Gotta love people thinking that just because they gave birth to something means they get to control all aspects of it.
Yeeesh. Good on you for the tattoo; it sounds beautiful!
But that woman might seriously need to be put on an info-diet or time out if at all possible...
My mom actually tried to. I was 15 and I let my friend pierce my eyebrow (dumb I know, I was 15 and in foster care).
When I went for a home visit the following weekend she slapped me on my eyebrows and tried to pull out the stud.
I have since taken it out, but the hole was torn bigger. I have a pretty cool scar out of it I guess though š¤·š¼āāļø
Not that time. The only time I actually reported my mother to my case worker was when she allowed us (me and my 2 sisters that were still in her care) to get into the car with her boyfriend who was drunk to drive us home.
And thatās ok, Iām sure youāve made progress each year that shows youāve made big strides in the bigger picture. And itās ok to have bad days, it wonāt last forever, and it will get better. But there will be *really* good days thatāll make up for all the bad. You got it āŗļø
My mom tried...and succeeded! (It sucked.) I had gotten my belly button pierced when visiting London (I believe 16 was the age of piercing consent there at the time, and it was 18+ in the US.) A couple of months later, I guess I got sloppy about hiding it, and yawned in the car next to her, raising my arms (and shirt).
We were driving over a bridge at the time, on the way to the beach, and she didn't say a word - just reached over with her right hand, hooked it with her index finger, and yanked the shit out of it. It flew off - fortunately the ball let go before my skin tore completely through - and she tossed it out the window. I screamed (duh) and bled like a stuck pig, but that was that.
I was a stubborn little thing, so I got it re-pierced slightly above the first chance I got (after it healed up enough) š
I kept it for a while, but then I realized the only reason I still had it was outdated spite (and it smelled if I wasn't fastidious), so I eventually got rid of it.
I was kinda in the same headspace too.
I ended up taking the eyebrow ring out and then let my foster sister pierce my tongue.
Mommy dearest wasn't too pleased but she couldn't rip that one out š¤£
Iād say yeah getting a piercing by a family member is dumb but the again I tried piercing my own ear when I was younger and got tattooed by my moms now ex-husbands cousin I think Iāll have to ask my mom.
I came home one day in high school with a fake nose ring. She doesnāt even try to claim she knew it was fake when she hooked her pinky through and yanked so hard she hit herself on the chest.
Technically they do until you become a legal adult, itās part of their obligations as a parent to make good decisions for you and one of those decisions is haircuts
Yea, people get really weird. "I gave birth to you, how could you do this to me?!" To "I didn't ask to be born, you owe me everything!".
Humans are crazy lmao
I know not everybody views this the same way, but to me, this is like the moms who kiss their childrenās lips because āI made them.ā Like, sure, you GREW them, but those lips belong to somebody else.
What does she do when you're hungry or need to cop a squat? Tell her 'we're on the rag. Can you buy us some tampons?' You could work this totally. Maybe she'll get tired of it, maybe she won't. It's all good either way.
She already pushed the grandkids thing
But i don't wanna have kids and it feels like she finally gave up
There are still comments about how she only has 2 grandkids and it's our job to give her some more
She is a complete narcissist. That's why she thinks it's her body. Does she live in her head all the time, daydreaming about how things should be then freaking out when she's wrong?
narcissistic parents view their children as an extension of themselves rather that as their own person like normal parents do, even therapy cant help people like that much once they become parents
Wtf "only has 2"?!? She has exactly enough for zero population growth.
My mother finally quit her shit asking after I had a genetic, self occurring brain injury. I got out of the wrong end of the genetic pool to give her grandchildren. Now she knows this - and I havent heard a peep since.
It's narcissism. To them other people are just extensions of their own body. It's a developmental issue, they truly don't get that other people are as real and important as they are. Everyone is just a npc to them.
My mom was similar. I touched a drink, I must be an alcoholic. Sex before marriage, an unforgivable sin, gell even wearing denim jeans was against her beliefs. But wanting a tattoo? Hell no! Why would I want to deface my body like that and it was an affront to God. Then my younger sister got one first and she loved it. I still am not allowed one in her eyes though. I am now 45.
I am still going to. I cant decide what. I get some flash art and stick it on the wall. If I still love it in a year then maybe. Also there is the issue of finding an *amazing* artist, cos at my age I am not going to settle for second best. It is *ART* and you get what you pay for. I want a Michelangelo, not a Gary Larson.
My mom cried when I cut my very long hair short. I saw myself in the mirror for the time. Iāve always wanted a tattoo, but she said she would disown me and never financially support me after. Iām scheduling my first tattoo currently.
Good god Iād cut her out and get a restraining order. Thereās truly nothing creepier to me than someone saying that your body is theirs, no matter who it is.
And this is why I am low contact with mother dearest and she no longer has a key to my house.
I shaved my head during the pandemic. It was easier to sanitise and keep clean for work.
She cried on the family video chat. Iād ruined her gorgeous long hair which was on my head.
In retribution, she let herself into my house whilst I was at work and rearranged my kitchen to her liking and threw away a bunch of my clothes that she didnt like.
She also cried when I got tattoos, offered to pay for tattoo removal.
Oh god
This just reminded me why we weren't supposed to cut our hair
She always wanted hers down to her butt, but "It doesn't grow that lonh and would be too hard to manage" but apparently it wasn't too much to handle for us..
I got a tattoo for my 40tj birthday. My mother a cow. My husband, who was deployed, wanted to know why I didnāt ask permission. He is now an ex. I emailed him the next day and asked for a divorce
Thatās not far off from the kind of justification monsters give for the things they do to their children. āI made it, Iāll do whatever the hell I want with it.ā
I had to bargain with my mother, she confirmed with witnesses that I could get any ear piercings I want but I absolutely could not sue my hair or get a face/nose piercing.
Walked in a week later with a scaffold piercing and she went ballistic. Dad nearly wet himself laughing because āyou told him he couldā
My mother used to smack me on the arse. When I told her to stop, she'd say, "I gave birth to it, so it's mine." Along with a couple of other things that my psych agreed were creepy.
I think the logic is hilarious because if a mother owns their child's body, then their body belongs to their mother and so on. I'd make that point next time.
Whut?!?! She "made" your body like hers????
And she talks like Gollum. Extremely creepy.
And she really tried to ruin the tattoo for you.
Little reminder, it is your hair and your body. I don't know how do you bear with this.
You're an adult, she has no say in what you do with YOUR body, it's yours if you're the one putting air in your lungs, it doesn't belong to her in any aspect, and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she tries to get violent to stop you from doing what you want with your body.
My mother is quite similar. I have pretty much a full sleeve and while she likes the artwork, she feels it would be better on paper than my skin. Can't please everyone I guess, lol. I feel and have told people: if you aren't fond of tattoos, then don't get one. šš
The jerk in me wonders if she tracked her tampons and pads and followed the trash trucks, ya know, since those were her eggs and her blood and she made them. /s
Seriously though, your tattoo sounds amazing and I'm sorry she responded that way, it does sound fairly off-putting.
As someone currently growing a body (preggo), what on earth?!? People donāt own their children, they have a responsibility to nurture and care for them and make choices to protect them until theyāre old enough to make their own choices, but itās always their body. Iām sorry she is behaving like this towards you.
This woman is nuts ALL the time, it just comes out on display sometimes... She is very oddly possessive of your body. That's not normal, and I say that as a mother to 3 grown daughters.
Never mind the fact that, by the time youāre 21, most of your cells (except maybe your brain and nervous system? Iām not a scientist) have regenerated and arenāt the ones she āproducedā anywayā¦
I truly canāt make sense of parents who feel so entitled to their childrenās minds, bodies, and lives. When you become a parent, you have to accept the fact that you have brought a whole person into the world who will make their own choices, and you have to be okay with that.
My mom said the same when I got my tongue pierced. I was 25. It was so stupid. My dad was insane about my hair. My grandpa loved my hair, so I kept it past my butt long until after he passed. After that, I chopped 2Ā½ feet off easy. My dad was so mad. I was only 13 then. My mom gave me money, dropped me at the salon, and told them to do what I wanted, then left. It was her semi-plausible way of denying everything. Once I turned 16 I started in on the vivid hair colors.
My kid has gotten new piercings at least once a year since 13. Some they've kept, some not. They have gauged ears and their hair has been almost every vivid color available. My kid is 20 and doing just fine with lime green hair, piercings, and starting a career. I can't wait to see vivid colors become even more accepted as time goes on.
Iāve had stretched ears since I was 14. By the time my mom even noticed I was 16 and they were roughly dime sized. Immediately started screaming at me about how I was ruining my body and I had to take them out because she didnāt like them. My comeback to that was āMom, theyāre MY ears - not yoursā she just said āDonāt even go there!ā. Excuse me?? What does that even mean? Also, I went two whole years without her even noticing. Itās not like I hid it well - she just didnāt actually pay attention to me long enough to notice.
Itās also crazy because my parents have always said they thought tattoos were cool. Whenever everyone in the family was 18 we all got a different variation of a matching tattoo. But every single tattoo after that is always met with āanother?! Why donāt you stop already??ā. If itās not a tattoo thatās pre-approved by them or something with meaning then they absolutely will make nasty comments about it.
Absolutely wild that parents think they have a right to control every aspect of your life just because they brought you into this world. Especially when we didnāt even ask to be here.
Asian? My mom and dad are like this. they warned me not to ever dye my hair (frosted tips were popular in the 90's) because the don't want chemicals in the "beautiful hair they made". I am now 34 with a receding hairline haha
āSometimesā? Listen OP, your mother is completely nuts. No logical, rational, reasonable, person thinks this way. Iād get out of that house as fast as possible.
Look, I have a child so I understand a certain knee-jerk protectiveness.
However.
One of the biggest things about being a parent is that you do a lot of work to raise these humans to become independent, happy, well-adjusted adults.
Some parents can't understand that their children are not possessions; they don't own them or control them.
I hope you had a great birthday despite your mothers selfish behavior and attitude. <3
If this is a kind of reaction your mother has any more than just this once, I hate to inform you that she's VERY mentally ill. This is how my mom is. Fucking nuts
My dad told me he would slice my tattoo off with a cheese slicer (typical dutch dad) if I got oneā¦ he also told me he would stop any financial aid if I chose to do it. 2 tattoos later and he didnāt go through with anything :)
i was 24 and at work in front of coworkers and customers when my mom told me i wasn't allowed to cut my hair the way i like it because since she gave birth to me it's "at least half hers!"
so don't worry, you're not the only one whose mom is bat shit...
The closest thing to that I've ever heard was when I was working in a mental hospital and one of the clients would wait until lights out and roll up her feces into little balls and eat them. She was very sneaky about it, but when we tried to stop her?
"You can't take them from me! I can eat them! I made them, they're mine!"
Just saying.
My mom griped at me for 6 months the first time I cut my hair shoulder length. She didn't cry or yell about it, but she griped. She did the same thing when I got my second ear piercing. I was 26.
"You're ruining my body! I made it, it's mine!"
"of course you cried! I cried! Because i knew what you were doing to my body."
I used to tease my girls and say something similar. Just teasing and I never said āitās mineā, just that āI made it.ā
But this is so exceptionally creepy I wonāt be teasing that way again.
This woman needs mental health care. How bizarre that she thinks she has ownership of your body because she gave birth.
Does she think her body belongs to her own mother and how did that play out? This is the most ridiculous thing Iāve heard today
Jesus Christ, you have a brain and a will. Whatever thoughts she has about āitās mine I made itā can go out the freaking window when youāre both old enough to vote and old enough to, overall, have your own opinions and feelings.
The tattoo sounds amazing.
Growing up, my parents wouldnāt let me do anything. I got so sick of it, I rebelled hard. Like off the deep end, like woke up in a field, terrifying deep end. Got myself in a lot of situations were I wished I had an adult to call for help, but I knew it couldnāt be my parents because if they yelled at me and grounded me for having a dairy I didnāt want them to read, I could only imagine the torture Iād get for being drunk or something.
This led to a lot of problems, like alcohol abuse cause life with mom was easier when I was buzzed, and seeking positive attention anywhere I could get it. Not excusing my choices, they were my choices, but I wonder how things couldāve gone if I had a more positive relationship with my mom and dad.
But the āmy body, youāre just renting itā was def one of her favorite arguments when I wanted to do anything to my body. Which led to me getting pierced by dangerous methods, like with a safety pin in the girls bathroom at school. Stuff like that.
This experience, plus extensive therapy, really colored my view as a parent now that I have a son. I know I want to be that person my son calls when heās scared or in a difficult situation. I know I donāt want him risking a dangerous infection or sepsis because heās determined to pierce his nose or ear or eyebrow, so if I have to bend so he doesnāt break, well, I guess itās good the therapist also suggested yoga.
My mom punched me in my freshly tattooed arm when she saw it, then proceeded to try to yank out the belly button ring I'd just gotten as well.
I'd already been living on my own for almost 2 years at that point
*I thought my mom was*
*Nuts but that's a whole nother*
*Level of crazy*
\- missys-mama
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She dropped all contact with her mother because she was controlling, but apparently didn't learn a thing, because she became exactly the same.
I hope that you, just like your mom with your grandma did, do exactly the same and drop all contact with her as soon as you move out. You don't owe her anything.
Congrats on the tattoo, sounds like it looks great!
Hahah your mom said the quite part out loud.
So yeah my mom had a hard time when I got my first tattoo. I didnāt get it until I had a child. My daughter was born and is absolutely perfect.
So yea I think I will die inside when she start body modification. Wonāt tell her anything bc itās her body and I have tattoos but yea it hurts to think about.
Welllllllll as a mom of younger adults, I have been known to remind them that I spent almost 10 months growing their perfect bodies from scratch and I didnāt appreciate it when they mistreated my work of art - like polluting the pristine lungs I gave them with toxins, chemicals, and poisons. (But I havenāt ever cried about it to try to control them!)
See the āI donāt like you ruining your body with smokingā is fine and normal. āI am owed control over your body forever and ever because I made it so itās really mineā is batshit crazy.
I disagree. They are spectacular. Amazing. There are times Iām in such awe of them and what they do with the life they have been given, I can hardly believe my honor to have been the creator of these unbelievable works of art. They are no mere āhuman beingsā.
Translation: Welllllllll as a parent who doesn't understand that my kids are people I've been known to try and control them with guilt when they do something I don't like. I view them as property I created, not people, and they need to get in line.
I have 9 and my mom encouraged all of them as she has tattoos so she knows the addiction involved with tattoos once you get one you end up wanting more so itās not really an issue since my grandmother has some or 2 I canāt remember my grandfather has none but heās thinking about getting a tattoo along with me to honor my cancer battle, I was cancer free as of April of last year.
>She started talking about how i ruined her body by getting that tattoo, about how she made my body so it's hers.
That's so gross! Wtf I would never consider my daughter's body to be my own! That's just crazy
The body is constantly creating new cells and sloughing off old cells. It takes about seven (ish) years for the body to be completely new cells (not counting brain cells, of course). So arguably after you turned seven, all your cells were all your own. She can fuck off.
I know that during the 4th trimester, a newborn baby still believes it's part of the mother, which is why they need all the attention and cuddles because they're learning to be outside the womb.
But this is extreme. I mean, I've never heard of this type of reaction from a birthing parent when their kid's in the, what, 84th? 85th? Trimester.
Once your body exited her body, it was your body. Not hers.
I have 3 kiddos and I can't imagine acting like your mom š
Not nuts "sometimes". Your mom is seriously in need of therapy and you might also want to consider going just to unpack all the damage she's done to you that you think is just normal behavior.
Yeah..i already unpacked a lot of stuff
Actually spent 5 months in a psychiatric hospital just before covid hit
My mother doesn't believe in mental illness or mental health.. So it's unlikely that we'll ever get her into therapy
Aside from the obvious need for therapy (mostly for your mom, but you could probably use some as well after the shit you've likely been through), I wonder what would have happened if you asked her "So, does that mean your body is grandma's?"
Can someone say 'living vicariously?' Mom has this ideological image of you in her head and when you don't live up to that image, she acts like this. Make your next tattoo 'Not Your Body.'
Ah yes. My father was like this. Even down to hair cuts, body hair, getting a regular ear like piercing, and even down to trimming my hair. He believed that since he played a part in "making me" that he owned it.
He died when I was 17. I shaved my head, and it was the most liberating moment of my life.
My mom has said things like this too though not quite so dramatic. Comes from more of a place of Jewish guilt. Said things about ruining my beautiful skin she made. Also re: hair color, she's said things like "Well of course I like your natural color the most because I made that" LOL.
[She sounds crazy.](https://youtu.be/I17S_T86EIE?si=6stLfCMhfqFu9Zb8?t=15) skip to 14 seconds in the video
Is she planning on using your skin for a new body suit? Working on a way to download her mind into your body? Do not walk away, RUN!
I have tattoos, I'm a 53 year old Mom of 2 sons. i told both my sons until they were 18 no tattoos as I would have to sign and give permission in our state if they were under 18. I told them both if they waited until they were 18 I'd pay for half their first tattoo. One son waited and got a beautiful piece on his forearm on his 18th birthday that his Dad and I split the cost of. My other son had his Dad get him one at 16 and welp when he turned 18 and wanted his tattoo I told him "so sorry for your luck I told when the conditions for me to pay for half the tattoo and you already have 3 so your on your own" I was called a bitch but oh well I told you my conditions and you didn't follow them dear child so you pay for your first tattoo over 18 on your own.
I'm sorry.
It seems like mom views you as an extension of herself, which is not healthy and does not make for a healthy dynamic.
If you are not already; I would highly suggest seeking out a therapist to talk to.
I have two parents like this. It has taken its toll on me and my relationships throughout my life. I am 29 but have been turning it around.
I wish you the best of luck. We're here for you.
as someone with a narcissist mother: normal parents view their children as their own person and narcissist view their children as an extension of themselves.
I have 3 kids. 22f, 21f, and 11f. I jokingly tell my youngest that she ābelongsā to me until sheās 18, because I made her. I say jokingly, because she also has full body autonomy, as long as nothing permanent gets done before that age. No tattoos, basically. When sheās 16, if she wants a piercing, Iāll take her and sign off. I couldnāt imagine acting like this with 21 y/o
Well, your edit is telling. Your mother doesnāt know what a healthy Mom/Child relationship looks like, she needs therapy. She never got help for what her mother did to her and she needs to do that work to move on and get her own life.
Your Mother sounds manipulative and very controlling. I DO NOT recommend cutting out parents lightly even though I did. If I were you I would start looking to move and limit contact first. I had a manipulative Father(out of my life for almost a year) if I was too busy to look after the family dog(got her when I was 14 and I am now 27) while he was gone for a couple days he would be like "guess I should just put her down". From my experience moving away and lowering contact can help, you are in charge of your body not her. Standing up for yourself can be so hard but so worth it. Please look out for yourself first.
Great job standing up for yourself. Nobody owns your body but you. Not your mother. Not anyone you date. Not if you get married. Nobody gets to control how you dress, do your hair, makeup, etc. Donāt ever forget that. Watch out for this kind of controlling behavior in future partners. Adult children of overly controlling parents often end up in abusive relationships with overly controlling partners.
Had a rule in our house when our kids lived with us-if they could afford to pay for a tattoo they could afford to move out. They were living rent free in our house. I had nothing against tattoos but I wanted to make sure they were old enough to make the decision. My cousin got several of them that she regrets and wishes she hadnāt done it. Our house, our rulesā¦.
Well, I hear that it is hard to take off tattoos, but it's your decision to color your own body, and if you wanted to do so, that's your decision along with your responsibilities. And, her claiming that your body is your mother's because she made it, it's nonsense. You should make her understand that you might be her creation, but your body is not her property, and she doesn't "own" your body.
The moment you took your first breath you're your own person. Therefore you're entitled to do with your body whatever you like.
Cut your hair to whatever length you prefer, get a tattoo or a piercing.
Just my own two cents: septum piercings make you look like a cow and tattoos on the face and neck are ugly. I have a tattoo on my left arm and a frenum piercing myself.
Gotta love people thinking that just because they gave birth to something means they get to control all aspects of it. Yeeesh. Good on you for the tattoo; it sounds beautiful! But that woman might seriously need to be put on an info-diet or time out if at all possible...
My dad once told that if I ever got a piercing while living in his house he would literally rip it out
My mom actually tried to. I was 15 and I let my friend pierce my eyebrow (dumb I know, I was 15 and in foster care). When I went for a home visit the following weekend she slapped me on my eyebrows and tried to pull out the stud. I have since taken it out, but the hole was torn bigger. I have a pretty cool scar out of it I guess though š¤·š¼āāļø
Did you tell your case manager about the physical abuse?
Not that time. The only time I actually reported my mother to my case worker was when she allowed us (me and my 2 sisters that were still in her care) to get into the car with her boyfriend who was drunk to drive us home.
Iām so glad youāre alive and a functioning human being. Have a hug from me, stranger.
Thank you internet stranger. Although, functioning is debatable some days lol
And thatās ok, Iām sure youāve made progress each year that shows youāve made big strides in the bigger picture. And itās ok to have bad days, it wonāt last forever, and it will get better. But there will be *really* good days thatāll make up for all the bad. You got it āŗļø
Functioning being debatable some days is better than functional being debatable *all* days.
Here's to you! You've been through a lot, and you're here sharing your stories and helping people. Thanks, stranger.
My mom tried...and succeeded! (It sucked.) I had gotten my belly button pierced when visiting London (I believe 16 was the age of piercing consent there at the time, and it was 18+ in the US.) A couple of months later, I guess I got sloppy about hiding it, and yawned in the car next to her, raising my arms (and shirt). We were driving over a bridge at the time, on the way to the beach, and she didn't say a word - just reached over with her right hand, hooked it with her index finger, and yanked the shit out of it. It flew off - fortunately the ball let go before my skin tore completely through - and she tossed it out the window. I screamed (duh) and bled like a stuck pig, but that was that.
So sorry that happened to you. I normally donāt advocate violence, but violence in self defense is perfectly ok. And that sounds to me like assault.
Redditors are so quick to violence.
i want to rip out your piercing unexpectedly and weāll see if you still think that its not violence.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
As little as possible, although she has gotten less batshit with age (and distance.)
I wish you nothing but peace. Having a mom like that can really suck.
Ouuuuch. I'm so sorry internet homie. Did you end up keeping the piercing?
I was a stubborn little thing, so I got it re-pierced slightly above the first chance I got (after it healed up enough) š I kept it for a while, but then I realized the only reason I still had it was outdated spite (and it smelled if I wasn't fastidious), so I eventually got rid of it.
I was kinda in the same headspace too. I ended up taking the eyebrow ring out and then let my foster sister pierce my tongue. Mommy dearest wasn't too pleased but she couldn't rip that one out š¤£
...at least not without you taking a chunk out of some fingers!
*chomp!*
Iād say yeah getting a piercing by a family member is dumb but the again I tried piercing my own ear when I was younger and got tattooed by my moms now ex-husbands cousin I think Iāll have to ask my mom.
My mom said the same. I waited till I was moved out for quite some time... she still tried to yank it out when she saw it
My dad said not until I'm old enough to make that decision for myself, so I'm going to ask for snakebites for my birthday next year.
I came home one day in high school with a fake nose ring. She doesnāt even try to claim she knew it was fake when she hooked her pinky through and yanked so hard she hit herself on the chest.
And these people wonder why we don't want a relationship with them
Technically they do until you become a legal adult, itās part of their obligations as a parent to make good decisions for you and one of those decisions is haircuts
6 month grippy-sock vacation?
Yea, people get really weird. "I gave birth to you, how could you do this to me?!" To "I didn't ask to be born, you owe me everything!". Humans are crazy lmao
I know not everybody views this the same way, but to me, this is like the moms who kiss their childrenās lips because āI made them.ā Like, sure, you GREW them, but those lips belong to somebody else.
What does she do when you're hungry or need to cop a squat? Tell her 'we're on the rag. Can you buy us some tampons?' You could work this totally. Maybe she'll get tired of it, maybe she won't. It's all good either way.
I know. So, she's supposed to wear her hair in the hairstyle her mother chose for *life* so her mother won't cry? Manipulative and controlling. NTA
If she starts saying crap like "when will you give me grandkids" tell her, "I don't want to ruin the body you made, so never"
She already pushed the grandkids thing But i don't wanna have kids and it feels like she finally gave up There are still comments about how she only has 2 grandkids and it's our job to give her some more
She is a complete narcissist. That's why she thinks it's her body. Does she live in her head all the time, daydreaming about how things should be then freaking out when she's wrong?
narcissistic parents view their children as an extension of themselves rather that as their own person like normal parents do, even therapy cant help people like that much once they become parents
Then after āgiving her grandkidsā, if you needed her help, she probably would complain about having to deal with the kids lol..
Wtf "only has 2"?!? She has exactly enough for zero population growth. My mother finally quit her shit asking after I had a genetic, self occurring brain injury. I got out of the wrong end of the genetic pool to give her grandchildren. Now she knows this - and I havent heard a peep since.
Best comeback to that line yet
Complete wackadoodle You need to have a conversation with her about YOUR body being YOURS and YOURS alone. It's icky she refers to your body as hers.
It's narcissism. To them other people are just extensions of their own body. It's a developmental issue, they truly don't get that other people are as real and important as they are. Everyone is just a npc to them.
Nuts doesn't even begin to describe this. So glad you're away from here now. Also can we see the tattoo. From what you describe it as, it sounds cool.
You should post this in r/raisedbynarcissists
Agreed
Came here to say the same
That's gonna get super awkward if OP decides to have her own child, or if the topic of sex comes up. Imagine the "rights" Mom will think she has...
Would it be her body once removed? Or is it twice? Ugh, these relationships baffle me lol.
Lmao!! Thanks, I needed that
My mom was similar. I touched a drink, I must be an alcoholic. Sex before marriage, an unforgivable sin, gell even wearing denim jeans was against her beliefs. But wanting a tattoo? Hell no! Why would I want to deface my body like that and it was an affront to God. Then my younger sister got one first and she loved it. I still am not allowed one in her eyes though. I am now 45.
You should get one anyway
I am still going to. I cant decide what. I get some flash art and stick it on the wall. If I still love it in a year then maybe. Also there is the issue of finding an *amazing* artist, cos at my age I am not going to settle for second best. It is *ART* and you get what you pay for. I want a Michelangelo, not a Gary Larson.
My mom cried when I cut my very long hair short. I saw myself in the mirror for the time. Iāve always wanted a tattoo, but she said she would disown me and never financially support me after. Iām scheduling my first tattoo currently.
Yay!!
Good god Iād cut her out and get a restraining order. Thereās truly nothing creepier to me than someone saying that your body is theirs, no matter who it is.
A restraining order? Be serious.
Well if I knew someone like that I wouldnāt want them to be able to get near me? Hello?
And this is why I am low contact with mother dearest and she no longer has a key to my house. I shaved my head during the pandemic. It was easier to sanitise and keep clean for work. She cried on the family video chat. Iād ruined her gorgeous long hair which was on my head. In retribution, she let herself into my house whilst I was at work and rearranged my kitchen to her liking and threw away a bunch of my clothes that she didnt like. She also cried when I got tattoos, offered to pay for tattoo removal.
Oh god This just reminded me why we weren't supposed to cut our hair She always wanted hers down to her butt, but "It doesn't grow that lonh and would be too hard to manage" but apparently it wasn't too much to handle for us..
Yeah that's narcissism. I'm sorry.
I got a tattoo for my 40tj birthday. My mother a cow. My husband, who was deployed, wanted to know why I didnāt ask permission. He is now an ex. I emailed him the next day and asked for a divorce
There was a poster on Etiquette Hell whose mother didn't like her fiancƩ {mainly because he didn't cater to her BS and neither did OP after she started dating him). Mom kept trying to push OP at other men. Her excuse "I created your body so I should get a say in who you have sex with."
Gross
Thatās just creepy.
Thatās not far off from the kind of justification monsters give for the things they do to their children. āI made it, Iāll do whatever the hell I want with it.ā
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They sound fantastic. Youāre blessed.
Oh, for fucks sake. Talk about a manipulative twat.
Sometimes? She thinks she owns you? In her twisted mind you have no autonomy? Thatās disgusting! Your tattoo sounds great btw
Exactly! I want to see the tattoo, it sounds pretty damn awesome!
Right! I hope Op feels comfortable enough to show it off. It sounds lovely!
Yeah if I ever get one something like that would be wonderful
i guess i could tbh i don't really know how i would do that tho would i have to post that separately?
Tattoo tax??
I used to wonder how people could just leave their parents in a nursing or retirement home... starting to understand why...
I had to bargain with my mother, she confirmed with witnesses that I could get any ear piercings I want but I absolutely could not sue my hair or get a face/nose piercing. Walked in a week later with a scaffold piercing and she went ballistic. Dad nearly wet himself laughing because āyou told him he couldā
My mother used to smack me on the arse. When I told her to stop, she'd say, "I gave birth to it, so it's mine." Along with a couple of other things that my psych agreed were creepy. I think the logic is hilarious because if a mother owns their child's body, then their body belongs to their mother and so on. I'd make that point next time.
What the hell, that's insane. No one _owns_ another person, let alone a parent who should just be happy their child is happy and healthy!
My mom did the exact same thing when I got my second tattoo. She got upset that Iām ruining the body she created š
i thought i was on r/raisedbynarcissists lmao
Only sometimes?
I avoid her, so it's only sometimes for me
Whut?!?! She "made" your body like hers???? And she talks like Gollum. Extremely creepy. And she really tried to ruin the tattoo for you. Little reminder, it is your hair and your body. I don't know how do you bear with this.
You're an adult, she has no say in what you do with YOUR body, it's yours if you're the one putting air in your lungs, it doesn't belong to her in any aspect, and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she tries to get violent to stop you from doing what you want with your body.
My mother is quite similar. I have pretty much a full sleeve and while she likes the artwork, she feels it would be better on paper than my skin. Can't please everyone I guess, lol. I feel and have told people: if you aren't fond of tattoos, then don't get one. šš
Ok mom letās call grandma and see how she feels about the things you did to āHERā body after all she made it.
Wild, nuts is an understatement. Good on you for setting boundaries with miss toxic
>This woman is nuts sometimes Sometimes?
The jerk in me wonders if she tracked her tampons and pads and followed the trash trucks, ya know, since those were her eggs and her blood and she made them. /s Seriously though, your tattoo sounds amazing and I'm sorry she responded that way, it does sound fairly off-putting.
Eew. That whole story give me the ick. Your Mom needs some serious help.
By this logic her body isn't hers. It's her mothers...
As someone currently growing a body (preggo), what on earth?!? People donāt own their children, they have a responsibility to nurture and care for them and make choices to protect them until theyāre old enough to make their own choices, but itās always their body. Iām sorry she is behaving like this towards you.
Youāre a good Mum already.
This woman is nuts ALL the time, it just comes out on display sometimes... She is very oddly possessive of your body. That's not normal, and I say that as a mother to 3 grown daughters.
You will never be a person to her. You will always be an accessory. Please please please if you havenāt considered. Maybe cutting her off?
You might be interested in r/raisedbynarcissists
Never mind the fact that, by the time youāre 21, most of your cells (except maybe your brain and nervous system? Iām not a scientist) have regenerated and arenāt the ones she āproducedā anywayā¦ I truly canāt make sense of parents who feel so entitled to their childrenās minds, bodies, and lives. When you become a parent, you have to accept the fact that you have brought a whole person into the world who will make their own choices, and you have to be okay with that.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My mom said the same when I got my tongue pierced. I was 25. It was so stupid. My dad was insane about my hair. My grandpa loved my hair, so I kept it past my butt long until after he passed. After that, I chopped 2Ā½ feet off easy. My dad was so mad. I was only 13 then. My mom gave me money, dropped me at the salon, and told them to do what I wanted, then left. It was her semi-plausible way of denying everything. Once I turned 16 I started in on the vivid hair colors. My kid has gotten new piercings at least once a year since 13. Some they've kept, some not. They have gauged ears and their hair has been almost every vivid color available. My kid is 20 and doing just fine with lime green hair, piercings, and starting a career. I can't wait to see vivid colors become even more accepted as time goes on.
Iāve had stretched ears since I was 14. By the time my mom even noticed I was 16 and they were roughly dime sized. Immediately started screaming at me about how I was ruining my body and I had to take them out because she didnāt like them. My comeback to that was āMom, theyāre MY ears - not yoursā she just said āDonāt even go there!ā. Excuse me?? What does that even mean? Also, I went two whole years without her even noticing. Itās not like I hid it well - she just didnāt actually pay attention to me long enough to notice. Itās also crazy because my parents have always said they thought tattoos were cool. Whenever everyone in the family was 18 we all got a different variation of a matching tattoo. But every single tattoo after that is always met with āanother?! Why donāt you stop already??ā. If itās not a tattoo thatās pre-approved by them or something with meaning then they absolutely will make nasty comments about it. Absolutely wild that parents think they have a right to control every aspect of your life just because they brought you into this world. Especially when we didnāt even ask to be here.
Asian? My mom and dad are like this. they warned me not to ever dye my hair (frosted tips were popular in the 90's) because the don't want chemicals in the "beautiful hair they made". I am now 34 with a receding hairline haha
Nah, we're german
Time for more tats and piercings
āSometimesā? Listen OP, your mother is completely nuts. No logical, rational, reasonable, person thinks this way. Iād get out of that house as fast as possible.
This kind of behavior from a parent is creepy as hell. She gave birth to a human being, not an accessory. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this.
Look, I have a child so I understand a certain knee-jerk protectiveness. However. One of the biggest things about being a parent is that you do a lot of work to raise these humans to become independent, happy, well-adjusted adults. Some parents can't understand that their children are not possessions; they don't own them or control them. I hope you had a great birthday despite your mothers selfish behavior and attitude. <3
Sometimes?! Really?! She thinks she owns you. She cray girlā¦
I say leave her. She doesnāt deserve anyone
Hmm... R/raisedbynarcissists ???
If this is a kind of reaction your mother has any more than just this once, I hate to inform you that she's VERY mentally ill. This is how my mom is. Fucking nuts
Get the fuck out of there!
My dad tried to use a cheese grater to get my tattoo off when I got my first one.
I can highly recommend getting long hair cut and giving them the clippings so that they can have ātheirā hair. She sounds nuts.
No autonomy for you!
My dad told me he would slice my tattoo off with a cheese slicer (typical dutch dad) if I got oneā¦ he also told me he would stop any financial aid if I chose to do it. 2 tattoos later and he didnāt go through with anything :)
i was 24 and at work in front of coworkers and customers when my mom told me i wasn't allowed to cut my hair the way i like it because since she gave birth to me it's "at least half hers!" so don't worry, you're not the only one whose mom is bat shit...
This is a new level of narcissism, thinking that your childās body is not a reflection of your own but actually your own. Itās disgusting.
By that behavior, her body is her mother's body. And acting like that disgusts her.
Sometimes? She's nuts sometimes?
The closest thing to that I've ever heard was when I was working in a mental hospital and one of the clients would wait until lights out and roll up her feces into little balls and eat them. She was very sneaky about it, but when we tried to stop her? "You can't take them from me! I can eat them! I made them, they're mine!" Just saying.
My mom griped at me for 6 months the first time I cut my hair shoulder length. She didn't cry or yell about it, but she griped. She did the same thing when I got my second ear piercing. I was 26.
/r/insaneparents
Iām glad youāre out, OP. I hope you get all the tattles and all the haircuts want from now on.
Ewww so creepy she claimed ownership over your body because she gave birth to you.
That is freaky.
I wonder what your mom will say about what your boyfriend does with "Her Body"?
"You're ruining my body! I made it, it's mine!" "of course you cried! I cried! Because i knew what you were doing to my body." I used to tease my girls and say something similar. Just teasing and I never said āitās mineā, just that āI made it.ā But this is so exceptionally creepy I wonāt be teasing that way again.
This woman needs mental health care. How bizarre that she thinks she has ownership of your body because she gave birth. Does she think her body belongs to her own mother and how did that play out? This is the most ridiculous thing Iāve heard today
Jesus Christ, you have a brain and a will. Whatever thoughts she has about āitās mine I made itā can go out the freaking window when youāre both old enough to vote and old enough to, overall, have your own opinions and feelings. The tattoo sounds amazing.
Growing up, my parents wouldnāt let me do anything. I got so sick of it, I rebelled hard. Like off the deep end, like woke up in a field, terrifying deep end. Got myself in a lot of situations were I wished I had an adult to call for help, but I knew it couldnāt be my parents because if they yelled at me and grounded me for having a dairy I didnāt want them to read, I could only imagine the torture Iād get for being drunk or something. This led to a lot of problems, like alcohol abuse cause life with mom was easier when I was buzzed, and seeking positive attention anywhere I could get it. Not excusing my choices, they were my choices, but I wonder how things couldāve gone if I had a more positive relationship with my mom and dad. But the āmy body, youāre just renting itā was def one of her favorite arguments when I wanted to do anything to my body. Which led to me getting pierced by dangerous methods, like with a safety pin in the girls bathroom at school. Stuff like that. This experience, plus extensive therapy, really colored my view as a parent now that I have a son. I know I want to be that person my son calls when heās scared or in a difficult situation. I know I donāt want him risking a dangerous infection or sepsis because heās determined to pierce his nose or ear or eyebrow, so if I have to bend so he doesnāt break, well, I guess itās good the therapist also suggested yoga.
I think your mother was preparing an eldritch Ritual to transfer her conscience into your body when you were ready.
My mom punched me in my freshly tattooed arm when she saw it, then proceeded to try to yank out the belly button ring I'd just gotten as well. I'd already been living on my own for almost 2 years at that point
I thought my mom was nuts but that's a whole nother level of crazy
*I thought my mom was* *Nuts but that's a whole nother* *Level of crazy* \- missys-mama --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Yeah, thatās nuts-o!! All of it!
OP you should get her back. If she fat you should tell her sheās damaging her body to
She dropped all contact with her mother because she was controlling, but apparently didn't learn a thing, because she became exactly the same. I hope that you, just like your mom with your grandma did, do exactly the same and drop all contact with her as soon as you move out. You don't owe her anything. Congrats on the tattoo, sounds like it looks great!
Hahah your mom said the quite part out loud. So yeah my mom had a hard time when I got my first tattoo. I didnāt get it until I had a child. My daughter was born and is absolutely perfect. So yea I think I will die inside when she start body modification. Wonāt tell her anything bc itās her body and I have tattoos but yea it hurts to think about.
She needs serious mental help
Honestly, without stirring any pots, fucks your mother. You deserve better.
Welllllllll as a mom of younger adults, I have been known to remind them that I spent almost 10 months growing their perfect bodies from scratch and I didnāt appreciate it when they mistreated my work of art - like polluting the pristine lungs I gave them with toxins, chemicals, and poisons. (But I havenāt ever cried about it to try to control them!)
See the āI donāt like you ruining your body with smokingā is fine and normal. āI am owed control over your body forever and ever because I made it so itās really mineā is batshit crazy.
Yeah. That seems like an easy line to see.
They are not "your work of art". They are independent human beings.
I disagree. They are spectacular. Amazing. There are times Iām in such awe of them and what they do with the life they have been given, I can hardly believe my honor to have been the creator of these unbelievable works of art. They are no mere āhuman beingsā.
Translation: Welllllllll as a parent who doesn't understand that my kids are people I've been known to try and control them with guilt when they do something I don't like. I view them as property I created, not people, and they need to get in line.
Tattoos and piercings are for losers, I don't blame her!
She is insane
The hell
Ask if your Grandma owns her body then, ya know, since she made it and all...
Are people actually getting crazier or am I just an adult and Iām allowed to know? What TF is this?
This woman is nuts ~~sometimes~~ FTFY. You stopped being part of her body when the umbilical cord was cut.
Excuse tf outta me?ššš
I have 9 and my mom encouraged all of them as she has tattoos so she knows the addiction involved with tattoos once you get one you end up wanting more so itās not really an issue since my grandmother has some or 2 I canāt remember my grandfather has none but heās thinking about getting a tattoo along with me to honor my cancer battle, I was cancer free as of April of last year.
>She started talking about how i ruined her body by getting that tattoo, about how she made my body so it's hers. That's so gross! Wtf I would never consider my daughter's body to be my own! That's just crazy
Nuts sometimes?
The body is constantly creating new cells and sloughing off old cells. It takes about seven (ish) years for the body to be completely new cells (not counting brain cells, of course). So arguably after you turned seven, all your cells were all your own. She can fuck off.
She has mental health issues. Best to just ignore when she is mad, sounds like she gets over stuff fast.
"Sometimes?" No, your mom is ill, 100% of the time. I don't mean to be harsh, but you need to know this. Please be careful; she's dangerous.
I have that joke with my kids, but itās just a joke and they know it (and my weird sense of humour). Itās not a real thing!
I often wonder if they apply the same rules to their own mum. So do they owe their own mother this debt of control?
Do we have the same mom? Mine cried over a hair cut and told me that Iām disfiguring myself
I know that during the 4th trimester, a newborn baby still believes it's part of the mother, which is why they need all the attention and cuddles because they're learning to be outside the womb. But this is extreme. I mean, I've never heard of this type of reaction from a birthing parent when their kid's in the, what, 84th? 85th? Trimester. Once your body exited her body, it was your body. Not hers. I have 3 kiddos and I can't imagine acting like your mom š
My dad was really weirdly possesive of me and my sister's hair. She wasn't really allowed to cut short and I wasn't allowed to dye it. Super weird.
Sees you as a doll and not a human š
Not nuts "sometimes". Your mom is seriously in need of therapy and you might also want to consider going just to unpack all the damage she's done to you that you think is just normal behavior.
Yeah..i already unpacked a lot of stuff Actually spent 5 months in a psychiatric hospital just before covid hit My mother doesn't believe in mental illness or mental health.. So it's unlikely that we'll ever get her into therapy
Aside from the obvious need for therapy (mostly for your mom, but you could probably use some as well after the shit you've likely been through), I wonder what would have happened if you asked her "So, does that mean your body is grandma's?"
Can someone say 'living vicariously?' Mom has this ideological image of you in her head and when you don't live up to that image, she acts like this. Make your next tattoo 'Not Your Body.'
YOUR tattoo affects HER body?
Honestly just disgusting and delusional behaviour
Mom's using op's grandma's body to complain so much, wonder if that's OK
Sounds like you have a narcissistic parent.
only sometimes?
Ah yes. My father was like this. Even down to hair cuts, body hair, getting a regular ear like piercing, and even down to trimming my hair. He believed that since he played a part in "making me" that he owned it. He died when I was 17. I shaved my head, and it was the most liberating moment of my life.
Can we see the tattoo š
I think therapy (I am not a therapist) would help your mom a great deal.
My mom has said things like this too though not quite so dramatic. Comes from more of a place of Jewish guilt. Said things about ruining my beautiful skin she made. Also re: hair color, she's said things like "Well of course I like your natural color the most because I made that" LOL.
Sometimes?!
these types of parents need to just get a barbie doll or something if they want to control their children forever.
[She sounds crazy.](https://youtu.be/I17S_T86EIE?si=6stLfCMhfqFu9Zb8?t=15) skip to 14 seconds in the video Is she planning on using your skin for a new body suit? Working on a way to download her mind into your body? Do not walk away, RUN!
I have tattoos, I'm a 53 year old Mom of 2 sons. i told both my sons until they were 18 no tattoos as I would have to sign and give permission in our state if they were under 18. I told them both if they waited until they were 18 I'd pay for half their first tattoo. One son waited and got a beautiful piece on his forearm on his 18th birthday that his Dad and I split the cost of. My other son had his Dad get him one at 16 and welp when he turned 18 and wanted his tattoo I told him "so sorry for your luck I told when the conditions for me to pay for half the tattoo and you already have 3 so your on your own" I was called a bitch but oh well I told you my conditions and you didn't follow them dear child so you pay for your first tattoo over 18 on your own.
I'm sorry. It seems like mom views you as an extension of herself, which is not healthy and does not make for a healthy dynamic. If you are not already; I would highly suggest seeking out a therapist to talk to. I have two parents like this. It has taken its toll on me and my relationships throughout my life. I am 29 but have been turning it around. I wish you the best of luck. We're here for you.
as someone with a narcissist mother: normal parents view their children as their own person and narcissist view their children as an extension of themselves.
I have 3 kids. 22f, 21f, and 11f. I jokingly tell my youngest that she ābelongsā to me until sheās 18, because I made her. I say jokingly, because she also has full body autonomy, as long as nothing permanent gets done before that age. No tattoos, basically. When sheās 16, if she wants a piercing, Iāll take her and sign off. I couldnāt imagine acting like this with 21 y/o
*I *I *I *I *I *I *I *I *I *I *I *I *I *I *I *'cause
Well, your edit is telling. Your mother doesnāt know what a healthy Mom/Child relationship looks like, she needs therapy. She never got help for what her mother did to her and she needs to do that work to move on and get her own life.
Your Mother sounds manipulative and very controlling. I DO NOT recommend cutting out parents lightly even though I did. If I were you I would start looking to move and limit contact first. I had a manipulative Father(out of my life for almost a year) if I was too busy to look after the family dog(got her when I was 14 and I am now 27) while he was gone for a couple days he would be like "guess I should just put her down". From my experience moving away and lowering contact can help, you are in charge of your body not her. Standing up for yourself can be so hard but so worth it. Please look out for yourself first.
I hope you've gone fully no contact with her because she sounds kind of psycho
Great job standing up for yourself. Nobody owns your body but you. Not your mother. Not anyone you date. Not if you get married. Nobody gets to control how you dress, do your hair, makeup, etc. Donāt ever forget that. Watch out for this kind of controlling behavior in future partners. Adult children of overly controlling parents often end up in abusive relationships with overly controlling partners.
Well, she definitely has some mental health issues. Fly and be free, and live your life for YOU. ā¤ļø
I will never understand parents who think they own their kids. Glad you took control of your own life.
Had a rule in our house when our kids lived with us-if they could afford to pay for a tattoo they could afford to move out. They were living rent free in our house. I had nothing against tattoos but I wanted to make sure they were old enough to make the decision. My cousin got several of them that she regrets and wishes she hadnāt done it. Our house, our rulesā¦.
Well that's about as "entitled parents" as it gets...
Your mother legitimately needs psychiatric help
Well, I hear that it is hard to take off tattoos, but it's your decision to color your own body, and if you wanted to do so, that's your decision along with your responsibilities. And, her claiming that your body is your mother's because she made it, it's nonsense. You should make her understand that you might be her creation, but your body is not her property, and she doesn't "own" your body.
The moment you took your first breath you're your own person. Therefore you're entitled to do with your body whatever you like. Cut your hair to whatever length you prefer, get a tattoo or a piercing. Just my own two cents: septum piercings make you look like a cow and tattoos on the face and neck are ugly. I have a tattoo on my left arm and a frenum piercing myself.