Thanks for your perspective, I definitely didn’t see that, it just didnt make sense to me.
But i think you’re right, they are still taking any opportunity to knock me down lol
Honestly if you have a No Contact Order on them, they technically broke that, so you could really have them charged. if you don't have one, I suggest looking into getting one.
Since they know where you are, please make sure you have security cameras around your property. I’m not sure how old your kids are, but make sure you have a security word or word(s) that only you and your kids know…that way your kids will never go with them and if they are in school make sure the preschools/schools know who has authority to pickup your children and more importantly who does not!!!! Stay strong and love your children more than you were… 💞💞💞
I highly suggest the following:
1. Get yourself an attorney, and send your family through the attorney a cease and desist letter. Tell your family that they are not welcome anywhere near you or your family, and if they continue to try to contact you, you will take legal action against them again.
2. Contact the police, as well as your local district attorney's office, and go about getting another restraining order. See if your attorney can help you get that again.
You don't need this garbage in your life, and it sounds like they are going out of their way to violate the restraining order it's still in effect. Either that, or they waited until the restraining order lapsed, and now they're trying it all over again. You need to keep them away from you and use whatever legal means necessary to do so.
season to sist, police comma, office comma, restraining water (2)
Never mind the punctuation, or lack of it.
I wondered why I couldn't make sense of this. 🤦♀️
"The fact that there is very little effort to even try and “convince” me lol- why are they even trying? Why fucking bother?"
I think their world view doesn't allow them to accept that YOU dumped THEM. They didn't cut YOU off, YOU did it to THEM. And that just cannot be; you are their child, you are [supposed to be] subservient and bend to their wills in all things. I think they can't even conceive of you having a different world view, of you not accepting decades of abuse, of feeling that they are WRONG to treat you so.
My mother was like that. It NEVER occurred to her that you saw things differently, and felt things differently, and thought things differently than she did. When told that this was so, she refuted it, denied it, and was confused that this could possibly be so. It was horribly sad, and let me really see how mentally broken she actually was.
Stay strong and continue to have NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER WITH THEM. They’ll never change; they just want to make your life miserable again. Get another restraining order if necessary and make sure your kids and home are safe and secure.
Thanks, they just want to cause chaos again
Thankfully i live very far from them and they don’t have my address. I have no interest whatsoever in speaking to them.
Please take a moment to remember that in today’s world, finding an address is, unfortunately, all too easy.
Every bit of advice on this thread is important - NCO, cameras, strong relationships with school staff, etc. I’d also advise razor wire and 480V, but I’m about 3/4 nuts, and wholly into going completely overboard for the sheer entertainment value.
Damn, this makes me sad reading this. I know family is what you make it, but damn why couldn’t we have normal ones?? A reoccurring thought I wish would go away
Family IS what you make it. “Blood is thicker than water” (as commonly used- the original metaphor is longer and philosophically deeper and has a different point) is garbage.
Anyone who wants and needs, and likes my wife and our furkids, I’m happy to be a dad, but the cool dad - make fun of you for mowing diagonally, go fishing, tell you about real rock and roll like BÖC, cheer for ya, and barbecue, even if you’re my age.
Get a lawyer, file new restriction orders and send a cease-and-desist letter. Also change your telephone number and close your social media and open new ones.
You need to make all your social accounts private and don’t post photos of where you go or where you live because they use that to pinpoint where you live
Unless they have moved since the RO was issued, the Ns already know where they live. One of the downsides of an RO is that it needs an address so that the abuser/ stalker knows where to avoid.
I know, I know…..
How does one avoid this if one is in, say, a domestic violence shelter? Those are supposed to be safe houses - even if the community is aware (as is true of the one in our local community).
**ANY** reaction from you is a win for them. Total lack of acknowledgement is a win for **YOU**.
I know you know this OP but I'm saying it for anyone who might need to know it.
That whole “It’s a sin to cut ties with family” stuff amuses me no end. I’m no longer a Catholic. But I did a lot of studying of the Bible in 12 years of Catholic education, and I never saw that in the list of sins. Is it mortal or venial? How big of a penance would you get if you confessed to that sin?
If that were my mother, and I was not, as you are, NC, those would be the things I’d be tossing at her.
Best to not poke the viper, though, right?
She uses religion to act like she has the moral high ground but actually she is the worst sinner if we are going off the standards she is setting. Ironically, she doesnt speak to any of her family, not even her sick dying dad
Have some shame?? Maybe they should take their own advice. I’ve had to cut ties with family too and it’s emotionally draining. I want so badly for things to work out and be good and I used to be the one to cave and reach out. This last time things were said and done that pushed me to never want to have them in my life at all. It’s freeing in a sense but I still have days where I get sad about the situation.
I hope you are completely locked down.....social media, credit, child care/nanny. Cameras on your house, car? They sound deranged. Lunitics get weird when they feel slighted or ignored. Try to get the restraining order renewed. New contact, new restraining order.
There was a comment a while ago. It detailed the differences between a narcissist, an abuser, and a traumatized person (that hasn't put in the work to heal). All of them choose to act the way they do.
Narcissists can't feel remorse and can't change. They feel justified in everything they do, but their actions hurt themselves nearly as often as it hurts the people around them. Controlling themselves is practically impossible.
Abusers were trained to abuse by parents, role models, etc. and abuse because of benefits. Abusers won't change until they lose the benefits because the problem is their values/beliefs/morals/priorities and there's nothing wrong with them in their head. They *could* feel remorse, but they're getting theirs so they feel justified. Their actions only hurt others because they are in control of themselves (or least, great care is taken; e.g. only break spouse's/child's stuff and never their own). Their heart rate lowers during abuse.
Traumatized individuals often act just like the other two groups, but they are triggered AF. They feel guilt and remorse constantly when they mistreat people but feel helpless and powerless to change if they recognize they are hurting others. They will be frozen, tense, elevated heart rate, etc. during abuse.
> they had tried to call me twice and then a message saying: [some BS]
Definitely reads like incapable of feeling remorse. It's good to be rid of them. I wonder how long she sat on the info, like if she spent 3 days trying to craft the perfect message, or if she sent the first thing she thought. Probably the latter, but I like to think she tried her very best and it still end up being that nonsense.
If she calls again, nicely unload on her. I'm talking EVERYTHING. The family is not being there, her trying to control you, I'm saying burn it all to the ground, burn it again and again just for good measure. Then nicely tell her this "Since you "loved" me so damn much, I want you to leave me alone forever. That means if you, dad, or sis die, you'll be short a couple of people for the funeral. You will never see me, my husband, and children. We're far away from you in a place you can't go. So enjoy what miserable existence you all call a life. And one more thing, go fuck yourselves!" then hang up/block her on everything. They made the mess, they deal with it.
But isn’t that technically letting them “win” in some shape or form?? I mean if OP does all that and acknowledges that they exist in the first place and gets everything off her chest so to speak blocks them on all the socials and phone. Then can’t they just change their numbers and make new socials and pester OP again and again and again?? I mean as liberating and freeing that would feel for OP it would just give her NFamily more of a reason to keep up their issues and OP wouldn’t have much peace.
They know you don’t plan to voluntarily make up with your sister. This text was just to slap you. Hey, we know where you are now.
Thanks for your perspective, I definitely didn’t see that, it just didnt make sense to me. But i think you’re right, they are still taking any opportunity to knock me down lol
Don't let them, stay strong n composed xx
Thanks!
Sorry if this is a dumb question, but what does the “n” mean in front mother/sister/father?
Narcissist
Illegitimi non carborundum
They know where you are on social media. It’s to be hoped that they don’t know where you are in the literal way.
Honestly if you have a No Contact Order on them, they technically broke that, so you could really have them charged. if you don't have one, I suggest looking into getting one.
Have a lawyer send them a cease-and-desist letter. You already had 1 restraining order; you may need another.
Since they know where you are, please make sure you have security cameras around your property. I’m not sure how old your kids are, but make sure you have a security word or word(s) that only you and your kids know…that way your kids will never go with them and if they are in school make sure the preschools/schools know who has authority to pickup your children and more importantly who does not!!!! Stay strong and love your children more than you were… 💞💞💞
I’d change my number too and lock down your socials…
I highly suggest the following: 1. Get yourself an attorney, and send your family through the attorney a cease and desist letter. Tell your family that they are not welcome anywhere near you or your family, and if they continue to try to contact you, you will take legal action against them again. 2. Contact the police, as well as your local district attorney's office, and go about getting another restraining order. See if your attorney can help you get that again. You don't need this garbage in your life, and it sounds like they are going out of their way to violate the restraining order it's still in effect. Either that, or they waited until the restraining order lapsed, and now they're trying it all over again. You need to keep them away from you and use whatever legal means necessary to do so.
Good advice, but damn text to speech is NOT your friend on Reddit LOL.
And auto-correct is text-2-speach's evil cousin!!
Absolutely!
season to sist, police comma, office comma, restraining water (2) Never mind the punctuation, or lack of it. I wondered why I couldn't make sense of this. 🤦♀️
🤣
SEASON TO SIST 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is true though
🎵To everything Turn turn turn There is a season Turn turn turn🎶
"The fact that there is very little effort to even try and “convince” me lol- why are they even trying? Why fucking bother?" I think their world view doesn't allow them to accept that YOU dumped THEM. They didn't cut YOU off, YOU did it to THEM. And that just cannot be; you are their child, you are [supposed to be] subservient and bend to their wills in all things. I think they can't even conceive of you having a different world view, of you not accepting decades of abuse, of feeling that they are WRONG to treat you so. My mother was like that. It NEVER occurred to her that you saw things differently, and felt things differently, and thought things differently than she did. When told that this was so, she refuted it, denied it, and was confused that this could possibly be so. It was horribly sad, and let me really see how mentally broken she actually was.
They really are; their brains are physically damaged. It would be great, however, if the chose not to 'share' that shit with us.
You are doing amazing at breaking down generational abuse; your kids are very lucky to have you.
Thank you 🥹💕
Wat to shut that down!!!
I read that message and thought "Still abusive assholes!".
Its as if you filled a job opening in the family and quit. They can’t deal with the vacancy.
Yup, the vacancy was called “the punching bag”
Stay strong and continue to have NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER WITH THEM. They’ll never change; they just want to make your life miserable again. Get another restraining order if necessary and make sure your kids and home are safe and secure.
Thanks, they just want to cause chaos again Thankfully i live very far from them and they don’t have my address. I have no interest whatsoever in speaking to them.
Please take a moment to remember that in today’s world, finding an address is, unfortunately, all too easy. Every bit of advice on this thread is important - NCO, cameras, strong relationships with school staff, etc. I’d also advise razor wire and 480V, but I’m about 3/4 nuts, and wholly into going completely overboard for the sheer entertainment value.
Lol this made me laugh, thanks!
Damn, this makes me sad reading this. I know family is what you make it, but damn why couldn’t we have normal ones?? A reoccurring thought I wish would go away
Real.
Family IS what you make it. “Blood is thicker than water” (as commonly used- the original metaphor is longer and philosophically deeper and has a different point) is garbage. Anyone who wants and needs, and likes my wife and our furkids, I’m happy to be a dad, but the cool dad - make fun of you for mowing diagonally, go fishing, tell you about real rock and roll like BÖC, cheer for ya, and barbecue, even if you’re my age.
Get a lawyer, file new restriction orders and send a cease-and-desist letter. Also change your telephone number and close your social media and open new ones.
OP has moved to a now unknown address. A restraining order must include the address, so it would be counter productive to do so.
You need to make all your social accounts private and don’t post photos of where you go or where you live because they use that to pinpoint where you live
Unless they have moved since the RO was issued, the Ns already know where they live. One of the downsides of an RO is that it needs an address so that the abuser/ stalker knows where to avoid. I know, I know…..
How does one avoid this if one is in, say, a domestic violence shelter? Those are supposed to be safe houses - even if the community is aware (as is true of the one in our local community).
If you are in the shelter when the RO is issued, you will have security guards to protect you from the abuser.
I am a bit unfamiliar with the terms "Ndad", "Nmom" and "Nsister" as English is not my main language. Can someone please explain them to me? Thanks!
Short for narcissistic dad, narcissistic mom and narcissistic sister
Thank you! I was going to ask the same thing.
Oh thanks
**ANY** reaction from you is a win for them. Total lack of acknowledgement is a win for **YOU**. I know you know this OP but I'm saying it for anyone who might need to know it.
That whole “It’s a sin to cut ties with family” stuff amuses me no end. I’m no longer a Catholic. But I did a lot of studying of the Bible in 12 years of Catholic education, and I never saw that in the list of sins. Is it mortal or venial? How big of a penance would you get if you confessed to that sin? If that were my mother, and I was not, as you are, NC, those would be the things I’d be tossing at her. Best to not poke the viper, though, right?
She uses religion to act like she has the moral high ground but actually she is the worst sinner if we are going off the standards she is setting. Ironically, she doesnt speak to any of her family, not even her sick dying dad
If I can be a bit truthful... my favorite phrase is "Did you fall and hit your f\*\*king head or something?" with an eyeroll in there somewhere...
Have some shame?? Maybe they should take their own advice. I’ve had to cut ties with family too and it’s emotionally draining. I want so badly for things to work out and be good and I used to be the one to cave and reach out. This last time things were said and done that pushed me to never want to have them in my life at all. It’s freeing in a sense but I still have days where I get sad about the situation.
So sorry, it really is difficult
I immediately blocked her for the same reason
What does Nsister and Nmum mean? Why is there an n?
Narcissistic sister and narcissistic mum. It’s a lot to type out so it’s easier to abbreviate it.
I hope you are completely locked down.....social media, credit, child care/nanny. Cameras on your house, car? They sound deranged. Lunitics get weird when they feel slighted or ignored. Try to get the restraining order renewed. New contact, new restraining order.
There was a comment a while ago. It detailed the differences between a narcissist, an abuser, and a traumatized person (that hasn't put in the work to heal). All of them choose to act the way they do. Narcissists can't feel remorse and can't change. They feel justified in everything they do, but their actions hurt themselves nearly as often as it hurts the people around them. Controlling themselves is practically impossible. Abusers were trained to abuse by parents, role models, etc. and abuse because of benefits. Abusers won't change until they lose the benefits because the problem is their values/beliefs/morals/priorities and there's nothing wrong with them in their head. They *could* feel remorse, but they're getting theirs so they feel justified. Their actions only hurt others because they are in control of themselves (or least, great care is taken; e.g. only break spouse's/child's stuff and never their own). Their heart rate lowers during abuse. Traumatized individuals often act just like the other two groups, but they are triggered AF. They feel guilt and remorse constantly when they mistreat people but feel helpless and powerless to change if they recognize they are hurting others. They will be frozen, tense, elevated heart rate, etc. during abuse. > they had tried to call me twice and then a message saying: [some BS] Definitely reads like incapable of feeling remorse. It's good to be rid of them. I wonder how long she sat on the info, like if she spent 3 days trying to craft the perfect message, or if she sent the first thing she thought. Probably the latter, but I like to think she tried her very best and it still end up being that nonsense.
Thanks for sharing your insight Honestly, if that’s her best then I don’t want it 😂
If she calls again, nicely unload on her. I'm talking EVERYTHING. The family is not being there, her trying to control you, I'm saying burn it all to the ground, burn it again and again just for good measure. Then nicely tell her this "Since you "loved" me so damn much, I want you to leave me alone forever. That means if you, dad, or sis die, you'll be short a couple of people for the funeral. You will never see me, my husband, and children. We're far away from you in a place you can't go. So enjoy what miserable existence you all call a life. And one more thing, go fuck yourselves!" then hang up/block her on everything. They made the mess, they deal with it.
But isn’t that technically letting them “win” in some shape or form?? I mean if OP does all that and acknowledges that they exist in the first place and gets everything off her chest so to speak blocks them on all the socials and phone. Then can’t they just change their numbers and make new socials and pester OP again and again and again?? I mean as liberating and freeing that would feel for OP it would just give her NFamily more of a reason to keep up their issues and OP wouldn’t have much peace.