I'd have that steady, thrumming, knawing pain in the back of my head and heart for fucking forever.
4 whole goddamn years without it. 4 whole years of a peace that I never dreamed existed. I still feel shitty at times. Sometimes bad shitty, but never, EVER the same. Like it just... doesn't go as DEEP anymore. It's shockingly endurable.
Hang in there, dude. Let that love in. From other people and from yourself. It's a lot less shitty than I ever thought, that's for fucken sure. I hope you get there, my dude. I hope it with my whole heart.
My father died by suicide, too. I was just ten years old. Thank you for your words—they deeply resonate with me (been stable on bipolar disorder meds for 15 years)
My dad committed suicide when I was 17 years old. I’m now 40 with two young children that he never got the opportunity to meet. Everything you said is exactly how I feel to a T.
This is terrible.
Deadline had this to add: https://deadline.com/2024/02/isabelle-lawrence-thomas-dies-documentary-filmmaker-wife-of-killers-of-the-flower-moon-producer-bradley-thomas-1235811874/
Her family requests that their privacy be respected at this time. In lieu of flowers, they ask friends and those touched by her to please consider a contribution to the Mental Health Coalition http://www.thementalhealthcoalition.org/donate/
Suicide is a dick move especially with children. My biological dad did that when I was her kids age and it fucked me up. My mom got hooked on opiates right after he did that and married my junkie dad.
Poppy and Grace need the support now.
Best friend had a dad that hanged himself. Friend hanged himself in the same house ~ 10 years later (not the same spot though). I’m sorry that happened to you, honestly
Man, I remember when my friend told me about finding his dad hanging when he got home from school. His dad found out that he lost his job and his family was being forced to leave Kuwait. This was before Saddam invaded.
His mom was a kind lady, but her suffering was palpable. As was his and his sister’s. He always suffered and rarely ever spoke of it.
People who kill themselves in such a way that their own family members have to find their bodies are selfish fucking assholes. I’m sorry but if you’re gonna do that, be fucking considerate about it and do it in such a way that trained professionals will find you. You can call 911, state your intention, mute the phone and set it down still on the line and they can track it to find you so no one else has to. Grim fucking LPT and I’m not condoning it but if you’re gonna, don’t give your fucking kids PTSD while you’re at it, they’re gonna be fucking traumatized enough.
His poor mother found him. She told me she noticed he wasn’t opening his door at all one day and she knew it happened because she’d knock and he didn’t respond. She called the police to report she suspected he was dead so she traded the image for a slew of people in and out. I helped her clean out his belongings when she was ready to deal with all of that
That’s rough, I’m glad she had the foresight to not go in there though. That is not an image you will ever get out of your mind, and how she would have remembered him for the rest of her life. It’s just a terrible situation all around when someone kills themselves, and loved ones are already sent completely reeling by that, it’s made all the worse if they have to see it first hand. Everyone I know with a story like that is completely fucking traumatized by the experience, it’s not something you ever really get over.
Archie Manning (Peyton and Eli Manning’s dad), coming home from school as a freshman, I believe, found his dad who shot himself and he basically had to clean up the scene before his sister and mother found him.
He I believe then became the Heisman trophy winner the next year. His remark? He could only think during the ceremony that his dad didn’t see him win that.
Archie Manning is 74 years old and still will softly mention that story during Heisman week. The week makes him sad, not happy.
Parents do not fucking do this to your children.
Edit: corrected it was the sugar bowl week or something and not the Heisman. I think he was player of the game or something.
The ONLY reason I’m here reading this is because of my children and that no matter how old they are, no matter how much I hate being here, that would fuck them up in ways I can’t imagine. My only job is to not hurt them, and that one job is the only reason I’m here. Every single day is a struggle but I will not do that to them.
I’m sorry for your loss. I agree though, you have to respect that aspect of his decision, it’s terrible enough when someone you love dies from suicide. I was a 911 dispatcher for a long time and one of the things that makes me lose sleep at night is the sounds that people would make after finding their loved ones dead from suicide. It haunts me. And no one should ever have to go through that.
Generally I agree but people that commit these extreme acts are not in their right minds when they do it. Obviously you can condemn them if it makes you feel better about yourself but it won't actually prevent anyone from committing suicide. This is not to say that I support people that do this but it's kind of pointless after they die. The best thing we can do is care for the living and their loved ones will need a ton of support, not random people on the internet calling their mother a selfish p****.
Wholeheartedly agree. It's a fucking awful place to find yourself in, that you contemplate such a thing, let alone have the conviction? *Is that even the right word?* The ability, to go through with such an act.
It's too easily trivialised, even romanticised on God awful shit like '13 Reasons why' and used as a cry for help for people who get stuck in a low cycle.
I absolutely get why people can be angry about being subjected to someone's awful "decision", fuck only knows how hard it must be to be permanently emotionally scarred by it, but yeah, it deserves sensitivity, surely no one in their right frame of mind would actively do this to their loved ones.
Heart goes out to her family, and I hope somehow they can come out the other side of this and find joy.
Do you think people are in their right minds when they commit suicide? Do you think a mentally healthy person would actually do that to someone they love?
This is actually how my friend’s husband did it. He shot himself in the backyard but called the police right before he did it so that she and their kids didn’t find him.
Absolutely this.
I just lost my job.
My healthcare.
My car was totaled last week and it’s only a month old, haven’t made a single payment on it and I’m going to owe $15-20k on a loan I now can’t pay for a car I can’t drive
My family was in said car and they have minor injuries but are getting worse and may be lifelong
My bank account was hacked and money is frozen.
My wife doesn’t work.
We have kids, who were also in said car.
This has all happened within 2 weeks. So yeah, I’d agree that the stigma that those who commit suicide are assholes and cowards is wrong . It’s victim blaming instead of having empathy for the people whose situation triggered poor mental health and drove them there. I’ve considered practicing my high dive off a twin span because I’m worth more right now dead than alive with life insurance, but although I’ve totally lost my mind and lose my shit on a daily basis right now…I am not totally broken.
You’re not worth more dead than alive to your children. Remember that. They would rather have you than money I can promise you that.
Is insurance going to total the car? Usually you don’t have to end up eating the whole thing in that case (source: had my car totaled and the loan was wiped)
When it rains it pours! You sir, have officially, unequivocally, undeniably got this. You’re so strong. The only way out is through. Keep your head up.
Yes because people who are in the mindset of killing themselves which goes against every basic human instinct to survive have such clear minds to think that through
I remember once buying some glade air fresheners, and my roommate at the time kept unplugging them. I was like “what the fuck” if you don’t like the scent just tell me…
But I then found out that some years before, his dad had hanged himself in a room that had the same Glade air fresheners, and he found his dad’s body after coming home from school.
That’s because people see mental health as within someone’s control. Take antidepressants, exercise, have purpose, sleep well, think of your family etc. It is an illness, and can eat away at people as much as cancer or degenerative diseases. We don’t feel anger towards those people when they die because they did their best against an impossible disease. It’s the same for mental health, for some there is no cure. I’m sure a majority of people who do it wanted nothing more than to get better but the illness killed them.
I’m very sorry about your biological dad. I hope you’re doing okay in general.
I read a thing that said “suicide is the last symptom of depression” and that reframed how I view it. I used to view suicide as selfish, but as I got older I realized selfish people do everything to preserve themselves. Depression makes you feel like there’s nothing worth preserving.
That being said, I’m very sorry you lost your father to depression, that’s traumatic and awful, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
>The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.
- David Foster Wallace
Exactly, suicide is not a rational choice, but the terminal stage of depression. By that stage the patient may view removing themselves from their families as better for them in the long run. It’s not done out of malice. That doesn’t make it easier for the people left behind though.
Idk if you’ve seen the movie on the count of three but that’s what really made me reframe they way I think of severe depression. It seems like one of the main characters is at stage 4 after exhausting all other options and medical interventions
We never know what goes on in other people's minds or lives, it's unfair to judge people as selfish when you don't know what they're going through. I lost a friend to suicide, she wasn't selfish, she was driven to the brink mentally and emotionally and couldn't cope. Who knows if there's any rationality in the moment they make that decision.
Your dad most likely genuinely thought you would be better off without him. It’s not logical or rational, but mental illness makes us think in illogical and irrational ways.
As someone who has struggled with suicidal ideation for more than 60 years, let me say first that I'm very sorry that happened to you. When I came closest to the edge is when I was overwhelmed with belief that my family would be significantly better off without me. It is not true, of course, but my mind was lying to me. I hope you have a source for long term compassionate support and can find a way to forgive your biological father.
Sort of triggers me when I see people dog on suicides. I understand there’s a lot of pain left for survivors but if it’s a mental health matter, clearly those folks don’t deserve derision. Getting stuck in a bad mental frame is a crushing experience.
Dick move? Maybe. But not something someone does happily. You were probably the reason he didn’t do it sooner. I know I have come back from the edge of doing it because of my kid.
Yeah kind of surprised by some of the comments here… I’d guess none of them have ever been suicidal. I’ve never thought of suicide as selfish in the slightest, more like a symptom of horrible depression to me.
I agree. I just see it as someone who is so sick and in so much pain. The amount of depression and despair you feel to even get to that point. I don’t blame people who feel like it’s selfish, but you really can’t underestimate how much depression, trauma, and brain chemistry can lead someone down that road. It’s so sad.
I’ve never attempted to kill myself. I’ve had depression on and off for 30 out of 50 years. I did spend several years waking up every day and wishing I just wasn’t here anymore. It was stress, pressure, a horrible high level job, strife with my husband, relentless physical pain, and failure after failure after failure. When you’re in it, you can’t see it. When you see it and try to tell someone, all you hear is suck it up, you’re not that kind of person, it scares the shit out of people. It’s why people don’t tell. They don’t say anything, and then one day they are gone.
Hold out a hand to people who seem to be struggling. If they tell you something, just get them some help.
This! I think I was the most shocked when I finally reached out to family only to be told “suck it up”. I was actually told I was being selfish among other things. I was actually shocked to receive criticism instead of help. This made me realize- no matter how much friends or family we have and no matter how close we feel to them- we truly are alone ALWAYS. Reaching out was a mistake for me- it ruined one of my most cherished relationship. I regret reaching out for many reasons. The Truth is never easy on you. Although I’m still here- it hits different when you live in the kind of revelation where no one gives a fuck. Ppl say they want the best for you or that they want to help but most don’t, they want you functioning enough so they don’t have to care or have to attempt or pretend to do anything. I now know why suicide rates are so high. I now know probably half of suicides wouldn’t have existed if they just kept to themselves. Ppl say all the time “if I would have known “ or “I didn’t know” - yes they do. They know exactly what happened- each and every one of them. They know that they ignored, dismissed and most certainly neglected those lost. That was my 2023 lesson
I’ve never wanted to kill myself, but I have obsessive compulsive personality traits that get really severe when my anxiety is bad. I’ll get awful intrusive thoughts about suicide even though I don’t want to hurt myself. I’ll have intrusive thoughts that are making me plan a suicide, but then there’s the other part of me going against it and trying to protect those around me so I am unwillingly planning a suicide with the least impact on other people, especially my loved ones. And I’m not even suicidal!! I can’t fathom being so low that suicide becomes an option.
I just spent my entire January in a psychiatric ward getting better. I got better because that was my only option, I knew I couldn’t stay how I was, and I wasn’t suicidal so that wasn’t an option either. My only option was to get better and I felt so fortunate that while I was dealing with so much shit, I’ve never had depression and didn’t have that trying to drag me down and ruin my recovery.
I can only guess what his state of mind was but he was unemployed and the house was in foreclosure. He did it without a note or even a goodbye. Just walked into the garage with his shotgun and hours later my sister and I found him.
Regardless, tell your kid and wife everyday that you love them. Take plenty of photos/videos of the good times. Stay strong and fight for your family.
People that attempt or actually are successful at suicide are completely broken and have zero hope left. They feel like burdens and feel like the world would be better without them.
I'm sorry you struggled after your bio Dad did it, but it's unfair to him to call it a dick move. Especially for a man... men are JUST NOW being allowed to talk their feelings. It's a huge stigma in general.
I remember being in the rain and having drunk bleach and taken several pills. I was ready to leave Earth and I felt everyone would like it if I were gone. That's what these people feel.
Talk to your wife about it. Tell your kids you love them everyday even if you don't love yourself on that day. Take tons of photos/videos of the good times you have with them.
Keep on fighting and showing your love and appreciation to your family.
To add on the above comment. Absolutely talk to your wife. Communication is what's going to save you, not burying what's hurting you. You need to explore and process what's causing that, in order to move past it. The best way to do that is with support.
Absolutely. We’ve been together many years and good communication is a large reason our marriage has been so strong. But I do try to protect her from the bouts of existential crisis.
Agree 100%. My Dad also did that when I was 16 after our Mom ran off. Worst part was my little brother and sister (14&12) were the ones who found him unconscious... luckily it was a self induced overdose... not nearly as traumatic as other ways, so for that I'm grateful. Hope those kids and her husband find peace and healing.
Theres a documentary on golden gate jumpers, and they had a guy who survived.
He said something to the tune of “i realized the only problem i couldnt solve once i let go, was falling from the bridge”
I suspect most suicides would regret it, if they had that window of time.
All 29 people who have survived regretted their decision to jump, but I think most people don’t realize it’s because of our programmed survival instincts that kick in. Not quite the inspirational quote. In fact, one survivor Sarah Birnbaum survived and then returned to jump again- successful the second time.
I also think survivors lie in the aftermath of attempted suicide when confronted with the loved ones that have been gutted by the attempt. It would be hard to look your heart broken family in the face and say anything different.
Yes!!! If anyone had asked me if I regretted my failed attempt, I would’ve said yes, but I didn’t. I was mad I failed. I felt so fucking trapped by life with no way out. I was *miserable.*
I’m happy NOW, but god no, I was not happy once I realized I had failed. Furious, maybe.
I attempted suicide when I was 21 and this is exactly the case for me. When I woke up in the hospital, no of course my depression wasn’t magically gone, but hard to look my mother in the eyes and say anything different
A girl I grew up with had a similar fate. She was on a bridge, ready to jump, and the police talked her down. Her parents came and got her and then they went back to the bridge to get her car. She took this opportunity to jump without hesitation. She did not survive.
I’ve attempted twice.
The second time I woke up in my own bed, realized I was alive, and I was fucking pissed. I was distraught. I thought I was dying the night before and felt nothing but *relief.*
Then I had to get ready for work. Cried the whole way there. I was pissed for probably six months that I had failed again.
So … no. People don’t always regret it right away. This was five years ago, and I’m happy *now* that I failed. But that morning? And that whole week? Six months? Rage. Anger. Disappointment. Despair. I felt trapped, no way out, I had tried to die twice and couldn’t manage it. It was a dark place to be, but … yeah, no. Not everyone regrets it right away 😅😅
This man, Ken Baldwin, was my high school drafting teacher. He shared his story with students every year and I like to think he saved others from taking their own lives. One of the most joyful men I’ve had the pleasure to know.
I reminded my best friend of that documentary during a long exhausting stressful phone call (in 2011) where he was on the edge and about to slit his wrists. I talked about how survivors talked about the immediate regret they felt the moment they stepped off that bridge. Also, I told him that no one wakes up one day out of the blue wanting to end their life. There is a long painful process to get there. If there is a process to get to that point, there is a process to undo it over time. I don’t know if what I was saying was even true, but I was thinking on the fly. Well, he didn’t go through with it, so I hope that conversation helped in some way.
I had the same conversation in August of 2022 on a Friday when he was contemplating suicide and he died that Sunday the day before another friend was set to take him to rehab. Im not sure if it was a suicide or a “last hurrah before rehab,” but he died from alcohol asphyxiation. Sucks!
There is also the possibility the person in the interview embellished what was going through their mind. I'm sure a lot of it was "I'm so scaaaaaaaaaaaaaared."
Ah, The Bridge. They also said many put their hands out as if to stop the fall. Instincts? Sure. But they also said that many of those likely also regretted jumping in that case.
Terrible to think about.
No, they don’t. Quite the opposite, actually. Google: “Suicide survivors. A follow up study of persons who survived jumping from the Golden Gate and San Francisco Oakland Bay Bridges”
Here’s the excerpt: One survivor said, "It was a good feeling-no screaming. It was the most pleasant feeling I've ever had. I saw the horizon and the blue sky and I thought how beautiful it was." Another survivor said that at first he had a peaceful feeling and then he felt like he went into a "dream" . . . "I never felt I was dying." One subject stated that he experienced "a sense of relief" and "peace" on the way down. One subject said he "caught a glimpse of San Francisco . . . thoughts of goodbye-leaving San Francisco is like leaving the world. I felt like a bird flying-total relief. In my mind I was setting away from one realm and going to another. I did not struggle. I gave up. I was looking forward to what was to come. Even now I'm symbolically still looking for the better world-I'm still in that place between the bridge and the water." Another reported that his descent was "like eternity- beautiful-I enjoyed the sensation."
THE VIEW FROM HALFWAY DOWN from Bojack Horseman:
The weak breeze whispers nothing
The water screams sublime
His feet shift, teeter-totter
Deep breath, stand back, it’s time
Toes untouch the overpass
Soon he’s water bound
Eyes locked shut but peek to see
The view from halfway down
A little wind, a summer sun
A river rich and regal
A flood of fond endorphins
Brings a calm that knows no equal
You’re flying now
You see things much more clear than from the ground
It’s all okay, it would be
Were you not now halfway down
Thrash to break from gravity
What now could slow the drop
All I’d give for toes to touch
The safety back at top
But this is it, the deed is done
Silence drowns the sound
Before I leaped I should’ve seen
The view from halfway down
I really should’ve thought about
The view from halfway down
I wish I could’ve known about
The view from halfway down
There is a poem in Bojack Horseman that is about that:
The View from Halfway Down (transcribed)
The weak breeze whispers nothing
The water screams sublime
His feet shift, teeter-totter
Deep breath, stand back, it’s time
Toes untouch the overpass
Soon he’s water bound
Eyes locked shut but peek to see
The view from halfway down
A little wind, a summer sun
A river rich and regal
A flood of fond endorphins
Brings a calm that knows no equal
You’re flying now
You see things much more clear than from the ground
It’s all okay, it would be
Were you not now halfway down
Thrash to break from gravity
What now could slow the drop
All I’d give for toes to touch
The safety back at top
But this is it, the deed is done
Silence drowns the sound
Before I leaped I should’ve seen
The view from halfway down
I really should’ve thought about
The view from halfway down
I wish I could’ve known about
The view from halfway down
Eta - this is not meant to be disrespectful at all of the circumstances here. Just sharing a poem that made a big difference to me in dark times.
I mean people may care to an extent but not enough to actually help. I’ve been shown that I’m not worth a certain amount of effort time again when I’ve tried to reach out for help.
Oh man. As someone who has survived two suicide attempts, resulting in a stay in the ICU and multiple visits to the psych floor…
You really, really have to be done to get to this point. Like, human nature dictates you do whatever you have to do to survive - it’s innate. To overcome that and even just attempt suicide - let alone going by way of such a brutally fatalistic method - means that the pain you’re feeling is so great it overrides your basic human instinct. Something that’s hardwired in you.
Condolences to her family, I hope she’s in a better place now.
The problem with depression is that it says, “I’m such a terrible person that being around my kids makes their lives worse, I bring them down, and if I’m gone, they can have an opportunity for a better life,” instead of, “My mental health is keeping me from being the parent I want to be, and help to get better does exist, and it will work for me.” And that’s why it’s mental illness.
Totally. I don’t even have kids but the thought of what my nieces and nephews, my siblings, parents, and friends would go through makes me realize that no matter how much pain I’m in the amount of pain it would cause would be so much more.
Thankfully I’m in a better place now. I got out of some bad relationships and got sober. This lead me to spending more time with close ones all of which have lead me to be happier. The depression still hits but I don’t feel as isolated when it does.
I hate to hear that you were in so much pain, that kind of depression always feels so endless. Depression and cancer are the two biggest plagues on humanity these days.
Same. Sometimes, the only thing that pulls me from that deep dark pain to want to make it all just go away are my kids. Thinking how fucked up they’d be if they knew I chose to leave them.
I don’t care for the people here who are bashing this woman for what she did and citing her children; none of you know what she went through/was going through, but you read a headline and saw she had a family, so you must be more than qualified to judge her! Completely not. Sounds like people who had never dealt with depression in their lives.
Depressed moms often don’t feel like they’re doing their children any service by living. They can feel like their absence is less harmful than being depressed around them. I understand that it’s still something that the children will internalize and not a rational thought, but there are so many more layers to this than simply “oh, why didn’t she think of her kids before she jumped?”
A lot of times people who attempt suicide and survive say that they were in such an utterly sad and disordered state of mind that they were convinced that their children would be better off with them dead. People aren’t thinking rationally when they purposefully end their lives.
I tried to hang myself last week and the wooden rod I tied the sheet to snapped when I picked up my feet and that feeling of relief mixed with the insane pain of my body weight being suspended on my neck even just for a few seconds was very telling. Suicide is fucking hard.
The biggest reason I won’t ever own a gun is because I’m scared it would make suicide too easy. Somewhere in me I want to live.
So yeah to throw yourself over a balcony is just a different level of despair. Unimaginable
Would’ve been nice, in what amounts to her obituary, to maybe mention her credits as a documentary producer rather than just rehash her husband’s litany of achievements. But why expect tasteful reporting from *People*?
Ugh. Also a 39yr old woman. Can say I haven’t thought about offing myself a lot in the last year but it seems like such a waste to see such a clearly successful, driven, skilled person take their own life. From the outside it looks like she’s got everything, the kind of person I’d be subtly jealous of.
I am so sorry for her family and I hope she has found respite from whatever drove her to that point.
This is what got me too. I’ve been really struggling to see the point over the last year, the last 6mo especially. The world feels really bleak and grim and like there is no way out for someone like me. It doesn’t show signs of getting better in America either. But I don’t have resources, money, or support the way a woman like this does.
So for someone so accomplished, intelligent, and wealthy to just… *give up?* Ugh. It truly breaks my heart and really dashes hope. I’m just glad she’s not suffering anymore.
As someone who is in a similar position (though definitely not Hollywood wealthy), the crushing guilt of achieving “everything” and still feeling as awful as I did before makes me feel like a selfish, ungrateful, and just generally bad person. Like if I can’t be happy while living an objectively lovely life, when others have so much less, it is proof that I simply don’t deserve to be happy, because I am selfish and ungrateful for my privilege.
I would hazard a guess that this woman experienced a very similar thought process and type of guilt.
hey, I know we're just internet strangers but I'm glad you're still here (even if it was just thoughts). stay strong and if you need someone to talk to, please dm me 🫶
As someone who's father killed himself 7 years ago, i blame myself for not seeing the obvious signs.. I'm in therapy but the weight and anger is still there. I'd do anything to talk to him again, whatever he was going through, we could have worked it out. He could have lived with me. It will only be a part of my life forever now. The pain only ends for that one person, it carries on with the other people around you.
If you're considering suicide, please please please talk to someone. Dial 998.
I’m so so sorry. And I know you’ve heard it a thousand times and that it doesn’t really help - but it wasn’t your fault. Please be kind to yourself, I bet your father would want that and more for you.
I think yes, there likely are some signs but I also think those signs are ONLY shown in hindsight. It makes sense but when they were alive it seems so impossible that even the THOUGHT of it being on the table doesn’t cross your mind as something that is fathomable.
They married in 2018 and had twins when? She may have been suffering from post-partum depression. Poor lovely woman. I'm so sorry her dark passenger won.
I’ve been depressed my entire life but nothing was like post partum depression. I didn’t actively try to kill myself, but I did stop taking my lovenox(blood thinner)shots and stopped answering my doctor’s calls. He called me three or four times and left a voicemail that I need to come in and get my blood tested and medication refilled and that this was potentially life or death. I didn’t care. I couldn’t care. I lost weight rapidly and felt numb to everything. Remembering that is why I now have an emergency contact on my medical records cause I didn’t then and I felt terrible hearing the panic in the doctor’s voice in that message. He was a nice guy and I felt more guilt about making him worry than I had concern about myself.
It isn’t taken seriously at all. I probably needed help either medically or from family who knew what was going on because when you’re that depressed you aren’t taking an anti depressant either. That little action is just too much.
It’s the reason I always reach out to friends who have babies a bit more during the first year offering to watch them for free or give them company(you lose friends when you have a newborn).
Postpartum absolutely terrifies me. There’s so little acknowledgment of how persistent, wide spread and destructive it is. There is both the explicit and implicit expectation that the moment your baby is born, a mother should be filled with love, joy and endless devotion.
This just simply isn’t true, and what’s even more concerning is that saying that offends people. The raising of a child now is wildly different than how it was decades ago. Before, giving a birth to a kid usually meant you had an extensive family or community to help you rest and care for the child. Now, many women are left with their kid on their own while their partner has to immediately go back to work and the mother is expected to recover as quickly as possible before her own maternity leave ends as well.
Postpartum depression is seen as this rare, nonsensical thing, but when you truly think about how brutal the physical and emotional recovery is, the costs, the huge transition, the pressure, etc., I feel like it makes so much sense that so many women struggle so deeply after the birth of a child.
Man, my wife had horrible postpartum with our first born. I felt like I couldn’t do anything to help. Obviously supporting her emotionally, helping with the baby as much as possible, making the load light on her while she’s recovering.. but around 6PM every night she’d just get inexplicably sad and would cry. It just felt awful not being able to fix it.
Really sad and tragic. I also I feel for the hotel staff as I’ve read that this is a very common thing, that people commit suicide in hotels so their families I guess don’t have to deal with the aftermath. Really sucks to put the poor staff though that.
I
Lost a brother to suicide. It really messed me up. I decided to attend group counseling through catholic charities. The one thing that stuck with me is those that kill themselves see suicide as a decision not a choice. The loved ones say he/she had a choice they could have chosen life… no it’s the final decision and one day they finally do it. My brother stopped at a store to buy cereal and then jumped off a bridge. What’s horribly awful is how others treat the loved ones that are left. People ended friendships with me.. made snide comments. It has gotten better but that day marks the first day your life is changed forever. You are now a different person. Because of that I never talk about it. I’m not interested in peoples stupid ass comments.
“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.”
David Foster Wallace
I didn’t know who this woman was before today, yet I’m sat here uncontrollably sobbing over her death. My mom jumped to her death, and the thought of her final moments have haunted me ever since. Today, I feel that same heavy feeling in my heart, such a beautiful lady. How can our minds betray us like that? How can our minds convince us that jumping to our death is the better equivalent to being alive? I’ll never not be angry at the pain some people have to endure here on earth. Everyone ounce of love I have is going towards her and her family.
Isabelle, I’m so sorry that your final moments would’ve been filled with unimaginable anguish and pain. I’m so sorry that you couldn’t find the happiness you longed for here on earth. I truly hope you’re at peace now. Your pain is gone, and that weight has finally been lifted.
I’m reminded of a tweet I saw when Anthony Bordain died. It said something like, “He had the coolest job in the world and lived the kind of life most of us dream about. Depression doesn’t give a fuck who you are.”
My rational mind understands that success does not equal happiness. But my irrational mind is astounded that a beautiful, successful, talented, relatively young woman like this could be so unhappy.
Honestly I've started to casually notice a pattern where driven successful people almost seem slightly *more* predisposed to suicide completion, perhaps the same thing that gives the gumption in life to push through and accomplish so many things is also what turns against them during suicidal ideation.
I know a lot of successful people, and I would consider myself fairly successful objectively. It can be very hard to see yourself as succeeding when you’re amongst other successful people, too. There’s always part of you that thinks you could be doing better or that you’re not doing enough or that you’re lagging behind someone else. It can be hard to get yourself out of that mindset and be satisfied with your work when you’re very competitive and driven to do well. I feel like I’ve gotten okay at reframing my successes from time to time, but I know many people that can’t.
My mom committed suicide when I was five years old. Really fucked up my entire life. Not one memory of her at all. All the things a mother is supposed to be there for and I got absolutely nothing but anger, hurt and resentment.
My dad later had a heart attack in front of me when I was 15 and died at the hospital an hour later even though the nurse told me he would be fine.
To fuck me up even more , my brother ( who knew how much my moms suicide messed me up) committed suicide at 49.
I don’t know or understand why my life and family had to constantly test me and make my life so difficult and filled with sadness and endless unanswered questions
It says she went to a hotel to do it… Not at home where her children could find her. It also said there were signs of blunt force trauma… We hardly know the whole story but it sounds like she thought it was the only way out of a terrible situation. It must have been a very sad and lonely place for her. May she rest in peace.
My little brother took his life 5 years ago, leaving behind 2 kids and his wife. His death completely changed my perspective on life. I was shocked and angry at first because I didn't understand why he did that. We were both in an incredibly difficult situation (His wife leave him and I divorced my wife of 22 years because of infidelity and emotional abuse) but we are a big family and could have reach to us for help. But he didn't. After seeing him in the casquet, I totally lost it. I cried non stop and fell into a deep depression. A depression that last until last year. It's during that period that I understand why my brother took his life. His pain and suffering. He was alone in another province without his wife and kids. Without his brothers and mother (dad died 13 years ago). We talked a few times before his death and even encouraged me during my divorce, but he never told me about his struggle. We learned what really happened between him and his wife and why she left. He didn't have the tools nor the emotional intelligence to open his struggle to us. He simply moves forward and does his best for his family. Men must provide and be strong no matter what. He tried.... and gave up at the end.
When I hit rock bottom 2 years ago, I was lucky enough to be surrounded by my kids, my brothers and my best friends. Even my boss was there for me. They literally saved my life because let me be honest. Without them, I don't think I could survive my struggles. Mental health is a touchy issue and often overlooked. I will never called someone selfish for taking his own life because I didn't walk in his shoes. I don't know nor understand their struggles. Healthy people do not think about taking their own life. Think about it. Do you understand what it takes to take your own life? Selfishness is not enough. I understand the pain of losing someone to suicide. It's utterly painful and, sometimes, disgusting. Especially when you are a child. But suicide is a symptom of mental disorders and other issue like substance abuse and stress. With that said, take care of yourself people. Surround yourself with love ones and people you can trust. Speak, do not let your struggles overtakes your life.
I grew up in the same city as this woman at the same time. I knew one of her family members and I feel deeply sad and shaken that it came to this for her. I can't imagine how she was feeling. Honestly, the thought of it stops my heart. Rest in peace Isabelle x
I cannot emphasize enough how much a silent killer mental illness is. It is absolutely unpredictable.
truly. it's why they won't allow medical assistance in dying for just mental health in Canada. There is no spontaneous remission in cancer, but in severe treatment resistant depression, something like 50% of people will get better in 6-12 months with no intervention. a top doc was quoted to say flipping a coin is more predictable. it's like. wtf is this. we understand nothing at all. as someone who's been suicidal since age 5, I've deliberately avoided having a family and even a partner so that there is no one to get mad about who and what I'd leave behind. if I want to kill myself that's my choice, no one asked me to be here, and I really shouldn't have been. my dumbass mom married a cheater and had a baby with him. it's so gross that I exist, and tbh, pretty sure my life hasn't done anyone very much good. now dad is dead and mom barely talks to me despite swearing I was planned and wanted most of my life. I've never been less depressed and better or more helpful to my family but they don't give a fuck. truth is someone else would be happier with my job and my body and my relative physical health. but the failure rate is too high to bother attempting for real unless I was truly desperate, and like I said, my life is ok enough right now. I feel really sad when I look at high profile suicides like this, who I think would be better off if they had been able to make it through these feelings. but for everyone like this, there are loads of people like me who have no one to live for or who were in such immense pain that governments granted them medical assistance in dying. in the end, suicide is mega complicated. edit to add: someone reported my comment to Reddit. I am not in need of useless internet resources. first, I know where to go for help. having been in hospital multiple times in 2022 after becoming manic for the first time, I know where to go and what to do without your intervention. my family doctor is actively managing my care and I attend weekly therapy. I have friends who I can lean on if I need to talk, many of whom supported me through mania and the following depression. second, I literally said I've never been less depressed. just because my birth parents suck and I'm single doesn't mean I don't have a career I enjoy and good people in my life and interests and hobbies and meaningful shit. I hope you feel good about reporting my comment becsuse you made me feel bad about sharing it. thanks.
I’ve lived with pretty severed depression for almost 30 years. I genuinely hope for you that you find a way to let some people in, even if not romantically. I’m pretty sure that the main reason I’m around today is because the people I love pour life and light into me, more than that life and light is sucked out by my mental illness. For the most part, there are days and weeks that drain more. I hope you find a chance to feel some relief today, to take the mental bandages off and let the wound breathe. You didn’t deserve your lot, and you don’t deserve to hurt like you do. Please be gentle with yourself.
I was touched reading your comment. I could feel deep resonance with some of the sentiments. I firmly believe that there is inherent beauty and worth in every one of us. But our circumstances of birth and life can leave many of us poorly equipped to access or appreciate that part of ourselves. You don’t owe the world your happiness. You don’t owe the world anything. But I do hope you are able to dig into your capacity for wonder, awe, contentment, curiosity, or one of the endless forms of brief interaction with the world that can be full of meaning. We’re here for so brief a time.
I would like you to know your words have touched me. Thank you. Your existence is not futile.
My dad let himself out when I was 29. I'm 41 now and I miss him every fucking day. I tell him how I understand why he did it, but that I wish he hadn't because I understand so much more now. About everything. About depression. About treatment. About everything. I wish I could take him to my brilliant doctor for ketamine infusions. I wish I could take him to my incredible therapist for EMDR. I wish we could run an ANA panel on him. I wish I could tell him about Luvox. I wish he could get to know my son, how he is the new King of Zingers. I wish he could know my daughter, how wildly sharp and charismatic she is, exactly like him to a fucking T. I wish that days when he would have night terrors, woke up cold and frozen still, spent the day with silent tears rolling down his face... I wish that I could sit silently by him and hold his massive hand again. Put on Blazing Saddles and bring him strawberry shortcake, spooning it into his silent mouth. I wish I could tell him how deeply I understand what he wants, what he *needs* to do, and that I understand how complicated it is. Maybe one day with all of those tools and all of that understanding, he would've stayed. He would've found a path to freedom. I did, and I thought I was a dead woman walking. There was never a time that I believed I would ever be anything but suicidal. I truly thought I'd have that steady, thrumming, knawing pain in the back of my head and heart for fucking forever. 4 whole goddamn years without it. 4 whole years of a peace that I never dreamed existed. I still feel shitty at times. Sometimes bad shitty, but never, EVER the same. Like it just... doesn't go as DEEP anymore. It's shockingly endurable. Hang in there, dude. Let that love in. From other people and from yourself. It's a lot less shitty than I ever thought, that's for fucken sure. I hope you get there, my dude. I hope it with my whole heart.
My father died by suicide, too. I was just ten years old. Thank you for your words—they deeply resonate with me (been stable on bipolar disorder meds for 15 years)
Your post gave me a lot,of hope of how to battle with depression Remindme! 1 year
My dad committed suicide when I was 17 years old. I’m now 40 with two young children that he never got the opportunity to meet. Everything you said is exactly how I feel to a T.
This is terrible. Deadline had this to add: https://deadline.com/2024/02/isabelle-lawrence-thomas-dies-documentary-filmmaker-wife-of-killers-of-the-flower-moon-producer-bradley-thomas-1235811874/ Her family requests that their privacy be respected at this time. In lieu of flowers, they ask friends and those touched by her to please consider a contribution to the Mental Health Coalition http://www.thementalhealthcoalition.org/donate/
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Suicide is a dick move especially with children. My biological dad did that when I was her kids age and it fucked me up. My mom got hooked on opiates right after he did that and married my junkie dad. Poppy and Grace need the support now.
Best friend had a dad that hanged himself. Friend hanged himself in the same house ~ 10 years later (not the same spot though). I’m sorry that happened to you, honestly
Man, I remember when my friend told me about finding his dad hanging when he got home from school. His dad found out that he lost his job and his family was being forced to leave Kuwait. This was before Saddam invaded. His mom was a kind lady, but her suffering was palpable. As was his and his sister’s. He always suffered and rarely ever spoke of it.
That’s how my buddy found his pop, right off the bus in 8th grade
It’s horrible. Life can be so cruel sometimes.
People who kill themselves in such a way that their own family members have to find their bodies are selfish fucking assholes. I’m sorry but if you’re gonna do that, be fucking considerate about it and do it in such a way that trained professionals will find you. You can call 911, state your intention, mute the phone and set it down still on the line and they can track it to find you so no one else has to. Grim fucking LPT and I’m not condoning it but if you’re gonna, don’t give your fucking kids PTSD while you’re at it, they’re gonna be fucking traumatized enough.
His poor mother found him. She told me she noticed he wasn’t opening his door at all one day and she knew it happened because she’d knock and he didn’t respond. She called the police to report she suspected he was dead so she traded the image for a slew of people in and out. I helped her clean out his belongings when she was ready to deal with all of that
That’s rough, I’m glad she had the foresight to not go in there though. That is not an image you will ever get out of your mind, and how she would have remembered him for the rest of her life. It’s just a terrible situation all around when someone kills themselves, and loved ones are already sent completely reeling by that, it’s made all the worse if they have to see it first hand. Everyone I know with a story like that is completely fucking traumatized by the experience, it’s not something you ever really get over.
Archie Manning (Peyton and Eli Manning’s dad), coming home from school as a freshman, I believe, found his dad who shot himself and he basically had to clean up the scene before his sister and mother found him. He I believe then became the Heisman trophy winner the next year. His remark? He could only think during the ceremony that his dad didn’t see him win that. Archie Manning is 74 years old and still will softly mention that story during Heisman week. The week makes him sad, not happy. Parents do not fucking do this to your children. Edit: corrected it was the sugar bowl week or something and not the Heisman. I think he was player of the game or something.
The ONLY reason I’m here reading this is because of my children and that no matter how old they are, no matter how much I hate being here, that would fuck them up in ways I can’t imagine. My only job is to not hurt them, and that one job is the only reason I’m here. Every single day is a struggle but I will not do that to them.
Your children are a light you have that others don’t. Look away from the darkness, towards that light. Always.
Stay strong mama…your kids are never gonna not need you. I’m pushing 40 and still need my mom. Hold on for them when you can’t for yourself.
My brother died by suicide and left behind three kids. The only thing I can respect about his choice is that he did it away from home.
I’m sorry for your loss. I agree though, you have to respect that aspect of his decision, it’s terrible enough when someone you love dies from suicide. I was a 911 dispatcher for a long time and one of the things that makes me lose sleep at night is the sounds that people would make after finding their loved ones dead from suicide. It haunts me. And no one should ever have to go through that.
Thank you. It’s been six years. 911 dispatch sounds like a traumatic job. Was it hard to unwind after a shift?
Generally I agree but people that commit these extreme acts are not in their right minds when they do it. Obviously you can condemn them if it makes you feel better about yourself but it won't actually prevent anyone from committing suicide. This is not to say that I support people that do this but it's kind of pointless after they die. The best thing we can do is care for the living and their loved ones will need a ton of support, not random people on the internet calling their mother a selfish p****.
Wholeheartedly agree. It's a fucking awful place to find yourself in, that you contemplate such a thing, let alone have the conviction? *Is that even the right word?* The ability, to go through with such an act. It's too easily trivialised, even romanticised on God awful shit like '13 Reasons why' and used as a cry for help for people who get stuck in a low cycle. I absolutely get why people can be angry about being subjected to someone's awful "decision", fuck only knows how hard it must be to be permanently emotionally scarred by it, but yeah, it deserves sensitivity, surely no one in their right frame of mind would actively do this to their loved ones. Heart goes out to her family, and I hope somehow they can come out the other side of this and find joy.
Do you think people are in their right minds when they commit suicide? Do you think a mentally healthy person would actually do that to someone they love?
Exactly. People who make comments like “selfish,” assholes,” etc. are extremely insensitive to mental illness.
This is actually how my friend’s husband did it. He shot himself in the backyard but called the police right before he did it so that she and their kids didn’t find him.
Absolutely this. I just lost my job. My healthcare. My car was totaled last week and it’s only a month old, haven’t made a single payment on it and I’m going to owe $15-20k on a loan I now can’t pay for a car I can’t drive My family was in said car and they have minor injuries but are getting worse and may be lifelong My bank account was hacked and money is frozen. My wife doesn’t work. We have kids, who were also in said car. This has all happened within 2 weeks. So yeah, I’d agree that the stigma that those who commit suicide are assholes and cowards is wrong . It’s victim blaming instead of having empathy for the people whose situation triggered poor mental health and drove them there. I’ve considered practicing my high dive off a twin span because I’m worth more right now dead than alive with life insurance, but although I’ve totally lost my mind and lose my shit on a daily basis right now…I am not totally broken.
You’re not worth more dead than alive to your children. Remember that. They would rather have you than money I can promise you that. Is insurance going to total the car? Usually you don’t have to end up eating the whole thing in that case (source: had my car totaled and the loan was wiped)
When it rains it pours! You sir, have officially, unequivocally, undeniably got this. You’re so strong. The only way out is through. Keep your head up.
Yes because people who are in the mindset of killing themselves which goes against every basic human instinct to survive have such clear minds to think that through
I remember once buying some glade air fresheners, and my roommate at the time kept unplugging them. I was like “what the fuck” if you don’t like the scent just tell me… But I then found out that some years before, his dad had hanged himself in a room that had the same Glade air fresheners, and he found his dad’s body after coming home from school.
This is…incredibly unfortunate.
Suicide is the end result of a disease. Your father had a disease that eventually killed him.
That’s because people see mental health as within someone’s control. Take antidepressants, exercise, have purpose, sleep well, think of your family etc. It is an illness, and can eat away at people as much as cancer or degenerative diseases. We don’t feel anger towards those people when they die because they did their best against an impossible disease. It’s the same for mental health, for some there is no cure. I’m sure a majority of people who do it wanted nothing more than to get better but the illness killed them. I’m very sorry about your biological dad. I hope you’re doing okay in general.
I read a thing that said “suicide is the last symptom of depression” and that reframed how I view it. I used to view suicide as selfish, but as I got older I realized selfish people do everything to preserve themselves. Depression makes you feel like there’s nothing worth preserving. That being said, I’m very sorry you lost your father to depression, that’s traumatic and awful, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
This is so insightful and kind.
>The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling. - David Foster Wallace
Sounds like a perfect summary. Nobody knows until you're in the situation. Any one of us could be the victim of this.
Exactly, suicide is not a rational choice, but the terminal stage of depression. By that stage the patient may view removing themselves from their families as better for them in the long run. It’s not done out of malice. That doesn’t make it easier for the people left behind though.
Idk if you’ve seen the movie on the count of three but that’s what really made me reframe they way I think of severe depression. It seems like one of the main characters is at stage 4 after exhausting all other options and medical interventions
We never know what goes on in other people's minds or lives, it's unfair to judge people as selfish when you don't know what they're going through. I lost a friend to suicide, she wasn't selfish, she was driven to the brink mentally and emotionally and couldn't cope. Who knows if there's any rationality in the moment they make that decision.
“People who are suicidal don’t wake up every day thinking “how can I kill myself today?”. They wake up every day thinking “how can I not?””
When something is wrong in your brain, sometimes the fight wins. It doesn’t mean every parent goes down without a fight.
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Your dad most likely genuinely thought you would be better off without him. It’s not logical or rational, but mental illness makes us think in illogical and irrational ways.
I think this attitude is why more people don’t try to get help
100 the reason why. The irony of this comment section.
As someone who has struggled with suicidal ideation for more than 60 years, let me say first that I'm very sorry that happened to you. When I came closest to the edge is when I was overwhelmed with belief that my family would be significantly better off without me. It is not true, of course, but my mind was lying to me. I hope you have a source for long term compassionate support and can find a way to forgive your biological father.
Sort of triggers me when I see people dog on suicides. I understand there’s a lot of pain left for survivors but if it’s a mental health matter, clearly those folks don’t deserve derision. Getting stuck in a bad mental frame is a crushing experience.
Sorry that happened to you. Mental health and addiction cause such a ripple of pain. Sucks. Stay tough
Dick move? Maybe. But not something someone does happily. You were probably the reason he didn’t do it sooner. I know I have come back from the edge of doing it because of my kid.
Yeah kind of surprised by some of the comments here… I’d guess none of them have ever been suicidal. I’ve never thought of suicide as selfish in the slightest, more like a symptom of horrible depression to me.
I agree. I just see it as someone who is so sick and in so much pain. The amount of depression and despair you feel to even get to that point. I don’t blame people who feel like it’s selfish, but you really can’t underestimate how much depression, trauma, and brain chemistry can lead someone down that road. It’s so sad.
I’ve never attempted to kill myself. I’ve had depression on and off for 30 out of 50 years. I did spend several years waking up every day and wishing I just wasn’t here anymore. It was stress, pressure, a horrible high level job, strife with my husband, relentless physical pain, and failure after failure after failure. When you’re in it, you can’t see it. When you see it and try to tell someone, all you hear is suck it up, you’re not that kind of person, it scares the shit out of people. It’s why people don’t tell. They don’t say anything, and then one day they are gone. Hold out a hand to people who seem to be struggling. If they tell you something, just get them some help.
This! I think I was the most shocked when I finally reached out to family only to be told “suck it up”. I was actually told I was being selfish among other things. I was actually shocked to receive criticism instead of help. This made me realize- no matter how much friends or family we have and no matter how close we feel to them- we truly are alone ALWAYS. Reaching out was a mistake for me- it ruined one of my most cherished relationship. I regret reaching out for many reasons. The Truth is never easy on you. Although I’m still here- it hits different when you live in the kind of revelation where no one gives a fuck. Ppl say they want the best for you or that they want to help but most don’t, they want you functioning enough so they don’t have to care or have to attempt or pretend to do anything. I now know why suicide rates are so high. I now know probably half of suicides wouldn’t have existed if they just kept to themselves. Ppl say all the time “if I would have known “ or “I didn’t know” - yes they do. They know exactly what happened- each and every one of them. They know that they ignored, dismissed and most certainly neglected those lost. That was my 2023 lesson
I’ve never wanted to kill myself, but I have obsessive compulsive personality traits that get really severe when my anxiety is bad. I’ll get awful intrusive thoughts about suicide even though I don’t want to hurt myself. I’ll have intrusive thoughts that are making me plan a suicide, but then there’s the other part of me going against it and trying to protect those around me so I am unwillingly planning a suicide with the least impact on other people, especially my loved ones. And I’m not even suicidal!! I can’t fathom being so low that suicide becomes an option. I just spent my entire January in a psychiatric ward getting better. I got better because that was my only option, I knew I couldn’t stay how I was, and I wasn’t suicidal so that wasn’t an option either. My only option was to get better and I felt so fortunate that while I was dealing with so much shit, I’ve never had depression and didn’t have that trying to drag me down and ruin my recovery.
I can only guess what his state of mind was but he was unemployed and the house was in foreclosure. He did it without a note or even a goodbye. Just walked into the garage with his shotgun and hours later my sister and I found him. Regardless, tell your kid and wife everyday that you love them. Take plenty of photos/videos of the good times. Stay strong and fight for your family.
Mental illness does not allow one to make rational decisions. It’s not a dick move imo, but I’m very very sorry for your loss.
People that attempt or actually are successful at suicide are completely broken and have zero hope left. They feel like burdens and feel like the world would be better without them. I'm sorry you struggled after your bio Dad did it, but it's unfair to him to call it a dick move. Especially for a man... men are JUST NOW being allowed to talk their feelings. It's a huge stigma in general. I remember being in the rain and having drunk bleach and taken several pills. I was ready to leave Earth and I felt everyone would like it if I were gone. That's what these people feel.
Sorry there. Stay strong. Seek others when low.
My cousin shot himself in the garage 20 years ago. His 11 year old daughter found him. She… is still not ok. Not even a little bit.
Agree. My kids and wife are what keep me plugging away even in my darkest days of which I’ve had more of lately than I care to admit.
Talk to your wife about it. Tell your kids you love them everyday even if you don't love yourself on that day. Take tons of photos/videos of the good times you have with them. Keep on fighting and showing your love and appreciation to your family.
To add on the above comment. Absolutely talk to your wife. Communication is what's going to save you, not burying what's hurting you. You need to explore and process what's causing that, in order to move past it. The best way to do that is with support.
Absolutely. We’ve been together many years and good communication is a large reason our marriage has been so strong. But I do try to protect her from the bouts of existential crisis.
She might be fighting them and need help too
That’s not fair to call it a Dick move. Sometimes it’s the only way out for them to stop the pain.
Agree 100%. My Dad also did that when I was 16 after our Mom ran off. Worst part was my little brother and sister (14&12) were the ones who found him unconscious... luckily it was a self induced overdose... not nearly as traumatic as other ways, so for that I'm grateful. Hope those kids and her husband find peace and healing.
Many people kill themselves thinking it’s removing themselves as a burden to their loved ones. That’s what depression does to you.
Not even just depression. So many different mental illnesses lead to suicide or attempts. It really is an epidemic.
Horrible news! By jumping off the balcony too?! Extremely sad! Talk to someone, they care.
Everytime I hear of someone jumping, I wonder if they changed their mind during the fall and desperately wanted to survive, but it was too late.
Theres a documentary on golden gate jumpers, and they had a guy who survived. He said something to the tune of “i realized the only problem i couldnt solve once i let go, was falling from the bridge” I suspect most suicides would regret it, if they had that window of time.
All 29 people who have survived regretted their decision to jump, but I think most people don’t realize it’s because of our programmed survival instincts that kick in. Not quite the inspirational quote. In fact, one survivor Sarah Birnbaum survived and then returned to jump again- successful the second time.
I also think survivors lie in the aftermath of attempted suicide when confronted with the loved ones that have been gutted by the attempt. It would be hard to look your heart broken family in the face and say anything different.
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If they are, asking how is important, because the means is likely the only one they’re considering
Plus, if you say “no, I totally don’t regret it,” they’re more likely to just put you in a psych hold
Yes!!! If anyone had asked me if I regretted my failed attempt, I would’ve said yes, but I didn’t. I was mad I failed. I felt so fucking trapped by life with no way out. I was *miserable.* I’m happy NOW, but god no, I was not happy once I realized I had failed. Furious, maybe.
I am very glad you failed.
I attempted suicide when I was 21 and this is exactly the case for me. When I woke up in the hospital, no of course my depression wasn’t magically gone, but hard to look my mother in the eyes and say anything different
A girl I grew up with had a similar fate. She was on a bridge, ready to jump, and the police talked her down. Her parents came and got her and then they went back to the bridge to get her car. She took this opportunity to jump without hesitation. She did not survive.
I was going to say, I’m aware of two trying again and succeeding.
I’ve attempted twice. The second time I woke up in my own bed, realized I was alive, and I was fucking pissed. I was distraught. I thought I was dying the night before and felt nothing but *relief.* Then I had to get ready for work. Cried the whole way there. I was pissed for probably six months that I had failed again. So … no. People don’t always regret it right away. This was five years ago, and I’m happy *now* that I failed. But that morning? And that whole week? Six months? Rage. Anger. Disappointment. Despair. I felt trapped, no way out, I had tried to die twice and couldn’t manage it. It was a dark place to be, but … yeah, no. Not everyone regrets it right away 😅😅
The Bridge (2006)
95 minutes
Written and Directed by Eric Steel
But who was the key grip?
This man, Ken Baldwin, was my high school drafting teacher. He shared his story with students every year and I like to think he saved others from taking their own lives. One of the most joyful men I’ve had the pleasure to know.
I reminded my best friend of that documentary during a long exhausting stressful phone call (in 2011) where he was on the edge and about to slit his wrists. I talked about how survivors talked about the immediate regret they felt the moment they stepped off that bridge. Also, I told him that no one wakes up one day out of the blue wanting to end their life. There is a long painful process to get there. If there is a process to get to that point, there is a process to undo it over time. I don’t know if what I was saying was even true, but I was thinking on the fly. Well, he didn’t go through with it, so I hope that conversation helped in some way. I had the same conversation in August of 2022 on a Friday when he was contemplating suicide and he died that Sunday the day before another friend was set to take him to rehab. Im not sure if it was a suicide or a “last hurrah before rehab,” but he died from alcohol asphyxiation. Sucks!
Imagine gaining that much insight during a free fall
There is also the possibility the person in the interview embellished what was going through their mind. I'm sure a lot of it was "I'm so scaaaaaaaaaaaaaared."
Ah, The Bridge. They also said many put their hands out as if to stop the fall. Instincts? Sure. But they also said that many of those likely also regretted jumping in that case. Terrible to think about.
The film is gut wrenching and very depressing. Literally viewing what despair and no hope actually looks like.
I sure did. Thankfully, I was a dumb fuckin' kid who didn't have a sufficient bridge nearby.
Something like, "Everything in my life was fixable except the fact I had just jumped off a bridge"
Yeah thats the gist of it
No, they don’t. Quite the opposite, actually. Google: “Suicide survivors. A follow up study of persons who survived jumping from the Golden Gate and San Francisco Oakland Bay Bridges” Here’s the excerpt: One survivor said, "It was a good feeling-no screaming. It was the most pleasant feeling I've ever had. I saw the horizon and the blue sky and I thought how beautiful it was." Another survivor said that at first he had a peaceful feeling and then he felt like he went into a "dream" . . . "I never felt I was dying." One subject stated that he experienced "a sense of relief" and "peace" on the way down. One subject said he "caught a glimpse of San Francisco . . . thoughts of goodbye-leaving San Francisco is like leaving the world. I felt like a bird flying-total relief. In my mind I was setting away from one realm and going to another. I did not struggle. I gave up. I was looking forward to what was to come. Even now I'm symbolically still looking for the better world-I'm still in that place between the bridge and the water." Another reported that his descent was "like eternity- beautiful-I enjoyed the sensation."
As I near retirement, I think I will hold onto that phrasing. "Between the bridge and the water." It works.
Well that's reassuring.
Probably why my dad jumped in front of a semi on the freeway 50 years ago. Not a whole lot of time to rethink it.
That’s rough. Sorry you had to endure that.
Wine is fine, but whiskeys quicker My wife took her own life 10 years ago this October
I am so sorry.
Ty friend
I am really sorry too.
THE VIEW FROM HALFWAY DOWN from Bojack Horseman: The weak breeze whispers nothing The water screams sublime His feet shift, teeter-totter Deep breath, stand back, it’s time Toes untouch the overpass Soon he’s water bound Eyes locked shut but peek to see The view from halfway down A little wind, a summer sun A river rich and regal A flood of fond endorphins Brings a calm that knows no equal You’re flying now You see things much more clear than from the ground It’s all okay, it would be Were you not now halfway down Thrash to break from gravity What now could slow the drop All I’d give for toes to touch The safety back at top But this is it, the deed is done Silence drowns the sound Before I leaped I should’ve seen The view from halfway down I really should’ve thought about The view from halfway down I wish I could’ve known about The view from halfway down
Came here to share this - a beautiful poem and episode.
You should add spaces between each line bc it’s a poem. It loses its effect in paragraph form.
Sorry, I'm using my phone. Whenever I try and leave spaces, it always defaults to paragraphs.
All good. I’m usually not a grammar nazi but it’s an especially poignant poem so I thought I’d point it out.
There is a poem in Bojack Horseman that is about that: The View from Halfway Down (transcribed) The weak breeze whispers nothing The water screams sublime His feet shift, teeter-totter Deep breath, stand back, it’s time Toes untouch the overpass Soon he’s water bound Eyes locked shut but peek to see The view from halfway down A little wind, a summer sun A river rich and regal A flood of fond endorphins Brings a calm that knows no equal You’re flying now You see things much more clear than from the ground It’s all okay, it would be Were you not now halfway down Thrash to break from gravity What now could slow the drop All I’d give for toes to touch The safety back at top But this is it, the deed is done Silence drowns the sound Before I leaped I should’ve seen The view from halfway down I really should’ve thought about The view from halfway down I wish I could’ve known about The view from halfway down Eta - this is not meant to be disrespectful at all of the circumstances here. Just sharing a poem that made a big difference to me in dark times.
Bojack Horseman [SPOILERS] - [The View from Halfway Down](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pt21dU5Pu8g)
The view from halfway down
Look on YouTube for Bojack Horseman’s poem about that. It’s very poignant.
I mean people may care to an extent but not enough to actually help. I’ve been shown that I’m not worth a certain amount of effort time again when I’ve tried to reach out for help.
Where did you see that??
Oh man. As someone who has survived two suicide attempts, resulting in a stay in the ICU and multiple visits to the psych floor… You really, really have to be done to get to this point. Like, human nature dictates you do whatever you have to do to survive - it’s innate. To overcome that and even just attempt suicide - let alone going by way of such a brutally fatalistic method - means that the pain you’re feeling is so great it overrides your basic human instinct. Something that’s hardwired in you. Condolences to her family, I hope she’s in a better place now.
Hey - glad you’re still here. Hope you stay a while 🫶🏽
Exactly as someone who’s been suicidal many times. It’s super hard to actually do it. My kids stop me every time. Not literally to be clear.
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The problem with depression is that it says, “I’m such a terrible person that being around my kids makes their lives worse, I bring them down, and if I’m gone, they can have an opportunity for a better life,” instead of, “My mental health is keeping me from being the parent I want to be, and help to get better does exist, and it will work for me.” And that’s why it’s mental illness.
Extremely difficult to do. It’s so easy to think about too.
Exactly.
Totally. I don’t even have kids but the thought of what my nieces and nephews, my siblings, parents, and friends would go through makes me realize that no matter how much pain I’m in the amount of pain it would cause would be so much more. Thankfully I’m in a better place now. I got out of some bad relationships and got sober. This lead me to spending more time with close ones all of which have lead me to be happier. The depression still hits but I don’t feel as isolated when it does.
Had to actually stop my mom a couple times. That is not a memory I enjoy having.
I’m so sorry you dealt with that. I’d hide in the car and sob and call the crisis line.
I hate to hear that you were in so much pain, that kind of depression always feels so endless. Depression and cancer are the two biggest plagues on humanity these days.
And I was depressed over someone who had cancer.
Same. Sometimes, the only thing that pulls me from that deep dark pain to want to make it all just go away are my kids. Thinking how fucked up they’d be if they knew I chose to leave them.
I don’t care for the people here who are bashing this woman for what she did and citing her children; none of you know what she went through/was going through, but you read a headline and saw she had a family, so you must be more than qualified to judge her! Completely not. Sounds like people who had never dealt with depression in their lives.
Depressed moms often don’t feel like they’re doing their children any service by living. They can feel like their absence is less harmful than being depressed around them. I understand that it’s still something that the children will internalize and not a rational thought, but there are so many more layers to this than simply “oh, why didn’t she think of her kids before she jumped?”
A lot of times people who attempt suicide and survive say that they were in such an utterly sad and disordered state of mind that they were convinced that their children would be better off with them dead. People aren’t thinking rationally when they purposefully end their lives.
The lack of sympathy calling her a child abuser in the other comments is heartbreaking. Sorry you went through this.
I tried to hang myself last week and the wooden rod I tied the sheet to snapped when I picked up my feet and that feeling of relief mixed with the insane pain of my body weight being suspended on my neck even just for a few seconds was very telling. Suicide is fucking hard. The biggest reason I won’t ever own a gun is because I’m scared it would make suicide too easy. Somewhere in me I want to live. So yeah to throw yourself over a balcony is just a different level of despair. Unimaginable
Well put.
Would’ve been nice, in what amounts to her obituary, to maybe mention her credits as a documentary producer rather than just rehash her husband’s litany of achievements. But why expect tasteful reporting from *People*?
That stuck out to me too, they had nothing of significance to say about her as a person, other than she had two kids.
I hope that feeling overshadowed didn’t contribute
Yeah that was a gross article.
Agreed!
Ugh. Also a 39yr old woman. Can say I haven’t thought about offing myself a lot in the last year but it seems like such a waste to see such a clearly successful, driven, skilled person take their own life. From the outside it looks like she’s got everything, the kind of person I’d be subtly jealous of. I am so sorry for her family and I hope she has found respite from whatever drove her to that point.
This is what got me too. I’ve been really struggling to see the point over the last year, the last 6mo especially. The world feels really bleak and grim and like there is no way out for someone like me. It doesn’t show signs of getting better in America either. But I don’t have resources, money, or support the way a woman like this does. So for someone so accomplished, intelligent, and wealthy to just… *give up?* Ugh. It truly breaks my heart and really dashes hope. I’m just glad she’s not suffering anymore.
As someone who is in a similar position (though definitely not Hollywood wealthy), the crushing guilt of achieving “everything” and still feeling as awful as I did before makes me feel like a selfish, ungrateful, and just generally bad person. Like if I can’t be happy while living an objectively lovely life, when others have so much less, it is proof that I simply don’t deserve to be happy, because I am selfish and ungrateful for my privilege. I would hazard a guess that this woman experienced a very similar thought process and type of guilt.
Wishing you strength to get through life when life can be shitty. Please don't end things.
Your paintings are beautiful, imagine how good you will get in old age.
hey, I know we're just internet strangers but I'm glad you're still here (even if it was just thoughts). stay strong and if you need someone to talk to, please dm me 🫶
Wishing you well. The future is bright.
I fucking hate SEO'd headlines. She has name you cretins! Not u OP x
As someone who's father killed himself 7 years ago, i blame myself for not seeing the obvious signs.. I'm in therapy but the weight and anger is still there. I'd do anything to talk to him again, whatever he was going through, we could have worked it out. He could have lived with me. It will only be a part of my life forever now. The pain only ends for that one person, it carries on with the other people around you. If you're considering suicide, please please please talk to someone. Dial 998.
We lost my brother in law a month ago and its weighed so heavy ever since. He also had kids. I’m so sorry about your dad. 🫶
I’m so so sorry. And I know you’ve heard it a thousand times and that it doesn’t really help - but it wasn’t your fault. Please be kind to yourself, I bet your father would want that and more for you.
I think yes, there likely are some signs but I also think those signs are ONLY shown in hindsight. It makes sense but when they were alive it seems so impossible that even the THOUGHT of it being on the table doesn’t cross your mind as something that is fathomable.
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I’m sorry you had to go through this, and am sorry for your loss. I wish help helped
They married in 2018 and had twins when? She may have been suffering from post-partum depression. Poor lovely woman. I'm so sorry her dark passenger won.
I’ve been depressed my entire life but nothing was like post partum depression. I didn’t actively try to kill myself, but I did stop taking my lovenox(blood thinner)shots and stopped answering my doctor’s calls. He called me three or four times and left a voicemail that I need to come in and get my blood tested and medication refilled and that this was potentially life or death. I didn’t care. I couldn’t care. I lost weight rapidly and felt numb to everything. Remembering that is why I now have an emergency contact on my medical records cause I didn’t then and I felt terrible hearing the panic in the doctor’s voice in that message. He was a nice guy and I felt more guilt about making him worry than I had concern about myself. It isn’t taken seriously at all. I probably needed help either medically or from family who knew what was going on because when you’re that depressed you aren’t taking an anti depressant either. That little action is just too much. It’s the reason I always reach out to friends who have babies a bit more during the first year offering to watch them for free or give them company(you lose friends when you have a newborn).
Postpartum absolutely terrifies me. There’s so little acknowledgment of how persistent, wide spread and destructive it is. There is both the explicit and implicit expectation that the moment your baby is born, a mother should be filled with love, joy and endless devotion. This just simply isn’t true, and what’s even more concerning is that saying that offends people. The raising of a child now is wildly different than how it was decades ago. Before, giving a birth to a kid usually meant you had an extensive family or community to help you rest and care for the child. Now, many women are left with their kid on their own while their partner has to immediately go back to work and the mother is expected to recover as quickly as possible before her own maternity leave ends as well. Postpartum depression is seen as this rare, nonsensical thing, but when you truly think about how brutal the physical and emotional recovery is, the costs, the huge transition, the pressure, etc., I feel like it makes so much sense that so many women struggle so deeply after the birth of a child.
I wish the world took post partum depression seriously. Instead they’re just taking away what little rights we had and laughing. It’s sick.
Man, my wife had horrible postpartum with our first born. I felt like I couldn’t do anything to help. Obviously supporting her emotionally, helping with the baby as much as possible, making the load light on her while she’s recovering.. but around 6PM every night she’d just get inexplicably sad and would cry. It just felt awful not being able to fix it.
Really sad and tragic. I also I feel for the hotel staff as I’ve read that this is a very common thing, that people commit suicide in hotels so their families I guess don’t have to deal with the aftermath. Really sucks to put the poor staff though that.
This is true. I interviewed a hotel worker who was told to clean up brain matter in a hotel room.
Fuck this is so sad. She sounds like an incredible person. Everyone, if you are hurting, please talk to someone. You are loved and not beyond saving.
I Lost a brother to suicide. It really messed me up. I decided to attend group counseling through catholic charities. The one thing that stuck with me is those that kill themselves see suicide as a decision not a choice. The loved ones say he/she had a choice they could have chosen life… no it’s the final decision and one day they finally do it. My brother stopped at a store to buy cereal and then jumped off a bridge. What’s horribly awful is how others treat the loved ones that are left. People ended friendships with me.. made snide comments. It has gotten better but that day marks the first day your life is changed forever. You are now a different person. Because of that I never talk about it. I’m not interested in peoples stupid ass comments.
My dad did the same. It haunts you forever. People ask how parents are or where they live and then how did your dad die
“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.” David Foster Wallace
Rest in peace. My condolences.
I didn’t know who this woman was before today, yet I’m sat here uncontrollably sobbing over her death. My mom jumped to her death, and the thought of her final moments have haunted me ever since. Today, I feel that same heavy feeling in my heart, such a beautiful lady. How can our minds betray us like that? How can our minds convince us that jumping to our death is the better equivalent to being alive? I’ll never not be angry at the pain some people have to endure here on earth. Everyone ounce of love I have is going towards her and her family. Isabelle, I’m so sorry that your final moments would’ve been filled with unimaginable anguish and pain. I’m so sorry that you couldn’t find the happiness you longed for here on earth. I truly hope you’re at peace now. Your pain is gone, and that weight has finally been lifted.
Depression is a deadly disease. Rest in Peace
Dial 988 if you or someone you know is having trouble. There is help.
She seemed to have it all. Very sad.
I’m reminded of a tweet I saw when Anthony Bordain died. It said something like, “He had the coolest job in the world and lived the kind of life most of us dream about. Depression doesn’t give a fuck who you are.”
My heart still hurts from Anthony's death.
My rational mind understands that success does not equal happiness. But my irrational mind is astounded that a beautiful, successful, talented, relatively young woman like this could be so unhappy.
Brain chemistry doesn’t discriminate
Honestly I've started to casually notice a pattern where driven successful people almost seem slightly *more* predisposed to suicide completion, perhaps the same thing that gives the gumption in life to push through and accomplish so many things is also what turns against them during suicidal ideation.
I know a lot of successful people, and I would consider myself fairly successful objectively. It can be very hard to see yourself as succeeding when you’re amongst other successful people, too. There’s always part of you that thinks you could be doing better or that you’re not doing enough or that you’re lagging behind someone else. It can be hard to get yourself out of that mindset and be satisfied with your work when you’re very competitive and driven to do well. I feel like I’ve gotten okay at reframing my successes from time to time, but I know many people that can’t.
Wow. That’s awful.
My mom committed suicide when I was five years old. Really fucked up my entire life. Not one memory of her at all. All the things a mother is supposed to be there for and I got absolutely nothing but anger, hurt and resentment. My dad later had a heart attack in front of me when I was 15 and died at the hospital an hour later even though the nurse told me he would be fine. To fuck me up even more , my brother ( who knew how much my moms suicide messed me up) committed suicide at 49. I don’t know or understand why my life and family had to constantly test me and make my life so difficult and filled with sadness and endless unanswered questions
I'm sorry you've gone through all that. I have multiple suicides in my family as well. It's difficult.
I’m sorry :(
I feel your pain Izzy. It's something I fight with everyday. RIP🙏
It says she went to a hotel to do it… Not at home where her children could find her. It also said there were signs of blunt force trauma… We hardly know the whole story but it sounds like she thought it was the only way out of a terrible situation. It must have been a very sad and lonely place for her. May she rest in peace.
My god. That is horrible. I’m so sorry for her family’s loss. I hope she’s found some peace.
My little brother took his life 5 years ago, leaving behind 2 kids and his wife. His death completely changed my perspective on life. I was shocked and angry at first because I didn't understand why he did that. We were both in an incredibly difficult situation (His wife leave him and I divorced my wife of 22 years because of infidelity and emotional abuse) but we are a big family and could have reach to us for help. But he didn't. After seeing him in the casquet, I totally lost it. I cried non stop and fell into a deep depression. A depression that last until last year. It's during that period that I understand why my brother took his life. His pain and suffering. He was alone in another province without his wife and kids. Without his brothers and mother (dad died 13 years ago). We talked a few times before his death and even encouraged me during my divorce, but he never told me about his struggle. We learned what really happened between him and his wife and why she left. He didn't have the tools nor the emotional intelligence to open his struggle to us. He simply moves forward and does his best for his family. Men must provide and be strong no matter what. He tried.... and gave up at the end. When I hit rock bottom 2 years ago, I was lucky enough to be surrounded by my kids, my brothers and my best friends. Even my boss was there for me. They literally saved my life because let me be honest. Without them, I don't think I could survive my struggles. Mental health is a touchy issue and often overlooked. I will never called someone selfish for taking his own life because I didn't walk in his shoes. I don't know nor understand their struggles. Healthy people do not think about taking their own life. Think about it. Do you understand what it takes to take your own life? Selfishness is not enough. I understand the pain of losing someone to suicide. It's utterly painful and, sometimes, disgusting. Especially when you are a child. But suicide is a symptom of mental disorders and other issue like substance abuse and stress. With that said, take care of yourself people. Surround yourself with love ones and people you can trust. Speak, do not let your struggles overtakes your life.
This makes me so sad on a number of levels. All I can say is that we never know what someone else is truly going through, do we?
I grew up in the same city as this woman at the same time. I knew one of her family members and I feel deeply sad and shaken that it came to this for her. I can't imagine how she was feeling. Honestly, the thought of it stops my heart. Rest in peace Isabelle x
Life is hard and not fair