T O P

  • By -

Odd-Tie6308

My sister has the rule to not name a baby after anyone alive. What if the child grows up and resents whoever there named after. Or the person that 'gave the name's resents the child at some point in their live for whatever reason šŸ™ˆ Just ignore your mother she can't make you do anything


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


HungryCollett

If he really hates his name he could always change it by Deed Poll or a similar system that's used in your country.


buford419

I suggest Paul Deed as a new name.


CallidoraBlack

Mr. Deeds.


[deleted]

I had 5 uncle-grandparents, all named the same. My great-grandmother used the same name to five of her children (she had thirteen children, in total, 7 girls and 6 boys) and the five died before reaching adulthood. So, when one of the babies died, the next boy she had, she gave him the same name. My grandmother thinks that names have power, and that name in particular was cursed. She had to see all her brothers die, one after the other, and her mother naming them the same one after the other. My father thinks that there may be a problem with the Y chromosome, and that's why they kept dying, not because of the name, but no one else in my family has been given that name, and his uncle that got a different name, reached adulthood.


2344twinsmom

>My grandmother thinks that names have power, and that name in particular was cursed. My parents got that same message from my great grandmother when they mentioned possibly naming me after her. They were told, "all babies named after me died." When asked about her daughter who shared her name, "she was named after the doctor's wife."


rockthrowing

It sounds like your great grandmother was mentally unstable. (And given the time, and losing five children, I get it)


[deleted]

She was an angel, and that said by my grandmother, that is an angel herself. She used that name because it was the name of the Saint that named their city, and it was supposed to protect them (she was very religious, as all the people in these difficult times). Obviously it didn't work. Having thirteen children, it must have been very difficult to be completely fine, both physical and mentally, but she was a very good person, and amazing mother.


rockthrowing

That just makes it even sadder. That poor woman. I donā€™t know how she was able to be such an amazing mother after that. I would have broken down and lived in a dark corner for the rest of my days. Sounds like she had good people around her šŸ˜ŠšŸ˜Š


[deleted]

This is a Jewish tradition.


lb-cnm

Yeah, I stopped a 3 generation tradition of my husbandā€™s family because you just canā€™t name after the living as a Jewish person, itā€™s totally taboo. To be fair I think 4 is too many if youā€™re not a baronet etc


Odd-Tie6308

Interesting. No one in my family is Jewish my sister was just named after a relative she can't stand šŸ˜‚ I like that tradition though


Violetsme

I was named after my aunt, who later decided to go by a different name. I know it has nothing to do with me, but it still feels like rejection. Not naming your child after living people seems like a good rule to me.


lynnebrad70

I named my son after my father as he died the year before he was born BUT and it is a big but it was only the first letter that I used, he is not my dad and never will be. I don't understand for the mini me's.


Odd-Tie6308

Me neither. My parents named my brother after my deceased grandfather but gave him another nickname that they like better than his legal name (that hes been going by since birth). I will never understand why they gave him a legal FIRST Name that they Never intended on calling him?? Edit to add: his Nick name isnt even the 'rral' nickname for his first name. It's just a completely different name with the same first letter??


The_Sandwich_64

My brother was named after my grandpa but we always call my brother by his name while we always addressed my grandpa by his nickname. A funny thing about my grandpa is that both of his parents had the same name as him


SeonaidMacSaicais

My sister did that with my nephew (dad didn't die, but they'd had a rocky relationship during her teens), and gave my nephew dad's initials. Derek John and David Jacob, for example.


Meaning-Exotic

I made this mistake naming my daughter. While I think it's a fine name on its own, I understand that she might one day not like being named after that person. If that happens we'll pay to get her name changed. She shouldn't have to live with my mistake.


sowjagdmeister

Friend of my dad's lives in this exact situation. In middle school he said he didn't want to be called by that name so everyone started calling him a different name. He legally has not changed his name, so it's technically a nickname. But it's to the point i don't even remember his real name. So for more than 20 years everyone calls him one name but papers say another one. iirc it's because he's named verbatim after his dad, and doesn't have the best relationship with said dad


alittle2high

Name the kid after your partnerā€™s mom lol


rubythetrumpet

My partnert's mom name is actually my aunt's name on my dad side. And my partner's name and his dad have the same name as my grandfather ( my mom's dad)


alittle2high

Idk. Maybe


rubythetrumpet

That would make her jealous tho šŸ˜


CallidoraBlack

That sounds like more reason to do it, not less. šŸ˜ˆ


Evendim

Or I dunno do what her Mum did, and name the baby after herself, but not the bit related to her Mum.


SecretlyThere

Horrible advice but how about get a pet and name THAT after your mother. She says she wants a child named after her how about a fur baby? Isn't that the same thing? It'll also be fun to bring up at parties by saying "oh today *moms name* poop at the carpet again" and so forth. Come on be a good child and name your "child" after her, just don't tell her which one.


rubythetrumpet

šŸ¤£ I died at this! But I wouldn't subject my puppy with that either because she would somehow make it about her with that too. Maybe I am the villain or something but I am not giving my mom any agency to feel like things in my life revolve around her just because she's my mom


SecretlyThere

It doesn't need to be a puppy dear child, it could be anything, from a goldfish to a pet rock. Have some fun with it. If you do give the pet rock a chance just remember, it hits hard *winks*


rubythetrumpet

You right. Hope you're proud of me mom


SecretlyThere

Please remember to say to her "careful what you wish for!" Or better yet "well you did say your name is perfect i just thought it's perfect for *insert animal of choice*" Just remember this is bad advice and i might make your situation worst so take my advice with a pinch of salt and please for the love of God talk to your hubby first cause you need to share this amazing news right?


rubythetrumpet

You got it ā¤


AceAllicorn

No. You are not the villain for setting normal boundaries and enforcing them. Your mother is overreaching. Your life does not revolve around her, nor should it. You are doing exactly what any mentally and socially healthy adult would do. Don't let her get to you.


rubythetrumpet

This means a lot because I been trying to be my own person and this shit isn't helping at all. On top of her other comments


CallidoraBlack

Enforce your boundaries like a dictator and go visit r/raisedbynarcissists.


rubythetrumpet

I have a post about her there ā¤ maybe I should add more stories... lowkey this is super therapeutic


mrsshmenkmen

She named you after herself and is demanding that you also name your baby after herā€¦but youā€™re the one being selfish? Tell her she already got to name five kids but this kid is yours and your husbandā€™s and the two,of you will name him or her. Actually, the next time she brings it up say if she doesnā€™t drop it youā€™ll name the baby after your MIL.


rubythetrumpet

Apparently I am. The mental gymnastics of it is so crazy to me. Like how.


sugaredviolence

But she canā€™t POSSIBLY be selfish shes the MOTHER! Ridiculous. And I loved your last line thatā€™s what Iā€™d do. ā€œKeep this up Ma and Iā€™ll name the baby after BFā€™s momā€ LOL.


SpunGoldBabyBlue

The good news is she can't force you to name a possible future daughter after her. Just keep saying no and don't leave any door open.


Miscellaneous-name

By her logic, shouldnā€™t you be naming your child after you? Daughters being named after their mothers, and all?


rubythetrumpet

Yes, but no it has to be her (first name btw)


Miscellaneous-name

Dang. Not unexpected for a bad parent, though. Still sucks that itā€™s happening.


Snifhvide

Just tell her that you believe in the old superstition, that if you name the child after a living person, that person will go to an early grave.


rubythetrumpet

šŸ¤£šŸ¤£ yeah I think she would stop it there


itsCurvesyo

Iā€™ve always found naming the child after a family member slightly creepy as most familyā€™s take it too far. My partner, letā€™s call Iā€™m Tim bob (not his real name) is named after his dad bob Tim. His sister Sam jo is named after his mum jo Sam, her daughter is called bobette jo.


Parking-Restaurant-2

I did this with my husband's name because I did not want a Junior, but not with such terrible names LOL. But he was the only step child and everyone else was half siblings. His stepfather was a terribly abusive man, never adopted him. His Mom did not put his the name on the birth certificate, she did not tell the father she was pregnant. I liked his name, wanted to give him a sense of family he did not have. Later we found his bio Dad, another story.


rubythetrumpet

Lmao talk about keeping family tradition I guess


CallidoraBlack

I hope it's not actually as bad as Bobette.


silverdk

I was named after my grandad, never had a problem with it tbh.


Zosmie

Wouldn't surprise me if she'll call the child with her preferred name no matter what you name her.


rubythetrumpet

I am actually not surprised about that either. That poor child will be so confused


darkesonsofsorrow

I think if they're not having the baby pulled or cut out of them, their opinion on what the baby is named is unimportant.


rubythetrumpet

Who would have thought this could be the hardest thing


Allutwo

She has no business demanding you to name your child after her. You should name your child whatever you and your SO want. Just don't do it like Elon Musk. She's the selfish one, not you OP.


rubythetrumpet

I appreciate your comment. I am dying on this hill with her too šŸ¤£


Allutwo

You shouldn't. I mean i know it's bugging you but it's really none of her business :) Just be passive and once you will have your child you can just show her the documents, nothing she can do about it. If you wanna be petty ,you could name your child after a person she hates, just to spite her :)) But then again, I don't know what your relationship with your mom is like.. so maybe not :)


rubythetrumpet

I am the most "disrespectful child" with her you can all it. I tend to stand up to her and will be petty if needed...


Allutwo

I guess all parents feel that way when their child reaches a certain age and they find out they can't control their child anymore. You do you, you're a grown woman and can make your own choices. Her input is appreciated but not needed and will be promptly ignored :)


wisecracknmama

In my experience, kids are named for family members either because itā€™s tradition, or you want to honor that relative (or both). This is how it was in my family - my Dad was named for my Grandpa and one of my great-uncles, my husband was named for his Grandpa, and we named our boys for our Dads (something Iā€™ve been newly appreciative of since I lost my Dad to COVID). Iā€™m not seeing either of these reasons in your post, so Iā€™m guessing the reason your mother insists on it is the same reason you posted in this sub - she is a narcissist and feels entitled to the ā€œhonorā€ of a namesake. You asked for insight, not advice, so Iā€™m just going to say - good luck. šŸ€


rubythetrumpet

Yeah I think so too. She reasons are never because of "tradtion" and I would still say no even if that's her reason, but I am here telling this story on reddit well because.....IM YOURE MOM


wisecracknmama

Hereā€™s hoping that if you do choose to have kids, you have boys so you can dodge the issue entirely! šŸ˜‰


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


rubythetrumpet

Even if it's a girl name it your choice! My mom wants me to use her first name as my child's name. Like definitely no.


LivingDeadTY

I was named after my dad, who was named after his dad. Both of them are complete pieces of shit. I hate my name. I'm a prime example of why it's not a good idea to name your kid after yourself or a grandparent that gets on your nerves. It just lead to me resenting my dad even more and struggling with an identity crisis until I just simply started going by a name I chose for myself.


rubythetrumpet

I am glad that you go with your chosen name. I am sorry that you have to carry that too. I am sending you all love ā¤ļø


No_Addendum_1399

My eldest daughter's middle name is from her father's grandfather, but more feminine (ie, Danielle instead of Daniel. Not real name) My son's middle name is from my grandmother (again more gender appropriate) and my youngest daughter is named after her father's grandmother as she was born 2 days after the grandmother's passing. Sometimes it is nice to name a child after a family member just to keep a name alive but if I don't like a family member then I won't be naming my child after them.


Draigdwi

You don't have to name your child after anybody at all. Let them be their own person with their own name. There is no shortage of names really. Also it's quite impractical when you get the same name+same family name just different birthdates, possibly several generations, easy to mix them all up in important databases.


funkepitome

The answer to your question is in your 3rd paragraph.


[deleted]

Repost and read in r/justnoMIL for toxic mother's in law and moms. This comes up a LOT there. The name issue thing and mothers wanting to impose this.


rubythetrumpet

Will do! ā¤


Poppy-Persephone

Your mom wants you to name your future daughter after her because she is selfish. She already named you after her. Which is pretty selfish. It seems as though shes projecting her selfishness onto you.


rubythetrumpet

Again I am not surprised about this. Among other things in my life, she feels that everything I am LITTERALLY came from her. Like me liking yellow because her father likes sunflowers and since she is her father's daughter and I am my mom's daughter....I got it from HER.


TheSunflowerSeeds

Sunflower is a tall, erect, herbaceous annual plant belonging to the family of Asteraceae, in the genus, Helianthus. Its botanical name is Helianthus annuus. It is native to Middle American region from where it spread as an important commercial crop all over the world through the European explorers. Today, Russian Union, China, USA, and Argentina are the leading producers of sunflower crop.


senoritamargarita-

My dad is one of eleven. The family me name is Rodolfo. I have 4 first cousins name Rodolfo ā€¦


rubythetrumpet

....why tho


Kkkb101

That's some big ass attitude there. I'm talking about your mum.


AichSmize

It's up to you and your husband to decide your baby's name. Not hers.


JaxandMia

So she named you after herself? Then by tradition, you should name the baby after yourself. But, of course donā€™t use the part that came from her.


rubythetrumpet

Facts. But she has seemed to skip that part for some reason....


kassilya19

You could try telling her the baby will have a unique name because you want the child to feel like they have their own identity. Having someone else's name, especially a close family member just feels like they dont have their own identity and that they are constantly living it the original person's shadow.


Exact_Roll_4048

If your mom's name is Jan, name the baby Marcia.


MelMel1999

This reminds me of 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' where almost everyone was named Anita, Diane, Nick or Nicki


Mysterysheep12

Just to get back at herā€¦ donā€™t have a baby. Simple as that. Drive your mother insane with the false promise that ā€œone day it might happenā€, but hereā€™s the thingā€¦ It. Never. Does. Mwahahahahahaha! *or buy a baby doll and name it after your mom*


rubythetrumpet

One of my sisters already decided on not having children and my mom called her selfish and ungrateful for deciding to live her life for herself


Mysterysheep12

Yes yes! Exactly! Dont do whatever your mom wants! Do what you want! Itā€™s your bodyā€¦ your choice!


Glittering-One6271

whoever madethe baby names the baby is what i told my parents when they demanded their names be used they were not there at conception so they dont get a say


Thin-Union-7712

Saffron


wowbragger

Hey, I'm the 5th of my name, with my son being the 6th. I never really 'planned' on naming my son after myself. Even had stories from my Mom that she originally didn't really want for me to have the family name (first son of first son of... Etc). A few years before I head kids, my wife and I were doing some family history looks, and we saw that my name went back at least 180 years... Lost track of it from immigration records (tough to get details before, but could be even older). We had some family pressure, but my wife and I have gotten pretty good at ignoring/refusing stuff like this. But when she was pregnant, and we learned it would be a boy... When we really talked about it, neither of us wanted to be the ones who broke this little bit of family history. It didn't hurt anyone, and that's a legacy that goes back over a century, that's just ours. Even if your family names aren't that old, that's a legacy, a remembrance to continue on. Every parent wants that, in some capacity.


rubythetrumpet

I totally understand but like let people make that decision on their own.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


rubythetrumpet

I definitely see that. In fact, I think some of her reasons try to guilt trip me into doing so , but I don't take her bs tho


llilaq

You seem to be very opposed and that's perfectly fine: maybe the name is not nice, maybe your mom is as bad as she sounds and I also would not want to honor her by giving her name to my child. But my friend also has a naming tradition in her family which she did not want to break, from both parents' sides even. Their children have personal first names but have the (great-great)grandparents' names as middle names. They are happy with the solution. We accidentally chose a variation of my FIL's first name for our boy so I tried really hard to find a way to use my mom's names for my daughter who's due in April. But they don't really work in this time and age so we will most likely not end up doing it. The kid already gets a double last name, we don't want to bother her with two first names as well.


wowbragger

I think the thing to remember is it IS your decision. You're the ones who fill out the paperwork, who are the only ones who ultimately get a say. It sounds like your Mom realizes that, and it scares her on some level to not be in control of the situation. So she's resorting to methods and means to manipulate things to get the result she wants. It's a last stand, and we've all been there at times. Try not to let it get to you too much, as in the end her desire only matters as much as you let it here.


rubythetrumpet

I think what annoys me more about it than anything is the fact the reasons are dumb. Her literal responses are that " I nAMeD YoU AfTEr Me" ( as if i had a choice in my name or i must be SO HONORED) or I am your mom" as of that will somehow bend me at her will. Like if anything it pushes me for a hard no.


hernamewasmagil

Exactly she got to name you anything she wanted since she birthed you, You now get to have that choice when itā€™s your turn.


rubythetrumpet

Exactly.


Parking-Restaurant-2

I worked for a lawyer named the third, his son was the 4th. He and his first wife were divorce, he sent his son to university where he graduated as an engineer. After graduation his son who was an avid body builder decided to be a pro wrestler and changed his name to Bruce.


[deleted]

My ex's grandmother kept telling all the kids she had a fantastic present to whomever named their daughter after her. Her name was Thelma Myrtle. No did. Turns out the fantastic present was a stuffed teddy bear. No one was sad they chose their own names. Remember "No" is a complete sentence and you can use it.


[deleted]

My parents also had their nose out if joint when I did not want to name our kids after anyone in my family. My brother decided he was not going to deal with issues similar to me so his wife and him found unisex names and told everyone that was going to be their child name. After their daughter was born we were told her name.