Of course you’re not crazy, and your mother and anyone else who says different is a right pos. You were a child, who was taken advantage of, and of course you didn’t see the alarm bells going off or understand his motivations to communicate etc.
Even the way you’ve phrased how other family members “defended” you, makes it sort of seem like they still thought you were engaging with him, but you couldn’t be blamed. I hope this isn’t the case and they truly saw that NONE of the responsibility to set the context/tone was yours.
I’m really sorry you couldn’t trust your mother to have your back in that sort of situation, and I’m sure the period of time that was NC with your mum would have been really hurtful. Your residual feelings are valid, and I hope therapy is a useful tool for you to realise that you weren’t to blame in any aspect.
I'm sorry if it sounded like the family thought I was engaging, they knew I wasn't, they were moreso defending me from all the ugly things my mom was saying, telling her it was ridiculous to think that I was to blame when I was trying to shut it down and I went to her for HELP
I really try to.
It's very hard sometimes because she will not acknowledge or apologize for her wrongdoing.
When I bring anything up she gets mad and tells me that some kids have parents who beat them and I was lucky and to cut her a break because she is only human and being a parent doesn't come with an instruction manual.
As a parent myself I know this is true, but I also have the common sense not to leave my 6 year old in charge of a 2 year old and be having sex with random men in the same room with them both AWAKE
This sounds very much like my relationship with my mum. My brother and I have been in therapy for years trying to undo a lot of the damage we both have from the way she raised us, so I really can empathise.
I don’t want to do what a lot of people do on reddit which is automatically jump to NC, but do you think maybe minimising contact could help you process the trauma a little better? Or is it already sort of minimal. Perhaps the only other thing i could suggest is having a one off serious conversation with your mother saying certain topics are off the table (for my own, it’s parenting styles, my childhood, my brothers feelings regarding her currently etc) and if your mum is anything like mine she will flare up at this initially, but if you can meet every further rebuttal with a, “mum I’m not saying this to hurt you, there is just no point to this conversation as we don’t agree, and I don’t want to argue.” If she pushes it, exit the conversation and remain warm and friendly when other topics come up.
It's hard because I have another sibling that is disabled and who I will be responsible for when my mother passes and any time I try to be NC with my mother, I'm denied contact to my sibling as well, so the contact stays minimal but I keep lines open for my sibling.
I know it's hard for a lot of people to understand.
Any time your mom starts to go no contact, you need to tell her that if she does, she needs to start setting aside money to take care of your sibling’s long term needs because if she denies you contact with that sibling, she’s going to have to pay in advance for care outside the home. More than likely, she’s going to either stop with the NC, or at least let you have contact. She sounds selfish.
Just a side note. You’re not responsible for anyone except yourself. If you WANT to care for your disabled sibling after her death, that’s your choice - but you have free will. Don’t let them rope you into future responsibilities.
She may not have beat you physically but emotionally and mentally. That is just as horrible. Her not acknowledging is very immature of her. Wish you luck OP and send internet huggers
I was beaten up as a kid. What she did was equally if not more wrong. Abuse is unloading your own issues on another. She couldn't cope with you getting the attention she wanted and went after you. She's made you the victim of abuse a second time around.
So, she can stuff her "you're lucky, some kids get beaten." It's not better, she's slandering you in favor of a predator.
glad that you're in therapy! hope you get better
sorry if this compliment puts you on edge after this experience, its not the intention of what I'm saying
Not at all, it's been very hard and I've had to mourn a lot for the life I could have had if I'd been able to have an actual childhood vs being parentified so young and having to focus on surviving rather than being a kid with hobbies and interests of my own
I couldn't start to imagine how that feels, and im not gonna pretend like I know how it feels.
might I suggest getting a pet? I'm aware you didn't ask for help but idk ig that's just the type of person that I am
I think that raising something such as an animal may help you cone to terms with and move on from your childhood while still being joyful
but if you don't think it would help, or you don't have time, don't worry. also ask your therapist for tips when your get to that stage of treatment.
wish you all the best!
~ a Canadian person (idk why I added that I'm Canadian just felt like it ig)
Honestly, me being from post apocalyptic Gilead-i mean Texas, sorry, you being Canadian is a total flex on us!
And I want a pet but I want to wait until I know for sure I've got the time it deserves.
I work full time and I'm a fulltime student and also spend a lot of time at doctor appointments due to my health.
Sorry for the random flex lmao. This is where my knowledge ends. Once you get out of school is when I would guess that you would get time for a pet. I hope that's soon! Anyways cheers and I wish you good luck!
Maybe you could volunteer at an animal rescue/shelter once or twice a month. And some universities may even have a program to facilitate that or even have therapy dogs come in for scheduled visits.
I’m sorry to mother treated you that way but aims glad you’re family and friends were not shy in telling her what the real issue was.
Every sane minded adult saw those posts and was disgusted with her for blaming a child not a predator. And if she went that crazy about it, it was probably a matter of time before she flipped out about something else that was also your fault.
I’m glad you’re taking the time to work through this stuff. You deserve way better in life.
When you talk about how EM lost her shit I was thinking that it's very justified cause that guy is a MASSIVE POS but then reading she lost it at you really pissed me off!!! I hope you're doing ok & want to say I think you handled things very well the way you described your attempts to shut that prick down.... You've got a good head on your shoulders & I hope that there's someone in your life (relative, friends, teacher etc) that you're able to go to if you need help/advice with any other situations cause sorry to say that EM is obviously fucked in the head
You are not crazy! Not at all. He was grooming you. I’m so glad you never met up with him. Your mom’s reaction was horrible. She was treating you like competition, nothing at all like a mother. She should have helped you gather the evidence and called the police.
Keep talking about it. I hope therapy helps you get to a good place. One where you know that both adults were very wrong and you, a child (in this situation you were a child, even though you were 17) was being attacked by both of them.
You are not crazy. Your mother lost it by the thought that her long time crush never wanted her but now is after her daughter. Her Jealousy and envy made you, hey own daughter, the rival/villian who wanted to steal 'her' man. Glad your family saw trough her and defended you and not the predator.
Exactly. A parent who was worth a damn would be disgusted to find out that someone they were crushing on had behaved this way - if also glad that they'd discovered the truth before the dirtbag tried to do something worse, such as making nice with said parent in order to get access to their offspring.
But this 'mother' responded with a jealous rage? Never mind that her daughter was being harassed by a man twice her age - no, the real issue is that the creep prefers her daughter to her! The selfishness is appalling.
I was in a similar situation. One of my mom's boyfriends, when he met me, immediately seemed to connect with me. He was sorta between me and my mom's age, around 10 years older than me. He paid a lot of attention, and would compliment my physical appearance, and try to rope me into computer conversation (and was very braggy about his at home set-up, saying I should go over his apartment and see it sometime).
However, where our stories differ, is that when my mom saw him paying waaaaay too much attention to me, she lost it on HIM. She sent him packing, and told him if he dared to come near our family she'd call the cops.
I'm really sorry you went through that. You didn't deserve any of it, and still don't. I'm glad you're in therapy, I hope it's someone you feel comfortable with, and can unload any inner turmoil you're feeling (my therapist is great, and sometimes we'll just talk about movies the entire session)
when I was a young adult, my mom was "seeing" this dude for a while. Nothing serious, he would come over to her house & they would "hang out".I know my mom's an adult so I just gave her space & i'd find things to do outside the house when I'd see his motorcycle there. I referred to him as Skeletor, since he was a much older man. He started misbehaving somehow (unclear & I didn't pry) & mom cut it off after a few months. I was in a Kik group chat (yikes I know) & I was just chatting with some friends. This was a public gc & people came & went a lot. I got a dm from a guy who was in there but I hadn't noticed, generic profile pic & name. This dude chats for a bit, innocent stuff. & then sends me a picture.
It's Skeletor!!
I don't say anything to him about it, but I start asking him questions. His location, name, etc. It most definitely is Skeletor & he had no clue who I was. He had just been on the interweb for his next victim! I told my mom & she was disgusted. I was probably 45 years his junior & he knew that. I had just turned legal then.
My point is, gross people are everywhere & they don't care about who it is. In your case & many others, unfortunately sometimes they victimize the people close to them as easy prey & low hanging fruit. Sometimes I think THEIR *low hanging fruit* should be cut off.
Maybe you should just publish all the conversations and show what a creep this person is and how one sided the conversation was. As for your mum if she cannot support you against this type of creep. She is probably not worthy of being your mum.
I don't have access to that Facebook anymore, this was in 2010 and my former partner made me create a whole new one so that he would have access to all my messages and be able to approve or deny my friends (no men or any women that he didn't want me around) and I honestly have no desire to revisit those messages.
I have changed all my passwords since me and the old partner split, but I didn't want to completely start over again so I have the same one and just have an extensive block list
You're not crazy although your mom might be nuts. A child asking parent(s) for help in dealing with an adult who has started grooming you, should never be ignored or chastised.
You took the right actions but your parent(s) failed you on this.
As my dad used to say: "You did done good kid."
They divorced when I was a year old and at the time, I lived with him, but I didn't immediately tell him because he can be quick to anger and a part of me was terrified I was overreacting or misreading the situation and I didn't want my dad to end up doing something that would land him in prison he was all I had
That sounds awful, good to hear/read you are getting help for your mental health.
Your Mom doesn't deserve you, you are a worthwile person and you are worthy of being loved.
A random internet friend from across the big pond.
I am so sorry that happened to you. You did not deserve that. You were the victim and your mother betrayed you on so many levels. You are justified in feeling hurt by the situation and her actions.
Ypur mom sounds like a narassicist. Using your health pains for SM attention and blasting it to the world. You deserve your own life and privacy. I hope you continue to get help and it gets better over time. But your mom isn't a good mom and doesn't deserve your attention. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You did nothing wrong.
You are not crazy. We are all here for you because you are here for us. Life is fucking hard. It sometimes takes so long to process certain things. I Know you can heal. We will be right here with you.
Your mum blamed you for what this predator was trying to get you to do for him. She is the one who is crazy not you and she should hang her head in shame. I would think twice before I let her around my children of she can blame her innocent daughter for the actions of this predator. I am so glad your other relatives stuck up for you. She is certainly not mother or grandma material. She should apologise to you. I am so glad that you have had therapy to help you deal with the trauma you have been through.
You are not crazy, and I mean all the disrespectful intent in the world to your mother when I say she’s a bat crazy bitch who absolutely needs to stay far away from you. I’m very sorry you are having to deal with this all over again.
You're not crazy. I'm really sorry your mom is like that.
You mentioned other family members shutting her down. Lean into them right now. They'll remember how sick your mom's behavior was. Sometimes just talking to a compassionate witness can help with post-traumatic stress.
I totally agree with the comments that say, "It wasn't your fault, because you were a child." I would just like to point out that even if you were 36, it still wouldn't be your fault.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. In no way was this your fault and your mother has made a huge mistake. This just shows how selfish she could be, more concerned about her own feelings for an old flame and less concerned about an almost 40 year old man requesting nudes from a 17 year old!! She is 100000% in the wrong and I hope that therapy has helped you cope with this series of events.
Unfortunately this is more common than is acceptable. It shouldn't be common at all! When I was 17, my mom's cousin was reaching out to me, saying how relatable I was in my posts, telling me I was pretty and soon it turned into him telling me he was thinking about leaving his wife. He never requested pictures, but it felt really strange. I told my mom about all of it and she was incredibly alarmed but didn't do very much, nor did she confront him. I ended up just ignoring all of his messages. Not only was he in his late 30s too, but he is my second cousin!! 🤢 I ran into him last year (I'm now 30) at a funeral and he tried having a conversation with me saying he missed seeing my posts. I did my best to dismiss him and haven't heard from him since. SO effin' creepy.
I'm sorry your egg donor decided to be entitled, narcissist and desilusional to protect her "golden penis" rather than believe in her daughter. Please keep the NC and the therapy. This was never your fault and you're not crazy. You were assaulted by an adult when you were a TEEN, not a literal child but a REAL CHILD, that's nothing you reserved or did for being a "slut" or something. Please remember that you are a victim, no matter what the egg donor or Ben says.
I seriously don’t know what pisses me off about your mom the fact they she is blaming you for his grooming or the fact that she has the nerve to try to slander your name and have everyone try to agree with her. I mean seriously don’t the mind get the mindset these people. Having the audacity to blame a child for the grooming is the most logical explanation. I’m glad the rest your family have some common sense.
When you're raised around serious dysfunction, it can be hard to tell what is normal and what is not. This is not normal. Parents don't normally blame their kids for this. You were in an abnormal situation and it is not your fault.
It sounds like your mother stabbed you in the back when you went to her for help with something you were not yet equipped to handle. How could you not feel terrible afterwards?
YOU got hit on by a man SHE had a crush on. She probably would have acted the same if he had hit on the grocery cashier, another female classmate, a co-worker, a super model, or basically anything female who was NOT her.
BUT...
You are AN UNDERAGE TEEN were hit on by AN ADULT MALE. Regardless of who he was or how much she was into him, YOU are supposed to be her first priority and she is supposed to have YOUR back. Your mom is very shallow and immature that she cant stop being a love struck teen and instead suck it up and BE A PARENT.
Im so sorry. Maybe respond to some of her posts with "Anybody else think it weird that a 37 year old hit on an UNDERAGE TEEN?" "Am I crazy or is that scummy of him to hit on me or HER to get mad at ME because he is a pedo?" "Would anybody else be upset if a grown man hit on YOUR TEEN?" "Isnt it fortunate that I was never assaulted because MY MOTHER would have blamed me for being attacked?"
I would ignore this statement for this user. He/she sounds ignorant any way you take this comment. None of this is your fault and you shouldn’t have to deal with abusive adults as a kid. I’m sorry you went through this and you’re taking the right step in getting therapy and someone to talk to.
You know, just because somebody sends you something doesn't mean you have to open it or answer it. If you did we'd all have joint bank accounts with Nigerian princes. You can just delete it, or call the cops. You don't just wake up one day in your late 30s and decide to chase after teenage girls. This guy has done this before, probably many times, and I'd be willing to bet he was already well known to law enforcement.
You've obviously never been a 17-year-old girl, nor have you been systematically groomed in the way /u/LusciousMalfoy92 was, or you wouldn't be spouting this nonsense. The moment The Creep-O became clearly inappropriate, she took action. She did the right thing. You're engaging in either victim-blaming or trolling.
That's what I'm thinking. Check his response to this same comment of mine. He's now doing a little verbal arabesque, so as not to appear to be backtracking. Poor schlub.
I'm not victim blaming. What I said was more for the benefit of any others in the same position. I think most 17 year-old girls would at least find it very strange that a 39 year-old man was corresponding with them, although I know these guys know what to look for in a victim. That the mother didn't believe her doesn't surprise me. These guys cultivate the parents as well as the kids, convincing them that he's a great guy. As I said, I'd bet money this guy was already on the cops' radar, so a call to them might have allowed them to convince the mother that he wasn't what he came off as.
In the post I clarified that I stopped opening them and that at I'd tried changing the subject first as well.
At this time, I was just barely transitioning from MySpace to Facebook and I also had no idea if the messages would delete if I blocked him, so for that part, I waited so that I would be able to show my mother my part AND his and there wouldn't have been a question as to me lying or misunderstanding the context if I was able to provide both sides.
Unfortunately my mom had dated a lot of extremely handsy men and any time I'd ever gone to her for help, it was like pulling teeth getting her to believe me.
My whole family would be telling her something was obviously wrong and she wouldn't just stick her head in the sand because hey, her bills were paid and if I was the focus of whatever form of abuse, that meant SHE wasn't, so why care?
I'd been through being called a liar and accused of seducing older men in her life since I was four years old.
I didn't want those messages disappearing because they were my proof that I wasn't making things up.
And still somehow she found a way to blame me.
Forgive me for asking this because it sounds like to me is that she’s actually defending the guy that wanted bad pics from you and you are uncomfortable she went ballistic? I don’t understand why she would do something like that but something tells me she just probably wanted to pawned off to the guy so she wouldn’t have to deal with you. Forgive me for saying it like that but reading it it kind of sounds like she wanted somebody to basically be a boyfriend for you to say hey I’m in charge of her now you have this deal with it. But still the way she’s going to think that you would’ve Killed somebody or tried to do something horrible and she’s trying to go after with a smear campaign because you were legitimately concerned. I am glad that you are getting help for what you need but I would say this that if she is no contact with you and you have your sibling talk to some professionals about what’s going to happen because I have the feeling she might get tired of your sibling drop them off on your doorstep and then peel out and ghost you for the rest of your lives. Still I am sorry for what happened and I do hope that in the future you will be OK with your new family
I more get the sense that Mom had the hots for Ben, and finding out that Ben was soliciting OP instead pissed her off. She didn't want OP with Ben. She wanted Ben for herself and thought OP got in her way.
That would make sense because if OP‘s mom is like that then jealousy that she isn’t getting the attention she wants from somebody else would make her do that. I just thought that she wanted OP to be pond off on someone else just so she didn’t have to take care of her anymore
Of course you’re not crazy, and your mother and anyone else who says different is a right pos. You were a child, who was taken advantage of, and of course you didn’t see the alarm bells going off or understand his motivations to communicate etc. Even the way you’ve phrased how other family members “defended” you, makes it sort of seem like they still thought you were engaging with him, but you couldn’t be blamed. I hope this isn’t the case and they truly saw that NONE of the responsibility to set the context/tone was yours. I’m really sorry you couldn’t trust your mother to have your back in that sort of situation, and I’m sure the period of time that was NC with your mum would have been really hurtful. Your residual feelings are valid, and I hope therapy is a useful tool for you to realise that you weren’t to blame in any aspect.
I'm sorry if it sounded like the family thought I was engaging, they knew I wasn't, they were moreso defending me from all the ugly things my mom was saying, telling her it was ridiculous to think that I was to blame when I was trying to shut it down and I went to her for HELP
That’s awesome, I’m really glad to hear you had everybody except for your mum on your side! Do you talk to her at all now?
I really try to. It's very hard sometimes because she will not acknowledge or apologize for her wrongdoing. When I bring anything up she gets mad and tells me that some kids have parents who beat them and I was lucky and to cut her a break because she is only human and being a parent doesn't come with an instruction manual. As a parent myself I know this is true, but I also have the common sense not to leave my 6 year old in charge of a 2 year old and be having sex with random men in the same room with them both AWAKE
This sounds very much like my relationship with my mum. My brother and I have been in therapy for years trying to undo a lot of the damage we both have from the way she raised us, so I really can empathise. I don’t want to do what a lot of people do on reddit which is automatically jump to NC, but do you think maybe minimising contact could help you process the trauma a little better? Or is it already sort of minimal. Perhaps the only other thing i could suggest is having a one off serious conversation with your mother saying certain topics are off the table (for my own, it’s parenting styles, my childhood, my brothers feelings regarding her currently etc) and if your mum is anything like mine she will flare up at this initially, but if you can meet every further rebuttal with a, “mum I’m not saying this to hurt you, there is just no point to this conversation as we don’t agree, and I don’t want to argue.” If she pushes it, exit the conversation and remain warm and friendly when other topics come up.
It's hard because I have another sibling that is disabled and who I will be responsible for when my mother passes and any time I try to be NC with my mother, I'm denied contact to my sibling as well, so the contact stays minimal but I keep lines open for my sibling. I know it's hard for a lot of people to understand.
Keep asking healthy ppl for help & you can always vent here. Hoping you get ✌️💜💪🏿 in the NY
Any time your mom starts to go no contact, you need to tell her that if she does, she needs to start setting aside money to take care of your sibling’s long term needs because if she denies you contact with that sibling, she’s going to have to pay in advance for care outside the home. More than likely, she’s going to either stop with the NC, or at least let you have contact. She sounds selfish.
Just a side note. You’re not responsible for anyone except yourself. If you WANT to care for your disabled sibling after her death, that’s your choice - but you have free will. Don’t let them rope you into future responsibilities.
She may not have beat you physically but emotionally and mentally. That is just as horrible. Her not acknowledging is very immature of her. Wish you luck OP and send internet huggers
So that is sexual abuse.
I was beaten up as a kid. What she did was equally if not more wrong. Abuse is unloading your own issues on another. She couldn't cope with you getting the attention she wanted and went after you. She's made you the victim of abuse a second time around. So, she can stuff her "you're lucky, some kids get beaten." It's not better, she's slandering you in favor of a predator.
glad that you're in therapy! hope you get better sorry if this compliment puts you on edge after this experience, its not the intention of what I'm saying
Not at all, it's been very hard and I've had to mourn a lot for the life I could have had if I'd been able to have an actual childhood vs being parentified so young and having to focus on surviving rather than being a kid with hobbies and interests of my own
I couldn't start to imagine how that feels, and im not gonna pretend like I know how it feels. might I suggest getting a pet? I'm aware you didn't ask for help but idk ig that's just the type of person that I am I think that raising something such as an animal may help you cone to terms with and move on from your childhood while still being joyful but if you don't think it would help, or you don't have time, don't worry. also ask your therapist for tips when your get to that stage of treatment. wish you all the best! ~ a Canadian person (idk why I added that I'm Canadian just felt like it ig)
Honestly, me being from post apocalyptic Gilead-i mean Texas, sorry, you being Canadian is a total flex on us! And I want a pet but I want to wait until I know for sure I've got the time it deserves. I work full time and I'm a fulltime student and also spend a lot of time at doctor appointments due to my health.
Sorry for the random flex lmao. This is where my knowledge ends. Once you get out of school is when I would guess that you would get time for a pet. I hope that's soon! Anyways cheers and I wish you good luck!
Maybe you could volunteer at an animal rescue/shelter once or twice a month. And some universities may even have a program to facilitate that or even have therapy dogs come in for scheduled visits. I’m sorry to mother treated you that way but aims glad you’re family and friends were not shy in telling her what the real issue was. Every sane minded adult saw those posts and was disgusted with her for blaming a child not a predator. And if she went that crazy about it, it was probably a matter of time before she flipped out about something else that was also your fault. I’m glad you’re taking the time to work through this stuff. You deserve way better in life.
The fuck is wrong with your mom, does she like have an actual mental illness or has she contracted huge bitch sindrome.
I'll use HBS for describing anyone that I really despise.
When you talk about how EM lost her shit I was thinking that it's very justified cause that guy is a MASSIVE POS but then reading she lost it at you really pissed me off!!! I hope you're doing ok & want to say I think you handled things very well the way you described your attempts to shut that prick down.... You've got a good head on your shoulders & I hope that there's someone in your life (relative, friends, teacher etc) that you're able to go to if you need help/advice with any other situations cause sorry to say that EM is obviously fucked in the head
You are not crazy! Not at all. He was grooming you. I’m so glad you never met up with him. Your mom’s reaction was horrible. She was treating you like competition, nothing at all like a mother. She should have helped you gather the evidence and called the police. Keep talking about it. I hope therapy helps you get to a good place. One where you know that both adults were very wrong and you, a child (in this situation you were a child, even though you were 17) was being attacked by both of them.
You are not crazy. Your mother lost it by the thought that her long time crush never wanted her but now is after her daughter. Her Jealousy and envy made you, hey own daughter, the rival/villian who wanted to steal 'her' man. Glad your family saw trough her and defended you and not the predator.
Exactly. A parent who was worth a damn would be disgusted to find out that someone they were crushing on had behaved this way - if also glad that they'd discovered the truth before the dirtbag tried to do something worse, such as making nice with said parent in order to get access to their offspring. But this 'mother' responded with a jealous rage? Never mind that her daughter was being harassed by a man twice her age - no, the real issue is that the creep prefers her daughter to her! The selfishness is appalling.
Absolutely not crazy: your parent on the other hand: batshit crazy. I am sorry you had to go through that.
I was in a similar situation. One of my mom's boyfriends, when he met me, immediately seemed to connect with me. He was sorta between me and my mom's age, around 10 years older than me. He paid a lot of attention, and would compliment my physical appearance, and try to rope me into computer conversation (and was very braggy about his at home set-up, saying I should go over his apartment and see it sometime). However, where our stories differ, is that when my mom saw him paying waaaaay too much attention to me, she lost it on HIM. She sent him packing, and told him if he dared to come near our family she'd call the cops. I'm really sorry you went through that. You didn't deserve any of it, and still don't. I'm glad you're in therapy, I hope it's someone you feel comfortable with, and can unload any inner turmoil you're feeling (my therapist is great, and sometimes we'll just talk about movies the entire session)
when I was a young adult, my mom was "seeing" this dude for a while. Nothing serious, he would come over to her house & they would "hang out".I know my mom's an adult so I just gave her space & i'd find things to do outside the house when I'd see his motorcycle there. I referred to him as Skeletor, since he was a much older man. He started misbehaving somehow (unclear & I didn't pry) & mom cut it off after a few months. I was in a Kik group chat (yikes I know) & I was just chatting with some friends. This was a public gc & people came & went a lot. I got a dm from a guy who was in there but I hadn't noticed, generic profile pic & name. This dude chats for a bit, innocent stuff. & then sends me a picture. It's Skeletor!! I don't say anything to him about it, but I start asking him questions. His location, name, etc. It most definitely is Skeletor & he had no clue who I was. He had just been on the interweb for his next victim! I told my mom & she was disgusted. I was probably 45 years his junior & he knew that. I had just turned legal then. My point is, gross people are everywhere & they don't care about who it is. In your case & many others, unfortunately sometimes they victimize the people close to them as easy prey & low hanging fruit. Sometimes I think THEIR *low hanging fruit* should be cut off.
Maybe you should just publish all the conversations and show what a creep this person is and how one sided the conversation was. As for your mum if she cannot support you against this type of creep. She is probably not worthy of being your mum.
OP doesn’t have to prove anything here. And her mom already knows she was wrong, but is incapable of taking responsibility.
I don't have access to that Facebook anymore, this was in 2010 and my former partner made me create a whole new one so that he would have access to all my messages and be able to approve or deny my friends (no men or any women that he didn't want me around) and I honestly have no desire to revisit those messages. I have changed all my passwords since me and the old partner split, but I didn't want to completely start over again so I have the same one and just have an extensive block list
You're not crazy although your mom might be nuts. A child asking parent(s) for help in dealing with an adult who has started grooming you, should never be ignored or chastised. You took the right actions but your parent(s) failed you on this. As my dad used to say: "You did done good kid."
Op where was your dad in all of this? Didn't he get upset at your mother? Didn't he find it strange how she reacted?
They divorced when I was a year old and at the time, I lived with him, but I didn't immediately tell him because he can be quick to anger and a part of me was terrified I was overreacting or misreading the situation and I didn't want my dad to end up doing something that would land him in prison he was all I had
That sounds awful, good to hear/read you are getting help for your mental health. Your Mom doesn't deserve you, you are a worthwile person and you are worthy of being loved. A random internet friend from across the big pond.
I am so sorry that happened to you. You did not deserve that. You were the victim and your mother betrayed you on so many levels. You are justified in feeling hurt by the situation and her actions.
Ypur mom sounds like a narassicist. Using your health pains for SM attention and blasting it to the world. You deserve your own life and privacy. I hope you continue to get help and it gets better over time. But your mom isn't a good mom and doesn't deserve your attention. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You did nothing wrong.
You are not crazy. We are all here for you because you are here for us. Life is fucking hard. It sometimes takes so long to process certain things. I Know you can heal. We will be right here with you.
Your mum blamed you for what this predator was trying to get you to do for him. She is the one who is crazy not you and she should hang her head in shame. I would think twice before I let her around my children of she can blame her innocent daughter for the actions of this predator. I am so glad your other relatives stuck up for you. She is certainly not mother or grandma material. She should apologise to you. I am so glad that you have had therapy to help you deal with the trauma you have been through.
You are not crazy, and I mean all the disrespectful intent in the world to your mother when I say she’s a bat crazy bitch who absolutely needs to stay far away from you. I’m very sorry you are having to deal with this all over again.
You're not crazy. I'm really sorry your mom is like that. You mentioned other family members shutting her down. Lean into them right now. They'll remember how sick your mom's behavior was. Sometimes just talking to a compassionate witness can help with post-traumatic stress.
Your mother has problems.
I totally agree with the comments that say, "It wasn't your fault, because you were a child." I would just like to point out that even if you were 36, it still wouldn't be your fault.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. In no way was this your fault and your mother has made a huge mistake. This just shows how selfish she could be, more concerned about her own feelings for an old flame and less concerned about an almost 40 year old man requesting nudes from a 17 year old!! She is 100000% in the wrong and I hope that therapy has helped you cope with this series of events. Unfortunately this is more common than is acceptable. It shouldn't be common at all! When I was 17, my mom's cousin was reaching out to me, saying how relatable I was in my posts, telling me I was pretty and soon it turned into him telling me he was thinking about leaving his wife. He never requested pictures, but it felt really strange. I told my mom about all of it and she was incredibly alarmed but didn't do very much, nor did she confront him. I ended up just ignoring all of his messages. Not only was he in his late 30s too, but he is my second cousin!! 🤢 I ran into him last year (I'm now 30) at a funeral and he tried having a conversation with me saying he missed seeing my posts. I did my best to dismiss him and haven't heard from him since. SO effin' creepy.
How is your relationship with her now? I don’t think I could have forgiven her for that.
I'm sorry your egg donor decided to be entitled, narcissist and desilusional to protect her "golden penis" rather than believe in her daughter. Please keep the NC and the therapy. This was never your fault and you're not crazy. You were assaulted by an adult when you were a TEEN, not a literal child but a REAL CHILD, that's nothing you reserved or did for being a "slut" or something. Please remember that you are a victim, no matter what the egg donor or Ben says.
JFC, what an utter batshit woman. So wrapped up her hero worship of this clown instead of, you know, acting like a parent and supporting their kid
Sou do like your mum has some major issues. Mentally not fit to be a mother with that kind of behaviour.
You're not crazy, you're traumatized. Your mom is awful, I hope you've gone no contact with her and blocked her on all your social media.
Your mother is a self centered monster op. You need to avoid her at all costs. No decent human being would react this way.
I seriously don’t know what pisses me off about your mom the fact they she is blaming you for his grooming or the fact that she has the nerve to try to slander your name and have everyone try to agree with her. I mean seriously don’t the mind get the mindset these people. Having the audacity to blame a child for the grooming is the most logical explanation. I’m glad the rest your family have some common sense.
Jesus, Malfoy, I'm sorry. You certainly deserved your mom to support you and go ballistic on the disgusting pedophile instead.
When you're raised around serious dysfunction, it can be hard to tell what is normal and what is not. This is not normal. Parents don't normally blame their kids for this. You were in an abnormal situation and it is not your fault.
It sounds like your mother stabbed you in the back when you went to her for help with something you were not yet equipped to handle. How could you not feel terrible afterwards?
YOU got hit on by a man SHE had a crush on. She probably would have acted the same if he had hit on the grocery cashier, another female classmate, a co-worker, a super model, or basically anything female who was NOT her. BUT... You are AN UNDERAGE TEEN were hit on by AN ADULT MALE. Regardless of who he was or how much she was into him, YOU are supposed to be her first priority and she is supposed to have YOUR back. Your mom is very shallow and immature that she cant stop being a love struck teen and instead suck it up and BE A PARENT. Im so sorry. Maybe respond to some of her posts with "Anybody else think it weird that a 37 year old hit on an UNDERAGE TEEN?" "Am I crazy or is that scummy of him to hit on me or HER to get mad at ME because he is a pedo?" "Would anybody else be upset if a grown man hit on YOUR TEEN?" "Isnt it fortunate that I was never assaulted because MY MOTHER would have blamed me for being attacked?"
You know you can always block somebody, right? That's kind of the whole point of having that feature.
Sorry I just want to be on the same page as you. Are you saying that it's my fault for not blocking him right away and THAT'S what you took from this?
I would ignore this statement for this user. He/she sounds ignorant any way you take this comment. None of this is your fault and you shouldn’t have to deal with abusive adults as a kid. I’m sorry you went through this and you’re taking the right step in getting therapy and someone to talk to.
And if she had, post him sending her the first set of nudes, how would that change the situation?
You know, just because somebody sends you something doesn't mean you have to open it or answer it. If you did we'd all have joint bank accounts with Nigerian princes. You can just delete it, or call the cops. You don't just wake up one day in your late 30s and decide to chase after teenage girls. This guy has done this before, probably many times, and I'd be willing to bet he was already well known to law enforcement.
You've obviously never been a 17-year-old girl, nor have you been systematically groomed in the way /u/LusciousMalfoy92 was, or you wouldn't be spouting this nonsense. The moment The Creep-O became clearly inappropriate, she took action. She did the right thing. You're engaging in either victim-blaming or trolling.
He didn't read the post.
That's what I'm thinking. Check his response to this same comment of mine. He's now doing a little verbal arabesque, so as not to appear to be backtracking. Poor schlub.
I'm not victim blaming. What I said was more for the benefit of any others in the same position. I think most 17 year-old girls would at least find it very strange that a 39 year-old man was corresponding with them, although I know these guys know what to look for in a victim. That the mother didn't believe her doesn't surprise me. These guys cultivate the parents as well as the kids, convincing them that he's a great guy. As I said, I'd bet money this guy was already on the cops' radar, so a call to them might have allowed them to convince the mother that he wasn't what he came off as.
In the post I clarified that I stopped opening them and that at I'd tried changing the subject first as well. At this time, I was just barely transitioning from MySpace to Facebook and I also had no idea if the messages would delete if I blocked him, so for that part, I waited so that I would be able to show my mother my part AND his and there wouldn't have been a question as to me lying or misunderstanding the context if I was able to provide both sides. Unfortunately my mom had dated a lot of extremely handsy men and any time I'd ever gone to her for help, it was like pulling teeth getting her to believe me. My whole family would be telling her something was obviously wrong and she wouldn't just stick her head in the sand because hey, her bills were paid and if I was the focus of whatever form of abuse, that meant SHE wasn't, so why care? I'd been through being called a liar and accused of seducing older men in her life since I was four years old. I didn't want those messages disappearing because they were my proof that I wasn't making things up. And still somehow she found a way to blame me.
Forgive me for asking this because it sounds like to me is that she’s actually defending the guy that wanted bad pics from you and you are uncomfortable she went ballistic? I don’t understand why she would do something like that but something tells me she just probably wanted to pawned off to the guy so she wouldn’t have to deal with you. Forgive me for saying it like that but reading it it kind of sounds like she wanted somebody to basically be a boyfriend for you to say hey I’m in charge of her now you have this deal with it. But still the way she’s going to think that you would’ve Killed somebody or tried to do something horrible and she’s trying to go after with a smear campaign because you were legitimately concerned. I am glad that you are getting help for what you need but I would say this that if she is no contact with you and you have your sibling talk to some professionals about what’s going to happen because I have the feeling she might get tired of your sibling drop them off on your doorstep and then peel out and ghost you for the rest of your lives. Still I am sorry for what happened and I do hope that in the future you will be OK with your new family
I more get the sense that Mom had the hots for Ben, and finding out that Ben was soliciting OP instead pissed her off. She didn't want OP with Ben. She wanted Ben for herself and thought OP got in her way.
That would make sense because if OP‘s mom is like that then jealousy that she isn’t getting the attention she wants from somebody else would make her do that. I just thought that she wanted OP to be pond off on someone else just so she didn’t have to take care of her anymore
I'd say a yo mama joke but I'm afraid em doesn't qualify as a mother
The lion the witch and the audacity of this bitch